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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,523 ♪ come and knock on our door ♪ 2 00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,625 ♪ come and knock on our door ♪ 3 00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:17,627 ♪ we've been waiting for you ♪ 4 00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:19,296 ♪ we've been waiting for you ♪ 5 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,931 ♪ where the kisses are Hers and hers and his ♪ 6 00:00:21,955 --> 00:00:24,201 ♪ three's company too ♪ 7 00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:26,203 ♪ come and dance on our floor ♪ 8 00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:28,205 ♪ come and dance on our floor ♪ 9 00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:31,041 - ♪ take a step that is new ♪ - ♪ take a step that is new ♪ 10 00:00:31,065 --> 00:00:34,144 ♪ we've a lovable space That needs your face ♪ 11 00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:37,047 ♪ three's company too ♪ 12 00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:39,916 ♪ you'll see that Life is a ball again ♪ 13 00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:43,353 ♪ laughter is calling for you ♪ 14 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:46,456 - ♪ down at our rendezvous ♪ - ♪ down at our rendezvous ♪ 15 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:49,148 ♪ three's company too ♪ 16 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:11,448 ♪ down at our rendezvous ♪ 17 00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:13,204 ♪ three's company too. ♪ 18 00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:19,589 - do you believe that, huh? - are you kidding? 19 00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:22,158 No, no, no. And then There's ray krauss. 20 00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:24,894 He's got to be the craziest Salesman on the lot. 21 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,963 Today he asked a customer Whether she wanted 22 00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:29,599 The high-priced smog Device or the low-priced. 23 00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:31,901 And the customer says, "What's the difference?" 24 00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:35,438 And ray says, "With the High-price, we throw in the motor." 25 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:40,810 - oh that's funny! - yeah, I know. 26 00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:44,914 When I start laughing I become helpless. 27 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:48,473 What do you say we go over to my Place and put on a steve martin record? 28 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,955 - you never stop, do you? - yeah. 29 00:01:52,979 --> 00:01:56,493 You think I'm funny? Wait Till you hear this guy. 30 00:01:56,517 --> 00:02:00,419 Larry, this has been the Worst day of my whole life. 31 00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:06,069 What did I tell you? He's got a million of them. 32 00:02:06,093 --> 00:02:07,704 Frances, this is my friend jack. 33 00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,372 - hi, jack. - it started this morning 34 00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:12,008 When I thought I was going to Flunk out of cooking school. 35 00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:15,078 What's funny about that? 36 00:02:15,102 --> 00:02:17,247 - nothing. - larry: what happened? 37 00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:20,205 The teacher got sick After he ate my final exam. 38 00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:25,522 - come on, forget it. - and then, somebody Ripped off my locker. 39 00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:27,890 Those copper measuring Cups were stolen. 40 00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:31,194 And lisa... Do you Remember lisa? 41 00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:33,018 - lisa? - lisa. 42 00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:36,233 Oh that lisa. 43 00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:39,068 Excuse me. Yeah, she broke Off our date for tonight. 44 00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,870 Come on, it's not The end of the world. 45 00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:44,107 I tell you, larry, things have Not been going terrifically. 46 00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:46,409 In fact, they've Been pretty lousy. 47 00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:48,378 Hey, hey, hey. Come on, cut it out! 48 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:50,280 You're making me feel sad now. 49 00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:52,182 No sense in having Two gloomy people. 50 00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:56,219 Make that three. Larry, Why don't you give me a call? 51 00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:58,255 - later. - sure. 52 00:02:58,279 --> 00:03:01,913 I'll see you, honey. Good Bye to you too, sunshine. 53 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:05,094 What got into her? A minute ago, 54 00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:07,030 She was laughing And enjoying herself. 55 00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:09,399 Was it that long ago? 56 00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:11,134 Isn't that your boss's wife? 57 00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:13,203 - oh hi, larry. - hi, mrs. Layton. 