All language subtitles for Threes Company - s01e02 - And Mother Makes Four

Come and knock on our door

we've been waiting for you

where the kisses are hers
and hers and his

three's company too

come and dance on our floor

take a step that is new

we've a lovable space
that needs your face

three's company too

you'll see that life
is a ball again

laughter is calling for you

down at our rendezvous

three's company too

well, i put up
the clean curtains.

Oh, chrissy.

I sure hope jack likes them.

You're going to spoil him

no, i'm not.

I just think if he's
coming to live here,

we ought to make him
feel at home.

Well, i did my bit-
i put the toilet seat up.

I just want to make his room
more attractive.

Ugh!

I always say it's little homey
touches that make a home homier.

Chrissy, the man is coming
from the ymca.

If we stick him in a broom
closet he will feel at home.

I still think that-why are yo
u watering the table?

Oh, oh, i could have
sworn that-

oh, i put the plant
in jack's room.

It'll brighten things up
for him.

Oh, well, let's don't brighten
things up too much.

You mean you don't wa
nt me to be nice to him

oh, sure i do.

Re.
It's just-you know how you a

every time you think you think
you're doing the right thing,

you end up giving the guy
the wrong idea.

T.
You're right, i'll watch i

so will jack.

What are you doing

just stamping out
jack's name for the mailbox.

E. But then he'll kn ow jack's living her

chrissy, the mailman is supposed
to know who lives here.

Not the mailman, my father

you know how he carrie
d on when i moved here

from fresno to los angeles

"sin city" he calls it

i mean if he finds o
ut i'm living with a guy

hey, he doesn't have to know.

He knows everything.

Oh, chrissy, your father is
just a minister, he's not god.

Oh.

See?

The weatherman said there'd
be thunderstorms tonight.

Oh, mr. Roper,
our smiling landlord.

L. I'm here to f ix your doorbel

and mrs. Roper.

I'm caddying.

Would have been here sooner,
but i've been very busy.

Yeah, busy napping
in your arm chair.

I wasn't nappin
g in my arm chair.

I was watching televis
ion with my eyes closed.

When i want to sle
ep, i go to bed.

And when he goes to bed,
he wants to sleep.

T?
What's wrong with tha

oh, fix the doorbell, stanley.

It's time somebody's chime
s were rung in this house.

You know, it's too bad your
fairy roommate

ain't checked in yet.

Why?

He could fix this without a
ladder-just fly up here

stanley was born with
that sense of humor,

that and a few other
birth defects.

Here's your problem right here.

Se. See these wires? They're loo

isn't that brilliant?

How'd they get loose?

Maybe it's like shoe laces, if
you don't tie the bows tight-

wires don't get loose
all by themselves, you know.

Stanley be careful,
they're live.

Ng.
I know what i'm doi

s. I just want to g et to the bottom of thi

you've been playing aroun
d with these wires?

Girls got to have some fun.

All right, captain queeg,

you got your confession-now
make the bell go "ding-dong."

Thanks for helping me
with my stuff from the cab.

De. You don't hav e to take them insi

i wasn't going to.

Ns look, i'm sorry a bout
that jar of pickled onio

n, i broke in your cab, but i
f you keep all the windows ope

the smell should b
e gone in about-

a month.

Yeah, with any luck.

That's $2.75.

Oh, yeah, i got
it right here

interesting doorbell.

Aah, ow, ow, ow...

i didn't hear nothing,
i didn't see nothing,

and i don't know nothing.

Oh, oh.

What happened?

He's trying to tell you
someone's ringing the doorbell.

Hi, jack, come on in.

Hi.

Couldn't you knock?

I better get him to bed
while he's still moving.

I don't want to go to bed,
want to watch "name that tune."

That's his favorite program

ever since he guessed the "star
spangled banner" in seven notes.

What about the doorbell?

I'll fix it later, unless the
interior decorator here

would like to do it?

I'm not an interior decorator.

No i thought all you
f-fellows were.

What fellas?

You know, tinkerbells?

Oh, i see what you mean.

No actually, not all of
us are interior decorators,

some of us are boxers.

No kidding?

No kidding.

You mean you'd actually
hit another guy?

Oh, only if he
made fun of us.

We'll get your bags in.

No, wait, you don't have
to do that.

Well it's only fair.

If it were my bags, you
would have to carry them.

That almost makes sense,
doesn't it?

We hope you'll be
very happy here, dear.

Well it beats the ymca.

Oh, yes, nothing but men,
isn't it?

I can imagine what it
must be like.

As a matter of fact,
i often have.

There you go.

Oh, thank yo
u, chrissy.

I'll just put these in my room.

Oh, you can
do that later

e look, i'm going dow n to the regal beagl

for a glass of wine.

Why don't you
all join me?

My treat.

No thanks, l-the what beagle?

Le.
Regal beag

it's a pub just like
they have in england.

Yes, they've been opening up al
l over the area.

Yes, real cozy, you know, a
little wine, a little bread,

u?
A little tho

no, thanks.

I've got an early class
tomorrow-not tonight.

Not tonight, oh.

