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Did I tell you what happened
last week to my Aunt Esther?
2
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:08,551
You never even told me
you had an Aunt Esther.
3
00:00:08,575 --> 00:00:10,453
Last week, Aunt Esther
was in the living room
4
00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:12,122
when all of a sudden
the doorbell rang.
5
00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:14,090
She answers the door
and there was a young man.
6
00:00:14,114 --> 00:00:15,658
He says, "I have
a telegram for you."
7
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:18,295
She said, "Young man, you
know what I wanted my whole life?
8
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:19,696
A singing telegram."
9
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,965
He said, "I'm sorry. This
is not a singing telegram."
10
00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:24,934
She said, "Will you begrudge
an old lady a singing telegram?
11
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:27,871
Once in her life? Would
you do that to me?"
12
00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:29,639
He said, "All right,
lady, if you want it,
13
00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:30,840
I'll do a singing telegram."
14
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,041
He opened it up and he said:
15
00:00:32,065 --> 00:00:33,610
♪ Ta ra ta ra ta ta ♪
16
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:36,001
♪ Your sister Rose is dead ♪
17
00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:39,615
♪ It seems that
she died In bed ♪
18
00:00:39,639 --> 00:00:42,919
♪ She was really
great But she was 88 ♪
19
00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:46,878
♪ And your sister Rose is dead ♪
20
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:51,027
Welcome Back,
Kotter is recorded live
21
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,229
before a studio audience.
22
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:03,139
♪ Welcome back ♪
23
00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:06,810
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
24
00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:09,011
♪ Welcome back ♪
25
00:01:09,035 --> 00:01:13,917
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
26
00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:15,952
♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪
27
00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:18,155
♪ Since you hung around ♪
28
00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:20,423
♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪
29
00:01:20,447 --> 00:01:22,892
♪ And they've turned around ♪
30
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,995
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
31
00:01:25,019 --> 00:01:26,562
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
32
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,798
♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪
33
00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:30,900
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
34
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,036
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
35
00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:35,204
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
36
00:01:35,228 --> 00:01:37,473
♪ Welcome back ♪
37
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:39,375
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
38
00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:42,334
♪ Welcome back ♪
39
00:01:52,179 --> 00:01:54,045
Julie, I'm home.
40
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:05,291
Hiya.
41
00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:16,612
Well, I see I got
that same old magic.
42
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:20,216
Tsk, hi.
43
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,140
I didn't hear you come in.
44
00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:27,425
Julie, are you okay, huh?
45
00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:31,127
Look at me.
46
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,550
Look at me!
47
00:02:34,221 --> 00:02:35,999
Look at me.
48
00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:37,455
Look at me.
49
00:02:39,192 --> 00:02:41,004
I'm an intelligent
person. Yes, you are.
50
00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:42,071
I'm a college graduate.
51
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,206
I know, I know that.
52
00:02:43,230 --> 00:02:44,207
What am I doing?
53
00:02:44,231 --> 00:02:47,210
I'm watching meatloaf.
54
00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:49,246
Well, would you
feel more comfortable
55
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:51,510
if you looked at some
lettuce for a while?
56
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,318
Okay, look, I'm sorry.
57
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,253
Hey, now, what's the problem?
58
00:02:57,277 --> 00:02:59,289
Candy Lieberman came over today.
59
00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:03,860
Oh, well, Candy Lieberman
is a definite problem.
60
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:07,330
I know that she is not
your favorite neighbor.
61
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:10,433
Favorite? Julie, we
don't like each other.
62
00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:12,937
Every time I go to take
out the garbage, she boos.
63
00:03:14,929 --> 00:03:17,373
It is not you personally.
64
00:03:17,397 --> 00:03:19,330
It's husbands in general.
65
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,412
She had a very bad marriage.
66
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:24,180
Of course it was a bad marriage,
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00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,637
she was the wife.
68
00:03:28,508 --> 00:03:30,720
Well, she is thrilled
about being single.
69
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:34,223
And she was over here
today, flaunting her freedom.
70
00:03:34,247 --> 00:03:37,160
She's going to Vermont
to go skiing this weekend.
71
00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:38,328
Well, big deal, I mean,
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00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:39,996
you could go skiing
if you wanted to.
