All language subtitles for All Creatures Great & Small S07E05 - Spring Fever_eng

Spring, James!

"Such comfort
as do lusty young men feel

"When well-apparell'd April
on the heel

"Of limping winter treads

"Even such delight

"Among fresh female buds
shall you this night

"Inherit at my house."

Hey! That's Mrs Donovan,
isn't it?

Oh, surely not her.

She hasn't got that
old dog with her.

What, Roy?
He died several months back.

-Did he?
-He was 16, you know.

-Was he, really?
-Mmm.

It seems like only yesterday
the RSPCA man found him

as a starving puppy
in that shed. Remember?

Well, then the hound's about
to have been put down,
if she hadn't taken him in.

You're absolutely
right, James.
It is her.

What the hell
is she giving them?

Heaven only knows!
Poor old thing.
I bet she misses Roy.

She needs to get another dog.

As you know, James,
I don't always share

your obsession
with fireside animals, no.

A healthy early morning
gallop over the...

Her sitting-room
is a bit small
for a horse, Siegfried.

James, it's the principle
of the thing!

You're forever wanting
people to get themselves pets,
when what they really need...

Hello, Mrs Donovan!
How are you?

Dear Mrs Donovan,
I am so sorry
to hear about your dog.

Oh, I do miss him,
Mr Farnon.

I'm sure you do.
The loss of a dear companion
after so many years.

You should get yourself
a sharp little pony, you know.

Take it exercising
over the...

Well, perhaps...
Perhaps another dog.

That's what you need.
There's nothing like the bond
between a dog and its owner.

Don't you agree, James?

Besides, there are
plenty of pitiful strays
around here

who would respond happily
to your inimitable care,
Mrs Donovan.

No, Mr Farnon.
I'm getting too old
to take on a new dog.

No, Roy was
definitely me last.

It's time I concentrated
on tother animals about.

-Well...
-But I did make a difference
to that dog, didn't I?

Indeed you did, Mrs Donovan.
You gave him
a lifetime of happiness.

No one could have done more.

Well... I must be getting on.

That's it.
Keep up the good work!

Bye, Mrs Donovan!

Goodbye!

There'll be more
problems, Siegfried.
Her and her potions.

What she needs
is a new dog, James.

I can't think why you
didn't back me up.

Yes, remiss of me,
that, wasn't it?

-Yes, um...
-(MEOWS)

You're hurting him, Mr Farnon!

No, no, just keeping
his little claws
out of harm's way.

Yes, it's a nasty wound,
it's got there.

I think we should put him
on some chloramphenicol,
just to be on the safe side.

Chloramphenicol?

It's a broad spectrum
antibiotic, one we can
give orally. Could you...

Antibiotics?
Oh, I don't know about that!

It really would be best.

Otherwise the infection
might get into his system.

Then we'd have
a very sick Marmaduke indeed.

You wouldn't want that,
would you?

Of course not, Mr Farnon.
But it does seem
a bit drastic.

How about dandelion
and burdock tea?

-Dandelion and burdock tea?
-Oh, aye.

Mrs Donovan says
it would be just
the thing for Marmaduke.

Yes. Mrs Donovan.

To be honest, I think
that Marmaduke would
prefer a nice bowl of milk.

-(DOORBELL RINGS)
-But...

And these will see him right.
He needs one twice a day
for a week.

-Are you sure? But, Mr...
-Quite sure.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

It would seem that
our housekeeper is out.

Now just slip them
straight down his throat,
coated in butter if necessary.

But antibiotic, Mr Farnon,
you know Marmaduke
is delicate.

He'll be fine. If he's not
better by Friday,
you bring him back.

(DOORBELL CONTINUES TO RING)

Yes, all right! All right!
I've only got
one pair of hands!

-(VOCALISING)
-TRISTAN: Yes?

Tristy!

Stingy! Ha!

What on earth
are you doing here?

Would you believe,
I was just passing through
on the way to St Andrews,

when the old jalopy
died on me!

So I thought, "Why not
spend a few days with
my old friend, Tristy?"

Why not, indeed...
You mean, actually stay here?

Don't worry about it.
You know me.

I don't mind slumming it
for a few days.

-Good old Stingy...
-Is there a problem?
Is there?

Well, you know
what Siegfried is like.

Still loves me like poison,
I suppose.

No, no. After all,
he hasn't seen you
for 15 years.

But a touch difficult
about your friends
leading you astray?

Yes, well...
He has his moments.

You're not still under
big brother's thumb, surely?

Don't be ridiculous!
You go upstairs and unpack
while I finish surgery.

You know me, Tristy.
I'll be as quiet as a mouse!

No one will even know
that I am here.

(CAR ENGINE OUTSIDE)

Oh, any chance of
a bath, dear boy?

Yes, yes, of course!
Just make yourself at home.

-Good morning, Siegfried!
-Is it?

Where the devil
is the blessed thing?

