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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:01:15,654 --> 00:01:18,327
- Daddy, do I have to watch this?
- Yes, you do.
2
00:01:18,574 --> 00:01:20,849
As your father, when I find
something of quality...
3
00:01:21,054 --> 00:01:24,012
...I feel it's my responsibility
that my child reap the benefits.
4
00:01:24,214 --> 00:01:25,442
TV is not all trash.
5
00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:30,605
And now, back to Psycho Dad.
6
00:01:32,814 --> 00:01:35,726
A little touched
Or so we're told
7
00:01:35,934 --> 00:01:39,165
He killed his wife
Because she had a cold
8
00:01:39,374 --> 00:01:42,093
- Might as well, she was getting old
- Getting old
9
00:01:42,734 --> 00:01:46,204
Psycho Dad
Psycho Dad
10
00:01:46,414 --> 00:01:48,006
Psycho Dad
11
00:01:48,214 --> 00:01:53,083
He's quick with a gun
And his job ain't done
12
00:01:53,294 --> 00:01:58,004
Killed three wives by 21
He's Psycho Dad
13
00:01:59,254 --> 00:02:02,724
This is why we must give to PBS.
14
00:02:04,174 --> 00:02:06,404
Oh, I'm so sick.
15
00:02:16,814 --> 00:02:18,486
Can someone get me some water?
16
00:02:19,174 --> 00:02:22,007
You know where the kitchen is.
17
00:02:22,214 --> 00:02:24,250
Or maybe you don't.
18
00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:29,054
Daddy, she is sick. She needs help.
19
00:02:30,574 --> 00:02:33,213
Mom, the kitchen's over there
somewhere.
20
00:02:35,934 --> 00:02:38,050
All right, fine. Be that way.
21
00:02:38,294 --> 00:02:40,854
But I hope you realize,
the longer I stay sick...
22
00:02:41,054 --> 00:02:44,171
...the longer it'll be before
I do any housework around here.
23
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,564
Oh, gee, Peg.
24
00:02:46,774 --> 00:02:48,890
But we can still have sex, can't we?
25
00:02:54,774 --> 00:02:58,449
Mom, Dad, Grandma.
26
00:03:00,734 --> 00:03:02,452
A weird thing happened to me
at school.
27
00:03:02,654 --> 00:03:05,851
My English teacher, Miss McGowen,
she was looking at me.
28
00:03:08,094 --> 00:03:11,689
She looked right at you?
Is she all right?
29
00:03:14,134 --> 00:03:17,331
Listen, Craftmatic Adjustable Girl...
30
00:03:19,054 --> 00:03:20,328
...I know the look.
31
00:03:20,574 --> 00:03:24,886
I get it plenty as I parade
the total package around town.
32
00:03:25,094 --> 00:03:29,690
It's the look that says, "You've got
it all and I want a piece of it."
33
00:03:29,934 --> 00:03:33,006
I've seen that look a thousand times
on a thousand faces.
34
00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:35,330
And I saw it again today.
35
00:03:37,214 --> 00:03:40,889
I'm not kidding. It was desire.
Desire, I tell you.
36
00:03:41,134 --> 00:03:44,490
Well, the great thing is that
you're at your sexual peak.
37
00:03:44,694 --> 00:03:47,970
This is it, Bud. "She looked at me."
38
00:03:48,174 --> 00:03:51,883
Yeah, that was the top of the hill.
The supreme moment.
39
00:03:52,094 --> 00:03:55,211
Something to tell your cats about
when you're 60.
40
00:03:55,934 --> 00:03:59,813
You know, when you think they're
looking at you, but they only want food.
41
00:04:00,654 --> 00:04:04,044
You know, this is almost too sad
to spread around the mall.
42
00:04:04,254 --> 00:04:06,404
Yep, almost.
43
00:04:08,494 --> 00:04:11,327
It is possible she looked at me.
Isn't it, Dad?
44
00:04:11,534 --> 00:04:14,412
Bud, didn't I take you to Little League
when you were 8?
