All language subtitles for Droga do Utopii 1945

For those of you who don't go to
the movies, let me introduce myself.

My name is Robert Benchley.

Now, no matter.

For one reason or another the motion...

picture which you are about
to see is not very clear in spots.

A matter of fact, it was made to demonstrate
how not to make a motion picture...

and at the same time win an Academy Award.

Now, someone in what is
known as the front office...

is thought that an occasional
word from me might help...

to clarify the plot and other
vague portions of the film.

Personally, I doubt it.

Shall we go?

It's 8 o'clock Pa.

Bedtime, put down that paper.

In a minute Ma, in a minute.

Land's sakes Pa.

Sitting there night after night pouring
your eyes out over that old stock market.

Think by now you'd be tired of it.

Well, taint easy ma to
change the habits of a lifetime.

Lot of nonsense, all that buying
and selling, bulls and bears.

Can't see how a phony can figure it out.

Right now it's kind
of Bearish Ma, kind of Bearish.

Come along Pa, it's 8 o'clock.

I'm not a child, I know
when it's time to go to bed.

- Pa.
- It's time.

Come on Pa, come on.

But Ma, doc says
I can stay up till half past.

I know, but by the time we get your
ears washed and your teeth put away...

Oh, alright I guess, here we go.

Ma look and see if everything got up with me.

♪ For always ♪

- Pa, do you hear what I hear?
- I hope not.

- That voice.
- What voice?

- Listen, what did it sound like?
- Who'd be selling fish at this hour?

After 35 years. Oh Pa, you don't think?

Oh no, it couldn't be.

- But it is, that voice I'd know it anywhere.
- Oh, you would, eh?

Oh, gosh shaken, gosh darn.

And I thought this
was going to be an A picture.

- Duke.
- Sal.

- Duke.
- Sal.

It isn't true, I don't believe it.

Just got in from
Alaska and I came right to you.

- Right from out of the grave.
- What a nice digging, eh?

Oh, my nieces.

Girls, old friends of
your uncle's, the Hootons.

How do you do?

Just think, 35 years Duke,
it just doesn't seem possible.

Sal, let me look at you.
You're a sight for sore eyes.

- And Chester, you're a sight.
- Yes.

Don't forget a man is
just as young as he feels.

Take them away Doctor
says I can't have them anymore.

Ah, you've got very little to complain
about old man, you won the girls...

got the gold mine, all this.

Things have surely stacked
up well for you, haven't they?

- Who's doing your stacking lately?
- Chester.

Girls, the Hootons and I
have a few things to discuss.

You'll run along Uncle will
meet you later at the club.

Nice going uncle.

Nice family tree and
the limbs ain't bad either.

Duke, tell us all about Alaska.

We left you for dead, how in
the world did you ever get away?

That's a very long story.
I wouldn't want to bore you.

- It's never stopped you before.
- Go on Duke, tell us.

Well, you remember when it all started,
Chester and I were playing San Francisco.

It is the turn of the century.

There was gold in the Klondike
and San Francisco was wide open.

A million suckers just waiting to be clipped.

- There was excitement and adventure.
- There was Romance.

Oh yes and one night
you remember, there was murder.

Now, this is a device known as The Flashback.

Ok George.

Gold, millions.

- What happened?
- Sperry, McGurk, the window.

What is it Mr. Lattimer?

They got it...

- the map, your father's mine.
- The police will get them.

Never, they're too smart.

- But Mr. Lattimer...
- Alaska...

Go to Skagway.

- Ask for Ace Larson.
- Ace Larson?

- Where do I arrange my passage?
- No time lady, get it on board.

- Take it away Joe.
- Right Cap.

- You better hurry lady, we're shoving off.
- Thank you.

Take it away boys.

- Hey look.
- Hey, we've got to get on that boat.

Too late mister,
next boat tonight at midnight.

Extra, murder in
Hotel Room, read all about it.

Map of Van Hoyden Mine Stolen.
Extra, paper read all about it.

- It's them.
- Who?

- Sperry and McGurk.
- Come on.

♪ Everybody here knows Good Time Charlie ♪

♪ Charlie is a perfect clown ♪

♪ Always kills the folks with funny jokes ♪

♪ And turns the parlor upside down ♪

♪ Everybody sure likes Good Time Charlie ♪

♪ No one ever saw him frown
but here's the funniest part ♪

♪ Down deep in his heart ♪

♪ He's the lonesomest man in town ♪

Charlie, why are you on
this mad Mad merry-go-round?

I'm your friend.

Oh, you can tell me Charlie.
You're wasting your life away.

Someday you'll be old and all alone.

Think it over.

You're not fooling me Charlie,
it's your childhood sweetheart.

But you're a great, great man.
Great to take it the way you have.

But you're doing the right thing, laugh.

Dance, play the fool.

♪ He's the lonesomest man in town ♪

♪ The lonesomest man in town ♪

♪ Three, a-two, a-three, a-four. ♪

♪ He's always good for a laugh, but... ♪

♪ you don't know the half ♪

♪ He's only happy-go-lucky
till the lights are turned down ♪

♪ Then he's the lonesomest man in town ♪♪

And now dear friends, to go from the super
to the supernatural we bring you Ghost-O.

Ghost-O, the most amazing,
exciting novelty game of the age...

stolen at great personal risk...

from the high priest
of the Lost Tribe of Darkest Anesthesia.

And brought to these shores by that great
oriental mystic and secret Hindu potentate...

Professor Hakin Zambini.

And now Ghost-O and
the man who has brought fortunes...

to thousands of lucky people
just like you, Professor Zambini.

- Holy Toledo, Holy Toledo.
- Bushwa. Silence dear friends.

I shall attempt to contact the other world.

- Master, shall I remove myself?
- Spirits will do it for us.

Fantastic.

Ala-kaballa,
presto sturgando, double-forzando.

Silence, silence dear friends.

I feel the presence of spirits in the room.

What I do for money.

Matoom bamba, diddy-wa-diddy matoom bamba.

Diddy wadiddy, ester chay.
The oint-jay is ull-fay of ump-chays...

Ump-chays? There's one here too.

Spirits, are you with us?

- Are you there?
- Am I there? Where can I go?

- Are you there?
- If I was out there, I wouldn't be here.

Spirits, are you with us?

That's the spirit, we've made
contact friends and to prove it...

I shall have the spirit do
my bidding, Spirit, lift the table.

Spirit, lift.

Flesh is willing but
the spirit is little weak tonight.

However, we shall proceed
with the magic game of Ghost-O.

Taking this fabulously jeweled box,

I shall place a five dollar bill
therein, close the box regretfully/

incant a few magic words there over and
gamble upon the generosity of the spirits.

Matoom bomba Matoon bamba, ester chay,
willet gay around day, dwit ay matoom-bamba.

What have we here? A crisp ten dollar bill.
Ah, indeed the spirits are generous tonight.

Why am I monopolizing
this lucrative phenomenon?

Who among you dear friends would like to
try for 10, 20, 30 dollars, any small amount?

- I'll try for a dollar.
- A dollar?

Assignment for one of
the smaller spirits, however...

a buck is a buck and the
spirits are always in there trying.

Matoom bamba Matoom a-double-bamba.

A crisp new five-dollar bill.

Five for one. Here you are dear sir.
Now, who among you shall be next?

- 10 dollars.
- 10 dollars.

I'll try for 15.

We are building, however it's a big
box in this room is there for both of you.

Spirits will have to take dead aim this time.

Atch-it-way, ester-chay Matoom
bamba Sam cheron on the half shell.

Hiya George. Oh, welcome home Abe.

