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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:04,914 ♪ come and knock on our door ♪ 2 00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:06,450 ♪ come and knock on our door ♪ 3 00:00:06,474 --> 00:00:08,185 ♪ we've been waiting for you ♪ 4 00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:09,719 ♪ we've been waiting for you ♪ 5 00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:12,389 ♪ where the kisses are Hers and hers and his ♪ 6 00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:15,459 ♪ three's company too ♪ 7 00:00:15,483 --> 00:00:17,027 ♪ come and dance on our floor ♪ 8 00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:18,895 ♪ come and dance on our floor ♪ 9 00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:21,898 - ♪ take a step that is new ♪ - ♪ take a step that is new ♪ 10 00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:24,968 ♪ we've a lovable space That needs your face ♪ 11 00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:26,425 ♪ three's company too ♪ 12 00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:37,014 - ♪ down at our rendezvous ♪ - ♪ down at our rendezvous ♪ 13 00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:39,538 ♪ three's company too ♪ 14 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:44,187 Come on, larry. 15 00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:48,425 Come on... Hey larr...! 16 00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:51,161 I'm here! I came as fast as My little feet would carry me. 17 00:00:51,185 --> 00:00:52,896 - what's up? - you gotta Help me out. 18 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,531 Just ask me. 19 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,099 Pay me back the 50 Bucks you owe me. 20 00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:57,934 - ask me something else. - oh, larry! 21 00:00:57,958 --> 00:00:59,736 Hold on a second, What's your problem? 22 00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:02,661 I... I'll show you. 23 00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:07,877 I found this under Chrissy's bed. 24 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,612 What were you Doing under her bed? 25 00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:13,483 You gotta start somewhere. No, I was cleaning, you know, 26 00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:16,053 And it's been lying there For two weeks. Just read. 27 00:01:16,077 --> 00:01:18,355 "Happy anniversary, Happy anniversary"... 28 00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:21,391 - not the paper. Read the card. - oh. 29 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:24,761 "To the cutest And the craziest." 30 00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:26,096 Both: aw. 31 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,765 "Happy third anniversary. Love, janet and chrissy." 32 00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:31,634 - anniversary? - yeah, the day I moved In here with them. 33 00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:33,636 It's from krueger's Of beverly hills, see? 34 00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,705 Wow, that's an expensive store. 35 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:38,442 The most. They sell diamonds At the notions counter. 36 00:01:38,466 --> 00:01:40,777 Well, now I see your problem. 37 00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:43,780 Janet and chrissy are giving you A fabulous and expensive present. 38 00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:46,783 - what a dirty trick. - you don't understand. 39 00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:49,953 That means I have to buy Them something just as nice. 40 00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:52,689 I've been saving all my Money, I've stopped dating, 41 00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:54,591 I haven't gone out with A girl for two weeks. 42 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:58,428 You quit dating? Cold turkey? 43 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,430 More like cold showers. 44 00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:04,934 Oh, girls' rooms smell so good. 45 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,170 All right, okay. 46 00:02:07,194 --> 00:02:09,239 Your uncle larry's gonna Help you get the dough. 47 00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:11,274 You gonna pay me Back the 50 bucks? 48 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,510 No, but I will tell you A secret about myself. 49 00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:16,479 It's no secret, you're a mooch. 50 00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:19,549 Now look, after I finish At the used car lot 51 00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:21,250 I've been doing some night work. 52 00:02:21,274 --> 00:02:23,486 I know what you do at Night, and if it seems like work 53 00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:25,455 You're doing it all wrong. 54 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:28,391 That's not funny. 55 00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:31,628 You ever heard of Professional escort services? 56 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,697 - huh? - you know... 57 00:02:33,721 --> 00:02:35,231 A lonely lady comes into town 58 00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:37,567 She doesn't want to go Out alone, so she calls, and... 59 00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:39,758 You're a gigolo? 60 00:02:41,628 --> 00:02:44,641 - escort. A paid companion. - oh, larry! 61 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,476 Come on, jack. 62 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,712 I earn a couple of Extra bucks that way. 63 00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:50,714 Hold it, hold it! If This plan of yours 64 00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:52,816 Has anything to do with Me being a paid escort 65 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,851 You can forget it right now! 66 00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:57,554 Would you relax? I have A job lined up for tonight 67 00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,522 And tomorrow evening With the same lady. 68 00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:02,459 But I have to cancel because I'm flying to san francisco. 