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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:49,590 [Ash] My name is Ash, and I am a slave. 2 00:00:50,258 --> 00:00:51,300 [whip cracking] 3 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,593 [groaning] 4 00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:56,097 Close as I can figure it, the year is 1300 A.D., 5 00:00:56,180 --> 00:00:58,349 and I'm being dragged to my death. 6 00:00:58,599 --> 00:01:00,351 It wasn't always like this. 7 00:01:01,602 --> 00:01:03,688 I had a real life once. 8 00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:06,732 A job. 9 00:01:08,776 --> 00:01:10,236 [woman on PA] Ash to price check four. 10 00:01:12,905 --> 00:01:14,824 Um, hardware, aisle 12. 11 00:01:15,366 --> 00:01:17,368 Shop smart. Shop S-mart. 12 00:01:17,535 --> 00:01:20,663 I had a wonderful girlfriend, Linda. 13 00:01:23,708 --> 00:01:26,877 Together, we drove to a small cabin in the mountains. 14 00:01:31,173 --> 00:01:33,968 It seems an archaeologist had come to this remote place 15 00:01:34,051 --> 00:01:36,804 to translate and study his latest find... 16 00:01:37,888 --> 00:01:40,099 Necronomicon Ex Mortis, 17 00:01:40,558 --> 00:01:42,727 the Book of the Dead. 18 00:01:44,478 --> 00:01:47,982 Bound in human flesh and inked in blood, 19 00:01:48,065 --> 00:01:52,570 this ancient Sumerian text contained bizarre burial rites, 20 00:01:52,653 --> 00:01:57,074 funerary incantations and demon resurrection passages. 21 00:01:58,409 --> 00:02:01,078 It was never meant for the world of the living. 22 00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:04,707 The book awoke something dark in the woods. 23 00:02:09,545 --> 00:02:11,255 [screaming] 24 00:02:11,422 --> 00:02:12,798 It took Linda. 25 00:02:14,091 --> 00:02:16,344 And then it came for me. 26 00:02:16,427 --> 00:02:17,511 [screams] 27 00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:19,972 It got into my hand and it went bad. 28 00:02:20,514 --> 00:02:22,808 So I lopped it off at the wrist. 29 00:02:23,517 --> 00:02:25,603 [chainsaw whirring] 30 00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:28,481 [laughing, screaming] 31 00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:31,776 But that didn't stop it. It came back. 32 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:35,196 Big time. 33 00:02:42,161 --> 00:02:45,373 [screaming] 34 00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:53,798 My God! 35 00:02:54,423 --> 00:02:56,092 How do you stop it? 36 00:03:00,846 --> 00:03:02,556 [screaming] 37 00:03:26,163 --> 00:03:27,748 [explosion] 38 00:03:27,915 --> 00:03:29,709 [screaming] 39 00:03:39,802 --> 00:03:41,554 [crashing] 40 00:03:48,769 --> 00:03:50,229 [groaning] 41 00:03:52,857 --> 00:03:54,775 [man] Surround the stranger! 42 00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:56,944 [horses whinnying] 43 00:03:59,655 --> 00:04:01,699 [soldier] All right, you men, fall in! 44 00:04:06,203 --> 00:04:07,580 All o' ya, keep apace! 45 00:04:07,663 --> 00:04:10,666 Where in the hell... 46 00:04:12,042 --> 00:04:13,711 [soldiers shouting] 47 00:04:17,715 --> 00:04:19,884 [soldier] Stand fast, hellhound! 48 00:04:20,050 --> 00:04:23,763 [Ash] Now, now. Easy now, chief. 49 00:04:24,388 --> 00:04:26,015 I don't know how I got here, 50 00:04:26,098 --> 00:04:30,060 and, uh, uh, I--I'm not looking for any trouble. 51 00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:35,024 [soldier] What a piece of armor this is! 52 00:04:36,358 --> 00:04:37,401 Wise man! 53 00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:41,030 Fall back! Come on, all you men. Back on your horses. Come on! 54 00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:47,286 My lord, I believe he is the one written of in the Necronomicon. 55 00:04:47,369 --> 00:04:49,663 He who's prophesized to fall from the heavens 56 00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:52,374 and deliver us from the terrors of the Deadites. 57 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:54,585 [Arthur] What, that buffoon? 58 00:04:54,668 --> 00:04:56,003 Likely, 59 00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:58,756 he's one of Henry's men! 60 00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:02,551 Kneel, rapscallions! 61 00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:06,138 I say to the pit with him! 62 00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:08,933 [guard] You shall soon learn the horrors of the pit. 63 00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:11,852 To the pit! 64 00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:13,521 You miserable bast... 65 00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:15,314 [grunting] 66 00:05:15,397 --> 00:05:17,107 Get him! Get off of me! 67 00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:20,444 Let me go! 68 00:05:21,028 --> 00:05:22,446 [soldier] Chain him! 69 00:05:25,032 --> 00:05:27,785 [soldier] You're gonna have a little bit of wee fun, mate. 70 00:05:29,286 --> 00:05:30,454 [Arthur] To the castle! 71 00:05:34,166 --> 00:05:36,877 [soldier] Pick up your feet! Stop draggin' your feet! 72 00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:39,296 Come on! Move along! 73 00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:40,673 Come on, now. 74 00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:44,552 Come on, pick it up. Have a taste of this! 75 00:05:44,635 --> 00:05:46,136 [whip cracking] 76 00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:48,722 [grunting] 77 00:05:52,476 --> 00:05:55,062 [guard] All right, you men, you got something to look forward to 78 00:05:55,145 --> 00:05:57,982 when you get back to the castle. [laughs] 79 00:05:58,649 --> 00:06:02,278 [soldier] Lord Arthur approaches! Raise the portcullis! 80 00:06:04,321 --> 00:06:08,158 Lord Arthur! Lord Arthur approaches! 81 00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:15,791 [guard] That's lovely, isn't it? Move it in. 82 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:18,085 Move it, you worthless... 83 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,130 Get on! 84 00:06:34,685 --> 00:06:36,645 [crowd jeering] 85 00:06:39,023 --> 00:06:40,399 [man] Move it up, boys. 86 00:06:40,482 --> 00:06:41,817 [man 2] God save the king! 87 00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:44,236 God save the king. We love him! 88 00:06:47,239 --> 00:06:50,034 [man 3] Arthur! He's back! 89 00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:54,830 Lord Arthur, where is my brother? Did he not ride with you? 90 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:57,207 Aye, and fought valiantly. 