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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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[EERIE WIND]
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NARRATOR: Some say he was born
in the back of a pickup truck.
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Some say it was a
highway reststop.
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And some say he was
belched full-form
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from the chrome exhaust
of a dead-headed semi.
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But wherever he came
from, he was destined
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to become hell on wheels!
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[ENGINE REVVING]
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It's the story of--
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[GUNFIRE]
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--Baby Bullets, too young,
too tough, too fast.
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[ENGINE ROARING & TIRES
SQUEALING]
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Aahhh!
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NARRATOR: It's the
thrilling story
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of a talented toddler and a gift
that would come to haunt him.
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[EXCITING MUSIC]
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A piston-packing hard-riding
highway-hustler in Pampers,
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who didn't know when to stop.
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[SIREN]
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[ENGINE REVVING]
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It's the story of Baby Bullets.
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He'll crawl out of
his diapers and drive
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right into your heart.
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[TIRES SQUEALING]
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[BABY SQUEALING]
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His daring will amaze you.
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He lived fast and loose and
grabbed love where he could.
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[BABIES GURGLING]
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And soon, it was the
mob that wanted him.
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There's only one driver
good enough for this job.
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Bring me Baby Bullets!
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NARRATOR: He was the
dangerous darling of the mob.
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And they called him
the Babe, the Bambino.
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This infamous infant
would stop at nothing
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to get what he wanted.
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[TIRES SQUEALING]
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Don't worry about a thing.
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I'll take care of it
myself personally.
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[BABY CRYING]
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I promise.
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OK, OK, just take it easy.
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Take it easy.
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It'll be done.
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[BABY GURGLING]
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Baby became the talc of the
town, until he took a powder.
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He must be stopped!
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Bring in the infantry!
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[BUGLE & MARCHING]
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[BABY CRYING]
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NARRATOR: Explosive drama
so exciting you'll spit up.
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[BABY COOING]
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[BEEPING]
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[BABY COOING]
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So you won't talk, eh?
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[BABY GURGLING]
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Baby Bullets-- the real
story of the hot tot
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the top cops hop to stop.
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[TIRES SQUEALING]
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[BABY CRYING]
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Baby Bullets-- they
couldn't hold him.
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They couldn't scold him.
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They couldn't even burp him.
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[GUNFIRE]
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[BABY CRYING]
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"Baby Bullets," the only
movie that has to be
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changed four times a day.
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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Please read this aloud.
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For far too long, a very
special segment of our society
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has been excluded from
the motion picture
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going experience.
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Now, for the first
time, the producers
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are proud to present a
motion picture equipped
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with blind-o-vision, to
assist our blind audience in
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the enjoyment of Gena's story.
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[MUSIC - PIANO]
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NARRATOR: "Gena's
Story," or "On my Own,"
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"By Myself," "Just me," "Alone."
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WOMAN: Up yours.
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NARRATOR: Finally, a
serious woman's picture.
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Meet Gena, independent,
cosmopolitan,
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and loving mother of two.
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Meet the husband
that leaves her--
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Call my secretary.
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We'll have lunch.
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NARRATOR: --the lover
that finds her--
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Ugh!
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NARRATOR: --the lover
that leaves her,
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and the liver that loves her.
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And introducing--
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What do you want [INAUDIBLE]?
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NARRATOR: --Henri Henri, as
Jacques Perrier, the other man,
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every woman's dream,
bearded, tender,
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and naturally sparkling.
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Perrier knows how to make almost
any woman feel nearly human.
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[GROANING]
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Oh, oh, oh.
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Oh, Jacques.
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Oui.
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Jacques.
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Oui!
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Jacques!
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[HEAVY BREATHING & GROANING]
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JACQUES: Oui.
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Oui.
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GENA: Oui, oui.
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JACQUES: Yeah.
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GENA: Oui, oui!
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JACQUES: Oh, yeah.
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[INCREASING PANTS]
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Yeah, yeah.
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Can I put it in
your [INAUDIBLE]?
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Oh, put it in, Jacques.
JACQUES: Put it in!
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Put it in!
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[PANTS AND GROANS]
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Oh, aahh!
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NARRATOR: It's only a story.
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Her loves, her lives, the
things that make her special,
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make her unique, like all of us.
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[LAUGHTER]
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And the encounters that
send a message to all of us.
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Oh man, what do
you want me to do?
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I told you, I can't-- say,
w-- why, she was talking
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on [INAUDIBLE] phones, right?
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Cops and-- lay-- uh--
yeah-- writing, right?
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Scratching.
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And uh-- writing.
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And it's like people
in a circle, right?
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There's like four or
five people there.
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I'm getting it now, right?
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And uh-- more writing.
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Yeah, like--
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NARRATOR: "Gena's Story," a
story for this time, next time,
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the time after, the time
after that, and always.
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[INAUDIBLE], right?
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And dancing!
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And she's dancing.
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Like, she's got panties on.
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I'm on a roll now, right?
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She's got panties on.
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And like, behind in the
picture, it's like a loft, man.
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And it's like pretty
floors, wood floors,
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like they been sanded,
like in the last--
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and it's a coffee table.
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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[DOG HOWLING]
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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NARRATOR: All his life, they
said it was going to be tough.
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But everything still
kept coming too easy.
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Bobby, I want to tell
you something as a friend.
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Yeah?
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What's that?
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[BLEEP] you.
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[BLEEP] you!
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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An important new motion
picture in black and white,
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from an award-winning director.
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A film of the most profound
dimensions, the most moving
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experience ever put on film.
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[TOILET FLUSHING]
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[BURPING]
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You talking to me?
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You [INAUDIBLE].
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You got something to say to me?
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Well, I got something
to say to you.
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[BLEEP] you.
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[BLEEP] me? [BLEEP] you.
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Yeah?
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[BLEEP] you!
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The [INAUDIBLE] saw Fontaceli
walking down the street.
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NARRATOR: "Raging
Bullshit," a picture so
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profound you'll rediscover
emotions you've never had.
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--[BLEEP] you and the
horse you rode in on!
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Huh!
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[BLEEP] me?
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No, you got it wrong.
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[BLEEP] you.
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Martin Snorzeze's
"Raging Bullshit."
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Bobby became a winner, because
he had nothing left to lose.
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Bobby--
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[WHISTLE]
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----[BLEEP], [BLEEP],
[BLEEP], [BLEEP],
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[BLEEP], [BLEEP], [BLEEP] you.
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NARRATOR: "Raging Bullshit,"
the man, the moment, the movie.
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[BLEEP] yooou!
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
190
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[BRAKES SQUEALING]
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[CAR CRASH]
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[LAUGHTER]
193
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MAN: What are you, deaf?
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You [BLEEP].
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[BLEEP] you!
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No, [BLEEP] you. [BLEEP] you
and the horse you rode in on.
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[BLEEP] you, you-- [BLEEP] you.
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Van Waspishes, what you got?
199
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Meatloaf.
200
00:11:14,490 --> 00:11:17,490
How about you, O'Mally?
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The usual.
202
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Doesn't get you down, O'Mally?
203
00:11:24,490 --> 00:11:29,110
Being an unimportant
part of something so big.
204
00:11:29,110 --> 00:11:31,050
I mean, don't you think
there has to be something
205
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better than this city?
206
00:11:33,570 --> 00:11:34,490
Better than this job?
207
00:11:34,490 --> 00:11:36,320
Better than this speech?
208
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,950
Sometimes, I think
about building something
209
00:11:38,950 --> 00:11:42,250
for my family and me, far
away from this contained giant
210
00:11:42,250 --> 00:11:43,650
they call the Big Apple.
211
00:11:43,650 --> 00:11:44,450
Hey, cool it!
212
00:11:44,450 --> 00:11:47,300
Here comes the foreman!
213
00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:50,570
Van Waspishes, what the
hell are you doing eating?
214
00:11:50,570 --> 00:11:52,140
You know you're
not supposed to be
215
00:11:52,140 --> 00:11:54,270
away from the asbestos machine.
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00:11:54,270 --> 00:11:55,810
How many times I told you?
217
00:11:55,810 --> 00:12:00,980
I want you to eat, drink,
and breath asbestos.
218
00:12:00,980 --> 00:12:03,670
What does it take to
get through to you?
219
00:12:03,670 --> 00:12:04,780
Wait a minute.
220
00:12:04,780 --> 00:12:07,870
Let me try it this way.
221
00:12:07,870 --> 00:12:10,240
(HIGH VOICE) Van Waspishes,
you eat asbestos,
222
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:11,630
you drink asbestos.
223
00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:14,440
And if I ask you,
you sleep asbestos.
224
00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:15,850
(BURLY VOICE) You got it?
225
00:12:15,850 --> 00:12:16,790
Yeah, I got it.
226
00:12:16,790 --> 00:12:18,200
In fact, I've had it.
227
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,340
I've had it up to here,
with this job, with you,
228
00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,940
this whole stinking city.
229
00:12:21,940 --> 00:12:24,030
I quit, you understand.
230
00:12:24,030 --> 00:12:26,020
Take care of yourself, O'Mally.
231
00:12:33,460 --> 00:12:36,930
New York, for once you're
going to listen to me.
232
00:12:36,930 --> 00:12:39,900
[SIRENS & JACKHAMMER]
233
00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:49,330
And one more thing--
234
00:12:49,330 --> 00:12:52,300
[LOUD CITY NOISES OVER SONG]
235
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PS, and I'm never--
236
00:12:57,260 --> 00:12:59,740
[LOUD CITY NOISES OVER SONG]
237
00:13:11,150 --> 00:13:12,350
Right, give me one
with everything.
238
00:13:12,350 --> 00:13:14,010
[HORN]
-You got it.
239
00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:15,970
[FALLING NOISE]
240
00:13:21,370 --> 00:13:23,380
Greg and I worked together
for the last two years
241
00:13:23,380 --> 00:13:24,500
on construction.
242
00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:26,570
Now, this-- this
construction site
243
00:13:26,570 --> 00:13:27,920
was definitely run by the mob.
244
00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:30,500
I mean, it was organized
crime, you know?
245
00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:32,720
Anyhow, uh, these
were rough guys.
246
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:33,840
I mean, really rough.
247
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,150
If they knew I was here right
now telling you this stuff,
248
00:13:36,150 --> 00:13:36,950
they-- they'd kill me.
249
00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:39,490
And they wouldn't
think twice about it.
250
00:13:39,490 --> 00:13:41,830
Now first, let me
make something clear.
251
00:13:41,830 --> 00:13:44,080
Greg didn't know
anything about the mob.
252
00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:45,430
Greg didn't know anything.
253
00:13:45,430 --> 00:13:48,170
Christ, we had to put
a label on his hammer.
254
00:13:48,170 --> 00:13:49,870
Anyhow, every
morning at 9 o'clock
255
00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:53,710
sharp, this bag-man-- uh--
Vinny Tanucci, he shows up.
256
00:13:53,710 --> 00:13:55,390
And he goes to our
foreman, right?
257
00:13:55,390 --> 00:13:57,090
Now, I never heard
anything that they said.
258
00:13:57,090 --> 00:13:58,070
But, uh--
[DOOR OPENING]
259
00:13:58,070 --> 00:13:59,690
--there was always passing--
DELIVERY GUY: All right.
260
00:13:59,690 --> 00:14:00,490
Deli delivery.
261
00:14:00,490 --> 00:14:01,730
Who gets the turkey sandwich?
262
00:14:01,730 --> 00:14:02,530
[SQUAKING]
263
00:14:02,530 --> 00:14:04,770
Hey, I-- I got anoth-- I
got another run. [INAUDIBLE]
264
00:14:04,770 --> 00:14:05,960
And Joey Clamento
was there and--
265
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:07,360
DIRECTOR: Hey,
kiddo, watch that--
266
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:08,570
get away from the lights.
[SMASHING SOUND]
267
00:14:08,570 --> 00:14:09,490
Anyway--
DIRECTOR: Watch the lights!
268
00:14:09,490 --> 00:14:10,300
Hey, wait a minute!
269
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:11,590
You told me there wasn't
going to be no lights!
270
00:14:11,590 --> 00:14:12,390
Come on.
271
00:14:12,390 --> 00:14:13,540
[GUNFIRE]
272
00:14:14,890 --> 00:14:16,910
MAN (ON INTERCOM): --are there
to stop shopping cart theft.
273
00:14:16,910 --> 00:14:20,040
They are there for
your convenience.
274
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,080
The metal poles
outside the supermarket
275
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,460
are there to stop
shopping cart theft.
276
00:14:24,460 --> 00:14:26,730
They are there for
your convenience.
277
00:14:26,730 --> 00:14:29,160
MAN (ON INTERCOM): --Elu
Belictor, Dr. Elu Belictor,
278
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:30,190
please report to salad surgery.
279
00:14:30,190 --> 00:14:31,440
Dr. Elu Belictor.
280
00:14:34,940 --> 00:14:37,430
[MUSIC PLAYING]
281
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:45,350
Hey, baby.