-What?
-My otoscope.

Some idiot's hidden it!

Why don't you try looking
where you normally put it?
Second drawer down.

Ah! Here it is!
Well, you are, Tristan...

If you put something back
where it's supposed to be...

I see you've breezed
through your surgery,
as usual.

I'll have you know
I've had a terrible morning.

Mrs Donovan has started
nobbling our patients again.

A little more charity,
in that direction,
if you please, Tristan.

She just lost that
old dog of hers.

I mean, fighting with
every client.

Someone should have
a word with her about it.

You make too much of it.
She's just a warm-hearted
woman who loves animals.

Pity she doesn't feel
the same way about vets.

That calls to make
an enemy of her?
Her potions are harmless.

So, utilise her.
Channel her energies.

While we are on the subject,
what about yours?

What do you mean?

About time you were
out and about,
on your rounds, isn't it?

Do I hear a bath running?

Uh... Yes, I thought I'd have
a quick dip before my visits.

Great, heavens.
Well, make sure
it doesn't run over.

It's... It's your surgery
tonight, isn't it?

-Yes, why?
-I tell you what. I'll do it.

-What?
-It's only fair. I've finished
so early and you're so busy...

Well, thank you, Tristan!
That's generous of you.

Still, I suppose you can
afford to be generous

if you spend half
your working day
lying in a bath!

It's just a bit tender
and swollen back here.

A touch of mastitis.
I'm gonna give her
a shot of penicillin.

I'm pleased to see you've got
the electric laid on
since I was last up here.

Oh, aye, Mr Farnon.
Nowt's too good for Daisy.

I think the world
of that old sow.

Right...

Good girl, behave.
It's all right, Daisy.

There. Good girl.

There we go!
That should shut her up!

Keep an eye on her,
won't you?

Oh, aye. I will that.

-Working late?
-Uh-huh.

Helen's doing the
church flowers, so I thought
I'd catch up on all this.

Good idea!

What about
old Siegfried, eh?

What about old Siegfried?

He's been in bit of
a foul mood lately,
hasn't he?

Well, I was with him
all morning.
He was fine.

I think it's a bit much
the way he's been
treating me.

You'd think I was
just a lazy layabout!

If you're doing surgery,
shouldn't you have started?

-I'm just drawing breath,
that's all.
-Uh-huh.

Really, it's too much,
Mr Tristan! It's too much.

Leaving the bathroom
like a pig-sty!

Wet towels all over the place,
talcum powder
in the bath... Whatever next?

Surely one bath a week
is enough for anyone.

Talcum powder?

-Well, um...
-Not quite your style, is it?

No, I just happen to have
someone staying,
that's all.

-An old college chum.
-Oh, that's good!

Anyone I know?

I doubt you'd remember him.
Oh, well. Back
to the grindstone.

For God's sake,
don't forget
to tell Mrs Alton.

Yes, all in the
fullness of time.

And Siegfried.

Yes, well, Siegfried could be
a bit tricky actually, James.

Oh, my God, it's not, um...

What was it Siegfried
used to call him?
Prince Monolulu?

Yes. As a matter of fact,
it is St John.

And it has nothing
whatsoever to do
with Siegfried.

What are you talking about?
He's like a red rag to a bull
where Siegfried is concerned.

As you should know, James,
bulls cannot
discriminate colours,

the retinae of such mammals
do not contain cones

sensitive to the
primary colours.

You really amaze me, Tristan,
the way you and St John
whiled away your college days,

and you've learnt
so much about the
mammalian eye!

-James...
-Go back to work, Tristan.

And get rid of St John before
Siegfried finds out.

Yes. Don't worry.
It's only for a few days.
No one will ever know.

(SIGHS)

-James! How divine!
-St John.

Care for a snifter
before supper?

No, thanks. I'm still working.

-Oh, dear. Poor old you.
-Yeah.

Well...

-Seen Tristy?
-"Tristy" is still
working too, actually.

Dear, dear. Siegfried
really does have
the whip out, doesn't he?

Never mind.
I'll catch up with him later.

Probably won't be back
until the small hours.

You found the local
poker school, have you?

Mmm. Care to invest a few bob?

No, thanks.

Yeah, well. Dear, dear!

I must dress! Toodle-pip!

Toodle-pip.

All right. Who's first?

Oh! Good evening!
I don't believe
we've met before.

No. I'm Miss Brocklehurst.

-I've just moved
to Darrowby.
-Mmm.

I'm Tristan Farnon.
One of the partners.
Come through!

And what have we here?

Oh! How interesting!

I need your advice,
Mr Farnon.

Well,
that's what I'm here for.

What seems to be the problem?

Please, um...

It is clean.

Thank you.

I feel so silly getting
upset over a tortoise.
But you get so attached.

Of course! And so you should!

Tortoises are very
lovable creatures.

What makes you
think it's unwell?

Well, whenever I talk,
his head usually pops out.