69 00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:04,728 You can start your flight Right from the balcony! 70 00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:07,764 Jack, now hold it. The Agency said she's new in town. 71 00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:09,566 All she needs is a party date. 72 00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:12,602 No way. If janet and chrissy found Out they'd lose all respect for me. 73 00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:15,405 A couple of hours in the Company of a mature woman. 74 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:18,708 I would never be able to Face them again. Forget it! 75 00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:22,645 - it pays over A hundred bucks. - when do I start? 76 00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:25,515 Here. Her name is lana Shields. There's her number. 77 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:28,551 You just call her and tell Her you're subbing for me. 78 00:03:28,575 --> 00:03:31,743 And do the best you can With what little you have. 79 00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:37,716 Paid escort... 80 00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:52,775 Hello? 81 00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:54,777 Mrs. Shields? 82 00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:57,046 Yes, this is your escort. 83 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,916 No, I'm jack tripper. 84 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,919 He had to leave town tonight. 85 00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,821 Huh? 86 00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:08,591 Oh, uh, six feet-one. 87 00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:11,027 No, no not handsome. 88 00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:14,597 Good-looking. Very good-looking. 89 00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:17,333 Yes, mrs. Shields, I have your Address right here... Huh? 90 00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:19,335 Oh, okay, "Lana." 91 00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:22,672 We'll have a great Time tonight, lana. Yeah. 92 00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:25,041 Uh, bye bye! 93 00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:27,677 Hey jack, you finally Got a date. That's terrific. 94 00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:30,446 Yeah, I was beginning to Think you'd lost your touch. 95 00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:33,683 No, no, hold it. I Don't have a date. 96 00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,685 Sounded like a date. 97 00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,920 No, I was just talking To a good buddy of mine. 98 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,123 A good buddy named "Lana"? 99 00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:43,126 Yeah, yeah... "Dave lana." 100 00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:46,562 Hawaiian guy from Cooking school. 101 00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:49,966 Teaches poi 101. 102 00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:52,401 - we're going to The fights tonight. - janet: oh. 103 00:04:52,425 --> 00:04:55,071 Well listen, I'm gonna shower. 104 00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,995 Again? 105 00:04:58,531 --> 00:05:00,451 This time I'm gonna Use hot water. 106 00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:05,682 Poor jack's never gone This long without a date. 107 00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,349 He's just going Through a dry spell. 108 00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:09,051 You going out tonight? 109 00:05:09,075 --> 00:05:11,821 No, I thought I'd Just stay in and relax. 110 00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:14,457 Yeah, nobody asked me either. 111 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:18,027 I guess we're in the Middle of a dry spell, too. 112 00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:20,730 - you're not kidding. - yeah. 113 00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:23,633 Boy, chrissy, there are Thousands of guys out there, 114 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,635 They all have telephones 115 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:29,038 And not one of them Bothers to call us up. 116 00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:31,074 Oh, but on the other hand... 117 00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:33,977 Why should we stay in 'cause Nobody bothered to call us up? 118 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,345 What's the matter with Us taking each other out? 119 00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:39,281 It's cheaper the other way. 120 00:05:39,305 --> 00:05:43,086 Come on, chrissy, we could Have a good time without men. 121 00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,654 - yeah! - yeah! 122 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,244 How? 123 00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:50,893 We could go someplace Really snazzy. 124 00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:54,331 Like that french restaurant, That new one on olympic. 125 00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:56,333 - oh, that's perfect! - yeah? 126 00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:58,317 - let's get dressed! - okay, let's go! 127 00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:18,287 And so I took the Job, and here I am. 128 00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:20,590 A buyer at willet's Department store. 129 00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:22,692 That sounds like An exciting life. 130 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,694 Oh, not really. 131 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:28,498 I've had four jobs And three husbands... 132 00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:30,622 And none of them satisfied me. 133 00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:36,773 Lana, may I ask you a question? 134 00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:39,041 Why would an Attractive woman like you 135 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,025 Go to an escort Service to get a man? 136 00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:46,315 Well, you see it's Like buying a car. 137 00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:49,519 I mean, when I slap those Bucks down on the counter 138 00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:52,355 I know that I can order The model of my choice. 