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00:00:03,069 --> 00:00:04,570
In the last episode of Soap,
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00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:06,572
Tim left Corinnebecause he doesn't believe her,
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00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:09,074
and Mary left Burtbecause she believes Sally,
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00:00:09,075 --> 00:00:10,075
and Corinne leftfor the hospital
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00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:11,577
because she believesshe's in labor.
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00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:13,078
Jodie met a girl named Alice
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00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:14,079
on a bridge
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00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:16,081
and found outthey have a lot in common.
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00:00:16,082 --> 00:00:18,083
They're both depressed and gay.
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00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:20,085
And Chester still doesn't knowwho he is
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00:00:20,086 --> 00:00:22,588
and everyone still doesn't knowhe's alive.
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00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:24,089
Confused?
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00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:26,592
You won't be aftertonight's episode of... Soap.
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00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:33,599
This is the storyof two sisters,
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00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,601
Jessica Tate
16
00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:38,103
and Mary Campbell.
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00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:41,607
These are the Tates,
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00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:45,110
and these are the Campbells.
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00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:50,116
And this is Soap.
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00:01:13,139 --> 00:01:15,641
INTERCOM: Dr. Essenbar,admitting desk, please.
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00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:19,144
Well, I don't understand.
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00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:20,646
What is going on here?
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00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:22,147
It's been four hours.
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00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:25,150
Oh, Benson, labor can
take a long time.
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00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:28,654
When I had Billy,
I was in labor two days.
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00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:30,656
Oh, God, I remember that.
It was awful.
27
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:33,158
You're telling me?
28
00:01:33,159 --> 00:01:35,661
And when I had Eunice,
it took 14 hours,
29
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:36,663
which was no picnic.
30
00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:40,165
I had the easiest
time with Corinne.
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00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:41,667
She's adopted.
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00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:46,672
Okay.
33
00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:48,173
You get light, one sugar.
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00:01:48,174 --> 00:01:49,675
You get black, one sugar.
35
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:50,676
You get extra light, two sugars.
36
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,678
And you get
not so light, no sugar.
37
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:54,179
I get the extra light, no sugar.
38
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:56,181
There's just light, no sugar
and not so light, no sugar,
39
00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:57,683
but there's no extra light,
no sugar.
40
00:01:57,684 --> 00:02:00,185
I asked for Sweet'N Low
and this has sugar in it.
41
00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:01,186
They didn't have Sweet'N Low.
42
00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:03,689
Oh, they must have.
Did you even ask?
43
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:06,692
Yes, but it was a machine.
It didn't answer.
44
00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,193
How could they
not have Sweet'N Low?
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00:02:08,194 --> 00:02:10,696
I could be a diabetic
and take one sip of this
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00:02:10,697 --> 00:02:12,197
and drop dead, for God's sake!
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00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:14,700
Aw.
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00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,201
Billy.
49
00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:18,203
Look, they only had
a few buttons to push:
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00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:19,204
coffee, light, sugar,
and hot chocolate.
51
00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:20,706
That was it.
52
00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:22,207
They have hot chocolate?
I'll have hot chocolate!
53
00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:23,209
Aw, come on.
54
00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:26,712
And extra whipped cream.
No marshmallow.
55
00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:28,714
I'll have extra marshmallow,
extra chocolate,
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00:02:28,715 --> 00:02:30,215
but no whipped cream.
57
00:02:30,216 --> 00:02:32,718
I'll have extra chocolate,
extra marshmallow,
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00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:34,721
extra whipped cream,
and Sweet'N Low.
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00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:39,725
I'm on a diet!
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00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:42,728
Wait a minute.
I'll come with you.
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00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:44,229
I can't stand it here.
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00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:45,750
There's nothing to do
but pace and sit.
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00:02:47,233 --> 00:02:49,735
I loved being in labor.
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00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:52,738
Well, of course you did,
because you weren't in labor.
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00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:54,239
You were just walking around
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00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:55,241
and they dropped out.
67
00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:03,248
They did not!
68
00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:06,251
Mary, you had Jodie
at the movies
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00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:07,252
and stayed to see
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00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:08,253
the end of the picture.
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00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:10,756
We were on our way
to the movies.
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00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:12,758
I had Jodie in the car.
