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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Washington, D.C., here I come.
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See you, Son.
3
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:45,757
Bye, Dad.
4
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:48,552
See you, pumpkin.
5
00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:50,711
Bye-bye, daddy.
6
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:03,713
Come here.
7
00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:09,078
Oh, God.
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00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:21,192
Well, I can see by the stars on the wall,
it's time to go.
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- See you, Kelly.
- Come on.
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Thanks a lot, Dad.
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Now I'll never know his name.
12
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:42,633
Pumpkin, you have to understand.
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Part of being a parent
is protecting the morals of my children.
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Okay, move. No, don't move.
15
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Okay, move.
16
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:55,510
Wait, wait. Damn.
17
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:03,038
Now, pumpkin, as you know...
18
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,876
...as you know,
Daddy's going to Washington...
19
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,873
...to make America safe
for Psycho Dad.
20
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:10,679
Now, when your mom wakes up...
21
00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:13,832
...and she will
because she knows I hate that...
22
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,635
...remember, you haven't seen me.
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So it's like I'm doing you a favour?
24
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Exactly.
25
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:27,791
Hey, Bud, did you hear that?
26
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:31,874
Dad wants us to do him a favour.
27
00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:39,673
I'll call you. I mean it. I love you.
28
00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:45,110
What he means is,
is that if we do you a favour...
29
00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:47,112
...then we should get one in return.
30
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,715
You know, squid pro quo.
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No party.
32
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,954
- Mom...
- Oh, wait, pumpkin.
33
00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:00,269
Just try to keep the party
small this time.
34
00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:02,471
Oh, thank you, Daddy. I promise.
35
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:06,395
Well, I mean, how much fun
could it be? Bud's gonna be there.
36
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,151
Tell me about it.
37
00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:12,320
- AI?
- Oh, no.
38
00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:15,674
Al, it is 5 in the morning.
39
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,195
- Where are you going?
- Fishing, Peg.
40
00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:20,078
Ice fishing, to be exact.
41
00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:22,754
You never used to like ice fishing.
42
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:26,834
Am I not permitted to grow
as a human being, Peg?
43
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:29,518
Well, I don't know, Al.
44
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:33,548
Well, if you don't believe me,
here's one of my ice-fishing friends.
45
00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:36,396
Hey, buddy.
46
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You ready to go deer hunting?
47
00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,115
You mean ice fishing, don't you,
Jefferson?
48
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:50,669
- I voted no on ice...
- Come on.
49
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,713
Did I say deer hunting?
50
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,599
- I meant ice fishing.
- Yeah, Peg.
51
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,469
See, Jefferson forgot that a big part
of ice fishing is getting the bait...
52
00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,750
...and in this case...
53
00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,158
...it's deer.
54
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:16,477
Fish love deer.
55
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:22,190
Well, let's go.
56
00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:25,433
Hey, guys, ready to go skiing?
57
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,274
Excuse us one minute, Peg.
58
00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:40,558
Ready, break.
59
00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:53,958
So you see, Peg,
after Jefferson gets the deer bait...
60
00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:58,789
...Griff has to ski it
down to the lake...
61
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,472
...where Ike has set up camp...
62
00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:08,071
...and Bob Rooney scuba dives it
into the lake...
63
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:11,511
...to see which fish
are the hungriest...
64
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:14,838
...telling Officer Dan...
65
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:19,995
...so he in turn
can smoke signal the information...
66
00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:24,477
...back to me so I can ice fish...
67
00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:28,076
...with utmost confidence.
68
00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:38,197
Of course. Have a nice time, boys.
69
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:42,592
Let's go. Move them out. Mush.
70
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:51,071
- Catch a big one, Al.
- Oh, I already have, Peg.
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00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:04,428
Hello, Marcie.
Yeah, they just left for D.C.
72
00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:09,952
All right. I'll meet you at the airport
around noonish? Great. See you.
73
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:37,318
Here we are, boys:
City of Brotherly Love.
74
00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:40,716
No, that's Philadelphia.
75
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,999
- Well, what's Washington?
- A team without a quarterback.
76
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,637
You guys are so cynical.
77
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:53,037
Here we are in the capitol of
the greatest nation in the free earth...
78
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:55,953
...and you can't even appreciate...
Everybody down.
79
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:08,079
Nice room you got us.
80
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,392
Was the John Hinckley Arms booked?
81
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,349
Relax,
we're not gonna be here that long.
82
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:18,160
Tomorrow we address the Senate,
get Psycho Dad back on...
83
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:22,996
...strap some fish on the hood
of the Dodge and back in Chicago.
84
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:24,912
The Big Apple.
85
00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:29,631
I don't want to rain
on anybody's parade...
86
00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:33,196
...but what makes you think we can get
into Congress without credentials?
87
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,356
Sonny Bono did.
88
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,396
Besides, Jefferson said
he can get us in.
89
00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:45,189
And you gotta trust the guy
that's named after a president.
90
00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:48,474
I thought you were named
after Sherman Hemsley.
91
00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:53,553
- Yeah, you know...
- Guys, guys, guys. Let's not argue.