91 00:06:57,541 --> 00:07:00,794 But last night he fell in battle to Duke Henry's men. 92 00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:03,047 I'm sorry, Sheila. 93 00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:05,215 Come on. 94 00:07:05,382 --> 00:07:08,636 [Ash] You cretin! Stop it, you bastard! 95 00:07:08,969 --> 00:07:10,429 [yelling] 96 00:07:10,512 --> 00:07:11,805 You barbarian! 97 00:07:13,557 --> 00:07:15,434 [children laughing] Oh, no! Stop it! Stop it! 98 00:07:15,517 --> 00:07:17,603 Get outta here, you little brat! 99 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:25,778 Foul thing! A pox on you, brute! 100 00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:28,948 Thou art a murderer! A black murderer! 101 00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:30,991 [hair tearing] 102 00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:36,413 My brother's death shall be avenged! 103 00:07:50,594 --> 00:07:52,930 [soldier] Company, halt! 104 00:07:56,850 --> 00:07:58,477 [soldier 2] Get that yoke off 'im! 105 00:08:00,896 --> 00:08:02,231 Kill them! 106 00:08:03,607 --> 00:08:05,776 [woman] Put them into the pit! 107 00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:15,536 [man] You, sir, are not one of my vassals. 108 00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:18,247 Who are you? 109 00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:20,791 Who wants to know? 110 00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:24,128 I am Henry the Red, 111 00:08:24,211 --> 00:08:28,674 Duke of Shael, Lord of the North lands and leader of its peoples. 112 00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:32,469 Well, hello, Mr. Fancy Pants. 113 00:08:33,053 --> 00:08:34,096 I got news for you, pal. 114 00:08:34,263 --> 00:08:36,140 You ain't lead in" but two things right now, 115 00:08:36,223 --> 00:08:39,018 Jack and shit, and Jack left town. 116 00:08:39,309 --> 00:08:40,602 [guard] Shut your bleedin' hole! 117 00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:43,313 [herald] Gentlemen, Lord Arthur! 118 00:08:51,905 --> 00:08:54,491 There is an evil awakened in this land, 119 00:08:55,617 --> 00:08:59,538 and while my people fight for their very souls against it, 120 00:08:59,621 --> 00:09:02,041 you, Henry the Red, wage war on us! 121 00:09:02,499 --> 00:09:03,917 Charlatan! 122 00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:09,131 It was you who first turned your swords on us! 123 00:09:09,465 --> 00:09:12,509 And this evil has befouled my people as well! 124 00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:15,512 Your people are no better than the foul corruption 125 00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:17,931 that lies in the bowels of that pit. 126 00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:20,017 [soldier] Right, you're no better. 127 00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,853 [Arthur] May God have mercy upon your souls. 128 00:09:37,701 --> 00:09:41,121 God's name! What hell-spawned thing lurks there? 129 00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:50,130 Into the pit with those bloodthirsty sons of whores! 130 00:09:50,631 --> 00:09:53,175 [man] No! No! 131 00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:56,136 No, no! 132 00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:57,721 [screaming] 133 00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,515 [water splashing] 134 00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:18,909 [man screaming] 135 00:10:19,409 --> 00:10:20,828 [people screaming] 136 00:10:24,414 --> 00:10:27,376 [soldier] Oh! Heavenly God! 137 00:10:31,088 --> 00:10:32,589 [man] He's escaping! 138 00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:35,259 - [soldier] Hold to! - [soldier 2] Hold him! 139 00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:47,729 [crowd cheering] 140 00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:05,581 [sword unsheathing] 141 00:11:05,789 --> 00:11:06,748 [man] Who's next? 142 00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:09,042 [man 2] It's him. Aye, he trembles! 143 00:11:10,085 --> 00:11:12,337 [man 3] They don't look so clever now, do they? 144 00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:16,425 [man 4] He's frightened! He's frightened white! 145 00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:18,427 Whoa! Whoa'! 146 00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:22,306 Wait a minute. Hold it. 147 00:11:22,681 --> 00:11:26,143 Wait a minute. You gotta understand, man. 148 00:11:26,810 --> 00:11:29,688 I never even saw these assholes before. 149 00:11:29,813 --> 00:11:31,773 - [man] Get him in there! - [man 2] He trembles! 150 00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,442 [man 3] He's begging! 151 00:11:33,942 --> 00:11:35,819 [man 4] What are you waitin' for? 152 00:11:35,944 --> 00:11:36,987 Henry! 153 00:11:37,112 --> 00:11:38,906 You gotta tell him you don't know me. 154 00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:40,657 We never met. Tell him. 155 00:11:43,660 --> 00:11:45,871 I do not think he'll listen, lad. 156 00:11:47,956 --> 00:11:49,041 Look. 157 00:11:49,124 --> 00:11:52,127 I'm tellin' you, you got the wrong guy. 158 00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:58,634 [groaning] 159 00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:05,933 I'm tellin' you, you got the wrong guy. 160 00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:11,271 [screaming] 161 00:12:11,521 --> 00:12:12,856 [crowd cheering] 162 00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:14,483 [screaming] 163 00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:56,566 [screaming] 164 00:12:58,068 --> 00:13:00,070 [grunting] 165 00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:04,449 How do you like the pit? Isn't the pit wonderful? 166 00:13:06,034 --> 00:13:08,996 [grunting] 167 00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:21,633 [screaming] 168 00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:23,427 Why, you... 169 00:13:25,762 --> 00:13:26,763 Ha! 170 00:13:28,515 --> 00:13:30,017 Spikes. 171 00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:33,103 Hey! He says, "Spikes." Give him spikes! 