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1
00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:05,137
Thanks again for having us over, guys.
2
00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:09,007
Your home is beautiful!
They could shoot pornos here!
3
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,274
They have.
4
00:00:10,276 --> 00:00:12,677
This B-B-Q is the least we can do.
5
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:15,347
Your son defended
Toshi's honor at school!
6
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,015
Oh, it was nothing.
7
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:20,051
Anyone could've helped him
vandalize that lunch lady's car.
8
00:00:20,052 --> 00:00:22,245
_
9
00:00:22,246 --> 00:00:24,946
_
10
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:27,625
Oh! Oh, Toshi, one of these days,
11
00:00:27,627 --> 00:00:29,894
you'll have to teach me Japanese.
12
00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:32,897
Hideki, my man,
I gotta say I'm lovin' it here!
13
00:00:32,899 --> 00:00:35,834
Your house is gigantic,
your pool is dangerously deep,
14
00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:37,902
and I like how you're
wearing dress shoes and socks
15
00:00:37,904 --> 00:00:39,971
with your Speedo. Powerful look.
16
00:00:40,769 --> 00:00:41,906
Gonna run to the bathroom.
17
00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:44,442
So you know,
this is a massive sign of respect.
18
00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:47,045
I usually just go in the pool,
even at home.
19
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:50,682
Especially at home.
When I'm not swimming.
20
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:55,653
Where's the bathroom?
They have to dump somewhere.
21
00:00:55,655 --> 00:00:59,724
Unless I was supposed to go in the pool.
22
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,926
Hideki's got an archery range?!
23
00:01:01,928 --> 00:01:04,128
HIDEKI: Stan,
are you pooping or snooping?
24
00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:06,130
- [GASPS]
- I would, too.
25
00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:08,600
We have a lot of great stuff!
26
00:01:09,644 --> 00:01:11,535
That's our weekend kitchen...
27
00:01:11,537 --> 00:01:15,073
This room's just an insanely
soft rug to stand barefoot on
28
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,909
while you listen to the Indigo Girls.
29
00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:21,413
And triangle room.
30
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:25,083
But you have a triangular room.
31
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,485
Why didn't you put your
triangles in there?
32
00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:30,288
[LAUGHING]
33
00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:33,091
Oh, Stan! [LAUGHS]
34
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:36,228
You have truly created comedy.
35
00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:37,695
Thank you.
36
00:01:37,697 --> 00:01:39,764
You know,
a lot of people don't get my comedy.
37
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:42,366
For instance, me right now.
38
00:01:42,368 --> 00:01:44,636
♪♪
39
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:47,239
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
40
00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:51,375
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
41
00:01:51,377 --> 00:01:54,312
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
42
00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:58,784
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
43
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,855
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
44
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:06,324
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
45
00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:07,626
Aah!
46
00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:12,330
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
47
00:02:12,332 --> 00:02:14,732
♪♪
48
00:02:14,734 --> 00:02:15,934
[CELLPHONE BUZZES]
49
00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:18,069
Damn, someone's blowing up.
50
00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:20,738
Uh, think that's you, Jeff.
51
00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:22,941
"Yo, doggy, wanna join me
52
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:26,077
"for a one-on-one guys'
weekend out in the country?
53
00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:29,413
Peace, love, and titties, Klaus."
54
00:02:29,415 --> 00:02:30,815
Um...
55
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,485
Why don't we have a
house like Hideki's?!
56
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,553
This place sucks compared to theirs!
57
00:02:35,555 --> 00:02:37,421
I think it's perfect here, Dad!
58
00:02:37,423 --> 00:02:39,624
I'm just grateful for
everything we have.
59
00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:41,092
Then you're a fool, Steve.
60
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:42,827
I don't even wanna
think about what Hideki
61
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,028
would say about this dump.
62
00:02:44,030 --> 00:02:45,697
Well, you're gonna find out.
63
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:48,099
I invited him over for
dinner this weekend.
64
00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:50,768
You did what?! Hideki can't come here.
65
00:02:50,770 --> 00:02:53,237
He'll think I'm a loser! Aah!
66
00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:55,974
And look at this wall!
This place is falling apart!
67
00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:57,575
How could you do this to me?!
68
00:02:57,577 --> 00:02:59,644
[SOBBING]
69
00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:02,113
Mother, which day
are the Yoshidas coming?
70
00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:04,916
You see, traditionally,
I take a Sunday stroll, and I...
71
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:08,786
We all know about your
precious Sunday strolls.
72
00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:10,655
Don't worry. It's Saturday.
73
00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:11,923
Y-e-es!
74
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:14,392
["JUNGLE BOOGIE"
BY KOOL & THE GANG PLAYS]
75
00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:18,262
♪♪
76
00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:20,464
I'm sorry we got interrupted by...
77
00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:22,334
whatever all that was.
78
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:25,803
Think over my offer, Jeff.
I'll be in my alcove.
79
00:03:25,805 --> 00:03:28,140
I think you know where it is.
80
00:03:28,142 --> 00:03:32,610
- ["JUNGLE BOOGIE" BY KOOL & THE GANG PLAYS]
- _
81
00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:34,879
I don't know what to do, babe.
82
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,614
Things tend to get weird when I hang out
83
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:38,550
with Mr. Klaus unsupervised.
84
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:41,953
But it'll be really weird if
you tell him you can't go.
85
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,755
He knows you have nothing going on.
86
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:45,957
- Everyone knows.
- They do?
87
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:49,361
That's... flattering!
88
00:03:53,676 --> 00:03:54,932
I'm so screwed!
89
00:03:54,934 --> 00:03:57,002
Hideki's like the coolest guy I know.
90
00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:58,870
I can't entertain him in this shitbox!
91
00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:02,273
But this is an easy fix.
Just go buy some new stuff.
92
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:05,010
With what money?
I'm barely keeping my head above water.
93
00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:08,079
No, dummy, not real money.
Throw it on a credit card!
94
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,948
That's the beauty of credit.
You buy now, you pay later.
95
00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:12,217
Or maybe never!
96
00:04:12,219 --> 00:04:14,152
I wish I could,
but the credit-card companies
97
00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:17,155
froze me out after I maxed
out 12 cards last summer
98
00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:19,757
trying to cut my teeth
on the funny car circuit.
99
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,158
Oh. Well, then, yeah,
100
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:22,960
Hideki's gonna laugh at your clown ass.
101
00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:25,497
Thank you! You get it. No one else does.
102
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:27,899
I got Steve down there telling
me everything's "perfect"
103
00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:29,300
when it clearly isn't.
104
00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:31,369
- Such a dick.
- Such a dick.
105
00:04:31,371 --> 00:04:32,637
Easy for him to talk.
106
00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:35,306
He's never had to deal with
financial responsibility.
107
00:04:35,308 --> 00:04:37,909
Right? He's never had to
pay off three credit cards
108
00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:40,712
with seven other credit cards.
He's never had one.
109
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:43,981
Just letting his virgin credit
sit there like a lazy bum.
110
00:04:43,983 --> 00:04:46,051
And it's that dick's
fault you're in this jam.
111
00:04:46,053 --> 00:04:47,719
He's Toshi's friend.
112
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,187
You're right. Come on.
113
00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:51,188
- We're going to the airport.
- Airport?
114
00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:53,458
Seems odd, but I'm with ya, Stan.
115
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:56,461
Think we'll see any
luggage while we're there?
116
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,863
[AIRPLANE FLIED OVERHEAD]
117
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:00,798
Sorry. I got held up at security.
118
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,001
That was expensive tea,
and I wasn't just gonna throw it away.
119
00:05:04,003 --> 00:05:05,603
So, why are we here anyway?
120
00:05:05,605 --> 00:05:07,338
For this.
121
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,407
I thought you couldn't
get credit cards anymore?
122
00:05:09,409 --> 00:05:12,944
I can't. Hi. I'd like to sign
up for a teen credit card.
123
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:15,947
- My name is Steve Smith.
- Whoa.
124
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:18,884
Hijacking your son's credit? Love it!
125
00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:20,818
Hey, did you buy two boarding passes
126
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,687
just to come get a credit card here?
127
00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:24,155
You know you can do it online, right?
128
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:27,392
You can? Oh, my God, I'm ruined!
129
00:05:28,565 --> 00:05:30,630
_
130
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,563
This is working great!
131
00:05:32,565 --> 00:05:34,499
Why doesn't everyone steal
their son's identity?
132
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,701
Because Instagram makes
people feel like they
133
00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:38,369
have to be "good" parents.
134
00:05:38,371 --> 00:05:40,238
So, what do ya think?
Grab a couple lava lamps
135
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,174
and a fat stack of Mad
magazines for the coffee table,
136
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,977
- call it a day?
- Stan, Hideki's fancy.
137
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,912
You need to deck your place out classy
138
00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:49,714
if you want to impress a guy like him.
139
00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:53,051
Y-Yes, yes, of course. Like how?
140
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,520
Well, nothing screams
"I'm a cool rich guy"
141
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,188
like art and crystals.
142
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,858
And, to be honest, crystals are
just a good investment anyway.
143
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,326
They're not just beautiful.
144
00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:04,062
They channel energy,
have healing properties.
145
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:06,197
They're really magnificent
little objects.
146
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,732
You clearly have a handle on this.
147
00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:10,401
You stay here and buy whatever's
going to impress Hideki.
148
00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:12,470
I'm gonna head back and get
started on the dinner menu.
149
00:06:12,472 --> 00:06:14,405
I'm thinkin' we scampi everything.
150
00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:17,876
Great. But before you go,
watch this cool prank.
151
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:22,480
♪♪
152
00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:24,483
- Hey!
- Aah! I got caught!
153
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,219
I'm sorry. We got off on the wrong foot.
154
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:31,022
I'm Roger.
How 'bout I buy you a fresh dog?
155
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:33,424
[TIRES SQUEALING]
156
00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:35,760
KLAUS: I get up
to Lake Wittenberg every summer.
157
00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:38,797
It's so sick. You'll see.
158
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:41,833
[TIRES SQUEAL]
159
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:44,169
And this is the Pig Pen Bar & Grille.
160
00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:47,839
Had some good nights at the
Pen with Perry and the boys.
161
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,974
My local crew, we're like brothers.
162
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:52,176
Unfortunately, he's away this weekend.
163
00:06:52,178 --> 00:06:56,415
But we'll still kill it.
This place is quaint as hell.
164
00:06:58,726 --> 00:07:00,785
This house is only 400k.
165
00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:04,322
You know, Jeff,
if you kicked in $399,000,
166
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:07,726
we'd only need 1k from another source.
167
00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:09,528
[LAUGHTER]
168
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:13,131
Uh-oh. It sounds like
the Pig Pen is goin' off!
169
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:15,266
[LAUGHTER]
170
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,935
Sorry, private party.
171
00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:19,204
Wait. Is that Perry?
172
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:23,674
Perry! Ha ha ha ha!
Get your dumb ass over here!
173
00:07:23,676 --> 00:07:27,212
I thought you were gone, bro?
This is great news!
174
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:30,481
Yeah. Uh, this is actually
my rehearsal dinner.
175
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:34,486
JEFF: Smart. I wish I had a
rehearsal for this ice cream.
176
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,356
[LAUGHS] He's funny.
177
00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:41,960
Y-You're getting married
without your boy Klaus?
178
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,962
We're just having a small thing.
179
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:46,431
But I'm like 3 inches in size.
180
00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:48,699
It doesn't get any smaller than me!
181
00:07:48,701 --> 00:07:50,569
Sorry, man.
182
00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:54,172
This is outrageous. We're boys!