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00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:16,261
And they parked the car
and went in to see the movie.
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00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:18,764
I went to the hospital.
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00:03:18,765 --> 00:03:20,265
And Danny, I mean,
Danny was so easy,
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00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:22,768
you didn't even know
you had him.
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00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:24,770
She was talking to me
on the phone,
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00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,772
and she heard this crying.
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00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,274
Jessica!
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00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:32,778
JESSICA: Oh, goodie!
Hot chocolate!
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00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:33,779
Plain.
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00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,280
Plain hot chocolate,
no extra anything.
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00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:36,782
No Sweet'N Low?
No.
84
00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:38,283
Benson, what's that?
85
00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:39,284
Bouillon.
86
00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:40,285
Smells good.
87
00:03:40,286 --> 00:03:41,286
They have bouillon?
88
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:42,788
Oh, God.
89
00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:47,793
Bouillon?
90
00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:50,295
Going to have bouillon now?
91
00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:52,798
What I want to know is,
where is Tim?
92
00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:53,799
I could wring his neck!
93
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,300
Oh, he's in a cave, Benson.
94
00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:56,301
A cave!
95
00:03:56,302 --> 00:03:58,804
He should be in a cave-in.
96
00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:00,305
Doesn't show up
for his baby's birth.
97
00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:02,307
I want Dutch's baby.
98
00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:03,809
Oh, sure.
99
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:05,811
One father's in a cave.
The other's in a cell.
100
00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:06,813
Very nice.
101
00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:10,315
Mrs. Tate?
102
00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:11,316
Oh, yes.
103
00:04:11,317 --> 00:04:13,318
Congratulations.
Corinne has had a boy.
104
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:15,320
Oh, how wonderful.
105
00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:17,322
Of course,
I don't quite understand
106
00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:19,324
how a five months' pregnancy
could result
107
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:21,326
in a perfectly normal
nine months' baby.
108
00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:23,328
But I must say,
109
00:04:23,329 --> 00:04:24,830
in all my years as a doctor,
110
00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:27,332
this is the most gorgeous baby
I have ever seen.
111
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:30,836
Oh, doctor, that's very sweet
of you to say that.
112
00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:32,337
Well, you know what babies
look like,
113
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:34,840
all blotchy,
with fuzz all over them,
114
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:36,842
pink and white and yellow...
115
00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:37,844
really disgusting.
116
00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:42,347
They look like little rats.
117
00:04:42,348 --> 00:04:43,849
But not this one.
118
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:45,851
This one could be a movie star
right now.
119
00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:47,352
Oh. May we see him?
120
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:49,855
Oh, certainly.
Right away.
121
00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:51,858
The baby should have an agent.
122
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:14,379
Well, I'm afraid
she doesn't want to see you.
123
00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:15,380
But why, Jess?
124
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:16,381
Why?
125
00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:17,883
I don't understand.
What's going on here?
126
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:19,384
You know what it is.
Tell me.
127
00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:21,386
Now, Burt, I can't tell you.
128
00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:22,388
I swore!
129
00:05:24,230 --> 00:05:25,390
She used to do the same thing
130
00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:26,892
when we were in high school.
131
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:28,393
A boy would come to see her,
132
00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:29,394
and she'd send me downstairs
133
00:05:29,395 --> 00:05:30,896
to get rid of him.
134
00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:32,397
And so, I would go down
135
00:05:32,398 --> 00:05:35,400
and tell them that she had
some terrible disease.
136
00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:37,903
And I'd give the diseases
the names of Italian food.
137
00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:39,404
So I'd say to the guy,
138
00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:41,406
"Well, I'm sorry,
you can't see Mary.
139
00:05:41,407 --> 00:05:44,410
I mean, she's got
rigatoni marinara."
140
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:48,414
I'm not leaving
until I see Mary.
141
00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:51,416
Burt. Burt...
142
00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:52,918
You...
143
00:05:52,919 --> 00:05:55,921
You know that you're stronger
than I am, hmm?
144
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:57,422
Mm-hmm.
145
00:05:57,423 --> 00:06:00,926
Well, if you rushed at me...
146
00:06:00,927 --> 00:06:01,927
pushed past me
147
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:03,929
all the way up to
Corinne's bedroom,
148
00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:08,433
where Mary happens
to be staying,
149
00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:11,436
I doubt seriously if I would
ever be able to stop you.
