All language subtitles for Will.and.Grace.S10E07.So.Long.Division.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb-ing

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- "Will and Grace" is shot
before a live studio audience.

- What do you mean,
I can't meet your daughter?

- I didn't mean you couldn't
ever meet her.

Obviously you will--
when the time is right.

- And when will that be?
- When the time is right.

- Hi. Hello.
Good evening to you both.

I'm in the middle
of memorizing my lines

for my one-man show
"Gaybraham Twinkin',"

so if you could keep it down
that would be...

[kisses]
chef's kiss.

Noah, always a pleasure.

Grace, we talked about
a side pony after 40.

[door closes]

- "When the time is right."

You just said you loved me.
- I did say that.

And by the way, I feel like
we're forgetting,

that's the headline here.

Today's the day I said
I love you.

- Yes, but today's also
the day I found out you have

a daughter I can't meet.
That's the other headline.

- Yeah, you can't have
two headlines.

It's just bad journalism.
Look, I'm sorry.

I love you, and I'm not ready
for you to meet Katie.

Both those things are true.

I gotta look out for her.
- "Look out for her"?

What do you think I'm gonna do?

[sighs]
- Hi.

Good evening.

Maybe I wasn't clear...

but this 21st century
hetero argument

is kind of killing
the 1860s homo-realism

I'm trying to create here.

Noah.

Always a pleasure.

- Look, Grace,
you will meet Katie, okay?

When I feel the time
is right.

- Okay, Noah.

Um, when you're in
a relationship,

you share your life.

That's how you grow,
and you are not ready for that,

so call me when you are.

Wait, wait, wait.
Why am I giving you the power?

I'll call you when I'm ready
for you to be ready.

- What part of--
ah, very good.

[upbeat trumpet
and piano music]

♪

- Listen, I don't know much
about this guy

but it sounds like you found
another one

who's not batting
for our team.

- Karen, I've been
dating Noah for two months.

You split a calzone with him
three days ago in the office.

- That doesn't sound like me.

I like a full calzone.

- I'm so sorry, sweetie.

I know it was a tough call
to make.

But you feel like
you did the right thing?

- 100%, mm-hmm.

What?
- Nothing.

No, I just--he was only asking
for a little more time

for his daughter's sake, and...
- What?

- Do you really want
to date someone

who doesn't put
their kid first?

- Fine, I'll tell him
I'll meet Katie on his terms.

[yells]
Happy?

- Why are you mad at me?
- Because I don't want

to be mad at me.

- See you at the office.

That's an expression, right?

- Oh, Marilyn.
- Mom, what are you doing

in the city?
- I needed to see you.

- Oh, uh, Marilyn?

Um, I--I have to run,

but it is so nice seeing you.

Mom.

- Grace, neither of us
enjoy that.

- What's going on?
Everything okay?

- Well, I have
some devastating news,

and I don't know how
I can tell you.

- Hey, Marilyn. Ooh.
I love what you're wearing.

- Oh, thank you, Karen.

They just opened--
- Mom!

What's the devastating news?
- Well...

Your brother died.

- What?
- He was doing his business

in the neighbor's yard,
starting shaking,

and then he "pff"--
just fell over.

- My God.
- Oh...

Poor Dr. Silly.

- Wait, your dog?

I thought you meant
Sam or Paul!

And you made me picture them
pooping in the neighbor's yard!

Pooping and then dying!

That's my--that's
my worst fear!

- Dr. Silly was much more
than a dog, William.

He was a member of the family.

He was your brother!
- Mom.

- Oh, oh, was he the one
who dated Grace

and Will got all mad?

Yeah, and Will's like,
"You can't date

my mother's dog!"

- In any case, I'm collecting
video testimonials

to show at the service,
and I was hoping

that you would make one.
- Oh, sure, sure.

Maybe I'll talk about
how much he loved

chasing marbles
or humping the ottoman.

Though I--I kind of wanted
to save that for Jack's eulogy.

- Jokes, William?

I thought you of all people
would understand.

- What--Mom.
- I'm going to lie down.

- I...

- You know...

I never really got
the pet thing.

I mean, if you want
something with four legs

and a chip in its neck
I'd just hire two more maids.

- What did that mean,
"me of all people"?

