Original subtitles

Love,

exciting and new

come aboard,

we're expecting you

love,

life's sweetest reward

let it flow,

it floats back to you.

Love boat

soon will be making another run

the love boat

promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure

your mind on a new romance.

Love

won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile

on a friendly shore.

Yes, love,

welcome aboard, it's love.

Can I help you, sir?

Now that I'm aboard this tub,

what else is there to do

aside from keeping lookout

for whales and shark?

Oh, well, we have deck tennis,

ping-pong, and there are

two swimming pools on board.

I'm sure you'll make

a big splash.

Mister.....

Bootheston.

Franklyn bootheston.

No, I don't care for your

ping-pong or deck tennis.

And as for swimming, the only

time I go swimming is when the

mahonkahilla river gets nasty

and spits up all over mackey's

port, Pennsylvania.

Oh, what about your socializing?

No, I don't want to get

mixed up with one of your

sun-city swingers.

I'm here for solitude and the

sea air...Not to mingle with

some blue rinsed hairdo

looking for action.

Yes, sir.

Yes, ma'am.

Good morning.

Nice morning, captain.

Nice.

It's a great morning.

Well, I'm glad to see

you're so chipper, sir,

but this is just another cruise.

Oh, for you,perhaps,

not for me.

While we were in port they

repainted my cabin.

Come, dr.Bicker

join me.

Feast your eyes.

Good to have you aboard,

mr.and mrs.Black.

Sean?

Sean maguin.

Julie McCoy.

Bobby's sister.

I don't believe it.

Little Julie?

Boy, it's great to see you.

How long's it been?

Practically forever.

Yeah, about the same time

I've been waitin' in line.

I'm sorry, sir.

Your name?

Mickey.

Mickey o'day.

You my roommate?

No...

Um...your roommate is

Mr. Maguin here.

Hi.

You're sharing cabin

three-fourteen...

Fiesta deck.

Well, you can't win 'em all.

Hey, grab this, will ya?

I got a bum ticker.

See you later?

Yeah, just try and escape.

Miss McCoy, join us for

the unveiling.

Captain, if I know the

ship's painters, they've just

brightened up the old dingy

off-white with a coat of new

dingy off-white.

No, these are new

painters that I found.

Artists color co-ordinate

consultants, inc.

Good painters, huh?

Not just painters.

Tint engineers.

What?

You heard...Tint engineers.

You see, the captain selected

a unique color that had to be

mixed especially for him.

Singapore sunset saffron.

The color is like the early

morning sun glistening over the

straits of Calcutta.

The noon haze over ceylon.

Look, this is a sample.

Oh, yellow.

Well, how did it come out?

Oh, captain, I'm glad we ran

into you.

It's not quite bone-dry yet.

Well, can I look at it?

Ah, well, it's now ten-twenty.

Please, just a peek.

Ah, well, if you put it that way, sir.

The card.

The card.

Isaac!!!

I think I need two coats.

I think you'll like the way

we painted your cabin, captain.

Ah, yes, and do be careful.

The trim is still moist.

That's why we put up the moist

paint sign.

Where?

Right here, captain dept.

That's deputy captain.

You've painted the wrong cabin.

Oh, deputy captain.

You painted the wrong room,

cabin.

You two will stay on this ship

until my cabin is painted,

and painted to my satisfaction.

Aye...aye...aye, sir.

How many times have I told you

to check something up, so

that we don't waste our energy?

I always check things

out, so we don't waste our

energy.

Well, you obviously didn't

do too good a job of it this

time, because we wasted up...

(Horn sound)

Well, here we are.

Put that there.

Now this is your closet.

Yes, my closet.

And this is your light switch.

Yes.

My light switch.

And this is my ceiling, and this

is my floor.

Well, actually, sir, you know

this isn't my normal job.

I'm really an officer on this ship.

How wonderful for you,officer.

And this is your bathroom here.

Young man, I've lived on this

planet some seventy-five years

and by this time I think I know

how a bathroom works.

Of course.

Here.

Take this.

Go buy yourself a good cigar,

a cheap cup of coffee.

Oh.

Well, sir, you know if there's

anything you need, anything I

can...

That's all you're going to get.

And close the door after you.

Ok.

