All language subtitles for Brooklyn Nine-Nine - S01E05 - The Vulture.eng.SDH

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,592 --> 00:00:05,095 Hey. Did you guys see the dude I brought in today? 2 00:00:05,179 --> 00:00:07,432 The drug dealer? 81 -years-old. 3 00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:10,101 I think it's the oldest collar of my entire career. 4 00:00:10,185 --> 00:00:13,356 I once arrested a 96-year-old for flashing. 5 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:16,694 I was terrified he'd die in my back seat. Or flash me. 6 00:00:16,944 --> 00:00:18,905 My oldest collar was 78. 7 00:00:18,989 --> 00:00:21,200 But the PCP made her fight like she was 20. 8 00:00:21,325 --> 00:00:22,659 What about two 50-year-old twins? 9 00:00:22,743 --> 00:00:23,995 Does that count as a 100-year-old? 10 00:00:24,079 --> 00:00:25,163 SANTIAGO: No good. No. 11 00:00:25,247 --> 00:00:28,001 You talking oldest bags? 68. 12 00:00:28,126 --> 00:00:30,212 That's not that old. Yeah, but I was only 20. 13 00:00:30,296 --> 00:00:31,713 Twenty? Were you even a cop then? 14 00:00:31,797 --> 00:00:34,342 No, man. It was before I got into the academy. 15 00:00:36,011 --> 00:00:38,389 Charles isn't talking about his oldest arrest. 16 00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:40,308 ALL: Ew! 17 00:00:40,392 --> 00:00:41,518 No. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. 18 00:00:41,602 --> 00:00:43,145 Yeah, oldest arrest. 68. Like I said. 19 00:00:43,229 --> 00:00:46,525 God, you had sex with a 68-year-old when you were in your 20s? 20 00:00:46,609 --> 00:00:47,609 You know how it is 21 00:00:47,693 --> 00:00:49,779 when you have a chance to bed an older woman, you… 22 00:00:49,863 --> 00:00:51,614 No. That is not an older woman. 23 00:00:51,698 --> 00:00:54,327 That's an old woman. That's someone's grandma. 24 00:00:54,535 --> 00:00:55,954 She was, actually. That's how I met her. 25 00:00:56,038 --> 00:00:58,332 Ugh. I went to college with her grandson, Marvin. 26 00:00:58,416 --> 00:01:00,295 Don't knock it until you try it. She had a 27 00:01:00,379 --> 00:01:02,295 replacement hip with some serious torque. 28 00:01:02,379 --> 00:01:04,381 It was like having sex with a Transformer. 29 00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:06,009 That is no one's fantasy. 30 00:01:06,718 --> 00:01:08,763 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 31 00:01:27,579 --> 00:01:28,621 JEFFORDS: Peralta, 32 00:01:28,705 --> 00:01:30,458 where are we on the Lincoln Place murder? 33 00:01:30,542 --> 00:01:32,835 Well, like I told Captain Holt earlier this week, 34 00:01:32,919 --> 00:01:34,296 we are at the one-yard line. 35 00:01:34,380 --> 00:01:35,589 It's a football reference. 36 00:01:35,673 --> 00:01:36,674 Yes, Jake. 37 00:01:36,758 --> 00:01:38,301 I played linebacker at Syracuse. 38 00:01:38,385 --> 00:01:41,096 Really? In high school, I played center-field. 39 00:01:41,180 --> 00:01:42,348 In the musical Damn Yankees. 40 00:01:42,432 --> 00:01:43,766 Yeah, you don't want to brag about that. 41 00:01:43,850 --> 00:01:45,936 Peralta, you want to loop everyone in? 42 00:01:46,020 --> 00:01:48,189 Eh. That was not a request. 43 00:01:48,606 --> 00:01:50,234 Fine. [GRUNTS] 44 00:01:50,442 --> 00:01:52,904 Get ready for some stuff on a screen. 45 00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:55,116 Meet Fred Gorman. 46 00:01:55,408 --> 00:01:58,370 Prominent citizen, lawyer, corpse. 47 00:01:58,870 --> 00:02:01,123 Now, meet his wife, Ann Hoert. 48 00:02:01,374 --> 00:02:04,920 She did not take his last name, but I believe she did take his life. 49 00:02:05,045 --> 00:02:06,463 Nice. Thank you, Charles. 50 00:02:06,547 --> 00:02:09,342 Now, Hoert had means, motives, and opportunity. 51 00:02:09,426 --> 00:02:11,011 I just need to find the murder weapon. 52 00:02:11,095 --> 00:02:13,222 For some reason, the DA won't move forward with the arrest 53 00:02:13,306 --> 00:02:14,599 until we find the knife she used. 54 00:02:14,683 --> 00:02:16,851 Is that reason that they want to win the case? 55 00:02:16,935 --> 00:02:18,020 Yes. 56 00:02:18,104 --> 00:02:19,230 Well, find it. 57 00:02:19,314 --> 00:02:20,440 The family's close to the Mayor, 58 00:02:20,524 --> 00:02:22,359 and I'm catching heat from the higher-ups. 59 00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:23,486 I'm going to ask you again. 60 00:02:23,570 --> 00:02:25,905 Do you need any resources or personnel? 61 00:02:26,323 --> 00:02:27,658 No, sir. I've got it. 62 00:02:27,742 --> 00:02:29,911 Okay. Dismissed. 63 00:02:30,287 --> 00:02:32,080 Sergeant Jeffords, my office. 64 00:02:32,164 --> 00:02:34,708 Uh-oh. He probably wants to talk to you about how your 65 00:02:34,792 --> 00:02:36,754 shirts aren't tight enough probably. 