All language subtitles for Under the Bed (1977)

(pleasant music)

J' There's gonna be a wedding

J' And a wedding party J'

J' A big time right here,
champagne, cold beer J'

J' Bride's a-glowing, time to get going J'

J' 'Cause there's gonna be a wedding J'

J' Everyone's invited J'

J' But there's a lot you wish you had not J'

J' The presents arriving J'

J' Most she's already got J'

J' Mom sheds more tears,
she's aged 1o years J'

J' Now once more she's gonna say J'

J' It isn't every day J'

- [Mother] Come along.

J' That you give your daughter away J'

J' There's gonna be a wedding J'

J' And a wedding party J'

J' A big time right here,
champagne, cold beer J'

J' Bride's a-glowing, confetti throwing J'

J' 'Cause there's gonna be a wedding J'

J' Gonna be a wedding J'

J' Everybody's a-buzzin' like bees J'

J' The bride's looking calm, though J'

J' She's feeling weak at the knees J'

J' Oh mama mia J'

J' There's everything here J'

J' And Dad'll look great in that hat J'

J' It isn't every day J'

J' He gives his daughter away J'

- Are you ready yet?

- Ready, woman?

I've been ready for the
last hour and a half.

" Oh!

(mother sobbing)

- Oh, Mum!

Daddy, we'll be down in a minute.

J' There's gonna be a wedding J'

J' And a wedding party J'

J' Big time right here,
champagne, cold beer J'

J' Bride's a-glowin', confetti throwing J'

J' 'Cause there's gonna be a wedding J'

J' There's gonna be a wedding J'

- Oh, darling.
J' There's gonna be a wedding J'

J' Gonna be a wedding J'
- Sorry, dear.

J' Gonna be a wedding J'

J' There's gonna be a wedding J'
- Now, up we go.

J' There's gonna be a wedding J'

(bells chiming)

- It's all good, darling.

Don't fuss over her, don't fuss.

You're ready for this, are ya, yeah?

Yes, all right, mother, come along.

For goodness sake, we'll
never get to church.

- Oh, really.

(bells chiming)

(engine rumbling)

(gentle music)

(truck rumbling)

(PWCky music)

(bottles clanking)

- Morning.

Usual is it, madam?

- No, today I want more.

- Well, all right, darling.

Here it comes.

(PWCky music)

(bottles clanking)

- Hang on. Milk, not sex.

Today, we want six extra
pints and three cream.

It's a big day for Sally.

Right, now we've got the business over.

We can get down to the pleasure.

(PWCky music)

(plucky music continues)

(engine rumbling)

- Hey Maria, Maria! Ven aqui.

- All right, all right.
- Please.

- What?

- Someone is coming.

- It's not me.

- You imbecile, I heard someone.

It's probably the caterers.

(pleasant music)

- What do you want me to do about it?

- If I'm not back in two
minutes, finish without me.

(pleasant music)

(guests chattering)
(upbeat music)

(water splashing)

- It's a long time to figure this out.

- Sally, Sally, my dear, I have
never seen you look so good.

See, congratulations, old man,

on siring such a beautiful daughter.

I'll say.

You know, I remember when
she was, what,

six or seven, it must've been, eh?

A tubby little thing with protruding teeth

and a cast on her left eye.

- Uncle Bertie, do you mind?

- No, no, there's no need to be ashamed.

Well, look at you now.

If I were a young man, I
know what I'd be thinking.

- I know what you are thinking.

(father chuckling)

- I'll say, the champers is pretty good.

Where's the rest of the bottle, eh?

- Ah, here.
(snaps fingers)

- That's the spirit, young lady.

And what's your name, eh?

- Maria-Teresa Margarita Pagnelli.

- I love the Italian language.

So expressive, you know?

They've got such rounded vowels.

It sort of goes with their, um...

Don't neglect me too long, Maria.

I may want stiffing up a bit.

- Good job Aunt Flo wasn't around

to see the way you ogled that girl.

Daddy, are all men always like this?

- Yes, my dear.

Oh, no, my dear, of course not.

Your Uncle Bertie wasn't--

- I'll tell you something, Uncle Bertie.

I reckon a man's interest only wanders

when his woman neglects him, and herself.

And I can tell you I'm not

going to let that happen to
Timothy and I.