58 00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:15,972 You remember jack, He cooked for my party. 59 00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,974 Of course. Jack, the Last time I saw you, 60 00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,809 You really had your hands full. 61 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:21,600 See, she remembers lisa. 62 00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:27,083 My husband and I were hoping You'd reconsider our offer. 63 00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:28,985 - offer? - how 'bout it? 64 00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:31,488 - I'm afraid the answer's Still no, mrs. Layton. - no? 65 00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:33,857 What a pity. It's my Husband's birthday. 66 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:35,958 Really? It's your Husband's birthday today? 67 00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:38,928 It would be such a lovely Surprise if you could start tonight. 68 00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:42,098 - I'm afraid not, sorry. - start tonight? 69 00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:45,535 The offer still stands and if You should ever change your mind, 70 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,704 You know how to get in Touch with us. Bye, jack. 71 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,439 - bye, larry. - bye, mrs. Layton. 72 00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:51,374 Say happy birthday To your husband. 73 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:54,798 Oh the present with No name on it is from me. 74 00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:56,913 What was that all about? 75 00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:59,416 Well, your boss wants me To move in and cook for them. 76 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,083 - what for? - free room and board. 77 00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:03,620 - no kidding. - yeah, I wouldn't have To cook every night 78 00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:06,423 'cause they eat out a lot. They've got this big house, larry. 79 00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:10,794 I could have my own room with a Separate entrance, complete privacy. 80 00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:13,029 Sounds like a great Deal. Why don't you take it? 81 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:15,565 Well, because I like Where I live now. 82 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:18,735 - it's beautifully furnished... - don't kid me. 83 00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:21,504 You're just thinking Of janet and chrissy. 84 00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:25,074 As I said, it's Beautifully furnished. 85 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,043 Yeah, it's quite a Set up you got there. 86 00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:31,013 Larry, come on now. It's a beautiful, Friendly, convenient living arrangement. 87 00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:33,817 - so is a harem. - there's no sense In talking to you. 88 00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:35,752 - come on, jack. I'm onl... - hey, hey! 89 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:38,855 Oh that's great. You spilled Wine all over my cookbooks. 90 00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,957 Doesn't red wine Go with everything? 91 00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:43,748 Thanks, larry. This Really makes my day. 92 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:50,366 - I'll get it. - janet: what? 93 00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:52,501 - I'll get it. - what? 94 00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:54,103 I said... 95 00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,839 Chrissy, why don't You get the door first? 96 00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:58,597 That's a good idea. 97 00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:03,279 Don't you ask who it is Before you open the door? 98 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,303 Okay, who are you? 99 00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:09,318 Well, it's too late now. I could be an intruder. 100 00:05:09,342 --> 00:05:11,554 - maybe dangerous. - chrissy, who is it? 101 00:05:11,578 --> 00:05:13,289 Another one. 102 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:16,492 Don't you girls know that You could be in big trouble? 103 00:05:16,516 --> 00:05:19,062 Now, close the door. We'll try it again. 104 00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:22,166 No, we're not closing the door Until you tell us who you are. 105 00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:26,268 I'm alvin morell. 106 00:05:26,292 --> 00:05:27,993 Okay. 107 00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:31,373 Who is it? 108 00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:33,031 I'm a salesman. 109 00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:36,012 You did it again. 110 00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:38,014 But you said you Were a salesman. 