66 00:02:39,507 --> 00:02:41,050 Okay, how can we help? What do you need? 67 00:02:41,134 --> 00:02:42,302 I need nothing. 68 00:02:42,386 --> 00:02:44,388 I'm about to solve this case, meet the Mayor, 69 00:02:44,472 --> 00:02:46,766 and sell my life rights to Channing Tatum, 70 00:02:46,850 --> 00:02:49,478 so he can play my less attractive brother in the ensuing film. 71 00:02:49,562 --> 00:02:50,813 Come on, Peralta. 72 00:02:50,897 --> 00:02:53,358 Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved. 73 00:02:53,442 --> 00:02:56,279 I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. 74 00:02:57,030 --> 00:02:58,949 Except when it comes to sex. 75 00:02:59,033 --> 00:03:01,118 Actually, sometimes including sex. 76 00:03:01,243 --> 00:03:02,620 Will you just let us help? 77 00:03:02,704 --> 00:03:03,705 Okay, fine. 78 00:03:03,789 --> 00:03:05,583 I will let one of you help me. 79 00:03:06,084 --> 00:03:07,795 Charles. Yeah! 80 00:03:08,003 --> 00:03:11,132 And I am choosing Charles, because he's the least likely to steal my thunder. 81 00:03:11,216 --> 00:03:12,800 I would never steal his thunder. 82 00:03:12,884 --> 00:03:15,137 I'd be afraid to borrow it. [CHUCKLES] 83 00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:19,851 Terry. I'd like you to accompany me to a gun range. 84 00:03:20,060 --> 00:03:23,565 You mean drive you there and wait outside? Far away from the guns? 85 00:03:23,982 --> 00:03:25,984 I spent eight years in the public affairs office, 86 00:03:26,068 --> 00:03:28,195 so my tactical skills are a little rusty. 87 00:03:28,279 --> 00:03:29,322 I need some pointers. 88 00:03:29,406 --> 00:03:31,806 Sir, I haven't fired a weapon since the incident. 89 00:03:32,368 --> 00:03:34,413 The mannequin incident. I'm familiar. 90 00:03:35,122 --> 00:03:37,959 -[SCREAMING] -[GUN FIRING] 91 00:03:38,751 --> 00:03:39,837 [GUN CLICKING] 92 00:03:41,505 --> 00:03:44,467 Actually, there was an incident after that. 93 00:03:44,551 --> 00:03:45,553 Another incident? 94 00:03:46,262 --> 00:03:48,890 -[SCREAMING] -[GUN FIRING] 95 00:03:49,391 --> 00:03:51,059 You got to cool it, man. 96 00:03:53,020 --> 00:03:54,397 I'm gonna get some candy. 97 00:03:54,772 --> 00:03:57,067 Sir? I may not be the man for the job. 98 00:03:57,317 --> 00:03:59,362 You used to be the precinct's champion marksman. 99 00:03:59,446 --> 00:04:00,821 I only want to take pointers from the best. 100 00:04:00,905 --> 00:04:02,741 So, I'll keep it low-key. 101 00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:06,246 We'll go after work to a private range. No cops, no pressure. 102 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:10,126 Blam! Blam, blam! Gun range. 103 00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:11,670 I told Gina she could join us. 104 00:04:11,754 --> 00:04:12,837 I want to get certified. 105 00:04:12,921 --> 00:04:15,299 There has been a ton of crime in my neighborhood. 106 00:04:15,383 --> 00:04:17,433 And the cops in my precinct are very bad. 107 00:04:18,137 --> 00:04:19,221 You live in our precinct. 108 00:04:19,305 --> 00:04:21,433 Yeah. I know. 109 00:04:22,309 --> 00:04:25,479 I know we've gone over this before, but I have to ask you again. 110 00:04:25,563 --> 00:04:28,066 Is there anywhere you can think of in that hallway 111 00:04:28,150 --> 00:04:29,359 where a knife could be hidden? 112 00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:32,321 Well, since I've already told you, like, three times, 113 00:04:32,405 --> 00:04:34,241 no, why don't I just record it, 114 00:04:34,325 --> 00:04:36,411 then I don't have to say it again. [BEEPS] 115 00:04:36,578 --> 00:04:42,168 The hallway, like all other hallways, does not have a secret knife-hiding place. 116 00:04:42,252 --> 00:04:44,003 Here, you want to hear it again? [BEEPS] 117 00:04:44,087 --> 00:04:45,673 [RECORDED VOICE] Idea for a novel. 118 00:04:45,757 --> 00:04:48,037 A mild-mannered doorman gets bitten on the 119 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,429 penis by a radioactive spider and becomes 120 00:04:50,513 --> 00:04:52,098 the world's greatest lover. 121 00:04:52,182 --> 00:04:54,016 No, don't stop it. I want to hear what happens. 122 00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:57,354 BOYLE: This is terrific. He saves the First Lady, if you must know. 123 00:04:57,438 --> 00:04:58,649 Sounds compelling. 124 00:05:01,903 --> 00:05:03,112 Oh, boy. 125 00:05:03,196 --> 00:05:07,326 Well, hello. I heard you guys were making the rounds again. 126 00:05:07,661 --> 00:05:10,246 All right. This one's all you, tiger. 127 00:05:10,330 --> 00:05:11,666 Come on. 128 00:05:13,710 --> 00:05:14,920 Police. 