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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:04,745 --> 00:02:05,849 Please sir! 2 00:02:05,884 --> 00:02:07,610 For pity's sake, she's our only child! 3 00:02:07,644 --> 00:02:08,680 Have mercy! 4 00:02:08,714 --> 00:02:11,717 There is no mercy for the undead. 5 00:02:26,249 --> 00:02:28,527 Honey, are you ok? 6 00:02:29,908 --> 00:02:34,188 Yeah. Just uh, a bad dream. 7 00:02:34,223 --> 00:02:36,949 Sounds like a real doozy. You want to talk about it? 8 00:02:38,606 --> 00:02:40,712 No, I'll be fine. 9 00:02:45,372 --> 00:02:47,236 I'm gonna go check on Anastasia. 10 00:02:47,753 --> 00:02:49,445 - Yeah. - Okay. 11 00:03:02,630 --> 00:03:05,978 Oh... Ok. 12 00:03:12,571 --> 00:03:14,780 Anna-banana? It's still daylight. 13 00:03:15,712 --> 00:03:17,576 Put your phone away and get some shut eye. 14 00:03:17,611 --> 00:03:18,991 You've got a busy night ahead. 15 00:03:19,026 --> 00:03:20,269 Yes, Daddy. 16 00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:30,002 Phone off. That's twice you're busted. 17 00:03:56,960 --> 00:04:01,344 Ah, shit. Blood suckers. 18 00:04:07,523 --> 00:04:09,801 Better watch it you don't end up 19 00:04:09,835 --> 00:04:12,010 staking yourself in the heart there, Count. 20 00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:14,668 Oh, I'm not a Count. Chuck Belasko. 21 00:04:15,496 --> 00:04:16,808 Doug Roach. 22 00:04:18,084 --> 00:04:20,605 Vampire Americans, am I right? 23 00:04:20,639 --> 00:04:22,641 Yeah, you betcha. How'd you guess? 24 00:04:23,332 --> 00:04:24,816 You're shitting me, right? 25 00:04:24,850 --> 00:04:30,339 I mean, you got the map of Transylvania plastered all over your faces. 26 00:04:30,684 --> 00:04:33,100 If you wouldn't mind cooling it on the yard work? 27 00:04:33,134 --> 00:04:36,828 Yeah, sorry, I guess I lost track of time. 28 00:04:38,139 --> 00:04:40,763 Didn't lose track so much as you were following the rules. 29 00:04:40,797 --> 00:04:44,732 Like the one that says your kind sleep in coffins during the day. 30 00:04:45,077 --> 00:04:47,114 During the sunlight hours, that's correct. 31 00:04:47,148 --> 00:04:49,875 Because if the sunlight hits ya, you melt. 32 00:04:49,909 --> 00:04:52,844 Decompose into a miasma putrid decay. 33 00:04:52,878 --> 00:04:53,810 Also correct. 34 00:04:53,845 --> 00:04:56,123 My wife lost her favorite uncle that way. 35 00:04:56,157 --> 00:04:59,782 Made a slight miscalculation during daylight savings and uh- 36 00:04:59,816 --> 00:05:01,024 I don't give a shit. 37 00:05:01,059 --> 00:05:04,442 Oh, yeah. Speaking of the missus, this is my wife, Helena. 38 00:05:06,685 --> 00:05:07,652 Countess? 39 00:05:07,686 --> 00:05:08,480 Professor. 40 00:05:08,515 --> 00:05:09,757 Helena and I teach night classes. 41 00:05:09,792 --> 00:05:10,862 At Horlicks. 42 00:05:10,896 --> 00:05:12,588 - Yeah, department of... - Zoology. 43 00:05:18,456 --> 00:05:21,804 Oh yes, this is our own little ray of moonlight, Anastasia. 44 00:05:22,460 --> 00:05:23,737 Goes by Anna. Anna-banana. 45 00:05:26,084 --> 00:05:26,947 Alex... 46 00:05:30,813 --> 00:05:31,952 Mind your own. 47 00:05:32,573 --> 00:05:33,609 Alright, well it was... 48 00:05:56,114 --> 00:05:57,115 Well, chin up. 49 00:05:58,081 --> 00:05:59,497 He'll come around once he gets to know us. 50 00:05:59,876 --> 00:06:02,500 After all, we're the Belaskos. 51 00:06:02,534 --> 00:06:03,535 - Yes, we are. - Mmmhmm. 52 00:06:03,570 --> 00:06:05,468 Bring it in for a family cheer. A little pound. 53 00:06:05,882 --> 00:06:07,401 - Bring it in. - Yes. 54 00:06:07,436 --> 00:06:08,644 - Ok. - Here it comes. 55 00:06:30,044 --> 00:06:31,045 Here we go. 56 00:06:32,564 --> 00:06:34,980 Look who is up. 57 00:06:36,119 --> 00:06:37,845 Good evening, sleepy head. 58 00:06:53,274 --> 00:06:59,211 So, there is a 24-hour gym less than a mile from here. 59 00:06:59,246 --> 00:07:01,938 I was wondering if it would be alright if I joined? 60 00:07:01,973 --> 00:07:04,147 I can pay for it myself with my babysitting stash. 61 00:07:04,182 --> 00:07:05,183 Not yet. 62 00:07:05,701 --> 00:07:07,254 We don't want you venturing off 63 00:07:07,288 --> 00:07:09,774 until we get a proper feel for the neighborhood. 64 00:07:10,119 --> 00:07:11,603 Then what am I supposed to do all night 65 00:07:11,638 --> 00:07:12,673 while you guys are at work? 66 00:07:12,708 --> 00:07:14,192 Well you've got your lesson plans. 67 00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:16,677 Not to mention that phone that you've got grafted to your hand. 68 00:07:16,712 --> 00:07:19,197 You guys swore that Mapleton would be different. 69 00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:20,163 It is different. 70 00:07:20,198 --> 00:07:22,580 This is a fully integrated neighborhood. 71 00:07:22,614 --> 00:07:26,066 So was the last one. I fucking hate being undead. 