172 00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:44,114 [grunting] 173 00:13:47,284 --> 00:13:50,037 Make way! Strange one! 174 00:13:50,203 --> 00:13:52,789 [grunting] 175 00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:00,672 [screaming] 176 00:14:01,923 --> 00:14:03,300 Strange one! 177 00:14:05,677 --> 00:14:07,262 [screaming] 178 00:14:09,806 --> 00:14:10,974 Yes! 179 00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:16,021 [chainsaw whirring] 180 00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:24,988 [crowd cheering] 181 00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:26,323 [laughing] 182 00:14:27,157 --> 00:14:29,785 Damn you. Damn you! 183 00:14:39,795 --> 00:14:41,004 [growling] 184 00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:06,363 [grunting] 185 00:15:08,698 --> 00:15:09,950 [growling] 186 00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:17,874 [tearing] 187 00:15:34,558 --> 00:15:36,101 [people screaming] 188 00:15:54,327 --> 00:15:56,455 You know, your shoelace is untied. 189 00:16:07,924 --> 00:16:09,259 All right. 190 00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:12,304 Who wants some? 191 00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:16,308 Who's next, huh? 192 00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,435 How 'bout it? 193 00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:22,022 Who wants some, huh? 194 00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:24,107 Who wants to have a little? 195 00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:31,364 You. You want some more? 196 00:16:33,283 --> 00:16:34,451 Huh? 197 00:16:36,703 --> 00:16:38,121 You want a little? 198 00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:43,793 Do ya? Do ya want some more? 199 00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:46,296 Huh? Huh? 200 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:03,480 Now get on those horses and get outta here. 201 00:17:06,733 --> 00:17:08,235 Let "em go! 202 00:17:20,497 --> 00:17:21,957 [chuckles] 203 00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:25,460 [laughing] 204 00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:32,717 Halt! 205 00:17:33,843 --> 00:17:36,555 Thank you, generous hosts! 206 00:17:37,847 --> 00:17:39,683 [Arthur] Sword boy! 207 00:17:47,023 --> 00:17:51,069 For that arrogance, I shall see you dead. 208 00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:53,613 [gun firing] 209 00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:02,789 Yeah. 210 00:18:03,748 --> 00:18:06,543 All right, you primitive screw heads, listen up. 211 00:18:07,794 --> 00:18:08,962 See this? 212 00:18:10,171 --> 00:18:13,883 This is my boom stick! 213 00:18:15,051 --> 00:18:17,512 It's a 12-gauge, double-barreled Remington. 214 00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:19,889 S-mart's top of the line. 215 00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:23,018 You can find this in the sporting goods department. 216 00:18:23,351 --> 00:18:26,730 That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. 217 00:18:26,813 --> 00:18:29,566 Retails for about $109.95. 218 00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:34,404 It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel and a hair trigger. 219 00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:37,574 That's right, shop smart. 220 00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:41,578 Shop S-mart. You got that? 221 00:18:41,661 --> 00:18:43,204 - [woman] Yes, sir. Right. - [woman 2] Yes, sir. 222 00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:45,373 Now I swear... 223 00:18:45,957 --> 00:18:48,084 the next one of you primates... 224 00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:51,087 even touches me... 225 00:18:52,547 --> 00:18:53,840 [yelling] 226 00:18:53,923 --> 00:18:55,258 [growling] 227 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:01,931 [bellowing] 228 00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:05,352 [all exclaiming] 229 00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:23,286 Now, let's talk about how I get back home. 230 00:19:25,413 --> 00:19:27,040 [women laughing] 231 00:19:39,177 --> 00:19:40,428 [belches] 232 00:19:42,555 --> 00:19:43,723 [Ash belches] 233 00:19:54,818 --> 00:19:56,820 I prithee to forgive me, m'lord. 234 00:19:57,570 --> 00:19:59,781 I believed thee one of Henry's men. 235 00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:03,284 First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. 236 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,371 Blow. 237 00:20:07,038 --> 00:20:08,164 [door opening] 238 00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:12,836 So what's the deal? Can you send me back or not? 239 00:20:13,336 --> 00:20:15,505 Only the Necronomicon has the power. 240 00:20:15,630 --> 00:20:18,049 An unholy book which we also require. 241 00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:21,886 Within its pages are passages that can send you back to your time. 242 00:20:22,220 --> 00:20:25,014 Only you, the Promised One, can quest for it. 243 00:20:26,141 --> 00:20:29,102 I don't want your book. I don't want your bullshit. 244 00:20:29,185 --> 00:20:31,438 Just send me back to my own time. Pronto, today, chop... 245 00:20:31,521 --> 00:20:32,522 [water splashing] 246 00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:45,660 You shall die! 247 00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:46,953 [grunting] 248 00:20:49,038 --> 00:20:50,457 [cackling] 249 00:20:51,124 --> 00:20:54,669 You shall never obtain the Necronomicon! 250 00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:59,716 We shall feast upon your souls! 251 00:21:22,238 --> 00:21:24,532 It's a trick. Get an axe. 252 00:21:25,408 --> 00:21:26,993 [screaming] 253 00:21:32,165 --> 00:21:33,958 [Arthur] Guards, guards, stop it! 254 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,002 - [man 1] Catch the witch! - [man 2] Death to the witch! 255 00:21:36,085 --> 00:21:37,712 WITCH: Have some porridge! 256 00:21:38,463 --> 00:21:42,008 My eyes! I'm blind! Oh, God, I'm blind! 257 00:21:42,175 --> 00:21:43,551 [shouting] 258 00:21:43,718 --> 00:21:45,303 No, don't! 259 00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:46,763 [gunshot] 260 00:21:49,015 --> 00:21:49,891 [shotgun clacking] 261 00:21:50,058 --> 00:21:51,601 Yo, she-bitch. 262 00:21:51,768 --> 00:21:52,769 [shotgun clacking] 263 00:21:53,269 --> 00:21:54,270 Let's go. 264 00:21:54,437 --> 00:21:55,855 [screaming] 265 00:21:56,064 --> 00:21:57,607 Ya-hoo. 266 00:21:58,233 --> 00:21:59,234 - [shouts] - [gunshot] 267 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:01,110 - [witch screaming] - [Ash shouting] 268 00:22:02,237 --> 00:22:03,404 [gunshot] 269 00:22:03,947 --> 00:22:05,031 - [Ash shouts] - [gunshot] 270 00:22:05,198 --> 00:22:06,991 [witch screams] 271 00:22:07,617 --> 00:22:09,744 - [screaming] - [gunshot] 272 00:22:17,377 --> 00:22:19,712 If the Necronomicon fell into the hands of the Deadites, 273 00:22:19,796 --> 00:22:22,298 all mankind will be consumed by this evil. 274 00:22:22,799 --> 00:22:24,926 Now will thou quest for the book? 275 00:22:39,065 --> 00:22:40,149 [Ash] That one. 276 00:23:01,004 --> 00:23:02,171 [shouts] 277 00:23:05,174 --> 00:23:06,342 [both gasp] 278 00:23:07,677 --> 00:23:08,761 Groovy. 