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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
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You know, Peg, it's kind of nice
sitting here like this with you.
2
00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:26,878
How many beers did you have
tonight, Al?
3
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:29,913
Ten.
4
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:35,753
So I guess we're about a six-pack
short of sex, huh?
5
00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,317
At least.
6
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,793
Do I have juicy gossip.
7
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,110
It's about cousin Jimmy.
8
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:56,917
Did he find out our little Bud slept
with his bride on their wedding day?
9
00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:00,874
He must have. I heard he's getting
a divorce and coming to see Bud today.
10
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:04,436
I think he's gonna squish
the little love critter.
11
00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:15,635
Well, here's the footstool of love now.
12
00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,719
Family, this is my lucky day.
13
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:23,469
I was at school and there was one
of the great parties in all of history.
14
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:26,592
A wet T-shirt contest.
15
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,473
Large-hootered Midwestern
farm girls were sliding down...
16
00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,319
...this beer chute half-naked.
17
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:36,798
There was dancing. There was loving.
My first big frat party.
18
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,912
Just a great bunch of guys having
the time of their lives.
19
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:42,270
And it took them a full 15 minutes
to see me...
20
00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:45,677
...peeking in the window
and kick me out.
21
00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:47,598
Dad, you should have seen them.
22
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,951
There were big 'uns.
There were little 'uns.
23
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,035
Round 'uns.
24
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,800
Pear-shaped 'uns.
25
00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:02,391
Here an 'un, there an 'un,
everywhere an 'un-'un.
26
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:08,351
Sure, like I'm the only Peeping Tom
in this family.
27
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:12,829
Well, I guess you deserve to know,
tiny dancer.
28
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,873
Cousin Jimmy is on his way over
to have a little chat with you.
29
00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,715
Wha...? What do you think he wants?
30
00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:21,593
Your bu... Butt in a sling.
31
00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:29,838
Oh, my God, that must be Jimmy.
You better run.
32
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,276
- Hi, Jimmy.
- Hi, cousin Bud.
33
00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,711
Hi, cousin Kelly. Hi, Uncle Al.
Aunt Peggy.
34
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,036
Hello, cousin Buck.
35
00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:46,152
It's too bad we only get together
at weddings and funerals.
36
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,555
Step outside, Bud.
37
00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:52,313
Oh, all right, I'll handle this.
38
00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:54,511
Come on in, Jimmy.
39
00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:57,993
We heard the news. Congratulations.
40
00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:01,078
Anybody can eat 100 Whoppers.
41
00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:04,840
No, I'm talking about the breakup.
42
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:08,510
Let's face it. You had the honeymoon,
that's the best part of the marriage.
43
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:10,836
If it goes any longer,
they turn into this:
44
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,950
Then, if you're really unlucky,
you get these:
45
00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:21,072
Then you turn into this:
46
00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:25,478
Yeah, but she was
the perfect woman.
47
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:29,992
She was beautiful. She was rich.
And her parents are dead.
48
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,435
Boy, you must really wanna
kill that guy.
49
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:35,200
Kill him? I want to rend him.
50
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,437
I want to rip off his arms,
shove one of them down his throat...
51
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,756
...and have him tear out
his own heart.
52
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:45,033
Anyway, Bud,
I need to talk to you. Bud?
53
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,997
You crack me up.
Now get outside.
54
00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:55,508
I'll be right with you.
55
00:04:57,040 --> 00:05:01,272
Dad, I don't want him to pull
my arms off and rip out my heart.
56
00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:05,473
All I did was sleep with his wife.
What does he want from me?
57
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,558
Now, Bud, just relax.
I know how to handle this.
58
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:11,399
I met a lot of big, stupid bullies
when I was growing up.
59
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:16,276
Al, when you were growing up,
you were the big, stupid bully.
60
00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:18,789
Yeah, I was.
61
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,912
I was good at it too.
But I wasn't just big and stupid.
62
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,951
I was also mean.
63
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:28,551
I used to scare people
like your mother scares me.
64
00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:32,313
Dad, can you ox around later?
I'm facing death over here.
65
00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:35,876
All right, all right.
Now, here's what you do.
66
00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:37,911
As soon as he opens his mouth...
67
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:41,157
...you punch him in the breadbasket
with everything you got.
68
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:44,557
He'll drop faster than a stock
after I buy it.
69
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:49,675
- Thanks, Dad.
- All right, now go get him. Go get him.
70
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:02,793
Peg, looks like there will just be
three of us for dinner.
71
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:08,195
Bud, I've got a dilemma.