72 00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:27,930 That is a little dramatic. 73 00:07:27,964 --> 00:07:29,069 And it'll cost you a buck. 74 00:07:29,103 --> 00:07:31,934 That's one diddly-dollar in the cuss jar, young lady. 75 00:07:38,181 --> 00:07:39,942 Mm, where do you think you're going? 76 00:07:41,046 --> 00:07:44,671 Take a wild guess. Fucking nowhere. 77 00:07:46,983 --> 00:07:49,538 My. Someone slept on the wrong side of the coffin. 78 00:09:08,824 --> 00:09:09,756 Oh shit! 79 00:09:26,117 --> 00:09:27,912 Oh my god, oh my god! Don't fucking kill me! 80 00:09:27,946 --> 00:09:28,706 I fucking won't! 81 00:09:28,740 --> 00:09:30,915 Jesus, dude! Take a chill pill. 82 00:09:31,674 --> 00:09:33,642 What are you even doing over here? 83 00:09:33,676 --> 00:09:35,678 Well, I saw you up on the roof... 84 00:09:35,713 --> 00:09:37,680 Yeah. Yeah, I know. I heard you. 85 00:09:37,715 --> 00:09:38,819 You did? 86 00:09:38,854 --> 00:09:42,167 Yeah. I hear everything, whether I want to or not. 87 00:09:44,066 --> 00:09:45,619 You're like a goddamn super hero. 88 00:09:45,654 --> 00:09:48,933 Nope, just a girl. Anna. 89 00:09:50,175 --> 00:09:51,211 I'm Alex. 90 00:09:53,075 --> 00:09:54,594 Do you mind? 91 00:09:54,939 --> 00:09:56,285 Oh, yeah. Here. 92 00:09:57,044 --> 00:09:58,045 Thanks. 93 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:02,187 It's, uh, nice to see a friendly face, for once. 94 00:10:02,222 --> 00:10:06,157 Yeah. But it's not gonna be the last once school starts up. 95 00:10:06,191 --> 00:10:08,400 Oh, it won't for me. I'm home-schooled. 96 00:10:08,435 --> 00:10:10,748 Oh, because of the whole sunlight thing. 97 00:10:11,921 --> 00:10:13,405 I'm a night owl myself. 98 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,925 I could give you a midnight tour of the neighborhood 99 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:17,202 if you're up for it. 100 00:10:18,134 --> 00:10:19,688 Wouldn't your father disapprove? 101 00:10:19,722 --> 00:10:20,620 One hundred percent. 102 00:10:21,172 --> 00:10:22,898 - What about yours? - One hundred percent. 103 00:10:30,215 --> 00:10:33,253 So, I'm not totally clear on the rules. 104 00:10:33,771 --> 00:10:35,220 Are you aloud to have ice cream? 105 00:10:36,221 --> 00:10:38,189 Yeah. Yeah, when I'm in the mood for it. 106 00:10:38,223 --> 00:10:39,052 That's good. 107 00:10:40,329 --> 00:10:44,402 Well, uh, Molly's floats are to die for. 108 00:10:45,817 --> 00:10:47,474 Oh, fuck! Shit! I'm not trying to say... 109 00:10:47,508 --> 00:10:49,994 No, it's okay, Alex. I know what you mean. 110 00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:52,065 And it's no worries, you know? 111 00:10:52,099 --> 00:10:55,827 A Belasko hasn't drank human blood in over a century. 112 00:10:55,862 --> 00:11:00,176 Not to mention that it's illegal and totally disgusting. 113 00:11:00,211 --> 00:11:01,419 Good to know. 114 00:11:02,731 --> 00:11:06,666 They're open late on Saturdays, so maybe we could go after dark? 115 00:11:08,909 --> 00:11:10,946 Yeah. Maybe not. 116 00:11:12,913 --> 00:11:16,468 Small town peeps can be a little dickish. 117 00:11:17,124 --> 00:11:19,782 Yeah. Big town peeps can too. 118 00:11:22,820 --> 00:11:25,029 I swear, I just want to fly away. 119 00:11:25,063 --> 00:11:26,858 Run away where they'll never find me. 120 00:11:27,859 --> 00:11:29,378 Yeah, take me with you. 121 00:11:30,310 --> 00:11:31,311 Deal. 122 00:11:41,217 --> 00:11:44,842 So, this is the last stop on the tour. 123 00:11:44,876 --> 00:11:47,707 Mapleton's version of Disneyland. 124 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,745 Uh, I'm about it. Yeah, I like it. 125 00:11:51,780 --> 00:11:54,437 My mom, she used to take me here. 126 00:11:54,472 --> 00:11:57,820 Yeah, I lost her when I was seven, but... 127 00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,857 Oh, Alex. I'm so sorry. 128 00:12:00,581 --> 00:12:01,824 How? 129 00:12:02,238 --> 00:12:03,861 She had a back ticker. 130 00:12:05,552 --> 00:12:08,520 You, you're lucky that you never have to lose a parent. 131 00:12:09,590 --> 00:12:11,385 Alex, that's a myth. 132 00:12:12,179 --> 00:12:15,010 We die too, it just takes us a little bit longer. 133 00:12:32,372 --> 00:12:33,373 Oh no, don't! 134 00:12:34,961 --> 00:12:36,134 Please don't. 135 00:12:36,169 --> 00:12:38,274 I don't really come out in pictures, it's... 136 00:12:38,309 --> 00:12:40,760 That's uh... that's tragic. 137 00:12:41,864 --> 00:12:43,866 I'll tell you what. I'll be your mirror. 138 00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:46,317 Oh yeah? 139 00:12:46,351 --> 00:12:47,318 Yeah. 140 00:12:47,905 --> 00:12:50,079 Ok. How do I look? 141 00:12:54,256 --> 00:12:56,776 Well you look scalding. 