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In local news,
champion angler Abe Simpson
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00:00:10,318 --> 00:00:11,524
is retiring.
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Yes, it's o-fish-ial.
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00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,366
After reeling in his
20th Fishing Derby win,
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00:00:16,366 --> 00:00:18,337
he's finally bowing trout.
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00:00:18,337 --> 00:00:20,975
Later, stay tuna for a sharking story
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about a local sturgeon
with a cod complex
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who kills patients just for the halibut.
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Abe, why retire now?
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Well, I want to go out
on my 20-year win streak
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and pass along my only
earthly talent to my son.
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Tomorrow he's gonna take over
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00:00:38,076 --> 00:00:40,581
the Simpson family fishing dominance.
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00:00:40,581 --> 00:00:43,120
To all you fish out there watching,
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00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:44,757
he's a-comin' for ya!
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Whoa. It's sexy
when you're on the local news
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00:00:47,796 --> 00:00:49,794
for something not horrible.
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00:00:49,829 --> 00:00:52,890
Those fish should be so scared.
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00:00:52,925 --> 00:00:55,626
Oh, those fish
shouldn't be scared at all.
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00:00:55,661 --> 00:00:56,914
I never win anything.
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00:00:56,914 --> 00:01:00,020
Why does my dad think I'll
win this fishing contest?
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Maybe because all you
have to do is sit still
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and hold a stick.
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00:01:03,895 --> 00:01:06,600
That's two things!
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00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,571
_
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00:01:11,877 --> 00:01:13,313
Principal Skinner, sorry to barge in,
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but I'm applying to the most selective
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kids' summer camp in the country.
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They even reject the Silicon
Valley Adderall kids.
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00:01:20,837 --> 00:01:22,699
And, um, I was hoping you'd write me
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a letter of recommendation.
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Recommendation letter?
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No one's ever asked me to
write one of those before.
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I've mainly just done letters
to judges requesting leniency.
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If I'm accepted into the
University of Springfield Camp,
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I'll be fast-tracked to get into
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the Amherst Middle
School Summer Workshop,
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00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:38,731
which is a feeder
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00:01:38,731 --> 00:01:41,362
to the UC Santa Cruz
Marine Biology Retreat,
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00:01:41,397 --> 00:01:44,308
which is a sure ticket into
the Oberlin Philosophy Day Camp
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00:01:44,308 --> 00:01:46,146
with sleepover option.
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00:01:46,146 --> 00:01:49,967
Well, I believe my Edu95 software bundle
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did come with a recommendation template.
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Don't forget,
I was the classroom hamster monitor.
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And the art club parliamentarian.
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And I chaired the fundraiser
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to get the lunch ladies
ethical hairnets.
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Got it.
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"Many interests."
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And print.
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Never mind.
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00:02:22,953 --> 00:02:25,223
_
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00:02:25,223 --> 00:02:28,129
Welcome to the annual
Springfield Fishing Derby,
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sponsored by Duff Camo.
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"The deer will never see you're drunk."
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And now,
the champion emeritus will throw out
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the ceremonial first cast!
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Dad, why do you think I can do this?
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I never win anything.
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00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:49,187
Oh, I don't believe in you.
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00:02:49,222 --> 00:02:51,276
I'm banking on the
Simpsons fishing gene.
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I'm finally gonna pass down something
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00:02:53,733 --> 00:02:55,450
other than chronic hand hate.
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00:02:57,007 --> 00:02:58,489
Oh!
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We're three hours into this nail-biting,
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00:03:02,231 --> 00:03:04,368
intense competition, folks,
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00:03:04,368 --> 00:03:07,141
which means butt fatigue
is really setting in
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00:03:07,141 --> 00:03:09,178
on these recumbent warriors.
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00:03:15,792 --> 00:03:18,864
Aw, man, if I wanted to
watch Dad sit and do nothing,
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I'd visit him at work.
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00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,639
Mom, I bet the other camp applicants
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00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:25,076
are volunteering and
accomplishing stuff.
