All language subtitles for All Creatures Great & Small - S07E07 - Food for Thought_eng

(INAUDIBLE CONVERSATION)

(GOAT BLEATS)

-How's it looking?
-JAMES: Oh, it's not bad.

Nasty thing, though, foot-rot.

Still. I'll give you some
ointment. That'll clear it up.

So, um,

I've got to... Uh...

Well, you'll have to apply
it yourself, yes.

Sorry, Bernard.

Right.

You hold on to her.
I'll put on the ointment,
you can see how it's done.

Oh...

Oh. Still doing your
famous Roy Rogers
impersonation then?

Right, it's been
a godsend, this notion.

I never wear it, but what
I think of you, Mr Herriot.

Best farming tip I ever had.

It's a terrible handicap,
having sensitive nostrils.

Yes. Yes, I'm sure it is.

Right. Let's get on
with it, shall we?

-Are you all right?
-Aye.

Good.

-Hello, Miss Wain.
-Oh...

That ewe will be up and off
if you don't get a decent grip
on her, Bernard!

We're managing, Miss Wain.

WAIN: What is it, then? Foul?

Aye, it's foot-rot, all right.

Bernard, if you could just
look down and see
what I'm doing.

He's wastin' your
time and our money!

Anybody could have
seen to that.

Except our Bernard.

Well...

It wasn't exactly
a straightforward
case, you know?

-No?
-Oh, no.

Any number of complications
could have set in.

Under-running, for example.

Oh.

Well, he wouldn't have known
what that was either.
Would he?

He's useless!

Ah!

Wonderful things,
antibiotics, aren't they?

Oh! It's a miracle, Mr Farnon.
She's well.

It's a transformation.
She's a new dog!

I shouldn't say miracle,
'cause I'm not a churchgoer.

I believe in God
with an extra O.

Good. There's such a thing
as providence.

A pattern somewhere.
You can see it.

-Oh, she does seem...
-It's as if there was a force
somewhere that said,

"This creature is important."
Which she is to me.

"She shall not die."

Oh, I really can't
thank you enough.
It's wonderful.

Yes. You're a good girl,
aren't you?

And quite sound again.

I've no idea.

But she's well. You can see
the distemper's quite gone.

Mrs Davey, would you come
and sit down here
for a moment?

-Come on, April.
-(WHINING)

-Come on...
-And, uh...

Listen.

-Oh, yes,
I like our little talks.
-Yeah.

Well, now, what I've done...
What we have achieved

is to get rid of the secondary
bacterial infection.

-Bacteria, yes.
I remember.
-Uh-huh.

But the virus, the real threat
to life is still there
under the surface.

Hidden from our eyes,
but still active
in all probability.

That's how it is
with distemper.

I'll put my faith
in providence.

And you, Mr Farnon.

Between the two of you,
it'll be all right.

But there may yet be
a setback. That's what
I'm saying, Mrs Davey.

But all dogs don't die
of distemper.

-You said so, yourself.
-No, not all,
but a great many do.

Now, where are we?
We're just a month in.

You see that's,
that's the most
critical period.

So, if she starts to, uh,

to twitch or seem nervous
in any way, do you remember?

Yes, but, she hasn't.

And she won't.

If she seems to you
to be ill at all, you won't
hesitate to call me, will you?

No, I won't.
You know that.

Right.

So then, we'll just

trust to luck, Mrs Davey.
Do you see...

Not luck, Mr Farnon.

Providence.

MRS DAVEY: Come on.

-Right, then Mrs Davey...
-Goodbye, Mr Farnon.

Goodbye, Mrs Davey. Goodbye.

Now then... Next, please.

Do you wish to see a vet, sir?

Or are you here solely
that one may admire
your extraordinary suit?

(HEAVY NORTHERN ACCENT)
Sanitary Inspector.
We have reason to believe

that these premises
have become infested.

Infested! Who?

By what?

-(CHUCKLING) By me.
-Stewie Brannan!

(CHUCKLING)
By all that's...

My dear man,
how very, very wonderful!

Oh, it was a stupid prank,
but worth it just to hear
that tone in your voice.

Profound apologies, Stewie,
but really, your suit...

I apologise
for it myself, sometimes.

