All language subtitles for Diary.of.a.future.president.S02E09.LAZY.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

Diary, I was finally ungrounded.

What party?

And good thing too.

Because Student Rep elections
were just around the corner.

Vote for Elena.

I'm gonna use the rest of my
break to work on my speech.

You gotta knock it out of the park.

And so was Joey Feldstein's bar mitzvah.

Joey will realize that his true love

has been in front of him the whole time.

I can be the first
dance at his bar mitzvah.

Bobby was keeping busy too
and was starting to open up.

I'd rather take a guy, because I'm gay.

I love you, Bobby.

- That's great, Bobby. I hope it works out.
- Thanks, man.

The Cañero-Reed siblings
had a lot going on.

Which I guess meant we were
seeing a little less of Mami.

She and her new campaign squad

seem to have everything figured out.

Bit by bit, she's pushing me away.

Bobby's always kept to himself.

And in the words of my shero,
the great Shirley Chisholm,

"Service is the rent we
pay to live on this earth."

My payment as your Student
Rep of Orange Bay Middle School

will be to serve all of you.

It's the 40th time you've run it...

... and that Shirley
quote gets me every time.

- This speech is a winner for sure.
- Really?

In the personal anecdote section,

are the ellipses coming
across dramatic or ponder-y?

- Dramatic.
- Ponder-y.

Hmm. That's what I was afraid of.

It is now a dash.

That's it. My speech is done.

It's perfection, Elena.

Sorry, just thinking about
that Shirley quote again.

This was the last hurdle.

In the next week and a half,
all you have to do is practice.

Your numbers are steady against Emilio.

Your speech is amazing. We're golden.

Thanks, team. I couldn't
have done it without you.

Okay. Campaign time is over.

Now it's sleepover time!

So, Joey Feldstein's
bar mitzvah is coming up.

Are we wearing Converse or heels?

I think Converse.

I don't want to trip in case Joey
asks me to be his first dance.

Did you see what he
commented on my video?

"Your outfit is so insane LOL."

Why would he say "LOL"
if he wasn't into you?

Let's do sneakers so that I
won't be taller than Claude.

It'll make it easier for us to kiss.

Again.

- What?
- Oh, my God!

- Tell us everything!
- You're the first one of us to kiss.

Well, technically, she's not.

It's old news. Before the summer reset.

A double date in sixth grade.

Sixth grade? With whom?

Jessica's cousin's friends.

They live in Tampa.

They text sometimes,
but it's nothing serious.

They're obsessed with us.

Oh.

Cool!

Still, Sash, tell us everything.

- Hey, it's okay.
- There's no rush.

It's important to find the right person.

Like, I knew it was right with Claude

because of the way he makes me feel.

Was it so romantic?

Did your foot pop? Mine did
with Trey on the dock in Tampa.

You almost fell in.

Diary, here I was thinking I
was this mature seventh grader,

but I was the last of my
friends to take this big step.

And I was ready.

Forget first dance.

What if Joey Feldstein
could be my first kiss?

- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -

Sam.

The girls are in there talking
about relationship stuff.

What do you think that means?

Ah, it depends.

Kids' terms are so vague.

"Stuff" could mean anything from
holding hands to kissing to...

No.

Please don't finish that sentence.

Oh, Elena's growing up so fast.

- They both are.
- Mmm.

Isn't there a pause button?

They tried that in the movie Click.

Didn't go well for old man Sandler.

Robertico. Cutting it a
little close to curfew, huh?

I'm, like, the only one of my
new friends who even has a curfew.

See?

You're thinking about the
ending of Click, aren't you?

Life just passed him by.

Oh, sweetie.

Anyway, I'm really sorry.

I was a jerk at the party.

I just got caught up trying
to impress my new friends.

Well...

one friend, specifically,
who I really like.

Like, really like.

Oh, is it Shay? She's so hot and mean.

It's not Shay.

Remember that guy CJ?

Oh.

Oh!

Well, dude, look, I get it.

If it meant impressing Bella, I
would have probably shaved my curls,

changed my name,

murdered someone...

No, not that.

Well...

What's the status with CJ?

Man, I don't know.

Sometimes I wonder if he
just sees me as a dumb kid.

At Night League, he
seemed totally into you.

I'm a freshman. I have a curfew.

The other night, CJ
asked me to move his car,

and I had to say I didn't know how.

Oh. Learn to drive. Boom. Solved.

Didn't your mom say you couldn't
learn even though you had a permit

and her permission supersedes
the state of Florida?

Yep.

Not exactly helping my case to
get CJ to see me as less of a kid.