282
00:14:45,350 --> 00:14:46,840
Take a look, baby.
283
00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:48,770
Take a good look, baby.
284
00:14:48,770 --> 00:14:50,170
[BOWLING BALL ROLLING]
285
00:14:50,170 --> 00:14:51,670
[BOWLING PINS SCATTERING]
286
00:14:51,670 --> 00:14:54,380
Baby, baby, baby, hey!
287
00:14:54,380 --> 00:14:55,180
Ba--
288
00:14:55,180 --> 00:14:57,370
MAN (ON INTERCOM): Attention
editor, attention editor,
289
00:14:57,370 --> 00:15:00,830
will the editor please come
to the dentist in aisle 5.
290
00:15:00,830 --> 00:15:01,820
Thank you.
291
00:15:01,820 --> 00:15:04,300
Pardon me.
292
00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:05,290
[MUSIC PLAYING]
293
00:15:08,750 --> 00:15:10,240
[MUSIC PLAYING]
294
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,220
We just ran out at the office.
295
00:15:14,220 --> 00:15:16,000
I've got a root
canal in 15 minutes.
296
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,000
Special today, only $1.79.
297
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,500
Also, the pharmacy
department special.
298
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,860
For your housewives, it's
valium at three for $1.
299
00:15:22,860 --> 00:15:23,990
And the family
special, quaaludes,
300
00:15:23,990 --> 00:15:26,990
all-you-can-eat for $3.75.
301
00:15:26,990 --> 00:15:28,990
[BELL RINGING]
302
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:31,400
WOMAN (ON INTERCOM):
Check out lanes
303
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:34,130
3, 4, and 5 are backed up and--
304
00:15:34,130 --> 00:15:38,190
You know, Millie, I've
been noticing recently,
305
00:15:38,190 --> 00:15:40,760
food just doesn't taste
the same any more.
306
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:41,690
I don't know.
307
00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:45,470
It's not as fresh or something.
308
00:15:45,470 --> 00:15:46,580
Maybe I'm wrong.
309
00:15:46,580 --> 00:15:49,430
But I really worry about
my family's health.
310
00:15:49,430 --> 00:15:50,970
I mean, all the
sugar and chemical
311
00:15:50,970 --> 00:15:52,240
preservatives
they're forcing you
312
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:53,940
to eat cannot be good for you.
313
00:15:53,940 --> 00:15:56,830
No, I guess not,
Mrs. Van Waspishes.
314
00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:04,980
Do you have anything
smaller, Mrs. Van Waspishes?
315
00:16:04,980 --> 00:16:07,040
How about if I fold it in two?
316
00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,560
That's a good one,
Mrs. Van Waspishes.
317
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:12,680
[LAUGHS] Thank you.
318
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:14,640
So long, Millie.
319
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,590
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
320
00:16:19,190 --> 00:16:19,990
What?
321
00:16:19,990 --> 00:16:22,430
Did you break up
this pound of butter?
322
00:16:22,430 --> 00:16:25,500
You sick-- now, go put
it back where it belongs.
323
00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:26,700
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
324
00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:31,840
(SINGING) to get to aisle six--
325
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:32,970
No, don't push all right.
326
00:16:32,970 --> 00:16:34,030
-[MOANING]
-Come on.
327
00:16:34,030 --> 00:16:35,470
Hang in there.
Hang in there.
328
00:16:35,470 --> 00:16:36,360
Did we make it?
329
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:37,260
Will we make it?
330
00:16:37,260 --> 00:16:39,000
What do you mean, no?
331
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,470
[SINGING]
332
00:16:40,470 --> 00:16:42,210
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
333
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,310
MAN (ON INTERCOM): Metal
poles outside the supermarket,
334
00:16:45,310 --> 00:16:47,500
are there to stop
shopping cart theft.
335
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:50,360
They are there for
your convenience.
336
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:51,810
[MUSIC PLAYING]
337
00:16:53,740 --> 00:16:55,630
I greased the old
man $1,000 and his kid
338
00:16:55,630 --> 00:16:56,780
five Reggie Jacksons.
339
00:16:56,780 --> 00:16:58,840
BAMBI: Want to party?
340
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,990
Nicki, sweetheart, I told you,
they're paying $5,000 a head
341
00:17:01,990 --> 00:17:03,850
for white women in Juarez.
342
00:17:03,850 --> 00:17:04,650
I know, I know.
343
00:17:04,650 --> 00:17:05,650
Last year, we got $6,000.
344
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:06,780
But the peco is surging.
345
00:17:06,780 --> 00:17:08,020
Come on, Teddy, let's party.
346
00:17:08,020 --> 00:17:09,280
LITTLE BILLY: Look, just
give the babes to the border,
347
00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:10,240
and I'll take it from there.
348
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:12,150
BAMBI: Yeah, oh, Teddy!
349
00:17:12,150 --> 00:17:13,870
Uh, excuse me, Bambi.
350
00:17:13,870 --> 00:17:14,670
Would you hold it down?
351
00:17:14,670 --> 00:17:16,700
Some of us are trying
to work over here.
352
00:17:16,700 --> 00:17:18,210
Why don't you grow up?
353
00:17:18,210 --> 00:17:20,140
Don't be a jerk,
it's deductable!
354
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:23,630
Beside, name me one 11-year-old
that gets sent up on tax fraud.
355
00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:24,560
Am I right?
356
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:25,490
Daddy, Mommy!
357
00:17:25,490 --> 00:17:27,350
Daddy, Mommy!
358
00:17:27,350 --> 00:17:32,760
Bambi, Little Billy, I've
got something to tell you.
359
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,170
[RECORD SCREECHING]
360
00:17:38,130 --> 00:17:41,480
Your father's gone crazy.
361
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,720
You remember your father?
362
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,490
Now, I want you to
listen very carefully
363
00:17:45,490 --> 00:17:47,240
to what he has to say.
364
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:48,780
I did.
365
00:17:48,780 --> 00:17:50,990
And it didn't make any
sense to me at all.
366
00:17:50,990 --> 00:17:53,990
Maybe you can do better.
367
00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:54,930
Greg.
368
00:17:54,930 --> 00:17:58,400
Kids, your mom and I
love each other very much.
369
00:17:58,400 --> 00:17:59,200
[WHIMPERING]
370
00:18:00,690 --> 00:18:03,660
Grow up, mister!
371
00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:06,150
Your mom and I have
been doing some talking.
372
00:18:06,150 --> 00:18:09,350
And I've got wonderful
news for you.
373
00:18:09,350 --> 00:18:11,380
We're going on an adventure.
374
00:18:11,380 --> 00:18:15,290
How would you like to wake up
to the sound of chirping birds?
375
00:18:15,290 --> 00:18:18,410
To look out the
window and see fields
376
00:18:18,410 --> 00:18:20,470
of wild flowers and clover?
377
00:18:20,470 --> 00:18:21,270
[LOUD MOTOR]
378
00:18:21,270 --> 00:18:22,390
How would you like to drink--
379
00:18:22,390 --> 00:18:23,190
[SIREN]
380
00:18:23,190 --> 00:18:26,010
--pure fresh air?
381
00:18:26,010 --> 00:18:30,040
And breathe crystal clear water?
382
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:31,800
What I'm trying to say
is that, from now on, you
383
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:36,530
don't have to worry about
crime, pollution, junk foods,
384
00:18:36,530 --> 00:18:40,710
loud rock-and-roll music,
X-rated movies, or drug pushers
385
00:18:40,710 --> 00:18:41,620
ever again.
386
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:45,000
Kids, we're leaving the city.
387
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,330
And we're moving out
to the wilderness!
388
00:18:47,330 --> 00:18:48,310
[WIND BLOWING]
389
00:18:49,110 --> 00:18:51,240
[MUSIC PLAYING]
390
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,850
[MUFFLED SHOUTING]
391
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:40,030
BOY: Look, a deer.
392
00:20:37,110 --> 00:20:37,940
This is great, isn't it?
393
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:51,710
Come on.
394
00:22:51,710 --> 00:22:52,700
Up and out.
395
00:23:01,110 --> 00:23:01,960
Isn't this great?
396
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:03,350
Just look at those mountains.
397
00:23:03,350 --> 00:23:04,300
Take it all in.
398
00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:05,100
That's it.
399
00:23:05,100 --> 00:23:06,390
Didn't I tell you this?
400
00:23:06,390 --> 00:23:08,140
The great outdoors.
401
00:23:08,140 --> 00:23:09,070
We're here at last.
402
00:23:09,070 --> 00:23:11,470
You got to leave
the kids in the car.
403
00:23:11,470 --> 00:23:12,970
Don't lose the ticket.
404
00:23:12,970 --> 00:23:13,960
Pay as you leave.
405
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:18,450
[RADIO PLAYING]
406
00:23:21,950 --> 00:23:24,370
GREG (VOICEOVER): Our
adventure had begun.
407
00:23:24,370 --> 00:23:27,810
I hadn't seen such
wild and untamed beauty
408
00:23:27,810 --> 00:23:30,650
since the Gabor sisters sang
"Let's Get Physical" on Merv.
409
00:23:42,110 --> 00:23:43,670
It didn't take a
genius to see we
410
00:23:43,670 --> 00:23:45,750
needed a roof over
our heads, and we all
411
00:23:45,750 --> 00:23:47,310
pitched in to make it happen.
412
00:23:53,820 --> 00:23:56,400
Well, this is the big moment.
413
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:57,370
What do you think?
414
00:23:57,370 --> 00:23:59,280
Huh?
415
00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:00,410
GREG (VOICEOVER):
And darned if we
416
00:24:00,410 --> 00:24:03,620
soon didn't have a fine little
cabin to show for our efforts.
417
00:24:03,620 --> 00:24:06,270
And a 17 and 3/4 percent
floating mortgage, and just
418
00:24:06,270 --> 00:24:07,070
a quarter of it.
419
00:24:13,100 --> 00:24:16,580
There was hard work, but there
were also the good times.
420
00:24:16,580 --> 00:24:17,990
Time for fun and relaxation.
421
00:24:17,990 --> 00:24:18,860
[WHISTLE]
422
00:24:18,860 --> 00:24:20,410
Come on, kids!
423
00:24:20,410 --> 00:24:21,520
Greg, come on.
It's time to come in.
424
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:22,270
GREG (VOICEOVER): Especially
after Mom vacuumed
425
00:24:22,270 --> 00:24:24,520
and chlorinated the lake,
and installed that Electric
426
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:25,950
Poolmaster surface cleaner.
427
00:24:31,060 --> 00:24:34,690
I rediscovered something I
had forgotten-- animals were
428
00:24:34,690 --> 00:24:38,110
attracted to me, and for some
strange and magical reason,
429
00:24:38,110 --> 00:24:40,890
felt no fear when
they were around me.
430
00:24:40,890 --> 00:24:43,670
Animals just plain liked me.
431
00:24:43,670 --> 00:24:46,160
[ANIMAL CRIES]
432
00:24:49,170 --> 00:24:51,910
MAN: Mr. Amsterdam, we're trying
to find out why the family
433
00:24:51,910 --> 00:24:52,870
moved to the wilderness.
434
00:24:52,870 --> 00:24:54,670
Could you tell us a
little bit about, uh--
435
00:24:54,670 --> 00:24:55,600
Greg?
436
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:56,990
Yes, I remember Greg.
437
00:24:56,990 --> 00:24:59,090
I remember a lot of thing
you'd be amazed, little things
438
00:24:59,090 --> 00:25:00,320
that people forget.
439
00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:03,360
Like, uh, how many of
us remember that Eleanor
440
00:25:03,360 --> 00:25:06,020
Roosevelt had great tits?
441
00:25:06,020 --> 00:25:09,500
Or how many people stopped to
realize that if things continue
442
00:25:09,500 --> 00:25:12,040
the way they are, in
10 years from today,
443
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:15,590
Czechoslovakia will
still be hard to spell?
444
00:25:15,590 --> 00:25:20,260
Little things, like, uh, the
man who walks in the men's room,
445
00:25:20,260 --> 00:25:22,640
and there's a hole in the
wall, and there's a little sign
446
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:24,160
over it, says put
your prick in here
447
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,320
and we do for you
what your wife does.
448
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:27,420
So he put his
prick in there, and
449
00:25:27,420 --> 00:25:29,720
somebody sewed a button on it.
450
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:30,900
BILLY: Back to the Earth?
451
00:25:30,900 --> 00:25:31,900
Bullshit.
452
00:25:31,900 --> 00:25:32,890
Come on.
453
00:25:32,890 --> 00:25:35,390
Selling the house and moving
the family out to the wilderness
454
00:25:35,390 --> 00:25:36,820
was my idea.
455
00:25:36,820 --> 00:25:39,090
Look, sweetheart, Look,
sweetheart, in the bracket Greg
456
00:25:39,090 --> 00:25:40,630
was in, he couldn't live
in the city anymore.
457
00:25:40,630 --> 00:25:42,910
He would have gotten
killed in taxes.
