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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:19,079
And now live from the Cayman Islands,the Home Swapping Network.
2
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:21,470
Where you can swapthat old crap you bought...
3
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:26,510
...from some other shopping networkfor some entirely new crap from us.
4
00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:29,911
And they say there's nothing
good on TV.
5
00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:34,236
Hi, guys. You wanna catch
a Woody Allen movie with me?
6
00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:37,633
I don't know. Woody Allen's
never really done it for me.
7
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:40,155
But then again,
I'm not his step-daughter, so...
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00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,796
You know, besides, Al, Jefferson,
and the rest of the fat pack...
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00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:51,828
...will be home soon
from losing their bowling semi-finals.
10
00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:54,156
Yeah, I wonder if they let Bud play
this year.
11
00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:57,750
- Why wouldn't they?
- Well, he's an alternate.
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00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,195
Yeah, and he stinks.
13
00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:03,831
Well, that's not fair. He sucks.
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00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,949
But-- But in his defense, he blows.
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00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,998
Well, here they come.
Now, if you listen very carefully...
16
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:18,357
...you can actually hear
the footfalls of failure.
17
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,548
Al, you won?
18
00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:40,912
We are festooned and beribboned,
are we not?
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"Best of Breed"?
20
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:46,915
Well, Teddy's Veterinarian Clinic
donated them.
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00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:49,670
Last year's winners got shots.
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00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:52,633
Last year's losers got neutered.
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00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:55,714
I thought you guys
were last year's losers.
24
00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,916
Hey, speaking of neutered,
did Bud get to bowl?
25
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:08,269
Well, actually, pumpkin, he helped us
in much more important ways.
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Hi.
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00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,754
No, no, you guys, just relax.
Relax, I got it.
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00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,592
No, let me help you there, son.
29
00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:25,590
Just put them down there anywhere.
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That's the best damn alternate
in the league.
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00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:36,193
Well, men...
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00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:39,392
...one more victory and we bring home
the Puggy Weaver Cup.
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00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:41,556
- The Puggy Weaver.
- Can't wait.
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00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:43,189
Who's Puggy Weaver?
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00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:50,479
Only the most honored bowler
in the history of Jim's Bowlerama.
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00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:51,789
He's dead now.
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00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,675
But he symbolized the Olympian ideal
of pure competition.
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00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:58,309
- How did he die?
- He choked to death...
39
00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:00,949
...trying to swallow eight waffles.
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00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:06,999
We tried to stop him at seven,
but he was going for the record.
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00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:09,750
What an athlete.
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00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,600
Get a grip, Bob Rooney.
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00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:16,720
All right, in 10 days we bowl
for the championship...
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00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:19,229
...which means we start
intense training.
45
00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:21,908
Twinkies, Ding-Dongs
and beer are in.
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00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,680
Protect your bowling arms
at all times.
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00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,110
Sex before the match is out.
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00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:31,190
Unless, of course, you can keep it
secret from the wives.
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00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,311
Lock it down!
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00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:43,916
For the eighth and final time,
what are you morons doing?
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00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,915
Well-- Well, ma'am,
if you had taken the time...
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00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,270
...to read page 19
of the sports section...
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00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:51,948
...beneath the high school
track and field results...
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00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:54,754
...you would know that we,
Gary's Angels...
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00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:58,270
...are bowling against A.J.'s Casketeria
next week...
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00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:02,189
...for the prestigious
Puggy Weaver Memorial Cup.
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00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:11,476
Good, because I thought this was
the worst puppet show I've ever seen.
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00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:15,754
Now, what size am I?
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00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:19,909
Well, I'm no expert,
but from where I sit, I'd say...
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00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,473
...too big for shoes.
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00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,760
I'll have your jobs for this.
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00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:32,350
Fine. If we can trade
for what's in your fridge.
63
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:43,399
You know, this wouldn't be a bad job
if people didn't come in here.
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00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,070
Hey, Al, do you mind
if I knock off early?
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00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:48,276
Sure. Go ahead, buddy.
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00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,076
But remember, no sex.