183
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,840
I should be at that wedding.
184
00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:57,776
I should be giving a speech,
saying things like,
185
00:07:57,778 --> 00:08:00,245
"Now that you're married,
your dick is in prison!"
186
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:02,180
Sorry, Mr. Klaus.
187
00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:05,450
I'm sure he just completely
forgot you existed.
188
00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:08,519
He can't get married without me.
189
00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:13,658
So I guess that means he
won't be getting married.
190
00:08:14,399 --> 00:08:15,994
Oh, hey, since I drove, do you mind
191
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,796
tossing me a few bucks for gas?
192
00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:19,798
Just like $200.
193
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,200
♪♪
194
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:23,534
Think we got enough stuff?
195
00:08:23,536 --> 00:08:25,404
Stan, we got everything we need.
196
00:08:25,406 --> 00:08:27,338
The crystals are assaulting this place
197
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,007
with good energy as we speak.
198
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,275
Something's different.
199
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:32,143
Stan, did you get a haircut?
200
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,813
No, it's the decor! I love it, Dad!
201
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:38,617
Thank you, Son.
Someday, it may all belong to you.
202
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:39,884
That day is today.
203
00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:41,019
[DOORBELL RINGS]
204
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:44,222
You've got this!
And one final charge-up.
205
00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:47,092
You can't be too careful these days.
206
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:52,897
Hi, guys! Come on in.
207
00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:54,699
[GROANING]
208
00:08:55,464 --> 00:08:56,567
What is it, Hideki?
209
00:08:56,569 --> 00:09:00,171
It's just, I-I-I prefer minimalism.
210
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:03,308
So all this badly hurts my eyes.
211
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:06,911
Lead me to the dining area.
212
00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:09,714
Mm. So, I have a funny story.
213
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:14,052
Guess who invited Snot up to
his hotel room last night?
214
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,854
Pete Rose! Yeah.
215
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:18,123
- So what happened was...
- How's the food, Hideki?
216
00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:22,327
The meat loaf is a bit... stupid.
217
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:25,664
You mean the... scampi loaf?
218
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:27,532
Is there anything better than two men
219
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:30,068
sipping brandy in the master bedroom?
220
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,402
Cigar?
221
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:32,937
This is the warmest room in the house.
222
00:09:32,939 --> 00:09:35,006
Feel free to take your shirt off.
223
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:38,543
Thanks for coming.
I hope you had a nice time, Hideki.
224
00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:42,613
Stan, I had... an above-average time.
225
00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:45,283
Thank you, and goodbye.
226
00:09:46,405 --> 00:09:47,485
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!
227
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:49,287
He had an above-average time!
228
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:51,956
There used to be a fly in this wine.
229
00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:53,091
[GULPING]
230
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,494
♪♪
231
00:09:55,496 --> 00:09:58,229
Why are we looking for Perry again?
232
00:09:58,231 --> 00:10:00,965
I told you,
because we're trying to find Perry
233
00:10:00,967 --> 00:10:04,503
so I can give him one of
these lightly poisoned IPAs...
234
00:10:04,505 --> 00:10:07,305
- Not enough to kill him.
- [LAUGHTER]
235
00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:10,308
Yeah. She's gonna make
a great first wife.
236
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:11,642
[LAUGHTER]
237
00:10:11,644 --> 00:10:14,245
Excuse me. We just want to warm up...
238
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,247
Whaaa? Is that Perry?
239
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:17,582
Oh, hey, guys.
240
00:10:17,584 --> 00:10:19,918
Is this the dinner you
were rehearsing for?
241
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,653
You're doing great!
242
00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:25,190
[LAUGHS] This guy's really funny.
243
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:26,991
Like "Mad TV" funny.
244
00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:29,594
Hey, Perry,
sorry if I made things awkward earlier.
245
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:32,597
How about a beer, as a peace offering?
246
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:35,600
Got a real fresh one here for ya! Pssh!
247
00:10:35,602 --> 00:10:37,602
I'll just leave this right next to you,
248
00:10:37,604 --> 00:10:38,803
and, uh... we'll see you around.
249
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,205
Okay, Jeff, let's get out of here!
250
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:41,873
Yes! We did it!
251
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:44,209
By the way, I know
I gave you a hard time in the car,
252
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:46,877
but good call on packing your wagon.
253
00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:50,549
It was definitely worth
100% of your suitcase space.
254
00:10:50,551 --> 00:10:52,751
♪♪
255
00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:55,886
He said he had "an above-average time"!
256
00:10:55,888 --> 00:10:57,488
What a success.
257
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,490
And well done decorating the place.
258
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,825
I wish I could take credit,
259
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,561
but the crystals did the heavy lifting.
260
00:11:02,563 --> 00:11:05,363
Man, you really maximized the
hell out of that credit card.
261
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:07,098
Credit card? Oh, no, no.
262
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:09,568
That teen credit card barely
covered the sand painting
263
00:11:09,570 --> 00:11:11,836
of two Victorian chicks sixty-nining.
264
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:14,906
No, I had to take out a
$50,000 loan from a loan shark
265
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:16,174
- to buy all that.
- What?
266
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,243
Relax! We don't have to pay it back.
267
00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,511
He made me leave my
wallet as collateral,
268
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:23,047
but all that was in there was
Steve's stupid credit card!
269
00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:26,317
It's a common name. They'll never
track it back to our Steve.
270
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:29,654
And you're certain there wasn't
anything else in that wallet?
271
00:11:29,656 --> 00:11:32,791
Yep! I remember moving everything
out to my new Peppa Pig wallet.
272
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:34,593
Could I have missed something? Possibly.
273
00:11:34,595 --> 00:11:37,462
I did it super fast while I
was rushing around Six Flags.
274
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:38,797
But pretty sure I didn't.
275
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:41,732
I had meth-focus that day.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
276
00:11:41,734 --> 00:11:43,868
So I'm supposed to feel "pretty sure"
277
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,537
that a loan shark won't
come hunting my son?
278
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,473
Nope. Can't do it. Let's call the guy.
279
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:50,675
Fine. His name's Mike Donkey.
280
00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:53,077
But I'm telling you,
this really isn't necessary.
281
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:54,679
- [LINE RINGING]
- Yeah.
282
00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:57,215
- Hi. Mike Donkey?
- Yeah.
283
00:11:57,217 --> 00:12:01,686
I think someone, uh,
stole my wallet and left it with you.
284
00:12:01,688 --> 00:12:04,555
It had a "Steve Smith"
teen credit card in it?
285
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,224
Yep, got it right here.
286
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:09,427
Been using it to weigh down
the lid on my chameleon tank.
287
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,762
Good, good.
So there was nothing else in there
288
00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:13,164
besides the card, right?
289
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,699
Nope, very light wallet.
290
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:16,501
Chameleons are moving it at will.
291
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,437
Oh, thank God!
I'll... I'll just cancel the card.
292
00:12:18,439 --> 00:12:19,838
Thanks for your time!
293
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,840
No, thank you...
294
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:23,574
Stan Smith, is it?
295
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,976
On Cherry Street?
296
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:27,445
Because, until right now,
I didn't have enough information
297
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,180
to track this kid down,
298
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,850
but I just ran a search
on your phone number.
299
00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:33,852
I'm gonna guess your
wallet wasn't stolen
300
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:35,987
and you were thinking of
ditching out on that loan?
301
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:37,522
But you had to double-check first
302
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:39,257
because this kid with
your same last name
303
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,792
is someone important to you.
304
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,126
This guy's good!
305
00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:43,462
What is he, your son?
306
00:12:43,464 --> 00:12:45,997
Cousin? Non-blood nephew?
307
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:48,333
You sound like a guy with
a sibling who adopts.
308
00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:49,934
You know, it doesn't matter.
