Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:17,458 --> 00:00:18,831
Isn't this nice?
2
00:00:19,458 --> 00:00:21,291
No better time of year.
3
00:00:22,250 --> 00:00:27,500
You know, let me tell you one
of my favorite Yuletide stories.
4
00:00:28,583 --> 00:00:30,749
'Twas the night
before Christmas,
5
00:00:30,750 --> 00:00:32,874
and all through the town,
6
00:00:32,875 --> 00:00:37,582
{\an8}the Avengers were fighting
a brand-new superpower.
7
00:00:37,583 --> 00:00:39,832
{\an8}The stockings were
hung by the chimney...
8
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,749
Well, not anymore.
9
00:00:42,750 --> 00:00:43,875
Where's Thor?
10
00:00:51,541 --> 00:00:55,249
Oh, right. You're probably
wondering who this guy is.
11
00:00:55,250 --> 00:00:57,875
Perhaps I should start
a bit further back.
12
00:01:03,250 --> 00:01:04,438
{\an8}Time.
13
00:01:07,708 --> 00:01:08,708
{\an8}Space.
14
00:01:10,375 --> 00:01:11,458
{\an8}Reality.
15
00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:16,125
{\an8}It's more than a linear path.
16
00:01:20,916 --> 00:01:25,500
{\an8}It's a prism of
endless possibility,
17
00:01:27,916 --> 00:01:31,541
{\an8}where a single choice can branch
out into infinite realities,
18
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:37,125
{\an8}creating alternate worlds
from the ones you know.
19
00:01:41,041 --> 00:01:42,375
{\an8}I am the Watcher.
20
00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:47,625
{\an8}I am your guide through
these vast new realities.
21
00:01:49,250 --> 00:01:52,916
{\an8}Follow me and ponder
the question...
22
00:01:56,458 --> 00:01:57,666
{\an8}"What if?"
23
00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:06,625
Okay, let's try this again.
24
00:02:07,291 --> 00:02:11,999
'Twas only two hours prior and
the tower was not yet on fire.
25
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:17,082
To the left, to the left. To the...
No, too much left. Stop. Stop!
26
00:02:18,583 --> 00:02:20,957
Sparrow-1 to
Puffin-2, do you copy?
27
00:02:20,958 --> 00:02:22,249
We have a code red down here.
28
00:02:22,250 --> 00:02:25,374
Darcy, I told you, while
JARVIS is being defragged,
29
00:02:25,375 --> 00:02:27,165
this line is for
emergency use only.
30
00:02:27,166 --> 00:02:29,374
Please. Sparrow-1
on the comms, boss.
31
00:02:29,375 --> 00:02:31,832
And it's a total code red.
The caterers are here,
32
00:02:31,833 --> 00:02:35,040
and all I'm seeing are cheese
cubes and carrot sticks.
33
00:02:35,041 --> 00:02:37,374
Where's the showmanship?
Where are the Kogi buns?
34
00:02:37,375 --> 00:02:40,165
Darcy, you wanna get college
credit for this? Listen to me.
35
00:02:40,166 --> 00:02:42,332
This Avengers holiday gala
is not my first rodeo.
36
00:02:42,333 --> 00:02:44,624
Fine, fine. Ten to
the four, Puffin-2.
37
00:02:44,625 --> 00:02:47,249
Wait. Why am I a puffin?
And a second puffin at that.
38
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,333
- Who's the first puffin?
- Bernard in Accounting.
39
00:02:50,125 --> 00:02:51,457
Okay, that just hurts.
40
00:02:51,458 --> 00:02:55,582
I can offer you Turkey-1, Flamingo-6.
Ooh, how about the Parakeet?
41
00:02:55,583 --> 00:02:59,374
Wait. I have a better idea. A very
special assignment just for you.
42
00:02:59,375 --> 00:03:01,332
Maraschino cherries.
We're running low,
43
00:03:01,333 --> 00:03:03,415
and Tony can't have a
hot toddy without them.
44
00:03:03,416 --> 00:03:06,082
Oh, I didn't know people
put cherries in hot toddies.
45
00:03:06,083 --> 00:03:07,707
Hey, you're trying
to get rid of me.
46
00:03:07,708 --> 00:03:10,540
Just looking for a little
peace on Earth, okay? Ow!
47
00:03:10,541 --> 00:03:12,749
$50 million, you can't
watch where you're going?
48
00:03:12,750 --> 00:03:14,832
Everything under control?
49
00:03:14,833 --> 00:03:18,790
Director Hill. You're
looking quite, uh, festive.
50
00:03:18,791 --> 00:03:21,499
Now that JARVIS has been
shut down for maintenance...
51
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:24,707
Oh, I wanna talk to you about that.
I'd like to share a few messages
52
00:03:24,708 --> 00:03:26,032
about upgrading our
threat matrix...
53
00:03:26,056 --> 00:03:28,578
Maybe you should leave that
to the security professionals.
54
00:03:28,603 --> 00:03:30,270
But I am a security
professional.