45
00:04:14,614 --> 00:04:17,287
- Yes.
- Then what do you want from me?
46
00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:22,809
See, I told you he wouldn't
have a date.
47
00:04:24,614 --> 00:04:26,809
- Now go ahead and ask him.
- All right.
48
00:04:27,054 --> 00:04:31,206
Hey, we're on our way
to Chuck E. Cheese...
49
00:04:33,134 --> 00:04:35,204
...and we'd be honoured
if you'd go with us.
50
00:04:35,414 --> 00:04:38,611
We don't want you to think that we're
taking you somewhere out of pity.
51
00:04:38,814 --> 00:04:41,931
- It's really a happening place, right?
- Oh, yeah. As the kids say:
52
00:04:42,134 --> 00:04:45,888
"It's uptight, out of sight,
and everything'll be all right!"
53
00:04:46,174 --> 00:04:49,371
You can pretend it's your birthday
and we'll get you a Chuck E. Ducky.
54
00:04:49,574 --> 00:04:52,088
It makes bath time fun.
55
00:04:54,374 --> 00:04:57,207
What does it look like I am,
the kid in Mask?
56
00:04:57,494 --> 00:04:59,212
I am popular.
57
00:04:59,414 --> 00:05:01,723
You get that, people? Popular.
58
00:05:01,934 --> 00:05:04,129
Now can I get a
"Whoa, Bud is popular"?
59
00:05:04,774 --> 00:05:07,811
How about a "Whoa, shoot the boy"?
60
00:05:09,294 --> 00:05:12,206
I see. Well, get a load of this.
61
00:05:12,414 --> 00:05:15,406
Today at school, a teacher was
looking at me like I was breakfast.
62
00:05:15,614 --> 00:05:20,642
- What do you think of that, D'Arcy?
- I think that deserves an extra topping.
63
00:05:22,254 --> 00:05:25,371
She was looking at me.
She was, she was.
64
00:05:25,894 --> 00:05:29,489
She was looking at me
like Mrs. D'Arcy used to look at me.
65
00:05:33,094 --> 00:05:35,050
You mean like this?
66
00:05:38,494 --> 00:05:41,566
Well, yeah, but it was even more
bold with desire.
67
00:05:41,814 --> 00:05:45,523
All right, a commercial's on now,
I guess I have to get into this.
68
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:49,490
What are you people trying to do,
ruin my boy's confidence?
69
00:05:49,694 --> 00:05:54,165
Now, if he says a teacher looked at
him, I say a teacher looked at him.
70
00:05:54,374 --> 00:05:56,842
Son, was this a female teacher?
71
00:05:58,534 --> 00:06:00,445
Yes, Dad.
72
00:06:01,574 --> 00:06:04,691
- Seriously?
- Yes.
73
00:06:04,894 --> 00:06:06,407
All right, then, let's celebrate.
74
00:06:06,654 --> 00:06:09,407
You sit right down here
and you watch TV.
75
00:06:09,654 --> 00:06:12,122
Listen, is that Chuck E. Cheese
place good?
76
00:06:12,374 --> 00:06:16,128
We were only going to do it for the boy
because he was alone on Friday night.
77
00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:17,926
Well, I'm alone on Friday night too.
78
00:06:18,134 --> 00:06:22,810
Well, gee, Al, it's too bad that the
Hair Club for Men isn't a real club, eh?
79
00:06:23,854 --> 00:06:26,209
Take me to Chuck E. Cheese.
You were gonna take Bud.
80
00:06:26,414 --> 00:06:28,166
Don't make me beg. Come on.
81
00:06:29,334 --> 00:06:32,406
Well, Bud, I guess
it's just you and me.
82
00:06:32,654 --> 00:06:34,610
My boy and his sick mother...
83
00:06:34,814 --> 00:06:36,725
...who nursed you
when you were a baby...
84
00:06:36,934 --> 00:06:41,166
...who fed you and nurtured you
and now all she asks for in return...