150
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:13,939
Yeah, but Jessica,
I don't want to hurt you.
151
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:18,945
Burt, you don't
have to do it for real.
152
00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:25,951
What?
153
00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:28,453
What? You know.
154
00:06:28,454 --> 00:06:29,455
Oh, I got it.
155
00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:35,460
All right, now,
stand back, Jess.
156
00:06:35,461 --> 00:06:36,462
You're no match for me!
157
00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:45,971
Why did you do that?
158
00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:47,974
Well, I had to make
it look real.
159
00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:57,984
Mary.
160
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:03,488
Come on, Mary.
I know you're in there.
161
00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:06,491
Mary, come on. Mary!
162
00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:08,994
Mary, uh, you open this door
or I'm gonna break it down.
163
00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:10,495
Go away.
164
00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:12,497
Mary, please! We have to talk.
165
00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:13,999
We have to sit down face to face
166
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,000
and talk honestly.
167
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:16,501
Honestly?
168
00:07:16,502 --> 00:07:19,004
You have the nerve
to say "honestly"?
169
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:20,505
A man with airplanes
and fat ladies
170
00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:23,008
and 18-year-olds?
171
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:24,509
You get away from there.
172
00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:27,512
Now, Mary, listen to me.
I'm gonna count to three.
173
00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:29,514
Then you better stand back
because the wood's gonna fly.
174
00:07:29,515 --> 00:07:31,076
Do you know what I'm saying
to you here?
175
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:34,520
One.
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00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:37,523
Two.
177
00:07:40,526 --> 00:07:43,528
Two-and-a-half.
178
00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:44,529
Oh...
179
00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:46,031
Three! All right...
180
00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:52,537
Burt, are you all right?
181
00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:54,039
Yes.
182
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,540
You're sure you're all right?
183
00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:57,042
Yes, yes. I'm fine.
I'm fine. I'm fine.
184
00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:58,043
In that case...
185
00:07:58,044 --> 00:08:00,045
Mary! Mary! Stop!
186
00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:01,546
Mary, what are you...
187
00:08:01,547 --> 00:08:03,048
Mary, why are you doing this?
188
00:08:03,049 --> 00:08:04,549
Why am I doing this?
Yes.
189
00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:07,552
Mary, please.
Mary, why are you doing this?
190
00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:08,553
Take a guess!
191
00:08:10,276 --> 00:08:11,556
Mary, please, now, listen to me.
192
00:08:11,557 --> 00:08:14,059
Mary, now, listen to me.
Just tell me what I did.
193
00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:15,060
What did I do?
194
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,061
What did you do?
195
00:08:20,566 --> 00:08:22,067
I ain't cleaning that.
196
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:27,573
No way am I gonna clean that.
197
00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:32,077
Oh.
198
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:34,079
The antique wash basin.
199
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,081
Benson, English Spode.
200
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:38,083
No, I think it was
the Dresden vase.
201
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,584
No, I think it was
the wash basin.
202
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:42,587
Dresden vase.
I can tell by the sound.
203
00:08:42,588 --> 00:08:45,590
I dropped the other one
last week.
204
00:08:50,596 --> 00:08:52,097
You want me to get that?
205
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:54,100
If you don't mind.
206
00:08:57,103 --> 00:08:59,604
Now, Mary, just tell me...
207
00:08:59,605 --> 00:09:00,605
in words, Mary...
208
00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:01,606
what did I do?
209
00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:02,607
What did you do?
210
00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:04,109
I...
211
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:05,110
Mary, wait a minute.
212
00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:06,111
Hey, please!
213
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:08,113
Excuse me.
214
00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:09,115
Oh, Mary! Oh...
215
00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:12,617
Mary, no, please. No.
216
00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:14,619
Burt...
217
00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:17,122
I... I know it's none
of my business, but...
218
00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:18,623
Mary! No, no, no!
219
00:09:18,624 --> 00:09:21,626
However...
Ah-ah-ah-ah!
220
00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:24,629
Burt, your secretary
came and told Mary
221
00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:26,631
that you were
having an affair with her
222
00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:27,632
and an 18-year-old,
223
00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:32,137
and, uh, you know, naturally
Mary is a little upset.
