All language subtitles for Brooklyn Nine-Nine - S01E10 - Thanksgiving.eng.SDH

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,783 --> 00:00:05,869 Happy Turkey Day. Yes! Right out of the gate. 2 00:00:06,078 --> 00:00:07,078 What? What's going on? 3 00:00:07,162 --> 00:00:09,330 We're playing Boyle Bingo, Thanksgiving Edition. 4 00:00:09,414 --> 00:00:12,542 Everyone filled out their cards with possible Charles-related scenarios. 5 00:00:12,626 --> 00:00:14,043 First to "Bingo" gets 100 bucks. 6 00:00:14,127 --> 00:00:16,927 I had "Boyle calls it 'Turkey Day"' in the center square. 7 00:00:18,298 --> 00:00:20,091 "Boyle explains that they ate lobsters 8 00:00:20,175 --> 00:00:21,217 "at the first Thanksgiving." 9 00:00:21,301 --> 00:00:22,802 They did. Back in that time, 10 00:00:22,886 --> 00:00:24,053 they called lobsters "ocean bugs." 11 00:00:24,137 --> 00:00:25,138 And I'll just mark it off for you. 12 00:00:25,222 --> 00:00:26,431 PERALTA: I think I've got the winning card here. 13 00:00:26,515 --> 00:00:29,476 "Boyle tells us that he played Pocahontas in his third grade play." 14 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:30,894 All the girls were too big. 15 00:00:30,978 --> 00:00:33,813 This is a fun one. "Boyle says, 'Gobble, gobble, gobble."' 16 00:00:33,897 --> 00:00:35,648 Well, now that I know you want me to say that, 17 00:00:35,732 --> 00:00:37,525 I'll just say it with two gobbles. 18 00:00:37,609 --> 00:00:39,559 [HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Gobble, gobble. 19 00:00:39,987 --> 00:00:42,739 Gobble. God, it just… It just sounds right that way. 20 00:00:42,823 --> 00:00:44,782 -[SIGHS] I don't like this game. -DIAZ: Ha! 21 00:00:44,866 --> 00:00:46,117 "Boyle objects to Boyle Bingo." 22 00:00:46,201 --> 00:00:48,578 Come on, guys. "Boyle says, 'Come on, guys."' 23 00:00:48,662 --> 00:00:49,746 That's two for Terry. 24 00:00:49,830 --> 00:00:52,999 Well, guess what? I can spoil your little game by sitting over here 25 00:00:53,083 --> 00:00:57,045 quietly all day and doing nothing. Oh! Ah! 26 00:00:57,129 --> 00:01:00,048 Anybody have "Boyle falls on floor"? No one? 27 00:01:00,340 --> 00:01:03,510 That's a victory. That's a victory for Boyle. Boom! 28 00:01:03,594 --> 00:01:04,928 ALL: Boyle says, "Boom!" 29 00:01:05,387 --> 00:01:07,389 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 30 00:01:25,490 --> 00:01:26,991 PERALTA: Check it out, chair jockeys. 31 00:01:27,075 --> 00:01:28,660 While you were busy tickling the ivories 32 00:01:28,744 --> 00:01:31,496 on your computers, I was doing a bust. 33 00:01:31,580 --> 00:01:34,333 Cocaine! Thanks, Lucius. 34 00:01:34,916 --> 00:01:36,876 He ran, I pursued… 35 00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:39,160 Whole thing turned into an awesome car chase. 36 00:01:41,632 --> 00:01:42,883 NYPD! 37 00:01:43,592 --> 00:01:44,593 Hey! [GRUNTS] 38 00:01:46,386 --> 00:01:47,387 [TIRES SCREECHING] 39 00:01:47,471 --> 00:01:49,556 -MAN: Come on! Move, move! -[HORN HONKING] 40 00:01:49,973 --> 00:01:52,851 Hey, there, criminal! It's me, Johnny Law. 41 00:01:53,101 --> 00:01:54,477 Well, at least you're done early 42 00:01:54,561 --> 00:01:55,603 so you have time to go home 43 00:01:55,687 --> 00:01:57,230 and change for my Thanksgiving dinner. 44 00:01:57,314 --> 00:01:58,523 [GROANS] Why do we have to dress up 45 00:01:58,607 --> 00:01:59,607 for Thanksgiving? 46 00:01:59,691 --> 00:02:01,401 I don't even celebrate that stuff. 47 00:02:01,485 --> 00:02:03,278 The whole holiday is based on overeating. 48 00:02:03,362 --> 00:02:05,237 We should be wearing velvet track suits and diapers. 49 00:02:05,321 --> 00:02:06,446 Jacket and tie. 50 00:02:06,530 --> 00:02:08,907 Rosa's even wearing her formal leather jacket. 51 00:02:08,991 --> 00:02:10,450 It's the one without any blood on it. 52 00:02:10,534 --> 00:02:11,618 You're gonna dress up. 53 00:02:11,702 --> 00:02:12,703 And you're gonna give a toast 54 00:02:12,787 --> 00:02:14,121 about what you're thankful for. 55 00:02:14,205 --> 00:02:15,247 Start preparing. 56 00:02:15,331 --> 00:02:16,999 Oh, I prefer not to prepare for my toasts. 57 00:02:17,083 --> 00:02:21,587 I just wing them, like scat jazz. [SCATTING] 58 00:02:21,671 --> 00:02:23,130 Are we singing? No, no, no, no, no. 59 00:02:23,214 --> 00:02:25,341 [SINGING OPERA IN ITALIAN] 60 00:02:26,384 --> 00:02:29,053 That's nice. You don't have to. 61 00:02:30,304 --> 00:02:32,682 [WHISPERS] I'm not dressing up for your party. 62 00:02:34,725 --> 00:02:37,019 Damn it, Boyle. You left the fridge open. 63 00:02:37,103 --> 00:02:38,103 The door couldn't shut 64 00:02:38,187 --> 00:02:39,438 because of your empty pizza box. 65 00:02:39,522 --> 00:02:41,648 Pizza? Please. This is a butternut squash 66 00:02:41,732 --> 00:02:43,150 and truffle butter flatbread. 