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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:20,392 - Is nothing I do good enough for you? - I am not talking to you. 2 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:22,909 I don't wanna discuss this anymore. 3 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:26,954 Al, it's our 20th anniversary, and you give me a postcard. 4 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,637 Well, I read that the gift for the 20th anniversary is china. 5 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:35,075 That's a picture of China. 6 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:38,668 What do you want from me? 7 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:41,713 Hey, I could have got you a Chicago Bears mug with a fill-up... 8 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:44,912 ...but I said, "No. My wife's anniversary... 9 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,839 ...here's the nickel, give me the postcard." 10 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:54,035 - Happy anniversary, babe. - AI, you never get me anything good. 11 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:58,279 For our 15th anniversary you got me some motor oil. 12 00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:01,597 Hey, that motor oil's still in your car. 13 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:05,199 Well, this year I want something special. 14 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:10,198 - Oh, all right, how much? - What I want won't cost you a thing. 15 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:13,039 I wanna be made love to. 16 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,876 And you think that's not gonna cost me anything? 17 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:24,438 And I am not just talking about sex, Al. I wanna be made love to. 18 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,834 What in sam hill does that mean? 19 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:34,672 I wanna be held, I wanna be caressed, I wanna be romanced. 20 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,598 Peg, wait a second. I've been secretly hiding a hundred bucks. 21 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:45,635 What say I just give it to you and we call it even. 22 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:50,759 No. I want some romance in my life, Al. 23 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:56,159 And I'm not talking about the old 30-second crash-and-burn. 24 00:02:56,360 --> 00:03:00,478 Or the old 20-second bump-and-snore. 25 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,910 And I really don't want that old New Year's Eve: 26 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:05,918 "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two... 27 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,997 Sorry, better luck next year." 28 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:13,951 Peg. Peg, please reconsider. Please, if you have any feelings for me... 29 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,833 ...don't make me make love to you, babe, please. 30 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,554 Peg, do you hate me that much? 31 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,755 Come on, Bud. 32 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,715 They are just about to announce the winner... 33 00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:32,798 ...for My Dinner With Anthrax contest. 34 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,037 Where's the remote? Where is the remote? 35 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,877 Okay, I got a plan. Dad once told me about the old days. 36 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:57,789 People would actually walk over to the TV and turn it on. 37 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:00,837 Go on. 38 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:05,395 I'm not kidding. Just might work. 39 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:13,437 Now's the moment you've been waiting for. 40 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:16,029 It's time to pick the winner of The Video Channel's... 41 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:18,959 ...My Dinner With Anthrax contest. Yes. 42 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:22,515 And as you can see, the guys are pretty excited. 43 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:25,473 We pay for a party in your house, including dinner for you... 44 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:30,196 ...and 50 of your closest friends, and Anthrax will rock your house off. 45 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,630 Yeah, is that right, guys? 46 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:40,395 I am dying. Wouldn't it be so cool if Anthrax came to our house? 47 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:44,195 Sure, it'd be great for them, because they'd get to meet me. 48 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:48,512 Grand Master B and Anthrax. 49 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:51,393 They think they're getting some now... 50 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,269 Gee, Thigh Master... 51 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:02,352 ...shouldn't you be undressing yourself with your eyes about now? 52 00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:03,993 Hush, hush, sweet harlot... 53 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,156 ...they're gonna announce the winner now. 54 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:11,434 And the lucky winner is Bud "Grinch Master B" Bundy. 55 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,554 I won. I won! Me! 56 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:23,513 Anthrax is coming here! Anthrax is coming here! 57 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,995 I'm having a party. 58 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,430 Gee, Bud, 50 of your closest friends. 59 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:32,030 I guess that would be Grandma and a bunch of stuffed animals, huh? 60 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:36,518 Yeah, and my favourite future welfare mother. 61 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:41,198 Speaking of which, we've gotta get rid of Mom and Dad. 62 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,233 Oh, yeah, them. Yeah, they'd be great with Anthrax. 63 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:48,479 Mom getting out her accordion and playing songs of her stinking youth. 64 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,998 And Dad saying, " Do any of you guys wanna see my bathroom? 