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I'm just standing around here
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getting a tan line from my pearls!
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I'm sure you'll get in.
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00:03:30,787 --> 00:03:32,391
You get into everything.
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I could pick up litter,
rescue driftwood,
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00:03:35,063 --> 00:03:38,938
make sure beavers aren't chewing
on washed-up mannequin arms.
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00:03:42,211 --> 00:03:44,148
- Oh...
- Sorry, Marge,
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00:03:44,148 --> 00:03:45,952
but could you murmur a little quieter?
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I'm trying to fish.
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Uh-oh.
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I got to let myself run a little.
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Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh! Oh!
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Hmm.
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Ah!
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What the hell is that thing?!
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Get it out! Get it!
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Oh. Hey!
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Homie!
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00:04:12,857 --> 00:04:15,845
The fish weight to beat is 7.2 pounds.
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Will a heavier fish arise?
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We'll find out right after this.
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00:04:19,753 --> 00:04:21,455
When you're gutting your catch,
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00:04:21,455 --> 00:04:23,459
are you sick and tired
of being stared at
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00:04:23,459 --> 00:04:25,565
by cold, accusing fish eyes?
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00:04:25,565 --> 00:04:27,835
You need the Happy Hood.
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00:04:28,241 --> 00:04:30,808
That's right, fish, you'll love it!
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00:04:31,744 --> 00:04:33,736
And don't forget to play
the Happy Hood mobile game.
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00:04:33,771 --> 00:04:36,219
Homer Simpson's fish comes in at...
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10.4 pounds.
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We have a winner!
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00:04:40,754 --> 00:04:42,330
I've never won anything before.
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00:04:42,330 --> 00:04:43,834
What do I do?
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00:04:43,834 --> 00:04:45,370
Uh...
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Oh, my gorgeous boy.
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00:04:52,883 --> 00:04:54,421
I've never loved you more!
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00:04:54,421 --> 00:04:56,492
Thanks, Dad.
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00:04:59,178 --> 00:05:02,706
I get to cook my husband's
prize-winning fish!
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00:05:02,706 --> 00:05:07,223
The whole house is gonna
stink like victory!
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00:05:11,628 --> 00:05:14,313
What? Is this where marbles come from?
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00:05:14,348 --> 00:05:15,665
Like pearls and lobsters?
113
00:05:15,665 --> 00:05:19,868
Uh, how did my slingshot
marbles get in there?
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00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:23,413
You added weight to
my fish with marbles?!
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00:05:23,413 --> 00:05:24,983
I-I couldn't help it!
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00:05:24,983 --> 00:05:28,089
Watching you lose was so boring.
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00:05:28,089 --> 00:05:31,262
So I didn't really win at all.
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You cheated!
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Oh.
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00:05:38,845 --> 00:05:40,515
Oh, my gorgeous boy,
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I've never loved you more!
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00:05:45,627 --> 00:05:47,627
_
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00:05:47,628 --> 00:05:50,033
"The Saga of the Oregon Trail,"
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a poem by Milhouse Van Houten.
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"We started our journey to the Pacific
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because we heard that it was terrific."
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00:05:59,686 --> 00:06:03,125
I'm here to take Bart Simpson
to his doctor's appointment.
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00:06:03,125 --> 00:06:04,729
I have a doctor's appointment?
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00:06:04,729 --> 00:06:07,033
Oh, yeah. Bunch of them.
You're really sick.
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00:06:10,340 --> 00:06:13,581
"We made our first camp
when we were all ready.
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00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:15,652
"We made our first dinner,
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00:06:15,652 --> 00:06:17,989
meatballs and spaghetti."
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00:06:20,628 --> 00:06:23,194
Uh, this isn't the way to the doctor.
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00:06:24,368 --> 00:06:25,537
There's no doctor.
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00:06:25,537 --> 00:06:27,407
So I'm not sick?
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00:06:27,407 --> 00:06:29,545
I don't know. Everybody's got something.