67 00:02:43,234 --> 00:02:45,861 Everything's spoiled. My lunch is ruined! 68 00:02:45,945 --> 00:02:51,199 My chicken. My potatoes. My pasta. My meatballs. 69 00:02:51,283 --> 00:02:54,036 My ham. My yogurt. 70 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,121 Oh, that's a lot of yogurt. I love yogurt. 71 00:02:56,205 --> 00:02:58,790 So, this is your lunch for, like, the month? 72 00:02:58,874 --> 00:03:00,709 I need to eat 10,000 calories a day 73 00:03:00,793 --> 00:03:02,169 to maintain muscle mass. 74 00:03:02,253 --> 00:03:03,503 My wife made me all of this 75 00:03:03,587 --> 00:03:04,880 before she left town with the kids. 76 00:03:04,964 --> 00:03:06,614 That was everything in my fridge. 77 00:03:07,383 --> 00:03:09,134 Scully. Hey-a, Sarge. 78 00:03:09,218 --> 00:03:11,011 I know you got a secret stash of food hidden somewhere. 79 00:03:11,095 --> 00:03:13,430 Oh, no. No, I don't. Where is it? 80 00:03:13,514 --> 00:03:15,474 Is it in your pockets? Oh, come on. 81 00:03:15,558 --> 00:03:17,934 I'm gonna shake it out of your pockets. Turn around. 82 00:03:18,018 --> 00:03:19,770 Sarge. Oh. Sarge! 83 00:03:19,854 --> 00:03:22,064 Go limp, Scully. Oh, wow. 84 00:03:22,356 --> 00:03:23,357 This is fun! 85 00:03:23,566 --> 00:03:25,317 Release your sweets! 86 00:03:29,321 --> 00:03:30,947 Can I help you, Santiago? 87 00:03:31,031 --> 00:03:34,242 Oh, Captain. Didn't expect to see you there. 88 00:03:34,326 --> 00:03:35,327 In my office? 89 00:03:35,745 --> 00:03:38,914 So, I just wanted to make sure that you knew about the Thanksgiving dinner 90 00:03:38,998 --> 00:03:40,248 I'm hosting for the squad after work. 91 00:03:40,332 --> 00:03:43,919 Yes. I received your "Save the Date" decorative gourd. 92 00:03:44,211 --> 00:03:46,380 Your ornamental cornucopia. 93 00:03:47,131 --> 00:03:50,842 And this beautiful hand-crafted card of a turkey wearing a top hat. 94 00:03:50,926 --> 00:03:53,637 It's a pilgrim's hat. Where's the buckle, Santiago? 95 00:03:54,013 --> 00:03:55,139 [SOFTLY] The buckle. 96 00:03:55,347 --> 00:03:59,393 My husband is out of town for work. So, of course I will attend your dinner. 97 00:03:59,477 --> 00:04:01,353 Cool! Whatever. 98 00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:04,106 Yeah, don't worry about it either way. 99 00:04:04,190 --> 00:04:05,399 It's not a big deal. 100 00:04:07,902 --> 00:04:09,528 Yes! Why so excited? 101 00:04:09,612 --> 00:04:11,947 Did you make the cover of Hair Pulled Back magazine? 102 00:04:12,031 --> 00:04:14,450 The Captain is coming to my party. 103 00:04:14,784 --> 00:04:17,202 I'm gonna give a toast, tell him how thankful I am 104 00:04:17,286 --> 00:04:18,495 to have him in the precinct, 105 00:04:18,579 --> 00:04:20,706 and officially ask him to be my mentor. [CHUCKLES] 106 00:04:20,790 --> 00:04:22,457 Wait, are you only hosting dinner 107 00:04:22,541 --> 00:04:24,209 because you want to suck up to Holt? 108 00:04:24,293 --> 00:04:25,335 Not cool. 109 00:04:25,419 --> 00:04:27,629 This was supposed to be about friendship. 110 00:04:27,713 --> 00:04:31,091 You said you were only coming to see if my apartment was the reason I was single, 111 00:04:31,175 --> 00:04:33,510 or if it was my personality like you suspected. 112 00:04:33,594 --> 00:04:36,722 Yeah, but that was before I knew I could get up on this high horse. 113 00:04:36,806 --> 00:04:38,390 Love the view up here. 114 00:04:38,474 --> 00:04:41,060 Clip, clop. Clip, clop. Clip, clop. 115 00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:44,438 Same to you, Your Honor. 116 00:04:44,522 --> 00:04:46,148 Oh, what judge were you talking to? 117 00:04:46,232 --> 00:04:48,734 That was my mother. You call your mom "Your Honor"? 118 00:04:48,818 --> 00:04:51,361 She's a federal judge in the Ninth Circuit. What else would I call her? 119 00:04:51,445 --> 00:04:52,446 Okay. 120 00:04:52,822 --> 00:04:55,574 Captain, uh, paperwork is all done on that drug bust. 121 00:04:55,658 --> 00:04:58,535 What else you got for me? Nothing. All open cases are assigned. 122 00:04:58,619 --> 00:05:01,079 Come on. There's got to be something I can investigate. 123 00:05:01,163 --> 00:05:03,915 No, there's nothing. All right, well, when there's nothing, there's nothing. 124 00:05:03,999 --> 00:05:06,418 You know what I can do… Whoa! Who did that? 125 00:05:06,669 --> 00:05:09,755 Don't worry, sir. I will stay here all night figuring this out. 126 00:05:09,839 --> 00:05:11,339 I know what you're up to here, Peralta. 127 00:05:11,423 --> 00:05:14,050 Damn straight. I'm trying to catch the Mad Paper Scatterer. 