139 00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:55,157 Oh, I get the picture. 140 00:06:55,181 --> 00:06:58,661 I don't want to run around With some beat-up old clunker. 141 00:06:58,685 --> 00:07:02,632 I want something that Goes "Vroom, vroom!" 142 00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,634 "Vroom, vroom"? 143 00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:08,304 "Vroom, vroom"! 144 00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,540 Jack, take me to your garage. 145 00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:13,109 Ms. Shields... I Mean mrs. Shields... 146 00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,744 Let's go to your apartment. 147 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:18,048 Wouldn't you rather go Bowling? Do you like to bowl at all? 148 00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:21,083 You're afraid that once We get to your place 149 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:23,085 I'll be all over you, right? 150 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,587 Oh, why would I think that? 151 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:29,180 - because it's true. - no, no... Oh, no. 152 00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:49,912 Wow... Waiter: a cocktail Before you dine? 153 00:07:49,936 --> 00:07:52,436 Oh, thank you. 154 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,641 I believe I'll have some water. 155 00:08:01,514 --> 00:08:03,359 Me too. 156 00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:05,361 Of course. 157 00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,363 Would you care for The imported romanian, 158 00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:09,365 The mountain clear, 159 00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:11,934 Or the julien sparkling? 160 00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:14,825 I'd like santa monica tap. 161 00:08:16,662 --> 00:08:18,529 Me too. 162 00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:31,710 Jack, why are you Eating like that? 163 00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:35,680 I just like to be Close to my foods. 164 00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:42,231 Psst... Excuse me, I'm sorry... 165 00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:45,301 But could you tell me what That delicious-looking dessert is? 166 00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,036 Black forest cake. 167 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,038 Thank you. 168 00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:51,140 Thank you. 169 00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:53,810 That poor woman... 170 00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:56,434 Her date's already Under the table. 171 00:08:58,105 --> 00:09:00,149 What's the problem? 172 00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:01,984 Just dropped my fork, see? 173 00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:03,786 We'll get another one. 174 00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:06,189 No, I've grown attached To this one, see? 175 00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:14,018 Listen, lana, I'll meet You out front, okay? 176 00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:29,568 Monsieur... 177 00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:32,749 What is this? 178 00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:35,885 Er... "Jack a la carte." 179 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,944 I'm jack, this is a cart, It's a little humor. 180 00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:42,091 Get off! 181 00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,583 Immediately, sorry. 182 00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:52,068 You are jiggling my tortes. 183 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,403 Excuse me. 184 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,861 None for me, thanks. Maybe just a mint... 185 00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,579 Chrissy! 186 00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,581 $30 for pressed duck! 187 00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:08,073 I wonder how much it would Be if they left it wrinkled. 188 00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:12,755 Jack, I adore your nuttiness. 189 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,657 Let's go crazy together. 190 00:10:14,681 --> 00:10:16,693 Well, I would like To get out of here. 191 00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,861 - me too. - I know a good disco. 192 00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:20,964 Fine. 193 00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:24,067 We can swing by your place So you can change clothes. 194 00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:26,691 I don't have to change clothes. 195 00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:33,209 You do now. Let's go. 196 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,044 Waiter, could I have The check please? 197 00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,836 - we're leaving. - yes, miss. 198 00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:42,218 Come on, jack. 199 00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:45,076 Excuse me, miss. Thank you. 200 00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:06,575 Jack: here we go. Don't bother to sit, 201 00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:08,645 I'll just change my Shirt and we'll leave. 202 00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:10,647 There's really no need to leave 203 00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:14,350 - and you certainly Won't need a shirt. - no, lana... 204 00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:15,852 Hi, anybody home? 205 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:18,755 Larry. 206 00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:21,190 Larry "Poopkins"! 207 00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:23,254 Where have you been? 208 00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:30,133 I told you, I flew To san francisco. 