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1
00:00:03,588 --> 00:00:06,924
Now for the question that I'm
famous for asking on Fridays...
2
00:00:06,926 --> 00:00:08,859
What's everyone doing this weekend?
3
00:00:08,861 --> 00:00:11,462
Me and Dick are gonna go
check out this Cranberry Bog
4
00:00:11,464 --> 00:00:12,930
down in the Chimdale wetlands.
5
00:00:12,932 --> 00:00:14,798
How about you, Deputy Director?
6
00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:17,868
Oh, I'm going
to a different Cranberry Bog.
7
00:00:17,870 --> 00:00:20,271
♪ With a girl ♪
8
00:00:20,273 --> 00:00:21,538
[LAUGHTER, CHEERING]
9
00:00:21,540 --> 00:00:22,873
Oh, nice!
10
00:00:22,875 --> 00:00:24,675
Alright, men. Back to work.
11
00:00:24,677 --> 00:00:27,945
We're in the middle of a giant mission!
12
00:00:27,947 --> 00:00:30,413
Do you have any plans
this weekend, Stan?
13
00:00:30,415 --> 00:00:32,283
Hey, would you mind
asking the other guys?
14
00:00:32,285 --> 00:00:33,750
I feel like if I answer,
15
00:00:33,752 --> 00:00:35,519
I'll get trapped in a
conversation with you.
16
00:00:35,571 --> 00:00:37,038
But you're the only one with a family,
17
00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:39,372
and families have always fascinated me
18
00:00:39,374 --> 00:00:41,775
because I don't have one.
19
00:00:41,777 --> 00:00:44,245
That's a stupid reason to
be fascinated by something.
20
00:00:44,247 --> 00:00:47,180
I don't have a vagina and
I never think about those.
21
00:00:47,182 --> 00:00:49,250
Well, now I'm thinking
about them a little bit.
22
00:00:49,252 --> 00:00:51,919
Thanks a lot, Weitzman.
Now I have to go home at lunch.
23
00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:53,120
Hey, wait!
24
00:00:53,122 --> 00:00:55,589
I have a coupon to take a
whole family to a buffet.
25
00:00:55,591 --> 00:00:57,724
Zoinks! Thanks, Dr. Weitzman!
26
00:00:57,726 --> 00:00:58,992
Maybe I could join you guys.
27
00:00:58,994 --> 00:01:00,661
Oh, I couldn't ask you to do that.
28
00:01:00,663 --> 00:01:02,263
After all, you gave us the coupon.
29
00:01:02,265 --> 00:01:03,864
You've done enough.
30
00:01:08,003 --> 00:01:09,202
So how's your day going?
31
00:01:09,204 --> 00:01:11,605
Sorry. I don't like a lot of chitchat
32
00:01:11,607 --> 00:01:13,206
while I'm getting my nails done.
33
00:01:13,208 --> 00:01:15,208
[CELLPHONE RINGS]
34
00:01:15,210 --> 00:01:17,678
Buckle, what's good, my man?!
35
00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:19,080
[TIRES SCREECH]
36
00:01:21,016 --> 00:01:23,684
Everyone...
everyone get in the [BLEEP] car!
37
00:01:23,686 --> 00:01:26,019
Stan, you can't just kick the door
38
00:01:26,021 --> 00:01:27,955
off its hinges and scream at us.
39
00:01:28,493 --> 00:01:31,024
There's a new buffet in town. [PANTING]
40
00:01:31,026 --> 00:01:34,828
And I got us a coupon
for free everything.
41
00:01:35,370 --> 00:01:38,432
Everyone get in the [BLEEP] car!
42
00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:44,026
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
43
00:01:44,061 --> 00:01:47,240
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
44
00:01:47,242 --> 00:01:50,243
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
45
00:01:50,245 --> 00:01:54,882
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
46
00:01:56,585 --> 00:01:59,920
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
47
00:01:59,922 --> 00:02:02,856
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
48
00:02:02,858 --> 00:02:03,924
Aah!
49
00:02:04,860 --> 00:02:08,395
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
50
00:02:08,397 --> 00:02:10,731
♪ ♪
51
00:02:10,733 --> 00:02:14,001
Hey, Rog, is dad forcing
you to go to the buffet too?
52
00:02:14,003 --> 00:02:15,936
What... what's that? I'm sorry.
53
00:02:15,938 --> 00:02:17,404
It's just that I am thinking about,
like,
54
00:02:17,406 --> 00:02:19,140
a billion things right now.
55
00:02:19,142 --> 00:02:21,274
[BREATHES DEEPLY] What
were you asking me?
56
00:02:21,276 --> 00:02:24,611
I just wanted to know if you
were coming to the buffet.
57
00:02:24,613 --> 00:02:26,948
[LAUGHS] He thinks I can go to a buffet!
58
00:02:26,950 --> 00:02:30,417
Now. In the middle of this chaos!
59
00:02:30,419 --> 00:02:32,619
You don't look stressed, Roger.
60
00:02:32,621 --> 00:02:34,087
You're... you're just sitting here.
61
00:02:34,089 --> 00:02:35,889
STAN: Steven! Leave him!
