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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:28,234 - Hi, Daddy. - Look at this. 2 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,948 The bad guy shoots Superman a dozen times... 3 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:34,357 ...see the bullets bounce off, so they throw their guns at him. 4 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:37,753 It's like they can't kill him... 5 00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:40,599 ...so they think they can give him a bad bruise. 6 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:43,875 What a bunch of morons. 7 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:47,271 Daddy, do you notice anything different about me? 8 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:49,272 No, son. 9 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:54,951 Daddy, it's Kelly. 10 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:57,271 Tell her to come in. 11 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:01,157 I am already in. 12 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,432 And I am wearing a brunette wig. 13 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:06,279 "Why?" you ask. 14 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:09,557 Because I got picked to do a public service announcement. 15 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:11,950 I decided that I should do it as a brunette... 16 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:14,993 ...since blonds have a reputation for being dumb. 17 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:20,752 Which we all know is just a stereo system. 18 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:28,153 Pumpkin, Daddy is watching a very important program. 19 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:30,436 It's called Superman. 20 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,719 What's the big S stand for? 21 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:37,552 Straight. 22 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,555 Can't be too careful when you take your pants off in a phone booth. 23 00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:48,878 Now go away, honey, I'm studying this kryptonite thing. 24 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:52,516 If it'll stop Superman, it might just work on your mother. 25 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,395 Fine. You never pay any attention to me. 26 00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:59,029 It's why I seek the cash and affection of older men. 27 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:04,035 That's nice, pumpkin. And I do pay attention. 28 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,318 - Hi, Dad. - Hi, Peg. 29 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,672 It's me, Dad. 30 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:14,791 I got to tell you about my day. 31 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,600 I had to give a driving test to a woman who was so fat... 32 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:21,389 ...they had to shoot her license photo with the Hubble Telescope. 33 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:24,752 Listen to me. I don't have time... 34 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,757 ...for your shaggy, fat-woman stories. 35 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:31,556 - You never listen to anyone. - I listen to Superman. 36 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:34,832 He and Clark are very wise. 37 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:37,673 You're a sick man, Dad. 38 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,512 Hey, you're not a sick person just because you watch Superman. 39 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:46,719 You're a sick person if you think you really are Superman. 40 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:00,953 Hey, Al. 41 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,312 Jefferson. 42 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,350 Peg kept me up half the night. 43 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:12,718 Yeah, well, you're lucky. Marcie kept half of me up all night. 44 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:16,110 Hey, I'm on my way to a memorabilia auction. 45 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:18,749 Wanna buy Marcie one of those original Barbie dolls... 46 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,552 ...for her birthday. You wanna come? 47 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,512 No. I don't care much for memorabilia. 48 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:26,156 I live my life in the present. Dragnet is on. 49 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:28,832 Al. 50 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,634 Guess what I won at bingo. 51 00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:39,991 A concertina. 52 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:43,757 Come on, Jefferson, we'll be late for that auction. 53 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:52,676 Do I have another bid? 54 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:59,314 Sold for $3200. Michael Jackson's original nose. 55 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,477 Well, I hope the Barbie bidding stays low. 56 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,636 I only brought 2 grand. 57 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:08,950 Two grand for a Barbie doll? 58 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,555 A real woman isn't worth that much. 59 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:16,350 And the next item up for bid, still in its original wrapper... 60 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:20,559 ...the first issue of Big 'Uns. 61 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:23,880 Twelve hundred dollars. 62 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,038 Sold. 63 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:31,759 - You don't have any money. - You got 2 grand. 64 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:38,514 Al, that is money I took from Marcie for her birthday present. 65 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:41,672 Jefferson, this is the first issue of Big 'Uns. 66 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:45,799 There's 40 pages. That's 80 "uns." 67 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:51,628 Okay. Maybe I can find a Barbie for 800. 68 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:55,316 You won't be able to find Woodstock Barbie for that. 69 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:58,474 - "Woodstock Barbie"? - Oh, yes. 70 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:00,472 As any Barbiephile would know... 71 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:03,353 ...Woodstock Barbie comes with elephant-like bell-bottoms... 72 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:05,232 ...and in a poor boy top. 73 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:08,278 I'm prepared to go as high as 10,000. 74 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:12,072 And I'm prepared to call America's Most Wanted. 75 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:19,991 I was lucky to get this Nurse Barbie for $800. 76 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:23,312 Look. They put a bellybutton on her. 77 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:26,836 I guess they want little girls to know how the human body really looks. 78 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:30,237 That's why married Ken has no genitals. 79 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:35,836 Well, Jefferson, I'll see you next week. 80 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:38,673 Oh, hi, honey. 81 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:42,435 Hey, Jefferson, I have your auction catalogue here. 82 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:45,956 You know, I can't believe what people pay for these Barbies... 83 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:49,476 ...especially the ones with mistakes. Look. 84 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:54,834 A Barbie head on a Ken body goes for $8000. 85 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:56,635 And look at this. 86 00:06:56,840 --> 00:07:01,516 Fifty thousand dollars for a Nurse Barbie with a bellybutton. 