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1
00:00:07,008 --> 00:00:09,800
In local news,
champion angler abe simpson
2
00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:11,468
Is retiring.
3
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,303
Yes, it's o-fish-ial.
4
00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:16,306
After reeling in
his 20th fishing derby win,
5
00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:18,267
He's finally bowing trout.
6
00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:21,020
Later, stay tuna
for a sharking story
7
00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:23,063
About a local sturgeon
with a cod complex
8
00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:26,442
Who kills patients
just for the halibut.
9
00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:28,318
Abe, why retire now?
10
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:32,322
Well, I want to go out
on my 20-year win streak
11
00:00:32,324 --> 00:00:36,160
And pass along my only
earthly talent to my son.
12
00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:37,995
Tomorrow he's gonna take over
13
00:00:37,997 --> 00:00:40,497
The simpson family
fishing dominance.
14
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:43,042
To all you fish
out there watching,
15
00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:44,668
He's a-comin' for ya!
16
00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:47,713
Whoa. It's sexy
when you're on the local news
17
00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:48,797
For something not horrible.
18
00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:52,009
Those fish should be so scared.
19
00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:54,595
Oh, those fish
shouldn't be scared at all.
20
00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:56,805
I never win anything.
21
00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:59,892
Why does my dad think
I'll win this fishing contest?
22
00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:02,561
Maybe because all you have to do
is sit still
23
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:03,771
And hold a stick.
24
00:01:03,773 --> 00:01:06,482
That's two things! [groans]
25
00:01:06,484 --> 00:01:08,484
[birds singing]
26
00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:10,486
[humming]
27
00:01:10,488 --> 00:01:11,779
[door opens]
28
00:01:11,781 --> 00:01:13,197
Principal skinner,
sorry to barge in,
29
00:01:13,199 --> 00:01:15,199
But I'm applying
to the most selective
30
00:01:15,201 --> 00:01:17,034
Kids' summer camp
in the country.
31
00:01:17,036 --> 00:01:19,787
They even reject the
silicon valley adderall kids.
32
00:01:19,789 --> 00:01:22,664
And, um, I was hoping
you'd write me
33
00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:23,916
A letter of recommendation.
34
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:25,709
[chuckles]
recommendation letter?
35
00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:28,295
No one's ever asked me
to write one of those before.
36
00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:31,673
I've mainly just done letters
to judges requesting leniency.
37
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:33,592
If I'm accepted into the
university of springfield camp,
38
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,552
I'll be fast-tracked to get into
39
00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:37,429
The amherst middle school
summer workshop,
40
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,597
Which is a feeder
41
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,265
To the uc santa cruz
marine biology retreat,
42
00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:44,186
Which is a sure ticket into
the oberlin philosophy day camp
43
00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:46,021
With sleepover option.
44
00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:48,857
Well, I believe
my edu95 software bundle
45
00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:52,569
Did come
with a recommendation template.
46
00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:55,030
[whirring]
47
00:01:56,325 --> 00:02:00,702
Don't forget, I was
the classroom hamster monitor.
48
00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:03,872
And the art club
parliamentarian.
49
00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:05,624
And I chaired the fundraiser
50
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,293
To get the lunch ladies
ethical hairnets. [chuckles]
51
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:10,129
Got it.
52
00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:12,381
"many interests."
53
00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:13,799
And print.
54
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,092
[whirring]
55
00:02:16,387 --> 00:02:18,470
[gasps]
56
00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:22,766
Never mind.
57
00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:25,060
♪
58
00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:28,063
Welcome to the annual
springfield fishing derby,
59
00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:30,065
Sponsored by duff camo.
60
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,692
"the deer will never see
you're drunk."
61
00:02:31,694 --> 00:02:35,654
And now, the champion emeritus
will throw out
62
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:38,323
The ceremonial first cast!
63
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,576
[grunts]
64
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,745
-[chuckles]
-[cheering]
65
00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:45,539
Dad, why do you think
I can do this?
66
00:02:45,541 --> 00:02:46,874
I never win anything.