85
00:06:41,374 --> 00:06:45,287
...is some soup from Jerry's
and a burger from Don's...
86
00:06:45,494 --> 00:06:47,724
...and a meatball hero
from Tratatorio's...
87
00:06:47,934 --> 00:06:50,892
...and a snow cone from lzzi's
at the airport.
88
00:06:51,774 --> 00:06:53,412
Mom, it's Friday night.
89
00:06:53,654 --> 00:06:56,691
Oh, my mama
90
00:06:56,894 --> 00:07:00,853
To me she was so beautiful
91
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:04,683
Oh, my mama
92
00:07:05,214 --> 00:07:08,092
- Okay, okay, I'll go.
- That's a good boy.
93
00:07:08,294 --> 00:07:09,966
Get me some tampons too.
94
00:07:16,334 --> 00:07:18,290
Of course.
95
00:07:21,134 --> 00:07:25,332
Gee, Buck, no one loves you
when you're sick.
96
00:07:25,574 --> 00:07:27,883
Come give Mommy a kiss.
97
00:07:37,334 --> 00:07:40,531
Coming next fall, Psycho Mom.
98
00:07:43,014 --> 00:07:46,006
Who's that gal who needs no man
99
00:07:46,214 --> 00:07:49,206
Killed him dead with a frying pan
100
00:07:49,414 --> 00:07:52,326
Did it 'cause he missed the can
101
00:07:52,534 --> 00:07:55,844
Psycho Mom
Psycho Mom
102
00:07:56,054 --> 00:07:58,409
She's Psycho Mom
103
00:07:59,294 --> 00:08:02,684
- On Fox.
- Naturally.
104
00:08:04,694 --> 00:08:08,733
And your next quiz will be on
the complete works of Edgar Allan Poe.
105
00:08:08,934 --> 00:08:13,325
She may not be looking at me now,
but she was too looking at me.
106
00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:14,933
I just know it.
107
00:08:15,134 --> 00:08:17,853
And why not?
Lots of girls look at me.
108
00:08:19,174 --> 00:08:22,325
I know she's looking at me.
109
00:08:35,254 --> 00:08:37,165
Maybe everybody was right.
110
00:08:37,374 --> 00:08:39,808
Why would Miss McGowen
look at me?
111
00:08:40,014 --> 00:08:41,766
Who cares? She's 40.
112
00:08:41,974 --> 00:08:44,169
What would I want
with a 40-year-old woman?
113
00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:50,650
I want that.
114
00:08:52,454 --> 00:08:55,127
I want that bad.
115
00:08:57,174 --> 00:08:59,130
Class dismissed.
116
00:09:01,854 --> 00:09:03,446
Except for you, Mr. Bundy.
117
00:09:04,254 --> 00:09:05,482
What could this be?
118
00:09:05,694 --> 00:09:09,004
I hope she didn't notice me
staring obsessively at her legs.
119
00:09:09,214 --> 00:09:14,447
Mr. Bundy, I've noticed you during
class staring obsessively at my legs.
120
00:09:15,454 --> 00:09:18,730
Well, at least she didn't catch me
looking at other things.
121
00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:21,164
And other things.
122
00:09:22,374 --> 00:09:23,853
Gulp.
123
00:09:24,094 --> 00:09:29,168
Your behaviour, Mr. Bundy,
has finally forced me to take action.
124
00:09:30,374 --> 00:09:33,491
I understand, Miss McGowen.
Do what you must.
125
00:09:57,414 --> 00:10:01,885
Aspirin. Honey, give me
an aspirin before I die.
126
00:10:02,934 --> 00:10:04,731
Why me?
127
00:10:05,934 --> 00:10:08,812
What about the old guy
who lives in your room?
128
00:10:09,814 --> 00:10:13,329
Well, if you mean Daddy,
he's at Chuck E. Cheese.
129
00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:16,447
He's been there
every night this week.
130
00:10:16,654 --> 00:10:18,610
Since he discovered
that the pizza's free...