279 00:23:11,097 --> 00:23:12,599 [people laughing] 280 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:23,943 What's the matter? You raised in a barn? 281 00:23:24,110 --> 00:23:25,028 Shut the door. 282 00:23:25,737 --> 00:23:29,032 Probably was raised in a barn with all the other primitives. 283 00:23:38,041 --> 00:23:40,293 The wise men say that thou art The Promised One. 284 00:23:45,048 --> 00:23:47,926 'Tis said that thou wilt journey for the book to help us, 285 00:23:48,009 --> 00:23:50,637 and that thou wilt lead our people against the evil. 286 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:53,973 The only reason I'm going to get the book is to get home. 287 00:24:00,521 --> 00:24:02,523 I believe that thou wilt be leaving in the morning. 288 00:24:02,607 --> 00:24:04,984 Don't touch that, please. Your primitive intellect 289 00:24:05,068 --> 00:24:07,153 wouldn't understand alloys and compositions 290 00:24:07,236 --> 00:24:10,573 and things with molecular structures in the... 291 00:24:13,701 --> 00:24:15,703 What are you doin' here anyway? 292 00:24:16,788 --> 00:24:18,665 I wanted to say that all of my... 293 00:24:18,748 --> 00:24:20,375 all of my hopes and prayers go with you, 294 00:24:20,458 --> 00:24:22,752 and I made this for thee. 295 00:24:24,462 --> 00:24:26,589 Good, I could use a horse blanket. 296 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:51,072 Give me some sugar, baby. 297 00:25:00,873 --> 00:25:01,874 [Ash] Hiyah! 298 00:25:02,875 --> 00:25:04,377 Come on, boy! 299 00:25:06,754 --> 00:25:07,755 Hiyah! 300 00:25:14,679 --> 00:25:16,139 [Ash shouts] 301 00:25:25,815 --> 00:25:27,817 Steady now. Whoa. 302 00:25:32,905 --> 00:25:34,490 What? What is it? 303 00:25:34,574 --> 00:25:37,285 This path will lead you to an unholy place. 304 00:25:37,910 --> 00:25:38,911 A cemetery. 305 00:25:39,078 --> 00:25:41,748 There the Necronomicon awaits. 306 00:25:45,376 --> 00:25:47,628 When thou retrievest the book from its cradle, 307 00:25:47,795 --> 00:25:51,841 you must recite the words, "Klaatu barada nikto." 308 00:25:52,508 --> 00:25:55,678 Klaatu barada nikto. Okay. 309 00:25:55,928 --> 00:25:57,346 Well, repeat them. 310 00:25:58,222 --> 00:26:00,349 Klaatu barada nikto. 311 00:26:00,433 --> 00:26:01,434 Again! 312 00:26:01,517 --> 00:26:02,727 I got it, I got it! 313 00:26:02,894 --> 00:26:05,146 I know your damn words, all right? 314 00:26:05,521 --> 00:26:07,899 Now you get this straight, the both of you. 315 00:26:07,982 --> 00:26:10,443 If I get that book, you send me back. 316 00:26:10,902 --> 00:26:14,072 After that, I'm history. Hiyah! 317 00:26:47,063 --> 00:26:48,731 [horse whinnying] 318 00:26:54,070 --> 00:26:55,404 [Ash] What is it, boy? 319 00:26:55,571 --> 00:26:58,324 [eerie whispering] 320 00:27:02,036 --> 00:27:05,373 [demonic whooshing] 321 00:27:10,169 --> 00:27:11,254 Come on! 322 00:27:12,130 --> 00:27:15,091 [panting, grunting] 323 00:27:20,930 --> 00:27:22,056 Come on! 324 00:27:27,436 --> 00:27:28,604 [screaming] 325 00:27:28,688 --> 00:27:29,772 Come on! 326 00:27:30,690 --> 00:27:32,024 Come on, you! 327 00:27:51,127 --> 00:27:52,628 [screaming] 328 00:28:09,979 --> 00:28:11,314 [banging] 329 00:28:11,564 --> 00:28:14,442 - [demonic screaming] - [Ash screaming] 330 00:28:15,276 --> 00:28:18,279 - [banging, crashing] - [screaming continues] 331 00:28:18,654 --> 00:28:21,365 - [grunting] - [banging continues] 332 00:28:21,991 --> 00:28:24,118 [screaming] 333 00:28:24,744 --> 00:28:27,663 - [banging] - [screaming continues] 334 00:28:28,164 --> 00:28:31,500 [screaming] 335 00:29:14,043 --> 00:29:15,586 [cackling] 336 00:29:17,630 --> 00:29:20,007 Hey, let's scare this guy good! Come on. 337 00:29:23,219 --> 00:29:25,346 Ramming speed! 338 00:29:25,554 --> 00:29:27,890 [all screaming] 339 00:29:29,684 --> 00:29:31,018 [screams] 340 00:29:31,185 --> 00:29:32,103 [grunts] 341 00:29:33,437 --> 00:29:35,356 [man] Ready, aim, fire! 342 00:29:36,983 --> 00:29:38,401 Get away! 343 00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:40,486 Whoa! 344 00:29:41,112 --> 00:29:42,822 Oh, God! Oh, no! Oh... 345 00:29:42,905 --> 00:29:46,242 Oh! You lousy little... 346 00:29:47,660 --> 00:29:48,911 [man] Oh, no! 347 00:29:49,787 --> 00:29:51,414 Oh, no! Oh, my! 348 00:29:51,956 --> 00:29:53,165 [screams] 349 00:29:53,249 --> 00:29:54,292 Lift up! 350 00:29:57,086 --> 00:29:58,713 [sizzling] 351 00:30:13,394 --> 00:30:14,520 Whoa! 352 00:30:15,271 --> 00:30:18,607 [singing] London bridge is falling down, 353 00:30:18,691 --> 00:30:24,238 falling down, falling down, 354 00:30:24,447 --> 00:30:25,448 [gasps] 355 00:30:25,531 --> 00:30:27,158 ...my fair lady. 356 00:30:39,170 --> 00:30:41,130 Is he up? How is he? 357 00:30:41,714 --> 00:30:43,257 Hey, he's gettin' up. 358 00:30:49,347 --> 00:30:51,599 What a horrible nightmare. 359 00:30:53,809 --> 00:30:57,146 Wait a minute. Oh, God! 360 00:30:58,064 --> 00:31:00,066 I can't move! 361 00:31:00,149 --> 00:31:01,692 [screaming] 362 00:31:06,781 --> 00:31:08,366 And go! 363 00:31:08,449 --> 00:31:10,034 Open wide. 364 00:31:10,659 --> 00:31:14,413 Geronimo! 365 00:31:15,915 --> 00:31:17,666 Hooray! Hooray! 366 00:31:17,917 --> 00:31:19,668 [choking] 367 00:31:29,303 --> 00:31:32,890 [gagging] 368 00:31:37,603 --> 00:31:40,439 - Oh! [groaning] - [laughter] 369 00:31:44,026 --> 00:31:48,406 Okay, little fellow. How about some hot chocolate, huh? 370 00:31:55,913 --> 00:31:57,873 [man screaming] 371 00:31:58,999 --> 00:32:01,293 How'd you like the taste of that, huh? 372 00:32:01,877 --> 00:32:03,587 How'd you like the ta... 373 00:32:05,131 --> 00:32:06,882 [grunting] 374 00:32:14,473 --> 00:32:16,100 [muffled voice] Let me out! 375 00:32:20,396 --> 00:32:22,898 Oh, dear God, it's growing bigger! 376 00:32:32,408 --> 00:32:34,410 [howling] 377 00:32:41,542 --> 00:32:43,419 I'm blind. I'm blind. 378 00:32:48,632 --> 00:32:50,092 Yip, yip, yeooh! 379 00:32:52,511 --> 00:32:55,097 Oh, hey! Where are you takin' me? 380 00:33:03,647 --> 00:33:04,940 What are you? 381 00:33:05,733 --> 00:33:07,109 Are you me? 382 00:33:08,110 --> 00:33:11,822 I'm bad Ash, and you're good Ash. 383 00:33:11,947 --> 00:33:13,782 You're goody little two-shoes. 384 00:33:13,866 --> 00:33:15,493 [singing] You're a goody little two-shoes, 385 00:33:15,576 --> 00:33:16,994 goody little two-shoes... 386 00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:23,667 Little goody two-shoes little goody two-shoes, 387 00:33:23,751 --> 00:33:25,586 little goody two-shoes. 388 00:33:26,504 --> 00:33:28,172 [horn blowing] 389 00:33:29,965 --> 00:33:31,675 Little goody two-shoes. 