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1
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www.tvsubtitles.net
2
00:00:02,027 --> 00:00:04,561
I want to get married
five times.
3
00:00:04,628 --> 00:00:07,828
I wanna get married 'cause
I want a bachelor party.
4
00:00:07,895 --> 00:00:11,294
I'll get married
as long as my wife is
not in my business.
5
00:00:11,361 --> 00:00:12,661
* All right!
6
00:00:12,728 --> 00:00:14,695
* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
7
00:00:20,795 --> 00:00:22,895
Okay, okay. Mmm!
8
00:00:22,962 --> 00:00:25,862
Hey, Eddie,
hey, man, what...
9
00:00:25,928 --> 00:00:27,461
Will you scratch my back?
10
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:30,161
Uh...
11
00:00:31,027 --> 00:00:32,261
No.
12
00:00:32,795 --> 00:00:34,194
Why not?
13
00:00:34,261 --> 00:00:36,895
Because guys don't
scratch other guys' backs.
14
00:00:36,962 --> 00:00:38,528
It crosses the line.
15
00:00:38,595 --> 00:00:40,495
What line?
16
00:00:40,561 --> 00:00:42,928
The "my fingers
touching your body" line.
17
00:00:44,895 --> 00:00:46,461
Come on, man,
there's nobody here.
18
00:00:46,528 --> 00:00:48,895
Nobody'll see.
Just right here.
Well, I'll see.
19
00:00:48,962 --> 00:00:50,328
And I'll know I did it,
20
00:00:50,394 --> 00:00:52,895
and I'm just not ready to deal
with those kind of feelings.
21
00:00:53,895 --> 00:00:54,895
(DOOR OPENS)
22
00:00:54,962 --> 00:00:56,361
What's up, fellas?
23
00:00:56,428 --> 00:00:58,328
Woodcock, would you
scratch my back?
24
00:00:58,394 --> 00:01:00,561
I'd love to.
All right.
25
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,261
Mmm?
Oh...
26
00:01:03,328 --> 00:01:05,261
Yeah? How's that
working for you?
27
00:01:05,328 --> 00:01:06,361
Oh, yeah.
28
00:01:06,428 --> 00:01:07,495
You want the double claw?
29
00:01:07,561 --> 00:01:09,061
Oh, please.
JEFF: Yeah?
30
00:01:10,328 --> 00:01:12,228
Whoo! Okay, okay,
you got it!
31
00:01:12,294 --> 00:01:14,428
All right, okay,
you got it!
32
00:01:14,495 --> 00:01:16,862
I'm good.
No means no.
33
00:01:21,094 --> 00:01:22,828
You know what?
I'm out of here.
34
00:01:22,895 --> 00:01:24,127
What? Why?
35
00:01:24,194 --> 00:01:26,328
'Cause of him?
I'll kick him out.
36
00:01:26,394 --> 00:01:29,528
No, my six-year-old
is graduating
to yellow belt today.
37
00:01:29,595 --> 00:01:31,928
You know,
I thought karate would
teach him discipline.
38
00:01:31,994 --> 00:01:34,761
But all he wants to do
is kick his brother
in the ding-ding.
39
00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:37,495
See you on Sunday?
All right.
40
00:01:37,561 --> 00:01:39,061
Think about
where you wanna take
the wives for dinner.
41
00:01:39,127 --> 00:01:41,228
You got it.
You guys having dinner
on Sunday night?
42
00:01:44,294 --> 00:01:46,161
Why don't you come over
to my place?
43
00:01:47,661 --> 00:01:49,127
You know,
I'll be honest.
44
00:01:49,194 --> 00:01:51,228
He has a real problem
with white people.
45
00:01:55,661 --> 00:01:59,027
Come on. Steph and I,
we've been dying
to have a dinner party
46
00:01:59,094 --> 00:02:00,461
since we moved in.
47
00:02:00,528 --> 00:02:03,127
We could use
our Brady Bunch placemats.
48
00:02:04,828 --> 00:02:07,094
There's six of us,
we could be all the kids.
49
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:08,761
Now how fun
does that sound?
50
00:02:10,428 --> 00:02:11,994
Wow.
51
00:02:12,061 --> 00:02:13,695
Ah, you jokester.
52
00:02:13,761 --> 00:02:15,194
I'll see you Sunday.
53
00:02:15,261 --> 00:02:16,994
Think of which Brady
you want to eat off of.
54
00:02:17,061 --> 00:02:18,294
I call Bobby!
55
00:02:27,294 --> 00:02:31,428
So, there I am.