55
00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:32,585
I need you to focus
on tonight's party.
56
00:03:32,609 --> 00:03:34,900
Eagle-1, Eagle-1. You're
needed in command.
57
00:03:34,925 --> 00:03:36,924
- On my way.
- Eagle-1?
58
00:03:36,958 --> 00:03:39,332
This holiday party
is vital, Mr. Hogan.
59
00:03:39,333 --> 00:03:42,749
After the year we've had, people
need a reason to celebrate.
60
00:03:42,750 --> 00:03:44,957
I'm counting on
you to pull it off.
61
00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:46,083
Yes, ma'am.
62
00:03:47,375 --> 00:03:48,375
Hmm...
63
00:03:48,376 --> 00:03:50,687
Christmas playlist.
64
00:03:50,712 --> 00:03:55,504
Hanukkah playlist... That one
Mariah Carey song on loop. Bingo!
65
00:03:56,958 --> 00:03:59,916
And to all a good...
66
00:04:00,291 --> 00:04:02,458
Sergei, you stepped
on my line, buddy.
67
00:04:04,708 --> 00:04:10,000
Or maybe this is the story of how
Justin Hammer stole Christmas.
68
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:12,957
After the corrupt
defense contractor
69
00:04:12,958 --> 00:04:15,125
nearly blew up the Stark Expo,
70
00:04:15,875 --> 00:04:18,415
he found himself on
the naughty list.
71
00:04:18,416 --> 00:04:21,833
With time to think,
time to reflect,
72
00:04:22,250 --> 00:04:23,583
{\an8}time to...
73
00:04:24,333 --> 00:04:26,415
ponder his future.
74
00:04:26,416 --> 00:04:32,416
Perhaps, in this universe, Justin
Hammer had a little too much time.
75
00:04:38,125 --> 00:04:39,374
We're gonna die!
76
00:04:39,375 --> 00:04:41,165
Yo, Rusty, hand me
that, would you?
77
00:04:41,166 --> 00:04:42,749
How'd they even get in here?
78
00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:45,249
The name is Rustam
Leonid Vyacheslav.
79
00:04:45,250 --> 00:04:47,540
And that's exactly why
we're sticking with Rusty.
80
00:04:48,625 --> 00:04:50,957
People, people, listen up.
81
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,832
You stay calm, you stay quiet
82
00:04:52,833 --> 00:04:56,374
and I guarantee that you'll
be home for the holidays.
83
00:04:56,375 --> 00:05:00,374
Hey, there's no
crying on Christmas.
84
00:05:00,375 --> 00:05:02,665
You know, when I
was seven years old,
85
00:05:02,666 --> 00:05:05,749
I wanted a Red Ryder BB gun
more than anything in the world.
86
00:05:05,750 --> 00:05:08,165
I begged my parents.
I begged Santa for it.
87
00:05:08,166 --> 00:05:11,124
Accidentally got my tongue
stuck on a telephone pole.
88
00:05:11,125 --> 00:05:13,540
Isn't that a classic movie?
89
00:05:13,541 --> 00:05:15,165
Yes, the one with the leg lamp.
90
00:05:15,166 --> 00:05:19,082
Hey, shut up. But I didn't get the BB
gun that Christmas. Do you know why?
91
00:05:20,270 --> 00:05:25,249
'Cause this is America, and if you
want something, you gotta take it.
92
00:05:30,416 --> 00:05:33,957
Oh, you unplug JARVIS for five
minutes, the whole building collapses.
93
00:05:39,541 --> 00:05:40,541
Huh?
94
00:05:44,541 --> 00:05:45,541
Uh, boss?
95
00:05:45,666 --> 00:05:50,026
Relax. Reprogramming command
protocols, setting new targets.
96
00:05:50,051 --> 00:05:52,207
"All on site staff"
sounds good to me.
97
00:05:52,208 --> 00:05:54,082
{\an8}What?
98
00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:01,541
Knock 'em dead, Johnny Fives.
99
00:06:01,830 --> 00:06:04,499
♪ Good Queen ♪
♪ Darcy last looked down ♪
100
00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:08,749
♪ On the feast of Steve Rogers ♪
♪ When the snow lay on... ♪
101
00:06:08,750 --> 00:06:11,416
"Eagle-1."
102
00:06:12,023 --> 00:06:13,023
Whoa.
103
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:15,415
- Okay, boys.
- Hammer?
104
00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:19,290
Behind these doors is a
gamma-radiated antigen serum.
105
00:06:19,291 --> 00:06:20,374
Hulk blood.
106
00:06:20,375 --> 00:06:22,957
- The amniotic fluid, so to speak...
- Gross.
107
00:06:22,958 --> 00:06:26,665
That will birth the
next superhero. Me.
108
00:06:26,666 --> 00:06:28,790
I'm already smarter
than 10 Tony Starks
109
00:06:28,791 --> 00:06:32,249
and pretty soon I'll be stronger
than 12 Captain Americas.
110
00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:34,582
So, let's get cracking.