142 00:13:00,227 --> 00:13:01,470 You up for a free ride? 143 00:13:02,402 --> 00:13:03,299 Yeah. 144 00:13:04,197 --> 00:13:06,337 Hold on, it goes really extremely fast. 145 00:13:06,371 --> 00:13:07,579 Okay. 146 00:13:13,378 --> 00:13:16,036 Well, I kind of feel like a wimp now. 147 00:13:16,554 --> 00:13:18,314 Hold onto your vagina. I got this. 148 00:13:19,212 --> 00:13:20,869 - Hop on. - Ok, alright. 149 00:13:21,524 --> 00:13:24,355 Yeah. 150 00:14:09,918 --> 00:14:11,126 What's with Anna-banana? 151 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:12,644 She's been skipping breakfast lately. 152 00:14:13,093 --> 00:14:13,956 Hm. 153 00:14:13,991 --> 00:14:14,957 She watching her waist? 154 00:14:14,992 --> 00:14:16,407 More like the boy next door. 155 00:14:17,132 --> 00:14:18,098 The roach kid? 156 00:14:18,133 --> 00:14:20,618 Mmhmm. That scares me. 157 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,001 What's so scary about love? 158 00:14:28,212 --> 00:14:29,869 It's not love that I'm afraid of. 159 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:33,044 They're never gonna accept us, Chuck. 160 00:14:33,079 --> 00:14:34,908 No matter how hard we try to fit in. 161 00:14:35,219 --> 00:14:36,979 Hate is thicker than blood. 162 00:14:43,020 --> 00:14:44,366 I might need to do it. 163 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,644 Uh, woah, I think we just did. 164 00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:49,405 No, not that. 165 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:53,168 I mean, the gift you know? 166 00:14:53,202 --> 00:14:55,929 I wanna... I wanna become like you. 167 00:14:55,964 --> 00:14:57,379 You think it's a gift? 168 00:14:59,036 --> 00:15:00,347 To never see a sunrise? 169 00:15:00,382 --> 00:15:02,349 To be hunted and persecuted wherever you go? 170 00:15:07,734 --> 00:15:10,185 If that's what it takes to be yours, then yeah. 171 00:15:10,668 --> 00:15:12,256 You're already mine, dummy. 172 00:15:13,774 --> 00:15:16,156 We're just on different time zones. 173 00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:23,060 You know that thing that you were saying about, 174 00:15:23,094 --> 00:15:26,201 uh, like, running away? 175 00:15:27,305 --> 00:15:28,479 Were you serious? 176 00:15:28,513 --> 00:15:29,998 It's all I ever think about. 177 00:15:33,311 --> 00:15:35,106 Where would you go? 178 00:15:35,141 --> 00:15:36,245 Alaska. 179 00:15:36,556 --> 00:15:38,144 Why? What's in Alaska? 180 00:15:39,593 --> 00:15:41,630 Six months of continuous night. 181 00:15:43,665 --> 00:15:44,702 So there. 182 00:15:46,255 --> 00:15:48,464 And what would we do for the other six months? 183 00:15:49,396 --> 00:15:52,020 We could hibernate. Five times a day. 184 00:16:12,178 --> 00:16:15,181 Dude, what the fuck? What are you doing? 185 00:16:15,215 --> 00:16:17,148 Checking for hickies, stupid. What do you think? 186 00:16:18,253 --> 00:16:19,185 Still got your junk down there 187 00:16:19,219 --> 00:16:20,669 or did your girlfriend bite it off, huh? 188 00:16:20,703 --> 00:16:21,601 Sick. 189 00:16:21,635 --> 00:16:23,292 Me? 190 00:16:23,327 --> 00:16:26,778 I'm not the one playing hide the salami with a walking corpse. 191 00:16:26,813 --> 00:16:30,644 Alex, son, you have no idea what you are dealing with. 192 00:16:31,231 --> 00:16:32,715 Like you do? 193 00:16:32,750 --> 00:16:36,271 Yes, as a matter of fact I do. 194 00:16:36,305 --> 00:16:38,273 You know, I never told you how your mother actually died. 195 00:16:43,209 --> 00:16:49,698 Ten years ago, she was attacked by one of those things. 196 00:16:51,596 --> 00:16:54,461 All the blood drained from her body. 197 00:16:58,224 --> 00:17:01,158 But the nightmare didn't end there, no sir. 198 00:17:02,573 --> 00:17:04,022 It was just the beginning. 199 00:17:06,714 --> 00:17:12,479 The night of her funeral, your mother came home. 200 00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:18,415 Little boy, let me in. Mommy's so cold. 201 00:17:19,555 --> 00:17:21,247 You know, I still see her wearing the dress 202 00:17:21,281 --> 00:17:23,318 that we buried her in? 203 00:17:24,491 --> 00:17:28,564 She came for you, Alex. Her only child. 204 00:17:30,394 --> 00:17:31,498 So... 205 00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:36,538 I did what any man would do 206 00:17:36,572 --> 00:17:39,334 and I drove a stake through that thing's heart. 207 00:17:39,368 --> 00:17:40,231 You killed my mother? 208 00:17:40,266 --> 00:17:42,130 I released her! 209 00:17:48,136 --> 00:17:49,309 Open it. 210 00:17:56,558 --> 00:17:57,835 What am I supposed to do with this? 211 00:17:57,869 --> 00:17:59,112 I think you know. 212 00:18:00,355 --> 00:18:03,427 You would be doing that girl a favor. 213 00:18:03,841 --> 00:18:05,739 She does not want to be the way she is. 214 00:18:05,774 --> 00:18:07,396 It is unnatural. 215 00:18:08,363 --> 00:18:10,882 There is no mercy for the undead. 216 00:18:11,849 --> 00:18:15,680 Destroy her, son, or someone else will do it for you. 217 00:18:16,509 --> 00:18:18,649 I'm not your fucking son. 218 00:18:29,349 --> 00:18:30,212 Doug Roach here. 219 00:18:31,662 --> 00:18:33,767 You up for a little hunting excursion? 