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1
00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:49,590
[Ash] My name is Ash,
and I am a slave.
2
00:00:50,258 --> 00:00:51,300
[whip cracking]
3
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,593
[groaning]
4
00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:56,097
Close as I can figure it,
the year is 1300 A.D.,
5
00:00:56,180 --> 00:00:58,349
and I'm being
dragged to my death.
6
00:00:58,599 --> 00:01:00,351
It wasn't always like this.
7
00:01:01,602 --> 00:01:03,688
I had a real life once.
8
00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:06,732
A job.
9
00:01:08,776 --> 00:01:10,236
[woman on PA] Ash
to price check four.
10
00:01:12,905 --> 00:01:14,824
Um, hardware, aisle 12.
11
00:01:15,366 --> 00:01:17,368
Shop smart.
Shop S-mart.
12
00:01:17,535 --> 00:01:20,663
I had a wonderful
girlfriend, Linda.
13
00:01:23,708 --> 00:01:26,877
Together, we drove to a small
cabin in the mountains.
14
00:01:31,173 --> 00:01:33,968
It seems an archaeologist
had come to this remote place
15
00:01:34,051 --> 00:01:36,804
to translate and study
his latest find...
16
00:01:37,888 --> 00:01:40,099
Necronomicon Ex Mortis,
17
00:01:40,558 --> 00:01:42,727
the Book of the Dead.
18
00:01:44,478 --> 00:01:47,982
Bound in human flesh
and inked in blood,
19
00:01:48,065 --> 00:01:52,570
this ancient Sumerian text
contained bizarre burial rites,
20
00:01:52,653 --> 00:01:57,074
funerary incantations and
demon resurrection passages.
21
00:01:58,409 --> 00:02:01,078
It was never meant for
the world of the living.
22
00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:04,707
The book awoke something
dark in the woods.
23
00:02:09,545 --> 00:02:11,255
[screaming]
24
00:02:11,422 --> 00:02:12,798
It took Linda.
25
00:02:14,091 --> 00:02:16,344
And then it came for me.
26
00:02:16,427 --> 00:02:17,511
[screams]
27
00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:19,972
It got into my hand
and it went bad.
28
00:02:20,514 --> 00:02:22,808
So I lopped it off
at the wrist.
29
00:02:23,517 --> 00:02:25,603
[chainsaw whirring]
30
00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:28,481
[laughing, screaming]
31
00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:31,776
But that didn't stop it.
It came back.
32
00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:35,196
Big time.
33
00:02:42,161 --> 00:02:45,373
[screaming]
34
00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:53,798
My God!
35
00:02:54,423 --> 00:02:56,092
How do you stop it?
36
00:03:00,846 --> 00:03:02,556
[screaming]
37
00:03:26,163 --> 00:03:27,748
[explosion]
38
00:03:27,915 --> 00:03:29,709
[screaming]
39
00:03:39,802 --> 00:03:41,554
[crashing]
40
00:03:48,769 --> 00:03:50,229
[groaning]
41
00:03:52,857 --> 00:03:54,775
[man]
Surround the stranger!
42
00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:56,944
[horses whinnying]
43
00:03:59,655 --> 00:04:01,699
[soldier]
All right, you men, fall in!
44
00:04:06,203 --> 00:04:07,580
All o' ya, keep apace!
45
00:04:07,663 --> 00:04:10,666
Where in the hell...
46
00:04:12,042 --> 00:04:13,711
[soldiers shouting]
47
00:04:17,715 --> 00:04:19,884
[soldier]
Stand fast, hellhound!
48
00:04:20,050 --> 00:04:23,763
[Ash] Now, now.
Easy now, chief.
49
00:04:24,388 --> 00:04:26,015
I don't know how I got here,
50
00:04:26,098 --> 00:04:30,060
and, uh, uh, I--I'm not looking
for any trouble.
51
00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:35,024
[soldier]
What a piece of armor this is!
52
00:04:36,358 --> 00:04:37,401
Wise man!
53
00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:41,030
Fall back! Come on, all you men.
Back on your horses. Come on!
54
00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:47,286
My lord, I believe he is the one
written of in the Necronomicon.
55
00:04:47,369 --> 00:04:49,663
He who's prophesized
to fall from the heavens
56
00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:52,374
and deliver us from
the terrors of the Deadites.
57
00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:54,585
[Arthur] What, that buffoon?
58
00:04:54,668 --> 00:04:56,003
Likely,
59
00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:58,756
he's one of Henry's men!
60
00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:02,551
Kneel, rapscallions!
61
00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:06,138
I say to the pit with him!
62
00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:08,933
[guard] You shall soon
learn the horrors of the pit.
63
00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:11,852
To the pit!
64
00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:13,521
You miserable bast...
65
00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:15,314
[grunting]
66
00:05:15,397 --> 00:05:17,107
Get him!
Get off of me!
67
00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:20,444
Let me go!
68
00:05:21,028 --> 00:05:22,446
[soldier] Chain him!
69
00:05:25,032 --> 00:05:27,785
[soldier] You're gonna have
a little bit of wee fun, mate.
70
00:05:29,286 --> 00:05:30,454
[Arthur] To the castle!
71
00:05:34,166 --> 00:05:36,877
[soldier] Pick up your feet!
Stop draggin' your feet!
72
00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:39,296
Come on!
Move along!
73
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:40,673
Come on, now.
74
00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:44,552
Come on, pick it up.
Have a taste of this!
75
00:05:44,635 --> 00:05:46,136
[whip cracking]
76
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:48,722
[grunting]
77
00:05:52,476 --> 00:05:55,062
[guard] All right, you men, you got
something to look forward to
78
00:05:55,145 --> 00:05:57,982
when you get back
to the castle. [laughs]
79
00:05:58,649 --> 00:06:02,278
[soldier] Lord Arthur approaches!
Raise the portcullis!
80
00:06:04,321 --> 00:06:08,158
Lord Arthur!
Lord Arthur approaches!
81
00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:15,791
[guard] That's lovely,
isn't it? Move it in.
82
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:18,085
Move it, you worthless...
83
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,130
Get on!
84
00:06:34,685 --> 00:06:36,645
[crowd jeering]
85
00:06:39,023 --> 00:06:40,399
[man] Move it up, boys.
86
00:06:40,482 --> 00:06:41,817
[man 2] God save the king!
87
00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:44,236
God save the king.
We love him!
88
00:06:47,239 --> 00:06:50,034
[man 3] Arthur!
He's back!
89
00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:54,830
Lord Arthur, where is my brother?
Did he not ride with you?
90
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:57,207
Aye, and fought valiantly.
91
00:06:57,541 --> 00:07:00,794
But last night he fell
in battle to Duke Henry's men.
92
00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:03,047
I'm sorry, Sheila.
93
00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:05,215
Come on.
94
00:07:05,382 --> 00:07:08,636
[Ash] You cretin!
Stop it, you bastard!
95
00:07:08,969 --> 00:07:10,429
[yelling]
96
00:07:10,512 --> 00:07:11,805
You barbarian!
97
00:07:13,557 --> 00:07:15,434
[children laughing]
Oh, no! Stop it! Stop it!
98
00:07:15,517 --> 00:07:17,603
Get outta here,
you little brat!
99
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:25,778
Foul thing!
A pox on you, brute!
100
00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:28,948
Thou art a murderer!
A black murderer!
101
00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:30,991
[hair tearing]
102
00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:36,413
My brother's death
shall be avenged!
103
00:07:50,594 --> 00:07:52,930
[soldier] Company, halt!
104
00:07:56,850 --> 00:07:58,477
[soldier 2]
Get that yoke off 'im!
105
00:08:00,896 --> 00:08:02,231
Kill them!
106
00:08:03,607 --> 00:08:05,776
[woman] Put them into the pit!
107
00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:15,536
[man] You, sir,
are not one of my vassals.
108
00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:18,247
Who are you?
109
00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:20,791
Who wants to know?
110
00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:24,128
I am Henry the Red,
111
00:08:24,211 --> 00:08:28,674
Duke of Shael, Lord of the North lands
and leader of its peoples.