65 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,794 The flush will suck your arm right down." 66 00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,311 Well, maybe they'll listen to reason. 67 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,549 - Hey, Dad... - Go away. 68 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,990 - Dad, this isn't about money. - Go away anyhow. 69 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:11,352 Dad, we wanna throw a party on the 30th. Can we, please? 70 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:12,993 Absolutely not. 71 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:17,034 I have something very important to do that night. Requires total silence. 72 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:22,155 I can't get too technical, but it involves your mother, our anniversary... 73 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:25,318 ...and me making love to her till I shrivel up and die. 74 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:31,389 Now, you're too young to hear any more. Excuse me. 75 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,558 I'm going to go outside and walk blindly in traffic. 76 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:40,717 Are you feeling better, Al? 77 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,595 Okay, now that you're more composed... 78 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:47,758 ...could you tell me what you were doing sitting behind my car... 79 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,713 ...with the exhaust pipe in your mouth? 80 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,551 My wife wants me to make love to her. 81 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:03,594 Well, then shouldn't she be the one with her mouth on the exhaust pipe? 82 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:12,155 You don't understand. She wants me to hold her and to kiss her... 83 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:16,558 ...and tell her how happy she's made me feel. Look at me, I'm shivering. 84 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:20,878 - Parts of me have fainted. - You can do it, Al. 85 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:24,311 Wilt Chamberlain claims to have made love to over 20,000 women. 86 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:27,717 Yeah, and not one of them was his wife. 87 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:33,198 All right, come on, you can do it, Al. First you... 88 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:36,915 You put on some music, and then you turn the lights down low. 89 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:38,348 - Low? - Yeah. 90 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,073 - Low? - Yeah. 91 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:42,510 Then I can still see her. 92 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,439 Al, Al, come on. Hey. 93 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:50,110 Then they like you to slowly undress them. 94 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:54,518 Then you lower her gently onto the bed, and eight hours later it's over. 95 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,188 - Eight... Eight hours? - Yeah. 96 00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:00,517 Eight hours, oh, God, the humanity. 97 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,350 Hold me, Jefferson. 98 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:09,590 - You can do it, big guy. - No, I can't. You don't understand. 99 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,712 It's my wife, it's just not right. 100 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:19,750 It's your own fault for being so damn desirable, Al. 101 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,838 Yes, you're right. Of course I see that now. 102 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,873 When my look says yes, how can I say no? 103 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:33,438 Well, I must prepare myself. 104 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:37,397 What are you gonna do, some wind sprints? 105 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,592 No, no, I'm going to the magazine stand, get a copy of Big 'Uns... 106 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:45,999 ...and a great big bottle of Dramamine for the she-sickness. 107 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:49,950 - Hey, Dad. - Go away. 108 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:56,108 So, Bud, what about my idea of getting rid of Mom and Dad? 109 00:08:56,320 --> 00:09:00,108 Kel, I think dropping a safe on them would kill them. 110 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:04,271 It never killed Daffy or Elmer. 111 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:08,708 Or that dog that's always after the Road Runner. 112 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:13,237 Well, Kel, I guess as long as old men in hats drive cars... 113 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:15,635 ...and pass out lollipops, you'll be fine. 114 00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:21,395 Now, let me think. Let's see, it's their anniversary. 115 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:24,273 Wish we had enough money to send them on a vacation. 116 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:27,677 Well, why don't we send them on one of these free vacations. 117 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,030 You moron, these aren't free vacations. 118 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:33,470 These are time-sharing deals, they're total scams. 119 00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:36,353 They get you down there, they try to make you buy land... 120 00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:40,473 ...they don't leave you alone for two solid days. It's torture. It's hell. 121 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,432 It's perfect. 122 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:02,034 Gee, I can't believe we're in Florida. 123 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,435 Why, if it wasn't for the thousand-degree heat... 124 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:09,316 ...the flying palmetto bugs and the smell of your frying feet... 125 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,988 ...l'd think we were in heaven. 126 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,634 It was nice of the kids to send us, though. 127 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:19,470 - It's kind of romantic, huh? - You ain't seen nothing yet. 128 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:32,430 Well, I guess that's it. Happy anniversary, baby. 129 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:36,030 - Bellboy! - No, no, no, Al. 130 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:38,674 I want the whole enchilada. 