224
00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:33,639
Sally told you that?
225
00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:38,143
I know you two
can, uh, work this out.
226
00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:40,145
Perhaps you'd like
to talk about it on the lawn.
227
00:09:40,146 --> 00:09:42,148
Excuse me.
228
00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:46,651
Sally told you that?
229
00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:48,153
Deny it and I'll kill you.
230
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:50,655
Who's denying? I'm not denying.
231
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:53,158
You admit it? It's true?
232
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:54,659
No.
233
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:57,162
Well, which is it, Burt?
This is not multiple choice.
234
00:09:58,164 --> 00:09:59,664
It's partially true.
235
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:01,667
Which part?
236
00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:03,168
The Sally part.
237
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:05,670
I hate you!
238
00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:07,172
Mary. Listen to me.
It was just once...
239
00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:08,673
That one time
that I told you about
240
00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:09,674
that I don't remember.
241
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:10,675
Don't you remember?
242
00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:14,179
You told me
about an old, fat woman.
243
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:16,181
Sally is not an old, fat woman.
244
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:19,684
She's a young, skinny woman.
245
00:10:19,685 --> 00:10:22,187
I despise, loathe,
and detest you.
246
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:25,190
Damn it.
247
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,192
There's nothing left to throw!
248
00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:28,193
Mary, Mary, now, listen to me.
249
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:30,195
Mary, Mary, hey, it's true.
I lied.
250
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:31,696
But in that particular case,
251
00:10:31,697 --> 00:10:33,198
there was no reason
to tell the truth.
252
00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:34,199
Don't you understand?
253
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,201
No.
254
00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:37,703
But I'm sure Nixon would!
255
00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:43,708
Mary, I was drunk,
and I didn't remember it,
256
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:46,211
and it meant nothing,
so why tell you it was Sally?
257
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:47,712
And the 18-year-old?
258
00:10:47,713 --> 00:10:50,215
What 18...
There's no 18-year-old.
259
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:52,217
Ah.
260
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:54,220
Uh, you don't believe that?
261
00:10:57,223 --> 00:10:59,724
I mean, you have no reason
to believe me.
262
00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:01,226
Right.
263
00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:04,229
So what's this supposed to mean?
264
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,732
Well, I think it's obvious.
265
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:10,235
What do you mean,
that this is it?
266
00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:12,738
Right.
267
00:11:15,741 --> 00:11:17,242
What, we're finished?
268
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:19,245
Yes.
269
00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:23,748
I didn't do it, Mary,
whatever you think I did.
270
00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:24,750
I didn't do it.
271
00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:28,254
Save your breath, Burt.
272
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:30,755
Okay, I'm gonna prove it to you.
273
00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:32,757
I'm gonna go out,
and I'm gonna prove it to you.
274
00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:34,259
I don't know how, but I will.
275
00:11:35,761 --> 00:11:37,762
Hey, this is my whole life here.
276
00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:40,265
I'm just not gonna let it die.
277
00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:42,768
Clean up this mess.
278
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:04,789
Dinner's ready.
279
00:12:04,790 --> 00:12:06,791
Oh, how wonderful.
280
00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:08,793
You can cook?
281
00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:10,295
Do I know how to cook?
282
00:12:10,296 --> 00:12:11,796
Are you kidding?
283
00:12:11,797 --> 00:12:13,298
Not really.
This is salad.
284
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:14,799
I didn't have to cook it.
285
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:15,800
It's raw.
286
00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:16,801
Well, it looks wonderful.
287
00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:18,303
You know, the secret
to a good salad
288
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:19,304
is in the tossing.
289
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:20,305
Really?
290
00:12:20,306 --> 00:12:22,807
Yes. It's all
in the tossing.
291
00:12:22,808 --> 00:12:24,309
My favorite thing, salad.
292
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:25,310
Oh, I'm sorry.
293
00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:26,311
That's the damn oil...
294
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:29,814
makes everything so slippery.
295
00:12:29,815 --> 00:12:32,317
Well, why don't I toss
what's left of the salad,
296
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:33,818
and you can serve
the rest of the dinner.
297
00:12:33,819 --> 00:12:35,320
All right. Fine.