67
00:02:46,876 --> 00:02:48,083
Oh, I don't believe in you.
68
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:51,086
I'm banking on
the simpsons fishing gene.
69
00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:52,421
I'm finally gonna pass down
something
70
00:02:52,423 --> 00:02:55,257
Other than chronic hand hate.
71
00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:58,260
-[crying]
-oh!
72
00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:02,014
We're three hours
into this nail-biting,
73
00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:04,141
Intense competition, folks,
74
00:03:04,143 --> 00:03:06,894
Which means butt fatigue
is really setting in
75
00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:08,937
On these recumbent warriors.
76
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,814
[groaning]
77
00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:13,192
[joints cracking]
78
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,614
Aw, man, if I wanted
to watch dad sit and do nothing,
79
00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:20,282
I'd visit him at work.
80
00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:22,409
Mom, I bet
the other camp applicants
81
00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:24,870
Are volunteering
and accomplishing stuff.
82
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,288
I'm just standing around here
83
00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:28,832
Getting a tan line
from my pearls!
84
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,125
I'm sure you'll get in.
85
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:32,127
You get into everything.
86
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,796
I could pick up litter,
rescue driftwood,
87
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:38,467
Make sure beavers aren't chewing
on washed-up mannequin arms.
88
00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:41,762
-[chittering angrily]
-[grunting]
89
00:03:41,764 --> 00:03:42,512
Oh...
90
00:03:42,598 --> 00:03:43,889
[quietly]
sorry, marge,
91
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,766
But could you murmur
a little quieter?
92
00:03:45,768 --> 00:03:47,351
I'm trying to fish.
93
00:03:49,647 --> 00:03:50,520
Uh-oh.
94
00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:53,232
I got to let myself run
a little.
95
00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:55,359
Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh! Oh!
96
00:03:55,361 --> 00:03:57,611
-Hmm.
-[homer groaning]
97
00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:59,238
[others laughing]
98
00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:01,615
Ah!
99
00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:03,450
[laughter]
100
00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:06,536
What the hell is that thing?!
101
00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:08,997
Get it out! Get it!
102
00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:10,791
Oh. Hey!
103
00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:11,875
-Homie!
-[bart whooping]
104
00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:15,545
The fish weight to beat
is 7.2 pounds.
105
00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:17,464
Will a heavier fish arise?
106
00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:19,466
We'll find out right after this.
107
00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:21,134
When you're gutting your catch,
108
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,136
Are you sick and tired
of being stared at
109
00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:25,264
By cold, accusing fish eyes?
110
00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:26,556
You need the happy hood.
111
00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:30,519
That's right, fish,
you'll love it!
112
00:04:30,521 --> 00:04:32,396
And don't forget to play
the happy hood mobile game.
113
00:04:32,398 --> 00:04:35,899
Homer simpson's fish
comes in at...
114
00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:37,734
10.4 pounds.
115
00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,027
We have a winner!
116
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:42,030
[crying]
I've never won anything before.
117
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,532
What do I do?
118
00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:45,033
Uh...
119
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,415
[chuckles]
oh, my gorgeous boy.
120
00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:54,084
I've never loved you more!
121
00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:56,128
Thanks, dad.
122
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:02,384
I get to cook my husband's
prize-winning fish!
123
00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:05,679
The whole house
is gonna stink like victory!
124
00:05:10,394 --> 00:05:13,312
What? Is this
where marbles come from?
125
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,314
Like pearls and lobsters?
126
00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:18,567
Uh, how did my slingshot marbles
get in there?
127
00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:23,030
You added weight to my fish
with marbles?!
128
00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:24,614
I-I couldn't help it!
129
00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:27,734
Watching you lose was so boring.
130
00:05:27,736 --> 00:05:30,871
So I didn't really win at all.
131
00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:32,122
You cheated!
132
00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:34,333
[grunting angrily]
133
00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:38,462
[sighs]
oh.
134
00:05:38,464 --> 00:05:40,213
Oh, my gorgeous boy,
135
00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:42,174
I've never loved you more!