128 00:05:14,134 --> 00:05:16,970 You want an excuse to skip Santiago's Thanksgiving dinner 129 00:05:17,054 --> 00:05:18,479 because, for some reason, you refuse to 130 00:05:18,563 --> 00:05:20,265 celebrate this holiday like a normal person. 131 00:05:20,349 --> 00:05:22,434 Fine. You're right. I want to do what I do every year. 132 00:05:22,518 --> 00:05:25,354 Sit at home, watch football, and eat mayo nut spoonsies. 133 00:05:25,688 --> 00:05:29,191 Those are spoonfuls of mayo, sprinkled with peanuts. That's revolting. 134 00:05:29,275 --> 00:05:31,401 Maybe so, but it's what I invented when I was six, 135 00:05:31,485 --> 00:05:33,695 because my mom was working so I had to make dinner for myself. 136 00:05:33,779 --> 00:05:37,240 My sad story trumps your insult. Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake! 137 00:05:37,324 --> 00:05:38,867 BOYLE, PERALTA: Jake! Jake! Jake! Jake! 138 00:05:38,951 --> 00:05:39,993 Thank you, Boyle. 139 00:05:40,077 --> 00:05:41,745 If a case opens up, it's yours. 140 00:05:41,829 --> 00:05:44,289 But if not, you will be at Santiago's. 141 00:05:44,373 --> 00:05:46,542 As a professional courtesy. Dismissed. 142 00:05:46,959 --> 00:05:49,128 From what? I thought we were just chatting. 143 00:05:50,296 --> 00:05:52,047 We never chat anymore! 144 00:05:54,133 --> 00:05:56,092 Oh, my God, Amy, that's so cool 145 00:05:56,176 --> 00:05:57,469 that you still live with your grandmother. 146 00:05:57,553 --> 00:05:59,847 I live alone. This is my stuff. 147 00:06:00,890 --> 00:06:04,351 I like quilts. Stop. Each sentence is getting sadder. 148 00:06:04,435 --> 00:06:06,353 It looks like you live on the set of Murder, She Wrote. 149 00:06:06,437 --> 00:06:09,314 Well, I've got to say, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. 150 00:06:09,398 --> 00:06:12,067 The football game's not on, so I can still watch it later at home. 151 00:06:12,151 --> 00:06:15,362 And it's kind of cool to visit a time before electricity was invented. 152 00:06:15,446 --> 00:06:16,946 I have to practice my toast. 153 00:06:17,030 --> 00:06:18,322 God, how long is that? 154 00:06:18,406 --> 00:06:19,782 Eight pages. Single-spaced? 155 00:06:19,866 --> 00:06:21,826 Double-sided. Santiago style. 156 00:06:21,910 --> 00:06:24,037 Okay. Excuse me. Can we please eat? 157 00:06:24,537 --> 00:06:26,872 My body is starting to digest itself. 158 00:06:26,956 --> 00:06:28,457 Terry needs nutrients. 159 00:06:28,541 --> 00:06:31,961 No eating until the Captain gets here. Okay? Sorry. 160 00:06:32,045 --> 00:06:33,337 Don't apologize. 161 00:06:33,421 --> 00:06:34,839 I'd rather spend Thanksgiving at your house 162 00:06:34,923 --> 00:06:35,965 than with my sister. 163 00:06:36,591 --> 00:06:38,008 "Things you find at the beach." 164 00:06:38,092 --> 00:06:42,096 For "S," I had "seagull." Good one, Diana! Ice cream break! 165 00:06:42,472 --> 00:06:44,098 DIANA: Yay! Yay. 166 00:06:44,557 --> 00:06:46,141 It's so pleasant and boring. 167 00:06:46,225 --> 00:06:48,561 But Holt at your house? Surrounded by these idiots? 168 00:06:48,645 --> 00:06:50,604 Guaranteed train wreck. Thanks for the invite. 169 00:06:50,688 --> 00:06:51,814 [DOORBELL RINGING] 170 00:06:51,898 --> 00:06:53,023 He's here. Okay, he's here. 171 00:06:53,107 --> 00:06:56,527 Everybody, be cool. Hitchcock, why do you have your shirt off? 172 00:06:56,611 --> 00:06:58,821 Can't spill food on your shirt if you're not wearing one. 173 00:06:58,905 --> 00:06:59,906 What… 174 00:07:02,033 --> 00:07:03,033 Captain Holt. 175 00:07:03,117 --> 00:07:06,017 Happy Thanksgiving. Your apartment was very easy to locate. 176 00:07:06,162 --> 00:07:08,790 Thank you so much. You look beautiful. 177 00:07:10,792 --> 00:07:12,626 Weirdest conversation ever. 178 00:07:12,710 --> 00:07:13,795 Nice work, you two. 179 00:07:15,296 --> 00:07:18,048 Before we eat, I'd like everyone to go around and say 180 00:07:18,132 --> 00:07:19,675 what they're thankful for this year. 181 00:07:19,759 --> 00:07:21,886 [SIGHS] Fine, I'll go first. 182 00:07:21,970 --> 00:07:25,139 I am thankful that Thanksgiving only comes once a year. 183 00:07:25,223 --> 00:07:29,310 People stuff themselves. And then at midnight, they run to appliance stores 184 00:07:29,394 --> 00:07:30,994 and trample each other to death. 185 00:07:31,479 --> 00:07:32,855 It's a garbage holiday. 186 00:07:33,815 --> 00:07:36,233 [SOBS] I'm sorry. I just get emotional when I talk about 187 00:07:36,317 --> 00:07:37,694 how bogus Thanksgiving is. 188 00:07:38,277 --> 00:07:41,405 I'll just go. I actually prepared a little something. 