62
00:02:35,891 --> 00:02:37,424
Maybe it looks that way.
63
00:02:37,426 --> 00:02:39,360
But up here, full meltdown.
64
00:02:39,362 --> 00:02:42,896
Imagine a thousand Chernobyls
and you're halfway there.
65
00:02:42,898 --> 00:02:45,032
So... 2,000 Chernobyls?
66
00:02:45,034 --> 00:02:46,567
You can't put a number on it, Steve!
67
00:02:46,569 --> 00:02:48,836
It's one meltdown!
68
00:02:49,905 --> 00:02:51,772
[ENGINE REVVING]
69
00:02:51,774 --> 00:02:53,040
Why are we speeding?
70
00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:55,242
We just spent 45 minutes
decorating the car.
71
00:02:55,244 --> 00:02:57,711
What do I love most about buffets?
72
00:02:57,713 --> 00:02:59,380
In a word... camaraderie.
73
00:02:59,382 --> 00:03:01,448
I thought we'd get together
and do something fun,
74
00:03:01,450 --> 00:03:03,784
go eat cafeteria style, like at camp.
75
00:03:03,786 --> 00:03:05,186
Camp isn't fun.
76
00:03:05,188 --> 00:03:08,121
They force you to sing
and ride horses all day.
77
00:03:08,123 --> 00:03:10,323
You chose musical horse camp.
78
00:03:10,325 --> 00:03:13,126
Oh, I thought the horses
were gonna make the music.
79
00:03:13,128 --> 00:03:16,197
Well, forcing us to eat
together isn't camaraderie.
80
00:03:16,199 --> 00:03:18,866
Steve, I'm hearing
that you feel "forced."
81
00:03:18,868 --> 00:03:20,401
Could you expand on that?
82
00:03:20,403 --> 00:03:23,537
I guess these handcuffs give me
that "forced" feeling.
83
00:03:23,539 --> 00:03:24,938
The feelings you're feeling
84
00:03:24,940 --> 00:03:27,140
are very natural family time feelings.
85
00:03:27,142 --> 00:03:30,511
Would anyone like to know
how I feel about buffets?
86
00:03:35,284 --> 00:03:38,052
This long silence has
got to be tough for you.
87
00:03:39,755 --> 00:03:41,622
♪♪
88
00:03:41,624 --> 00:03:43,356
Make way! Coupon holder!
89
00:03:43,358 --> 00:03:46,027
Man with a coupon coming through!
90
00:03:46,029 --> 00:03:48,629
[FLATLY] Welcome to the
King's Choice buffet.
91
00:03:48,631 --> 00:03:49,963
♪ Da-da-da ♪
92
00:03:49,965 --> 00:03:51,432
When you're royalty, you're here.
93
00:03:51,434 --> 00:03:53,567
The VIP section is located in the back.
94
00:03:53,569 --> 00:03:54,768
Here's your wristbands.
95
00:03:54,770 --> 00:03:56,770
Ew.
96
00:03:57,408 --> 00:04:00,841
It's a little weird that this
buffet has a VIP section, right?
97
00:04:00,843 --> 00:04:02,375
You wanna hear something weird?
98
00:04:02,377 --> 00:04:04,778
The goodyear blimp is the official bird
99
00:04:04,780 --> 00:04:06,513
of Redondo Beach, California.
100
00:04:06,515 --> 00:04:09,650
Oh, you guys wanna hear
something really weird?
101
00:04:09,652 --> 00:04:12,586
Zerp znap za-noodle!
102
00:04:12,588 --> 00:04:13,987
Sit yo ass down.
103
00:04:13,989 --> 00:04:16,657
You need to hear my patented
rules of the buffet.
104
00:04:16,659 --> 00:04:20,794
♪ Stan's patented
rules of the buffet ♪
105
00:04:20,796 --> 00:04:23,931
Rule one... there are no rules.
106
00:04:23,933 --> 00:04:25,332
Wowwww.
107
00:04:25,334 --> 00:04:28,201
Rule two... never fill up on bread.
108
00:04:28,203 --> 00:04:30,471
Rule three... plates are for losers.
109
00:04:30,473 --> 00:04:32,073
Cut out the middleman and pile your food
110
00:04:32,075 --> 00:04:33,674
directly onto your tray.
111
00:04:33,676 --> 00:04:34,875
Rules 4 through 100
112
00:04:34,877 --> 00:04:37,078
only apply to buffets at strip clubs.
113
00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:40,081
And most important, rule 101...
114
00:04:40,083 --> 00:04:43,817
you can never have a
bad time at the buffet.
115
00:04:43,819 --> 00:04:47,288
Cold Melon and Scallop Soup?
116
00:04:47,290 --> 00:04:51,292
Uhhh, I'll take nasty-ass soups
for $200, Alex.
117
00:04:51,294 --> 00:04:53,260
[LAUGHS]
118
00:04:54,297 --> 00:04:55,696
Survey says...
119
00:04:55,698 --> 00:04:57,364
I have to smell it!
120
00:04:57,366 --> 00:04:58,565
[SNIFFS]
121
00:04:58,567 --> 00:05:01,168
Ugh! Aah!
122
00:05:01,170 --> 00:05:03,637
I'd like to solve the puzzle, Pat.
123
00:05:03,639 --> 00:05:07,441
This. Is. A. Disaster.
124
00:05:07,443 --> 00:05:12,046
♪ ♪
125
00:05:13,116 --> 00:05:14,915
I thought a walk would clear my head
126
00:05:14,917 --> 00:05:17,718
but I'm just getting more stressed out!
127
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,653
Look at those flowers.
128
00:05:19,655 --> 00:05:21,254
Not a care in the world.
129
00:05:21,256 --> 00:05:24,057
Sitting around eating bees all day.
130
00:05:24,059 --> 00:05:25,126
Do I dare?
131
00:05:25,128 --> 00:05:26,593
No, no, you're being silly, Roger,
132
00:05:26,595 --> 00:05:28,929
with all the irons you have in the fire.
133
00:05:28,931 --> 00:05:30,263
But on the other hand...
134
00:05:30,265 --> 00:05:33,867
[THINKING] Ahhh, meltdown averted.
135
00:05:33,869 --> 00:05:36,437
[BEE BUZZING]
136
00:05:39,342 --> 00:05:42,209
Yuck, I don't like the taste,
but I'm a flower,
137
00:05:42,211 --> 00:05:44,545
so I gotta get used to eating bees.
138
00:05:44,547 --> 00:05:47,014
♪ ♪
139
00:05:47,016 --> 00:05:49,883
Can we leave now? The place is closing.
140
00:05:49,885 --> 00:05:53,554
Not until we get the special
VIP dessert we were promised.
141
00:05:53,556 --> 00:05:54,688
What the...
142
00:05:54,690 --> 00:05:57,024
MAN: [AMPLIFIED] Welcome, Smith family.
143
00:05:57,026 --> 00:05:59,961
I'm so glad you joined us for dinner,
144
00:05:59,963 --> 00:06:02,429
but your time here is just...
145
00:06:02,431 --> 00:06:04,031
[CRASH, CLATTER] Oh!
146
00:06:04,033 --> 00:06:05,766
Okay, who left this cart out?
147
00:06:05,768 --> 00:06:08,101
Oh, I just bashed my shin!
148
00:06:08,103 --> 00:06:09,837
Oh, turn on the lights!
149
00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:10,839
♪ Let's go ♪
150
00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:12,105
MAN: Not those lights!
151
00:06:12,107 --> 00:06:14,375
Why would I want the disco lights?!
152
00:06:15,711 --> 00:06:17,578
TOGETHER: Dr. Weitzman?!
153
00:06:17,580 --> 00:06:19,780
That's right! Oh, sorry.
154
00:06:19,782 --> 00:06:21,314
[NORMAL VOICE] My evil genius voice
155
00:06:21,316 --> 00:06:22,916
sounded cool, though, right?
156
00:06:22,918 --> 00:06:24,852
Sorry about my real voice.
157
00:06:24,854 --> 00:06:26,821
I'm making you my family!
158
00:06:29,458 --> 00:06:30,724
What is happening?!
159
00:06:30,726 --> 00:06:33,126
Geez, Hayley, are you dense?
160
00:06:33,128 --> 00:06:35,796
Dr. Weitzman is a lonely person.
161
00:06:35,798 --> 00:06:37,198
He wants a family.
162
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:40,467
He's gonna force us to live
with him forever in accordance
163
00:06:40,469 --> 00:06:44,005
to whatever his demented idea
of a "family" is.
164
00:06:44,007 --> 00:06:46,673
I'm assuming these VIP wristbands
165
00:06:46,675 --> 00:06:48,141
are rigged with explosives
166
00:06:48,143 --> 00:06:50,411
and we've been drugged with a neurotoxin
167
00:06:50,413 --> 00:06:54,281
to temporarily paralyze... us.
168
00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:57,484
I don't know if I'd call my ideas
"demented."
169
00:06:57,486 --> 00:07:01,088
Plus I wanted to be the one
to say all my demented shit.
170
00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:03,862
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
171
00:07:03,864 --> 00:07:05,698
♪ ♪
172
00:07:08,335 --> 00:07:11,236
Home sweet home.
173
00:07:12,673 --> 00:07:15,207
- Stan, are you okay?
- Okay?
174
00:07:15,209 --> 00:07:17,275
- I'm having a blast!
- You are?
175
00:07:17,277 --> 00:07:18,743
Of course!
176
00:07:18,745 --> 00:07:21,858
Rule 101... you can't have
a bad time at the buffet.
177
00:07:21,893 --> 00:07:25,417
Huh. That's an interesting way
of looking at things, honey.
178
00:07:25,419 --> 00:07:27,019
Excuse me, ma'am.
179
00:07:27,021 --> 00:07:28,687
My sheets are a little tight.
180
00:07:28,689 --> 00:07:30,555
Oh, no, are they a little tight?
181
00:07:30,557 --> 00:07:32,625
They're supposed to be very tight.
182
00:07:32,627 --> 00:07:35,760
What about all the other
people at the restaurant?
183
00:07:35,762 --> 00:07:37,095
- Were they...
- Background actors.
184
00:07:37,097 --> 00:07:38,897
They actually were all extras
185
00:07:38,899 --> 00:07:40,432
from the "Marvelous Mrs. Maisel" set.
186
00:07:40,434 --> 00:07:42,501
Great show. Getting worse every year.
187
00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:45,237
- Can you help us get out of here?
- No.
188
00:07:45,239 --> 00:07:47,172
What kind of person are you?
189
00:07:47,174 --> 00:07:49,508
I'm not a person. I'm a robot.
190
00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:52,110
Dr. Weitzman made me.
191
00:07:52,112 --> 00:07:53,178
And then he named me after a stripper
192
00:07:53,180 --> 00:07:54,579
he once fell in love with.
193
00:07:55,886 --> 00:07:57,649
Okay, put your face back on, Chardonnay.
194
00:07:57,651 --> 00:07:59,051
No one likes when you do that.
195
00:07:59,053 --> 00:08:00,985
Oh, god, are you two...
196
00:08:00,987 --> 00:08:02,187
I wish!
197
00:08:02,189 --> 00:08:04,056
No, my hostess robot became sentient,
198
00:08:04,058 --> 00:08:07,526
and as per usual I'm stuck
in the "friend zone."
199
00:08:07,528 --> 00:08:11,463
Okay, it's nigh-nighs, my sweet family.
200
00:08:11,465 --> 00:08:16,000
♪ Hush, little family,
it's time to hit the hay ♪
201
00:08:16,002 --> 00:08:21,473
♪ You all live with Dr.
Weitzman in a big buffet ♪
202
00:08:21,475 --> 00:08:23,608
♪ You're down here for forever ♪
203
00:08:23,610 --> 00:08:25,878
♪ Now, isn't that fun? ♪
204
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:33,519
♪ Eat whatever you want
and never see the sun ♪
205
00:08:36,691 --> 00:08:40,158
ROGER: [THINKING] Ahhh,
this is the life. No stress.
206
00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:44,063
Just eating bees,
not thinking a million miles an hour.
207
00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:49,234
I wonder why bees aren't
more afraid of flowers.
208
00:08:49,236 --> 00:08:50,869
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
209
00:08:51,972 --> 00:08:53,505
Oh, no.
210
00:08:53,507 --> 00:08:54,907
Let's go!
211
00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:58,243
Steal as many flowers
as you can for the shop!
212
00:08:58,245 --> 00:09:00,245
I don't like this one bit.
213
00:09:02,649 --> 00:09:03,982
What's that thing?
214
00:09:03,984 --> 00:09:06,719
I thought it was a flower,
but I'm not so sure now.
215
00:09:06,721 --> 00:09:09,254
Check out its nasty root bulb.
216
00:09:09,256 --> 00:09:12,457
It looks like a gross, gray ass.
217
00:09:12,459 --> 00:09:14,126
Eh, let's put it in the van.
218
00:09:14,128 --> 00:09:15,594
Maybe some freak will like it.
219
00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:17,061
[MEN GRUNTING]
220
00:09:17,063 --> 00:09:21,734
And now to the cemetery
for more free flowers!
221
00:09:21,736 --> 00:09:24,069
ROGER: [THINKING] This is so stressful.
222
00:09:25,339 --> 00:09:27,740
- ♪ ♪
- _
223
00:09:27,742 --> 00:09:30,075
Dr. Weitzman must've woken me up
224
00:09:30,077 --> 00:09:33,678
seven times last night walking
to the bathroom to pee.
225
00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:37,349
If you ask me, he should spend
less time imprisoning families
226
00:09:37,351 --> 00:09:39,684
and more time imprisoning urologists.
227
00:09:39,686 --> 00:09:40,819
But counterpoint...
228
00:09:40,821 --> 00:09:42,154
what a great night!
229
00:09:42,156 --> 00:09:43,422
I mean, when was the last time
230
00:09:43,424 --> 00:09:45,490
we all slept together in the same room?
231
00:09:45,492 --> 00:09:47,359
Obviously I'm not
counting our annual trip
232
00:09:47,361 --> 00:09:49,361
to the gathering of the juggalos.
233
00:09:49,363 --> 00:09:51,296
Good morning, my beautiful children.
234
00:09:51,298 --> 00:09:53,165
Can you please let us go?!
235
00:09:53,167 --> 00:09:55,567
There must be some humanity inside you!
236
00:09:55,569 --> 00:09:58,103
Sounds like you guys are hangry.
237
00:09:58,105 --> 00:09:59,571
Who wants Monte Cristos?
238
00:09:59,573 --> 00:10:01,906
STAN:
The American riff on a croque monsieur?!
239
00:10:01,908 --> 00:10:03,241
Sign me up!
240
00:10:03,243 --> 00:10:05,778
Now, two simple rules here
in the Weitzman home...
241
00:10:05,780 --> 00:10:07,846
I'm in control of everything,
242
00:10:07,848 --> 00:10:12,317
and that door over there is off limits.
243
00:10:12,319 --> 00:10:14,853
[WHISPERING] I think that
door might be significant.
244
00:10:14,855 --> 00:10:16,188
Yeah, no shit.
245
00:10:16,190 --> 00:10:17,255
Dr. Weitzman...
246
00:10:17,257 --> 00:10:18,857
- Call me Dad.
- No.
247
00:10:18,859 --> 00:10:20,392
- Uncle?
- That's worse.
248
00:10:20,394 --> 00:10:23,261
Dr. Weitzman, why are you doing this?
249
00:10:23,263 --> 00:10:25,130
Great question, Franny.
250
00:10:25,132 --> 00:10:27,800
Chardonnay, roll tape and do it like...
251
00:10:27,802 --> 00:10:29,334
Christoph Waltz.
252
00:10:29,336 --> 00:10:32,538
WALTZ'S VOICE:
Christoph Waltz mode initiated.
253
00:10:35,810 --> 00:10:40,479
No one knows when or where
Dr. Weitzman was born.
254
00:10:40,481 --> 00:10:44,016
He was abandoned as a baby
in the Lanceton sewers,
255
00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:48,753
where even the rats
refused to be his family.
256
00:10:48,755 --> 00:10:51,356
Dr. Weitzman's adolescence
257
00:10:51,358 --> 00:10:54,759
was spent in and out of orphanages.
258
00:10:54,761 --> 00:10:58,763
He briefly appeared on
"the Mickey Mouse club"
259
00:10:58,765 --> 00:11:03,168
until he caught the attention
of the show's legendary producer
260
00:11:03,170 --> 00:11:05,103
and was quickly removed.
261
00:11:05,105 --> 00:11:08,440
Then back to his sewers
for doctor school.
262
00:11:08,442 --> 00:11:13,512
But even after becoming a
successful C.I.A. Doctor,
263
00:11:13,514 --> 00:11:16,181
he could never find the right woman.
264
00:11:16,183 --> 00:11:19,384
So he was never able to start the family
265
00:11:19,386 --> 00:11:21,319
he dreamt of his whole life.
266
00:11:21,321 --> 00:11:23,588
And adoption was out of the question
267
00:11:23,590 --> 00:11:28,527
because obviously his
appearance terrifies children...
268
00:11:28,529 --> 00:11:30,963
Chardonnay,
did I sign off on this artwork?
269
00:11:34,249 --> 00:11:36,735
We're screwed.
You know how stubborn dad is.
270
00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:39,804
He'll never admit you can
have a bad time at the buffet.
271
00:11:39,806 --> 00:11:40,873
You're right.
272
00:11:40,875 --> 00:11:43,375
If we're getting out of here,
it's up to us.
273
00:11:45,412 --> 00:11:47,812
I did it. [BELCHES]
274
00:11:47,814 --> 00:11:50,683
I ate all that disgusting soup.
275
00:11:50,685 --> 00:11:52,251
And now to...
276
00:11:52,887 --> 00:11:54,653
Well, shit.
277
00:11:57,157 --> 00:11:59,624
Come on, that door has to be the exit!
278
00:11:59,626 --> 00:12:04,028
♪ ♪
279
00:12:04,030 --> 00:12:06,231
[LAUGHS] Oh, you goofy kids!
280
00:12:06,233 --> 00:12:07,766
Always playing pranks.
281
00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:10,034
I think you all will love it here.
282
00:12:10,036 --> 00:12:11,704
The days are gonna fly by.
283
00:12:11,706 --> 00:12:14,673
If you don't believe me,
check out this montage.
284
00:12:14,674 --> 00:12:15,674
_
285
00:12:15,710 --> 00:12:18,944
♪ We are family ♪
286
00:12:18,945 --> 00:12:19,945
_
287
00:12:20,014 --> 00:12:23,015
♪ I got all my sisters with me ♪
288
00:12:23,016 --> 00:12:24,016
_
289
00:12:24,051 --> 00:12:26,719
♪ We are family ♪
290
00:12:28,388 --> 00:12:31,156
♪ Get up, everybody, and sing ♪
291
00:12:31,157 --> 00:12:32,157
_
292
00:12:32,192 --> 00:12:37,462
♪ We are fami-lay! ♪
293
00:12:37,464 --> 00:12:42,867
♪ I trapped the Smiths in a buffet! ♪
294
00:12:42,869 --> 00:12:44,703
- ♪ We are family ♪
- _
295
00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:49,073
- ♪ I got all my sisters with me ♪
- _
296
00:12:49,767 --> 00:12:51,009
"Who framed Roger Rabbit"!
297
00:12:51,011 --> 00:12:53,545
- ♪ We are family ♪
- _
298
00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:56,348
♪ Get up, everybody ♪
299
00:12:56,936 --> 00:12:58,350
Okay, gang, just checked the time
300
00:12:58,352 --> 00:13:00,419
and it's "rock" o'clock.
301
00:13:00,421 --> 00:13:02,755
Be right back with the acoustic.
302
00:13:02,757 --> 00:13:04,222
I can't do it.
303
00:13:04,224 --> 00:13:05,758
I can't listen to him play
304
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:08,160
another Death Cab for Cutie song.