73
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:41,164
That's what I told her.
74
00:03:41,188 --> 00:03:43,666
So she asked me to go with her.
75
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,334
Oh, what did you say?
76
00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:48,260
I told her I'd have
to ask my husband.
77
00:03:49,496 --> 00:03:50,673
Julie, that's just it,
78
00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:52,442
you don't have to ask me.
79
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:55,178
Look we have a free
and equal relationship.
80
00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:57,947
If one of us wants to do
something, we just do it.
81
00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,282
Now, go over and tell Candy
82
00:03:59,306 --> 00:04:01,866
that you'll go skiing
with her this weekend.
83
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:05,177
I already did.
84
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,849
Without asking me?
85
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:18,602
Okay, so to ensure our
system of government,
86
00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:22,371
that all men... and women...
87
00:04:22,395 --> 00:04:25,041
have the right to choose
their own way of life,
88
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:26,609
we fought the Revolutionary War
89
00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:29,145
that winter in Valley Forge.
90
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:31,403
It was cold, brutal.
91
00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:35,484
Two feet of snow on the ground,
92
00:04:35,508 --> 00:04:37,442
all the lifts were open.
93
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:43,014
And the instructors
wore tight ski pants.
94
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:48,553
Excuse me, Mr. Kotter.
95
00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:53,792
Isn't Valley Forge
in Pennsylvania?
96
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:56,372
Sure, it's in Pennsylvania.
97
00:04:56,396 --> 00:04:58,274
Well, I don't like to be picky,
98
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,575
but you seem to be pointing
99
00:04:59,599 --> 00:05:02,712
somewhere in the neighborhood
of Jackson Hole, Wyoming.
100
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:07,884
Hey, Kotter.
101
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,485
I got a question.
102
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:13,222
How come they always say,
George Washington slept here?
103
00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:15,024
George Washington slept there?
104
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:18,294
I mean, who cares where
George Washington slept?
105
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,251
Probably only Martha.
106
00:05:25,758 --> 00:05:26,936
You know somethin'? Hm.
107
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,371
I think he might
have had a thing
108
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:29,972
going on the side
with Betsy Ross.
109
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:31,041
Oh, yeah.
110
00:05:31,065 --> 00:05:32,075
Yeah.
111
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:35,533
Oh, Betsy Ross.
112
00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:40,205
She was a little "sew 'n' sew."
113
00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:43,820
Hey, Mr. Kotter,
114
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:46,923
you think guys like
George Washington, uh...
115
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:48,124
messed around?
116
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,992
Hey, Epstein, are you kiddin'?
117
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:53,596
A guy in a powdered
wig is lookin' for trouble.
118
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,097
Man, he'd never make two blocks
119
00:05:55,121 --> 00:05:57,500
in this neighborhood.
120
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:58,802
Oh, yeah? Well, how do you know
121
00:05:58,826 --> 00:06:01,871
while George was
away, Martha didn't play?
122
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:03,775
Heh. No.
123
00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:07,410
That's right. Now, who
knows what Martha did?
124
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:09,868
She might have gone
skiing with Candy Lieberman.
125
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:19,989
Come here, I wanna talk to you.
126
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:21,323
He's acting weird.
127
00:06:21,347 --> 00:06:23,392
Let's check him out.
128
00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:24,794
Yeah. Let's check him out.
129
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,329
Hey, Kotter...
130
00:06:26,353 --> 00:06:29,131
we wa... We was all
wondering... I mean...
131
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:31,634
What's wrong with you today?
132
00:06:31,658 --> 00:06:33,469
What's wrong? FREDDIE: Yeah.
133
00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:34,470
What's wrong with me?
134
00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:35,471
Yeah.
135
00:06:35,495 --> 00:06:37,006
Nothing wrong with me.
136
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:39,708
Oh, come on. You can't kid us.
137
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:42,812
I mean, you leave me
no choice but to prove it.
138
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,814
Hey, Kotter...
139
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:47,071
up your nose with a rubber hose.
140
00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:55,224
Hey, Kotter, you are so low.
141
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,493
You... I mean, you are so low
142
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:59,295
that you could play
handball up against the curb.
143
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,535
See what I mean?
144
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:07,437
The old Kotter
wouldn't have taken that.