You know that's a perfect
title for my autobiography?

Well, here i am.

Yes you are,
aren't you?

Put it there.

Not your hand,
the rent.

Huh?

You do have your share of next
month's rent, don't you?

Y?
Yeah, wh

we need it to pay
last month's rent.

Mr. Roper doesn't
believe in charity.

Speaking of roper, how long
do i have to go on

letting him think i'm gay

oh, as long as you live here.

That's the only way
he'll allow it.

T. Well, just as long as you know differen

chrissy.

Don't you have something to do?

Ah.
Oh, ye

come in the kitchen and
show me what you've got.

Now?

She means the groceries.

Ah.
Oh, ye

you get that, chrissy-
we'll take care of these.

Okay, what are you making
for dinner tonight?

Something i learned
in class today-

veal parmesan with a side dish
of luscious fettuccini.

Oh, i just gained five
pounds hearing about it.

Do you always carry your
pickled onions loose?

No they spilled out
on the floor of the cab.

Well, i was go
ing to wash them.

Janet-

what

that was my mother
on the phone;

she'll be here in a few minutes

what's she doin
g in l.a.?

Oh, she went to see
her dentist.

If she finds out-i mean t
wo girls living in an apartment

with a man, you know what
she'll think.

Oh, come on, chrissy, people are
doing it all over the place.

That's what she'll think.

Well, i thought that y
our father was the problem?

Your father's living
with two girls?

We've got no time.
I'll put his stuff away.

You take him down to the
regal beagle, and keep him there

until i call and tell you
mother's gone, okay?

Right.

Okay, let's go.

To?
Do i have

oh, you'll love it there-
- the beer is flat,

but the barmaid's not.

Move 'em ou
t.

Ah.

How you doing?
Nice to see you.

Oh, hello.

Oh, hey.

I'm so glad you
changed your mind.

Come on, sit down.

Thank you.

Have a drink.

Hi.

What'll it be?

E.
Uh, white wine for m

and you?

I'll have a couple of-

one beer is fine.

Coming up.
[Audience cat calls

she's so healthy.

Down, boy.

I knew it.

You're not gay,
are you?

Huhoh, uh...

oh, come on, i won't
give you away.

No, i'm not.

I thought so.

I'm as normal as mr. Roper.

Don't spoil it.

Er, but you don't have to worry, mrs. Rop

t. There is nothing goi
ng on in our apartmen

nothing.

There's nothing going
on in ours either.

Hello, mother.

Oh, i've never seen
such traffic-

hello, mother.

- And these l.a. Cabs
are terrible.

They smell
of pickled onions.

Hello, mother.

Oh, hello, darling.

My poor feet.

Oh, you've had
the carpet cleaned

no, the walls just got dirtier.

Ar.
Oh, that's nice, de

i'll fix you something to eat.

Oh, no thanks, i can't
stay long.

I have to catch the 10:45 bus
back to fresno.

Wonderful.

What?

I mean, you look wonderful.

How's father?

Oh, he's fine dear,
but he worries about you.

We both worry about you living
in this terrible town.

Are you sure you want to stay
here with all the crimes

and the muggings?

Ly
- oh, mother, it's not real

oh, i've read all about the wil
d parties and orgies,

people running around
without any clothes on.

Where would you read
a thing like that?

In your father's
church magazine.

E. Mother, i wouldn't know
an orgy if i fell over on

oh, try not to do that, dear.

By the way, how are those
nice girls you room with?

Janet and eleanor, isn't it

oh, janet's fine.
Eleanor left to get married.

How nice.

Did you get another girl
for her room?

No, no, we didn't
get another girl.

That's wonderful.

No sense in my going
back home this late.

Now you can put me up
for the night.

How much longer
do i have to stay here?

S. Oh, just unt il chrissy call

i'm kind of bushed,
and i'd like to go to bed

oh hey, honey, how about
a game of darts?

Y. Oh, no thanks, i don
't even know how to pla

oh, it's easy.
I'll show you how to score.

R.
Have another bee

no, i want to go home to my own
room to sleep in my own bed.

I don't want another beer

would you li
ke another beer

oh, yeah.

Janet, there's
a phone call for you.

Y. Oh, thank you. That's got to be chriss

well, i can see i'm
out-gunned around here.

Besides, i got to get home and
make the cocoa for omar sharif.

Good night, mrs. Roper.

Good night, honey.

'night.

Oh, good night.

What do you mean,
your mother's staying?

Where's jack going to sleep

well, there's the bus station.

The cops will
pick him up.

T? What about the 24-hour laundroma

the hookers will
pick him up.

Janet, you've
got to do something.

Me hey, it's
your mother.

Ing. Well if it was your
mother, i'd do someth

good. Then just pretend your
mother is my mother and do it.

Well, dear, i think
i'll turn in early.

Oh, you can't go to bed

why not?

Lk. Well we've hardly had a chance to ta

you're right, let's talk

re.
Not he

all right, shall we go
into the kitchen?

What about a motel?

A motel?

We don't have to use
our real names.

Chrissy, you're behaving
very strangely.

Am i well, we just haven'
’t seen each other much lately.

Which reminds me-

chrissy, where are you going?

Uh, i want to make
your favorite salad

and i need some carrots.

Well, where are you going to
find carrots this time of night?

Uh, there's a machine
on the corner.

Look i'm sorry, i understan
d your problem.

If i had any money
i'd go to a hotel,

but i just don't have $20.0
0 to throw away.

Oh, well how about the
all-night showing

of "war and peace"
at the art theater?

That's only $3.00.

You've got to be kidding.

Oh, no, this is the
eight hour version-

the original one in russian.

That is not a plus.

Look, i'm sorry, i'm going bac
k to the apartment.

Oh, but chrissys mother's going
to be in the spare bed.

It is not the spare bed, it is
my bed and i'm going back

i'm going to undress, i'm goin
g to climb into my bed,

and if anybody else is in there,
that's her problem.

Oh.

And you're not
stopping me either.

Give me the screwdriver.

Which mother are you?

I'm chrissy's mother.
I'm sleeping here tonight

on the couch.

No, in eleanor's old room

really well, i guess
you'll be safe enough.

I'm sure i will.

Wouldn't catch me
sleeping in there.

Well, i should hope not.

Mei'm a decent, normal man.

I'm glad to hear it.

Would you like
some hot milk?

You got anything stronge
r, like cocoa?

I'll see.

It's my favorite drink
before going to bed.

Really helps you sleep.
That's a medically proven fact.

I believe you.

My wife doesn't.

You know what she tried to give
me one night at bedtime?

Wheaties.

I mean, what did she expect me
to do, hit a homerun?

Wait, i've
got an idea.

I want my own bed.

You haven't even
heard it yet.

I want my own bed.

M. He could sle ep in our roo

i wa-on the other hand, i don
't want to be unreasonable.

We could sneak him i
n.

My mother won't eve
n know he's there

him in the same room
with us?

And you in the same room
with him?

T. Look, i will be on
my best behavior, hones

is the bed big enough
for the three of us?

Okay, she's asleep, come on

the door.

Oh!

I'm sorry, it's those fo
ur glasses of beer.

Ssh! Come on!

I'm sorry, if i can just get to
the kitchen for a moment

i've got a sure-fire metho
d for curing this.

I don't want yo
u to leave this room.

Anything you say.

This is your b
ed, big time.

That's what i figured.

You can't sit there
while we get undressed.

Oh, i'm sorry.

Will the view be better
if i stand

go cure your hiccups.

On? What ever happened
to the sexual revoluti

your side lost.

Chrissy?

Messy, messy!

Will you get in here
and quit playing games?

I'm cured-my hiccups
are gone.

Good, go to sleep.

Right

what's that?

It's not me, i never moved.

Oh, it's that window
in the living room.

Jack, would you mind closing it?

Suppose her mother sees me?

I'll do it.

Turn around.

That's a lovely mole
you've got on your thigh.

Watch him.
He's tricky.

Boy, in that nightie
she's really something.

I mean, everywhere you look
at her, she's a girl.

What am i, a gorilla?

You're very bright.

Ah, more like a chimp.

No, janet, i think
you're very cute.

I can't budge the window
and it's raining.

No, no, no, no, this is a job
for the man of the house.

I shall return, meanwhile, make
yourselves beautiful for me.

Oh, of all the vain,
arrogant, egotistical-

he's kind of nice, though

yeah, he is, isn't he?

Chrissy, is that you?

Oh, dear!

Chrissy! Chrissy!

What's the matter?

There's someone out there

that's impossible.

Did you hear that?

No.

I didn't hear that, either.

I've had it

i don't care wh
ose mother-

don't blow it for chrissy

oh, hi, hi, come on in.

Hi, what a surprise.

Oh, this is chrissy's mother.

O?
How do you d

i was just passing b
y and i thought i'd knock

why?

Oh, well, there's an all-night
showing of "war and peace"

down at the art theater
and i thought

maybe i'd invite the girl
s to come along with me,

but silly me, i can see
they're ready for bed,

so i'll just mosey on my way.

Good night.

Wait, you're no
t wearing any shoes.

It's against his religion.

That is just like jack-
anything to be different.

Good night, jack.

Good night.

Jack, you wouldn't
be jack tripper?

Do you want me to be?

Chrissy, is this
the young man

who's sharing t
he apartment with you

well, l-l-i

mr. Roper told m
e all about him.

I thought he must be away since
you let me have his room.

No mother, it's not
as bad as it looks.

T. Yes dear, i kn ow. It's all righ

d? You mean tha t you don't min

mindi'm delighted!

With all the terrible things
that go on in this town,

it's such a relief to know that
you have a man to protect you.

Oh.

Or in this case,
someone like jack.

Well, i promise you, i'll never
let them out of my sight.

Oh, thanks, jack.
I know i can trust you.

Good night.

Good night

good night, mom.

Good night.

Well, you've got to get
out of those clothes.

I thought you'd never ask

oh, now he can sleep
on the sofa.

Good night, jack.

Good night, janet.

Good night, jack.

Good night, chrissy.

Good night, john boy.

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