136
00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:49,639
"the saga of the oregon trail,"
137
00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:51,933
A poem by milhouse van houten.
138
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:54,394
"we started our journey
to the pacific
139
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:59,274
Because we heard
that it was terrific."
140
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:02,694
I'm here to take bart simpson
to his doctor's appointment.
141
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,321
I have a doctor's appointment?
142
00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:06,615
Oh, yeah. Bunch of them.
You're really sick.
143
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:13,246
"we made our first camp
when we were all ready.
144
00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:15,248
We made our first dinner,
145
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,584
Meatballs and spaghetti."
146
00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:21,797
Uh, this isn't the way
to the doctor.
147
00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:23,965
[laughs]
148
00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:25,133
There's no doctor.
149
00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,968
So I'm not sick?
150
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,137
I don't know.
Everybody's got something.
151
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:31,765
You and me are going cheating.
152
00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:32,974
Huh?
153
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:35,060
When your fish marbles
won me that contest,
154
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,229
It was the greatest thrill
I ever had as a father.
155
00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:39,731
And I want
to feel that rush again.
156
00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:45,278
Uh, how do we cheat
at rock skipping?
157
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,864
I don't know. Making a plan
158
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:50,325
To cheat in advance
felt dishonest.
159
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:55,080
-[whirring]
-[humming]
160
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:58,250
Perfect.
161
00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:00,127
-[whirring]
-[high-pitched humming]
162
00:07:01,130 --> 00:07:04,297
Ooh, a big envelope
from summer camp admissions!
163
00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:06,091
[singsongy]
I bet that's good news!
164
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:09,094
Mom, that's my safety.
165
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,637
Of course
I'm gonna get in there.
166
00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:13,098
Florida state's
a total party camp.
167
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,225
Why haven't I heard yet?
168
00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:17,060
Janey got responses
from all her camps,
169
00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,478
Even her reaches.
170
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,398
Her essay was about her
grandmother's immigrant story.
171
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,608
-Uh-huh.
-She came from ottawa.
172
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,152
That's barely an immigrant.
173
00:07:25,154 --> 00:07:26,528
-[whirring]
-[grunting]
174
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,490
[announcer] coming up later,
the liv pickleball tour
175
00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:34,286
From riyadh, where
it's 110 degrees in the desert
176
00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:36,496
And the action's heating up.
177
00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:39,499
But now it's time
for competitive rock skipping!
178
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:42,169
They are really scraping
the bottom of the barrel
179
00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:43,712
For new sports content.
180
00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:46,465
Yeah, and barrel scraping
is up next.
181
00:07:48,427 --> 00:07:50,218
[announcer] here we have
last year's champion,
182
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,929
Cletus spuckler,
taking the shore.
183
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,181
Home viewers will notice
184
00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:56,850
That's not the famous
nike swoosh on his shoes
185
00:07:56,852 --> 00:07:59,644
But, rather,
leeches on his bare feet.
186
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,063
Here comes the skip.
187
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,817
[audience gasping]
188
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,694
[announcer]
22 skips!
189
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:11,364
That's a throw worthy of
the late, great doink anderson!
190
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,033
Interesting fact--
he left his widow nothing.
191
00:08:13,035 --> 00:08:15,660
Next up, homer simpson,
192
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:19,247
A first-timer but using the same
equipment as these pros,
193
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,458
A flat rock
he found on the ground.
194
00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:23,210
[kisses, grunts]
195
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,299
-[announcer] 46 skips.
-[audience exclaiming]
196
00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:33,762
This almost makes
my hitchhiking here worth it.
197
00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:36,389
[chuckling]
198
00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:37,891
[cheering]
199
00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,893
This, this is what we do it for.
200
00:08:39,895 --> 00:08:41,353
The cheater's high.
201
00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:44,481
You can feel the scam
pulsing in your blood,
202
00:08:44,483 --> 00:08:46,399
Like snorting
lotto scratcher dust
203
00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,944
Or being elected king
of hamburger planet!