189 00:07:41,489 --> 00:07:43,490 You did? "When I was a little girl, 190 00:07:43,574 --> 00:07:44,575 "playing cops and robbers with my brothers…" 191 00:07:44,659 --> 00:07:47,411 -[CELL PHONE RINGING] -Excuse me. Please continue, Santiago. 192 00:07:47,495 --> 00:07:48,537 Or I could wait. 193 00:07:48,621 --> 00:07:50,205 No waiting. Just toasting. I want you to toast. 194 00:07:50,289 --> 00:07:52,249 Now I want to eat toast. Give me some toast! 195 00:07:52,333 --> 00:07:53,542 HOLT: Okay. I'll be right there. 196 00:07:53,626 --> 00:07:54,835 I have to head back to the precinct. 197 00:07:54,919 --> 00:07:58,422 No. Why? Someone stole $10,000 from the evidence lock-up. 198 00:07:58,506 --> 00:08:00,841 Yes. Oh, awesome. Why is that awesome? 199 00:08:00,925 --> 00:08:03,677 It's a case. You said I could hop on any case that came up. 200 00:08:03,761 --> 00:08:05,555 It's a Thanksgiving miracle! 201 00:08:06,305 --> 00:08:08,766 Have fun, you guys. Let's roll! 202 00:08:10,435 --> 00:08:12,978 You'd think the one place money would be safe is a police station. 203 00:08:13,062 --> 00:08:16,315 I hear that. Remember when Santiago called you beautiful? 204 00:08:16,399 --> 00:08:18,984 Yes, that was odd. We need to get this money back. 205 00:08:19,068 --> 00:08:22,655 The exact bills. Or the Commissioner's office will make our lives hell. 206 00:08:22,822 --> 00:08:25,449 What is this? Uh, this is Terry dancing. 207 00:08:25,533 --> 00:08:27,534 People do the weirdest stuff in the evidence lock-up 208 00:08:27,618 --> 00:08:28,744 when they think no one's watching. 209 00:08:28,828 --> 00:08:30,871 Mmm. Fast forward, fast forward. 210 00:08:30,955 --> 00:08:32,498 Fast forward. Wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop, stop. 211 00:08:32,582 --> 00:08:34,750 Okay. So, here's our money. 212 00:08:34,834 --> 00:08:38,129 Fast forward. Hold it. Hold it. Go back. 213 00:08:39,380 --> 00:08:42,383 There's our guy. Got him. Okay. 214 00:08:42,467 --> 00:08:43,634 We should start by checking all the perps 215 00:08:43,718 --> 00:08:45,219 that were released from holding today. 216 00:08:45,303 --> 00:08:47,263 Good idea. And if it's none of them, 217 00:08:48,056 --> 00:08:49,890 we may miss Santiago's altogether. 218 00:08:49,974 --> 00:08:51,309 Thanksgiving is dead! 219 00:08:52,143 --> 00:08:55,271 Santiago. Can we please, please just eat? 220 00:08:55,646 --> 00:08:57,314 What if Captain Holt and Jake are coming back? 221 00:08:57,398 --> 00:08:58,983 Hang on. I have a toast. 222 00:09:00,026 --> 00:09:02,945 I am thankful to have someone in my life 223 00:09:03,029 --> 00:09:05,489 who gives me a reason to get out of bed every morning. 224 00:09:05,573 --> 00:09:09,827 And I hope that my relationship with this person will only grow… 225 00:09:11,454 --> 00:09:12,705 [SIGHS] More intimate. 226 00:09:12,789 --> 00:09:14,089 Who are you talking about? 227 00:09:14,874 --> 00:09:17,794 Um… Hitchcock. 228 00:09:20,421 --> 00:09:22,882 Okay, enough is enough. I'm eating. 229 00:09:25,343 --> 00:09:28,595 [GROANS] What's in these? 230 00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:30,389 Potatoes, butter, a little milk. 231 00:09:30,473 --> 00:09:32,766 And I ran out of salt, so I used baking soda. 232 00:09:32,850 --> 00:09:34,018 Why wouldn't you? 233 00:09:34,519 --> 00:09:35,936 They're both white powders. 234 00:09:36,020 --> 00:09:37,720 Of course they're interchangeable! 235 00:09:38,272 --> 00:09:39,273 Yeah. 236 00:09:39,524 --> 00:09:40,525 [GRUNTS] 237 00:09:41,567 --> 00:09:43,235 There were two men released from holding today 238 00:09:43,319 --> 00:09:46,113 that were the right height and weight to be our thief on the security footage. 239 00:09:46,197 --> 00:09:47,740 Even if it is one of them, how will we know? 240 00:09:47,824 --> 00:09:49,658 Easy. The guy on the footage was left-handed. 241 00:09:49,742 --> 00:09:51,994 We just give all of our suspects some made-up form to sign 242 00:09:52,078 --> 00:09:53,478 and see which hand they use. 243 00:09:54,163 --> 00:09:55,414 All right, amigo. 244 00:09:56,916 --> 00:09:57,959 Punch it! 245 00:10:01,170 --> 00:10:03,422 Good, did that. Now, punch it! 246 00:10:05,550 --> 00:10:08,469 A-ha. Safety first. Punch it! 247 00:10:11,973 --> 00:10:12,973 Okay. See, now, I just feel like 248 00:10:13,057 --> 00:10:15,257 -you're messing with me… -[TIRES SCREECHING] 249 00:10:16,102 --> 00:10:18,729 Anyone want seconds? Can't. So stuffed. 250 00:10:18,813 --> 00:10:21,398 SCULLY: Amy. Your toilet's overflowing! 251 00:10:21,482 --> 00:10:24,193 What? Ew. Scully, what did you do? 252 00:10:24,277 --> 00:10:26,027 And the night gets worse-better. 