111
00:06:34,583 --> 00:06:35,915
No problems.
112
00:06:35,916 --> 00:06:37,540
Dude, come on. What is this?
113
00:06:37,541 --> 00:06:39,094
You said you were a safecracker.
114
00:06:39,119 --> 00:06:41,035
Yes, and now I crack safe.
115
00:06:42,458 --> 00:06:45,790
I knew I should have gone
with the Sokovian team.
116
00:06:45,791 --> 00:06:47,290
Hill. Hill, come in.
117
00:06:47,291 --> 00:06:50,582
- We got three hostiles in Tony's lab.
- You'd think they'd raid the armory first.
118
00:06:50,583 --> 00:06:52,624
Tony's been messing around
with Banner's blood,
119
00:06:52,625 --> 00:06:55,582
seeing if he can be the Hulk
without the anger management issues.
120
00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:57,165
- Was he successful?
- It's a process.
121
00:06:57,166 --> 00:06:58,249
I'm gonna head up.
122
00:06:58,250 --> 00:07:01,499
Oh, oh, that's not
good. Okay, okay.
123
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:03,999
Call me when you
get the good stuff.
124
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,969
Time for me to go and
sit on Tony's throne.
125
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:09,999
- I'm not gonna flush, if you get my drift.
- Oh.
126
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,415
Yeah, it's Hammer. He's
heading for Tony's bathroom.
127
00:07:12,416 --> 00:07:13,499
Oh.
128
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:16,290
- Hogan, can you secure the samples?
- Yes. I think I have a way in.
129
00:07:16,291 --> 00:07:18,208
Good. 'Cause I've got Hammer.
130
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,506
Right in the jingle bells.
131
00:07:22,531 --> 00:07:24,197
Ah! Ah! Whoa!
132
00:07:25,250 --> 00:07:26,582
Jesus.
133
00:07:26,583 --> 00:07:29,290
"Throw a holiday party.
It'll be fun," Tony said.
134
00:07:29,291 --> 00:07:30,624
"What could go wrong?"
135
00:07:30,625 --> 00:07:33,749
I told them the air vent would
be a security issue, but no.
136
00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:35,500
Nobody listens to Happy.
137
00:07:41,750 --> 00:07:42,750
Mmm.
138
00:07:44,750 --> 00:07:47,290
Look at this bar!
Oh, my goodness!
139
00:07:47,291 --> 00:07:48,416
I love it!
140
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:52,546
Hands where I can
see them, Hammer.
141
00:07:52,571 --> 00:07:54,195
Now surrender peacefully.
142
00:07:55,384 --> 00:07:58,600
Oh, the day you've been
dreading has finally come.
143
00:07:58,625 --> 00:08:00,624
The day that you face off
144
00:08:00,625 --> 00:08:03,207
against Tony Stark's
greatest adversary.
145
00:08:03,208 --> 00:08:06,374
"Greatest adversary"? What
are you, a wealth tax?
146
00:08:07,625 --> 00:08:09,124
Nothing?
147
00:08:09,125 --> 00:08:10,624
Your technique is off.
148
00:08:10,625 --> 00:08:12,582
More strength in back.
149
00:08:12,583 --> 00:08:15,041
Less arms, more hips.
150
00:08:17,309 --> 00:08:18,851
Da, da, da. I get it now.
151
00:08:21,958 --> 00:08:23,541
Okay, let's take a look.
152
00:08:25,291 --> 00:08:27,541
Where is it? Hulk
blood, Hulk blood.
153
00:08:28,062 --> 00:08:30,249
Hulk blood. Hulk blood.
154
00:08:30,250 --> 00:08:31,999
Okay, just where is...
155
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,833
Think... A little vial.
156
00:08:34,396 --> 00:08:36,541
Happy, find the Hulk
blood, find the Hulk... No!
157
00:08:39,166 --> 00:08:40,999
Hey, hey, hey.
Did you hear that?
158
00:08:46,333 --> 00:08:49,248
Oh, got it.
159
00:08:49,273 --> 00:08:51,189
- Stop.
- Your little jokes won't do
160
00:08:51,213 --> 00:08:53,254
much good against the
master of tae kwon do,
161
00:08:53,279 --> 00:08:55,196
- jiujitsu and Muay Thai.
- Switch the channel.
162
00:08:57,416 --> 00:08:58,416
That's right.
163
00:08:58,417 --> 00:09:01,207
- I learned prison-fighting techniques.
- Oh, God.
164
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,040
All on the prison yard.
165
00:09:03,041 --> 00:09:05,290
Hmm, maybe a rat.
166
00:09:05,291 --> 00:09:07,999
You know what the most important
thing I learned in lockup is?
167
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,082
Enlighten me.
168
00:09:09,083 --> 00:09:11,374
Cheating is for winners.
169
00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:15,540
No, Maria!
170
00:09:15,541 --> 00:09:17,582
Oh, whoa.
171
00:09:20,599 --> 00:09:23,795
Be a shadow. Be a shadow.
Be a loose shadow.