- Well, with an attitude
like that, Sally my dear,

you won't go very far wrong.

Guess you'll keep it
up as long as you can.

(all laughing)

- It's a very nice party, yes?

(man speaks foreign language)
- What?

(man speaks foreign language)
- Who?

- Sally!
- Oh, yes, of course.

- She look very pretty, no?

- No. I mean, yes, she does.

- Last night at the office party,

I look at her and I say,
"She very lucky girl

to be getting married."

- Well, I hope she knows what she's doing.

- Ah, si.

Hello.

I think she's about to,

how you say, (speaks foreign language).

No, in English you say,

encounter a very big thing in her life.

- Yes, Jose.

I think you could be right.

- Hello, you two.

You look very smart.

Isn't this a marvelous party?

Judith, you've been hiding
your light under a bushel.

You look absolutely
radiant, doesn't she, Jose?

- How rare is my beauty?

- Right.

(guests chattering)

- Mm, that's nice.

- Mm, if you like that sort of thing.

(upbeat music)

- But Penny love, that's not possible.

Go on, now, tell me the truth.

After all, I've been honest with you.

- Honestly, I haven't.

- Sweetheart, that's positively archaic.

It's 19th century, completely antisocial.

- I don't care what you say.

I was brought up to believe that...

Well, my parents were very strict.

- Hey, love.

Yeah, I know, but even so.

How old are ya?

- I don't see what
that's got to do with it.

- Oh, come off it, darling.

How old are ya, for God's sake?

19, 20, 21?

I mean, do you mean to tell me, honestly,

that in all those years,

you never had it off with a fella?

I mean, not even a...

No, I don't believe it.

- I'm sorry ifl shock you.

You may feel it's fashionable to go around

f-f-fornicating with every girl you fancy,

but frankly, well, Ijust
don't f-f-feel the same way

about my friends.

- Penny, love, I think
you're f-f-f-fantastic.

- There's no need to
p-poke f-f-fun at me.

- Oh, Penny, I'm not joking.

If there's one thing I'll
never poke at you, it's fun.

You're very refreshing, honest.

I mean, most birds boast
about the number of fellas

they've been to bed
with, or the big names.

None of the girls I've
met would ever admit

they never had it off at all.

Well, it's against the code.

- Well, code or not, I'm
sorry to disappoint you.

I may be old-f-fashioned,

but I'm not prone to f-f-f-

- Fornicating?

- No, certainly not!

I mean, ljust don't f-f-fall into bed

with every man I meet.

Why don't we change the subject?

How did you come to know Sally?

Are you an old f-f-f--

- Oh, nothing like that.

I'm her cousin.

(guests chattering)

(mother sobbing)

- There, there, there.

Look, there's no need to carry
on about on and on again.

It's just not as though
anything diabolical

is going to happen to her.

Anyway, it's her choice and
you'll just have to accept it.

No, no, no, no, no, I
don't mean it like that.

I mean, kids are bound
to go their own ways,

especially these days.

- Excuse me. I'm sorry,

I didn't mean to be rude.

I was so hoping Mr. Barnes would be here.

I think I'll take another
look around for him.

- What does it take to be in love?

(mother sobbing)

- Oh, come on, love.

Come here.

You should be chuffed.

(guests chattering)

- l saY-

So this what you're looking for?

There.

Saw you all alone.

Are you a friend of the bride's?

I suppose you must be, or do you know him?

- No, no.

- Oh, I'm Bessie, Sally's aunt.

Known her since she was spawned.

How do you know her?

- Oh, she works in the office.

That is, she worked at my office until,

of course, she decided--

- Are you the boss of S2X Films?

- Oh no, no, I'm Mr. Barnes'
personal secretary.

He's the boss.

Oh, sorry, I'm Miss Peabody.

How do you--
- Excuse me.

I wonder if you'd mind
getting rid of this for me?

- Oh, what do you suggest I do with it?

- Well, if it turns cloudy, I suggest
you see your doctor.

How do you do, Peabody?

Glad to meet somebody who can tell me

all about Sal's screen career.

How's she doing, by the way?

I can never remember the names

of all the films she's been in.

Perhaps you could tell me all about it.

- Yes, Mrs...?

- Bessie, do call me Bessie.