458
00:25:42,910 --> 00:25:44,430
Hey, did you see
his return last year
459
00:25:44,430 --> 00:25:46,280
before I got a hold of him?
460
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:47,670
It's a joke.
461
00:25:47,670 --> 00:25:49,340
So I sat down with
him, and I told
462
00:25:49,340 --> 00:25:51,050
him to move out to the woods.
463
00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:52,510
You can appreciate everything.
464
00:25:52,510 --> 00:25:54,390
Trees, possums, the works.
465
00:25:54,390 --> 00:25:56,180
Clarissa, honey, be a
doll and get ma coffee.
466
00:25:56,180 --> 00:25:57,080
Sweet and light, all right?
467
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:58,630
Listen, pal, can
I ask you if you
468
00:25:58,630 --> 00:25:59,820
happened to noticed
if Greg saved
469
00:25:59,820 --> 00:26:01,120
the gas and toll receipts?
470
00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:02,240
From LA?
471
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:03,040
OK, right away.
472
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:05,720
Hang on, will ya, babe?
473
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:06,990
GREG (VOICEOVER):
And I'm here to tell
474
00:26:06,990 --> 00:26:10,300
you that old lady mother nature
even worked her charms on me.
475
00:26:10,300 --> 00:26:13,310
I was feeling a new
vitality-- a vitality
476
00:26:13,310 --> 00:26:15,150
I hadn't felt in years.
477
00:26:15,150 --> 00:26:17,340
The mountains, and
all that hard work
478
00:26:17,340 --> 00:26:20,200
brought out something
in me, and I loved it.
479
00:26:37,820 --> 00:26:41,120
But unbeknownst to me, there
was a strange, unseen watcher
480
00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:45,320
in the woods-- a watcher whose
very presence would have struck
481
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:48,590
fear into the heart of any
red blooded American male.
482
00:26:55,610 --> 00:26:57,980
But the most rewarding
thing for me as a father
483
00:26:57,980 --> 00:27:00,380
was to see how naturally
my children adjusted
484
00:27:00,380 --> 00:27:01,360
to life in the wilderness.
485
00:27:49,260 --> 00:27:52,040
You're a big one, aren't you?
486
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:53,500
[ELEPHANT ROARING]
487
00:27:55,800 --> 00:28:01,670
Well, it was nice to meet you,
but I have to be going now.
488
00:28:01,670 --> 00:28:03,160
Have a nice day.
489
00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:07,240
Sorry.
490
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:11,740
Mother told me never to
go out with circus people.
491
00:28:11,740 --> 00:28:13,900
Besides, who knows
where that thing's been?
492
00:28:13,900 --> 00:28:14,700
Check it out.
493
00:28:14,700 --> 00:28:16,390
Check it out.
494
00:28:16,390 --> 00:28:17,550
Check it out.
Check it out.
495
00:28:17,550 --> 00:28:18,350
Check it out.
496
00:28:18,350 --> 00:28:20,300
Check it out.
497
00:28:20,300 --> 00:28:21,540
Check it out.
498
00:28:21,540 --> 00:28:22,340
Check it out.
499
00:28:22,340 --> 00:28:23,280
Check it out.
500
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:26,800
Check it out.
501
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,220
Check it out.
502
00:28:29,220 --> 00:28:31,860
Check it out.
503
00:28:31,860 --> 00:28:32,830
Check it out.
504
00:28:41,580 --> 00:28:44,510
Well, the Russian revolution,
the whole of Europe
505
00:28:44,510 --> 00:28:45,830
was affected by it.
506
00:28:45,830 --> 00:28:48,790
You know, Lenin, he was
living in Switzerland,
507
00:28:48,790 --> 00:28:51,010
so whenever you felt
like, you dropped in,
508
00:28:51,010 --> 00:28:54,010
you had coffee and cake
for nothing, practically.
509
00:28:54,010 --> 00:28:54,860
For nothing.
510
00:28:54,860 --> 00:28:56,490
In the summer, of
course, we went in
511
00:28:56,490 --> 00:28:57,490
for the air conditioning.
512
00:28:57,490 --> 00:29:00,860
So the girl says to
the doctor, doctor,
513
00:29:00,860 --> 00:29:03,110
what is a phallic symbol?
514
00:29:03,110 --> 00:29:04,100
He said, you're kidding.
515
00:29:04,100 --> 00:29:06,060
She said no, I don't know,
what's a phallic symbol?
516
00:29:06,060 --> 00:29:08,370
He take his pants down,
he points to himself,
517
00:29:08,370 --> 00:29:11,170
and he says, you see,
that's a phallic symbol.
518
00:29:11,170 --> 00:29:13,420
Oh, she said, just like
a cock, only smaller.
519
00:29:13,420 --> 00:29:14,520
MAN: Mr. Amsterdam, what--
520
00:29:23,220 --> 00:29:24,620
[ROARING]
521
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,120
[BARKING]
522
00:30:07,810 --> 00:30:08,610
Squirt?
523
00:30:08,610 --> 00:30:10,600
Go get help!
524
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:12,090
[BARKING]
525
00:30:16,070 --> 00:30:18,060
Oh, you're hurt, you poor dear.
526
00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:22,030
All right, OK!
527
00:30:22,030 --> 00:30:23,030
I'm sorry!
528
00:30:26,010 --> 00:30:29,260
Oh, you're hurt, you poor bear.
529
00:30:29,260 --> 00:30:30,460
GREG (VOICEOVER):
I guess Bambi just
530
00:30:30,460 --> 00:30:34,130
naturally inherited her helping
and healing ways from her mom.
531
00:30:34,130 --> 00:30:35,060
Don't be afraid.
532
00:30:35,060 --> 00:30:36,910
I won't hurt you.
533
00:30:36,910 --> 00:30:38,750
Let me see your pa.
534
00:30:38,750 --> 00:30:39,980
GREG (VOICEOVER):
And it wasn't long
535
00:30:39,980 --> 00:30:42,370
before she'd taken that
thorn out of the bear's paw,
536
00:30:42,370 --> 00:30:44,130
and found herself a new friend.
537
00:30:58,300 --> 00:31:00,090
Now, I bet that feels better.
538
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:05,240
I'll bet you're a Capricorn.
539
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:12,110
How do you like that?
540
00:31:12,110 --> 00:31:13,310
GREG (VOICEOVER):
And it was obvious
541
00:31:13,310 --> 00:31:15,440
that that old bear had
taken quite a shine
542
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:16,400
to our little girl.
543
00:31:21,420 --> 00:31:23,460
My diagnosis was the
daughter was suffering
544
00:31:23,460 --> 00:31:26,250
from a classic case of
arthogenetic transference,
545
00:31:26,250 --> 00:31:30,300
and that clearly the pathology
lay with the entire family.
546
00:31:30,300 --> 00:31:32,300
I wanted to treat them together.
547
00:31:32,300 --> 00:31:34,590
Take on the whole
family's neurosis.
548
00:31:34,590 --> 00:31:36,250
Man [INAUDIBLE], I said.
549
00:31:36,250 --> 00:31:39,960
I'll cure any psychosis,
anytime, anyplace, anywhere.
550
00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:41,750
I'll meet them at
my office, Madison
551
00:31:41,750 --> 00:31:44,870
Square Garden, the Olympic
Auditorium, Tokyo, Japan.
552
00:31:44,870 --> 00:31:45,670
Anywhere.
553
00:31:45,670 --> 00:31:46,740
You know what I'm talking about?
554
00:31:46,740 --> 00:31:51,120
I try to tell each person I
fix-- Bambi, the daughter,
555
00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:53,960
displayed severe confusion
in her sexual role
556
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:56,050
model identifications.
557
00:31:56,050 --> 00:31:58,260
The family began to
resist my treatment.
558
00:31:58,260 --> 00:31:59,730
I couldn't believe it.
559
00:31:59,730 --> 00:32:02,730
Look, I said, I'll
get you on a couch
560
00:32:02,730 --> 00:32:05,860
and reshape your cognitive
perceptions so you can't tell
561
00:32:05,860 --> 00:32:07,660
it from your super-ego system.
562
00:32:07,660 --> 00:32:09,800
I'll take the id and
put it where the ego is,
563
00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:11,860
and by the time I get through
arranging your id and your ego,
564
00:32:11,860 --> 00:32:13,670
you won't know which end is up.
565
00:32:13,670 --> 00:32:15,530
Then if you still haven't
stopped supplementing,
566
00:32:15,530 --> 00:32:16,510
I'll print you all a--
567
00:32:16,510 --> 00:32:18,650
[SHOUTING]
568
00:32:19,450 --> 00:32:20,920
Look!
569
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:22,880
Look, you pencil-necked geeks!
570
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:26,310
I was the inter-collegiate
psycho-analytic champion,
571
00:32:26,310 --> 00:32:27,780
in the welterweight division.
572
00:32:27,780 --> 00:32:29,740
And I've got the belt
here to prove it.
573
00:32:29,740 --> 00:32:31,760
If I were to take
this gold and melt
574
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:32,730
it down, all you [INAUDIBLE]!
575
00:32:35,790 --> 00:32:36,590
Greg?
576
00:32:36,590 --> 00:32:38,230
I thought you might be
getting a little hungry.
577
00:32:38,230 --> 00:32:39,940
Oh, thanks, dear.
578
00:32:39,940 --> 00:32:44,240
That looks-- [GULPING]
Oh, here come the kids.
579
00:33:06,030 --> 00:33:07,530
(SINGING) We're
the Outdoorsters!
580
00:33:07,530 --> 00:33:09,020
The Outdoorsters!
581
00:33:09,020 --> 00:33:11,510
We live in a forest free.
582
00:33:11,510 --> 00:33:14,500
Oh, we tell tall tales
and we scale tall trees.
583
00:33:14,500 --> 00:33:18,980
We're the Outdoorsters family.
584
00:33:18,980 --> 00:33:21,990
We're the Outdoorsters,
the Outdoorsters.
585
00:33:21,990 --> 00:33:24,490
Living out in the wild.
586
00:33:24,490 --> 00:33:26,990
[SINGING CONTINUES]
587
00:33:45,330 --> 00:33:46,800
GREG (VOICEOVER): In
the light of the night,
588
00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:49,750
even the animals'
thoughts turn to romance.
589
00:33:49,750 --> 00:33:53,320
And if you listened real
hard, you could even hear
590
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:55,890
their plaintive mating calls.
591
00:33:55,890 --> 00:33:58,250
[ROMANTIC MUSIC]
592
00:34:57,710 --> 00:35:00,160
[ANIMAL CHATTERING]
593
00:35:47,510 --> 00:35:48,310
Uh-oh.
594
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:01,280
Oh, no!
595
00:36:06,610 --> 00:36:08,900
GREG (VOICEOVER): I knew
right away that was no animal.
596
00:36:08,900 --> 00:36:12,410
It was another human being,
and he needed help-- fast.
597
00:36:12,410 --> 00:36:14,380
[BARKING]
598
00:36:15,150 --> 00:36:15,950
Squirt.
599
00:36:15,950 --> 00:36:17,360
Go get help, boy.
600
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:18,540
Squirt.
601
00:36:18,540 --> 00:36:19,610
Squirt?
602
00:36:19,610 --> 00:36:20,410
Squirt?
603
00:36:38,370 --> 00:36:39,450
No, no, no.
604
00:36:39,450 --> 00:36:40,560
I'm a friend.
605
00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:41,710
Friend.
606
00:36:41,710 --> 00:36:42,510
Friend.
607
00:36:45,140 --> 00:36:46,040
Ah!
608
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:47,440
GREG (VOICEOVER): I
could see plain as day
609
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:49,710
that this fella had a
broken leg, and maybe
610
00:36:49,710 --> 00:36:52,370
also, a-- a Wounded Knee.
611
00:36:52,370 --> 00:36:54,230
Oh, boy, you're hurt, fella.
612
00:36:54,230 --> 00:36:55,500
GREG (VOICEOVER):
The only thing to do
613
00:36:55,500 --> 00:36:57,700
was to drag him back to
camp, where we could get
614
00:36:57,700 --> 00:36:59,230
him proper medical attention.
615
00:36:59,230 --> 00:37:00,110
You wait here.
616
00:37:00,110 --> 00:37:02,770
I go get help.
617
00:37:02,770 --> 00:37:03,570
What?
618
00:37:03,570 --> 00:37:05,070
What is it?
619
00:37:05,070 --> 00:37:05,860
Ah!
620
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:11,760
You're crazy.
621
00:37:15,060 --> 00:37:18,010
Ah!
622
00:37:18,010 --> 00:37:19,360
[GRUNTING]
623
00:37:28,500 --> 00:37:30,010
GREG (VOICEOVER): From
his Blue Cross card,
624
00:37:30,010 --> 00:37:33,300
we learned his name was
Weejun, a proud brave.
625
00:37:33,300 --> 00:37:35,360
He wanted to thank us
for saving his life.
