All language subtitles for Brooklyn Nine-Nine - S01E04 - M.E. Time.eng.SDH

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian Download
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,064 --> 00:00:03,274 [SANTIAGO CHUCKLES] 2 00:00:03,482 --> 00:00:05,025 I'm so glad we could finally do this. 3 00:00:05,109 --> 00:00:07,820 I know. Kylie says you're always stuck at the precinct. 4 00:00:07,904 --> 00:00:09,614 -Yeah. Oh. -[CELL PHONE BUZZING] 5 00:00:09,698 --> 00:00:12,200 Speaking of. This is work. Sorry. 6 00:00:13,327 --> 00:00:14,410 What's up, Peralta? 7 00:00:14,494 --> 00:00:16,246 PERALTA [ON PHONE]: Captain called. He needs everybody back. 8 00:00:16,330 --> 00:00:18,040 There's a lead on the Nightingale Strangler. 9 00:00:18,124 --> 00:00:22,378 We're looking for a white male, 5'10", medium build, brown hair. 10 00:00:22,462 --> 00:00:24,422 Small scar on his right cheek. 11 00:00:25,006 --> 00:00:26,048 Okay. 12 00:00:26,132 --> 00:00:30,762 His MO is, he finds lonely women with no friends, poisons their food, 13 00:00:30,846 --> 00:00:32,598 and then guts them in his van. 14 00:00:32,848 --> 00:00:34,183 It's pretty gnarly. 15 00:00:34,308 --> 00:00:37,227 Last seen wearing a salmon shirt, gray blazer. 16 00:00:37,645 --> 00:00:41,232 And witnesses have said he has trouble fitting lettuce in his mouth. 17 00:00:41,316 --> 00:00:43,317 Okay. Where are you? 18 00:00:43,401 --> 00:00:46,070 Apparently, he has the world's smallest penis and doesn't know how to use it. 19 00:00:46,154 --> 00:00:48,281 Hi, there. I'm Jake Peralta, Amy's boss. 20 00:00:48,490 --> 00:00:50,074 That's not true. What are you doing here? 21 00:00:50,158 --> 00:00:53,788 I am here on a date, who is now leaving. 22 00:00:53,996 --> 00:00:55,581 Worth it. Have a great night. 23 00:00:55,665 --> 00:00:57,040 Oh. Your boss seems really nice. 24 00:00:57,124 --> 00:00:58,834 He's not my boss. Yes, I am. 25 00:00:59,001 --> 00:01:01,087 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 26 00:01:18,981 --> 00:01:20,733 [POLICE SIRENS BLARING] 27 00:01:21,317 --> 00:01:24,987 And with a record five felonies solved in one week, 28 00:01:25,446 --> 00:01:26,530 Peralta pulls ahead. 29 00:01:26,614 --> 00:01:28,908 Did you guys hear that I solved five felonies in one week? 30 00:01:28,992 --> 00:01:30,536 We heard. Really? How? 31 00:01:30,703 --> 00:01:34,206 Five felonies in one week. Light them up, Boyle! 32 00:01:35,332 --> 00:01:36,792 [CHEERING] 33 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,336 [LAUGHING] 34 00:01:39,504 --> 00:01:41,256 That's the sweet taste of triumph. 35 00:01:41,548 --> 00:01:42,798 You should shower more. Yep. 36 00:01:42,882 --> 00:01:44,968 Updates on open cases? 37 00:01:45,301 --> 00:01:47,053 I just got a DOA on Bessemer Street. 38 00:01:47,137 --> 00:01:50,057 You're the primary. You're in charge. Take Diaz and Peralta. 39 00:01:50,141 --> 00:01:52,309 Yes. My fantasy threesome. 40 00:01:53,686 --> 00:01:54,728 Of cops on a case. 41 00:01:54,812 --> 00:01:56,688 Detectives, our monthly crime statistics are due. 42 00:01:56,772 --> 00:01:59,422 I want all paperwork on your closed cases by tomorrow. 43 00:01:59,608 --> 00:02:01,903 Scully, you can just write "I didn't close any" on a piece of paper. 44 00:02:01,987 --> 00:02:03,029 You got it. 45 00:02:03,113 --> 00:02:05,063 I already got my paperwork in, Captain. 46 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:07,492 Then, I guess this little reminder isn't for you. 47 00:02:07,576 --> 00:02:09,952 Wow. Looks like he hates you even more than me. 48 00:02:10,036 --> 00:02:12,247 No, he doesn't. We have a good relationship. 49 00:02:12,664 --> 00:02:13,749 We're on the same page. 50 00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:15,876 Something to share with the rest of us, Santiago? 51 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:19,130 No, sir. I wasn't… Peralta was the one that was talking. 52 00:02:20,047 --> 00:02:22,216 God, you must have been the worst fourth grader ever. 53 00:02:22,300 --> 00:02:24,259 Joke's on you. I skipped fourth grade. 54 00:02:24,343 --> 00:02:25,971 Santiago. Anything else? 55 00:02:26,096 --> 00:02:27,263 No. No? 56 00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:28,474 Mmm-mmm. 57 00:02:28,891 --> 00:02:29,892 Dismissed. 58 00:02:30,434 --> 00:02:33,436 Hey, Boyle. I know you haven't had Peralta as a secondary in a while. 59 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,188 Be careful. It could be rough. 60 00:02:35,272 --> 00:02:37,191 Hey, saboteur. 61 00:02:37,275 --> 00:02:39,986 That's not true. I happen to be a very good secondary. 