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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Last week on Married With Children:
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00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:22,512
Al and Bud were being hunted
by killers from two different towns...
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00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:26,673
...each wanting to kill them
in their respective villages.
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00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,480
Bud was warned by some new friends.
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00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:31,950
You will die in the morning.
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00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:36,796
And if things aren't bad enough,
their only hope of rescue is Kelly.
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Marcie and Jefferson have sought
salvation elsewhere.
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00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,829
Bad Americans.
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00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,196
And for you Buck fans...
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00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:51,228
Would it have killed them to pay
an extra dollar so I could eat?
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00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:54,591
And now,
Married With Children continues.
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Hang them high
Hang them high
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Hang them till they thirst and die
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00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:02,110
Hang them high
Hang them high
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00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:04,754
Hang them till they thirst and die
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00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:11,917
I welcome you all here on this
wonderful Lower Uncton afternoon...
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00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:17,114
...to witness the deaths
of the hated Bundy males.
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00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:22,117
Their excruciating deaths
will usher in...
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00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:26,836
...a new era of prosperity
and sunlight...
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00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,679
...on this peaceful village.
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00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:32,593
Kill! Kill! Kill!
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00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:35,479
Kill! Kill! Kill!
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00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:36,999
Listen to them, Peg.
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00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:41,716
They're chanting "Al, Al, Al."
Just like my old Polk High School days.
25
00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:44,229
These people have been so nice.
During my speech...
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00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,271
...l'm throwing in
an old football story.
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00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:48,914
Why don't you tell them about
your 3.25 an hour?
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00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,156
That'll wow them.
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00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:53,794
You're just jealous because
I'm a god here.
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Watch this.
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00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:02,070
How do you like that, babe?
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00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:07,229
They'll stop screaming when you lower
your arms, Al. Most people do.
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00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,000
Heavy is the head that
wears your mother, son.
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00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,078
Dad, don't you sense
there's something wrong here?
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00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,078
I'm not talking about the ghosts
who danced around my room...
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...removing their heads
and telling me to get out.
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00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:22,190
I mean, haven't you noticed
it's daytime and yet there's no sun?
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00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,397
Time to go.
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00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,515
Sorry, madam, no women allowed.
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00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:33,279
Well, thank God they don't have
that attitude in Paris.
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00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,918
Son, I could die
a happy man right now.
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00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:42,716
Al Bundy, have you any words
for the assembled villagers here?
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00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,594
My people...
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00:03:54,280 --> 00:04:00,833
...today I feel like the luckiest man
on the face of the earth.
45
00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:05,869
As you know,
I played high school football.
46
00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:08,515
I was great.
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00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:13,999
And I know you kids out there would
like to be just as great as I was...
48
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:15,838
...but beware.
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00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:20,149
There's a killer out there.
A temptation.
50
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:23,397
It infests your country
the same as mine.
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00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:27,912
It'll eat up your money
and your will to live.
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00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:33,069
I know you've heard about it before,
but you can't hear about it enough.
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00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:38,718
Kids, please just say no to marriage.
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00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:42,473
Dad, I've got a gut feeling
they're gonna kill us.
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00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,113
I'm trying to talk here, son.
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00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:48,711
- Football builds men.
- Enough of this football drone.
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00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:49,989
Kill them!
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00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:55,069
Kill them. Kill them.
Kill them. Kill them.
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00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:57,874
Son, I'm beginning to think
you were right.
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00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:03,436
Forsooth, woodsmen,
spare those men.
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00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:07,838
Fear not, Daddy, there's no business
like show business.
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00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:11,476
Hi-yo Silverware, away!
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00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:25,835
Well, I just saved
your worthless hides...
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00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:29,271
...and I think I deserve a hearty
"Good job, Kelly, thank you."
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00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,277
You might have gotten
a nice thank you...
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00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:34,517
...if you didn't say we'd travel faster
if we lightened the load...
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00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,472
...then unhitched the horse.
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00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,716
Well, he did go faster, didn't he?
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00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:42,151
So should we,
because here they come.
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00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:48,589
Kill the Bundys! Kill the Bundys!