131
00:10:18,814 --> 00:10:22,807
...if he just pretends to be with
whatever kid's having a birthday party.
132
00:10:24,934 --> 00:10:28,973
Well, I guess I have to start walking
a little bit prouder now, eh?
133
00:10:29,214 --> 00:10:32,331
- Give Mommy some aspirin, honey.
- Sure, Mommy.
134
00:10:32,574 --> 00:10:36,965
Hey, Bud, get Mom some aspirin.
Everyone else has a date.
135
00:10:38,574 --> 00:10:42,613
No, Kel, everyone has a date.
136
00:10:52,054 --> 00:10:55,046
Is it hot in here or is it just me?
137
00:10:57,614 --> 00:11:01,687
He's in a suit.
Is there a funeral at school today?
138
00:11:01,934 --> 00:11:06,132
Yes, 'tis the death of Bud Bundy,
lonely boy...
139
00:11:06,334 --> 00:11:09,929
...and the birth of Stud Bundy,
only boy.
140
00:11:13,054 --> 00:11:15,124
I have a date.
141
00:11:15,334 --> 00:11:18,804
A date? Holy Hannah.
142
00:11:21,494 --> 00:11:25,373
Hello, Reverend Felcher?
Has hell frozen over?
143
00:11:26,974 --> 00:11:28,646
Well, something's up.
144
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:32,085
My brother has a date. Yes, Bud.
145
00:11:33,974 --> 00:11:36,647
I know. I know church is
the place to be at times like this.
146
00:11:36,854 --> 00:11:38,253
I'm coming right over.
147
00:11:38,454 --> 00:11:42,367
Now, you're the building with
the big T on top, right?
148
00:11:47,614 --> 00:11:52,005
- Daddy, the sky is falling.
- It would. Just when I start eating.
149
00:11:52,974 --> 00:11:56,523
Peg, look at this.
Look what I won playing Skee-Ball.
150
00:11:56,734 --> 00:11:59,612
Actually, I was a couple tickets short
so I copped a few...
151
00:11:59,814 --> 00:12:02,806
...from a kid in a stroller
who was too young to tell on me.
152
00:12:03,054 --> 00:12:07,172
Yeah, he can point and cry,
but let's see that hold up in court.
153
00:12:07,654 --> 00:12:10,851
- Son, you gotta come with me.
- Sorry, Dad, I can't...
154
00:12:11,054 --> 00:12:13,807
...because I have two things
you don't have: A date...
155
00:12:14,014 --> 00:12:16,369
...and an ounce of pride.
156
00:12:21,214 --> 00:12:22,886
Son, if you had an ounce of pride...
157
00:12:23,094 --> 00:12:25,449
...you wouldn't lie to us
about having a date.
158
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:31,247
That must be her now.
A half hour early, I might add.
159
00:12:31,454 --> 00:12:33,126
Well, who can blame her?
160
00:12:33,334 --> 00:12:36,212
Sometimes I can't wait
to touch myself either.
161
00:12:42,214 --> 00:12:44,728
Well, you know what I mean.
162
00:12:45,374 --> 00:12:47,763
I'm afraid we do.
163
00:12:53,454 --> 00:12:54,682
Darlene?
164
00:12:59,174 --> 00:13:04,123
I shall now leave you to your
tissue-and cheese-infested lives.
165
00:13:06,454 --> 00:13:09,730
Word is you've been dating
Miss McGowen.
166
00:13:09,934 --> 00:13:13,006
Yeah, well, I'd hate to deny her this.
167
00:13:15,694 --> 00:13:17,764
Well, what about me?
168
00:13:17,974 --> 00:13:20,010
I mean, I'd like to see you too.
169
00:13:20,254 --> 00:13:23,326
Why? I mean, sure.
170
00:13:23,534 --> 00:13:25,684
- Why?
- Well, I can't help but think...
171
00:13:25,894 --> 00:13:30,604
...you must be quite a lover
if an older woman wants you.