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- You and me are going cheating.
- Huh?
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00:06:33,419 --> 00:06:35,490
When your fish marbles
won me that contest,
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00:06:35,490 --> 00:06:37,728
it was the greatest thrill
I ever had as a father.
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00:06:37,728 --> 00:06:40,199
And I want to feel that rush again.
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00:06:40,592 --> 00:06:42,300
_
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00:06:43,907 --> 00:06:46,792
Uh, how do we cheat at rock skipping?
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00:06:46,827 --> 00:06:48,316
I don't know. Making a plan
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00:06:48,316 --> 00:06:50,788
to cheat in advance felt dishonest.
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Perfect.
146
00:07:01,610 --> 00:07:04,783
Ooh, a big envelope from
summer camp admissions!
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00:07:04,783 --> 00:07:07,876
I bet that's good news!
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00:07:07,911 --> 00:07:09,592
Mom, that's my safety.
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00:07:09,592 --> 00:07:11,028
Of course I'm gonna get in there.
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00:07:11,028 --> 00:07:13,601
Florida State's a total party camp.
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Why haven't I heard yet?
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00:07:15,571 --> 00:07:17,508
Janey got responses from all her camps,
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even her reaches.
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00:07:19,403 --> 00:07:21,884
Her essay was about her
grandmother's immigrant story.
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00:07:21,884 --> 00:07:24,088
- Uh-huh.
- She came from Ottawa.
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That's barely an immigrant.
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00:07:29,618 --> 00:07:32,150
Coming up later, the LIV Pickleball Tour
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from Riyadh,
where it's 110 degrees in the desert
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00:07:34,776 --> 00:07:36,980
and the action's heating up.
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00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:40,928
But now it's time for
competitive rock skipping!
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They are really scraping
the bottom of the barrel
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for new sports content.
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Yeah, and barrel scraping is up next.
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Here we have last year's champion,
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Cletus Spuckler, taking the shore.
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Home viewers will notice
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that's not the famous
Nike swoosh on his shoes
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but, rather, leeches on his bare feet.
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00:08:01,093 --> 00:08:02,565
Here comes the skip.
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22 skips!
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00:08:08,175 --> 00:08:11,884
That's a throw worthy of the late,
great Doink Anderson!
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Interesting fact...
he left his widow nothing.
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00:08:14,638 --> 00:08:16,225
Next up, Homer Simpson,
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00:08:16,225 --> 00:08:19,799
a first-timer but using the
same equipment as these pros,
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00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:21,970
a flat rock he found on the ground.
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46 skips.
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00:08:30,819 --> 00:08:34,328
This almost makes my
hitchhiking here worth it.
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This, this is what we do it for.
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00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:41,877
The cheater's high.
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00:08:41,877 --> 00:08:45,016
You can feel the scam
pulsing in your blood,
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00:08:45,016 --> 00:08:46,987
like snorting lotto scratcher dust
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00:08:46,987 --> 00:08:49,425
or being elected king
of Hamburger Planet!
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00:08:49,425 --> 00:08:53,232
You know, Dad, all the times
I cheated on stuff before...
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00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:55,336
school tests, COVID tests...
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00:08:55,336 --> 00:08:58,060
I always felt kind of bad about it,
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00:08:58,095 --> 00:09:01,148
but cheating with you feels so right.
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00:09:01,148 --> 00:09:02,686
Can we do it one more time?
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00:09:02,686 --> 00:09:06,392
Son, we're never gonna stop doing it.