(Whistling)

Pay all this money for a stateroom.

You can't even get in the bathroom.

What's happening?

What...

What's happening?

I'm trying to get into my John.

Who are you and why are you

hiding in there?

I'm not hiding in there.

I work here.

I'm your chambermaid.

Nonsense, you don't look

old enough to be a chambermaid.

Almost twenty-six.

Where?

But I look much younger,

'cause I eat right...Get plenty

of rest,exercise.

And I'm at peace with the cosmos.

Oh, really...Before they make you

a Saint tell me who you are now.

I told you.

I'm your chambermaid.

Nonsense.

Chambermaids wear uniforms.

They don't go around dressed

like the groupies from the

nitty-gritty dirt band.

You're pretty smart for a

senior citizen.

Don't you patronize me.

I want the truth, or at least a

good first-class lie.

Alright,

Did you ever hear of the junior CIA?

Oh, good heavens.

I'm a beautiful heiress being

chased by kidnappers.

I'm going to have you hauled in

for trespassing.

No!

Please!

Don't...

Please...oh...oh...

My name is Nancy brown.

Ah-ha-ha-ha.

And I am John Doe.

Well, it is.

It's my real name.

Honest.

How come you're all alone?

I mean a nice distinguished

looking man like you.

Don't you try to flatter me,

you twerp.

I'm the one that's asking the questions.

What are you doing on this ship?

I'm travelling.

Why? You gonna make something

out of it?

You are a runaway,

aren't you?...

Aren't you?

Things were getting heavy at home.

Mmmm...

And you just couldn't get along

with your parents, huh?

My parents died in an accident

a long time ago.

Uh-huh...I'm sorry.

So am I,

every day.

Well, who are you living with now?

Foster parents.

My fifth set.

They're the pits.

Pits?

Pits.

I mean they won't

let me grow up.

They tell me what to wear,

what to think,

who to go out with.

So you packed your bubble gum

and hit the road.

I have to make it to acapulco.

Acapulco?

Mmmm...

What's there outside of humidity

you can drink and tap water you can't?

Randy.

Oh, Randy.

I might have known.

We met at a concert.

It was great.

We spent two days together

waiting in line to get in.

We built a very meaningful relationship.

Two days?

You had a meaningful

relationship.

Ah, why not.

With the generation that just

wants instant orange juice

and instant coffee.

Well, we did.

Young lady, I had a meaningful

relationship, too.

Only it took me forty-five years

to build it.

With my wife...Evelyn.

Oh...where is she?

I lost her...

Six months ago.

I'm sorry.

So am I...Every day...

Alright, miss...Uh?

Brown.

Miss brown.

I can see that you have problems

but I think it's time that you

got off this ship.

No!

Wait a minute!

Don't...don't...

Don't turn me in.

You are going to have

to get off this ship.

Okay.

But you better find me a life-jacket.

Why?

We pulled out of San Pedro

five minutes ago.

Then comes the social hour in the lounge.

That's when you scout the action.

Of course, you've got money in

the bank with that cute little

Julie up there.

She really gave you that

moo-goo-gai-pan look.

Oh, don't be silly.

She's my best friend's kid sister.

You play your cards right,

this could be a dynamite cruise for you.

Uh-oh, time for my pill.

Some doctor I got...Diagnosing a

heart condition in a man as

young and vital as myself.

If that doctor could see me with the ladies,

he'd have a heart attack.

These things would choke Seattle

slew...

Hey, come on, let's get goin'.

Let's get out there and meet

some dames...

Straighten up there, babe...

Oh, you're gonna kill 'em,sweetheart.

No, no...Let's suppose someone

did sneak aboard as a stowaway.

What would the ship's policy be?

Well, sir, they'd be placed

ashore at the first port.

Unless of course, they're willing

to pay their passage.

But why are we supposing?

Sir, no one sneaks aboard this

ship without my knowledge.

I have my eyes peeled at all

times wearily scanning the area

for interlopers.

But somebody did sneak aboard and

she's in my cabin right now.

Of course I only have two eyes and

I can't be everywhere at once.

I'm surprised Julie didn't notice her.

Oh...

But don't worry, sir.

If she's on board I'll have her

removed immediately...Forcibly

if necessary.

Ah, just a minute,officer.