305
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:11,097
I guess some of them are
technically postal service.
306
00:13:11,132 --> 00:13:12,965
I've been trying to
smile through all this,
307
00:13:12,967 --> 00:13:14,166
'cause rules are rules.
308
00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:16,901
- But some rules are meant to be...
- Broken?
309
00:13:16,903 --> 00:13:18,637
To a crisp.
310
00:13:18,639 --> 00:13:20,038
I have a plan.
311
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:24,042
Everybody sneak a Monte Cristo
sandwich into bed tonight.
312
00:13:24,044 --> 00:13:25,978
This plan sounds delicious, Dad.
313
00:13:25,980 --> 00:13:28,080
Don't be cute, Steve.
314
00:13:29,450 --> 00:13:31,183
- [SNORING]
- Dad!
315
00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:33,051
We all brought sandwiches to bed.
316
00:13:33,053 --> 00:13:34,119
What's the plan?
317
00:13:34,121 --> 00:13:35,788
Five minutes, Son.
318
00:13:35,790 --> 00:13:37,055
Stan!
319
00:13:37,057 --> 00:13:39,324
Chumbawumba! Okay.
320
00:13:39,326 --> 00:13:40,725
Everything we need for our escape
321
00:13:40,727 --> 00:13:43,195
is right here in the
Monte Cristo sandwich.
322
00:13:43,197 --> 00:13:45,798
I'll remove it from the
baggie and just lightly touch
323
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,400
the grease-soaked bread to the sheets.
324
00:13:50,070 --> 00:13:52,338
Wow. And gross.
325
00:13:55,942 --> 00:13:57,810
Next we use the jam.
326
00:13:58,545 --> 00:14:00,579
[GASPS, SCREAMS]
327
00:14:02,016 --> 00:14:04,149
Wow, that's strong jam. [GASPS]
328
00:14:04,151 --> 00:14:07,252
I think I just figured out
why I almost died of diarrhea.
329
00:14:08,422 --> 00:14:11,223
Wait. It's powdered sugar time.
330
00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:12,758
[BLOWS]
331
00:14:15,496 --> 00:14:18,330
We're not going this way,
but it looks cool, right?
332
00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:22,418
Wait, we should grab Klaus!
333
00:14:22,453 --> 00:14:23,568
There's no time!
334
00:14:23,570 --> 00:14:27,239
Next, everyone take the ham out
of your sandwich and eat it.
335
00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:29,374
It's the perfect protein-rich snack
336
00:14:29,376 --> 00:14:31,510
to keep our motors humming.
337
00:14:31,512 --> 00:14:33,245
KLAUS: Is anyone there?!
338
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:36,048
It sounds like four people eating ham!
339
00:14:36,050 --> 00:14:37,683
Good ham.
340
00:14:39,986 --> 00:14:41,386
[DOORKNOB RATTLING]
341
00:14:41,388 --> 00:14:44,056
Oh, man, the forbidden door is locked!
342
00:14:44,058 --> 00:14:48,393
Luckily, the "giving sandwich"
has one last thing to give.
343
00:14:48,395 --> 00:14:49,628
The bread.
344
00:14:51,866 --> 00:14:52,931
[LOCK DISENGAGES]
345
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:54,466
[GASPS]
346
00:14:54,468 --> 00:14:56,869
This isn't an exit.
347
00:14:56,871 --> 00:14:58,603
It's a graveyard.
348
00:14:58,605 --> 00:15:00,539
Look at the way they're grouped.
349
00:15:00,541 --> 00:15:04,576
I think they're... other families.
350
00:15:05,746 --> 00:15:07,812
Yes, there are a lot of dead bodies,
351
00:15:07,814 --> 00:15:09,548
but at least it's not a gift shop.
352
00:15:09,550 --> 00:15:11,416
I hate crass commercialism.
353
00:15:11,418 --> 00:15:13,418
But the skeletons are for sale.
354
00:15:13,420 --> 00:15:14,619
I make keychains!
355
00:15:14,621 --> 00:15:16,755
Perfect for a gas station bathroom!
356
00:15:16,757 --> 00:15:18,557
Do you have any gas
station owner friends
357
00:15:18,559 --> 00:15:20,726
who have a birthday coming up?
358
00:15:24,365 --> 00:15:28,300
You killed all those families?
359
00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:31,369
What? No, they killed themselves.
360
00:15:31,371 --> 00:15:32,971
On average, most offed themselves
361
00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:35,240
after living with Dr.
Weitzman for three days.
362
00:15:35,242 --> 00:15:37,309
Though the current record
is the Shelmerdines,
363
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,377
who only lasted 45 minutes.
364
00:15:39,379 --> 00:15:40,845
That hurt my feelings.
365
00:15:40,847 --> 00:15:44,116
But you guys really hurt my
feelings trying to escape.
366
00:15:44,118 --> 00:15:45,850
I thought you loved me.
367
00:15:45,852 --> 00:15:47,852
Wait, the other families
killed themselves
368
00:15:47,854 --> 00:15:49,187
without trying to escape?
369
00:15:49,189 --> 00:15:52,057
Well, it was before
my online guitar lessons.
370
00:15:52,059 --> 00:15:54,859
[SNIFFLES] Before I got really good.
371
00:15:54,861 --> 00:15:55,994
You suck at guitar.
372
00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:57,930
Yeah, man, you suck at guitar.
373
00:15:57,932 --> 00:15:59,864
[CRYING]
374
00:15:59,866 --> 00:16:02,534
Keep it up, guys.
I think this is working.
375
00:16:02,536 --> 00:16:03,868
Keep mocking him.
376
00:16:03,870 --> 00:16:06,871
- You have long, beautiful eyelashes.
- No, honey!
377
00:16:06,873 --> 00:16:10,142
Aaand you always cuff
your sleeves like Cam
378
00:16:10,144 --> 00:16:12,344
from "Modern Family."
379
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:14,546
That's not good?
380
00:16:14,548 --> 00:16:16,415
Wizard alert!
381
00:16:16,417 --> 00:16:18,082
[LAUGHTER]
382
00:16:18,084 --> 00:16:21,686
Get out! Get out! [CRIES]
383
00:16:22,556 --> 00:16:23,956
How'd you know he'd let us go?
384
00:16:23,958 --> 00:16:25,824
Actually I was sure
he was gonna kill us,
385
00:16:25,826 --> 00:16:28,761
so I just wanted to get it over with.
386
00:16:28,763 --> 00:16:30,963
♪ ♪
387
00:16:30,965 --> 00:16:33,498
I can't believe it. We're home!
388
00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:35,434
There you all are!
389
00:16:35,436 --> 00:16:36,901
You're good hiders!
390
00:16:36,903 --> 00:16:38,570
I've been looking for months.
391
00:16:38,572 --> 00:16:40,773
Jeff, did you think we were playing
392
00:16:40,775 --> 00:16:42,107
hide and seek this whole time?
393
00:16:42,109 --> 00:16:45,310
In September I doubted it for a second.
394
00:16:45,312 --> 00:16:47,780
But then I found this clue.
395
00:16:47,782 --> 00:16:50,115
So I took apart the water heater,
396
00:16:50,117 --> 00:16:51,650
but you guys weren't in there.
397
00:16:51,652 --> 00:16:53,718
There certainly was a smell, though.
398
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:55,988
And a lot of scalding water.
399
00:16:55,990 --> 00:16:58,590
And you guys stayed true to the game.
400
00:16:58,592 --> 00:17:02,260
When I screamed in agony for help,
you stayed hidden.
401
00:17:02,262 --> 00:17:05,464
And you didn't visit
me in the burn ward.
402
00:17:05,466 --> 00:17:08,066
I can't tell you how
much I respect that.
403
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:12,404
And now the game is over
and I don't know why.
404
00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:15,007
I guess I can return to my life.
405
00:17:15,009 --> 00:17:17,109
Right back in.
406
00:17:18,278 --> 00:17:19,744
Hi.
407
00:17:19,746 --> 00:17:22,448
[DOORBELL RINGS]
408
00:17:24,018 --> 00:17:26,218
- Flower delivery!
- Whoo!
409
00:17:26,220 --> 00:17:28,687
Smells like dead bees and cigarettes.
410
00:17:28,689 --> 00:17:30,689
It's been in the shop for two months.
411
00:17:30,691 --> 00:17:33,958
Your sweetheart got an
unbelievable price on it.
412
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,629
Adam, you got me flowers?!
413
00:17:36,631 --> 00:17:39,431
I am Adam and I am guilty.
414
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,566
Whoaaaa, that guy's hot.
415
00:17:41,568 --> 00:17:44,369
The dang door's blockin' the hot body!
416
00:17:44,371 --> 00:17:46,038
I love it!
417
00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:47,105
[SMOOCHING]
418
00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:49,441
ROGER:
[THINKING] So I'm a symbol of love.
419
00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:50,775
That's nice.
420
00:17:50,777 --> 00:17:52,311
JENNY: I can't believe you remembered
421
00:17:52,313 --> 00:17:54,779
that I love grotesque flowers.
422
00:17:54,781 --> 00:17:57,582
[ADAM AND JENNY SMOOCHING]
423
00:17:57,584 --> 00:17:58,984
- Ooh!
- Mm.
424
00:18:01,722 --> 00:18:03,722
Stan, I'm happy to be home,
425
00:18:03,724 --> 00:18:07,659
but does something feel... off to you?
426
00:18:07,661 --> 00:18:09,261
There's no buffet and I hate it.
427
00:18:09,263 --> 00:18:10,729
I'm feelin' it too, Dad.
428
00:18:10,731 --> 00:18:12,597
There was just so much food.
429
00:18:12,599 --> 00:18:14,599
I think that's what I loved about it.
430
00:18:14,601 --> 00:18:17,602
Sounds crazy, but maybe we're all...
431
00:18:17,604 --> 00:18:19,204
STEVE: Concerned about Jeff? Me too.
432
00:18:19,206 --> 00:18:21,339
I think there's something
really wrong there.
433
00:18:21,341 --> 00:18:23,808
He's not, like, fun stupid, ya know.