209 00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:33,858 I know, you silly goose. I Just miss my roomie so much! 210 00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,774 Jack, what...? 211 00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:40,843 No, no, let's not get Mushy in front of lana. 212 00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:42,845 Lana. You're the one who... 213 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:45,937 Now, now, don't get Jealous, poopie-kins. 214 00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:54,190 You mean that you two are... 215 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:57,994 Don't get upset, it's Strictly business. 216 00:11:58,018 --> 00:12:01,764 I guess you don't want me For tomorrow night, do you? 217 00:12:01,788 --> 00:12:04,801 Don't be silly, darling. 218 00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:08,504 Anyone can change. 219 00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:11,741 There is nothing that I like Better than a challenge. 220 00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:15,945 It's no use. A leopard Cannot change his spots. 221 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:19,938 But he can climb a different Tree once in a while. 222 00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:25,476 Vroom, vroom! 223 00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:30,448 I'll see you tomorrow night. 224 00:12:31,985 --> 00:12:36,332 Mmm... "Vroom-vroom," That's good! 225 00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:37,666 - no, it's bad. - that's bad? 226 00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,335 - that's not good. - not good. 227 00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:41,537 I ought to take you apart. What did you get me into? 228 00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:44,362 - "Poopkins", remember? - I don't care about "Poopkins"! 229 00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,550 Hi, sit down, I'm making Chicken salad for lunch. 230 00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:57,653 Hope it's better than the Old hen you had for dinner. 231 00:12:57,677 --> 00:12:59,956 What? 232 00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:02,058 Did you have a good Time with lana last night? 233 00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:04,148 Lana? 234 00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:09,065 You know, the "Don ho" Of your cooking school? 235 00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:13,924 Oh yeah, dick and I had a Fantastic time last night. 236 00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:16,672 - that's funny. - what? 237 00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:18,929 Yesterday you said His name was dave. 238 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,979 Well, that's really his Name, "David richard." 239 00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:27,450 But he gets everything from dick to Davey, dave, dickie, dee dee, everything. 240 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,385 How were the fights? 241 00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:32,455 The... The fights! They were great, 242 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:34,490 But it was so quick, it Was over in one round. 243 00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:38,427 Just jab jab jab, right Cross, down, over, out, ding. 244 00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:40,696 How much did she Pay you to take a dive? 245 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,153 Huh? 246 00:13:47,193 --> 00:13:49,338 We saw you in the Restaurant last night. 247 00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:51,474 Yeah, with david richard lana. 248 00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:55,478 Don't you think she's A little old for you? 249 00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:56,678 Look, girls... 250 00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:58,780 We also saw her Paying the check. 251 00:13:58,804 --> 00:14:01,517 It's a real funny story. 252 00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:03,319 - let's hear it. - see, I lost my wallet... 253 00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:06,477 Jack... I have a Two-part question... 254 00:14:07,713 --> 00:14:08,779 Why? 255 00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:15,197 How is that a two-part question? 256 00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:17,455 We both wanna know. 257 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,395 Are you going out with Her because of her money? 258 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:29,111 Oh, janet! 259 00:14:29,135 --> 00:14:31,013 If that's what the Two of you think of me 260 00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:33,115 You can make your own lunch! 261 00:14:33,139 --> 00:14:35,784 You must admit it Does look peculiar. 262 00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:37,420 You asked for it. 263 00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:40,523 The fact is I prefer Older women. 264 00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:43,859 My tastes have swung from Young, empty-headed meringues 265 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:48,130 To seasoned entrees Well-basted by life. 266 00:14:48,154 --> 00:14:49,687 Don't touch me! 267 00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:52,968 Boy! 268 00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:54,770 What's the matter with jack? 269 00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:56,138 We don't know. 270 00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:59,108 Last night he was out With this older woman, 271 00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:01,510 And today he is lying Like a rug about it. 272 00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:04,413 Larry, you're his best friend. You know what's going on. 273 00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:07,015 - you don't have Any idea? - no. 274 00:15:07,039 --> 00:15:09,385 That's good. I mean that's bad. 275 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:13,923 I... I'll tell you what Jack's problem is. 276 00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:17,148 It's a male confidence crisis. 277 00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:20,096 So what... What's this? 278 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,865 I saw it coming. Jack has Not had a date for two weeks 279 00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:25,667 He feels left out, unloved. 