But now there's no
response at all.

It just sits there!
What's wrong, Mr Farnon?

Um... Come over here
and sit down
for a moment.

You will excuse me.
A cat I operated on earlier...
I just have to check it.

I won't be a moment.
You will forgive me,

but I wouldn't like
the poor thing to come around

from the anaesthetic
unattended.

Oh, no, please,
you must go at once!

James! What do you
know about tortoises?

Tortoises? Reptiles.
Very ancient order of...

...uncommonly
known as Chelonia.

Thanks! That's a lot of help!

-What do you want to know?
-About their illnesses!

What do you think
I want to know?

Their racing form?

James! This is serious.
She is very anxious.

Oh, I remember.
Yes, the textbooks say

they are often owned
by young, attractive,
gullible females.

-James!
-Sorry.

-What's wrong with it?
-If I knew that, I wouldn't be
standing here, would I?

Well, I'm not an expert
on tortoises.

I bet there isn't a vet
in the whole
of the British Isles who is.

Oh, God!
Maybe there's something
in one of these.

In the record?

Look, you go and take
the history while
I have a look.

What, take over
in the middle of
a consultancy?

James...

Tristan, I was hoping
to get this
finished tonight, you see.

We wouldn't want her to think
we're not interested

just because
it's not a farm animal,
would we?

Oh, and, James,
the owner is very upset.

So, ooze confidence.

Yes, speaking of which,

your invisible friend says
not to expect him
till the early hours.

Oh, him. I've got
more important things
on my mind.

Ah, the joys of
true love, again.

What seems to be
the problem
with your tortoise?

Well, I don't think
she was really ready
to come out of hibernation.

Yes. That could
well be the case.

Is she eating?

-Did you find what you wanted?
-No.

Hmm. It does feel a bit light.

Um, you mentioned
you recently moved here?

Yes.

Well,
that has obviously disturbed
your tortoise,

and, uh, woken it
out of its hibernation.

I'll give it
a vitamin injection.

This should perk
its appetite up.

-Goodbye.
-Goodbye.

I will require
some assistance.
Thank you, James.

What?

Excuse me.

-Could you...
-Could I what?

A leg, James. We need a leg.

Which particular leg
did you have in mind?

Doesn't seem too keen
to show a leg, Tris.

Here, let me.

Oh, well done! Well done!

Now, it's used up, practically
all of its food store.

So it's important

not to let it slip back
into hibernation.

Also, it's imperative
that you keep it warm.

In fact, the night air
can be rather
dangerous for it.

Extremely dangerous.

So if you wouldn't mind
finishing up here
for me, James,

while I pop them both back?

-How can I refuse?
-Thank you very much.

-Ah. Thank you.
-Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks!

Thank you.

Oh, you're back early.

Yes. Found myself
a bit short
of the old readies.

I don't suppose
you could, um...

I don't suppose
I need to ask
what this is for.

One has to earn a living
using whatever
skills one has.

What skills? As I recall,
you used to mark the deck.
Here we are.

Is that all?

What do you expect?
I'm a vet, not a banker!

Better than nothing,
I suppose.

You fancy coming with me?

You're not going
back there, surely?

Lady Luck doesn't seem
to be smiling your way.

Tactics, dear boy! Tactics!

You let them think
you're a loser,

then when their defences
are down... Whammo!

Yes, you can count me out.

Tortoises?

Yes. I've got one
that is off his food.

You don't know anything
about them, do you?

-Oh, right there. Yes!
-Really?

Shiny little cow-pats
with legs at each corner.

Still not responding,
Mr Farnon.

Well, you mustn't worry,
Miss Brocklehurst.

It can take them some time
to get going once their
hibernation's been disturbed.

I'd still appreciate it
if you could have
another look.

The advice you gave yesterday
was so...expert.

Oh! You can't realise
what a treat this is for me.

In fact, tortoises are
a special interest of mine.

How wonderful!

Unfortunately, this practice
doesn't give me
much chance to pursue it.

"Miss Brocklehurst"
sounds so formal...

Oh, please.
Do call me Rosemary.

And I'm Tristan.

You see, sometimes
mucus forms
and it seals the mouth, so...

(BARKING)

So try washing
around the mouth
with water...

-Or maybe even some milk...
-(BARKING CONTINUES)

Hadn't you better
see to that dog, Tristan?

Sounds as though
it's in agony.

It's just Sam. He always
makes that racket
when he comes in here.

Yes, but how can you be sure?
Maybe he's had an accident.

Yes, I'll just have a look.
Just in case.

-Morning, Mr Carter!
-Hello, Mr Farnon.

I thought it was Sam.
Not too pleased
to see me, are you?

Yes, well, I'll, um... Yes.

-(BARKING CONTINUES)
-It's nothing to worry about.

-Nothing?
-No, it's just that he
remembers it was me who...

-Oh!
-Yes...