204
00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:52,656
You know, dad, all the times
I cheated on stuff before--
205
00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,783
School tests, covid tests--
206
00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:56,201
I always felt
kind of bad about it,
207
00:08:56,203 --> 00:09:00,580
But cheating with you
feels so right.
208
00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:02,123
Can we do it one more time?
209
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:05,627
Son, we're never gonna stop
doing it.
210
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:09,464
♪ come on,
let's get our cheat on, baby ♪
211
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:13,760
♪ no need to follow rules,
we're lazy ♪
212
00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:19,432
♪ order water
but fill your cup with sprite ♪
213
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:23,311
♪ say you're in the army
to preboard your flight ♪
214
00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:27,232
♪ fake a corporate tweet
to sell a stock short ♪
215
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:31,027
♪ take your pig to work
as emotional support ♪
216
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,362
♪ we're
a two-man scheming crew ♪
217
00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:37,200
♪ cheating's
our father-son glue ♪
218
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:39,411
♪ honestly, with honesty,
we never got along ♪
219
00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:44,207
♪ I raised you right
by teaching you wrong ♪
220
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:47,335
♪ get a doctor's note
for more time on the sat ♪
221
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:52,424
♪ write your term paper
with chatgpt ♪
222
00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:59,556
♪ lose an election
and call it unfair ♪
223
00:09:59,558 --> 00:10:03,727
♪ cut the roller coaster line
with a rented wheelchair ♪
224
00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:07,981
♪ I reckon you're
my cheating soul brother ♪
225
00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:10,317
♪ cheat on anything ♪
226
00:10:10,319 --> 00:10:13,194
♪ but never each other ♪
227
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:17,449
♪ but never each other. ♪
[whoops]
228
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:19,451
Bart, I finally get
229
00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:21,161
Why some dudes become dads
on purpose.
230
00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:24,289
This has been
the best week of my life.
231
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,498
Me, too!
232
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,417
And my life's not a barf-nado
like yours.
233
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,546
Do you think
it's a little strange
234
00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:34,799
That your dad is suddenly
winning all these contests
235
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,926
And giant prizes?
236
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:39,262
Yeah, I've noticed
the same thing.
237
00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:42,599
I guess I just assumed
that sports in america
238
00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:44,392
Were getting much, much easier.
239
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:45,560
[homer]
hey, honey.
240
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,604
Do you want
this ladies' ghillie suit I won
241
00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:50,023
At the tobacco-spitting
competition?
242
00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:52,025
Homer, we need to talk.
243
00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:53,526
Oh, I like when we talk.
244
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:56,237
I don't like
when we need to talk.
245
00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:58,031
You're sure winning
a lot of activities
246
00:10:58,033 --> 00:11:00,241
You've never even tried before.
247
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:01,743
I'm sorry to ask this, but...
248
00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:03,286
Are you cheating?
249
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:08,083
Oh, I can't lie to you.
250
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,459
Wait, that's a lie.
251
00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:12,712
I can lie and I have,
but I'm not going to now.
252
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:16,091
I am cheating,
but not for prizes or glory.
253
00:11:16,093 --> 00:11:18,259
Me and bart
are cheating together as a team.
254
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:20,428
-It's our father-son thing.
-[electrical buzzing]
255
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:23,056
[sighs] can't you do
something else with bart,
256
00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:25,350
Like coach his soccer team?
257
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,477
Soccer? You mean bribing refs?
258
00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:28,311
Where's the challenge?
259
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:29,354
That's not the kind of cheating
260
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:32,148
That brings a dad
and his son closer.
261
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:34,859
We have this special bond,
like lavar and lonzo ball
262
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:38,196
Or cecil and prince fielder
before they became estranged.
263
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,156
No, no, no, no, no, no.
264
00:11:40,158 --> 00:11:41,825
Cheating is wrong.
265
00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:44,953
Maybe you should find another
way to bond with your son,
266
00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:46,037
Like just being a good dad.
267
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:49,457
Oh, where's the jet ski in that?
268
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:50,166
[growls]
269
00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:51,960
Marge, you're always saying
270
00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:53,586
You want our kids to succeed.
271
00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:56,297
Then maybe not cheating
is cheating them.
