All language subtitles for Merry Christmas Officer Hansel (2022) 1080p WEB-DL HEVC x265 BONE-English

[spoken over music] GLAM:
Sometimes its Christmas

but, most of the time

in my experience

Christmas is over.

[Now Glam is singing] This is it

This is a take down

wrap it up

pull down the lights

and the clover,

lights and clover, lights and clover

Christmas is over

Fa la la

Oi, Christmas is over

Fa la la

Christmas is over

Fa la la

Of all these colors,
candy colors, I love red,

yellow, blue and green.

This is it

It's a take down

wrap it up

pull down the lights

lights and clover

lights and clover, lights and clover

Christmas is over

Christmas is over

Christmas is over

Christmas is over

Time is a gift they say

an ornament we box away

with the ribbons of the day

it'd be forever if I had my way.

Time will pass

Time will pass. And it
will be Christmas again.

Oh, oh my.

This is Rose with the Holiday
Hour on KBRK, Burbank

I know all of our thoughts and
prayers are with Officer Harkmore Wilson.

And, of course, tonight’s show
is dedicated to his fallen partner,

K-9 Officer Gobby.

On the line we have Burbank’s
own recording star Glam Fandango

who has generously donated all
of the proceeds from his new single

“Christmas is Over” to the BPD
Canine Association [fades out]

[knocking]

Officer Wilson?

Oh! Uh.

Huh. Uh!

Huh? Ooh! Uh.

Officer Wilson?

Harkmore Wilson?

I'm not leaving.

[door unlocking, creaking open]

They're on a timer.

Really.

Is that a cape?

Yes.

Okay.

Office Wilson, I’m Helen. I’m
from the city, human resources.

I’m a counselor, a psychologist.

Your case has been assigned to me.

Can we talk?

Okay.

You haven’t been to any physical
therapy or counseling since the incident.

I won’t be doing any of that.

Well.

I’m not here to offer you
any counseling or therapy.

I have some papers I
need your signature on.

I need to read you this:

“Officer Wilson, due to the
extreme sacrifice in the line of duty,

combined with the unfortunate
lack of progress in your recovery,

The Burbank Police Department gratefully
offers, and recommends, early retirement.”

Phew. [exhales in shock]

It's full benefits.

They're retiring me.

You look retired.

I’m going to have to think about this.

If you want to stay on the payroll
it’s easy. All you have to do is work.

Okay

I have a dog.

He’s a police recruit, he
ran away from his handler

ran out in the street and got hit by a car.

If you foster him it
will buy you some time.

-Okay. -Okay

There you go.

His name is Hansel.

[whimpers]

[music from an old TV movie.]

NARRATOR ON TV: Who of us will
ever know what is in the heart of a dog?

This is the story of a great love.

The love of a dog for one man.

A love that was to prove
even stronger than life itself.

[automatic garage door]

[pressure washer]

This was Officer Gobby's. He was a K-9 too.

[rain]

[a thunder clap]

[rumbling, falling debris]

[thunder]

[rumbling, falling debris]

[Hansel is whimpering in his crate]

[rolling thunder]

[lights sliding on floor]

[ribbons]

[drops crutch]

[Harkmore wrestles the tree]

[sounds of exertion]

[sigh]

[Harkmore wrestles the tree]

[dragging tree]

[hose spraying into water]

[loud pool splash]

That’s it Hansel. That’s it! You got it.

You got it, boy! You got
it! Good boy! Good Hansel!

[laughs with joy] You got it!

Hello.

Uh, this truck, are you moving?

My neighbor mows my
lawn, and I let her park here.

Oh. Okay.

I brought some things by for
Hansel. How are you two doing?

Good. Better.

Good. Okay, um, I have his trainee uniform,

patches, and a cupcake.

Dogs don’t eat cupcakes. I
mean they do but, uh... No.

It’s a dog cupcake.

From a dog bakery. It’s for dogs.

Look just take it. The
little girl that Hansel saved

from getting hit by a
car brought it for him.

You told me that Hansel got hit by a car.

He did.

He pushed a little girl out of the way,

but the car hit him.

Oh.

I’m glad you’re feeling
better. You look better.

Ah... Okay. I have to go. Um.

I haven't received your
retirement papers yet.

You can drop those off at the
station when you drop Hansel off.

Okay, alright, goodbye. Have a good day.