Well, perhaps if you gave him
something to eat...

It's exactly what
I was about to suggest.
Won't be a moment.

You, leave those be,
Mr Tristan!

They're still hot,
bad for the digestion!

Just a bit peckish, Mrs A!

There should be some
in the larder,

where all the food's gone
the past day is beyond me.

No sooner do I finish
one lot of bacon
then the tin is empty.

It can't be Mr Farnon.
He's not back from
his rounds yet,

and neither is Mr Herriot.

I don't know.
Always dropping things!

If it's not the bathroom,
it's the larder.

Patient's waiting!

I suppose you think
I have nothing better to do

than pick up
after you all day!

(BARKING)

This should cheer him up.

Oh, yes. A bit of bribery
usually works with dogs.

Look what uncle's got for you!

(GASPS)

Yes. Well, that didn't
really do much good.

Certainly harbours a grudge.
Nearly took my hand off!

Oh, Tristan! That must hurt!

Oh...not much.

Well, it's my fault.
Perhaps I should
bathe it for you?

No, no, really. It's nothing.

You mustn't feel guilty.
It's all in a day's work
for a vet.

Well, I mustn't take up
any more of your time.

It's a pleasure.
And I can't tell you
how grateful I am

for the opportunity of
examining your tortoise.

I think it might be an idea
to perform an examination
in the home environment.

Have you the time to spare?

Well, this is
strictly confidential...

Well, I won't tell a soul.

But I'm preparing a paper
for the Royal Veterinary
Society on tortoises.

And I need
some data about their
domestic situations.

If I could be of
any assistance...
You've been so kind to us.

Would this
evening be convenient?

You're very busy.

You know me, Mr Herriot.
I'm not the one to grumble.

No!

I don't know
where it all comes from.

Sometimes I think
we must be taking in washing.

Just look at this!
Another new one!
Would you credit it?

More suited to goings-on
in London, if you ask me.

Would you like
a cup, Mrs Alton?

I have no time
for tea, Mr Herriot.

Ah, tea.
Thank you very much, James.

Any more orders
while I'm here?

Well, if you insist.

Mrs Alton doesn't
take sugar, Tris.

Here we are.
One nice, hot cup of tea.

-Thank you.
-New shirt, Tris?

Mrs Alton was saying
she hasn't actually kept eyes
on that one before.

-I was just about to explain
actually, James...
-Oh, really?

My dear lady!
How can I ever thank you
for all your hospitality?

You never told me
you had someone staying!

You mean you didn't tell
this delightful lady that

there was an extra mouth
to feed, Tristan?

-Well, I...
-Tristan has been very
uh, preoccupied, haven't you?

My dear lady, I am mortified
to think that my staying here

may in any way have
inconvenienced you.

Not in the least.

Yes, you see,
St John just turned
up on the doorstep

late last night.
Well, very late.

And he's leaving again
this morning.
Aren't you, St John?

Well, it's very
thoughtful of you.
I love flowers.

Are you working in Darrowby?

Oh, yes. You didn't
actually mention why
you were here, St John.

I'm not allowed to divulge
the nature of my work.

Oh! For the Government,
I suppose.

Got it in one, Mrs Alton.

Something along the lines
of the South Sea Bubble,
isn't it?

I'll say goodbye now, Singe.
You won't be here
when I get back.

Actually, I thought I might
stay for lunch.
If it's not too much trouble.

No, it's no trouble at all.
Have a nice
piece of steak.

I'm sure Mr Tristan
won't mind making do
with a cheese sandwich.

You know, Tris,
you'll get your just
desserts in heaven!

After all, we must all do
whatever we can
to help the Government.

(DAISY GRUNTING)

What do you think, Mr Farnon?

She's no better, is she?

Yeah, she's not as good
as I'd have expected.

I'd like to try
a different antibiotic.

I thought she weren't
looking too good.

Best get Mr Farnon back,
I thought.

I was told you were
over at Harley's,

so I thought you wouldn't mind
popping in.

No, not at all.

I was that worried
when I noticed her back end
were all oozing pus.

You're absolutely
right, Mr Carter.

You see, she's developed
metritis, that's the
inflammation of the womb.

The two conditions
often go together.

This should
clear it up for her.

I say! You're looking very
smart. Are you out
for the evening?

Just off to see a patient.

-Emergency?
-No, no, a routine call.

That's very conscientious
at this time of day.

Well, one does
one's best to live up
to the responsibilities

of being a partner.

Highly commendable, Tristan.

-I say. Look at that!
Isn't Mrs Alton wonderful?
-Mmm.

Now, then,
don't you rush back.

If you're not here
by the end of surgery,
I'll hold the fort.

Oh, thanks, Siegfried!
Oh, no! Actually,
I do have to be back.

A friend's coming around.

Oh, really?
Anyone I know?

Uh, no...
Well, not actually a friend.

Someone from college.
A clinical pathologist.

