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1
00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:04,380
A lady buys a monkey.
2
00:00:04,404 --> 00:00:06,049
What kind of monkey?
3
00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:07,551
A regular monkey, you know:
4
00:00:10,277 --> 00:00:11,788
Now, her husband
hates the monkey
5
00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:14,057
because the monkey is
always mimicking the husband.
6
00:00:14,081 --> 00:00:15,925
Okay, husband's
eating breakfast, right?
7
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:16,949
Uh-huh. Monkey goes:
8
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:20,731
He's taking a shower,
9
00:00:20,755 --> 00:00:22,532
the monkey comes in
the bathroom and goes:
10
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:26,069
Driving the guy crazy.
11
00:00:26,093 --> 00:00:27,904
So, what does he do?
12
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:29,972
He's in the bathroom
brushing his teeth one day,
13
00:00:29,996 --> 00:00:30,974
gets an idea.
14
00:00:30,998 --> 00:00:32,575
Brushing his teeth,
monkey comes in,
15
00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:33,599
and monkey goes:
16
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:36,780
So he gives the monkey a razor,
17
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:38,281
he takes a razor
without a blade.
18
00:00:38,305 --> 00:00:39,649
Puts lather on his face, right?
19
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,417
Starts shaving and
goes: "Da-dum."
20
00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:43,201
The monkey goes, "Da-dum."
21
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:47,891
He goes, "Da-dum." The
monkey goes, "Da-dum."
22
00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:51,283
He goes, "Da-dum!" The
monkey goes, "Da-dum."
23
00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:56,132
Welcome Back, Kotter
24
00:00:56,156 --> 00:00:59,091
has been recorded live on
tape before a studio audience.
25
00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:09,111
♪ Welcome back ♪
26
00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:12,783
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
27
00:01:12,807 --> 00:01:14,984
♪ Welcome back ♪
28
00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:19,890
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
29
00:01:19,914 --> 00:01:21,925
♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪
30
00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:24,127
♪ Since you hung around ♪
31
00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:26,396
♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪
32
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,865
♪ And they've turned around ♪
33
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:30,967
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
34
00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:32,936
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
35
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,771
♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪
36
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,673
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
37
00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:39,008
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
38
00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:41,077
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
39
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,647
♪ Welcome back ♪
40
00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:45,348
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
41
00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:47,751
♪ Welcome back ♪
42
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:50,019
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
43
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:52,944
♪ Welcome back ♪
44
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:00,500
Good morning.
45
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:05,534
Well, as you're probably
aware, today is the day
46
00:02:05,558 --> 00:02:07,678
when you receive your
mid-year report cards.
47
00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:10,829
For my favorite teacher.
48
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:14,480
Yuck.
49
00:02:15,101 --> 00:02:16,634
It's half-eaten.
50
00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:20,516
What'd you do? Get
hungry on the way to school?
51
00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:23,008
No, um, I found it that way.
52
00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:25,888
Hey, I'm only kidding, man.
53
00:02:25,912 --> 00:02:30,081
Hey, but remember, it's
the thought that counts.
54
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,773
Okay, now before I hand
these out, I want to explain
55
00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:46,742
that it's still not too late for
you to improve your grade.
56
00:02:46,766 --> 00:02:50,046
So remember... Mr. Kotter,
57
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:53,183
I got a very important
note from home here.
58
00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:54,484
Well, a surprise.
59
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,619
Epstein has a very
important note from home.
60
00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:58,755
Right, it's from my
mother's doctor.
61
00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:01,139
It's from his mother's doctor.
62
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:03,993
"Dear Mr. Kotter,
63
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,862
"Epstein's mother
has been very ill
64
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:08,431
"with a heart condition.
65
00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:12,568
"And furthermore, the
slightest shock to her...
66
00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:14,937
"Like for instance,
her son, Juan,
67
00:03:14,961 --> 00:03:16,606
"getting any bad grades.
68
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:19,530
Well, that could put
her right over the edge."
69
00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:28,985
"So," it continues,
70
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:32,555
"please give Juan a
good grade in English."
71
00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:34,023
What? "A good grade in English."
72
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:37,460
Oh, that's impossible,
this isn't English class.
73
00:03:37,484 --> 00:03:39,062
Try that one
there. That's, uh...
74
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:40,229
"Biology." Biology?