172
00:13:31,334 --> 00:13:35,088
Yeah, well, Miss McGowen...
Dotty and I.
173
00:13:35,294 --> 00:13:37,250
- we have this exclusive thing,
you know...
174
00:13:37,454 --> 00:13:39,763
..."Be true to your schoolmarm"
and all that.
175
00:13:46,974 --> 00:13:51,092
But then, I guess the old lady
can wait for half an hour.
176
00:13:59,174 --> 00:14:01,130
What are you doing?
177
00:14:02,814 --> 00:14:05,772
Little Andy Goldstein's
having a birthday.
178
00:14:08,814 --> 00:14:12,523
Box is empty, but by the time
he finds out, I'll be full and gone.
179
00:14:15,334 --> 00:14:20,010
- Don't you care at all that I'm sick?
- Well, of course I do, honey.
180
00:14:20,254 --> 00:14:23,166
How do you want me to prove it?
You want me to swim a river?
181
00:14:23,374 --> 00:14:27,003
- Climb a mountain? Slay a dragon?
- Bring me an aspirin.
182
00:14:27,254 --> 00:14:29,722
Can't do it, babe.
Gotta go to Chuck E. Cheese.
183
00:14:30,734 --> 00:14:32,531
And that's another thing, Al.
184
00:14:32,734 --> 00:14:36,170
I am tired of you coming to bed
smelling of extra cheese.
185
00:14:36,374 --> 00:14:38,763
I can't believe no one cares.
186
00:14:38,974 --> 00:14:40,805
And now with Bud going out
every night...
187
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:43,403
...there's never anyone here
to take care of me.
188
00:14:43,654 --> 00:14:44,882
Oh, come on, Peg.
189
00:14:45,094 --> 00:14:47,608
Go on upstairs
and I'll bring you some juice.
190
00:14:49,014 --> 00:14:51,608
This time for real?
191
00:14:51,854 --> 00:14:53,446
Just as soon as you're in bed.
192
00:14:58,974 --> 00:15:02,250
- Well, I'm trusting you.
- You won't be disappointed.
193
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:09,963
And if you are, I won't be here.
194
00:15:13,694 --> 00:15:16,413
Bud, listen, your mother says
she needs some juice...
195
00:15:16,614 --> 00:15:18,570
...or an aspirin
or something real bad.
196
00:15:18,774 --> 00:15:21,971
- Dad, I'm too tired.
- No pressure. Do it tomorrow.
197
00:15:25,734 --> 00:15:29,044
I'm going out again tomorrow.
In fact, I'm going out again tonight.
198
00:15:29,254 --> 00:15:30,892
- Dad, I need to talk to you.
- Son...
199
00:15:31,094 --> 00:15:33,892
...you know I got
the Goldstein affair tonight.
200
00:15:34,654 --> 00:15:36,372
It'll only take a minute.
201
00:15:36,614 --> 00:15:39,128
I've been seeing two women
at once. It's wearing me out.
202
00:15:39,334 --> 00:15:41,052
I don't know how to juggle
two women.
203
00:15:41,254 --> 00:15:42,846
Did you ever have this problem?
204
00:15:43,094 --> 00:15:45,813
You're talking to old number 33.
205
00:15:46,374 --> 00:15:48,410
You know how I got that number?
206
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:51,890
Because the most money
you've ever had was 33 cents?
207
00:15:52,694 --> 00:15:56,369
No! Because that's how many
women deep the line was...
208
00:15:56,574 --> 00:15:59,327
...to ride the wild Bundy.
209
00:16:02,254 --> 00:16:04,245
Back in those days,
everybody wanted a piece.
210
00:16:04,454 --> 00:16:06,285
I had anyone to choose from.
211
00:16:12,414 --> 00:16:15,645
But we don't always choose
what's best for us.
212
00:16:17,094 --> 00:16:18,891
And this two-women-juggling thing:
213
00:16:19,094 --> 00:16:22,052
Eventually, the problem is
they both fall down on you.