She never shows her emotions
and I never know how

to deal with it
when they suddenly pop out.

- Honey, the woman is grieving.

It is time for you
to dig down deep

and pull out one of your sad,

low-limit credit cards
you have...

and buy her something.

- Well, she does like presents.
Thanks.

You'll-you'll stay here
with her?

- Oh, no, honey.
Not really my thing.

We don't have much in common.
- She's scared of foreigners

and loves to drink.
- Well, maybe I could stay

for a little while.

♪

- Morning, boss.

Um, as you know
I'm in rehearsal

for my original one-man show
based on Abraham Lincoln's

secret gay romance,
"Gaybraham Twinkin'."

- Let me guess. You're trying
you skip out of here

early again today.

- I find your use of the word

"skip" slightly homophobic.

But yes, I will need to prance
my gay ass out of here by 2:00.

- Hold on!

This is your job, Jack.
I need you here.

Not out doing
some ridiculous play, okay?

- "Ridic..."

Need I remind you

what Abraham Lincoln
represents to this country?

- I don't think you need
to remind me.

- Abe represents
this nation's struggle

for gay men to celebrate
their love freely, in the open,

where people of all creeds
and colors can watch,

and based on appearance
perhaps join in.

- Lincoln freed the slaves,
dude.

He wasn't gay.

- He was one
of three gay presidents:

Lincoln, Harrison,

and that confirmed
old bachelor:

James "Power Bottom" Buchanan.

- Is no one editing
Wikipedia anymore, like...?

♪

- Noah?

It's me.

Hello?

- Hi. My dad's not home.

- You're Katie.

The Katie.
I'm meeting Katie.

- You must be
my new math tutor, right?

Kimiko?
- Um...

Yes, I am Kimiko.

- Come on in.

♪

.

- Wait, there's a second train
leaving the station

at the same time?

And this one's going
ten miles an hour?

What is this, the 1800s?

- You're not my math tutor,
are you?

- Good question.

I am not.
- So, who are you?

- I'm Grace...

and I'm kind of seeing
your dad.

- Oh.

Hi.
- Hi.

- I mean, he does seem
happy lately.

He hasn't said "fascists"
in like a week.

- Oh! [chuckles]
I did that!

But he didn't feel like
you were ready to meet me yet,

so I should--I should leave.

- And we never met.
- Right.

But it's the only lie
we will ever tell your dad.

- Katie, I'm home!

- We will tell him
one more lie.

- Hey, kiddo.
- Hi, Dad.

- Hey, put these
on the counter.

- Hi! What are you doing home?
- Your math tutor called

to cancel and I didn't want you
hanging out alone.

Hey, you know what,
this is the problem

with the gig economy.

People cobble together
an income

out of all these jobs
and they don't--

- Don't commit
to any of them.

- Love you.
- [chuckles]

Wait!

I need to tell you something.

Something really important.

- What?
You're vaping?

You know, it may taste
like banana pudding,

but it's just
banana-flavored cancer.

- Wait, Dad!

- You must be Katie.

♪

- I don't know why Will
is being so insensitive.

It's--it's very--
- Un-gay-like?

- Yes.

Oh, is that wrong to say?
- No.

You made him gay,
so naturally, it's upsetting

when he doesn't act that way.

- Well, you understand.

You must have had
a furry companion

at some point.

- I've never had a pet,
and Stan wasn't that furry.

- Well, you're missing out,
Karen.

- Hm.
- You know how impossible it is

to show love to people?

- Go on.

- Well, it's so easy with dogs.

[door opens]
- Did somebody order

four pounds of cuteness?

- What is this?

- It's your new dog!
Isn't she adorable?

She could have been Dr. Silly's
more attractive partner

in the practice, you know?

Who, uh--who writes
a health column

in "The Daily Growl."
[laughs]

- You can't swap out
one dog for another.

I mean, when you and Vince
broke up did I swap him out

for another gay man
to cheer you up?

- Yes.

You fixed me up
with Tim O'Dell--

who was straight, by the way.
- Oh.

You told me that you
made out with him.

- And it took a long time
to get him there.

[dog barking]

Karen, would you take her
for a walk?

Here.
- [sighs]

[dog growling]

Okay, Marilyn, let's go.

Come on.

Come on, come on.