- Yes, Bessie.

She does have a great talent, that girl.

Such a pity she's going to
devote it all to one man.

I mean, to such a singular purpose.

She could've had so many parts.

That is...

- I always knew, ever since
she blossomed as a teenager,

she had it in her, that girl did.

She had it in her in a big way.

- Yes, although I didn't
know her that well.

She certainly had it, all right.

(guests chattering)

- So, anyway, I told him if
that's what he expected me to do,

he could jolly well take a running jump.

Well, I didn't exactly
express it in those words,

but he knew what I meant.

But after all, I'm not exactly

the office boy around the place.

- But, Angus, won't you get into trouble?

After all, he might fire you.

- Well, I doubt it, Olivia.

I'm too useful to him.

Besides, I know how he
conducts his business,

and he knows it.

- That's right, dear.

You look after yourself.

Well, you have to these days, don't you?

Otherwise, they'll trample all over you.

Angus, that's a nice name.

So manly.

- What did you say your name was?

- Frank.

But my friends call me Fran
or Frannie.

I don't mind either, really.

Oh, Angus, you're so fit.

How do you exercise a body like that?

- Darling, I'm starving.

Think we might thread
our way through the crowd

and get some food?

- A good idea.

- Oh, are you two together?

- Yes, we are.

Very much so.

As a matter of fact,
we're about to celebrate

our fourth wedding anniversary.

- No kids though. I like that.

- What do you want?
White lady, horse's neck,

screwdriver, Harvey Wallbanger, chianti?

- Straight tizer, please.

- Small Curacao.

Ah, that's a punisher.

- There you are.

And a little something for the lady.

Senorita, there you go.

- Well?

- Oh, well, you c-can't go 'round

saying things like that to girls.

But, Arthur, I can't.

You're asking me to go all the way

and f-f-f-forget all my principles.

- Yeah, well, maybe your principles

ain't the right ones, Penny love.

I mean, I don't see what
difference it makes,

so long as you enjoy it.

- But a girl is supposed
to hold something back,

otherwise you won't think anything of me.

- Penny love, if you really
wanna know the truth,

I'll think a damn sight more of you

if you do than if you don't.

Penny, sweetheart, I want you very much.

I wanna make love to you
until you beg me to stop.

- Well, I'm begging you n-now.

- That's me girl.

- But, Arthur, I'm begging you not to,

because I don't want to be
f-forced into doing something

we might both regret.

- Oh, you won't regret it, I promise.

You'll love every minute of it.

In fact, you won't be able
to stop talking about it.

(high pitched groan)

- What do you want?
White lady, horse's neck,

screwdriver, Harvey Wallbanger?

Straight tizer?

- Anyway, you have to look at
things differently these days.

I mean, times have changed.

Nothing is permanent anymore,
not like it used to be

when we were young.

In any case, it's not a
complete disaster, is it?

I mean, if she finds that
she can't stand anymore,

or she can't stick it any longer...

Well, I mean, divorce is
easy enough these days.

(doorbell rings)

- Avon calling.

I'd like to see Sally, please.

- I'm sorry, who are you, please?

- Well, says there who I am.

I want to see the beautiful
bride before she pops her cork

with that photographer fella

she's supposed to be in love with.

- I'm sorry, this is a private party.

- Ah, yeah, well, I know it is,

that's why I've got an invitation.

I'm Sally's very private guest.

Didn't she ever tell anyone about me?

- Wait here a moment, please.

(guests chattering)

- You know, I've known that
kid ever since she was, what,

knee high to a grasshopper.

A tragic little thing she
was, even as a tiny tot.

Yes, she had her mother's
looks, all right.

And her father's devotion.

- Signora, there's a gentleman
at the door who's saying-

- What does he say?

- He says he's a friend of Signora Sally.

- Better let him in, I suppose.

- Scusi, signora.

He's disturbed.

- What do you mean, funny in the head?

- No, that is disturbed with uncle.

- Oh, well, another one amongst
this lot won't do any harm.

Who the devil is it, anyway?

- I don't know, I can't read it.

Alan someone or other.

I remember Sally mentioning an Alan.

Probably something to do
with her film company.

Well, come along then, let's go and see.

- Oh, hello.

- Mademoiselle?

Will you pour me some?