[Hansel licks icing]

It’s for the best Hansel. You’ll
have a good life without me.

And just so we’re clear,

I would love to be your partner,
but, I just can’t lose another dog.

[Hansel squeaks with sadness]

[Hansel whimpers, pleading
for Harkmore to come back]

[sizzling]

[sizzling, plop]

[sizzling, plop]

[brushing]

[clatter]

[door opens]

Hi, Sheila.

Of course we can hear it.

No. Nobody else is complaining.

Well, maybe she’ll quit,
maybe she’ll get better,

but the one thing I know is
that we cannot go over there

and tell her that she cannot practice.

Alright? She’s only five years old. So...

[Hansel's little feet
clacking on the sidewalk.]

We cannot ask Carlos to cut down
his lemon tree. We can’t do that.

But, you are entitled to cut
back as much of his lemon tree

as grows over your property.

We cannot tell you to mow your lawn.
We cannot tell you to water your lawn.

And your neighbors can’t
tell you to mow your lawn

and your neighbors can’t
tell you to water your lawn.

Your lawn... can be... as
brown... and as long... as you want.

So, Harkmore,

-Yes. -How are you doing?

Pretty good.

How's your hip?

I can get around. They've got
us walking a beat, which is nice.

And my teeth are coming along and,
by and large, it's been going really well.

They tell me that I shouldn't be
hit in the head. [Hansel squeaks]

But other than that, I'm just fine.

-That's great. -Yeah.

You really do it up for Christmas.

I love Christmas.

My Aunt Lucille is the same.

Tell me about your family.

Aunt Lucille lives next door. And my
brother Fillmore is a famous musician.

He donated for your surgeries.

Yeah, but he’s rolling in
money, so it's not like a big deal.

They finally cleared out Gobby’s
locker. Do you want any of this?

No.

What is this?

That is an arm guard
that is used for K-9 dogs to

teach them how to take down a person.

Yes. That’s perfect for
Gobby, just the right size.

Too big for Hansel, though, too big.

But, even if Hansel was big enough to
use that, which he's not, but if he was,

he's not aggressive enough to do it.

[Hansel squeaks] He's not like that at all.

I mean, he's a great
dog and everything. But,

he's not going to be taking anyone
down. [Hansel squeaks] Period.

He's just small. That's all.

[Hansel groans]

Is Hansel a good K-9 dog?

He's a great dog. He's a wonderful dog.

But, as a police dog.

Take Gobby, right?

He could track anything, clear
across town, he could find anything.

- That kid who got lost, remember that?
- Uh-huh.

He smelled his hat, that’s all it
took. It was spectacular, right?

Hansel is just not built that
way, but he’s a great dog.

In his own way, he’s
got a lot going for him.

But he's not gonna take down a
person. [Hansel squeaks] He's not gonna

track anything like that.

He's not that way. But he’s a great dog.

You know what? I will take that.

Oh. What is this? [bell
jingles when handled]

This is a jingle bell. You use
it for finding dogs in the dark.

Say you're in a warehouse
and you can't see anything

you give the jingle bell to your dog

and you follow the bells. Follow the bells.

Yeah, that was Gobby’s. It’s too
big for Hansel, but I’ll keep it. Thanks.

- You want a little treat, buddy?
- He won't eat that.

Well, of course he will, he’s a dog.

He’s a police dog, he won’t eat it.

Yeah, he’ll only take food from
me. That’s the way it works.

That’s why when a police dog is
missing you have to find them right away.

Do you feel overprotective of Hansel?

I don't think so.

Okay. Of course.

Well, this has been good.

Keep up the good work,
you’re both doing very well.

And we’ll pick it up again next time.

On another note, Harkmore, I was expecting
a package. I think it’s been stolen.

Are you guys investigating that?

Well, it’s probably been
delayed because it’s Christmas.

Yeah. Yeah, maybe.

What are you expecting?

Oh, it’s just a Porcelain
rabbit figurine, that I ordered.

Porcelain rabbits. Hmm.
Well, we’ll look into it.

Thank you.

[Hansel's little feet
clicking on the sidewalk]

[doorbell]

[rapping on glass]

Aunt Lucille?

[jiggling door handle]

[knocking]

Aunt Lucille? [banging window]

Harkmore, my back.

Hansel, I'm going to put you
down, but don't go anywhere.