172
00:09:28,209 --> 00:09:29,415
You guys can see me, right?
173
00:09:29,416 --> 00:09:30,790
Da, we see you.
174
00:09:30,791 --> 00:09:33,165
Boss, we have security guard.
175
00:09:33,166 --> 00:09:36,333
Clever. You thought you
could distract the Hammer?
176
00:09:37,302 --> 00:09:40,165
- Hey! Get back here.
- Hulk blood. I just need the Hulk blood.
177
00:09:40,166 --> 00:09:42,332
Where will you run?
178
00:09:42,333 --> 00:09:45,207
Come on. What's a guy gotta do to
find an epidural of Banner blood?
179
00:09:45,208 --> 00:09:46,500
Hulk... Huh?
180
00:09:46,791 --> 00:09:47,999
A confetti arrow?
181
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:51,415
Come on, Tony. You booking Hawkeye
out for birthday parties now?
182
00:09:51,416 --> 00:09:54,000
Hulk blood! Oh, yes! Bingo!
183
00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:58,166
All right. I should definitely
be getting hazard pay for this.
184
00:10:00,958 --> 00:10:02,249
Whoa!
185
00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:04,333
No! Why'd it do that?
186
00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:06,519
Step aside, my little elves.
187
00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:12,834
Oh, that's not good.
188
00:10:16,162 --> 00:10:17,499
Oh, that's not good.
189
00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:18,666
Hammer.
190
00:10:19,578 --> 00:10:21,661
Shoot him with all you've got.
191
00:10:21,958 --> 00:10:23,915
Whoa!
192
00:10:23,940 --> 00:10:26,190
- There, there, there. Let's go.
- Hey! Get back here!
193
00:10:26,214 --> 00:10:28,172
Oh, yeah, the things you
learn working for a mad,
194
00:10:28,197 --> 00:10:30,155
over-caffeinated
scientist. Incoming!
195
00:10:36,083 --> 00:10:39,499
Hey, stop, stop! Stop! You're
gonna destroy the Hulk blood.
196
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:40,833
What's the matter with you?
197
00:10:42,333 --> 00:10:43,875
Oh, that's useful.
198
00:10:44,416 --> 00:10:47,082
Screw what I said.
Just get him. Now.
199
00:10:47,083 --> 00:10:49,165
Happy. Oh, my leg is broken.
200
00:10:49,166 --> 00:10:51,957
Yeah, that's okay. I might have
enough leg for the both of us.
201
00:10:51,958 --> 00:10:54,082
Happy? Look, I'm
counting on you.
202
00:10:54,083 --> 00:10:57,040
Is that him? Is that the
fly in my super serum?
203
00:10:57,041 --> 00:10:59,415
Stop Hammer. Save the tower.
204
00:10:59,416 --> 00:11:01,332
Maria! Maria!
205
00:11:01,333 --> 00:11:05,040
Oh, you got a big box of
coal coming your way, missy.
206
00:11:05,041 --> 00:11:08,875
Cuff her. I'm sick of this
chick roasting my chestnuts.
207
00:11:10,708 --> 00:11:14,624
Okay, it's all on me
now. It's all on me now.
208
00:11:14,625 --> 00:11:17,625
Oh, it's all on me now.
209
00:11:31,916 --> 00:11:35,874
Okay, yes, there's no "I" in
team. There's no "I" in team!
210
00:11:35,875 --> 00:11:37,415
What? No, no, no!
211
00:11:43,083 --> 00:11:46,290
- Romanoff. Happy, not a great time.
- Natasha? Natasha!
212
00:11:46,291 --> 00:11:50,457
I'm being held at gunpoint by a
former HYDRA agent with 17 kills.
213
00:11:50,458 --> 00:11:52,624
Eighteen kills.
You forgot Nigeria.
214
00:11:52,625 --> 00:11:54,290
Oh, that was you? Show off.
215
00:11:54,291 --> 00:11:56,790
Uh... You want me
to get you help?
216
00:11:56,791 --> 00:11:58,749
Oh, no, I've got this.
See you at the party.
217
00:11:58,750 --> 00:12:01,999
Yeah, she'll be fine.
218
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,165
Okay, Tony. Pick
up, Tony, please.
219
00:12:04,166 --> 00:12:07,624
Perfect timing. Happy, can you tell
Timmy here that a replica Cap shield
220
00:12:07,625 --> 00:12:09,374
is nothing but a
patriotic Frisbee?
221
00:12:09,375 --> 00:12:10,874
- Tony, it's an emergency!
- Whoa!
222
00:12:10,875 --> 00:12:13,457
Trouble here, too. Soccer moms
are cornering Cap. Gotta go.
223
00:12:13,458 --> 00:12:15,207
Tony. Tony!
224
00:12:17,166 --> 00:12:18,582
Okay.
225
00:12:18,583 --> 00:12:20,290
Come on. Answer the
phone, answer the phone.
226
00:12:21,750 --> 00:12:23,707
Hello. What? What?
Hold on a sec.