Oh, well, ask Sam. Boom. Solved again.

That's true. Sam would probably
love to teach you how to drive.

He's obsessed with bonding.

- Not a bad idea.
- I am on fire today.

I'd never actually murder
someone, by the way.

There he was.

The love of my life, Joey Feldstein.

Oh!

- Emilio.
- Sorry, Elena.

Here's your Student Rep handbook.

- Oh, wait, that's mine. Yeah.
- Yeah. My gosh.

Oh, five-by-eights. That's the stuff.

Yep, you can write bigger and fit more.

- So you don't have to squint.
- Exactly.

Don't look. I'm not
done with my speech yet.

I'm sure you are.

There's a Shirley Chisholm
quote at the end that's on point.

- That's my favorite Shirley.
- "Shirley" see you later.

- I "Shirley" will.
- Bye, Emilio.

Elena?

Oh!

Hi, Joey.

Hey. Were you just talking
about writing a speech?

Oh. Yeah, my Student Rep speech.

It's so dumb.

Just kidding. It's the most important
speech of my young life. Why?

Not that you can't
ask. I was just curious.

You... You can talk now.

Well, I gotta give a
pretty important speech too.

The welcome speech at my bar mitzvah.

But it's really, like, hard. To write.

Ah. Trouble with the old Gettysburg.

- No. It's for my bar mitzvah.
- Right.

Can you help me?

Sure! Let me take a look.

No, like, really help me.

Just the two of us?

Maybe today after school?

That's right, Diary.

Joey Feldstein asked
to hang out. With me.

He even used the phrase
"just the two of us."

Elena?

Right! Sorry.

Of course! Yeah. So cool.

Want to come to my house? I'm all yours.

Well, not "all yours," unless... No.

Cool. See you then.

Later.

Not to brag, but I think I nailed it.

My first kiss with Joey
couldn't be far behind.

Hey, so, the other day
when you picked me up,

I, uh, noticed something.

My day-of-the-week air fresheners?

Vanilla Tuesday!

Yeah.

But also, you're
flawless at merging lanes.

It was so smooth. You
never even pushed the brake.

How do you do that?

Well, it's all about your foot weight.

I release my foot
pressure in increments,

so I don't slow down
the traffic behind me.

Years of practice.

Like, I see what you're doing here,

but, uh, I think it would really help me

if we were actually in the car.

Even better if, uh, I
was in the driver's seat.

Want to teach me?

Bonding time with my main man, Bobby?

- I'd be honored.
- Cool.

But it's only cool with me
if it's cool with your mom.

It's not cool with me.

I don't get it. The point of having
a permit is to learn to drive.

We've been through this before.

- My permission supersedes...
- The state of Florida. Yeah, whatever.

What?

- He's too young.
- You were saying he's growing up too fast.

I know, but he's my baby.

You can't stop time, Gab.

- After all, many moments...
- No. Don't quote Click again.

Fine.

Just make sure to soak up
your moments with Bobby.

'Cause "many moments are only
cherished when they become memories."

You had to finish the
quote anyway, didn't you?

Yeah.

It's hot in here.

Sorry.

Okay, so, read me what you have?

"Shalom."

That's it?

I mean, it's a great start.

No, it's not.

I'm doomed.

My family is so on me
to give a good speech.

My sister's was so "moving."

It's like, "I'm not Veronica, okay?"

You're Joey.

And you're on the brink of manhood.

Took me months to come up with
the slogan for the centerpieces.

This stuff is so hard.

Writing a speech can seem hard,
but you just gotta break it down.

Have you heard of Anne Lamott?

Is she a party planner?
Mine is Marcy Glink.

No. She's...

You just gotta go one step
at a time. Bird by bird.

How do you do it?

Every time we talk, I always think,
like, "Wow, she's good at words."

Really? You think about me?

Yeah, I guess. Sometimes.

I think about a lot of stuff.

Anyway. Like I said, doomed.

No. You're not.

It's kind of a formula.

Take my Student Rep speech, for example.

I start with a personal anecdote,
then move on to my mission statement.

A few jokes, a callback to the anecdote,

end with a quote by someone I
admire, and bam, the crowd is moved.

Oh, sick.

And now you can use things
that are personal to you.

Like the Miami Dolphins, salami
sandwiches, your dog Henry.

How do you know about the stuffed
dog I slee... used to sleep with?

Just use my speech as a template.

Wow. How could I ever thank you?

Oh, geez, this lunch
meat's expired already?

Oh!

Hello, Joey Feldstein. Hi.