145
00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:09,672
He's right, Mr. Kotter.
146
00:07:09,696 --> 00:07:11,640
If you was yourself today,
147
00:07:11,664 --> 00:07:13,709
and Vinnie said
them things to you,
148
00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:17,112
why you probably would've
said something like, uh,
149
00:07:17,136 --> 00:07:20,550
"Hey, Vinnie, you know
why you don't got no freckles?
150
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:23,019
'Cause they probably slide off!"
151
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:29,225
And then...
152
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:30,860
Then you probably would've said,
153
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,495
"Hey, Vinnie,
154
00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:35,998
"if you ever jumped off the
George Washington Bridge,
155
00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:38,401
"you'd leave a bathtub ring.
156
00:07:39,859 --> 00:07:43,372
All over on the Hudson River!"
157
00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:46,576
I got the big
finish, the big finish.
158
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,412
"Hey, Vinnie!
159
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:51,080
They tell me your mother..."
160
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:53,605
All right, all right,
all right! Aah!
161
00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:57,542
Enough, Horshack, enough.
162
00:08:01,681 --> 00:08:03,759
Hey, Mr. Kotter, look.
163
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:04,794
We're your friends.
164
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,296
I mean, come on,
level with us, eh?
165
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,765
What's the matter? What's wrong?
166
00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:10,132
There's nothing wrong.
167
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,769
It's just that Julie went
away for the weekend, and...
168
00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,970
we've never been
separated before.
169
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,440
Are you and Mrs.
Kotter separated.
170
00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:21,024
Hey, that's a bummer.
Isn't that a bummer?
171
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:23,768
Who's the other guy?
172
00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:26,482
Hey, look, if you want,
173
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,484
I mean, I'll take
care of him for you.
174
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,319
Hey, it's nothing like that.
175
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,054
She just went away
for the weekend.
176
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:34,512
Sure, yeah. That's
what they all say.
177
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:38,127
It's like my sister's husband.
178
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:40,296
He went away for the weekend.
179
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,686
He ain't been
back in three years.
180
00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:46,135
You know, Freddie is right.
181
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:49,305
Let me put it to you as
delicately as possible.
182
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:50,862
You've been dumped.
183
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,577
Take it from me,
184
00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:57,412
there's only one way
to get over a woman.
185
00:08:57,436 --> 00:08:58,870
Find another one.
186
00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:01,450
I happen to know this girl,
187
00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:03,586
she's a little too,
uh, old for me.
188
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:05,042
She's 19.
189
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,592
Believe me, she's ready to trot.
190
00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:11,293
Ready to trot? BARBARINO: Yeah.
191
00:09:11,317 --> 00:09:13,277
Then take her out
to Yonkers Raceway.
192
00:09:14,587 --> 00:09:16,298
Look, I appreciate your concern,
193
00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:19,023
but Julie just went
skiing for the weekend.
194
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,505
Come on, let's...
Let's leave him alone.
195
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:25,463
We better go now, all right?
Come on, let's go, guys, right?
196
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:30,268
She just went skiing
for the weekend.
197
00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:38,054
Hey, Mr. Kotter,
eh... It's not that bad.
198
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:40,289
My sister's second husband
199
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:42,524
only stayed away six months.
200
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:48,085
Be brave.
201
00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:51,889
Little buckaroo.
202
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:17,915
Uh, Kotter.
203
00:10:19,218 --> 00:10:21,497
Uh, I am the assistant
principal, after all,
204
00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:24,000
and you are just
a teacher but, uh,
205
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,601
if you have some
sort of problem...
206
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:26,668
Yes, I do have a problem.
207
00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:27,904
You see my wife...
208
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:30,406
Oh, wife... Uh,
husband-wife problem, uh...
209
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:31,908
That... I mean, I'm, uh...
210
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:34,376
never been either
of those, I, uh...
211
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,612
I mean, uh, married.
212
00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:38,147
That is, if you had
a problem, uh...
213
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,915
with, uh, school supplies
214
00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:41,950
or the, uh, teachers'
pension plan...
215
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:43,485
Listen, Mr. Woodman, Julie and I
216
00:10:43,509 --> 00:10:44,987
have been married
for three years,
217
00:10:45,011 --> 00:10:47,055
and this is the first time
we've been separated.