298
00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:38,323
I'll just open this bottle
of 1971 Dom Perignon.
299
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:39,824
Fantastic year, 1971.
300
00:12:39,825 --> 00:12:41,326
It was for me too.
301
00:12:41,327 --> 00:12:43,328
This is a little tricky.
302
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:45,830
Good God!
303
00:12:45,831 --> 00:12:48,333
I don't know why they
bottle it like that!
304
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:50,835
That's dangerous as hell.
305
00:12:50,836 --> 00:12:53,338
Oh, this is...
I'm really sorry.
306
00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:55,340
You know, this is...
307
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:56,341
turning out awful.
308
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:59,344
It's because I haven't had
a woman here in so long.
309
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:01,346
What women have you had here?
310
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:02,848
Oh, none.
311
00:13:04,850 --> 00:13:06,851
But you just said that you had.
312
00:13:06,852 --> 00:13:09,854
Well, you can't exactly
call it as having someone here.
313
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:11,856
I mean, I...
I never entertained them.
314
00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:13,377
I never even let them
use the bathroom.
315
00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:15,861
Who were they?
316
00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:18,864
Oh, circus women.
317
00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:23,868
Gypsies, groupies.
318
00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:24,869
Groupies?
319
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:26,371
Yeah.
320
00:13:26,372 --> 00:13:27,872
I thought they hung around
with rock stars.
321
00:13:27,873 --> 00:13:29,874
There are detective groupies.
322
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:31,876
Really?
Yeah.
323
00:13:31,877 --> 00:13:33,878
They get a big thrill
out of hanging around
324
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:35,880
with a guy in danger
who carries a gun.
325
00:13:35,881 --> 00:13:37,382
You're buttering your sleeve.
326
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:43,888
I didn't know
that you carried a gun.
327
00:13:43,889 --> 00:13:46,891
Well, I just have one
around here for the groupies.
328
00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:48,453
I wouldn't carry one.
They're dangerous.
329
00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:52,897
This isn't going
too well, is it?
330
00:13:52,898 --> 00:13:54,399
What?
Dinner.
331
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,402
Of course it is. It's lovely.
332
00:13:57,403 --> 00:13:58,903
I don't know what to do next.
333
00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:00,905
Why are you so nervous?
334
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:02,407
I'm trying to impress you.
335
00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:04,409
Well, you don't have
to impress me, silly.
336
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:05,910
I already think
you're wonderful.
337
00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:07,412
Ah, now, come on, you say that
338
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:09,414
to a man who threw salad
all over the room.
339
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:11,916
No, I do.
I think you're wonderful.
340
00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:13,418
You make me laugh,
341
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:15,420
and you make me feel good,
342
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:16,421
and you make me very happy.
343
00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:17,922
I make you happy?
344
00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:18,923
Yes.
345
00:14:18,924 --> 00:14:21,927
Then why don't we, uh...
346
00:14:32,938 --> 00:14:34,939
What?
347
00:14:34,940 --> 00:14:36,941
You know.
348
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:38,443
No. What?
349
00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:40,945
Well, be together.
350
00:14:40,946 --> 00:14:44,449
Well, we are together, silly.
351
00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:46,951
That's not what
I'm talking about.
352
00:14:46,952 --> 00:14:48,453
Well,
what are you talking about?
353
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:50,456
Mating.
354
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:53,958
What?
355
00:14:53,959 --> 00:14:55,960
Do I have to repeat that?
356
00:14:55,961 --> 00:14:58,463
No.
357
00:14:58,464 --> 00:14:59,464
I don't think so.
358
00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:00,465
No.
359
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:02,967
Thank you.
360
00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:04,469
Oh, sure, I understand.
361
00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:06,971
I mean, forget I mentioned it.
362
00:15:06,972 --> 00:15:09,474
I never said it.
363
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:11,476
It's the champagne.
One sip, and I'm a crazy man.
364
00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:14,479
Now you're hurt.
No, don't be silly.
365
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,980
It's just something
I have to live with.
366
00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:16,981
I don't turn you on.
367
00:15:16,982 --> 00:15:18,984
You do.
I do?
368
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:23,488
How?
369
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:24,989
Well, what do you mean, how?
370
00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:25,990
I don't know how.