In my kitchen with my teenage daughter.

What are you two up to?

Just hanging out.

Elena's helping me with
my bar mitzvah speech.

Oh, well, mazel tov, Joey.

Oh, that must be your
sister outside, huh?

Let me live, Veronica.

- You got this, Joey.
- Thanks.

Maybe I can practice it
for you before the party.

By the broken vending machine?

Did you say "broken vending machine"?

See you, Elena.

Diary, at Lindsay Shapiro and
Penny Lopez's bat mitzvahs,

the broken vending machine
was where people went to kiss.

Elenita.

Let's eat ice cream out of this carton,

and then you can tell
me everything about Joey.

Sorry, Mami. I'm on the phone.

Sasha. Oh, my Goddess. You'll
never believe what Joey just said.

I did the one trip thing.

Ma. Sam.

I wanna talk to you about
an amazing opportunity.

- You about to sell us a time-share?
- No. I'm pulling an Elena.

Here is a list of situations

where having a third driver
in the house would be helpful.

Number one, everyone breaks
their legs, except me.

Number two,

everyone breaks their
arms, except me. Right?

Number three, we're out to eat.
We took two cars, and surprise,

- we win a third car.
- But we only get it,

- if we drive it home that night.
- Exactly.

- Number four, there's a murderer...
- Robertico, I will teach you how to drive.

Wait, what? Really?

No, no. This is...

This is a major milestone, and I
want to be there to soak it all in.

- Let's go.
- Now?

Yeah.

Where the hell are the oranges?

Man, I was so close.

No! No distractions.

Really? Not even NPR?

Fine.

Hey! Wait, wait, wait. You
did not check your blind spots.

Most teen accidents happen

because they thought they
checked their blind spots.

Their blind spots are their blind spots.

- Good?
- Better.

All right.

- Okay.
- Here we go.

Here we go. This is gonna be great.

Oh, oh, oh! Wait. Okay.

- No, no. Be careful. Be careful!
- Okay, you need to relax.

Okay, if I wanted to
relax, I would take a bath,

not have my young son
operate heavy machinery.

Okay, but we haven't even
left the parking spot.

Exactly.

I mean, does a surgeon take out
organs on the first day of med school?

Well, he can't take out any organs
if he can't drive to med school.

Well, then she can take the bus.

- Or, if she had a chill mom...
- Really?

- Oh, the mother was chill.
- ... she could drive.

Suddenly I am not chill? I am chill.

Diary, the big bar mitzvah
day had finally arrived.

I heard Frank Galanari
and Inez Rodriguez-Green

kissed at the broken vending
machine for two hours.

- Elena, it is so totally on.
- Yeah.

So, how are you feeling?

Like everything in my life has led up to

what's about to happen in
this Marriot event space.

Oh, my gosh.

That's, like, true love.

Okay. Um, I think you
should put this on.

It's totally your color. Come here.

It's called "Little Spoon."

- Yeah, okay. Easy.
- Wait.

I have a couple questions.

About kissing.

Oh, hit me.

- What do you need to know?
- Well...

What do I do with my hands?

Do I close my eyes?

Should I open my eyes to
see if he's closing his?

What if I have to sneeze?
Which way do I turn my head?

What if we both turn
our heads the same way?

Sometimes my nose whistles.
What if that happens?

Do I need to hold my
breath? For how long?

Oh, no. I ate chimichurri last
night. Should I just call it?

Okay, what if he reaches for my...

Hi.

Oh, I just wanted to see
you in your pretty dresses!

Mami.

We're not done getting ready.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Of course.

Okay, so when you're done, let me know,

and we're gonna take
those pictures by the door.

No, that's okay. We can take our own.

Oh. Okay.

Hmm. Of course. I'm
getting replaced by selfies.

Well, if you change your
mind, you know, let me know.

What if my tooth bumps into his
tooth? What if I'm a bad kisser?

Elena, don't worry.
You'll know what to do.

Really?

It's second nature.

Like, when Instagram changes its layout.

It's gonna be magical.

Okay. I'm ready.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

- So we gotta get you ready then!
- Okay.

Okay, just... No, no, not like...

like pucker. That's opening your mouth.

Well, that's it.

No more photos of Elena before an event

and Bobby is behind the wheel.

So just, you know, drive me to
the Garden Grove Retirement Home.

I'd say Bobby could drive you,

but you won't let him
leave the parking spot.

I told you. We started fighting

before he even turned
the key in the ignition.

- He's learning.
- I know, I know.

But I thought we would bond.

You know, one last time
before he drives away forever.