227
00:12:23,708 --> 00:12:26,832
Clint, think we need to wrap this
up. Sun's getting real low, pal.
228
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:29,290
Like, super winter
solstice kind of low.
229
00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:30,374
Banner, Banner!
230
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:32,040
- I'm sorry. It's the last one.
- Banner!
231
00:12:32,041 --> 00:12:33,374
Clint, just give her the toy!
232
00:12:33,375 --> 00:12:35,290
- No can do.
- Come on. Just let her have it.
233
00:12:35,291 --> 00:12:38,707
The wife says, "Bring home this
toy or don't come home at all."
234
00:12:38,708 --> 00:12:40,875
- Damn it. Clint, just...
- Let her have it!
235
00:12:41,541 --> 00:12:42,541
Oh.
236
00:12:43,541 --> 00:12:44,875
Yeah!
237
00:12:46,041 --> 00:12:47,958
Oh, yeah!
238
00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:51,499
Start pouring the Shirley Temples,
big guy. I got your cherries.
239
00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:53,874
Sparrow-1, this is Puffin-2.
240
00:12:53,875 --> 00:12:56,707
Do you copy? We got a code red.
241
00:12:56,708 --> 00:12:58,707
The tower's been
overtaken by terrorists.
242
00:12:58,708 --> 00:13:01,124
Terrorists on Christmas?
What is this? Con Air?
243
00:13:01,125 --> 00:13:04,457
No, wait. Under Siege? No, no, no.
That's not it. Wait. I know this one.
244
00:13:04,458 --> 00:13:06,624
Uh, walking my mental
Blockbuster aisle.
245
00:13:06,625 --> 00:13:08,124
Hey, John McClane, focus.
246
00:13:08,125 --> 00:13:11,457
{\an8}Every weapon, every suit is
currently under Hammer's control.
247
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:12,790
{\an8}What are you calling me for?
248
00:13:12,791 --> 00:13:15,499
{\an8}Tell JARVIS to dial up
the army or the Avengers.
249
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,290
{\an8}Or that scary dude
with the eye-patch.
250
00:13:17,291 --> 00:13:20,457
JARVIS is offline defragging.
It's how they were able to...
251
00:13:20,458 --> 00:13:22,082
Darcy, you're a genius.
252
00:13:22,083 --> 00:13:25,749
{\an8}Thanks. I have been in college
for the better part of a decade.
253
00:13:25,750 --> 00:13:27,374
{\an8}Not to brag. But what did I say?
254
00:13:27,375 --> 00:13:29,404
JARVIS has a mainframe
in the sub-basement.
255
00:13:29,429 --> 00:13:32,636
If we bring JARVIS back online, we
can take control of the building
256
00:13:32,661 --> 00:13:33,827
and everything inside it.
257
00:13:33,852 --> 00:13:37,226
Puffin-2, are you asking me to
be your Reginald VelJohnson?
258
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:39,825
Reginald VelJohnson? That's what
you remember from the movie?
259
00:13:39,850 --> 00:13:41,125
Oh, damn.
260
00:13:44,458 --> 00:13:45,708
Eh...
261
00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:48,416
You guys can see me, right?
262
00:13:50,083 --> 00:13:51,916
Uh...
263
00:13:56,625 --> 00:13:59,375
Okay. Okay, okay. Okay. Okay.
264
00:14:00,250 --> 00:14:01,666
- Oh, okay.
- Hey!
265
00:14:02,166 --> 00:14:03,166
Hmm.
266
00:14:07,468 --> 00:14:09,843
Guess the only way out is out!
267
00:14:15,291 --> 00:14:17,750
Holy...
268
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,915
See that? I got Hulk
blood pumping through me.
269
00:14:53,916 --> 00:14:56,166
Might as well try
it on for size.
270
00:14:58,666 --> 00:15:00,624
Wait, wait. Do you hear that?
271
00:15:00,625 --> 00:15:01,958
Go, go, go.
272
00:15:02,750 --> 00:15:04,582
Broke that damn
chain pretty good.
273
00:15:04,583 --> 00:15:07,582
What about the short fuse?
Can't have a temper tantrum.
274
00:15:07,583 --> 00:15:09,374
Be calm. Breathe.
275
00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:10,790
That's supposed to help, right?
276
00:15:12,458 --> 00:15:15,249
10-9, Puffin-2. Everything
okay there, boss?
277
00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:17,957
'Cause you sound a
little Darth Vader-y.
278
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,926
I just need a minute. I'm
going through some stuff.
279
00:15:19,950 --> 00:15:23,058
Can't believe the whole building
runs off this one dinky box.
280
00:15:23,083 --> 00:15:25,690
My next internship should
totally be at WikiLeaks,
281
00:15:25,715 --> 00:15:28,631
'cause I've got this whole
hacking thing... Oh, no.
282
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:33,083
Whoa!
283
00:15:33,952 --> 00:15:36,159
A secret room!
284
00:15:36,184 --> 00:15:38,433
You thought the doorknob
was the mainframe?