253 00:10:26,111 --> 00:10:28,821 I… I didn't do it. Although I understand why you suspect me. 254 00:10:28,905 --> 00:10:30,282 Then, who clogged it? 255 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:38,530 So, none of you ate anything. 256 00:10:39,166 --> 00:10:41,710 Terry, you said you ate the whole turkey. Toilet. 257 00:10:45,463 --> 00:10:47,840 I ate one string bean. It tasted like fish vomit. 258 00:10:47,924 --> 00:10:48,925 That was it for me. 259 00:10:49,009 --> 00:10:50,468 But I'm a good cook. 260 00:10:50,802 --> 00:10:52,762 You all ate those brownies I brought in last week. 261 00:10:52,846 --> 00:10:54,347 I thought they were erasers. 262 00:10:54,431 --> 00:10:55,640 Charles said he loved them. 263 00:10:55,724 --> 00:10:57,058 I'm a textbook people-pleaser. 264 00:10:57,142 --> 00:10:58,392 I have a serious problem. 265 00:10:58,602 --> 00:11:01,395 This was great, though. You must be so proud. 266 00:11:01,479 --> 00:11:03,189 Yeah, Thanksgiving's over. 267 00:11:03,273 --> 00:11:04,315 Everybody go home. 268 00:11:04,399 --> 00:11:06,234 We're just… We're done hanging out together. 269 00:11:06,318 --> 00:11:07,610 I… I'm not done hanging out. 270 00:11:07,694 --> 00:11:09,195 Let's go to the bar. They serve food there. 271 00:11:09,279 --> 00:11:13,366 That's a great idea! Oh, look at that. "Boyle saves Thanksgiving." 272 00:11:13,450 --> 00:11:17,161 Does it really say that? No. But it does say, "Boyle believes obvious lie." 273 00:11:17,245 --> 00:11:18,330 Damn it! 274 00:11:19,206 --> 00:11:20,498 So, what's our strategy here? 275 00:11:20,582 --> 00:11:22,708 I'm thinking maybe we can do the whole thing in character. 276 00:11:22,792 --> 00:11:25,586 I'll play Detective Bart Barley, tightly wound, 277 00:11:25,670 --> 00:11:27,338 hates violence against animals. 278 00:11:27,422 --> 00:11:29,465 And you're my partner, Gerald Jimes, 279 00:11:29,549 --> 00:11:32,135 a man who solved every crime but one… 280 00:11:32,469 --> 00:11:33,886 The murder of his wife. 281 00:11:33,970 --> 00:11:35,388 Peralta, take this seriously. 282 00:11:35,472 --> 00:11:39,851 I am. As seriously as you're taking the search for the man who killed Jane Jimes. 283 00:11:39,935 --> 00:11:42,646 Your only clue? He wore a yellow sweater. 284 00:11:43,021 --> 00:11:46,024 Eh? You're considering it. Let's get in there. 285 00:11:47,150 --> 00:11:48,151 NYPD. 286 00:11:48,235 --> 00:11:49,319 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 287 00:11:50,403 --> 00:11:52,280 What's going on? I'm right in the middle of carving turkey. 288 00:11:52,364 --> 00:11:54,448 I'm vegetarian. Eating meat is murder. 289 00:11:54,532 --> 00:11:55,783 I hate violence against animals. 290 00:11:55,867 --> 00:11:57,160 Bup, bup, bup, bup. 291 00:11:57,577 --> 00:12:01,377 We overlooked a release form we were supposed to have you sign. We apologize. 292 00:12:02,958 --> 00:12:04,668 Yeah, he's right-handed. Let's go. 293 00:12:05,585 --> 00:12:08,671 Look out, bad guys It's Barley and Jimes 294 00:12:08,755 --> 00:12:11,090 Barley and Jimes are on the case 295 00:12:11,174 --> 00:12:13,509 Please, refrain from make-believe this time. 296 00:12:13,593 --> 00:12:14,844 -Fine. -[KNOCKING ON DOOR] 297 00:12:16,137 --> 00:12:19,266 Evening, ma'am. NYPD. Barley and Jimes. 298 00:12:19,766 --> 00:12:21,017 We're looking for Donny Romano. 299 00:12:21,101 --> 00:12:25,855 Ugh. Come in. Donny! What did you do? Cops are here. 300 00:12:25,939 --> 00:12:29,066 [GROANS] What do you guys want? 301 00:12:29,150 --> 00:12:31,027 Sorry to bother you, sir. My partner, here, 302 00:12:31,111 --> 00:12:32,695 forgot about a form we need you to sign. 303 00:12:32,779 --> 00:12:34,238 What's happening, Donny? What did you do? 304 00:12:34,322 --> 00:12:36,699 I didn't do anything. It's not my fault. 305 00:12:36,783 --> 00:12:39,410 Same old story. It's never you, is it? What did Donny do? 306 00:12:39,494 --> 00:12:41,412 I swear, Ma. I don't know what this is about. 307 00:12:41,496 --> 00:12:42,872 Why won't you ever believe me? 308 00:12:42,956 --> 00:12:45,625 -Because I raised a liar. You lie. -DONNY: Oh… 309 00:12:45,709 --> 00:12:47,877 Shut up, Ma. Hey, don't talk to Ma like that. 310 00:12:47,961 --> 00:12:50,630 Don't you tell me what to do, Louie! Excuse me. 311 00:12:50,755 --> 00:12:52,006 -[INDISTINCT SHOUTING] -Not the rolls! 312 00:12:52,090 --> 00:12:54,217 George, do something! Excuse me, if… 313 00:12:55,844 --> 00:12:57,887 [ALL SHOUTING] 314 00:12:58,763 --> 00:13:01,975 My wife was murdered by a man in a yellow sweater! 315 00:13:02,892 --> 00:13:05,186 It's the one case I can't solve. 316 00:13:06,646 --> 00:13:08,064 Don't fight with family. 