All language subtitles for Night.Court.2023.S02E02.720p.WEB.h264-EDITH

-Previously on "Night Court"...

-There you are.

You're leaving, and you
weren't going to even tell me?

-I've been offered
a position back home

in Pearl River, Louisiana.

- Oh.
- And I think you'd be perfect

for a program at Scotland Yard.
- Scotland Yard?

That's the fanciest police
station in the world.

-I guess we've been growing
in different directions

for a while now.

-So what do we do now?

-This is what I've
always wanted.

I'm not abandoning her.

I mean, she knew I wasn't
gonna stay around here forever.

- Can I really ask him to stay?
- No one's asked me to stay.

-Okay, bailiff, bring
in this bride to be.

Roz?

-Mush, mush, mush.

Hello, Roz.

-What's the point
in knowing a judge

if you can't let a
little law bending slide?

-What? You threw a bouncer
through a plate glass window.

Look at you, you're still
holding his ponytail.

-Well, I worked in a
court long enough to know,

it's illegal to
destroy evidence.

- It's good to see you, Roz.
- You too, Fielding.

And look at you, finally
got the big chair,

back in your hometown.

- Uh-huh.
- How's it feel?

-Hey, Judge, judge these.

-Mardi Gras's over, councilman.

-I live to serve the people.

-You hate the people.

-Now more than ever.

Although it's been fun
catching up with old friends.

Took one to a Saints
game the other day.

Scattered his ashes
on the 40 yard line.

He blew past the defense,
landed in the end zone.

Final wish granted.

Well, what about you?
You still bailiffing?

-Nah. These days, I'm
a private investigator.

I've broken up more marriages

than Vegas and
nanny cams combined.

-And yet you're gonna
give love a chance, huh?

- You'd like her?
- Yeah, she a person?

'Cause you know how
I feel about those.

-She was a person, but she
gave it up to be a lawyer.

Roz Russell,

you're free to go.

-Oh, well, Fielding,
it's been real.

Thanks for, well, nothing.

-Oh, wait.

Hey, listen, I'm
sorry I couldn't

salvage your bachelorette party,

but look, at least you
got to see some skin.

And the reason why
he wasn't reelected.

-You know, for a minute
there, I thought you might be

apologizing for something else.

- Like what?
- How about what you said

to me the last time
I saw you in 1997...

"I'll be right back."

-Oh, right.

Hey, let me try to
make it up to you.

-Ah, you remembered
my favorite drink.

- Huh?
- Free.

-Uh-huh.

-I'm what's known
as an olfactophile.

Someone who appreciates
the world through smell,

and if it's a crime to
use our most powerful

sense to experience the
greatest city in the world,

then, madam, lock me up.

-That is not a crime,
but do you know what is?

Hiding under a park
bench to sniff butts.

Three months.

Enjoy all the smells
that jail has to offer.

-Ooh, someone got orchids.

-Flowers, nice.

Romance or cat and mouse
game with a serial killer?

'Cause I've been on
both sides of that coin.

-You know, people say that
it's hard to date in New York,

but not for me.

I landed myself a real catch.

Blonde, blue-eyed,
talking to you right now.

It's me. I'm dating myself.

-The bouquet of doll heads
from the Green Point Creeper

was less disturbing than that.

-There's just been a
lot of changes recently.

Dan's gone. I'm not
engaged anymore.

I just felt like it was
a good time to step back

and focus on myself, with all
the perks of a relationship...

flowers, breakfast in
bed, sweet check-in texts.

"Me up?" I am.
"Come over." I am.

-Yeah, I don't know
what she sees in her.

-Well, they know what they say.

You can't make a queen's trifle

on Boxing Day
without a few nuts.

I'm sorry, it's from
my time in England.

When you're immersed
in the culture,

it's bloody hard to shake.

-You know, you're not the only
one immersed in a new culture.

Behold, New York City's
newest part time sports agent.

-Look who's got herself
a Charlie side Hustle.

Charlie Hustle? Pete Rose?

From the sport with all the
bases and balls called baseball?

-Gurgs, I'm only
doing American sports.

And I am killing it. I just
need one thing... clients.

I almost signed the newest
young hot basketball player,

but his mother wouldn't let
him go out to dinner with me

because he's only 10.

Basketball.

Curling, that's a real sport.

All you need is a
broom and a dream.