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00:09:07,194 --> 00:09:11,131
♪ Come on,
let's get our cheat on, baby ♪
190
00:09:11,166 --> 00:09:14,341
♪ No need to follow rules,
we're lazy ♪
191
00:09:16,758 --> 00:09:20,020
♪ Order water but fill
your cup with Sprite ♪
192
00:09:20,020 --> 00:09:23,928
♪ Say you're in the Army
to preboard your flight ♪
193
00:09:23,928 --> 00:09:27,836
♪ Fake a corporate tweet
to sell a stock short ♪
194
00:09:27,836 --> 00:09:31,644
♪ Take your pig to work
as emotional support ♪
195
00:09:31,644 --> 00:09:33,853
♪ We're a two-man scheming crew ♪
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00:09:33,888 --> 00:09:37,822
♪ Cheating's our father-son glue ♪
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00:09:37,822 --> 00:09:41,306
♪ Honestly, with honesty,
we never got along ♪
198
00:09:41,341 --> 00:09:44,835
♪ I raised you right
by teaching you wrong ♪
199
00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:49,201
♪ Get a doctor's note for
more time on the SAT ♪
200
00:09:49,236 --> 00:09:53,052
♪ Write your term
paper with ChatGPT ♪
201
00:09:56,863 --> 00:10:00,200
♪ Lose an election
and call it unfair ♪
202
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:04,341
♪ Cut the roller coaster line
with a rented wheelchair ♪
203
00:10:04,341 --> 00:10:08,617
♪ I reckon you're my
cheating soul brother ♪
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00:10:08,617 --> 00:10:10,955
♪ Cheat on anything ♪
205
00:10:10,955 --> 00:10:14,027
♪ But never each other ♪
206
00:10:14,829 --> 00:10:18,103
♪ But never each other. ♪
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00:10:18,103 --> 00:10:19,906
Bart, I finally get
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00:10:19,906 --> 00:10:23,083
why some dudes become dads on purpose.
209
00:10:23,118 --> 00:10:24,949
This has been the best week of my life.
210
00:10:24,949 --> 00:10:26,151
Me, too!
211
00:10:26,151 --> 00:10:29,191
And my life's not a
barf-nado like yours.
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00:10:30,577 --> 00:10:32,097
Do you think it's a little strange
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00:10:32,097 --> 00:10:35,504
that your dad is suddenly
winning all these contests
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00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:37,609
and giant prizes?
215
00:10:37,609 --> 00:10:40,146
Yeah, I've noticed the same thing.
216
00:10:40,948 --> 00:10:43,760
I guess I just assumed
that sports in America
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00:10:43,795 --> 00:10:46,658
- were getting much, much easier.
- Hey, honey.
218
00:10:46,658 --> 00:10:48,196
Do you want this ladies'
ghillie suit I won
219
00:10:48,196 --> 00:10:50,701
at the tobacco-spitting competition?
220
00:10:50,701 --> 00:10:52,705
Homer, we need to talk.
221
00:10:52,705 --> 00:10:54,826
Oh, I like when we talk.
222
00:10:54,861 --> 00:10:56,780
I don't like when we need to talk.
223
00:10:56,780 --> 00:10:59,271
You're sure winning a lot of activities
224
00:10:59,306 --> 00:11:01,454
you've never even tried before.
225
00:11:01,489 --> 00:11:03,398
I'm sorry to ask this, but...
226
00:11:03,433 --> 00:11:04,999
are you cheating?
227
00:11:07,008 --> 00:11:08,704
Oh, I can't lie to you.
228
00:11:09,104 --> 00:11:10,572
Wait, that's a lie.
229
00:11:10,572 --> 00:11:13,646
I can lie and I have,
but I'm not going to now.
230
00:11:13,646 --> 00:11:17,186
I am cheating,
but not for prizes or glory.
231
00:11:17,186 --> 00:11:19,391
Me and Bart are cheating
together as a team.
232
00:11:19,391 --> 00:11:21,461
It's our father-son thing.
233
00:11:21,669 --> 00:11:24,167
Can't you do something else with Bart,
234
00:11:24,167 --> 00:11:26,471
like coach his soccer team?
235
00:11:26,471 --> 00:11:28,642
Soccer? You mean bribing refs?
236
00:11:28,642 --> 00:11:29,787
Where's the challenge?
237
00:11:29,822 --> 00:11:31,148
That's not the kind of cheating
238
00:11:31,183 --> 00:11:33,319
that brings a dad and his son closer.