317 00:13:08,148 --> 00:13:12,235 It can all go away so quickly. Sign this? 318 00:13:14,696 --> 00:13:15,697 [SIGHS] 319 00:13:18,325 --> 00:13:21,577 That's a hell of a breakthrough, Jimes. I'm proud of you. 320 00:13:21,661 --> 00:13:23,705 Also, we just got our man. 321 00:13:24,664 --> 00:13:27,250 He signed with his right hand. That's right, he did. 322 00:13:27,334 --> 00:13:30,044 But he didn't do it. He did. What? 323 00:13:30,128 --> 00:13:31,587 I couldn't help but notice you throwing those rolls 324 00:13:31,671 --> 00:13:32,922 with your left hand, boss. 325 00:13:33,006 --> 00:13:36,156 Not to mention this hoodie matches our security footage exactly. 326 00:13:36,676 --> 00:13:38,427 You stole that money when you came in to pick up your brother 327 00:13:38,511 --> 00:13:40,388 from holding today, didn't you? Damn it. 328 00:13:40,472 --> 00:13:41,639 HOLT: Nice work, Peralta. 329 00:13:41,723 --> 00:13:43,849 So, where's the money now? It's not here. 330 00:13:43,933 --> 00:13:45,643 I bet it all on the football game. My bookie has it. 331 00:13:45,727 --> 00:13:48,521 Yes! The case continues. This is not good. 332 00:13:49,356 --> 00:13:51,149 Right. Sorry, Jimes. 333 00:13:51,691 --> 00:13:53,491 His father was murdered by a bookie. 334 00:13:54,486 --> 00:13:55,570 I know you miss him. 335 00:13:59,866 --> 00:14:02,816 Our perp says the bookie operates out of a hidden back room. 336 00:14:03,411 --> 00:14:05,037 Try to blend in. Good idea. 337 00:14:05,121 --> 00:14:06,956 I'll just age myself 60 years, 338 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:08,624 become Chinese and female. 339 00:14:08,708 --> 00:14:10,501 Here we go. [BLOWS AIR THROUGH TEETH] 340 00:14:10,585 --> 00:14:12,420 Did it work? $10 to play. 341 00:14:12,504 --> 00:14:14,130 Oh, we're just looking around. 342 00:14:14,214 --> 00:14:15,881 $40 just to look around. 343 00:14:15,965 --> 00:14:17,133 All right, we'll play. 344 00:14:17,217 --> 00:14:19,886 $15 to play. All right. 345 00:14:21,513 --> 00:14:23,347 [SIGHS] Tommy, can we order some food? 346 00:14:23,431 --> 00:14:24,724 The cook's gone. I sent him home. 347 00:14:24,808 --> 00:14:27,143 Do you have any more of these pretzels? Sure. 348 00:14:30,814 --> 00:14:31,939 I'm gonna call the cook. 349 00:14:32,023 --> 00:14:33,358 Smart. Good call. 350 00:14:34,442 --> 00:14:36,319 Hey. Rough night? 351 00:14:36,403 --> 00:14:39,237 [SIGHS] Yeah, it certainly hasn't gone according to plan. 352 00:14:39,321 --> 00:14:43,658 Oh, no. Oh, Amy, I was ordering a drink called a "Rough Night." 353 00:14:43,742 --> 00:14:46,161 It's tequila with a nicotine patch. 354 00:14:46,245 --> 00:14:47,246 Right. 355 00:14:48,038 --> 00:14:49,914 How do I get Holt to pay attention to me? 356 00:14:49,998 --> 00:14:52,292 He sure spends a lot of time on Peralta. 357 00:14:52,376 --> 00:14:54,753 Maybe I should start screwing up like Jake does. 358 00:14:55,546 --> 00:14:58,173 I can act out, too, you know. Please do. 359 00:14:58,424 --> 00:15:00,467 Okay. Watch this. 360 00:15:06,432 --> 00:15:07,515 Oops. 361 00:15:07,599 --> 00:15:11,061 Out. All of you. But the cook is coming back. 362 00:15:11,145 --> 00:15:12,229 Out! 363 00:15:14,231 --> 00:15:15,274 Fine! 364 00:15:16,108 --> 00:15:17,985 But I'm taking these olives! 365 00:15:20,154 --> 00:15:22,614 [SIGHS] Sorry. Happy Turkey Day. 366 00:15:26,076 --> 00:15:27,160 [SPEAKING IN CANTONESE] 367 00:15:27,244 --> 00:15:30,414 Aah! I think I'm getting the hang of this. 368 00:15:30,789 --> 00:15:33,292 These tiles are either game pieces or candy. 369 00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,295 Game pieces. Here we go. 370 00:15:36,837 --> 00:15:38,672 [BOTH SHOUTING IN CANTONESE] 371 00:15:40,090 --> 00:15:41,258 I think I just won. 372 00:15:41,842 --> 00:15:44,928 The guy by the bathroom seems very interested in the commotion you just made. 373 00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:47,514 Yeah, and he's been waiting for the toilet since we got here. 374 00:15:47,598 --> 00:15:49,891 Ten-to-one, that's not a bathroom and he's a lookout. 375 00:15:49,975 --> 00:15:51,727 Let's go. You got it. 376 00:15:52,895 --> 00:15:54,062 I'm gonna just cash out. 377 00:15:54,146 --> 00:15:55,772 [SPEAKING IN CANTONESE] 378 00:15:58,358 --> 00:15:59,859 There is nothing here. 379 00:15:59,943 --> 00:16:02,112 Don't worry, guys. I found food. 380 00:16:02,654 --> 00:16:04,531 Are you eating packing peanuts? 381 00:16:05,282 --> 00:16:07,826 Okay. I do keep a secret stash of food in the office. 382 00:16:07,910 --> 00:16:10,954 I knew it! Where? Where? 383 00:16:12,331 --> 00:16:13,581 Sarge, am I too heavy? 384 00:16:13,665 --> 00:16:14,749 No. Where is it? 385 00:16:14,833 --> 00:16:16,251 There. The one with the water stain. 