75
00:03:40,253 --> 00:03:41,653
Biology.
76
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:46,336
Uh... BOTH: "Social studies."
77
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,271
Right, and it's signed,
78
00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:51,563
"Very truly yours,
Epstein's mother's doctor."
79
00:03:53,099 --> 00:03:54,700
Signed right there.
80
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:57,068
Sit down, Epstein.
81
00:03:58,205 --> 00:03:59,245
Sit down.
82
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,519
Anybody else have any excuses?
83
00:04:03,543 --> 00:04:05,988
Anybody want to
make any appeals?
84
00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:08,252
Anybody expecting a
phone call from the governor?
85
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,716
Ooh, ooh, ooh! Ooh!
86
00:04:15,688 --> 00:04:17,067
Arnold.
87
00:04:17,091 --> 00:04:19,557
Not I, Mr. Kotter.
88
00:04:20,294 --> 00:04:22,038
I got dignity.
89
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:25,007
I would never beg for a grade.
90
00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:26,509
Very good, Arnold.
Now remember...
91
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,466
Oh, please, don't fail me!
92
00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:39,456
I'll do anything you want.
93
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:43,225
I'll wash your car for
the next seven years.
94
00:04:43,249 --> 00:04:46,329
I'll trim your mustache.
95
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:48,732
But please don't fail me.
96
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:50,933
Arnold, you are
drooling on my pants,
97
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,968
and they're not drip-dry.
98
00:04:52,992 --> 00:04:54,759
Sit down, Arnold.
99
00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:57,162
Well!
100
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:02,345
Okay, now, if any of
you would like to talk
101
00:05:02,369 --> 00:05:04,714
to me about your grade
102
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:07,984
or possibly how to improve it,
103
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:11,442
any of you would like to know
how to make an F into a B,
104
00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:17,894
you can see me
right after homeroom.
105
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:29,727
Thanks, Mr. Kotter,
you just killed my mother.
106
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,714
Arnold!
107
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:11,903
Huh?
108
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:16,919
What is so funny
about your report card?
109
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:18,688
Nothing, Mr. Kotter.
110
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:22,024
It's just that I thought that
my report card was bad...
111
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,081
until I got a look at Vinnie's.
112
00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,267
Mr. Kotter,
113
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:33,168
how can I take this
report card home
114
00:06:33,192 --> 00:06:34,670
and show it to my mother?
115
00:06:34,694 --> 00:06:36,573
That woman's a saint.
116
00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:39,876
I remember, your
mother, the saint.
117
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,266
You're gonna be upset, huh?
118
00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:43,747
You probably got no idea
119
00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:46,237
what it feels like to
get hit with beads.
120
00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:56,125
Vinnie, do you think
that I enjoy failing you?
121
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:59,283
Yeah, that's how you
teachers get your jollies.
122
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:02,754
Well, I don't.
123
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:08,103
But I'm not gonna pass
you unless you earn it.
124
00:07:08,127 --> 00:07:10,006
Look, it wouldn't
be fair to you.
125
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:12,575
Suppose all your teachers
just passed you along
126
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,276
and you didn't learn anything.
127
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:15,878
What do you think
you'd wind up being?
128
00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:17,668
A high school graduate.
129
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:23,552
Okay, you tell me, what
grade should I give you?
130
00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:25,788
Yeah? Yeah, you tell me.
131
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:27,044
Oh...
132
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,083
Yeah?
133
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,365
I want you to give me an A.
134
00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:37,967
You want an A, huh?
135
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,935
Okay, you ready? Here it comes.
136
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,526
Aaaay!
137
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:50,580
That's not the kind
of A I got in mind.
138
00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:52,715
Well, it's the only kind
of A you're gonna get.
139
00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:54,217
Vinnie, you
shouldn't be failing.
140
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:55,651
You're a kid with brains.
141
00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:57,353
Look, man, if you
don't get it together,
142
00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:59,188
you're gonna get left back.
143
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,324
Now, how would
your mother like that?
144
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:04,026
Oh, no, she wouldn't like that.
145
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:05,194
Vinnie, I want to help you.
146
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,263
I just don't know what to do.
147
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:09,632
Hey, how 'bout if
I got you a tutor?
148
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,567
Somebody to work
with you after school?
149
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:14,125
Hey, believe me. It's
not gonna be that bad.
150
00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:20,276
All right.
151
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:23,334
But is there any way we
could do this without books?
152
00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:30,553
Hi, Mr. Kotter.
153
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,722
Hiya, Judy. Let me
have your books.
154
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,323
Thanks. I think it's terrific
155
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,492
that you offered to
tutor Vinnie after school.
156
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,261
It's okay, Mr. Kotter.
157
00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:39,261
A lot of kids
158
00:08:39,285 --> 00:08:41,164
in the academically-enriched
class do it.
159
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,565
You know, it
seems to work better
160
00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:44,689
when kids help kids.
161
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,474
So listen, princess,
162
00:08:51,498 --> 00:08:53,818
thanks for walking me to class.
163
00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:06,322
I'll meet you later
at the usual place,
164
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:08,627
behind the billboards
on 84th Street.
165
00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:18,667
So... you're gonna be
my tutor, huh, Judy?
166
00:09:18,691 --> 00:09:20,191
Well, start tootin'.
167
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:25,108
I wanna get out of
here, have a good time.
168
00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:27,776
Let's get one thing
straight, Barbarino.
169
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,179
I'm not doing this
'cause I like you.
170
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:33,404
Well, I see you two are
getting along just fine.
171
00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:36,386
And I have some papers to grade,
172
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,250
so I'm gonna leave you alone.
173
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,278
Have fun.
174
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:44,160
Hey, Vinnie, where you going?
175
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:45,617
He said, "Have fun."
176
00:09:48,287 --> 00:09:49,499
I'm going to meet princess
177
00:09:49,523 --> 00:09:52,134
behind the billboard
on 84th street.
178
00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:53,135
No, no, no.
179
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:54,604
You're gonna get tutored.
180
00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:55,938
I'm gonna go meet princess
181
00:09:55,962 --> 00:09:58,296
behind the billboards
on 84th street.
182
00:10:03,069 --> 00:10:04,948
All right, since this
is your first session,
183
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:06,882
I think I should
stay for a while.
184
00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:09,652
All right, now, open up
your social studies book
185
00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:11,521
to Page 27.
186
00:10:11,545 --> 00:10:12,576
What?
187
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,758
Your social studies book.
188
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:16,782
Where?
189
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:20,062
Right in front of you.
190
00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:22,365
Hey, don't rush me.
191
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:24,968
This ain't easy
for me, you know?
192
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:27,552
I never opened a book before.
193
00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:30,573
All right, Vinnie, now, look.
194
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,008
Are you gonna cooperate or what?
195
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,876
It's okay, Mr. Kotter.
196
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:35,544
I can handle it.
197
00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:37,046
Listen, clown,
198
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:40,083
either you open up that book
or I'm going to make you eat it.
199
00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:43,842
And the pages you don't eat,
I'm going to stick in your rear.
200
00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:50,648
Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho!
201
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,865
I don't think she knows
who she's dealin' with.
202
00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:58,301
I'm the best ranker at Buchanan.
203
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:00,503
You think you're so smart.
204
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,371
You act as if you
were first on line
205
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:04,440
when they handed out brains.
206
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:05,908
Yeah, I was.
207
00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:09,100
But you had to hold the
door for everybody else.
208
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:14,483
She's asking for it, Kotter.
209
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:17,253
You know, Vinnie, you're so low,
210
00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:21,111
you could crawl
under a pregnant ant.
211
00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:24,993
Crawl under an ant.
212
00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:34,670
That's a good one, Vinnie.
213
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,305
Oh, yeah?
214
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,610
Well, listen, Blimpo.
215
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:41,877
You better watch yourself
216
00:11:41,901 --> 00:11:44,301
or I'll let the air
out of your dress.
217
00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:51,053
Hey, I heard the last time
you went to Coney Island
218
00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:53,122
you was wearin' a
white bathing suit.
219
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:57,348
And everybody was saying,
"Hey, there goes Moby Dick."
220
00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:01,330
That was a good one, Judy.
221
00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:02,598
Okay, that's enough.
222
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,767
Hey, Vinnie, I heard your
father just got a new job.
223
00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:07,691
Riding shotgun
on a garbage truck.
224
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:10,172
Oh, yeah?
225
00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:12,041
I bet your family
can... My family eats...
226
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:15,700
All right, all right. That's
enough. That's enough!
227
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:17,401
Sit down.
228
00:12:18,971 --> 00:12:22,718
This is a tutoring session,
not a ranking session.
229
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:23,986
What's wrong with this?
230
00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:25,688
Yeah, what's the matter?
231
00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:28,557
What's the matter is there's a
time and place for everything.
232
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,659
Now, you shouldn't do
things like that in school.
233
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:32,061
It's not right.
234
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,752
I mean, suppose I came in
and started doing it to you?
235
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,888
I mean, suppose I said, uh...
236
00:12:40,026 --> 00:12:41,236
"Hey, Judy, I understand
237
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:42,938
"there's three
kids in your family.
238
00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:44,106
One of each."
239
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,180
And, Barbarino,
240
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:53,850
I understand when you was born
they took one look at your face
241
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,518
and then they turned
you over and said,
242
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:57,208
"Hey, look, twins."
243
00:12:58,377 --> 00:13:01,124
♪ Welcome back ♪
244
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:04,515
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
245
00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:13,636
So, look, after
homeroom I'll meet you
246
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,038
and then I'll walk you
to next class, okay?
247
00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:17,807
Sure.
248
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:19,775
Okay, see you later.
249
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:20,799
Bye.
250
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:33,811
You and Judy Borden...
251
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:37,860
You and Judy Borden...
252
00:13:37,884 --> 00:13:39,528
Me and Judy Borden what?
253
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:43,833
You and Judy Borden... anything!
254
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,270
All right, cut it!
255
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:54,844
She was just helping
me with my grades.
256
00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:56,745
Oh, come on!
257
00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:58,781
Is that all she's
helpin' you with, huh?
258
00:13:58,805 --> 00:14:01,984
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
259
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,318
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
260
00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:05,588
Then why you've been
walkin' her to class?
261
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:08,957
Or should I say, rollin' her.
262
00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:14,496
Hey, come on!
263
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,365
Let's go.
264
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:18,100
Sit down.
265
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:20,168
I want you to take
out your report cards,
266
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:22,805
which should have been
signed by your parents.
267
00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:25,349
I am coming around
to collect them.
268
00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:31,480
Thank... Vinnie, this
report card's soggy.
269
00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:33,404
My mother cried on it.
270
00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:36,974
Thank you.
271
00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:39,956
Why isn't this signed? Huh?
272
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:41,924
I mean, your mother
didn't finish signing it.
273
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:43,392
All she signed was Mrs. E.
274
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:46,216
Well, that's as far as she got
before losing consciousness.
275
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,332
Well, try reviving her
276
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:51,567
and having her finish
signing it by tomorrow.
277
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:54,071
Thank you. You're welcome.
278
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:56,805
Thank you, Arnold.
279
00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:58,029
You're welcome.
280
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,200
Report card.
281
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:04,636
Hi there.
282
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:07,583
Hi there, buddy. Hey, baby.
283
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:08,918
Where's your report card?
284
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:10,185
My report... Well, you see,
285
00:15:10,209 --> 00:15:12,454
I don't happen to have
it right here, handy.
286
00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:13,855
Oh...
287
00:15:13,879 --> 00:15:16,091
let me ask a question,
then, where is it?
288
00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:18,761
Oh, well, uh, my
mama's got it, you dig?
289
00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:19,795
Yeah.
290
00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:22,164
I dig it. Didn't she sign it?
291
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:23,188
No.
292
00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:25,968
She just took it
in her left hand
293
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:28,826
and then she hit me upside
my head with her right.
294
00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:32,596
See, man, and then
she threw a chair at me.
295
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:37,502
And then she tried to cave
my back in with a TV set.
296
00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:44,487
All right, all right.
Have your father sign it.
297
00:15:44,511 --> 00:15:45,888
You crazy?
298
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:47,711
He's the one with
the bad temper.
299
00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:51,927
I want that report
card tomorrow, Freddie.
300
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,662
All right. You know,
301
00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:55,364
you people act like
you're the only ones
302
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:57,166
that ever had to take
a bad report card home
303
00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:58,500
and show it to your parents.
304
00:15:58,524 --> 00:15:59,702
I want to tell you something,
305
00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:01,203
I had a lot of bad
ones in my day.
306
00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:03,172
Yeah, what did your daddy do?
307
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:05,174
My dad used to sit
me down and say,
308
00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:08,143
"So, listen, you got a
bad report card, big deal.
309
00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:10,345
"No one's gonna holler,
we're not gonna scream.
310
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:11,680
"No one's gonna hit you.
311
00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:13,082
"Just go back to school
312
00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:15,350
"and you try to do
the best you can.
313
00:16:15,374 --> 00:16:18,287
"And next time if
you should pass, well,
314
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,431
then we'll untie you
and let you eat again."
315
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,461
Tomorrow, Freddie.
Epstein, tomorrow.
316
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:29,198
Mañana. Mañana. Mañana.
317
00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:31,889
Grand seeing you
again, Mr. Kotter.
318
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:34,169
Hi, Mr. Kotter.
319
00:16:34,193 --> 00:16:35,771
Hiya, Judy.
320
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,306
Hi. Hi.
321
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:38,370
Let's go.
322
00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:41,610
Hold on a second, Judy.
323
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:43,412
I got something
that I want to tell you.
324
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:44,802
Oh... What?
325
00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:51,609
Look...
326
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:56,700
I can't walk you
to class no more.
327
00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:58,716
Why not?
328
00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:01,730
Well, you see...
329
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:04,455
I got a certain image
to uphold, right?
330
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:07,502
And, like, if I was always
331
00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:09,004
walking you to
class all the time,
332
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,874
well, like, my friends,
333
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:14,276
like, they might get the
wrong idea or something.
334
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,879
What wrong idea, Vinnie?
335
00:17:16,903 --> 00:17:21,417
Oh, you know, like, we was
going together or something.
336
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,686
Oh, and you wouldn't
want your friends
337
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:27,823
to think that someone like
you could ever possibly go
338
00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:30,693
with someone like me.
339
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:32,550
Right! Right.
340
00:17:34,953 --> 00:17:36,632
Oh, I'm so glad
341
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:38,937
you're being so
reasonable about this.
342
00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:41,036
Oh, but, look, like,
343
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,339
you can still keep
tutoring me, that'd be good.
344
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,574
Oh, thanks! Thanks a lot.
345
00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:47,576
And you can go over
to the Texaco station
346
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,700
and go sit on an air hose.
347
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:56,941
What's wrong with her?
348
00:17:58,010 --> 00:17:59,521
She made the same mistake I did,
349
00:17:59,545 --> 00:18:00,822
to try to help you.
350
00:18:00,846 --> 00:18:02,792
She thought there was
somebody worth helping
351
00:18:02,816 --> 00:18:04,893
inside that dopey
leather jacket.
352
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,661
Look, I liked Judy.
353
00:18:06,685 --> 00:18:08,597
Oh, sure, you liked her.
354
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:10,465
Until you decided
she wasn't cute enough
355
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:12,929
to hang around
with Steve Stunning.
356
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,704
Vinnie, this whole thing started
357
00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:17,906
because I don't want
you to fail social studies.
358
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,474
I'll tell ya,
359
00:18:19,498 --> 00:18:21,944
you're failing something
a lot more important.
360
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:23,278
You're failing life.
361
00:18:23,302 --> 00:18:25,447
So take Judy's advice.
362
00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:27,938
Go sit on an air hose.
363
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:31,241
Now you made me feel bad.
364
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:45,801
Hi, Judy.
365
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:47,503
Mind if I sit down?
366
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:50,494
Oh, get lost, pea brain.
367
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:54,031
Thanks. Don't mind if I do.
368
00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:57,546
Are you sure you can risk
369
00:18:57,570 --> 00:19:00,182
being seen here with me?
370
00:19:00,206 --> 00:19:01,817
Aw, look, Judy,
371
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,819
what I said in the
classroom before,
372
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:06,321
it didn't come
out like I meant it.
373
00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:07,890
I mean, I like
you, and I really...
374
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:10,325
Oh, why don't you go
over to the Brooklyn Bridge,
375
00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:11,593
take a sharp left
376
00:19:11,617 --> 00:19:14,752
and don't stop walking
till your hat floats.
377
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:16,954
Listen...
378
00:19:19,091 --> 00:19:21,636
you're not making
this any easier.
379
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:23,405
I'm trying to apologize.
380
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:25,574
For what? Being a reject?
381
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:26,975
Oh, that's not your fault.
382
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,411
You were probably born that way.
383
00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:31,769
Oh, you got a mouth on you.
384
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:36,607
Give me a break.
385
00:19:38,043 --> 00:19:39,323
Look, what I wanted...
386
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:45,493
Look, Jud... Look, Judy,
387
00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:47,429
what I'm trying to say...
388
00:19:47,453 --> 00:19:50,632
is would you want to go
out someplace with me?
389
00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:52,223
In public?
390
00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:58,328
Let me get this straight.
391
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:03,178
Are you asking me to
go out with you, Vinnie?
392
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,114
Yeah.
393
00:20:05,138 --> 00:20:06,604
Would you go out with me?
394
00:20:08,307 --> 00:20:10,240
Probably not.
395
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:15,958
Oh, no, no.
396
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:18,294
You can't do that.
397
00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:20,384
I'm Vinnie Barbarino.
398
00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:23,365
Oh, yeah?
399
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:26,423
Well, drop dead, pizza head.
400
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:36,911
Great, uh, things didn't
go exactly as planned,
401
00:20:36,935 --> 00:20:38,335
huh, pizza head?
402
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:41,883
I don't believe it.
403
00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:43,886
She turned me down.
404
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:46,210
Girls don't turn down
Vinnie Barbarino.
405
00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:49,946
Especially ones who
ain't as cute as me.
406
00:20:52,718 --> 00:20:55,431
All right, she's as cute as me.
407
00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:56,921
But just barely.
408
00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:00,469
Look, Vinnie,
409
00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:03,438
now you know how
Judy felt, rejected.
410
00:21:03,462 --> 00:21:05,782
Doesn't feel so hot, does it?
411
00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:09,077
Hey, if you really want
her to go out with you,
412
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,379
you'll keep trying.
413
00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:11,981
What do you know?
414
00:21:12,005 --> 00:21:13,582
What do I know?
415
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,751
Hey, when I went to school
here there was this girl,
416
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:18,620
Dolores Delvecchio.
417
00:21:18,644 --> 00:21:21,756
I asked her to go
out with me 15 times.
418
00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:23,525
Fourteen times
she turned me down.
419
00:21:23,549 --> 00:21:25,493
Well, then, she
finally go out with you?
420
00:21:25,517 --> 00:21:26,762
No.
421
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:30,365
Fifteenth time her brother
Vito came up to me and said,
422
00:21:30,389 --> 00:21:34,769
"Hey, Kotter, if you continue
to annoy my sister Dolores,
423
00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:37,606
"I will have to
rearrange your nose
424
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:40,764
so that it permanently
points towards Philadelphia."
425
00:21:50,576 --> 00:21:52,321
God bless 3:00.
426
00:21:52,345 --> 00:21:53,354
Woo-hoo!
427
00:21:53,378 --> 00:21:54,356
Yay!
428
00:21:54,380 --> 00:21:55,423
Hey, Freddie. Here.
429
00:21:55,447 --> 00:21:57,960
Hey, I cannot wait
to get to Coney Island
430
00:21:57,984 --> 00:21:59,561
this afternoon.
431
00:21:59,585 --> 00:22:04,288
They got a great new
attraction, half-man, half-alligator.
432
00:22:05,358 --> 00:22:06,723
He's his own wallet.
433
00:22:09,395 --> 00:22:10,872
Hey, let's go.
434
00:22:10,896 --> 00:22:12,307
Hey, let's go.
435
00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:13,997
Hey, let's go.
436
00:22:17,736 --> 00:22:19,380
Hey, what's happening?
437
00:22:19,404 --> 00:22:20,982
We're goin' to Coney Island.
438
00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:22,851
Terrific, we'll come along.
439
00:22:22,875 --> 00:22:24,119
Hey, is she going as your date
440
00:22:24,143 --> 00:22:25,821
or, heh, one of the rides?
441
00:22:27,146 --> 00:22:30,025
Washington, why don't
you fold it in three corners
442
00:22:30,049 --> 00:22:32,349
and stick it right...
Judy, take it easy.
443
00:22:36,022 --> 00:22:38,032
She's goin' as my date.
444
00:22:38,056 --> 00:22:39,656
Anything wrong with that?
445
00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:43,461
It's cool.
446
00:22:45,297 --> 00:22:47,141
You and her?
447
00:22:47,165 --> 00:22:48,744
Her and you?
448
00:22:51,470 --> 00:22:52,947
Horshack.
449
00:22:52,971 --> 00:22:55,706
Very attractive
couple you two make.
450
00:22:58,244 --> 00:22:59,955
Nice to see you again, Arnold.
451
00:22:59,979 --> 00:23:01,724
Come on, let's go
have a good time.
452
00:23:01,748 --> 00:23:03,325
All right.
453
00:23:03,349 --> 00:23:04,860
Okay, see you guys tomorrow.
454
00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:06,161
Vinnie, can I see you a second?
455
00:23:06,185 --> 00:23:08,185
Come on, man.
456
00:23:09,288 --> 00:23:11,099
I'm really proud of you.
457
00:23:11,123 --> 00:23:13,902
You learned something a lot
more important than social studies.
458
00:23:13,926 --> 00:23:15,206
Yeah, I know.
459
00:23:16,128 --> 00:23:17,439
Hey, want to come along?
460
00:23:17,463 --> 00:23:18,773
No.
461
00:23:18,797 --> 00:23:20,642
I'm gonna go home
and tell my wife a joke.
462
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,540
♪ Welcome back ♪
463
00:23:33,379 --> 00:23:35,156
Hey, did I ever tell
you about my cousin,
464
00:23:35,180 --> 00:23:37,159
gorgeous Jerry Kotter? No.
465
00:23:37,183 --> 00:23:38,760
Last week he's in a barber shop
466
00:23:38,784 --> 00:23:40,462
getting a shave,
shoeshine, manicure.
467
00:23:40,486 --> 00:23:41,996
Likes to look nice,
right? Mm-hm.
468
00:23:42,020 --> 00:23:44,499
So this guy's shaving him,
and he looks at the manicurist.
469
00:23:44,523 --> 00:23:45,900
She's really nice.
470
00:23:45,924 --> 00:23:48,337
So he says, "Hey, I'm
gorgeous Jerry Kotter.
471
00:23:48,361 --> 00:23:50,238
Would you like to come
out with me tonight?"
472
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:51,606
She says,
473
00:23:51,630 --> 00:23:53,708
"I think I would, but I
can't, I have a boyfriend."
474
00:23:53,732 --> 00:23:55,811
Well, he says, "Why
don't you tell your boyfriend
475
00:23:55,835 --> 00:23:57,345
you're going out
with the girls?"
476
00:23:57,369 --> 00:23:58,813
She says, "Why
don't you tell him?
477
00:23:58,837 --> 00:24:00,715
He's shaving you."
478
00:24:00,739 --> 00:24:03,685
♪ Welcome back ♪
479
00:24:03,709 --> 00:24:06,377
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
480
00:24:14,586 --> 00:24:17,265
♪ Welcome back ♪
481
00:24:17,289 --> 00:24:20,936
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
482
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,137
♪ Welcome back ♪
483
00:24:23,161 --> 00:24:28,043
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
484
00:24:28,067 --> 00:24:30,078
♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪
485
00:24:30,102 --> 00:24:32,281
♪ Since you hung around ♪
486
00:24:32,305 --> 00:24:34,549
♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪
487
00:24:34,573 --> 00:24:37,018
♪ And they've turned around ♪
488
00:24:37,042 --> 00:24:39,121
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
489
00:24:39,145 --> 00:24:41,089
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
490
00:24:41,113 --> 00:24:42,924
♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪
491
00:24:42,948 --> 00:24:44,826
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
492
00:24:44,850 --> 00:24:47,162
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
493
00:24:47,186 --> 00:24:49,230
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
494
00:24:49,254 --> 00:24:51,599
♪ Welcome back ♪
495
00:24:51,623 --> 00:24:53,501
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
496
00:24:53,525 --> 00:24:55,904
♪ Welcome back ♪
497
00:24:55,928 --> 00:24:58,307
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
498
00:24:58,331 --> 00:25:00,575
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
499
00:25:00,599 --> 00:25:02,276
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
500
00:25:02,300 --> 00:25:04,779
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
501
00:25:04,803 --> 00:25:07,015
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
502
00:25:07,039 --> 00:25:08,972
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
33104
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