The truth is she's my grand daughter

your granddaughter?

Yes.

She didn't notice the ship had

left port.

I'll gladly pay for her passage.

How 'bout a cabin?

Well, sir, that could be a problem.

You see, we're all sold out.

There isn't another cabin on the

entire ship.

They got a spare life boat?

No.

They got room in the swimming pool?

The shallow end?

How 'bout the deeper end?

She's a good swimmer.

Sir, if she's your grand daughter

why doesn't she share your cabin?

Well, why didn't I think about that before,

because the idea stinks.

The idea stinks, Julie.

It was your idea, gopher.

What did you drag me down here for anyway?

We could have eaten in the cabin.

I don't want to attract ants.

Here.

Don't do me any favors.

Do me a favor.

Try and act like a lady...

Let's see, I hope you're hungry,

I'm starved.

Do you have a hollow leg to

match your hollow head?

What are you doing?

Cool it, there goes the captain.

If he sees me, I've had it.

I think I'll start with some

deep-fried clams, a bowl of chowder

and I'm torn between the lobster newsburg

and seafood o'gratin.

Mmm...

What time is the funeral?

What do you mean by that?

Those things will put you away.

Nonsense.

Seafood's good for you.

Did you ever see an unhealthy shark?

Sharks do not eat sauces

which plug up his arteries.

Ah, very well, I'll try the Mexican menu.

Enchilada conole chiliana

and a burrito.

There's enough spice in that stuff

to give high blood pressure to a doctor.

Well, what do you want me to eat?

I'm not in the mood for a bowl of oatmeal.

Well, there are plenty of things here that

make a positive organic and nutritional statement.

I don't want my food to make a statement.

I want it to lie quietly on my fork and die happy.

How 'bout some of these,

spinach salad with alfalfa.

Ycch...

Hearts of Kale.

Ycch...

Watercress and bib-lettuce salad.

What am I supposed to do after I eat that?

Give four quarts of milk?

It's the captain again.

I'm sure he's looking for me.

Oh...captain?

Oh, yes, sir?

Bootheston,

franklyn b.

Bootheston.

This young twerp is Nancy.

Well, it's nice to have you on board

can I help you?

Yes, we were just discussing

some of the finer points of maritime law.

Is it true they no longer use

cat-o'-nine-tails on stowaways?

Yes, that's right...

We outlawed that

cat-o'-nine-tails many years

ago.

Now we just make stowaways walk

the plank.

Just as I thought.

Thank you, captain.

What did you have to go

and mention stowaways for?

Now I'm sure he'll be looking for me.

No, he won't.

How do you know?

Because...

In a moment of madness I uncorked my checkbook

and paid for your passage.

You what?

I told them that you were

my granddaughter.

You did that for me?

Hm-hm.

Oh, that's terrific.

Hey, no,

no...no...no...don't hug me.

Don't hug me, you're in public.

Feed me.

Yeah, but you're gonna have to eat my way.

Do I have to?

Hm-hm, yes you have to.

Hi.

We'll have one burrito and some

French-fries and just a couple

of fried clams...

Start being healthy tomorrow.

Mmmm...

I know what's different.

What?

You've got your braces off.

Yes.

You can't call me metal-mouth,anymore.

Metal-mouth?

You've grown into a beautiful

woman.

I mean a really beautiful woman.

That's a pretty song.

Would you like to dance?

Ah...I'm not much in the

dance department.

Julie.

Telephone.

Oh, thanks...

Excuse me.

I'll be right back.

Don't go away.

Not me.

Classy, huh?

Julie?

Oh...none finer.

Let me tell you somethin' kid,

she digs you.

We've known each other since we were kids.

Oh yeah?

But she's not a kid anymore.

No, she isn't.

I happen to know from past experience.

This time of night the most

romantic spot on the ship is the

riviera deck, overlooking the

fantail.

Sorry...

Okay, why don't we go to some

nice quiet place and relax.

I know just the place.

The card room.

We can play a game of bridge.

Bridge?

Well, I'm really not very good.

Well, that's because you don't play enough.

Bridge?

Gee, that sounds like a lot of fun.

Come on.

You know, they had their nerve

calling that thing we ate for dinner a burrito.

I thought it was great.