129 00:05:16,421 --> 00:05:17,465 Hey, ma'am. 130 00:05:17,549 --> 00:05:20,677 Thank God. Here, hold this. The lasagna's burning. 131 00:05:20,761 --> 00:05:22,012 Okay. Um… 132 00:05:22,096 --> 00:05:24,474 WOMAN: Get the dog! But don't let it touch the baby! 133 00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:25,850 -[DOG BARKING] -[CRYING] 134 00:05:25,934 --> 00:05:28,729 -[CELL PHONE RINGING] -Oh. Okay. Peralta. 135 00:05:28,813 --> 00:05:31,399 Yo. I looked at the photos of your victim on your desk. 136 00:05:31,483 --> 00:05:33,236 Is that Rosa? Tell her I said hi. 137 00:05:33,611 --> 00:05:35,864 The puncture wounds are similar to a case I had a while back. 138 00:05:35,948 --> 00:05:38,700 They aren't from a knife. I think it's something spiral, like a corkscrew. 139 00:05:38,784 --> 00:05:39,827 [SHUSHING] 140 00:05:39,911 --> 00:05:41,511 Don't shush me. I'm helping you. 141 00:05:41,663 --> 00:05:44,041 No. No, I'm holding a baby. That was actually very helpful. 142 00:05:44,125 --> 00:05:45,711 Thank you. Uh-oh. 143 00:05:46,295 --> 00:05:47,796 You better get back here. Now. 144 00:05:54,597 --> 00:05:56,600 Oh. Hello, Peralta. 145 00:05:58,603 --> 00:06:01,189 [GROANS] No, no, no. 146 00:06:01,273 --> 00:06:02,690 I don't know why you're so upset, man. 147 00:06:02,774 --> 00:06:05,361 I'm the one that had to come to this backwater stink hole. 148 00:06:05,445 --> 00:06:06,946 What's up, little man? 149 00:06:07,030 --> 00:06:08,740 What's up? Feeling sexy? Huh? 150 00:06:08,824 --> 00:06:09,950 Yeah, I feel sexy. 151 00:06:10,034 --> 00:06:11,869 You look sexy. You know I do. 152 00:06:11,953 --> 00:06:13,413 Watch out for that door. 153 00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,793 Yo, how much you bench? Seriously. 154 00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:20,548 Captain, please, please, pretty please, do not let him take over my case. 155 00:06:20,632 --> 00:06:22,049 Major Crimes is stepping in. 156 00:06:22,133 --> 00:06:24,053 Nothing I can do. You're off the case. 157 00:06:24,219 --> 00:06:25,887 I can't believe you're just rolling over and giving 158 00:06:25,971 --> 00:06:27,390 my murder away to the Vulture. 159 00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:29,225 We call him the Vulture because he swoops in 160 00:06:29,309 --> 00:06:31,979 and solves cases that are almost solved and takes the credit for himself. 161 00:06:32,063 --> 00:06:34,399 Yes, Boyle, I put that together from context. 162 00:06:34,942 --> 00:06:36,673 First of all, Major Crimes has jurisdiction 163 00:06:36,757 --> 00:06:38,487 over any and all cases they want to take, 164 00:06:38,571 --> 00:06:42,034 but more importantly, you're the one who insisted on working alone. 165 00:06:42,118 --> 00:06:45,372 I told you for weeks to use the squad, and you refused. 166 00:06:45,456 --> 00:06:48,919 I used them. I mean, Rosa's the one who figured out the corkscrew. 167 00:06:49,127 --> 00:06:50,587 Charles caught a dog. 168 00:06:51,673 --> 00:06:53,591 Well, congratulations, Detective Boyle. 169 00:06:53,675 --> 00:06:55,427 You should have involved them sooner. 170 00:06:55,511 --> 00:06:57,512 Turn over your files to Detective Pembroke. 171 00:06:57,596 --> 00:07:00,474 Sir, call him the Vulture. Giving him a name makes him human. 172 00:07:00,558 --> 00:07:02,728 Turn over the files. 173 00:07:03,437 --> 00:07:07,694 Fine. But in protest, I'm walking over there extremely slowly. 174 00:07:14,953 --> 00:07:15,996 Thank you. 175 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,585 God, this is so boring. 176 00:07:20,669 --> 00:07:22,212 For both of us. 177 00:07:22,379 --> 00:07:24,395 Hey, before I solve this case, I'd like to 178 00:07:24,479 --> 00:07:26,679 thank you for doing all the super easy work. 179 00:07:26,802 --> 00:07:28,852 You know, the real Nancy Drew-level stuff. 180 00:07:28,971 --> 00:07:30,932 Oh, yeah? Did Nancy Drew solve a lot of murders? 181 00:07:31,016 --> 00:07:33,811 Yeah, she did. Murder on Ice. Recipe for Murder. 182 00:07:33,978 --> 00:07:35,395 Nancy was a wonderful detective. 183 00:07:35,479 --> 00:07:36,856 I wanted to be her when I grew up. 184 00:07:36,940 --> 00:07:38,901 Thanks, Charles. That's helpful. 185 00:07:38,985 --> 00:07:42,489 Hey. Should we take odds on how fast I'll solve this case? 186 00:07:42,573 --> 00:07:44,491 PERALTA: Nope. I mean, what was it with Diaz's last 187 00:07:44,575 --> 00:07:46,369 "impossible" extortion case? 188 00:07:46,453 --> 00:07:48,079 What was it? Six hours? 189 00:07:48,163 --> 00:07:50,291 That's because it was 98% solved. 190 00:07:51,125 --> 00:07:53,086 The last 2% is the hardest to get. 191 00:07:53,295 --> 00:07:55,005 That's why they leave it in the milk. 192 00:07:55,089 --> 00:07:56,174 What? 193 00:07:56,299 --> 00:07:59,136 Oh. Wow. Looking good, Santiago. 