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00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:54,553
Farthest thing from my mind.
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00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:04,153
I guess I'll tidy up around here
a little bit.
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00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:08,351
Of course, there's not much you
can do with one hand up in the air.
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00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,988
Except put the other one up.
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00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:33,518
Al?
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00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:37,314
Oh, you're in the bathroom, huh?
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00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,998
Al!
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00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:45,834
Your arm is down!
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00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:48,839
Wait, wait, wait a second.
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00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,394
What happened, Al?
Were you robbed?
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00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:59,790
No, Kathy Ireland came in here, tied
me up and we had wild sex all night.
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00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:06,159
Cool.
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00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,749
Same thing happened to me.
80
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,912
Untie me, you moron!
81
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:15,871
Hey, Al...
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00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,389
...your arm is down.
83
00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,156
Hey. Hey, what happened?
84
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:25,313
- Well, apparently Kathy Ireland came--
- Shut up!
85
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:28,957
Jefferson, it was awful. Some guy
came in here and tried to rob me.
86
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:30,912
He tried to make me
open the register...
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00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:33,839
...and it had been so long
I'd forgotten how.
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00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,550
Then he took me in here and he tied
me up and I had to sit here all night...
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00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:42,151
...surrounded by shoes.
Oh, it was awful.
90
00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:47,830
Hey. Hey, I just had a thought.
91
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:50,514
Have you ever heard
of stress-related illnesses?
92
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,113
No. What are those?
93
00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:54,914
They're bull, but they've made
people millions of dollars.
94
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,678
All you have to do...
95
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,757
...is say that you've been
traumatized...
96
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:01,793
...and you can't work around shoes
anymore and then sue.
97
00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:05,237
- Sue? Sue who?
- Everybody.
98
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:07,357
Believe me.
Al, malls across America...
99
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:11,348
...set aside millions of dollars
for just this type of frivolous lawsuit.
100
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:15,109
It's the American way, Al. And if these
millions are not spent on lawsuits...
101
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:18,517
...they go to social security,
then nobody gets it.
102
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,357
Jefferson, I'll do it.
103
00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:31,269
Damn.
I wish I'd been tied up and robbed.
104
00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:35,028
Well, actually, I did get tied up.
105
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,519
But I didn't get robbed.
106
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,719
Hey, wait a minute!
107
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,752
Hey, Peg, guess what.
108
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,515
Al, before you go to work
would you take out the trash?
109
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:54,871
No, Peg, you don't understand.
110
00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:56,877
I've got something important
to tell you.
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00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,116
I know it's not as important
as Richard Bey...
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00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,517
...running around with a condom
on his head, but it's all I got.
113
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,791
- What is it, Al?
- I'm suing the mall, Peg.
114
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:09,195
All I gotta do is pretend
I'm afraid of shoes...
115
00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:13,393
...and not get caught wearing them,
and they give me a bunch of money.
116
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:22,516
Bad news, Al.
For some ungodly reason...
117
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:26,110
...they seem to be cracking down
on frivolous lawsuits.
118
00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:28,669
The mall just hired
a private investigator.
119
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:32,873
He trailed me here.
I tried to shake him at the nudie bar--
120
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:36,830
I mean...
121
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,510
I got here as soon as I could.
122
00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:43,190
Look, they just wanna be sure
that you're really afraid of shoes.
123
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,072
So how convincing can you be?
124
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,355
How convincing can I be?
125
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:04,273
Now, it may appear
that I enjoyed that...
126
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:09,592
...when in actuality,
I'm choking on my own bile.
127
00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,476
You fooled me.
128
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:16,957
That's him.
Okay, remember, stay cool.
129
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,873
Our lives are in your feet.
130
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,394
That's why life stinks.
131
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:30,034
Hi, I'm Leslie Baum,
private investigator.
132
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:34,631
I represent the New Market Mall in your
frivolous $4-million lawsuit.
133
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:36,793
Charmed.
134
00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:38,917
Look, Bundy,
I'll tell you straight out...
135
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:40,678
...I think you're a fraud.
136
00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,359
Oh, yeah?