62 00:02:40,987 --> 00:02:43,656 So, you were just borrowing those cars? 63 00:02:43,823 --> 00:02:45,366 PERALTA [MUFFLED]: Ask about his bank account. 64 00:02:45,450 --> 00:02:47,035 Ask about his bank account! 65 00:02:47,495 --> 00:02:48,788 Ask him about his bank 66 00:02:50,289 --> 00:02:51,623 account. 67 00:02:51,707 --> 00:02:53,291 You should ask him about his bank account. 68 00:02:53,375 --> 00:02:55,419 Captain, Santiago broke the glass. What? 69 00:02:56,295 --> 00:02:59,757 You can't give up control. You're terrible at taking your primary's orders. 70 00:02:59,841 --> 00:03:01,759 You just do whatever you want. 71 00:03:01,843 --> 00:03:03,302 I could go on and on and on. 72 00:03:03,386 --> 00:03:06,306 Is something no lover of yours has ever said. Blammo! 73 00:03:06,556 --> 00:03:09,351 Look, I can be an amazing secondary, and I'll prove it. 74 00:03:09,476 --> 00:03:10,728 I know you will, Jake-in-the-box. 75 00:03:10,812 --> 00:03:13,522 Okay. Don't ever call me that again. I'm driving. We should leave now. 76 00:03:13,606 --> 00:03:14,774 Carry my bag. 77 00:03:15,775 --> 00:03:18,277 But you should pick the music, primary. 78 00:03:19,028 --> 00:03:20,070 [RADIO PLAYING] 79 00:03:20,154 --> 00:03:23,158 ♪ Consider yourself part of the furniture ♪ 80 00:03:23,242 --> 00:03:26,286 ♪ There isn't a lot to spare ♪ 81 00:03:26,787 --> 00:03:30,582 ♪ Who cares, whatever we got, we share ♪ 82 00:03:32,584 --> 00:03:34,337 It's a great picture, sir. 83 00:03:34,671 --> 00:03:35,880 I hate it. 84 00:03:35,964 --> 00:03:37,006 Me, too. 85 00:03:39,342 --> 00:03:41,969 So, I have an eyewitness in the purse-snatcher case. 86 00:03:42,053 --> 00:03:44,303 Only problem is the sketch artist is out sick. 87 00:03:44,514 --> 00:03:45,724 How do you want me to proceed? 88 00:03:45,808 --> 00:03:47,808 Figure it out, Santiago. It's your case. 89 00:03:48,018 --> 00:03:50,020 Yes. I will do that. 90 00:03:50,646 --> 00:03:51,938 Thank you. 91 00:03:52,022 --> 00:03:53,315 Are you bowing? 92 00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:57,112 No. This is how I walk. 93 00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:02,784 What do you need, Quasimodo? 94 00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:03,993 I got to go meet Boyle and Peralta. 95 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,828 Is there something wrong with the captain? 96 00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:07,121 It seems like he's in a bad mood. 97 00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:08,555 I don't know. Who can tell? 98 00:04:10,668 --> 00:04:12,837 You all right, Captain? Tough weekend? 99 00:04:13,504 --> 00:04:15,547 I went to Barbados with my husband. 100 00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:19,677 We wove hats out of palm fronds and swam with the stingrays. 101 00:04:20,512 --> 00:04:21,972 I've never been happier. 102 00:04:24,182 --> 00:04:25,433 Guy's impossible to read. 103 00:04:25,517 --> 00:04:26,518 Don't even try. 104 00:04:26,685 --> 00:04:29,735 That is, without question, the funniest story I've ever heard. 105 00:04:33,359 --> 00:04:36,321 Wow. This guy must have weighed 500 pounds. 106 00:04:36,613 --> 00:04:37,947 I think we have an idea what killed him. 107 00:04:38,031 --> 00:04:39,991 Spoiler alert, it was not starvation. 108 00:04:40,950 --> 00:04:41,992 What do we got? What do we got? 109 00:04:42,076 --> 00:04:44,705 Sorry. Sorry. You're the primary. You're in charge. 110 00:04:45,873 --> 00:04:49,627 Frank Patterson. 58 years old, married, no children. 111 00:04:49,877 --> 00:04:51,795 Wife found him this morning and called it in. 112 00:04:51,879 --> 00:04:54,129 Okay. Any signs of forced entry or a struggle? 113 00:04:54,424 --> 00:04:55,424 No. 114 00:04:55,508 --> 00:04:56,717 Are you sure about that? 115 00:04:56,801 --> 00:04:59,220 Looks like maybe his belt had a pretty epic struggle with his stomach. 116 00:04:59,304 --> 00:05:00,429 [CHUCKLES] 117 00:05:00,513 --> 00:05:01,764 What are you thinking, Boyle? For a guy… 118 00:05:01,848 --> 00:05:04,934 I'm calling natural causes. We got heart medicine over here, 119 00:05:05,018 --> 00:05:08,021 home defibrillator, and a frequent customer gift basket 120 00:05:08,105 --> 00:05:09,982 from the cardiac wing of Brooklyn Methodist. 121 00:05:10,066 --> 00:05:11,525 This case is open and shut. 122 00:05:12,193 --> 00:05:14,027 Just like his mouth was constantly. 123 00:05:14,111 --> 00:05:16,447 That was my last fat joke. Okay? 124 00:05:16,822 --> 00:05:18,658 Diaz, check and see if there's any more meds in the bathroom. 125 00:05:18,742 --> 00:05:22,042 Boyle, see what you can find in the bedroom. I'll take the kitchen. 