Stay. Good boy.

[Jiggling door handle]

Help.

[jiggling door handle]

Aunt Lucille, I am going to
break down the door, okay?

[Crashing into door]

Thank you, Hansel.

-Harkmore. -Aunt Lucille, are you okay?

I threw out my back.

What happened?

I was heading down the hill to Grocer Moe's

and this fella, was heading up the hill.

He had a mask on. And I was
thinking, he's either a bad guy

or he's a hurt soldier
who needs my respect.

I could barely engage the
snack lady at Grocer Moe's.

Anyway, on the way back, there he is. But
something's changed, something's different.

He has something. He has a package.

And then I stopped. And then he stopped.

And then I knew and
then he knew that I knew.

It wasn't a package.
It was a stolen package.

Package thief.

There are times in life, not many
but few, where you have to pounce.

And I pounced, but he worked
his magic and he got away.

Harkmore, can I spend Christmas
with you and Hansel at your house?

Of course, but no decorating.

No decorating.

We'll leave the door open for you, okay?

Okay. Bye.

Bye, Aunt Lucille.

Package thieves, in the neighborhood.

[approaching drone]

-COFFEE DRONE: Lucille Wilson, coffee? -No!

- COFFEE DRONE: Lucille Wilson, coffee?
- Shoo!

[thump]

[Hansel's little feet
clacking on the pavement]

A package was stolen from your front porch?
These were, these were Christmas presents?

Video camera, you have
some surveillance video for us?

[growling]

Thank you, we'll get right on it.

[grab, snatch]

[gently shaking, rattling stolen package]

[gently shaking, rattling stolen package]

[crashing down, tumbling]

[kicking the box through the park]

[kicking the box]

[kicking the box]

[distant sound of kicking
the box across the field]

[door slides open with thud]

[light switches clang on]

[clicking]

[kicks it, it wobbles]

[slice]

[cascading sound of rain stick]

[cascading sound of rain stick]

[clatter]

[door shuts with a clang]

GLAM: It is eighty degrees in Burbank,
California. Thank you for flying with us

and being on my tour.

Speaking on behalf of our pilot, Professor
Apricot, we will be landing shortly,

so, please, buckle up. [landing gear]

[doorbell]

Glam Fandango. Professor Apricot. Welcome.

Aunt Lucille, we have nowhere
else to go. Can we stay with you?

Well, of course you can spend
Christmas with us. Come on in.

Move it on in boys! Come on

bring everything. Alright,
all the gear. Bring it all in.

-Everything. -Who are you talking about?

People bringing things?

[Glam's loud rock music, from
inside house] [car pulls into driveway]

[Glam's loud rock music, from inside house]

[Glam's loud rock music, from inside house]

[Loud sewing machine]
[Glam's loud rock and roll music]

[Loud sewing machine]
[Loud rock and roll music]

[Loud rock and roll music] Oh, Harkmore,
welcome home. I did some decorating.

I see. What's that?

That’s your brother’s vocal voice box.

He and Professor Apricot
had no where else to go,

they were all alone.

They’re in there? That’s them?

He’s giving us the gift
of live performance art

as his contribution for Christmas.

I see you put snow on the television.

This way everything
we watch will be frosty.

[sewing machine]

[sizzling]

This is Santa’s North Pole Village.
I’ve been collecting it every year

since the boys were born.

And this year I’m adding the
final piece: Santa’s Workshop.

You completed Santa's Village?

Any day now.

That's wonderful, Aunt
Lucille. Good for you.

And it'll go right here. Santa’s Workshop
is the crown jewel of The North Pole.

And it will be here any day now.

[sizzling]

-HARKMORE: Hot dogs! -Hot dogs, where?

Oh, yes. Professor Apricot
our ship has come in.

[door opens]

[slam] [beeps]

[plate put down]

Thank you, so much.

Thank you, Harkmore, much appreciated.

So, what's this?

It's a personal sauna. Your
brother gave it to me for Christmas.

Huh, do you like it?

LUCILLE: I love it. I love it.

-So, the usual? -Please.

How about you, Glam?

Why not?

Okay.

[TV remote clicker]

TV ANNOUNCER: Welcome
to Burbank Hills Television.

And now for your favorite Christmas movie
and ours! Brought to you by Drone Coffee.

[jingle] If you want
Drone Coffee just say "yes,"

if you don't want coffee just say no.

