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1
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:05,915
Honey, why hasn't your
mother ever liked me?
2
00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:08,117
She likes you, Julie, it's
just she never was crazy
3
00:00:08,141 --> 00:00:09,819
about any girls I went out with.
4
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,487
They were either
too fat, too skinny,
5
00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:14,958
too short, too tall,
too loud, too quiet.
6
00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:18,761
I finally found a girl that
was exactly like my mother.
7
00:00:18,785 --> 00:00:21,598
I mean, how could she complain?
This girl looked like my mother,
8
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,867
she talked like my mother,
she walked like my mother.
9
00:00:23,891 --> 00:00:25,635
Same personality.
10
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:27,203
Well, what happened?
11
00:00:27,227 --> 00:00:29,294
My father hated her.
12
00:00:31,064 --> 00:00:33,876
Welcome Back, Kotter has
been recorded live on tape
13
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:35,178
before a studio audience.
14
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:45,755
♪ Welcome back ♪
15
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:49,559
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
16
00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:51,828
♪ Welcome back ♪
17
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:56,566
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
18
00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,801
♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪
19
00:00:58,825 --> 00:01:00,870
♪ Since you hung around ♪
20
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,173
♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪
21
00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:05,508
♪ And they've turned around ♪
22
00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:07,877
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
23
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,846
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
24
00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:11,681
♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪
25
00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:13,850
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
26
00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:15,718
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
27
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,887
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
28
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,656
♪ Welcome back ♪
29
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,325
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
30
00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:24,393
♪ Welcome back ♪
31
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:26,596
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
32
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:29,988
♪ Welcome back ♪
33
00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:35,007
Here you are.
34
00:01:36,463 --> 00:01:39,342
You. Hold it
right there, mister.
35
00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:41,577
Me? What have you done with it?
36
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:44,314
Hey, Mr. Woodman,
I'm clean. I ain't got it.
37
00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:45,882
Aha.
38
00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:47,250
Got what, Epstein?
39
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:51,087
Whatever, he ain't got it.
40
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:54,024
Hey, look, I'm clean. Really,
you can search me. Here.
41
00:01:54,048 --> 00:01:56,993
See, this is all I got on
me. It's my good luck charm.
42
00:01:57,017 --> 00:01:58,160
Had it since birth.
43
00:01:58,184 --> 00:02:00,597
It's the first tooth I
ever knocked out.
44
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,420
Look into my eyes.
45
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:16,012
Hey, Mr. Kotter... You
stole my chalk, Epstein.
46
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:17,936
My yellow chalk.
47
00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:21,818
And that's my favorite
of all my colors.
48
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:23,408
Yellow is my favorite.
49
00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:27,090
Mr. Woodman, I am
really surprised at you.
50
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:29,526
Accusing Epstein
of being a thief.
51
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:30,710
Now, look at that face.
52
00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:37,934
Don't defend him, Kotter.
53
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:39,402
I'm sick of their taunts.
54
00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:40,937
I'm sick of their contempt.
55
00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:42,738
I'm sick of their
flaunting my authority.
56
00:02:42,762 --> 00:02:44,074
I'm sick of them.
57
00:02:44,098 --> 00:02:47,744
No doubt about it, the
man is sick. Uh-huh.
58
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,345
Reminds me of the
girl's gym teacher
59
00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:52,448
they found in the shower
talking to a volleyball.
60
00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:55,151
Hey, yo, uh, Mr. Woodman, man,
61
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,920
like, you know,
the bell just rang.
62
00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:58,822
It's time for us to boogie.
63
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:02,292
Well, then, boogie, you
pack of howling baboons.
64
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:03,459
Boogie.
65
00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:05,550
A boogie, boogie, boogie...
66
00:03:07,587 --> 00:03:09,955
Boogie till your
livers fall out.
67
00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:12,757
Boogie.
68
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,608
Mr. Woodman, uh, are you okay?
69
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:22,879
You didn't have too much chipped
beef in the cafeteria, did you?
70
00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:25,648
Forget about the chalk,
you don't seem quite yourself.
71
00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:27,950
Kotter, I'm more
myself than ever.