371
00:15:25,991 --> 00:15:27,992
Just exactly what do you mean?
372
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:28,993
Is it my face?
373
00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:29,994
My body?
374
00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:30,995
My animal magnetism?
375
00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:33,998
It's your everything. You know.
376
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:36,501
It's the way you smile,
377
00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:38,503
and how you walk,
378
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:40,005
and how you use your hands.
379
00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:46,010
It's your eyes,
380
00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:49,514
and, you know, the way
you look at me sometimes.
381
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:51,016
And... And it's your mouth.
382
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,519
I know what you mean
about my walk.
383
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:57,522
I've heard that before.
384
00:15:57,523 --> 00:15:59,524
I love the way you move.
385
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:01,025
Kind of cat-like, huh?
386
00:16:01,026 --> 00:16:02,026
Yeah...
387
00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:03,027
What about my eyes?
388
00:16:03,028 --> 00:16:05,029
Oh, they're sexy.
389
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:06,531
Oh, yeah?
390
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:07,532
Mm-hmm.
391
00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:08,533
My hands?
392
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:09,534
Sexy.
393
00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:12,537
My mouth.
394
00:16:12,538 --> 00:16:14,539
I don't remember.
395
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:16,541
You don't remember?
Mm-mm.
396
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:20,545
Here, uh, let me take
another look.
397
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:22,047
Come a little bit closer.
398
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:04,089
Did we get a puppy?
399
00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:08,593
Uh, Jodie, walk on the paths.
400
00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:10,094
Alice, is this
some kind of game?
401
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:11,596
I shampooed the rugs.
402
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:13,598
You know, you could've called.
403
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:14,599
Dinner's ruined.
404
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,602
Alice, you, uh,
moved the furniture.
405
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:20,104
I made a rack of lamb
to be ready two hours ago.
406
00:17:20,105 --> 00:17:21,606
The lamb dried up.
407
00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:22,807
We've got the rack for dinner.
408
00:17:23,930 --> 00:17:25,610
Alice, why did you rearrange
the furniture?
409
00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:27,111
Oh, I couldn't stand it.
410
00:17:27,112 --> 00:17:30,114
The couch had no relationship
with the fireplace.
411
00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:32,116
It didn't want one.
412
00:17:32,117 --> 00:17:34,619
Stay on the paper!
413
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:36,120
Alice,
I am not a cocker spaniel.
414
00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:38,123
I do not have to stay
on the paper.
415
00:17:43,629 --> 00:17:45,630
Would you listen
to the thanks I get?
416
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:47,632
I spend the whole day
cooking dinner,
417
00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:48,633
moving furniture,
painting the bathroom,
418
00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:50,134
cleaning the...
419
00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:53,137
Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho.
You painted the bathroom?
420
00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:54,138
Oh, it's gorgeous.
421
00:17:54,139 --> 00:17:55,139
It's silver.
422
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:57,141
It's like going in a disco.
423
00:17:57,142 --> 00:17:59,644
Look, uh, Alice, uh,
424
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:01,145
I don't think this
is gonna work out.
425
00:18:01,146 --> 00:18:03,147
All right, I'll paint
the bathroom white.
426
00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:04,148
No, it's not that, Alice.
427
00:18:04,149 --> 00:18:05,650
You have been here
for three days,
428
00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:07,151
and you have rearranged
everything.
429
00:18:07,152 --> 00:18:08,653
I don't even recognize
my own apartment.
430
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:10,655
If I didn't see my name
on the door,
431
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:11,656
I would have thought I moved.
432
00:18:11,657 --> 00:18:13,658
I'll paint it another color.
433
00:18:13,659 --> 00:18:15,660
Alice, I hate another color.
434
00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:16,661
I hate silver.
I hate white.
435
00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:18,663
I hate racks of lamb.
I hate the couch here.
436
00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:19,664
I hate clean rugs.
437
00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:22,667
I like dirty rugs!
438
00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:24,669
I'm sorry.
439
00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:25,671
I'll leave.
440
00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:29,174
I said, "I'll leave."
441
00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:32,177
I'll go pack.
442
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:35,680
I'm packed!
443
00:18:35,681 --> 00:18:38,182
Jodie, I'm sorry.