309
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:51,802
What does matter is,
somebody's gonna pay me
310
00:12:51,804 --> 00:12:54,339
that 50 grand by 6:00 p.m. tomorrow,
311
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:57,608
or I'm finding the kid
and breaking his legs.
312
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:58,877
[CELLPHONE BEEPS]
313
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:01,412
- [WHIMPERS]
- This is on me.
314
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:03,147
This probably wouldn't
have happened if I gave you
315
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:06,585
a tiny crystal to put in your
butthole before the call.
316
00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:11,622
How did I get in this mess?!
317
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:12,891
All I did was whatever it took
318
00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:15,426
to impress my son's friend's cool dad!
319
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:17,762
Stan, Mike Donkey knows where you live.
320
00:13:17,764 --> 00:13:19,498
I think the only way out is to pay him.
321
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:22,100
But how do we get 50
grand in less than a day?!
322
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:24,302
Hey, what if we counterfeit the money?
323
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:27,038
It doesn't have to be perfect,
just close enough to trick him.
324
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,774
Great thought,
but my printer just crapped out on me.
325
00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:31,376
[HONKING]
326
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:32,977
- I think it's out of ink.
- Damn it!
327
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,580
We need something,
or Steve's legs are toast!
328
00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:38,583
We could probably get 25
grand for your SUV, right?
329
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:40,785
What if we sold it,
then went to Atlantic City
330
00:13:40,787 --> 00:13:42,921
and tried to double that
money up at a casino?
331
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:45,590
And leave my son's very legs to chance?
332
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,992
Chance? Are you forgetting
we have the power
333
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,994
of the crystals on our side, Stan?
334
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:52,463
I'm not doubting the
crystals are absolute beasts,
335
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,733
it's just... Maybe there's another way.
336
00:13:54,735 --> 00:13:56,735
Sure, think on it. Take some time.
337
00:13:56,737 --> 00:13:58,002
But we both know we're gonna do this,
338
00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:00,205
so I'm gonna go ahead and pack.
339
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:02,407
♪♪
340
00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:05,744
Okay. Let's split up and start
chipping away at separate tables.
341
00:14:05,746 --> 00:14:08,146
We're not gonna win
50 grand grinding away
342
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:09,548
at five-dollar Blackjack.
343
00:14:09,550 --> 00:14:11,149
We gotta go balls to the wall.
344
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:13,618
I say we go to the room and
charge up with the crystals
345
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,353
until the last possible minute.
346
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:18,689
Then we hit the tables at max
power and bet it all on red.
347
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,759
We'll be so juiced, it's gotta hit!
348
00:14:21,255 --> 00:14:22,627
Smart.
349
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:25,430
- Can you feel 'em working?
- I think so!
350
00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:27,432
Do they make your lower back tighten up?
351
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:28,900
[CELLPHONE CHIMES]
352
00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:31,636
Oh, yeah, I forgot Jabbawockeez
are performing here.
353
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:33,905
Hey, if we're just gonna be sittin'
around absorbing energy,
354
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:35,774
we might as well enjoy the hotel, right?
355
00:14:35,776 --> 00:14:37,442
- What about the crystals?
- We'll bring 'em with us,
356
00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:38,977
charge up in luxury.
357
00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:40,178
We've earned it!
358
00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:42,046
You're right.
359
00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:43,915
We earned this.
360
00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:47,686
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
361
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,857
♪♪
362
00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:54,593
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
363
00:14:55,115 --> 00:14:57,528
I guarantee they charged
up before the show.
364
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,998
That move's impossible without crystals.
365
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,468
See ya! Goin' on my Sunday stroll!
366
00:15:04,212 --> 00:15:06,871
I'm gettin'
tired of this Sunday stroll shit.
367
00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:09,808
Oh, my God, thank you!
368
00:15:09,810 --> 00:15:13,144
["CLASSIC" BY THE KNOCKS PLAYS]
369
00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:19,150
♪♪
370
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:21,552
♪ Come to me, baby, don't be shy ♪
371
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,822
♪ Don't be shy, don't be shy ♪
372
00:15:23,824 --> 00:15:27,692
♪ Come to me, baby, don't be shy ♪
373
00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:33,432
♪ It was a summer time,
that summer high ♪
374
00:15:33,434 --> 00:15:37,235
♪ Oh, what a masterpiece ♪
375
00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:39,170
- [CELLPHONE BEEPS, LINE RINGS]
- Hey, boss,
376
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:41,840
we got the kid's beautiful
legs in our sights.
377
00:15:41,842 --> 00:15:44,643
Don't move on him yet.
They have a little more time.
378
00:15:44,645 --> 00:15:46,044
And I know we're working,
379
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:48,513
but you don't have to call me "boss."
380
00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:51,516
You can call me "Dad," Mike Donkey Jr.
381
00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:53,918
♪♪
382
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:57,322
[INHALES SHARPLY] Here we go.
383
00:15:57,324 --> 00:16:00,392
$25,000 on red.
384
00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:06,732
Or maybe black! Stan, what did you do?!
385
00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:11,803
[BALL CLINGING]
386
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:15,740
Red! I did it!
387
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:18,409
Hell yeah! The power of crystals!
388
00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:19,744
- Mm.
- Mm.
389
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:22,547
Stan, do we... double down?
390
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,615
The crystals are clearly working.
391
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:26,617
It would solve a lot of problems.
392
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:29,354
I could finally go nuts
in that men's wearhouse.
393
00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:31,890
Let's do it!
394
00:16:31,892 --> 00:16:36,161
♪♪
395
00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:39,297
I'm not even gonna watch,
'cause I know we're gonna win.
396
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:42,033
We are so charged,
we could fly to the moon.
397
00:16:42,035 --> 00:16:43,234
Ye-ea-eah! Yes!
398
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:44,703
- Red!
- Yeah!
399
00:16:44,705 --> 00:16:47,372
- Mm.
- Mm. One more?
400
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,708
I mean, they're basically
giving away money at this point.
401
00:16:49,710 --> 00:16:51,642
We gotta, right?
402
00:16:51,644 --> 00:17:00,851
♪♪
403
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:03,454
- Yeah! Yes! Yeah!
- Ye-ea-eah!
404
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:06,925
I can't believe we doubled
down and won five times!
405
00:17:06,927 --> 00:17:08,659
Pull over. I gotta take a leak.
406
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:11,662
That's the crystals.
They have no patience for toxins.
407
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:14,065
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
408
00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:16,201
We only have an hour
to pay the loan shark.
409
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:19,804
Might have to pee from the
bathroom doorway to save time.
410
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,740
- [CAR DOOR CLOSES]
- _
411
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,546
All right, let's go pay this scumbag.
412
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:33,151
Uh, Roger, does it feel like
413
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:35,286
the car's riding a little lower to you?
414
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:38,957
No, it's... always been this way.
415
00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:43,694
It's not my fault, Stan!
Look how huge it is!
416
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:45,897
I was powerless to its lavender pull!
417
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:49,500
Roger, how much of our winnings
did you spend?
418
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:51,903
Just... all of them?
419
00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:54,439
My boy's gonna get his legs mangled!
420
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:57,776
I, for one, think Steve's
legs are a small price to pay
421
00:17:57,778 --> 00:18:01,045
for the wonderful weekend
we've shared together!
422
00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:03,248
♪♪
423
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,516
Any minute now,
the wedding planner is gonna run by,
424
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:08,920
yelling that the groom's
sick and the wedding's off.
425
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:10,655
Ooh! It's gonna be so sweet!
426
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:14,926
I'm sitting extra still,
because if I do, I get s'mores later!
427
00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:17,462
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
- Here we go!
428
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:19,598
My best man is violently ill!
429
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,200
No, he's not. Y-You are.
430
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:25,937
I don't know what happened.
He only had one IPA last night.
431
00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:28,739
[BREATHES DEEPLY] But
the show must go on.