126 00:05:23,664 --> 00:05:26,249 Yep. That's exactly what I was going to say. 127 00:05:26,333 --> 00:05:29,128 It's so weird. He's so good at knowing what I'm going to tell him to do. 128 00:05:29,212 --> 00:05:31,422 He just does it. It's weird. 129 00:05:34,842 --> 00:05:38,304 Hey, Sergeant. You know how you're really good at, um, doodling? 130 00:05:38,388 --> 00:05:40,014 I know you think you're complimenting me, 131 00:05:40,098 --> 00:05:42,351 but calling them doodles is an insult. 132 00:05:43,018 --> 00:05:44,812 You a big fan of Picasso's doodles? 133 00:05:45,354 --> 00:05:48,064 Sorry. Can you please draw a perp for me? 134 00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:51,109 The sketch artist is out sick and the captain wants this done right away. 135 00:05:51,193 --> 00:05:53,112 He's in a bad mood. Is he? 136 00:05:53,196 --> 00:05:54,246 I can never read him. 137 00:05:55,490 --> 00:05:57,909 You look chipper, Captain. You have a fun weekend? 138 00:05:57,993 --> 00:05:59,911 There was a small fire in my home. 139 00:05:59,995 --> 00:06:02,455 I lost many photo albums of treasured memories. 140 00:06:04,166 --> 00:06:05,209 I'm devastated. 141 00:06:06,043 --> 00:06:08,086 I'm telling you. He and I have a connection, 142 00:06:08,170 --> 00:06:09,922 and there is something bothering him. 143 00:06:10,006 --> 00:06:11,257 Can you help me out? 144 00:06:11,882 --> 00:06:13,008 Great. 145 00:06:13,092 --> 00:06:16,095 Ma'am, can you please describe the perp to Sergeant Jeffords? 146 00:06:16,179 --> 00:06:19,641 Uh, yeah. He had, um, dark, curly hair and a neck tattoo. 147 00:06:19,725 --> 00:06:23,228 Wait, wait, wait. Slow down. Uh, let's start with the eyes. 148 00:06:23,687 --> 00:06:25,814 Were they desperate? Lonely? 149 00:06:26,273 --> 00:06:27,900 Did they betray heartache? 150 00:06:28,067 --> 00:06:29,277 They were brown. 151 00:06:29,819 --> 00:06:31,469 Do you even want your purse back? 152 00:06:34,032 --> 00:06:37,451 So far, you've managed to tell three fat jokes and completely bulldoze Charles. 153 00:06:37,535 --> 00:06:39,079 Is that your idea of being a good secondary? 154 00:06:39,163 --> 00:06:42,874 First off, I've told four. And second, I'm helping. 155 00:06:42,958 --> 00:06:45,043 I mean, I started cataloging the contents of the fridge, 156 00:06:45,127 --> 00:06:46,544 but it turns out there's not enough paper on Earth. 157 00:06:46,628 --> 00:06:48,129 Five fat jokes. [CHUCKLES] 158 00:06:48,213 --> 00:06:50,383 Thanks, Arnie. See? Arnie thinks I'm doing great. 159 00:06:50,467 --> 00:06:51,717 Arnie, shut up. 160 00:06:51,801 --> 00:06:56,264 Jake, for once, just hang back and let Boyle do his job. 161 00:06:56,556 --> 00:06:58,016 [GROANS] Fine. 162 00:06:58,558 --> 00:07:00,518 Unless I get a direct order from Boyle, 163 00:07:00,602 --> 00:07:04,190 I will stand here motionless like a wise old oak tree. 164 00:07:05,691 --> 00:07:07,193 You look like an idiot. 165 00:07:08,235 --> 00:07:10,946 I'm so sorry for your loss, Mrs. Patterson. 166 00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:13,116 Can you talk about what happened after breakfast? 167 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,036 I took the dog for a walk. When I came back, he was dead. 168 00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:19,998 I'm just in shock. We were going on a cruise together next week. 169 00:07:20,082 --> 00:07:22,667 He had pre-purchased the unlimited soda package. 170 00:07:23,001 --> 00:07:25,551 I'm sure the soft drink industry mourns his passing. 171 00:07:29,759 --> 00:07:32,053 Motion reactivated. [CLEARS THROAT] 172 00:07:34,597 --> 00:07:36,391 Hey. I'm Detective Jake Peralta. 173 00:07:36,475 --> 00:07:38,727 Dr. Rossi. I'm the new medical examiner. 174 00:07:38,811 --> 00:07:40,770 Don't let me get in your way. I'm sure you have a lot to do. 175 00:07:40,854 --> 00:07:43,854 Actually, I've been given a direct order to do nothing. So… 176 00:07:44,858 --> 00:07:46,192 What brings you here? 177 00:07:46,276 --> 00:07:50,031 Okay. I'm all right. Sorry. Sorry. 178 00:07:50,532 --> 00:07:52,575 You all right? What's up? 179 00:07:57,664 --> 00:07:58,914 How's the Patterson case looking? 180 00:07:58,998 --> 00:08:00,500 Uh, it looks like natural causes, 181 00:08:00,584 --> 00:08:03,420 but I'll know for sure once I get the autopsy results tomorrow. 182 00:08:03,504 --> 00:08:05,714 Jake volunteered to follow up with the ME. 183 00:08:05,798 --> 00:08:07,049 My man is all over it. 184 00:08:07,508 --> 00:08:09,676 I'm really glad you could sneak away from your case. 185 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:12,263 Well, it's technically not really my case. 186 00:08:12,347 --> 00:08:16,101 But on the plus side, I have all the time in the world. 187 00:08:16,518 --> 00:08:17,518 Oh. 188 00:08:17,602 --> 00:08:20,855 To you. And to the ginormous dead fat man who brought us together. 189 00:08:20,939 --> 00:08:22,108 [CHUCKLES] 190 00:08:28,781 --> 00:08:31,033 BOYLE: Hey, Jake. Have you heard anything from the ME? 191 00:08:31,117 --> 00:08:32,493 She hasn't sent the autopsy report. 192 00:08:32,577 --> 00:08:33,870 Oh, that's strange. 193 00:08:33,954 --> 00:08:36,790 Maybe probably a bunch more people died and she got super busy. 194 00:08:36,874 --> 00:08:38,374 That's definitely what happened. 195 00:08:38,458 --> 00:08:39,959 Okay. Just let me know when she calls. 196 00:08:40,043 --> 00:08:41,378 You got it. 197 00:08:41,712 --> 00:08:43,171 [CLEARS THROAT] 198 00:08:43,255 --> 00:08:45,883 Hey. Can I ask you guys something? Can you keep a secret? 199 00:08:45,967 --> 00:08:47,384 Do you know anything about my life? 200 00:08:47,468 --> 00:08:48,511 No, I do not. Good point. 201 00:08:48,595 --> 00:08:50,429 Okay. So, you know the new medical examiner? 202 00:08:50,513 --> 00:08:52,413 I kind of had sex with her last night. 203 00:08:52,849 --> 00:08:53,849 What? 204 00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:55,893 Oh. Sorry. I forgot who I was talking to. 205 00:08:55,977 --> 00:08:58,021 Sex is something that two adults do with their bodies 206 00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:59,523 when they're attracted to each other. 207 00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:01,358 He's right, Santiago. Do you not know that? 208 00:09:01,442 --> 00:09:03,736 I meant, what were you thinking? 209 00:09:04,195 --> 00:09:07,447 She was supposed to be doing an autopsy for your primary, Charles. 210 00:09:07,531 --> 00:09:09,826 The guy died of natural causes. What's the big deal? 211 00:09:09,910 --> 00:09:12,203 Anyways, back to last night. As you would imagine, 212 00:09:12,287 --> 00:09:14,455 I'm normally up for pretty much anything in the bedroom. 213 00:09:14,539 --> 00:09:17,125 But I can't tell if what happened was weird or sexy. 214 00:09:17,751 --> 00:09:19,837 Wait. Close your eyes. 215 00:09:19,921 --> 00:09:21,130 Oh, okay. 216 00:09:24,467 --> 00:09:25,467 Ah! 217 00:09:25,551 --> 00:09:27,929 [SHUSHING] 218 00:09:28,304 --> 00:09:29,388 What are you doing? 219 00:09:29,472 --> 00:09:31,015 I like them cold. 220 00:09:31,767 --> 00:09:32,935 Okay. 221 00:09:33,352 --> 00:09:34,853 Not that weird. Cold? 222 00:09:34,937 --> 00:09:36,729 Like a dead guy? You're reading into that. 223 00:09:36,813 --> 00:09:37,814 Am I? 224 00:09:38,273 --> 00:09:39,775 You have a really nice chest. 225 00:09:40,150 --> 00:09:41,234 Thank you. 226 00:09:41,318 --> 00:09:45,239 I'd love to crack it open and get my hands all over your organs. 227 00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:47,700 Okay. I wonder how much your appendix weighs. 228 00:09:47,784 --> 00:09:50,995 [GASPS] Oh. It's inflamed. 229 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,289 All right. Wait. That's bad, right? 230 00:09:53,373 --> 00:09:54,875 Yeah, it is. Oh, no. 231 00:09:55,292 --> 00:09:57,711 Ew. Please tell me you ran out of there. 232 00:09:58,212 --> 00:10:02,299 No. For some reason, I kind of started getting into it. 233 00:10:03,050 --> 00:10:05,094 Oh. What do we have here? 234 00:10:05,427 --> 00:10:09,223 A 34-year-old Caucasian male who is dead. Very dead. 235 00:10:09,307 --> 00:10:11,184 Mmm. Cause of death? 236 00:10:11,476 --> 00:10:14,229 Initial assessment, blunt force trauma. 237 00:10:14,646 --> 00:10:17,023 But what do I find when I probe a little farther? 238 00:10:17,107 --> 00:10:20,736 Bruising around the neck and ocean water in the lungs. 239 00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:23,197 Ooh. How long have you been dead, body? 240 00:10:23,281 --> 00:10:25,866 Four days. Gross. Bloating. Odors. 241 00:10:25,950 --> 00:10:28,285 Oh. Uh, 24 hours. 242 00:10:28,369 --> 00:10:30,080 Perfect. 243 00:10:31,081 --> 00:10:32,124 Here we go. 244 00:10:32,541 --> 00:10:34,709 Stop, stop, stop. Weird, weird, weird. 245 00:10:34,793 --> 00:10:36,586 Rosa, what's your call? Weird or sexy? 246 00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:38,297 Weird. I knew it! 247 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,050 But also kind of sexy? No. Weird. 248 00:10:41,134 --> 00:10:42,551 But more importantly, that's what you were doing 249 00:10:42,635 --> 00:10:44,720 while Charles was grinding through paperwork? 