626
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:37,670
He wanted to teach
us about the woods.
627
00:37:37,670 --> 00:37:40,950
He wanted to charge us
$125 for a three week mini
628
00:37:40,950 --> 00:37:42,980
course called Wilderness 101.
629
00:37:42,980 --> 00:37:44,710
He showed us the
woods, and the wild,
630
00:37:44,710 --> 00:37:48,340
dangerous, and unpredictable
animals who call it their home.
631
00:37:48,340 --> 00:37:50,840
[SHOUTING]
632
00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:58,170
GREG (VOICEOVER):
He also taught us
633
00:37:58,170 --> 00:38:00,620
about how the Indians, the
children of the wilderness,
634
00:38:00,620 --> 00:38:02,230
entrap their prey.
635
00:38:02,230 --> 00:38:05,090
This is just a small
token of our thanks.
636
00:38:05,090 --> 00:38:08,120
And there's more
where that came from.
637
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:10,140
Just remember us on the hill.
638
00:38:10,140 --> 00:38:11,620
[SIREN]
639
00:38:11,620 --> 00:38:13,610
NARRATOR: This is only a test.
640
00:38:13,610 --> 00:38:17,000
Repeat, this is only a test.
641
00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:19,830
We interrupt this movie in
compliance with the president's
642
00:38:19,830 --> 00:38:21,850
new Nuclear Preparedness Act.
643
00:38:21,850 --> 00:38:24,510
The following rules have been
formulated by a government
644
00:38:24,510 --> 00:38:27,010
panel of nuclear
experts to give you,
645
00:38:27,010 --> 00:38:29,540
the theatergoer, maximum
protection in case
646
00:38:29,540 --> 00:38:32,260
of an all out nuclear war.
647
00:38:32,260 --> 00:38:35,930
Note-- in the event of
an actual nuclear blast,
648
00:38:35,930 --> 00:38:39,080
the film is likely to seem out
of focus for a few minutes.
649
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:42,900
Please, bear with us.
650
00:38:42,900 --> 00:38:47,080
Rule number one--
choose an aisle captain.
651
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:49,670
Send him to the basement of
this theater, where he will find
652
00:38:49,670 --> 00:38:51,770
emergency medical
supplies, water,
653
00:38:51,770 --> 00:38:55,660
and drums of dehydrated
Raisinettes and Jujubes.
654
00:38:55,660 --> 00:38:59,220
Two, feel underneath your seat.
655
00:38:59,220 --> 00:39:02,550
You will feel sticky
pink and green nodules.
656
00:39:02,550 --> 00:39:05,230
These nodules should
inflate at first detection
657
00:39:05,230 --> 00:39:06,900
of lethal radiation.
658
00:39:06,900 --> 00:39:08,840
They will form a
long lasting sugar
659
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,040
filled survival
bubble, protecting
660
00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:13,590
both you and your family.
661
00:39:13,590 --> 00:39:17,460
Three, retain your ticket stub.
662
00:39:17,460 --> 00:39:21,910
Four, observe smoking,
no smoking sections.
663
00:39:21,910 --> 00:39:25,060
If your skin or clothing
begins to burn, please,
664
00:39:25,060 --> 00:39:27,420
be considerate of others.
665
00:39:27,420 --> 00:39:30,840
And finally, five--
do not panic.
666
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:37,910
Remember, a calm and
cooperative attitude
667
00:39:37,910 --> 00:39:40,440
is your best defense
against a 40 million
668
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:43,380
ton killer blast of
radioactive explosives.
669
00:39:49,140 --> 00:39:51,240
GREG (VOICEOVER): And he showed
us the delicate and patient art
670
00:39:51,240 --> 00:39:53,930
of Indian fishing-- catching
fish with your hands,
671
00:39:53,930 --> 00:39:55,870
without the use of
rod and reel, or bait.
672
00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:09,320
I got one!
673
00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:10,310
I got a fish!
674
00:40:10,310 --> 00:40:11,110
Whoa!
675
00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:18,280
Where's Billy?
676
00:40:23,950 --> 00:40:24,950
Look!
There he is!
677
00:40:24,950 --> 00:40:25,750
Look!
678
00:40:25,750 --> 00:40:26,550
Look!
679
00:40:34,790 --> 00:40:37,790
GREG (VOICEOVER): Two minds
reaching across the centuries,
680
00:40:37,790 --> 00:40:40,320
across totally
different cultures,
681
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:46,080
trying to share, striving to
communicate, against all odds.
682
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:47,080
Wa wa.
683
00:40:55,370 --> 00:40:56,170
Winnebago.
684
00:41:02,810 --> 00:41:05,210
Gee, I wish we spoke Kaopetate.
685
00:41:05,210 --> 00:41:07,290
He knows so much
about the woods.
686
00:41:07,290 --> 00:41:09,500
There's so much we could learn.
687
00:41:09,500 --> 00:41:11,280
What your friend
Weejun is trying to say
688
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:13,570
is that in nature,
as in life itself,
689
00:41:13,570 --> 00:41:15,960
there's a natural
bonding process.
690
00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:18,450
Science tells us that
different animals enjoy
691
00:41:18,450 --> 00:41:20,840
each other's company,
and the social settings,
692
00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:22,430
like the old
neighborhood watering
693
00:41:22,430 --> 00:41:25,570
hole or a nearby field,
are ideal settings
694
00:41:25,570 --> 00:41:26,880
for their frolicking.
695
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:29,930
And this inter-species
teasing and game playing
696
00:41:29,930 --> 00:41:32,130
is just one more
example of the harmony
697
00:41:32,130 --> 00:41:36,860
we humans can learn
from the animal world.
698
00:41:36,860 --> 00:41:39,050
But also, there
is the other side.
699
00:41:39,050 --> 00:41:41,590
There is a strict
hierarchy in the wild,
700
00:41:41,590 --> 00:41:44,950
and not all creatures are lucky
enough to survive the ruthless
701
00:41:44,950 --> 00:41:46,870
life and death struggles.
702
00:41:46,870 --> 00:41:51,250
Violence flexes its ugly muscles
all too often in the wild.
703
00:41:51,250 --> 00:41:52,870
Those animals
didn't fare too well
704
00:41:52,870 --> 00:41:54,620
from that violent encounter.
705
00:41:54,620 --> 00:41:56,460
But how about that watch?
706
00:41:56,460 --> 00:41:58,440
Well, unbeknownst
to the animals,
707
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:01,990
we had this watch strapped
to one of their paws.
708
00:42:01,990 --> 00:42:03,410
Still ticking.
709
00:42:03,410 --> 00:42:05,320
Amazing, isn't it?
710
00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:09,270
Those may be ordinary animals,
but that's no ordinary watch.
711
00:42:09,270 --> 00:42:11,460
The pigeon was blasted,
but not the watch.
712
00:42:11,460 --> 00:42:12,520
It always survives.
713
00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:14,530
In fact, it's been
tested around the globe,
714
00:42:14,530 --> 00:42:16,530
and many of those
tests are exciting.
715
00:42:16,530 --> 00:42:19,120
On the fist of a diver
off the cliff in Acapulco.
716
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:21,930
On the pontoon of a seaplane
landing in the waves.
717
00:42:21,930 --> 00:42:25,040
On the tip of a ski in the snow
covered mountains to the west.
718
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:28,490
On a clay pigeon blasted by a--
719
00:42:28,490 --> 00:42:30,990
[RADIO CHATTER]
720
00:42:33,420 --> 00:42:34,720
GREG (VOICEOVER): We
were like tourists
721
00:42:34,720 --> 00:42:41,420
in a foreign land-- sightseers,
and Weejun was our guide.
722
00:42:41,420 --> 00:42:44,410
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
723
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:52,660
GREG (VOICEOVER): Then there
were the birds and the bees.
724
00:42:52,660 --> 00:42:53,860
Weejun surprised us.
725
00:42:53,860 --> 00:42:59,690
Like Barb and I, he had a mature
and open attitude about s-- s--
726
00:42:59,690 --> 00:43:02,570
S-E-X. And we learned
that although there were
727
00:43:02,570 --> 00:43:05,700
many differences between
Weejun's culture and our own,
728
00:43:05,700 --> 00:43:09,090
we had similar views about
sexuality and, uh, prejudice.
729
00:43:12,820 --> 00:43:14,440
Oh, well I love scuba diving.
730
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:17,240
As a matter of fact, I was
diving in Bermuda not long ago.
731
00:43:17,240 --> 00:43:18,040
Really?
732
00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:19,000
Yeah.
733
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:20,520
50 feet under the water.
734
00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:23,750
Me, swimming around, my
outfit with the oxygen tank.
735
00:43:23,750 --> 00:43:26,810
I ran into a friend of mine,
also 50 feet under the water,
736
00:43:26,810 --> 00:43:28,980
had no scuba diving
equipment on at all.
737
00:43:28,980 --> 00:43:31,380
I said, Sam, my god,
what are you doing
738
00:43:31,380 --> 00:43:32,940
down here 50 feet
under the water
739
00:43:32,940 --> 00:43:34,790
without scuba diving equipment?
740
00:43:34,790 --> 00:43:36,800
He said, schmuck, I'm drowning.
741
00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:38,120
GREG (VOICEOVER):
Even at night, Weejun
742
00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:39,400
took us out into the wild.
743
00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:45,880
MAN: Jesus.
744
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:47,290
Oh, hey!
Get out of here.
745
00:43:47,290 --> 00:43:48,090
Sorry.
746
00:43:48,090 --> 00:43:48,960
Excuse me.
747
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:50,210
What's going on up there?
748
00:43:50,210 --> 00:43:51,610
It's a stag film.
749
00:43:51,610 --> 00:43:53,010
Hey, yo, down in front.
750
00:44:01,070 --> 00:44:03,190
Kind of makes you want
to do something, huh?
751
00:44:03,190 --> 00:44:04,180
Yes, it does.
752
00:44:06,790 --> 00:44:09,380
Well?
753
00:44:09,380 --> 00:44:10,900
What are you waiting for?
754
00:44:10,900 --> 00:44:14,830
You hunk a buck, you.
755
00:44:14,830 --> 00:44:16,410
Hey, get out of the way.
756
00:44:16,410 --> 00:44:17,800
Get out of the way!
757
00:44:20,650 --> 00:44:21,950
GREG (VOICEOVER):
And finally, we learn
758
00:44:21,950 --> 00:44:25,840
how Weejun's people grew food.
759
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:28,660
Hey, this looks like corn.
760
00:44:28,660 --> 00:44:31,490
What do you call it?
761
00:44:31,490 --> 00:44:32,290
Maize.
762
00:44:49,300 --> 00:44:50,990
Get your souvenirs right here.
763
00:44:50,990 --> 00:44:52,820
Willie Mays, right here.
764
00:44:52,820 --> 00:44:54,750
Right here.
765
00:44:54,750 --> 00:44:55,590
Hey, hey.
766
00:44:55,590 --> 00:44:57,260
Keep up the good, little Billy.
767
00:44:57,260 --> 00:44:58,460
All right, Willie.
768
00:44:58,460 --> 00:44:59,260
Souvenirs, right here.
769
00:44:59,260 --> 00:45:00,530
Willie Mays, souvenirs.
770
00:45:04,530 --> 00:45:06,130
Not that way.
This way.
771
00:45:06,130 --> 00:45:07,060
Come on, let's go this way.
772
00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:15,790
GREG (VOICEOVER): Weejun had
an uncanny sense of direction.
773
00:45:15,790 --> 00:45:17,910
Even though little
Billy was skeptical,
774
00:45:17,910 --> 00:45:20,540
Weejun explained that an
Indian has about as much chance
775
00:45:20,540 --> 00:45:24,350
of getting lost in the woods as
a fish forgetting how to swim.
776
00:45:24,350 --> 00:45:25,460
Not that way.
777
00:45:25,460 --> 00:45:26,260
This way.
778
00:45:26,260 --> 00:45:27,330
Come on, let's go this way.
779
00:45:31,390 --> 00:45:33,960
Asshole.
780
00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:35,370
[BEEPING]
781
00:45:35,370 --> 00:45:36,940
BILLY (OVER LOUDSPEAKER):
Lost in the woods?
782
00:45:36,940 --> 00:45:37,780
Tired?
783
00:45:37,780 --> 00:45:39,070
Hungry?
784
00:45:39,070 --> 00:45:40,310
Wandering aimlessly
for hours through
785
00:45:40,310 --> 00:45:41,470
hostile, uncharted terrain?
786
00:45:41,470 --> 00:45:43,910
Well, Little Billy's
Survival Corporation
787
00:45:43,910 --> 00:45:45,190
is here to help you.
788
00:45:45,190 --> 00:45:48,720
How much would you expect to
pay for a rescue service? $10?
789
00:45:48,720 --> 00:45:49,650
$20?
790
00:45:49,650 --> 00:45:51,050
$50?