I'm wearing only a poncho
and some swim-fins,
56
00:02:31,495 --> 00:02:33,761
60 miles from
the nearest payphone.
57
00:02:33,828 --> 00:02:35,761
The guy looks at me
straight in the eye,
58
00:02:35,828 --> 00:02:37,495
and he screams, "Hibachi!"
59
00:02:38,394 --> 00:02:40,127
(STEPH LAUGHING)
60
00:02:44,261 --> 00:02:45,695
Hilarious, right?
61
00:02:47,194 --> 00:02:48,994
(LAUGHING CONTINUES)
62
00:02:50,928 --> 00:02:53,895
Hilarious.
My face hurts from
laughing so much.
63
00:02:53,962 --> 00:02:55,528
I just can't
do it anymore.
64
00:02:57,428 --> 00:02:59,828
I don't understand.
So the guy in the van
was a pirate?
65
00:02:59,895 --> 00:03:02,361
Honey, honey, honey. Shh!
66
00:03:02,428 --> 00:03:05,628
Please, we don't want
Jeffrey to tell that
whole thing again.
67
00:03:15,728 --> 00:03:16,994
Oh!
68
00:03:17,061 --> 00:03:19,127
Has anybody seen
that new documentary
69
00:03:19,194 --> 00:03:21,561
about the wild dogs
of Antigua? Huh?
70
00:03:21,628 --> 00:03:23,428
(LAUGHING)
71
00:03:26,161 --> 00:03:27,628
Oh, I'm sorry,
is that real?
72
00:03:32,561 --> 00:03:34,394
Hey, I have an idea.
73
00:03:34,461 --> 00:03:36,595
Have you guys heard
of the book of questions?
74
00:03:36,661 --> 00:03:38,561
Oh, is that
the fourth Harry Potter?
75
00:03:40,161 --> 00:03:42,895
No, that's
the Goblet of Fire.
76
00:03:44,862 --> 00:03:46,528
It's okay. It's okay.
77
00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:51,795
The book of questions is,
78
00:03:51,862 --> 00:03:54,094
"An invitation
for people to explore
79
00:03:54,161 --> 00:03:58,194
"the most fascinating
of subjects... Themselves."
80
00:04:00,862 --> 00:04:03,127
Okay, if this party's
about to get naked,
I'm out.
81
00:04:04,294 --> 00:04:05,428
Okay.
82
00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:07,895
Hey, you,
don't do that,
look at me.
83
00:04:07,962 --> 00:04:09,294
You're beautiful.
84
00:04:13,094 --> 00:04:14,695
You got nothing
to worry about.
85
00:04:14,761 --> 00:04:16,895
The only thing
getting exposed tonight
86
00:04:16,962 --> 00:04:18,828
are your innermost feelings.
87
00:04:18,895 --> 00:04:21,962
Okay, now
the first one is,
88
00:04:22,027 --> 00:04:24,994
if you could hear
your lover's thoughts,
89
00:04:25,728 --> 00:04:27,228
would you want to?
90
00:04:28,628 --> 00:04:29,828
You know,
I'm not feeling well.
91
00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:31,194
Yeah...
I...
92
00:04:31,261 --> 00:04:32,561
COFELD: What?
I got...
93
00:04:32,628 --> 00:04:34,361
Where are you going?
You can't leave.
94
00:04:34,428 --> 00:04:36,761
I have a thing in my ear
and my throat, dripping.
95
00:04:36,828 --> 00:04:38,027
What's in your throat?
96
00:04:38,094 --> 00:04:39,595
I can't... We've gotta...
Steph, stew...
97
00:04:39,661 --> 00:04:41,261
Fantastic.
Goodbye.
98
00:04:53,161 --> 00:04:54,294
Hey, how's it going?
99
00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:56,261
Good, good.
100
00:04:56,328 --> 00:04:59,394
Listen, Eddie and I
feel really badly
about ditching you
101
00:04:59,461 --> 00:05:01,094
at the Woodcock's
last night.
102
00:05:01,161 --> 00:05:03,795
That's okay, Joy.
We actually had
a really good time.
103
00:05:03,862 --> 00:05:05,795
Really?
104
00:05:05,862 --> 00:05:07,661
After you left,
we really connected.
105
00:05:08,761 --> 00:05:09,928
Now that's funny.
106
00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:13,528
Hey, let me
ask you something,
107
00:05:13,595 --> 00:05:15,595
and you can tell me
if this is weird in any way.
Shoot.
108
00:05:15,661 --> 00:05:17,761
We're gonna
go mountain biking
with Jeff and Steph,
109
00:05:17,828 --> 00:05:19,795
and I wanted
to ask you first
110
00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:21,228
because I know
they're your friends,
111
00:05:21,294 --> 00:05:22,561
and I didn't want
to go behind your back.