[jingle] If you want Drone
Coffee just say "yes"...

If you want Drone Coffee just say "yes,"
if you don't want coffee just say no.

I love that slogan. It's the best. But I
say no all the time and they just keep...

hectoring me. It’s crazy.

It is crazy.

And then the other day one
said, one said, “Lucille, coffee?”

And I said “No.” And then it
went, and then it went, “Lucille?”

And I turned and went,
“Yes?” And it delivered a coffee!

It put it right down on the
ground; it was like, like I paid for it.

Someone's gonna get hurt.

Of course they're gonna get hurt.

Well, that's hot coffee. You
can't just fly hot coffee into people.

- ANGEL: Saint Peter, who is that?
- SAINT PETER: Why that's George.

Wait, pause!

That was filmed right here, on our
street, back when our houses were new.

That's Bedford Falls.

There is no Bedford Falls.

He's kidding.

[laughing]

You tell us every year.

[laughing] I do, I do, I do.

That's okay. I like hearing it.

I was born on that street, this street
and so were you, and so were you.

Don't say it.

-It was where I met. -Aunt, Lucille!

-It was where I met. -Talk like that.

-It was where I met Santa. -at your age.

I met Santa right here on this
street, right by that Christmas tree.

Not that Christmas tree,
but another just like it.

It'll put you in Shawlshank.

Shawlshank? What's Shawlshank?

Burbank old age home.

Okay, you're not going there.

When I can no longer feed
myself, I'll go to Shawlshank.

When you can no longer feed
yourself, I'll feed you. Hansel

[Hansel squeaks] Has six more years of work

and then we're gonna retire together.

Do you think you can feed
yourself for six more years?

Yes.

Okay, then.

It is a wonderful life.

Yes, it is.

Angels are real.

Okay

Christmas wishes do come true.

Sure.

[sigh]

[click]

Harkmore. What does it look like?

What does what look like?

Aunt Lucille's village.
What does it look like?

Santa's Village?

It looks like a Cloud City.
That's what it looks like.

And let me tell you something.
We're all building one.

Aunt Lucille, she's building
one with little village houses.

And I'm building a Cloud
City of my own with songs.

But all I know is that when
you're done with your Cloud City,

you're done and you go away.

It is the way of the world. Now,
Aunt Lucille is down to one more house,

and it’s coming in the mail.

I’ve got many more songs, I hope.

What is your Cloud City?
Harkmore. What is your Cloud City?

We all have one.

Goodnight, Glam.

Goodnight, Harkmore.

Goodnight, Harkmore.

Goodnight, Aunt Lucille.

Goodnight, Hansel.

Goodnight, Glam Fandango.

Goodnight, Aunt Lucille.

Goodnight, Professor Apricot.

Goodnight, Partner.

[click]

Goodnight, Angels.

Goodnight, Santa.

[whooshing]

[crack]

[clatter]

[delivery truck hits the brakes]

[thud]

[warming up his voice]
GLAM: Na na na na na...

[warming up voice with
piano] Kni i i i i i i ight Meh

[warming up voice with
piano] Kni i i i i i i ight Meh

[warming up voice with
piano] Kni i i i i i i ight Meh

[warming up voice with
piano] Kni i i i i i i ight Meh

Glam, could you be knighted?
Could you be knighted by the crown?

Well, I am a dual citizen, so
it's not beyond the pale. Ha ha.

I could conceivably be knighted some day.

[snatch] [Hansel's little feet]

[Coffee drone buzzing]

COFFEE DRONE: Harkmore Wilson,
coffee? Harkmore Wilson, coffee?

COFFEE DRONE: Lucille Wilson, coffee? -No

Lucille Wilson, coffee? -No

Actually, the power is off on
a couple of houses here. Okay?

So, in keeping with that, there is
probably nothing bad in your house.

Look, I’ll go in there, and
I’ll carry my K9 dog with me.

And if he alerts me to
something, that’s fine.

But I'm not going to let my dog
just wander around your dark place.

Who would do that?

[Hansel's feet clacking on sidewalk]

[Guitar strum, crackling, distorted]

[crackling, distortion of
a broken guitar switch]

[heavy footsteps] [spraying]

[towel squeaks on glass]

Aunt Lucille, is there a package for me?

You're expecting a package? Me too.

Be a love and check.