390 00:33:43,395 --> 00:33:47,483 Good, bad. I'm the guy with the gun. 391 00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:13,676 [chainsaw revving] 392 00:34:29,191 --> 00:34:32,278 [distorted wailing] 393 00:34:48,752 --> 00:34:52,548 That'll teach you. Yeah, that'll teach you. 394 00:34:55,050 --> 00:34:57,803 You shall never retrieve the Necronomicon! 395 00:34:57,886 --> 00:35:00,848 You'll die in the graveyard before you get it! 396 00:35:01,390 --> 00:35:02,558 Hey, uh... 397 00:35:03,309 --> 00:35:04,852 What's that you got on your face? 398 00:35:04,935 --> 00:35:05,978 Huh? 399 00:35:06,270 --> 00:35:08,063 I'll come back for you! 400 00:35:16,405 --> 00:35:17,740 Hyah! 401 00:35:19,742 --> 00:35:20,951 Come on, boy! 402 00:35:30,669 --> 00:35:31,670 Hiyah! 403 00:36:39,863 --> 00:36:41,115 Three books? 404 00:36:45,661 --> 00:36:47,830 Wait a minute. Hold it. 405 00:36:48,163 --> 00:36:51,166 Nobody said anything about three books. 406 00:36:52,668 --> 00:36:54,420 Like, what am I supposed to do? 407 00:36:54,503 --> 00:36:58,632 Take one book, or all books, or, or what? 408 00:37:02,261 --> 00:37:03,512 Well. 409 00:37:04,638 --> 00:37:06,890 [wind howling, Ash screaming] 410 00:37:27,745 --> 00:37:29,204 [Ash yelling] 411 00:37:57,524 --> 00:38:00,194 Whoa. Wrong book. 412 00:38:27,221 --> 00:38:29,056 [screaming] 413 00:38:33,477 --> 00:38:36,271 [squealing] 414 00:38:49,701 --> 00:38:52,913 [book screaming] 415 00:38:57,084 --> 00:38:58,168 You! 416 00:38:58,961 --> 00:39:00,671 I'll get back to you. 417 00:39:02,714 --> 00:39:03,882 Well... 418 00:39:05,884 --> 00:39:07,803 seems fairly obvious. 419 00:39:12,391 --> 00:39:14,518 Wait a minute, the words. 420 00:39:14,685 --> 00:39:16,061 All right, all right, all right. 421 00:39:16,478 --> 00:39:17,771 Say the words. 422 00:39:22,025 --> 00:39:25,320 Klaatu barada... 423 00:39:25,654 --> 00:39:26,738 Er... 424 00:39:33,745 --> 00:39:34,997 Necktie. 425 00:39:35,414 --> 00:39:37,791 Nectar, nickel. 426 00:39:39,001 --> 00:39:41,712 Noodle. It's an "N" word. 427 00:39:41,837 --> 00:39:43,672 It's definitely an "N" word. 428 00:39:46,341 --> 00:39:48,176 It was definitely an "N" word. 429 00:40:00,397 --> 00:40:03,775 Klaatu barada... 430 00:40:03,859 --> 00:40:05,193 [exaggerated coughing] 431 00:40:19,124 --> 00:40:20,500 Okay, then. 432 00:40:21,668 --> 00:40:22,961 That's it. 433 00:40:30,928 --> 00:40:32,596 [thunder rumbling] 434 00:40:33,555 --> 00:40:36,224 Hey. Wait a minute. 435 00:40:36,808 --> 00:40:40,687 Everything's cool. I said the words. I did! 436 00:40:42,731 --> 00:40:44,900 No, wait! Oh! 437 00:40:52,074 --> 00:40:55,494 You people, seek cover! To the parapet! 438 00:40:56,536 --> 00:40:58,580 Seek your children! 439 00:40:58,664 --> 00:40:59,957 [horses whinnying] 440 00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:01,750 Steady the horses! 441 00:41:02,334 --> 00:41:04,920 Something's wrong. Something's amiss. 442 00:41:07,714 --> 00:41:08,799 [screams] 443 00:41:38,453 --> 00:41:39,871 Where'd you go? Where'd you g... 444 00:41:40,038 --> 00:41:41,707 [screaming] 445 00:41:43,291 --> 00:41:45,085 [screaming] 446 00:41:45,252 --> 00:41:47,004 [blowing air through nose] 447 00:42:04,855 --> 00:42:07,399 [shouting] 448 00:42:07,566 --> 00:42:09,735 [birds chirping] 449 00:42:14,531 --> 00:42:16,575 Oh! I'll crush ya! 450 00:42:16,658 --> 00:42:19,161 I'll mash ya into paste, you bony cretins... 451 00:42:39,598 --> 00:42:41,099 Hyah! 452 00:42:44,144 --> 00:42:46,688 I'm through being their garbage boy. 453 00:42:46,855 --> 00:42:47,773 I did my part. 454 00:42:47,856 --> 00:42:50,901 Now I want back, like in the deal. 455 00:42:51,151 --> 00:42:52,319 Hyah! 456 00:43:02,746 --> 00:43:03,955 I--- 457 00:43:04,748 --> 00:43:06,041 live... 458 00:43:07,876 --> 00:43:10,128 again. 459 00:43:19,846 --> 00:43:22,349 There! The Promised One! 460 00:43:22,432 --> 00:43:24,392 The Promised One's returned! 461 00:43:24,476 --> 00:43:27,145 [guard] Raise the portcullis! 462 00:43:30,232 --> 00:43:31,858 Welcome home! 463 00:43:33,276 --> 00:43:35,237 [man] We're saved! 464 00:43:35,821 --> 00:43:37,239 [woman] The Necronomicon! 465 00:43:37,405 --> 00:43:39,574 [man] Truly he is The Promised One! 466 00:43:40,158 --> 00:43:41,910 [man 2] He's brought the Necronomicon! 467 00:43:42,077 --> 00:43:43,870 - How are ya? - He's brought the book! 468 00:43:43,954 --> 00:43:45,330 Yeah, great, great. 469 00:43:45,497 --> 00:43:46,540 Good boy! 470 00:43:46,623 --> 00:43:48,125 Get the fuck outta my face! 471 00:43:54,422 --> 00:43:56,258 The Necronomicon, quickly. 472 00:43:56,341 --> 00:43:58,718 Did you bring the Necronomicon? 473 00:43:59,386 --> 00:44:01,138 Yeah, it's, it's just that... 474 00:44:01,221 --> 00:44:02,264 Just what? 475 00:44:03,473 --> 00:44:05,767 Nothin'. Here. 476 00:44:08,270 --> 00:44:09,813 [people gasping] 477 00:44:12,566 --> 00:44:15,068 Now send me back. Like in the deal. 478 00:44:15,443 --> 00:44:17,737 When you removed the Necronomicon from the cradle, 479 00:44:17,904 --> 00:44:19,531 did you speak the words? 480 00:44:20,282 --> 00:44:21,867 Yeah, basically. 481 00:44:21,950 --> 00:44:23,410 Did you speak the exact words? 482 00:44:23,493 --> 00:44:26,079 Look, maybe I didn't say every single, little tiny syllable, 483 00:44:26,163 --> 00:44:28,081 no, but basically I said 'em, yeah. 484 00:44:28,165 --> 00:44:29,416 Dung-eating fool! 485 00:44:29,499 --> 00:44:31,209 Thou hast doomed us all! 486 00:44:31,418 --> 00:44:34,963 When thou misspoke the words, the army of the dead awoke! 487 00:44:35,130 --> 00:44:37,507 Now, whoa, whoa, right there, spinach chin. 488 00:44:37,591 --> 00:44:40,594 You said you could clean this mess up once you got that book. 489 00:44:40,677 --> 00:44:42,179 You said there was a passage in there 490 00:44:42,345 --> 00:44:44,472 that could get rid of this thing and send me back. 491 00:44:44,556 --> 00:44:47,184 It's true, the book still possesses the power to send you back, 492 00:44:47,267 --> 00:44:49,060 but to us it is useless! 493 00:44:49,144 --> 00:44:52,147 The evil has a terrible hunger for the Necronomicon, 494 00:44:52,230 --> 00:44:54,608 and it will come here to get it. 495 00:44:55,358 --> 00:44:57,235 We had a deal. 496 00:44:57,611 --> 00:45:00,405 You wanted the damn book, I got it for ya. 497 00:45:00,488 --> 00:45:02,574 I did my part, now you send me back. 498 00:45:02,657 --> 00:45:03,742 [Arthur] Very well. 499 00:45:04,159 --> 00:45:08,371 As we are men of our word, we shall honor our bargain. 