280 00:15:25,691 --> 00:15:27,603 Just because he Hasn't had a date? 281 00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:29,138 The man is desperate. 282 00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:31,207 So when an older Woman comes along 283 00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:34,610 Who gives him the love and Affection his life has been missing... 284 00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:38,536 Oh, poor baby! 285 00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:41,450 I'm just sick. 286 00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:43,707 I'm getting there. 287 00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:47,423 I'm gonna go make lunch. 288 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:51,293 We men need proof we're Lovable and desirable, too. 289 00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:54,563 If we don't get it... See What it's done to jack. 290 00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:59,167 Yeah. Do you know he actually let That woman pay his way last night? 291 00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:03,239 No... I never thought He'd stoop so low. 292 00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:06,230 He's stooped all the Way down to the floor! 293 00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:10,834 He thought the roast beef Would hide him but it rolled away. 294 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,285 Oh. 295 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,186 That explains it. 296 00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:21,022 It's obvious. Jack Needs your help. 297 00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:22,458 I'll do anything! 298 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:23,825 You may have to. 299 00:16:23,849 --> 00:16:25,894 The only hope is To convince jack 300 00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,763 That he's sexy and attractive. 301 00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,966 Try smothering him With physical affection. 302 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:34,470 Wow, I've never Done that before. 303 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,894 - really? - but I'll do it! I'll do it! 304 00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:41,644 If you like you Could practice on me. 305 00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:44,968 I would go through Anything to help my buddy. 306 00:16:46,038 --> 00:16:48,606 Except pain. Ow! 307 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:55,557 Oh, that was delicious. 308 00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:58,827 This is my favorite restaurant. 309 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:02,331 Why don't we go to Your place... For dessert? 310 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,667 Now lana, you met my roommate. 311 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:07,090 It would be like trying to Sell beef to a vegetarian. 312 00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:12,007 I'm not selling beef. 313 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,009 This is perfectly aged, 314 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:17,513 Prime new york filet. 315 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:21,004 Lana, come on. No ear, okay? 316 00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:27,611 Look, lana, I got one Word for you, "No way." 317 00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:30,926 You come back here! 318 00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:32,594 I own you tonight. 319 00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:35,464 I paid my money and Still have some time left. 320 00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:37,333 Okay, I'll give you the time. 321 00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:38,734 That's better. 322 00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,678 It's 10:30, time to say goodbye. 323 00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,831 None for me, thank you. 324 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,251 Chrissy! 325 00:17:56,275 --> 00:18:00,077 Oh, jack! I've been waiting For you to come home. 326 00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:07,295 Somehow I don't Think this involves 327 00:18:07,319 --> 00:18:09,865 Taking out the garbage. 328 00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:12,000 Jack, come over to the sofa. 329 00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:13,757 Is it my aftershave? 330 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,239 Come on. 331 00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,829 Please? 332 00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:23,612 - where's janet? - shh. She's sleeping 333 00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:24,813 Good. Shh. 334 00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:26,782 She needs her rest. 335 00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:31,420 Oh, jack you are so beautiful. 336 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:34,723 Just think, all I was looking forward To when I came through the door 337 00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:38,160 Was a tuna fish sandwich! 338 00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:42,798 Do you know how sexy and Charming and attractive you are? 339 00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:44,433 No... 340 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:47,791 But I'm open to Convincing arguments. 341 00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:51,762 I woke up so thirsty. 342 00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:56,778 What's going on here? 343 00:18:56,802 --> 00:19:00,449 I'm just convincing jack He's still sexy and attractive. 344 00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:04,653 Oh. And to think I almost Slept through this. 345 00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:08,712 Fortunately, good Seats are still available! 346 00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:14,685 - jack? - lana! 347 00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:18,367 Hi, what are you doing here? 348 00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:21,203 You didn't think I'd let you Get away that easily, did you? 349 00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:22,804 I've got a little bubbly for us. 350 00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,473 Jack: oh. 351 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:28,132 Oh... I see you're already Having a nightcap. 