What are you expecting?

A guitar switch. And you?

Santa's Workshop.

That wouldn’t be the Santa’s
Workshop that’s the heart and soul

-of Santa’s Village, is it? -It's the same.

[opens door]

[shuts door]

Nothing came.

Or so we think.

Helen, I’m so glad you came into my life.

I don’t know what I would
have done without you.

And we both know what it’s like

when someone you love is gone, and
you don’t get a chance to say goodbye.

I mean, we’re both alone, and
what I was thinking was that,

maybe we could be alone together. I mean,

then we wouldn’t be alone,
we’d be together. Right?

What do you think, Hansel?

[Hansel squeaks] Do
you think she'll go for it?

[car starts up] [Hansel
squeaks in approval]

[muffled precinct sounds]

[crash, clatter]

[door shuts]

So. How are you doing?

My family is over for Christmas.

-Ah, your Aunt Lucille. -Yeah.

And your brother, Glam.

Fillmore. Glam, is his stage name.

Aunt Lucille, when we
graduated from high school,

she sent us to England for six weeks.

And, you know what? He comes
back with an unshakable British accent.

Hmm.

All he did was watch TV over
there, he didn’t even talk to anybody.

Well, some people adapt much
more quickly to a new environment.

No! He’s a phony! And...
he is afraid of the dark.

Harkmore, do you resent
Fillmore for helping you?

That’s silly. No. No, of course not.

Okay. Hmm.

How is your Aunt Lucille?

My Aunt Lucille, she thinks Santa is real.

Like somebody you can talk
to, have a conversation with.

And I was kinda hoping you'd talk to her.

About Santa?

No, she’s feeling really bad about herself.

What happened?

She used to be a great athlete
and she had this terrible run in.

And it didn't go well. It
was with a package thief.

Everyone is talking about that
package thief. [Hansel squeaks]

HARKMORE: Yes. HELEN:
He is ruining Christmas.

HARKMORE: That is the one.

I was really looking forward
to my porcelain rabbits.

-Have you two had any luck? -No.

Oh, I will speak to your Aunt Lucille.

How have you been doing with Hansel?

Not well. I worry about him. He’s
so small. And I think you’re right,

I’m overprotective of him. It’s
showing in everything we do.

You know, we could do an exercise.

How about we go out and spend
some time away from Hansel,

and see if it helps the two of
you develop some independence?

What would we do?

What do you like to do?

I like to walk my dog.
What do you like to do?

I like to dance. Do you like to dance?

No. It feels too hopeful. I feel like a
fraud when I'm dancing. Like a liar.

Well, how about the train museum?

- Yeah, yeah, alright.
- HELEN: Okay, alright, let's do that then.

So, Lucille, tell me about yourself.

Well, I’m retired, now. But, I was a mover.

-A mover, like furniture? -Like furniture.

That’s an unusual profession for a woman.

Yes, but not for a competitive powerlifter.

A lot of us end up being movers.

Tell me about that.

Well, I had one truck, then two trucks,
then three trucks, then four trucks.

Then three trucks, then
two trucks, then one truck,

then zero trucks and now I'm retired.

Oh, you mean about being a weightlifter?

-Yeah. [chuckling] -Okay.

Well, I competed for our country.

-In the Olympics? -Yeah.

That's amazing.

I came in third.

Bronze? You won a bronze
medal in the Olympics?

Oh, how I wish I had won a bronze.
But I lost a gold. Do you understand?

I guess so.

I ask my maker all the time: "Maker,

why did you make me so
strong, only to make me fall short

right at the very moment
I needed it the most?"

I mean, what was my purpose in life?

Air conditioning units and
pool tables and upstairs pianos?

You raised your brother's sons.

They were in high
school. I didn't do so much.

You have braces.

Yes. When Harkmore had to have
his mouth fixed, he also needed braces.

And so, he was afraid that
people would make fun of him,

you know, a grown man in braces.

So, Glam and I both got braces.

Huh. What a nice thing to do.

Well, the Wilson’s have bad teeth, anyway.

The whole family line has bad teeth.

This is a Key Lime
tree. As in Key Lime Pie.

I planted it the day you brought
Hansel home to Harkmore.

Oh.

And this, is a fig tree. I planted it
the day Gobby came home to us.

And during Harkmore’s long
sleep, I laid him to rest here too.