112
00:05:22,628 --> 00:05:23,628
Is that cool?
113
00:05:23,695 --> 00:05:25,728
Absolutely.
Go have fun.
114
00:05:25,795 --> 00:05:27,228
We have no claim
over them.
115
00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:29,127
It's not like
we're going steady.
116
00:05:29,194 --> 00:05:32,061
They're free
to play the field,
sleep around.
117
00:05:33,061 --> 00:05:34,528
(PHONE RINGING)
118
00:05:34,595 --> 00:05:36,261
Cheltenham Travel.
119
00:05:36,328 --> 00:05:38,194
Oh, hey, Steph, what's up?
120
00:05:39,962 --> 00:05:41,695
Oh, sure.
121
00:05:42,461 --> 00:05:43,761
Steph. For you.
122
00:05:43,828 --> 00:05:45,328
Really?
Really.
123
00:05:46,994 --> 00:05:48,895
Hey, girlfriend...
124
00:05:48,962 --> 00:05:51,461
Oh, yes, we did, too.
125
00:05:51,528 --> 00:05:54,628
Yeah, it was kind of sexy
seeing our husbands cry.
126
00:05:56,261 --> 00:05:58,561
(LAUGHING)
127
00:06:07,661 --> 00:06:09,761
Eddie! Hey.
128
00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:11,661
What you eating?
Pop-Tart sandwich.
129
00:06:13,194 --> 00:06:15,027
What is that?
130
00:06:15,094 --> 00:06:17,595
It's a Pop-Tart
in the middle of
two frosted Pop-Tarts.
131
00:06:19,761 --> 00:06:22,127
It's the most
magnificent thing
I ever had in my life.
132
00:06:23,595 --> 00:06:24,795
What's up with you?
133
00:06:24,862 --> 00:06:26,994
Well, I had
a rather interesting day
134
00:06:27,061 --> 00:06:28,461
at work today.
135
00:06:28,528 --> 00:06:30,294
Turns out that the Cofelds
had a good time
136
00:06:30,361 --> 00:06:31,994
with the Woodcocks
after we left.
137
00:06:32,061 --> 00:06:33,495
Really?
Mmm-hmm.
138
00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:36,495
And they're going
mountain biking together.
139
00:06:36,561 --> 00:06:38,027
But the Woodcocks
usually ask us
140
00:06:38,094 --> 00:06:39,561
to go mountain biking
with them.
141
00:06:39,628 --> 00:06:40,828
I know.
142
00:06:41,994 --> 00:06:43,895
(BOTH WHOOPING)
143
00:06:43,962 --> 00:06:45,862
(LAUGHING)
144
00:06:45,928 --> 00:06:47,261
(SCATTING)
145
00:06:49,862 --> 00:06:51,495
Whoa!
146
00:06:51,561 --> 00:06:53,461
They finally have
some new friends.
147
00:06:53,528 --> 00:06:54,795
Maybe now they'll
leave us alone.
148
00:06:54,862 --> 00:06:56,428
Oh, God, do you know
what this means?
149
00:06:56,495 --> 00:06:58,428
They're not going
to be breathing
down our necks anymore.
150
00:06:58,495 --> 00:06:59,962
I can leave the lights
on in the living room.
151
00:07:00,027 --> 00:07:01,661
We can use
the front door.
152
00:07:02,661 --> 00:07:04,461
I could cook
naked again!
153
00:07:05,461 --> 00:07:06,661
Or not.
154
00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:09,761
Sorry. Oh, this is fantastic!
155
00:07:09,828 --> 00:07:12,394
The only thing I'll have to
endure is that 15-minute
ride to school
156
00:07:12,461 --> 00:07:15,394
with Jeff and his adult
contemporary mix tape.
157
00:07:18,127 --> 00:07:19,761
Oh, God, I love you.
158
00:07:20,461 --> 00:07:21,661
(MOANING)
159
00:07:27,962 --> 00:07:30,528
Okay. You know what?
On the counter,
on the counter.
160
00:07:30,595 --> 00:07:33,261
No, no, on the table,
the table's larger.
161
00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:34,595
No, the bed.
162
00:07:34,661 --> 00:07:35,828
Okay, let's go to the bed.
163
00:07:35,895 --> 00:07:37,761
Let's go to the bed.
Oh, God.
164
00:07:38,728 --> 00:07:40,328
EDDIE: Wait a minute.
165
00:07:49,895 --> 00:07:51,294
Oh, yeah.