218
00:10:47,079 --> 00:10:48,124
What...?
219
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,426
Wh-what do you
mean? S-she left you?
220
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:52,383
Yes. For the weekend.
221
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,932
She went, uh, skiing in Vermont.
222
00:10:55,956 --> 00:10:58,934
A ski weekend in Vermont?
223
00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:00,135
Mr. Woodman, what's wrong?
224
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:03,561
Kotter, sit down,
would you, please?
225
00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:05,674
I'm gonna tell you something...
226
00:11:05,698 --> 00:11:07,464
very few people know.
227
00:11:08,602 --> 00:11:11,013
I was once engaged
to be married.
228
00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:14,217
To the sweetest, purest
girl who ever lived.
229
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:16,374
Bunny Sholdenfry.
230
00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:20,122
Bunny Sholdenfry.
231
00:11:20,146 --> 00:11:22,325
We were to be married
on Christmas day.
232
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,393
On the 21st of December,
233
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:27,864
Bunny went on a... ski
weekend to Vermont.
234
00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:30,733
I don't know if it was
moonlight in Vermont, or...
235
00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:33,091
Max Schlicht in Vermont.
236
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:36,071
Who was Max Schlicht?
237
00:11:36,095 --> 00:11:37,573
Her ski instructor.
238
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:40,031
I bet he had tight pants, huh?
239
00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:43,067
And goggles.
240
00:11:45,304 --> 00:11:49,685
Anyway, I, uh... I
never saw Bunny again.
241
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,821
What? You mean
she just vanished?
242
00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:56,124
Oh, no. I, uh... I
heard from her once.
243
00:11:56,148 --> 00:11:59,795
Postcard... from the Alps.
244
00:11:59,819 --> 00:12:02,131
It was during
the war, and, uh...
245
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,589
Max was pretending to be Swiss.
246
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,736
No, Kotter,
247
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,239
I would never let
a woman I loved
248
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:12,830
spend a ski weekend in Vermont.
249
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:22,318
So.
250
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:24,642
You are Julie Kotter, huh?
251
00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:29,825
Well... you're skinny but cute.
252
00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:32,784
Not much meat there,
but what there is, is choice.
253
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:37,967
I am the fabulously
handsome Max Schlicht, Jr.
254
00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:41,303
What do you say, liebchen?
255
00:12:41,327 --> 00:12:43,561
Let's go mess around
behind a snow drift.
256
00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:47,844
We'll shoosh under the stars.
257
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,811
We'll hotdog our way to heaven.
258
00:12:51,570 --> 00:12:52,970
Come on, cutie pie.
259
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,752
Julie!
260
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,721
Julie, don't do it!
261
00:12:58,745 --> 00:13:00,178
He's not even Swiss!
262
00:13:08,187 --> 00:13:09,665
Look, Marty, I understand.
263
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:11,868
Hey, I called you the last
minute on a Friday night.
264
00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:13,735
You got plans, right?
265
00:13:13,759 --> 00:13:16,806
Oh, you and Eddie
got dates. Wow.
266
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:20,610
Two Air Siam stewardesses
are flying in from Bangkok.
267
00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:23,912
Hey, they'll take their shoes
off and walk on your back.
268
00:13:23,936 --> 00:13:25,936
Coffee, tea or hoo-hoo-hoo.
269
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,418
Hey, listen, Marty.
270
00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,554
Let's keep in touch, huh?
Give me a call sometime.
271
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:32,554
Terrific.
272
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:34,189
Hey, nice talking
to you again, pal.
273
00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:35,313
Bye.
274
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:38,861
Yeah, two Air Siam stewardesses.
275
00:13:38,885 --> 00:13:41,618
Probably two waitresses
from the bowling alley.
276
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,467
Let's see, who can I call?
277
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,335
It's been so long.
278
00:13:47,359 --> 00:13:48,404
Leon.
279
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,862
Hey, it'd be great to see Leon.
280
00:13:55,067 --> 00:13:56,547
Leon.
281
00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:58,103
Leon!
282
00:13:59,138 --> 00:14:02,685
Hey, Leon! Leon!
283
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,586
It's Gabe!
284
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:06,612
It's Gabe!
285
00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:09,647
Kotter.