250 00:10:44,804 --> 00:10:46,764 Told you. Worst secondary in the unit. 251 00:10:46,848 --> 00:10:48,057 Oh, what do you guys want from me? 252 00:10:48,141 --> 00:10:50,267 You know, I take over a crime scene, I'm a bad secondary. 253 00:10:50,351 --> 00:10:53,146 I blow off work to have sex with a hot coroner, I'm a bad secondary. 254 00:10:53,230 --> 00:10:55,106 I can't win. What are you guys talking about? 255 00:10:55,190 --> 00:10:57,776 Um, just weird sex stuff that has nothing to do with work. 256 00:10:57,860 --> 00:11:01,447 I once had sex on a futon. And it was in couch mode. 257 00:11:03,449 --> 00:11:04,451 Hmm. 258 00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:11,874 Sarge, all of these are fine. How much longer are you going to work on this? 259 00:11:11,958 --> 00:11:14,961 It's questions like that that made Van Gogh cut off his ear. 260 00:11:15,546 --> 00:11:16,996 You can't put a clock on art. 261 00:11:18,632 --> 00:11:19,675 Ten minutes. 262 00:11:19,759 --> 00:11:22,803 Great. Let's catch this guy so we can give Holt some good news. 263 00:11:22,887 --> 00:11:23,887 I want to cheer him up. 264 00:11:23,971 --> 00:11:25,514 Well, how do you even know he's in a bad mood? 265 00:11:25,598 --> 00:11:27,648 I mean, it's impossible to read that guy. 266 00:11:27,893 --> 00:11:32,356 This the most incompetent, worthless report I have ever read in my life! 267 00:11:32,606 --> 00:11:34,775 Get your act together, or so help me God, 268 00:11:34,900 --> 00:11:36,860 you won't live to see retirement! 269 00:11:37,652 --> 00:11:40,156 It's like, "What's that guy thinking?" You know? 270 00:11:40,907 --> 00:11:44,702 I can read him. And if anyone can figure out what's bothering him, it's me. 271 00:11:45,119 --> 00:11:46,871 He and I are exactly the same. 272 00:11:47,580 --> 00:11:50,542 Except that I'm younger, Cuban, female, single, and straight. 273 00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:51,960 Captain Holt's not gay. 274 00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:54,504 Captain Holt's gay? 275 00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:56,340 Seriously, man. Just retire. 276 00:11:58,967 --> 00:12:00,844 Boyle, where's my paperwork on that DOA? 277 00:12:00,928 --> 00:12:02,513 Still waiting on the autopsy report. 278 00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:03,889 It was supposed to come in first thing this morning, 279 00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:04,974 but so far, nothing. 280 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,225 This is unacceptable. 281 00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,019 I'll call the ME and find out what happened. 282 00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:10,271 Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. 283 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,273 That's not necessary, sir. 284 00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,860 For the record, I think it's natural causes, anyway. 285 00:12:14,944 --> 00:12:17,904 But I'm also the secondary on this case. It's my responsibility. 286 00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:20,032 So, I will head on down there and pick up the report. 287 00:12:20,116 --> 00:12:22,659 Good. But don't ever "buh, buh, buh, buh" me again. 288 00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:23,827 Right. I don't know what… 289 00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:25,997 Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. 290 00:12:26,081 --> 00:12:27,207 Just go. 291 00:12:27,791 --> 00:12:30,168 Yep. I am going to regret teaching him that one. 292 00:12:32,421 --> 00:12:33,971 Rosa, can I show you something? 293 00:12:34,297 --> 00:12:35,340 What's up? 294 00:12:35,424 --> 00:12:38,594 Patterson's wife told me that they were going on a cruise together next month, 295 00:12:38,678 --> 00:12:41,328 but her credit card bill shows only one ticket booked. 296 00:12:42,014 --> 00:12:44,564 Either she's lying, or she knew he was going to die. 297 00:12:44,809 --> 00:12:46,477 Huh. Nice find, Boyle. 298 00:12:46,894 --> 00:12:48,229 This could be a murder. 299 00:12:48,313 --> 00:12:51,566 Where is that autopsy? Jake went down to the ME an hour and a half ago, 300 00:12:51,650 --> 00:12:52,776 he still hasn't got back to me. 301 00:12:52,860 --> 00:12:54,194 Jake went to get the autopsy report? 302 00:12:54,278 --> 00:12:56,613 I know. Isn't he the best? 303 00:12:56,822 --> 00:12:59,033 I mean, he's really coming into his own as a secondary. 304 00:12:59,117 --> 00:13:00,910 I want to get him something nice. 305 00:13:00,994 --> 00:13:04,038 Does he come across more as a pinot guy, or more of a syrah? 306 00:13:04,122 --> 00:13:07,372 You know what? We better go down there. See what's holding him up. 307 00:13:07,834 --> 00:13:09,002 Good call. 308 00:13:12,381 --> 00:13:14,132 Detectives. [CLEARS THROAT] Hello. 309 00:13:14,216 --> 00:13:16,009 Your shirt's buttoned wrong. 310 00:13:16,093 --> 00:13:18,887 Ha. So it is. Well. [CLEARS THROAT] 311 00:13:18,971 --> 00:13:19,971 How can I help you? 312 00:13:20,055 --> 00:13:21,848 Uh, we came by to get that autopsy report. 313 00:13:21,932 --> 00:13:23,643 Hmm. Is Detective Peralta here? 314 00:13:23,894 --> 00:13:25,228 I haven't seen him. 315 00:13:25,812 --> 00:13:26,896 Thanks for coming by. 316 00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:28,398 [MUFFLED COUGHING] Hold on. 317 00:13:32,402 --> 00:13:33,403 Found him. 318 00:13:33,487 --> 00:13:36,991 Ah. Thank goodness you're here. I am so lost. 319 00:13:37,867 --> 00:13:40,244 Do you know where the vending machines are? 320 00:13:43,706 --> 00:13:45,125 Look, it's not what it seems like. 321 00:13:45,209 --> 00:13:46,459 Yes, it is. Yes, it is. 322 00:13:46,543 --> 00:13:49,838 Here's what happened. I came down here to get the autopsy report. 323 00:13:49,922 --> 00:13:51,840 And in conclusion, here we are. 324 00:13:52,257 --> 00:13:53,341 Now, if you'll excuse me. 325 00:13:53,425 --> 00:13:54,717 Cut the crap, Peralta. 326 00:13:54,801 --> 00:13:56,762 Look, I'm sorry I slowed down the autopsy results. 327 00:13:56,846 --> 00:13:58,472 But everyone knows it's natural causes. 328 00:13:58,556 --> 00:14:00,266 Not anymore. We think it could be a murder. 329 00:14:00,350 --> 00:14:01,559 Wait. Like, a "murder" murder? 330 00:14:01,643 --> 00:14:03,109 Or, like, his mouth murdered him by making 331 00:14:03,193 --> 00:14:04,854 him eat so much food that his heart exploded? 332 00:14:04,938 --> 00:14:07,273 "Murder" murder. We need the autopsy to be sure. 333 00:14:07,357 --> 00:14:09,067 I have not gotten to that yet. 334 00:14:09,151 --> 00:14:11,236 You guys have been down here for two hours. 335 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:13,030 What, did you have sex 40 times? 336 00:14:13,364 --> 00:14:16,491 40 times? No. Charles. Look, I'm sorry. 337 00:14:16,575 --> 00:14:17,826 We didn't know it was a homicide. 338 00:14:17,910 --> 00:14:20,830 Well, it shouldn't matter. I'm your primary and I asked you to do something. 339 00:14:20,914 --> 00:14:23,375 So, if it's okay, I'd like to be upset with you. 340 00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:25,919 It's more than okay. It's okay times two. 341 00:14:26,253 --> 00:14:30,090 Now, Dr. Rossi, will you please perform the autopsy for us right now? 342 00:14:30,674 --> 00:14:33,302 Actually, with a body this size, I'd need my assistant. 343 00:14:33,386 --> 00:14:36,346 And I gave him the rest of the afternoon off when Jake showed up. 344 00:14:36,430 --> 00:14:38,182 Guilty. [CHUCKLES] 345 00:14:38,599 --> 00:14:42,812 Okay, fine. I will act as your assistant 346 00:14:42,896 --> 00:14:44,773 because I am a wonderful secondary. 347 00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:46,775 How gross could it be? 348 00:14:46,942 --> 00:14:50,028 I'm just going to need you to hold open this chest cavity for me. 349 00:14:50,112 --> 00:14:53,115 Oh. Wow. Okay. I can do that. 350 00:14:53,782 --> 00:14:57,082 It's no big deal. Just like holding open some slimy elevator doors. 351 00:14:57,870 --> 00:14:59,831 For a family of aliens. Oh, my God. 352 00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:04,252 Yep. There are some signs of stress on the heart, but that's not surprising. 353 00:15:04,419 --> 00:15:07,005 Ah, will you look at that stomach lining? 354 00:15:07,089 --> 00:15:08,632 God, that is just a beaut. 355 00:15:08,716 --> 00:15:09,841 Ugh. 356 00:15:09,925 --> 00:15:13,075 All right. I'm going to need you to go ahead and take your hand. 357 00:15:13,220 --> 00:15:14,304 [GRUNTS] 358 00:15:14,388 --> 00:15:16,389 -Yep. Get it down there. -[GROANS] 359 00:15:16,473 --> 00:15:18,601 -Get it on in. There you go. -[GRUNTS] 360 00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:19,769 Oh, that is so big. 361 00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:23,648 Caught him? Yes, sir. 362 00:15:23,773 --> 00:15:26,859 He was easy to pick up. He looked just like the sergeant's sketch. 363 00:15:26,943 --> 00:15:30,072 You could be a professional artist, boss. Like on the boardwalk. 364 00:15:30,156 --> 00:15:33,743 You think I should draw caricatures? That's garbage art. 365 00:15:33,951 --> 00:15:36,245 I don't draw giant-head people on surfboards. 