272
00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:58,758
Hmm.
273
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,260
Refresh.
274
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,637
Refresh.
275
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,180
Still nothing.
276
00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:04,931
Refresh.
[gasps]
277
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,725
Spinny rainbow!
278
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:08,435
[gasps]
nothing.
279
00:12:08,437 --> 00:12:08,937
[doorbell rings]
280
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:10,311
Lisa simpson,
281
00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:14,023
I'm here from the university
of springfield camp.
282
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:16,067
And I'm very excited to tell you
283
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,862
That you've been accepted
into our summer program.
284
00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:21,656
[gasps]
I got in?
285
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,074
That's amazing! Oh!
286
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,118
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
287
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:29,122
It's so classy that you came
to tell everybody in person.
288
00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:31,416
As the rowing coach,
I like to personally welcome
289
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,710
All the incoming members
of our camp rowing team.
290
00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:35,128
What? Rowing?
291
00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:38,256
Your application photos
were amazing.
292
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,008
You can row anywhere
in the shell--
293
00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:42,594
Stroke, bow, powerhouse.
294
00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,763
Uh, what?
295
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,681
-What?
-See you at camp.
296
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:48,266
Here's your henley!
297
00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:53,563
[gasps]
298
00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:56,107
[gasps loudly]
299
00:12:57,235 --> 00:13:01,613
[gasps] someone put doctored
photos into my application!
300
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:04,532
And I know who.
301
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,326
♪
302
00:13:09,790 --> 00:13:10,789
[shrieks]
303
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:12,749
You cheated.
304
00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:14,125
For me!
305
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,628
What?! No, I didn't!
306
00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:18,546
Honey, what's the matter?
307
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:21,299
Dad and bart put my head
on an olympic rower's body
308
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,635
To cheat my way into camp!
309
00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:25,011
No, we didn't.
Why would we help someone
310
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:26,846
Who's already good at things?
311
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:28,348
Now shut up.
Dad's in the finals.
312
00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:31,601
He could win an electric truck
they converted back to gas.
313
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,439
You've already cheated at
every dumb sport in the world!
314
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:39,609
I bet you're cheating
at this dumb sport right now!
315
00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:41,569
[all gasp]
316
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:42,862
[thud]
317
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:43,905
[moleman]
ow, my foot.
318
00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,281
[quietly]
lisa, shh.
319
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:48,743
A lot of these axe throwers
have guns in their cars.
320
00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:50,954
What are you afraid of,
321
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:52,831
That they'll see...
322
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,874
-This?
-[gasping]
323
00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,751
A magnet.
324
00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:57,961
If you was cheating at this,
325
00:13:57,963 --> 00:14:00,797
I bet you cheated
at all them other events
326
00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:03,633
You surprisingly
and illogically won.
327
00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:04,926
We were robbed!
328
00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:07,303
Of our prizes and our dignity!
329
00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:10,265
-[heavy metal music playing]
-get 'em!
330
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:13,017
Stay back!
I'm a champion axe thrower!
331
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,727
-[grunting]
-[thud]
332
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,229
[moleman]
ow, my stump.
333
00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:24,904
Don't let them cheaters
get away!
334
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:25,864
Look, guys,
you got us all wrong.
335
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:27,782
We didn't cheat!
336
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:31,369
[quietly] quick, get on the atvs
we won by cheating.
337
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,829
[laughs]
338
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,998
Looks like you just got cheated!
339
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,250
Out of your revenge!
340
00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:52,223
[all sigh]
341
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:55,226
If you think I'm not mad
anymore, you're wrong.
342
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,729
While we were escaping,
I got even more mad!
343
00:14:57,731 --> 00:15:00,481
It's called multitasking.
344
00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:03,776
And it was one of the legitimate
skills on my application.
345
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:06,237
Remember?
The one you cheated on?
346
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,071
We didn't, I swear.
347
00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:10,033
-Cheater's honor.
-Oh, really?
348
00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:12,327
Well, if you didn't,
then who uploaded
349
00:15:12,329 --> 00:15:16,664
All those fake photos of me
rowing so I could get into camp?