220 00:18:35,459 --> 00:18:38,738 Yeah, getting the band back together. 221 00:18:39,704 --> 00:18:41,775 Just like old times. 222 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:44,330 What are we gunning for? 223 00:18:45,952 --> 00:18:49,542 Leaches. And they're looking to breed. 224 00:19:05,765 --> 00:19:07,146 Hello, darling. 225 00:19:23,369 --> 00:19:24,301 Anna! 226 00:19:25,267 --> 00:19:26,372 Anna! 227 00:19:31,653 --> 00:19:32,550 Fuck! 228 00:19:34,587 --> 00:19:36,623 Make some noise when you do that, please. 229 00:19:36,658 --> 00:19:38,349 Boo. What is going on? 230 00:19:39,730 --> 00:19:42,595 It's my old man. Bad shit is about to go down. 231 00:19:42,629 --> 00:19:45,667 We need to go now. Tonight, like now. 232 00:19:45,701 --> 00:19:46,875 Alex, that's crazy. 233 00:19:46,909 --> 00:19:48,601 I can't just leave, what about my parents? 234 00:19:48,635 --> 00:19:49,878 Oh, don't worry. 235 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:53,433 We'll be visiting them soon enough. 236 00:19:53,468 --> 00:19:54,607 How did you find us? 237 00:19:54,641 --> 00:19:56,781 There's a tracker on your phone, stupid. 238 00:19:58,645 --> 00:19:59,922 Hey, get that out of her face 239 00:19:59,957 --> 00:20:01,338 or I'll stick it up your fucking ass! 240 00:20:01,545 --> 00:20:02,270 Alex! 241 00:20:02,891 --> 00:20:03,788 No! 242 00:20:03,823 --> 00:20:04,755 Alex! 243 00:20:05,963 --> 00:20:07,413 Now look what you did. 244 00:20:08,483 --> 00:20:10,588 Please, it doesn't have to be this way. 245 00:20:11,071 --> 00:20:12,452 You can just let us be. 246 00:20:12,487 --> 00:20:15,041 Let you be? Why? 247 00:20:15,075 --> 00:20:17,492 So your kind can pollute the world? 248 00:20:18,907 --> 00:20:20,978 Not on my watch, sweetie. 249 00:20:21,012 --> 00:20:24,947 We didn't start this war but we sure as shit gonna end it. 250 00:20:27,812 --> 00:20:28,813 Hold still. 251 00:20:30,505 --> 00:20:31,575 I'll make this fast. 252 00:20:37,374 --> 00:20:39,790 She can't be far, spread out. Spread out. 253 00:20:50,352 --> 00:20:51,767 You're all gonna die tonight. 254 00:21:10,683 --> 00:21:12,409 Don't worry, I'll make this fast. 255 00:21:25,007 --> 00:21:26,319 Oh god, Alex. 256 00:21:27,700 --> 00:21:29,426 You're like a goddamn super hero. 257 00:21:29,702 --> 00:21:30,496 Alex, your heart. 258 00:21:30,530 --> 00:21:31,220 We have to get you to a hospital. 259 00:21:31,255 --> 00:21:32,877 I don't think I can look. 260 00:21:34,431 --> 00:21:35,777 The sun's coming up, you have to go. 261 00:21:35,811 --> 00:21:36,985 Shh, stop, stop, stop. 262 00:21:37,019 --> 00:21:38,089 - No please, you have to go. - Don't talk. 263 00:21:38,124 --> 00:21:39,021 You'll die if I go. 264 00:21:39,056 --> 00:21:40,506 You're gonna die if you stay. 265 00:21:45,131 --> 00:21:45,959 Hey. 266 00:22:03,563 --> 00:22:05,462 It's even more beautiful than I imagined. 267 00:22:18,198 --> 00:22:20,960 Please, please save him! 268 00:22:33,006 --> 00:22:34,870 Alaska, okay? 269 00:22:37,528 --> 00:22:38,633 I'm so there. 270 00:23:07,903 --> 00:23:08,766 Hello? 271 00:23:10,216 --> 00:23:11,528 What the hell is this? 272 00:23:14,772 --> 00:23:15,911 I can't move my... 273 00:23:17,188 --> 00:23:19,570 Somebody better tell me what the hell's going on around here, 274 00:23:19,605 --> 00:23:20,778 and fast! 275 00:23:24,195 --> 00:23:25,714 Look who's up. 276 00:23:27,233 --> 00:23:30,063 Chuck, Helena. 277 00:23:30,098 --> 00:23:32,065 I don't know what you think you're doing 278 00:23:32,100 --> 00:23:34,102 but you have about two seconds 279 00:23:34,136 --> 00:23:37,761 to undo these chains or I swear to god, 280 00:23:37,795 --> 00:23:40,177 I will sue your asses back to Transylvania. 281 00:23:42,041 --> 00:23:44,077 We're not from Transylvania, Doug. 282 00:23:44,561 --> 00:23:46,425 We're from Pennsylvania. 283 00:23:46,873 --> 00:23:47,874 Oh, who... 284 00:23:51,257 --> 00:23:53,535 Oh, no, no, no, no. 285 00:23:53,984 --> 00:23:55,951 You gotta be shitting me! 286 00:23:56,193 --> 00:23:58,816 Oh shoot. It's another blood sucker. 287 00:23:58,851 --> 00:24:00,439 There goes the neighborhood. 288 00:24:04,891 --> 00:24:06,445 Son... Alex. 289 00:24:07,549 --> 00:24:09,896 Undo these chains... Please. 290 00:24:11,588 --> 00:24:12,623 And infect our town? 291 00:24:15,074 --> 00:24:17,007 No, no, no, no. Not that. 292 00:24:17,939 --> 00:24:19,112 Show a little mercy. 293 00:24:20,907 --> 00:24:22,495 There is no mercy for the undead. 294 00:24:22,771 --> 00:24:26,050 No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no!!! 295 00:25:54,173 --> 00:25:55,243 Damn, why don't you leave some drops for the rest of us? 296 00:25:55,277 --> 00:25:56,727 We got more coming, let's move. 297 00:25:57,728 --> 00:25:58,902 Oh, nice! 298 00:26:01,249 --> 00:26:01,939 Dave, Dave, Dave... 299 00:26:01,974 --> 00:26:03,976 Hey, hey, hey! Check this out. 300 00:26:04,010 --> 00:26:04,804 Shit. 301 00:26:06,806 --> 00:26:09,602 Sorry guys, my dad just came in and totally broke my focus. 