366 00:15:36,495 --> 00:15:38,445 I'm saying you could. You're that good. 367 00:15:38,539 --> 00:15:41,376 Captain, the credit really goes to Sergeant Jeffords. 368 00:15:41,752 --> 00:15:43,503 Without his refined artistic skills… 369 00:15:43,587 --> 00:15:46,937 Finish the paperwork by noon. I want it included in the crime stats. 370 00:15:47,883 --> 00:15:50,009 I got to say, I always hate how I look in pictures. 371 00:15:50,093 --> 00:15:53,931 But that is so flattering. Also, I'm innocent. You got the wrong guy. 372 00:15:54,015 --> 00:15:56,016 Shut up. Sarge, 373 00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:57,768 I need you to do one more drawing for me. 374 00:15:57,852 --> 00:15:58,853 What? 375 00:16:03,399 --> 00:16:06,152 It will cheer the captain up. He'll be over the moon. 376 00:16:06,236 --> 00:16:09,365 He may even lean back in his chair a little and nod slightly. 377 00:16:09,573 --> 00:16:13,323 This is a lot of pressure. If I'm going to do this, it has to be done right. 378 00:16:13,786 --> 00:16:15,246 -Scully. -SCULLY: Yeah? 379 00:16:15,664 --> 00:16:17,457 Get me my oils. 380 00:16:18,083 --> 00:16:19,334 Paint or massage? 381 00:16:21,670 --> 00:16:22,754 I'll get both. 382 00:16:22,879 --> 00:16:26,090 You know, this is one of the most unhealthy people I've ever seen. 383 00:16:26,174 --> 00:16:28,761 It's like cutting into a big, overstuffed ravioli. 384 00:16:29,970 --> 00:16:31,889 You sure you want me to keep digging? 385 00:16:32,098 --> 00:16:35,225 Unfortunately, yes. The primary on this case says it's a murder. 386 00:16:35,309 --> 00:16:37,102 We have to treat it like a murder. 387 00:16:37,186 --> 00:16:38,730 Okay. Here we go. 388 00:16:39,272 --> 00:16:41,191 Oh. Want to see something cool? 389 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:42,776 No. Here it is. 390 00:16:42,943 --> 00:16:45,404 Ah, that's what I'm talking about. [GASPS] Listen. 391 00:16:47,114 --> 00:16:49,533 Goosh. Mmm-hmm. 392 00:16:49,700 --> 00:16:51,160 You know what that was? 393 00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:54,747 That was the air releasing from the large intestine. 394 00:16:55,164 --> 00:16:58,000 Ah. In the biz, we call that the "death bubble." 395 00:16:58,084 --> 00:17:00,284 Pretty cool. Here, you want to hold it? Nope. 396 00:17:02,423 --> 00:17:04,507 Knock, knock. You can knock with your hands. 397 00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:06,218 Saying it is ridiculous. 398 00:17:06,468 --> 00:17:10,305 Okay. Well, I know you're having a bad day. 399 00:17:11,932 --> 00:17:14,185 I think you're having a bad day. 400 00:17:14,602 --> 00:17:19,231 So, to cheer you up, I had Terry do this painting 401 00:17:19,315 --> 00:17:20,900 to replace the photo you hated. 402 00:17:21,943 --> 00:17:23,801 I threw away the photo because I think it's 403 00:17:23,885 --> 00:17:25,781 ostentatious to hang pictures of yourself, 404 00:17:25,865 --> 00:17:28,565 especially when you haven't earned a place on the wall. 405 00:17:29,285 --> 00:17:30,327 Oh. 406 00:17:30,411 --> 00:17:32,371 But you would have me hang a baroque oil painting of myself, 407 00:17:32,455 --> 00:17:34,290 like I'm a North Korean dictator. 408 00:17:34,457 --> 00:17:36,293 What, no ornate gold frame? 409 00:17:36,793 --> 00:17:40,088 Why am I not astride my noble steed, clad in armor? 410 00:17:41,631 --> 00:17:42,841 We could add a horse. 411 00:17:43,091 --> 00:17:46,010 You just wasted your time, Terry's time, and now my time on this, 412 00:17:46,094 --> 00:17:48,764 when you should have been filing the report on the purse-snatcher. 413 00:17:48,848 --> 00:17:50,748 Oh, I did. It's already in the system. 414 00:17:51,058 --> 00:17:53,060 Oh. Good. 415 00:17:54,437 --> 00:17:55,688 Thank you. Dismissed. 416 00:17:59,109 --> 00:18:01,236 Here are the contents of his stomach. 417 00:18:01,487 --> 00:18:03,071 Oh. That's where they went. 418 00:18:03,155 --> 00:18:04,364 And here's the really cool part. 419 00:18:04,448 --> 00:18:06,825 Get in here. Look at the scarring on this liver. 420 00:18:07,117 --> 00:18:10,120 Cause of death, poison. Ingested. 421 00:18:11,581 --> 00:18:13,416 [SIGHS] Boyle was right. 422 00:18:15,001 --> 00:18:16,210 All right. I'm going to go tell him. 423 00:18:16,294 --> 00:18:17,462 Yeah, you could. 424 00:18:17,921 --> 00:18:21,465 Or you could stay for a post-mortem. 425 00:18:21,549 --> 00:18:24,178 Nope. Sorry. The spell has worn off. 426 00:18:24,678 --> 00:18:26,930 No more weird dead guy sex for me ever again. 427 00:18:27,014 --> 00:18:29,850 It's nothing personal. I just think sex is for the living. 