791
00:45:51,050 --> 00:45:53,140
For a limited time only,
like until it gets dark,
792
00:45:53,140 --> 00:45:56,610
and the meat eaters come out,
little Billy offers you rescue
793
00:45:56,610 --> 00:45:59,580
at an unbelievably low $0.25.
794
00:45:59,580 --> 00:46:02,050
That's right, for one thin
quarter you'll be rescued
795
00:46:02,050 --> 00:46:03,200
and guided to your doorstep.
796
00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:04,160
Lost in the woods?
797
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:06,160
Put your faith in some asshole
who couldn't find his way out
798
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:07,250
of a telephone booth?
799
00:46:07,250 --> 00:46:08,050
Tired?
800
00:46:08,050 --> 00:46:08,990
Hungry?
801
00:46:08,990 --> 00:46:13,910
Wandering aimlessly for
hours through hostile--
802
00:46:13,910 --> 00:46:16,220
[MUSIC PLAYING]
803
00:46:19,770 --> 00:46:20,570
Yes!
804
00:46:20,570 --> 00:46:21,370
Yes!
805
00:46:33,900 --> 00:46:35,300
BILL: I can't get
those Icecapades
806
00:46:35,300 --> 00:46:36,100
tickets you asked for.
807
00:46:36,100 --> 00:46:36,900
Wrong line?
808
00:46:36,900 --> 00:46:38,070
This is Bill?
809
00:46:38,070 --> 00:46:39,570
Hang on, OK, babe?
810
00:46:43,650 --> 00:46:44,820
GREG (VOICEOVER):
I must admit, Mom
811
00:46:44,820 --> 00:46:47,020
and I were real proud of
the way our little Billy was
812
00:46:47,020 --> 00:46:49,580
adapting to wilderness life.
813
00:46:49,580 --> 00:46:52,100
He almost seemed like
a new person-- relaxed
814
00:46:52,100 --> 00:46:54,240
and more content than we
had seen him at any time
815
00:46:54,240 --> 00:46:56,190
since gold hit $800 an ounce.
816
00:47:00,180 --> 00:47:02,460
MAN (VOICEOVER): Dear Mr.
Little Billy, the Environmental
817
00:47:02,460 --> 00:47:05,420
Protection Agency regrets to
inform you that your request
818
00:47:05,420 --> 00:47:09,150
to pave over 125,000 acres
of natural forest land
819
00:47:09,150 --> 00:47:09,950
has been denied.
820
00:47:26,040 --> 00:47:28,370
However, we are anticipating
the quick passage
821
00:47:28,370 --> 00:47:31,150
of the president's
new National Wildlife
822
00:47:31,150 --> 00:47:34,240
and Resources Preservation
Act, at which time
823
00:47:34,240 --> 00:47:37,860
we would be happy to work with
you in paving over this area.
824
00:47:37,860 --> 00:47:40,920
Until then, I remain
sincerely-- whoa!
825
00:48:19,620 --> 00:48:20,600
Oh my gosh.
826
00:48:23,550 --> 00:48:24,530
Squirt, go get help!
827
00:48:24,530 --> 00:48:25,510
Get help!
828
00:48:29,510 --> 00:48:30,510
Watch out!
829
00:48:34,470 --> 00:48:35,460
You can take him.
830
00:48:35,460 --> 00:48:36,440
He can take him!
831
00:48:43,350 --> 00:48:44,350
Pin his tail!
832
00:48:44,350 --> 00:48:45,150
Pin his tail!
833
00:48:48,350 --> 00:48:49,950
Squirt, you brought help!
834
00:48:49,950 --> 00:48:50,780
Quit, dog!
835
00:48:50,780 --> 00:48:51,580
Quit!
836
00:48:51,580 --> 00:48:53,080
Are you crazy, honey?
837
00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:56,020
Now, I do floors,
and I do laundry.
838
00:48:56,020 --> 00:48:58,610
I cleans kitchens,
and I do ironing,
839
00:48:58,610 --> 00:49:02,320
but I positively draw
the line at cougars.
840
00:49:05,210 --> 00:49:08,530
I told the agency, I
don't do no cougars.
841
00:49:08,530 --> 00:49:11,750
Now I need car fare, and who's
going to drive me to the bus?
842
00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:24,080
Watch out for his teeth!
843
00:49:24,080 --> 00:49:26,000
Rip his hair out!
844
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:26,940
Come on, Weej.
845
00:49:26,940 --> 00:49:28,920
Get down.
846
00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:31,180
NARRATOR: The Legion of
Decency and the United Citizens
847
00:49:31,180 --> 00:49:32,670
for a Better Tomorrow
have determined
848
00:49:32,670 --> 00:49:35,460
that continuous exposure
to films of this nature
849
00:49:35,460 --> 00:49:37,980
may be hazardous to your health.
850
00:49:37,980 --> 00:49:41,630
We request you stay in your
seats and bear with us.
851
00:49:44,630 --> 00:49:47,130
[MUSIC PLAYING]
852
00:50:19,460 --> 00:50:21,920
[APPLAUSE]
853
00:50:40,650 --> 00:50:44,570
NARRATOR: Ladies and
gentlemen, Watergate celebrity,
854
00:50:44,570 --> 00:50:45,370
Mr. G. Gordon Liddy.
855
00:50:47,960 --> 00:50:51,070
You know, the human
will is an amazing power.
856
00:50:51,070 --> 00:50:52,970
Cities have been
built, mountains
857
00:50:52,970 --> 00:50:55,240
moved-- the entire
course of history
858
00:50:55,240 --> 00:50:58,410
has been changed
through sheer will.
859
00:50:58,410 --> 00:51:02,240
But there are some things that
even will is powerless against.
860
00:51:02,240 --> 00:51:05,830
For some unfortunate people,
all of them in the world
861
00:51:05,830 --> 00:51:08,400
can't make them
like everyone else.
862
00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:10,280
I'd like to talk to
you about a disease
863
00:51:10,280 --> 00:51:15,790
that can strike anyone, of any
age, at any time, any place.
864
00:51:15,790 --> 00:51:18,300
This year I've been
asked to co-chair
865
00:51:18,300 --> 00:51:20,770
the fund-raising
drive for the Society
866
00:51:20,770 --> 00:51:24,170
for the Prevention
of Jerry Lewis.
867
00:51:24,170 --> 00:51:26,520
Most of you are probably
thinking, Jerry Lewis?
868
00:51:26,520 --> 00:51:29,240
I thought they cured
that years ago.
869
00:51:29,240 --> 00:51:33,480
But the sad truth is Jerry Lewis
was never completely wiped out.
870
00:51:33,480 --> 00:51:36,150
He's been neglected for
years, and the disease
871
00:51:36,150 --> 00:51:38,880
is spreading again.
872
00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:41,750
Complacency and ignorance
are our biggest enemies.
873
00:51:45,330 --> 00:51:48,190
In the early stages
of JL simplex,
874
00:51:48,190 --> 00:51:51,260
the stricken laugh at
old Jerry Lewis movies.
875
00:51:51,260 --> 00:51:54,000
Soon its victims are spending
the entire Labor Day weekend
876
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:56,880
in front of the television,
watching the telethon--
877
00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:59,380
helpless, unable to sleep.
878
00:51:59,380 --> 00:52:01,890
Too scared they're going to
miss the part where Jerry cries.
879
00:52:04,720 --> 00:52:07,190
It's not a very
pretty thought, is it?
880
00:52:07,190 --> 00:52:11,790
Worse, left untreated, the
latter stages of JL simplex
881
00:52:11,790 --> 00:52:13,640
can become much,
much more serious.
882
00:52:19,720 --> 00:52:22,220
I didn't mean to drive the
whole truck on your foot,
883
00:52:22,220 --> 00:52:23,600
because that's why I
was going that way.
884
00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:27,020
I'll tell ya-- no, I'm
not going anywhere.
885
00:52:27,020 --> 00:52:28,160
Come on.
886
00:52:28,160 --> 00:52:28,960
Jerry.
887
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:29,760
Jerry.
888
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:31,840
Yeah, I'm not Dave.
889
00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:33,540
Please, give me my kids.
890
00:52:33,540 --> 00:52:34,340
Please.
891
00:52:39,770 --> 00:52:41,790
Hey!
892
00:52:41,790 --> 00:52:42,650
Frock inspector.
893
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:48,330
[INAUDIBLE]
894
00:52:48,330 --> 00:52:49,160
For you, Miss Harvey.
895
00:52:53,060 --> 00:52:54,150
Hey, buddy, look--
896
00:52:54,150 --> 00:52:57,390
Most important thing is,
Miss Purdy, to like yourself.
897
00:52:57,390 --> 00:52:59,340
That's what's most important.
898
00:52:59,340 --> 00:53:03,170
Right now there is no known
cure for this awful condition.
899
00:53:03,170 --> 00:53:05,440
It could strike you--
even your children.
900
00:53:08,410 --> 00:53:10,580
We need money for research.
901
00:53:10,580 --> 00:53:13,360
We've got to stay
ahead of the Russians,
902
00:53:13,360 --> 00:53:17,920
so please, when the ushers
come down the aisle,
903
00:53:17,920 --> 00:53:20,590
please give generously.
904
00:53:20,590 --> 00:53:23,630
Give till it hurts.
905
00:53:23,630 --> 00:53:26,170
Give before it's too late.
906
00:53:26,170 --> 00:53:27,620
We've already lost France.
907
00:53:30,430 --> 00:53:31,350
[BELL RINGING]
908
00:53:38,540 --> 00:53:41,820
NARRATOR: Old
prejudices die hard.
909
00:53:41,820 --> 00:53:43,750
Cancer-- say it.
910
00:53:43,750 --> 00:53:46,320
It won't bite you.
911
00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:51,500
After all, isn't cancer just
another way of saying growth?
912
00:53:51,500 --> 00:53:55,760
And isn't growth what
America is all about?
913
00:53:55,760 --> 00:53:57,460
GREG (VOICEOVER): A message
in the public interest,
914
00:53:57,460 --> 00:53:59,270
funded by the National
Tobacco Institute,
915
00:53:59,270 --> 00:54:01,640
Asbestos Growers of
America, People For PCB,
916
00:54:01,640 --> 00:54:04,010
microwave manufacturers,
the Diet Soda institute,
917
00:54:04,010 --> 00:54:06,090
the Brotherhood of Bacon
Curers, the Nondairy Creamer
918
00:54:06,090 --> 00:54:07,960
Association, Friends
of Red Dye #2,
919
00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:11,550
the State of New Jersey
Oral Contraceptive League--
920
00:54:11,550 --> 00:54:12,540
[BELL RINGING]
921
00:54:32,530 --> 00:54:33,330
Whoa.
922
00:55:06,030 --> 00:55:07,220
Oh, yes!
Oui!
923
00:55:07,220 --> 00:55:08,020
Oui!
924
00:55:20,950 --> 00:55:21,920
Hello, Chicago?
925
00:55:21,920 --> 00:55:22,890
That's right.
926
00:55:22,890 --> 00:55:25,190
I want 5 to 1 on the cougar,
and make it a C note.
927
00:55:28,390 --> 00:55:29,490
Hiya!
928
00:55:29,490 --> 00:55:30,490
Hold all bets.
929
00:55:33,070 --> 00:55:34,150
Get him!
He's a wimp!
930
00:55:34,150 --> 00:55:34,950
He's a wimp!
931
00:55:38,920 --> 00:55:39,720
No!
932
00:55:39,720 --> 00:55:40,860
No, Squirt!
933
00:55:40,860 --> 00:55:41,660
Shh!
934
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:48,070
Squirt, come back!
935
00:55:48,070 --> 00:55:49,270
Squirt, come back.
936
00:55:54,300 --> 00:55:55,300
Hey, Squirt.
937
00:55:55,300 --> 00:55:56,100
Come back.
938
00:56:10,150 --> 00:56:12,530
GREG (VOICEOVER): It was a close
call, but luckily both little
939
00:56:12,530 --> 00:56:16,070
Billy and Weejun had escaped
that brush with death.
940
00:56:16,070 --> 00:56:18,420
As for the cougar, we were
sure he'd learned his lesson,
941
00:56:18,420 --> 00:56:20,930
and wouldn't soon
mess with us again.
942
00:56:20,930 --> 00:56:23,310
Needless to say, the family
took brave little Squirt's
943
00:56:23,310 --> 00:56:27,030
disappearance very hard.
944
00:56:27,030 --> 00:56:29,490
And in the months that followed,
we searched fruitlessly
945
00:56:29,490 --> 00:56:32,920
for our furry little friend.
946
00:56:32,920 --> 00:56:35,650
And after a while, even
little Billy gave up.
947
00:56:35,650 --> 00:56:37,580
He would never again
believe in miracles.
948
00:56:48,510 --> 00:56:51,850
We learned that all
wounds heal with time.
949
00:56:51,850 --> 00:56:55,820
That life must go on, and that
if you break it, you bought it.
950
00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:03,580
Spring came, and
with it new hope.