Bobby is not driving away forever.

But he's going to go away to college.

Do you think he's going to call me?

I mean, if I get a "thumbs
up" on a text, it's a victory.

And now, he'll see me as someone who
ruined one of his last milestones.

Well, it's one of your milestones too.

Bobby's learning to drive.
You're learning to let him go.

Mmm. I don't want to.

You're right.

The kids are growing up.

But you have to grow with them.

Oh, you're doing so good, Bobby.

- I am?
- Yes, you are.

You are growing.

I'm growing.

We're both growing together.

Oh. Okay, bud.

So, why the sudden interest in driving?

I don't know. My new
friends are a little older,

and I just wanted to feel a
little more on their level.

Oh, I get that.

Yeah. Like, the other night, my
friend asked me to move a car and...

Move a car? No, no, no. Bobby,
as your mother and your lawyer,

please tell me that you
did not touch that car.

No, but, I mean, you
didn't even let me...

You can't drive a car
without an adult present.

Okay? You are a minor.

You are liable, which makes
me liable, and they can sue us.

We won't have a house. We
will have to sleep in the car

you so desperately want to
drive. Do you understand me?

Why are you acting like I don't know?

I didn't move the car.

See, this is why I don't tell
you things. You don't trust me.

It's not about trusting.
It is a big responsibility.

You just like controlling me.

Roberto Gabriel Cañero-Reed.
You watch your tone with me.

- You watch your tone!
- What do you mean watch your tone?

You need to... Look out!

It was finally time

to meet the love of my life
by the broken vending machine.

Mazel tov, Joey. I can't
believe you got real sand.

The ice sculpture's real water too.

So cool.

So, did you want to,
um, practice your speech?

I'm good. I'm finally
finished with your template.

It was so helpful.

- Really?
- Yeah.

So...

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Is it happening? Oh, my Goddess.

Diary, I... I think it's happening.

Diary, it happened.

Where's Joseph? We need to say Motzi.

The rabbi needs you. You should go.

Later.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah. You?

Yeah. Let's go check out the damage.

Gimme your permit.

I don't have it.

I didn't think we were
gonna leave the parking spot.

Let's go. Don't say anything.

Oof.

- It's not that bad, right?
- Not that bad?

Oh, I am so sorry.

- I'm teaching my son how to drive and he...
- Well, clearly, he's not ready.

- Does the kid even have a license?
- He has a permit.

And I am a licensed driver.

- Here is my insurance card.
- No, no.

I'm not taking anything
until the cops get here.

Oh, I don't think that's necessary.
I mean, the damage is minimal.

Minimal?

Oh, so now you're a mechanic as
well as an irresponsible parent.

Got it.

One sec, Gertie. Just calling the cops.

First of all, I could
very well be a mechanic.

But I am a lawyer, and I
couldn't help but notice

that you are in violation of
Rule 57 of the Highway Code.

And you're in violation of Rule
58: bragging about being a lawyer.

- What is Rule 57?
- Well, you have a dog in the car.

So?

A dog that doesn't appear
to be suitably restrained.

Gertie is fine. She was in
a Katy Perry music video.

- I'm dialing.
- You should call the cops.

They'll probably give you a citation,

even jail time for animal endangerment.

And Gertie over there

will probably go to a shelter
while all of this is sorted out.

But Gertie's on a strict paleo diet.

She can't eat shelter food. It's
full of cow hooves and pig hide.

Well, then, let's handle this
on our own. With our insurance.

No law enforcement need to get involved.

Keep your kid off the road,
and I'll get my insurance.

Gertie, promise we'll be home soon
and you'll get your one egg white.

Okay, fine. You can have two.

- We should definitely tell everyone.
- Yeah.

Elena Ofelia Cañero-Reed. Did you...

Tell us everything.

Well, let's just say I
knew exactly what to do.

Oh! It's time for Joey's speech.
I'll tell you the rest after.

Shalom.

I'm gonna talk about, uh, what
my bar mitzvah means to me.

When I was seven, I was
reading the Constitution

- for pleasure when I got to Article V...
- We have so much in common.

- Do you?
- ... I'm sure you all know,

describes how the
Constitution is amended.

It reminded me of something
my bubbe taught me years ago.

He's using my template. This is
where the personal anecdote goes.

She came to this country because
it was a land of opportunity...

About how your ñeñe inspired
you to fight for what's right?

... we all fight for what's right.

Well, I'm here on my bar mitzvah day

to say that I'm keeping
that fight alive.

Like my bubbe taught me and
like the Constitution itself,

I'm going to keep growing.