And, uh, what's your name?

You're new here, aren't you?

- Francoise, monsieur.

I'm coming in just a short time.

- Oh, splendid, splendid.

We must have a chat together sometime,

and I'll try to make your stay here

just a little more interesting.

- That would be very kind, monsieur.

- Well, you must let me take
you to some of the night spots.

I've a nice little apartment here in town,

just in case you want to stay the night.

- Oh, monsieur, you are very generous.

- Nonsense, your coming would help

make an old man very happy.

- Well, you're not old, monsieur.

You are, how we say, in your prime.

- You really think so?

Listen, what is your deal?

- Well?

- Well, he was here a minute ago.

" Oh!

(Sally humming "Here Comes the Bride")

(Alan humming "Here Comes the Bride")

- Alan!
- Hello.

- What on Earth are
you doing under my bed?

- I brought you a wedding present.

- Well, it's a funny place to
bring it to me, I must say.

What is it, anyway?

- Oh, Sal, I just had to see you.

- Oh, Alan, you are hopeless,

and you've been drinking.

(tender music)

Why are you so late?

You didn't come to the wedding.

- Well, I couldn't bear to
see you marry that bloke.

Why'd you have to do it?

- Alan, you're drunk.

Don't be so silly.

Go downstairs and join the
others while I get dressed.

I'll be down in a moment.

- Oh, Sal.

I just had to see you once
more before you go away.

- You are an idiot.

You'd better lie down where you are.

I'll get you a glass of
water and some seltzer.

Alan?

Alan!

Well, you're a bright one, I must say.

You turn up two hours late to my wedding,

and nearly pass out in my bedroom.

- I'm sorry, Sal.

I got drunk last night
after thinking of you.

- Well, that's not much of a compliment.

- Oh, it is. I was remembering
how it used to be.

- Come on, Alan, that's all in the past.

We're just good friends now.

- It could've been different.

You know I've always
been fond of you, Sally.

- Oh, Alan.

- On, Sally.

You've just got to.

You know things could've been different.

- Alan, don't!

I've just got married, for heaven's sake.

Alan.

- Oh, you should've married me.

- Well, you never asked me!

Listen, if you're feeling better,

you really ought to go downstairs.

- I'm feeling randy.

- You always did. Come on.

Get downstairs.
- Oh, Sally.

- Oh, stop it, Alan.

You know what that does to me.

(Alan moaning)

Alan, you mustn't!

I'm supposed to be downstairs.

If you're feeling better,
you really ought to...

Oh, Alan, for God's sake.

Before it's too late.

It's a fine way to treat a girl

on her wedding day, I must say.

You're very bad for me, you always were.

This is adultery.

Before my wedding night.

You always did have a
warped sense of humor.

What would my husband say
if he could see me now?

I think I'm gonna enjoy
your wedding present.

(guests chattering)
(upbeat music)

- Well, I don't know where
she could have got to.

She was here a moment ago.

- Never mind, I expect she's
gone upstairs to get changed.

- Perhaps I ought to help
her get her things together.

- Don't you think we ought to

make some gestures to the bridegroom?

After all, we have rather neglected him.

- Do we have to?

I never know what to talk
about when I'm in his company.

He makes me feel, well, I
don't know, inferior somehow.

- Oh, come on now.

There's no need to get so upset.

- So what's Sally's new name?

I mean, what do we call her from now on?

- Sal, I suppose.

- No, I mean she's Mrs. What?

- Well, as my wife, she is
now Mrs. Everetti-Harton.

- Ooh, that's a bit hard
on the tongue, isn't it?

(Timothy laughs)

What's funny about that?

It is a bit of a mouthful
for the likes of me,

you must admit.

- Oh, I'm sure not, my darling.

Well, not with a little practice, anyway.

- Well, I don't think
I'll ever get used to it,

calling our Sal Mrs.
Everetti whatever it is.

Where on Earth did you
get a name like that from?

- Well, initially from my mom and dad.

But if you mean where did the
old family name come from,

Sir John Blackston,

after the Battle of York
in 1621, was called Everetti

by King Charles I.

Then he went for four days without so much

as a cheese sammie or a
glass of Perrier water.

- Fascinating.

- However, I think I'll
just call her Sal, as usual.