302 00:26:09,637 --> 00:26:10,120 Hold on a sec. 303 00:26:10,154 --> 00:26:11,673 Behold. 304 00:26:11,708 --> 00:26:13,088 Sorry guys, I'll catch y'all at school tomorrow. 305 00:26:17,748 --> 00:26:18,646 Nice relic. 306 00:26:20,302 --> 00:26:21,510 Woah, is this you? 307 00:26:21,545 --> 00:26:24,341 Hey, your old man had the highest score in the southwest. 308 00:26:24,375 --> 00:26:26,412 I'd have won the national championship 309 00:26:26,446 --> 00:26:28,103 if they hadn't have canceled it. 310 00:26:28,138 --> 00:26:30,174 And for some reason they pulled all the copies of the game 311 00:26:30,209 --> 00:26:32,625 off the shelves and buried them in the desert 312 00:26:32,660 --> 00:26:34,903 and didn't tell anyone why. 313 00:26:36,802 --> 00:26:39,770 Weird Wednesday. Sounds dumb. 314 00:26:41,116 --> 00:26:43,084 Wait, Dad. Dad what are you doing? 315 00:26:43,774 --> 00:26:45,327 You are gonna love it. 316 00:26:45,845 --> 00:26:49,159 This game requires laser focus and iron will. 317 00:26:49,193 --> 00:26:51,920 It's a game that's not balanced and not fair. 318 00:26:51,955 --> 00:26:55,027 Brutal in its simplicity. 319 00:26:55,441 --> 00:26:56,822 There's no way some old 8-bit clunker 320 00:26:56,856 --> 00:26:59,031 is gonna be harder than Sentinel Strike. 321 00:26:59,307 --> 00:27:01,102 Ok, well you just watch. 322 00:27:04,277 --> 00:27:05,347 So, what do you do? 323 00:27:05,382 --> 00:27:06,970 You just gotta get across town. 324 00:27:07,004 --> 00:27:08,074 That sounds terrible. 325 00:27:08,109 --> 00:27:10,352 No, no, no. That's the beauty of it. 326 00:27:10,387 --> 00:27:11,319 Simplicity. 327 00:27:11,353 --> 00:27:14,184 You never know what is going to kill you. 328 00:27:14,218 --> 00:27:16,289 The newspaper, the raccoon in the trash, 329 00:27:16,324 --> 00:27:17,463 the toaster oven. 330 00:27:17,497 --> 00:27:19,223 It could even be the lamp. 331 00:27:19,258 --> 00:27:21,743 I mean, you have no idea what is deadly. 332 00:27:22,261 --> 00:27:23,745 So how do you win? 333 00:27:23,780 --> 00:27:25,126 I don't know. 334 00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:29,026 I mean, no player's ever reached the final level before. 335 00:27:29,061 --> 00:27:31,201 The competition was always high score. 336 00:27:31,511 --> 00:27:32,789 Ok. 337 00:27:32,823 --> 00:27:36,068 Now, just like riding a bike. 338 00:27:43,489 --> 00:27:45,456 Ok, ok, you laugh, but it's been 30 years 339 00:27:45,491 --> 00:27:48,045 since I played this game, remember? 340 00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:49,184 It's all coming back to me, 341 00:27:49,219 --> 00:27:51,290 I just need to sharpen up a little. 342 00:27:51,911 --> 00:27:53,879 Come on, let me try. 343 00:28:06,305 --> 00:28:08,687 Oh! Oh, shit, this is hard. 344 00:28:09,170 --> 00:28:10,343 Yeah, I told you. 345 00:28:14,554 --> 00:28:15,417 Oh! 346 00:28:18,282 --> 00:28:19,421 Ah, dang. 347 00:28:21,182 --> 00:28:23,046 What does JEF spell? 348 00:28:24,150 --> 00:28:26,256 Well, savor it while it lasts, it's gonna be mine soon. 349 00:28:28,154 --> 00:28:28,914 Did you see it? 350 00:28:28,948 --> 00:28:30,087 No, what was on it? 351 00:28:30,122 --> 00:28:31,951 It was like this weird little drawing of the teacher. 352 00:28:31,986 --> 00:28:34,333 Hey! You guys gotta try this old game. 353 00:28:34,367 --> 00:28:36,024 What game? Is it any good? 354 00:28:36,059 --> 00:28:37,060 No, it's the worst. 355 00:28:37,094 --> 00:28:38,164 You're just this little 8-bit dude 356 00:28:38,199 --> 00:28:39,545 and you have to dodge flying toasters and stuff 357 00:28:39,579 --> 00:28:41,374 but it's insanely hard. 358 00:28:41,409 --> 00:28:42,859 Have you beat it yet? 359 00:28:42,893 --> 00:28:44,067 Oh, it's impossible. 360 00:28:44,101 --> 00:28:45,240 No one's ever made it to the final level. 361 00:28:45,275 --> 00:28:48,140 Wait, I thought you said no game is impossible to beat? 362 00:28:48,174 --> 00:28:49,382 Bet I can beat it first. 363 00:28:49,417 --> 00:28:50,832 So competitive, Reina. 364 00:28:50,867 --> 00:28:52,247 You know, that's why I broke up with you, right? 365 00:28:52,282 --> 00:28:54,836 Oh, you broke up with me? I don't remember that. 366 00:28:54,871 --> 00:28:56,942 I remember you crying, a lot. 367 00:28:56,976 --> 00:28:57,839 Yeah. 368 00:28:57,874 --> 00:29:00,186 And the flowers. Oh, and the love song. 369 00:29:00,221 --> 00:29:01,774 Look out for the shovel! 370 00:29:01,809 --> 00:29:03,327 I got it, I got it! 371 00:29:04,190 --> 00:29:05,778 Oh! 372 00:29:05,813 --> 00:29:07,400 You're doing great. 