72
00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:31,654
Well, try being less
yourself than ever.
73
00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:33,689
I mean, Mr. Woodman,
a person is like a car.
74
00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:36,159
We have to be finely tuned.
75
00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:37,927
What are trying to say, Kotter?
76
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:41,553
Mr. Woodman,
you need a lube job.
77
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:44,634
You gotta relax a little bit.
78
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,168
You know, forget about Buchanan.
79
00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:47,970
Why don't you go
out, have a few drinks,
80
00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:49,039
a nice dinner,
81
00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:51,430
some quiet
conversation with friends?
82
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:55,611
Good advice, Kotter. Thank you.
83
00:03:55,635 --> 00:03:56,701
What time?
84
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:01,940
What time what?
85
00:04:03,443 --> 00:04:05,021
Well, that was a
dinner invitation.
86
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:06,923
What time shall I be there?
87
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:09,247
How 'bout August?
88
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,634
Okay, now remember,
89
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:20,236
years from now, we're
gonna look back on this,
90
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,926
and we won't laugh.
91
00:04:25,532 --> 00:04:27,810
I bet you hoped I wouldn't
come. That's true, isn't it?
92
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:29,612
You didn't invite
me, I invited myself
93
00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:31,903
and now that I'm here,
you wish I'd leave, right?
94
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:42,959
Well, it is getting late.
95
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:46,195
Mr. Woodman, we are
delighted that you could come.
96
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:48,264
Mrs. Kotter, don't worry.
97
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:50,600
I'll leave early.
98
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:51,767
Let me take your coat.
99
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:54,237
What are you gonna do with it?
100
00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:57,840
I'm just gonna hang it
right here in the closet.
101
00:04:57,864 --> 00:04:59,409
I'll leave the door open
102
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:02,712
so you can keep an eye on it
103
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,380
the whole time.
104
00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:06,916
Gabe, why don't you
make us a drink or two
105
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:10,353
or six before dinner? Good idea.
106
00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:13,123
Come on, Mr. Woodman,
I'll fix you a screwdriver.
107
00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:15,346
Tighten up what's ever loose.
108
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:20,463
Well... in my entire career
109
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:22,432
I've been invited to
faculty members' homes
110
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:25,301
for dinner only, uh, twice.
111
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,837
The, uh, first time was
during World War II.
112
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:30,228
They wanted my
meat ration points.
113
00:05:32,565 --> 00:05:35,445
The second time was,
uh, just a few years ago,
114
00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:38,102
during the, uh, tuna-fish scare.
115
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:42,185
We had tuna casserole
116
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:44,942
and everyone waited
for me to taste it first.
117
00:05:47,213 --> 00:05:48,958
What's for dinner?
118
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:50,115
Tuna casserole.
119
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:55,459
Just kidding, just kidding.
Here. I made a joke.
120
00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:01,304
So, uh... You
actually... live here?
121
00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:02,538
No. Here? No.
122
00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:05,708
We have a townhouse
on Park Avenue.
123
00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:07,076
We just borrow this place
124
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,812
from a struggling
teacher and his wife
125
00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:10,079
when we wanna entertain.
126
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:13,816
I had a place like
this once. Oh?
127
00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:16,086
It burned.
128
00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:19,122
That's too bad, Mr. Woodman.
129
00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:21,591
But at least it made it
easy for you to move.
130
00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:23,048
Who moved?
131
00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:27,030
I just stayed at the Y
132
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,020
till the furniture cooled.
133
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,468
That was a... A joke.
134
00:06:32,492 --> 00:06:33,636
It was a joke.
135
00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:34,637
Oh!
136
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:36,673
Mr. Woodman made
a joke. Made a joke.
137
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:40,910
You know, I'm
beginning to relax.
138
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:43,067
Uh, tell me, uh, Kotter,
139
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:45,381
what's troubling you?
140
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,917
Me?
141
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:50,119
You wanna know what's
troubling me, Mr. Woodman?
142
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:53,089
Okay. I'm gonna tell
you what's troubling me.
143
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:55,425
You. You're troubling me.
144
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:59,328
Oh. Uh, you think I made a
fool of myself today, don't you?