Looks like the spirit got
away with this one folks.

But that's the spirit folks, sometimes
he puts, sometimes he takes.

Come along now, who's next? Just bring a
buck in a truck here folks, you can't lose...

- Ten dollars.
- Well, that's nice I'll see you later...

- Twenty-five.
- Twenty dollars here.

All right folks, don't get shut out.

Wait a minute, let's try in here.

- There they are.
- Out the back way.

Yeah, now, just, just a moment please.

They don't seem to think we're on the level.

Some people are so suspicious.

Ghost-O...

I didn't think there was one more way
to get the cops after us but you found it.

50 for Duke, 50 for Chester.
10 for Duke, 10 for Chester.

Some life, always one
jump ahead of the Sheriff.

5 for Duke, 5 for Chester.

- That boat sails for New York in 20 minutes.
- Let it sail.

Look mastermind, the tour is over.

We've been posse baiting
every town from coast to coast.

And we just ran out of towns, from
now on it's oceans so we take boats.

How do you like this? A Confederate
ten-spot, how can people be so crooked?

- We're taking the boat to New York.
- Not that boat sir.

- Why not?
- ♪ Going the wrong way. ♪

- Going the wrong way?
- Yeah, going south, should be going north.

- Going north?
- Yes.

Where they got the yellow stuff that
happy dust, that ever moving powder.

- Gold?
- That's right.

- Alaska.
- Yes.

Oh no, you don't.

Alaska? In case you
ain't heard, it's cold up there.

It's so cold if you shake hands with
somebody you just take it and throw it away.

It's Utopia, everybody is
getting some of the gold on.

I got all the gold I want
right here in my teeth.

Taking my dough back to Brooklyn,
open a Turkish bath, with tables for ladies.

Now, wait, wait a minute, where
you going with all that cabbage?

I'm going to pickle it.

- Mine, mine.
- Yours? All of it?

- All of it.
- What ever happened to 50-50?

Look Svengali, you've
been hitting the tides for me...

for years lift me around by the
nose, chiseling me right and left.

- Me chiseling you?
- You chiseling me.

- I got a record of every chizz.
- This is fantastic.

It's right here in black and white.
Niagara Falls 300 dollars for hospital bills.

Great promotion,
all you had to do was find...

some yokel and send
him over the falls in a barrel.

- The great stunt.
- Great stunt? I almost broke my neck.

Pittsburgh, Chicago,
and how about Kansas City?

You picked my pocket of 75
bucks so you could take Mabel...

Bronschweiger out ride in a horses buggy.

Mabel Bronschweiger,
Lady blacksmith, she was your girl.

- My girl?
- What a ride we had.

Yeah, I sat in the hotel lobby for four hours
while you took her for a ride in the woods.

Well, what do you care? As
long as she was out in the fresh air.

- Anyhow, didn't I front for you in Oklahoma?
- Hilda, the oilman's daughter?

- Sent you in there.
- Was she born or they have to drill for her?

- More.
- You stack a lot of groceries there.

$1200 worth right
there, but I'll settle for this.

You want to go to Alaska and be a
blubber ball for a bunch of trained seals?

- Go ahead, I'm heading home, I'll see you.
- Well Ok Chester, I can't stand in your way.

That's the way you feel about it,
well, it's that's the way you feel.

- That's the way I feel about it.
- Ok.

And don't start telling my
fortune, won't do you any good.

What you think of this?
A black nine on a red jack.

You use those cards to trick me
in every crooked deal we had.

No more see, I'm too smart.
You're wasting you're time Duke Johnson.

I'm going right back where I...

what is it?

- What's it say?
- Nothing really.

Hey, you can say that
again, I know those cards.

This is amazing.

They're as phony as you are.
It's lucky I'm smart enough...

- What is it? What do you see?
- Forget it, you're not interested.

It's a partnership man?
Come on, what do you see?

Oh Chester, is up, we're back in New York.

- New York?
- And we're rich, fantastically rich.

This the town, we're driving down
to 5th Avenue in a gold plated carriage.

5th Avenue?

Yeah, we're sitting
there smoking dollar cigars.

And we're throwing 50
dollars bills to the round haircuts.

- Yes, 5th Avenue?
- We just turned down 42nd Street.

- Wait I'll get back in the carriage.
- Where you've been?

You don't think I want that
crowd getting all that dough, do you?

Oh, let them have it.
We're loaded, get billions.

- Oh, that's fine, where we get it?
- Utopia.

Utopia? Oh, that's wonderful.

Alaska, eh? Pretty smart.
Gave me a fast shuffle, eh?

You're laying and egg with this, you
better face it, the cards say Alaska.

No wonder, it's a cold deck.

This seems to be a scene they put in
after I saw the picture in the studio.

Obviously a lot of extras, I don't know.

Read all about it, Van
Hoyden murderers still at large.

Extra paper, read all about it. Extra paper.

Police Anticipate an early Arrest.
Van Hoyden's Murderers Still at Large.

- Extra, read all about it.
- Hey boy...

see what happened to Happy Hooligan today.

Careful and don't get hurt
you, you'll snap off a thumb.

- Keep it.
- Well Chester...

looks like the end of the line for you and I.

There goes Chester and
there goes little old Duke.

Say, that's pretty heavy
carfare, how you going to make it?

Get along somehow, don't worry about me, eh?

Well Duke I, I guess this is it.

Mean Ches, I never thought we'd end this way.

Yeah, so different this time, I'm holding
the dough and you're holding the bag.

See, I never thought
I'd have the biggest end.

Oh, you've always had much the biggest end.

Where you keep your butter?
Was great while it lasted.

Oh, what a combo,
barrel of fun, lot of laughs.

Oh, lot of snickers.

Chester, we had a couple of
things that money couldn't buy.

Yeah, I usually got the ugly one.

- No hard feelings.
- No hard feelings at all.

- So long.
- So long.

Well, see you.

- Oh, Chester?
- Eh?

I can't let you go like this,
not without letting you know that...

whatever happens, you can always count on me.

Oh, that's fine Duke, just fine.

I want you to feel Chester
that whatever I have is yours.

Somehow I feel that
whatever you have is mine.

Duke, that little speech
touched me, we're pals.

If we want something,
we don't have to ask for it.

We know it's there, we take it.

Well, this is it son, let me
have one last look at you.

- Duke...
- Oh, don't speak, don't say it.

Go quickly and don't look back.

- All to shore, who's going to shore.
- So long Duke.

Goodbye Chester, no hard feelings.

Now I forgive you for everything;
Hilda Mabel, the whole works.

Even for trying to pick my pocket just now.

Why, you dirty rogue.
Wait a minute there, you...

Emergency, look out.

I got to catch a boat, way out.

Out of my way, out of my way.

Out of, out of your way.

Ah, there you are. Spread out boys,
you're liable to get blood all over you.

Why Chester, Chester,
whatever seems to be the trouble?

Trouble, he says? Don't look
back, he says? Why, I ought to...

Now Chester, don't fight
this thing, it's too big for you.

Like it says in the cards, you're
on your way to Alaska.

Eh?

Alaska? I'm going to New York.

- Hey wait, hey, hey, hey.
- Stop the boat. Hey, wait.

- What's going on here?
- Alaska, Alaska, we're going to Alaska.

He's gone, this boy, the gold and everything,
too much for this him, pitiful case.

Don't listen to that cheap phony, it's
nothing wrong with me, I'm perfectly sane.

Perfectly sane? Would a sane man
go to Alaska in a Palm Beach suit?

- I'm going to Brooklyn open a Turkish bath.
- See what I mean?

Take him to my cabin,
we're pals, I've handled him before.