166
00:07:52,061 --> 00:07:53,228
(EXCLAIMS)
167
00:07:53,294 --> 00:07:55,027
If that itch is flaky,
tuck in your shirt.
168
00:07:55,094 --> 00:07:56,661
I got enough crap
on my couch.
169
00:08:05,661 --> 00:08:07,027
You want
to order a pizza?
170
00:08:07,094 --> 00:08:10,228
Oh, no, I had a late lunch
with Jeff today.
171
00:08:10,294 --> 00:08:12,728
So you seem
to be hanging out
a lot lately, huh?
172
00:08:12,795 --> 00:08:14,761
Yeah, yeah, you know,
he's really a good guy.
173
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,228
We have some
great conversations.
174
00:08:16,294 --> 00:08:17,628
He's very insightful.
175
00:08:17,695 --> 00:08:18,994
Oh, I wouldn't know.
176
00:08:19,061 --> 00:08:21,461
His voice usually triggers
a humming sound in my head.
177
00:08:24,127 --> 00:08:25,828
So, how is he?
178
00:08:25,895 --> 00:08:27,361
I haven't
seen him in a while.
Is he all right?
179
00:08:27,428 --> 00:08:29,795
He's good, man. He's good.
He just got a new haircut.
180
00:08:30,461 --> 00:08:31,795
Oh?
181
00:08:31,862 --> 00:08:33,628
Yeah. It's a little
shorter than usual,
182
00:08:33,695 --> 00:08:36,161
but with his bone structure,
he pulls it off.
183
00:08:36,228 --> 00:08:38,428
Yeah, he's got
those high cheekbones
184
00:08:38,495 --> 00:08:40,561
and pretty features
like a China Doll.
185
00:08:41,994 --> 00:08:43,461
What?
Nothing.
186
00:08:46,661 --> 00:08:48,428
(NEW AGE MUSIC PLAYING
ON SCREEN)
187
00:08:51,228 --> 00:08:52,595
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
188
00:08:52,661 --> 00:08:54,795
Come in.
189
00:08:54,862 --> 00:08:57,761
Where is he? I've been
waiting out in the car
for 15 minutes.
190
00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:59,027
Come on, Jeffrey,
we're late.
191
00:08:59,094 --> 00:09:02,161
You can put
your makeup on
in the car.
192
00:09:02,228 --> 00:09:03,728
I'm sorry.
You didn't get
Jeff's message?
193
00:09:03,795 --> 00:09:05,761
He and Cofeld
are working out
in the mornings now.
194
00:09:05,828 --> 00:09:07,862
So he doesn't need
to car pool with you anymore.
195
00:09:07,928 --> 00:09:09,528
Oh, that's good.
196
00:09:09,595 --> 00:09:12,862
Great, Jeff and Cofeld
working out together, huh?
197
00:09:12,928 --> 00:09:14,761
There's a shower
I'm happy to skip.
198
00:09:15,994 --> 00:09:19,094
All right, let's, uh,
keep it PG, huh?
199
00:09:39,862 --> 00:09:42,595
(CATS IN THE CRADLE PLAYING)
200
00:09:42,661 --> 00:09:46,194
* The cat's in the cradle
and the silver bell
201
00:09:46,261 --> 00:09:49,161
* Little Boy Blue
and the man in the shoes
202
00:09:50,862 --> 00:09:52,328
* When you comin' home, Dan
203
00:09:52,394 --> 00:09:54,994
* I don't know, Dan
204
00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:58,595
* We'll get together, Dan,
yeah
205
00:09:58,661 --> 00:10:01,461
* You know we'll have
a good time, Dan *
206
00:10:11,728 --> 00:10:13,528
What are you doing? Staring
into the Woodcocks' house?
207
00:10:13,595 --> 00:10:16,394
No. No.
I mean, uh, it's weird.
208
00:10:16,461 --> 00:10:18,361
They went out for yogurt,
like, an hour ago,
209
00:10:18,428 --> 00:10:19,761
and they're not back.
210
00:10:20,862 --> 00:10:22,361
Well, you don't
miss them, do you?
211
00:10:22,428 --> 00:10:24,027
Miss them? No.
212
00:10:24,094 --> 00:10:26,761
Oh, good, good.
Me neither, me neither.
213
00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:30,328
It is odd though.
214
00:10:30,394 --> 00:10:32,695
You know, they always
used to ask us to go
have yogurt with them.
215
00:10:32,761 --> 00:10:35,595
And we usually say "no"
because yogurt's gross.
216
00:10:35,661 --> 00:10:37,495
But...