112
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:32,469
Well, hello, Mr. Fancy Pants.
113
00:08:33,053 --> 00:08:34,096
I got news for you, pal.
114
00:08:34,263 --> 00:08:36,140
You ain't lead in" but
two things right now,
115
00:08:36,223 --> 00:08:39,018
Jack and shit,
and Jack left town.
116
00:08:39,309 --> 00:08:40,602
[guard]
Shut your bleedin' hole!
117
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:43,313
[herald]
Gentlemen, Lord Arthur!
118
00:08:51,905 --> 00:08:54,491
There is an evil
awakened in this land,
119
00:08:55,617 --> 00:08:59,538
and while my people fight for
their very souls against it,
120
00:08:59,621 --> 00:09:02,041
you, Henry the Red,
wage war on us!
121
00:09:02,499 --> 00:09:03,917
Charlatan!
122
00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:09,131
It was you who first turned
your swords on us!
123
00:09:09,465 --> 00:09:12,509
And this evil has befouled
my people as well!
124
00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:15,512
Your people are no better
than the foul corruption
125
00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:17,931
that lies in the bowels
of that pit.
126
00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:20,017
[soldier]
Right, you're no better.
127
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,853
[Arthur] May God have
mercy upon your souls.
128
00:09:37,701 --> 00:09:41,121
God's name! What hell-spawned
thing lurks there?
129
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:50,130
Into the pit with those
bloodthirsty sons of whores!
130
00:09:50,631 --> 00:09:53,175
[man] No! No!
131
00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:56,136
No, no!
132
00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:57,721
[screaming]
133
00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,515
[water splashing]
134
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:18,909
[man screaming]
135
00:10:19,409 --> 00:10:20,828
[people screaming]
136
00:10:24,414 --> 00:10:27,376
[soldier] Oh!
Heavenly God!
137
00:10:31,088 --> 00:10:32,589
[man] He's escaping!
138
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:35,259
- [soldier] Hold to!
- [soldier 2] Hold him!
139
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:47,729
[crowd cheering]
140
00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:05,581
[sword unsheathing]
141
00:11:05,789 --> 00:11:06,748
[man] Who's next?
142
00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:09,042
[man 2] It's him.
Aye, he trembles!
143
00:11:10,085 --> 00:11:12,337
[man 3] They don't look
so clever now, do they?
144
00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:16,425
[man 4] He's frightened!
He's frightened white!
145
00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:18,427
Whoa! Whoa'!
146
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:22,306
Wait a minute.
Hold it.
147
00:11:22,681 --> 00:11:26,143
Wait a minute.
You gotta understand, man.
148
00:11:26,810 --> 00:11:29,688
I never even saw
these assholes before.
149
00:11:29,813 --> 00:11:31,773
- [man] Get him in there!
- [man 2] He trembles!
150
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,442
[man 3] He's begging!
151
00:11:33,942 --> 00:11:35,819
[man 4]
What are you waitin' for?
152
00:11:35,944 --> 00:11:36,987
Henry!
153
00:11:37,112 --> 00:11:38,906
You gotta tell him
you don't know me.
154
00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:40,657
We never met.
Tell him.
155
00:11:43,660 --> 00:11:45,871
I do not think
he'll listen, lad.
156
00:11:47,956 --> 00:11:49,041
Look.
157
00:11:49,124 --> 00:11:52,127
I'm tellin' you,
you got the wrong guy.
158
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:58,634
[groaning]
159
00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:05,933
I'm tellin' you,
you got the wrong guy.
160
00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:11,271
[screaming]
161
00:12:11,521 --> 00:12:12,856
[crowd cheering]
162
00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:14,483
[screaming]
163
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:56,566
[screaming]
164
00:12:58,068 --> 00:13:00,070
[grunting]
165
00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:04,449
How do you like the pit?
Isn't the pit wonderful?
166
00:13:06,034 --> 00:13:08,996
[grunting]
167
00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:21,633
[screaming]
168
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,427
Why, you...
169
00:13:25,762 --> 00:13:26,763
Ha!
170
00:13:28,515 --> 00:13:30,017
Spikes.
171
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:33,103
Hey! He says, "Spikes."
Give him spikes!
172
00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:44,114
[grunting]
173
00:13:47,284 --> 00:13:50,037
Make way!
Strange one!
174
00:13:50,203 --> 00:13:52,789
[grunting]
175
00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:00,672
[screaming]
176
00:14:01,923 --> 00:14:03,300
Strange one!
177
00:14:05,677 --> 00:14:07,262
[screaming]
178
00:14:09,806 --> 00:14:10,974
Yes!
179
00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:16,021
[chainsaw whirring]
180
00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:24,988
[crowd cheering]
181
00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:26,323
[laughing]
182
00:14:27,157 --> 00:14:29,785
Damn you.
Damn you!
183
00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:41,004
[growling]
184
00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:06,363
[grunting]
185
00:15:08,698 --> 00:15:09,950
[growling]
186
00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:17,874
[tearing]
187
00:15:34,558 --> 00:15:36,101
[people screaming]
188
00:15:54,327 --> 00:15:56,455
You know,
your shoelace is untied.
189
00:16:07,924 --> 00:16:09,259
All right.
190
00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:12,304
Who wants some?
191
00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:16,308
Who's next, huh?
192
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,435
How 'bout it?
193
00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:22,022
Who wants some, huh?
194
00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:24,107
Who wants to have a little?
195
00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:31,364
You.
You want some more?
196
00:16:33,283 --> 00:16:34,451
Huh?
197
00:16:36,703 --> 00:16:38,121
You want a little?
198
00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:43,793
Do ya?
Do ya want some more?
199
00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:46,296
Huh? Huh?
200
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:03,480
Now get on those horses
and get outta here.
201
00:17:06,733 --> 00:17:08,235
Let "em go!
202
00:17:20,497 --> 00:17:21,957
[chuckles]
203
00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:25,460
[laughing]
204
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:32,717
Halt!
205
00:17:33,843 --> 00:17:36,555
Thank you, generous hosts!
206
00:17:37,847 --> 00:17:39,683
[Arthur] Sword boy!
207
00:17:47,023 --> 00:17:51,069
For that arrogance,
I shall see you dead.
208
00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:53,613
[gun firing]
209
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:02,789
Yeah.
210
00:18:03,748 --> 00:18:06,543
All right, you primitive
screw heads, listen up.
211
00:18:07,794 --> 00:18:08,962
See this?
212
00:18:10,171 --> 00:18:13,883
This is my boom stick!
213
00:18:15,051 --> 00:18:17,512
It's a 12-gauge,
double-barreled Remington.
214
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:19,889
S-mart's top of the line.
215
00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:23,018
You can find this in the
sporting goods department.
216
00:18:23,351 --> 00:18:26,730
That's right, this sweet baby was
made in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
217
00:18:26,813 --> 00:18:29,566
Retails for about $109.95.
218
00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:34,404
It's got a walnut stock, cobalt
blue steel and a hair trigger.
219
00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:37,574
That's right, shop smart.
220
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:41,578
Shop S-mart.
You got that?
221
00:18:41,661 --> 00:18:43,204
- [woman] Yes, sir. Right.
- [woman 2] Yes, sir.
222
00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:45,373
Now I swear...
223
00:18:45,957 --> 00:18:48,084
the next one of you primates...
224
00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:51,087
even touches me...
225
00:18:52,547 --> 00:18:53,840
[yelling]
226
00:18:53,923 --> 00:18:55,258
[growling]
227
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:01,931
[bellowing]
228
00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:05,352
[all exclaiming]
229
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:23,286
Now, let's talk about
how I get back home.
230
00:19:25,413 --> 00:19:27,040
[women laughing]
231
00:19:39,177 --> 00:19:40,428
[belches]
232
00:19:42,555 --> 00:19:43,723
[Ash belches]
233
00:19:54,818 --> 00:19:56,820
I prithee to forgive me, m'lord.
234
00:19:57,570 --> 00:19:59,781
I believed thee
one of Henry's men.
235
00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:03,284
First you wanna kill me,
now you wanna kiss me.