A clinical pathologist?
Now, that's just the sort of
fellow I need to see,

have a word with him
about Carter's pigs!

What a slice of luck!

Tristan!
How kind of you to call!

Oh, it's my pleasure entirely.

Oh, your poor hand.
You must be in agony.

Oh, it only needed
a few stitches. After you.

Oh...

I, um, brought these for...

Um... For him.

It's not a him!

It's a her!

Yes. Esmeralda.

Can't you tell the difference
between boy tortoises
and girl tortoises, Mr Farnon?

Well, of course I know
the difference between boy...

Between male
and female tortoises...

It was just a manner
of speaking.

Mrs Donovan's
very kindly offered
to look after Esmeralda,

so she doesn't get lonely
while I'm at work.

Exactly my feeling!

I think that until Esmeralda
regains her appetite,

it would be best
if we kept her
at the surgery.

Nay!

She needs 24-hour
observation by a qualified
veterinary surgeon.

If you think
it's the right thing.

Oh, absolutely.
There's no question about it.

Rubbish! What Esmeralda
needs is company!

She needs to be
talked to. Constantly!

Now, come on,
be a good girl and eat
your dinny-winny

so Mummy-wummy
will think I'm wonderful.

Now, where was I?

Yes. So the beautiful princess
kissed the ugly frog...

And he turned into
a handsome prince and
they lived happily ever after.

What on earth are you doing?

It's a tortoise. Esmeralda.
She needs, uh, talking to.

Have you gone completely
taken leave of your...

A tortoise! Yes! I can see
that it might... It might
need talking to!

It's curious I don't recall
anybody local owning
a tortoise. Whose is it?

Brocklehurst.
But you wouldn't...

Brocklehurst.
Brocklehurst.
Can't put a face to that name.

New. Just moved here.

Oh, Miss Brocklehurst?

Tristan, admirable as it is,

your giving so much
of your valuable time
to this creature,

do bear in mind the importance
of professional detachment.

Never allow yourself
to become over-involved
with a patient.

There's only so much a vet
can do, you know.

Tell me, what time
is your friend arriving?

Friend?

From college? The pathologist.

Oh, he can't make it.
He left a note.

A note? Oh. What a pity.
Well, that's a hell
of a shame.

Anyway, Tristan,
face up to it.

Tortoises do not
thrive in our climate.

Especially
the northern part of it.

Chances are that
Esmeralda will be dead
in the morning.

Did you hear that?

Oh! You beauty!

St Vitus' dance, Tristy?

Did Siegfried see you?

Is he about?
I ought to go and say hello!

No, no, if he sets
eyes on you,
you're out on your ear.

Well, I wouldn't want that.
Not when you've made me
so very comfortable.

-Good night, Tristan!
-Good night, Siegfried.

Tristan, listen,
I wouldn't mind

a second opinion
on Carter's pig... Oh!

Your friend arrived after all!
I'm so sorry I didn't
hear you get here.

How do you do?
I'm Siegfried Farnon.
I'm delighted to meet you!

I understand
you were at college
with my brother.

Haven't we met
somewhere before?

I don't think so.

I want to pick your brains...

No, Siegfried.
This isn't him.

No?

No, this is a friend of
Miss Brocklehurst,

come to see
about the tortoise.

Oh, I see.

I feel sure that
I've seen you
somewhere before.

Must have been around
Darrowby, I suppose.

Well, I'm quite certain
the tortoise will respond
to my brother's ministrations.

Aye, I've every
confidence in him.

Well, I'll wish you both
a very good evening.

(SIEGFRIED WHISTLES)

Now, look here, Stingy,
you've outstayed
your welcome.

It's time you went!

-Would that I could,
old boy!
-Why not?

You remember the old jalopy?

Oh, no, don't tell me,
it's not the big end...

Afraid not.
Lost it in a poker game.

You lost a car
in a poker game?

Listen, don't worry,
I've got a tip
for the gee-gees tomorrow.

It's a dead cert
at 100 to one.

All I need is a little bit
of stake money.

-(SIGHS)
-I don't suppose that...

Yes, yes, if it's the only way
of getting rid of you!

Now, here, that's your lot.
You'll have to push off!

But where would I go,
Tristy, dear friend?

That, dear friend,
is your headache!

Tonight? Out into the cold?

Well, all right!
But first thing
in the morning!

And for heaven's sake,
stay out of Siegfried's way!

-I'll bring your breakfast up.
-Anything you say, old boy.

Do you know,
Stingy never was any trouble.

Heavens!

I'm not having a thing
like that in my kitchen!

Hello, Mrs Alton.
It's hard to believe
it's spring.

My word! That's the stuff
to set a man up
on a day like this!

Sausages, bacon, egg,
fried bread... My word!

Should I do some
for you, Mr Farnon?

No, no, Mrs Alton,
thank you very much.

I've already had my breakfast,
seems like hours ago.