217
00:10:37,561 --> 00:10:39,027
It's still nice to be asked.
Am I right?
Right.
218
00:10:39,094 --> 00:10:40,795
I mean, you know,
what does it take to...
219
00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:45,828
Oh, my God,
I miss them so much.
220
00:10:47,294 --> 00:10:49,328
Me, too.
What the hell
is going on?
221
00:10:49,394 --> 00:10:51,061
I don't know.
I mean,
222
00:10:51,127 --> 00:10:53,094
the Woodcocks
annoy us, right?
223
00:10:53,161 --> 00:10:55,862
Totally. They're always
up in our face. It's just...
224
00:10:58,161 --> 00:10:59,928
I miss Jeff's smile.
225
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:03,261
How did this happen?
226
00:11:03,328 --> 00:11:06,061
You know what, the other night
I actually tried
to imagine his face,
227
00:11:06,127 --> 00:11:07,194
and I couldn't.
228
00:11:07,261 --> 00:11:08,928
The closest I got
was K.D. Lang.
229
00:11:12,461 --> 00:11:14,261
You know what?
You know what this is like?
230
00:11:14,328 --> 00:11:16,795
This is like this guy
in high school
231
00:11:16,862 --> 00:11:18,695
that I never even
looked twice at,
232
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:20,928
and then he got a girlfriend,
and I just had to have him.
233
00:11:20,994 --> 00:11:22,261
And, of course,
you know,
234
00:11:22,328 --> 00:11:23,761
he married her,
and he got rich,
235
00:11:23,828 --> 00:11:24,962
and I missed out
on what could've been
236
00:11:25,061 --> 00:11:26,661
a wonderful
and exciting life.
237
00:11:31,328 --> 00:11:33,795
I mean,
not as good as this.
238
00:11:36,661 --> 00:11:39,695
Hey, here they come.
Here they come.
Where?
239
00:11:39,761 --> 00:11:41,628
Oh, look at them
walking in,
240
00:11:41,695 --> 00:11:44,127
still crazy
from their yogurt high.
241
00:11:45,194 --> 00:11:46,628
What are we gonna do?
242
00:11:46,695 --> 00:11:47,828
Let's call them.
243
00:11:47,895 --> 00:11:49,194
It's a good idea.
244
00:11:49,261 --> 00:11:51,428
Gonna call them
on the phone,
and see what...
245
00:11:51,495 --> 00:11:52,495
(EXHALES)
246
00:11:52,561 --> 00:11:54,361
I can't believe it.
I got butterflies.
247
00:11:56,561 --> 00:11:58,228
(PHONE RINGS)
248
00:11:59,862 --> 00:12:00,895
Hello?
249
00:12:00,962 --> 00:12:02,695
Yes, Jeffrey Woodcock,
please?
250
00:12:04,161 --> 00:12:06,561
Yeah, Eddie, it's me.
What's going on?
251
00:12:06,628 --> 00:12:09,094
Oh, hey, hi,
uh, you know,
252
00:12:09,161 --> 00:12:10,795
Joy and I were
just wondering
253
00:12:10,862 --> 00:12:13,962
if you and your lovely wife
wanna go out Saturday.
254
00:12:14,027 --> 00:12:16,962
Maybe, uh,
cocktails? Dinner?
255
00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:18,161
Or dancing?
256
00:12:18,228 --> 00:12:19,628
Please,
don't say dancing.
257
00:12:21,661 --> 00:12:23,394
Uh, yeah, let me, uh...
258
00:12:23,461 --> 00:12:25,361
Let me check with Steph.
259
00:12:25,428 --> 00:12:27,994
It's Eddie.
They want to go out
Saturday night.
260
00:12:28,061 --> 00:12:30,228
We have the Cofelds
Saturday.
261
00:12:30,294 --> 00:12:31,495
So what do I tell them?
262
00:12:31,561 --> 00:12:34,228
Just tell them
we have plans.
263
00:12:34,294 --> 00:12:37,161
Uh, Eddie,
we have plans.
264
00:12:37,228 --> 00:12:38,994
Oh, okay.
265
00:12:39,061 --> 00:12:40,928
They got plans.
Ask them
what they're doing?
266
00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:43,127
I think that's
a little forward.
Just ask them.
267
00:12:45,962 --> 00:12:48,495
What are you, uh...
What are you doing?
268
00:12:48,561 --> 00:12:50,194
Uh...
269
00:12:50,261 --> 00:12:51,928
They wanna know
what we're doing.
270
00:12:51,994 --> 00:12:53,127
Make something up.
271
00:12:53,194 --> 00:12:54,761
You know
I don't like to lie.