Kill the Bundys! Kill the Bundys!
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00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:52,554
Kill the Bundys! Kill the Bundys!
Kill the Bundys! Kill the Bundys!
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00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:11,998
They've stopped.
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00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:13,713
We must be safe.
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00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:17,549
Well, we are safe.
A man told me to bring you here.
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00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:19,678
What man?
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00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,877
That man...
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00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:26,438
...holding a gun and pointing it at us
with a whole load of townspeople.
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00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:31,588
Don't worry, Al.
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00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,473
Whatever happens,
I'll be right by your side.
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00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:37,837
The women are free to go.
We only want to kill the men.
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00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:40,515
Have a nice life, Al.
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00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:45,352
I hope your death is less painful
than your life. Bye, Daddy.
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00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:47,679
Hey.
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00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:52,309
Come over to our side.
Your death will be quicker.
85
00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:54,596
No. Come to our side.
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00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,394
At least we won't eat you afterwards.
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00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:01,838
That is an ugly rumour
started by people who are jealous.
88
00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:04,709
Besides, it's dark over here.
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00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:08,276
We couldn't tell.
It's hard to know what we're eating.
90
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:13,110
- Why aren't they killing us, Dad?
- I don't know, son.
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00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:16,114
We must be on the borderline.
92
00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:18,669
Right, then. I'll settle this.
93
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:24,918
Now then, come over here
or your wife and daughter are through.
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00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:31,709
You fool, that didn't work
with the other Bundys, either.
95
00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:34,593
All right, we'll just wait them out.
96
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,631
Thank you.
97
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:44,076
It was really nice
meeting you. Thanks.
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00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,718
Thanks.
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00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,275
Thanks for such a good time.
100
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:53,439
Now, you really must come to America
and experience our theatre.
101
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,312
Jefferson, come on.
102
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:04,834
I'm sick of the theatre, Marcie.
Let's go get something to eat.
103
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:07,594
There's a place across the street.
The Whipped Puppy.
104
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,471
Sounds good to me.
105
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,875
Now listen, I have wired my mother
for money...
106
00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:14,957
...but this was
the only address I had...
107
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,230
...so I guess we'll just
have to sit and wait.
108
00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:21,399
But that could take hours. What are
we gonna do in the meantime?
109
00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,517
Bad Americans?
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00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,078
Bad Americans.
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00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,239
Dad, I just want to say
it was brave of you to say:
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00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,874
"Take me and let the boy go free."
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00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:46,437
I didn't say that, son.
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00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:49,677
Don't you think it would be
a good time to do it?
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00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,632
Why would I say that?
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00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:55,071
What better way to die
than with my only son?
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00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,032
I love you, Dad.
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00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:59,671
Yeah, right.
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00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:03,634
But I feel this is the right time
for a final father-son chat.
120
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:08,072
Great. Much better than
my dream of dying in the saddle.
121
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:11,477
Don't make me push you
off the borderline.
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00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:13,511
I won't be able to die in peace...
123
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:18,032
...until I've been able to pass down
the accumulated wisdom of my lifetime.
124
00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:21,073
So listen, son, and listen good.
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Never mind.
126
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,752
We're getting nowhere.
127
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:31,396
Let's just beat them with clubs and
see which side they collapse on.
128
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:37,078
Oh, no. What if one of them fell your
side and one of them fell our side?
129
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,236
Be in a fine pickle then,
wouldn't we?
130
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,997
I'm sure we could work out
something mutually beneficial.
131
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:44,593
Oh, right.
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00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,758
We have them killed on your side
and you promise to share.
133
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:51,589
But you won't, will you?
You can't trust a light-dweller.
134
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,553
- Moon people.
- Sun people.
135
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,394
Maybe we're taking rather
a narrow view of this.
136
00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:02,469
Maybe we should be looking at it from
the point of view of true entrepreneurs.
137
00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:05,148
All right, look, it's the grave
of the Bundy...
138
00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:09,956
...whose death ended
a 400-year-old curse.
139
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:12,478
That's gotta be worth a little bit.
140
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:14,392
- Custard sales.
- Right.
141
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:16,312
Banners.