286
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,750
K-O-T-T-E-R.
287
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:15,464
From the Army.
288
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,299
That's right, Corporal Kotter.
289
00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:19,168
How you doing, Leon?
290
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,469
I'll tell you why I'm calling.
291
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:21,937
My wife went away
for the weekend,
292
00:14:21,961 --> 00:14:23,439
and I'm thinking,
what should I do?
293
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:25,174
Then it hits me,
I'll call up Leon,
294
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,777
two old Army buddies who'll
get together and shoot the breeze.
295
00:14:27,801 --> 00:14:29,841
Come on, we'll
kill a Friday night.
296
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,215
No, I didn't know that, Leon.
297
00:14:33,239 --> 00:14:35,251
I mean, how am I
supposed to know that?
298
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,842
I didn't know that
you became a rabbi.
299
00:14:39,311 --> 00:14:41,592
Look, in the Army, you
weren't even Jewish.
300
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:46,917
Well, I guess that takes
care of Friday night, huh?
301
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:50,608
Why don't we get
together on a Sunday night?
302
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,002
Terrific, I'll give you a call.
303
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:54,003
Okay.
304
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:55,459
Shalom.
305
00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:57,895
Shalom.
306
00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:00,898
S-H-A-L-O-M.
307
00:15:01,967 --> 00:15:03,234
Means "goodbye."
308
00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:05,202
Goodbye, Leon.
309
00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:08,606
Must be a Reform Rabbi.
310
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,420
No, I can't do that.
311
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:18,751
No.
312
00:15:30,196 --> 00:15:32,096
Barbarino!
313
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,699
It's Mr. Kotter.
314
00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:37,746
What do you mean "what?"
315
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,416
Your teacher, Mr. Kotter.
316
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,440
Where? From school. From where.
317
00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:45,020
Lis... No, listen. Take it easy.
318
00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:47,364
Nothing's missing. I'll
tell you why I'm calling.
319
00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:54,630
Hey, look, I don't wanna get in
the way of plans you've made.
320
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:56,131
No. No. No. Yeah, no, man.
321
00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:59,168
We wasn't planning
anything... special.
322
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:03,939
I bet two blues
and three whites.
323
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,275
I forget, how much is that now?
324
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:09,177
Oh, Mr. Kotter wouldn't
let us play for no money.
325
00:16:09,201 --> 00:16:10,812
So two blues and three whites
326
00:16:10,836 --> 00:16:12,876
are worth two blues
and three whites.
327
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,117
Two blues and three whites.
328
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:18,053
I'm out. Hey, I
wanna talk to you...
329
00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:19,455
Come on, we're gonna play poker.
330
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,157
It's business. I
gotta talk business.
331
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:22,157
Come on, we'll talk.
332
00:16:22,181 --> 00:16:23,614
I'll be right back.
333
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,429
I'm out.
334
00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:29,732
Now, um, I know
that you're down.
335
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,199
And I know that
you're depressed.
336
00:16:31,223 --> 00:16:33,836
And I think that you and
me should go out tonight.
337
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,170
All right? Now...
338
00:16:35,194 --> 00:16:38,807
Angel Winetrout has
got this older sister.
339
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:41,231
She don't care who
she goes out with.
340
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:46,215
You mean, uh, she
would even go out
341
00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:47,749
with somebody like me?
342
00:16:47,773 --> 00:16:49,051
Oh, yeah, she's...
343
00:16:49,075 --> 00:16:51,435
She's gone out with
guys worse than you.
344
00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:56,858
Put that book away.
Pick it up and put it away.
345
00:16:56,882 --> 00:16:59,060
I don't wanna see that
book here anymore, all right?
346
00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:00,529
Now, look, for the last time,
347
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:02,198
Julie has gone away
for the weekend.
348
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:03,532
I trust Julie.
349
00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,200
Now, if you can't
trust your wife,
350
00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:06,802
who can you trust, huh?
351
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,670
Read 'em and weep, boys.
352
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:11,440
A full boat, crying
towel downstairs.
353
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:13,442
I win, I win, I win... Ah!
354
00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:16,345
Come on, let me call Angel.
355
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,380
We'll... We'll go
meet her sister, eh?
356
00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:19,414
Sit down, Vinnie.