-How long is he going to
be filling in as clerk for?

This isn't even the next case,

it's just his recipe
for grilled cheese.

It says, "Bread, cheese, hot."

-I don't even know
what to call him.

Judge Flobert? Clerk
Flobert? Judge Clerk Flobert?

-People used to call me Flowbee,

and that's only 'cause I cut
people's hair with my vacuum.

Oh, and I'm gonna
need that recipe back.

-It's only temporary, and
we didn't have any options

after Neil moved to Tahoe
with his girlfriend.

At least I hear from him.

-Still no updates from Dan?

-I got one call, and
it was a butt dial.

And then there was a three
minute voicemail of him

mumbling curses at stop signs.

But I am focused
on me, and tonight,

I am sending me on a very
romantic scavenger hunt.

Where do you think
I should hide this?

Keep in mind, I'm very good
at finding things that I hide.

-Is this what goes on
when I'm not around?

-Dan? What are you doing here?

-Ruining the surprise.

Next up, the People
vs. Dan Fielding.

-Well, that's a kick
in the knickers, innit?

I'm plain gobsmacked, I am.

-Did you get a haircut?

-Dan, are you
really here, or am I

in that courtroom prank show
I'm always scared exists?

-We've had this
discussion before,

nobody wants to come
here and do pranks.

Being here is the prank.

-Mr. Fielding is charged
with destruction of property.

Now, you maybe
inclined to show pity

because, well, he's
lost and confused

and he can't pull
off those leggings,

stylistically or with both
hands and a stick of butter.

-Objection. Enjoying
this too much.

-I'm so happy you did this
just so you can see me.

I had the same idea of
getting arrested in Louisiana

just to see you.

Classic us.

-Actually, I'm only here
because I was deceived

into doing someone a favor.

-Nobody deceived you,
you big dumb tree trunk.

And everything
would have been fine

if you had just
stuck to the plan.

-Hey, you know what?
Maybe if you had told me

who I was supposed
to be investigating.

-Oh, my God, Roz Russell?

I recognize you from my
dad's old Christmas cards.

You always made a face like
you didn't want to be there.

-That's the one.

-You must be Harry's daughter.

-Abby Stone. Abby
short for Abracadabra.

-Looks like you're a little
short for everything.

-Oh, man, Roz is burning me up.

-Alright, can we back to
deciding who wore it better,

Dan or the Jerry
Garcia Beanie Baby?

-We're all ears, Mr. Fielding.

-Yes, well, this started
innocently enough.

Roz wanted me to help
her with an investigation

of a woman named Loretta,

whose partner suspected
her of cheating.

We had a lead the alleged affair

was happening with
her workout buddy,

so I went undercover.

I blended in masterfully like
a chameleon in the rainforest,

a commando in camouflage.

-The Chrysler Building
in a corn field.

-Pipe down. You weren't there.

-You can't text me
stuff like that.

We're gonna get caught.

-My finely honed
powers of deduction

directed me toward her
phone, but how to get it.

No one was going to hand me the
solution on a silver platter.

-Now lie on your backs
with your eyes closed,

especially Loretta.

-I was disheartened to
realize two things...

I needed her face
to unlock the phone,

and I should have been
wearing yoga pants for years.

When I opened the phone,

what I saw was so shocking
I almost lost my composure.

That's it. Watch your
head. Watch your head.

Namaste.

-The suspense is killing
me. What was on the phone?

Was it a treasure map
only for you to find out

that the treasure was
inside you all along?

-It was a picture
of her fiancée, Roz.

Yes, I thought I
was helping PI Roz,

turns out I was helping
jealous fiancée Roz.

-You were supposed to go
undercover at her law firm

as a man cutting his
kids out of his will.

-Oh, yes, and it was a
role I was born to play,

but in a great
Shakespearian turn,

yoga was closer to my building.

-Okay, the court
has heard enough.

The defendant is ordered
to replace the damaged gong

and sentenced to verbally reply

to all my unanswered texts

to be served in my
chambers immediately.

-That's actually my job now.

-Oh. Sorry, old habits.

-You know what? Go on ahead.

Look at that technique.

The greats stay great.

-Why couldn't you ask
for a normal favor

like a ride to the airport or
scattering remains in a place

I was already going?

-Okay, give Roz a break.

Love can make anyone
act a little crazy.

I should know, I'm dating
a pretty live wire myself.