428 00:18:29,934 --> 00:18:32,519 Isn't that right, buddy? Oh, my God. He has no eyes. 429 00:18:32,603 --> 00:18:34,105 Oh, that is terrifying. 430 00:18:41,571 --> 00:18:42,739 What now, Santiago? 431 00:18:43,365 --> 00:18:44,949 I figured out why you've been so tense. 432 00:18:45,033 --> 00:18:47,161 You're worried about the monthly crime statistics. 433 00:18:47,245 --> 00:18:48,955 That's not your concern. 434 00:18:49,539 --> 00:18:51,498 I just checked the stats myself. 435 00:18:51,582 --> 00:18:53,584 Our arrest numbers haven't improved since you got here. 436 00:18:53,668 --> 00:18:55,618 They're exactly the same as last month. 437 00:18:55,837 --> 00:18:58,131 If this is your strategy to cheer me up, it's backfiring. 438 00:18:58,215 --> 00:19:01,384 Sir, I don't think you realize how good flat numbers are. 439 00:19:01,468 --> 00:19:03,303 I went back 12 years. 440 00:19:03,387 --> 00:19:06,473 A precinct's numbers almost always get worse under new leadership. 441 00:19:06,557 --> 00:19:08,893 But ours didn't. That's a win. 442 00:19:09,602 --> 00:19:11,228 It's just your first month. 443 00:19:11,312 --> 00:19:13,564 Morale is much higher. People are working harder. 444 00:19:13,648 --> 00:19:16,398 You're well on your way to earning a place on that wall. 445 00:19:16,985 --> 00:19:18,736 Thank you, Santiago. 446 00:19:19,779 --> 00:19:22,616 You know. We're birds of a feather, you and I. 447 00:19:22,867 --> 00:19:24,785 I hate cliches. Cliches are the worst. 448 00:19:25,536 --> 00:19:26,579 Okay. 449 00:19:37,299 --> 00:19:38,633 We know you killed your husband. 450 00:19:38,717 --> 00:19:40,343 That cruise you planned was for one. 451 00:19:40,427 --> 00:19:42,512 Plus, the autopsy showed clear signs of poison. 452 00:19:42,596 --> 00:19:45,474 And for the record, the inside of his body was very gross. 453 00:19:45,558 --> 00:19:48,019 Noted. My only question is, why did you do it? 454 00:19:48,769 --> 00:19:52,314 Hmm. He drove me to it. He had affair after affair. 455 00:19:52,398 --> 00:19:54,066 He was a real Don Juan. 456 00:19:54,233 --> 00:19:55,819 Permission to make a fat joke? Go ahead. 457 00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:57,821 Are you sure you didn't mean Don Flan? Thanks. 458 00:19:57,905 --> 00:20:01,074 Nice. Mrs. Patterson, you are under arrest for the murder of your husband. 459 00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:02,618 [EXHALES] 460 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,913 Sarge, that painting is tight. 461 00:20:06,247 --> 00:20:10,042 It's terrible. The brushwork is sloppy. It's poor use of negative space. 462 00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:11,920 I'm a fraud. Not at all. 463 00:20:13,922 --> 00:20:15,548 I'd like to take this home for my husband. 464 00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:17,632 He'll be glad you made me look so happy. 465 00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:21,221 I was trying to make him look serious. 466 00:20:21,305 --> 00:20:23,265 I still can't read him. No one can. 467 00:20:24,099 --> 00:20:25,768 I can. He likes it. 468 00:20:29,564 --> 00:20:31,358 Nice job, Boyle. You nailed it. 469 00:20:31,608 --> 00:20:34,318 Hear, hear. Of course he did. He's a great primary. 470 00:20:34,402 --> 00:20:36,780 And I'm sorry I was such a bad number two. 471 00:20:37,072 --> 00:20:40,408 I may, for the first time have been a bit of a jerk. And I'm sorry. 472 00:20:40,910 --> 00:20:42,411 What a wonderful moment. 473 00:20:42,620 --> 00:20:44,162 I agree. It is a wonderful moment. 474 00:20:44,246 --> 00:20:45,914 What a wonderful moment. Rosa, you agree? 475 00:20:45,998 --> 00:20:47,457 It's all right. It's all right. 476 00:20:47,541 --> 00:20:49,502 -BOTH: ♪ Wonderful moment ♪ -♪ …ment ♪ 477 00:20:49,794 --> 00:20:52,714 -♪ Between two guys ♪ -♪ Between two guys ♪ 478 00:20:52,798 --> 00:20:54,507 [CELL PHONE BUZZING] 479 00:20:54,591 --> 00:20:56,634 Oh. The DA wants to set bail for Patterson's wife. 480 00:20:56,718 --> 00:20:58,804 They need me to send them all the files. 481 00:20:59,429 --> 00:21:02,641 I'm the secondary. I'll go back there and do the busy work. 482 00:21:02,891 --> 00:21:05,102 You guys stay here and keep celebrating. 483 00:21:05,186 --> 00:21:07,897 You sure you're not just sneaking off for more weird dead guy sex? 484 00:21:07,981 --> 00:21:11,109 [CHUCKLES] We will never speak of that again. Never. 485 00:21:12,527 --> 00:21:13,736 Okay, bye. 486 00:21:14,654 --> 00:21:16,615 God. Crazy day, huh? 487 00:21:16,699 --> 00:21:18,993 I hate small talk. Let's drink in silence. 488 00:21:20,577 --> 00:21:21,704 Perfect. 38307

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.