137
00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:46,235
Well, with a name like Leslie,
I think you're a sissy.
138
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:52,075
What was that?
139
00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:55,033
"Come on in.
Stay a week and try to disprove...
140
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:58,277
...my cockamamie little shoe story"?
Don't mind if I do.
141
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,633
Hey, Baum,
you can't just barge in here.
142
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:07,359
Well, why don't you just put on
your shoes and kick me out?
143
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,713
You're damn right I will!
144
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,597
Will not...
145
00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:17,439
...because...
146
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:22,392
...I'm afraid of shoes, you see?
147
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:25,469
Tell you what, Mr. Bundy.
148
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:28,956
You have one week to convince me
that you are afraid of shoes.
149
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:33,153
I have one week to prove
that you're the biggest fool alive.
150
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,794
Right now, my money's on me.
151
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:40,598
So feeling lucky, Bundy?
152
00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:46,517
Let's rock.
153
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,833
Today on Geraldo:
154
00:11:56,240 --> 00:12:00,552
People who survivedbeing on Jenny Jones.
155
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:08,316
Mrs. Bundy, I couldn't help but notice
that you're really attached to your TV.
156
00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:13,593
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't hear you.
157
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,189
My TV was talking.
158
00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:19,834
You know, if you're willing
to help me out here...
159
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:23,237
...there just might be
a 40-incher in it for you.
160
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,877
Mr. Baum.
161
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:38,230
I meant a big-screen TV.
162
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:43,119
You mean, you want me to sell out
the man that I've been married to for--?
163
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:46,028
Is that picture in a picture?
164
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:50,673
Well, I can't. I won't.
165
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:54,509
I'm telling you, Mr. Baum,
Al really is afraid of shoes.
166
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:59,316
Look, Mrs. Bundy, I can spot a liar
a mile away and I'll prove it.
167
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:01,875
For instance, take your son there.
168
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:05,550
Looks like he's reading, but if you'll
notice, his eyes aren't moving.
169
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:12,318
That usually denotes
that he's looking at a picture.
170
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:16,433
From the little beads of sweat
on his forehead, I think it folds out.
171
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:21,516
He should be heading upstairs
any time now.
172
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,676
Al, you gotta be careful.
This guy is good.
173
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:49,236
Don't worry, Peg, all I gotta do
is go three more days.
174
00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:52,591
If I can serve 20 years with you,
I can--
175
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:57,959
I can handle 72 hours
with squirrel boy.
176
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:05,273
Al, quick, grab the bags.
They moved the finals to tonight.
177
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:06,999
Zounds.
178
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,919
Well, we better hurry.
Bud, ready our balls!
179
00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:11,997
Men, to the alley.
180
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,116
One little problem, though,
Mr. Bundy.
181
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,312
Don't you usually bowl in shoes?
182
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,597
He's right, Al.
183
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:24,279
It's time to:
184
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,833
He said, "Lose the scam."
185
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,629
It's not a scam.
Don't worry, men.
186
00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:39,474
I know a way to get my 4 million
and the Puggy.
187
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,353
Al Bundy will not fail.
188
00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:47,152
I wonder if Bundy and the shoe flies
are even gonna show.
189
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:50,039
I don't know. In the high-pressured
world of shoe sales...
190
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,959
...you just don't wake up and go.
191
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,468
Wait a minute.
Who's bringing their work home?
192
00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:15,597
Oh, it's just Bundy with no shoes on.
193
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:17,831
That's cute, Milt.
194
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:19,957
How's business?
195
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:24,076
- Dig up a new wife?
- Come on. All right, come on.
196
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:26,555
We'll settle this
on the alley of honor.
197
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,438
Fine, Bundy.
We're gonna bury you.
198
00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:31,359
And then we're gonna steal
your watch.
199
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:36,356
Let's bowl, dead boys.
200
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:41,477
Okay. So, Al...
201
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:44,114
...what's this brilliant master plan
that can't fail?
202
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,920
I am going to bowl...
203
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:48,952
...barefoot.
204
00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:51,148
And?
205
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:53,273
That's it.
