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1
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:12,311
What a terrible date.
2
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,390
Thanks for coming
To my rescue, michael.
3
00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:14,746
Hey, you know what?
4
00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:16,259
Look, I'm just glad that
I could repay you, mom.
5
00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:18,462
Now we're even from
When I wet the bed
6
00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:20,663
At jason gillioti's sleepover.
7
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,055
What happened to
All the gentlemen?
8
00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:24,468
You know what? The
Problem with gentlemen
9
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:26,732
Is that they tend to
Meet other gentlemen.
10
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:32,631
Holy may/december!
11
00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:38,837
So... How you been?
12
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:40,339
Pretty damn good.
13
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,684
All right, cut the ribbon, berg.
14
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,786
Who is she and what's she
Doing in your apartment?
15
00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:45,322
Wouldn't you like to know?
16
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,246
I think I have a right to know.
17
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:48,747
Well, file a complaint
18
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:50,994
With the "I blew my shot
With berg" committee
19
00:00:51,018 --> 00:00:53,285
And we'll review it.
20
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,198
In the meantime,
There's a lady inside
21
00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,382
Who thinks I have the
Cutest little tushie.
22
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:14,106
Oh, hi, pete.
23
00:01:14,141 --> 00:01:16,608
Oh, hey, mrs. Bergen. Hi.
24
00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:18,310
What are you doing?
25
00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:20,505
Huh? I'm, uh, just
Looking for the stapler.
26
00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:30,155
I split my pants.
27
00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:31,434
Well, don't you
Have another pair?
28
00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:32,557
Yeah, yeah.
29
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:35,494
I split those, too.
30
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:36,628
Oh, well, come over here.
31
00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:38,274
I have a travel kit.
I'll sew them for you.
32
00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:40,477
Oh, really? Oh, great.
That would be great.
33
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:41,933
But could you hurry up?
34
00:01:41,968 --> 00:01:44,536
'cause captain shaw's
Waiting in the fire truck.
35
00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:45,603
Thanks.
36
00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:49,574
Take them off, peter.
37
00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:53,611
Oh, right. Sorry,
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
38
00:01:53,647 --> 00:01:54,891
So how'd it happen, anyway?
39
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,192
It's my own fault, really.
40
00:01:56,216 --> 00:01:57,693
You know, when I
Was dating marti,
41
00:01:57,717 --> 00:02:01,753
I had them taken in
To show off my butt.
42
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,055
So what happened to marti?
43
00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:04,356
Well, she ran away,
44
00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:06,672
And my pants were too
Tight to run after her.
45
00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:10,862
Listen, mrs. Bergen, I
Really, really appreciate this.
46
00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:12,497
It's my pleasure.
47
00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:15,434
So, was it tough
Getting over marti?
48
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,447
Sort of, sort of. You
Know, they say it takes
49
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,848
Half the length
Of the relationship
50
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:20,205
To put it behind you,
51
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,974
So, you know, by thursday
Next week I'll be fine.
52
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:33,585
Wow.
53
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,887
I'd hate to follow
You up the ladder.
54
00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:42,794
Pete split his pants.
55
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:46,198
Ooh, is that the last
Of the marti-butt pants?
56
00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:48,733
No, I still have the cords.
57
00:02:48,768 --> 00:02:50,335
Man: let's move it, alice!
58
00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:52,182
That's captain shaw,
And he sounds mad.
59
00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:53,805
Okay, you put these on.
60
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,007
I'll tell him you'll
Be out in a minute.
61
00:02:56,042 --> 00:02:58,343
Donville, get
Your butt out here!
62
00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:00,345
Get the lard out of... Uh, whoa.
63
00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:05,550
I'm sorry.
64
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:09,354
Forgive the salty
Language. I was looking for...
65
00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:13,291
Oh, I-I'm captain shaw.
66
00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:15,594
It's nice to meet
You, captain. I'm susan.
67
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,596
You don't have
To call me captain.
68
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,063
Call me... Felix.
69
00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:22,234
Felix. Ha ha.
70
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:28,873
Mom, why didn't
You name me felix?
71
00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:30,587
Pete will be out in a minute.
72
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,177
Oh, no hurry. Where's the fire?
73
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,148
So do you live here in town,
74
00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:39,717
Or are you just visiting
With your husband?
75
00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:41,598
Oh, no, I don't have a husband.