236
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,371
Blow.
237
00:20:07,038 --> 00:20:08,164
[door opening]
238
00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:12,836
So what's the deal?
Can you send me back or not?
239
00:20:13,336 --> 00:20:15,505
Only the Necronomicon
has the power.
240
00:20:15,630 --> 00:20:18,049
An unholy book
which we also require.
241
00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:21,886
Within its pages are passages that
can send you back to your time.
242
00:20:22,220 --> 00:20:25,014
Only you, the Promised One,
can quest for it.
243
00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:29,102
I don't want your book.
I don't want your bullshit.
244
00:20:29,185 --> 00:20:31,438
Just send me back to my own time.
Pronto, today, chop...
245
00:20:31,521 --> 00:20:32,522
[water splashing]
246
00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:45,660
You shall die!
247
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:46,953
[grunting]
248
00:20:49,038 --> 00:20:50,457
[cackling]
249
00:20:51,124 --> 00:20:54,669
You shall never obtain
the Necronomicon!
250
00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:59,716
We shall feast
upon your souls!
251
00:21:22,238 --> 00:21:24,532
It's a trick.
Get an axe.
252
00:21:25,408 --> 00:21:26,993
[screaming]
253
00:21:32,165 --> 00:21:33,958
[Arthur] Guards, guards, stop it!
254
00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,002
- [man 1] Catch the witch!
- [man 2] Death to the witch!
255
00:21:36,085 --> 00:21:37,712
WITCH: Have some porridge!
256
00:21:38,463 --> 00:21:42,008
My eyes! I'm blind!
Oh, God, I'm blind!
257
00:21:42,175 --> 00:21:43,551
[shouting]
258
00:21:43,718 --> 00:21:45,303
No, don't!
259
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:46,763
[gunshot]
260
00:21:49,015 --> 00:21:49,891
[shotgun clacking]
261
00:21:50,058 --> 00:21:51,601
Yo, she-bitch.
262
00:21:51,768 --> 00:21:52,769
[shotgun clacking]
263
00:21:53,269 --> 00:21:54,270
Let's go.
264
00:21:54,437 --> 00:21:55,855
[screaming]
265
00:21:56,064 --> 00:21:57,607
Ya-hoo.
266
00:21:58,233 --> 00:21:59,234
- [shouts]
- [gunshot]
267
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:01,110
- [witch screaming]
- [Ash shouting]
268
00:22:02,237 --> 00:22:03,404
[gunshot]
269
00:22:03,947 --> 00:22:05,031
- [Ash shouts]
- [gunshot]
270
00:22:05,198 --> 00:22:06,991
[witch screams]
271
00:22:07,617 --> 00:22:09,744
- [screaming]
- [gunshot]
272
00:22:17,377 --> 00:22:19,712
If the Necronomicon fell into
the hands of the Deadites,
273
00:22:19,796 --> 00:22:22,298
all mankind will be
consumed by this evil.
274
00:22:22,799 --> 00:22:24,926
Now will thou quest
for the book?
275
00:22:39,065 --> 00:22:40,149
[Ash] That one.
276
00:23:01,004 --> 00:23:02,171
[shouts]
277
00:23:05,174 --> 00:23:06,342
[both gasp]
278
00:23:07,677 --> 00:23:08,761
Groovy.
279
00:23:11,097 --> 00:23:12,599
[people laughing]
280
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:23,943
What's the matter?
You raised in a barn?
281
00:23:24,110 --> 00:23:25,028
Shut the door.
282
00:23:25,737 --> 00:23:29,032
Probably was raised in a barn
with all the other primitives.
283
00:23:38,041 --> 00:23:40,293
The wise men say that thou
art The Promised One.
284
00:23:45,048 --> 00:23:47,926
'Tis said that thou wilt journey
for the book to help us,
285
00:23:48,009 --> 00:23:50,637
and that thou wilt lead
our people against the evil.
286
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:53,973
The only reason I'm going to
get the book is to get home.
287
00:24:00,521 --> 00:24:02,523
I believe that thou wilt
be leaving in the morning.
288
00:24:02,607 --> 00:24:04,984
Don't touch that, please.
Your primitive intellect
289
00:24:05,068 --> 00:24:07,153
wouldn't understand
alloys and compositions
290
00:24:07,236 --> 00:24:10,573
and things with
molecular structures in the...
291
00:24:13,701 --> 00:24:15,703
What are you doin'
here anyway?
292
00:24:16,788 --> 00:24:18,665
I wanted to say
that all of my...
293
00:24:18,748 --> 00:24:20,375
all of my hopes
and prayers go with you,
294
00:24:20,458 --> 00:24:22,752
and I made this for thee.
295
00:24:24,462 --> 00:24:26,589
Good, I could use
a horse blanket.
296
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:51,072
Give me some sugar, baby.
297
00:25:00,873 --> 00:25:01,874
[Ash] Hiyah!
298
00:25:02,875 --> 00:25:04,377
Come on, boy!
299
00:25:06,754 --> 00:25:07,755
Hiyah!
300
00:25:14,679 --> 00:25:16,139
[Ash shouts]
301
00:25:25,815 --> 00:25:27,817
Steady now.
Whoa.
302
00:25:32,905 --> 00:25:34,490
What?
What is it?
303
00:25:34,574 --> 00:25:37,285
This path will lead you
to an unholy place.
304
00:25:37,910 --> 00:25:38,911
A cemetery.
305
00:25:39,078 --> 00:25:41,748
There the Necronomicon awaits.
306
00:25:45,376 --> 00:25:47,628
When thou retrievest the book from its
cradle,
307
00:25:47,795 --> 00:25:51,841
you must recite the words,
"Klaatu barada nikto."
308
00:25:52,508 --> 00:25:55,678
Klaatu barada nikto.
Okay.
309
00:25:55,928 --> 00:25:57,346
Well, repeat them.
310
00:25:58,222 --> 00:26:00,349
Klaatu barada nikto.
311
00:26:00,433 --> 00:26:01,434
Again!
312
00:26:01,517 --> 00:26:02,727
I got it, I got it!
313
00:26:02,894 --> 00:26:05,146
I know your damn words, all right?
314
00:26:05,521 --> 00:26:07,899
Now you get this straight,
the both of you.
315
00:26:07,982 --> 00:26:10,443
If I get that book,
you send me back.
316
00:26:10,902 --> 00:26:14,072
After that, I'm history. Hiyah!
317
00:26:47,063 --> 00:26:48,731
[horse whinnying]
318
00:26:54,070 --> 00:26:55,404
[Ash] What is it, boy?
319
00:26:55,571 --> 00:26:58,324
[eerie whispering]
320
00:27:02,036 --> 00:27:05,373
[demonic whooshing]
321
00:27:10,169 --> 00:27:11,254
Come on!
322
00:27:12,130 --> 00:27:15,091
[panting, grunting]
323
00:27:20,930 --> 00:27:22,056
Come on!
324
00:27:27,436 --> 00:27:28,604
[screaming]
325
00:27:28,688 --> 00:27:29,772
Come on!
326
00:27:30,690 --> 00:27:32,024
Come on, you!
327
00:27:51,127 --> 00:27:52,628
[screaming]
328
00:28:09,979 --> 00:28:11,314
[banging]
329
00:28:11,564 --> 00:28:14,442
- [demonic screaming]
- [Ash screaming]
330
00:28:15,276 --> 00:28:18,279
- [banging, crashing]
- [screaming continues]
331
00:28:18,654 --> 00:28:21,365
- [grunting]
- [banging continues]
332
00:28:21,991 --> 00:28:24,118
[screaming]
333
00:28:24,744 --> 00:28:27,663
- [banging]
- [screaming continues]
334
00:28:28,164 --> 00:28:31,500
[screaming]
335
00:29:14,043 --> 00:29:15,586
[cackling]
336
00:29:17,630 --> 00:29:20,007
Hey, let's scare
this guy good! Come on.
337
00:29:23,219 --> 00:29:25,346
Ramming speed!