In this country, we can
change our names by default

if we don't like them, or
we find them embarrassing.

- Young lady, you misunderstand me.

I'm very proud of my name.

After all, how many Cockney
photographers are there

with an aristocratic background?

And one day, I shall be Sir
Timothy Everetti-Harton.

- So what will Sal be then?

- Please, how many persons in your tribe?

- Well, actually,

there aren't so many of us left,

except for my family.

But once Sal and I get going,

I'm sure we shall increase
our tribe tenfold.

- Oh, I do hope you two young people

won't do anything foolish and
start things off too soon.

- Mother, how nice of you to join us.

I was just explaining to our friends here

that the primordial purpose
of any sexual relationship

is the propagation of the species.

- Sounds very simple.

- Plain as a flagstaff.

- Once one has made one's selection,

the logical and inevitable
progression is a physical one.

The juxtaposition of the limbs
and the organs in such a way

as to allow the male, the
life-giver of the species,

to plant his seed into the female--

- Ooh!
- Oh, the silly old cow.

- [Alan] Sal, you don't know
how much I'm gonna miss you.

- Last night at the party, I felt awful.

I did the same there, the
night before the marriage.

But today, it's worse.

I really am married, so it is adultery.

- You should've married me.

- I should've kept away from you.

- Hey, let's elope.

- I can't!

- Why not?

- Because we're booked in the
Excelsior Hotel in Torbay.

(Alan moans)

Oh, Alan.

Darling, don't, not again.

- Sally, my love.

I'm giving you some lasting memories.

(both moan)

(guests chattering)

- Oh, that sounds like Sally calling.

- I thought I recognized her voice.

Perhaps I ought to go and
help her with her packing.

- No, no, don't disturb yourself.

I'll just nip up and see what she wants.

(birds chirping)

- Hello.

I saw you earlier, when the van arrived.

- Oh?

- Is that your husband,
the fellow with you?

- Oh, no, no, that is my brother.

- Oh.

- We seem to--
- Would you like to see--

- I'm sorry, you were going to say?

- Oh, it doesn't matter.

Is it a good party?

- Oh, it's too hot in there.

Too much drink, and too much
smoke, and too much talk.

I came out for some fresh air.

I like it here.

The smell of the country
is very nice, peaceful.

- Oh, I like it, too.

Would you like to see around my garden?

- This is your house?

- My parents, but they're away.

Do you like boats?

- I'm not crazy about them either way.

- Oh, you will about this one.

It's beautiful.

It's almost sexy.

- A sexy boat?

This Maria's got to see.

How do I get there?

Ay, mama mia.

Such dangerous, eh?

- No, it's okay.

Step there.

- Oh, mama mia.

Ooh!

Santa Maria!

(ducks quacking)

(guests chattering)

- Hi.

- Hello, there.

(Timothy knocks)

' [Sally] Come in!

- Hello, my darling.

(Sally gasps)

We were wondering what
had happened to you.

I thought I heard you calling out.

- [Sally] Did you?

Oh, you may have done.

- Everything all right?

- [Sally] Oh yes, fine.

- Well, I bet you're feeling
better after that, aren't you?

- Better after?

- Oh, changing out of all that finery.

- Oh yes, I feel much better, thank you.

- By the way, who was that young man?

- Young man? Which young man?

- The one I saw leaving just now.

- Oh, that one!

One of the guests.

Found him in the Ioo. Too much to drink.

I gave him a seltzer.

I think he'll be all right now.

- Silly bugger.

I don't know why they do it,
these young men, drinking.

It's so stupid.

There's a room full of
pretty girls downstairs.

I don't understand why he
doesn't organize himself a bird,

and get stuck in.

- Actually, I don't think he's capable

of doing that right now.

- Anyway, my darling.

What does it feel like to
be Mrs. Everetti-Harton?

- What am I supposed to feel?

I haven't felt anything yet.

- Be patient, my darling.

Soon you'll know the true
extent of my feelings for you.

We'll grow closer together,
discover new depths,

expand in all directions.

There's no end to it, I promise you.

- Oh yes, already I believe you.

- Am I boring you?

- Oh, no, Timothy.

When you begin to bore me, you'll know.

I'll scream!

- Well, you're right.

There's plenty of time for that,

starting tonight.

- Oh, no.