Just goes to show, you don't know

anything about burritos.

And I suppose you do,coming

from mackey's port,pennsylvania

burrito capital of the world.

I just know what I like and

I know that thing had no body

and no flavor, and the sauce

had no bite in it.

Good heavens, is this what

you're wearing to bed?

I have to.

The one that says breakfast of

champions is still drying.

Oh well, I'm sharing my room

with a billboard.

What are you doing here?

The laundry?

No, no, I'm going to have

a little privacy in here,

i think.

Can you hand me that...Blanket

there, the blue one?

Okay.

Mm...

Throw it over.

Thata girl.

Hey, where'd you ever come up

with a gimmick like this?

Well, didn't you ever see

it happened one night?

If it worked for Clark gable, it

can work for me.

Who's Clark gable?

You don't know who Clark gable is?

Mmm-mm...

Well, let me put it this way.

If Charlie Bronson was really

tough, he'd be Clark gable.

Evelyn here...Your wife,

she's really pretty.

Yes...yes she is.

You know it's a funny thing

I was always the one who was

running to the doctor with heart

pains and backaches...And in the

long run she went first.

It's not fair, is it?

Who said life was fair?

Did you have any kids?

No, we were never blessed.

But without Evelyn, my life was

just like that burrito, no flavor

and no zest.

Well, why are we getting so

morbid?

What is this true confessions?

Come on, let's get to bed.

It's getting late.

Thanks.

And if you snore, I'll stuff you out

the porthole.

I don't snore.

Go on, get to bed.

Thanks.

For what?

Well, if it weren't for you

I'd probably be sleeping in

the boiler room tonight.

Ohhh...forget it.

I won't forget it...

Grandpa.

Go to sleep.

What are you doing, gopher?

I just wrote a letter to

my grandmother in Florida.

She really loves to hear from me.

And you expect her to get it?

The last letter I sent her

she got in eighteen months.

In a bottle?

No, I mailed that one.

Come on, just take one shot.

The only shot I'll take will be at the bar.

This is a ship and everybody plays

shuffleboard on a ship.

Alright, but I don't see any

point in a silly game where

you take a stick and shove...

Incredible.

Are you sure you never played?

Beginners luck.

I don't believe you.

Alright, I'll play you a game

and prove it.

Okay, but not for money.

I think you're a hustler.

Drop cloths?

Check.

Scaffold?

Check.

Pigment applicators.

Check...check...

Who is it?

Captain stubing.

Oh, just one moment, sir...

Oh, you're just in time, sir.

We just finished.

You haven't done anything.

You haven't finished painting.

Oh, not the painting,sir

we've just finished the

mixing.

Two days and all you've done

is mix the paint?

But, sir...Sir...

Singapore sunset saffron, is not

what you would call an easy

shade.

That's not right.

It's not right?

That's not Singapore

sunset saffron.

Now are you sure you have the

formula right?

Oh, ab...Absolutely, sir.

I have it...I have it right here.

Let's see...Oh...

Singapore sunset saffron... One gallon

cadmium base, one half ounce

carmine, one cc.

Oker, and two smidgens tission.

Ah, I thought you said three

smidgens tission.

No, I...I...

Distinctly said two smidgens tission.

Well, that's no problem, Ronald.

I'll simply remove one small

smidgen tission like this.

Just mix the paint and

get on with it.

Ummm...

But it's all mixed up.

You...you can't simply remove

one small smidgen tission

like this.

Kimo saby.

Well, as long as you're

getting ridiculous about this,

Ronald.

No, no, I think you should think

this over again.

Miss McCoy, if you don't get

your painters to finish with

my cabin today, I'll have them

thrown off at the first port of call.

I'll take care of that right away, sir.

Now I have had enough of this!

Hi, Julie.

If I crossed my legs like that

I'd have to pry them apart with a crowbar.

Ah, don't be so stubborn.

Come on, give it a try.

What have you got to lose?

My circulation.

You're getting it.

There we go.

My blood's going places it hasn't

been in for sixty years.

Now chant...

Om...

Om...

Now you try.

Om...om...

Home on the range...Where the

where the deer

and the antelopes play...Where...

Seldom is heard a discouraging word

and the skies are not cloudy

all day.

Oh!