338
00:29:25,554 --> 00:29:27,890
[all screaming]
339
00:29:29,684 --> 00:29:31,018
[screams]
340
00:29:31,185 --> 00:29:32,103
[grunts]
341
00:29:33,437 --> 00:29:35,356
[man] Ready, aim, fire!
342
00:29:36,983 --> 00:29:38,401
Get away!
343
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:40,486
Whoa!
344
00:29:41,112 --> 00:29:42,822
Oh, God! Oh, no!
Oh...
345
00:29:42,905 --> 00:29:46,242
Oh!
You lousy little...
346
00:29:47,660 --> 00:29:48,911
[man] Oh, no!
347
00:29:49,787 --> 00:29:51,414
Oh, no! Oh, my!
348
00:29:51,956 --> 00:29:53,165
[screams]
349
00:29:53,249 --> 00:29:54,292
Lift up!
350
00:29:57,086 --> 00:29:58,713
[sizzling]
351
00:30:13,394 --> 00:30:14,520
Whoa!
352
00:30:15,271 --> 00:30:18,607
[singing]
London bridge is falling down,
353
00:30:18,691 --> 00:30:24,238
falling down, falling down,
354
00:30:24,447 --> 00:30:25,448
[gasps]
355
00:30:25,531 --> 00:30:27,158
...my fair lady.
356
00:30:39,170 --> 00:30:41,130
Is he up?
How is he?
357
00:30:41,714 --> 00:30:43,257
Hey, he's gettin' up.
358
00:30:49,347 --> 00:30:51,599
What a horrible nightmare.
359
00:30:53,809 --> 00:30:57,146
Wait a minute.
Oh, God!
360
00:30:58,064 --> 00:31:00,066
I can't move!
361
00:31:00,149 --> 00:31:01,692
[screaming]
362
00:31:06,781 --> 00:31:08,366
And go!
363
00:31:08,449 --> 00:31:10,034
Open wide.
364
00:31:10,659 --> 00:31:14,413
Geronimo!
365
00:31:15,915 --> 00:31:17,666
Hooray!
Hooray!
366
00:31:17,917 --> 00:31:19,668
[choking]
367
00:31:29,303 --> 00:31:32,890
[gagging]
368
00:31:37,603 --> 00:31:40,439
- Oh! [groaning]
- [laughter]
369
00:31:44,026 --> 00:31:48,406
Okay, little fellow. How about
some hot chocolate, huh?
370
00:31:55,913 --> 00:31:57,873
[man screaming]
371
00:31:58,999 --> 00:32:01,293
How'd you like
the taste of that, huh?
372
00:32:01,877 --> 00:32:03,587
How'd you like the ta...
373
00:32:05,131 --> 00:32:06,882
[grunting]
374
00:32:14,473 --> 00:32:16,100
[muffled voice] Let me out!
375
00:32:20,396 --> 00:32:22,898
Oh, dear God,
it's growing bigger!
376
00:32:32,408 --> 00:32:34,410
[howling]
377
00:32:41,542 --> 00:32:43,419
I'm blind.
I'm blind.
378
00:32:48,632 --> 00:32:50,092
Yip, yip, yeooh!
379
00:32:52,511 --> 00:32:55,097
Oh, hey!
Where are you takin' me?
380
00:33:03,647 --> 00:33:04,940
What are you?
381
00:33:05,733 --> 00:33:07,109
Are you me?
382
00:33:08,110 --> 00:33:11,822
I'm bad Ash,
and you're good Ash.
383
00:33:11,947 --> 00:33:13,782
You're goody little two-shoes.
384
00:33:13,866 --> 00:33:15,493
[singing]
You're a goody little two-shoes,
385
00:33:15,576 --> 00:33:16,994
goody little two-shoes...
386
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:23,667
Little goody two-shoes
little goody two-shoes,
387
00:33:23,751 --> 00:33:25,586
little goody two-shoes.
388
00:33:26,504 --> 00:33:28,172
[horn blowing]
389
00:33:29,965 --> 00:33:31,675
Little goody two-shoes.
390
00:33:43,395 --> 00:33:47,483
Good, bad.
I'm the guy with the gun.
391
00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:13,676
[chainsaw revving]
392
00:34:29,191 --> 00:34:32,278
[distorted wailing]
393
00:34:48,752 --> 00:34:52,548
That'll teach you.
Yeah, that'll teach you.
394
00:34:55,050 --> 00:34:57,803
You shall never retrieve
the Necronomicon!
395
00:34:57,886 --> 00:35:00,848
You'll die in the graveyard
before you get it!
396
00:35:01,390 --> 00:35:02,558
Hey, uh...
397
00:35:03,309 --> 00:35:04,852
What's that you got
on your face?
398
00:35:04,935 --> 00:35:05,978
Huh?
399
00:35:06,270 --> 00:35:08,063
I'll come back for you!
400
00:35:16,405 --> 00:35:17,740
Hyah!
401
00:35:19,742 --> 00:35:20,951
Come on, boy!
402
00:35:30,669 --> 00:35:31,670
Hiyah!
403
00:36:39,863 --> 00:36:41,115
Three books?
404
00:36:45,661 --> 00:36:47,830
Wait a minute.
Hold it.
405
00:36:48,163 --> 00:36:51,166
Nobody said anything
about three books.
406
00:36:52,668 --> 00:36:54,420
Like, what am I
supposed to do?
407
00:36:54,503 --> 00:36:58,632
Take one book,
or all books, or, or what?
408
00:37:02,261 --> 00:37:03,512
Well.
409
00:37:04,638 --> 00:37:06,890
[wind howling,
Ash screaming]
410
00:37:27,745 --> 00:37:29,204
[Ash yelling]
411
00:37:57,524 --> 00:38:00,194
Whoa.
Wrong book.
412
00:38:27,221 --> 00:38:29,056
[screaming]
413
00:38:33,477 --> 00:38:36,271
[squealing]
414
00:38:49,701 --> 00:38:52,913
[book screaming]
415
00:38:57,084 --> 00:38:58,168
You!
416
00:38:58,961 --> 00:39:00,671
I'll get back to you.
417
00:39:02,714 --> 00:39:03,882
Well...
418
00:39:05,884 --> 00:39:07,803
seems fairly obvious.
419
00:39:12,391 --> 00:39:14,518
Wait a minute, the words.
420
00:39:14,685 --> 00:39:16,061
All right, all right,
all right.
421
00:39:16,478 --> 00:39:17,771
Say the words.
422
00:39:22,025 --> 00:39:25,320
Klaatu barada...
423
00:39:25,654 --> 00:39:26,738
Er...
424
00:39:33,745 --> 00:39:34,997
Necktie.
425
00:39:35,414 --> 00:39:37,791
Nectar, nickel.
426
00:39:39,001 --> 00:39:41,712
Noodle.
It's an "N" word.
427
00:39:41,837 --> 00:39:43,672
It's definitely an "N" word.
428
00:39:46,341 --> 00:39:48,176
It was definitely an "N" word.
429
00:40:00,397 --> 00:40:03,775
Klaatu barada...
430
00:40:03,859 --> 00:40:05,193
[exaggerated coughing]
431
00:40:19,124 --> 00:40:20,500
Okay, then.
432
00:40:21,668 --> 00:40:22,961
That's it.
433
00:40:30,928 --> 00:40:32,596
[thunder rumbling]
434
00:40:33,555 --> 00:40:36,224
Hey.
Wait a minute.
435
00:40:36,808 --> 00:40:40,687
Everything's cool.
I said the words. I did!
436
00:40:42,731 --> 00:40:44,900
No, wait! Oh!
437
00:40:52,074 --> 00:40:55,494
You people, seek cover!
To the parapet!
438
00:40:56,536 --> 00:40:58,580
Seek your children!
439
00:40:58,664 --> 00:40:59,957
[horses whinnying]
440
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:01,750
Steady the horses!
441
00:41:02,334 --> 00:41:04,920
Something's wrong.
Something's amiss.
442
00:41:07,714 --> 00:41:08,799
[screams]
443
00:41:38,453 --> 00:41:39,871
Where'd you go?
Where'd you g...