142
00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:20,559
"My Dad saw Al Bundy killed and all
I got was this lousy T-shirt" T-shirts.
143
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,193
I love it.
144
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,994
- Partners.
- Partners.
145
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,873
Peace has been found
after all these years.
146
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,718
Kill them.
147
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:38,192
Wait, wait, guys, before you shoot,
I just want to say one thing.
148
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:39,879
The blond over there is a boy.
149
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,797
Come on.
It's not that dark over here, lad.
150
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:47,597
Well, excuse me.
151
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:52,078
While we're all in such a jovial mood,
may I offer just a little suggestion?
152
00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:53,952
See, I think a great idea would be...
153
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,355
...pretending to have killed
the last Bundy.
154
00:10:56,640 --> 00:11:00,110
Yes, well, I'm sure something
could be worked out.
155
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,276
I mean, we're not barbarians.
156
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,232
We're not the French.
157
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:05,993
Well, I demand vengeance.
158
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,272
Shamus McBundy insulted
my great-great-great-grandmother...
159
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:12,472
...and I want revenge.
160
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:16,271
Hey, I'll buy you an Orange Julius
in London, buddy.
161
00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:17,873
That's a brilliant idea. Okay.
162
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:23,473
Igor, you kill the big one and in a
typical rush of English bloodlust...
163
00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:26,797
...we all kill the rest of them.
164
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,435
Wait a second. That's not fair.
165
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:34,110
I was once a mighty athlete
and I demand to go out like a man.
166
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:37,636
All right. What about
a medieval joust?
167
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:41,037
Just think
of the promotional possibilities.
168
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:45,438
Buttons. Fanny packs.
Videotapes for the spectators.
169
00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:50,800
Hey, lgor. Before you kill him,
try and do something funny with him.
170
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,719
Then we can sell a separate
wacky blooper reel.
171
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:57,509
Oh, Al, do it. I love those.
172
00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,479
A medieval joust it is then.
173
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:04,238
They will fight to the death
in Upper Uncton.
174
00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,078
Why Upper Uncton?
175
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:11,393
Well, we could hardly film ever
in your village, now could we?
176
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:14,559
Was that another "dark" crack?
177
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:18,759
Let's not get testy.
We've got a man to kill.
178
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:25,511
- AI, I'm afraid.
- Don't worry, babe.
179
00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:28,757
This lgor don't look too tough to me.
180
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:31,076
Well, it's not him I'm worried about.
181
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:36,110
They're gonna be filming and I left
my bright-sun makeup in the castle.
182
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,674
And you guys thought you were cursed.
183
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:51,794
I can't believe my life depends
on Dad's ability to joust.
184
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,833
Well, it's better that than
his ability to earn a living.
185
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:58,635
And besides, who says
lgor's any good at this jousting stuff?
186
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,633
So long, Tiny Toon.
187
00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:36,030
Come on, Al. It's time to go.
188
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:38,231
What could that man
be doing in there?
189
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:40,749
I think he's getting
into his battle gear.
190
00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:53,717
Let's joust.
191
00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:12,116
Al, honey, before your death...
192
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:15,513
...I mean, certain victory...
193
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:18,439
...there's really something
that I must say to you.
194
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,392
What is it, babe?
195
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:23,111
Do you have our return tickets?
196
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:27,518
You know, just in case you lose them
during your victory dance.
197
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,551
Don't worry about me, babe,
I played high school football.
198
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:33,478
Besides, if I should die...
199
00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:37,309
...it will comfort me greatly to know
you'll be stuck here for life.
200
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,268
Wish me luck, kids.
201
00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:43,115
What good would it do?
202
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,157
Pumpkin, what do you have to say?
203
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,954
Daddy's dying.
204
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,191
Well, that's comforting.
205
00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:55,837
Let the tournament commence.
206
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,751
Pennants. Get your lgor pennants.
207
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:07,191
Get your "I saw Al Bundy die"
T-shirts.
208
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:10,153
Here you are, sir, one for the lady wife.
Here you go.
209
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:12,237
A couple for the kiddies.
Lovely, smashing.