500 00:45:09,372 --> 00:45:12,542 The wise men shall return you to your own time. 501 00:45:13,293 --> 00:45:14,502 Yeah? 502 00:45:15,670 --> 00:45:17,172 [man] I thought he was the one. 503 00:45:17,255 --> 00:45:19,758 Yeah, right. "Cause that was the deal. 504 00:45:19,841 --> 00:45:22,510 So when do you think we can... 505 00:45:22,761 --> 00:45:25,597 start with all the thing and the... 506 00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:28,099 [woman] He's nothin' but a traitor, he is! 507 00:45:28,391 --> 00:45:30,936 When do you think we can start with all the... 508 00:45:31,228 --> 00:45:33,021 ceremony and... 509 00:45:34,147 --> 00:45:35,941 Wretched excuse for a man! 510 00:45:36,024 --> 00:45:39,027 The wise men were fools to trust in you. 511 00:45:39,986 --> 00:45:42,197 [soldier] I knew he couldn't be trusted. 512 00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:44,199 [man] We put our trust in him. 513 00:45:45,492 --> 00:45:48,036 I still believe that thou wilt help us. 514 00:45:48,161 --> 00:45:51,957 Oh, Sheila, don't you get it? It's over. 515 00:45:53,416 --> 00:45:55,543 I didn't have what it took. 516 00:45:57,921 --> 00:45:59,214 So long. 517 00:46:03,843 --> 00:46:06,096 But what of the things that we've shared? 518 00:46:06,179 --> 00:46:08,974 What of all the sweet words that you spoke in private? 519 00:46:09,057 --> 00:46:10,475 Oh, well... 520 00:46:11,601 --> 00:46:14,729 Well, that's just what we call "pillow talk," baby. 521 00:46:14,813 --> 00:46:16,106 That's all. 522 00:46:16,189 --> 00:46:18,108 It was more than that. 523 00:46:19,776 --> 00:46:22,153 I still have faith in thee. 524 00:46:22,570 --> 00:46:25,198 I still believe that thou wilt stay and save us. 525 00:46:25,282 --> 00:46:26,491 I--- 526 00:46:30,412 --> 00:46:31,454 [sobs] 527 00:46:31,538 --> 00:46:32,914 Coward! 528 00:46:35,750 --> 00:46:36,751 [squawking] 529 00:46:36,835 --> 00:46:38,753 [soldier] Look there! A demon! 530 00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:41,089 [crowd screaming] 531 00:46:51,516 --> 00:46:53,268 [soldier] Let's get out of here! 532 00:46:54,853 --> 00:46:57,355 [Sheila] Ash! Help me! 533 00:46:57,814 --> 00:46:59,190 Sheila! 534 00:46:59,357 --> 00:47:01,568 [all screaming] 535 00:47:10,952 --> 00:47:12,704 Shoot the bloody thing! 536 00:47:12,787 --> 00:47:15,290 Hold your arms! You'll hit the girl! 537 00:47:19,836 --> 00:47:21,629 Me sword! 538 00:47:26,634 --> 00:47:28,345 Damn you! 539 00:47:46,654 --> 00:47:48,323 Dig, damn you! 540 00:47:49,532 --> 00:47:51,242 Dig faster! 541 00:47:51,576 --> 00:47:54,579 I shall command every worm-infested son of a bitch 542 00:47:54,662 --> 00:47:56,164 - that ever died in battle! - Thank you, sir! 543 00:47:56,247 --> 00:47:57,624 You there, handsomely now. 544 00:47:57,707 --> 00:47:58,750 Aye, my liege. 545 00:47:58,833 --> 00:48:01,419 We shall storm their castle and get my book! 546 00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:04,130 Hoist, you damnable varlets! 547 00:48:06,007 --> 00:48:07,717 [coughing] 548 00:48:07,884 --> 00:48:08,718 [cackling] 549 00:48:08,885 --> 00:48:12,097 Welcome back to the land of the living. 550 00:48:12,764 --> 00:48:15,350 Now pick up a shovel and get digging! 551 00:48:17,519 --> 00:48:19,354 Bring on the wench! 552 00:48:23,942 --> 00:48:26,903 [growling] 553 00:48:31,199 --> 00:48:33,284 Gimme me some sugar, baby. 554 00:48:33,701 --> 00:48:34,702 [screaming] 555 00:48:36,246 --> 00:48:37,705 Well. 556 00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:43,128 Now, ain't you a sweet little thing? 557 00:48:43,461 --> 00:48:46,131 Don't touch me, you foul thing! 558 00:48:46,756 --> 00:48:48,258 Come on. 559 00:48:48,550 --> 00:48:50,093 That's it. 560 00:48:53,847 --> 00:48:56,683 We got plans for you, girly-girl. Move! 561 00:48:58,226 --> 00:49:01,187 Have you lost your bones, you decomposed gobs? 562 00:49:01,271 --> 00:49:02,814 Get thee hence! 563 00:49:02,897 --> 00:49:04,315 [screaming] 564 00:49:11,698 --> 00:49:14,075 - A scout approaches! - [trumpets blaring] 565 00:49:19,747 --> 00:49:21,875 Whoa! Hey, get his horse. 566 00:49:23,376 --> 00:49:24,502 Arise. 567 00:49:24,586 --> 00:49:27,338 My lord, an army of the dead gather in the wilderness. 568 00:49:27,422 --> 00:49:28,381 They approach the castle. 569 00:49:28,465 --> 00:49:29,507 How far from here? 570 00:49:29,591 --> 00:49:31,134 "Bout two days' ride. 571 00:49:31,301 --> 00:49:32,927 These winged ones are only the first of them. 572 00:49:33,011 --> 00:49:34,846 Perhaps we should leave this place as soon as possible. 573 00:49:34,929 --> 00:49:37,015 We could be safe in the mountains. Yes, the mountains. 574 00:49:37,098 --> 00:49:39,601 We must flee! It is written. It has been foretold. 575 00:49:39,684 --> 00:49:41,102 They'll take our souls. I'm afraid! 576 00:49:41,186 --> 00:49:42,353 They'll swallow our souls. 577 00:49:42,437 --> 00:49:43,938 I don't want to die! 578 00:49:44,022 --> 00:49:45,148 [gunshot] 579 00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:46,774 That's it. 580 00:49:47,942 --> 00:49:49,569 Go ahead and run. 581 00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:52,614 Run home and cry to mama! 582 00:49:53,323 --> 00:49:54,449 Me? 583 00:49:55,533 --> 00:49:57,327 I'm through runnin'! 584 00:49:59,329 --> 00:50:02,123 I say we stay here and fight it out. 585 00:50:02,373 --> 00:50:06,794 Are all men from the future loudmouthed braggarts? 586 00:50:06,961 --> 00:50:08,129 Nope. 587 00:50:08,630 --> 00:50:11,382 Just me, baby. Just me. 588 00:50:12,592 --> 00:50:16,304 How will we fight an army of the dead at our castle walls? 589 00:50:16,596 --> 00:50:19,182 How will you fight that? More words? 590 00:50:19,474 --> 00:50:21,601 Most of our people have already fled. 591 00:50:21,684 --> 00:50:23,603 We are but 60 men. 592 00:50:24,687 --> 00:50:27,774 Then we'll get Henry the Red and his men to fight with us. 593 00:50:31,069 --> 00:50:32,237 Now... 594 00:50:33,488 --> 00:50:34,989 who's with me? 595 00:50:49,128 --> 00:50:50,838 I'll stand by ya. 596 00:50:53,132 --> 00:50:55,593 You can count on my steel. 597 00:50:55,802 --> 00:50:57,679 [soldier] I'll offer up my courage. 598 00:50:57,762 --> 00:50:59,681 Me sword's by his side. 599 00:50:59,764 --> 00:51:01,182 [soldier 2] I'm with you! 600 00:51:01,432 --> 00:51:04,352 - I'll bend my bow to your will, sir. - [soldier 3] And mine! 601 00:51:04,435 --> 00:51:05,687 [all shouting] 602 00:51:06,688 --> 00:51:08,106 [man] We'll stay! 603 00:51:08,314 --> 00:51:10,149 [all] Hail! Hail! 604 00:51:10,233 --> 00:51:12,443 Hail! Hail! 605 00:51:12,694 --> 00:51:17,073 Hail! Hail! Hail! 606 00:51:26,374 --> 00:51:27,959 Well, my dear, 607 00:51:28,334 --> 00:51:30,878 say hello to the boys. 608 00:51:35,967 --> 00:51:36,968 [men murmuring] 609 00:51:37,051 --> 00:51:39,554 [skeleton] There's a sight for sore bones. 