350
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:17,832
[marge]
I did.
351
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:18,625
You?
352
00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:20,835
You?! No, no.
353
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,462
It must've been me!
354
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:24,130
No, it was me.
355
00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:26,382
But, marge, you're you.
356
00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:29,802
You're sweet, pure,
incorruptible.
357
00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:31,596
[gasps]
dad,
358
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,798
We ruined mom.
359
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,433
No! No!
360
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:38,353
[retching]
361
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,858
What have I done?
362
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:46,527
Other than everything
I know that I did?
363
00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:48,029
Yes, I cheated.
364
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,989
And you showed me how to do it.
365
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:52,825
But not to win
a beef jerky dehydrator
366
00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:55,828
Or harley-davidson
beard shampoo.
367
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,914
"if you want your kids
to succeed,
368
00:15:57,916 --> 00:16:00,750
Then not cheating
is cheating them."
369
00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:03,044
[retching]
370
00:16:03,046 --> 00:16:06,673
Mom, you also cheated me
out of the chance
371
00:16:06,675 --> 00:16:08,466
To get in on my own merits!
372
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,760
I worked hard.
373
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:12,470
I cleaned up the beach.
374
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,930
I taught old people
how to email!
375
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:18,851
I was working
with 72-point font!
376
00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:21,896
Oh, this is all our fault.
377
00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:23,773
Son, we made a terrible mistake.
378
00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:26,776
But we can learn and do better.
379
00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:30,613
Let's never, ever bond again.
380
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:33,032
You're right. Never again.
381
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:35,868
Promise me this is
the last time we hug.
382
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:38,287
I swear, dad. I swear.
383
00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:38,955
There you is.
384
00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:40,957
We never would've found you
385
00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:42,583
If it weren't
for all that guilt vomiting
386
00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:44,794
We done heard.
387
00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,629
Go ahead. Kill me.
388
00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:48,089
Cleave my skull.
389
00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:50,258
I don't deserve to live
after corrupting
390
00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:52,593
The only good person
I've ever known.
391
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:54,220
I don't know about that.
392
00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:56,889
We was just gonna rough you up
a little bit.
393
00:16:56,891 --> 00:16:58,725
Oh. Well, I mean, I...
394
00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:00,351
I guess we could kill you,
395
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:03,062
But you probably need
to sign a waiver or something.
396
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:05,273
[man]
nobody is killing anyone.
397
00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:06,899
[groaning]
398
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,443
The simpsons are coming with us.
399
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:09,485
[yelping]
400
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:11,279
[grunts]
401
00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:12,697
[tires screech]
402
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:16,993
You think we'll all stay friends
after this or just drift apart?
403
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:22,165
Well, mm, drift apart it is.
404
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,128
Aw, this is the camp
I wanted to go to.
405
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:30,089
They must know
about the fake application.
406
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,927
[chuckles]
welcome, simpsons!
407
00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:36,137
I hope you don't mind that I had
408
00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:38,097
The university of springfield
football team
409
00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:38,931
Bring you here.
410
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,601
Um, I want to apologize
411
00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:43,061
For being party
to a false application.
412
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:48,399
My mother and I need to have
"the talk" about honesty.
413
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,234
Lisa, don't be mad
at your mother.
414
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,862
It may surprise you to learn
that this institution has
415
00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:55,031
A proud tradition
of embracing cheating.
416
00:17:55,033 --> 00:17:59,535
After all, this is
university of springfield camp,
417
00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:01,954
Usc.
418
00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:04,832
Well... You're okay
with me cheating?
419
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:07,919
Say it isn't so, dean belichick.
420
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:10,088
You think your application
was the only one
421
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:12,131
With embellishments?
Look at these.
422
00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:15,468
This ten-year-old claims
she performs open-heart surgery.
423
00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:17,845
This 12-year old said
it was her idea
424
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:20,556
To use big fat straws
for boba tea.
425
00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:21,974
And you know what?
426
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:24,393
[chuckles]
we let them all in.