194 00:07:59,511 --> 00:08:00,804 Looking foxy, ma. 195 00:08:00,889 --> 00:08:03,683 Go rot in hell. This is your fault. 196 00:08:06,020 --> 00:08:07,605 Thanks, champ. Good effort. 197 00:08:07,689 --> 00:08:09,983 I got it from here. And hey, 198 00:08:10,150 --> 00:08:12,403 you feel free to call me any time you need me to come down here 199 00:08:12,487 --> 00:08:14,637 and help powder that big white ass of yours. 200 00:08:14,782 --> 00:08:16,033 [GRUNTS] 201 00:08:16,325 --> 00:08:19,245 Well. That's the worst thing that's ever happened to me. 202 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,543 [GROANS] I hate the Vulture so much. 203 00:08:23,710 --> 00:08:26,004 Me, too. But he's kind of hot. 204 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:29,884 What? You can hate people and still think they're hot. 205 00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:32,137 Case in point Manuel Noriega. 206 00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:35,266 You know what? I'm with you on this. Tonya Harding. 207 00:08:35,391 --> 00:08:36,476 Yeah, she's thick. 208 00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:38,437 Right? Always classy, Jake. 209 00:08:38,562 --> 00:08:39,856 Mmm-hmm. 210 00:08:39,940 --> 00:08:42,540 Sorry you got Vultured. It happens to the best of us. 211 00:08:43,027 --> 00:08:45,781 On my count. One, two… 212 00:08:46,198 --> 00:08:50,161 Three! I got it from here. Yeah! Get up! Get up! 213 00:08:50,245 --> 00:08:52,081 Turn around! [LAUGHING] 214 00:08:52,498 --> 00:08:53,790 You have the right to remain silent. 215 00:08:53,874 --> 00:08:55,626 Anything you say can and will be… 216 00:08:55,710 --> 00:08:57,170 Can and will be used against you in a court of law. 217 00:08:57,254 --> 00:08:59,132 Thanks, guys, I got it from here. 218 00:08:59,882 --> 00:09:01,926 Skim white chocolate macchiato for Charles? 219 00:09:02,010 --> 00:09:03,220 I got it from here. 220 00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:05,204 I used a gift card for that. 221 00:09:06,057 --> 00:09:08,435 God, I just, I wanna get back at him so bad. 222 00:09:08,519 --> 00:09:12,190 I wish I could throw his cell phone in the toilet or slash his tires. 223 00:09:12,274 --> 00:09:13,400 I don't know. 224 00:09:13,484 --> 00:09:14,693 Or slash his gorgeous throat. 225 00:09:14,777 --> 00:09:16,445 I cannot figure you out. 226 00:09:16,530 --> 00:09:20,618 Okay. I'm buying everyone drinks as long as we're here thinking of a revenge plan. 227 00:09:20,702 --> 00:09:23,497 Best idea gets 50 bucks. Throw them on out. 228 00:09:24,165 --> 00:09:27,293 What if you called him from a hospital and said his whole family is dead? 229 00:09:27,377 --> 00:09:28,669 Like they died of cancer. 230 00:09:28,753 --> 00:09:32,049 Charles, that is so dark. I'm putting it down. 231 00:09:33,218 --> 00:09:36,181 So, my stance feels good, but I'm still not hitting center. 232 00:09:36,598 --> 00:09:39,142 All right. Back your left foot up a hair. 233 00:09:39,226 --> 00:09:40,852 GINA: Like this? [IMITATING GUNSHOTS] 234 00:09:40,936 --> 00:09:43,314 No. Gina, we've been over this. 235 00:09:43,398 --> 00:09:44,900 Well, show me. 236 00:09:44,984 --> 00:09:48,280 Like, wrap your thick, muscular arms around me and… 237 00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:52,743 All right, look. Hands here. Stand up straight. Chin forward. 238 00:09:52,827 --> 00:09:54,580 Hold on. My nose itches. Gina! 239 00:09:54,747 --> 00:09:58,043 Now, when I lock my shooting arm, the other hand feels unstable. 240 00:09:58,460 --> 00:10:00,921 Now, what stance am I supposed to be doing? Weaver or Isosceles? 241 00:10:01,005 --> 00:10:02,256 You guys did stances? 242 00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:03,842 Like, oh… Yeah, everybody does stances. 243 00:10:03,926 --> 00:10:05,969 Listen… All right, look. 244 00:10:06,053 --> 00:10:07,847 Hey. Both of you, just watch. 245 00:10:08,389 --> 00:10:09,933 [GUN FIRING] 246 00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:12,811 That's eight. He did it. 247 00:10:12,895 --> 00:10:14,231 That was only seven. 248 00:10:16,107 --> 00:10:17,610 Why are you counting my shots? 249 00:10:18,361 --> 00:10:20,446 Are you trying to have me recertified? 250 00:10:20,530 --> 00:10:25,619 Yes. If you make eight of 10 shots, I can sign off on you carrying a gun again. 251 00:10:25,703 --> 00:10:26,872 Gina's here as an official witness, 252 00:10:26,956 --> 00:10:29,792 and I thought it would be easier for you in a no-pressure environment. 