610 00:51:43,725 --> 00:51:45,310 I may be bad... 611 00:51:46,102 --> 00:51:49,314 but I feel... good. 612 00:51:50,356 --> 00:51:52,442 - Who rules? - [skeleton] To you, my lord. 613 00:51:52,525 --> 00:51:54,319 - You, sir. - To the castle. 614 00:51:54,402 --> 00:51:55,903 [all] The castle! 615 00:51:59,449 --> 00:52:00,908 Hurry up now. 616 00:52:01,659 --> 00:52:03,578 The castle! Let's push. 617 00:52:03,703 --> 00:52:05,663 - [man] Heave-ho. - [man 2] Good. Yeah. 618 00:53:06,307 --> 00:53:09,644 Hah! Hoo! Hi-yah! 619 00:53:09,811 --> 00:53:12,855 [all]] Hah! Hoo! Hi-yah! 620 00:53:13,856 --> 00:53:15,066 Yeah! 621 00:53:15,650 --> 00:53:17,110 [horse whinnying] 622 00:53:17,193 --> 00:53:18,695 [man] They're coming! 623 00:53:18,903 --> 00:53:21,322 The Deadites approach! 624 00:53:33,000 --> 00:53:34,711 [all shouting] 625 00:53:38,506 --> 00:53:40,591 [Ash] There's so damn many of 'em. 626 00:53:43,761 --> 00:53:45,179 Maybe... 627 00:53:45,638 --> 00:53:49,183 Just maybe my boys can stop 'em from gettin' the book. 628 00:53:54,063 --> 00:53:55,398 Yeah. 629 00:53:55,481 --> 00:53:58,067 And maybe I'm a Chinese jet pilot. 630 00:53:58,693 --> 00:54:00,027 [playing flute] 631 00:54:04,866 --> 00:54:07,368 [bagpipes playing] 632 00:54:31,684 --> 00:54:33,186 Battle stations! 633 00:54:33,269 --> 00:54:36,105 All right, get those rocks up, mister, on the double! 634 00:54:36,189 --> 00:54:37,815 Ready the catapults! 635 00:54:37,940 --> 00:54:40,401 By God, let's give 'em what for. 636 00:54:49,285 --> 00:54:50,536 [skeleton] And halt! 637 00:54:50,620 --> 00:54:52,705 [skeleton 2] Company, halt! 638 00:54:52,914 --> 00:54:54,540 [skeleton 3] Company, halt! 639 00:55:02,256 --> 00:55:04,801 I'll rip his balls off. 640 00:55:05,802 --> 00:55:08,971 [hissing] 641 00:55:18,731 --> 00:55:20,107 [hissing] 642 00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:39,877 Bring forth the scout! 643 00:55:42,588 --> 00:55:44,173 Whoa. 644 00:55:44,715 --> 00:55:47,593 My lord, we are positioned on both fronts. 645 00:55:47,677 --> 00:55:48,886 Fine, fine, fine. 646 00:55:49,011 --> 00:55:51,138 Where are they keeping my book? 647 00:55:51,472 --> 00:55:53,558 There, my lord, beyond the wall. 648 00:55:53,641 --> 00:55:54,392 The parapet. 649 00:55:54,517 --> 00:55:56,686 That would be the most likely place. 650 00:55:57,520 --> 00:55:58,729 Right. 651 00:55:58,813 --> 00:56:02,108 Bring me forth into that castle! 652 00:56:02,191 --> 00:56:03,568 Forward! 653 00:56:03,651 --> 00:56:05,236 Forward! 654 00:56:05,319 --> 00:56:09,991 Cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war! 655 00:56:10,074 --> 00:56:12,827 To the castle! 656 00:56:12,994 --> 00:56:15,538 Fly, mate! Fly! 657 00:56:16,622 --> 00:56:19,250 Death to the mortals! 658 00:56:22,420 --> 00:56:23,671 Arrows. 659 00:56:23,796 --> 00:56:25,631 Torch boy! 660 00:57:01,334 --> 00:57:02,543 Steady. 661 00:57:09,425 --> 00:57:10,885 Fire! 662 00:57:13,179 --> 00:57:15,765 [skeleton] Advance, you beasts, advance! 663 00:57:16,098 --> 00:57:19,727 [skeletons screaming] 664 00:57:21,938 --> 00:57:25,191 [screaming] 665 00:57:26,567 --> 00:57:29,070 [grunting] 666 00:57:30,237 --> 00:57:31,739 [skeleton screams] 667 00:57:32,114 --> 00:57:34,700 Yeah, baby! 668 00:57:37,620 --> 00:57:38,996 [screaming] 669 00:57:39,163 --> 00:57:41,123 All right! [laughing] 670 00:57:41,332 --> 00:57:42,959 [screaming] 671 00:57:44,251 --> 00:57:46,754 Sire, there's a second division approaching from the south. 672 00:57:48,547 --> 00:57:51,217 [skeleton] Ram the gates! 673 00:57:55,429 --> 00:57:56,764 Catapults. 674 00:57:57,098 --> 00:57:59,350 Catapults out! 675 00:57:59,517 --> 00:58:02,812 [all shouting] 676 00:58:07,650 --> 00:58:08,651 Yeah! 677 00:58:09,902 --> 00:58:11,988 Fire! 678 00:58:17,660 --> 00:58:20,705 - [skeleton] Look there! - [skeleton 2] What in blazes? 679 00:58:21,205 --> 00:58:22,206 [shouts] 680 00:58:22,957 --> 00:58:23,958 [screams] 681 00:58:24,125 --> 00:58:25,292 Yeah! 682 00:58:27,670 --> 00:58:28,796 [skeleton] Seek cover! 683 00:58:29,630 --> 00:58:31,632 - [skeleton 2] Watch out! - [skeleton 3] Make way! 684 00:58:31,799 --> 00:58:34,552 [all screaming] 685 00:58:34,719 --> 00:58:36,554 [all laughing] 686 00:58:39,056 --> 00:58:43,060 [all screaming] 687 00:58:43,853 --> 00:58:44,979 No! 688 00:58:45,146 --> 00:58:48,065 Oh, you miserable bags of bones! 689 00:58:48,149 --> 00:58:51,819 Pick yourselves up and sally fo... 690 00:58:52,820 --> 00:58:54,447 Sally for... 691 00:58:55,448 --> 00:58:57,450 Sally forth. 692 00:59:01,203 --> 00:59:03,664 [skeleton] Come on, you miserable wretches. 693 00:59:04,665 --> 00:59:05,833 Lower. 694 00:59:06,542 --> 00:59:07,960 Heave! 695 00:59:14,175 --> 00:59:15,593 Forward! 696 00:59:18,012 --> 00:59:20,514 Buttress the door, now! 697 00:59:31,317 --> 00:59:32,860 [men screaming] 698 00:59:33,027 --> 00:59:34,028 Hold fast! 699 00:59:37,531 --> 00:59:39,950 - Back! - [man] Stone these creatures! 700 00:59:40,034 --> 00:59:41,368 Damn you! 701 00:59:44,914 --> 00:59:46,874 That's got to hurt. 702 00:59:47,208 --> 00:59:49,794 Go, you cretins! Arrows! 703 00:59:49,877 --> 00:59:51,003 [skeleton] Load! 704 00:59:51,337 --> 00:59:52,630 Fire! 705 00:59:57,551 --> 01:00:00,262 Heave! Put your backbones into it. 706 01:00:02,473 --> 01:00:05,309 We've broken through! The castle is ours! 707 01:00:05,392 --> 01:00:06,894 [whooping] 708 01:00:07,353 --> 01:00:08,813 [laughing] 709 01:00:10,106 --> 01:00:13,067 Kill the mortals! 710 01:00:15,528 --> 01:00:17,363 Get it achieved and fast! 711 01:00:33,587 --> 01:00:36,799 [skeleton] Their ranks are broken! Have at them! 712 01:00:38,300 --> 01:00:42,179 Hah! Hoo! Hi-yah! Hah! Hoo! Hi-yah! 713 01:00:48,727 --> 01:00:51,313 Pull back! Man the parapet! 714 01:00:51,647 --> 01:00:53,440 Protect the book. 715 01:00:53,607 --> 01:00:56,110 - [soldier] Retreat! - God save us all. 716 01:01:01,282 --> 01:01:03,701 Say hello to the 21st century. 717 01:01:03,784 --> 01:01:04,952 Yeah! 718 01:01:05,119 --> 01:01:06,412 Nooooo! 719 01:01:16,630 --> 01:01:17,590 Come on! 720 01:01:17,756 --> 01:01:19,508 I got plenty for everybody! 721 01:01:19,884 --> 01:01:21,135 Look out! 722 01:01:23,679 --> 01:01:25,306 [whistle blowing] 723 01:01:28,350 --> 01:01:30,436 - [snarls] - Bye-bye. 724 01:01:32,897 --> 01:01:34,648 It's the one in the cart we want! 725 01:01:34,815 --> 01:01:35,691 Get him! 726 01:01:45,451 --> 01:01:46,994 [cheering] 727 01:01:47,161 --> 01:01:48,996 Sheila! 728 01:02:10,684 --> 01:02:12,061 Sheila? 729 01:02:13,187 --> 01:02:14,772 [tires screeching] 730 01:02:35,709 --> 01:02:37,086 [laughs] 731 01:02:37,253 --> 01:02:38,837 We've secured the courtyard, my lord. 732 01:02:38,921 --> 01:02:40,089 Excellent. 