272
00:12:54,828 --> 00:12:55,962
Okay, give me the phone,
and I'll do it.
273
00:12:56,027 --> 00:12:57,428
I'll lie about anything.
274
00:13:04,561 --> 00:13:06,328
Oh. I see.
275
00:13:06,394 --> 00:13:08,194
Okay, maybe, um...
276
00:13:08,261 --> 00:13:09,628
Maybe some
other time then.
277
00:13:10,461 --> 00:13:11,628
Right.
278
00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:15,728
They're going
to Mexico.
279
00:13:17,728 --> 00:13:18,962
What?
280
00:13:19,027 --> 00:13:21,661
Mexico?
I panicked!
281
00:13:21,728 --> 00:13:22,862
This is why
I don't like to lie.
282
00:13:22,928 --> 00:13:24,862
I don't like
sneaking around.
283
00:13:24,928 --> 00:13:27,561
Look, I'm getting that
nervous rash on my belly.
284
00:13:27,628 --> 00:13:31,027
Jeff, trust me,
this is the best way.
285
00:13:31,094 --> 00:13:34,328
I've been
through this kind
of situation before.
286
00:13:34,394 --> 00:13:37,428
In college, I was
dating these two guys
at the same time.
287
00:13:37,495 --> 00:13:39,461
I felt horrible
about it.
288
00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:41,895
One of them was,
like, intellectual
289
00:13:41,962 --> 00:13:44,928
and athletic
and super sexual.
290
00:13:44,994 --> 00:13:47,595
And the other one
was, like, artistic
291
00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:49,695
and spiritual and...
292
00:13:50,862 --> 00:13:52,328
Super sexual.
293
00:13:54,661 --> 00:13:57,394
Are you getting
to a point?
294
00:13:57,461 --> 00:13:59,495
The point is, I felt
so guilty about it,
295
00:13:59,561 --> 00:14:01,094
I told them
about each other.
296
00:14:01,161 --> 00:14:03,461
They both got angry
and broke up with me.
297
00:14:03,528 --> 00:14:06,728
Had I not said anything,
I would've been able
to keep both lovers.
298
00:14:10,194 --> 00:14:12,528
Okay, that story
299
00:14:12,595 --> 00:14:16,294
barely has anything
to do with this.
300
00:14:16,361 --> 00:14:18,428
It's unrelated,
and it's hurtful.
301
00:14:25,628 --> 00:14:27,695
Okay, I'll take
the, uh, Milk Duds
302
00:14:27,761 --> 00:14:29,394
and the Red Vines.
303
00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:31,428
And the Goobers.
304
00:14:33,161 --> 00:14:35,928
And what, exactly,
are Fudgey Friends?
305
00:14:37,761 --> 00:14:38,795
I don't know, sir.
306
00:14:38,862 --> 00:14:40,761
Okay, I'll take
two of those.
307
00:14:43,761 --> 00:14:46,194
COFELD: Oh, my God,
but I never knew they had
308
00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:48,161
dogs in Antigua.
I know.
309
00:14:50,194 --> 00:14:53,061
Well, well, well,
what have we here?
310
00:14:53,127 --> 00:14:55,127
Hello, Jeffrey,
Stephanie.
311
00:14:56,294 --> 00:14:59,161
Or should I say,
"Buenos noches"?
312
00:15:09,628 --> 00:15:12,094
Well, isn't this
a kick in the Chicklets?
313
00:15:14,795 --> 00:15:16,595
I told you they weren't
going to Mexico.
314
00:15:16,661 --> 00:15:18,795
Fool me once,
shame on...
315
00:15:19,795 --> 00:15:21,127
What is it?
316
00:15:22,394 --> 00:15:24,328
Eddie, Eddie, look,
I can explain...
317
00:15:24,394 --> 00:15:26,027
See, in college,
I had these two lovers...
318
00:15:26,094 --> 00:15:28,094
Steph!
319
00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:29,261
I don't see
what the problem is.
320
00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:30,795
You guys said
they were boring.
321
00:15:30,862 --> 00:15:32,728
Oh, I did not say that.
322
00:15:32,795 --> 00:15:35,394
Actually, last week,
when I was telling you
about my master's thesis,
323
00:15:35,461 --> 00:15:36,695
you said, "Boring,"
324
00:15:36,761 --> 00:15:39,328
and did this little dance
with your hands.
325
00:15:39,394 --> 00:15:41,127
That does kind of
sound like you, kiddo.
326
00:15:42,561 --> 00:15:45,595
Well, that doesn't
justify you lying to us.