951
00:57:07,750 --> 00:57:13,260
For Bambi, it would be
that special spring--
952
00:57:13,260 --> 00:57:15,970
that spring that must happen
in every young girl's life.
953
00:58:29,050 --> 00:58:30,540
Oh, really?
954
00:58:30,540 --> 00:58:31,540
Oh!
955
00:58:31,540 --> 00:58:34,020
Oh.
956
00:58:34,020 --> 00:58:35,020
Oh, really?
957
00:58:43,960 --> 00:58:47,440
16, 17, 18.
958
00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:49,520
God, I've got cramps already.
959
00:58:49,520 --> 00:58:53,810
You don't-- you're not a woman.
960
00:58:53,810 --> 00:58:56,070
I hope you won't tell anyone.
961
00:58:56,070 --> 00:58:58,360
I have my reputation to
look after, you know?
962
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:03,590
[KNOCKING]
963
00:59:11,580 --> 00:59:13,990
[ANIMAL CRIES]
964
00:59:30,290 --> 00:59:32,100
You're supposed to
be a classy hotel.
965
00:59:32,100 --> 00:59:32,900
Mr. Amsterdam--
966
00:59:32,900 --> 00:59:34,640
I got upstairs, and I
called down the clerk,
967
00:59:34,640 --> 00:59:36,760
I said, hey, I got
a leak in the sink.
968
00:59:36,760 --> 00:59:37,790
He says, go right ahead.
969
00:59:37,790 --> 00:59:39,040
The customer's always right.
970
00:59:39,040 --> 00:59:40,440
Talk-- what about Greg?
971
00:59:40,440 --> 00:59:42,220
But I guess everything
worked out all right.
972
00:59:42,220 --> 00:59:43,020
The family in the--
973
00:59:43,020 --> 00:59:44,140
40 years we've been married.
974
00:59:44,140 --> 00:59:46,500
She laughs at everything I do.
975
00:59:46,500 --> 00:59:48,000
I guess that's why we
only have two children.
976
00:59:55,950 --> 00:59:59,330
GREG (VOICEOVER): Mom had been
putting her time to good use.
977
00:59:59,330 --> 01:00:02,000
She started to grow organic
food every bit as good
978
01:00:02,000 --> 01:00:03,560
as the food she used
to buy in the city.
979
01:00:22,230 --> 01:00:23,220
Hi, Weejun!
980
01:00:31,650 --> 01:00:33,740
GREG (VOICEOVER): Weejun's leg
had healed pretty good by now,
981
01:00:33,740 --> 01:00:37,810
and sadly, the time had come for
him to go back to his people.
982
01:00:41,010 --> 01:00:45,200
Weejun began to prepare a
special ceremonial dinner.
983
01:00:45,200 --> 01:00:47,600
It was touching to
see how much Weejun
984
01:00:47,600 --> 01:00:49,330
meant to the local
animals, as they
985
01:00:49,330 --> 01:00:50,810
came by to say their goodbyes.
986
01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:09,790
Soup's on.
987
01:01:09,790 --> 01:01:10,720
Come and get it.
988
01:01:25,810 --> 01:01:27,410
You may say grace
tonight, Bambi.
989
01:01:30,030 --> 01:01:33,170
Thank you for the
birds and the trees.
990
01:01:33,170 --> 01:01:35,750
Thank you for the honey bees.
991
01:01:35,750 --> 01:01:38,530
Thank you for the marshy bogs.
992
01:01:38,530 --> 01:01:42,070
Thank you for soft, hollow logs.
993
01:01:42,070 --> 01:01:45,280
Thanks for furry hugs so tight.
994
01:01:45,280 --> 01:01:49,030
Thanks for grizzly
claws at night.
995
01:01:49,030 --> 01:01:53,690
Thanks for giving me the luck--
I finally found a bear to--
996
01:01:53,690 --> 01:01:56,300
Uh, that's fine, Bambi.
997
01:01:56,300 --> 01:01:59,130
Fine.
998
01:01:59,130 --> 01:02:01,920
Uh, Weejun has asked us to join
him in a toast tonight of his,
999
01:02:01,920 --> 01:02:04,720
uh, tribe's ritual potion.
1000
01:02:04,720 --> 01:02:05,600
[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
1001
01:02:08,950 --> 01:02:10,320
We are here to
pay tribute tonight
1002
01:02:10,320 --> 01:02:16,180
to a truly remarkable, unwashed
red man we like to call Weejun.
1003
01:02:16,180 --> 01:02:17,620
[APPLAUSE]
1004
01:02:18,570 --> 01:02:19,550
Hey, Weejun, buddy.
1005
01:02:19,550 --> 01:02:21,830
Glad you could make it.
1006
01:02:21,830 --> 01:02:23,420
I'd like now the
opportunity to turn
1007
01:02:23,420 --> 01:02:27,500
the dais over to another
wonderful, wonderful man.
1008
01:02:27,500 --> 01:02:30,380
A man who's a lover of wild
things in his own right.
1009
01:02:30,380 --> 01:02:32,820
A man who needs no
introduction, Mr. Myron Cohen!
1010
01:02:38,600 --> 01:02:41,090
[APPLAUSE]
1011
01:02:49,080 --> 01:02:50,130
Thank you very much.
1012
01:02:50,130 --> 01:02:51,320
You're very kind.
1013
01:02:51,320 --> 01:02:54,070
It's great to play
the mountains again,
1014
01:02:54,070 --> 01:02:57,050
but tonight we're
here to honor Weejun.
1015
01:02:57,050 --> 01:02:57,850
Hey, Weejun.
1016
01:02:57,850 --> 01:02:59,190
How are ya?
1017
01:02:59,190 --> 01:03:01,530
Or should I say, how?
1018
01:03:01,530 --> 01:03:04,970
Hey, you ever sit down
and talk to this guy?
1019
01:03:04,970 --> 01:03:06,970
He's the original sitting bull.
1020
01:03:09,940 --> 01:03:12,420
But I want to tell
ya, Weejun, we've got
1021
01:03:12,420 --> 01:03:15,730
a fantastic surprise for you.
1022
01:03:15,730 --> 01:03:18,280
Believe me, there are a group
of your wonderful friends
1023
01:03:18,280 --> 01:03:21,020
who come out of the woods
just once a year to entertain
1024
01:03:21,020 --> 01:03:22,660
you and your guests.
1025
01:03:22,660 --> 01:03:24,850
I want you to meet them,
the first Americans.
1026
01:03:27,600 --> 01:03:30,720
(SINGING) A story
I remember about
1027
01:03:30,720 --> 01:03:40,700
a little Indian boy who had a
bow and arrow as his only toy.
1028
01:03:40,700 --> 01:03:43,690
He was as strong as a beaver--
1029
01:03:43,690 --> 01:03:45,190
Get down, Weej.
1030
01:03:45,190 --> 01:03:47,180
Wait, Weej.
1031
01:03:47,180 --> 01:03:50,680
(SINGING) But
that was long ago.
1032
01:03:50,680 --> 01:03:51,670
Long ago.
1033
01:03:57,160 --> 01:03:58,160
Long ago.
1034
01:04:04,710 --> 01:04:06,200
Weejun?
1035
01:04:06,200 --> 01:04:08,120
He's calling himself Weejun now?
1036
01:04:08,120 --> 01:04:09,500
His name is Eugene.
1037
01:04:09,500 --> 01:04:11,200
He thinks he's a savage?
1038
01:04:11,200 --> 01:04:12,660
I know, I grew up with him.
1039
01:04:12,660 --> 01:04:14,660
The kid's a sissy.
1040
01:04:14,660 --> 01:04:16,340
The most savage thing
he ever did was he
1041
01:04:16,340 --> 01:04:18,090
ordered red wine with fish.
1042
01:04:18,090 --> 01:04:20,390
We got this cigar store
in the Bronx, you know?
1043
01:04:20,390 --> 01:04:21,890
Family business.
1044
01:04:21,890 --> 01:04:24,560
And, uh, Eugene starts
going Indian on me.
1045
01:04:24,560 --> 01:04:28,380
He starts taking, uh, beads
and trinkets, and stuff.
1046
01:04:28,380 --> 01:04:31,200
Suddenly money's not
good enough anymore.
1047
01:04:31,200 --> 01:04:32,650
So I get this idea.
1048
01:04:32,650 --> 01:04:36,490
I say, uh, listen, go out,
pose in front of the store.
1049
01:04:36,490 --> 01:04:39,090
You know, maybe it's
good for business.
1050
01:04:39,090 --> 01:04:40,450
He says no.
1051
01:04:40,450 --> 01:04:42,300
He doesn't even say no.
1052
01:04:42,300 --> 01:04:44,240
He grunts.
1053
01:04:44,240 --> 01:04:45,960
Suddenly we're not
talking the same language.
1054
01:05:06,780 --> 01:05:40,000
For
1055
01:05:40,000 --> 01:05:41,330
GREG (VOICEOVER):
Rising before the rest
1056
01:05:41,330 --> 01:05:44,600
of us, Weejun began his solitary
preparation of his tribe's
1057
01:05:44,600 --> 01:05:46,410
ancient ritual of departure.
1058
01:06:10,720 --> 01:06:11,520
Coney Island.
1059
01:06:11,520 --> 01:06:12,320
Jane.
1060
01:06:22,940 --> 01:06:24,440
[SHOUTING]
1061
01:06:25,940 --> 01:06:28,410
[CHANTING]
1062
01:06:51,700 --> 01:06:53,740
Come on, you want
spraypaint all over you?
1063
01:06:53,740 --> 01:06:54,730
Hey Weej, so long.
1064
01:06:54,730 --> 01:06:57,670
Come on, smile, or else I'll
take a spraypaint can to ya.
1065
01:06:57,670 --> 01:07:00,620
Smile.
1066
01:07:00,620 --> 01:07:02,720
[CHANTING "HOW YA DOING?"]
1067
01:07:06,720 --> 01:07:09,200
[CHANTING "DALAI LAMA"]
1068
01:07:09,200 --> 01:07:11,680
[CHANTING]
1069
01:07:15,140 --> 01:07:17,120
[CHANTING "STOP ALREADY"]
1070
01:07:19,560 --> 01:07:20,510
Oh, yeah.
1071
01:07:20,510 --> 01:07:22,890
There's one thing I
forgot to tell ya.
1072
01:07:22,890 --> 01:07:25,160
The cougar's back,
and he's pissed!
1073
01:07:33,840 --> 01:07:36,440
It was the easiest thing
for the family to lay
1074
01:07:36,440 --> 01:07:40,630
all their problems on Cougie.
1075
01:07:40,630 --> 01:07:43,250
I mean, the cougar.
1076
01:07:43,250 --> 01:07:46,590
To tell you the truth, before
I started dating Cougie,
1077
01:07:46,590 --> 01:07:49,120
I'd heard all the stories, too.
1078
01:07:49,120 --> 01:07:51,850
But Cougie ain't like that.
1079
01:07:51,850 --> 01:07:54,410
He's a real gentleman.
1080
01:07:54,410 --> 01:07:56,030
Knows how to treat a lady.
1081
01:08:02,240 --> 01:08:08,520
Anyway, this Indian,
Weejun, jumps out of nowhere
1082
01:08:08,520 --> 01:08:11,970
and attacks Cougie with a knife.
1083
01:08:11,970 --> 01:08:16,040
Cougie was asleep at the time.
1084
01:08:16,040 --> 01:08:17,390
Well, maybe he was pacing.
1085
01:08:20,280 --> 01:08:22,420
But he wasn't stalking.
1086
01:08:22,420 --> 01:08:24,370
No way.
1087
01:08:24,370 --> 01:08:28,270
Cougie told me himself,
he wasn't stalking.
1088
01:08:28,270 --> 01:08:31,720
Look, he may be a
carnivore [INAUDIBLE],
1089
01:08:31,720 --> 01:08:32,980
but he ain't no liar.
1090
01:08:38,300 --> 01:08:42,970
Cougie, if you're
watching, maybe
1091
01:08:42,970 --> 01:08:48,300
you could find room in that big
heart of yours to forgive me?
1092
01:08:48,300 --> 01:08:50,400
I love you, Cougie.
1093
01:08:50,400 --> 01:08:53,640
And I guess I always will.
1094
01:08:53,640 --> 01:08:55,890
And Cougie?
1095
01:08:55,890 --> 01:09:02,080
I'm really sorry I wore
the fur coat that night.
1096
01:09:02,080 --> 01:09:03,860
Please take me back.
1097
01:09:09,310 --> 01:09:11,310
[BLOWING]
1098
01:09:22,770 --> 01:09:24,230
[PHONE RINGING]
1099
01:09:25,190 --> 01:09:26,160
Hoo.
1100
01:09:26,160 --> 01:09:27,610
Hoo?
1101
01:09:27,610 --> 01:09:28,590
[BEEP]
1102
01:09:28,590 --> 01:09:29,960
[BLEATING]
1103
01:09:34,320 --> 01:09:36,740
[SHOUTING]
1104
01:09:43,030 --> 01:09:45,530
The following is a public
service announcement.