76
00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:42,954
I have an ex,
77
00:03:42,989 --> 00:03:45,357
At least until he,
Uh, starts his car.
78
00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:49,794
Actually, we're divorced.
79
00:03:49,829 --> 00:03:53,598
Oh, that's nice. It's
Not nice, of course.
80
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:56,301
My wife died.
81
00:03:56,336 --> 00:03:59,404
Oh, I'm so sorry. Recently?
82
00:03:59,439 --> 00:04:00,938
I think so.
83
00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:04,610
Hey, felix, you want
To take my mom out?
84
00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:05,922
Michael!
85
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:07,790
Hey, what are you...
He seems like a nice guy.
86
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:09,192
Come on. Don't be shy.
What do you say, huh?
87
00:04:09,216 --> 00:04:10,449
Actually, my elks lodge
88
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:11,983
Is having a mixer this saturday,
89
00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:14,853
If anybody hasn't
Already asked you.
90
00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:17,822
Ooh.
91
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:22,160
Well, if you don't
Go... Ha ha... I will.
92
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:24,396
So you should probably go.
93
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,568
Hey, baby.
94
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:32,137
Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie,
Sweetie, come here.
95
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:35,240
Tell me what you
Notice different.
96
00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:36,508
A new sweater.
97
00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:40,779
No, I bought this
Yesterday. Okay.
98
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:43,582
But I'll give you a hint...
99
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:46,084
It is in the kitchen.
100
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:49,087
Did you cook dinner?
101
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:52,056
No, sweetie, of course not,
102
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,726
But if I did, I'd
Wash the dishes
103
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:58,096
In this fabulous new dishwasher.
104
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,098
No, what? I don't understand.
105
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,733
Why do we need a dishwasher?
106
00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:03,935
Just last christmas,
I got you the sponge
107
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:08,106
Where you put the
Soap in the handle.
108
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:11,209
We have $25,000 from
The insurance money.
109
00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:12,322
So did you tell him?
110
00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:13,757
Not a good time. Tell me what?
111
00:05:13,781 --> 00:05:16,348
I've got a great
Stock tip for you.
112
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:18,082
Okay, sorry, not our thing.
113
00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:19,584
Just... Just hear her out.
114
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:21,331
I mean, why can't we make
Our money work for us?
115
00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:22,788
Why can't we make
116
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:26,291
The soap-handle miracle
Sponge work for us?
117
00:05:26,327 --> 00:05:28,438
I'm telling you, this stock
Is going to skyrocket.
118
00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:29,828
When I was at the hospital,
119
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:33,097
I met the ceo of a company
Called systems industries.
120
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,634
They're going to merge
With alka chemicals.
121
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,136
What, he just
Told you like that?
122
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,282
Well, he kind of yelled it out
123
00:05:39,306 --> 00:05:42,541
When they zapped
Him with the paddles.
124
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:43,620
How much is it per share?
125
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:44,710
$24.
126
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:48,325
All right, we'll take one.
127
00:05:48,349 --> 00:05:49,815
Ha ha ha!
128
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,553
one share?
129
00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:57,522
So, um, can you
Do that right away
130
00:05:57,558 --> 00:06:00,625
Or do you have to move
Some stuff around overseas?
131
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:03,662
We'll take one.
132
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,064
Maybe if it does all right,
We'll buy another one.
133
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:08,967
I'll call my broker right now.
134
00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:10,246
Come on, ash, let's get going.
135
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:11,681
Johnny's about
To open his wallet,
136
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,865
And he doesn't want us
To see the combination.
137
00:06:21,415 --> 00:06:22,848
Hey, irene.
138
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:25,049
I see you didn't catch
The weather forecast.
139
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:28,186
They're calling for winter.
140
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,622
What are you doing out here?
141
00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:33,091
What does it look
Like? It's a stakeout.
142
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:34,893
Hence the camouflage.
143
00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:43,079
Your new woman
Hasn't left all night.
144
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:45,236
Well, can you blame
Her? It's 20° out.
145
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:46,383
Why don't you wait in the hall?
146
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:47,851
Oh, and miss her
Sneaking out the window?
147
00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:50,575
Yeah, clearly, you've never
Stalked someone, so shh.
148
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:54,546
Okay, all right.
149
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:57,081
I'm starting to
Feel bad about this.
150
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:59,785
That woman that spent the night?
151
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,653
That's my mother.
152
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:02,888
Okay, that's disgusting.