327
00:15:45,661 --> 00:15:47,294
Does anybody hear
my car alarm?
328
00:15:48,595 --> 00:15:51,761
Whoa, hey,
come on, guys.
Don't leave.
329
00:15:53,695 --> 00:15:56,461
Can I just say
something out loud
that we all know?
330
00:15:56,528 --> 00:15:58,328
You guys don't like us.
331
00:15:58,394 --> 00:15:59,862
You're actually
pretty mean to us
most of the time.
332
00:15:59,928 --> 00:16:01,928
Oh, that's crazy.
No, it's not.
333
00:16:01,994 --> 00:16:03,895
When we call
to ask you out,
you don't pick up.
334
00:16:03,962 --> 00:16:05,261
We know you're home.
335
00:16:05,328 --> 00:16:06,795
We've seen you
through the window
cooking naked.
336
00:16:08,661 --> 00:16:10,127
Okay, look,
so we lied to you.
337
00:16:10,194 --> 00:16:13,094
So we wanted
to spend an evening
with the Cofelds alone.
338
00:16:13,161 --> 00:16:14,461
You know,
we actually made friends
339
00:16:14,528 --> 00:16:16,628
who enjoy spending time
with us,
340
00:16:16,695 --> 00:16:18,228
who make an effort
to get know us,
341
00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:20,994
you know,
and connect with us
on a pretty deep level.
342
00:16:21,061 --> 00:16:23,228
We can be deep.
Can't we, honey?
343
00:16:23,294 --> 00:16:27,628
Deep?
Freakin' "A" right deep.
344
00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:32,294
No, the point is
we actually enjoy
each other's company.
345
00:16:32,361 --> 00:16:34,528
And you wouldn't have
wanted to come
to this movie anyway.
346
00:16:34,595 --> 00:16:36,728
When I mentioned
this documentary,
you laughed at me.
347
00:16:36,795 --> 00:16:39,261
I wasn't laughing at you.
348
00:16:39,328 --> 00:16:42,261
It's just...
I like being around
you guys so much,
349
00:16:42,328 --> 00:16:45,261
that I--I--I get nervous,
so I giggle.
350
00:16:46,428 --> 00:16:47,761
Eddie, hey,
come on, man,
351
00:16:47,828 --> 00:16:49,994
we're different people
with different interests.
352
00:16:50,061 --> 00:16:52,328
You know,
we're not a great fit.
It's okay.
353
00:16:52,394 --> 00:16:53,895
I... That is not true.
354
00:16:53,962 --> 00:16:56,094
We are interested
in the same stuff
you're interested in.
355
00:16:56,161 --> 00:16:58,127
Look, I'll tell you what.
Let's go out tomorrow
356
00:16:58,194 --> 00:17:01,061
and pick whatever
you want to do,
and we'll do it, too.
357
00:17:01,127 --> 00:17:02,428
It's Sunday.
358
00:17:02,495 --> 00:17:03,862
We're going to church.
359
00:17:05,428 --> 00:17:06,628
Are you serious?
360
00:17:10,528 --> 00:17:11,695
(ORGAN PLAYING)
361
00:17:18,795 --> 00:17:21,962
Well, I...
Think it's fair to say
we're slightly over-dressed.
362
00:17:24,094 --> 00:17:26,094
We look like
Mr. and Mrs. Matlock.
363
00:17:29,061 --> 00:17:31,027
Well, do you see them?
364
00:17:31,094 --> 00:17:33,761
There. Right there.
365
00:17:33,828 --> 00:17:36,428
Hello, good morning,
uh, yes, party of two.
366
00:17:36,495 --> 00:17:39,094
And we would love
something down front.
367
00:17:39,161 --> 00:17:41,962
I'm sorry.
The only remaining seats
are in the back.
368
00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:45,695
All right,
I get how this works.
369
00:17:45,761 --> 00:17:48,595
Thank you.
That's very generous.
370
00:17:48,661 --> 00:17:50,561
Hey. What just
happened to my five?
371
00:17:51,828 --> 00:17:53,261
Let's just sit down.
372
00:17:59,528 --> 00:18:01,094
Jeffrey!
373
00:18:01,161 --> 00:18:02,294
Jeff!
374
00:18:03,761 --> 00:18:04,928
Steph!
375
00:18:07,061 --> 00:18:08,394
They can't hear us.
376
00:18:08,461 --> 00:18:11,328
We can't compete
with that crazy organ.
377
00:18:13,661 --> 00:18:15,127
Good morning.
378
00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:18,061
Before we begin,
why don't we take
this opportunity
379
00:18:18,127 --> 00:18:20,194
to turn to our neighbors
and let them know
380
00:18:20,261 --> 00:18:23,561
how happy we are
to celebrate
with them today.