Oh, sorry, I put the
emphasis on the wrong word.

I'm dating a pretty
live wire, myself.

-You know, it's
none of my business,

but instead of dating yourself,

I bet you'd really hit it
off with a psychiatrist.

-Look, I'm not imagining things.
Loretta has a track record.

She got cheating on her last
girlfriend, first by me.

Then, with me.

-By the things looked
at that yoga class,

she still has a
wondering third eye.

-But don't you think
there's a chance

that this could be more
about you than her?

-You know, she does
remind me of Harry.

He never minded his own
damn business either.

-You don't know the half of it.

She's always on me
about the way I eat.

-You don't chew.

I had to give you the
Heimlich twice in one meal.

-I pay for the gristle,
I eat the gristle.

-This reminds me of other
rooms I didn't want to be in.

I'll be right back.

-I know that move.

She is gone forever.

-You can't just let her leave.

What if she's about to make
a huge mistake with Loretta?

Oh, wait,
oh, right, I don't care.

-Alright, well, I guess Roz
and I have something in common.

You're fine bailing
on both of us.

Just got back to Louisiana,

to your swamp parties
and French vampires.

I don't know what goes on there.

-Now, I'm going back as soon
as I deal with my subletter.

I heard that he changed my
bedroom into an aquarium,

so now I own a no-bed, all bath.

-Guess I'll see you next time
you're in town getting arrested

in a ridiculous outfit.

-Hey, yeah, well, I know
you want to hurt me,

but I also know I'm
pulling this off.

No, England's nothing

like Bridgerton.

The people are a lot hotter,
and there's so much more sex.

-Guess who learned what
kind of ball this is?

Base.

-Olivia, you have
got to hear this.

Gurgs' telling us all
about her sexy adventures

with her British boyfriend.

Oh,
we don't like titles,

though he does have one.

He's a Duke!

We met while he was disguised

as a street rat in
a village bazaar.

It's a common practice
amongst nobles.

They call it Jasmine-ing.

-Ooh, Jasmine-ing.

-Well, wish I could sit around
with you hens and cluck,

but the sports world beckons.

Yeah, I got a meeting with
my first potential client,

a New York Ranger.

From hockey.

-Olivia Moore?

-Oh, Doug, uh...

So when you said you
were a New York Ranger,

you... you meant a
Time Square Power...

-Bupp, bupp, bupp, you
can't call me that,

especially in a courthouse.

You never know who's
a lawyer round here.

-I'm a lawyer.

-You said you were an agent.

I don't like being lied to.

-I could still represent
you for birthday parties.

-Dan, what are you doing here?

I thought you'd be back in
New Orleans riding a fan boat

or eating a Beignet
Po' boy by now.

Yeah, that's right, my good
friend Siri told me all

about what you do down there.

-Some judge found me guilty.

I had to come and
show proof of gong.

-You need to skedaddle.
I invited Loretta here

to get to the bottom of what's
going on between her and Roz.

-So, what's the play?

You're gonna flirt with
her and see if she bites?

-My plan's a little more
sophisticated than that.

She's coming here
for what she thinks

is a standard lawyer/judge
meet and greet,

when the reality, is
probably not gonna work.

What was your thing?

Flirt with her, if
after 30 seconds

she hasn't mentioned the
fiancée, she's a cheater.

You do know how to
flirt, don't you?

-I landed me, didn't I?

Yes, I know how to flirt.

It's subtle cues that when
done on their own do nothing,

but when stitched together
form a rich tapestry.

-Oh, God.

-Just watch and learn.

Arms bent, legs
flexed, hair tousled,

head tilted to release
the pheromones,

then it's all about the eyes.

Upward gaze,
piercing eye contact,

then take it away,
piercing, take it away.

What do you think?

-You look a puppet I
wouldn't want to buy.

-Then there are verbal cues,

the word "prune" can
make a cute pouty face.

Do you have any
prunes in your pantry?

-Uh-huh. Here's
another verbal cue.

-You know what? You don't get
to give me advice anymore.

You left, and now we're
barely even friends.

I don't know anything about
your life in Louisiana.

-Well, it's just like New York,

except there's
rats or alligators.

And the pastrami is alligators.

-You know what? Just
forget about it.

Get out of here before
Loretta gets here and...

-Judge Stone.

Wait, you're that weird
guy from my yoga class.