253 00:10:29,876 --> 00:10:31,377 I can't believe you tricked me. 254 00:10:31,461 --> 00:10:34,131 You're too good a cop to be shackled to a desk. 255 00:10:34,215 --> 00:10:37,719 Now, you only have one hit until you get re-certified. 256 00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:39,931 So, deep breath. Huh? 257 00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:42,268 Take the final shot. 258 00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:48,234 Don't over think it. Just relax and breathe. 259 00:10:50,111 --> 00:10:52,238 Bring air into your lungs, 260 00:10:52,322 --> 00:10:53,972 like you've done your whole life. 261 00:10:55,868 --> 00:10:58,956 [WHIMPERING] Oh, my God. Guys! 262 00:10:59,581 --> 00:11:01,960 How do you breathe? I forgot how to breathe! 263 00:11:02,460 --> 00:11:04,505 Is it two in, one out? [HUFFING] 264 00:11:05,923 --> 00:11:10,012 What if we wrap his motorcycle in plastic wrap and melt it with a hair-dryer? 265 00:11:10,263 --> 00:11:12,807 Little trick I learned in gift basket making class. 266 00:11:13,016 --> 00:11:15,166 PERALTA: All right, here's what we're up to. 267 00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:18,314 "Steal his kidney. Burn down his house. 268 00:11:18,398 --> 00:11:20,692 "Replace his aloe tissues with regular tissues." 269 00:11:20,776 --> 00:11:21,944 Thank you, Charles. You're welcome. 270 00:11:22,028 --> 00:11:24,405 "Leave a dead cat in his cedar closet." 271 00:11:24,489 --> 00:11:26,408 Note. He would have to own a cedar closet. 272 00:11:26,492 --> 00:11:27,701 He seems like he would. 273 00:11:27,785 --> 00:11:31,248 Uh, "Sneak into his apartment and burn popcorn in the microwave." 274 00:11:31,332 --> 00:11:32,833 [LAUGHING] Thank you, Charles. 275 00:11:32,917 --> 00:11:36,547 Uh, Scully asked for mashed potatoes, so I wrote that down. 276 00:11:36,756 --> 00:11:38,883 Well, I hate to say it, but I think, by default, 277 00:11:38,967 --> 00:11:40,843 Charles's motorcycle idea is the winner. 278 00:11:40,927 --> 00:11:43,097 Yeah. Winning by default. 279 00:11:43,222 --> 00:11:44,515 PERALTA: Let's get into it. 280 00:11:44,599 --> 00:11:46,184 Anybody know where the Vulture lives? 281 00:11:46,268 --> 00:11:47,435 On Third, right near here. 282 00:11:47,519 --> 00:11:48,521 How do you know that? 283 00:11:48,605 --> 00:11:50,505 PERALTA: Shotgun, boys. We're rolling. 284 00:11:51,233 --> 00:11:52,526 [GRUNTING] 285 00:11:52,610 --> 00:11:54,111 Take that, Vulture. 286 00:11:54,196 --> 00:11:55,613 PERALTA: Let's melt this thing. 287 00:11:55,697 --> 00:11:57,700 All right. Give me your hair-dryer. 288 00:11:57,784 --> 00:11:58,951 What? What are you talking about? 289 00:11:59,035 --> 00:12:00,412 Don't you carry one in your purse? 290 00:12:00,496 --> 00:12:02,080 Have you ever met a human woman? 291 00:12:02,164 --> 00:12:04,542 There's a drugstore four blocks away. I'm on it. 292 00:12:05,126 --> 00:12:08,755 Oh, no. Scully, traveling four blocks? 293 00:12:08,839 --> 00:12:10,384 That could take weeks. 294 00:12:11,927 --> 00:12:13,011 [PANTING] 295 00:12:13,096 --> 00:12:14,555 Take the shot, Sergeant. 296 00:12:14,639 --> 00:12:16,056 I just need a second. 297 00:12:16,140 --> 00:12:17,935 You've had 18 minutes of seconds. 298 00:12:18,185 --> 00:12:19,979 [CELL PHONE RINGING] 299 00:12:21,481 --> 00:12:24,485 Gina's Authentic Stolen Police Badges. How can I help? 300 00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:26,612 Hey, it's Peralta. Oh, hey, Jake. 301 00:12:26,696 --> 00:12:28,614 Hey. Do you carry a hair-dryer in your purse? 302 00:12:28,698 --> 00:12:30,201 Of course. I'm not an animal. 303 00:12:31,119 --> 00:12:33,872 Great. Uh, I need you to bring it to the Vulture's apartment. 304 00:12:33,956 --> 00:12:36,292 There's someone named the Vulture? Tell Rosa. 305 00:12:36,543 --> 00:12:38,379 She'd be into that. Come on. 306 00:12:38,796 --> 00:12:40,881 Peralta, why are you asking Gina about Detective Pembroke? 307 00:12:40,965 --> 00:12:42,800 Oh. Captain, hello. Uh. 308 00:12:42,884 --> 00:12:46,305 We are preparing him a gift basket of sorts. 309 00:12:46,472 --> 00:12:48,224 Look. I understand that you're upset. 310 00:12:48,308 --> 00:12:50,101 But if you want to keep this from happening again, 311 00:12:50,185 --> 00:12:53,481 I suggest that you pull your team together and solve these cases, 312 00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:55,443 before Major Crimes can step in. 313 00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:57,862 Am I clear? 314 00:12:57,946 --> 00:13:01,367 Yes, sir. That is definitely clear. Thank you, sir. 315 00:13:04,580 --> 00:13:08,001 You should be frowning. Why is Jake smiling? Why are you smiling? 