I don't want to, I don't want
to go to Alaska, it's cold there.

Icicles Popsicles, Eskimo pies.

Wait a minute, take your
hands off me. Look, I'm sane. Look.

2 and 2 is 4.4 and 4 is 8. 8 and 8 is...

8 and 8 is...

- Ok, take me below.
- He's gone, he's gone, we've lost this boy.

You wouldn't do this if I was in shape.

You need any help, just call us.
Stand by with a light mallet.

- Me on a boat to Alaska? Maybe I am crazy.
- Now Chester...

Don't give me any
talk, just give me my money.

Don't you think it would be better
if you let me hold the money?

Give me that cabbage
before I part your derby.

- So that's the way you feel about it.
- That's the way I feel about it.

- Is it all here?
- Count it.

Chester, we got to be careful, it's a strange
boat, there's a lot of crooks around.

Yeah, you won't be lonesome.

And you know way down underneath I'm honest.

Yeah, but on top, you're a rat.

Take it out, that money would
be a lot safer in my pocket.

Are you kidding?

We're not putting the money in your pocket
nor I'm putting the money in my pocket.

We're putting where it belongs, in the safe.

- See?
- Man overboard.

- Wait.
- Wait.

- No hard feelings?
- No hard feelings.

- It's only money.
- Has no personality.

No, no, no.

You and those cards.

I can't understand it,
must've been a Pinochle deck.

Come on, keep scrubbing,
keep scrubbing Make it shine.

Are you kidding? My fingernails are all gone.

For the last hour I've been
using up the white meat.

Yeah, but you keep on you
work you way back to Frisco.

Not me, I've had enough.

Yeah, me too, who do
you think you're pushing around?

We're not cattle, you know.

Thanks.

- Baked ham around here.
- Silly place to get a hotfoot here,

Come on, help yourself.
This is no sailboat, you know.

I'm doing my share.

You're share? You look
like an agent standing there.

That fire is pretty important, isn't it?

- Yes it is Makes the boat go down.
- Is that right?

- Supposing it goes out?
- Supposing it does?

- I'm ready.
- Oh, that's...

Pardon me. Thanks.

- Hey, what do you do around here?
- Nothing.

- You in this picture?
- No, taking a short cut to Stage 10.

Very fine Tony, very fine.
Alright folks, now who's next?

Let's go Dud, you're on.

Not me, I'm not
following monkeys this season.

It's alright, they'll think it's an encore.
Besides, 10 bucks is 10 bucks.

Come along now, don't be bashful, who's next?

Here's your boy.

Stay here and punch.
Say, can I borrow that Stomach Steinway?

- Take good care of him.
- You kidding? It's got asthma now.

♪ You think that money is everything,
and yet it's anybody's spring, ♪

♪ Go make a fortune, become a king,
and still it's anybody's spring ♪

♪ And if you flash a bankroll,
do you suppose the brook would care ♪

♪ Or that a rose would say,
there goes a millionaire. ♪

♪ It's more than diamonds around a ring
because it's anybody's spring ♪

♪ You may be born with the silver
spoon and yet it's anybody's moon ♪

♪ You couldn't buy a ticket
to hear the first robin sing ♪

♪ It's free because it's anybody's spring ♪

You know, I never knew I could play one of
these, you could beat the monkey alone.

♪ You couldn't buy a ticket
to hear the first robin sing ♪

♪ It's free because it's anybody's spring. ♪

Very nice, very nice. Now for the
winner, line right up here folks, please.

- He's wasting time.
- Naturally boy.

Next time, I'll bring Sinatra.

Pard me, could you tell me where
I could find a Mr. Ace Larson?

- At his place, I reckon, the Golden Rail.
- Thank you.

So I came up here
as fast as I could Mr. Larson.

If you'll only help
me, I'll be glad to pay you.

- Pay you anything...
- Pay me?

Why, you seem to forget my dear,
your father was my best friend.

Thank you.

Who did you say stole that map?

I didn't say but they were seen,
two men named Sperry and McGurk.

Sperry and McGurk, eh?

- You know them?
- By reputation only.

Two of the blackest cutthroats
that ever dirtied up the Klondike.

- Maybe the police...
- That won't be necessary.

Get down to the dock and stay there, I
want to know the minute those two hit town.

- I can't begin to thank you Mr. Larson.
- Oh, forget it.

What do you do?

- I beg your pardon?
- For your living.

- How do you get by?
- Oh? I sing a little.

I like that.

From now on, you'll work for me.

And don't you worry your
pretty little head about it.

- Just leave everything to me.
- You've been terribly sweet.

The dirty dog, he just wants to get
Dorothy into one of those scanty costumes.

Not a bad idea, are there?

I'm working for
Mr. Larson, could you tell me...

Upstairs.

Thank you.

Who's the fancy baggage?

Oh, a little lady who's lost a gold mine.

What are you? The lost and found department?

Yeah, I'm going to help
her get it back too, I'm a nice guy.

Aren't you stepping
a little out of character?

Oh, I don't know, mine's
worth about three million dollars.

- And what do we get out of it?
- Oh, about three million dollars.

Doesn't leave the little lady much, does it?

The cause that I like about you
Kate, you're so good at arithmetic.

It's a beautiful thing, the boat docks in
Skagway in an hour, but are we getting off?

Oh, no, we're cooked.

Don't look at me, I didn't even want
to get on this boat, I was Shangri-La'i.

- Shanghai, old man.
- Well, one of that towns in Egypt.

Hey, what you got there?

Oh, nothing, just an
old piece of paper, that's all.

Why you putting it in your pocket for then?

Well, I save old paper, you know,
like some people save old string.

I think folding is more
fun than twisting, that's all.

Come on, come on, what is it?

Oh, is nothing, just a
map of an old gold mine.

Gold mine, what?

Just a little one, good
for a couple of inlays maybe.

Come on, let's see it, I'm an old map man.

It's my type of work.

- Chester, you realize what this is?
- Sure, it's a map.

- But what a map,
- The Van Hoyden gold mine.

You read the papers, the fallow the
fellow they bump-off in San Francisco.

You think so,

Yeah, the guys that have
this room must be the killers.

- Dirty rats.
- We got the map so it's ours.

- So how do you figure?
- The law of the Yukon, possession.

- Yeah, but how about the murderers?
- We'll turn them over to the cops.

They'll stick them up as the rat they are.

Ah, it's too good for
me, should be boiled in oil.

I told you we'd have a
gold mine, I saw it in the cards.

You handle those beautiful
cards, riding down 5th Avenue.

Throwing 50 dollar
bills at the round hair cuts.

- We'll be living like kings.
- Living like kings, eh?

Sure, will be...

- I abdicate.
- Nice little mine you got here fellas.

- Yeah, wear it in good health boys.
- Well, nice to meet you.

Get along just now, come on Chester.

Yeah, we got a little dust of our
own to take care of, if you don't mind.

Start cleaning up here, that blood.

- There's no blood there.
- There's going to be.

No noise, you fool.

Yeah, no noise, you want to
wake up the whole neighborhood?

This is much better.

Yeah? Well, I ain't afraid to die.

I just hate being killed, that's all.

- Now, wait a minute fellas, think it over.
- Yeah, for a couple of years.

You wouldn't want to dirty a
nice knife like that, would you?

Just over a stale
couple of million bucks, eh?

- What are we going to do now?
- Remember.

Schenectady?

- Ok fellas, we're ready.
- We ain't asking for no mercy.

Can we have a few minutes to say our prayers?

Ok, be quick about.

- Bailey.
- Bailey.

Bailey.

- Crawford.
- Crawford.