427
00:18:24,395 --> 00:18:26,395
[lisa gasps]
428
00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:28,898
But I want
to live an ethical life!
429
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,566
This is the world we live in.
430
00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:31,609
Taxpayers hide money
from the irs,
431
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,861
Dating profiles
are nothing but lies,
432
00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:38,783
And right now the houston astros
are dreaming up ways to cheat
433
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,368
That would blow your mind.
434
00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:42,495
[homer yelps]
435
00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:43,454
So, here at usc,
436
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,664
We decided to own cheating
437
00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:48,459
And prepare our students
for the way the world is,
438
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,878
Not the way
some would like it to be.
439
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,171
What do you say, lisa?
440
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:54,173
Will you accept
our most prestigious
441
00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:56,509
Lance armstrong
summer scholarship?
442
00:18:56,511 --> 00:18:58,803
Am I risking
everything I believe in
443
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:01,347
By refusing to do something
I don't believe in?
444
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:03,182
[sighs]
445
00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:05,101
I choose honesty.
446
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,227
I'm proud of you, honey.
447
00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:09,313
Yep. Walking out the door.
448
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:13,651
Leaving this room and this
once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
449
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:14,694
[chuckles softly]
450
00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:16,529
Walking... Out.
451
00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:17,530
[strained]
here I go.
452
00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:20,449
[grunts]
principles powering my feet.
453
00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:21,617
[groans]
454
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:23,995
Would you like me
to give you a little push?
455
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:25,496
Would you?
456
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,165
[exhales]
457
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:30,418
Let the rowing coach know
we're sorry she was lied to.
458
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:31,252
[laughs]
459
00:19:31,254 --> 00:19:33,421
I think she may be used to it.
460
00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:34,797
Homer, a moment?
461
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:38,926
I've been following your
incredible streak of dishonesty.
462
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,636
[chuckles]
very impressive.
463
00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:42,722
So much so, I'd like
to offer you a position
464
00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:47,018
As a professor in our faculty
of cheating studies.
465
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:48,853
What do you say?
Will you shape the minds
466
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:52,190
Of tomorrow's
white-collar criminals?
467
00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:54,609
No.
468
00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:57,361
For once,
I learned something at college--
469
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,738
A lesson.
470
00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:00,823
Cheating almost ruined my wife,
471
00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:02,200
Who is all the love and goodness
you can stuff
472
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,702
Inside a green dress.
473
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:07,079
I'll never cheat again.
474
00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:10,208
Except on diets.
475
00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:14,337
Okay,
476
00:20:14,339 --> 00:20:17,215
Here's how you really
skip a rock.
477
00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:19,800
Oh, I used to be so good
at this!
478
00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:21,719
Hey, where's bart?
479
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,138
He said he had an appointment
every Thursday night
480
00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:26,015
From 7:00 to 9:00.
481
00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:31,687
Students, look to your left,
look to your right.
482
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:34,607
Those are the people
you'll be cheating off of.
483
00:20:34,609 --> 00:20:36,934
Captioning sponsored by
20th century fox television
484
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:39,278
And fox broadcasting company
485
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,821
And toyota.
486
00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:44,659
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
access.Wgbh.Org
487
00:20:48,289 --> 00:20:52,124
♪ come on, let's get
our cheat on, baby ♪
488
00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:55,753
♪ no need to follow rules,
we're lazy ♪
489
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:58,756
♪ you get results
from hard work, but ♪
490
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:02,260
♪ why bother
when there's a corner to cut? ♪
491
00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:05,721
♪ when you sell your home,
don't mention the mold ♪
492
00:21:05,723 --> 00:21:11,602
♪ if you're gonna cheat,
you gotta go bold ♪
493
00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:16,065
♪ record that spare
as a strike ♪
494
00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:19,777
♪ strap your fitbit
to your bike ♪
495
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,862
♪ ain't nothing like cheating ♪
496
00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:25,074
♪ to get the old heart beating ♪
497
00:21:25,076 --> 00:21:27,493
♪ cheat along, little doggie! ♪
[whoops]
498
00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:33,249
Shh!
35390
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