111 00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:41,472 Would a dangerous intruder tell You he was a dangerous intruder? 112 00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:45,369 He would if he were honest. 113 00:05:45,712 --> 00:05:48,113 - may I come in? - sure, come on in. 114 00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:52,161 - allow me To introduce myself. - janet: okay. 115 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:55,297 I'm alvin morell from usa. 116 00:05:55,321 --> 00:05:58,801 - use a what? - that's a company. 117 00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:03,039 U.S.A., the ultimate Security association. 118 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:06,109 I'd like to demonstrate some Of our burglar alarm systems. 119 00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:09,979 Oh well, we didn't ask your Company to send over a salesman. 120 00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:13,582 You know, there have been a lot Of robberies in this neighborhood. 121 00:06:13,606 --> 00:06:15,652 - break-ins. - yeah. 122 00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:18,420 - picture this, - okay, 123 00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:21,457 It's very late At night, you see. 124 00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:24,493 The two of you have Just gone to bed. 125 00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:28,097 Suddenly, you hear... 126 00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:30,488 - I'll get it. - chrissy? 127 00:06:32,358 --> 00:06:34,458 there isn't anybody at the door. 128 00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:38,775 There is too. 129 00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:42,244 - what happened is... - am I interrupting something? 130 00:06:42,268 --> 00:06:44,380 Oh no, jack, here. This is mr. Morell, 131 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,115 He sells burglar alarms. 132 00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,885 Oh very nice. Thank You for dropping by. 133 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,887 Jack, wait a minute. Come here, listen. 134 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,688 A lot of people Come home at night 135 00:06:52,712 --> 00:06:55,224 - and find their homes Broken into. - that's right. 136 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,493 Yeah, maybe they have Something worth taking. 137 00:06:57,517 --> 00:07:00,462 - you ever think of that? - I have a lot of things Worth taking. 138 00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:02,620 Yeah, but whenever you Leave, they go with you. 139 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,401 Thank you very much, mr. Morell. 140 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:08,204 We can't afford Any burglar alarms. 141 00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:10,639 - can you afford $5? - for what? 142 00:07:10,663 --> 00:07:13,375 I have a sign here... Beware of vicious dog. 143 00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:16,212 Oh that's great. We could put It right under the sign that says 144 00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:18,715 No pets allowed. We'll call You. Thank you very much. 145 00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,550 - perhaps I could... - thank you. 146 00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:23,842 We have your card. We'll read it Several times over the next few days. 147 00:07:35,522 --> 00:07:38,835 Boy... You're in A terrific mood. 148 00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:41,638 What makes you say that? 149 00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:44,941 Well, the way you snapped At that mr. Morell there. 150 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,809 I didn't snap at anybody, janet. 151 00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,311 Oh well, I'm glad You cleared that up. 152 00:07:49,335 --> 00:07:51,714 You don't have to get sarcastic. 153 00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:55,084 Excuse me, jack. I'm sorr... I didn't mean to offend you. 154 00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:55,689 I mean... 155 00:07:55,713 --> 00:07:58,354 And you don't have to Be condescending either. 156 00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:01,024 Let's just change The subject, okay? 157 00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:03,381 - good idea. - yeah. 158 00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:06,829 Did you have a nice day, jack? 159 00:08:06,853 --> 00:08:09,365 You know something, chrissy? Sometimes you say things 160 00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:11,267 That drive me absolutely crazy. 161 00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:13,502 Wait a minute. Just Because you're in a bad mood 162 00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:15,138 Is no reason to Be rude to chrissy. 163 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,973 Wait a minute. I Was being honest. 164 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,608 I wasn't being rude to chrissy. 165 00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,577 Jack, I just heard You be rude to her. 166 00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:22,879 - you know what I think? - chrissy, stay out of this. 167 00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:26,415 Wait a second. Chrissy has the Freedom to speak in her own apartment. 