No trace of those stowaways sir.

I ain't worried, if they getting off,
they got to come through here.

- Flannery.
- Flannery.

Flannery.

- Peters.
- Peters.

- Anderson.
- Anderson.

- Lombardi.
- Lombardi.

Lombardi.

- Sperry.
- -And McGurk.

- Sperry and McGurk.
- Sperry and McGurk?

- Yeah, Sperry and McGurk.
- What about it, partner?

Yeah, what about it?

Nothing, nothing boys. Only,
just don't make any trouble.

The things are different since you
boys were here, it's nice and peaceful.

Well, don't worry, we're
law-abiding citizens now.

And anybody says we
ain't, we'll plug them see.

Hey, better you know,
Sperry and McGurk just hit town.

- Sperry and McGurk?
- Yeah and they're headed this way.

- What?
- Here they come now.

Hey, what goes with the local peasantry?

One look at us and
they run right out of the joint.

I feel like I'm back in vaudeville.

I don't know what Sperry and McGurk
did to this burg but they're dynamite.

- We own this town.
- I'll sell cheap, I don't like it.

If those hoodlums ever get off that boat...

we'll be smiling from
ear to ear with our throats.

Forget it.

The town is ours, food,
liquor, supplies, anything we want.

- All we got to do is act tough.
- Tough?

Remember, now you're Sperry and I'm McGurk.

- Got it?
- Got it.

- Made it.
- Not quite, it's a leaner.

What I tell you? We got the
royal suite here, dinner, liquor,

Sled loaded with a month's supplies.

It doesn't cost us a dime.
Come on, clamber out of that beaver.

Now smart, how we know
Sperry and McGurk will tell them?

Those two butchers ever get off that boat,
we'll wind up hamburger, blood-rare.

- I don't like it.
- You don't like it?

I don't like it.

You don't know a good thing when you see
it, this town is a whole big jackpot for us.

I don't like it.

Skagway Sal wants to see you boys.

- Yeah, I'm beginning to like it.
- Get out of here, get out of here.

- We got business.
- Who you say?

Skagway Sal.

Well, come on in, that's our business.

- Where does the hang out?
- Golden Rail.

You look it here Skunky.

Anybody in this town ever see
Sperry and McGurk with their beards off?

Not that I know of.

Spread the news around,
they're going to see it tonight.

Ok.

Skagway Sal, let's go.
Now they're furnishing dates.

Oh, this is a great town,
we're beginning to operate.

Come on, you heard
what the man said, Sal is waiting.

What's the rush? There's only one dame.

That's the rush.

It's plenty of time Chester,
you better clamber out of that...

mattress before somebody
asks you for a cough drop.

- And you better let me hold the map.
- What for?

Just to know how you act
when you get around the women.

Oh stop, the only thing I do is when I get
around the women is get around the women.

- Give it me to me.
- Don't forget half of it is mine, eh?

Half it's yours, here you are.

- Say, what do you doing?
Putting mine in my hat, a safe place.

- And you better do the same thing.
- In a safe place, eh?

Sure.

- What do you think of my underwear?
- Not much, but put it there anyway.

- Hey, throw that candy away.
- I got a sweet tooth.

You got to stop rant too, we're supposed
to be killers, supposed to look tough.

- Oh, the almonds are tough.
- Lose it, throw it away, stash it.

Here Fuzzy, dessert? Come on.

When you get to an elbow, it's mine.

Are you crazy? Feeding a
lose pooch? We'll never get rid of him.

- A cute character, let's take him along.
- Take him along? Look at the size of it.

As big as a horse, probably eats like
a horse, that runs into a lot of money.

- You ought to know.
- Come on.

Now remember, we're supposed
to be Sperry and McGurk.

- Tough, eh?
- Very tough.

Scat, sad sack, go on, scat.

Beat it before he throws a saddle on you.

There they are.

How tough could these guys have been?

Ok everybody, go ahead and enjoy yourselves.

Yeah, we ain't in a killing mood tonight.

Just a wounding mood.

Alright, let's get some action here.
Sperry and McGurk are springing the night.

Champagne for the crowd.

That's enough, we're the crowd.

Now, at this point...

the plot is much more interesting
from your point of view than mine.

- Ah, this is the life, eh Pappy?
- No, this is awful.

- What's the matter?
- I ain't got room for her.

- I wish I had another leg but I'm sorry.
- Hey, what happens when Sal shows up?

Perhaps she'll have to sign an
application blank, we may get to her later.

♪ Mary Smith had a college education ♪

♪ Sally Jones had a scientific streak ♪

♪ Susie Brown used to
lecture on ancient architecture ♪

♪ Josie Green spoke Latin and Greek ♪

♪ Just forgotten
girls with forgotten brains ♪

♪ While history explains ♪

♪ When Madame Pompadour was on a ballroom
floor said all the gentlemen obviously ♪

♪ The Madame has the cutest personality ♪

♪ And think of all the
books about DuBarry's looks ♪

♪ What was it made her the toast of Paris ♪

♪ She had a well developed personality ♪

♪ And what did Romeo see
in Juliet or Pierrot in Pierette ♪

♪ Or Jupiter in Juno, you know ♪

♪ And when Salome danced
and had the boys entranced ♪

♪ No doubt it must've been easy to see ♪

♪ That she knew how to use her personality ♪

♪ So don't you say I'm smart
and have the kindest heart ♪

♪ Or what a wonderful sister I'd be ♪

♪ Just tell me how you like my personality ♪

♪ Personality ♪

- Well, duty calls, I'll see you later.
- What do you mean later?

You saw her making with those
eyes, giving me that come hither.

- Giving you that come hither?
- Yes.

- Where you going?
- Thither.

No, you're not neither, she was
giving me the same business.

Now wait a minute Chester.

This gal is been around a little,
takes a lad like me to handle her.

- Like you?
- Experience is the best teacher.

- Experience is the best teacher?
- Actually and I'm a PhD.

That's Pin-headed Dope,
let me tell you something...

- My Einstein...
- Here comes the waiter with the check.

- Which do you two fellas is Sperry?
- Him.

Experience is the best teacher, eh?

Don't wait up for me, I may
have to stay after school.

The poor little lamb.

All right girls, everybody back, everybody.

Work fast, as soon as we get the map,
Ace is heading for his place up at Dawson.

Are you sure they're the right men?
They don't look like killers to me.

Look, we're going to a lot of trouble
on this, don't make it no tougher.

I appreciate that only I...

Want to get your mine,
don't you? Then leave it to Ace.

He told you to get that map.
And he ain't particular how you get it.

Come in.

Well, here I am, start burning the incense.

Come in.

- Well, here we are.
- Yes, here we are.

- Well?
- Well?

Care to shoot a game of pool?

I'm glad I waited Sperry,
everything they said about you is true.

I can only love a killer and
you got a killer written all over you.

- Can't hide, eh?
- Those shifty eyes, that weak chin.

Camouflage.

Tell me, how many men
have you killed this week?

Oh, just 40 or 50, I've
been in a pretty good mood.

- But let's not talk shop.
- It seems to me we've met somewhere before.

- I don't think so.
- Perhaps in your dreams.

You wouldn't be seen in those kind of places.

Some women can love
any type of man but not me.

I got to have a beast
of man, you hear me, a beast.

Is a wolf considered a beast?

- My, what a fiery nature.
- Let's throw another log on it.

As far as I'm concerned,
this picture's over right now.

- Oh, Sperry.
- Never leave me Sal or you'll suffer.

Not for anything in the world.
Not even if they offer me a gold mine.

Gold mine?