357
00:17:19,438 --> 00:17:20,872
Oh, we should.
358
00:17:22,108 --> 00:17:23,919
We shou... You know
what you should do?
359
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:25,988
You should deal the
cards, 'cause it's your turn.
360
00:17:26,012 --> 00:17:27,957
I don't wanna hear
anymore about girls, okay?
361
00:17:27,981 --> 00:17:29,057
All right. All right.
362
00:17:29,081 --> 00:17:30,792
What did we come
here for? To play cards.
363
00:17:30,816 --> 00:17:31,861
Right, right.
364
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,529
So are we gonna
play cards or what?
365
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:34,563
Let's play some cards.
366
00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:35,997
Here it is, they're
on the table.
367
00:17:36,021 --> 00:17:37,966
Vinnie...
368
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,468
Vinnie, what kind
of game is this?
369
00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:43,305
Okay, the name of this game
is Five-Card Four-Head Stud.
370
00:17:43,329 --> 00:17:46,764
Sounds like a movie you
guys aren't old enough to see.
371
00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:50,813
All right, the reason
it's called Five-Card
372
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:53,515
is on account that everybody
gets five cards, right?
373
00:17:53,539 --> 00:17:55,851
Now, except four of them
are faced up right now.
374
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:58,386
Now, we'll deal the fifth
one down like this, right?
375
00:17:58,410 --> 00:17:59,855
Bing, bang, bong.
376
00:17:59,879 --> 00:18:01,390
Now...
377
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,974
you don't pick it
up till I count three.
378
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,699
I ain't even counted one yet.
379
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:09,831
Now, when I count three,
380
00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:12,067
you're gonna pick up the
card... But don't look at it.
381
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,568
And you put it on your forehead.
382
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:14,570
Wait a second.
383
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,105
You put the card
on your forehead?
384
00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:19,942
Don't you know
anything about poker?
385
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,944
Yeah, I'm just trying to
understand this game.
386
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:23,211
You got four cards face up.
387
00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:24,913
You put the fifth
card on your forehead.
388
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,581
So now, everybody
knows what you have.
389
00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:29,284
And you're the only one that
doesn't know what you have.
390
00:18:29,308 --> 00:18:31,187
Right. Dumb, dumb
game. Let's do it.
391
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:32,821
All right, ready?
392
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:34,890
One... All right, antes.
Come on, let's ante.
393
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:36,224
Nobody gets a free ride.
394
00:18:36,248 --> 00:18:38,527
No free rides. No
free rides. All right.
395
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:39,928
Here we go. Now, are we ready?
396
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,912
Uh-huh. All right.
One, two, three.
397
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:50,220
Shut it.
398
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,040
I'm sorry,
399
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:54,999
it's just that you all
do look very ridiculous.
400
00:18:56,669 --> 00:19:00,148
Especially you, Mr. Kotter.
401
00:19:00,172 --> 00:19:02,284
I mean, we're just kids,
but you are a grown man
402
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:03,919
with a two of hearts
on your forehead.
403
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:05,554
Heh, heh, heh. BARBARINO: Shh.
404
00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:08,057
Well, I guess I'm out, hm.
405
00:19:08,081 --> 00:19:10,326
Ah... I fold.
406
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:11,994
I'm out too.
407
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:13,128
Well...
408
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,431
I guess that leaves me
and you, huh, Arnold?
409
00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:18,834
Well, I'm gonna bet,
and I'm gonna bet big.
410
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:21,604
Make it five whites,
411
00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:26,107
five reds, and five blues.
412
00:19:26,131 --> 00:19:27,211
Uh-oh.
413
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:34,850
Well, that's it, now, you're
gonna fold now, huh, Horshack?
414
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:37,307
No.
415
00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:41,089
Five whites...
Uh... He's calling.
416
00:19:41,113 --> 00:19:45,294
Five blues, five reds, and...
417
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:47,196
another five reds for the kit.
418
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:49,253
Oh, a raise.
419
00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:53,402
Well, you had your
little fun now, Arnold.
420
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:55,437
Now, you're gonna fold, right?
421
00:19:55,461 --> 00:19:57,360
Epstein...
422
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:01,209
I think it's high
time I made a stand.
423
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:02,211
Horshack.
424
00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:03,235
I fold.