444
00:41:40,038 --> 00:41:41,707
[screaming]
445
00:41:43,291 --> 00:41:45,085
[screaming]
446
00:41:45,252 --> 00:41:47,004
[blowing air through nose]
447
00:42:04,855 --> 00:42:07,399
[shouting]
448
00:42:07,566 --> 00:42:09,735
[birds chirping]
449
00:42:14,531 --> 00:42:16,575
Oh!
I'll crush ya!
450
00:42:16,658 --> 00:42:19,161
I'll mash ya into paste,
you bony cretins...
451
00:42:39,598 --> 00:42:41,099
Hyah!
452
00:42:44,144 --> 00:42:46,688
I'm through being
their garbage boy.
453
00:42:46,855 --> 00:42:47,773
I did my part.
454
00:42:47,856 --> 00:42:50,901
Now I want back,
like in the deal.
455
00:42:51,151 --> 00:42:52,319
Hyah!
456
00:43:02,746 --> 00:43:03,955
I---
457
00:43:04,748 --> 00:43:06,041
live...
458
00:43:07,876 --> 00:43:10,128
again.
459
00:43:19,846 --> 00:43:22,349
There!
The Promised One!
460
00:43:22,432 --> 00:43:24,392
The Promised One's returned!
461
00:43:24,476 --> 00:43:27,145
[guard] Raise the portcullis!
462
00:43:30,232 --> 00:43:31,858
Welcome home!
463
00:43:33,276 --> 00:43:35,237
[man] We're saved!
464
00:43:35,821 --> 00:43:37,239
[woman] The Necronomicon!
465
00:43:37,405 --> 00:43:39,574
[man] Truly he is
The Promised One!
466
00:43:40,158 --> 00:43:41,910
[man 2] He's brought
the Necronomicon!
467
00:43:42,077 --> 00:43:43,870
- How are ya?
- He's brought the book!
468
00:43:43,954 --> 00:43:45,330
Yeah, great, great.
469
00:43:45,497 --> 00:43:46,540
Good boy!
470
00:43:46,623 --> 00:43:48,125
Get the fuck outta my face!
471
00:43:54,422 --> 00:43:56,258
The Necronomicon, quickly.
472
00:43:56,341 --> 00:43:58,718
Did you bring
the Necronomicon?
473
00:43:59,386 --> 00:44:01,138
Yeah, it's, it's just that...
474
00:44:01,221 --> 00:44:02,264
Just what?
475
00:44:03,473 --> 00:44:05,767
Nothin'. Here.
476
00:44:08,270 --> 00:44:09,813
[people gasping]
477
00:44:12,566 --> 00:44:15,068
Now send me back.
Like in the deal.
478
00:44:15,443 --> 00:44:17,737
When you removed the
Necronomicon from the cradle,
479
00:44:17,904 --> 00:44:19,531
did you speak the words?
480
00:44:20,282 --> 00:44:21,867
Yeah, basically.
481
00:44:21,950 --> 00:44:23,410
Did you speak the exact words?
482
00:44:23,493 --> 00:44:26,079
Look, maybe I didn't say every
single, little tiny syllable,
483
00:44:26,163 --> 00:44:28,081
no, but basically
I said 'em, yeah.
484
00:44:28,165 --> 00:44:29,416
Dung-eating fool!
485
00:44:29,499 --> 00:44:31,209
Thou hast doomed us all!
486
00:44:31,418 --> 00:44:34,963
When thou misspoke the words,
the army of the dead awoke!
487
00:44:35,130 --> 00:44:37,507
Now, whoa, whoa,
right there, spinach chin.
488
00:44:37,591 --> 00:44:40,594
You said you could clean this
mess up once you got that book.
489
00:44:40,677 --> 00:44:42,179
You said there was
a passage in there
490
00:44:42,345 --> 00:44:44,472
that could get rid of this
thing and send me back.
491
00:44:44,556 --> 00:44:47,184
It's true, the book still possesses
the power to send you back,
492
00:44:47,267 --> 00:44:49,060
but to us it is useless!
493
00:44:49,144 --> 00:44:52,147
The evil has a terrible hunger
for the Necronomicon,
494
00:44:52,230 --> 00:44:54,608
and it will come
here to get it.
495
00:44:55,358 --> 00:44:57,235
We had a deal.
496
00:44:57,611 --> 00:45:00,405
You wanted the damn book,
I got it for ya.
497
00:45:00,488 --> 00:45:02,574
I did my part,
now you send me back.
498
00:45:02,657 --> 00:45:03,742
[Arthur] Very well.
499
00:45:04,159 --> 00:45:08,371
As we are men of our word,
we shall honor our bargain.
500
00:45:09,372 --> 00:45:12,542
The wise men shall return
you to your own time.
501
00:45:13,293 --> 00:45:14,502
Yeah?
502
00:45:15,670 --> 00:45:17,172
[man] I thought he was the one.
503
00:45:17,255 --> 00:45:19,758
Yeah, right.
"Cause that was the deal.
504
00:45:19,841 --> 00:45:22,510
So when do you think we can...
505
00:45:22,761 --> 00:45:25,597
start with all the thing
and the...
506
00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:28,099
[woman] He's nothin'
but a traitor, he is!
507
00:45:28,391 --> 00:45:30,936
When do you think
we can start with all the...
508
00:45:31,228 --> 00:45:33,021
ceremony and...
509
00:45:34,147 --> 00:45:35,941
Wretched excuse for a man!
510
00:45:36,024 --> 00:45:39,027
The wise men were fools
to trust in you.
511
00:45:39,986 --> 00:45:42,197
[soldier]
I knew he couldn't be trusted.
512
00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:44,199
[man] We put our trust in him.
513
00:45:45,492 --> 00:45:48,036
I still believe that
thou wilt help us.
514
00:45:48,161 --> 00:45:51,957
Oh, Sheila, don't you get it?
It's over.
515
00:45:53,416 --> 00:45:55,543
I didn't have what it took.
516
00:45:57,921 --> 00:45:59,214
So long.
517
00:46:03,843 --> 00:46:06,096
But what of the things
that we've shared?
518
00:46:06,179 --> 00:46:08,974
What of all the sweet words
that you spoke in private?
519
00:46:09,057 --> 00:46:10,475
Oh, well...
520
00:46:11,601 --> 00:46:14,729
Well, that's just what
we call "pillow talk," baby.
521
00:46:14,813 --> 00:46:16,106
That's all.
522
00:46:16,189 --> 00:46:18,108
It was more than that.
523
00:46:19,776 --> 00:46:22,153
I still have faith in thee.
524
00:46:22,570 --> 00:46:25,198
I still believe that
thou wilt stay and save us.
525
00:46:25,282 --> 00:46:26,491
I---
526
00:46:30,412 --> 00:46:31,454
[sobs]
527
00:46:31,538 --> 00:46:32,914
Coward!
528
00:46:35,750 --> 00:46:36,751
[squawking]
529
00:46:36,835 --> 00:46:38,753
[soldier] Look there! A demon!
530
00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:41,089
[crowd screaming]
531
00:46:51,516 --> 00:46:53,268
[soldier] Let's get out of here!
532
00:46:54,853 --> 00:46:57,355
[Sheila] Ash! Help me!
533
00:46:57,814 --> 00:46:59,190
Sheila!
534
00:46:59,357 --> 00:47:01,568
[all screaming]
535
00:47:10,952 --> 00:47:12,704
Shoot the bloody thing!
536
00:47:12,787 --> 00:47:15,290
Hold your arms!
You'll hit the girl!
537
00:47:19,836 --> 00:47:21,629
Me sword!
538
00:47:26,634 --> 00:47:28,345
Damn you!
539
00:47:46,654 --> 00:47:48,323
Dig, damn you!
540
00:47:49,532 --> 00:47:51,242
Dig faster!
541
00:47:51,576 --> 00:47:54,579
I shall command every
worm-infested son of a bitch
542
00:47:54,662 --> 00:47:56,164
- that ever died in battle!
- Thank you, sir!
543
00:47:56,247 --> 00:47:57,624
You there, handsomely now.