72
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,834
This thing's really eating me up.
73
00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:21,111
I gotta kill the guy
that did this to me.
74
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,989
If only I knew who he was.
75
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,270
So you don't know?
76
00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:34,954
All I know is that it's someone
on this block.
77
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:39,517
I need your help. Find him for me.
It'll be just like when we were kids...
78
00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:41,950
...and someone was mad at you
and I'd beat him up.
79
00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:45,038
When he was unconscious
you'd come along and kick him.
80
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:48,832
We were a great team then.
Can I count on you?
81
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:51,554
- She really didn't tell you anything?
- No.
82
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:55,435
I mean, not even that this guy was
the best she ever had?
83
00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:56,914
That he was good?
84
00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:00,317
Or at least even better than
a really tight pair of pants?
85
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,398
No, she said it really
wasn't worth mentioning.
86
00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,156
That bitch.
87
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:14,920
You're really mad, aren't you, Bud?
88
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:16,872
That touches me.
89
00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:21,198
You let me know when you find
this guy, because I want him bad.
90
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:28,078
Me too.
91
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:43,515
Jimmy doesn't have a clue.
92
00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,472
He doesn't even know it was me.
93
00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,035
And the greatest thing is,
he's never gonna find out.
94
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:49,673
I mean, who's gonna tell him?
95
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:52,599
- Not me.
- Not me.
96
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:03,071
Now, remember, Bud,
that's 100 strokes.
97
00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:06,512
Right, Kel.
98
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:10,076
Eight, nine...
99
00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:15,308
...16, 44...
100
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:18,080
...99, 100.
101
00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:19,759
Okay.
102
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:25,790
It's a good thing you didn't cheat,
because I was counting along with you.
103
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:31,035
You're a good slave
and a damn fine eunuch.
104
00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:33,276
You're not gonna tell Jimmy, right?
105
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:36,870
Not as long as my little leprechaun
keeps granting my wishes.
106
00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:40,471
Now, don't forget to pick up
my cleaning...
107
00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:42,318
...hang up my pantyhose...
108
00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:45,990
Oh, and try not to get tangled up
in them this time.
109
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:51,115
Hey, you do good work.
It's hard to believe you're straight.
110
00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:56,875
Very hard.
111
00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:02,717
Thanks for letting me use
your flea brush, Buck boy.
112
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:07,154
No problem. I've been using
your toothbrush for years.
113
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,033
Son, are we alone?
114
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:18,719
- Yeah, Dad.
- Good.
115
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,309
Then you're the only one
I have to get rid of.
116
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,109
Dad, I need to talk to you.
117
00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:30,154
Why is it always me? Get a friend.
118
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:36,151
Dad, cousin Jimmy's going crazy.
He says if I don't find out who it is...
119
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:39,113
...he's gonna go up and down the block
and beat everyone up.
120
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:42,915
I put the whole block in danger.
Am I doing the wrong thing by lying?
121
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,236
Don't ever say that, son.
122
00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:50,117
The Bundy proud name was built
on a philosophy of lying.
123
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,555
Well, lying and owing money.
124
00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:56,953
And perhaps beer.
Yes, lying, owing money, and beer.
125
00:09:57,160 --> 00:10:00,311
Only thing that separates us from
the Kennedys is they have the money.
126
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:07,117
Son, always remember
the Bundy credo:
127
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:09,675
Lie when your wife is waking
128
00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,872
Lie when your belly's aching
129
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,719
Lie when you know she's faking
130
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:20,954
Lie, sell shoes, and lie.
131
00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:24,433
- So that really is our family credo?
- No.
132
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,949
No, actually the family credo is:
133
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,993
Hooters, hooters
Yum, yum, yum
134
00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,796
Hooters, hooters
On a girl that's dumb
135
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:42,999
But the father in me felt you needed
a wholesome message at this time.
136
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,760
So lie to anyone you want
as long as nobody gets hurt.
137
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,079
Dad, I'm afraid somebody will.
138
00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:51,078
Well, then someone in the family
doesn't get hurt, that's all.
139
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,840
- Cousin Jimmy is family.
- Well, then the immediate fam...
140
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,759
See? This is why I don't like
talking to you.
141
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:01,598
So do anything you want
with anyone you want...
142
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:05,236
...just as long as you don't
wear a dress.
143
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,273
Your cousin Jimmy beat me up.
144
00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:21,956
And he tore my little horsy.
145
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:24,990
He thinks I slept with his wife.
146
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:28,078
Well, let him sleep with yours.
That ought to be the end of him.