153
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:07,826
No, I was just trying
To make you jealous.
154
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,728
Well, nice try.
155
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,831
Okay, all right, look, cut...
156
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,143
Let's cut the bull, all right?
157
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,334
Look, I...
158
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:17,947
God, irene, I want
Us to be together,
159
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,838
And I think... I think that...
160
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:22,206
I think that you do, too.
161
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:25,276
Well, you know I do.
I've been up all night.
162
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:27,946
My stomach's in my heart,
My heart's in my throat,
163
00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:29,213
My snot's frozen solid.
164
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:35,434
Kiss me.
165
00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:40,426
Oh.
166
00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:42,494
Oh, berg, I am so happy!
167
00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:43,529
Me, too.
168
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:44,574
Okay, let's go meet your mom.
169
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,478
I hope she likes to be tickled.
170
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:50,869
I'm sorry. What?
171
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,971
Gosh, I should
Probably bring a gift.
172
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:56,541
All right, irene, I really
Don't think that right now
173
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:57,587
Is a good time to meet mom.
174
00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:58,611
Why?
175
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,078
Because, you know...
176
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:01,958
Okay, let's just go upstairs
And say a quick howdy-do.
177
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,247
Yes, we could,
178
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:05,027
But you know how important
First impressions are.
179
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:06,496
I mean, you don't want
To rush that, right?
180
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,587
Hey, why don't you
Take the weekend?
181
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:09,899
You know what? You're right.
182
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:12,223
I am going to make this special.
183
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:13,436
This is one boyfriend's mother
184
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,404
Who is not going to
Ban me from the house.
185
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:17,496
Ha ha.
186
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:18,663
Hey, girlfriend.
187
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:21,432
Hey, boyfriend.
188
00:08:21,468 --> 00:08:22,846
I'm just going to get
Rid of that right there.
189
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,102
Oh, okay.
190
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:42,888
Oh, no, mrs. Bergen.
191
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:45,056
You can't use those
To zip up your dress.
192
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:47,859
No, we use that to get
The hair out of the sink.
193
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:50,662
Aah!
194
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:53,064
Pete, you're my
Savior. Can you help me?
195
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:56,234
My zipper's stuck.
196
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:57,269
Yes.
197
00:08:57,303 --> 00:08:59,404
I-I-I will zip that.
198
00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:08,680
Ah. Okay, there we go.
199
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,650
All zipped, zipped,
Zipped, zip-a-dee-doo-dah.
200
00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:12,651
Thank you.
201
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,485
Well, I'm looking forward
202
00:09:14,521 --> 00:09:15,832
To the mixer at the elks lodge.
203
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,355
Who wouldn't be?
204
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,890
And your captain shaw
205
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:20,966
Seems to be a
Very, very nice man.
206
00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:22,594
He's a terrific guy.
207
00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:23,695
Oh, my god.
208
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:26,865
What if he wants
Me to wear antlers?
209
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,132
Then we can, you know,
210
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,535
Strap you to the hood of
The car and drive you home.
211
00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:35,351
Hey, look, I know it's hard
212
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:37,186
Getting back into
The dating world,
213
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:39,578
But I promise, eventually
You're going to meet somebody
214
00:09:39,613 --> 00:09:43,081
Who's going to make you
Laugh and feel happy again.
215
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,215
Thanks.
216
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,349
And you will, too.
217
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:46,696
Oh, yeah, right, and
Have someone else
218
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,353
Stomp all over my
Heart? I don't think so.
219
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,990
Don't talk like that.
You're a wonderful man.
220
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:53,191
You're just being nice.
221
00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:54,292
I'm not.
222
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,027
You just need someone
Who appreciates
223
00:09:56,063 --> 00:09:59,497
How bright and sensitive
And funny you are.
224
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:02,100
Whatever woman gets
You will be very lucky.
225
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,039
Oh, my god!
226
00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:11,076
Oh... My god!
227
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,978
What was I thinking?
I-I-I-I'm an idiot.
228
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:16,280
I'm an idiot, idiot,
Idiot, idiot, idiot.
229
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:19,317
Hey, look what I found...
And he brought me candy.
230
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:20,986
They're not for you.
231
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:23,287
Oh, jeez, what a pistol.
232
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:25,056
Ha ha ha ha!
233
00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:27,558
Uh, I got to go. I'm late
For something. Good night.
234
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:30,829
These are for you.
235
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,097
Thank you, felix.
236
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,132
Look at you two.
237
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,100
I'm going to go call my friends.
238
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:36,601
I got a new dad.
239
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:46,644
Mmm.
240
00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:47,879
Well...
241
00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:51,516
Guess I'd better load
Up that dishwasher.
242
00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:53,985
Ew.
243
00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:55,387
Oh, wow, look at that.
244
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:57,222
That stock that
Ashley told us about
245
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:59,357
Has really gone down.
246
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:05,330
Damn it, these
Dishes are slippery.
247
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:07,510
Thank god you were too chicken
To buy more than one share.
248
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:09,134
If it were up to
Me, I would have
249
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,102
Put all our money
Into that thing.
250
00:11:11,138 --> 00:11:14,906
Ha.
251
00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:17,375
Yeah, that would
Have been pretty dumb.
252
00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:19,677
Dodged a bullet there.
253
00:11:19,712 --> 00:11:21,224
Okay, you know what? I
Have to go to the store
254
00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:22,325
To get some coffee
For the morning.
255
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:23,859
Is there anything
Else that we need?
256
00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:26,817
No, just coffee.
257
00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,693
And get that cheap
Kind. That's my favorite.
258
00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:39,730
Ashley, when you get home,
Will you get down here?
259
00:11:39,766 --> 00:11:41,199
It's johnny.
260
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,124
Boy, I hope this is an aneurysm.
261
00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:57,882
Oh, pete, you're working
Overtime again? Ha ha.
262
00:11:57,917 --> 00:11:59,162
You've been here for two days.
263
00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:01,786
Fire's been around
For 10 billion years.
264
00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:06,991
I got a lot of
Catching up to do.
265
00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:08,326
So what do you hear
266
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,598
Mrs. Bergen? Gee, you know,
I haven't really seen her.
267
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:16,301
I had to get out of the house.
268
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:20,238
You know, because it was
Felix this and felix that.
269
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:22,474
I mean, I like you, sir,
270
00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:23,841
But how much can a guy take?
271
00:12:23,876 --> 00:12:26,244
You know, there's
Something about that girl.
272
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:28,257
She makes me feel young again.
273
00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,482
Ha ha ha ha!
274
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:31,517
Whoa! Enough said.
275
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:34,586
Whoo-hoo! Ha ha ha!
276
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,632
If anybody asks for
Me, I'll be in the office
277
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:39,957
Going a few rounds
With the old ab-roller.
278
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:42,994
Make me a meatball
Sandwich, will you, pete?
279
00:12:43,029 --> 00:12:46,797
Or there'll be
Less of you to love.
280
00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:50,602
Oh, my god.
281
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,083
I'll have one of those.
282
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:57,742
Susan... Mrs. Bergen, hey.
283
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,722
Uh, listen, I'll get the
Captain, if you'd like.
284
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:00,746
He's in his office.
285
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,191
No, I want to talk to you.
286
00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:06,651
Pete, I know why you
Haven't been home.
287
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:09,086
Yeah, yeah, I was just
Raking in the old overtime.
288
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,821
No, you don't want to see me.
289
00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:14,659
No, no, no, no, it's not
That I don't want to see you,
290
00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:16,814
It's just that I wish
I was never born.
291
00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:22,300
I'm really embarrassed
About the other night.
292
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,669
I was completely out of
Line. Please accept my apology.
293
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:26,937
You don't owe me an
Apology. I owe you one.
294
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,206
No, no, it was me.
295
00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:31,108
Believe me, I had no
Business trying to kiss you.
296
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,777
So why did you?
297
00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:37,815
I don't know, you
Know? You just...
298
00:13:37,850 --> 00:13:38,861
God, you looked so beautiful
299
00:13:38,885 --> 00:13:41,653
And... And you smelled so nice.
300
00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:43,466
You know, not
That I'm in the habit
301
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:46,057
Of smelling my friends' moms,
302
00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:47,503
Although I always
Liked the smell
303
00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:51,496
Of my friend ricky peck's
Mom. She smelled like lasagna.
304
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:53,097
You know, you're the first man
305
00:13:56,703 --> 00:13:58,181
Yeah, well, you're
The first woman
306
00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:01,539
To get my pants off since marti.
307
00:14:01,575 --> 00:14:03,408
Now, see, you make me laugh.
308
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:09,314
I wanted you to kiss
Me, but I was scared.