131 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:42,111 You know, the whole four yards. 132 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:45,558 That's nine yards, Peg. 133 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:50,437 Do you really want me to get out the ruler, Al? 134 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:53,639 Now, let's get to it. 135 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:56,434 Oh, all right, go lay down, I have to prepare myself. 136 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,396 Let's jam. 137 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:05,952 Don't mind me, I'm just setting up here. 138 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:10,077 Hi, Stan Mendelson, call me Captain Scooter. 139 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:13,716 I just wanna extend an official welcome to Hurricane Hole... 140 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:17,993 ...soon to be sunny Florida's finest resort community. 141 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:21,112 Let me get that lizard there for you. 142 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:30,117 - So. You busy? - Not really. 143 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:35,235 Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, but this is kind of our vacation. 144 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,032 How pathetic is that? 145 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:40,152 But you got your job to do and I got mine, right? 146 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,079 So this is an artist's conception... 147 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,556 ...of what Hurricane Hole will look like when it's finished... 148 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,035 ...sometime in the year 3000. 149 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:53,074 Well, let's talk luxury, let's talk condos. 150 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:55,555 Hey, I see you got a copy of Big 'Uns there. 151 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,558 I had a letter in the last issue. 152 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:04,073 But, you know, if you really wanna see some "big 'uns"... 153 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:06,748 ...take a look at this house. 154 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,030 Damn kids. 155 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:12,676 I think they tricked us. We're here in this sweltering hell... 156 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:15,917 ...and they're having the wildest time of their lives back home. 157 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:21,433 How about that, Chicago? Ten feet of snow and the city's at a standstill. 158 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:26,915 I bet the only place that's hot is the party at Bud Bundy's house... 159 00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:30,795 ...where Anthrax is rocking the roof off. 160 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,958 They must be having one great time. 161 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:40,871 Well, that's guest number 50 that's snowed in and can't make it. 162 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,913 I guess it means more Anthrax for us. 163 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:46,398 "Let's get there early," you said. 164 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:48,477 "For once let's be responsible," you said. 165 00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:51,592 "That dog won't take a whiz on my guitar," you said. 166 00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:56,832 I'm not so sure it was the dog, Mr. Two-Six-Packs-of-Malt-Liquor. 167 00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:01,518 Well, looks like it's just gonna be us. 168 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:06,271 That's okay. We can still have fun together. Right, guys? 169 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,956 Well, here's a little game I know that can break the ice at any party. 170 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,799 We say our first names, and then the name of an animal... 171 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,709 ...that begins with the same letter. I'll go first. 172 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,189 Bud. Bear. 173 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:24,428 Go on. 174 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:27,438 Dan. Bite me. 175 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:34,756 Now... Now, right off, Dan, that's too many words. 176 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:42,109 Hi. 177 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:46,999 I just came by to check on you. 178 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:50,715 Oh, I see you have some killers over. 179 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:54,677 Very nice. I'm Marcie. 180 00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:56,757 Nice to meet you, sir. 181 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:03,631 I am a woman. 182 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:08,074 Yeah, right. And he's a rap star... 183 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:11,670 ...and she's a genius, and we're glad to be here. 184 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:17,873 Well, anyway, your mother and father asked me to look in on you... 185 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:22,153 ...while they were out of town to make sure everything's on the up and up. 186 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:38,031 My, you're young and firm. 187 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,152 Thanks, mister. 188 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:44,511 Relax, Mrs. D'Arcy, they're famous musicians. 189 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:47,075 We won them in a contest. 190 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,949 Musicians, eh? Well, I don't want you to think I'm unhip. 191 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:55,277 I chased the Monkees like everyone else. 192 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,040 Yeah, I bet they were running like hell. 193 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:03,597 Well, I liked Peter. He was the shy one. 194 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:06,189 Which one of you is the shy one? 195 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,834 Not me, I wear the hat. 196 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:12,237 Hey, let's get this little guy's shovel and dig a tunnel out of here. 197 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:17,315 Sorry, guys, but you're going nowhere. 