We fought for the right to
write the Constitution...

Diary, Joey's speech
sounded awfully familiar.

But it couldn't be.

He's the love of my life.

Loves of your life don't
steal from you. Right?

... and in the words of my shero,
the great Shirley Chise-holm,

"Service is the rent we
pay to live on this earth."

It will be my payment
to you all to serve you.

Thanks for coming to my bar mitzvah.

There's a sweets table in the back.

He didn't just use my template.
Joey Feldstein stole my speech.

That was a great speech.

I know Joey isn't running for anything,
but I kinda wanna vote for him.

Ooh...

That speech used to make me cry,
but now I wanna make him cry!

This is ridiculous.

- No, Elena.
- No, don't leave.

- Oh, my gosh.
- What do we do?

I didn't know you could go to
jail for having a dog in your car.

Well, I may have
exaggerated the consequences.

Oh.

That's, like, kinda cool.

He deserved it. He was being an ass.

Whoa!

- Ma.
- Mmm, what? It's in the Bible.

Wait a sec.

So you lied?

Mmm.

I told a tiny lie to save your
pompi, Mr. "I Forgot My Permit."

Okay, we're back to pompi.

- But you lied.
- Mmm.

We're still paying for
the damage to the car.

So at the end of the day, I
am still doing the right thing.

I didn't even know you were
capable of breaking the rules.

Okay. Mami bent the rules.

I know you think I'm some robot mom.

But I am a human person.

Although, if you want, I
could become a robot mom.

No, no, no. I... I like this version.

It's chill.

Wow.

I'm gonna need that
engraved on a plaque.

A plaque? Why not get a tattoo?

Oh, no. Your mom is chill,
but she is not that chill.

Oh, okay. I didn't say you were chill.

- I said...
- No, no. You did say I was chill.

Well... guess you're kinda chill.

He said it again!

Calm down, Ma.

"Joey's beach-mitzvah.
Oy vey, it's my day."

This is the slogan he
worked on for months?

No wonder he had to steal your speech.

I've loved him for seven years.

How could I have been so
stupid? This is all my fault.

What... No...

Don't you dare. Okay?
This is not your fault.

I have to write a whole new speech.

Please. We both know you
can do that in no time.

I did notice as I was hearing it

that the middle could use
a few more active verbs.

See?

And I have to get a
whole new first kiss.

Oh, well, that's just
called a second kiss.

Hey, Elena.

Hi, Emilio. You're
missing the photo montage.

There was a weird amount of pictures
of Joey holding a stuffed dog.

Henry.

Hey, did Joey just give
your Student Rep speech?

Oh, right. The Shirley quote.

Yeah, and I've only been
at this school a few months,

but there's no way Joey could've
written a speech that good.

That was all you.

Thanks, Emilio.

Though a couple verbs did
feel a bit more passive

than I am used to from you.

Uh, we can ask Mrs. R. if she
could push the assembly a few days.

No, that's okay. I'll
figure something out.

If anyone can crank out
a new speech, it's you.

You're the smartest person
I'll ever crush in an election.

We'll see about that.

Ooh...

Shut up. We're political opponents.

Joey, get up here! Time for the Hora!

They're about to do that thing

where they put him on
a chair and lift him up.

Do you wanna see if we can drop him?

No.

You know, I never thought I'd
say this, but Joey's not worth it.

Besides, I have a speech to write.

Oh, I still can't believe that guy
thought he was gonna go to jail.

I can't believe he
feeds his dog egg whites.

So, tomorrow, you wanna do this again?

Really?

Chill.

I'll remember to grab my permit.

Oh, wow. Look at you. Growing up.

I need to tell you something.

I told Elena, and I told
my friends, but, uh...

I've been trying to figure
out the right time to tell you.

Mm-hmm?

I'm kinda...

into one of my new friends.

The one who asked me to
move the car, actually.

Yeah?

His name is CJ.

"His."

Yeah.

Wow. Gabi, remember this moment.

What?

I'm sorry. I... I'm just...

I'm just really happy that
you're sharing this with me.

I love you.

- Eyes on the road, Ma.
- Oh, yeah.

I love you too.

So, tell me about him.

When am I gonna meet him? When
is he coming over for dinner?

- Oh, my God. Ma.
- What should I make for dinner?

- I haven't even told him yet, okay?
- You haven't told him?

We could have him over for dinner.

- Sambled eggs. Huh?
- He doesn't even know I...

- I don't even know if he likes me back.
- I'm sure he likes you!

What are you talking about?

Oh, we can make, um... I don't know...

- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -