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1
00:00:01,017 --> 00:00:02,350
♪♪
2
00:00:02,418 --> 00:00:03,485
So I bit him.
3
00:00:03,553 --> 00:00:06,354
I didn't know what else to do,
so I just bit him.
4
00:00:06,422 --> 00:00:08,690
And I feel like that was the right move
5
00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:11,493
because he never charged
me for the guitar lesson.
6
00:00:11,561 --> 00:00:13,962
Okay! On to other business.
7
00:00:14,030 --> 00:00:16,698
We have an exciting new villain...
8
00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:18,700
Anastasia Kirilenko.
9
00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:21,035
Kirilenko? That sounds Russian.
10
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,105
That's right!
11
00:00:22,172 --> 00:00:24,372
The Russians are doing shit again!
12
00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:26,240
[ALL CHEERING]
13
00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:29,177
The Russians?! They dance like this.
14
00:00:29,245 --> 00:00:30,779
Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho!
15
00:00:30,847 --> 00:00:32,514
Ha! Hey! Yeah, yeah!
16
00:00:32,582 --> 00:00:33,982
Yeah, yeah! Yeah!
17
00:00:34,050 --> 00:00:36,584
Ha ha! That's right, Styles! They do!
18
00:00:36,653 --> 00:00:38,987
Jackson has painted a
fresco on the ceiling
19
00:00:39,055 --> 00:00:40,522
detailing the mission.
20
00:00:40,590 --> 00:00:44,458
Now, this is for you visual
learners and also for me,
21
00:00:44,460 --> 00:00:47,554
because I got bananas
high before this meeting.
22
00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:48,463
Jackson!
23
00:00:48,532 --> 00:00:51,265
JACKSON: We intercepted an order
from Kirilenko's IP address
24
00:00:51,267 --> 00:00:52,934
to the American Girl doll store...
25
00:00:53,003 --> 00:00:55,137
- Ohh!
- ...where Kirilenko's daughter
26
00:00:55,205 --> 00:00:57,739
ordered a special, one-of-a-kind doll.
27
00:00:57,808 --> 00:00:58,809
Hmm!
28
00:00:58,875 --> 00:01:01,610
- The plan is to put a bug in the doll...
- Dude.
29
00:01:01,684 --> 00:01:03,411
...and ship it to the
Kirilenko compound.
30
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,013
Whoa.
31
00:01:05,081 --> 00:01:07,481
We'll finally be able to
listen in on the Russian mob.
32
00:01:07,483 --> 00:01:08,817
Yeah.
33
00:01:08,885 --> 00:01:12,154
We've coordinated with American Girl,
34
00:01:12,222 --> 00:01:14,022
as we do on most missions,
35
00:01:14,090 --> 00:01:17,025
and they're giving us access to
the doll before it's delivered.
36
00:01:17,093 --> 00:01:19,493
We just need an agent to go to the mall.
37
00:01:19,495 --> 00:01:20,628
I got it! Me!
38
00:01:20,697 --> 00:01:22,630
I'll do anything to get out of work.
39
00:01:22,699 --> 00:01:24,232
That's what I like to hear!
40
00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:28,236
Pick up the doll.
Bring it to work Monday morning.
41
00:01:28,304 --> 00:01:30,104
I will be busy all weekend,
42
00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:33,441
posing for my deputy director portrait.
43
00:01:34,374 --> 00:01:36,645
Who said you people could go?
44
00:01:37,981 --> 00:01:40,849
♪♪
45
00:01:40,917 --> 00:01:43,251
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
46
00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:46,188
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
47
00:01:46,256 --> 00:01:49,323
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
48
00:01:49,325 --> 00:01:53,461
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
49
00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:55,263
♪♪
50
00:01:55,331 --> 00:01:58,400
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
51
00:01:58,468 --> 00:02:01,069
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
52
00:02:01,137 --> 00:02:02,170
Aah!
53
00:02:02,238 --> 00:02:03,471
♪♪
54
00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:06,074
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
55
00:02:06,142 --> 00:02:07,809
[BOYZ 12'S "GIRL YOU NEED A
SHOT (OF B12 (BOYZ 12))" PLAYS]
56
00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:11,012
♪ Oh, girl, you need a shot of B12 ♪
57
00:02:11,081 --> 00:02:14,015
- ♪ Break it out! ♪
- ♪ I'm B1 and I'm tons... ♪
58
00:02:14,084 --> 00:02:16,751
Steve, why are you hanging
around this old factory?
59
00:02:16,753 --> 00:02:19,287
Uh, this is my high school, Dad.
60
00:02:19,355 --> 00:02:22,424
You just met Mr. Brink at my
parent-teacher conference.
61
00:02:22,492 --> 00:02:23,958
I thought that was your foreman.
62
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:25,827
No wonder he wouldn't
show me his jackhammer.
63
00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:27,695
Well, punch out
and let's go to the mall.
64
00:02:28,794 --> 00:02:30,832
Were you just listening
to the boy band I was in?
65
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,700
Yeah, they've been
playing it a lot recently
66
00:02:32,769 --> 00:02:34,302
since some psychopath's been murdering
67
00:02:34,370 --> 00:02:35,770
all the band members one by one.
68
00:02:35,772 --> 00:02:37,439
I have been getting a lot more calls
69
00:02:37,507 --> 00:02:39,908
that are just heaving breathing lately.
70
00:02:39,976 --> 00:02:41,443
I thought it was Barry.
71
00:02:41,511 --> 00:02:42,911
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
72
00:02:42,979 --> 00:02:45,914
I'm sorry we have to go
to this lame doll store.
73
00:02:45,982 --> 00:02:47,515
These dolls are amazing.
74
00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,251
Did you know each American Girl doll
75
00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:50,852
has a rich historical backstory?
76
00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:52,254
I don't like where this is going.
77
00:02:52,322 --> 00:02:54,923
This is Koko. She's from Hawaii.
78
00:02:54,991 --> 00:02:57,859
"Her aloha spirit kept
her family together
79
00:02:57,861 --> 00:03:00,795
"on that fateful
December morning in 1941,
80
00:03:00,864 --> 00:03:03,131
when the bombs fell from the lani."
81
00:03:03,199 --> 00:03:04,599
That's Hawaiian for "sky."
82
00:03:04,668 --> 00:03:06,801
No shit. Steve, you're a boy.
83
00:03:06,870 --> 00:03:08,803
And boys don't play with dolls.
84
00:03:08,805 --> 00:03:09,871
How about Helena?
85
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:13,075
Her family died of dysentery
during the Civil War.
86
00:03:13,143 --> 00:03:14,408
Dad!
87
00:03:14,410 --> 00:03:16,078
Hasn't Helena been through enough?
88
00:03:16,146 --> 00:03:19,213
Look at my foot. It has been put down.
89
00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:20,815
♪♪
90
00:03:21,395 --> 00:03:25,019
Hi! I'm Bob,
and this is my best friend, Maisie.
91
00:03:25,021 --> 00:03:27,421
[SIGHS]
92
00:03:27,423 --> 00:03:31,293
Ooh! The one-of-a-kind
Piper special edition!
93
00:03:31,361 --> 00:03:33,895
[HIGH-PITCHED] "You're one lucky boy."
94
00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:35,096
It's not for him!
95
00:03:35,165 --> 00:03:38,566
Oh. A fellow adult doll enthusiast.
96
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:41,603
[WHISPERING] We should get
together and play sometime.
97
00:03:45,008 --> 00:03:47,075
ANNOUNCER:
From the creators of "Young Sheldon"
98
00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:49,277
comes "Even Younger Sheldon."
99
00:03:49,345 --> 00:03:50,745
Yuck. It's just a fetus.
100
00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:52,280
I get out of here through where?
101
00:03:52,348 --> 00:03:54,148
Uh, no, thank you.
102
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:56,218
[CHUCKLES] Okay.
103
00:03:56,286 --> 00:03:58,553
I just had the tightest
dinner with Jurgen.
104
00:03:58,555 --> 00:04:01,289
We destroyed the Chimdale Ruth's Chris.
105
00:04:01,357 --> 00:04:03,958
What gives, Klaus?
You never have any money.
106
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:05,293
It was Jurgen's treat.
107
00:04:05,361 --> 00:04:08,430
I did his taxes and got
him a three-figure refund.
108
00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:11,099
I didn't know you did taxes.
Can you help me with mine?
109
00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:14,102
Sure. You thinking standard
or itemized deduction?
110
00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:17,505
Those are the exact types of
questions I'm trying to avoid.
111
00:04:17,574 --> 00:04:20,508
And that's how I know Jackson
is having a jazz party tonight.
112
00:04:20,577 --> 00:04:23,245
Can you believe he didn't
skee-bop-ba-doo-bop-invite me?
113
00:04:23,313 --> 00:04:28,116
Uh-huh. So Dr. Weitzman switched
yours and Jeff's consciousness?
114
00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:30,184
Yeah, Mom. This is me... Hayley.
115
00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:32,921
- The crazy thing is...
- And this is for couples therapy?
116
00:04:32,989 --> 00:04:33,990
Can we get back to my...
117
00:04:34,057 --> 00:04:36,658
Babe, I think I got your period.
118
00:04:36,726 --> 00:04:38,660
I understand you now.
119
00:04:38,728 --> 00:04:41,729
I just had to walk a
mile in your tampon.
120
00:04:41,798 --> 00:04:44,799
[GROANS] No one cares about my problems.
121
00:04:44,801 --> 00:04:46,801
Oh! I forgot you were up there.
122
00:04:46,803 --> 00:04:50,004
Just like Jackson forgot to
invite me to his jazz party.
123
00:04:50,006 --> 00:04:51,873
Or maybe it was on purpose.
124
00:04:51,942 --> 00:04:54,643
This is ridiculous.
I'm talking to a doll.
125
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:01,583
A little dark in there.
126
00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:03,618
Now I see on Instagram
127
00:05:03,687 --> 00:05:05,954
Hooper is having a
bluegrass thing right now!
128
00:05:06,022 --> 00:05:08,356
He wanted me to see it. He tagged me.
129
00:05:08,425 --> 00:05:10,024
I'm acting like a crazy person.
130
00:05:10,093 --> 00:05:12,027
You can't hear me through that box.
131
00:05:13,297 --> 00:05:14,996
Hi.
132
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:20,434
Good morning USA, Piper.
Whatcha got there?
133
00:05:20,436 --> 00:05:22,436
Oh, right, you're an orphan
from the Depression era
134
00:05:22,438 --> 00:05:24,906
and you write poetry for scraps of food.
135
00:05:24,975 --> 00:05:26,708
These are really good.
136
00:05:26,777 --> 00:05:28,310
Did you squiggle them yourself?
137
00:05:28,378 --> 00:05:31,245
You know, I wrote a poem once,
about ham.
138
00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:32,847
But it didn't go very well.
139
00:05:32,849 --> 00:05:34,248
My friend fake-humped me
140
00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:37,119
and then took the ham-carving
position I wanted.
141
00:05:37,187 --> 00:05:39,988
Has that ever happened to
you with your poetry, Piper?
142
00:05:40,056 --> 00:05:41,523
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
143
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,057
Where's your dad?
144
00:05:43,059 --> 00:05:44,726
And then I saw another guy last week
145
00:05:44,794 --> 00:05:45,927
that was like 6'4"!
146
00:05:45,996 --> 00:05:47,129
I don't know if I'm just lucky
147
00:05:47,197 --> 00:05:48,596
or if it's something about the store,
148
00:05:48,665 --> 00:05:52,066
but I always see really
tall guys at Home Depot.
149
00:05:52,136 --> 00:05:54,402
♪♪
150
00:05:55,646 --> 00:05:57,739
Smith? Where's the doll?
151
00:05:57,808 --> 00:05:59,341
O-Oh, my God. I totally forgot I had it.
152
00:05:59,409 --> 00:06:00,542
Senior moment. [CHUCKLES]
153
00:06:00,544 --> 00:06:02,276
I-I think the problem
is that I don't care
154
00:06:02,278 --> 00:06:03,411
about that amazing doll at all.
155
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:04,679
I'll bring it in tomorrow.
156
00:06:04,748 --> 00:06:06,481
Sorry about the, uh... pbht! brain fart!
157
00:06:06,550 --> 00:06:09,217
Good fart noise, Smith!
158
00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:10,318
[TIRES SCREECH]
159
00:06:11,528 --> 00:06:13,355
So, I told our joke at... oh...
160
00:06:13,423 --> 00:06:16,158
at work today, and everybody laughed!
161
00:06:16,226 --> 00:06:18,693
♪♪
162
00:06:18,695 --> 00:06:19,761
So, you see, these tax write-offs
163
00:06:19,830 --> 00:06:21,163
that you've grouped together,
164
00:06:21,231 --> 00:06:25,233
I spread them over two
categories and saved you $15.
165
00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:27,035
$15? Wow!
166
00:06:27,103 --> 00:06:29,971
I'm gonna have so much change
to take to Nipples and Nickels,
167
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,507
the only strip club that
lets you tip in nickels.
168
00:06:32,576 --> 00:06:34,042
By the way, can I get that in nickels?
169
00:06:34,110 --> 00:06:36,044
They don't make change
at Nipples and Nickels.
170
00:06:36,112 --> 00:06:38,913
Furthermore,
I'm recommending you to everyone.
171
00:06:38,915 --> 00:06:41,315
I-I don't know if I have
time for any more clients!
172
00:06:41,385 --> 00:06:42,717
Raider Dave!
173
00:06:42,786 --> 00:06:45,720
Tax question...
If I beat a man with a tire iron
174
00:06:45,722 --> 00:06:48,322
in the stadium parking lot,
is that deductible?
175
00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:49,791
I'll have to look into it.
176
00:06:49,860 --> 00:06:51,726
If it makes a difference, he started it.
177
00:06:51,728 --> 00:06:54,462
His wife and small children
were wearing Broncos jerseys...
178
00:06:54,531 --> 00:06:55,797
in Denver, no less.
179
00:06:55,866 --> 00:06:57,799
That's Raider country.
180
00:06:57,868 --> 00:06:59,201
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
181
00:06:59,269 --> 00:07:00,334
[DOORBELL RINGS]
182
00:07:01,244 --> 00:07:02,737
Hey, Steve!
183
00:07:02,806 --> 00:07:04,206
Agent Styles.
184
00:07:04,274 --> 00:07:06,007
I know your dad's been
out sick for a week,
185
00:07:06,076 --> 00:07:07,876
and clearly you've caught it,
whatever it is,
186
00:07:07,944 --> 00:07:09,677
but I need to get something from him.
187
00:07:09,746 --> 00:07:11,345
Rogu.
188
00:07:11,415 --> 00:07:13,815
Whoa! You sound like shit.
189
00:07:13,884 --> 00:07:16,150
♪♪
190
00:07:16,220 --> 00:07:18,486
I so treasure these talks
with you, Piper.
191
00:07:18,555 --> 00:07:21,223
The world's greatest treasure is found
192
00:07:21,291 --> 00:07:23,025
in the words of friendship.
193
00:07:23,093 --> 00:07:24,358
Wow, Piper.
194
00:07:24,428 --> 00:07:26,494
Only you can make Smash Mouth lyrics...
195
00:07:26,563 --> 00:07:29,030
which I assume those were...
sound so beautiful.
196
00:07:29,099 --> 00:07:30,232
- [DOOR OPENS]
- STYLES: Stan?
197
00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:33,402
Styles! What are you doing in Paris?
198
00:07:35,639 --> 00:07:37,105
♪♪
199
00:07:37,174 --> 00:07:38,773
Okay. Uh, what were we talking about?
200
00:07:38,842 --> 00:07:41,109
Sports cars, right?
My favorite is Lamborghini.
201
00:07:41,178 --> 00:07:42,577
It's so fast.
202
00:07:42,646 --> 00:07:44,912
What the hell is going on
with you, Stan?
203
00:07:44,982 --> 00:07:46,447
Okay. Let me explain.
204
00:07:46,516 --> 00:07:49,450
Like most flashbacks,
this one starts in the past.
205
00:07:49,519 --> 00:07:51,919
- [UP-TEMPO '50S MUSIC PLAYS]
- STAN: After my dad left,
206
00:07:51,989 --> 00:07:53,789
my mother had to raise
me all on her own.
207
00:07:53,857 --> 00:07:55,190
Without a dad to guide me,
208
00:07:55,258 --> 00:07:57,392
she was afraid I'd turn out too girly.
209
00:07:57,461 --> 00:08:00,928
So she had very strict rules
about what boys could play with.
210
00:08:00,930 --> 00:08:02,798
Aah!
211
00:08:02,866 --> 00:08:04,666
♪♪
212
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,401
Aah!
213
00:08:06,470 --> 00:08:10,338
♪♪
214
00:08:10,340 --> 00:08:13,475
I thought I told you to
throw out that stupid doll!
215
00:08:13,543 --> 00:08:14,942
But she's my best friend!
216
00:08:14,944 --> 00:08:18,413
Look at my foot. It has been put down.
217
00:08:18,482 --> 00:08:20,215
Aah!
218
00:08:20,283 --> 00:08:21,216
[HARP PLAYS]
219
00:08:21,284 --> 00:08:23,218
So I guess that's why I went...
220
00:08:23,286 --> 00:08:24,820
a little overboard with all this.
221
00:08:24,888 --> 00:08:27,155
I've been keeping this
inside for way too long.
222
00:08:27,224 --> 00:08:29,691
But now I've had a breakthrough.
I'm all better!
223
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:30,958
Just like that?
224
00:08:31,028 --> 00:08:33,361
I guess I'm just super healthy mentally.
225
00:08:33,363 --> 00:08:36,964
Here. This doll needs to go to Russia.
226
00:08:37,034 --> 00:08:39,134
You have a lovely home.
227
00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:42,037
I guess I should tidy up.
228
00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,507
Oh. Huh. Piper left her jacket.
229
00:08:45,575 --> 00:08:48,643
♪ It's overdue ♪
230
00:08:48,712 --> 00:08:50,111
ANNOUNCER: That was B-12,
231
00:08:50,180 --> 00:08:52,380
now with only seven surviving members!
232
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:53,581
Piper needs her jacket!
233
00:08:53,650 --> 00:08:55,383
[TIRES POPPING, SCREECHING]
234
00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:57,118
[CROWD SCREAMING]
235
00:08:57,987 --> 00:09:01,523
You can't be trusted with Piper!
You're a terrible driver!
236
00:09:03,393 --> 00:09:05,460
When I saw you'd left your jacket,
237
00:09:05,529 --> 00:09:07,995
I realized you were
sending me a message.
238
00:09:08,065 --> 00:09:11,199
You didn't want to go any more
than I wanted you to leave.
239
00:09:11,268 --> 00:09:13,068
It's all true, Stan!
240
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:16,938
Piper, you're the best
doll friend I've ever had.
241
00:09:17,006 --> 00:09:19,074
I can't let you go now
that I've found you.
242
00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:22,677
Stan, the CIA really wants me
to go to Russia.
243
00:09:22,746 --> 00:09:24,279
They're probably gonna come after me.
244
00:09:24,347 --> 00:09:27,215
If I know the CIA,
they'll be after me as well.
245
00:09:27,217 --> 00:09:28,816
They'll think this is all my idea.
246
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:30,485
They don't know anything
about friendship.
247
00:09:30,554 --> 00:09:32,220
- We need to run.
- Yeah.
248
00:09:32,289 --> 00:09:33,555
We'll lie low for a few years,
249
00:09:33,623 --> 00:09:35,557
then I'll come back
for Francine and Rogu.
250
00:09:35,625 --> 00:09:37,959
- [BIRDS CHIRPING]
- _
251
00:09:38,027 --> 00:09:40,027
♪♪
252
00:09:40,097 --> 00:09:42,297
Did you have any unusual
expenses this year?
253
00:09:42,299 --> 00:09:44,365
Got a full penis tattoo
of Dale Earnhardt.
254
00:09:44,434 --> 00:09:45,633
Totally butchered it.
255
00:09:45,635 --> 00:09:47,302
Looks like Milhouse from "The Simpsons."
256
00:09:47,370 --> 00:09:49,370
I accidentally ejaculated
on a Nagel painting
257
00:09:49,439 --> 00:09:51,707
and was forced to purchase
it from the museum.
258
00:09:51,775 --> 00:09:53,241
Neigh!
259
00:09:53,243 --> 00:09:57,112
Did you receive unreported
tip income of $20 or more?
260
00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:58,980
I have no need for a job.
261
00:09:59,048 --> 00:10:01,649
I exchange smoothies for used clothes.
262
00:10:01,651 --> 00:10:03,651
I received a trampoline
as a business gift
263
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,454
from a prostitute I am
deeply in love with.
264
00:10:06,456 --> 00:10:10,458
Did you make any...
contributions to a retirement plan?
265
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:11,393
- No.
- No.
266
00:10:11,461 --> 00:10:12,394
- No.
- No.
267
00:10:12,462 --> 00:10:13,795
[SLURPS] No.
268
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:16,998
And roughly what was
your income this year?
269
00:10:17,066 --> 00:10:19,334
Mama gives me a nickel
if I don't touch myself!
270
00:10:19,402 --> 00:10:22,470
Where were you the night of the
Sadie Hawkins dance haunting?
271
00:10:22,472 --> 00:10:25,006
- Aah!
- WOMAN: [WHISPERING] Ricky Spanish.
272
00:10:25,074 --> 00:10:27,342
Sorry. I couldn't hear
you over the stabbing.
273
00:10:27,410 --> 00:10:30,278
How much did you say you
donated to the Audubon Society?
274
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:35,450
WOMAN: [WHISPERING] $17,428.
275
00:10:38,021 --> 00:10:39,754
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
276
00:10:39,823 --> 00:10:41,489
I'm gonna buy you some sugar cereal,
277
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:43,224
but it's only because we're on vacation.
278
00:10:43,293 --> 00:10:44,559
Now we have some breaking news.
279
00:10:44,628 --> 00:10:46,962
This just in from Langley Falls,
Virginia.
280
00:10:47,030 --> 00:10:48,630
Here's a picture of the suspects,
281
00:10:48,698 --> 00:10:50,966
- who are still at large.
- [GUNSHOT]
282
00:10:51,034 --> 00:10:52,300
Sorry. That just went off.
283
00:10:52,369 --> 00:10:54,235
By the way, that was not me on the TV,
284
00:10:54,304 --> 00:10:56,171
this is a normal doll,
and I'm a normal man.
285
00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:59,975
Now, where do you keep your hair dye,
like, for normal disguises?
286
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,111
Well, Stan, you've done it again.
287
00:11:03,180 --> 00:11:05,913
Your most fiendishly
clever disguise yet.
288
00:11:05,983 --> 00:11:08,049
Even my own family would never suspect
289
00:11:08,117 --> 00:11:09,785
that I'm not Barry Manilow.
290
00:11:09,853 --> 00:11:12,387
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
291
00:11:13,657 --> 00:11:16,324
STAN: It's all worth it.
292
00:11:16,326 --> 00:11:19,327
Such a little angel.
293
00:11:19,396 --> 00:11:21,830
♪♪
294
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:25,867
Did your... friend not like her eggs?
295
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,270
What are you talking about?
She ate the whole thing.
296
00:11:29,673 --> 00:11:32,207
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
297
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:33,341
Let's pay cash.
298
00:11:33,410 --> 00:11:36,277
Don't want the CIA tracking my card.
299
00:11:36,346 --> 00:11:37,545
You're right. No huge tips.
300
00:11:37,547 --> 00:11:39,881
Don't want to end up a
segment on the local news.
301
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,483
Let me just do a quick Yelp review.
302
00:11:41,551 --> 00:11:43,218
STYLES: I found Stan!
303
00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:44,619
[MOUSE CLICKS]
304
00:11:44,688 --> 00:11:46,954
And he's driving west on 68!
305
00:11:47,024 --> 00:11:49,424
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
306
00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:51,827
- What the...
- [BRAKES SQUEAK]
307
00:11:53,831 --> 00:11:56,431
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
308
00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:59,166
I have access to your memories!
309
00:11:59,168 --> 00:12:01,436
♪♪
310
00:12:01,990 --> 00:12:03,771
No! She doesn't like it in there!
311
00:12:03,841 --> 00:12:05,573
She's going to Russia, Smith.
312
00:12:05,575 --> 00:12:08,510
And there's nothing you can do about it.
313
00:12:08,578 --> 00:12:10,578
Putting the hose down.
314
00:12:10,580 --> 00:12:12,580
[ENGINE STARTS]
315
00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:14,916
[SOBS]
316
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,386
Doll is lost!