373 00:29:08,194 --> 00:29:09,092 Savor it while it lasts, Dad, 374 00:29:09,126 --> 00:29:11,094 that high score is gonna be mine soon. 375 00:29:11,128 --> 00:29:14,200 No one can defeat me! 376 00:29:14,235 --> 00:29:15,029 Oh, it's on. 377 00:29:15,063 --> 00:29:16,375 On like Donkey Kong. 378 00:29:18,377 --> 00:29:19,309 Oh, that's the delivery guy, I'll get it. 379 00:29:23,071 --> 00:29:24,555 - Hey, Spencer. - What's up? 380 00:29:24,590 --> 00:29:27,041 Reina, it's good to see you. Dave's down in the basement. 381 00:29:29,457 --> 00:29:31,010 Hey, Mr. D. How're you holding up? 382 00:29:31,977 --> 00:29:33,530 Ah, you know. Taking it one day at a time. 383 00:29:36,084 --> 00:29:39,294 So, tell me honestly. How's Dave doing? 384 00:29:40,468 --> 00:29:42,090 You should ask him that yourself. 385 00:29:42,919 --> 00:29:45,784 Oh, I would, but he doesn't exactly talk to me. 386 00:29:47,199 --> 00:29:49,304 Maybe just give him some time. 387 00:29:50,340 --> 00:29:51,203 Yeah. 388 00:29:52,376 --> 00:29:54,413 Look, I'm really glad that you guys stayed friends. 389 00:29:54,447 --> 00:29:56,001 Yeah, me too. 390 00:30:09,324 --> 00:30:10,429 Hey, what's up Reina? 391 00:30:10,947 --> 00:30:12,327 I can't wait for you guys to play this. 392 00:30:12,362 --> 00:30:13,121 It's ridiculous. 393 00:30:15,675 --> 00:30:17,056 Aw! 394 00:30:17,091 --> 00:30:19,127 Death by mailbox. Brutal. 395 00:30:19,162 --> 00:30:20,163 Hey, good try. 396 00:30:20,197 --> 00:30:23,373 I know a little trick to get past that level. 397 00:30:23,407 --> 00:30:25,547 Oh, it's ok. You can, uh, just show me later. 398 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,552 Ok, um, I'll be just upstairs. 399 00:30:31,243 --> 00:30:32,900 Oh, ok. Bye, Dad. 400 00:30:33,348 --> 00:30:34,522 How do you beat that? 401 00:30:34,971 --> 00:30:36,317 You'll get the hang of it. Here. 402 00:30:57,372 --> 00:31:00,928 Yes! Oh my god. Yes! 403 00:31:00,962 --> 00:31:01,549 Are you ok? 404 00:31:01,583 --> 00:31:03,068 Boom! In your face! 405 00:31:03,102 --> 00:31:04,621 I won. I won. 406 00:31:06,036 --> 00:31:07,520 You just beat the final boss? 407 00:31:07,555 --> 00:31:10,178 No, I beat you, Dad. I beat you. 408 00:31:11,939 --> 00:31:14,251 Woah, ok, woah, woah. 409 00:31:14,286 --> 00:31:17,634 Son, you didn't win, you just got the highest score. 410 00:31:17,668 --> 00:31:19,498 But we still need to beat it. 411 00:31:21,465 --> 00:31:23,364 Dad, it's impossible. 412 00:31:23,398 --> 00:31:24,952 It literally says on the game, 413 00:31:24,986 --> 00:31:26,367 "Never beaten by a single player." 414 00:31:26,643 --> 00:31:27,678 It's like a feature. 415 00:31:28,093 --> 00:31:29,404 Yeah, well not yet. 416 00:31:29,611 --> 00:31:31,544 This game has met its match 417 00:31:31,579 --> 00:31:34,409 with this awesome father/son duo, huh? 418 00:31:36,239 --> 00:31:38,517 Um, I think I'm gonna head to bed. 419 00:31:42,590 --> 00:31:43,453 Uh... 420 00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:48,458 Check this out. 421 00:31:49,562 --> 00:31:51,426 I got a console and a copy of the game off eBay. 422 00:31:51,461 --> 00:31:54,705 Seller listed it crazy cheap. And it was cursed or something. 423 00:31:55,396 --> 00:31:56,707 Like, the game murdered her kids. 424 00:31:57,501 --> 00:31:59,020 - Okay. - So many whack-jobs on there. 425 00:31:59,469 --> 00:32:01,091 And look, it came with a cheat code. 426 00:32:01,574 --> 00:32:03,404 Oh, come on. You know cheater wins don't count. 427 00:32:03,438 --> 00:32:05,958 - Yeah, straight facts. - Whatever. Oh, my gosh. 428 00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:14,070 What's up? 429 00:32:14,656 --> 00:32:15,968 Nothing, just my dad. 430 00:32:16,313 --> 00:32:18,108 Aren't you going to respond? 431 00:32:19,282 --> 00:32:21,353 Oh! Cold! 432 00:32:24,494 --> 00:32:27,014 You know, your dad's pretty cool, for a dad. 433 00:32:27,324 --> 00:32:30,051 He's not cool. He's nice. 434 00:32:31,052 --> 00:32:32,640 Still cuts the crusts off my sandwiches. 435 00:32:32,674 --> 00:32:33,710 They sound delicious. 436 00:32:33,744 --> 00:32:35,608 They are, but like, never lets me do anything. 437 00:32:36,023 --> 00:32:37,369 Won't even let me take my driver's test. 438 00:32:37,645 --> 00:32:39,716 You're his baby and he's lonely. 439 00:32:40,130 --> 00:32:41,269 Lucky me. 440 00:32:42,305 --> 00:32:43,685 Hey, Reina can I borrow your system? 441 00:32:44,169 --> 00:32:45,480 What? No way. I just got it. 442 00:32:46,102 --> 00:32:48,345 Plus, I need to crush Dave's high score. 443 00:32:48,621 --> 00:32:49,760 Put him in his place. 444 00:32:49,795 --> 00:32:51,383 Fair and square though. Better not use that cheat code. 445 00:32:51,797 --> 00:32:53,143 Like I'd need it. 446 00:32:53,178 --> 00:32:54,110 Come on, let me borrow it. 447 00:32:54,144 --> 00:32:56,250 You said you had to study tonight anyway. 448 00:32:57,389 --> 00:32:59,253 One night, nerd. One. 449 00:33:05,328 --> 00:33:07,502 Hey, I missed you last night. What'd you get up to? 450 00:33:07,813 --> 00:33:09,366 Just chilling at Reina's. 451 00:33:09,401 --> 00:33:11,817 You two getting back together? She's great. 