And here’s his honor
guard: there’s big Santa,

who I’ve met, little Santa, Cookie, Cookie,

Snowman, and two
Victorian candles. And Gobby.

It’s lovely. Do they light up?

No, they're old and they don't light up.

Do you like cocoa?

I do like cocoa

Yeah? Are you a cocoa person?

-I am. -You like marshmallows?

- I like marshmallows.
- You're a marshmallow person too.

-Okay, how many marshmallows you like?

At least two.

[clicking]

[clunk]

A package thief, stealing Christmas,

one doorstep at a time!
Only on Burbank Action News!

I’m worried about that package thief.

He’s not some mastermind. We’ll catch him.

Is everybody getting a
package stolen this Christmas?

He’s getting away with a few things.

Every time somebody steals a package
it’s like they're stealing Christmas.

[rummaging]

[smash]

["Clair de lune" is
played softly on a Celesta]

[It is Professor Apricot
playing the Celesta]

["Clair de lune" is
played softly on a Celesta]

["Clair de lune" is
played softly on a Celesta]

["Clair de lune" is
played softly on a Celesta]

["Clair de lune" is
played softly on a Celesta]

[typing]

[typing]

[stops typing]

[click]

[beep]

[clack, clack]

[chewing]

[heavy rolling]

[clunk]

[footsteps]

[heavy rolling]

[clunk]

[footsteps]

[heavy rolling]

[heavy rolling]

[footsteps]

[splash]

[towel squeaking]

[hose spray]

[towel wiping]

[lawn mower]

He lives to destroy my concentration.

“Oh, I’m Harkmore, look at me. I've
gotta new hip, I can mow my lawn.”

He’s mowing the lawn so
it looks good for Christmas.

- Whatever.
- Don't be so hard on your brother.

And what if I am?

He's made sacrifices.

Who has made sacrifices? Who more than me?

I donate one hundred
percent of the proceeds

of “Christmas is Over” to the Burbank K9

and what happens? It
becomes my biggest hit ever.

And that is what I call a charity fail.

You’re supposed to donate your duds.

And what thanks do I get, and from who?

You get it from me.
You helped your brother.

You would never know it, talking to him.

Kids today don’t even know how to
do little things like this, like soldering.

They don’t know how to do it.

I taught both of you how to do that.

That’s a Merit Badge
you don’t get, soldering.

Have to learn that
from a parent, or a Aunt.

No one in High School is going to
trust you with one of these. Not a chance.

[crackling of electricity]

Hot.

[clink]

[chuckling]

[thud]

[clink]

[chuckling]

[clunk]

[door unlocking, door opening]

Fillmore. Glam, can you hear me?

Of course I can hear you.

- I need a favor.
- GLAM: You want me to leave.

No, stay for Christmas.
We want you to stay.

You okay, brother?

Can you watch Hansel for me?

Ooooo.

Oooooooo. Oo, oo, oo, oo.

I wish I could.

But truth of the matter is, I am
not gonna leave this booth until I

come up with a hit song to replace
the hit song that got donated to you.

So, no.

Well, can Hansel and Professor
Apricot hang out in there?

No... can... do.

I'll do it.

Okay, Hansel, I’m going to leave you here
with the only relative who cares about you.

And when I get home I’m going
to give you a Christmas lamb chop.

Because you’re a good
boy. You’re a very good boy.

[kiss]

Clingy.

Good boy.

Thank you. What's with the box?

Never you mind, you just go.

Bye. [door opens]

Bye. [door shuts]

What IS with the box?

I'm pulling a prank on the package thief.

[chuckling]

Two hundred pounds of weightlifting plates.

What if he wants two hundred
pounds of weightlifting plates?

Huh?-What if he wants weightlifting plates?

And what are they about a dollar a pound?

That’s a two hundred dollar prank.

The prank is on me.

Look, put out an empty
box. Inside put a note.

“Dear Package Thief,
you have been pranked.”

Right, something like that.

[Hansel jumps down] I'll get a pen.

Glam, do you want me to
make you an egg scramble?

I only eat backyard eggs,
they’re organic and fresh.

Annie, from Grocer Moe’s, she kept
chickens, and she said chickens were mean.

-Do you want a sausage platter? -GLAM: No.

-Would you like a bowl of cereal? -No.

-Do you want a fruit cup? -No no. [clatter]

-Do you want a slice of melon? -Na.