425
00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:04,612
Yeah.
426
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:07,215
Come on.
427
00:20:07,239 --> 00:20:08,583
Well, that's it, I win.
428
00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:10,019
You guys are somethin' else.
429
00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:11,253
I don't believe you guys.
430
00:20:11,277 --> 00:20:12,821
Hey, look, I gotta go. I mean...
431
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:14,189
if I don't get home by midnight,
432
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,925
my mother gives my
bed to somebody else.
433
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:18,627
All right, let's
call it a night.
434
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:20,796
Hey, what's...? Is
everybody leaving? Come on.
435
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:21,797
Yeah, we'll go back.
436
00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:23,264
Why don't I put on some records?
437
00:20:23,288 --> 00:20:25,400
We'll have another soda.
I got great old records.
438
00:20:25,424 --> 00:20:28,070
Come on, I got Herman's Hermits.
439
00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:29,938
Gerry and the Pacemakers.
440
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,306
I got a group
you've never heard,
441
00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:32,308
Danny and the Juniors.
442
00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:33,308
You'll really love it.
443
00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:34,343
We'll see you, right?
444
00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:36,811
How about Danny
without the Juniors?
445
00:20:36,835 --> 00:20:38,769
Gerry without his pacemaker?
446
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,089
What's the matter with me?
447
00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:49,891
No wife, no friends.
448
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,749
I've got nothing here.
449
00:20:53,318 --> 00:20:55,599
And why am I here
where there's nothing?
450
00:20:56,555 --> 00:20:59,234
I could be in Vermont
where there's Julie.
451
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,191
And Max Sleesh, Jr.
452
00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:05,874
I just pack up my
suitcase and go to Vermont.
453
00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:07,676
That's it. Simple.
454
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:10,133
Let me see, Vermont,
it's cold, snow.
455
00:21:11,404 --> 00:21:13,949
Take a sweater,
undershirt, bow tie.
456
00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:15,617
You need a bow tie
to have a ski party.
457
00:21:15,641 --> 00:21:16,885
Everybody's got a bow tie.
458
00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:18,287
Let's see... belt.
459
00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:20,055
I pick a belt, put it
around my pants.
460
00:21:20,079 --> 00:21:21,122
I got a belt, all right.
461
00:21:21,146 --> 00:21:23,666
I get mouthwash, shaving cream.
462
00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:27,329
Here we go mouthwash,
shaving cream, razor.
463
00:21:27,353 --> 00:21:28,730
Okay.
464
00:21:28,754 --> 00:21:31,032
My ears are gonna be cold. I
need something for my ears.
465
00:21:31,056 --> 00:21:32,267
What do I ge...?
466
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:33,802
Bathrobe.
467
00:21:33,826 --> 00:21:35,971
Wrap a bathrobe around my ears.
468
00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:38,340
My ears will be warm. Great.
469
00:21:38,364 --> 00:21:41,632
Skis. Terrific idea, Julie.
470
00:21:43,569 --> 00:21:45,047
Julie.
471
00:21:46,506 --> 00:21:47,783
What are you doing home?
472
00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:49,818
Oh, I couldn't stand
Candy anymore.
473
00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:52,321
She just never stopped talking.
474
00:21:52,345 --> 00:21:55,524
Oh, what... are you
doing with the suitcase?
475
00:21:55,548 --> 00:21:56,958
Oh, the suitcase? Suitcase.
476
00:21:56,982 --> 00:21:59,361
Oh, well, uh, you know how
you have fire drills in school?
477
00:21:59,385 --> 00:22:00,395
Uh-huh.
478
00:22:00,419 --> 00:22:01,896
Well, I was having
a packing drill.
479
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,166
You see, you never know
when a trip's gonna break out.
480
00:22:04,190 --> 00:22:05,867
Absolutely. You
need a packing drill.
481
00:22:05,891 --> 00:22:07,235
Good, uh-huh.
482
00:22:07,259 --> 00:22:10,060
What went on here tonight?
483
00:22:11,064 --> 00:22:12,841
Oh, this? This...
Well, you see...
484
00:22:12,865 --> 00:22:14,143
I had one of my kinky parties.
485
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,134
I have one every
time you go away.
486
00:22:18,037 --> 00:22:19,470
I missed you.