452 00:33:11,851 --> 00:33:13,198 No, god dad. 453 00:33:13,232 --> 00:33:14,785 We were just playing Weird Wednesday. 454 00:33:15,821 --> 00:33:17,029 Are you ready to hunker down 455 00:33:17,064 --> 00:33:20,584 for an all day, no-holds-barred rematch with your old man? 456 00:33:20,619 --> 00:33:21,620 I'll pass. 457 00:33:22,552 --> 00:33:26,487 Hey, Dave, look. I'll make you a deal. 458 00:33:26,521 --> 00:33:28,213 Hey, you beat the game first, 459 00:33:28,247 --> 00:33:30,180 I will take you to get your license. 460 00:33:30,387 --> 00:33:32,148 What's the catch? 461 00:33:32,182 --> 00:33:33,597 Well, if I win first, 462 00:33:33,632 --> 00:33:36,255 you have to hang out with me every Friday night. 463 00:33:38,775 --> 00:33:39,534 Deal? 464 00:33:41,295 --> 00:33:42,054 Deal. 465 00:33:44,574 --> 00:33:46,093 Did you use the cheat code? 466 00:33:46,127 --> 00:33:47,542 There's a new character to choose from. 467 00:33:47,577 --> 00:33:49,648 I didn't do anything. He just showed up. 468 00:33:51,201 --> 00:33:52,340 Kind of looks like Spencer. 469 00:33:52,375 --> 00:33:54,273 That asshole still has my console. 470 00:33:54,515 --> 00:33:56,517 Oh, well I'll text him to bring it when he comes over. 471 00:33:57,104 --> 00:33:59,313 Thanks. What's up with this new guy? 472 00:33:59,692 --> 00:34:01,315 It's like he doesn't want to move or something. 473 00:34:01,694 --> 00:34:04,318 Look at his face! So freaked out. 474 00:34:07,252 --> 00:34:08,494 Come on dude, pick up. 475 00:34:10,255 --> 00:34:11,532 Yo, Spencer, where you at, man? 476 00:34:11,565 --> 00:34:13,360 Gotta come out to my house and check out this new character. 477 00:34:14,811 --> 00:34:16,157 Ugh! 478 00:34:16,192 --> 00:34:18,090 The freaking squirrel flew into my face. 479 00:34:22,129 --> 00:34:23,061 Let me play. 480 00:34:28,411 --> 00:34:29,791 Ah! Spencer's gotta see this. 481 00:34:30,827 --> 00:34:32,862 Oh god. Every time. 482 00:34:32,898 --> 00:34:35,313 It's the same thing every time. 483 00:34:38,145 --> 00:34:39,215 Cheer up, take it. 484 00:34:42,389 --> 00:34:43,529 Keep going, you got it. 485 00:34:44,944 --> 00:34:46,670 - Ah! - Oh. 486 00:34:50,571 --> 00:34:51,641 Ahh... 487 00:35:00,339 --> 00:35:01,892 Oh man, what happened to the new guy? 488 00:35:04,378 --> 00:35:06,311 This idiot is totally ghosting me. 489 00:35:06,932 --> 00:35:08,485 Let's go get my console. 490 00:35:13,180 --> 00:35:15,320 Dave, it's so good to see you. Hey, Reina. 491 00:35:15,354 --> 00:35:16,631 Spencer's not answering his phone. 492 00:35:16,666 --> 00:35:18,323 Have you seen him? 493 00:35:18,357 --> 00:35:20,532 Uh no, we haven't seen him. We thought he was here. 494 00:35:20,566 --> 00:35:22,430 He was playing some old video game this morning 495 00:35:22,465 --> 00:35:24,329 then he walked out and didn't come home. 496 00:35:24,363 --> 00:35:27,332 He borrowed my game system actually, can I grab it? 497 00:35:27,366 --> 00:35:28,333 Come on in, yeah. 498 00:35:41,656 --> 00:35:42,968 Hey, if you see Spencer, 499 00:35:43,002 --> 00:35:46,799 tell him to call me right away. Moms worry. 500 00:35:46,834 --> 00:35:48,422 Sure, no problem. 501 00:35:52,633 --> 00:35:56,257 Spencer's not usually so MIA. 502 00:35:56,292 --> 00:35:57,534 He's probably hanging out with Jessica 503 00:35:57,569 --> 00:35:58,880 and just doesn't want his mom to know. 504 00:35:58,915 --> 00:35:59,847 Probably. 505 00:36:00,710 --> 00:36:01,918 I gotta get back to playing the game. 506 00:36:02,367 --> 00:36:03,540 My dad's on some new forest level now 507 00:36:03,575 --> 00:36:05,232 I've never even seen before. 508 00:36:05,266 --> 00:36:06,785 It's probably getting close to the final boss. 509 00:36:06,819 --> 00:36:09,857 You know he just wants to spend time with you, right? 510 00:36:09,891 --> 00:36:11,445 Too much time. 511 00:36:11,479 --> 00:36:13,274 If he wins, I'm stuck with him every Friday night. 512 00:36:13,792 --> 00:36:14,758 Woah. 513 00:36:17,658 --> 00:36:18,659 Want some ice cream? 514 00:36:19,798 --> 00:36:20,523 Damn. 515 00:36:20,557 --> 00:36:21,317 Jeez. 516 00:36:40,853 --> 00:36:42,269 I'm gonna go get some chips. 517 00:36:45,686 --> 00:36:46,687 Come on. 518 00:36:51,001 --> 00:36:52,002 Fuck it. 519 00:36:56,869 --> 00:36:57,732 Alright. 520 00:37:05,395 --> 00:37:06,879 What, what the hell? 521 00:37:11,677 --> 00:37:13,714 Dave, why are you being so weird? 522 00:37:15,371 --> 00:37:17,787 Are you on drugs? Dude, just sit down. 523 00:37:18,512 --> 00:37:20,721 I can't. It's like someone's controlling me. 524 00:37:20,755 --> 00:37:22,585 No one is controlling you. 525 00:37:22,826 --> 00:37:24,863 You have like, free will, you know? 526 00:37:27,969 --> 00:37:29,385 It's not funny. 527 00:37:29,419 --> 00:37:31,352 It definitely is. What's up with the screen? 528 00:37:31,387 --> 00:37:32,974 This some new mode? 529 00:37:33,009 --> 00:37:34,079 I put in the cheat code. 530 00:37:34,113 --> 00:37:35,045 Cheater! 531 00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:37,289 The eBay seller said it was cursed, right? 532 00:37:37,324 --> 00:37:39,084 You believe every dumbass on eBay? 533 00:37:39,118 --> 00:37:40,672 I do now! 534 00:37:40,706 --> 00:37:41,742 You're so high. 535 00:37:42,846 --> 00:37:46,988 Nobody wins this game. Ever. 536 00:37:47,575 --> 00:37:49,957 Chill. I'll just turn off the power. 537 00:37:50,785 --> 00:37:51,786 Ok. 538 00:37:53,132 --> 00:37:54,272 Ah! 539 00:37:58,103 --> 00:38:00,381 Don't ever do that again. 540 00:38:00,657 --> 00:38:03,039 You're in the game! Oh, fuck. 541 00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:06,905 Dave, come back. 542 00:38:07,354 --> 00:38:08,355 I can't! 543 00:38:12,635 --> 00:38:13,498 Yeah. 544 00:38:19,158 --> 00:38:20,332 Oh god. 545 00:38:33,966 --> 00:38:34,933 I died. 546 00:38:35,830 --> 00:38:38,039 I think you respawned. 547 00:38:39,696 --> 00:38:41,319 What happens when I run out of lives? 548 00:38:42,803 --> 00:38:44,770 Oh god. Spencer. 549 00:38:45,046 --> 00:38:47,083 He ran out of lives and now he's dead. 550 00:38:47,117 --> 00:38:49,396 Don't... run out of lives. 551 00:38:50,431 --> 00:38:51,432 Reina! 552 00:38:55,574 --> 00:38:56,334 Whoa! 553 00:39:16,664 --> 00:39:18,666 Do something! I don't want to die again. 554 00:39:18,873 --> 00:39:20,150 It hurts. 555 00:39:20,185 --> 00:39:21,531 Wait, if you're the player, who's playing you? 556 00:39:35,614 --> 00:39:36,374 Come on. 557 00:39:37,133 --> 00:39:38,065 Come on, come on! 558 00:39:56,463 --> 00:39:57,636 Fuck, fuck! 559 00:40:00,087 --> 00:40:03,124 Argh! Stupid knife store. 560 00:40:06,542 --> 00:40:08,820 Oh god. Oh god, oh god. 561 00:40:09,165 --> 00:40:12,030 Last life. In it to win it. 562 00:40:49,205 --> 00:40:52,104 Final boss, here I come. 563 00:41:07,603 --> 00:41:08,569 What? 564 00:41:14,333 --> 00:41:15,507 Woah. 565 00:41:24,896 --> 00:41:25,828 Ugh! 566 00:41:27,726 --> 00:41:28,555 Ah. 567 00:41:40,912 --> 00:41:41,913 Thank god. 568 00:41:41,947 --> 00:41:42,776 The new character's actually Dave. 569 00:41:42,810 --> 00:41:44,260 He used the cheat code, 570 00:41:44,294 --> 00:41:46,020 got sucked into the video game, and if you lose he'll die. 571 00:41:46,711 --> 00:41:47,643 What? 572 00:41:51,957 --> 00:41:52,958 Oh my god. 573 00:41:54,339 --> 00:41:55,651 I'll unplug it. 574 00:41:55,685 --> 00:41:57,307 No, trust me, that doesn't work. 575 00:41:57,342 --> 00:41:58,654 We have to win. 576 00:42:00,207 --> 00:42:01,898 Okay. Let's do it. 577 00:42:08,249 --> 00:42:09,665 Two player? 578 00:42:11,321 --> 00:42:12,771 Ok, I'm going in. 579 00:42:12,806 --> 00:42:14,566 Mr. D, that's crazy. 580 00:42:14,601 --> 00:42:15,809 You don't know what's gonna happen. 581 00:42:15,843 --> 00:42:17,949 Well, I know that I have to try. 582 00:42:21,366 --> 00:42:23,955 The game has never been beaten by a single player. 583 00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:29,857 But, if we work together, we can beat it. 584 00:42:40,074 --> 00:42:41,041 Hey, pal. 585 00:42:41,973 --> 00:42:43,699 The game is harder than you thought, huh? 586 00:42:44,182 --> 00:42:46,805 Hell yeah. I can move again. 587 00:42:47,254 --> 00:42:48,358 Who's controlling me? 588 00:42:49,256 --> 00:42:52,293 I was. We're in two player mode now. 589 00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:56,332 You ready? 590 00:42:57,333 --> 00:42:58,023 Let's do this. 591 00:43:24,705 --> 00:43:25,913 Come on, guys! 592 00:43:28,019 --> 00:43:29,158 Is that all you got? 593 00:43:32,851 --> 00:43:34,335 Eat this, ET! 594 00:43:41,273 --> 00:43:42,205 Dave!!! 595 00:43:42,447 --> 00:43:43,310 Dad! 596 00:43:45,174 --> 00:43:46,865 Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 597 00:43:55,702 --> 00:43:59,084 I'm sorry, son. I just wanted to protect you. 598 00:43:59,119 --> 00:44:00,085 I love you. 599 00:44:03,261 --> 00:44:04,227 You can do this. 600 00:44:05,919 --> 00:44:06,920 I love you too, Dad. 601 00:44:08,024 --> 00:44:08,784 Son! 602 00:44:09,888 --> 00:44:10,717 Come on! 603 00:44:17,378 --> 00:44:19,173 Hey, Dad, we win. 604 00:44:43,163 --> 00:44:45,337 Yes! 605 00:45:11,087 --> 00:45:14,884 So, what's next, Mr. Driver's License? 606 00:45:16,955 --> 00:45:18,957 Just home. Reina's coming over. 607 00:45:21,097 --> 00:45:23,134 Oh, you know what? Why don't you go pick her up? 608 00:45:23,962 --> 00:45:27,172 Do something fun. As friends, of course. 609 00:45:28,898 --> 00:45:30,210 I'll walk home. 610 00:45:36,492 --> 00:45:37,493 Hey, Dad. 611 00:45:39,357 --> 00:45:40,945 Uh, wanna play ball tomorrow or something? 612 00:45:41,808 --> 00:45:44,224 Yeah. Yeah, I'd love that. 39108

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