544
00:47:57,707 --> 00:47:58,750
Aye, my liege.
545
00:47:58,833 --> 00:48:01,419
We shall storm their castle
and get my book!
546
00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:04,130
Hoist, you damnable varlets!
547
00:48:06,007 --> 00:48:07,717
[coughing]
548
00:48:07,884 --> 00:48:08,718
[cackling]
549
00:48:08,885 --> 00:48:12,097
Welcome back to the land
of the living.
550
00:48:12,764 --> 00:48:15,350
Now pick up a shovel
and get digging!
551
00:48:17,519 --> 00:48:19,354
Bring on the wench!
552
00:48:23,942 --> 00:48:26,903
[growling]
553
00:48:31,199 --> 00:48:33,284
Gimme me some sugar, baby.
554
00:48:33,701 --> 00:48:34,702
[screaming]
555
00:48:36,246 --> 00:48:37,705
Well.
556
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:43,128
Now, ain't you
a sweet little thing?
557
00:48:43,461 --> 00:48:46,131
Don't touch me,
you foul thing!
558
00:48:46,756 --> 00:48:48,258
Come on.
559
00:48:48,550 --> 00:48:50,093
That's it.
560
00:48:53,847 --> 00:48:56,683
We got plans for you,
girly-girl. Move!
561
00:48:58,226 --> 00:49:01,187
Have you lost your bones,
you decomposed gobs?
562
00:49:01,271 --> 00:49:02,814
Get thee hence!
563
00:49:02,897 --> 00:49:04,315
[screaming]
564
00:49:11,698 --> 00:49:14,075
- A scout approaches!
- [trumpets blaring]
565
00:49:19,747 --> 00:49:21,875
Whoa!
Hey, get his horse.
566
00:49:23,376 --> 00:49:24,502
Arise.
567
00:49:24,586 --> 00:49:27,338
My lord, an army of the dead
gather in the wilderness.
568
00:49:27,422 --> 00:49:28,381
They approach the castle.
569
00:49:28,465 --> 00:49:29,507
How far from here?
570
00:49:29,591 --> 00:49:31,134
"Bout two days' ride.
571
00:49:31,301 --> 00:49:32,927
These winged ones
are only the first of them.
572
00:49:33,011 --> 00:49:34,846
Perhaps we should leave this place
as soon as possible.
573
00:49:34,929 --> 00:49:37,015
We could be safe in the mountains.
Yes, the mountains.
574
00:49:37,098 --> 00:49:39,601
We must flee! It is written.
It has been foretold.
575
00:49:39,684 --> 00:49:41,102
They'll take our souls.
I'm afraid!
576
00:49:41,186 --> 00:49:42,353
They'll swallow our souls.
577
00:49:42,437 --> 00:49:43,938
I don't want to die!
578
00:49:44,022 --> 00:49:45,148
[gunshot]
579
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:46,774
That's it.
580
00:49:47,942 --> 00:49:49,569
Go ahead and run.
581
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:52,614
Run home and cry to mama!
582
00:49:53,323 --> 00:49:54,449
Me?
583
00:49:55,533 --> 00:49:57,327
I'm through runnin'!
584
00:49:59,329 --> 00:50:02,123
I say we stay here
and fight it out.
585
00:50:02,373 --> 00:50:06,794
Are all men from the future
loudmouthed braggarts?
586
00:50:06,961 --> 00:50:08,129
Nope.
587
00:50:08,630 --> 00:50:11,382
Just me, baby.
Just me.
588
00:50:12,592 --> 00:50:16,304
How will we fight an army of
the dead at our castle walls?
589
00:50:16,596 --> 00:50:19,182
How will you fight that?
More words?
590
00:50:19,474 --> 00:50:21,601
Most of our people
have already fled.
591
00:50:21,684 --> 00:50:23,603
We are but 60 men.
592
00:50:24,687 --> 00:50:27,774
Then we'll get Henry the Red
and his men to fight with us.
593
00:50:31,069 --> 00:50:32,237
Now...
594
00:50:33,488 --> 00:50:34,989
who's with me?
595
00:50:49,128 --> 00:50:50,838
I'll stand by ya.
596
00:50:53,132 --> 00:50:55,593
You can count on my steel.
597
00:50:55,802 --> 00:50:57,679
[soldier]
I'll offer up my courage.
598
00:50:57,762 --> 00:50:59,681
Me sword's by his side.
599
00:50:59,764 --> 00:51:01,182
[soldier 2] I'm with you!
600
00:51:01,432 --> 00:51:04,352
- I'll bend my bow to your will, sir.
- [soldier 3] And mine!
601
00:51:04,435 --> 00:51:05,687
[all shouting]
602
00:51:06,688 --> 00:51:08,106
[man] We'll stay!
603
00:51:08,314 --> 00:51:10,149
[all] Hail! Hail!
604
00:51:10,233 --> 00:51:12,443
Hail! Hail!
605
00:51:12,694 --> 00:51:17,073
Hail! Hail! Hail!
606
00:51:26,374 --> 00:51:27,959
Well, my dear,
607
00:51:28,334 --> 00:51:30,878
say hello to the boys.
608
00:51:35,967 --> 00:51:36,968
[men murmuring]
609
00:51:37,051 --> 00:51:39,554
[skeleton] There's a
sight for sore bones.
610
00:51:43,725 --> 00:51:45,310
I may be bad...
611
00:51:46,102 --> 00:51:49,314
but I feel... good.
612
00:51:50,356 --> 00:51:52,442
- Who rules?
- [skeleton] To you, my lord.
613
00:51:52,525 --> 00:51:54,319
- You, sir.
- To the castle.
614
00:51:54,402 --> 00:51:55,903
[all] The castle!
615
00:51:59,449 --> 00:52:00,908
Hurry up now.
616
00:52:01,659 --> 00:52:03,578
The castle! Let's push.
617
00:52:03,703 --> 00:52:05,663
- [man] Heave-ho.
- [man 2] Good. Yeah.
618
00:53:06,307 --> 00:53:09,644
Hah! Hoo! Hi-yah!
619
00:53:09,811 --> 00:53:12,855
[all]] Hah! Hoo! Hi-yah!
620
00:53:13,856 --> 00:53:15,066
Yeah!
621
00:53:15,650 --> 00:53:17,110
[horse whinnying]
622
00:53:17,193 --> 00:53:18,695
[man] They're coming!
623
00:53:18,903 --> 00:53:21,322
The Deadites approach!
624
00:53:33,000 --> 00:53:34,711
[all shouting]
625
00:53:38,506 --> 00:53:40,591
[Ash]
There's so damn many of 'em.
626
00:53:43,761 --> 00:53:45,179
Maybe...
627
00:53:45,638 --> 00:53:49,183
Just maybe my boys can stop
'em from gettin' the book.
628
00:53:54,063 --> 00:53:55,398
Yeah.
629
00:53:55,481 --> 00:53:58,067
And maybe I'm a
Chinese jet pilot.
630
00:53:58,693 --> 00:54:00,027
[playing flute]
631
00:54:04,866 --> 00:54:07,368
[bagpipes playing]
632
00:54:31,684 --> 00:54:33,186
Battle stations!
633
00:54:33,269 --> 00:54:36,105
All right, get those rocks up,
mister, on the double!
634
00:54:36,189 --> 00:54:37,815
Ready the catapults!
635
00:54:37,940 --> 00:54:40,401
By God,
let's give 'em what for.
636
00:54:49,285 --> 00:54:50,536
[skeleton] And halt!
637
00:54:50,620 --> 00:54:52,705
[skeleton 2] Company, halt!
638
00:54:52,914 --> 00:54:54,540
[skeleton 3] Company, halt!
639
00:55:02,256 --> 00:55:04,801
I'll rip his balls off.
640
00:55:05,802 --> 00:55:08,971
[hissing]
641
00:55:18,731 --> 00:55:20,107
[hissing]
642
00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:39,877
Bring forth the scout!
643
00:55:42,588 --> 00:55:44,173
Whoa.
644
00:55:44,715 --> 00:55:47,593
My lord, we are positioned
on both fronts.