352 00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:31,213 Or two. 353 00:19:31,237 --> 00:19:36,285 Lana... This is janet and... 354 00:19:36,309 --> 00:19:38,669 - chrissy! - chrissy, Yes, chrissy. 355 00:19:41,113 --> 00:19:44,393 I see you girls enjoy a Good challenge, too, huh? 356 00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:46,362 A challenge? 357 00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:48,786 It's an amusing story. 358 00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:52,489 Don't you mean a gay one? 359 00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:55,371 - janet: what? - look, girls, 360 00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:57,540 My meter is still running 361 00:19:57,564 --> 00:20:00,964 And I would appreciate your Getting your jollies on your own time. 362 00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:03,133 That's only fair. 363 00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:06,671 Huh? 364 00:20:07,773 --> 00:20:10,653 What's she talking about? 365 00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:14,423 Girls, I'm gonna straighten This out right now. 366 00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:18,549 I have been lana's paid escort For the past two nights. 367 00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,198 A paid escort? 368 00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:24,733 A lonely woman comes into town, 369 00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:26,402 She doesn't wanna go out alone 370 00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:30,060 So she calls up... You're a call boy? 371 00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:35,611 Lana, this is janet And chrissy... 372 00:20:35,635 --> 00:20:37,613 They're my real roommates. 373 00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:40,082 - what? - and larry's just A friend... 374 00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:42,884 And I'm not gay and he's Not gay and I'm not an escort 375 00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,209 And I'm going to get Myself a tuna fish sandwich! 376 00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:49,280 That's perfect for You. Chicken of the sea! 377 00:20:51,517 --> 00:20:54,217 Now, let me zip through this. 378 00:20:56,221 --> 00:20:58,199 Jack's not gay, but The three of you 379 00:20:58,223 --> 00:20:59,968 Live together? 380 00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:02,237 - two different bedrooms. - oh, yes. 381 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,595 Who's the lucky girl? 382 00:21:05,665 --> 00:21:06,975 Oh, no. 383 00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:09,377 This is a very respectable And innocent relationship. 384 00:21:09,401 --> 00:21:11,980 Oh, you're the unlucky one. 385 00:21:12,004 --> 00:21:14,538 No, we're both unlucky. 386 00:21:16,308 --> 00:21:18,520 Oh, sure, sure. 387 00:21:18,544 --> 00:21:21,023 Listen girls, I'm not Putting down your set-up, 388 00:21:21,047 --> 00:21:23,113 I'd just like to get in on it. 389 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:27,930 I'm glad to see you're having Friendly, get-acquainted chat. 390 00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:32,233 Yes, it's all been a very Memorable experience. 391 00:21:32,257 --> 00:21:35,497 But I think I will Call it a night. 392 00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:39,263 - bye. - bye. 393 00:21:42,468 --> 00:21:47,015 Jack tripper... A paid escort? 394 00:21:47,039 --> 00:21:49,017 I don't believe it. 395 00:21:49,041 --> 00:21:50,719 How could you? 396 00:21:50,743 --> 00:21:52,788 I needed some money fast. 397 00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:54,456 It's all your fault. 398 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:55,891 Both: our fault? 399 00:21:55,915 --> 00:21:57,726 If you hadn't bought That expensive present, 400 00:21:57,750 --> 00:21:59,628 I wouldn't have needed Money to buy you something. 401 00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:00,896 What present? 402 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,230 The one under your bed, 403 00:22:02,254 --> 00:22:04,466 To the "Cutest and craziest." 404 00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:06,568 Jack, that's for the purcells. 405 00:22:06,592 --> 00:22:08,959 It's their 3rd Wedding anniversary. 406 00:22:11,030 --> 00:22:15,076 Oh no, I thought it was For our anniversary. 407 00:22:15,100 --> 00:22:18,714 - janet: hmm-mm. - I sold myself For nothing. 408 00:22:18,738 --> 00:22:21,171 I'm so ashamed! 409 00:22:24,877 --> 00:22:27,111 Poor jack! 410 00:22:30,282 --> 00:22:32,983 How sweet. 411 00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:36,264 - jack... - you did it All for us. 412 00:22:38,323 --> 00:22:41,469 We're the ones who Should be ashamed. 413 00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:44,128 Oh, jack, how can we Ever make it up to you? 414 00:22:45,264 --> 00:22:47,104 Take me, I'm already paid for! 415 00:22:49,501 --> 00:22:52,269 Girls, girls... Hang on...! 416 00:23:00,512 --> 00:23:02,124 Jack: here we go, ladies. 417 00:23:02,148 --> 00:23:04,192 Champagne, compliments of lana. 418 00:23:04,216 --> 00:23:06,194 Happy 3rd anniversary! 419 00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:07,629 - cheers! - here's to us! 420 00:23:09,221 --> 00:23:10,431 Lana! 421 00:23:10,455 --> 00:23:13,468 Forgive me for Barging in, but... 422 00:23:13,492 --> 00:23:16,038 Are you through With my ice bucket? 423 00:23:16,062 --> 00:23:18,907 Oh, sure. Here it is. Thank you. 424 00:23:18,931 --> 00:23:22,077 I've been looking high And low for an apartment. 425 00:23:22,101 --> 00:23:24,613 That hotel is such a drag. 426 00:23:24,637 --> 00:23:26,615 What a shame. 427 00:23:26,639 --> 00:23:28,617 The apartment next door Was for rent yesterday 428 00:23:28,641 --> 00:23:30,719 But they just Took the sign down. 429 00:23:30,743 --> 00:23:32,754 I sure did! 430 00:23:32,778 --> 00:23:36,580 We're going to be Such good neighbors! 431 00:23:38,651 --> 00:23:40,584 Vroom! Vroom! 432 00:23:43,288 --> 00:23:46,090 You'll be seeing more of me. 433 00:24:26,165 --> 00:24:27,976 Ritter's voice: three's Company was videotaped 434 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:29,880 in front of a studio audience. 31780

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