(gentle music)

- Arthur?
- Hm?

- I never knew I could
f-f-f-f-feel like this.

- Do you know I thought

you were gonna say
something else then?

- What?

- Don't matter.

(engine rumbling)

(ducks quacking)

(bottles clink)

- Where is that girl?

Every time the party gets
busy, she just disappears.

Where's that girl?

Where is any girl?

- All right then, my dear,
then that's all settled, eh?

And Susie will come down to my apartment,

and I'll show you the sights, eh?

Pretty little thing like you

needs to see a bit of
nightlife in the city,

not vegetating here in the country.

Look, we're gonna explore

all the wicked haunts together, you know?

You know, there's absolutely no end

to the delights I could show you.

- Oh, monsieur.
- Yeah?

- I think you have your hand
on my, how you say, my ass?

_ Huh?

I say, terribly sorry.

- If we are going to
explore these high spots,

or evening spots.

- Yes, yes.

- Could I ask of you one special favor?

- Yes of course, my dear.

Anything you say, you name
it and you shall have it.

- You see, I've so little
time to see London,

and all these beautiful places.

- Yeah?

- Could I bring a friend with me?

- Afriend?

Oh, you mean another
girl like yourself, eh?

- No, monsieur.

He is my fiance.

He too would enjoy exploring
all these love spots with me.

(upbeat music)
(guests chattering)

- You're sure it's all right to drink wine

after taking tablets?

- Of course, it is, ducky.

Thank you.

- Prego.

- Oh, there you are.

Is she all right?

- Yes, she's fine.

She's just finished changing.

- It must be very exciting
for Sally to be married

to a famous photographer with a title.

- Well, I don't think it was

exactly my title she was interested in.

- No, I'm sure it wasn't.

- Well, as long as she's happy,

that's all that matters.

- Don't worry, Mother.

I'll keep her happy.

- I do hope so.

She's such a restless girl.

Cheers.

(ducks quacking)

- What are you looking so smug about?

- I'm not looking smug, just thinking.

It's all very sad, really.

Still, I'm glad I got in first.

- You rotten bastard!

You've made rne an adulteress.

- And you've made me very happy.

- That's all you care about.

- No, it's not. I care about you.

Still on the pill?

- That's none of your business.

Why?

- Because if you're not,
your first offspring

might cause your husband a bit of a shock.

- You know jolly well I am,

otherwise I wouldn't have carried on

with you with such abandon.

. PitY-

Still, if you ever get fed up with him

and feel like being unfaithful again,

you know who you can call on, don't you?

- Well, I must admit,

we do fit in quite well together.

(birds chirpin_g)
(engine rumbllng)

- Where is that girl?

When it's time for work, she is not here.

When it's time for play?

- The cabin, you can
see it's quite spacious.

There's a reading light over here.

The switch is just here.

- Never mind the engine, the beaches,

the map, or the cooling.

You wanna talk, or do you
wanna make love to me?

Yes or no?

- Oh, well, well, yes.

As a matter of fact, the first
time I saw you, I thought...

- Don't talk, don't think.

We do it, okay?

(tender music)

That's better.

We show these bees and
birds a thing or two, yes?

- If you say so.

(tender music)

(Maria giggles)

(both moaning)

(guests chattering)

- They've done us proud.
- It's lovely.

- I've given presents to the bridesmaids,

but I haven't had any kisses yet.

- Oh, I shouldn't worry, sweetie.

I'm sure someone's done it for you by now.

- I suppose we'll have to go

before someone comes looking for us.

- I could stay here forever.

- Arthur.
- Hm?

- Do you feel sleepy?

- No, I feel sexy.

- Do you really?

So do I.

Kiss me like you did just now.

- You've certainly changed your tune.

- That's because you're so
good at making a girl happy.

- No regrets?

- Oh, Arthur, none at all.

(tender music)

_ Hey, Penny.

Do you realize you stopped stuttering?

Yeah, you stopped stuttering.

- Have I?

(fake stutter) I w-w-wonder why?

(guests chattering)

- One thing I know for sure,

I bet she's lying on her ass somewhere.

(both panting)

(Maria moaning)

(man sighing)

- But Maria not quite finished yet.

- I don't think I can anymore.

- Take a run around the field.

- What for?