316 00:13:08,126 --> 00:13:11,046 Because the Captain just gave us the perfect revenge plan. 317 00:13:11,130 --> 00:13:13,717 We team up and solve this case. Right now. 318 00:13:14,217 --> 00:13:15,426 That is not what he meant. 319 00:13:15,510 --> 00:13:16,637 Think about it, Amy. 320 00:13:16,721 --> 00:13:18,664 We go back to the scene of the crime, find the 321 00:13:18,748 --> 00:13:20,642 murder weapon, and out-Vulture the Vulture. 322 00:13:20,726 --> 00:13:22,876 No one gets in trouble if we crack the case. 323 00:13:23,313 --> 00:13:24,730 Okay. Screw it. I'm in. 324 00:13:24,814 --> 00:13:25,941 Yes, that's right. 325 00:13:26,025 --> 00:13:27,526 All right. We're angry. 326 00:13:27,610 --> 00:13:29,988 We're getting revenge. We're a little bit tipsy. 327 00:13:30,113 --> 00:13:32,157 We should not be driving. We're taking the bus. 328 00:13:32,241 --> 00:13:33,576 I love the bus. 329 00:13:37,998 --> 00:13:40,418 So, the waitress heard the couple arguing at dinner. 330 00:13:40,502 --> 00:13:43,797 Apparently, he was having an affair and it was not the first time. 331 00:13:44,048 --> 00:13:46,426 Two years ago, she caught him with the dog walker, 332 00:13:46,510 --> 00:13:49,221 who was "walking his dog," if you know what I mean. 333 00:13:49,305 --> 00:13:50,305 I do. Right? 334 00:13:50,389 --> 00:13:51,933 Yes. I got it. Sex times. 335 00:13:52,017 --> 00:13:54,017 Mmm-hmm. Anyways, we know it's the wife. 336 00:13:54,771 --> 00:13:57,232 You're real talkative now that you want our help. 337 00:13:57,316 --> 00:14:01,571 All right, it is possible that I should have brought you guys in sooner, 338 00:14:01,655 --> 00:14:04,741 but I just get so excited wrapped up in wanting to solve stuff. 339 00:14:04,825 --> 00:14:06,034 You know? I get it. 340 00:14:06,118 --> 00:14:08,539 You want to be the best. We all do. 341 00:14:09,581 --> 00:14:12,210 You just don't have to be such a butthead about it. 342 00:14:13,254 --> 00:14:14,337 What? 343 00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:16,549 I just can't believe you would call me a butthead. Shut up. 344 00:14:16,633 --> 00:14:17,801 So harsh. 345 00:14:21,305 --> 00:14:23,308 Hitchcock farts non-stop. 346 00:14:25,728 --> 00:14:26,979 Still waiting, Sergeant. 347 00:14:27,063 --> 00:14:29,608 Well, it's just, the target looks exactly like a friend of mine. 348 00:14:29,692 --> 00:14:30,985 It's freaking me out. 349 00:14:31,610 --> 00:14:33,822 You have a friend who's just a silhouette? 350 00:14:34,322 --> 00:14:36,867 Yes. Let's all just count to a million. 351 00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:38,620 One, two, three, four, five, six. 352 00:14:38,704 --> 00:14:40,479 So, then, Ice Man says, "You can be my 353 00:14:40,563 --> 00:14:42,666 wing man any day." And then, Maverick says… 354 00:14:42,750 --> 00:14:44,168 I've seen the film, Sergeant. 355 00:14:44,252 --> 00:14:45,921 I haven't. What happens next? 356 00:14:46,005 --> 00:14:48,383 Goose comes back, right? He's not really dead. 357 00:14:48,508 --> 00:14:51,178 [SIGHS] Goose is gone. 358 00:14:51,304 --> 00:14:52,680 No. I know. 359 00:14:53,514 --> 00:14:54,516 PERALTA: All right. Here's how it went down. 360 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,976 9:45, a man screams. 361 00:14:57,060 --> 00:14:59,855 Ninety seconds later, wife goes down to the doorman. 362 00:14:59,939 --> 00:15:02,567 Says a guy murdered her husband and then ran off. 363 00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:04,070 We know she's lying. 364 00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:06,990 We've just got to find the corkscrew to make our case air-tight. 365 00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:09,577 I say we role-play, see if something sparks. 366 00:15:09,745 --> 00:15:11,454 Darling, thank you for a lovely dinner. 367 00:15:11,538 --> 00:15:14,250 Perhaps we should have one more drink before bed. 368 00:15:14,334 --> 00:15:16,378 Don't you "darling" me, you philanderer. 369 00:15:16,462 --> 00:15:18,797 No, you're the husband. The husband had the affair. 370 00:15:18,881 --> 00:15:20,424 I'm always the victim. I don't want to be the victim. 371 00:15:20,508 --> 00:15:21,759 Okay. Charles is the door. 372 00:15:21,843 --> 00:15:24,012 No. I'll be the victim. Don't make me a door again. 373 00:15:24,096 --> 00:15:27,767 Great. Okay. So, wife goes into the drawer. Gets the corkscrew. 374 00:15:27,851 --> 00:15:29,812 Stab, stab, stab. 375 00:15:30,313 --> 00:15:32,107 What does she do with the corkscrew? 376 00:15:32,191 --> 00:15:34,401 She dumps it in the hallway trash chute on the way to the doorman. 377 00:15:34,485 --> 00:15:36,070 No, we checked the trash, like, 10 times. 378 00:15:36,154 --> 00:15:37,738 We would have seen a bloody corkscrew. 