309
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:13,084
Um, okay.
310
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:16,421
I've been really bad at
Reading signals lately.
311
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:19,190
So is this a good one?
312
00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:20,358
Very.
313
00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:28,933
14. That's a record.
314
00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:31,569
Susan, hi.
315
00:14:31,605 --> 00:14:32,737
Hey, there he is.
316
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:34,049
You wanted to see
Him, and there he is.
317
00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:36,974
So you took me up on the
Tour of the station, huh?
318
00:14:37,009 --> 00:14:39,544
Yes. Yes.
319
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:41,212
Uh, uh, let's see.
320
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:44,382
This is the kitchen.
I'll bet you knew that.
321
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:45,994
This is the garage, of course,
322
00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:48,486
And that's the
Pole. It's for down.
323
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:54,825
We use the stairs. It's for up.
324
00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:55,993
This is the truck.
325
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:07,538
There you are.
Where have you been?
326
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:11,175
How dare you talk to
Me like I'm your wife?
327
00:15:11,210 --> 00:15:15,346
Have you seen the
Business section?
328
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:17,548
Huh. Our stock is down $1.
329
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:20,485
Not $1. $2... That's twice that.
330
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:24,088
Two times one... That's
Two, and it's all your fault.
331
00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:25,601
Here, johnny, here is your $2.
332
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:29,093
Your retirement
Fund is now intact.
333
00:15:29,128 --> 00:15:30,561
You don't understand.
334
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:37,134
I sank everything we
Had into that stock.
335
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:38,436
Huh.
336
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:40,738
Well, I'm no economist,
But that was stupid.
337
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:43,240
Why would you do that?
338
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,343
I wanted to show sharon
That I'm a good provider.
339
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:47,478
I wanted to put a big pile
Of money in front of her
340
00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:50,348
And say, "Here, here's a big
Pile of money I made for you."
341
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:51,749
Well, the good news is
342
00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:55,252
Now she can't take anything
From you in the divorce.
343
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,655
No, wait, it's...
344
00:15:57,691 --> 00:16:00,057
I have a plan. I
Want you to kill me.
345
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,394
Ooh, I'd love to,
346
00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:06,230
But first, why don't you
Check the financial channel?
347
00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:08,700
The merger went through.
You doubled your money.
348
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:11,035
W-what? I... You said...
349
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:13,938
Wait a second. Are you...
Are you screwing with me?
350
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,342
I was before, and it was fun,
351
00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:19,777
But now I'm not.
352
00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:21,123
You're a rich man, johnny,
353
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,847
And all thanks to who?
354
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:24,615
You!
355
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:28,919
You! You!
356
00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:32,690
♪ happy dance, happy dance ♪
357
00:16:32,726 --> 00:16:34,959
♪ johnny's doing
The happy dance ♪
358
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,706
Oh, oh, why the happy dance?
359
00:16:36,730 --> 00:16:38,763
Johnny's stock went up.
360
00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,197
Oh, boy.
361
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:42,473
Now we can send our
Kids to public school.
362
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,748
No, just... Okay, just
Run along, ashley.
363
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:49,306
Why don't you tell
Her about the money?
364
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:52,243
That was pie in the
Sky fantasy money.
365
00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:54,038
No, no, she's not
Touching any of this.
366
00:17:04,758 --> 00:17:07,458
You going to a
Wedding... I hope?
367
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:10,928
No, I just wanted
To look my very best
368
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:12,029
When I met your mom.
369
00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:18,881
Okay, well, I'll just wait.
370
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:19,915
Oh, yeah, you know what?
371
00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:22,106
She is going to be gone all day,
372
00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:23,753
And, you know, you should
Go hang up that dress.
373
00:17:23,777 --> 00:17:25,910
You don't want to de-poof that.
374
00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:28,613
Oh, all right.
375
00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:30,247
Well, maybe some
Other time, then.
376
00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:33,317
Yeah. Huh? Yeah.
377
00:17:33,352 --> 00:17:34,652
Hi, honey.
378
00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:49,434
Clumsy me.
379
00:17:50,637 --> 00:17:55,239
Jeez, I was just about
To introduce you.
380
00:17:55,274 --> 00:17:56,541
Oh, my god.
381
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,342
You're embarrassed by me.
382
00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:01,345
What? No, how... Hey,
How could you say that?
383
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:03,392
Let's talk about this
In your apartment.