145
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:00,864
Well, it wasn't... Well, I...
146
00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:02,932
I did, Kotter, I did.
147
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:05,000
And over what, huh?
148
00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:06,324
Chalk.
149
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:09,472
Chalk, meaningless sticks
150
00:07:09,496 --> 00:07:11,641
of compressed dust.
151
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:14,144
Dollar's worth of nothing.
152
00:07:14,168 --> 00:07:15,478
Zero.
153
00:07:15,502 --> 00:07:17,968
Null. Void!
154
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:25,476
I'm not very
well-liked, am I, Kotter?
155
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:32,195
Why don't we start
eating dinner now?
156
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:33,596
What could it be, Kotter? What?
157
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,954
What's the difference?
You're still getting dinner.
158
00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:40,569
And I'll even taste it first.
159
00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:43,273
The, uh... The
students like you.
160
00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:45,608
You've... You've
got rapport, Kotter.
161
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,843
But what do they think of me?
162
00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:50,613
Well, honestly... I-I
really wanna know, Kotter.
163
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,582
Well... Tell me,
go ahead, tell me.
164
00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:56,252
Basically... I'll make
it easier for you.
165
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:58,321
I'll start. They think
I'm ill-tempered
166
00:07:58,345 --> 00:07:59,488
and insensitive.
167
00:07:59,512 --> 00:08:00,878
That's a good start.
168
00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:04,293
Petty and tyrannical.
169
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,229
Hostile. Unreasonable.
170
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:07,864
Mean.
171
00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:10,533
Rotten. Rotten?
172
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:12,167
Well, that tips it, Kotter.
173
00:08:12,191 --> 00:08:15,193
I don't have to sit here
and be insulted by your wife.
174
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:21,811
Mr. Woodman,
please, I'm so sorry.
175
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,013
Please, don't go.
176
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:25,782
Well, it's, uh...
177
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:28,384
You're right.
It's all true. I...
178
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:29,585
I am rotten.
179
00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:31,554
No, no, you're not rotten.
180
00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:35,258
I mean, I would've stopped
at petty and tyrannical.
181
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:37,326
All you have to do is
loosen up a little bit.
182
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,462
Just stop and smell the roses.
183
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:42,131
In Brooklyn?
184
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:44,656
Well, stop and
smell a few winos.
185
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,705
Look, you have to get
back to your first love,
186
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:49,905
teaching.
187
00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:51,774
Now, you may have
your weaknesses.
188
00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:53,543
But, Julie, this man
189
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:55,912
is one terrific history teacher.
190
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:58,248
You really think so,
huh? The greatest.
191
00:08:58,272 --> 00:09:00,516
Nobody can teach
about military history
192
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,319
like this man right over here.
193
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,488
I guess there was always
something about a good war
194
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:06,789
that cheered me up.
195
00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:10,159
It was probably seeing
all those people with guns
196
00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:12,195
and knowing they're
not in your neighborhood.
197
00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:15,831
You know, Gabe's
right, Mr. Woodman.
198
00:09:15,855 --> 00:09:17,934
You should get back to teaching.
199
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,835
Ridiculous. I wouldn't
know where to start.
200
00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:21,671
I haven't taught a
class in 10 years.
201
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:23,305
Teach my class tomorrow.
202
00:09:23,329 --> 00:09:24,874
Oh, I couldn't. I couldn't.
203
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,076
Come on. They're
not gonna bite you.
204
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,779
I have been bitten by Sweathogs
205
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:32,715
on many occasions.
206
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,550
I made another joke.
207
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,252
Another joke. Another.
208
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:37,887
First one your
apartment was burning
209
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,755
and the second was
bitten by Sweathogs.
210
00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:42,592
Two jokes in one
evening. Come on. Cheers.
211
00:09:42,616 --> 00:09:45,227
All right, I have a surprise
for everybody today.
212
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:48,497
Mr. Woodman has
agreed to teach my class.
213
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:50,632
Him? Him?
214
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:57,073
Now, I'm going right
over here to sit down,
215
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,608
and I want everybody
to think of me today
216
00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:02,612
as just another Sweathog.
217
00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:05,548
Okay, Kotter. No horseplay.
218
00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:07,104
Sit up straight.
219
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:11,019
I've still got it.
220
00:10:11,043 --> 00:10:12,188
All right, boys and girls,
221
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:14,157
take out your, uh,
notebooks and pencils.
222
00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:16,625
What's the matter with you?
You don't have to take notes?
223
00:10:16,649 --> 00:10:17,894
You want me to take notes?
224
00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,529
Okay, right, I'll take notes.
225
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,131
Horshack.
226
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,333
Horshack, lend me a pencil.
227
00:10:23,357 --> 00:10:25,890
Sorry, no loansies.
228
00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:30,309
Horshack.
229
00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:35,978
Mr. Kotter, I am
surprised at you.
230
00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:38,948
Don't you know that you're
supposed to come to class
231
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,083
with two sharpened pencils
232
00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:43,252
in case one breaks?
233
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:45,354
You sound like my mother.
234
00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:49,247
Mr. Kotter, there is
no need to get surly.
235
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:54,652
Well, you know, surly
to bed, surly to rise.
236
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:59,435
Uh, today, we'll, uh, discuss
237
00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:01,236
the Revolutionary War.
238
00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:04,606
Now, who can tell me
239
00:11:04,630 --> 00:11:07,009
where that war started?
240
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:08,311
Mr. Washington?
241
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,113
Right.
242
00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:11,569
What's the answer?
243
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,184
Lexington and... Right.
244
00:11:17,043 --> 00:11:18,877
Lexington Avenue.
245
00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:24,727
Probably here... Near...
246
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:26,996
Probably near 129th Street
by that barbecue, man.
247
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,164
It's a tough neighborhood.
248
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:30,666
A lot of wars
went on over there.
249
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:31,990
Wrong.
250
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:39,942
The answer is
Lexington and Concord.
251
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:42,110
Where the colonists
fired the shot
252
00:11:42,134 --> 00:11:44,435
heard round the world.
253
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:48,684
Now, the redcoats
254
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:51,787
came marching down the road,
255
00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:54,290
not suspecting
that the colonists
256
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,058
were lying in wait for them.
257
00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:58,593
Kotter, get up here
and lie in wait for me.
258
00:11:58,617 --> 00:12:01,497
Did you want me to, uh,
lie in wait any place special?
259
00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:03,365
Well, take cover
behind the hill.
260
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:06,102
Okay, I'm taking cover
behind the hill. All right.
261
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:07,437
Now, 1775.
262
00:12:07,461 --> 00:12:10,439
The scene: Lexington and
Concord, Massachusetts.
263
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,908
And the redcoats came
marching down the road,
264
00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:15,044
not suspecting
that the colonists
265
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,879
were lying in wait for them.
266
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:19,436
Oh! Oh, oh! Oh!
267
00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:24,753
Can I be a prisoner?
268
00:12:24,777 --> 00:12:27,144
I don't know,
maybe... Maybe later.
269
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,458
Fire at will, Kotter.
270
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:32,528
Taxation without
representation, huh? Huh?
271
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:34,352
All right, take this.
272
00:12:36,222 --> 00:12:37,699
You treasonous Yankee dog.
273
00:12:37,723 --> 00:12:40,163
Argh! I surrender!
274
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:48,544
And so on June 16, 1775,
275
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:51,981
George Washington
agreed to take command
276
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:54,616
of the colonial army.
277
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:55,851
Beautiful.
278
00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:59,043
- Beautiful. Bravo.
- Bravo.
279
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:02,892
Mr. Woodman, I hate to admit it,
280
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:04,560
but that was
interesting, really.
281
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:05,727
Yeah, really. You know,
282
00:13:05,751 --> 00:13:08,464
you look like the
guy on the money.
283
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:10,333
That was terrific, Mr. Woodman.
284
00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:13,635
Mr. Kotter doesn't do that
many costume changes in class.
285
00:13:13,659 --> 00:13:15,104
Well, I'm glad
you all enjoyed it.
286
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,172
Wait'll you see the fun
we have with World War II.
287
00:13:17,196 --> 00:13:19,909
Oh, you're coming
back? Oh, that's great.
288
00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:21,711
It was great. It
was really great.
289
00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:24,647
Really, it was great. Great.
290
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:27,116
It was a pretty
good speech, man.
291
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,618
They love me, Kotter.
292
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,853
Mr. Kotter, Mr. Ko...
293
00:13:31,877 --> 00:13:34,979
Mr. Kotter, why is he
wearing Miss Fishbeck's hair?
294
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:38,094
Mr. Woodman, you
gotta do something.
295
00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:40,229
The Sweathogs just
locked Todd Ludlow
296
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:41,764
in a gym locker.
297
00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:43,699
And I don't know how
long he can last in there
298
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:45,857
with Epstein's socks.
299
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,639
Do you hear her, Mr. Woodman?
300
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,307
They locked Todd
Ludlow in a locker.
301
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,176
I've still got it.
302
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,901
He's in a locker
with Epstein's socks.
303
00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:01,650
They love me.
304
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,285
I can see the headlines:
305
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:04,921
"Vice principal wears wig
306
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:07,678
while socks smother student."
307
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:15,987
♪ Welcome back ♪
308
00:14:18,157 --> 00:14:20,469
Good morning. Good morning.
309
00:14:20,493 --> 00:14:21,803
Good morning, children.
310
00:14:21,827 --> 00:14:23,506
Good morning, Mr. Kotter.
311
00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:25,308
Ah. Good morning, Mr. Woodman.
312
00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:27,876
And a beautiful morning it is.
313
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:30,412
Good morning, students.
314
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:33,148
This is Principal Lazarus.
315
00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:36,352
I'm addressing whoever
has disconnected the bell.
316
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:40,489
You have this first
period to reconnect it.
317
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:42,591
No questions asked.
318
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:46,495
In the meantime,
get to your classes.
319
00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:49,320
Ding dong.
320
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:55,637
In the classroom, come on.
321
00:14:55,661 --> 00:14:57,840
Oh, uh, Kotter?
322
00:14:57,864 --> 00:15:00,176
I, uh... I wanna thank you
323
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,511
for letting me take your
class yesterday and, uh,
324
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,535
well, bless you, Kotter.
325
00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:07,516
Mr. Woodman, don't you think
326
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:10,020
you should take me
out a few times first?
327
00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:12,087
Ohh.
328
00:15:12,111 --> 00:15:13,311
Uh...
329
00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:16,458
When you're at that
wedding, remember,
330
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:18,427
the cha-cha is different
than the mambo.
331
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,863
It's one-two, one-two-three.
332
00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:22,754
One-two...
333
00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:29,638
Epstein. Barbarino.
334
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:31,273
What? What? Come over here.
335
00:15:31,297 --> 00:15:32,896
Come over here.
336
00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:38,247
What is this?
337
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,482
Uh, we're on a junior
achievement project
338
00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:42,540
for the telephone company.
339
00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:45,754
You guys, uh, wouldn't
happen to know
340
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,923
who disconnected
the bell, would you?
341
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,157
It's probably the same guy
342
00:15:49,181 --> 00:15:51,660
that stuck Todd Ludlow in
my gym locker, you know.
343
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:54,730
Part of the undesirable
element here at Buchanan.
344
00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:57,533
Epstein, you are the president
345
00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:59,991
of the undesirable
element here at Buchanan.
346
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:03,305
Now go and reconnect that bell.
347
00:16:03,329 --> 00:16:05,007
Never judge by
appearances Kotter.
348
00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:06,942
Appearances
deceive, they delude.
349
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,110
Now,
350
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:10,145
you must learn to
trust these children.
351
00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:11,880
Trust is the very foundation
352
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:13,482
of good
student-teacher relations.
353
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:14,817
And remember, Kotter,
354
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:19,187
there are no bad
boys, just bad teachers.
355
00:16:19,211 --> 00:16:20,489
Run along now, boys.
356
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,753
Thanks. Thanks, Mr. Woodman.
357
00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:26,528
Class is over!
358
00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:28,597
That wasn't the
bell. Get back inside.
359
00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:30,721
Back inside.
360
00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:33,336
President William Claiborne
361
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,004
who settled Maryland.
362
00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:37,039
William Penn who
settled Pennsylvania.
363
00:16:37,063 --> 00:16:39,308
Okay, can anybody tell
me who settled New Jersey?
364
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,398
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
365
00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:44,735
Is New Jersey settled?
366
00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:47,683
Arnold, New
Jersey's been settled
367
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,819
for more than 250 years.
368
00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:51,954
Ha! You never been to
Newark on a Saturday night.
369
00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:55,324
Boogie, boogie, boogie.
370
00:16:56,482 --> 00:16:58,627
Hey, all right, come on.
371
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:01,630
I know you'd rather be,
uh, watching Mr. Woodman
372
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:04,099
crash the Boston Tea Party.
373
00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:06,243
But some of us
are here to learn.
374
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,292
Who?
375
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:12,708
Okay, I'm gonna get some of
these names up on the board...
376
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:15,077
Excuse me, I gotta boogie
to my desk to get some chalk.
377
00:17:15,101 --> 00:17:17,746
Boogie, boogie,
boogie, boogie, boogie.
378
00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:25,321
Woodman's yellow chalk.
379
00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:28,290
All of Woodman's
yellow chalk is in my desk.
380
00:17:28,314 --> 00:17:31,394
Well, we had to
put it some place.
381
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:33,996
Yeah and it'd break
Uncle Woody's heart
382
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:35,731
if he thought that we took it.
383
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:37,533
So you want him
to think that I took it?
384
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,368
Sure, why not?
385
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,537
All right, I wanna
know who's responsible
386
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:42,871
for taking that chalk
387
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,606
and hiding it in my desk.
388
00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:45,975
All right, it was my idea.
389
00:17:45,999 --> 00:17:47,576
I took the chalk.
390
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,111
I opened the desk drawer.
391
00:17:49,135 --> 00:17:51,013
And I stuck the chalk inside it.
392
00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:54,082
And I... closed the drawer.
393
00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:59,088
You guys really stick
together, don't you?
394
00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:00,778
Mmm-hmm.
395
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:05,327
All right, by tomorrow morning,
from each and everyone of you,
396
00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:08,563
I want a 500-word
essay... Oh, man.
397
00:18:08,587 --> 00:18:11,734
On how to be a human being.
398
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:14,069
You know, I don't
believe this, I really don't.
399
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,171
It's like The Exorcist
or something.
400
00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:19,874
I think... I think Woodman
has taken over his body.
401
00:18:19,898 --> 00:18:22,867
Hey, Woodman, you in there?
402
00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:26,248
I'm in here by
myself, Barbarino.
403
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,749
What is it, really, Mr. Kotter?
404
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:29,551
Ever since we made
nice with Uncle Woody
405
00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:31,219
you've been
crawling up our backs.
406
00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:33,121
Hey, that's right,
man. What's with you?
407
00:18:33,145 --> 00:18:35,357
Um, you... You jealous or what?
- Ooh.
408
00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:39,128
Me, jealous of, uh,
Father Flanagan?
409
00:18:39,152 --> 00:18:40,395
All I know
410
00:18:40,419 --> 00:18:42,598
is you've been turning
into a real louse.
411
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,700
Yes, that's true,
Mr. Kotter. Yeah.
412
00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:46,902
All right, quiet!
413
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:48,237
That is it!
414
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:49,972
Let's get this
straight, all right?!
415
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:51,606
This is a school!
416
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:52,708
A school!
417
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:54,176
You're in a school!
418
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,045
And I am a schoolteacher.
419
00:18:56,069 --> 00:18:58,713
That means I am the boss.
420
00:18:58,737 --> 00:19:00,271
Do you understand that?
421
00:19:06,745 --> 00:19:10,258
I am still waiting
to get my bell back.
422
00:19:10,282 --> 00:19:11,860
Ding dong.
423
00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:13,962
Saved by the bell.
424
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,797
All right. All right.
Let's go. Come on.
425
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:17,399
Oh, man.
426
00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:19,768
Sit down. No one
leaves until I say so.
427
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:22,705
Sit down. Kotter, I
wanna... You too.
428
00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:25,807
Sit down, Uncle Woody.
429
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,008
All right, I am fed up.
430
00:19:27,032 --> 00:19:29,277
You understand that?
I'm sick of all of you.
431
00:19:29,301 --> 00:19:31,113
Of your contempt,
your arrogance,
432
00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:33,382
your disrespect.
433
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:36,407
I know what you're trying to do.
434
00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:40,622
Well, it's not gonna work!
435
00:19:40,646 --> 00:19:43,525
Nobody is gonna make
me crazy, understand that?
436
00:19:43,549 --> 00:19:46,617
Nobody's gonna make me crazy!
437
00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:55,619
I think we made him crazy.
438
00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:02,210
Kotter. Kotter, you gotta
relax. I mean, loosen up.
439
00:20:02,234 --> 00:20:03,545
I'm not crazy.
440
00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:05,881
Have a few drinks, nice dinner,
441
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:08,150
quiet conversation with friends.
442
00:20:08,174 --> 00:20:09,451
That is, if you have any left
443
00:20:09,475 --> 00:20:12,287
after that disgusting
performance.
444
00:20:12,311 --> 00:20:14,256
You know, Kotter,
you're beginning to sound
445
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:17,815
a little like me be...
Before I became a...
446
00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:20,117
A great guy.
447
00:20:21,253 --> 00:20:22,719
Mr. Woodman...
448
00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:26,702
how would you like to
go back to being you?
449
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,203
What for?
450
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,172
I mean, I'm happy being not me.
451
00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:33,108
Yeah, but if you're not
you, then I can't be me.
452
00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:34,610
And then I gotta be somebody,
453
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,211
so I become you.
454
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,701
How does it feel?
455
00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:40,583
Terrible.
456
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:42,150
Look, I am a better teacher
457
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:43,986
than I am a disciplinarian.
458
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:46,422
But the school has gotta
have a disciplinarian.
459
00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:49,391
I know being
Mr. Woodman is a rotten job,
460
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:50,948
but somebody's gotta do it.
461
00:20:58,057 --> 00:21:00,435
What's that, Kotter?
462
00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:02,137
What? That.
463
00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:04,573
What? It's the
missing yellow chalk.
464
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:07,876
Freeze. Freeze. You...
465
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:10,879
You... You're all in it
together, weren't you?
466
00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:12,615
And you too, Kotter.
467
00:21:12,639 --> 00:21:14,616
I don't suppose that
you'd be interested
468
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:16,085
in quieting down
469
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:18,887
and conducting a calm,
rational investigation.
470
00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:21,923
I am being totally calm.
471
00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:24,626
I am dealing with Sweathogs.
472
00:21:24,650 --> 00:21:27,162
And one approaches Sweathogs
473
00:21:27,186 --> 00:21:29,664
only with total
iron-fisted authority
474
00:21:29,688 --> 00:21:31,132
and that includes a Sweathog
475
00:21:31,156 --> 00:21:33,101
disguised as a teacher.
476
00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:35,337
Ooh.
477
00:21:35,361 --> 00:21:36,838
And now, Kotter,
478
00:21:36,862 --> 00:21:40,109
I want every stick of that
chalk returned to my office
479
00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:41,443
with a written explanation
480
00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:44,713
of how it came to be
in your desk drawer.
481
00:21:44,737 --> 00:21:46,581
And you will be
assisted in this task
482
00:21:46,605 --> 00:21:49,318
by the members of your class.
483
00:21:49,342 --> 00:21:51,453
Hey, man... And now,
484
00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:54,790
you pack of howling baboons,
485
00:21:54,814 --> 00:21:56,991
go to your next class.
486
00:21:57,015 --> 00:21:59,616
Come on, boogie.
487
00:22:15,201 --> 00:22:17,301
Well, Kotter, I guess, uh...
488
00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:20,682
I guess I am really good
489
00:22:20,706 --> 00:22:22,684
at being Mr. Woodman, aren't I?
490
00:22:22,708 --> 00:22:24,186
You certainly are.
491
00:22:24,210 --> 00:22:25,809
You're the worst.
492
00:22:27,145 --> 00:22:30,792
You know, I really missed him.
493
00:22:30,816 --> 00:22:33,094
So did I.
494
00:22:33,118 --> 00:22:35,297
Welcome back, Mr. Woodman.
495
00:22:35,321 --> 00:22:37,933
Wipe that smile
off your face, Kotter.
496
00:22:37,957 --> 00:22:39,956
Woodman's back in town.
497
00:22:45,198 --> 00:22:49,099
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
498
00:22:52,371 --> 00:22:55,283
A guy walks into
a bar. What guy?
499
00:22:55,307 --> 00:22:57,986
Whatever, a guy walks into
a bar, orders two martinis.
500
00:22:58,010 --> 00:22:59,521
Right? You with me so far?
501
00:22:59,545 --> 00:23:03,525
Yeah, somebody I don't
know is in a bar, and he orders.
502
00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:04,727
Two martinis.
503
00:23:04,751 --> 00:23:05,894
Drinks one martini,
504
00:23:05,918 --> 00:23:07,729
pours the second one
in his breast pocket.
505
00:23:07,753 --> 00:23:08,963
From his pocket, you hear:
506
00:23:11,357 --> 00:23:13,435
Orders two more
martinis, drinks one,
507
00:23:13,459 --> 00:23:14,903
second one over here, you hear:
508
00:23:16,462 --> 00:23:18,373
The bartender looks
at this guy funny.
509
00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:20,208
I should imagine.
510
00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:22,544
This guy orders 10
martinis, drinks five,
511
00:23:22,568 --> 00:23:24,112
the other five in
his breast pocket
512
00:23:24,136 --> 00:23:25,136
and you keep hearing:
513
00:23:26,639 --> 00:23:29,350
The bartender's getting mad.
He says, "All right, you, fella.
514
00:23:29,374 --> 00:23:31,219
You're a weirdo.
Get outta here."
515
00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:32,787
Guy looks at the
bartender, says:
516
00:23:32,811 --> 00:23:34,689
"I don't have to leave this bar.
517
00:23:34,713 --> 00:23:36,858
"I am a citizen,
and I pay taxes,
518
00:23:36,882 --> 00:23:40,729
and I'm gonna punch
you right in the nose."
519
00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:42,731
And from his breast
pocket a little mouse
520
00:23:42,755 --> 00:23:44,232
appears over the top and goes,
521
00:23:44,256 --> 00:23:47,524
"And that goes for
your stupid cat too."
522
00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:06,455
♪ Welcome back ♪
523
00:24:06,479 --> 00:24:10,324
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
524
00:24:10,348 --> 00:24:12,627
♪ Welcome back ♪
525
00:24:12,651 --> 00:24:17,499
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
526
00:24:17,523 --> 00:24:19,701
♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪
527
00:24:19,725 --> 00:24:21,803
♪ Since you hung around ♪
528
00:24:21,827 --> 00:24:24,005
♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪
529
00:24:24,029 --> 00:24:26,408
♪ And they've turned around ♪
530
00:24:26,432 --> 00:24:28,477
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
531
00:24:28,501 --> 00:24:30,245
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
532
00:24:30,269 --> 00:24:32,447
♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪
533
00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:34,649
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
534
00:24:34,673 --> 00:24:36,618
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
535
00:24:36,642 --> 00:24:38,820
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
536
00:24:38,844 --> 00:24:40,956
♪ Welcome back ♪
537
00:24:40,980 --> 00:24:43,091
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
538
00:24:43,115 --> 00:24:45,294
♪ Welcome back ♪
539
00:24:45,318 --> 00:24:47,462
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
540
00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:49,664
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
541
00:24:49,688 --> 00:24:51,900
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
542
00:24:51,924 --> 00:24:54,069
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
543
00:24:54,093 --> 00:24:56,238
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
544
00:24:56,262 --> 00:24:58,473
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
545
00:24:58,497 --> 00:25:00,541
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
546
00:25:00,565 --> 00:25:02,677
♪ Welcome back ♪
547
00:25:02,701 --> 00:25:04,913
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
548
00:25:04,937 --> 00:25:06,948
♪ Welcome back ♪
549
00:25:06,972 --> 00:25:09,306
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
36715
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