168 00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:29,719 If you don't mind. Go ahead, Chrissy. Say what's on your mind. 169 00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:31,888 I think the reason you've Been mean and rotten... 170 00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:33,690 Stay out of this, chrissy. 171 00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:35,458 Jack, look, don't Talk to her that way. 172 00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:37,226 Can't you be a little More considerate? 173 00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,629 And who do I learn that From? You, ms. Consideration? 174 00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:42,865 What is that supposed to mean? 175 00:08:42,889 --> 00:08:44,701 - what is that Supposed to mean? - jack! 176 00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:47,236 When have I not Been considerate? 177 00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:49,872 Lots of times. 178 00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:54,510 - name one. - oh okay, I'm gonna name one. 179 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,813 Your panty hose. 180 00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:59,671 That's two. 181 00:09:03,409 --> 00:09:05,321 What's wrong with my panty hose? 182 00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:07,824 Quite frankly. I don't Like the way they hang. 183 00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:11,594 - I beg your pardon? - I mean on the shower rod. 184 00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:13,863 Do you know what it's Like to go to the bathroom 185 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:17,333 With someone's drippy-droopy Nylons waving behind you? 186 00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:20,236 It couldn't be any worse, jack, 187 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,338 Then going to the Bathroom with the seat up. 188 00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:29,478 - well, excuse-moi! - oh! 189 00:09:29,502 --> 00:09:31,981 I suppose you want me to Apologize now for being a man. 190 00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,050 - jack! - no, just for being Absentminded. 191 00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:38,855 - that's not funny, chrissy! - come on, don't yell at her. 192 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,623 I wasn't yelling at anybody! 193 00:09:40,647 --> 00:09:43,092 - look at you! You don't Call this yelling? - hold it! 194 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,761 - your voice... - want to see some... 195 00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,428 Hold it! 196 00:09:46,452 --> 00:09:49,154 - you're acting like Children. Cut it out. - wh- 197 00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:54,592 I'll go start dinner. 198 00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,874 Jack, look, just Forget about dinner. 199 00:09:57,898 --> 00:09:59,842 Wait a second. Just Because you're mad at me, 200 00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:01,844 You don't have to take It out on my cooking. 201 00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:04,613 - I'm not made at you. - so you just don't Like my cooking. 202 00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:07,483 - janet: no, I just meant... - a lot of people think I'm a great cook. 203 00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:09,585 I could be cooking for Some people right now. 204 00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:13,156 - all right, go make dinner. - don't tell me What to do! 205 00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:14,924 All right, don't make dinner! 206 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,326 Oh it is my cooking, huh? 207 00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:21,230 The next thing you'll be telling me is I'm not good enough to cook for a dog. 208 00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:25,056 Oh don't be silly, jack. Of course, You're good enough to cook for a dog. 209 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,840 This is super. Now you've Got einstein here on your side. 210 00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:33,475 - jack, come on, honestly... - forget it! Forget it! 211 00:10:33,499 --> 00:10:35,878 I don't have to hang Around here and be insulted. 212 00:10:35,902 --> 00:10:39,381 You're being crazy. You're Making a big deal out of nothing. 213 00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:42,351 I'm so happy. She thinks I'm Inconsiderate. You think I'm crazy. 214 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,687 - you wanna know What I think? - no, absolutely not! 215 00:10:44,711 --> 00:10:47,190 - you're not thinking. - that's fine. I won't Tell you. 216 00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:49,826 - sit down. We'll talk about this. - I'm getting out of here! 217 00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:52,361 - you can find yourself Another roommate. - janet: jack! 218 00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:54,305 I'll send for my things, bye. 219 00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,558 Does that mean he's not Going to cook dinner? 