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

I couldn't be better.

Keeping busy?

Well, yeah, there's always something...

Listen

I'm on a break right now

and I've got some great snapshots

of the old gang down in my cabin.

Come on, let's go take a look.

Okay?

Oh, I don't know...

It's a shame to waste this

weather in a stuffy old cabin.

Right...right...

Ah...

Sean...

Yeah?

I'm kind of a direct person,

I like things on the line.

Is there some reason why the two

of us can't,

i mean...

Yeah?

How come we...

Aren't jogging?

I couldn't believe it when Julie

said we won the dance contest.

Where'd you learn how to do the

bump and the hustle?

The bump and the hustle?

I beg your pardon, I was doing

the Charleston.

What's the Charleston?

Oh, it's a dance Clark gable used to do.

Our dancing days are now over.

Tomorrow we'll be in acapulco

and you'll see Randy your

consort prince of acne.

He doesn't have acne.

He's almost nineteen.

And you're almost sixteen.

Tell me?

What do you two old fogies do on

dates?

Help one another in and out of

wheelchairs?

Age is only in the mind.

Let me tell you, when you get

to be my age it's also in the body.

And my mind and body tells me

that you are doing the wrong

thing runnin' off together.

But we're not just gonna live together,

we're getting married

i mean isn't that what turns on your

generation?

There's something else that turns

on our generation too,

that is to let a relationship grow

and learn another person's faults

and virtues

his hopes, his dreams,

before you make the

commitment of marriage.

I know all that sounds good and everything

but half of my friends' parents are divorced.

I know, I'm just saying that

you ought to take more time.

Well, you're not even out of

high school...

You think Randy's going to stay

interested in a girl who could

not bisect an isosceles triangle?

You know, for a man who never had kids

you sure have a lot of fatherly advice

to hand out.

I'm not telling you anything

that your foster parents

couldn't have told you.

Oh, no...No,

you allow me to argue with you.

You discuss.

You...you give me alternatives.

With them there's only one answer.

It was no and they put their

foot down.

If I stomped my foot like that

I'd bust my support hose.

Why don't you go back to L.A.?

Mm?

I guess you're right...

But I'm gonna have to tell Randy face to face.

I mean it'd be rotten of me

not just to show up.

True.

When I come back from acapulco,

I'm gonna bring you back a burrito so spicy

you're gonna have more gas

than the shah of Iran.

Oh, you look very nice,sir,

but be careful on your way out.

Wet paint, you know.

Don't worry about my being careful.

Just you be careful...

Singapore sunset saffron.

It's marvelous.

I just can't believe that

we've got the rest of the

evening together.

And the night is still young.

Cold?

A little.

Well, here's my coat.

I'll help you.

Thanks...

Sean?

What is it metal mouth?

It's just been so great seeing you

after all these years.

You must know I've had a crush on you

since I can't remember when.

Crush?

Yeah.

You're gonna have to excuse me,

I just remembered.

I have all these postcards,

I promised to write,and

and if I don't get them done tonight

i...i won't have them ready for the mail

when we reach port tomorrow.

Postcards?

I knew you'd understand.

The night is young my Fanny.

Hi, doc.

Hi.

Well, your dress designer

was doing great till he got to

the coat.

Julie,

doc, what's the matter with me?

Hey...easy, kid.

What is it?

I think I love him,

and he couldn't care less about me.

Sean?

Of course he cares.

Then why won't he make a pass at me?

Well, let me put it this way.

It's a mystery to me.

Look, some guys are just shy...

Why don't you make a pass at him?

I have been making passes.

At least I think I have.

Well, you see, if you're not sure,

he probably isn't either.

Well, what am I supposed to do?

Hit him over the head.

It'd be a novel approach.

It might work.

Thanks, doc.

What a band.

They are hot.

This is gonna be a three-shirt night.

Why don't you come with me,

you'll have a great time.

That cute little Julie's

probably waitin' up there for you.

Not tonight.

Man, I don't understand you.

Here you got this doll who's

crazy about you, and you don't

take her up on it.

You want to end up a lonely

desperate man like me?...

Yeah.

Well, hey, hi good lookin'.

I was just leavin'.

Go for it.

Hey, hey, hey.

You forgot your jacket.