206
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:56,799
- Well, that's better than nothing.
- That is nothing.
207
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,753
Don't worry about it.
This championship is as good as ours.
208
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,551
You need shoes.
209
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:11,394
Why can't I bowl barefoot?
210
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:13,915
Because we had a guy in here
who bowled barefoot...
211
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:18,159
...fell, got a splinter,
and sued us for $1 .5 million.
212
00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:21,955
So the new rule is, you need shoes.
213
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:24,918
What are we gonna do?
214
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,759
Well, we're gonna have to go
with our alternate.
215
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:29,919
Bud.
216
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:32,554
But he stinks.
217
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:34,791
He's my son!
218
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,468
Don't you think I know he stinks?
219
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:42,277
But he's a Bundy.
I'll give him a pep talk, he'll bowl fine.
220
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:45,233
Bud boy. I need to talk to you, son.
221
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:49,592
What? Someone need to wipe
their hands on the back of my shirt?
222
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:52,513
Son.
223
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:55,593
Remember that time you didn't make
the Little League team...
224
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,075
...and you came home crying...
225
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,635
...and I said it was okay
because you did your best?
226
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,798
- Yeah.
- Well, that was a crock.
227
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:10,232
I was ashamed of you then
and remain so to this day.
228
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:13,148
I'm gonna give you a second chance.
I need you to bowl.
229
00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:16,830
I need you to bowl well.
I need you to win.
230
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:19,948
Can you do that for your pa?
231
00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:23,749
- I haven't bowled for a while. I don't--
- He's in!
232
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,230
All right! Yes!
233
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,313
Go take a practice throw, son.
234
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:33,159
You see, that's the good thing
about being a Bundy.
235
00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:36,272
Even though the chips may be down
and things look bad...
236
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,392
...every time we-- Incoming!
237
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,713
God, you stink!
238
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,589
Look, Bundy, I like you...
239
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:55,432
...so I took the liberty
of securing you a pair of these.
240
00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:01,229
Why, those are
Air Earl Anthony 5000s.
241
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,395
The finest bowling shoes made.
242
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,477
Put them on.
243
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:09,956
Don't do it, Al. It's $4 million.
244
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,628
Let the games begin.
245
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,874
Now, son, listen to me
very carefully.
246
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:03,718
Last frame.
247
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:05,911
We're down by nine.
248
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:11,188
You have two shots to knock
all 10 pins down and we win.
249
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,431
Can you do it, son?
250
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:17,710
- Dad, I'm a little rusty. I don't--
- Piece of cake!
251
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,678
Come on, Bud. Come on.
252
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:25,273
Okay, Bud. Okay.
Whatever you do don't leave a split.
253
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:30,598
Gee, I wonder what's
gonna happen now.
254
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:35,836
Yes. He left a six-seven-ten.
255
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,838
He'll never be able to pick up
the six-seven-ten. We won.
256
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:40,393
We're resurrected.
257
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:46,952
Stop!
258
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:06,876
Daddy's got a new pair of shoes.
259
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,360
Yes! Yes!
260
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,158
Yes!
261
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,833
You're the man.
262
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:48,433
Look, Peggy, the Puggy.
263
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:51,272
Can you feel the excitement?
264
00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:53,439
No, Al.
265
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:57,633
As usual, when you're excited,
I feel nothing.
266
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,515
It's the 4 million, isn't it?
267
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:03,874
Why did you do it, Al?
268
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:06,594
Why did you snuff out any hope at all
for a better life?
269
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:11,076
Well, it's a guy thing, Peg.
270
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:15,036
I couldn't let a couple of bucks come
between me and my friends...
271
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,277
...they wouldn't talk to me anymore
and then I'd just have...
272
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:20,238
...you.
273
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:24,316
Hey, Al, hurry up.
The winner's ball is starting.
274
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:29,230
Oh, and Griff has already eaten
the crust off all the pies.
275
00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:34,397
Oh, Peg, can life be better?
276
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,108
Sadly...
277
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:37,275
...pathetically...
278
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:39,118
...no.
21542
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