220 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,213 Janet, I'm back. 221 00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:14,017 oh good, chrissy, I was getting Really worried about you. 222 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:18,587 - where have you been? - I went for a walk to think Things over about jack. 223 00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:21,379 - where'd you walk to? - the bottom of the stairs. 224 00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:25,661 I got so busy thinking I Forgot to keep walking. 225 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,896 What? 226 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:31,355 Thinking's not easy, janet. It takes a lot of thought. 227 00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:36,472 After all that thinking, What did you get? 228 00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:38,441 I got hungry. 229 00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:40,998 You did? Great! I Just made dinner. 230 00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,135 I'm not that hungry. 231 00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:49,085 Chrissy, we have to Get used to the idea 232 00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:50,953 That jack doesn't Live here anymore. 233 00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:53,089 Since you and I can't Afford to go out and eat, 234 00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:54,957 We've got to make The best of it, okay? 235 00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:57,994 - okay. - okay. 236 00:11:58,018 --> 00:12:00,184 What is it? 237 00:12:01,921 --> 00:12:03,221 I was hoping you'd know. 238 00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:08,137 Gee, I don't know why I try. 239 00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:10,672 I'm sure gonna miss him. 240 00:12:10,696 --> 00:12:13,675 Oh come on, chrissy. Jack Was always fooling around. 241 00:12:13,699 --> 00:12:17,046 He was conceited, Arrogant, and girl-crazy. 242 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:19,470 Yeah, I'm sure gonna miss him. 243 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,673 Me too. 244 00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:26,655 Remember when he used To come home after school 245 00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:29,558 And he'd run in the House squeeze us, hug us, 246 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,860 Give us a big kiss and Nibble on our ears? 247 00:12:31,884 --> 00:12:33,751 No. 248 00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:38,289 Me neither. 249 00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:44,540 Well, jack was kind Of fun to have around. 250 00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:48,644 - sometimes. - yeah, I haven't laughed For days since he left. 251 00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:50,947 He's only been Gone for two hours. 252 00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:53,371 See how time drags without him. 253 00:12:55,741 --> 00:12:58,520 I wonder where he is. 254 00:12:58,544 --> 00:13:00,823 Here's a little more Sauce for you, sir. 255 00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:02,992 Hey, quite a birthday dinner. 256 00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:04,660 I hope you like it, mr. Layton. 257 00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:07,696 Are you kidding? This Is some terrific chicken! 258 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,754 - it's coq au vin. - yeah? It tastes Like chicken. 259 00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:15,004 I didn't have too Much time to prepare. 260 00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:17,273 I hope it's not too spicy. 261 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,942 It can't get too spicy for me. 262 00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:22,445 Well, bon appetit! 263 00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,213 Oh you're so french. 264 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:26,504 Oh well, you know. oui, oui, oui, oui. 265 00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:32,721 - mm. - mm. 266 00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:34,845 Mmm! 267 00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:41,730 Mmmm! 268 00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:43,554 Mm. 269 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:49,671 - mmmmm... - you like it, huh? 270 00:13:49,695 --> 00:13:51,940 She eats good, don't she? 271 00:13:51,964 --> 00:13:53,609 Me, I'm a meat and potatoes man, 272 00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:55,844 But mrs. Layton here, She likes to experiment. 273 00:13:55,868 --> 00:13:57,568 Uh-huh... 274 00:13:58,704 --> 00:14:00,516 Well, that's very nice. 275 00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:03,352 I never saw nobody eat Like that and look so slim. 276 00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,609 it makes you wonder How she works it off. 277 00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:13,351 I guess some people Just burn it up naturally. 278 00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:17,066 Yeah. 279 00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:19,135 This is a great start, jack. 280 00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:21,170 Just great. 281 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,840 I admire someone Who can do a good job. 282 00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:25,641 take me, for example. 