434
00:18:23,810 --> 00:18:25,944
I worry Hayley might
be committing a crime
435
00:18:25,946 --> 00:18:27,145
being married to him.
436
00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:28,813
Maybe we meet with the lawyer,
437
00:18:28,815 --> 00:18:30,615
get on record what we knew when...
438
00:18:30,617 --> 00:18:31,750
We're talking about the buffet.
439
00:18:31,752 --> 00:18:33,485
Oh, my God, the buffet!
440
00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:35,019
I miss the buffet!
441
00:18:35,021 --> 00:18:37,089
- We all do!
- We gotta go back!
442
00:18:37,091 --> 00:18:39,157
Maybe we just have Stockholm syndrome?
443
00:18:39,159 --> 00:18:43,428
If that means overwhelming
desire to break into a buffet,
444
00:18:43,430 --> 00:18:46,164
then I got the stock, homes.
445
00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:54,907
♪ ♪
446
00:18:54,909 --> 00:18:57,576
And now for dessert.
447
00:18:57,578 --> 00:18:59,778
[GRUNTING]
448
00:19:01,716 --> 00:19:03,248
[BOTH SMOOCHING]
449
00:19:03,250 --> 00:19:05,384
ROGER: [THINKING] They're so in love.
450
00:19:05,386 --> 00:19:07,586
And I'm so relaxed.
451
00:19:07,588 --> 00:19:09,187
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Get off me!
452
00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:11,523
- He's home early!
- Now, who the hell is this?
453
00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:12,791
MAN: Jennifer, what's going on?
454
00:19:12,793 --> 00:19:13,992
What is that hideous flower?
455
00:19:13,994 --> 00:19:16,128
Your wife happens to
love hideous flowers!
456
00:19:16,130 --> 00:19:19,798
[GASPS] My best friend
and business partner!
457
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,800
Oh, my jangled nerves!
458
00:19:21,802 --> 00:19:23,068
[GUNS COCKING]
459
00:19:23,070 --> 00:19:25,137
Oh, good, they're all gun owners.
460
00:19:25,139 --> 00:19:26,739
This should de-escalate quickly.
461
00:19:26,741 --> 00:19:29,674
[GUNSHOTS]
462
00:19:29,676 --> 00:19:31,543
That's a tip for everyone at home...
463
00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:34,679
No one ever shoots the flower.
464
00:19:34,681 --> 00:19:37,349
♪ ♪
465
00:19:37,351 --> 00:19:40,352
Dr. Weitzman is never
gonna let us back in.
466
00:19:40,354 --> 00:19:43,822
Remember how we used
the Monte Cristo sandwich to get out?
467
00:19:43,824 --> 00:19:45,958
Here's a sandwich to help us get in...
468
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,193
a C-4 sandwich.
469
00:19:49,430 --> 00:19:51,630
There are also some tuna
sandwiches in the bag
470
00:19:51,632 --> 00:19:53,565
in case anyone wants to scarf.
471
00:19:54,769 --> 00:19:57,770
Wait, this is the C-4 sandwich.
472
00:20:01,772 --> 00:20:04,109
Wait a second. That means the tuna...
473
00:20:04,111 --> 00:20:06,511
Stan, did you buy the cheap tuna again?
474
00:20:06,513 --> 00:20:08,781
No! It was me!
475
00:20:08,783 --> 00:20:10,449
You bought the cheap tuna?
476
00:20:10,451 --> 00:20:13,852
No, I blew up the wall from the inside.
477
00:20:13,854 --> 00:20:16,188
What a twist! Why?
478
00:20:16,190 --> 00:20:18,923
Because my family came back to me.
479
00:20:18,925 --> 00:20:20,525
I'm just so excited!
480
00:20:20,527 --> 00:20:21,794
This guy's not cool.
481
00:20:21,796 --> 00:20:23,928
I'm starting to think
this was a mistake.
482
00:20:23,930 --> 00:20:26,598
No, no, no, no, let me get my guitar!
483
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,200
And some legos!
484
00:20:31,472 --> 00:20:33,806
You guys came to rescue me!
485
00:20:33,808 --> 00:20:35,540
Yes. Yes, we did.
486
00:20:35,542 --> 00:20:38,010
Let's not be here when
Dr. Weitzman comes back.
487
00:20:38,012 --> 00:20:39,744
But the buffet!
488
00:20:39,746 --> 00:20:41,946
I still want a dried-out
piece of Dover sole
489
00:20:41,948 --> 00:20:43,882
and a sweaty sweet potato pie.
490
00:20:43,884 --> 00:20:47,019
I guess we could try the
buffet across the street.
491
00:20:47,021 --> 00:20:49,822
HAYLEY: "Smiths eat free"?
492
00:20:49,824 --> 00:20:51,323
I like that price.
493
00:20:51,958 --> 00:20:54,559
Come on in! Leave whenever you like!
494
00:20:54,561 --> 00:20:56,495
I'm not lonely!
495
00:20:56,497 --> 00:20:58,197
Bye-bye! See you soon!
496
00:21:00,311 --> 00:21:02,084
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
35364
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