733 01:02:53,394 --> 01:02:55,896 Oh! Hey! Look out! 734 01:03:03,237 --> 01:03:05,364 Hey, you're mine, sweetie. 735 01:03:05,447 --> 01:03:07,074 Get off of her! 736 01:03:11,996 --> 01:03:13,289 Gotcha! 737 01:03:13,706 --> 01:03:15,457 [Arthur] Damn you! 738 01:03:18,711 --> 01:03:19,753 My lord. 739 01:03:19,837 --> 01:03:21,255 Stay with the book. 740 01:03:21,588 --> 01:03:23,590 [skeleton] The book will be ours! 741 01:03:27,553 --> 01:03:29,346 The Red! The Red! 742 01:03:29,513 --> 01:03:31,432 Duke Henry and his men have come! 743 01:03:31,598 --> 01:03:33,100 [all shouting] 744 01:03:34,727 --> 01:03:40,024 Blows, blood and death! 745 01:03:42,735 --> 01:03:44,862 Duke Henry! 746 01:03:51,118 --> 01:03:52,453 Die! 747 01:03:55,622 --> 01:03:59,710 [Henry] Onward, valiant cousins! Their ranks are broke! 748 01:04:07,176 --> 01:04:08,427 Oops! 749 01:04:10,054 --> 01:04:11,347 Hello! 750 01:04:17,478 --> 01:04:18,979 There you go. 751 01:04:21,190 --> 01:04:22,983 The book is mine. 752 01:04:24,526 --> 01:04:25,944 [laughing] 753 01:04:32,159 --> 01:04:34,203 I'll cut your gizzard out. 754 01:04:35,162 --> 01:04:37,164 Hey, where'd he go? Hey! 755 01:04:40,501 --> 01:04:42,336 [screaming] 756 01:04:47,883 --> 01:04:49,385 Come to papa. 757 01:04:50,594 --> 01:04:52,096 Get him! 758 01:05:19,039 --> 01:05:21,542 Oh, you crazy bitch, get off of me! 759 01:05:27,714 --> 01:05:28,882 Right. 760 01:05:36,223 --> 01:05:38,559 You found me beautiful once. 761 01:05:39,059 --> 01:05:41,645 Honey, you got real ugly. 762 01:05:59,288 --> 01:06:00,747 There we are. 763 01:06:09,798 --> 01:06:11,425 So you wanna play rough, eh? 764 01:06:11,592 --> 01:06:12,926 Okay. 765 01:06:16,847 --> 01:06:18,015 Oh. 766 01:06:22,102 --> 01:06:24,021 All right, all right. 767 01:06:28,150 --> 01:06:30,027 Prepare to die! 768 01:06:43,165 --> 01:06:44,708 You're going down! 769 01:06:45,918 --> 01:06:47,419 I'm going up. 770 01:06:47,503 --> 01:06:48,921 I'm coming for you. 771 01:06:57,471 --> 01:06:58,722 Come on! 772 01:07:12,819 --> 01:07:14,738 Oops. Excuse me. 773 01:07:14,821 --> 01:07:15,948 Come on. 774 01:07:16,031 --> 01:07:17,449 All right! 775 01:07:19,243 --> 01:07:22,746 You're pissing me off, you ugly son of a bitch! 776 01:07:40,556 --> 01:07:43,559 I'll spoil those good looks. 777 01:07:45,477 --> 01:07:46,979 Back-stabber! 778 01:07:51,984 --> 01:07:53,360 Hold still! 779 01:07:59,074 --> 01:08:01,618 [screaming] 780 01:08:04,663 --> 01:08:06,540 Tally-ho! 781 01:08:07,416 --> 01:08:08,792 [screaming] 782 01:08:09,376 --> 01:08:10,711 [cackling] 783 01:08:10,919 --> 01:08:12,838 We can't hold the battlements! 784 01:08:12,921 --> 01:08:16,008 We will hold! We must protect the book! 785 01:08:20,220 --> 01:08:21,805 [growling] 786 01:08:28,437 --> 01:08:30,772 I got a bone to pick with you. 787 01:08:31,315 --> 01:08:32,608 Come on. 788 01:08:39,531 --> 01:08:41,575 Slice that gizzard open. 789 01:08:57,841 --> 01:08:59,593 Now you're mine. 790 01:09:01,928 --> 01:09:04,723 - [exclaiming] - [clicking] 791 01:09:10,228 --> 01:09:11,897 [screaming] 792 01:09:20,989 --> 01:09:22,658 At last, the book. 793 01:09:28,747 --> 01:09:30,749 I possess the Necronomicon. 794 01:09:30,832 --> 01:09:32,751 I've crushed your pathetic army. 795 01:09:32,834 --> 01:09:35,003 Now I'll have my vengeance. 796 01:09:35,128 --> 01:09:38,674 Buckle up, bonehead, 'cause you're goin' for a ride. 797 01:09:38,757 --> 01:09:39,966 Huh? 798 01:09:40,133 --> 01:09:42,636 Noooo! 799 01:09:44,805 --> 01:09:47,974 - [screaming] - [train whistle blowing] 800 01:09:53,897 --> 01:09:55,273 [soldier] Victory's ours! 801 01:09:55,440 --> 01:09:57,025 [all cheering] 802 01:09:58,485 --> 01:09:59,945 Retreat! Retreat! 803 01:10:00,028 --> 01:10:01,822 Let's get the hell out of here! 804 01:10:03,073 --> 01:10:06,118 [cheering] 805 01:10:29,891 --> 01:10:31,101 [Henry] Tricky ones, they are. 806 01:10:31,184 --> 01:10:32,811 [man] If it's a fight you want... 807 01:10:33,353 --> 01:10:36,523 [Arthur] Watch 'em, lads. They're an untrustworthy lot. 808 01:10:51,496 --> 01:10:52,998 [swords swishing] 809 01:11:11,224 --> 01:11:15,103 [all cheering] 810 01:11:23,570 --> 01:11:25,363 Move yourself, lad! 811 01:11:25,572 --> 01:11:27,073 - Your hand, man. - Hey, Henry. 812 01:11:27,157 --> 01:11:28,575 - Godspeed! - Yeah, nice going. 813 01:11:28,658 --> 01:11:29,993 - My lady. - Arthur. 814 01:11:30,076 --> 01:11:31,661 Well won, my friend. 815 01:11:31,745 --> 01:11:32,996 We've won the day. 816 01:11:33,079 --> 01:11:36,041 [all]] Yeah! 817 01:11:39,753 --> 01:11:43,673 We're brothers and a new kingdom shall be born! 818 01:11:46,885 --> 01:11:50,013 The book tells us that once you drink this liquid 819 01:11:50,096 --> 01:11:53,850 and recite the words, "Klaatu barada nikto, " 820 01:11:53,934 --> 01:11:56,603 thou shalt awaken in thine own time. 821 01:11:59,272 --> 01:12:03,193 Remember, you must recite the words exactly. 822 01:12:34,432 --> 01:12:35,767 Hyah! 823 01:12:46,903 --> 01:12:48,864 [Ash] So I left her there. 824 01:12:55,954 --> 01:12:57,956 I thought about staying. 825 01:12:58,123 --> 01:12:59,916 They offered me the chance to lead them, 826 01:13:00,083 --> 01:13:02,544 to teach them, to be king. 827 01:13:03,378 --> 01:13:04,379 Uh-huh. 828 01:13:04,504 --> 01:13:05,922 But my place is here. 829 01:13:06,006 --> 01:13:09,759 So I swallowed the juice, said the words and here I am. 830 01:13:09,843 --> 01:13:12,178 Did you say the words right this time? 831 01:13:13,513 --> 01:13:16,474 Well, maybe I didn't say every single, tiny little syllable, no, 832 01:13:16,558 --> 01:13:18,852 but basically I said 'em, yeah. 833 01:13:20,437 --> 01:13:21,938 Basically. 834 01:13:25,275 --> 01:13:28,236 You know that story about how you could've been king? 835 01:13:28,653 --> 01:13:30,906 I think it's kind of cute. 836 01:13:32,282 --> 01:13:33,491 Yeah. 837 01:13:34,868 --> 01:13:36,786 [eerie shrieking] 838 01:13:42,959 --> 01:13:44,252 [screaming] 839 01:13:52,385 --> 01:13:53,720 Die! 840 01:13:53,887 --> 01:13:55,722 [screaming] 841 01:14:05,315 --> 01:14:06,650 [gunshot] 842 01:14:08,610 --> 01:14:11,446 Lady, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store. 843 01:14:11,988 --> 01:14:13,907 Who the hell are you? 844 01:14:14,199 --> 01:14:15,617 Name's Ash. 845 01:14:17,702 --> 01:14:19,079 Housewares. 846 01:14:39,766 --> 01:14:42,268 I'll swallow your soul. 847 01:14:42,560 --> 01:14:43,812 Come get some. 848 01:15:04,124 --> 01:15:06,710 [Ash] Sure, I could've stayed in the past. 849 01:15:08,586 --> 01:15:10,255 Could've even been king. 850 01:15:12,340 --> 01:15:14,050 But in my own way... 851 01:15:14,843 --> 01:15:16,261 I am king. 852 01:15:18,138 --> 01:15:20,056 Hail to the king, baby. 54996

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