317
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:20,989
♪♪
318
00:12:22,198 --> 00:12:23,324
What's wrong, Stan?
319
00:12:23,393 --> 00:12:25,594
Oh, Towel Swan, I don't know.
320
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:26,995
Am I becoming unhinged?
321
00:12:27,063 --> 00:12:28,397
What?! No!
322
00:12:28,465 --> 00:12:31,332
You're as hinged as a door, bro.
323
00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:32,934
You need to go find Piper.
324
00:12:32,936 --> 00:12:34,803
But she's halfway to Russia already.
325
00:12:34,871 --> 00:12:36,471
This isn't the Stan I know.
326
00:12:36,539 --> 00:12:38,739
This looks like a crybaby.
327
00:12:38,741 --> 00:12:41,209
I'm not a crybaby! But I'm just one man.
328
00:12:41,278 --> 00:12:43,612
I can't go halfway to
Russia all by myself.
329
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:46,681
- I need a team.
- Don't worry. We'll help you, Stan.
330
00:12:46,749 --> 00:12:49,951
[UP-TEMPO SHOW TUNE PLAYS]
331
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:51,552
♪ We'll help Stan ♪
332
00:12:51,554 --> 00:12:53,755
- ♪ He's our friend... ♪
- Shut up! Piper's missing!
333
00:12:53,824 --> 00:12:56,090
Sorry. You guys are great.
Don't get me wrong.
334
00:12:56,159 --> 00:12:58,627
But I need you to hang
back here at headquarters
335
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,695
while I put a team together to get her.
336
00:13:00,763 --> 00:13:02,831
Wait. Say that again.
337
00:13:02,899 --> 00:13:06,034
Get a team together... to get her.
338
00:13:06,103 --> 00:13:08,637
Whoa! Whoa!
339
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,571
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
340
00:13:10,641 --> 00:13:12,173
I need you for a job,
341
00:13:12,175 --> 00:13:14,575
and word is you've got the
résumé I'm looking for...
342
00:13:14,645 --> 00:13:18,513
Special Forces, black ops,
67 confirmed kills.
343
00:13:18,581 --> 00:13:20,649
[SOUTHERN ACCENT] I
left that life behind.
344
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:23,518
Then I guess I'll have
to save Piper by myself.
345
00:13:23,586 --> 00:13:25,253
Piper's in trouble?
346
00:13:25,322 --> 00:13:28,423
Well, why the hell didn't you say so?
347
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:31,259
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
348
00:13:31,328 --> 00:13:33,995
♪♪
349
00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:36,597
What took you so long?
350
00:13:36,667 --> 00:13:39,868
♪♪
351
00:13:39,936 --> 00:13:41,602
[METAL SCRAPING]
352
00:13:41,604 --> 00:13:45,807
♪♪
353
00:13:45,876 --> 00:13:47,742
I'm in, baby.
354
00:13:47,811 --> 00:13:49,678
♪♪
355
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:50,879
[GUNSHOT]
356
00:13:52,149 --> 00:13:54,549
[SOUTHERN ACCENT] We'll
bring the sweet tea.
357
00:13:54,617 --> 00:13:58,419
♪♪
358
00:13:58,489 --> 00:14:00,822
That'll be $6,000.
359
00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:05,626
- [JET ENGINES HUMMING]
- _
360
00:14:06,349 --> 00:14:08,344
Hi. I need eight tickets to Moscow.
361
00:14:08,379 --> 00:14:09,764
- First class.
- [KEYBOARD CLICKING]
362
00:14:09,833 --> 00:14:13,434
Oh. We only have seven
first-class seats available.
363
00:14:13,504 --> 00:14:16,004
[ENGINES HUMMING]
364
00:14:25,248 --> 00:14:28,583
♪♪
365
00:14:28,651 --> 00:14:30,919
There. Now that I've framed my poster,
366
00:14:30,987 --> 00:14:34,455
this finally feels like
a grown-up's alcove.
367
00:14:34,525 --> 00:14:35,857
I should have a dinner party.
368
00:14:35,926 --> 00:14:38,126
Klaus Heisler, you're in big trouble!
369
00:14:38,195 --> 00:14:39,528
What?! What's this about?
370
00:14:39,596 --> 00:14:41,796
Maynard Butterbean, IRS auditor.
371
00:14:41,865 --> 00:14:45,800
You've been convicted of filing
147 fraudulent tax returns.
372
00:14:45,869 --> 00:14:48,002
Convicted? D-Don't I get a trial?
373
00:14:48,071 --> 00:14:50,872
A trial? This isn't TV, bro.
You're going to jail.
374
00:14:50,941 --> 00:14:54,142
I-I'll admit, I took a few liberties,
but everyone does it.
375
00:14:54,211 --> 00:14:57,011
This isn't cocaine, sir.
Not everyone does this.
376
00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:58,413
We're seizing all your assets.
377
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,749
Assets? I don't have any...
378
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:02,483
[GASPS] No!
379
00:15:03,286 --> 00:15:06,287
I spent $700 at Aaron
Brothers getting that framed!
380
00:15:06,289 --> 00:15:08,156
Hit him with the Tasers, boys.
381
00:15:08,225 --> 00:15:09,758
[GASPS, GRUNTS]
382
00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,492
Roger, you jerk.
383
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:12,427
[GRUNTS]
384
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:14,363
Are you busy Saturday? [SCREAMS]
385
00:15:14,431 --> 00:15:16,164
I'm having a little dinner party.
386
00:15:16,233 --> 00:15:17,832
[GROANS]
387
00:15:17,901 --> 00:15:19,434
I'll be there.
388
00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:21,478
- ♪♪
- _
389
00:15:21,479 --> 00:15:24,579
♪♪
390
00:15:24,641 --> 00:15:26,107
[GRUNTS]
391
00:15:26,109 --> 00:15:28,777
There's no dying in baseball.
392
00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:32,481
Emma, you're in a league of your own.
393
00:15:33,984 --> 00:15:36,151
[BEEP, GATE WHIRS]
394
00:15:38,455 --> 00:15:40,455
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
395
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:42,123
How are we gonna get past them?
396
00:15:42,125 --> 00:15:45,193
Me and Debbie can handle
those cold-blooded Russians.
397
00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:46,728
[HIGH-PITCHED] Hey, boys!
398
00:15:50,267 --> 00:15:51,933
- [GRUNTS]
- [GRUNTS]
399
00:15:52,669 --> 00:15:55,737
You're a miracle on ice. [SMOOCHES]
400
00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:59,007
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
401
00:15:59,076 --> 00:16:01,075
♪♪
402
00:16:01,144 --> 00:16:02,077
[FARTS]
403
00:16:02,145 --> 00:16:03,344
- Shh!
- [GUN COCKS]
404
00:16:03,413 --> 00:16:05,947
[RUSSIAN ACCENT] Bad timing
on that squeaky fart.
405
00:16:06,016 --> 00:16:08,417
You're a dead man, Amerikanskiy.
406
00:16:08,485 --> 00:16:10,485
Uh, I think my friend Madison
407
00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:13,021
might have something to say about that.
408
00:16:13,089 --> 00:16:14,289
[TIRES SCREECH]
409
00:16:14,357 --> 00:16:15,490
Aw, yeah.
410
00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:18,159
- I'm comin' to get ya!
- [ENGINE REVS]
411
00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:20,161
[WHIRRING]
412
00:16:20,163 --> 00:16:21,696
[WHIRRING STOPS]
413
00:16:21,765 --> 00:16:25,366
Your American car is no
match for our Russian wall.
414
00:16:25,435 --> 00:16:27,568
[BOTH LAUGHING]
415
00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:31,706
Wow. I thought Russians
were supposed to be tough.
416
00:16:31,775 --> 00:16:34,042
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
417
00:16:34,111 --> 00:16:35,710
[GUN CLICKS]
418
00:16:35,778 --> 00:16:39,380
Damn it. I brought seven
dolls but only two bullets.
419
00:16:39,450 --> 00:16:41,082
[RUSSIAN ACCENT] You're
all out of bullets,
420
00:16:41,169 --> 00:16:44,919
all out of dolls... and all out of luck.
421
00:16:44,988 --> 00:16:46,254
That's where you're wrong.
422
00:16:46,323 --> 00:16:49,458
I don't need luck, because I have Mai.
423
00:16:49,526 --> 00:16:50,591
Get him, Mai!
424
00:16:51,061 --> 00:16:52,094
Ha!
425
00:16:53,464 --> 00:16:54,729
[GUN COCKS]
426
00:16:54,798 --> 00:16:56,397
- [GRUNTS]
- [GUNSHOT]
427
00:16:56,467 --> 00:16:58,599
Russians be trippin'.
428
00:16:59,229 --> 00:17:00,869
Piper! Where are you?
429
00:17:00,871 --> 00:17:03,472
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
430
00:17:06,543 --> 00:17:09,410
Zoya Kirilenko. Anastasia's daughter.
431
00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:13,214
[RUSSIAN ACCENT] Oh, Piper,
I have had such a tough day.
432
00:17:13,283 --> 00:17:16,417
What's that? Oh, thank you!
433
00:17:16,419 --> 00:17:18,954
You always know just what to say.
434
00:17:20,624 --> 00:17:22,023
[RUSSIAN ACCENT] Here you are.
435
00:17:22,025 --> 00:17:24,425
I thought I told you to
throw out that stupid doll.
436
00:17:24,427 --> 00:17:25,494
But, Mother...
437
00:17:25,562 --> 00:17:27,628
You will run this
organization when I'm gone,
438
00:17:27,698 --> 00:17:31,766
but you'll never be a leader
of men if you play with dolls.
439
00:17:31,834 --> 00:17:33,034
I can do both.
440
00:17:33,036 --> 00:17:36,805
Look at my foot. It has been put down.
441
00:17:38,909 --> 00:17:41,442
[GASPS] Where where you when I farted?
442
00:17:41,444 --> 00:17:42,944
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
443
00:17:44,181 --> 00:17:45,980
You came back for me!