1105
01:09:45,530 --> 01:09:48,480
Hi, my name is Stanley
Seagal O'Matthew.
1106
01:09:48,480 --> 01:09:50,900
Little Timmy Lee, you know,
he's never had the advantages
1107
01:09:50,900 --> 01:09:52,490
your son has had.
1108
01:09:52,490 --> 01:09:55,870
He's never heard an oncoming
express subway train.
1109
01:09:55,870 --> 01:10:00,270
He's never had a slice of
day old, reheated pizza.
1110
01:10:00,270 --> 01:10:02,130
But for boys like
Timmy, and you know
1111
01:10:02,130 --> 01:10:04,790
there are literally
thousands of them,
1112
01:10:04,790 --> 01:10:06,820
we can change all of that.
1113
01:10:06,820 --> 01:10:10,480
We can send this boy to
the city for the summer,
1114
01:10:10,480 --> 01:10:13,410
and give him a chance to
play with open fire hydrants.
1115
01:10:13,410 --> 01:10:18,850
Give him a chance to play those
real loud, horrible radios
1116
01:10:18,850 --> 01:10:20,140
late at night.
1117
01:10:20,140 --> 01:10:21,440
There's a way to help.
1118
01:10:21,440 --> 01:10:23,050
Thanks very much, Luke.
1119
01:10:23,050 --> 01:10:28,240
Send your money to
the Open Hydrant Fund.
1120
01:10:28,240 --> 01:10:30,220
For little Timmy's sake.
1121
01:10:33,200 --> 01:10:36,490
I ain't never seen
a transvestite.
1122
01:10:36,490 --> 01:10:37,720
GREG (VOICEOVER):
I hate to admit it,
1123
01:10:37,720 --> 01:10:41,320
but I was beginning to
sense trouble in paradise.
1124
01:10:41,320 --> 01:10:42,920
The hardship of
wilderness living
1125
01:10:42,920 --> 01:10:45,760
had apparently begun to
take its toll on my family.
1126
01:10:45,760 --> 01:10:48,410
And what with the disappearance
of Squirt, and Weejun's
1127
01:10:48,410 --> 01:10:50,950
leaving-- well,
the wife and kids
1128
01:10:50,950 --> 01:10:53,870
just didn't seem to be
having as much fun anymore.
1129
01:10:53,870 --> 01:10:55,900
I, of course, knew better.
1130
01:10:55,900 --> 01:10:58,710
This was just a phase they were
going through-- a bad storm
1131
01:10:58,710 --> 01:10:59,600
to be weathered.
1132
01:10:59,600 --> 01:11:02,480
A bone in an otherwise
perfect turkey dinner.
1133
01:11:02,480 --> 01:11:03,280
MOM (VOICEOVER): What?
1134
01:11:03,280 --> 01:11:05,060
Are you crazy?
1135
01:11:05,060 --> 01:11:06,600
What are you talking about?
1136
01:11:06,600 --> 01:11:09,270
This hasn't been any
fun from the beginning.
1137
01:11:09,270 --> 01:11:11,030
We just did it for you.
1138
01:11:11,030 --> 01:11:12,140
BAMBI (VOICEOVER): Wise up, Dad.
1139
01:11:12,140 --> 01:11:15,180
Except for the bear, this
woods shit is a drag.
1140
01:11:15,180 --> 01:11:17,600
BILLY (VOICEOVER): Whose kids
are you trying to kid, Dad?
1141
01:11:17,600 --> 01:11:19,160
You're just trying
to supplement cause
1142
01:11:19,160 --> 01:11:20,610
you can't get it on with Mom.
1143
01:11:20,610 --> 01:11:21,980
GREG (VOICEOVER): Now
wait a minute, son.
1144
01:11:21,980 --> 01:11:23,960
That's no way to
speak to your father.
1145
01:11:23,960 --> 01:11:26,380
Well, I just think you
haven't given it enough time.
1146
01:11:26,380 --> 01:11:29,960
EVERYONE (VOICEOVER): We've been
here two years, and we hate it!
1147
01:11:29,960 --> 01:11:31,360
GREG (VOICEOVER): Well,
search your hearts
1148
01:11:31,360 --> 01:11:34,760
and give me one honest reason
for not trying it a bit longer.
1149
01:11:34,760 --> 01:11:36,850
BILLY (VOICEOVER): What
about the, uh, killer cougar?
1150
01:11:40,310 --> 01:11:41,620
GREG (VOICEOVER):
Don't be ridiculous.
1151
01:11:41,620 --> 01:11:44,390
That cougar's been
taught a lesson already.
1152
01:11:44,390 --> 01:11:45,970
He wouldn't attack us.
1153
01:11:45,970 --> 01:11:47,730
Why should he want
to attack us now?
1154
01:11:55,570 --> 01:11:57,770
Look, don't worry
about the cougar.
1155
01:11:57,770 --> 01:11:59,170
Forget the cougar.
1156
01:11:59,170 --> 01:12:01,740
No one worry about the cougar.
1157
01:12:14,130 --> 01:12:15,910
Now, I'm still the
father around here,
1158
01:12:15,910 --> 01:12:19,490
and I'm just asking you,
please, bear with me.
1159
01:12:19,490 --> 01:12:21,790
[EVERYONE OOH-ING]
1160
01:12:23,880 --> 01:12:25,070
GREG (VOICEOVER): Very funny.
1161
01:12:25,070 --> 01:12:27,570
[CRASHING]
1162
01:12:30,470 --> 01:12:31,860
[DOORBELL]
1163
01:12:32,790 --> 01:12:33,720
What was that?
1164
01:12:33,720 --> 01:12:34,890
I don't know.
1165
01:12:34,890 --> 01:12:36,250
[FARTING NOISE]
1166
01:12:37,150 --> 01:12:38,580
Probably just the wind.
1167
01:12:38,580 --> 01:12:40,550
[FARTING NOISE]
1168
01:12:41,770 --> 01:12:43,660
I don't know what it is.
1169
01:12:43,660 --> 01:12:45,580
But let's all pray it's
been eating correctly.
1170
01:13:29,550 --> 01:13:31,780
Do you think it'll come back?
1171
01:13:31,780 --> 01:13:33,780
[CRASHING]
1172
01:13:41,950 --> 01:13:43,550
It must be the cougar.
1173
01:13:43,550 --> 01:13:45,810
Quick, we don't have
a second to lose.
1174
01:13:45,810 --> 01:13:47,690
Bambi, grab a wet towel,
put on your gloves,
1175
01:13:47,690 --> 01:13:48,840
and get under that bed.
1176
01:13:48,840 --> 01:13:52,180
Billy, grab that door, guard
that broom, and make it snappy.
1177
01:13:52,180 --> 01:13:54,750
Barb, I want that tit
in this hand, and fast.
1178
01:13:54,750 --> 01:13:57,770
Now move it.
1179
01:13:57,770 --> 01:13:59,230
I've got an idea.
1180
01:13:59,230 --> 01:14:00,310
Let's throw out little Billy.
1181
01:14:00,310 --> 01:14:01,680
That'll appease it.
1182
01:14:01,680 --> 01:14:03,260
Get lost, ya puke.
1183
01:14:03,260 --> 01:14:05,060
I bet it's that dumb
bear of yours coming
1184
01:14:05,060 --> 01:14:06,350
back for sloppy seconds.
1185
01:14:06,350 --> 01:14:08,290
Oh, yeah?
1186
01:14:08,290 --> 01:14:10,370
Oh, yeah?
1187
01:14:10,370 --> 01:14:13,260
Now, now, kids, we
haven't got time.
1188
01:14:13,260 --> 01:14:14,060
Yeah?
1189
01:14:14,060 --> 01:14:14,860
Yeah.
1190
01:14:14,860 --> 01:14:16,380
Oh, yeah!
1191
01:14:16,380 --> 01:14:20,220
We've all got to pull together.
1192
01:14:20,220 --> 01:14:21,720
The cougar!
1193
01:14:21,720 --> 01:14:22,640
The cougar!
1194
01:14:22,640 --> 01:14:23,440
The cougar!
1195
01:14:27,280 --> 01:14:29,210
It's not the cougar.
1196
01:14:29,210 --> 01:14:30,730
Who else would have a motive?
1197
01:14:49,670 --> 01:14:52,040
Who else would have a motive?
1198
01:15:02,210 --> 01:15:03,160
It's our little Squirt!
1199
01:15:03,160 --> 01:15:04,120
Don't shoot!
1200
01:15:04,120 --> 01:15:05,240
You can't kill him!
1201
01:15:05,240 --> 01:15:06,040
Don't shoot!
1202
01:15:06,040 --> 01:15:07,260
Don't shoot!
1203
01:15:07,260 --> 01:15:08,480
But he's not the
same dog anymore.
1204
01:15:08,480 --> 01:15:10,200
He's been in the woods too long.
1205
01:15:10,200 --> 01:15:12,040
He's as wild as that cougar now.
1206
01:15:12,040 --> 01:15:13,230
He's crazed, he's raving.
1207
01:15:13,230 --> 01:15:16,400
He's totally out of control.
1208
01:15:16,400 --> 01:15:17,200
Shoot him!
1209
01:15:17,200 --> 01:15:18,190
Shoot him!
1210
01:15:18,190 --> 01:15:18,990
Waste him!
1211
01:15:18,990 --> 01:15:20,670
Waste the sucker!
1212
01:15:20,670 --> 01:15:23,150
Splatter his brains
all over that porch!
1213
01:15:39,060 --> 01:15:41,890
GREG (VOICEOVER): We were lucky
to have survived that night.
1214
01:15:41,890 --> 01:15:43,880
We owed our lives to
that tranquilizer gun,
1215
01:15:43,880 --> 01:15:46,360
and to the tranquilizer darts
I had brought from the city.
1216
01:15:50,080 --> 01:15:51,240
Hey, Squirt.
1217
01:15:51,240 --> 01:15:55,090
It's good to see you feeling
like your old self again.
1218
01:15:55,090 --> 01:15:56,080
What do you want, old boy?
1219
01:15:59,410 --> 01:16:00,360
Ah.
1220
01:16:00,360 --> 01:16:01,890
I'll bet you I know.
1221
01:16:01,890 --> 01:16:03,080
I'll get you a treat.
1222
01:16:06,470 --> 01:16:07,740
Here you go, boy.
1223
01:16:11,310 --> 01:16:12,970
I give up, Squirt.
1224
01:16:12,970 --> 01:16:13,970
What do you want?
1225
01:16:19,740 --> 01:16:23,430
GREG (VOICEOVER): It was easy to
see what little Squirt wanted.
1226
01:16:23,430 --> 01:16:25,610
And I had more than
enough tranquilizer darts
1227
01:16:25,610 --> 01:16:27,010
to keep him high for years.
1228
01:16:33,780 --> 01:16:35,950
As I prepared to
give Squirt his dose,
1229
01:16:35,950 --> 01:16:38,680
I couldn't help but think of
the awesome power of the gun,
1230
01:16:38,680 --> 01:16:40,500
and those tranq darts.
1231
01:16:40,500 --> 01:16:43,480
Just the knowledge that such a
weapon could totally immobilize
1232
01:16:43,480 --> 01:16:47,370
a wild dog, or kill a cougar,
or a full breasted American
1233
01:16:47,370 --> 01:16:49,770
female, made my blood run hot.
1234
01:16:49,770 --> 01:16:52,450
One well-placed dart would
leave her defenseless,
1235
01:16:52,450 --> 01:16:54,840
helpless, unable to resist.
1236
01:16:54,840 --> 01:16:57,340
It gave me new hope,
and there wasn't a court
1237
01:16:57,340 --> 01:16:59,210
in the country that
would prosecute a husband
1238
01:16:59,210 --> 01:17:00,440
for trying to get away with--
1239
01:17:00,440 --> 01:17:02,230
Greg, I've got
wonderful news for you.
1240
01:17:02,230 --> 01:17:05,450
We've been talking it over,
and we've changed our mind.
1241
01:17:05,450 --> 01:17:07,250
We've decided we
like the wilderness.
1242
01:17:07,250 --> 01:17:09,270
And we want to
settle here for good.
1243
01:17:17,310 --> 01:17:20,260
Oh, no.
1244
01:17:20,260 --> 01:17:21,770
What's wrong, Dad?
1245
01:17:21,770 --> 01:17:23,510
Greg, what's the matter?
1246
01:17:23,510 --> 01:17:24,440
Greg?
1247
01:17:24,440 --> 01:17:25,240
Get inside.
1248
01:17:25,240 --> 01:17:26,160
Start packing.
1249
01:17:26,160 --> 01:17:27,230
We can't live here anymore.
1250
01:17:27,230 --> 01:17:29,030
We're going back
where we came from.
1251
01:17:29,030 --> 01:17:30,470
Right now.
-Why?
1252
01:17:30,470 --> 01:17:31,310
What's wrong?