Money doesn't matter to me.
I don't care how poor you are.

You mean that, don't you?

You got nothing to worry about.

- I'm loaded.
- Loaded?

- Gold mine with nuggets.
- Sperry, don't be facetious.

OhH, keep politics out of this. I tell you I
got the biggest gold mine in Alaska.

That's all, it's ours Sal, yours and mine.

- But what about your partner?
- Who? Porky? Just a stooge.

Current run for last, once we get
that map off of him, we're rolling.

Oh, he's got the map?

Yeah, but don't worry.
I'll get it when he's asleep.

Where is he keep it?

I'm sorry, we don't
tell anyone, we're no fools.

- Not even me?
- Not even you.

I hope it's in a safe place.

In a safe place? Who'd
ever think of looking in his hat?

- We're not amateurs, you know.
- I can see that.

Well darling, it's getting
late, you better run along.

What's the rush?

I got another show to do, I'll see you later,

- But I just got here.
- I said later.

Midnight, my apartment?

- Supper?
- I'm not hungry.

I'll go work up an appetite.

Come in.

Well, you can take the
lantern out of the window, Sal gal.

- The mighty McGurk is home.
- Sit down Make yourself cozy.

I don't mind if I do.

Well, this is more like it.

Yeah, seems like they
sent you the wrong boy, eh?

- I can't understand it, I asked for McGurk.
- Well, you must've spelled it with a J.

I wasn't worry of not known, I knew you'd
come to your senses sooner or later.

They all do.

- It's not hard to understand.
- Where you going girl'?

- Cigarette.
- There you got one.

Oh, I have, haven't I?
I guess I'm a little mixed up.

See what you do to me?

Well, you can't help yourself
babe, you just joined the club.

- Must've quite a membership.
- Coast to coast.

But we can always squeeze in a new member.

You're quite a panic
with the ladies, aren't you?

Man, I'm murder when I make my move, murder.

Tell me, how do you do it?

Well, it's the usual routine, flowers,

Sunday dinner at home with the folks
make a little character, you know.

Take her for a ride in the park, sing a
little song and then sing a little song.

- Song get them, eh?
- Well, it sort of limbers them up a little.

That song may be
just what we need here, right?

- Baby, you and me don't need no scales.
- Come on.

You're not going anywhere.

There's the piano McGurk, let's
hear you practice what you preach.

♪ Welcome to my dream and how are you ♪

♪ Will you be here
long or just passing through ♪

♪ Brush off that
stardust where have you been ♪

♪ Don't tell me your
rainbow was late getting in ♪

♪ Welcome to my dream, it now seems real ♪

♪ You're what it needed to make it ideal ♪

♪ So glad you got here I hope you can stay ♪

♪ But welcome to my dream anyway ♪

- What's the matter gal? Want another chorus?
- Later.

- Later?
- Midnight, my apartment?

- What for? I'm here now.
- A cozy little supper?

I'm not hungry,

I'll go work up an appetite.

Hey, wait a minute,
Hope just said that line, didn't he?

And why should he get all the laughs?

Here it is.

Nice work Miss Van
Hoyden, you know what to do.

Keep them here in town.

Give me 48 hours, I'll stake out
the claim, bring you back the papers.

I'm so pleased I don't know
how to thank you, all of you.

Forget it honey, we're only
too happy to take care of you.

Now you careful, don't forget
you got a couple of bad boys there.

Don't worry, I'll handle
Mr. Sperry and Mr. McGurk.

All right, push.

- So you finally got yourself a date, eh?
- Ah, you said it chump..

What you do? Pick up a lonely walrus?

Oh, now you know I
don't cut into your territory.

Your not kidding. Say, You know that
school of experience you were talking about?

- Yeah.
- I enrolled.

- You did?
- Yeah Tonight I'll take my first exam.

- In cooking.
- Never pass.

- Why not?
- I have a date with teacher.

Yeah, well, that's fine, I like...

- What do you mean you got a date?
- Midnight, supper, her apartment.

- And I should be there.
- Doing what? Waiting on tables?

That supper is for Chester.

Oh, Listen, fatter than me,
you're over matching yourself.

She made the date with me.

Look fester-head, why would she make
a date with two guys at the same time?

Why not?

Oh, how about that? This, this youth
here says you made a date with him.

- Yes, you did, didn't you?
- Oh, yes, yes, I did.

- You're darn right you did.
- How about you invited me?

Yeah, what are you doing? Selling tickets?

Well you seem I like
both of you so much and...

Sperry and McGurk
always work together as a team.

No, on everything, we don't.

Come on boys, let's go
downstairs and talk things over.

Who was it that said, two is company,
three is a crowd? Wasn't he silly?

- Yes.
- Yes.

I see no reason why a girl can't go
out and have a good time with two fellas.

Of course, as long as one is her grandfather.

Oh, but Sperry, you don't look that old.

- So long Sal.
- Nice knowing you.

- Wait, where you going?
- North to cool off.

- Duston sit in the exit about the gold mine.
- You can't, don't you have to have a map?

- Don't worry I got my half.
- I got mine.

- Half?
- So long, see see you when we get back.

Sled is outside,
let's get our coats and blow.

We down there.

- Where are they?
- 2, 218.

What about the blizzard, we
should've wear some more warm clothes.

- Hope there's no bear hunters around.
- Mine is still alive.

- Where do you step on the starter?
- No starter?

- Must be last year's model.
- Why don't we think was a dog sled?

- Come on, we'll pull it ourselves.
- Not me in a blizzard, through all the snow?

Are you mad? We're not dogs, you know.

- But I tell you, I got to get a sled.
- Sorry, no dogs until tomorrow.

Will you have any by daybreak?
Don't fail me, I got to get away.

- Well, here we are, off on another road.
- And what a road.

Case those trees, that
snow, that scenery and that sky.

- Yeah, get a load of that bread and butter.
- Bread and butter? That's a mountain.

May be a mountain to you, but it's bread
and butter to me, we'll keep it shady.

I'm in a hurry.

- Think you can handle by yourself?
- Handle it? I was raised up here.

Mush, mush.

♪ I don't care where I'm going
just as long as I'm with you ♪

♪ Put it there pal, put it there ♪

- You know, I saw Let's Face It.
- Yeah and I saw Dixie too.

♪ Put it there pal, put it there ♪

♪ This country is full of wolves but
you, you should make them laughingstocks ♪

♪ The girls are fond of blubber
and the igloos have no locks ♪

♪ Oh, you'll wow the lady Eskimos
they don't wear bobby socks ♪

♪ You're so faithful and so fair. ♪
Hit me with your biscuit hook.

Coming with some hot skin.

♪ You got that something in your
voice so right for selling cheese ♪

♪ Put it there pal, put it there ♪

I, I think your jokes are great.

- Do you?
- Just folks are hard to please.

Yeah.

- Your hand sir.
- Put that back in the bowl.

♪ Your face could make a fortune
just your nose should make a lot ♪

♪ I like the way you wear those
gaudy colored shirts you got ♪

♪ The only time a
rainbow ever covered up a pot ♪

♪ We make a perfect pair, put it there ♪

My colleague.

- My crony.
- My cohort.

- My friend.
- Companion.

- Confederates chumps to the end.
- Like meat and potatoes.

Or salt and tomatoes.

♪ Boy, what a blend, don't put it in
the paper, don't put it on the air ♪

♪ Don't put it on the shelf, put it there ♪

- Look who's here, Santa Claus.
- Yes.

Say, there must be
a department store around here.

Well, well. Chester and Duke.

Got your Christmas presents right here.

Oh, on your way Fatso, you think
we're going to fall for that kid stuff?