147
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:32,679
Look, he's your relative.
Do you know anything about it?
148
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:36,916
Son, the Bundy credo.
149
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,194
Hooters, hooters
Yum, yum, yum
150
00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:44,390
Hooters, hooters
On a girl that's dumb
151
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:47,879
No, no.
152
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:51,993
See, the boy means that
we don't know anything.
153
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:55,438
It was the other credo, you idiot.
154
00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:02,673
Are you okay, Mr. D'Arcy?
155
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:09,195
Never underestimate me.
I can handle myself. I'm an athlete.
156
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,709
I run a lot, you know,
to stay in shape.
157
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:15,390
So after he hit me a couple times,
I took off.
158
00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,394
He chased me,
but I was too much man for him.
159
00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:21,079
Left him in the dust.
160
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:24,829
The last time I saw him,
he was puffing and panting.
161
00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:30,034
Yeah, you pay when you go up
against Jefferson D'Arcy.
162
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,036
What made him think you were
the guilty one?
163
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:34,992
He said he was looking
on the block...
164
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:38,590
...for a great-looking guy
women find irresistible.
165
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:43,670
Sometimes I wish
I looked like you two.
166
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:48,630
No, that's not true.
167
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,114
You slut.
168
00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:01,077
Tramp. Hussy. Libertine.
169
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,430
I heard the whole story
from that young man.
170
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,996
How dare you do the good and plenty
with another woman.
171
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,636
And this is not the last thing
you're gonna lose.
172
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,479
Look, I'm innocent.
Marcie, think rationally.
173
00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:20,912
If I wanted a young, pretty, sexy girl,
I never would've married you.
174
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:24,715
Yeah, why go out
for a succulent steak...
175
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,593
...when you got a dried-up strip
of beef jerky at home?
176
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,308
Marcie. Marcie.
177
00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:39,792
I just had a couch-off
with Marilyn Strabits down the street.
178
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:44,676
She was telling everyone that
she could out-sit me on the couch.
179
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:46,559
But after about 20 hours...
180
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:51,390
...she started cramping and crying
about wasting her life.
181
00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:52,954
Punk.
182
00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:58,310
Peggy, Jefferson cheated on me.
183
00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:02,195
Well, when you age and lose
your beauty, men cheat.
184
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,795
It's not your looks
that keeps me here, Peg.
185
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,558
It's mine.
186
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,393
I don't think I can get anybody.
187
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:13,551
Oh, I know I was asking for trouble...
188
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,876
...when I married
such a good-looking man.
189
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:19,197
I mean, what do I have
to keep a man like that?
190
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:26,518
This is where you, as my friend,
are supposed to jump in...
191
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:30,759
...and say that I'm pretty and sassy
and spunky, and yes, sexy...
192
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:34,635
...in that late-70s, New York,
androgynous-band way.
193
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:41,399
Can't you at least say that I have
a pleasing personality?
194
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,068
You'd give that to any fat woman.
195
00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:48,515
You have
a very nice personality, Marcie.
196
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,075
You bet your sweet ass.
197
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,354
But I know Jefferson cheated on me
with that girl.
198
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,754
It had to be him.
199
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,552
The only males around at the time...
200
00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:00,672
...were Jefferson, Bud
and old man McGinty.
201
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:04,236
The old man can barely walk or go
to the bathroom by himself, but still...
202
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:08,069
...there's not a woman on the block
who wouldn't take him over Bud.
203
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:12,038
Hey, you wanna keep it down
over there?
204
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,708
How far away do you think I am?
205
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,793
Peggy, what would you do
if Al cheated on you?
206
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,877
Oh, that would never happen.
207
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:23,117
He's like a big old
faithful hound dog.
208
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:26,869
Nobody wants him
and he's not good for anything.
209
00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:29,196
But I've had him
since he was a puppy...
210
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:32,278
...and he has his cute little ways.
211
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:50,471
Excuse me, Marcie, I have to go.
212
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:55,714
Hey, now, what do you want?
213
00:15:55,920 --> 00:16:00,072
You. You true-blue little pooh bear.
214
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,158
Take me. Take me in the rubble
that is our bed.
215
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:05,237
Well, I didn't do noth...
216
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:17,711
Well, mister, I'll tell you this:
217
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:21,799
You're not gonna be getting into
these pants ever again.
218
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,319
And I mean that literally.
219
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:26,478
I'm telling you, I'm not gonna let you
wear these pants.
220
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:32,597
Well, obviously, you two people have
a beautiful, healthy marriage.
221
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,998
But I can't be responsible
for breaking it up.