645
00:55:47,677 --> 00:55:48,886
Fine, fine, fine.
646
00:55:49,011 --> 00:55:51,138
Where are they
keeping my book?
647
00:55:51,472 --> 00:55:53,558
There, my lord,
beyond the wall.
648
00:55:53,641 --> 00:55:54,392
The parapet.
649
00:55:54,517 --> 00:55:56,686
That would be the
most likely place.
650
00:55:57,520 --> 00:55:58,729
Right.
651
00:55:58,813 --> 00:56:02,108
Bring me forth
into that castle!
652
00:56:02,191 --> 00:56:03,568
Forward!
653
00:56:03,651 --> 00:56:05,236
Forward!
654
00:56:05,319 --> 00:56:09,991
Cry havoc and let loose
the dogs of war!
655
00:56:10,074 --> 00:56:12,827
To the castle!
656
00:56:12,994 --> 00:56:15,538
Fly, mate!
Fly!
657
00:56:16,622 --> 00:56:19,250
Death to the mortals!
658
00:56:22,420 --> 00:56:23,671
Arrows.
659
00:56:23,796 --> 00:56:25,631
Torch boy!
660
00:57:01,334 --> 00:57:02,543
Steady.
661
00:57:09,425 --> 00:57:10,885
Fire!
662
00:57:13,179 --> 00:57:15,765
[skeleton]
Advance, you beasts, advance!
663
00:57:16,098 --> 00:57:19,727
[skeletons screaming]
664
00:57:21,938 --> 00:57:25,191
[screaming]
665
00:57:26,567 --> 00:57:29,070
[grunting]
666
00:57:30,237 --> 00:57:31,739
[skeleton screams]
667
00:57:32,114 --> 00:57:34,700
Yeah, baby!
668
00:57:37,620 --> 00:57:38,996
[screaming]
669
00:57:39,163 --> 00:57:41,123
All right! [laughing]
670
00:57:41,332 --> 00:57:42,959
[screaming]
671
00:57:44,251 --> 00:57:46,754
Sire, there's a second division
approaching from the south.
672
00:57:48,547 --> 00:57:51,217
[skeleton] Ram the gates!
673
00:57:55,429 --> 00:57:56,764
Catapults.
674
00:57:57,098 --> 00:57:59,350
Catapults out!
675
00:57:59,517 --> 00:58:02,812
[all shouting]
676
00:58:07,650 --> 00:58:08,651
Yeah!
677
00:58:09,902 --> 00:58:11,988
Fire!
678
00:58:17,660 --> 00:58:20,705
- [skeleton] Look there!
- [skeleton 2] What in blazes?
679
00:58:21,205 --> 00:58:22,206
[shouts]
680
00:58:22,957 --> 00:58:23,958
[screams]
681
00:58:24,125 --> 00:58:25,292
Yeah!
682
00:58:27,670 --> 00:58:28,796
[skeleton] Seek cover!
683
00:58:29,630 --> 00:58:31,632
- [skeleton 2] Watch out!
- [skeleton 3] Make way!
684
00:58:31,799 --> 00:58:34,552
[all screaming]
685
00:58:34,719 --> 00:58:36,554
[all laughing]
686
00:58:39,056 --> 00:58:43,060
[all screaming]
687
00:58:43,853 --> 00:58:44,979
No!
688
00:58:45,146 --> 00:58:48,065
Oh, you miserable
bags of bones!
689
00:58:48,149 --> 00:58:51,819
Pick yourselves
up and sally fo...
690
00:58:52,820 --> 00:58:54,447
Sally for...
691
00:58:55,448 --> 00:58:57,450
Sally forth.
692
00:59:01,203 --> 00:59:03,664
[skeleton] Come on,
you miserable wretches.
693
00:59:04,665 --> 00:59:05,833
Lower.
694
00:59:06,542 --> 00:59:07,960
Heave!
695
00:59:14,175 --> 00:59:15,593
Forward!
696
00:59:18,012 --> 00:59:20,514
Buttress the door, now!
697
00:59:31,317 --> 00:59:32,860
[men screaming]
698
00:59:33,027 --> 00:59:34,028
Hold fast!
699
00:59:37,531 --> 00:59:39,950
- Back!
- [man] Stone these creatures!
700
00:59:40,034 --> 00:59:41,368
Damn you!
701
00:59:44,914 --> 00:59:46,874
That's got to hurt.
702
00:59:47,208 --> 00:59:49,794
Go, you cretins!
Arrows!
703
00:59:49,877 --> 00:59:51,003
[skeleton] Load!
704
00:59:51,337 --> 00:59:52,630
Fire!
705
00:59:57,551 --> 01:00:00,262
Heave!
Put your backbones into it.
706
01:00:02,473 --> 01:00:05,309
We've broken through!
The castle is ours!
707
01:00:05,392 --> 01:00:06,894
[whooping]
708
01:00:07,353 --> 01:00:08,813
[laughing]
709
01:00:10,106 --> 01:00:13,067
Kill the mortals!
710
01:00:15,528 --> 01:00:17,363
Get it achieved and fast!
711
01:00:33,587 --> 01:00:36,799
[skeleton] Their ranks are broken!
Have at them!
712
01:00:38,300 --> 01:00:42,179
Hah! Hoo! Hi-yah! Hah! Hoo! Hi-yah!
713
01:00:48,727 --> 01:00:51,313
Pull back! Man the parapet!
714
01:00:51,647 --> 01:00:53,440
Protect the book.
715
01:00:53,607 --> 01:00:56,110
- [soldier] Retreat!
- God save us all.
716
01:01:01,282 --> 01:01:03,701
Say hello to the 21st century.
717
01:01:03,784 --> 01:01:04,952
Yeah!
718
01:01:05,119 --> 01:01:06,412
Nooooo!
719
01:01:16,630 --> 01:01:17,590
Come on!
720
01:01:17,756 --> 01:01:19,508
I got plenty
for everybody!
721
01:01:19,884 --> 01:01:21,135
Look out!
722
01:01:23,679 --> 01:01:25,306
[whistle blowing]
723
01:01:28,350 --> 01:01:30,436
- [snarls]
- Bye-bye.
724
01:01:32,897 --> 01:01:34,648
It's the one in the
cart we want!
725
01:01:34,815 --> 01:01:35,691
Get him!
726
01:01:45,451 --> 01:01:46,994
[cheering]
727
01:01:47,161 --> 01:01:48,996
Sheila!
728
01:02:10,684 --> 01:02:12,061
Sheila?
729
01:02:13,187 --> 01:02:14,772
[tires screeching]
730
01:02:35,709 --> 01:02:37,086
[laughs]
731
01:02:37,253 --> 01:02:38,837
We've secured
the courtyard, my lord.
732
01:02:38,921 --> 01:02:40,089
Excellent.
733
01:02:53,394 --> 01:02:55,896
Oh! Hey!
Look out!
734
01:03:03,237 --> 01:03:05,364
Hey, you're mine, sweetie.
735
01:03:05,447 --> 01:03:07,074
Get off of her!
736
01:03:11,996 --> 01:03:13,289
Gotcha!
737
01:03:13,706 --> 01:03:15,457
[Arthur] Damn you!
738
01:03:18,711 --> 01:03:19,753
My lord.
739
01:03:19,837 --> 01:03:21,255
Stay with the book.
740
01:03:21,588 --> 01:03:23,590
[skeleton] The book will be ours!
741
01:03:27,553 --> 01:03:29,346
The Red! The Red!
742
01:03:29,513 --> 01:03:31,432
Duke Henry and
his men have come!
743
01:03:31,598 --> 01:03:33,100
[all shouting]
744
01:03:34,727 --> 01:03:40,024
Blows, blood
and death!
745
01:03:42,735 --> 01:03:44,862
Duke Henry!
746
01:03:51,118 --> 01:03:52,453
Die!
747
01:03:55,622 --> 01:03:59,710
[Henry] Onward, valiant cousins!
Their ranks are broke!
748
01:04:07,176 --> 01:04:08,427
Oops!
749
01:04:10,054 --> 01:04:11,347
Hello!