92
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:57,549
We're in Washington. Let's take
advantage of what it has to offer.
93
00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:59,273
Griff, check out room service.
94
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:03,268
Ike, fix that TV, so we don't have
to pay for the porn channel.
95
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:11,629
Hey, Al, don't you wanna call home,
make sure Peg and the kids are okay?
96
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,678
Relax, Jefferson.
Nothing's gonna happen.
97
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:16,799
Late word today from Chicago...
98
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,759
...where a simple house party
has spread lik e a virus...
99
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:22,912
...in what's being described
as a Woodstock without the music.
100
00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,873
Police have been put
on tactical alert.
101
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:32,394
Oh, Santa, I've been very, very bad.
102
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,439
Hey, guys, we got porn on the TV.
103
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:43,309
We got the clothes on our back.
We got the beds to ourselves.
104
00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:44,913
Dare I say it?
105
00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,873
It doesn't get any better than this.
106
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,713
What took you so long?
107
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:00,957
Ice fishing, huh?
108
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,077
Well, we were on our way...
109
00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:07,034
...and Ike said he had never seen
the Washington Monument.
110
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:11,876
Speaking of
the Washington Monument...
111
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:16,235
What is that?
112
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:21,552
C-SPAN is broadcasting
the Senate page tryouts.
113
00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:25,993
Hey, and what are you doing here?
114
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,708
We came to stop you
from embarrassing yourselves.
115
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,478
Too late.
116
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:43,915
Now, what makes you guys think that
the Congress of the United States...
117
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,714
...could possibly care
what you have to say?
118
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:49,872
Don't you head lice realize...
119
00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:52,919
...that the people of America
have spoken...
120
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:56,835
...and America is definitely
anti-violence. Look out!
121
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:20,199
Damn postal workers.
122
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,352
Hey, we're from Chicago.
123
00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:26,869
Don't you know
we invented random violence?
124
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:33,476
I still say that you will never
get in to the Senate.
125
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:37,434
We will so. Jefferson said
he knows people in high places.
126
00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:40,274
Jefferson knows jack.
127
00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:43,590
When are you gonna stop
telling the buffoons...
128
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,995
...these fanciful Bondian tales
of derring-do.
129
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,270
If you were half as creative
with your resume...
130
00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:52,268
- Good evening, Bullwinkle.
- Hello, Chopper. Geronimo.
131
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:58,199
- Long time no see.
- What's up?
132
00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:01,034
Iraq, Iran, I married.
133
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:05,434
- So, what time do you need the bird?
- 0600 will be fine.
134
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:06,868
- Cool. Over.
- Out.
135
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:18,996
You know, we are really going to
have to talk about your past someday.
136
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:31,075
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you the United States Senate.
137
00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:39,318
Look at it, guys.
138
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:45,749
This is where it all happens.
The power, the intrigue, the chicks.
139
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:51,357
Look, guys,
there is no way the U.S. Senate...
140
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:54,711
...is gonna put aside the important
business of running this nation...
141
00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:57,798
...to discuss something as moronic
as Psycho Dad.
142
00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:09,188
We'll have to table this debate
on the Arab-Israeli peace accords.
143
00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:15,153
The men from NO MA'AM are here
to lobby on behalf of Psycho Dad.
144
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:25,313
Oh, we are really going to
have to discuss your past.
145
00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:29,030
Would the group approach the chair
and take a seat, please?
146
00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:32,720
Hey, wait a second now.
147
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:36,589
- Where are you two going?
- Well, up there with you.
148
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:39,752
You can't think that we're gonna let you
fight for Psycho Dad...
149
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:41,757
...without us having our say, do you?
150
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:45,349
Oh, Bullwinkle...
151
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:06,391
Good morning, gentlemen.
My name is Senator Furman...
152
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:11,355
...and I am chairman of the Presidential
Subcommittee for Taste in Television.
153
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:14,074
Hey, Al. "Taste in Television."
154
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:17,039
- T-l...
- Shut up.
155
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:23,073
You six are here to argue
on behalf of a television show...
156
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:26,033
...that was recently cancelled
due to excessive violence...
157
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,834
...namely Psycho Dad.
158
00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:31,992
- Now, who will begin?
- I will, sir.
159
00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:34,470
Remember, Al, short and to the point.
160
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:37,598
Yeah, and don't say anything
that'll make us look stupid.
161
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,796
No problem.
162
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:44,032
Senators and senatorettes.
163
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:49,836
Since man has evolved
from the mighty atom...
164
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,676
...he has searched endlessly
for two things...
165
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:57,310
...the other is entertainment.
166
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:02,874
Entertainment was easy
for the simple caveman.
167
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:07,398
Man brought home food,
woman burn it.
168
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:13,391
Giant pterodactyl swoops down,
chases woman, she falls in mud.
169
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,871
A good laugh was had by all.
170
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:25,470
- Sit down, Mr. Bundy.
- Yes, Your Majesty.
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00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,671
Anyone else?
172
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,670
You there with the moons.
173
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,479
Yes, sir.
174
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,758
Well...
175
00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:40,880
...we just think you should
bring back Psycho Dad...
176
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:45,989
...because he symbolized everything
that's great about this country.
177
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:49,994
I mean, like, take the time he went
charging into that Indian village...
178
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:53,954
...that was filled with unarmed women
and children. So he's blasting away...
179
00:15:56,600 --> 00:16:00,070
What the total stranger standing
beside me is trying to say...
180
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,078
...is nobody talks
about the good side of Psycho Dad.
181
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,436
Gentlemen, is it not true...
182
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:09,315
...that the lyrics to the Psycho Dad
theme song, in part, reads:
183
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:12,751
"He's quick with a gun
But he loves his son
184
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:16,356
So he killed his wife
'Cause she weighed a ton"?
185
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:21,154
In Psycho Dad's defence...
186
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:25,075
...when he married her,
she wasn't fat, Your Bigness.
187
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:32,713
Sir.
188
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,953
As a peace officer
who's proud to be a NO MA'AMer...
189
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:41,033
...I think we have to distinguish
between real violence...
190
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:42,468
...and cartoon violence.
191
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,029
Yeah, like last night...
192
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:48,511
...when Dan here emptied his.38
into a crowd of punks?
193
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:52,196
They knew this man
and his hot lead were for real.
194
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:57,116
Now, a cartoon Dan, in the first place,
would have to be much better looking.
195
00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:00,837
- I submit this sketch.
- You...!
196
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:10,110
- Is there anything else, gentlemen?
- Yeah.
197
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:14,069
Look, I know we could have been
a little more articulate...
198
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:17,511
...if we had taken notes
like I wanted to do...
199
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:21,679
...instead of staying up all night
watching The Panty Clause.
200
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:28,153
But our point here is we know
where real violence comes from...
201
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:33,235
...and it's not from that magic box
I like to call TV.
202
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:36,557
Oh, sure, the tube
can be blamed for a lot of things.
203
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:39,030
Brent Musburger.
204
00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,072
Full House.
205
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:45,793
Any show where overweight
female cops dress up as hookers.
206
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:49,117
But violence, that's too easy.
207
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:52,830
We've been brought up on Road Runner
cartoons and The Three Stooges.
208
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,878
But how many of us have run a saw
across a bald guy's head?
209
00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,353
How many of us have drawn a tunnel
on the side of a mountain...
210
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:03,677
...only to watch our loved ones
smash themselves into it?
211
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:06,039
And you know why?
212
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:09,795
Because we had parents,
ladies and gentlemen.
213
00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:13,589
Parents who said,
"Don't do what TV tells you to do.
214
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:18,311
Do what we tell you to do,
or it's five across the eyes..."
215
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:25,516
Anyway, I say if there's a problem
with TV today...
216
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,598
...it's because parents
aren't saying that anymore.
217
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:31,479
Take my kids, please.
218
00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:36,429
Thanks for the joke, Jefferson.
219
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,194
Kennedy's on the floor.
220
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:42,274
Kennedy's always on the floor.
221
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:46,555
Anyway,
my kids may not be angels...
222
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,473
...but when they screw up,
I don't blame TV.
223
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:53,952
I put the blame squarely
where it belongs, on their mother.
224
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,357
- And rap music.
- And rap music.
225
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,790
- I like rap music.
- No. No, no.
226
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:08,312
Guys, guys, I'm talking to the Senate.
227
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:11,478
So in conclusion, I'd like to say...
228
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:14,433
...the next time you want to find
the source of violence...
229
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:17,200
...try looking
on the other side of the screen.
230
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,311
Thank you...
231
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,797
...and God save the queen.
232
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,835
- What happens now?
- Well, unfortunately, Griff...
233
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:39,237
...the wheels of justice
move very slowly.
234
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,439
We've reached a decision, Mr. Bundy.
235
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:46,391
Violence is not acceptable
in a civilized society.
236
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:49,677
Psycho Dad's gone
and this meeting is adjourned.
237
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,071
Take it easy, Griff.
238
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:06,190
We might have lost Psycho Dad,
but we will win the war.
239
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,271
It's not that.
240
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:12,035
To tell the truth,
I never even liked Psycho Dad.
241
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,595
Well, what is it then?
242
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:18,311
I really thought
we were going ice fishing.
243
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:27,588
- AI, if it means anything...
- It won't.
244
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,830
- Let's go.
- We will win this thing, Peg.
245
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:34,311
- Common sense will prevail.
- I know, dear.
246
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:37,472
Hey, Peg, hey look at that.
247
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,032
Well, thank you, Mr. Bundy.
248
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:55,158
I would have been lost
without my Discover card.
249
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:59,310
Is there anything I can do for you?
250
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:03,155
Well, you can try
to put guys like that in jail.
251
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:07,070
Or cancel Blossom. Maybe that's
where he got the idea to wear the hat.
252
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:19,077
And in our continuing coverage
of the mother of all parties...
253
00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:21,191
...the Chicago blowout
has now engulfed...
254
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,436
...a major portion
of the upper Midwest.
255
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:26,069
The National Guard
has begun setting backparties...
256
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:28,953
...in hopes of containing the melee.
20501
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