87 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,512 I'll tell you, the things people spend their money on. 88 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:10,034 Well, if anybody wants me... 89 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:14,199 ...I'll be upstairs in my new tanning bubble. 90 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:23,237 Jefferson, it's $50,000. 91 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:27,950 Well, what are we gonna do? 92 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,917 We... 93 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,399 ...say goodbye to you... 94 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,596 ...and catch a plane to Aruba. 95 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:47,796 Al, it's Marcie. 96 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,674 Jefferson Milhouse D'Arcy. 97 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:54,593 Open this door right now. 98 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:57,912 I can't give bellybutton Barbie to Marcie. 99 00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:00,720 It's more valuable than she is. 100 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:06,913 Hey, wait. Wait. I got an idea. Go let her in. Go, go. 101 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:13,470 Hey, Marcie, I thought I heard some pecking. 102 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:19,758 Out of my way, swamp gas. 103 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,231 That's Mr. Swamp Gas to you. 104 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,797 I'm sorry about the door, honey. 105 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,389 I just didn't want you to see your birthday present... 106 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:30,955 ...before I got the price tag off. 107 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:39,112 Happy birthday. 108 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,675 A rawhide bone, Jefferson? 109 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,039 Now give me back my bone... 110 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,879 ...or I'm ripping everybody a new bellybutton. 111 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:00,597 Jefferson. 112 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:03,268 An original Nurse Barbie. 113 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,988 I've wanted this doll all my life. 114 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:08,310 My parents never let me have a Barbie. 115 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:12,156 Instead they bought me a Chinese backscratcher. 116 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:17,672 I put clothes and makeup on it, but it just wasn't the same. 117 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:19,991 Oh, thank you, honey. 118 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:23,357 I'm never letting her out of my sight. 119 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,512 Me, neither. 120 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:37,748 Hey, here comes Popeye. 121 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:46,310 Hey, Al, you want to try my squeeze box? 122 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:53,268 No, Peg, you blew this man down a long time ago. 123 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:03,872 Peg? Kelly? 124 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,872 Bud? 125 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:10,079 Good. Bring on the Big 'Uns. 126 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:21,390 - Hey, Dad. - Of course. 127 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:23,593 Well... 128 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:28,756 Today, while I was giving a driving test... 129 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:35,679 ...I learned that windshields are made from this stuff called safety glass. 130 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:41,278 That's so no one else will get hurt when I go flying through it. 131 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:44,672 Now look, son. 132 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:48,149 Son, look, it's not that I don't care. 133 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,675 Oh, sure that's part of it. 134 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:52,789 But the main thing is... 135 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,230 ...I've got something very important to do. 136 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:57,998 Big 'Uns? 137 00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:02,472 Some bigger than your entire body. 138 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,877 Now, son, you've got two choices. 139 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:15,113 Get out or get the hell out. 140 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:19,634 Fine. 141 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:21,990 You never pay any attention to me. 142 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:25,273 Is it any wonder I seek the affections of sleazy bar maids... 143 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,550 ...and 25-cent movies? 144 00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:37,755 Gee, now I feel bad. 145 00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:44,755 Yep, now I feel good. 146 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:54,110 Look, Daddy, I changed my mind. 147 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:56,920 I decided that it is not the colour of the hair... 148 00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:00,670 ...but the head that it's stuck to, that is important. 149 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:04,439 Ergo, I have decided to do the announcement... 150 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:08,434 ...proudly wearing this blond wig. 151 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:15,275 But, pumpkin, that's your real hair colour. 152 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:18,436 They don't know that. 153 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:25,238 That's a good point, sweetheart. Now, you leave Daddy alone now. 154 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:27,434 Okay. 155 00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:29,835 I don't think Daddy was listening to me. 156 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,992 I'll bet he's got a Big 'Uns under the couch. 157 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,036 Oh, well, the important thing to remember... 158 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:41,956 ...is I'm going up the stairs, up the stairs. Wait. 159 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,392 Where was I going? 160 00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:50,151 Oh, yeah. Up the stairs, up the stairs. 161 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:55,153 I got a big problem, Al. 162 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,277 Marcie hasn't let go of that Barbie doll... 163 00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,391 ...since I gave it to her. 164 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:02,479 I need you to do me a little favour. 165 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:05,518 Can I do it while I'm reading my magazine? 166 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,309 You know, that magazine still belongs to me... 167 00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:10,829 ...until you've paid me for it. 168 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,557 What is the favour? 169 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,834 I need you to sleep with Marcie. 170 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:25,997 I don't mean sleep with her. 171 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:28,840 Just lie next to her so I can switch that Barbie... 172 00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:30,678 ...with the regular Nurse Barbie. 173 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,956 The Barbiephile that we saw at the auction... 174 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,390 ...will give me $50,000 and the substitute. 175 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,672 It'd just take an hour until I make the trade. How about it? 176 00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:43,633 Jefferson. Peg might wake up and notice me gone... 177 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:48,550 ...and then it might ruin an otherwise-sickening marriage. 