Come.
Come, Marilyn, come on.

[kissing]
- The dog.

What, you thought I meant
my mother?

- Well, I don't know.

She's had a lot to drink.

Ugh.

- Another dog.

Oh, God, I can't believe

that that's what you think
I needed.

- I don't understand.

I--I don't know how
to help you.

It's--it's just like
when Dad died.

- Oh, was it?

And how would you know that?

- Because I was there?

- For a week after the funeral,

and then you went right back
to your life.

And I had no one.

That's when I got Dr. Silly.

- Mom, I'm sorry, I didn't...

I wish you had told me
that you needed me.

- Well, you should have known.

♪

- Jack, are you out
of your mind?

The Underground Railroad
was a secret network

to get slaves to the north,

not a gay club
with a subway theme.

- Oh, really? Then where did
I ride my first caboose?

- You do recognize
as a black man--

- I know, I know.
[sighs]

You can't hide the color
of your skin,

but I can hide my gayness.

[insect buzzing]
[shrieks] Oh, my God!

Oh!

It was just a fly.
I thought it was a bee.

I'm tragically allergic.

One sting and my face blows up

bigger than Liza
on Prednisone.

Anyway, what were we saying?

- You can hide your gayness.
- Right, right.

I'll give you that.

- Hi, I'm looking
for Theodore?

I'm here to fix the AC.
- Oh, yeah, man,

it's right over there.

- Excuse me, sir.
Uh, I was hoping

you could settle
an argument for us.

Who's more oppressed:
A black person or a gay person?

- That's a ridiculous question.
- I know, right?

- Nobody has it worse
than Latinos.

They're putting our kids
in cages.

- How about all
the African-American men

that are locked up in cages?
- Due to a lack of funds

I've sometimes been forced
to dance in cages.

Who's zoomin' who, fellas?

[knocking on door]
- Delivery.

- So the order is: Latinos
have it worse, then black men,

then gay guys.
- Oh, no, no, no.

You've got to move Muslims
on the top of that list.

Try being me
getting on a plane.

- Or try being me
getting a taxi.

- Try being me and getting back
in the country.

- Try being me and having
to claim Kevin Spacey

as one of your own.

- Well, he was good in
"The Usual Suspects."

- Would you want him
to be black?

- Okay, I see your point.

- Jack! I just got your check
by mistake.

How do you make
more money than me?

Because you're a man?

- [goofy voice]
No, Dana.

Because I work harder
than you.

- [scoffs]
- And I am also a gay man--

who we just all agreed

is the most oppressed group
there is.

[all shouting]

.

- I didn't think that Katie
would be here,

and then she answered the door,
and so I had to pretend

that I was her math tutor.

- Wait a minute,
you pretended to be Kimiko?

That's--that's ridiculous.

- I know.
I am clearly not Japanese.

- No, I meant the part
about you tutoring math.

I mean, you use the tip
calculator on the phone.

- Hey, 20% is hard.

- No, it's ten plus ten.

- Okay, 13% is hard.

[sighs]
Okay, look, I screwed up.

I know that.
I know that, and I am so sorry.

But the good news here

is that Katie and I
hit it off.

- No, that only
makes things worse.

See, this is why I didn't
want you to meet her yet.

Because now you guys
have, like, a thing,

so when we break up
she gets hurt.

- Wait, "when we break up"?

- No, that's not
what I meant to say.

I mean, it's not like I'm--
I'm planning.

- But you assume
this is gonna end.

- Grace, come on.

We've both been divorced, okay?

I'm just being a realist.

I mean, name one relationship
that lasts and is any good.

- There's so many!

But right now, for some reason,
I can only think

of "Lady and the Tramp."

- Oh, please.
This fantasy that they can

just overcome
their class differences

because they both like pasta.

- So, what?
All relationships are doomed?

There's no point loving anyone
and life sucks?

- No, I'm just saying
there's zero probability

that you throw
two people together

and it's going to last forever.
- "Zero"?

Then what are we doing?
- "What are we doing"?

What do you mean?
I--I said I love you, okay?

That keeps getting bumped off
the front page.

I don't know
what you want me to say.

- I want you to say
that there's a chance

that you and me won't break up.

I mean, I can't do this
if there's no hope.