386 00:16:16,335 --> 00:16:17,335 There's a lot of food up there? 387 00:16:17,419 --> 00:16:19,421 Yeah. It's a smorgasbord. 388 00:16:20,255 --> 00:16:21,507 [CRIES OUT] 389 00:16:22,508 --> 00:16:23,558 [HIGH-PITCHED SCREAM] 390 00:16:25,219 --> 00:16:26,220 [ALL CLAMORING] 391 00:16:28,764 --> 00:16:30,306 I think the rats got to it. You think? 392 00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:32,392 This is the greatest thing that's ever happened. 393 00:16:32,476 --> 00:16:35,478 Okay, it's over. Thanksgiving time of death, now. 394 00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:39,316 No. This will not be our Thanksgiving. All right. You all wait here. 395 00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:42,318 Give me an hour. Terry, to the door. 396 00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:43,695 I'm just gonna put you down, man. 397 00:16:43,779 --> 00:16:46,156 Yeah, totally, that makes sense. That makes sense. 398 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:47,449 Hey, there. Bathroom? 399 00:16:47,533 --> 00:16:49,933 There's another one upstairs over there. [GROANS] 400 00:16:54,790 --> 00:16:56,624 [WHISPERS] Oh. Never mind. Let's go. 401 00:16:56,708 --> 00:16:58,001 [WHISPERS] What, it's really a bathroom? 402 00:16:58,085 --> 00:17:01,045 No, no, no. There's tons of illegal stuff happening in there. 403 00:17:01,129 --> 00:17:03,381 But they're watching the football game, and I DVR'd it. 404 00:17:03,465 --> 00:17:05,717 I don't want to see the score. What? 405 00:17:05,801 --> 00:17:07,886 Okay, fine. We'll go get the stolen money. 406 00:17:07,970 --> 00:17:09,220 NYPD! Freeze! 407 00:17:09,304 --> 00:17:11,954 -Change the channel and then freeze! -HOLT: Put it down! 408 00:17:12,224 --> 00:17:13,225 [GRUNTING] 409 00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:14,809 HOLT: Put it down! Put it down! 410 00:17:14,893 --> 00:17:17,103 This is a weird request, but will you switch places with me? 411 00:17:17,187 --> 00:17:19,523 I really don't want to see the score! [GRUNTS] 412 00:17:23,569 --> 00:17:26,779 Oh, yeah. Thank you. So much better. 413 00:17:26,863 --> 00:17:29,324 Oh! Why are there so many TVs in here? 414 00:17:30,909 --> 00:17:31,910 PERALTA: Thank you. 415 00:17:31,994 --> 00:17:34,621 Money was still in the bookie's safe. All the numbers match. 416 00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:36,206 Let's head back to Santiago's party. 417 00:17:36,290 --> 00:17:38,500 Oh, no, thanks. I think I'm gonna head home 418 00:17:38,584 --> 00:17:39,751 and watch the football game. 419 00:17:39,835 --> 00:17:41,753 Which was ruined for me! 420 00:17:41,837 --> 00:17:43,463 What's your problem with celebrating Thanksgiving? 421 00:17:43,547 --> 00:17:45,924 It's a sucky holiday. It's always sucked. 422 00:17:46,008 --> 00:17:49,358 My mom worked, my dad was gone, and I sat at home watching football. 423 00:17:49,845 --> 00:17:53,473 Look, Jake. I came from a very formal family. 424 00:17:53,557 --> 00:17:55,808 My parents were not especially affectionate. 425 00:17:55,892 --> 00:17:58,228 Really? Your Honor wasn't a big snuggler? 426 00:17:58,312 --> 00:18:00,271 But the beauty of being an adult 427 00:18:00,355 --> 00:18:03,816 is that you can make a new family with new traditions. 428 00:18:03,900 --> 00:18:06,319 Well, that's nice, Captain, but I don't have a new family yet. 429 00:18:06,403 --> 00:18:09,573 So, I guess I'm stuck with my awesome old traditions. 430 00:18:09,990 --> 00:18:12,784 Okay. I'll tell the squad you couldn't make it. 431 00:18:12,868 --> 00:18:15,954 Thank you. Before you go, can I borrow some money? 432 00:18:16,038 --> 00:18:18,289 I'm getting some pretty serious vibes from Wendy over there, 433 00:18:18,373 --> 00:18:20,523 and I'd like to take her some place special. 434 00:18:25,964 --> 00:18:28,383 Hey. What are you all doing here? 435 00:18:28,634 --> 00:18:30,843 Amy broke everything and got us kicked out of the bar. 436 00:18:30,927 --> 00:18:32,470 Then, we got attacked by rats. 437 00:18:32,554 --> 00:18:33,888 It's the best Thanksgiving ever. 438 00:18:33,972 --> 00:18:35,432 Fascinating. 439 00:18:35,974 --> 00:18:37,183 Happy Turkey Day. 440 00:18:37,267 --> 00:18:39,060 Right through there, gentlemen. 441 00:18:39,144 --> 00:18:40,228 Not a lot of places are open, 442 00:18:40,312 --> 00:18:42,188 so this will be a multi-ethnic, 443 00:18:42,272 --> 00:18:43,648 non-traditional Thanksgiving. 444 00:18:43,732 --> 00:18:44,983 It's a real culinary challenge. 445 00:18:45,067 --> 00:18:46,651 Give me 15 minutes, and then we feast. 