214
00:16:22,254 --> 00:16:24,848
So save yourself some pain
and pick one.
215
00:16:25,054 --> 00:16:28,251
- What if I pick the wrong one?
- Oh, you will.
216
00:16:29,014 --> 00:16:32,245
No matter who you pick,
it'll be the wrong one.
217
00:16:32,454 --> 00:16:36,049
And not just because you're a Bundy,
because you're a man.
218
00:16:36,254 --> 00:16:39,246
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I've gotta get to the party...
219
00:16:39,454 --> 00:16:41,968
...before fat Billy Applebaum
eats all my pizza.
220
00:16:44,374 --> 00:16:48,492
He comes to every one of those
damn parties. All us kids hate him.
221
00:16:49,294 --> 00:16:53,048
Dad, did I mention one of these women
was 40 and my teacher?
222
00:16:58,854 --> 00:17:00,970
No, you did not.
223
00:17:01,974 --> 00:17:03,248
I think she loves me, Dad.
224
00:17:03,454 --> 00:17:07,163
Son, I say this not to hurt,
but to educate.
225
00:17:07,374 --> 00:17:11,049
You see, son, I'm afraid
it may not be you she's after.
226
00:17:11,254 --> 00:17:15,372
I'm afraid she might be after
the vast Bundy fortune.
227
00:17:16,174 --> 00:17:18,290
She wants everything we have!
228
00:17:19,134 --> 00:17:22,604
Dad, I've seen the trunk of her car.
She's got everything we have.
229
00:17:23,654 --> 00:17:25,087
It's still not right.
230
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:29,367
Son, you got plenty of time to date
40-year-old women when you're 70.
231
00:17:29,574 --> 00:17:33,203
No, wait, wait a minute.
Make that 35 when you're 80.
232
00:17:33,414 --> 00:17:36,133
Yeah, that feels more right to me.
233
00:17:36,374 --> 00:17:38,968
Yep, that's what I want when I'm old:
234
00:17:39,174 --> 00:17:43,326
A drool nurse with luscious honkers
wiping my chin...
235
00:17:43,534 --> 00:17:48,324
...shaking her heinie while she
washes my dentures in the sink.
236
00:17:50,254 --> 00:17:52,449
That's what keeps me going.
237
00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:55,851
That and the 12 pizzas
I've eaten in the last three days.
238
00:17:56,974 --> 00:18:00,762
Thanks, Dad. Once again,
you wow me with your wisdom.
239
00:18:00,974 --> 00:18:03,090
But I've decided
I'm keeping them both.
240
00:18:03,294 --> 00:18:05,489
For once, a Bundy's
gonna have it all.
241
00:18:08,334 --> 00:18:12,885
I guess he'll have to learn for himself
what a rock-solid relationship means.
242
00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:16,126
Al, where's my orange juice?
243
00:18:16,374 --> 00:18:18,410
Florida, I reckon.
244
00:18:23,174 --> 00:18:27,645
Yup, two, two, two babes at once.
245
00:18:28,654 --> 00:18:30,929
God, I envy me.
246
00:18:31,174 --> 00:18:32,926
Hey, did you guys hear the news?
247
00:18:33,134 --> 00:18:35,694
Miss McGowen's dating a student.
248
00:18:36,214 --> 00:18:38,205
She ran off with a football player.
249
00:18:38,414 --> 00:18:42,771
Yeah, she said he was the only one
that could ever satisfy her.
250
00:18:43,134 --> 00:18:44,567
No big thing.
251
00:18:44,774 --> 00:18:48,323
That leaves me more time
to give to the young babe.
252
00:18:48,854 --> 00:18:52,608
Good news, babe.
Now you got me all to yourself.
253
00:18:52,854 --> 00:18:54,651
Drop dead.
254
00:18:54,854 --> 00:18:57,414
If you can't satisfy an older woman
like Miss McGowen...
255
00:18:57,614 --> 00:19:00,174
...what the hell
would I want with you?