239
00:11:33,319 --> 00:11:35,991
We have this special bond,
like LaVar and Lonzo Ball
240
00:11:35,991 --> 00:11:39,331
or Cecil and Prince Fielder
before they became estranged.
241
00:11:39,331 --> 00:11:41,301
No, no, no, no, no, no.
242
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:42,837
Cheating is wrong.
243
00:11:42,837 --> 00:11:46,011
Maybe you should find another
way to bond with your son,
244
00:11:46,011 --> 00:11:47,944
like just being a good dad.
245
00:11:47,979 --> 00:11:50,753
Oh, where's the Jet Ski in that?
246
00:11:51,422 --> 00:11:53,091
Marge, you're always saying
247
00:11:53,091 --> 00:11:54,594
you want our kids to succeed.
248
00:11:54,594 --> 00:11:57,433
Then maybe not cheating
is cheating them.
249
00:11:58,971 --> 00:12:01,441
- Hmm.
- Refresh.
250
00:12:01,441 --> 00:12:02,462
Nothing.
251
00:12:02,497 --> 00:12:03,812
Refresh.
252
00:12:03,812 --> 00:12:05,349
Still nothing.
253
00:12:05,349 --> 00:12:06,666
Refresh.
254
00:12:06,701 --> 00:12:07,921
Spinny rainbow!
255
00:12:08,579 --> 00:12:09,724
Nothing.
256
00:12:11,118 --> 00:12:12,291
Lisa Simpson,
257
00:12:12,326 --> 00:12:15,202
I'm here from the University
of Springfield Camp.
258
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:17,240
And I'm very excited to tell you
259
00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:20,657
that you've been accepted
into our summer program.
260
00:12:21,010 --> 00:12:22,784
I got in?
261
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:24,253
That's amazing! Oh!
262
00:12:24,253 --> 00:12:26,291
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
263
00:12:26,291 --> 00:12:30,299
It's so classy that you came
to tell everybody in person.
264
00:12:30,299 --> 00:12:32,604
As the rowing coach,
I like to personally welcome
265
00:12:32,604 --> 00:12:35,259
all the incoming members
of our camp rowing team.
266
00:12:35,294 --> 00:12:37,019
What? Rowing?
267
00:12:37,054 --> 00:12:39,351
Your application photos were amazing.
268
00:12:39,351 --> 00:12:41,221
You can row anywhere in the shell...
269
00:12:41,221 --> 00:12:43,793
stroke, bow, powerhouse.
270
00:12:43,793 --> 00:12:45,965
Uh, what?
271
00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:47,902
- What?
- See you at camp.
272
00:12:47,902 --> 00:12:49,470
Here's your Henley!
273
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:02,830
Someone put doctored
photos into my application!
274
00:13:02,830 --> 00:13:05,770
And I know who.
275
00:13:11,983 --> 00:13:13,987
You cheated.
276
00:13:13,987 --> 00:13:15,356
For me!
277
00:13:15,356 --> 00:13:17,861
What?! No, I didn't!
278
00:13:17,861 --> 00:13:19,797
Honey, what's the matter?
279
00:13:19,797 --> 00:13:22,537
Dad and Bart put my head
on an Olympic rower's body
280
00:13:22,537 --> 00:13:24,708
to cheat my way into camp!
281
00:13:24,708 --> 00:13:26,244
No, we didn't. Why would we help someone
282
00:13:26,244 --> 00:13:28,081
who's already good at things?
283
00:13:28,081 --> 00:13:29,584
Now shut up. Dad's in the finals.
284
00:13:29,584 --> 00:13:32,857
He could win an electric truck
they converted back to gas.
285
00:13:34,727 --> 00:13:37,666
You've already cheated at
every dumb sport in the world!
286
00:13:37,666 --> 00:13:40,873
I bet you're cheating at
this dumb sport right now!
287
00:13:44,113 --> 00:13:45,674
Ow, my foot.