379 00:15:37,822 --> 00:15:39,658 All right, Hitchcock, you're up. 380 00:15:39,742 --> 00:15:41,453 [SCREAMING] 381 00:15:42,496 --> 00:15:46,083 The body. The corkscrew's still in the body. 382 00:15:46,167 --> 00:15:48,044 No, you're terrible at this. Go sit down. 383 00:15:48,128 --> 00:15:49,254 You're up, Diaz. 384 00:15:49,338 --> 00:15:50,506 Stab! 385 00:15:51,341 --> 00:15:55,596 Then I toss the corkscrew out the window and it lands on a passing car. 386 00:15:55,846 --> 00:15:59,183 Security cams showed no one driving by at that time, and nothing on the street. 387 00:15:59,267 --> 00:16:02,063 Okay, I want in. But I only want to stab you. 388 00:16:02,897 --> 00:16:04,566 Fine. Charles, door. 389 00:16:04,733 --> 00:16:05,901 Right. 390 00:16:06,569 --> 00:16:10,032 [CLEARS THROAT] Okay. Uh, sweetheart… 391 00:16:10,449 --> 00:16:12,576 Time to die. That seems a little harsh. 392 00:16:14,287 --> 00:16:16,332 What if it was a magnetic corkscrew? 393 00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:19,753 If the corkscrew was on a magnet… 394 00:16:19,837 --> 00:16:21,421 It's stuck halfway down the inside of the trash chute. 395 00:16:21,505 --> 00:16:22,923 I figured it out first. [GRUNTS] 396 00:16:23,007 --> 00:16:24,676 Wow. What's happening? 397 00:16:25,803 --> 00:16:29,103 You have a 10-pound flashlight in your purse, but not a hair-dryer? 398 00:16:29,850 --> 00:16:31,685 I can't see far enough down. 399 00:16:31,769 --> 00:16:33,187 Someone's going to have to go down in there. 400 00:16:33,271 --> 00:16:35,023 Someone with narrow shoulders. 401 00:16:35,733 --> 00:16:39,279 No. I have broad shoulders. I have narrow hips, but broad shoulders. 402 00:16:41,699 --> 00:16:42,992 God! 403 00:16:43,242 --> 00:16:45,120 -See anything? -BOYLE: A little lower. 404 00:16:46,371 --> 00:16:48,416 Freeze. Hands in the air. 405 00:16:49,333 --> 00:16:50,334 We're cops. 406 00:16:50,418 --> 00:16:52,045 BOYLE: Broad shoulders. Stuck! 407 00:16:52,171 --> 00:16:53,672 Told you. Broad shoulders. 408 00:16:55,216 --> 00:16:57,135 Apparently, our detective squad has gotten drunk, 409 00:16:57,219 --> 00:17:00,969 compromised a crime scene, and an officer has gotten stuck in a trash chute. 410 00:17:01,808 --> 00:17:04,958 I need you to lead this squad, Terry, and I mean really lead it. 411 00:17:07,566 --> 00:17:09,067 I hope you take the shot. 412 00:17:09,986 --> 00:17:11,737 PEMBROKE: What kind of precinct are you running here? 413 00:17:11,821 --> 00:17:13,907 Would you like to sit down, Detective? You seem upset. 414 00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:15,200 Hell yeah, I'm upset. 415 00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:21,250 Your team disrupted a crime scene over which they have zero, zero jurisdiction. 416 00:17:21,375 --> 00:17:22,711 They were publicly drunk. 417 00:17:22,795 --> 00:17:26,174 Apparently, one of them pressed all the buttons on the elevator. 418 00:17:26,549 --> 00:17:29,261 Well, maybe he just bumped up against the panel with that big white ass of his. 419 00:17:29,345 --> 00:17:31,595 SANTIAGO: What now? Holt is going to kill you. 420 00:17:31,723 --> 00:17:33,641 I don't think he will. 421 00:17:33,725 --> 00:17:35,353 Because… Voila! 422 00:17:35,478 --> 00:17:37,856 You actually found the corkscrew in the trash chute? 423 00:17:37,940 --> 00:17:40,067 Stuck to the side, just like you said. 424 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:42,403 PERALTA: Boyle, I'm pulling you out! 425 00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:44,824 Whoa! 426 00:17:48,787 --> 00:17:50,706 This is the proudest moment of my career. 427 00:17:50,790 --> 00:17:52,041 -[CRASHES] -Ah! 428 00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:55,754 Oh, my God. You guys, we out-Vultured the Vulture. 429 00:17:55,838 --> 00:17:57,298 [CAWING] 430 00:17:57,382 --> 00:17:58,424 What the hell was that? 431 00:17:58,508 --> 00:18:00,094 What? It's a vulture. 432 00:18:00,594 --> 00:18:02,804 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take this 433 00:18:02,888 --> 00:18:06,977 corkscrew over to the DA, so we get the collar, not Major Crimes. 434 00:18:07,061 --> 00:18:08,896 Peralta. Now. 435 00:18:12,568 --> 00:18:14,528 Okay. Before you get mad… 436 00:18:14,612 --> 00:18:17,657 Shut it. Holt was right. I've been so worried about my own kids, 437 00:18:17,741 --> 00:18:19,827 I forgot about my stupid, grown-up kids. 438 00:18:19,911 --> 00:18:21,329 Well, that's insulting. 439 00:18:21,413 --> 00:18:22,706 I should have been on you guys more. 440 00:18:22,790 --> 00:18:24,667 And starting now, I will be. 441 00:18:25,836 --> 00:18:27,670 But if you ever do this again, 442 00:18:27,754 --> 00:18:30,508 I swear I will crush your head in one hand. 443 00:18:30,592 --> 00:18:32,052 You don't mean that. Try me. 444 00:18:32,553 --> 00:18:33,721 Okay. 445 00:18:35,473 --> 00:18:36,974 Where are you going? 