444
00:18:38,183 --> 00:18:40,184
That's what happens
when you have a Jewish mother.
445
00:18:40,185 --> 00:18:43,188
Eventually, you become one.
446
00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:50,194
What a relief.
447
00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:51,195
I've got my house back.
448
00:18:51,196 --> 00:18:54,699
Hello, house! She's gone!
449
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:56,701
What a crazy girl.
450
00:18:56,702 --> 00:19:00,705
She cooks, cleans, paints,
and straightens.
451
00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:05,710
Cooks, cleans, paints,
and straightens.
452
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:06,711
What am I, nuts?
453
00:19:08,714 --> 00:19:10,214
Alice!
454
00:19:10,215 --> 00:19:11,215
Alice!
455
00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:25,230
I'm returning your call.
456
00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:28,232
Alice, I don't want you to go.
457
00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:29,233
I really don't want you to go.
458
00:19:29,234 --> 00:19:31,736
Hey, Jodie, it's okay.
459
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:32,737
I'm a big pain,
460
00:19:32,738 --> 00:19:34,739
and if I were you,
I'd want me to go.
461
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:36,240
You know, after you left,
462
00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:37,742
for three seconds,
I felt relieved,
463
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:39,244
but then... I missed you.
464
00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:42,747
I mean, uh, I...
I like having you here, Alice,
465
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:44,749
and if you left,
I'd really miss you.
466
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,751
You see, I figured
if I did everything,
467
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:48,753
you'd think I was wonderful
and you'd want me to stay.
468
00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:51,255
I think you're wonderful,
and I want you to stay.
469
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:52,257
Okay.
470
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:54,259
I'll unpack.
471
00:20:00,265 --> 00:20:01,766
I'm unpacked.
472
00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:04,769
You make me feel good.
473
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:06,771
I haven't felt this good
around someone in a long time.
474
00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:09,775
And I haven't felt this good
around someone.
475
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:12,276
Okay. I'm gonna calm down.
476
00:20:12,277 --> 00:20:14,278
I'm not gonna
lift a finger around here.
477
00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:15,780
The whole place can go to pot.
478
00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:16,781
Okay. When do we eat?
479
00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:21,285
What? The lamb is a hockey puck.
480
00:20:21,286 --> 00:20:23,788
Perfectly beautiful lamb.
481
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:24,789
Well, next time, call, huh?
482
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:25,791
Alice.
483
00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:30,795
What, he can't pick up a phone?
484
00:20:30,796 --> 00:20:32,297
I worry about you!
485
00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:40,805
You got it, sugar.
486
00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:44,308
Scramble two, Cookie.
487
00:20:44,309 --> 00:20:46,811
Right.
488
00:20:46,812 --> 00:20:49,814
Uh, then let me have a side,
down two with, and burn one.
489
00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:51,315
Right. Midge-Ann?
490
00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:52,316
Yeah.
491
00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:53,818
I have no idea
what you just said.
492
00:20:53,819 --> 00:20:55,820
Yo!
Yo, Buck.
493
00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:56,821
Yo, pretty thing.
494
00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:57,822
Yo, Buck.
495
00:20:57,823 --> 00:20:58,823
Yo, fellers.
496
00:20:58,824 --> 00:20:59,824
ALL: Yo.
497
00:20:59,825 --> 00:21:01,826
Yo, Buck.
498
00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:02,827
Cup of joe, will you, Midge-Ann?
499
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:04,328
Well, what'll it be, partner?
500
00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:06,831
Oh, jack ham, loose and open,
roll the bowl,
501
00:21:06,832 --> 00:21:08,834
no green, lots of red,
keep the low, let it ride.
502
00:21:15,340 --> 00:21:16,841
He's actually gonna eat that?
503
00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:17,842
Yeah.
504
00:21:17,843 --> 00:21:19,844
What you cackling about?
505
00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:21,846
Oh, nothing.
506
00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:23,849
Don't get all ruffled, partner.
507
00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:27,852
You making a pass at my gal?
508
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:29,353
Uh, no.
509
00:21:29,354 --> 00:21:30,354
Because if you do,
510
00:21:30,355 --> 00:21:32,356
I'm gonna bite your nose off.
511
00:21:32,357 --> 00:21:34,859
MIDGE-ANN: Buck,
what is the matter with you?
512
00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:35,860
There's something about this guy
513
00:21:35,861 --> 00:21:36,861
I don't like.
514
00:21:36,862 --> 00:21:39,363
You don't seem
like no cook to me.
515
00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:41,365
Ah-ah-ah, double negative.
516
00:21:41,366 --> 00:21:42,867
"You don't seem like no,"
517
00:21:42,868 --> 00:21:44,869
therefore I do seem
like a cook to you.
518
00:21:44,870 --> 00:21:45,870
Do you see?
519
00:21:45,871 --> 00:21:46,871
That did it.
520
00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:52,877
Cookie, let me have an apple pie
521
00:21:52,878 --> 00:21:54,879
with cheddar on the plate.
522
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,380
Cookie?
523
00:21:56,381 --> 00:21:59,383
Cheddar on the plate.
524
00:21:59,384 --> 00:22:01,385
You big bully! You hurt him.
525
00:22:01,386 --> 00:22:02,887
Cookie, say something to me.
526
00:22:02,888 --> 00:22:05,389
Cheddar plate.
527
00:22:05,390 --> 00:22:10,895
Ched... Che... Chester!
528
00:22:10,896 --> 00:22:12,898
Chester Plate!
529
00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:16,400
No, no, no. Wait, wait.
530
00:22:16,401 --> 00:22:17,401
Wait. It's coming back to me.
531
00:22:17,402 --> 00:22:18,903
Chester...
532
00:22:18,904 --> 00:22:20,905
Che...
533
00:22:20,906 --> 00:22:22,907
Tate.
534
00:22:22,908 --> 00:22:25,911
I'm Chester Tate!
535
00:22:30,415 --> 00:22:31,916
From Connecticut.
536
00:22:31,917 --> 00:22:35,920
I live in Connecticut.
537
00:22:35,921 --> 00:22:38,422
I've gotta go home.
538
00:22:38,423 --> 00:22:40,925
Oh, I'm Chester Tate
from Connecticut.
539
00:22:40,926 --> 00:22:43,928
I have a loving wife
named Jessica,
540
00:22:43,929 --> 00:22:46,932
and a fine young son
named Benson.
541
00:22:50,435 --> 00:22:52,437
Well, it's a little murky,
but it's coming back.
542
00:22:53,939 --> 00:22:55,940
Oh, Midge-Ann,
I'm so happy.
543
00:22:55,941 --> 00:22:57,942
Oh, I'm glad, Cookie.
544
00:22:57,943 --> 00:22:59,944
Oh, I guess I should
call you Chester.
545
00:22:59,945 --> 00:23:02,947
Well, I'm on way to Connecticut.
546
00:23:02,948 --> 00:23:03,948
Goodbye.
547
00:23:03,949 --> 00:23:04,950
Bye.
548
00:23:06,952 --> 00:23:07,952
Yo!
549
00:23:07,953 --> 00:23:09,453
ALL: Yo!
550
00:23:09,454 --> 00:23:12,457
Uh, which way is Connecticut?
551
00:23:29,474 --> 00:23:30,975
What could be the reason
552
00:23:30,976 --> 00:23:33,477
for Corinne giving birthto a nine-month baby
553
00:23:33,478 --> 00:23:34,979
after a five-month pregnancy?
554
00:23:34,980 --> 00:23:36,480
Lousy addition?
555
00:23:36,481 --> 00:23:39,483
Is something going to happenwith Donohue and Jessica?
556
00:23:39,484 --> 00:23:40,484
And if it does,
557
00:23:40,485 --> 00:23:41,986
will they eat dinner first?
558
00:23:41,987 --> 00:23:44,989
How can Burt prove to Marythat Sally lied
559
00:23:44,990 --> 00:23:46,991
if Mary won't believe himbecause he lied?
560
00:23:46,992 --> 00:23:48,993
Now that Chester'son his way home,
561
00:23:48,994 --> 00:23:50,494
is Donohue on his way out?
562
00:23:50,495 --> 00:23:52,997
These questions and many otherswill be answered
563
00:23:52,998 --> 00:23:55,000
on the next episode of...
Soap.
564
00:24:02,507 --> 00:24:05,009
Soap is videotapedbefore a studio audience.
37651
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