Oh, hello, my dear boy!
Did Esmeralda give you
a disturbed night?

Things are really
looking up, Siegfried.

I've got her eating out
of the palm of my hand.

You won't believe
how affectionate
she can be.

Oh, Tristan, you always
did have a way
with the ladies.

I think I'm home
and dry with her.

Wonderful news!

TRISTAN: Have we got
any lettuce, Mrs A?

Lettuce? Whatever for?

Esmeralda's breakfast.

MRS ALTON:
Now you've gone too far.

I will not stay in
a house of ill repute!

Mrs Alton,
whatever is the matter?

I'm a respectable widow,
Mr Farnon. I have
my reputation to think of.

It's not the extra work.
I'd accept that
for the Government.

-Government?
-But now a woman has
spent the night in this house,

and her seducer

has the effrontery
to come into my kitchen
and order her breakfast.

And lettuce!
Whoever heard of
such a thing?

But, my dear Mrs Alton,
Esmeralda is a tortoise!

Well, how was I to know?

(SIEGFRIED LAUGHS)

Mrs Alton, where is she?

Outside, where it belongs!

It's unhygienic
to have a thing like that
in the kitchen!

Oh, no!

She's retracted!

Oh, you don't want to pay
too much attention
to them, you know.

Especially that
young Mr Farnon.

He means well,
I suppose.
But no experience.

Morning.

Now, pull yourself
together, Tristan.

There are other
clients out there.

And don't forget
you and I are
going out to Carter's at noon.

I need a second opinion,
even if it is yours.

Oh. Concentrating on
intensive care, are we?

Our clients will be pleased.

Oh, yes,
another of your clients
wants to see you.

Oh, Mr Carter.

What on earth is
Carter doing here?

We're both going out
to see him at noon!

I didn't know that
yesterday, did I?
And Sam...

Oh, you're seeing Sam, is it?

I thought it was more of
a psychological
problem, really,

and that James
could deal with it
far better than I.

Uh, this particular client
insisted on
seeing you, actually.

It is your surgery, James.

Come on, Tristan,
buck up!

If Carter wants to see you,
then you it is! Off you go!

It's not Carter.
It's Mrs Donovan.

She's come to give Tristan
a second opinion
on Esmeralda.

This we must see!

Mrs Donovan?

I'm not satisfied
with the treatment
Esmeralda's getting.

You're not satisfied?
I was up half the night
talking to her!

-Half the night.
-Talking's not enough,
Mr Farnon.

It's the aura.

The aura's not right here.

Tortoises are very
sensitive creatures.

The wrong aura
disturbs their systems.

Your aura, Mr Farnon.
It's not right.
It's all black and gloomy.

Do you know, Mrs Donovan,
I believe you've put
your finger absolutely on it.

Young Mr Farnon's disposition
would drive the devil away.

Not drive away, Mr Farnon!

Invite devil into
the black aura.

Oh, my God.

You'll have to change
your aura, Mr Farnon.

Right...

Think beautiful thoughts.

Go on.

Beautiful thoughts!

Well, thank you very much,
Mrs Donovan,

I'll certainly bear it
in mind.

Now, if you don't mind,
we're rather busy...

Oh!

Must be the aura
getting to me.

I'm sensitive to
the aura, you see.

-Mr Herriot?
-No, thanks, Mrs Donovan.

Now, then...
Ah, here it is.

Will you be in
for lunch, Mr Farnon?

No, Mrs Alton.
No time for lunch today.

Well, could I pack you
something up, then?

Well, I must say that pie
does look very tempting.

Something else to go with it?

-Is that Wensleydale?
-It is.

-Fresh? Oh!
-Certainly!

You might bamboozle
humans with your
fancy talk, Mr Farnon,

but you can't fool
the animals.

They know when you don't know
what's wrong with them!

-(LOUD BARKING)
-I assure you I'm not
bamboozling you...

Oh, no!

Beautiful thoughts, Tris.
Beautiful thoughts.

Now, now, here,
Mrs Donovan, is a case

that I desperately
need your expertise on.

Oh?

Uh, Mr Carter,
this is Mrs Donovan.

Oh, aye.

JAMES: Mr Morton, you're next.

She's an expert
on cases like this.
She really understands dogs.

Do you know owt about pigs?

Aye! Don't fret!

JAMES: Well, what's Lady
done to herself?

-Her leg is broke.
-Thank God for that.

Come on, Lady, on the table.
There's a good girl.

Up we go.
That's the way.
There's a good dog.

Oh, it's all right, darling.

No, the problem isn't here.

-Well, yeah, it is.
-Oh... Ah-ha!

Yes, here's the problem,
Mr Morton.
She's sprained her shoulder.

Nay, her leg's broke,
Mr Herriot.
Probably kicked by a cow.

No, no, no.
It's a sprained shoulder,
that's all.

Probably running away
from cows.

Her leg's broke,
Mr Herriot.
Mrs Donovan says so.