487
00:22:20,706 --> 00:22:22,283
Didn't you miss me?
488
00:22:22,307 --> 00:22:24,741
Sure... a little.
489
00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:29,091
I could always
catch up with Candy.
490
00:22:29,115 --> 00:22:31,493
I'm sure that she is still
somewhere in Vermont,
491
00:22:31,517 --> 00:22:33,450
talking to an empty chair.
492
00:22:34,620 --> 00:22:36,954
You know I missed you, dummy.
493
00:22:39,291 --> 00:22:41,371
You will go no place.
494
00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:43,905
I am the fabulously handsome
495
00:22:43,929 --> 00:22:45,996
Max Slicht, Jr.
496
00:22:46,999 --> 00:22:48,242
Who?
497
00:22:48,266 --> 00:22:50,445
Max Slicht, Jr.
498
00:22:50,469 --> 00:22:52,814
And it seems we are
snowed in for the weekend.
499
00:22:52,838 --> 00:22:56,151
So why don't we get
comfortable and bundle up?
500
00:22:56,175 --> 00:22:59,654
Um... when you say bundle up,
501
00:22:59,678 --> 00:23:01,623
what exactly do you mean? Heh.
502
00:23:01,647 --> 00:23:03,525
I will show you, liebchen.
503
00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:05,983
It's easier than
falling off skis.
504
00:23:13,959 --> 00:23:15,404
Julie, did you read about this?
505
00:23:15,428 --> 00:23:17,906
They're thinking about
having a lumberjack strike. Oh.
506
00:23:17,930 --> 00:23:19,141
Did I tell you that I have...?
507
00:23:19,165 --> 00:23:20,142
Wait, no.
508
00:23:20,166 --> 00:23:22,544
You have a relative
who is a lumberjack.
509
00:23:22,568 --> 00:23:25,179
That's right, my Uncle Sanford.
510
00:23:25,203 --> 00:23:27,182
Now, he's a small guy,
but a great lumberjack.
511
00:23:27,206 --> 00:23:28,450
One day he goes up to this guy
512
00:23:28,474 --> 00:23:29,918
who's about to
cut a redwood tree.
513
00:23:29,942 --> 00:23:31,186
Big guy, huh? Mm-hm.
514
00:23:31,210 --> 00:23:33,989
Uncle Sanford said,
"Hey, mister, come here.
515
00:23:34,013 --> 00:23:35,457
You're doing this all wrong."
516
00:23:35,481 --> 00:23:36,791
The guy looks at him and says,
517
00:23:36,815 --> 00:23:39,194
"Well, I suppose that you
could do it better, huh?"
518
00:23:39,218 --> 00:23:40,462
He said, "Give me the ax, huh?
519
00:23:40,486 --> 00:23:41,764
Just give me the ax."
520
00:23:41,788 --> 00:23:45,200
One swoop... Vroom.
The whole tree goes down.
521
00:23:45,224 --> 00:23:46,301
The guy can't believe it.
522
00:23:46,325 --> 00:23:49,138
He said, "Where did
you learn to do that?"
523
00:23:49,162 --> 00:23:51,840
Uncle Sanford said, "You wanna
know where I learned to do that?
524
00:23:51,864 --> 00:23:54,298
I learned to do that
in the Sahara Forest."
525
00:23:56,802 --> 00:23:59,414
The guy said, "You meant
the Sahara Desert, didn't you?"
526
00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:02,372
Heh. Uncle Sanford said, "Now."
527
00:24:17,957 --> 00:24:21,303
♪ Welcome back ♪
528
00:24:21,327 --> 00:24:24,873
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
529
00:24:24,897 --> 00:24:27,175
♪ Welcome back ♪
530
00:24:27,199 --> 00:24:31,679
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
531
00:24:31,703 --> 00:24:34,049
♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪
532
00:24:34,073 --> 00:24:36,151
♪ Since you hung around ♪
533
00:24:36,175 --> 00:24:38,153
♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪
534
00:24:38,177 --> 00:24:40,823
♪ And they've turned around ♪
535
00:24:40,847 --> 00:24:42,924
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
536
00:24:42,948 --> 00:24:45,026
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
537
00:24:45,050 --> 00:24:46,583
♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪
35680
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