You mean you don't believe in Santa Claus?

Santa Claus? What do you think
we are? Children? Infants? Babies?

Very well.

I'll just give them to somebody else.

Don't be sorry.

Half a map, I let a couple of
two bit hoodlums cross me up.

I didn't give them that much credit.

- Maybe our nightingale is holding out.
- Look out what's there, that's all she got.

Oh, I pull around, I'll go back
and get the other half even if I...

No, you don't.

I'm not going to tangle with
the Mounties unless I have to.

Van Hoyden got half the
map, let her get the other.

- Suppose I go down and help her out?
- Yeah, I like that.

- I don't.
- I'm running the show, you both go.

We'll give Kate a chance, if that
doesn't work, then you can take over.

- Come on, let's go down and get them.
- You know what Ace said.

- We try Kate's way first.
- But McKenzie's cabin is over there.

- You understand?
- Give me till tomorrow morning.

Alright, we'll be
waiting up here in the hills.

And I was going to open a Turkish bath.

You had to feed that monster.

And you had to bring
me to Alaska to freeze to death.

You should quit grousing.

- You should've worn ear muffs.
- What for? My ears fell off an hour ago.

We find that mine you'll be a rich man.

Yeah, my hands are frozen, my
feet are frozen, everything is frozen.

- You'll be sitting on top of the world.
- I've told you, everything is frozen.

- I'm cold, my nose is like an icicle.
- Icicle? That's a glacier.

Yes, hey look...

A pedestrian.

- Say, it's a dame.
- A dame? You kidding?

- What would a dame be doing up here?
- Well, it could be Sonja Henie.

Let me see her.

Oh, no, nothing doing, I found her.
Kick around and find one for yourself.

- Say, she ain't bad.
- Is she alive?

Oh, come on, don't make
no difference, she's still mine.

- She's alive.
- Come on, pick her up, she's frozen.

Yeah, I'd hate to be around
when she thaw us out.

Come on Goldilocks,
let's get out of this frappe.

- Let me help you.
- Ok, but don't enjoy it.

- No fuel shortage for us now.
- Oh, I got my little stove right here.

Look, look who's here.

Hey, what are you doing here?

We had a little date remember?

- Nobody stands up Skagway Sal.
- Oh, you got me wrong babe, who'd want to?

And I got my little stove now, eh?

Cabin, over there.

We got to get her to the cabin fast.

Yeah, you Buster, you put your stove
on the sled, we, we'll run along, eh?

Yeah, but what you going to do?

We better get over start
warming things up, shall we said.

And that's how it stands.

Either we get that map off Sperry or those
butchers will be down in the morning.

And that's liable to be a bit messy.

- Murder?
- I believe that's the word for it.

This is jolly, jolly. Snug warm
cabins, congenial companions.

Yes sir, doing grand, grand, grand.

You know, I'd consider Sal
showing up quite a coincidence if...

- I didn't know how crazy she was about me.
- About you, eh?

- Can't keep her eyes off me.
- How come she's always looking at me?

Ah, she just wants to see
what a bargain she's getting.

I didn't notice her getting
the welcome mat out for you.

She don't have to, I'm already
in the kitchen with my shoes off.

- Yes sir, this is great.
- I think my worm has B.O.

It couldn't be you.

Well, we get another.

Of course, I will admit there's
something phony about that dame.

I don't know what it is but she just
don't seem to belong here in Alaska.

Belong? Are you kidding? That
shows how much you know about women.

Look at her, could you see
that girl anywhere but Alaska?

- No, I guess not.
- You see what I mean?

You don't know any more about
women you do about fishing.

- No?
- You see what the score is, don't you?

Duke 13. Chester
nothing, you skunked old boy.

You using loaded bait.

Besides, when it comes
to fishing, you can't tell how...

good a guy is until you
know what's he's fishing for.

Hi boys.

- Here's my fillet.
- Warm it honey, right here.

McGurk, if you don't mind,
I'd like to be alone with Sperry.

Would you run over to Peoria
and get me a ham sandwich...

blow and check with me in about three years.

- We may need you as a bridesmaid.
- Wait, wait, wait a minute.

Number 14 just checked in.

Well, if you're a good boy,
I'll save you a few of the heads, eh?

Yeah, pick one out for yourself.

Boy, that guy burns
me up, him and his 14 fish.

You'd think there was no Romance left.

You'd think all a fella had to do was
sit around and catch one little fish...

one crummy fish.

Come on, let's go for a walk in the woods.

Oh, just a minute, I got
more nibbles than I can handle.

- Hey bud, where's your partner?
- Oh, just stepped into the cab... eh?

- Eh?
- Just tell him 15 was here.

- Come on.
- Ok.

Come on.

Oh, come on folks,
quit following us, will you?

You know, it's funny, us going
for each other this way.

Then I guess it just had to be.

We couldn't help it, we
were just thrown together by fate.

No, no, you weren't
thrown together, that took planning.

- Oh, what a project.
- Come on, let's sit down.

You know, the minute I heard you singing...

hit me right me old ticker, was
going pitter-patter, pitter-patter.

Then suddenly started
going patter-pitter, patter-pitter.

- How is it going now?
- I can't tell pitter from patter.

♪ You wouldn't dare be too bold, would you? ♪

♪ And think that my hand
was to hold, would you? ♪

♪ And you wouldn't play on my sympathy ♪

♪ Then take advantage of me, would you? ♪

♪ You shouldn't be
quite so near, should you? ♪

♪ Or whisper those words
in my ear, should you? ♪

♪ You can't get romantic,
that you know takes two ♪

♪ But darling, if I would, would you? ♪

Hot snow.

Don't get anxious, we'll get around to it.

Didn't anyone ever tell you
there be moments like this?

Yes, my school teacher did, just
before we were expelled together.

- Sperry, how long must we wait?
- Eh?

- McGurk's map, suppose he runs off with it?
- Oh, he can't, I got the other half.

I worry, so I hope it's in a safe place.

Oh, don't worry,
we're not amateurs, you know.

Scurry, where's the map?

It's only one map
I want to talk about, yours.

- That skin, those lips.
- Where is it?

Those eyes, they're beautiful and they match.

- Are you going to tell me or aren't you?
- Let's get back to pitter-patter.

Come on, dinner is ready.

Who can eat? Dinner.

Look at those tracks, we must
be on the right trail, come on.

I never thought a woman would get me to
washing dishes and drying them and liking it.

But I'm washing them
and I'm drying them and...

I'm liking it.

We'll need some water for
tomorrow's coffee, do you mind?

But I mind, I might as well get used to it.

I think I'll get a little fresh air.

Why you get rid of Chowder-head?

The map, he wants to steal
your half and I've to run away with it.

Who you kidding? What map?

He told you where I had it, eh? Fine pal.

That's friendship for you, loyalty, decency.

A man has to sink pretty low
when he'll sell out his best friend.

You wouldn't say where his map is, would you?

You're darn right I wouldn't.

Can stay in his undershirt until it rots,
it shouldn't take long either, I trusted him.

- When do we leave?
- Eh?

Can we get it tonight?

Look honey, you've been blowing
hot and cold all through this deal.

How come all of a sudden I'm your boy?

I'm particular what type
man I share a gold mine with.

- That the type?
- That it'll do.

- It's just some of my lighter stuff.
- Darling, promise me something.

- Go back to Frisco and give yourself up.
- What?

We'll fight it together, get the best
lawyers Maybe they won't hang you.

Honey, I got a little
TL for you, I'm not McGurk.

Was all an act, we found the map on the boat.
My name is Johnson, Duke Johnson.