Second-hand, I'm afraid.
But, uh, it is my best.

-Handsome!
-(CHUCKLES)

-Handsome.
-I'll tell you what
we'll do.

-Oh...
-We'll get Mrs Alton
to make us a cup of tea.

-What do you say to that?
-Oh, Mrs Alton.
Yes, I remember you saying.

The touch of genius
with the kettle and pot.

Pure nectar. You'll see.

So, what is it, Stewie,
that brings you to our neck
of the woods this time?

Well, I, uh, I was just
on my way back from London
and, uh...

-London?
-Yeah.

It's Tristan, isn't it?
That's why you're here.

-Is he all right?
What's he been up to?
-Tristan?

No idea.
I was at the conference there.

Oh, um... Professional conduct
and ethical considerations.

-(CHUCKLES) Yes. That's right.
-You're a braver man
than I am, Stewie.

(CLEARS THROAT) Well,
they, um... They asked me
to speak. Do you see?

-Did they really?
-Mmm-hmm.

Well, I must hear about that.

Ah! Mrs Alton.

-I have with me my good friend
Mr Brannan and we require...
-(TELEPHONE RINGS)

Tea? Possibility?

-So sorry, Stewie,
you know what it's like.
-Oh, yes.

Hello?

Yes, it is.

Ah, Mr Smethwick!

Oh, has he?

FARNON: I'll be right there,
straight away. Bye.

No, uh, no tea, I'm afraid.
I've got to put some stitches
in a ram. Do you want to come?

Oh, yes. I'd love to.

-One more for lunch?
-Oh, well. Thank you.

One more for lunch, Mrs Alton.
If that's not too much
of a burden?

Um, Stewie...

Um... Mrs Alton, Mr Brannan.

-(CHUCKLING) How do you do?
-How do you do?

Oh, it's a lovely day,
isn't it?

The Lord's own.

What? Oh, yes, yes.
I suppose it is.

Well, um, it's, uh,
it's very good
of you to, um...

-FARNON: Stewie!
-Yes, yes, I'm coming, coming.
(CHUCKLES)

Uh, see you later... Bye.

FARNON:
So, Stewie, I'm curious.

-What did you actually say
at the conference?
-Oh, this and that.

It was quite well received,
anyway.

In fact, Professor Norton
was good enough to say

it was like
a breath of fresh air.

-Norton? Not E A Norton?
-Mmm.

-Good grief!
Is he still going?
-Oh, absolutely.

So you actually managed
to have a few words with the
great man himself, did you?

Yeah.

(BLEATING)

MAN: He's a law
unto himself is Bertie.

He knows me and Jim
are perhaps best
left to ourselves.

That's what I thought.
Come on, Jim.
Let's fetch him back.

Right then, Stewie,
get working on the beak.

Right. Here we go.

(GROANS) Oops.

Do you know, I was reading
one of Norton's papers
the other day.

-Mmm-hmm...
-What an astonishing
thirst for knowledge.

Hmm?

Mmm.

-Did you get on
all right with him?
-Oh, famously.

He, uh...

He mentioned he was coming up
to Yorkshire soon

for some seminar on livestock
and, uh...

I was rather drunk

and I invited him for dinner.
To stay the night,
as a matter of fact.

Did he accept?

Oh, yeah.

Unfortunately.

Unfortunately?

Mmm-hmm. He was sober.

You see, Meg's away
with the children just now,
you see?

It might be a bit tricky.
I wouldn't say I was ashamed
of my cooking.

Or of the house itself or...

Not exactly, but...

Professor Norton
might be in for something
of a shock, you felt?

Yes.

I seem to recall

I specified black tie.

(CHUCKLES)

I may have given him
the wrong impression.

I can see that it might.

(CHUCKLES)

-All right?
-Mmm-hmm.

-I'll hold this.
-Okay.

Here they come.

MAN: Come on. Come on.

-Right, open up!
-FARNON: Okay!

They all comin' to you!
Go for it, Stewie!

-(SCREAMING)
-Come here, you brute!

(CLAMOURING)

Good move, Stewie.
Are you all right?

-MAN: Is he hurt?
-I'm fine.