198 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:20,318 According to this contract, you owe us a song first. 199 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:23,512 Hey, it's supposed to be dinner with Anthrax. Dinner. 200 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:25,551 I play nothing till I eat. 201 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:31,110 In case you're wondering, I'm the hungry one. 202 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:35,157 Well, let's go over to the fridge and see what we got to eat. 203 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,550 Hey, do you guys do "I'm a Believer"? 204 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:43,435 Because Micky used to really rock out on that one. 205 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:49,509 - Wow, the desolation. - It's not totally empty. 206 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,756 There's a Chia Pet in there. 207 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:58,310 That... That's not a Chia Pet. That was a meat loaf. 208 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,996 But there's always Mom's aluminium-foil-wrapped mystery pack. 209 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:06,873 - Food. - Man, I am starving. 210 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,713 They're gonna eat the mystery pack. 211 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:13,673 Even Dad won't eat the mystery pack. These guys are cool. 212 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:22,353 Wow, the colours. 213 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:28,877 - The colours. - Is your hunk moving? 214 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,159 Oh, it's biting me. 215 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:35,078 If it came out of the fridge, why is it hot? 216 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:40,909 I see 50 people now. Let's jam. 217 00:18:58,400 --> 00:18:59,799 Go ahead, see what it's like... 218 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,639 ...to come home to your wife in Hurricane Hole. 219 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,875 Look, Peg, I'm home. 220 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:15,470 Look, Stan, my husband's a moron. 221 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,556 Now, look, it's our anniversary. 222 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:22,194 You could at least have the decency to step outside... 223 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,868 ...and give us three seconds to have sex. 224 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,036 Not until I've played my trump card. 225 00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:29,913 Folks, if you buy here in Hurricane Hole... 226 00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:35,558 ...your celebrity neighbour will be, yes, Edd "Kookie" Byrnes. 227 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,158 Have a comb, fans. 228 00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:56,549 Oh, Al, it's former teen idol and star of 77 Sunset Strip... 229 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,239 ...Edd "Kookie" Byrnes. 230 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,836 Oh, man. 231 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,873 So, Kook, tell the folks why you bought here in Hurricane Hole. 232 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:10,959 - You gave me one for free, Stan. - Good, Kook. 233 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,628 So, what do you say, folks? It's just 6 dollars down. 234 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,956 I don't have that kind of money. 235 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:20,832 Come on, everyone has that kind of money, even Kookie. 236 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,833 Well, you see, my husband is a shoe salesman. 237 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,596 Let's go, Kook. 238 00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:32,397 Be out by dawn. 239 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:36,189 Oh, Al, Kookie spoke to me. Let's do it on his combs. 240 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:39,073 Well, wait a second, Peg, Kookie stole my copy of Big 'Uns. 241 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,236 Come on, now, I want my anniversary present. 242 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,795 Well, Peg, I can't do it without my copy of Big 'Uns. 243 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:48,437 - Yes, you can. - Kookie. Kookie, lend me my Big 'Uns. 244 00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:03,594 You kids should be ashamed of yourselves. 245 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:07,839 Having a party while I was stuck down in a swamp having sex with your mother. 246 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,878 I never wanna go back to either place again. 247 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:13,638 Where's my fun? 248 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:17,879 Al, like you, the kids just did their best. 249 00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:21,152 - I'm sorry about everything, Mom. - Yeah, happy anniversary. 250 00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:24,352 - Did you get us anything good? - Well, we didn't have much money... 251 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:28,439 ...so we got the only thing we could afford. It's out on the porch. 252 00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:32,752 Hey, kids. 253 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:37,913 Hey, as soon as I bring in the rest of your bags, I got a treat for you. 254 00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:41,635 Yep. Kookie, Kookie, lend me your comb. 255 00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:45,839 Who's he? 256 00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:48,634 That's Kookie. Your mother said she'd walk and feed him... 257 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:51,718 ...but you know the first rainy night who's gonna be doing it. 258 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:53,592 Who are those guys out on the stoop? 259 00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:55,995 Oh, that's the band Anthrax. 260 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:59,556 They ate Mom's mystery pack, so the Environmental Protection Agency... 261 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:03,036 ...quarantined them to our house for six months. 262 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:10,398 What horrible sounds am I gonna have to be listening to for the next half-year? 22055

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