Mr Morton, I assure you,
her leg is not broken.

Mrs Donovan is expert on dogs.
Mr Farnon said so, didn't you?

Any chance of a bite of
brekkies for poor old Stingy?

Out!

Right madhouse in here!

Now, you need to
keep her off this leg
for a few days, Mr Morton.

And away from cows.

She needs putting in plaster!

-I'm getting it!
Just stay up there!
-St JOHN: What?

What? What did you say?

Um... Yes, I know,
I took your advice...

You know,
channel the energies.

I matched Mrs Donovan
with Sam. That should
keep her quiet for a bit.

Splendid! Splendid!
Well, there you are,
you see, Tristan.

Let that be a lesson to you.

Make a virtue of necessity!

And kill two birds
with one stone!

Mrs Alton.

I'll have my
breakfast now, Mrs A.

(CHUCKLES) You'll not.
Mr Farnon's eaten it!

Siegfried?

(STAMMERS) I wasn't going to
stand here and let it go cold.
You were in your bath.

Well, isn't there any more?

No, (STAMMERS)
don't be a jerk.
Tempus fugit, Tristan!

Mrs Alton's about her work,
so should you be.

Don't forget that
I'm coming back here
to collect you at noon.

I suppose you might
manage to be
properly dressed by then.

Thank you, Mrs Alton.

(GROANS)

Well?

Ah. You go on ahead.

I'd value your objective
opinion about that sow.

You wouldn't want Carter
to get the impression that

you have to be supervised,
would you?

She seems to be
on the mend, Mr Farnon.

-Mmm! She's fine.
-But then again...

Really, Mr Carter.
Now, the litter...

Oh, don't you
worry about them.

Mrs Donovan's got them
on bottle.

-Mmm. Well, Mrs Donovan!
-Mr Farnon.

Quite a task you've
taken on here.

Oh, I can cope,
Mr Farnon.
Don't you worry.

(PIGLET SQUEALING)

Watch what you're doing.

Mr Farnon knows
I'm an expert.

Calls me in on
all his difficult cases.

Don't you worry, Mr Farnon.
We all make mistakes.

(SONG PLAYING ON RADIO)

# King of kings!
And Lord of lords!

# He shall reign
forever and ever!

-(VOCALISING)
- # Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

# Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!

# Hallelu-jah! #

Mrs Donovan's there.

You'll have to do
something, Siegfried.

You've eaten lunch!

There's nothing makes one
hungrier than singing.

But it was me that
missed breakfast.

Tristan, if you will have
your little lie-ins,
what do you expect?

(SIGHS)

(DOG BARKING)

Is that Sam I can hear?

Yes. She's dealing
with him now.

He won't distract her
for long.

Tristan, Mrs Donovan is not
all that hard to deal with.

(BARKING STOPS)

There you are... You see?
She certainly has
a knack with dogs.

-You take that.
-Mmm.

Now, come on.
Come on, come on
You go and deal with her.

What a view.
Heaven on earth.

Come on! Come on!

# For He shall reign
forever and ever

# Hallelujah! Hallelujah! #

(VOCALISES DEATH MARCH TUNE)

There, there, my lovely.
Don't you excite yourself.

They don't mean you no harm.

Observe the hand of
experience, Tristan.

There... There...

Mrs Donovan! Well done!
You've performed another
of your miracles on Sam.

Aye, I have made
a difference to that dog,
haven't I, Mr Farnon?

Indeed you have, Mrs Donovan.

You have a unique
way with animals.

Unique. Siegfried?

That's my lunch.

Regard it as
a sacrificial lamb, Tristan.

Well, then, Mr Carter,
how's your sow?

Not too bad, Mr Farnon.

Good.

Not too good neither, mind.

I've already started them
on my special potion.

SIEGFRIED: Well, that's just
splendid, Mrs Donovan.

Well, I should've thought
all they needed was
diluted cow's milk as usual.

Oh, no, no, Mr Farnon.
I know what's best.

I'm sure she's right,
Mr Farnon.

Siegfried...

If you weren't
so full of carrots,

you'd realise they think
you're endorsing
her treatment.

You've got to say
something, Siegfried!

Oh, real nonsense, Tristan!
This is the 1950s,
not the Dark Ages!

This is the age of science
and technology.

And look around you!
Electricity in a piggery,
infrared lamps,

antibiotics available to
even the humblest of
of our new Majesty's subjects.

Thanks to the
Nation Health Service.

Who on earth is
ever going to believe
in Mrs Donovan's witchcraft?

They are, for a start.

Mrs Donovan,
I greatly admire your
handling of these animals.

One cannot better a kind voice
and a calm hand.

No question of that.
No question at all.

But as for this excellent
lady's potions,

they are no more
and no less than pretty
colourings and fragrances,

offering what we call
the placebo effect.

They're quite harmless
and completely useless.