1253
01:17:31,310 --> 01:17:33,300
Greg, what do you mean?
1254
01:17:33,300 --> 01:17:34,100
Greg?
1255
01:17:34,100 --> 01:17:34,900
Look.
1256
01:17:37,550 --> 01:17:39,560
[CITY SOUNDS]
1257
01:17:49,420 --> 01:17:50,800
Are you sure it's
absolutely new?
1258
01:17:50,800 --> 01:17:51,770
No.
1259
01:17:51,770 --> 01:17:54,670
It does have a nice view, dear.
1260
01:17:54,670 --> 01:17:56,770
Are they going to
put in a bathroom?
1261
01:17:56,770 --> 01:17:58,020
A bathroom?
1262
01:17:58,020 --> 01:17:58,870
What's that?
1263
01:17:58,870 --> 01:18:01,410
Oh, throw a bathroom in.
1264
01:18:01,410 --> 01:18:02,710
[INAUDIBLE]
All tile.
1265
01:18:02,710 --> 01:18:03,580
Beautiful.
1266
01:18:03,580 --> 01:18:05,300
Oh, and speaking of my wife--
1267
01:18:05,300 --> 01:18:06,300
No, don't speak of your wife.
1268
01:18:06,300 --> 01:18:07,860
You know, a lot of guys
kid about their wives.
1269
01:18:07,860 --> 01:18:08,660
Not me.
1270
01:18:08,660 --> 01:18:09,800
I've got my wife who's a doll.
1271
01:18:09,800 --> 01:18:10,600
Hey, Mr. Am--
1272
01:18:10,600 --> 01:18:12,700
Little effeminate,
but such a nice girl.
1273
01:18:12,700 --> 01:18:14,550
-We're here to talk about Greg--
-Little things, like--
1274
01:18:14,550 --> 01:18:15,350
Hey, Amsterdam, listen!
1275
01:18:15,350 --> 01:18:16,620
The morning after
we got married,
1276
01:18:16,620 --> 01:18:18,250
she said, sweetheart, I
got a confession to make.
1277
01:18:18,250 --> 01:18:20,920
Just keep-- Yeah, get
his agent on the phone.
1278
01:18:20,920 --> 01:18:21,930
The guy's a wash up.
1279
01:18:21,930 --> 01:18:23,890
Let's get out of
this place, and fast.
1280
01:18:23,890 --> 01:18:24,770
Wait up.
1281
01:18:24,770 --> 01:18:25,570
Come on, Barb.
1282
01:18:25,570 --> 01:18:26,510
Move it.
1283
01:18:26,510 --> 01:18:27,450
Come on, Ma!
1284
01:18:30,260 --> 01:18:33,250
We'd like our car.
1285
01:18:33,250 --> 01:18:36,410
Which car is that?
1286
01:18:36,410 --> 01:18:38,810
The Brown '80 Impala Wagon.
1287
01:18:38,810 --> 01:18:40,920
Have you got the ticket?
1288
01:18:40,920 --> 01:18:41,720
Ticket?
1289
01:18:45,420 --> 01:18:46,220
I don't have the ticket.
1290
01:18:46,220 --> 01:18:47,170
I gave it to you.
1291
01:18:47,170 --> 01:18:48,110
To me?
1292
01:18:48,110 --> 01:18:49,200
You never gave me any ticket.
1293
01:18:53,170 --> 01:18:55,720
Hey, look, we
don't have a ticket.
1294
01:18:55,720 --> 01:18:57,190
Hey, don't you remember us?
1295
01:18:57,190 --> 01:18:58,500
No.
1296
01:18:58,500 --> 01:18:59,560
I am sorry.
1297
01:18:59,560 --> 01:19:02,460
No ticket, no car.
1298
01:19:02,460 --> 01:19:05,050
Well, what do we do now?
1299
01:19:05,050 --> 01:19:08,730
RADIO: And coming this fall,
it's Greg, Barb, Bambi, Squirt,
1300
01:19:08,730 --> 01:19:12,260
and little Billy van Waspishes
in Forever Outdoorsters,
1301
01:19:12,260 --> 01:19:15,090
The Saga Continues.
1302
01:19:15,090 --> 01:19:16,790
Like hell it is!
1303
01:19:16,790 --> 01:19:18,700
RADIO: And all their friends
on exciting new adventures.
1304
01:19:18,700 --> 01:19:19,860
You didn't sign a
sequel deal, did you?
1305
01:19:19,860 --> 01:19:20,890
RADIO: See them
overcome every obstacle.
1306
01:19:20,890 --> 01:19:22,390
Are you kidding?
Did you read that script?
1307
01:19:22,390 --> 01:19:23,810
My agent laughed in their faces.
1308
01:19:23,810 --> 01:19:25,830
We haven't even
gotten the meeting yet.
1309
01:19:25,830 --> 01:19:28,800
Besides, I just got a continuing
gig on a soap for real.
1310
01:19:28,800 --> 01:19:30,830
RADIO: And there's more!
1311
01:19:30,830 --> 01:19:33,520
See Barb and Greg make
whoopie under the stars as--
1312
01:19:33,520 --> 01:19:34,650
I can't do this.
1313
01:19:34,650 --> 01:19:36,870
I'm booked to do Nora
and the Dollhouse
1314
01:19:36,870 --> 01:19:38,700
in two weeks at the
Melville Dinner Theatre.
1315
01:19:38,700 --> 01:19:40,570
RADIO: Coming next spring,
it's the Outdoorsters
1316
01:19:40,570 --> 01:19:41,370
in Outdoorstermania!
1317
01:19:47,370 --> 01:19:49,030
The ticket.
1318
01:19:49,030 --> 01:19:51,070
All right!
1319
01:19:51,070 --> 01:19:53,790
Now we'd like our car.
1320
01:19:53,790 --> 01:19:56,250
Which car was that?
1321
01:19:56,250 --> 01:19:59,240
Brown '80 Impala station wagon!
1322
01:19:59,240 --> 01:20:00,590
All right, all right.
1323
01:20:03,410 --> 01:20:04,800
Don't tip him more than 10%.
1324
01:20:04,800 --> 01:20:06,160
He doesn't deserve it.
1325
01:20:14,940 --> 01:20:17,380
[ENGINE STALLING]
1326
01:20:19,340 --> 01:20:21,330
RADIO: Like I was
saying, it's the family
1327
01:20:21,330 --> 01:20:23,630
you love to love, in
their exciting new feature
1328
01:20:23,630 --> 01:20:25,540
presentation,
Endless Outdoorsters.
1329
01:20:25,540 --> 01:20:28,200
And, coming next spring,
it's the Outdoorsters
1330
01:20:28,200 --> 01:20:29,660
in Outdoorstermania.
1331
01:20:29,660 --> 01:20:31,990
The following fall you'll
see Beyond the Belly
1332
01:20:31,990 --> 01:20:34,900
of the Outdoorsters, The
Ultimate Trip, and two
1333
01:20:34,900 --> 01:20:37,330
years from next Tuesday
it's an Outdoorsters first
1334
01:20:37,330 --> 01:20:40,190
when Bebop goes natural
in Outdoorster Me Tender.
1335
01:20:40,190 --> 01:20:43,130
I don't suppose you happen
to know anything about this?
1336
01:20:43,130 --> 01:20:45,290
RADIO: Of a sensous
while, mother nature's
1337
01:20:45,290 --> 01:20:48,360
naughty nymphetes,
teenage Outdoorster girl.
1338
01:20:48,360 --> 01:20:49,920
Be there when the
Outdoorsters see the light
1339
01:20:49,920 --> 01:20:53,050
in Born Again Outdoorster,
introducing the new bear
1340
01:20:53,050 --> 01:20:54,710
discovery, Gentile Ben.
1341
01:20:54,710 --> 01:20:55,960
You won't want to miss it.
1342
01:20:55,960 --> 01:20:57,630
And there's more!
1343
01:20:57,630 --> 01:21:00,330
You'll want to be around
for the prestigous line up
1344
01:21:00,330 --> 01:21:03,860
of Outdoorster epics for
the 1990s and beyond.
1345
01:21:03,860 --> 01:21:06,730
Put on your dancing shoes,
cause the Dancing Doorsters
1346
01:21:06,730 --> 01:21:08,980
are coming at ya with
Out-Disco-Doorsters
1347
01:21:08,980 --> 01:21:11,180
in the toe-tappingest
time you've ever had.
1348
01:21:11,180 --> 01:21:12,980
Hear the movie, see the
album, buy the t-shirt.
1349
01:21:12,980 --> 01:21:13,930
Use the ashtray.
1350
01:21:13,930 --> 01:21:15,950
It's the Outdoorsters in
Merchandising Forever.
1351
01:21:15,950 --> 01:21:17,200
And there's more--
1352
01:21:56,940 --> 01:21:58,410
NARRATOR: Grizzly played
by Sanishlov Nucho.
1353
01:21:58,410 --> 01:21:59,540
Racoon, Francoise Lebec.
1354
01:21:59,540 --> 01:22:01,090
The Moose, Rabbi
Chaim Ben Vereen.
1355
01:22:01,090 --> 01:22:02,580
Special thanks to
the Electro-Shock
1356
01:22:02,580 --> 01:22:03,700
Animal Training Workshop.
1357
01:22:03,700 --> 01:22:06,050
10,000 Volt animal prod provided
by Stunt Bears Unlimited.
1358
01:22:06,050 --> 01:22:07,700
Fish underear by River
Gills Wetshop Limited.
1359
01:22:07,700 --> 01:22:09,030
Manure carting, Brown
and Rich Chocolate
1360
01:22:09,030 --> 01:22:10,460
Putting Company inc.
Urban guerrillas
1361
01:22:10,460 --> 01:22:11,680
trained by Che Guevera.
1362
01:22:11,680 --> 01:22:13,410
The [INAUDIBLE].
1363
01:22:13,410 --> 01:22:18,120
And Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
1364
01:22:18,120 --> 01:22:19,970
Location butcher,
Ralph 17 Point Meats,
1365
01:22:19,970 --> 01:22:21,910
devouring and gutting custom
cuts of [INAUDIBLE], grinding
1366
01:22:21,910 --> 01:22:23,990
and filleting by Butcherama,
soup bones by Michelle, roast
1367
01:22:23,990 --> 01:22:25,420
and chop, special
tonight, prime rib sliced
1368
01:22:25,420 --> 01:22:26,600
to perfection, just choice.
1369
01:22:26,600 --> 01:22:28,010
New York strip steak, $7.95.
1370
01:22:28,010 --> 01:22:29,120
Ala carte, $9.95.
1371
01:22:29,120 --> 01:22:29,920
Surf and turf, $12.50.
1372
01:22:29,920 --> 01:22:31,400
Sour cream on baked
potato, $0.25 extra.
1373
01:22:31,400 --> 01:22:33,040
Coffee, tea, and beverage,
and choice of dessert.
1374
01:22:33,040 --> 01:22:35,300
No animals were hurt in the
making of this motion picture.
1375
01:22:35,300 --> 01:22:38,740
Uh, except maybe a fish.
1376
01:22:38,740 --> 01:22:42,740
This film is dedicated to
Tony Zitto, stunt fish.
1377
01:22:42,740 --> 01:22:44,270
He swumeth against the current.
1378
01:22:44,270 --> 01:22:45,530
Twere all that he knew.
1379
01:22:45,530 --> 01:22:46,330
Sir William Blake.
1380
01:23:09,430 --> 01:23:11,450
[MUSIC PLAYING]
1381
01:27:13,500 --> 01:27:14,300
NARRATOR: Good, great.
1382
01:27:14,300 --> 01:27:15,290
They gave us an R.
1383
01:27:15,290 --> 01:27:15,860
NARRATOR: What do
you want from me?
1384
01:27:15,860 --> 01:27:16,640
Forget about that.
1385
01:27:16,640 --> 01:27:17,940
NARRATOR: We've kissed
the kid audience
1386
01:27:17,940 --> 01:27:18,890
and the TV sale goodbye.
1387
01:27:18,890 --> 01:27:19,790
NARRATOR: Look, relax.
1388
01:27:19,790 --> 01:27:20,660
Don't worry.
1389
01:27:20,660 --> 01:27:21,830
I got it all figured out.
1390
01:27:21,830 --> 01:27:24,900
We cut out the dirty stuff, show
it to them again, get the PG,
1391
01:27:24,900 --> 01:27:26,510
and then stick the
dirty stuff back in.
1392
01:27:26,510 --> 01:27:27,240
They'll never know.
Forget about it.
1393
01:27:27,240 --> 01:27:28,190
NARRATOR: All right, but
I'm not sure if that's
1394
01:27:28,190 --> 01:27:29,550
really the way to do it.
NARRATOR: Sure.
1395
01:27:29,550 --> 01:27:30,450
Sure.
Go with me on this.
1396
01:27:30,450 --> 01:27:32,300
Didn't I--
1397
01:27:33,305 --> 01:28:33,494
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