432
00:18:28,741 --> 00:18:32,277
It feels meant to be that
I bumped into you, Klaus.
433
00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:34,145
Would you...
434
00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:36,747
let me borrow Jeff to
be my new best man?
435
00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:39,618
I just love him. He's so funny.
436
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:45,556
And now that Perry is married,
his dick is in prison!
437
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:47,959
[LAUGHTER]
438
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:49,961
That was my joke!
439
00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:51,229
I'll give him credit, it took balls
440
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:53,965
making it his entire speech, but still.
441
00:18:55,022 --> 00:18:57,002
He's gettin' a poisoned IPA!
442
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,907
Oh, no. Are you kidding me?!
443
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:08,913
These poisoned beers have been
nothing... but... trouble.
444
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:11,916
I'm gonna call Mike Donkey
and try to get an extension.
445
00:19:11,918 --> 00:19:13,718
- [CRYING]
- [GASPS]
446
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,121
Extension denied.
447
00:19:16,123 --> 00:19:18,857
Mr. Donkey, please! Let my boy go!
448
00:19:18,859 --> 00:19:20,659
Break my legs instead!
449
00:19:20,661 --> 00:19:22,994
No, the kid's legs were the deal.
450
00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:26,131
And, unlike you, I honor my deals.
451
00:19:26,626 --> 00:19:29,267
Wait! What if I told you
this giant crystal
452
00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:32,203
is powerful enough to
win any bet we want?
453
00:19:32,708 --> 00:19:34,939
I propose we all go to Atlantic City,
454
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:37,342
and we'll win what we owe you, times 10.
455
00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:39,478
Guaranteed.
456
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,880
[ALL WHISPERING]
457
00:19:41,882 --> 00:19:43,682
We're just gonna break the legs.
458
00:19:43,684 --> 00:19:45,484
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
459
00:19:45,486 --> 00:19:46,685
Come on, guys.
460
00:19:46,687 --> 00:19:48,419
- You can't really...
- Ohh!
461
00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:51,356
Ohh! [CRYING] Ohh!
462
00:19:52,406 --> 00:19:55,760
Hmm. Yeah, I've never had
to go this route before.
463
00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:58,029
The deal was pay or get his legs broken.
464
00:19:58,031 --> 00:19:59,831
So, yeah, I guess we're all square.
465
00:19:59,833 --> 00:20:02,033
Pleasure doing business with you.
466
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:04,436
STEVE: [CRYING]
467
00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:09,374
What could have possibly led to this?!
468
00:20:09,376 --> 00:20:11,242
[SOBS]
469
00:20:11,244 --> 00:20:12,843
It's all my fault!
470
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:15,580
If I wasn't so desperate to
impress someone richer than me,
471
00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:18,649
this never would've
snowballed out of control!
472
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:20,118
Everything's gonna be fine.
473
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:22,186
No, it's not! My boy is broken!
474
00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:24,923
This baby's powerful enough
to heal a hundred legs
475
00:20:24,925 --> 00:20:26,324
in mere minutes.
476
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:27,926
[SCREAMING]
477
00:20:27,928 --> 00:20:30,729
Shh, let the crystal do its job.
478
00:20:30,731 --> 00:20:34,533
It's woooooorrrrrkkinnnngg.
479
00:20:34,535 --> 00:20:37,602
Your eight brutal weeks
of physical therapy
480
00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:41,339
is woooooorrrrrkkinnnngg.
481
00:20:41,341 --> 00:20:45,676
I'm doing it! Come on! Stroll with me!
482
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:48,547
["CLASSIC" BY THE KNOCKS PLAYING]
483
00:20:48,549 --> 00:20:54,152
♪♪
484
00:20:54,154 --> 00:20:55,220
Aah!
485
00:20:55,222 --> 00:20:58,489
Steve, you're doing it!
486
00:20:58,491 --> 00:21:00,425
Bye! Have a great time!
487
00:21:02,293 --> 00:21:03,995
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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