288
00:13:45,709 --> 00:13:47,255
Lisa, shh.
289
00:13:47,290 --> 00:13:50,670
A lot of these axe throwers
have guns in their cars.
290
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:52,230
What are you afraid of,
291
00:13:52,230 --> 00:13:54,101
that they'll see...
292
00:13:54,101 --> 00:13:56,138
this?
293
00:13:56,138 --> 00:13:58,008
A magnet.
294
00:13:58,008 --> 00:13:59,244
If you was cheating at this,
295
00:13:59,244 --> 00:14:02,050
I bet you cheated at
all them other events
296
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:04,922
you surprisingly and illogically won.
297
00:14:04,922 --> 00:14:06,224
We were robbed!
298
00:14:06,224 --> 00:14:08,595
Of our prizes and our dignity!
299
00:14:10,144 --> 00:14:11,535
Get 'em!
300
00:14:11,535 --> 00:14:14,307
Stay back! I'm a champion axe thrower!
301
00:14:16,044 --> 00:14:17,513
Ow, my stump.
302
00:14:23,556 --> 00:14:25,464
Don't let them cheaters get away!
303
00:14:25,477 --> 00:14:27,199
Look, guys, you got us all wrong.
304
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:29,104
We didn't cheat!
305
00:14:29,104 --> 00:14:32,676
Quick, get on the ATVs
we won by cheating.
306
00:14:34,046 --> 00:14:36,285
Looks like you just got cheated!
307
00:14:36,285 --> 00:14:38,555
Out of your revenge!
308
00:14:53,552 --> 00:14:56,558
If you think I'm not mad anymore,
you're wrong.
309
00:14:56,558 --> 00:14:59,713
While we were escaping,
I got even more mad!
310
00:14:59,748 --> 00:15:01,834
It's called multitasking.
311
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:05,108
And it was one of the legitimate
skills on my application.
312
00:15:05,108 --> 00:15:07,281
Remember? The one you cheated on?
313
00:15:07,345 --> 00:15:08,449
We didn't, I swear.
314
00:15:08,549 --> 00:15:11,221
- Cheater's honor.
- Oh, really?
315
00:15:11,221 --> 00:15:13,692
Well, if you didn't, then who uploaded
316
00:15:13,692 --> 00:15:18,001
all those fake photos of me
rowing so I could get into camp?
317
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:19,972
- I did.
- You?
318
00:15:19,972 --> 00:15:22,210
You?! No, no.
319
00:15:22,210 --> 00:15:23,845
It must've been me!
320
00:15:23,845 --> 00:15:25,483
No, it was me.
321
00:15:25,483 --> 00:15:27,620
But, Marge, you're you.
322
00:15:27,620 --> 00:15:31,160
You're sweet, pure, incorruptible.
323
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:32,964
Dad,
324
00:15:32,964 --> 00:15:35,169
we ruined Mom.
325
00:15:35,169 --> 00:15:36,805
No! No!
326
00:15:43,251 --> 00:15:45,222
What have I done?
327
00:15:45,222 --> 00:15:47,893
Other than everything I know that I did?
328
00:15:47,893 --> 00:15:49,430
Yes, I cheated.
329
00:15:49,430 --> 00:15:51,368
And you showed me how to do it.
330
00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:54,206
But not to win a beef jerky dehydrator
331
00:15:54,206 --> 00:15:57,213
or Harley-Davidson beard shampoo.
332
00:15:57,213 --> 00:15:59,317
"If you want your kids to succeed,
333
00:15:59,317 --> 00:16:02,156
then not cheating is cheating them."
334
00:16:04,327 --> 00:16:08,068
Mom, you also cheated me
out of the chance
335
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,738
to get in on my own merits!
336
00:16:10,773 --> 00:16:12,143
I worked hard.
337
00:16:12,143 --> 00:16:13,879
I cleaned up the beach.
338
00:16:13,879 --> 00:16:15,907
I taught old people how to email!