285
00:15:38,458 --> 00:15:41,499
Anyone would. This is
like Narnia for dorks.
286
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:44,457
There should be a backup
JARVIS AI in the sub-basement.
287
00:15:44,458 --> 00:15:47,665
Boss, he has someone else on
the inside. In the sub-basement.
288
00:15:47,666 --> 00:15:50,415
Wait. I got a better idea.
Get back to the penthouse.
289
00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:53,707
It's better to make
them come to the Hammer.
290
00:15:53,708 --> 00:15:56,415
All right. Here we go,
boss. We got a Friday,
291
00:15:56,416 --> 00:16:00,207
a W.A.D.S.W.O.R.T.H., an E.D.I.T.H.
1.0. Gosh, sounds like a BBC mystery.
292
00:16:00,208 --> 00:16:01,665
Darcy, just pick one!
293
00:16:01,666 --> 00:16:03,665
Wunderbar! Werner it is.
294
00:16:03,666 --> 00:16:05,374
Whoa!
295
00:16:05,375 --> 00:16:07,458
Darcy? Darcy, do you copy?
296
00:16:08,250 --> 00:16:12,416
Oh, fine. Come in, Sparrow-1.
This is Puffin-2. Do you copy?
297
00:16:12,791 --> 00:16:14,540
Is this on?
298
00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:19,499
The only difference between a
hero and a villain is good PR.
299
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:22,624
You see, redemption in this
country, it isn't about penance.
300
00:16:22,625 --> 00:16:24,374
No, it's about rebranding,
301
00:16:24,375 --> 00:16:27,249
and that Hulk blood
was gonna be my chance.
302
00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:30,832
And then you stole it from me,
Happy Hogan. But don't worry.
303
00:16:30,833 --> 00:16:34,790
I will reverse-engineer it after
I dissect your twitching corpse.
304
00:16:34,791 --> 00:16:36,290
Don't let him spook you, Happy.
305
00:16:36,291 --> 00:16:39,374
That's right. Ho-Ho-Hogan,
I got your girl Friday,
306
00:16:39,375 --> 00:16:41,249
but all I want for
Christmas is you.
307
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:44,540
Oh-ho! Gotta admit that's
some solid holiday word play.
308
00:16:44,541 --> 00:16:46,874
Hey, thanks. Penthouse.
Five minutes.
309
00:16:46,875 --> 00:16:48,790
Or your intern gets
a bullet from Santa.
310
00:16:48,791 --> 00:16:50,999
But I'm adorable.
311
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:54,707
Oh, and, Happy, do us all
a favor. Don't be a hero.
312
00:16:54,708 --> 00:16:57,375
Turn the elevator
on. I'm coming up.
313
00:17:00,288 --> 00:17:01,995
All right. Let's see
what we got here.
314
00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:05,977
Given the weight, no sound, I'm
guessing it's a Rolex watch?
315
00:17:06,002 --> 00:17:11,001
Oh, my goodness. The billionaire
got Captain America socks.
316
00:17:11,041 --> 00:17:14,604
Wow, the press lied. These
two really do not get along.
317
00:17:14,629 --> 00:17:17,003
Quality socks can
be excellent gift.
318
00:17:19,494 --> 00:17:21,707
Hey, Happy, here to
borrow a cup of sugar?
319
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,083
Light him up, fellas.
320
00:17:23,875 --> 00:17:25,083
Happy, no!
321
00:17:27,785 --> 00:17:29,076
Oh!
322
00:17:29,101 --> 00:17:31,350
So, give us some figgy pudding!
323
00:17:33,083 --> 00:17:35,040
{\an8}Wha... "Let it snow?"
324
00:17:35,041 --> 00:17:36,832
Oh, sugar cookies.
325
00:17:39,583 --> 00:17:41,499
What the hell is that?
326
00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:43,083
Earthquake? Is
it an earthquake?
327
00:17:51,041 --> 00:17:52,875
I think that's Happy Hogan.
328
00:17:59,197 --> 00:18:01,999
Uh, hello? Giant
freak on the loose.
329
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,290
What the hell do you
think I pay you for?
330
00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:05,415
Not this.
331
00:18:05,416 --> 00:18:09,415
Come on, come on. Yoga room.
Karaoke studio. Really?
332
00:18:09,416 --> 00:18:11,333
Avengers armory. Bingo!
333
00:18:15,251 --> 00:18:16,333
Uh...
334
00:18:19,393 --> 00:18:22,124
Wow. Your neck is
thicker than Thor's.
335
00:18:22,125 --> 00:18:24,291
Crazy, right? And the
party hasn't even started.
336
00:18:25,267 --> 00:18:26,891
Look, if we can reboot JARVIS...
337
00:18:26,916 --> 00:18:28,957
Already on it, Sparrow-1.
338
00:18:28,958 --> 00:18:31,499
You said you were counting
on me. That means something.
339
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:32,874
Hammer's heading to the armory.
340
00:18:32,875 --> 00:18:35,915
I'll handle him. You guys get
to work on the JARVIS reboot.
341
00:18:35,916 --> 00:18:39,416
It's time for that
Hammer to get nailed.
342
00:18:39,958 --> 00:18:42,291
Hammer! Hammer!
343
00:18:43,583 --> 00:18:44,583
Oh.
344
00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:36,095
You lost, Hammer. And there's
not gonna be a Christmas miracle.
345
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:39,162
Oh, famous last
words, Hulk Hogan.
346
00:19:42,875 --> 00:19:45,124
Oh, my God! It's Santa!
347
00:19:45,125 --> 00:19:46,458
He's real.
348
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,666
I'm Santa Claus, baby.
349
00:19:59,684 --> 00:20:02,641
Hammer's taken control
of the Hulkbuster.
350
00:20:02,666 --> 00:20:05,790
We need to gain control of
the suit, now. Upload JARVIS.
351
00:20:05,791 --> 00:20:07,750
Not JARVIS, but German.
352
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:12,082
This is the worst
internship ever.
353
00:20:17,017 --> 00:20:18,766
Come on, Happy.
Don't be like that.
354
00:20:18,791 --> 00:20:20,842
Let's make it quick. I
just need a little slice.
355
00:20:20,867 --> 00:20:22,159
Oh, you'll get a piece of me.
356
00:20:30,791 --> 00:20:34,708
There's no way that Stark is paying
you enough to deal with the Hammer.
357
00:20:38,875 --> 00:20:40,833
Hey, what are you doing?
358
00:20:42,461 --> 00:20:43,461
Nothing?
359
00:20:47,309 --> 00:20:49,451
Oh, yeah! Best boss ever.
360
00:20:49,476 --> 00:20:50,600
Oh, Darcy, really?
361
00:20:50,625 --> 00:20:54,374
Oh, that means a lot coming from, well,
someone who's had just so many bosses.
362
00:20:59,958 --> 00:21:01,374
Oh, it's frozen.
We're locked out.
363
00:21:01,399 --> 00:21:04,149
Damn you, pinwheel of death.
Quick. Control-Alt-Delete.
364
00:21:05,516 --> 00:21:06,932
Huh? That actually worked.
365
00:21:06,957 --> 00:21:11,164
A little trick I picked up interning
for the Culver University IT department.
366
00:21:11,189 --> 00:21:13,898
- Have you ever had an actual paying job?
- Nope.
367
00:21:25,148 --> 00:21:26,230
Guten tag.
368
00:21:26,255 --> 00:21:29,712
Yes. All right, we're up. Disengage
the Veronica Hulkbuster Protocol.
369
00:21:29,737 --> 00:21:35,070
In the beginning, men controlled machines.
Now, machines control the fate of men.
370
00:21:37,859 --> 00:21:39,983
Yeah, okay, right. Are
you calling the Avengers?
371
00:21:40,008 --> 00:21:42,549
As they say in German, no.
372
00:21:44,431 --> 00:21:47,555
What the hell is this
program? Siri for nihilists?
373
00:21:47,580 --> 00:21:48,704
It sounds like my dad.
374
00:21:48,729 --> 00:21:50,604
Happy, you're on your own.
375
00:21:54,017 --> 00:21:59,682
Here's some Muay Thai,
jiujitsu, tae kwon do!
376
00:22:04,708 --> 00:22:06,957
Know when you're beat, freak.
377
00:22:06,958 --> 00:22:08,916
What?
378
00:22:24,166 --> 00:22:27,458
Son of a nutcracker. That
monster is eating my suit!
379
00:22:30,218 --> 00:22:31,218
Huh?
380
00:22:35,696 --> 00:22:38,152
Bruce, a little help.
381
00:22:38,208 --> 00:22:39,999
No, you guys got this.
382
00:22:44,735 --> 00:22:46,650
Where's Thor?
383
00:22:46,675 --> 00:22:47,861
Is that Happy?
384
00:22:47,886 --> 00:22:49,177
Um, no.
385
00:22:49,887 --> 00:22:51,804
What is this thing?
386
00:22:54,854 --> 00:22:57,345
No, no, no. He's
on the guest list.
387
00:22:57,370 --> 00:22:59,994
Repeat, he is on the guest list.
388
00:23:01,250 --> 00:23:04,125
Natasha! It's me.
389
00:23:04,716 --> 00:23:06,340
Oh, my God. Happy?
390
00:23:06,365 --> 00:23:07,531
I was right.
391
00:23:07,556 --> 00:23:11,931
This is the good guy,
that is the bad guy.
392
00:23:13,927 --> 00:23:15,759
What are you doing
with my suit?
393
00:23:15,791 --> 00:23:17,291
Uh, nothing?
394
00:23:21,809 --> 00:23:22,809
Um...
395
00:23:40,041 --> 00:23:42,165
You saved me. Why?
396
00:23:42,166 --> 00:23:44,874
It's Christmas, Hammer.
Goodwill towards men.
397
00:23:44,875 --> 00:23:46,624
Even the bad ones.
398
00:23:46,625 --> 00:23:47,708
Huh.
399
00:23:52,072 --> 00:23:55,415
I'm sorry about the party, Tony. I'm
sure insurance will cover most of it.
400
00:23:55,416 --> 00:23:58,174
Are you kidding? You're the only
insurance policy I'll ever need.
401
00:23:58,199 --> 00:24:01,040
Ah, thanks, Tony. Wait. You
do have a cure, don't you?
402
00:24:01,041 --> 00:24:02,374
I'm not stuck this way, right?
403
00:24:04,083 --> 00:24:07,165
My head of security, everybody.
How about this guy, right?
404
00:24:07,166 --> 00:24:08,665
- Yeah, Happy.
- Good job, Happy.
405
00:24:08,666 --> 00:24:10,415
- Crushed it, man.
- Bah, humbug.
406
00:24:10,416 --> 00:24:13,582
As for how the rest of
this holiday tale goes,
407
00:24:13,583 --> 00:24:18,582
the tower was safe and secure,
still decked in holly and bows,
408
00:24:18,583 --> 00:24:21,665
when Tony Stark to his
team gave a whistle.
409
00:24:21,666 --> 00:24:23,957
I think I speak for
everyone when I say
410
00:24:23,958 --> 00:24:25,290
some food would be beneficial.
411
00:24:25,291 --> 00:24:29,332
My appetite is raging. I can eat an
actual fruitcake after that fight.
412
00:24:29,333 --> 00:24:33,207
But I heard a voice say as the
heroes vanished from sight...
413
00:24:33,208 --> 00:24:36,000
"Merry Christmas to
all and to all a..."
414
00:24:36,833 --> 00:24:37,833
Guys?
415
00:24:38,291 --> 00:24:39,665
Oh, I missed the party.
416
00:24:41,337 --> 00:24:44,166
"To all, a good night."
417
00:24:45,333 --> 00:24:51,333
{\an8}♪ We wish you a
merry Christmas ♪
418
00:24:51,583 --> 00:24:57,583
{\an8}♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ and a happy new year ♪
419
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,999
♪ We wish you a
merry Christmas ♪
420
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:04,332
{\an8}♪ We wish you a
merry Christmas ♪
421
00:25:04,333 --> 00:25:10,333
{\an8}♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ and a happy new year ♪
422
00:25:10,875 --> 00:25:16,875
{\an8}♪ Glad tidings we bring ♪
♪ to you and your kin ♪
423
00:25:17,083 --> 00:25:23,083
{\an8}♪ Glad tidings at Christmas ♪
♪ and a happy new year ♪
424
00:25:23,208 --> 00:25:26,714
♪ We wish you a
swinging Christmas ♪
425
00:25:26,739 --> 00:25:29,662
♪ We wish you a
crazy Christmas ♪
426
00:25:29,687 --> 00:25:35,666
♪ We wish you a naughty Christmas ♪
♪ and a frantic new year ♪
427
00:25:40,815 --> 00:25:44,044
♪ We wish you a
merry Christmas ♪
428
00:25:44,069 --> 00:25:47,019
♪ We wish you a
merry Christmas ♪
429
00:25:47,044 --> 00:25:53,044
♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪
♪ and a happy new year ♪
430
00:25:53,333 --> 00:25:56,812
♪ Now, bring us some
figgy pudding, ♪
431
00:25:56,837 --> 00:25:59,376
♪ Please, bring us
some figgy pudding, ♪
432
00:25:59,452 --> 00:26:03,045
♪ Please, bring us
some our pudding, ♪
433
00:26:03,069 --> 00:26:06,388
♪ so bring it out here! ♪
434
00:26:06,412 --> 00:26:12,412
♪ Good tidings we bring
to you and your kin ♪
435
00:26:12,508 --> 00:26:18,419
♪ Good tidings for Christmas
and a Happy New Year ♪
436
00:26:18,908 --> 00:26:21,952
♪ a Happy New Year ♪
437
00:26:21,977 --> 00:26:27,435
♪ and a Happy New Year ♪
438
00:26:27,460 --> 00:26:28,600
Yeah
439
00:26:28,625 --> 00:26:29,915
All right.
440
00:26:29,916 --> 00:26:32,624
♪ Good Queen ♪
♪ Darcy last looked down ♪
441
00:26:32,625 --> 00:26:35,124
♪ On the feast of Steve Rogers ♪
442
00:26:35,125 --> 00:26:37,665
♪ When the snow
lay on the ground ♪
443
00:26:37,666 --> 00:26:40,207
♪ Something,
something, something ♪
444
00:26:40,208 --> 00:26:45,040
♪ Thor has a giant neck ♪
♪ It is full of muscles ♪
445
00:26:45,041 --> 00:26:51,041
♪ He's just a little schmoopy ♪
♪ noodle Going through the cosmos ♪
446
00:26:53,833 --> 00:26:57,791
Happy Holidays! Make up
dumb songs for money.
35029
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof