Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,511
THANKS FOR LETTIN' ME
PRACTICE ON YOU STEVE.
2
00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:12,813
I REALLY WANNA ACE
THIS FIRST AID CLASS.
3
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,715
NO PROBLEMO, EDDO.
4
00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:17,985
I HAVE A LOT OF PERSONAL
EXPERIENCE IN FIRST AID.
5
00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:19,587
I GOT A NOSE BLEED AT BIRTH.
6
00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:21,789
MY DOCTOR SLAPPED
THE WRONG END.
7
00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:25,926
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
8
00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:27,561
I'M GONNA GO
GET THE PLASTER.
9
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:30,030
NO RUSH.
I'M A PATIENT PATIENT.
10
00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:31,765
HE-HE-HE!
[SNORTS]
11
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,536
CARL! BIG GUY.
12
00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:39,039
MY BUDDY WITH THE BADGE.
13
00:00:39,107 --> 00:00:40,741
MY PAL ON PATROL.
14
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:43,043
HOW WAS YOUR DAY
ON THE MEAN STREETS?
15
00:00:43,111 --> 00:00:45,279
COPS AND ROBBERS.
GOOD GUYS, BAD GUYS.
16
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,014
HEROES AND HAIRBALLS.
17
00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:49,350
THE MAN WHO RISK HIS--
18
00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:05,233
* IT'S A RARE CONDITION *
19
00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:06,700
* IN THIS DAY AND AGE *
20
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:10,238
* TO READ ANY GOOD NEWS
ON THE NEWSPAPER PAGE *
21
00:01:10,304 --> 00:01:13,574
* AND LOVE AND TRADITION
OF THE GRAND DESIGN *
22
00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:18,379
* SOME PEOPLE SAY
IS EVEN HARDER TO FIND *
23
00:01:18,446 --> 00:01:21,382
* WELL, THEN, THERE MUST BE
SOME MAGIC CLUE *
24
00:01:21,449 --> 00:01:25,519
* INSIDE THESE GENTLE WALLS *
25
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:29,190
* 'CAUSE ALL I SEE
IS A TOWER OF DREAMS *
26
00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:32,293
* REAL LOVE BURSTIN'
OUT OF EVERY SEAM *
27
00:01:33,961 --> 00:01:36,897
* AS DAYS GO BY *
28
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:41,101
* WE'RE GONNA FILL
OUR HOUSE WITH HAPPINESS *
29
00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:43,871
* THE MOON MAY CRY *
30
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:47,708
* WE'RE GONNA SMOTHER
THE BLUES WITH TENDERNESS *
31
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:51,245
* AS DAYS GO BY *
32
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:54,548
* THERE'S ROOM FOR YOU,
ROOM FOR ME *
33
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:58,852
* FOR GENTLE HEARTS
AN OPPORTUNITY *
34
00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:01,789
* AS DAYS GO BY *
35
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:06,360
* IT'S THE BIGGER LOVE
OF THE FAMILY *
36
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:24,745
OHH.
37
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:27,315
WELL?
38
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:29,283
WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
39
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:31,285
MOM, YOU LOOK HOT.
40
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:32,620
THANK YOU, HONEY.
41
00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:35,723
HARRIETTE, YOU'LL SWEEP CARL
RIGHT OFF HIS FEET.
42
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:39,126
WELL, CARL AND I HAVEN'T HAD
A ROMANTIC DINNER DATE
43
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:41,929
SINCE THE CARTER
ADMINISTRATION.
44
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,096
HARRIETTE!
45
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,998
HARRIETTE.
46
00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:48,135
FEAST YOUR EVER-LOVIN'
EYES ON THESE.
47
00:02:48,202 --> 00:02:48,969
TICKETS TO LE MIZ?
48
00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:49,770
BETTER.
49
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,272
JANET JACKSON?
50
00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:52,573
M.C. HAMMER?
51
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,145
NO.
52
00:02:58,212 --> 00:03:01,715
THE BLACK HAWKS
AND THE PENGUINS!
53
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:02,583
HOCKEY?
54
00:03:02,650 --> 00:03:04,452
YEAH!
55
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:05,519
AND LOOK WHERE
WE'RE SITTING--
56
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:07,588
RIGHT BEHIND
THE GOALIE.
57
00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:08,389
GREAT.
58
00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:10,824
WE'LL DODGE PUCKS
ALL NIGHT.
59
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:14,762
YEAH!
60
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:15,629
UH...
61
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,765
YOU'RE NOT WEARING
THAT, ARE YOU?
62
00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:20,634
NO, I'LL SLIP INTO
SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE...
63
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,804
LIKE A HELMET
AND SHINGUARDS!
64
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,038
GEE, THANKS, BABE.
65
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:26,006
YOU WON'T REGRET IT.
66
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:27,641
YOU'LL HAVE
A GREAT TIME,
67
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,343
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY START
BEATING EACH OTHER UP!
68
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,345
HUSTLE UP, BABE, OKAY?
69
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:36,284
I'M MARRIED TO THE MOST
WONDERFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD.
70
00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:42,290
[BELL RINGS]
71
00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:46,927
WAIT!
DON'T GIVE ME A TARDY!
72
00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:48,228
HI, LAURA!
73
00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:52,232
WAAA!
74
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:04,412
I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE
TO THE FLAG
75
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,380
OF THE UNITED STATES
OF AMER--
76
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:09,950
WE ONLY DO THAT
WHEN I HOLD THE FLAG!
77
00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:17,224
GOOD MORNING,
MISS STEUBEN.
78
00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:18,826
GOOD MORNING, STEVEN.
79
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,832
MISS STEUBEN!
80
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:29,870
NOW, TAKE YOUR SEAT.
81
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,372
CAREFULLY.
82
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:36,844
HI, LAURA.
83
00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:40,614
HI, STEVE.
84
00:04:41,749 --> 00:04:42,516
ALRIGHT, CLASS.
85
00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:43,984
TODAY WE'RE GOING TO--
86
00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:46,654
EXCUSE ME.
I NEED A MOMENT.
87
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:03,671
I'M ALL SET, MISS STEUBEN.
88
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,473
TEACH ME!
89
00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:08,008
THANK YOU.
90
00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:10,978
OH. ALRIGHT.
91
00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:14,348
COUNTRIES...
92
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:15,883
CITIES...
93
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,050
NEIGHBORHOODS.
94
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:18,185
NOW...
95
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:20,253
ALL OF THESE
ARE BUILT UPON
96
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,190
SMALLER SOCIAL UNITS,
LIKE THE FAMILY.
97
00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:24,057
OH! OH!
98
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:26,326
OH! OH! OH! OH!
99
00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:27,928
OH! OH! OH! OH!
100
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,129
OH! OH! OH! OH!
101
00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:30,297
OHH! OHHH!
102
00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:32,099
YES, YES,
YES, STEVEN.
103
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,567
ACTUALLY, MISS STEUBEN,
104
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:36,336
CURRENT GEOPOLITICAL CONSTRUCTS
ARE MUCH MORE COMPLEX
105
00:05:36,404 --> 00:05:38,839
THAN YOUR SIMPLISTIC
CONCENTRIC CIRCLE MODEL
106
00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:39,773
WOULD HAVE US BELIEVE.
107
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,074
FENGLER'S POINT--
108
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:43,210
MY POINT IS
109
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:44,512
THAT THE FAMILY
IS THE CENTER
110
00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:47,114
FOR ALL
SOCIAL INTERACTION.
111
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:53,587
AHEM.
112
00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:56,990
AND THE FOUNDATION
FOR MOST FAMILIES
113
00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:58,726
IS MARRIAGE, SO...
114
00:05:58,792 --> 00:05:59,793
OH...
115
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:02,162
FOR THE NEXT...
116
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:03,230
TWO WEEKS,
117
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:04,998
THE CLASS WILL BE
PAIRED OFF
118
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:07,701
INTO
MARRIED COUPLES.
119
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:10,538
YOU'LL ALL
HAVE TO FIGURE OUT
120
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:12,305
HOW TO LIVE
ON A BUDGET.
121
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:15,242
YOU WILL MAKE
DECISIONS ABOUT JOBS,
122
00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:16,910
HOMES, CHILDREN.
123
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:20,047
AND EACH OF YOU
WILL GRADE YOUR PARTNER.
124
00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:25,586
DO WE GET TO PICK
WHO WE MARRY?
125
00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:27,154
WRITE DOWN YOUR
TOP THREE CHOICES.
126
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,623
I'LL TRY AND PAIR
EVERYONE UP.
127
00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:31,358
THE NAMES OF
THE HAPPY COUPLES
128
00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:33,827
WILL BE POSTED
TOMORROW.
129
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,062
HEH HEH HEH.
130
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:36,830
HEH HEH HEH.
131
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,467
HEE HEE HEE.
132
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:41,234
HEE HEE HEE.
133
00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:42,603
WHOO HEE WHOO HEE.
134
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:49,943
STEVEN, YOU CANNOT PUT
THE SAME NAME THREE TIMES.
135
00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:02,189
HI, EVERYBODY.
136
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,457
HI.
HI.
137
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:05,626
HI, HONEY.
HOW'S YOUR HEAD?
138
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,163
HOW DO YOU THINK?
139
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:13,066
I GOT HIT
BY A HOCKEY PUCK.
140
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,602
THAT WAS A GREAT STOP.
141
00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:18,238
YOU DESERVED
THAT STANDING OVATION.
142
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:19,807
OH, CARL,
I CALLED CHEZ JOSEPHINE'S,
143
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:22,275
AND WE'RE CONFIRMED
FOR 8:00 TONIGHT.
144
00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:24,978
OH. OH, BABE,
I'M SORRY.
145
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:26,914
I MEANT TO CALL YOU.
146
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,016
THERE'S BEEN A LITTLE
CHANGE IN PLANS.
147
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:30,551
NOW WHAT?
148
00:07:30,618 --> 00:07:33,253
YOU REMEMBER JOE HITCHBORN,
TRAFFIC CONTROL?
149
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,055
SHY GUY,
COULDN'T GET A DATE?
150
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:35,989
YEAH?
151
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:37,290
THEY SWITCHED HIM
TO HOOKER PATROL.
152
00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:40,193
HE'S GETTING MARRIED
THIS WEEKEND.
153
00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:44,832
OH, MY LORD. JUST PICTURE
THE BRIDESMAIDS.
154
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:48,335
THE GUYS DECIDED
TO THROW HIM A BACHELOR PARTY.
155
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,538
MIND IF I GO?
156
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:51,805
IT'S UP TO YOU,
CARL.
157
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:54,508
THANKS, BABE.
YOU ARE THE BEST.
158
00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:56,043
DON'T WAIT UP.
159
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:04,718
HARRIETTE, HOW COULD YOU LET
CARL GET AWAY WITH THAT?
160
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:06,386
WHAT WAS I
SUPPOSED TO DO,
161
00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:09,156
BEG HIM TO TAKE ME
TO DINNER?
162
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:10,457
CARL IS MY SON,
163
00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:14,161
AND IN MY EYES,
HE CAN DO NO WRONG.
164
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:15,462
BUT HE'S
YOUR HUSBAND.
165
00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:16,930
YOU SHOULD HAVE
KNOCKED HIM
166
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:20,534
INTO THE MIDDLE
OF NEXT WEEK.
167
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:23,537
LOOK, I'D LIKE CARL
TO BE MORE ROMANTIC,
168
00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:26,807
BUT I CAN'T FORCE IT
OUT OF HIM.
169
00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:32,045
YOU KNOW, HE USED
TO SEND ME FLOWERS
170
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,847
FOR NO REASON AT ALL,
171
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:37,484
AND HE'D LEAVE ME FUNNY LITTLE
NOTES AROUND THE HOUSE.
172
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:39,853
HE'D EVEN CALL ME
FOUR TIMES A DAY
173
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,288
JUST TO SAY
HE LOVED ME.
174
00:08:44,558 --> 00:08:47,160
HE DOESN'T DO
THOSE THINGS ANYMORE.
175
00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:51,131
WELL, HARRIETTE, DOESN'T
THAT MAKE YOU ANGRY?
176
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,133
NO.
177
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,535
IT MAKES ME SCARED.
178
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:04,144
LOOK WHO YOU GOT.
179
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:04,978
EDDIE, EDDIE!
180
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,780
LAURA, I GOT HIM!
181
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:08,582
FOR THE NEXT
TWO WEEKS,
182
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:11,985
I AM MRS. MARK HEALY. YES!
183
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,821
WHO DID I GET,
DEREK OR JEFF?
184
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:17,190
I WAS SO EXCITED
I FORGOT TO LOOK.
185
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:36,209
SPREAD OUT! SPREAD OUT!
SPREAD OUT!
186
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:38,646
GIVE MY WIFE SOME AIR!
187
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:50,257
MOMMY.
188
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:51,291
YES,
SWEETIE?
189
00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:55,595
I'M GLAD
UNCLE CARL IS BACK.
190
00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:56,463
HE DIDN'T
GO ANYWHERE.
191
00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:57,831
YES, HE DID.
192
00:09:57,898 --> 00:10:01,802
AUNT HARRIETTE SAID THAT
HE WAS IN THE DOG HOUSE.
193
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:13,747
LAURA, I CALLED RACHEL'S
PLACE TWO HOURS AGO.
194
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,615
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
195
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,117
JUST WALKING.
196
00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:19,853
WELL, SIT DOWN.
YOU ALMOST MISSED DINNER.
197
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,993
[HUMMING
HERE COMES THE BRIDE]
198
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,501
VERY FUNNY.
199
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:35,736
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
200
00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:38,706
LOSE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR,
MRS. URKEL?
201
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:44,344
EDDIE, IS THAT YOUR FACE,
OR DID YOUR NECK THROW UP?
202
00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:48,749
NOW CHILDREN,
NO FIGHTING AT THE TABLE.
203
00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:54,755
HI, HONEY.
I'M HOME!
204
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,828
LAURA, MY LITTLE
NUPTIAL NYMPH,
205
00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:02,996
YOU'RE EAGER TO BEGIN
OUR LIFE TOGETHER,
206
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:05,699
BUT I MUST HAVE A WORD
WITH YOUR FATHER.
207
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:08,501
WHAT IS IT, STEVE?
208
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:10,303
WELL, CARL,
CALL ME OLD-FASHIONED,
209
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:15,408
BUT BEFORE I MARRY LAURA,
I'D LIKE YOUR BLESSING.
210
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,878
WELL, STEVE,
I APPRECIATE THAT,
211
00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:20,080
BUT I WOULDN'T
STAND IN YOUR WAY
212
00:11:20,147 --> 00:11:23,083
IF YOU TWO ARE
REALLY REALLY IN LOVE.
213
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:26,619
DAD!
214
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,856
YOU WON'T
BE SORRY, SIR.
215
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:30,623
WE URKELS
ARE A FINE FAMILY
216
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,159
WITH A PROUD NAME.
217
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:34,828
YOU KNOW THAT IN KENYA,
URKEL MEANS A BENIGN CYST
218
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:37,330
ON THE FORELEG
OF A WILDEBEEST?
219
00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:03,156
ARE YOU READY FOR DESSERT,
MY CREPE SUZETTE?
220
00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:09,429
STEVE, I'M FULL. YOU COOKED
SEVEN MEALS FOR ME TODAY.
221
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:10,798
IT WOULD HAVE
BEEN EIGHT,
222
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:14,501
BUT I DIDN'T LIKE THE SMELL
OF THAT SUSHI.
223
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,303
I FINISHED
THE HOUSEWORK.
224
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,105
DEEP IN YOUR FRIDGE,
225
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:20,007
I FOUND A FASCINATING
MOLD SPECIMEN
226
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,843
THRIVING ON AN ANCIENT
CHEESE WHEEL.
227
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:25,012
GO HOME.
228
00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:28,882
NOT YET.
229
00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:33,586
THIS IS OUR LAST NIGHT
OF WEDDED BLISS.
230
00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:36,289
YEAH. I'VE BEEN
BLOWING UP BALLOONS.
231
00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:43,130
[STRANGERS IN
THE NIGHT PLAYS]
232
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:52,806
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
233
00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:56,509
SETTING THE MOOD,
MY DARLING.
234
00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:57,945
FOR TWO WONDERFUL WEEKS,
235
00:12:58,011 --> 00:13:00,814
YOU AND I HAVE PRETENDED
TO BE MAN AND WIFE.
236
00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:04,284
NOW, ON THIS,
OUR LAST NIGHT,
237
00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:07,487
WE CAN MAKE EACH OTHER'S
DREAMS COME TRUE...
238
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:09,189
WITH A KISS.
239
00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:12,225
STEVE, DID YOU EAT
THAT MOLDY CHEESE?
240
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:19,199
DON'T HOLD BACK.
241
00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,068
LET YOURSELF GO.
242
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,271
DO WHAT YOU FEEL.
243
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:31,078
OOH! I FELT
THE EARTH MOVE.
244
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:35,916
STEVE, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO GRADE
EACH OTHER ON THIS ASSIGNMENT,
245
00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:39,019
AND RIGHT NOW YOU'RE STARING
DOWN THE BARREL OF AN "F."
246
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,789
ONE KISS.
A PECK ON THE CHEEK.
247
00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:46,359
A MOMENTARY
OSCULATION.
248
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,996
I HAVE A HEADACHE.
249
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:52,432
I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT SAY THAT,
SO I CAME PREPARED.
250
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,001
ASPIRIN, BABY.
251
00:13:58,238 --> 00:14:00,373
STEVE,
I WANT A DIVORCE.
252
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,442
GO HOME TO YOUR MOTHER.
253
00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:06,346
MY MANLY ARDOR
HAS FRIGHTENED YOU.
254
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:15,255
THAT'S OKAY. IT
WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
255
00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:18,691
I'M PREPARED TO WAIT
FOREVER IF NEED BE.
256
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:20,727
I HOPE YOU'LL
ACCEPT THIS GIFT
257
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:24,064
AS A MEMENTO OF OUR
TWO GLORIOUS WEEKS.
258
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:29,636
STEVE, THIS IS
REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
259
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,471
1/3 KARAT DIAMOND
260
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:34,975
WITH 1/10 THE SPARKLE
OF YOUR LOVELY EYES.
261
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:40,747
THIS IS REAL? WHERE DID YOU
GET THE MONEY?
262
00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:42,015
FROM MY
STAY-AWAY FUND.
263
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:43,816
EVERY YEAR, MY RELATIVES
SEND MONEY
264
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,053
IN HOPE THAT I
WON'T VISIT THEM.
265
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,357
STEVE,
I CAN'T ACCEPT THIS.
266
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:51,791
IT'S TOO EXPENSIVE.
267
00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:53,426
BUT MY
LITTLE BAGUETTE,
268
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:56,029
IT WAS A MERE $800.
269
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:59,632
$800? ARE YOU
OUT OF YOUR MIND?
270
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:01,234
THIS IS
A SCHOOL ASSIGNMENT.
271
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:03,636
IT'S PRETEND.
WE'RE NOT MARRIED.
272
00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:05,638
WE'RE NOT
EVEN DATING,
273
00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:07,540
AND WE NEVER
WILL BE.
274
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:08,575
BUT I THOUGHT
YOU'D LIKE--
275
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:11,678
WHAT I'D LIKE IS FOR YOU
TO LEAVE ME ALONE.
276
00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:26,893
LAURA, I KNOW
I'M NOT WORTHY OF YOU,
277
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,896
BUT I JUST CAN'T
HELP LOVING YOU.
278
00:15:29,963 --> 00:15:32,299
IT'S LIKE WANTING
TO TOUCH A STAR.
279
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:34,467
YOU KNOW YOU'LL
NEVER REACH IT,
280
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:37,237
BUT YOU'VE JUST
GOT TO KEEP TRYING.
281
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,478
STEVE,
282
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:49,182
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS
SAY THINGS LIKE THAT?
283
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:52,219
THESE LAST TWO WEEKS
HAVE BEEN WONDERFUL FOR ME.
284
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:55,522
IT'S THE CLOSEST I'LL EVER GET
TO MARRYING YOU.
285
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:58,291
THAT'S WHY I WANTED YOU
TO HAVE THIS.
286
00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:02,029
NO STRINGS ATTACHED.
JUST THE ONE TO MY HEART.
287
00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:17,977
BUSY, MOM?
288
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:21,648
NO. JUST PRUNING
YOUR FATHER...
289
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,350
FERN.
290
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,852
SOMETHING
ON YOUR MIND?
291
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,187
YEAH. STEVE.
292
00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:28,955
HE DID A GOOD JOB
ON MY OVEN.
293
00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:31,791
TELL HIM WE'RE
OUT OF EASY-OFF.
294
00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:33,626
I CAN'T.
295
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:35,495
HE JUST WENT HOME.
296
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,632
MOM, I THINK
I HURT STEVE'S FEELINGS.
297
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,902
WHAT HAPPENED?
298
00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:44,704
HE'S SMOTHERING ME.
299
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:46,973
HE SENT ME
A ROOMFUL OF ROSES.
300
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:48,675
HE CALLS ME EVERY HOUR.
301
00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:50,477
HE WAITS ON ME
HAND AND FOOT.
302
00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:53,846
A PERSON CAN ONLY TAKE
SO MUCH DEVOTION.
303
00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:56,183
YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW LUCKY YOU ARE.
304
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,585
STEVE MAY NOT BE
YOUR DREAM MAN,
305
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:02,055
BUT IT'S WONDERFUL WHEN SOMEBODY
LOVES YOU THAT MUCH.
306
00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:07,494
MOM, HE SENT ME
AN 8-FOOT GIRAFFE.
307
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:12,232
IT'S NOT FUNNY.
308
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:16,936
I'M SORRY, HONEY.
309
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:19,606
BUT YOU GOT TO
ADMIT ONE THING--
310
00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:23,009
STEVE SURE NEVER
TAKES YOU FOR GRANTED.
311
00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:24,677
I WISH HE WOULD.
312
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:26,779
I'M ALL URKELED OUT.
313
00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:29,216
WELL...
314
00:17:29,282 --> 00:17:31,251
STEVE IS A PEST.
315
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:33,220
NO QUESTION ABOUT THAT.
316
00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:35,188
BUT HE ADORES YOU, LAURA,
317
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:36,889
AND HE SHOWS IT.
318
00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:40,293
BEING ROMANTIC IS A GOOD QUALITY
FOR A HUSBAND TO HAVE.
319
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:56,276
MARK HEALY IS SELFISH,
CONCEITED, AND INCONSIDERATE.
320
00:17:58,111 --> 00:17:59,779
HE CHEATED ON ME
321
00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:03,383
WITH
AN OLDER WOMAN.
322
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,652
I CAUGHT HIM AT THE MOVIES
WITH A NINTH GRADER,
323
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,356
SO I DIVORCED HIM.
324
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:12,259
MARK, I GIVE YOU
AN F-MINUS.
325
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:17,264
WELL...
326
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:20,733
WE'VE LEARNED THAT
NOT EVERYONE IS COMPATIBLE.
327
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,669
BUT I'M GLAD TO SEE
MAXINE AND MARK
328
00:18:22,735 --> 00:18:25,872
HAVE RESOLVED THEIR
DIFFERENCES MATURELY.
329
00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:30,743
JERK!
330
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,145
DWEEB!
331
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:37,950
ALRIGHT. LET'S MOVE ON
TO OUR LAST COUPLE.
332
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:41,554
OH. STEVEN,
YOU MAY BEGIN.
333
00:18:47,294 --> 00:18:49,696
OBVIOUSLY, LAURA
WAS THE PERFECT WIFE,
334
00:18:49,762 --> 00:18:53,132
BRILLIANT MOTHER,
HELPMATE, AND MANAGER.
335
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:54,434
I'LL ALWAYS BE PROUD
336
00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:55,902
SHE WAS THE FIRST
MRS. URKEL.
337
00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:01,174
SHE'S AN "A"
ALL THE WAY.
338
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,377
THANK YOU.
339
00:19:05,712 --> 00:19:08,215
LAURA, YOUR GRADE
FOR STEVEN.
340
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:16,789
WELL...
341
00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:23,263
STEVE IS INCREDIBLY
ANNOYING AND A PEST.
342
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:26,633
WELL, YOU JUST WANT TO
SLAP HIM ALL THE TIME.
343
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:35,742
BUT HE'S ALSO
HARD-WORKING AND CARING.
344
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:39,779
HE REALLY TRIED
TO MAKE ME HAPPY.
345
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:40,980
HE WAS A GOOD HUSBAND.
346
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:43,250
I GAVE HIM AN "A+."
347
00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:48,321
SNOOKUMS!
348
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:51,824
YOU DO LOVE ME.
349
00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:56,563
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
350
00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:05,738
HI, HON.
351
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,976
DO I KNOW YOU?
352
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,712
OKAY.
353
00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:14,381
I DESERVE THAT.
354
00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:17,717
HARRIETTE, LAST NIGHT...
355
00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:22,555
WELL, I OVERHEARD
YOU TALKING TO LAURA.
356
00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:25,057
AND WHAT YOU SAID TO HER,
357
00:20:25,124 --> 00:20:26,158
IT MADE ME REALIZE
358
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,995
THAT I'VE BEEN ACTING
LIKE A JERK,
359
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:31,764
AN IDIOT, A FOOL,
AN IGNORAMUS.
360
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:34,501
STOP ME WHENEVER
YOU LIKE, HARRIETTE.
361
00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:38,438
OH, NO,
YOU'RE DOING FINE.
362
00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:44,210
HARRIETTE, YOU ARE
THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON
363
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:46,279
IN THE WORLD TO ME,
364
00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:48,481
AND YOU ALWAYS WILL BE.
365
00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:51,784
I THANK GOD EVERYDAY
THAT WE'RE TOGETHER.
366
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:54,654
BUT NOW IT'S TIME I START
THANKING YOU.
367
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:01,828
I WANT YOU TO PUT ON
THAT BEAUTIFUL NEW DRESS
368
00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:05,865
BECAUSE WE HAVE AN 8:00
RESERVATION AT CHEZ JOSEPHINE'S.
369
00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:09,168
AND, SWEETHEART,
WHEN YOU WALK IN THERE,
370
00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:11,471
I'D LIKE YOU TO WEAR THIS.
371
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:15,475
OH, CARL.
372
00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:20,547
IT'S A LITTLE
"I LOVE YOU" PRESENT.
373
00:21:21,914 --> 00:21:23,683
OH, CARL.
374
00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:26,285
THANK YOU.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
375
00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:29,522
BUT, SWEETHEART,
376
00:21:29,589 --> 00:21:32,525
NOT AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU.
377
00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:39,298
OOH. SPARKLE CITY!
378
00:21:42,234 --> 00:21:45,338
I KNOW I SHOULDN'T ASK,
BUT HOW MUCH?
379
00:21:45,405 --> 00:21:48,040
WELL, I GOT A GOOD DEAL.
380
00:21:48,107 --> 00:21:50,643
I BOUGHT IT OFF URKEL.
381
00:21:53,079 --> 00:21:54,280
HE TRIED TO BARGAIN,
382
00:21:54,347 --> 00:21:56,048
BUT THE KID
WAS OVERMATCHED.
383
00:21:56,115 --> 00:21:59,452
HE CAVED IN AT 1,000.
384
00:21:59,519 --> 00:22:03,490
OOH, CARL,
THAT'S WAY TOO MUCH.
385
00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:05,992
BUT HE THREW IN A LITTLE
SOMETHING EXTRA.
386
00:22:11,464 --> 00:22:14,367
[STRANGERS IN
THE NIGHT PLAYS]
387
00:22:31,884 --> 00:22:34,454
WORTH EVERY PENNY.
25860
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof