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In last week's episode of Soap,
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00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:05,571
Dutch and Chesterwere discovered
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00:00:05,572 --> 00:00:08,574
hiding from the policein the Tate basement.
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00:00:08,575 --> 00:00:11,076
Dutch, to prevent the Tatesfrom going for help,
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00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:13,078
told them he'd kill Chesterif they did.
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00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:14,580
They didn't.
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00:00:14,581 --> 00:00:16,582
Corinne and Tim had a wedding...
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00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:17,583
during which
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00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:19,084
Mrs. Flotsky triedto prevent their marriage.
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She couldn't.
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00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:23,589
Jody told Burt and Marythat he's going to be a father.
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He told Burt to be serious.
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00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:26,592
Burt wasn't.
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00:00:26,593 --> 00:00:28,594
And Dutch went upto Eunice's bedroom.
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He said he didn't have anythingon his mind,
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00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:32,598
but did.
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Eunice thoughtabout preventing it...
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00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:35,100
But didn't.
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00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:36,101
Confused?
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00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:37,603
You won't be...
21
00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:38,604
after this week's episode of...
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00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:40,106
Soap.
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00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:46,612
This is the storyof two sisters,
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00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:49,114
Jessica Tate
25
00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:51,116
and Mary Campbell.
26
00:00:51,117 --> 00:00:54,620
These are the Tates...
27
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:58,624
and these are the Campbells.
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00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:01,628
And this is Soap.
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00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:29,154
Yoo-hoo.
May I come in?
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00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:30,656
Sure, Ma.
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00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:33,659
Oh, Corinne,
32
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,661
it was such a lovely wedding,
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00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:37,162
and you were
the most beautiful bride
34
00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:38,664
I've ever seen.
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00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:39,665
Oh, thanks, Ma.
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00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:41,166
And Tim was so handsome.
37
00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:42,668
It just couldn't
have been nicer.
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00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:44,670
It's just a shame
39
00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:47,173
Bob got so drunk and hit Chuck.
40
00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:51,677
Oh, Corinne, uh...
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00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:53,178
living with your husband
42
00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:56,181
is going to be a lot different
than living here.
43
00:01:56,182 --> 00:01:57,182
Oh, I know that, Ma.
44
00:01:57,183 --> 00:02:00,185
I mean, for example,
Benson won't be there.
45
00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:02,187
I know that, Ma.
46
00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:04,189
You'll be living with a man.
47
00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:07,192
I don't care
what Gloria Steinem says,
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00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:10,696
men expect certain things,
you know.
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00:02:10,697 --> 00:02:13,699
Ma, I know this, really.
50
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:15,200
I'm not sure that you do.
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00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:17,703
I mean, I remember when
I first married your father,
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00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:19,204
I was very surprised.
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00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:20,706
First of all,
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00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:22,207
I was surprised
that any human being
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00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:24,210
could take that long
in the bathroom.
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00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:27,212
And, secondly,
I was very surprised
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00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:29,715
because mother told me
that on my wedding night
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00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:31,717
I was expected to...
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00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:34,219
Ma, I know these things, really.
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00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:36,722
Remember? I lived with a man.
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00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:39,725
Oh, yes, that's right. You did.
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00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:40,726
Oh, well, then I guess
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00:02:40,727 --> 00:02:41,727
you know all about everything
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00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:43,228
you're supposed to know about.
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00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:45,230
Yep.
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00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:46,231
Good. I'm so glad.
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00:02:46,232 --> 00:02:48,734
Because I didn't have
an idea in the world
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00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:50,235
how I could explain it to you.
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00:02:50,236 --> 00:02:55,240
You know, when I look back now
on my life with your father,
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00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:58,744
I can see all the places
that we ran aground.
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00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:01,747
Well, I wanted to tell you
about them
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00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,749
so you could avoid them.
73
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:08,253
But I realized
that all those dangerous places,
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00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:10,255
all the rocks in your marriage,
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00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:11,757
are going to be
in different spots
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00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:12,758
at different times.
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00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:14,259
There isn't any way
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00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:16,261
for me to warn you about them.
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00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:20,766
But, you know, Corinne,
whatever does happen in life
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00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:24,270
is not nearly so bad
when it's put into words.
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00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:28,774
I guess the best thing
I can tell you
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00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:32,278
is just talk to each other, hmm?
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00:03:36,282 --> 00:03:37,282
Corinne?
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00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:38,283
Mm?
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00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:39,785
Be happy.
86
00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:41,787
I will, Ma.
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00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,289
Good.
88
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,797
Chester?
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00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:57,302
Chester?
90
00:03:57,303 --> 00:03:58,804
Where are you?
91
00:03:58,805 --> 00:03:59,805
I'm over here.
92
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:00,806
Oh.
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00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:02,808
I heard him rustling
around these boxes
94
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:04,309
earlier this evening.
95
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:06,812
If he's lost or hurt,
96
00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:08,814
I'll never forgive myself.
97
00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,816
Do you mean Dutch, dear?
98
00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:13,819
Because if you do,
I think he's upstairs.
99
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:15,320
No. Arnold.
100
00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:17,322
Arnold?
101
00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:18,324
He's a rat.
102
00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:22,327
A rat?
103
00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:23,328
Yes.
104
00:04:23,329 --> 00:04:26,832
I met him last week,
over there behind the furnace.
105
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:28,333
Oh, Jess, sometimes I feel
106
00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:30,836
like he's the only friend
I've got left.
107
00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:32,838
You...
you don't mean
108
00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,840
a rat, like, an actual rat?
109
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:37,843
Well, Arnold
is a very special rat.
110
00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:41,346
Well, I guess he is
if he told you his name.
111
00:04:41,347 --> 00:04:45,350
Jessica, I named Arnold myself.
112
00:04:46,352 --> 00:04:50,856
And I taught him all kinds
of little special tricks.
113
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:54,359
For instance, I'll set out
a piece of cheese,
114
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:55,861
and sooner or later,
115
00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:58,864
he'll creep out and eat it.
116
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:05,370
It's usually when
I'm asleep, of course...
117
00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:09,375
but... but, still,
isn't that wonderful?
118
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:13,379
I'm also teaching him
to, uh, scurry off.
119
00:05:17,383 --> 00:05:18,884
Scurry off?
120
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:20,385
That's right.
121
00:05:20,386 --> 00:05:21,386
All I have to do
122
00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:23,388
is clap my hands like this,
123
00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:24,389
and he scurries off.
124
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:27,392
And I'm also trying to teach him
125
00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:29,895
to come when I call him.
126
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:31,897
Let me give it a try.
127
00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:47,412
Don't you think
it would work better, dear,
128
00:05:47,413 --> 00:05:50,916
if you just said, "Here, Arnold,
here, Arnold"?
129
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:53,418
Jess, I wasn't calling him.
130
00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:54,419
It was something else.
131
00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:56,922
It was some kind of an attack.
132
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:59,925
Oh, Chester...
An attack?
133
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,927
Oh, it only lasts
a second or two.
134
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:03,428
No, you mustn't worry.
135
00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:05,931
It's probably just,
uh... tension.
136
00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:11,436
Chester... it's because
of this murder of yours.
137
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:14,440
I thought no good
would come of it.
138
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:19,444
Look at us,
for example, Chester.
139
00:06:19,445 --> 00:06:20,946
How long has it been
140
00:06:20,947 --> 00:06:24,449
since we had a normal
married life?
141
00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:26,952
Jessica, I'm an escaped convict
142
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:28,954
who's not allowed
out of his own basement
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00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,956
because I'm at the mercy
of a killer.
144
00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:31,957
Well...
145
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:32,958
"Well..."
146
00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:34,459
don't you think that,
in some small way,
147
00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:36,962
might have an effect
upon our domestic life?
148
00:06:36,963 --> 00:06:39,965
Chester, I love you.
149
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:42,467
Why don't we spend
the night together
150
00:06:42,468 --> 00:06:43,468
in our bedroom?
151
00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:45,470
Oh, Jess, I'm sorry.
152
00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:46,471
I really am.
153
00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:47,973
It's just that...
154
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:48,974
Everything that's going on,
155
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:50,976
I just can't...
you know?
156
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:56,982
Do you want this down here
157
00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:58,984
or upstairs in the bedroom
or what?
158
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:00,485
No, Benson, I...
159
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:03,488
I guess you might as well
leave it down here.
160
00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:06,992
You see, darling, I thought
it would be really nice
161
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:10,495
if we shared a bottle
of your favorite wine together.
162
00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:12,497
Oh, Jess, I just wish
163
00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:15,500
I deserved all the kindness
you've shown me.
164
00:07:15,501 --> 00:07:18,503
So do I.
165
00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:21,006
You've just been so nice.
166
00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:22,507
Look out, look out!
167
00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:33,519
I got that mother...
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00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:51,037
That was Arnold.
169
00:08:00,546 --> 00:08:02,047
Tim?
170
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:03,548
Uh, it's our wedding night,
171
00:08:03,549 --> 00:08:05,550
and you've been in there
for over 20 minutes.
172
00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:07,052
Are you all right?
173
00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:08,053
Well, sure.
174
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:09,554
I'm just setting up
the courtesy coffee
175
00:08:09,555 --> 00:08:11,056
so it'll be all ready
176
00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:12,138
first thing in the morning.
177
00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:17,562
I don't think we have to worry
about coffee, Tim.
178
00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:20,065
Besides, I've already
ordered champagne.
179
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:22,067
Okay, I'll be right there.
180
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:23,568
I just want to rinse out
181
00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:24,569
a few things.
182
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:31,576
Tim, I think this is serious.
183
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:34,079
I think you should come out now.
184
00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:40,085
Good night.
185
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:46,591
You're a little nervous,
aren't you?
186
00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:48,093
Me?
187
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:49,594
Don't be crazy.
188
00:08:49,595 --> 00:08:51,096
Why would I be nervous?
189
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:53,599
Good.
190
00:08:55,601 --> 00:08:58,103
Boy, this is some view,
isn't it?
191
00:08:58,104 --> 00:08:59,604
I wonder how many miles
you can see.
192
00:08:59,605 --> 00:09:02,608
Tim, we're only on
the second floor.
193
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:06,611
Look, I can understand
194
00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:09,614
if you're a little uneasy.
195
00:09:09,615 --> 00:09:11,616
But you must have
known all along
196
00:09:11,617 --> 00:09:14,619
that this would be
part of our marriage...
197
00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:16,621
hopefully.
198
00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:18,123
Well, I thought
I could handle it
199
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:20,625
when the time came,
but now I'm not so sure.
200
00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:22,627
But it's not something
you do alone.
201
00:09:22,628 --> 00:09:24,629
It's something we do together...
202
00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:25,631
hopefully.
203
00:09:29,095 --> 00:09:30,135
That must be room service.
204
00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:31,136
Can you get it?
205
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:32,638
Sure. Coming.
206
00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:38,643
Good evening.
207
00:09:38,644 --> 00:09:39,644
Good evening.
208
00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:41,646
Will that be all, sir?
209
00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:42,647
Yes.
210
00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:44,650
Father Flotsky!
211
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:48,653
It's me... Orville.
212
00:09:48,654 --> 00:09:50,655
Oh, right... Orville.
213
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:51,656
Listen, Father,
214
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,158
the reason you haven't
seen me at mass
215
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:54,659
is I'm working Sundays.
216
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:55,660
It's okay.
217
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:57,162
And I... I want you
to know,
218
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:59,164
ever since my last confession,
219
00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:01,167
I have completely
given up the twins.
220
00:10:06,672 --> 00:10:08,173
Hiya.
221
00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:10,175
I don't believe it.
222
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:11,176
You don't understand.
223
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:12,677
This is my wife.
224
00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:15,180
And you made me
give up the twins.
225
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:20,685
Don't worry about it.
226
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:23,688
Come on, let's have a drink.
227
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:25,190
All right.
228
00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:28,194
To us.
229
00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:34,199
Do you feel better?
230
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,200
Uh-huh.
231
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:37,203
Good.
232
00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:41,707
How much better?
233
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:45,210
A little bit better?
234
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:46,711
No, a lot better.
235
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:49,714
Definitely a whole lot better.
236
00:10:49,715 --> 00:10:51,716
In fact, I feel better now
237
00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:54,720
than I ever did
in my entire... oh...
238
00:10:57,223 --> 00:10:58,724
Aw, no!
239
00:11:01,727 --> 00:11:03,228
Hello?
240
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:04,730
Mother?
241
00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:11,236
Attack?
What sort of an attack?
242
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:14,739
Ma, be reasonable.
243
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:16,241
You're not dying.
244
00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:20,746
It's our wedding night.
Of course she's here.
245
00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:39,264
Burt...
246
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:43,268
Time to get up.
247
00:11:48,774 --> 00:11:50,775
Seven of my men
are gonna be off today
248
00:11:50,776 --> 00:11:52,277
because it's a Jewish holiday,
249
00:11:52,278 --> 00:11:54,279
and I'm gonna have
to do all their jobs.
250
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,780
Burt, could I talk to you
251
00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:56,781
before you go?
252
00:11:56,782 --> 00:11:57,782
You know what kills me
253
00:11:57,783 --> 00:11:59,284
is I don't think
they're all Jewish...
254
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:02,287
two of them are black,
and one's an Indian.
255
00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:05,290
Darling, I really need
to talk to you.
256
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:06,791
We'll talk tonight, Mary.
257
00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:08,293
I got a big day ahead or me.
258
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:09,794
Well, at least
you're gonna have a day.
259
00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:12,297
I'm not gonna have any day
at all.
260
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:15,300
Is that a riddle, Mary?
261
00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:18,304
Because if it is,
it's much too early for that.
262
00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:25,810
I have no life, Burt.
263
00:12:25,811 --> 00:12:27,812
I have nothing to do all day.
264
00:12:27,813 --> 00:12:29,314
Now the kids are grown,
265
00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:30,815
and you're hardly ever home
to dinner,
266
00:12:30,816 --> 00:12:33,318
and there's, uh,
no laundry to do
267
00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:35,320
and nothing to clean.
268
00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:37,322
No beds to make.
269
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:38,823
Nothing.
270
00:12:38,824 --> 00:12:41,326
I could be sloppier.
271
00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:44,329
I tell you what, you know, Mary,
272
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:46,831
when I come home tonight,
I'll mess up the house.
273
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:49,334
You know, Mary,
right now I can't talk
274
00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:50,835
or else I'll be late.
275
00:12:50,836 --> 00:12:51,836
Oh, you won't be late, Burt.
276
00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:53,838
I set the alarm ahead
a half an hour.
277
00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:54,840
It's only 5:30.
278
00:12:57,343 --> 00:12:58,343
Burt...
279
00:12:58,344 --> 00:13:01,346
I need to talk to you.
280
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,349
Mary, I need to sleep.
281
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:08,353
I want to go to school, Burt.
282
00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:10,855
Mary, it's 5:30
in the morning.
283
00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:12,357
School's closed.
284
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,860
I'm serious.
285
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:16,861
I want to go to college.
286
00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:18,363
I want to study English.
287
00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:20,865
Why?
288
00:13:20,866 --> 00:13:22,867
I think you speak it very well.
289
00:13:22,868 --> 00:13:25,370
Are you against me going?
290
00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:27,872
Well...
291
00:13:27,873 --> 00:13:29,374
Why? Why?
292
00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:31,376
Because I don't
want you to feel bad.
293
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:33,378
Why should I feel bad?
294
00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:35,880
When you fail, you'll feel bad.
295
00:13:35,881 --> 00:13:37,382
I won't fail.
296
00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:38,383
You might.
297
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:39,384
I won't.
298
00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:41,386
I know.
299
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:43,888
That's just the problem, Mary.
300
00:13:43,889 --> 00:13:46,391
You're gonna get smart.
301
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:49,394
I'm not gonna get smart, Burt.
302
00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:50,895
Yeah, you will.
You'll get smart.
303
00:13:50,896 --> 00:13:52,897
And then you'll get too smart
for me.
304
00:13:52,898 --> 00:13:54,399
You'll learn all those things
305
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,900
I don't know,
306
00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:57,902
and you'll start using big words
when you talk,
307
00:13:57,903 --> 00:13:58,903
like... like, uh...
308
00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:01,906
"notwithstanding"
and "heretofore."
309
00:14:01,907 --> 00:14:04,409
I won't understand any of that,
310
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:06,911
and then you're gonna find out
how really dumb I am
311
00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:08,413
and you'll leave me
for somebody smart
312
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:11,416
who you can talk with
about philosophy.
313
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:12,917
Oh, Burt.
314
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:14,419
It'll happen, Mary.
315
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:16,421
You're so dumb.
316
00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:18,424
See? It's starting
already.
317
00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:22,427
Burt...
318
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:25,430
I'm not gonna get smart
and leave you.
319
00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:28,433
First of all,
you're the smartest man I know,
320
00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:30,436
and second of all, I love you.
321
00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:34,440
I want to go to school, Burt.
322
00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:38,443
I'll feel more like a person.
I'll feel better.
323
00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:41,446
And if I feel better,
it'll be better for us.
324
00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:44,449
You really think I'm smart?
325
00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:45,950
Oh...
326
00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:47,953
The smartest man you ever met?
327
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:55,960
Listen, Mary,
I got 20 minutes left.
328
00:14:55,961 --> 00:14:58,964
No sense going back to sleep.
329
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:02,967
You're so smart.
330
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:24,489
Hey, Danny.
331
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:25,991
Whoa!
332
00:15:41,006 --> 00:15:43,008
Ooh!
Oh, ho, ho!
333
00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:48,513
She really picked up
speed there, huh?
334
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:52,016
Yeah, especially
towards the end.
335
00:15:52,017 --> 00:15:53,017
Still, it's amazing
336
00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:54,519
the way it knocked that horse
337
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,020
right out from under that cop.
338
00:15:56,021 --> 00:15:59,023
He's okay, though.
He's just stunned.
339
00:15:59,024 --> 00:16:00,024
The cop?
340
00:16:00,025 --> 00:16:01,025
No, the horse!
341
00:16:01,026 --> 00:16:02,026
See? He's up now,
342
00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:04,028
and he's eating my apple.
343
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:06,031
Hey, look, the cop is up too.
344
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:11,036
Oh, he's down again.
345
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:15,540
Come on, Danny,
346
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:17,041
Danny, what's the matter?
347
00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:18,042
Believe me, 40 stories up
348
00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:20,044
is not a good place
to be depressed.
349
00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:21,045
Ah, it's Elaine.
350
00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:24,048
Every day, it's more
and more shopping.
351
00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:26,551
She's charging up a storm.
352
00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:27,552
I'll tell you,
353
00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:31,055
you can't believe
how much I'm in debt.
354
00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:39,565
You got to be more careful.
355
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:43,568
Anyway, I don't know
what I'm gonna do.
356
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:44,569
She's not the kind of girl
357
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:46,070
that settles for second best,
358
00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:47,071
and she's got this idea
359
00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:49,073
that nothing's too good for her.
360
00:16:49,074 --> 00:16:50,575
There's no end in sight.
361
00:16:52,077 --> 00:16:54,078
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
362
00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:55,580
What if you agree with her?
363
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:56,581
Only more so.
364
00:16:56,582 --> 00:16:58,583
Hey, the same thing happened
365
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:01,586
in some musical...
uh, Oklahoma.
366
00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:03,588
No, that wasn't it.
Showboat.
367
00:17:03,589 --> 00:17:07,091
No. No, no.
Carousel.
368
00:17:07,092 --> 00:17:08,593
Oh, boy.
369
00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:10,094
You know, I really
love musicals.
370
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:12,096
The only one that
ever disappointed me
371
00:17:12,097 --> 00:17:14,599
was Cabin in the Sky.
372
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,601
But that was my fault,
because I thought
373
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:17,602
it was gonna be a musical
374
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:19,104
about the construction industry.
375
00:17:21,106 --> 00:17:22,607
Burt, you said you had some idea
376
00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:24,108
of how I could handle Elaine.
377
00:17:24,109 --> 00:17:25,610
I'd really appreciate it
378
00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:28,112
if you'd tell me what
you think I should do.
379
00:17:28,113 --> 00:17:31,116
Danny, Kiss Me, Shrew.
380
00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:36,621
Kiss your what?
381
00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:38,122
Not my what.
Kiss Me, Shrew.
382
00:17:38,123 --> 00:17:39,624
It's a very famous
musical by Shakespeare.
383
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:41,125
It'll work for you, Danny.
384
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:42,627
I know it's gonna work for you.
385
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:44,128
See, in this story,
this guy's got,
386
00:17:44,129 --> 00:17:45,630
oh, a terrible wife.
Yeah?
387
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:47,131
And he keeps her in line.
388
00:17:47,132 --> 00:17:48,633
He comes in...
389
00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:50,636
Whoa! Look out!
390
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:03,147
You're gonna love it.
391
00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:06,151
Well, you can bet
I'll save this ribbon.
392
00:18:09,154 --> 00:18:11,155
Oh!
393
00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:14,158
You shouldn't have!
394
00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:17,161
A turtle!
395
00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:18,162
You like it?
396
00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:19,163
I love him.
397
00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:21,165
Woodle-woodle
woodle-loo!
398
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:23,668
I'll put him back here
so he can play.
399
00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:27,171
Oh, Chester, you know
the nice thing about a turtle
400
00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:29,173
is that that's something
everyone can use
401
00:18:29,174 --> 00:18:32,176
but seldom goes out
to buy for himself.
402
00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:35,179
Uh... thank you
for your gifts too.
403
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:36,681
You're welcome, Daddy.
404
00:18:36,682 --> 00:18:38,182
Please, don't mention it.
405
00:18:38,183 --> 00:18:41,185
Also, I had eye
on a spider for you
406
00:18:41,186 --> 00:18:42,186
over there behind the stairs,
407
00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:43,688
but he turned out to be dead,
408
00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:45,691
and I didn't want
to bring back bad memories.
409
00:18:47,192 --> 00:18:49,694
All right, I did what you asked,
410
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:51,696
so I just hope
I've heard the last of it.
411
00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:54,198
You gave Arnold a proper burial?
412
00:18:54,199 --> 00:18:55,199
Sort of.
413
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:56,701
What do you mean, sort of?
414
00:18:56,702 --> 00:19:00,205
Well, it was more like
a burial at sea.
415
00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:06,211
Flushed him down the toilet.
416
00:19:08,714 --> 00:19:10,214
Colonel...
417
00:19:10,215 --> 00:19:13,218
I understand you recently
lost a valued rodent.
418
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:17,221
And I thought
the companionship of Sigmund
419
00:19:17,222 --> 00:19:18,723
might be of some solace.
420
00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:20,725
Who's Sigmund?
421
00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:23,728
A gallant Doberman
I liberated from the Nazis
422
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:25,230
during our push to the Rhine.
423
00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:28,733
Now, despite his ancestry,
424
00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:32,236
I think you'll find him
a devoted and loyal patriot.
425
00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:34,238
Come, Sigmund.
426
00:19:34,239 --> 00:19:37,242
Sigmund, come!
427
00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:40,245
Heel.
428
00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:57,762
Stay!
429
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:05,269
Sigmund, your new master.
430
00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:06,270
Well, Daddy, at least
431
00:20:06,271 --> 00:20:08,272
you don't have to worry
about fleas.
432
00:20:08,273 --> 00:20:09,774
No.
433
00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:11,776
Oddly enough,
in his sunset years,
434
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:14,779
he seems to be more bothered
by moths.
435
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:16,781
Daddy...
436
00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:18,783
Nonetheless,
he has still retained
437
00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:22,286
his basic knowledge
of simple commands.
438
00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:26,791
Sigmund, lie down.
439
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:28,794
Lie down!
440
00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:32,797
Good boy.
441
00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:39,303
Words fail me.
442
00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:42,306
All I can say is...
443
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:49,314
What, Chester?
444
00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:53,818
Landed right on the turtle.
445
00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:57,321
Hey, his breathing sounds bad.
446
00:20:57,322 --> 00:20:58,823
This could be serious.
447
00:20:58,824 --> 00:20:59,824
Oh, dear.
448
00:20:59,825 --> 00:21:01,826
Well, I... I...
I'd better call an ambulance.
449
00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:02,827
No, that's no good.
450
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:04,328
They find out
he's been hiding here,
451
00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:06,330
you'll all be in trouble
for harboring a fugitive.
452
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:08,332
Well, Dutch, we have
to do something!
453
00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:09,333
I know.
454
00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:10,334
Wait a minute.
455
00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:12,837
Benson, you and the major
take him out the back way,
456
00:21:12,838 --> 00:21:13,838
around to the front
of the house.
457
00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:15,339
Then if anybody asks
what happened,
458
00:21:15,340 --> 00:21:17,341
say he rang the doorbell
and passed out on the doorstep.
459
00:21:17,342 --> 00:21:18,342
Okay, good idea.
460
00:21:18,343 --> 00:21:19,844
Give me a hand here.
461
00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:21,345
Oh, dear, I...
I'm going to call
462
00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:22,346
the ambulance.
463
00:21:23,348 --> 00:21:24,849
I got to get out of here.
464
00:21:24,850 --> 00:21:26,851
The cops'll be swarming
all over this place
465
00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:28,853
as soon as
they identify your dad.
466
00:21:28,854 --> 00:21:30,855
Let me come with you.
467
00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:32,356
Are you crazy?
It's too dangerous.
468
00:21:32,357 --> 00:21:33,858
I don't want to be without you.
469
00:21:33,859 --> 00:21:35,359
Listen...
470
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:37,862
I can't make any promises,
but after this calms down,
471
00:21:37,863 --> 00:21:39,864
I'll try to come back
and see you.
472
00:21:39,865 --> 00:21:41,365
Really? Will you?
473
00:21:41,366 --> 00:21:42,366
I'll try.
474
00:21:42,367 --> 00:21:43,868
But I don't know how long
it'll take.
475
00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:45,370
Goodbye, Dutch.
476
00:21:48,874 --> 00:21:50,374
Be careful.
477
00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:52,877
So long, sweetheart.
478
00:21:57,382 --> 00:21:58,883
Ew!
479
00:22:00,886 --> 00:22:02,386
Ah, they're not gonna buy it.
480
00:22:02,387 --> 00:22:03,888
This doesn't look natural.
481
00:22:03,889 --> 00:22:04,889
What do you mean?
482
00:22:04,890 --> 00:22:05,890
Well, the story is,
483
00:22:05,891 --> 00:22:07,892
he rang the doorbell
and then collapsed.
484
00:22:07,893 --> 00:22:10,394
This looks like
he settled down for a nap.
485
00:22:10,395 --> 00:22:11,896
Give me a hand here.
486
00:22:11,897 --> 00:22:12,897
Let's get him up.
487
00:22:13,899 --> 00:22:15,900
Oh, dear!
You'd better hurry.
488
00:22:15,901 --> 00:22:17,902
Yeah, this'll make it
look more real.
489
00:22:17,903 --> 00:22:19,904
Let's get him over here
by the door.
490
00:22:19,905 --> 00:22:22,406
Billy, put his finger
on the doorbell there.
491
00:22:24,910 --> 00:22:27,411
Isn't that strange?
492
00:22:27,412 --> 00:22:30,915
It sounds as if
he's perfectly fine.
493
00:22:33,919 --> 00:22:35,920
Now, I'm gonna count to three.
494
00:22:35,921 --> 00:22:37,421
Now, when I do,
everybody move away.
495
00:22:37,422 --> 00:22:39,424
One... two... three.
496
00:22:48,433 --> 00:22:50,435
Yeah, that looks natural.
497
00:23:02,447 --> 00:23:04,949
Does Burt really have a planto change Elaine?
498
00:23:04,950 --> 00:23:06,450
Does it involve surgery?
499
00:23:06,451 --> 00:23:08,452
Is Chester seriously ill?
500
00:23:08,453 --> 00:23:10,454
Or is he just upsetabout Arnold?
501
00:23:10,455 --> 00:23:12,957
Will Sigmundever be housebroken?
502
00:23:12,958 --> 00:23:14,959
Will Dutch and Euniceget together again?
503
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,461
Will Corinne and Timget together?
504
00:23:17,462 --> 00:23:19,463
What will the police dowhen they discover
505
00:23:19,464 --> 00:23:20,965
Chester's been takento the hospital?
506
00:23:20,966 --> 00:23:22,967
Will they have to waitfor visiting hours
507
00:23:22,968 --> 00:23:24,468
to arrest him?
508
00:23:24,469 --> 00:23:25,970
These questions and many others
509
00:23:25,971 --> 00:23:28,472
will be answeredon next week's episode of...
510
00:23:28,473 --> 00:23:29,474
Soap.
511
00:23:32,477 --> 00:23:35,980
Soap is videotapedbefore a studio audience.
34374
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