210
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:13,953
That's it.
211
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:21,070
Ladies and gentlemen...
212
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:26,195
...let's get ready to rumble!
213
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:33,072
Welcome to the thumping
in Upper Uncton.
214
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,314
On my left...
215
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:44,073
...five-time all-European
undefeated jousting champion...
216
00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:46,271
...going by the name of...
217
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:52,112
...lgor "The Truth" Deathshire.
218
00:15:58,120 --> 00:15:59,599
And on my right...
219
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:04,189
...from the Windy City of Chicago...
220
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:06,716
...USA...
221
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:13,192
...AI "Stink-foot" Bundy.
222
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:22,548
When I say begin, begin.
223
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:24,188
Begin.
224
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,713
Go back to England, lgor.
225
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:38,719
- I can't look. How's he doing?
- He's doing great.
226
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,235
What do you mean,
Dad's doing great?
227
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:47,432
Dad? I thought you meant lgor.
228
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:51,113
Okay.
229
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:54,990
Enough Rope-a-Dope.
230
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:57,075
Let's rock.
231
00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:06,433
Now for the death blow.
232
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:16,230
Next time you play a man's game,
wear a man's uniform.
233
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,872
And the next time you insult
an American...
234
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:25,117
...make sure he didn't play
high school football.
235
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,309
Now let's rock.
236
00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:45,949
You stink, Bundy.
237
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:09,354
You did it! You did it!
It was so great.
238
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,073
- Oh, Al.
- Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do.
239
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:14,508
What do we do now?
240
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:18,878
Well, I suppose we'll just have to flip
a coin to see which side we kill him on.
241
00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:23,910
Look, it's the sun.
It's coming out over Lower Uncton.
242
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:33,433
The curse must have been lifted
when Bundy defeated lgor.
243
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:36,274
Hooray for Al Bundy!
244
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,951
Oh, Al.
245
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:43,678
This is terrible.
246
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,872
We've always prospered
as a tourist attraction.
247
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:50,675
"The town next to the land
of darkness." Now we have nothing.
248
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,309
What about us? I mean,
now you can see. Look.
249
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:57,069
We've got no crops.
There's no paint on the stores.
250
00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,278
We're just a couple of little burgs
in the middle of nowhere.
251
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,471
We can't sell any T-shirts now.
252
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:06,952
We can't even sell
the bloody video we made.
253
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,832
He's ruined everything, he has.
254
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,640
- Let's kill him.
- Why not?
255
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:14,354
Let's kill the whole bloody
lot of them.
256
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,276
Vacation's over.
257
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,113
Thank your father, kids.
258
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,390
- Thanks, Dad.
- Thanks, Dad.
259
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,596
Americans coming through.
Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse us.
260
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,233
- Americans coming through.
- Move.
261
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:42,919
- Excuse us. Excuse us.
- Move.
262
00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:44,712
- Excuse us.
- Excuse me, pardon me.
263
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:48,071
Americans coming through.
Excuse us... Oh!
264
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,396
- Hi, you made it.
- Hi.
265
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,672
- So how did you enjoy London?
- Oh, it was great, Peggy.
266
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:58,476
We managed to take in
a lot of... theatre.
267
00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:11,078
Oh, my goodness.
268
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:12,838
Someone has switched our luggage...
269
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:16,077
...and given us many
erotic forms of punishment.
270
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:22,869
But rather than hold these good people
up, we'll be glad to pay the duty.
271
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:32,992
Do you have anything to declare?
272
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:36,596
Yes. My husband is an idiot.
273
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,833
- Come on, kids.
- Mom, what happened to Dad?
274
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:47,160
He got caught stealing a hotel towel.
Like he'll ever use it.
275
00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:51,035
- What do you think they'll do to him?
- Oh, please, it's a hotel towel.
276
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:52,798
What can they do?
277
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:00,559
What are you in for?
278
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:04,309
Stole an ashtray from the Ritz.
279
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:09,716
- You?
- Towel from the Savoy.
280
00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:16,874
- What do they feed you in here?
- Bread and water.
281
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:23,109
Then it's truly the best vacation
I've ever had.
22185
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