Now, what these piglets
actually need

is ordinary supplement
feeding, if the nature to be
allowed to take its course.

Useless, are they?
These potions served my mother
and her mother before her!

I'm sure my brother
did not mean to
insult you, Mrs Donovan.

I think he was inferring
is that what is needed here
is a controlled experiment.

What?

To assess, scientifically,
the relative merits
of the respective treatments.

Wouldn't you say so,
Siegfried?

So, shall we say that
one half of the piglets

get the diluted milk,

as per Mr Farnon's advice,

while the other half
get the milk with
Mrs Donovan's potion added.

Thank you, Tristan.

You see? He hasn't got
anything to give 'em.

Well, it just so happens
that I have got
another treatment.

Now, Mr Carter, I want you
to ensure that three drops

of this liquid is added
to the milk of each piglet

that is not receiving
Mrs Donovan's potion.
Is that quite clear?

Aye.

And we shall see
which treatment stands
the test of science.

Oh, yes, you're beautiful,
aren't you?

She's out! Helen,
you're a miracle worker!

Just one of my many talents.

Oh, face that would
launch 1,000 hearts!

-God!
-Hello, St John.

I thought you'd gone.

Not without saying farewell.

So where are you off to?

Well, I found another billet.
It's a bit plain,
but comfortable enough.

No chance of my
12 quid back, I suppose?

I'm afraid not, old boy.
Lady Luck has
deserted me yet again.

-Her leg's a lot better, too,
don't you think?
-Aye, I do.

I have to admit, Mr Morton,
it gave me
grave cause for concern.

In case I'd made a mistake.

We all make 'em.
The important thing
is to admit to 'em.

There's no need to apologise.

Nay, Mr. Herriot, we all
make mistakes as you say.

Yes, but what
I meant was the...

Anyway, I'm very glad
she's better.

It's amazing, isn't it, how
quickly animals can recover
from such serious injuries?

-Aye. Bone marrow jelly.
-Sorry?

It's the cure all right.
Mrs Donovan's.

Oh, hello, Esmeralda!
She's looking up at me!

I'm sure she's very happy
to be back home with you,
Rosemary, as I...

You'll never guess
what's happened.
I found a mate for Esmeralda.

Oh!

Come and meet him.

That is good news,
Rosemary, because...
Well, all of us need a mate.

-This is Maxi.
-Oh!

And this is Maxi's owner.

What on earth
are you doing here?

You know, Tristy,
you gave me the idea
in the first place.

Oh, you know each other?

Yes, we're chums
from veterinary college.

You didn't tell me
you're a vet, St John.

-Perhaps that's because
he never qualified.
-Oh.

No, no, I realised
very early on that these
clumsy, masculine hands

weren't suited for
the job of ministering
to delicate animals.

So, I gave my place
to one more worthy.

Managed to get your
old jalopy back, I see,

despite your
impecunious state.

The Lord giveth and
the Lord taketh away.

I didn't know you and the Lord
were on such good terms.

Oh, beautiful, aren't they?

They're a present
from Tristan.

Are they?
Are they really?

Yes...

Well, now that I've returned
Esmeralda to her old self,

I really ought to be
getting back
to my other patients.

I'll see myself out.

Oh, Tristan, thank you so much
for all your wonderful help.

Your hand. It's better.

Yes. Yes...

It's a...a new wonder-drug.

Cheerio.

(GROANS)

To think I was nursing
a viper to my bosom.

Why, it's a very
sobering lesson, Tris.

Choose your friends with care.

Good job Siegfried didn't
tumble in. The fat would
really have been in the fire.

SIEGFRIED: What? How are you?
MAN: How are you, sir?

What fat's in what fire?

Uh, um...

Oh, James was talking about
Mrs Donovan interfering
with our patients.

Oh, good heavens, Tristan!

Well, honestly, I'm surprised
that you're pursuing such
a childish vendetta!

It could be damaging,
Siegfried.
Mr Morton was saying...

Oh, rubbish, James!

She's absolutely harmless!

You didn't seem
to think so at old Carter's.

It's a good job I organised
that scientific experiment

to show up her potions
for what they really are.

What experiment?

Well, you see,
one half of the piglets
get Mrs Donovan's potion

and the other half
get Siegfried's.

Oh, that's a good idea!
What was your potion?

Distilled water, James.

Which, of course,
won't do anything.

Precisely so.
So when both sets of
piglets thrive equally well,

I shall use it as an example

to demonstrate
the total inefficacy
of her ideas

to all the farmers
in the neighbourhood.

Ah! And suppose her piglets
do better than yours?

My dear James, Mrs Donovan's
potions couldn't influence
the well-being of a fly.

Now, then, Mr Carter!
How are the piglets?

MR CARTER: Oh, champion,
Mr Farnon! Champion!

They're fine.
Couldn't be better.

See? All's well
that ends well.

MR CARTER: Mind you...

The ones you treated all died.