384
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,716
Oh, you are.
385
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,852
That's why you never
Told anyone about us.
386
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:10,621
I kept it a secret because
I didn't want pete to know,
387
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:14,826
But you kept it a secret
Because you're ashamed of me.
388
00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:18,663
No, irene, that's... No,
That's... That's just...
389
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:20,230
Holy smokes! What?
390
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,413
Berg, if you can't even
Introduce me to your mother,
391
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,004
Then I really don't see
Much of a future for us.
392
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:28,906
Oh, come on. Hey.
393
00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:42,787
Where are you going?
394
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:44,199
Oh, honey, I need to go home.
395
00:18:44,223 --> 00:18:45,534
I need to be alone for a while.
396
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:47,302
What? I thought the
Reason that you came here
397
00:18:47,326 --> 00:18:48,571
Was 'cause you didn't
Want to be alone.
398
00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:51,729
Look, if it's because
Things didn't work out
399
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:53,430
With captain shaw,
Don't give up, okay?
400
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:54,866
'cause you're going
To meet someone.
401
00:18:57,269 --> 00:19:01,105
Actually, I may have.
402
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:05,242
You did? Well, that
That's great, right?
403
00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:06,711
Not really.
404
00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:08,591
It's kind of an
Awkward situation.
405
00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:10,459
I'm worried about
What people might think.
406
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,884
I'm worried about
What you might think.
407
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:14,485
No.
408
00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:18,956
Well, who is it?
409
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:20,758
No, I'd rather not...
410
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:22,137
Okay, you know what?
That's fine. You know what?
411
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:25,262
You don't need to
Tell me, okay? That's...
412
00:19:25,297 --> 00:19:26,631
It's not a woman, is it?
413
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:33,270
Well... Does the
Guy make you happy?
414
00:19:33,305 --> 00:19:35,039
Yes.
415
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,107
Okay, well, then, who
Cares what I think?
416
00:19:37,143 --> 00:19:39,510
Because, you know,
Growing up, you always said,
417
00:19:39,546 --> 00:19:41,946
"Whatever makes you happy,
You just... You go for it."
418
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:44,221
But, honey, I was talking
About the figure skating.
419
00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:49,319
That's a bad example, um, but...
420
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:51,889
But good advice.
421
00:19:51,925 --> 00:19:53,558
Can you wait here
For a second, please?
422
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:04,168
Mom, I'd like to introduce
You to what makes me happy.
423
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,248
This is my girlfriend irene.
Irene, this is my mom susan.
424
00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:07,872
We were lovers for some time.
425
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:10,775
At first, nothing
Serious. Just sex.
426
00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:12,610
Ha ha ha.
427
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:15,179
Except pete. Don't tell pete.
428
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,848
Pete? Don't be silly.
Why would I tell pete?
429
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,249
Tell pete what?
430
00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:21,030
About the surprise party
We're planning for you.
431
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:23,988
Oops.
432
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:25,300
Oh, well, there's
Always next year.
433
00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:26,924
Oops again.
434
00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:35,600
A-are you leaving?
435
00:20:35,635 --> 00:20:38,002
Oh, no, no, no. She
Was going to leave
436
00:20:38,037 --> 00:20:39,281
Because she thought
I wouldn't approve
437
00:20:39,305 --> 00:20:40,415
Of the new man in her life.
438
00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:42,106
Oh, god, berg...
439
00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:43,919
But, you know, I
Gave her my blessing.
440
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:45,643
Really?
441
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:46,944
Yeah.
442
00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:49,513
That's great. That's great!
443
00:20:49,548 --> 00:20:52,382
Yes, and he didn't even
Want to know who it is.
444
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,051
Way to go, mrs. B.!
445
00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:08,899
I-I've never been happier,
But I'm really worried.
446
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:10,668
What if berg finds out?
447
00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:11,769
Pete, I raised
448
00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:14,071
An understanding
And sensitive son.
449
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:17,508
And this other son of
Yours, will he talk to berg?
450
00:21:17,543 --> 00:21:19,020
I'm not keeping a
Secret from you.
451
00:21:19,044 --> 00:21:20,978
I'm not saying you are,
452
00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:25,048
But, uh, let's just say you are.
453
00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:27,485
He's trying to trick me
Into admitting something.
454
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,598
Pete, please. I'm his mother,
455
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:31,702
And, frankly, he's
Not that clever.
32136
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