283 00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:27,276 I'm down at the Lot the other day, 284 00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,611 And this bozo comes In and he asks me 285 00:14:29,635 --> 00:14:32,548 If I've got a late-model Sedan, good fuel economy, 286 00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:34,783 Mint condition, for under $500. 287 00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:38,988 Do you know what I said to him? 288 00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:42,892 - did I say something funny? - jack: no, sir, it was me. 289 00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:44,894 Oh wouldn't you know? 290 00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:48,697 This always happens whenever I'm Feeding my face. I'll be right back. 291 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,923 - I'll get it for you. - no, no, that's okay. I'll be right back. 292 00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:01,777 More potatoes, mrs. Layton? 293 00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:03,779 No, thank you. 294 00:15:03,803 --> 00:15:06,437 Hot roll? No, you Wouldn't want that. 295 00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:14,223 - uh, mrs. Layton... - jack, alice. 296 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,625 Oh mrs. Alice, your Man is in the other room. 297 00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:19,328 - there's nothing to be Nervous about. - oh there isn't? 298 00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,130 Of course not. 299 00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:22,731 Damn! 300 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,466 Oh you don't have to get up. 301 00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:26,302 I suppose everything's Gotten cold. 302 00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:28,604 Not everything. 303 00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:31,207 I can't finish it anyway. I've Got to go down to the lot. 304 00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:32,875 Be back in an hour or so. 305 00:15:32,899 --> 00:15:35,945 - an hour? - is something wrong? 306 00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:39,848 No, it's just by then, Everything might get too hot. 307 00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:42,407 - huh? - no, that's A little joke. 308 00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:47,656 Oh... He said something Funny, how 'bout that, honey? 309 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,425 We got ourselves A funny cook here. 310 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,226 Tell her a few jokes, jack. 311 00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:56,264 Uh... Uh... Mr... Uh... 312 00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:58,967 Well, it seems that there Were these two irishmen 313 00:15:58,991 --> 00:16:01,470 Walking down the... Street. 314 00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,405 One guy had a Dead parrot on his... 315 00:16:03,429 --> 00:16:05,974 You've probably heard This. It's not that funny. 316 00:16:05,998 --> 00:16:07,676 - well... - well. 317 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:10,612 Well, let's go in where It's more comfortable. 318 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:13,215 Oh! Oh... Well... 319 00:16:13,239 --> 00:16:15,851 You know, I'm rather Comfortable here. 320 00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:19,355 Well, wouldn't you rather Come to this side of the table? 321 00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:21,423 No, no, no, this side's more Comfortable, thank you. 322 00:16:21,447 --> 00:16:23,892 Oh gee... That's so clumsy Of me. I'll clean that up. 323 00:16:23,916 --> 00:16:27,229 Jack, are you gonna Make me come after you? 324 00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:29,365 No, no... Mrs. Layton! 325 00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:31,333 No, mrs. Layton, hang on. 326 00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:33,969 I don't think it's a good idea To run after you've eaten. 327 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:37,740 What is a good idea to do Right after you've eaten? 328 00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:39,708 Perhaps you could Try a cold shower. 329 00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:41,710 No, please! No, wait, no, no... 330 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:45,035 Mrs. Layton, I'm not that Kind of guy. Mrs. Layton! 331 00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:49,651 - hey, old buddy. - oh larry, I'm glad I found you. 332 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:54,356 Larry, you will never believe in a Million years what happened to me. 333 00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:55,924 My boss's old lady hit on you. 334 00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:57,993 Your boss's old Lady... You knew? 335 00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,030 She hits on everyone. 336 00:16:59,054 --> 00:17:01,397 Well, thanks a lot, larry. Why didn't you tell me? 337 00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:04,600 What for? I figured you'd find out Anyway. Come on, I'll buy you a beer. 338 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:06,802 I don't need a beer. I Need a place to stay. 339 00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,804 Go back to the apartment. 