222
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:38,590
This man didn't cheat on you.
223
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:41,678
I'm the stud. The stallion.
224
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:44,030
The king of them all, y'all.
225
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:51,115
I, Bud Bundy, am the irresistible one
who broke up my cousin's marriage.
226
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:02,231
Ring, ring. Hello, Mr. Bud?
227
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:05,671
Yes, I do believe it's time
for my hair appointment.
228
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:11,950
I got dweeb goo in my hair.
229
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:13,832
I'm telling Jimmy.
230
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:16,634
Save your breath, Hungry-Man dinner.
231
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:21,868
You have no hold over me anymore.
232
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:25,277
I've decided to tell Jimmy the truth
and take what comes.
233
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:27,431
Oh, good, then I win twice.
234
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,916
You were my slave and now
you're gonna be dead. Yay me.
235
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:34,948
But, you know, this has been
very educational for me.
236
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,596
I always thought if you had sex,
it would be the girl who died.
237
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,232
I'll be right back, Peg.
238
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:47,353
I must speak to the boy
about his sin.
239
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:52,238
Bud, I must speak to you
about the Bundy philosophy.
240
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,749
You must always tell the truth.
241
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:58,392
Dad, I thought you said
the Bundy philosophy was to lie.
242
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:03,274
It is, son.
I'm lying to your mother right now.
243
00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:07,396
I have to get ready to go bowling.
244
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:11,354
So every time I point at you,
say, "Yes, Dad."
245
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:16,236
And so I feel that:
246
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,153
Yes, Dad.
247
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:22,948
Yes, Dad.
248
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:26,994
Dad, I think what I did was wrong.
249
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,836
Good point, Dad.
250
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:33,917
Don't ad-lib, son.
251
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,156
Yes, Dad. Dad...
252
00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:39,237
...I really don't feel good
about myself.
253
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:48,155
Dad, I will never take something again
that's not mine.
254
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:51,716
I swear this to you and the heavens
above. I'll never do it again.
255
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,674
Son...
256
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,997
...I see you're hurting...
257
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:01,510
...so I wanna say this to you
and I wanna say it sincerely:
258
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:03,756
Blah, blah, son.
259
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,274
We are not finished yet.
260
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:17,710
At least, I'm not.
261
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,919
Jimmy. I'm glad you're here.
262
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:30,553
I have something to tell you.
263
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:33,557
God, you're big.
264
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:37,034
I know who slept with your fiancée.
265
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:39,231
- It was...
- Who cares?
266
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:42,238
The past is just a frown
turned upside down.
267
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,590
One must move on.
268
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,711
I have found my one true love.
269
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,832
Bud, meet Diana.
270
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:53,994
Dee Anna.
271
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,758
Whatever.
272
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,354
Isn't she great?
273
00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:01,155
I don't know. I don't care.
I don't even look at girls. I don't know.
274
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:05,234
Honey, I need to talk to Bud alone
for just one second.
275
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,308
Bud, even though I just met her...
276
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:10,829
...l'm gonna go out and get her
an engagement ring.
277
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:13,429
I don't know if I'm just in love
with being in love...
278
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,837
...or if it's that I'm so stupid,
I refuse to learn from my mistakes.
279
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:20,316
Well, maybe you're just in love
with being stupid.
280
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:23,988
Yet a third possibility.
281
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:25,838
Listen, I gotta go...
282
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:29,396
...but I'm gonna leave her here
with you, where she's safe.
283
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,511
Because I can trust you.
284
00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:35,750
You're my best cousin,
you're my best friend...
285
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,598
...and you're gonna be my best man.
286
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:43,069
Hey, you're getting pretty big.
287
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,871
Pretty soon, I'm not gonna be able
to do this anymore.
288
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:04,273
How come you aren't looking at me?
289
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:06,795
Don't you like me?
290
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:10,314
No, you're a girl. Yuck.
291
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:16,835
I find your indifference intoxicating.
292
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:19,076
Look at me.
293
00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:20,838
No.
294
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,436
This is thrilling.
295
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:27,715
Take me. Take me now.
296
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:35,159
You're my best cousin...
297
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:38,750
...my best friend
and my best man.
298
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:54,679
Dad's right.
299
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:58,555
If she'll flirt with me,
she'll flirt with anyone.
300
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:01,635
She'll just hurt cousin Jimmy.
301
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,434
I know what I have to do.
302
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:10,071
You're not good enough
for my cousin Jimmy...
303
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:12,914
...but you're just perfect for me.
304
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,712
Strike.
23960
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