444
00:17:46,049 --> 00:17:47,849
Of course I did.
445
00:17:47,918 --> 00:17:51,186
I can tell by the look on
your face something's wrong.
446
00:17:51,254 --> 00:17:53,454
According to the American
Girl Feelings Book,
447
00:17:53,456 --> 00:17:54,923
you're concerned about something,
448
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:58,393
like speaking up in class or
saying hi to the new girl.
449
00:17:58,461 --> 00:17:59,794
What is it, Stan?
450
00:17:59,863 --> 00:18:02,130
Piper, you've filled a hole in my life
451
00:18:02,199 --> 00:18:05,867
that my wife, children,
SUV, and alien never could.
452
00:18:05,869 --> 00:18:07,668
Aw. That's so sweet.
453
00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:10,004
But I can tell there's
something you're not saying.
454
00:18:10,073 --> 00:18:14,142
I've realized there's someone
who needs you more than I do.
455
00:18:14,211 --> 00:18:16,344
[SOBBING]
456
00:18:16,413 --> 00:18:18,679
Piper! You're back!
457
00:18:19,206 --> 00:18:20,281
[VOICE BREAKING] Treat her well.
458
00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:21,883
Thank you. I will.
459
00:18:21,952 --> 00:18:25,153
She's got a milk allergy,
so she only drinks Diet Sprite.
460
00:18:25,222 --> 00:18:28,089
And she can't sleep without
her Blake Griffin plushy.
461
00:18:28,158 --> 00:18:30,759
Yeah, I know. It's on her box.
462
00:18:30,827 --> 00:18:32,627
[DOWN-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS]
463
00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:34,829
Bye, Piper.
464
00:18:34,898 --> 00:18:36,497
Goodbye, Stan.
465
00:18:36,499 --> 00:18:39,033
♪♪
466
00:18:39,672 --> 00:18:41,702
Oh. I'm not crazy anymore.
467
00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,372
She's all yours.
468
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,506
But what about my mother? She said...
469
00:18:45,576 --> 00:18:48,944
Oh, I wouldn't worry
about your mother anymore.
470
00:18:51,048 --> 00:18:54,983
Imagine... a mother who wouldn't
let her child play with dolls.
471
00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:57,986
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
472
00:18:59,189 --> 00:19:00,789
[ENGINE STARTS]
473
00:19:00,857 --> 00:19:03,191
[EXPLOSION, METAL CLATTERING,
FLAMES CRACKLING]
474
00:19:03,260 --> 00:19:06,661
Good thing there's not more
than one way to mess up a kid.
475
00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:09,831
♪♪
476
00:19:10,801 --> 00:19:13,402
- You did it, Smith!
- I know.
477
00:19:13,470 --> 00:19:14,936
Piper has a great new home
478
00:19:14,938 --> 00:19:17,338
with a girl that loves
her just as much as I did.
479
00:19:17,340 --> 00:19:20,475
No, I mean getting the bug
back in the house
480
00:19:20,543 --> 00:19:22,210
and taking out Kirilenko.
481
00:19:22,279 --> 00:19:25,614
Now when the daughter takes
over the organization,
482
00:19:25,682 --> 00:19:27,616
we'll know their every move.
483
00:19:27,684 --> 00:19:29,451
We're getting something!
484
00:19:30,421 --> 00:19:33,822
ZOYA: Can I tell you a secret, Piper?
485
00:19:33,890 --> 00:19:35,223
I believe in mermaids.
486
00:19:35,292 --> 00:19:38,293
This is great intel, Smith.
487
00:19:38,361 --> 00:19:40,629
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
488
00:19:40,697 --> 00:19:43,632
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
489
00:19:43,700 --> 00:19:49,103
♪♪
490
00:19:49,172 --> 00:19:50,639
- STAN: Steve?
- [GASPS]
491
00:19:50,707 --> 00:19:51,906
[SCREAMING]
492
00:19:51,975 --> 00:19:53,174
Oh!
493
00:19:53,243 --> 00:19:55,644
[GRUNTS]
494
00:19:55,712 --> 00:19:57,546
[GROANING]
495
00:20:01,051 --> 00:20:02,917
[GROANS]
496
00:20:03,596 --> 00:20:06,655
Steve, I got you the American
Girl doll you've always wanted!
497
00:20:06,723 --> 00:20:08,323
Oh, Dad, it's okay.
498
00:20:08,391 --> 00:20:10,258
I'm... I'm not really into that anymore.
499
00:20:10,327 --> 00:20:12,393
Son, I've realized I was wrong
500
00:20:12,395 --> 00:20:14,863
when I told you boys
couldn't play with dolls.
501
00:20:14,931 --> 00:20:17,198
So... play away.
502
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,000
And put on this lipstick.
503
00:20:19,069 --> 00:20:21,269
Oh... kay.
504
00:20:21,338 --> 00:20:23,204
Mm.
505
00:20:23,206 --> 00:20:25,340
You're a good dad, Stan.
506
00:20:27,210 --> 00:20:29,077
Bye! Have a great time!
507
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,715
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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