340 00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:11,139 No, I can't go back there. Not after what I did. 341 00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:14,443 I'm such a jerk, such an Idiot, such a stupid fool. 342 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:17,707 Jack, don't let the Truth stand in your way. 343 00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:20,315 Go back to the girls. 344 00:17:20,339 --> 00:17:22,317 I'm telling you I can't go back! 345 00:17:22,341 --> 00:17:24,152 Forget your pride. 346 00:17:24,176 --> 00:17:26,254 It's not pride. I forgot my key. 347 00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:27,890 So knock on the door. 348 00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:30,959 I don't want to wake them up in The middle of the night to apologize. 349 00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:34,496 - I'll wait till morning. - well, what are you Gonna do now? 350 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:37,132 Well, I thought I could Stay at your place. 351 00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:39,635 Oh no, no, no. Not Tonight, jack. No, you can't. 352 00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:41,303 Why not? I thought We were friends. 353 00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:43,572 Yes, we are, but you Can't stay with me tonight. 354 00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:46,036 - why not? Give me One good reason. - th... 355 00:17:47,533 --> 00:17:50,634 - I'm ready, larry. - I'll accept that. 356 00:17:59,879 --> 00:18:01,959 Janet. 357 00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:07,529 Janet! 358 00:18:07,553 --> 00:18:09,252 Are you asleep, janet? 359 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:13,958 - not anymore. - oh. 360 00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:17,606 What's the matter, Chrissy? What is it? 361 00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:20,809 I can't sleep! I keep Tossing and turning 362 00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:22,878 And tossing and turning. 363 00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:24,513 Have you any idea why? 364 00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:27,282 I think it's 'cause I can't sleep. 365 00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:29,239 Oh... 366 00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:34,356 You any idea why you Can't sleep, chrissy? 367 00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:36,358 I think it was that Salesman today 368 00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:38,460 All that talk about Burglars and intruders. 369 00:18:38,484 --> 00:18:42,364 That guy was playing on our fear So that he could make a sale, okay? 370 00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:44,766 But I'll tell you something. He gave me a good idea. 371 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:47,503 You know that window in the Living room that won't lock? 372 00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:50,005 Janet, I'm trying Not to think about it. 373 00:18:50,029 --> 00:18:52,875 Oh it's okay. I built A booby trap for it. 374 00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:55,298 - oh that's a good idea. - yeah. 375 00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:58,881 - oh... - see? Now you can Just close your eyes, 376 00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:01,316 - put your head on your pillow And go to sleep. - okay. 377 00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:02,818 - okay. - good night. 378 00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:05,142 Good night, honey. 379 00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,486 Chrissy. 380 00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:19,835 - chrissy! - what? 381 00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:22,270 - did you hear something? - yes. 382 00:19:22,294 --> 00:19:25,429 - what was it? - I heard you say, "Chrissy." 383 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,405 Janet, I think your Trap's caught a booby! 384 00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:17,826 Jack! 385 00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:20,362 Hi, girls. 386 00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,531 - man: open up! - wait a minute, Wait a minute. 387 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,154 What? Chrissy, what? 388 00:20:25,991 --> 00:20:28,204 - who is it? - the police. 389 00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:30,661 How do we know You're not a salesman? 390 00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:35,132 Open that door. 391 00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:38,569 All right, freeze! 392 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,918 Ha ha. I caught you red-handed. 393 00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:45,387 - wait a second, officer. - I saw you sneaking up here. 394 00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:47,956 - yeah, but I live here. - just hold it, punk. 395 00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:50,492 - does he live here? - uh... 396 00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:52,194 - well... - I want the truth. 397 00:20:52,218 --> 00:20:54,930 - no... - all right, you're Coming with me. 398 00:20:54,954 --> 00:20:56,665 No, wait, he used to live here. 399 00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:59,101 Ah ha! So you knew the Whole layout in advance. 400 00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:02,271 - well, yes officer, but... - "You have the right to remain silent. 401 00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:04,540 - anything you say will..." - officer... 402 00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:07,443 - just shut up, punk! - don't talk to him Like that! 403 00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:09,745 I was just making him Aware of his rights. 404 00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,880 Is "Shut up, punk" One of his rights? 405 00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:13,849 Hey, listen! 406 00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:16,719 I don't think you people Know how serious this is. 407 00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:18,887 Oh but I do, officer. 408 00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:23,091 You see, I did something really Stupid to these girls today. 409 00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:26,161 Oh jack, now come on. Don't say another word. 410 00:21:26,185 --> 00:21:29,331 No, I did something that I'll be Ashamed of for the rest of my life. 411 00:21:29,355 --> 00:21:33,435 - don't blame yourself, jack. - I'll never be able to hold My head up again. 412 00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:36,138 Jack, honey, it's not That important, really. 413 00:21:36,162 --> 00:21:39,207 I regret everything. I'll tell You I apologize for everything. 414 00:21:39,231 --> 00:21:41,510 Oh it's okay. 415 00:21:41,534 --> 00:21:44,702 And janet, I'll never ask you to Take down your panty-hose again. 416 00:21:48,174 --> 00:21:49,818 I promise. 417 00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:51,687 Both: aww... 418 00:21:51,711 --> 00:21:55,724 Oh jack, never mind about that. We're just so glad you're back. 419 00:21:55,748 --> 00:22:00,418 - I had a terrible night. - so did I. I couldn't Sleep without you! 420 00:22:01,887 --> 00:22:04,032 - oh chrissy. - yeah, jack, 421 00:22:04,056 --> 00:22:08,069 - neither could I. - aw, janet... 422 00:22:08,093 --> 00:22:09,738 Hold the phone, hold the phone! 423 00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:14,410 Wait a minute. You were Living here with these girls? 424 00:22:14,434 --> 00:22:16,878 Yeah, officer, and the Reason I was breaking in... 425 00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:21,817 Who cares why you broke In. Why did you break out? 426 00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:25,387 You see, I moved Into a new place 427 00:22:25,411 --> 00:22:29,124 - and the lady of the house Made a pass at me. - poor baby! 428 00:22:29,148 --> 00:22:32,127 You really have your Troubles, don't you? 429 00:22:32,151 --> 00:22:34,630 Wait a second, you don't Understand. I can explain. 430 00:22:34,654 --> 00:22:37,399 Forget it! Forget it! I'm getting out of here. 431 00:22:37,423 --> 00:22:39,868 You give me a bunch of Self-respecting crooks any day. 432 00:22:39,892 --> 00:22:41,704 With crooks you Know where you stand. 433 00:22:41,728 --> 00:22:43,861 Innocent people are Nothing but trouble! 434 00:22:49,068 --> 00:22:51,146 I can't tell you How lousy I felt. 435 00:22:51,170 --> 00:22:53,048 Oh jack, so did we. 436 00:22:53,072 --> 00:22:55,351 You really gave us a scare. 437 00:22:55,375 --> 00:22:57,586 I didn't mean to break In the window like that... 438 00:22:57,610 --> 00:22:59,287 She doesn't mean About the window. 439 00:22:59,311 --> 00:23:01,490 She means that we Thought we lost you. 440 00:23:01,514 --> 00:23:03,492 Forever... 441 00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:06,495 You... Oh chrissy, How could you think... 442 00:23:06,519 --> 00:23:08,664 - how could I... - well... 443 00:23:08,688 --> 00:23:12,300 Chrissy, sometimes you come Up with the craziest ideas. 444 00:23:12,324 --> 00:23:15,592 Well, I just want us to Stay together forever. 445 00:23:17,196 --> 00:23:20,308 And sometimes you make A lot of sense. Come here. 446 00:23:20,332 --> 00:23:22,399 - oh... - oh jack... 447 00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:29,139 We really missed you. 448 00:23:33,545 --> 00:23:35,256 - hey, chrissy? - yeah? 449 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:38,760 You think that jack came back just Because that woman made a pass at him? 450 00:23:38,784 --> 00:23:41,063 I don't know. 451 00:23:41,087 --> 00:23:42,931 Let's go find out. 452 00:23:42,955 --> 00:23:44,855 - yeah? - come on. 453 00:23:50,196 --> 00:23:53,436 Jack, could you Come out for a minute? 454 00:23:54,700 --> 00:23:57,312 - what's up? - was the only reason You came back 455 00:23:57,336 --> 00:23:59,169 Because that lady Made a pass at you? 456 00:24:00,372 --> 00:24:03,384 Oh no, chrissie, it was Much worse than that. 457 00:24:03,408 --> 00:24:05,687 It was worse? 458 00:24:05,711 --> 00:24:08,490 What did she do? Did She take her clothes off? 459 00:24:08,514 --> 00:24:09,624 Much, much worse. 460 00:24:09,648 --> 00:24:13,050 Oh jack, for heaven's sake! What Did she do that was so terrible? 461 00:24:14,786 --> 00:24:17,398 She hung her panty Hose on the shower rod. 462 00:24:17,422 --> 00:24:19,267 Oh jack! 463 00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:21,024 Jack tripper! 464 00:24:49,989 --> 00:24:52,500 Ritter's voice: three's Company was videotaped 465 00:24:52,524 --> 00:24:54,458 in front of a studio audience. 36764

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