381
00:18:23,628 --> 00:18:25,394
Oh, I'm so sorry.
382
00:18:25,461 --> 00:18:28,661
I have no peripheral vision
in my, um, hat.
383
00:18:30,027 --> 00:18:32,228
Your friendship
is a blessing.
384
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:35,194
You're my dog.
385
00:18:36,795 --> 00:18:38,928
Look at that.
They're practically
making out.
386
00:18:38,994 --> 00:18:41,194
I should be the meat
in that man sandwich.
387
00:18:43,027 --> 00:18:45,561
In today's gospel,
we'll be reminded
388
00:18:45,628 --> 00:18:49,094
that Jesus often spent time
with society's outcasts.
389
00:18:49,161 --> 00:18:51,194
Prostitutes, lepers,
390
00:18:51,261 --> 00:18:55,294
people unwanted by others
but accepted totally by him.
391
00:18:56,127 --> 00:18:57,895
Which raises the question,
392
00:18:57,962 --> 00:19:00,895
is there someone
in your life
whom you've rejected,
393
00:19:00,962 --> 00:19:03,928
without making the effort
to find out the special traits
394
00:19:03,994 --> 00:19:05,461
God has bestowed on him?
395
00:19:07,495 --> 00:19:08,928
There's someone
in my life.
396
00:19:10,928 --> 00:19:12,795
Eddie, that's
a rhetorical question.
397
00:19:12,862 --> 00:19:15,628
No, no,
I have to do this.
398
00:19:16,495 --> 00:19:17,962
Please forgive me,
399
00:19:18,027 --> 00:19:21,661
because I don't know all
of your traditions, priest,
400
00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:24,528
as I am a Hebrew.
401
00:19:26,127 --> 00:19:29,928
But one thing I do know
is I have sinned.
402
00:19:30,828 --> 00:19:33,261
I have refused
to associate
403
00:19:33,328 --> 00:19:36,761
with the outcasts
in my life.
404
00:19:36,828 --> 00:19:38,761
Would you two
please stand?
405
00:19:38,828 --> 00:19:41,294
Stand? Stand up.
Will you... No?
406
00:19:41,361 --> 00:19:42,394
Okay. Good.
407
00:19:42,461 --> 00:19:45,294
Jeff and Steph Woodcock
are my
408
00:19:46,595 --> 00:19:48,261
leper and prostitute.
409
00:19:53,695 --> 00:19:57,828
And until recently,
my wife and I have taken
410
00:19:57,895 --> 00:20:00,194
their friendship for granted.
411
00:20:00,261 --> 00:20:04,294
While at the same time,
they have totally accepted
who we are.
412
00:20:04,361 --> 00:20:07,928
And God knows
that that's not
an easy thing.
413
00:20:07,994 --> 00:20:11,294
So, Joy and I just want
you both to know
414
00:20:11,361 --> 00:20:13,528
that we value
your friendship
415
00:20:13,595 --> 00:20:17,461
and sincerely hope
that you can forgive us
416
00:20:17,528 --> 00:20:21,928
for not accepting you
in the same spirit
417
00:20:21,994 --> 00:20:25,361
as you have accepted us.
418
00:20:25,428 --> 00:20:27,394
And we're sorry.
419
00:20:27,461 --> 00:20:28,795
Come here.
420
00:20:28,862 --> 00:20:30,595
(GRUNTS)
421
00:20:33,561 --> 00:20:35,361
Could we switch seats?
422
00:20:35,428 --> 00:20:38,161
I'm having a little moment
with my friends here.
423
00:20:38,228 --> 00:20:40,828
Could we... No? Okay.
424
00:20:40,895 --> 00:20:42,394
All right.
425
00:20:42,461 --> 00:20:44,895
Why don't you just
stay put?
426
00:20:44,962 --> 00:20:46,728
Okay. Um...
427
00:20:46,795 --> 00:20:49,127
And you, fantastic,
with the...
428
00:20:56,461 --> 00:20:57,862
* Hey, hey
429
00:20:57,928 --> 00:20:59,228
* Ooh!
430
00:21:10,661 --> 00:21:12,728
Hey, man.
Hey.
431
00:21:15,027 --> 00:21:17,394
You want me
to scratch your back?
432
00:21:21,161 --> 00:21:23,027
Double claw me,
but don't tell anyone.
433
00:21:25,994 --> 00:21:27,328
(GRUNTING)
434
00:21:29,728 --> 00:21:31,261
Hey, how about
you do me after?
31151
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