- Grace, come on.
- I mean, can't you say that

to me, Noah?
I mean, can't you say

that there's a chance?

Wow.

Okay, then.

Goodbye, Noah.

[door opens]

And Lady and the Tramp
did end up together.

There was a DVD sequel

where they had a son
named Scamp.

♪

[all shouting]

- Wait, wait!
Wait!

You think "Crazy Rich Asians"
makes up for Panda Express?

It doesn't.

- How is it that they still
allow the fat guy

to be the butt of the joke?

- Ralph just said "fat"
and "butt."

[all laughing]
- Good one!

- All right! All right, okay!

First it goes black person,
then Muslim...

- Yeah.
- Then Latino,

then everybody else.

[all shouting]

- Stop!

This is crazy.
Does it really make sense

for us to fight over
who's the most oppressed?

- Well, the elderly
are practically invisible

in this country.

- Where is that coming from?

- Over here.
- It's nothing, keep going.

- You guys, look at us.

Every single person
in this room is part

of a group
that has known suffering.

And what unites us?
- The struggle?

- Wrong, sir!

But that was the name
of my first bondage bar.

The theater!

And no play delivers
this message

in a more powerful,
toe-tapping way

than "Gaybraham Twinkin'."

- Is there a matinee?

- Who is saying that?

- Well, I'm glad everybody got
to say their piece.

Maybe that's the way
we'll start to heal.

- Exactly, and as long
as we respect

each other's struggles,
then we can finally

come together, right?

You, sir. I didn't get
a chance to talk to you.

What's your deal?

- Well,
as a straight white male,

I believe right now

I'm under attack more than
any other group in America.

- Oh, my God, that door
just closed by itself.

♪

.

[upbeat piano music]

- Thank you
for a wonderful visit.

- [sighs]
Mom, you don't mean that.

- It's called being polite.
- Look--wait, wait, wait.

Look, look...

since Dad passed I--I...

I haven't checked in
as much as I should have,

and I'm sorry.

I've been a bad son.
- No.

You're not a bad son.

- Well...
- You're a bad gay son.

- What?

- Karen hit the nail
on the head today.

I made you gay,
but I'm not getting any

of the benefits.

- Oh, God, I left you alone
with Karen.

That's--that's me.
That's my bad.

That's on me.

- I knew after Dr. Silly died

that I couldn't go
to Sam and Paul.

They'd think
I was being ridiculous.

- You thought I'd be
more supportive

because I sleep with men?
- Oh...

Every woman I know
with a gay son

is best friends with him.

Look at Dianne and Jerry.

They have their own
YouTube channel.

- You don't want me
to be like Jerry.

He wears a cape
to the grocery store.

He's--he's like the world's
gayest superhero.

- And when her cat
Lord Bumbles died

he took her on
a "Downton Abbey" river cruise.

- I'm confused here.

Are you saying you want me
to be gayer

or us to be closer?

- Yes.

- Come--come here.

I am the exact amount of gay

that I'm ever gonna be,
but we can hang out more.

I can be more sensitive
to what you need.

- Oh, that's what I want.

Yeah. And you know,
Jerry's single.

And the four of us could just
have so much fun together.

- Doing what?

Pretending that the two of us
don't see them holding hands?

- And he loves his mother.
- And so do I.

- Aww...

Okay, that's enough.

We're not Lutherans.

- Marilyn...
[sighs]

This dog and I have fallen
madly in love

and I am prepared
to fight you for her.

Will, you're my attorney.

Bury her in paperwork.

- You can have her.

- Oh, you hear that, Shou-Shou?
You're mine.

What say we go to the park
and bury some bones?

Doesn't matter whose
as long as we're together.

♪

- Orange beef, lemon chicken,

and shrimp lo mein.

How many people?

Um, there's six of us.

Hold it down, everybody,
I'm trying to order.

Okay.

[knocking on door]

Oh, that must be the pizza.

- Okay, there's a chance.

- Okay.
- But you gotta know

this scares the crap out of me.

- I know. It's supposed to.

- 'Cause I'm not
this guy, okay?

I'm a pessimist.
I can't be--

- Hey.

You said there was a chance.

That's the headline.

- Wanna go grab a drink
or something?

I'm taking care of the tip.

- Sure.

You get the elevator,
I'll get my purse.

♪