- What is this?
- What?

-My evil twin does yoga?

Well, I must tell mother.

-Look, based on
my last subletter,

I feel I have to ask, will
you be using this primarily

as a residence or a lab to
transmorph into an Aquaman?

Dude, you're taking
way too long to answer.

-Ah.

-So, how's it going with
you and your Frankenstein?

You two gonna share clothes?

-Yeah.

I take it everything
is alright with Loretta

since your hands are
free of murder weapons.

-I'd never give you the
sweet relief of death,

but yeah, Loretta
and I are good.

- Good.
- She did rip me a new one

after seeing you and Harry's
kid in the cafeteria.

-What? My evil twin and Abby got
into a fight in the cafeteria?

-But it did lead to
a heart to heart.

I realized our problem was
more about me than her.

-Good God, that means
Abby's advice was right.

Ugh, she will be insufferable.

You sure you don't
want to kill me?

-Turned out the yoga
lady's a musician.

Loretta's surprising me with my
favorite song at our wedding.

-Oh, my God, you're
gonna walk down the aisle

to John Tesh's "NBA on NBC"?

I'm so happy that
you found somebody

that cares about you that much.

-And I'm glad you found another
Stone to look after you.

How did she give you the
Heimlich, by the way?

-She leapt off a table.

Third time, she got it.

-Well, if you ever want
to talk to an old friend

who doesn't live in
an urn, I'm around.

-Well, you know the good
thing about having urn friends

is that once you
spread the ashes,

you get to keep the
urn as a souvenir.

Jelly belly?

-I'll send your wedding
invitation here,

unless your stubborn ass insists
on being all alone in Louisiana.

And I don't think these
guys are gonna spread you

at a Saints game.

-Some friends you are.

-Dougy baby, hey, you are booked

this Saturday for the Feldman
twins' birthday party.

Yeah, now, they are paying
you in cake, but it's carrot,

so I'm gonna waive my commiss...

Hello?

Doug?

My only client just fired me.

This whole world
class sports agent

turned kids character
party booker

may not be the move for me.

-Why do you even
need a side hustle?

-Everyone has something
exciting going on.

My social life isn't taking off,
my career's at at standstill.

What's left?

I'm going to be one of
those people who knows

too much about ramen.

-I don't get the ramen craze.

I like spaghetti,
and I like soup,

but I don't like them
in one wet bucket.

-Wet bucket?

Now I don't even have ramen.

-Wait, I know you feel like
everybody's got something,

but the truth is my England
stories are all made up.

- Wait, what?
- I was too scared.

I've never been abroad.

So I stayed in New York
and watched everything

Idris Elba's ever
done, but this time,

with the sound on.

At least you were brave
enough to try something,

even if it did fail.

-Yeah. Guess that was
incredibly brave of me.

Inspiring even.

-Thanks, Gurgs. That
really means a lot.

-You need to get that?

-Uh, it's probably spam.

-It says "the Duke."

You know, I still
appreciate you trying.

-Wet buckets, my treat?

- Sure.
- Really dating a royal, huh?

-Yeah, but a lot
of people gotta die

in order for him to
rule anything good.

-Okay, you want to know how my
dream job in Louisiana is going?

-I don't know. Maybe I'm
not that interested anymore.

-I hate it.

-I am just so into this
article about squids.

They are smart and sensitive.

Some say they are the
koalas of the sea.

-Being a judge stinks.

It's all this listening,
very little arguing,

nobody gets to see
my fabulous suits

'cause I'm covered
by this black robe

that does absolutely
nothing for me.

-Mm-hmm.

No more follow ups on my end.

-And it's lonely.

Everyone I knew is gone,

scattered to the
wind, some literally.

I mean, I love New Orleans,

but I mean, that place
just isn't home anymore.

-'Cause home is...?

-I am not going to say here.

-Ah, you said it!

-Okay, okay, okay.

-Welcome back, councilor. We
should go out and celebrate.

Not tonight. I'm taking me out
for our one week anniversary.

-Well, now that I've
got my job back,

there's someone you
need to get rid of.

That nut job you're dating.

-Done. I've been trying
to end it for a while.

Turns out I'm a lot.

You know, you're lucky I'm
even letting you come back.

This team was really
starting to gel.

-Good night, Blanche.

-Believe it or not,
he's getting closer.

It's funny.