446 00:18:37,058 --> 00:18:40,145 Boss is taking heat for something that's not even his fault. 447 00:18:40,229 --> 00:18:42,190 I can't let that happen. 448 00:18:42,357 --> 00:18:46,529 Wait. Damn it. Look. It's not your fault, either. 449 00:18:47,238 --> 00:18:49,658 And it's not the Vulture's fault. 450 00:18:51,494 --> 00:18:52,495 It's Amy's. 451 00:18:52,579 --> 00:18:55,707 I know. I know. It's mine. It's mine. Okay? 452 00:18:55,791 --> 00:18:57,920 God, I do not love how this worked out. 453 00:19:00,423 --> 00:19:01,591 Detective Pembroke. 454 00:19:01,716 --> 00:19:02,759 God. Now what? 455 00:19:02,884 --> 00:19:04,845 I'd like to cordially invite you to calm down. 456 00:19:04,929 --> 00:19:09,309 Especially considering that this case has already been solved. By you. 457 00:19:10,561 --> 00:19:12,396 Looks like you found the murder weapon. 458 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:14,494 It's a good thing you realized was magnetically 459 00:19:14,578 --> 00:19:16,318 stuck to the inside of the trash chute. 460 00:19:16,402 --> 00:19:18,029 Congratulations. 461 00:19:18,404 --> 00:19:22,577 Hmm. You cracked the case all by yourself. We done here? 462 00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:28,084 Yeah. Yeah, we're done here. 463 00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:31,380 Hey. Keep up the bad work, champ. 464 00:19:31,464 --> 00:19:33,257 -Here it comes. [GRUNTS] -[SLAPPING] 465 00:19:34,718 --> 00:19:36,418 Why does he keep touching my butt? 466 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,392 Stay foxy. Die lonely. 467 00:19:40,642 --> 00:19:43,521 Well. Case closed. Good work, everyone. 468 00:19:43,896 --> 00:19:46,024 Let's, uh, call it a night without any further discussion. 469 00:19:46,108 --> 00:19:50,488 No. All of you broke into a crime scene under the influence of alcohol, 470 00:19:50,572 --> 00:19:53,622 overstepped your jurisdiction, and disobeyed my direct orders. 471 00:19:54,077 --> 00:19:56,037 Everyone involved tonight is going to get written up. 472 00:19:56,121 --> 00:19:59,458 Okay, fine. Here's everyone who was there. 473 00:19:59,667 --> 00:20:03,547 Jake Peralta, J. Peralta, Dr. Jacob Peralta, 474 00:20:03,631 --> 00:20:07,553 who has a PhD in Slow Jam Studies from Funktown State University. 475 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,805 Also involved was the right honorable… 476 00:20:09,889 --> 00:20:11,015 Okay, enough. 477 00:20:11,099 --> 00:20:13,268 My point is, it was a Peralta special, sir. 478 00:20:13,352 --> 00:20:14,520 No one else was there. 479 00:20:15,354 --> 00:20:19,054 Well, Detective, I'm happy to see you're learning how to be part of a team. 480 00:20:20,361 --> 00:20:22,114 Everybody, go home. Sleep it off. 481 00:20:24,908 --> 00:20:26,911 And, sir? Thank you. 482 00:20:27,412 --> 00:20:30,082 Ultimately, it was our raw sexual chemistry 483 00:20:30,166 --> 00:20:32,794 that helped him overcome his crippling fear. 484 00:20:33,003 --> 00:20:37,760 You should just stay in the office all day everyday and be my bestie. 485 00:20:38,177 --> 00:20:40,805 You could join my dance troupe Floorgasm. 486 00:20:40,930 --> 00:20:43,224 We're looking for a man of precisely your… 487 00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:44,560 [GUN FIRING] 488 00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:49,065 It's going to be a long road, but I'm ready to get myself back in the game. 489 00:20:49,149 --> 00:20:50,442 I know you will. 490 00:20:50,526 --> 00:20:52,862 I mean, eventually. Not tonight. 491 00:20:54,782 --> 00:20:57,660 I need to go hug my baby girls. Excuse me. 492 00:21:00,331 --> 00:21:02,207 Jake, I have to say, the way you handled things 493 00:21:02,291 --> 00:21:04,293 with the Vulture yesterday was very mature. 494 00:21:04,377 --> 00:21:07,381 Well, sometimes in life, you just have to take the highroad. 495 00:21:07,465 --> 00:21:09,259 -[ALARM RINGING] -Whoo, time's up. 496 00:21:09,384 --> 00:21:11,553 I can't wait to see it. Here we go. 497 00:21:11,637 --> 00:21:13,223 That's good suction. Oh! 498 00:21:13,807 --> 00:21:14,932 Ah! 499 00:21:15,016 --> 00:21:17,019 Check it out. Perfect, right? 500 00:21:17,144 --> 00:21:18,479 Yeah. 501 00:21:18,855 --> 00:21:21,024 "Dear Vulture. 502 00:21:22,110 --> 00:21:25,864 "Enjoy my big white ass. Jake." 503 00:21:27,116 --> 00:21:30,119 There you are. Always take the highroad, Charles. 504 00:21:30,203 --> 00:21:31,453 Always take the highroad. 39073

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