Well...um,

But I...

Don't talk...

Huh?

Listen,

I'm not Bobby's little sister anymore.

I'm a full-grown red-blooded

American woman.

I can see that.

Huh?

I can see that.

Anyway...

What I'm looking for is a full

grown red-blooded American man...

That sounded really stupid,

didn't it?

I don't believe I said that.

Well, this whole seduction thing

is an obvious bust.

I'm the bust.

I couldn't vamp a guy that's

been on a desert island for

forty years.

Oh, wait sure you could...

You're a fantastic lady.

And I think you're great.

I don't want to interrupt this,

but I think I'm having

a heart attack.

Do you think you could find me a

doctor?

And a priest...

Make that just a doctor.

You're a priest?

Now I have to make a confession.

Confess outside.

He needs a little sleep.

Everything's gonna be okay.

I've given you a mild sedative

to relax you, and I'll drop in a

couple of times during the night.

Thanks, doc.

Anything else you need?

Yeah.

You could stop by the acapulco

lounge and tell that cute little

redhead I was dancing with i'm

gonna have to sit the next one out.

And so I went on this cruise to try

and sort things out.

As a priest I felt...

Out of touch, they call it a crisis of faith,

but I found out that with

or without the collar,

a priest is what I am.

Well, I feel like an idiot

coming onto you like that.

You didn't know and you're

not an idiot.

And if things had been different

things might have been different.

I couldn't understand why

you didn't want to dance.

You used to be such a terrific

dancer.

I didn't think I'd be any good.

I haven't had much practice lately.

Well, there's no time

like the present, father.

I'll try not to step on your toes,

metal mouth.

Morning, sir.

How's the cabin look?

It's not finished yet.

No need to worry, miss McCoy.

Singapore sunset saffron is

worth the wait.

A Singapore who, sir?

Sunset saffron.

It's a color...A very personal

color.

One that up to this point has

only been in my mind's eye.

Oh...yellow.

It's Singapore sunset saffron.

But, sir, this looks

like yellow to me.

Pardon?

This yellow.

Ridiculous...

Oh...

It's the same.

My entire ship is painted

Singapore sunset saffron.

But, sir, what could be

more personal?

Captain, we're all finished.

Oh, your Singapore sunset

saffron is sensational.

Blue.

Paint it blue.

Blue?

Just plain blue, sir...How 'bout

Bulgarian Navy blue.

I don't care.

Just paint it blue...All of it!

The trim?

The woodwork?

Everything...everything

will be blue...

My shoes are yellow.

Not yellow, sir...

Singapore sunset saffron.

Oh, good evening.

Mr.bootheston.

How was acapulco?

Nice, Julie, if you like quaint

little Mexican souvenirs

made in quaint little Japan.

Hey, candles, flowers,

bottle on ice, you got a heavy date?

My granddaughter...

And from the way she eats, I

think she would never be heavy.

One of her ancestors must have

been a rabbit.

Where is Nancy?

She'll be aboard soon.

She's saying goodbye to a young man.

Well, you have a terrific dinner.

And don't let all that champagne

go to your head.

Not for me.

Nancy's only sixteen...

According to her taste, I had

the steward make up a bag of my

carrot juice...

Thank you.

Announcer: "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen."

"We hope you enjoyed your stay in acapulco."

Our next stop...

Puerto vallarta...At

oh-eight-hundred tomorrow

morning.

Mr.bootheston,

how are you today?

Perfect.

Did you have fun in puerto vallarta?

Fun?

Is that all you people on board

ship think about?

Fun, fun, fun.

Who goes on a cruise ship to have fun.

I haven't seen your grand daughter today.

She stayed back in acapulco.

Would you like me to notify the authorities?

No, she's a grown girl.

Perfectly able to take care of

herself.

Let her do her own thing and

I'll do mine.

Hey, mister, want a taste

a burrito that could set your

house on fire?

Nancy!

Hi...

Don't do that!

What?

Why not?

You just killed your burrito.

Oh...

Nancy.

You were worried.

No, I wasn't.

Yes, I was...

A little.

Come on.

A lot...

Oh, Nancy.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Randy and I got hung up in this long conversation.

Before we knew it the ship was gone.

But he drove all night to catch

up with the ship.