750
01:04:17,478 --> 01:04:18,979
There you go.
751
01:04:21,190 --> 01:04:22,983
The book is mine.
752
01:04:24,526 --> 01:04:25,944
[laughing]
753
01:04:32,159 --> 01:04:34,203
I'll cut your gizzard out.
754
01:04:35,162 --> 01:04:37,164
Hey, where'd he go?
Hey!
755
01:04:40,501 --> 01:04:42,336
[screaming]
756
01:04:47,883 --> 01:04:49,385
Come to papa.
757
01:04:50,594 --> 01:04:52,096
Get him!
758
01:05:19,039 --> 01:05:21,542
Oh, you crazy bitch,
get off of me!
759
01:05:27,714 --> 01:05:28,882
Right.
760
01:05:36,223 --> 01:05:38,559
You found me beautiful once.
761
01:05:39,059 --> 01:05:41,645
Honey, you got real ugly.
762
01:05:59,288 --> 01:06:00,747
There we are.
763
01:06:09,798 --> 01:06:11,425
So you wanna play rough, eh?
764
01:06:11,592 --> 01:06:12,926
Okay.
765
01:06:16,847 --> 01:06:18,015
Oh.
766
01:06:22,102 --> 01:06:24,021
All right, all right.
767
01:06:28,150 --> 01:06:30,027
Prepare to die!
768
01:06:43,165 --> 01:06:44,708
You're going down!
769
01:06:45,918 --> 01:06:47,419
I'm going up.
770
01:06:47,503 --> 01:06:48,921
I'm coming for you.
771
01:06:57,471 --> 01:06:58,722
Come on!
772
01:07:12,819 --> 01:07:14,738
Oops.
Excuse me.
773
01:07:14,821 --> 01:07:15,948
Come on.
774
01:07:16,031 --> 01:07:17,449
All right!
775
01:07:19,243 --> 01:07:22,746
You're pissing me off,
you ugly son of a bitch!
776
01:07:40,556 --> 01:07:43,559
I'll spoil those good looks.
777
01:07:45,477 --> 01:07:46,979
Back-stabber!
778
01:07:51,984 --> 01:07:53,360
Hold still!
779
01:07:59,074 --> 01:08:01,618
[screaming]
780
01:08:04,663 --> 01:08:06,540
Tally-ho!
781
01:08:07,416 --> 01:08:08,792
[screaming]
782
01:08:09,376 --> 01:08:10,711
[cackling]
783
01:08:10,919 --> 01:08:12,838
We can't hold the battlements!
784
01:08:12,921 --> 01:08:16,008
We will hold!
We must protect the book!
785
01:08:20,220 --> 01:08:21,805
[growling]
786
01:08:28,437 --> 01:08:30,772
I got a bone to pick with you.
787
01:08:31,315 --> 01:08:32,608
Come on.
788
01:08:39,531 --> 01:08:41,575
Slice that gizzard open.
789
01:08:57,841 --> 01:08:59,593
Now you're mine.
790
01:09:01,928 --> 01:09:04,723
- [exclaiming]
- [clicking]
791
01:09:10,228 --> 01:09:11,897
[screaming]
792
01:09:20,989 --> 01:09:22,658
At last, the book.
793
01:09:28,747 --> 01:09:30,749
I possess the Necronomicon.
794
01:09:30,832 --> 01:09:32,751
I've crushed your
pathetic army.
795
01:09:32,834 --> 01:09:35,003
Now I'll have my vengeance.
796
01:09:35,128 --> 01:09:38,674
Buckle up, bonehead,
'cause you're goin' for a ride.
797
01:09:38,757 --> 01:09:39,966
Huh?
798
01:09:40,133 --> 01:09:42,636
Noooo!
799
01:09:44,805 --> 01:09:47,974
- [screaming]
- [train whistle blowing]
800
01:09:53,897 --> 01:09:55,273
[soldier] Victory's ours!
801
01:09:55,440 --> 01:09:57,025
[all cheering]
802
01:09:58,485 --> 01:09:59,945
Retreat! Retreat!
803
01:10:00,028 --> 01:10:01,822
Let's get the hell
out of here!
804
01:10:03,073 --> 01:10:06,118
[cheering]
805
01:10:29,891 --> 01:10:31,101
[Henry] Tricky ones, they are.
806
01:10:31,184 --> 01:10:32,811
[man]
If it's a fight you want...
807
01:10:33,353 --> 01:10:36,523
[Arthur] Watch 'em, lads.
They're an untrustworthy lot.
808
01:10:51,496 --> 01:10:52,998
[swords swishing]
809
01:11:11,224 --> 01:11:15,103
[all cheering]
810
01:11:23,570 --> 01:11:25,363
Move yourself, lad!
811
01:11:25,572 --> 01:11:27,073
- Your hand, man.
- Hey, Henry.
812
01:11:27,157 --> 01:11:28,575
- Godspeed!
- Yeah, nice going.
813
01:11:28,658 --> 01:11:29,993
- My lady.
- Arthur.
814
01:11:30,076 --> 01:11:31,661
Well won, my friend.
815
01:11:31,745 --> 01:11:32,996
We've won the day.
816
01:11:33,079 --> 01:11:36,041
[all]] Yeah!
817
01:11:39,753 --> 01:11:43,673
We're brothers and a new
kingdom shall be born!
818
01:11:46,885 --> 01:11:50,013
The book tells us that
once you drink this liquid
819
01:11:50,096 --> 01:11:53,850
and recite the words,
"Klaatu barada nikto, "
820
01:11:53,934 --> 01:11:56,603
thou shalt awaken
in thine own time.
821
01:11:59,272 --> 01:12:03,193
Remember, you must
recite the words exactly.
822
01:12:34,432 --> 01:12:35,767
Hyah!
823
01:12:46,903 --> 01:12:48,864
[Ash] So I left her there.
824
01:12:55,954 --> 01:12:57,956
I thought about staying.
825
01:12:58,123 --> 01:12:59,916
They offered me the
chance to lead them,
826
01:13:00,083 --> 01:13:02,544
to teach them,
to be king.
827
01:13:03,378 --> 01:13:04,379
Uh-huh.
828
01:13:04,504 --> 01:13:05,922
But my place is here.
829
01:13:06,006 --> 01:13:09,759
So I swallowed the juice,
said the words and here I am.
830
01:13:09,843 --> 01:13:12,178
Did you say the words
right this time?
831
01:13:13,513 --> 01:13:16,474
Well, maybe I didn't say every
single, tiny little syllable, no,
832
01:13:16,558 --> 01:13:18,852
but basically
I said 'em, yeah.
833
01:13:20,437 --> 01:13:21,938
Basically.
834
01:13:25,275 --> 01:13:28,236
You know that story about
how you could've been king?
835
01:13:28,653 --> 01:13:30,906
I think it's kind of cute.
836
01:13:32,282 --> 01:13:33,491
Yeah.
837
01:13:34,868 --> 01:13:36,786
[eerie shrieking]
838
01:13:42,959 --> 01:13:44,252
[screaming]
839
01:13:52,385 --> 01:13:53,720
Die!
840
01:13:53,887 --> 01:13:55,722
[screaming]
841
01:14:05,315 --> 01:14:06,650
[gunshot]
842
01:14:08,610 --> 01:14:11,446
Lady, I'm afraid I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave the store.
843
01:14:11,988 --> 01:14:13,907
Who the hell are you?
844
01:14:14,199 --> 01:14:15,617
Name's Ash.
845
01:14:17,702 --> 01:14:19,079
Housewares.
846
01:14:39,766 --> 01:14:42,268
I'll swallow your soul.
847
01:14:42,560 --> 01:14:43,812
Come get some.
848
01:15:04,124 --> 01:15:06,710
[Ash] Sure, I could've
stayed in the past.
849
01:15:08,586 --> 01:15:10,255
Could've even been king.
850
01:15:12,340 --> 01:15:14,050
But in my own way...
851
01:15:14,843 --> 01:15:16,261
I am king.
852
01:15:18,138 --> 01:15:20,056
Hail to the king, baby.
54996
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