446 00:18:46,735 --> 00:18:47,818 Make it five. 447 00:18:47,902 --> 00:18:48,986 You eat with your eyes, 448 00:18:49,070 --> 00:18:50,153 so the plating alone takes… 449 00:18:50,237 --> 00:18:51,405 Five, Boyle! 450 00:18:57,703 --> 00:18:59,955 Captain, I want to tell you something. Hmm? 451 00:19:00,164 --> 00:19:01,457 I think you're… 452 00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:03,750 Like, when I was a little girl… 453 00:19:03,834 --> 00:19:06,134 You think I'm like when you were a little girl. 454 00:19:06,796 --> 00:19:08,046 Forget it. The moment's passed. 455 00:19:08,130 --> 00:19:09,507 Is this about your toast? 456 00:19:10,841 --> 00:19:12,968 How did you get that? Gina gave it to me. 457 00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:16,346 It's very well written. There are several compelling anecdotes, 458 00:19:16,430 --> 00:19:18,683 the fonts suit the tone. Good work. 459 00:19:20,184 --> 00:19:23,228 I did feel, however, the word choice could have been improved in spots. 460 00:19:23,312 --> 00:19:26,524 I marked them "awk." For awkward. 461 00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:33,905 That was the best thing anyone's ever said to me. 462 00:19:33,989 --> 00:19:35,907 "I marked them 'awk.' For awkward"? 463 00:19:35,991 --> 00:19:38,619 It's advice. He's mentoring me. 464 00:19:39,495 --> 00:19:40,538 Yes! 465 00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:44,958 [SIGHS] So, this is kind of a play on your typical Thanksgiving dinner. 466 00:19:45,042 --> 00:19:48,629 For turkey, we have the Peking duck with a veggie samosa stuffing. 467 00:19:48,713 --> 00:19:53,008 The potatoes are the empanadas with an Ethiopian lentil stew gravy. 468 00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:56,178 And for dessert, some seasonal gelatin cups. 469 00:19:56,262 --> 00:19:58,764 Okay, I ran out of money. They're from when Hitchcock got his colonoscopy. 470 00:19:58,848 --> 00:20:00,349 Bon appétit. 471 00:20:00,516 --> 00:20:02,643 -I'm here. I'm here. -ALL: Ah! 472 00:20:02,727 --> 00:20:04,978 Finally, something to actually be thankful for. 473 00:20:05,062 --> 00:20:07,147 What are you wearing? Santiago said to dress up, so… 474 00:20:07,231 --> 00:20:09,483 Well, you look beautiful. 475 00:20:09,650 --> 00:20:11,485 That's my thing now. I'm just owning it. 476 00:20:11,569 --> 00:20:14,571 Okay, before we eat… Nope. Not doing that again. 477 00:20:14,655 --> 00:20:15,739 Move! Could you pass the, uh… 478 00:20:15,823 --> 00:20:18,325 You get that hand near me again, you're gonna lose it. 479 00:20:18,409 --> 00:20:20,578 Okey doke. Let's eat! 480 00:20:20,828 --> 00:20:24,289 Yeah. Hey, thanks for giving a copy of my toast to Holt. That was nice of you. 481 00:20:24,373 --> 00:20:27,668 Oh, you're welcome. I mean, you don't have to get so freaked out around him. 482 00:20:27,752 --> 00:20:30,045 You're just trying to tell him you respect him. 483 00:20:30,129 --> 00:20:33,674 Okay. But to be honest, I kind of gave it to him as a prank, 484 00:20:33,758 --> 00:20:36,301 'cause I thought it would be super embarrassing for you. 485 00:20:36,385 --> 00:20:38,720 But I'm happy it worked out. 486 00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:42,933 But I would have been happy if he hated it. But I'm happy he didn't. 487 00:20:43,934 --> 00:20:46,520 So, you pretty much got the disaster night you were hoping for? 488 00:20:46,604 --> 00:20:50,354 Yeah. Until you made the best Thanksgiving meal I've ever had and ruined it. 489 00:20:51,942 --> 00:20:52,943 Excuse me. 490 00:20:53,027 --> 00:20:56,655 Uh, so, earlier at Amy's, I didn't give a real toast because… 491 00:20:57,364 --> 00:20:58,657 I didn't know what to say. 492 00:20:58,741 --> 00:21:02,828 But since that time, a wise, unsmiling man 493 00:21:02,912 --> 00:21:05,038 named Gerald Jimes made me realize 494 00:21:05,122 --> 00:21:06,373 what I am thankful for. 495 00:21:06,457 --> 00:21:08,208 So, I'd just like to say 496 00:21:08,292 --> 00:21:11,295 I am happy to be here with my family. 497 00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:15,841 My super weird family with two black dads 498 00:21:15,925 --> 00:21:18,969 and two Latina daughters and two white sons… 499 00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:22,931 And Gina. And… I don't know what you are. 500 00:21:23,015 --> 00:21:25,976 Some strange, giant baby. To the Nine-Nine! 501 00:21:26,060 --> 00:21:27,478 ALL: To the Nine-Nine. 502 00:21:28,354 --> 00:21:29,438 That was perfect. 503 00:21:29,522 --> 00:21:31,481 Ooh! "Boyle cries." I got Boyle Bingo! 504 00:21:31,565 --> 00:21:32,566 Yeah! No! 505 00:21:32,650 --> 00:21:33,651 Yeah! 39467

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