339
00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:20,226
I was working with 72-point font!
340
00:16:20,226 --> 00:16:23,298
Oh, this is all our fault.
341
00:16:23,298 --> 00:16:25,759
Son, we made a terrible mistake.
342
00:16:25,794 --> 00:16:28,816
But we can learn and do better.
343
00:16:28,851 --> 00:16:32,050
Let's never, ever bond again.
344
00:16:32,050 --> 00:16:34,454
You're right. Never again.
345
00:16:34,454 --> 00:16:37,326
Promise me this is the last time we hug.
346
00:16:37,326 --> 00:16:39,097
I swear, Dad. I swear.
347
00:16:39,171 --> 00:16:40,432
There you is.
348
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:42,403
We never would've found you
349
00:16:42,403 --> 00:16:44,925
if it weren't for all
that guilt vomiting
350
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,211
we done heard.
351
00:16:46,211 --> 00:16:48,048
Go ahead. Kill me.
352
00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:49,417
Cleave my skull.
353
00:16:49,417 --> 00:16:51,688
I don't deserve to live after corrupting
354
00:16:51,688 --> 00:16:54,027
the only good person I've ever known.
355
00:16:54,027 --> 00:16:55,663
I don't know about that.
356
00:16:55,663 --> 00:16:58,335
We was just gonna rough
you up a little bit.
357
00:16:58,335 --> 00:17:00,206
Oh. Well, I mean, I...
358
00:17:00,206 --> 00:17:01,708
I guess we could kill you,
359
00:17:01,708 --> 00:17:04,547
but you probably need to
sign a waiver or something.
360
00:17:04,547 --> 00:17:06,752
Nobody is killing anyone.
361
00:17:08,355 --> 00:17:09,925
The Simpsons are coming with us.
362
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:18,475
You think we'll all stay friends
after this or just drift apart?
363
00:17:20,813 --> 00:17:23,652
Well, mm, drift apart it is.
364
00:17:24,697 --> 00:17:25,698
_
365
00:17:25,991 --> 00:17:28,629
Aw, this is the camp I wanted to go to.
366
00:17:28,629 --> 00:17:31,567
They must know about
the fake application.
367
00:17:34,549 --> 00:17:36,444
Welcome, Simpsons!
368
00:17:36,444 --> 00:17:37,647
I hope you don't mind that I had
369
00:17:37,647 --> 00:17:39,417
the University of
Springfield football team
370
00:17:39,417 --> 00:17:40,452
bring you here.
371
00:17:40,452 --> 00:17:42,958
Um, I want to apologize
372
00:17:42,958 --> 00:17:45,296
for being party to a false application.
373
00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:49,905
My mother and I need to have
"the talk" about honesty.
374
00:17:49,905 --> 00:17:51,741
Lisa, don't be mad at your mother.
375
00:17:51,741 --> 00:17:54,347
It may surprise you to learn
that this institution has
376
00:17:54,347 --> 00:17:57,347
a proud tradition of embracing cheating.
377
00:17:57,382 --> 00:18:01,061
After all,
this is University of Springfield Camp,
378
00:18:01,061 --> 00:18:03,331
USC.
379
00:18:03,331 --> 00:18:06,337
Well... you're okay with me cheating?
380
00:18:06,337 --> 00:18:09,444
Say it isn't so, Dean Belichick.
381
00:18:09,444 --> 00:18:11,515
You think your application
was the only one
382
00:18:11,515 --> 00:18:13,652
with embellishments? Look at these.
383
00:18:13,652 --> 00:18:17,026
This ten-year-old claims she
performs open-heart surgery.
384
00:18:17,026 --> 00:18:19,330
This 12-year old said it was her idea
385
00:18:19,330 --> 00:18:22,102
to use big fat straws for boba tea.
386
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,438
And you know what?
387
00:18:23,438 --> 00:18:25,910
We let them all in.
388
00:18:27,813 --> 00:18:30,419
But I want to live an ethical life!
389
00:18:30,419 --> 00:18:31,989
This is the world we live in.
390
00:18:31,989 --> 00:18:33,915
Taxpayers hide money from the IRS,
391
00:18:33,950 --> 00:18:36,251
dating profiles are nothing but lies,
392
00:18:36,286 --> 00:18:40,239
and right now the Houston Astros
are dreaming up ways to cheat
393
00:18:40,239 --> 00:18:41,942
that would blow your mind.
394
00:18:44,013 --> 00:18:45,315
So, here at USC,
395
00:18:45,315 --> 00:18:47,103
we decided to own cheating
396
00:18:47,138 --> 00:18:50,026
and prepare our students
for the way the world is,
397
00:18:50,026 --> 00:18:52,396
not the way some would like it to be.
398
00:18:52,396 --> 00:18:53,765
What do you say, Lisa?
399
00:18:53,765 --> 00:18:55,769
Will you accept our most prestigious
400
00:18:55,769 --> 00:18:58,075
Lance Armstrong summer scholarship?
401
00:18:58,075 --> 00:19:00,312
Am I risking everything I believe in
402
00:19:00,312 --> 00:19:02,918
by refusing to do something
I don't believe in?
403
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,691
I choose honesty.
404
00:19:06,691 --> 00:19:08,541
I'm proud of you, honey.
405
00:19:08,576 --> 00:19:10,900
Yep. Walking out the door.
406
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:15,242
Leaving this room and this
once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
407
00:19:16,310 --> 00:19:18,114
Walking... out.
408
00:19:18,114 --> 00:19:19,117
Here I go.
409
00:19:19,117 --> 00:19:22,222
Principles powering my feet.
410
00:19:23,224 --> 00:19:25,629
Would you like me to
give you a little push?
411
00:19:25,629 --> 00:19:27,133
Would you?
412
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:32,076
Let the rowing coach know
we're sorry she was lied to.
413
00:19:32,876 --> 00:19:35,282
I think she may be used to it.
414
00:19:35,282 --> 00:19:36,417
Homer, a moment?
415
00:19:36,417 --> 00:19:40,559
I've been following your
incredible streak of dishonesty.
416
00:19:40,559 --> 00:19:42,262
Very impressive.
417
00:19:42,262 --> 00:19:45,206
So much so,
I'd like to offer you a position
418
00:19:45,241 --> 00:19:48,642
as a professor in our
faculty of cheating studies.
419
00:19:48,642 --> 00:19:51,260
What do you say?
Will you shape the minds
420
00:19:51,295 --> 00:19:53,818
of tomorrow's white-collar criminals?
421
00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:56,411
No.
422
00:19:56,424 --> 00:19:59,030
For once,
I learned something at college...
423
00:19:59,030 --> 00:20:00,398
a lesson.
424
00:20:00,398 --> 00:20:02,303
Cheating almost ruined my wife,
425
00:20:02,303 --> 00:20:04,715
who is all the love and
goodness you can stuff
426
00:20:04,750 --> 00:20:06,311
inside a green dress.
427
00:20:06,311 --> 00:20:08,715
I'll never cheat again.
428
00:20:08,715 --> 00:20:11,854
Except on diets.
429
00:20:15,129 --> 00:20:18,869
Okay,
here's how you really skip a rock.
430
00:20:18,869 --> 00:20:21,474
Oh, I used to be so good at this!
431
00:20:21,474 --> 00:20:23,145
Hey, where's Bart?
432
00:20:23,145 --> 00:20:25,816
He said he had an appointment
every Thursday night
433
00:20:25,816 --> 00:20:27,686
from 7:00 to 9:00.
434
00:20:30,659 --> 00:20:33,365
Students, look to your left,
look to your right.
435
00:20:33,365 --> 00:20:36,304
Those are the people
you'll be cheating off of.
436
00:21:33,231 --> 00:21:34,988
Shh!
437
00:21:37,021 --> 00:21:39,949
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
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