When you finish stitching
Bertie up,

you'll have to look
at my jacket, eh?

(CHUCKLES)

I've been out of practice,
I'm afraid.

We don't have very many
horned beasties in the city.

-(CHUCKLES)
-Anyway,
it was an heroic feat, Stewie.

-And at some considerable
sartorial expense.
-No, I wouldn't say that.

Oh, Mrs Alton would.
She's working on your jacket
right now.

Well, if she can sew
as well as she can cook,

it'll be better than new.

Oh, that chutney is home-made,
I suppose?

-Yeah. Mrs Alton's best.
-(CHUCKLES)

-Oh, I simply can't...
-(TEARING)

Oh, not again.
I'm terribly sorry, Siegfried.

-Well...
-It's my jacket, actually.

I simply grabbed the first one
that came to hand.
I'm sorry, James.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, James.

-It doesn't matter, Stewie.
-Not a, not a favourite,
I hope?

Well...

-Chutney?
-Oh, not now.
I can't be bothered.

(HICCUPS)

That meal
was absolutely delicious.

And here is she
we have to thank for it.

A feast for the gods,
Mrs Alton.

I've done what I can
and sponged it down.

Oh. That's wonderful.

And this lunch was first rate.

(CHUCKLING) You're a marvel!

And I suppose the most
incredible pudding. Hmm?

Something spongy I hope?
Hmm? Yum-yum, cat's bum.

(CHUCKLING)

-(TELEPHONE RINGS)
-Ah!

I'll get it. With any luck
it'll be a calving.
Miles away.

Something I said?

No, not what you said, Stewie.

It was when your hand, um...

Well, it came in contact
with an area of Mrs Alton

that for a great many years
has felt nothing more
untoward than a bus seat.

(CHUCKLING)
Oh, yes... I'm sorry.

Let's just hope it hasn't
interfered with
her culinary expertise.

Yes, yes. So do I.
You see, one of the reasons
I came here today, Siegfried.

Was to ask as a favour
if I could have the use

of Skeldale and Mrs Alton
for my dinner party.

I didn't know how
I was going to ask.

Well, after being of some use
earlier, and spoiling
my best suit and everything...

There's no need
to elaborate...

Then I wanted you to make up
the numbers yourself,
Siegfried.

-(STUTTERING)
On the big night...
-Did you?

That is if you have two
dress suits that is.

You see, I had to hire
one of them.

Do you happen to have
a couple of dress suits?

-An old one, perhaps?
-Yes.

Oh! That would work out
wonderfully well.

What is for pudding
by the way? Hmm?

HELEN: James!

-James...
-What?

-Here.
-Oh, sorry.

Don't know if I'm coming
or going this morning.

I'll let you off.
If next time you see
Mr Smethwick,

-you order one of his chickens
for Saturday week?
-Uh, yes.

Yes, right. No wallet.

Saturday, the 15th.

They are the best.
That's what we want, isn't it?

Yes. I suppose so.

Well, you know?
All things considered, I mean.

Need some petrol
when I get to Hargrove.

Yes, of course, darling.
The best. Right, bye.

Goodbye, James.

(SIGHS)

A little discussion? I see.

A little discussion
about what, Mr Farnon?

Do you know, I think it's
fairly safe to say,
Mrs. Alton,

that Mr Brannan
is one of my oldest friends.

-Is he?
-Yes, he honestly is
the most tremendous chap.

I can't begin to tell you
what a good salt he is.

Hard-working and generous...

And impulsive,
I grant you that.
He is impulsive.

I just hope that yesterday's
unfortunate little incident

hasn't irrevocably
coloured your attitude
towards him.

I'm sorry, Mr Farnon,
and what incident is that?

Well, when he...

He had no intention...

Your, um...

I'm sorry, Mr Farnon,
I don't understand
what you're referring to.

Don't you?

Well, onwards... Uh...

He's the most tremendous chap.

And he rather needs
a favour from us.

Well, from you, in fact.

-From me?
-Yes, we're all of us
rather hoping

that you'd be able to
help out with a...

With a rather
important dinner party,
next Saturday week.

Mr Brannan and I have
a very special guest, you see?

A dinner party,

on a Saturday,
for Mr Brannan?

Yes.

(SIGHING) Well...

I don't shirk my work,
Mr Farnon.

And I do what I must do.
You know that.

Ah, indeed I do,
Mrs Alton, indeed.

But I have to tell you
that I have been feeling a bit
tired just lately.

Oh, lord. I'm sorry.

Not been myself at all.

And every now and then
my work suffers.

Well, it's bound to!

Take this pastry now.

It's not going to be
as good as it might.
I can tell that already.

Can you?

And now you're speaking
of a dinner party
at the end of a long week.

Well, I may not be at my best.

Still, I'm sure
you won't mind?

(BLEATING)

JAMES:
I'll deal with the stitches
next time.

MAN: Thanks, Mr Herriot.
I appreciate it.

JAMES: Pleasure.

-Oh, while I've got you,
Mr Herriot...
-Yes?

I've, uh... I've a cow
you might look at for me.

-If you've got the time?
-Yes, of course.

And, while I've got you,
Mr. Smethwick,

my wife said,
"Could you do us a decent bird
for Saturday?"

-Eh?
-Please.

Oh... Aye... Right.

Fair do's, Mr Herriot, eh?
Fair do's.

Thank you.

Right! First come,
first served.
Mr Turpin.

One moment.

Mrs Davey?

Would you come in, please?

I'm sorry, Mr Turpin.
I shan't be a moment.

No April?

She's gone.

I'm so sorry.
Wouldn't you like to sit down,
Mrs Davey?

I just wanted to see you
to tell you like...

She was...

She was twitching
in her sleep.

She was
all frightened and funny.

Then she had a kind of fit.

I know it's small comfort
to you now, Mrs Davey,

but I may say that

April was fortunate.

The last stages of distemper
can take much, much longer.

I buried her meself,
in the garden.

There were nobody I could ask.

That's funny...

I'm sorry
it happened like this.

But, you know,
the odds were against us
from the beginning.

I still don't believe it.
It's not right.

How could nature be so cruel
as to give us
such false hopes?

There's no sentiment
in nature.

But it just can't happen
like that.

Perhaps you forgot something.

I don't know.
There must've been something
that could have saved her.

I promise you, Mrs Davey,
I did everything
I possibly could.

I didn't want her
to die either.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I know you did your best,
really I do.

We've enjoyed comin' here.

It was nice
to talk to somebody.

I hope I'll see lots more
of you, Mrs Davey.
Professionally.

-Do you see what I mean?
-No... I'm sorry.

Well, you know,
sometimes providence needs
a great big push

to start her off
in the right direction.

I think you should
get yourself another dog.

(GASPS)

Oh, no, I couldn't!

Well, think about it.

(DOG BARKING)

(MOOING)

JAMES: Well,
they're not right,
are they?

-It's definitely some kind
of digestive problem.
-What?

-Tummy upset, Bernard.
-Tummy, aye.

You haven't changed
their feed recently, have you?

They get what you
recommended us earlier.
I asked you most particularly.

Well, it's not the feed then.

You haven't got anything
poisonous around here,
have you?

-Anything they could get at?
-No.

I think I can swear to that.

What's this?

-Linseed porridge?
-BERNARD: Aye. That's right.

Have they had any today?

No, they're right off
their feed.

I thought I might tempt them.
But, they wouldn't take ought.

Is it fresh?

Aye. I made it up meself.

Yes, of course, but when?

-Last night.
-Oh...

-Well, it's yesterday's, then.
-No...

It's for today.

BERNARD: Well, I've had
a lot on recently.

I make it up last thing
at night, then there's
less to do in the morning.

Well, don't!

(COW MOOS)

Be much better for your
calves, Bernard, if you stop
feeding them on prussic acid.

-Prussic acid?
-When that's left overnight,
it forms prussic acid.

You don't want to be known
as a poisoner, do you?

Useless.

Well, no, there hasn't been
that much damage done.

I'll leave them a drench.

They'll be as right
as rain in a couple of days.

Diet is a very tricky
business, Miss Wain.

It's the sort of thing, uh...

It could happen to anyone.

And it happened
to our Bernard!

MRS WAIN: Well, it would
wouldn't it?

Is there any chance
of fish and chips getting
this prussic acid?

'Cause our Bernard takes
that long to cycle back
from Darrowby.

No, Miss Wain,
no chance at all.

# La-la-la,
Dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee

# La-la-dee-da-dum

MRS ALTON: # La-la-la-la-la #

All right?

-Hello, James.
-TRISTAN: Siegfried.

You were the last,
weren't you?

Shut the outside door
as you go, would you?

There's a good man.

-James?
-Mmm-hmm?

-You are a godsend.
-What?

-You're a godsend.
-Am I?

Absolutely.

I've had an endless surgery

and the professor's train
is due in 15 minutes.

I'm due at Rowengaf in 10.
Sorry, Siegfried.

James, I really am
very, very pressed for time.

I've simply
got to get changed.

Uh, Stewie's coming up
the moment his locum arrives.

Uh, can I...
Can I borrow that?

(SIGHS) Thank you.

-And he's asked if we will...
-Siegfried, this is
typical of Stewie!

He's an absolute wrecker.

Not still brooding about
the jacket, are you, James?

What on Earth's
an article of clothing
between friends.

All right, all right.

How will I recognise him,
Siegfried?

He'll be the only
neatly dressed passenger
with a moustache

and a suitcase, and an air
of minor royalty.

Oh, splendid.

Well, if I'm late home,
Siegfried,
I'm going to blame you, okay?

Why don't you, James?
You always do.

-And as soon as I'm back,
I'm off again.
-Of course.

-Of course.
-Right.

-Goodbye.
-Bye, James.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Come in, if you must!

TRISTAN:
It really is rather...

-Mrs Davey.
-Good evening, Mr Farnon.
Am I too late?

Of course you're not
late at all, Mrs Davey.

This is... This is May.

So I see.

What you said,
it gave me food for thought.

It's very quick, I know.

Absolutely the way to do it.

(ENGINE TURNS ON IN DISTANCE)

You're a very wise man,
Mr Farnon.

Yeah.

Sometimes.

Hey, jump.

(GATE CREAKING)

(STEAM TRAIN APPROACHING)

(WHISTLING)

(TRAIN RELEASING STEAM)

(STATION MASTER WHISTLING)

(TRAIN WHISTLING)

(RAIL ENGINE STARTING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Professor Norton?

(CLEARS THROAT)

Mr Farnon, I presume.

-Uh, no, I'm James Herriot,
actually.
-Oh.

I'm one of the partners
in the practice.

Splendid. Very good of you
to come and meet me.

It's a pleasure, Professor.

I took the opportunity
to make a few notes
on the train.

It is my custom to keep
a modest record of my travels.

One is asked to speak
on so very many
occasions, you know.

I like,
if I may be allowed
to use the expression,

I like to keep my
ammunition pouch bulging.

(CHUCKLES)

Ah, fascinating,
fascinating.

You know, coming back
to the Dales, one has the
distinct sensation

that one has travelled
back a little in time.

By that, I don't mean
a period measured in
centuries,

no, just a decade or two.
That is my impression,
at all events.

Oh, that smell!

And look, what a pie!

It's turning out quite well
even if there's no one
here to eat it.

Uh, very soon will be,
Mrs Alton, don't you
worry about that.

I'm going to a lot
of bother tonight.

I know that indeed, Mrs Alton.
Indeed I do.

-(DOORBELL RINGS)
-There's somebody now.

Oh, I'm sorry I'm late.
I had a puncture.

Oh, it's all right,
he's not here yet.

-James has stepped
in to the breach.
-Oh, good.

-Uh, here's yours.
-Oh, right. Great.
Okay.

Now, uh, I must go
and pacify Mrs Alton.

-She's a bit tense.
-Oh, who isn't?

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

-Uh, Stewie...
-What?

(STAMMERS)
Would you change in there?
Do you mind?

No, no, no.
Of course not.

Oh!

Ah, you're there. Well done.
In the nick of time, eh?

It all worked out
absolutely perfectly.

Now then, how about a drink?

(COUGHS)
Just a little one perhaps.

I must say, you do
yourself proud, Siegfried,

if this is your second
best dress suit.

Oh, one likes to do
reasonably well...

-It isn't.
-What?

-This is my second best suit.
-Oh, my...

I'm so confoundedly
used to it.

-Look, Stewie,
would you mind if we...
-No, dear, no.

-(TELEPHONE RINGS)
-Oh. Oh, for heaven's sake.

Darrowby 385.
Yes, it is.

Oh, has she?

Can you see anything?

Oh, all right.
I'll be with you
straight away.

It's our friend, Smethwick.
One of his cows
has started to calf.

-She's making very
heavy weather of it.
-Oh, can I help?

Yes, it's more than likely.
I've sweated blood over
this animal.

Damned if I'm gonna let her
perish under my eye now.

-Come on, let's go then.
-Uh, yes. Just one second.

Mrs Alton, uh, emergency.

Would you be kind and tell
Mr Herriot that Mr Brannan
and I

are attending to
Mr Smethwick's cow.

We hope it won't
be for too long
but meanwhile

he'll have to hold
the fort here till
we get back.

All right, thank you so much.

(STAMMERS) I'm sorry
about this, Siegfried.
But should we change?

No, no, no, time
is of the essence, Stewie.

I don't believe it!

SIEGFRIED: I've no concern
about my sense of priorities,
Stewie.

My only worry is that you
are sitting beside me

wearing my extremely expensive
dress suit...

PROFESSOR NORTON:
On waking, I should at once
be cognisant of where I was...

-It is of the utmost
importance when dressing...
-Here we are.

Gentian violet,
the traditional and,
one might even say,

the historic treatment,
it is even now,
not to be sneezed at.

-Hello!
-Although the chloride
preparations

may prove very efficacious
and can indeed work

their wonders in
a shorter time.

Mmm, what a very
pleasant house this is.

-I always think that
houses of this period...
-Where are they?

They've been called out
to a cow.

Mr Farnon said that
you were to hold
the fort, Mr Herriot.

-Those were his words.
-Were they?

-Hold the fort!
-Sorry.

Professor Norton,
this is Mrs Alton,
our housekeeper.

-Mrs Alton.
-Good evening, sir.

I'll show you to your room,
if you care to follow me.

Thank you, Mrs Alton.

It will only take me
a few minutes to change.

-I look forward to resuming
our conversation.
-Yes.

-Oh, allow me.
-Thank you, sir.

My pleasure, Mrs Alton.

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

-Hello?
-Helen, darling, it's me.

James! Don't tell me,
you're late but you're
on your way.

No, no, I'm still at Skeldale.

Look, there wasn't
anything I could do.

Stewie and Siegfried are out
on a call and I'm stuck here
with Professor Norton.

What?

No, that's fine, James.
You go ahead, have a large
one on me.

No, I won't wait
a minute, James.
I'm sick of waiting!

-Tonight...
-Helen, if you want
to blame anybody...

Blame Siegfried!

PROFESSOR NORTON:
A hot water bottle,
Mrs Alton?

(CLEARS THROAT)

(COW GRUNTING)

Yes. Well, I'm afraid she's
not getting on at all well,
Mr Smethwick.

She's been straining
like that for a long time,
Mr Farnon.

Yeah, I think she's going to
encounter considerable
difficulty calving it.

Poor old beggar.
She were weak to start with.

(COW GRUNTING)

Oversize foetus.

What do you think?
A caesarean?

(COW GRUNTING)

It'd take a fairish
while, Stewie.

Might be quickest
in the long run.

More chance
of a successful result, too.

Yes, yes, of course.

After the roseola stage,
the papular stage gave
no special cause for anxiety.

But when we reached
the vesicular stage,

I was absolutely
dumbfounded with
what we saw!

Were you?

The vesicles were enormous,
quite beyond belief!

Were they?

(COW GRUNTING)

-Could you raise
the bottle up a bit?
-Thank you.

(SIGHS) All right...

All right, Stewie, help me
to exteriorise the uterus,
would you?

-Stewie?
-Yes?

-My trousers.
-(LAUGHS)
I'll be careful.

There's one.

And there's the other.

-That's it. Press it.
-It's coming.

Right, Stewie, thank you.
That's enough.

Just stand back now.

Here we go.

We should be able to haul him
out, Mr Smethwick,
with a bit of luck.

Stewie, go for the head,
will you? (GRUNTS)

Help me get up inside her.

-(GRUNTING) Right. Okay.
-Nose down, I want that.

It's coming.

-There he goes.
-There we are.
There we are.

Help me pull at it.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Come on, boy. Come on.

(COW MOOING)

There we go. That's it.

Now, that's fine,
you're holding on.

It's a grand job.

Now you got
a fine little bull calf,
Mr Smethwick.

All right, she's all right.
You can drop the bottle now.

Ah!

What?

Oh, I'm sorry, Siegfried.

(CLOCK CHIMING)

Hi, Bernard.

(PEOPLE CHATTING)

-Got your supper, I see.
-Yeah, well, I just...

Excuse me.

Bank robber, eh?

You can do
all the talking you want,
at the station!

BERNARD:
You see, it's me nostrils...

(MOOING)

Yeah, yeah.

Whoa!

-Are you all right, Mr Farnon?
-Yes, yes, I'm fine.

Just a little weak.

-Oh...
-You'll be wanting
some refreshment then?

Oh, I'd say.

No, no, no, no, we haven't
really got time.

You just wait there,
Mr Farnon.
I've got just the thing.

Well, I suppose a quick
wee dram wouldn't go amiss.

-Would it, Stewie?
-Aye.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

I wonder how much longer
our friends will be.

My stomach is beginning
to make demands on me.

Ah!

-Mrs Alton!
-Oh, you're very kind...

No, my students
are an unattractive lot.

Unruly, rowdy...

Promiscuous.

Well, every generation
thinks badly of the next,
doesn't it?

Uh...

Mrs Alton, I'm afraid
your dinner's going to
have to be staggered a bit.

Well, heaven only knows
when the others are going
to get back.

Our guest here is absolutely
famished and I really
must be on my way.

The food is more than ready
for you at any time,
Professor.

Thank you, Mrs Alton,
thank you.

It's plain cooking,
but I think you'll find it
acceptable.

Good, good.

I see that Mr Brannan
remembered to tell you
of my little peculiarities.

Well, it was Mr Farnon,
as a matter of fact.

Now, there's a thick
vegetable soup to start with.

Then a steak and kidney pie
with a selection
of vegetables,

and my own fruit preserve
to follow with cream.

Oh, no. No, no, no, Mrs Alton.

Since 1933,

I've been on a strict regime

in consequence
of my blood pressure.

I will take no soup.

A morsel or two of steak.

No kidney,

no pastry,

perhaps one green vegetable,

and a slice of dry bread.

Those are my requirements.

And no pudding, whatsoever!

You know, I begin
to feel disappointed
with Mr Brannan.

NORTON: We had a thorough
discussion of my dietary needs
at the conference.

-(TELEPHONE RINGS)
-JAMES: Yes.
Oh! Will you excuse me?

-Indeed I remember going into
the subject in some depth.
-Uh-huh.

As far as I could tell,
he was listening
sympathetically.

Darrowby 385.

-I can only think
that he was...
-Police Constable Hicks?

Yes?

Oh, yes. Bernard Wain
is a client of ours.

Pardon?

You've arrested him?

HICKS:
He says you can vouch for him.

I found him skulking outside
the fish and chip shop.

Wearing a face-mask.

(CHUCKLING) Well...

His explanation sounded
pretty thin to me, so I, uh...

Oh?

Oh, quite normal, you say?

Quite normal for Mr Wain.

(SIGHING) Well.

If you say so, Mr Herriot.

Now I've got him it's going to
take some paperwork
to get rid of him.

I shall need an official
identification, Mr Herriot.

(COW MOOING)

Potato bread?

Ah, yes.

It's...

(GULPING) It hits the spot,
Siegfried. I can tell you.

SMETHWICK: Fresh today.

My wife got the recipe
from her cousin.

This is the first
batch she ever made.

-Uh-huh.
-Is it?

It's, um, warm and soggy.

-Is that quite right?
-(CHUCKLES)

BRANNAN:
Mmm, yes it is.

(CHUCKLING)
I could eat it all night.

But of course.

Just don't forget, Stewie,
we've got a very
important engagement.

Quite. Mmm.

Oh, I'd say.

Bread and water.
It is the very best
thing in the world, isn't it?

(BRANNAN CHUCKLING) Cheers!

SMETHWICK: Goodnight.

-Goodnight, Mr Smethwick.
-Goodnight now.

(SIGHS)

(INDISTINCT SPEECH)

We're going to have to drive
like Donald Campbell
to get back to Skeldale now.

-What, for dinner?
-For dinner, yes.

-And for the professor.
-Oh, the profe...

And for Mrs Alton.

To say nothing
of two evening suits

that desperately
need cleaning.

I mean to say, Stewie,
honestly, yours,

is in such a frightful mess.

Stewie?

-Stewie, where are you?
-(STEWIE GROANS)

The most extraordinary
stomach cramp.

Oh!

Strewth, that was painful.

(CHUCKLING) It's too much
of that half-cooked
potato bread.

-You had your fair share.
-(CHUCKLES)

Now then, uh, the car keys...

(STOMACH RUMBLES)

(GROANING) Oh! Good grief!

(CHUCKLES) Yes, I know.

Ow!

It can't last, can it?

No, no, surely not.

-Ah!
-(HORN HONKING)

Watch yourself with that
handkerchief trick, Mr Wain!

Next time,
you may not be so lucky.

Goodnight, Officer.

Sorry about this, Mr Herriot.

It's all right, Bernard.
It's one of those things.

I'll have to go back
for me bike.

I never did get
those fish and chips.

All right. I'll tell you what
I'll do, I'll run you home
via the chip shop.

-You can put your bike
in the back.
-Oh, that'd do it, Mr Herriot.

I wouldn't want her to think
I'm a desperate character.

No.

-We'll have to say something.
-(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)

I had to beg for this dinner.

(WHISPERING) Now what
we need to do is get
to the bismuth

and we'll be all right.

-I hope it works,
because all I can say...
-Shh!

-Ow!
-(CLANGING)

Oh, Stewie!

-Hello?
-(CLOCK TICKING)

Hello?

Ah, Mr Brannan.

(BRANNAN BURPS LOUDLY)

And Mr Farnon, I presume.

Ah, Professor... Ahhh!

(CAR DOOR CLOSING
IN THE DISTANCE)

Hello.

Helen, I'm terribly sorry,
we...

Dinner, James?

Or shall we wait a few more
minutes and have it for
breakfast?

It won't be quite the same
though, will it tomorrow?

Because it won't be
our anniversary tomorrow,
will it?

(SLURPING)

Tell me, Mr Farnon,

have you encountered
many cases of equine
pleurisy in your practice?

Uh, um...

(STOMACH GROWLING)

Plenty.

And the car stinking
to high heaven
of fish and chips.

(CHUCKLING) I mean,
Bernard Wain
is a desperate character.

The candles are very romantic.

It is ruined, James.
It is just a sloppy mess.

No, no, darling,
it's not bad at all.
It's wonderfully, er...

Tender.

Mr Herriot is a taciturn
sort of chap.

Not exactly what you call
a conversationalist.

-(BRANNAN BELCHES)
-NORTON:
What is the matter?

MRS ALTON: Oh, well...

Here you are.

I've been keeping them
hot in the oven for you.

I wouldn't disown the pie,
but it's not what it was.

Still, since the professor
could only peck at his food,
there's all the more for you.

(WRETCHING)

(BRANNAN BELCHES)

Mrs Alton, I think perhaps
I should try to explain...

(BELCHES)

Well, that does it!

That just about does it!

What a waste of my time!

I'm away to my bed!

You and your silly friends!

BRANNAN:
Well, don't worry, Professor.

One of these days,

you'll look back on this

and you'll... (BELCH)

You'll laugh.

(GROANS)

-Stay and finish the wine.
-No. I'm going to bed.

-Oh, please.
-No!

I'll do the washing-up.
That's one thing less
to worry about.

I suppose that'll have to do.

It's not the best
anniversary present
I've ever had, but still.

Helen?

-I'm sorry and I love you.
-No! It's not
good enough, James.

I know it isn't,

but I still love you.

Oh... James!

I love you, too.

Why don't you leave
the washing up until tomorrow?