- Because you're no bloody use here.

(guests chattering)

- Such a shame your
mother and father didn't.

I was so looking forward to the
opportunity of meeting them.

It would've sort of, well,
completed the occasion.

- Something for you, sir.
- Thank you very much.

- What's your father's line of business?

- Well, he's in transport.

- Oh, really?

How interesting.

I had a cousin in the
same line of business,

made commercial trucks.

Is that the same side of the
business your father's in?

- No, no.

He's more in the passenger
line of transport.

' Oh, lolly good.

Well, perhaps we shall meet
him on another occasion.

After your honeymoon, we
must arrange a get-together.

- Yes, I can't imagine what
could have held them up.

They should be here by now.

My mother, too.

Well, they'd be together.

- Well, I do hope they
haven't had (indistinct).

" Oh!

- I'm so sorry.

You dear, dear, girl, I'm so glad we met.

Now, you know, you really
mustn't waste your life

on that ridiculous man.

You've got to develop a life of your own.

Start thinking about a new relationship.

- But he's really a nice man.

- Would you...?
- Would I what?

- Well, I, I wondered if you might like

to come outwith me next Saturday.

We could go to the cinema, perhaps,

or take a trip down the river.

Better than that, you must come to tea,

and I could show you my garden.

Are you interested in nature?

- I don't really like the country.

I do suffer badly with hay fever.
Ah-choo!

- Oh.

- Uno, due, uno, due,

uno,due,uno,hey!

(both moaning)

You see?

A rest, a little exercise,
a little self-control,

and you can go on forever.

- Oh, I wish we could!

Will you come and visit me again?

- Oh, I like you, English boy.

You making me blush!

- Do I really?

- I tell you something.

- What?

- For an English boy,
you're not at all bad.

- Thank you.

I do try, Maria.

- Oh, yeah, but you gotta
get your timing right.

Ooh, it's the same as
cooking the spaghetti.

Too soon, and still hard.

Too long, and soft.

Here, we practice again.

(Maria moaning)

(Maria shrieking)

- I'm glad you changed your mind.

- I'm glad we did, but
I didn't change my mind.

- You didn't?

But how come--

- You never gave me a
chance to finish saying

(fake stutter) n-n-n-no.

We better hurry and get downstairs.

- Blimey, all the guests
seem to be leaving.

- We must have been up
here an awfully long time.

- Better not go down now,
might look suspicious.

- Well, we're not stopping up here

if that's what you're t-thinking.

- You started stuttering again.

- At length, his free hand wandered o'er

the charms beneath the garb she wore.

And wandering thus, he bade her lift

up to her tender waist, her shift.

Which soon she did, and thus displayed

the finest limbs that e'er were made.

- What the hell is he on about?

- He's playing, yes?

- He's a plain lark.

- Sounds like a poem.

- Well, if it's the one I think it is,

it's the one that got Byron
sent down from university.

- Oh, Alan, you are knowledgeable.

How do you know that?

- Well, I learnt it in school.

- What, all about Byron and stuff?

- No, you idiot, the poem.

- Close hugged between
her quivering thighs,

he listened to her plaintive sighs.

As up and down, he madly works,

and in and out, he'd gladly go.

Until with not surpassed,

the founts of love are flowing fast.

- She's pissed out of her mind.

- It's a dirty poem, yes?

- It's a very dirty poem, yes.

- Excuse me, monsieur?
- Hm?

- Your taxi is here.
- Ah, great.

Jose, Judith, grab his legs
and give me a hand with him.

- Okay, come on.

- There you go.
- Well, you've got nice eyes.

(birds chirping)

- Does anyone know where she hangs out?

- I know where he lives,
I'll take him home.

- I go too to have the senorita.

Was a warm and sultry day,

as on my garret couch I lay.

- Such a beautiful poem.

I should like to learn.

- Jose, you're very naughty.

You promised me you wouldn't go in

for any more of that
pornography and stuff.

- Just one little poem. It's very pretty.

- I want a quick word with the bride,

so you two had better
get the old lady home

to her beddy-byes, all right?

_ QkaY-

- Bye, Sal.

Nice knowing you.

And don't forget.

- Goodbye, Alan.

Thanks for the marvelous wedding present.

- I didn't see all the presents.