That was real nice of him.

He's a nice guy.

Only he agrees with you...

We should wait to get married.

He's also a bright guy.

And I'm gonna go and finish school

even if it does mean staying

with those people in Santa Monica.

They may not be as bad

as you think they are.

You're sixteen...After all

that'll be only two more years.

Two years...

It might as well be a hundred.

Oh...

Time flies.

Gopher, is that the captain's plant?

That's right.

I'm the only one he trusts with it.

You know I've done a lot

of reading about plants, and

that particular kind survives a

lot longer on salt water.

No kidding?

Honest.

Thanks for the tip.

Here you are, captain, take these.

What are they?

Tranquilizers.

If your cabin's not painted

right this time, I want you to

be prepared.

Nonsense.

What can go wrong?

I gave them specific, accurate

instructions that any

moron...any two morons could

follow...

Just paint everything blue.

Oh, how do you like it,

captain?

I told you it'd leave

him speechless, Ronald.

I told you.

Yes, you did, Vincent...

You said it would leave him

speechless.

I'll get some water for

your tranquilizers captain.

Well...maybe I'll get used to it.

Or maybe I'll hang two

painters from the yard-arm.

If any of your friends have boats, sir,

please tell them about us.

Here's your hat,sir.

Get off my ship!

Officer.

Yes, sir.

Officer, I would like

to make arrangements for a

series of ship to shore calls.

Yes, sir.

Furthermore, I'd like to make it

arranged to have them put on my bill.

Of course, sir.

As you know we're here to make

you happy.

Oh, thank you,officer.

In that case, put them on your

bill.

Ronald?

Vincent?

I know you're hiding in here.

I can smell paint.

Hello, Julie.

Ah, what's new?

The captain's in his quarters

so please get off the ship

now before he sees you,

or I'll be off with you.

Oh, we're very sorry for all

the mishaps, miss McCoy,

and thank you for everything.

Yes.

Thank you, Julie.

There's blue paint all

over my hand.

Vincent: Oh, no there isn't.

No, that's midnight

mediterranean magenta.

Well, Ronald,

what do we do now?

What would do you say

to a skiing vacation in veo.

We could be ski instructors.

We can't ski.

Well, we can't paint either.

We did con them out of a free

cruise, didn't we?

Come on, painter, we'll go

skiing.

Oh, hello Julie

well so long it's been a

grand cruise.

Thanks for everything.

Well, I want you both to

know it's been a real pleasure

having two generations of

boothestons on board.

I hope you'll both be back with

us again.

Thanks...

Goodbye.

I gotta go.

Oh, look, there's a seagull.

Hey, I feel lousy enough

as it is, please let me go.

You know, you hardly ever

see a seagull in mackey's port

Pennsylvania.

What's going on.

I mean it's tough enough to

stand here without blubbering

like some sixteen year old

without you stalling.

Who's stalling?

Hi, Nancy.

Miss westcott.

Bootheston.

Franklyn b.

Oh, it's nice to

finally meet you after talking

so many times.

You two've been talking?

Well, I've been trying

to find out from your social

worker, since you don't like

that family you're staying with,

if you'd like to try me out.

You mean you want to be

my foster parent?...

Oh wow.

Of course, we'd have to put Mr.

Bootheston through a rigorous

screening, but there's a

possibility.

Wow...

Oh, wow...

You see, she needs me, if only

to enlarge her vocabulary.

It may take time to

make the change.

That's okay with me.

He's worth waiting for.

And so is she.

Hey, this is far out.

I mean, I'll take care of you.

I can cook for you.

If you serve me a

seceni peppered with bean

sprouts, the deal is off.

Oh, no, I won't do that.

Well, so long, Julie.

It's been quite a trip.

It's been nice seeing you

after all these years.

Wouldn't it be great if one of

these days I could marry you.

What?

In my church.

Oh.

You bring the groom.

Oh, there you are...

Adios doll, it was an

interesting voyage.

Goodbye, Mickey.

So long, roomy,

thanks for everything.

And I mean everything, father.

How is he?

Well, the doctor says he

has a case of gastro-intestinitis

and a legro modenous.

Oh, that's Latin for acute

indigestion and an overabundance

of boogying...

Well, so long, Julie.

Bye bye.