178 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,793 Hey, look, Al. She's dancing. 179 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:57,600 Oh, all right, I'll do it. 180 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:01,671 Al, I'm so glad you're home. 181 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:05,510 Gladys has just taught myself and the entire neighbourhood... 182 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:09,389 ..."John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt." 183 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:16,238 I'll leave my pyjamas under the weeping willow tree. 184 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:18,792 Good move. 185 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:21,390 Hit it, girls. 186 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:48,878 What took you so long? 187 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:50,712 You haven't lived until you heard... 188 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,798 ..."Itsy Bitsy Spider" played on a concertina. 189 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:57,388 And speaking of things I'm afraid of with hairy legs... 190 00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,750 ...let's get this thing over with. 191 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,239 - You're sure she won't wake up? - Positive. 192 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:13,278 We just had sex three times. 193 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:18,077 And I did her real good. 194 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:30,039 Okay, I switched the Barbie with a Chinese backscratcher. 195 00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:33,872 One hour, Jefferson. You better be back here in one hour. 196 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:36,111 One hour. 197 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,108 And if you hear a noise coming from across the hall... 198 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:41,799 ...that's Marcie's niece, Amber. 199 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,436 Anything else I should know? 200 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:48,389 Well, Marcie likes me to sleep with my hand on her tush. 201 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,549 It'll keep her from waking up. 202 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,031 Jefferson, where are you? 203 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:37,595 Well, Jefferson isn't back yet. There's a shock. 204 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,030 Fifty grand in his pock et and me with his wife. 205 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,151 Gee, who came out ahead? 206 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,440 To hell with this, I'm getting out of here. 207 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,955 Hello? Peggy? 208 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,397 I'm worried about Al. He's missing. 209 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,471 I thought maybe he was with Jefferson. 210 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:04,395 No, my Jefferson's right here. 211 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:08,912 Gee. 212 00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:13,079 You know, his remote is cold. 213 00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:16,238 And the toilet seat is dry. 214 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:19,673 Where do you think he could be? 215 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,832 Well, maybe he's with another woman. 216 00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:28,839 Listen, don't you worry, Peggy... 217 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,793 ...if we hear anything, we'll let you know. 218 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,309 Jefferson. 219 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:43,358 You want to take me again? 220 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,311 Come on, I don't mean to criticize... 221 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:02,479 ...but you didn't really satisfy me earlier. 222 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:07,951 Aunt Marcie, do you have a heating pad? 223 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:11,431 There's one in the nightstand. Are you sick? 224 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:14,148 I'm on my period. You know how it is. 225 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:15,958 Yeah, I know the feeling. 226 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:19,875 I've gone to the super tampons lately myself. 227 00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:24,189 The things that happen... 228 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:27,597 ...when you forget to pack your cyanide pill. 229 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,594 Even my breasts are swollen. 230 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:32,949 Want to see? 231 00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:40,829 Not here. We don't want to wake Uncle Jefferson. 232 00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:50,996 Jefferson, rub my back. 233 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:56,990 That's my chest. 234 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:19,076 I can't get back in bed with her. 235 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,390 But on the good side, soon Marcie will get up, 236 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,398 I'll see her pluck ed nak ed and drop dead. 237 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:28,759 I'm sorry I'm late, buddy. 238 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,911 I swapped the Barbie's, I got the 50 thou. 239 00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:35,033 I was on my way back when I got the urge to gamble. 240 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:36,952 I felt a lucky streak coming on... 241 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,355 ...so I decided to run my 50 thou into 100. 242 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:43,115 - Well, did you? - No, I lost it all. 243 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,997 So did I. I wouldn't go in your bathroom if I were you. 244 00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:53,319 Your shirt is all wet. You even sweat in bed? 245 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,074 Those are tears, Jefferson. 246 00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:04,191 Jefferson? 247 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:08,476 - She's waking up. Go. Go. - I'm going. 248 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:18,349 - Did you hear someone screaming? - Yeah. 249 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,551 It was probably Al falling from the window... 250 00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,194 ...after having slept with you. 251 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:44,349 Al Bundy, where have you been? 252 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:48,315 Sleeping with Marcie. 253 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,595 Don't you lie to me. 254 00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:55,270 You have been at Shecky's All Night Chicken Shack. 255 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,118 Haven't you? 256 00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:00,428 And I've been up all night, worried sick. 257 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:04,878 Pacing, fretting, cleaning... Which I should do more often. 258 00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:07,839 Do you know that I found a magazine underneath that couch... 259 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,519 ...that was over 40 years old? 260 00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:15,671 Oh, no. 261 00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:17,673 Where is it? 262 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,353 I threw it out. 263 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:24,276 Oh, Peg. Peg, I want my Big 'Uns. 264 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:29,674 Oh, honey, you want Big 'Uns? 265 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:34,994 - I'll give you Big 'Uns. - No, I said, Big 'Uns. Not those ones. 20027

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