I knew it, I knew I couldn't love a murderer.

Is that other one,
that Sperry, he's the killer.

Oh, despicable character.

- Those weak eyes, that shifty chin.
- Of course, definite criminal type.

Don’t you worry, we'll
take care of him and his map.

But it isn't his map, it's mine.

It was my father's and
now it's mine, yours and mine.

I mean the mine, understand?

I think the trip was
a little too much for you.

Now, don't you worry about a thing, I'll
get the map tomorrow and we'll beat it.

But there's no time, they'll kill you, Larson
and those butchers are up in the hills.

Get some shut-eye, I'll fix you up.

I think this gal is cracking up, put her
to bed and see she get some rest.

I'll go case the killer.

But Duke...

Hey, what's going on?

He's not McGurk and I'm
not going through it, not now..

- I'm in love with him.
- You little fool,

You know those thugs there in the hills.

If you love him, you
got to go through with it.

But he's not McGurk, they can't kill him.

The only way you can save
him is to get up to Ace Larson.

And you'll never get out
of here without that map.

Well? What do you say?

We'll get it tonight when they're asleep.

♪ Welcome to my dream and how are you? ♪

♪ Will you be here
long or just passing through? ♪

♪ Brush off that stardust ♪

♪ Where have you been,
don't tell me your rainbow ♪

♪ Was late getting in ♪

♪ Welcome to my dream, it now seems real ♪

♪ You're what it needed ♪

♪ To make it ideal ♪

Do you lose something?

Is that you honey? Alright,
don't say a word, I'll do the talking.

Honey, you're puffing.
You didn't have to run over here.

Things are going to be different after we're
married, I'm going to do big things for you.

Big things, I'm going to buy you real furs.
You won't have to wear this cheap imitation.

Going to buy you a home of your
own, no more sleeping on cold floors.

Gesundheit dear.

And the jewels I'm going to buy you,
emerald bracelets way down to there.

Diamond rings for your fingers too.

They'll go so well with
those long nails of yours.

Honey, you've been working too hard.

- Sperry, are you awake?
- Of course, I'm awake.

- Who's that with you?
- Who do you think? It's you.

It's a bear. Now, keep
calm Chester, just keep calm.

Help.

- Who's your girlfriend Junior?
- It's a bear. Come on, do something.

You bring him, who do
you think I am Daniel Boone?

Looks like we got another mouth to feed.

Looks like I'm on the menu,
get my arm out of here, let's go.

But she likes affection maybe.
Keep it up or we'll both be bear bait.

Move in on Sam Make it hot.

We'll be so happy together. I can just see us
romping around Yellowstone Park together.

And we're going to live with your folks.

All right, with my folks.

We run to a little cave to raise a
family, a boy for you, a bear for me.

Help.

Oh, we're cooked. Here's the house detective.

A fine thing, a fish they let talk.
Me, they won't give one stinking line.

- I hope you'll understand.
- Oh, quit worrying about it..

- Come on Lebec, let's go.
- Mush.

Come on kid, cut it out.

Fix our breakfast
Doll-face, we'll see you later.

Come on girls, with it.

- Hi fellas.
- I'll give you 3 seconds, where's that map?

A map? Oh, Oh, the map.

- Yeah, the map.
- Don't worry, we, we got it.

Yeah, we got it. It's in
his cap and is mine my...

Let me see that cap.

Ok, this is it.

Oh now, wait a minute fellas,
will get the map for you.

- Where is it?
- Well, it's in...

- It's in the bear's mouth.
- Get it and be quick about.

Smart guys us, we're a couple of pigeons.

Yeah, a dame hits us twice
with those big moose eyes...

and right away we start
giving away gold mines.

If we ever get that map back,
I'm brushing dames off forever.

Ah, they're poison, they run
their fingers through your hair.

Play with your ear, row you clip
and then they throw you in the gutter.

- And you know what's worse than that?
- What?

I love it.

- Next time, we shoot first.
- And ask questions afterward.

- Those guys are green, they won't get far.
- They took our dogs.

Those ain't the only
dogs in Alaska, we'll find some.

- Couple of prospectors.
- Yeah.

Reach.

Mush.

- Got a good start.
- We'll catch them.

Ever stop to think of one those dog teams?

The lead dog is the only dog
that ever get a change of scenery.

Care for another pillow?

- No, I'm fairly comfortable.
- Yes.

Mind the bumps like a good fella, eh?

There they are.

- Who's that?
- Moose hunting.

- Mush, mush, mush.
- I'm dying and you want to eat.

- Go ahead.
- Come on boy.

Boy, free wiling.
Why didn't I think of this before?

Exciting, isn't it? If Hope and
Crosby are caught, they'll be killed.

They won't be able to tell
any more of those jokes.

Come on, mush, mush.

- What is this? Alcatraz?
- Come on bud, let us hit for the rocks.

- It's our only chance.
- Hey, they'll find us.

- It's either us or them.
- My money is on them.

- I'll take this rope, we may need it.
- Don't play it till you hear from me.

- Nice place to throw the Grand Canyon.
- All this ice and no ginger ale.

Stay up, you get a draw.

You all right?

We got to get out of here
someway, either up or down.

It ain't down, let's
go right down the middle.

Ok.

Oh, oh, dead end.

- Just not luck, a one way mountain.
- What do we do now?

We use the rope,
there must be some reason for it.

Yeah, might catch on a tree, eh?

They got to be here somewhere.

- Here goes, one in a million.
- Throw a nail up too.

- Oh hey, help.
- Made it Made it.

That boy, one in a million.

One in a million,
come on, it's solid, let's go.

Hold on.

Oh boy.

- Say, you got a match?
- Yeah, I got...

What's the matter? You crazy, you dumb?

Match? Rub your head against the rocks.

All out, top floor.

Going down.

- I'm slipping.
- Untie your boot.

You touch that boot
and I'll cut your hand off.

- Boy, that will hold them.
- We could've been killed.

Hey, am I dead?

I can't tell, you always
look that way, come on.

One little sound starts a whole avalanche.

Should've worn my derby.

You want them to
hear us? Hiccup the other way.

That's the only way I know how.

Hold it, suppress it somehow.

- Frighten me.
- I can't, I haven't got a mirror.

- Well, sing something.
- Eh?

You know, it's cracking up,
one little sound starts an avalanche.

Yeah, but don't worry, I'm Ok now.

- Concentrate, count, count to 20.
- I can't, I got my mittens on.

- Come on, count.
- Five, ten, fifteen...

- What now?
- I think one more will do it.

Let's see if you come up with something now.

Ready, aim, fire.

I can't, I'm out of gas.

- Well, think of something, somebody.
- Who?

W.C. Fields.

Now for Dawson City and those dames.

Dames? We'll be lucky
if we get to Dawson City.

- Just a minute, I'm the navigator.
- What? Again?

See, they're not Sperry
and McGurk, it's all a mistake.

Well, mistakes happen,
but that can be remedied.

I'll send a couple boys
back to the cabin and they...

explain things to Sperry and McGurk.

But I told you they're not Sperry and McGurk.

Well, whoever they are.

You wait here.

- And I don't want any slip-up.
- How do we spot them?

You can't miss, take Elby wherever they
go, they travel with a big shaggy dog.

Drink up, keep your eyes open.
They may be on their way here now.

Mush, mush you dogs. Ok, gas up kids.

- Oh, very tiring trip.
- That speed buddy.

I should had you at
the other end of the sled.

- Come on Curly.
- Where you going with that fleabag?

- We got trouble enough, stake her out there.
- Don't want her, eh?

- Put her over here.
- Wait for us Fuzz.