Which one was yours?

- Something small and personal.

- Personal, maybe.

Small, never.

- Great, cleaning.

- Hey, where did everyone go?

- I don't know, they went that-away.

Maria, where the hell have you been?

- What do you mean, Luigi?

I've been here all of the time.

- Maria, you're telling me lies.

I've been looking for you
everywhere the last half-hour.

(pleasant music)

Maria, I am waiting.

This is your brother speaking, Maria.

I no take no for the answer.

- I told you, Luigi, I've been busy.

- Have you been busy?

You've been busy where?

- Busy out in the back.

I washed the glasses,
I emptied the rubbish,

and I've been very busy.

- Very busy. You've been very busy

lying on your ass somewhere,
as usual, not doing any work.

- You don't believe me, no?

What do you wanna tell you?

I've been out in the garden with some boy

making love to him,
two, three, four times?

Swinging from trees?

- Maria, please.

- Right there, in front of the house.

I swear to you, it's the truth.

- No, no, no, Maria.

You're joking me, ah?

You're joking me?

Sure thing, you're joking me
like Mama used to joke me.

You're a good girl.

- Okay, now we have work to do.

You bring the bottles, the
dirty glasses to the kitchen,

and I put them in the case.

- No, no, no, no, I do all this.

You go. I'm sorry.

(guests chattering)

- Come on, darling.

(guests laughing)

- Throw some stuff at them.
(guests laughing)

- [Guest] Come on, don't
do anything I wouldn't do.

- Bye!
- Bye!

' BYE, Sally!
' BYE-bye!

- Bye, darling, muah!
- Bye-bye, bye-bye!

(cans rattling)

- You must be Sally's mother.

I hope we're not too late.

- I'm her father. Can I help you?

I'm afraid they've already left.

Were you guests of Timothy?

- I'm Timothy's father.

How do you do?

This is Lila, my wife.

Lady Everetti-Harton.

- How do you do?

- Lady Harton?

- Everetti-Harton.

- Sorry, but didn't Timothy
tell you we were coming?

Oh.
- Yes.

- That boy is so disorganized.

We did our best to get here early,

but you know what
London traffids like.

We had to leave quite a few people

standing at the bus stops
to get here that quickly.

- What the traffic wardens like down here?

- Traffic wardens?

- Well, we've had to leave our bus

down on double yellow lines
at the bottom of your street.

- Well, it's all right.

It'll only be 1o minutes.

- You mean, you're on duty now?

- Yes.

- Have we missed the party, then?

- They left just before you got here.

- Well, never mind.

We don't want to intrude.

I expect you've got enough
problems of your own to sort out.

Was it a good party?

- Yes, very good, thank you.

- I'm sorry we missed it,

but now we're sort of related,

we'll have plenty of opportunity
to get to know each other.

Well, we might as well be on our way.

No use hanging about.

We don't want to get a
parking ticket, do we?

- I say, old boy.

Are you going anywhere near
Hampstead Garden suburb?

- I'm sorry, mate.

It's a bit out of our way.

- Don't be so bloody mean.

Course we are, love.

Anyway, we're part of the same family now.

(thudding)

- My God, are we really'?

- I say, did you hear that, dear?

I don't know what they're
going to say at the golf club.

- Don't worry, dear.

Perhaps it'll be one of
these modern marriages

that Uncle Bertie was talking about.

Just think, they could be
divorced in six months.

(bells chiming)

J' Now the bride and bridegroom J'

J' Blowing kisses, driving away J'

J' May stop for a quick one J'

J' It won't be the first one today J'

J' It's over now J'

J' We oughta go home J'

J' But some are too stiff to leave J'

J' They'll remember the day J'

J' They'll remember the day J'

J' They'll remember the day J'

J' They gave their daughter away J'

J' 'Cause there's been a wedding party J'

J' What a wedding party J'

J' Boozin', becking, balling, neckin' J'

J' Puffin', blowin', confetti throwin' J'

J' 'Cause there's been a wedding party J'

J' What a wedding party J'

J' Been a wedding party J'

J' Wedding party J'

J' What a swell party that was J'

J' There's been a wedding J'

J' What a, what a party J'

J' There's been a wedding J'

J' What a party J'

J' There's been a wedding party J'

J' That was a party J'