256
00:19:02,014 --> 00:19:05,051
Well, let's just see how you feel
when the new teacher gets here.
257
00:19:05,254 --> 00:19:08,371
I haven't seen a temp yet
that didn't need a little loving.
258
00:19:11,894 --> 00:19:14,044
I'm Mrs. A. Mariner...
259
00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:17,371
...and I'll be the new teacher
for the rest of the semester.
260
00:19:23,614 --> 00:19:27,402
And then again, there's always
Chuck E. Cheese with Dad.
261
00:19:28,014 --> 00:19:32,212
Well, the great thing about being at
the bottom is you can't fall any lower.
262
00:19:33,134 --> 00:19:35,602
You cradle-robber!
263
00:19:36,654 --> 00:19:40,010
You, you... Cher!
264
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:44,048
Maybe it can get worse.
265
00:19:45,614 --> 00:19:47,286
Hey, look, it can.
266
00:19:47,494 --> 00:19:50,372
I just lost control of my bladder.
267
00:19:53,774 --> 00:19:57,050
I know what you want, "Miss Gabor."
268
00:19:57,254 --> 00:19:58,846
You see that house and that Dodge...
269
00:19:59,054 --> 00:20:01,488
...and say, "Some people live like this,
why can't I?"
270
00:20:01,694 --> 00:20:05,892
Well, you can't just take my son,
have your way sexually with him...
271
00:20:06,094 --> 00:20:08,847
...and not expect some repercussions
from a concerned parent.
272
00:20:09,054 --> 00:20:12,171
I played high school football.
I know the score.
273
00:20:15,054 --> 00:20:18,330
Son, are you really going out
with this prune-face?
274
00:20:20,534 --> 00:20:23,128
What strange hold do you have
over the boy?
275
00:20:23,334 --> 00:20:27,646
How many happy homes have
you broken in your thousand years?
276
00:20:31,574 --> 00:20:34,008
Sure, I know my boy
is almost a virgin.
277
00:20:37,054 --> 00:20:40,490
But you can no longer take advantage.
I have called the proper authorities.
278
00:20:40,734 --> 00:20:44,283
There she is.
The strumpet with the blue hair.
279
00:20:44,894 --> 00:20:47,454
I'll tell you something else.
She lied about her age.
280
00:20:47,654 --> 00:20:50,487
Last time she saw 40 was 1840.
281
00:20:59,054 --> 00:21:02,763
I'm sorry I had to do that, son,
but damn it, I love you!
282
00:21:06,574 --> 00:21:08,724
Oh, Bud, Mommy's out of tampons.
283
00:21:16,454 --> 00:21:19,969
Oh, yeah, that's what was missing.
284
00:21:23,854 --> 00:21:26,607
Now, right off, I don't know that man.
285
00:21:27,774 --> 00:21:30,846
You guys are probably thinking,
because he called me son...
286
00:21:31,054 --> 00:21:33,284
...that he was my Dad.
287
00:21:35,894 --> 00:21:39,773
Wait a second. Maybe this is a dream.
Yeah, that's it.
288
00:21:39,974 --> 00:21:43,011
If this were really happening,
I'd have to drop out of college.
289
00:21:43,214 --> 00:21:45,682
I'll wak e up any second.
290
00:21:46,414 --> 00:21:48,245
Wak e up, Bud.
291
00:21:48,454 --> 00:21:51,173
Oh, I mean, can't you
hear me crying?
292
00:21:51,374 --> 00:21:53,330
Wak e me up.
293
00:21:53,534 --> 00:21:56,173
I know. I'll prove it's a dream.
294
00:21:56,374 --> 00:21:58,763
I'll tak e down my pants...
295
00:21:59,894 --> 00:22:03,364
...and it'll be so embarrassing,
I'll wak e up.
296
00:22:11,974 --> 00:22:15,091
I'm even dreaming
I ran out of underwear.
297
00:22:19,134 --> 00:22:21,125
Oh, and son...
24169
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