If you see anything in slacks,
bark twice and I'll join you.

Don't forget to be fair.

We act toughly, mosey over to
the bar and ask a few questions.

Why, sure.

A couple of strangers in town.

- Hello boys, you new in town?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Join me in a drink?
- Don't mind if we do.

- What you have?
- Oh, a couple fingers of rotgut.

- What's yours?
- I'll take a lemonade, in a dirty glass.

- What's all the celebration here?
- A posse, it's going to be a little hanging.

- Little hanging, eh Well, what do you know.
- Hanging, eh?

Well, that's noose to me.

That's noose, I made a joke.

- We're killing them here.
- Or vice versa.

Hanging, eh? Sounds gay.

- Yeah, sure does.
- Happy hunting partner.

Who you stringing up?

A couple of fellas who call
themselves Sperry and McGurk.

You don't happen to know them, do you?

Oh, no, no, that is I
know Sperry when I see McGurk.

I mean, I know McGurk
when, never heard of them.

Why don't you join us?

Well, we'd love to
thanks, but it's getting a little late.

- Yeah, I got a little ironing to do.
- Hey, you...

It's going to be a lovely hanging boys
and I've an idea you ought to be there.

Well now, look here stranger,
how you going to hang these fellows?

You don't even seem to know them.

- Yeah, how about that?
- We'll know them when we see them.

You see, they always
travel with a big shaggy dog.

- Well, I...
- I...

- A big shaggy dog, eh?
- Yeah.

The minute we see that dog,
we going to string them up.

- The minute you see the dog...
- You going to string them up, eh?

- Sounds like a cinch.
- All you got to do is find a big shaggy dog.

Alaska is full of them, big shaggy
fellas, a dime a dozen around here.

Big shaggy boilers.

All you have to do
is find a big shaggy dog, eh?

- What's the matter with him?
- I think his foot is gone to sleep.

Stomp on it a bit, that's right.

He thinks he's a dog, his mother
was frightened by a Pekingese.

That's all right Rover. That's a good dog,
Give me your paw Rover, give me your paw.

- That's a good dog.
- Ok, I'm over.

- You don't think you're a dog anymore?
- No, not a dog.

- You feel all right? Sure?
- Feel how cold my nose is.

Oh, what a hot horn, this a sick dog,
sick boy. Got to get him on the bed.

He doesn't look very sick to
me, let me hear that bark again.

Quite a big echo in here, come on Fido.

Oh, he's gone again.

He's gone.

Downhill, whole place slants.

- A little congested in here.
- We'll use the family entrance.

It's been fun.

- Let's get them.
- Come on boys.

Hey, Sal.

Why, the little crook.

So that's the story
Mr. Lebec Kate can tell you.

The only reason I went through
with it was to save their lives.

You see, I'm in love with one of them.

And I'd die before I'd let
anything happen to him.

Very noble of you.

Imagine a girl loving a guy that much.

Yeah, I'm not worth it.

- I'm a regular Casablanca.
- Casanova.

When did they change that?

I'm sure Mr. Larson will understand.

They're here, get
the map, put it in the safe.

- What about her?
- Tie her up, I'll take care of her later.

Why the dirty...

I told you they wouldn't let you say that.

We got to save her.

- Wait, wait, we'll get that map first.
- She told me all about it, it's hers.

- Yes, suppose they knock her off?
- They'll be to busy looking for us.

- We get the map and the girl, what a parley.
- Oh, now you're talking, move.

Come on, push, push.

Hey, get out, will you? Go away,
go chase a tree or something.

- Come on, get rid of him, throw something.
- Yeah, throw something.

No, no, a stick or something.

- Oh, a stick, here.
- Come on, give me some Brandy. Beat it.

Go, go that way.

What you hear?

- Who taught you that racket?
- My old man.

Following in your father's fingerprints, eh?

He was great, need a little light here.

- I'll light the lantern.
- No, you crazy? They'll see us.

It's a box of candles.

It's a funny-looking candle.
Why is it got such a big wick?

Ask you? The nights
up here are six months long.

And me with insomnia.

- It's some wrong with this thing.
- Blow on it a little.

Here, let me see.

You know Duke, I'm kind of glad
you talked me into this deal.

You said it was Utopia and you were right.

It's been a lot of work and I've beefed
a lot but believe I'll never blow up again.

Come to Papa.

There you are, you pleasant little parchment.

You got them, that's great.

- Great? It's only sensational.
- Sensational? It's dynamite.

It's dynamite, take it, it's dynamite.

- Dynamite?
- Well, finders keepers.

- No, I couldn't stand the noise.
- Wait for me.

Throw it out the window, out the
window, out the window, out the window.

- Back away, will you? Don't crowd, you dog.
- Take five.

You had to bring that dog around here,

Quiet, this no time
to go shooting off your mouth.

- He's going to do it for us.
- Oh, what a fur coat he's going to make.

- Locked?
- Let's spread out before the joint does.

They must be here, Get out and find
them, don't come back without them.

Maybe we could sneak through, eh?

Sneak through? That's a slaughter
house, you want to hang upside down?

What size hook do you want?

Look.

Dynamite, see? The real thing, see?
I'll give you three to get out of here.

One, two...

Nice going but,
douse it put it out, put it out.

Got a hot knuckle.

- Attaboy.
- Thought they could scare me, eh?

You got plenty of
heart buster, just close in here.

- Come on.
- Let's find Sal and get out.

- In here.
- Right rudder.

Don't worry baby, we're here now.

Thought we're a couple of school boys, but
we showed them we're not amateurs, you know.

Get out of here in no time.

- Get you out of here.
- Don't worry, come on.

- I smell something burning.
- Hey, the dynamite, put that out.

- Oh, it's me.
- Here.

Come on.

Wait, don't move, it's dynamite going off.

- Where's that map?
- Ok, you win.

Start talking.

It's in there in the desk,
third drawer from the right.

- Want us to get it for you?
- No more of your tricks like that.

This time we'll get it ourselves.

- We'll hear from them later.
- Yeah, they'll be men about town.

Let's go.

Well, that's it.

- The map, the mine, the 3 million dollars.
- Not quite.

- Mush, mush.
- Come on.

Look, no hands.

- Watch out, no teeth.
- Please, my sponsor.

- This way, come on.
- Wait a minute, that's north.

- No, there isn't any north.
- Oh, I suppose it went south for the winter.

- You're near the North Pole.
- Oh, what about it?

There's no north, south,
east or west, they all meet.

Oh, you're crazy, east is east and west
is west and never the twain shall meet.

And remember I said it.

There's no direction at the North Pole,
an eight year old child knows it.

Yeah, but next time come
here with an eight-year-old child.

- You'll do.
- Yes.

- Say, you getting shorter?
- Me? How about you?

Oh, I thought it was getting a little drafty.

- Look out, they're coming behind you.
- Come on, jump.

I can't make it.

Look, here's the map.

I'll hold them off as long as I can.

Take care of Sal,
she's yours now. So long Sal.

So long Duke.

Boy, what a pal.

Anything I can do for you? Any last requests?

Yeah, when you get home,
will you look up my mother?

- Anything else?
- Give her my watch.

Anything else?

Tell her to give you a hot foot.

What happened Duke? How did you get away?

Oh, simple enough, there were only
15 of them, I picked them up one by one,

Knocked them out
and tossed them in the chasm.

Oh, naturally.

Dear Sal, how you've been all
these years? How's he been treating you, eh?

No complaints Duke, Chester has been
a devoted husband and a fine father.

Father? You have children?

One, a boy, would you like to see him?

Junior?

You call me Mom?

We adopted him.