-Would you like a pork sandwich? -No.

-Do you want a waffle? -No.

-Do you want Key Lime Pie? -No.

-Do you want a bacon sandwich? -No.

- Do you want french toast?
- No. [Hansel licks his chops]

[thud]

Pancakes?

[piercing, slicing]

[clacking of wood]

[crash]

[door clangs shut]

What is the magic of Christmas?

And how can I record that?

[Professor Apricot plays intro music]

[singing] Christmas in Burbank,

Christmas in Burbank,

All along the brown hills,

there is peace and joy.
[electrical popping, crackling]

[electrical pop] That
sounds really good, Glam.

I think it would sound better, in
my original, Continental voice. Ready?

[Glam's orchestrated polka song,
"Christmas in Burbank" begins]

[backup singers] Brown, brown, brown,
brown. Brown, brown, brown brown,

[Glam singing] Christmas in
Burbank, Christmas in Burbank,

All along the brown hills,
there is peace and joy.

Christmas in Burbank, Christmas in Burbank,

All along the brown hills,
there is peace and joy.

[Aunt Lucille yodeling]

[Aunt Lucille yodeling]

[Glam singing] Coyote in
the front yard looking at me.

Bobcat hissing and climbing up a tree,
Raccoon in the trash can happy as a clam.

Rats in the fruit tree putting on a jam.

[spoken] Got it! I got it!

Christmas in Burbank. That's really clever.

I think I really got something there.

We do have lots of wildlife.

I know.

[Glam singing] All along the
brown hills there is peace and joy.

All along the brown hills
there is peace and joy.

[song ends]

[clang, rattling]

[slice]

[fwap, fwap, fwap, fwap, fwap, fwap]

[car whooshing by] HARKMORE: No worries.

He's probably home already.

Sure.

[door shuts]

Hansel! Aunt Lucille!

-She’s not here. -Where is she?

- She’s out looking for Hansel.
- Well, why aren’t you?

-Harkmore. -Where are you?

- I’m up the hill.
- Call me if you find anything.

Okay.

-What can I do? -Help me find my dog.

[door opens] [door shuts]

[car whooshing by]

-I’m sure he’s going to be fine. -Yeah.

[Click, powering up]

[volume turned up but only static]

[Glam's rock song, "Every Dog Has
His Day" begins] [Tapping foot to beat]

[Glam singing] Ho ho hey,

Ho ho hey, [powerful fan]

Ho ho hey, Ho ho hey,

Every cat has a say, Every cat has a say,

Every cat has a say, Every cat has a say,

But every dog has his
day. Fa la la, fa la la

Fa la la, fa la la Whoa,
oh oh, oh oh oh oh. oh.

Ho ho hey, Ho ho hey

Ho ho hey, Ho ho hey, [powerful fan]

Every cat has a say, Every cat has a say,

Every cat has a say, Every cat has a say,

But every dog has his day. [CLANG]

Fa la la, fa la la

HARKMORE: Hansel! [Glam
singing] Fa la la, fa la la

Whoa, oh oh, oh oh oh oh. oh.

Fa la la la la la la la

Fa la la la la la la la

[song ends] [click]

HARKMORE: Hansel! Hansel! HELEN: Hansel!

[thunk]

[calling out] Hansel! Hansel! Hansel!

[Hansel squeaks]

[Hansel squeaks]

[Hansel whimpers]

[Loud smash]

Oh! Oh, no.

[Lucille collapses]

[Hansel squeaks] [door slams]

[Hansel growls]

[buzzing] Are you an angel?

COFFEE DRONE: Lucille Wilson, coffee?

COFFEE DRONE: Lucille Wilson, coffee?

COFFEE DRONE: Rescue, Lucille Wilson.

[clamping]

COFFEE DRONE: Rescue, Lucille Wilson.

[coin sound indicating
she is being charged]

I feel like I’ve been dragged.

You’re safe now, just rest.

Harkmore, I’m so sorry
I can’t search for Hansel.

That’s okay. You just take it easy.

Okay.

I don’t get it. Why would he just run
away? Why would he just up and leave?

Was I that controlling?
Was I smothering him?

Helen, thank you for a lovely, lovely day.

That’s it! I left a prank package
out for the package thief.

And he stole the package. It's gone.

- So.
- So, what if Hansel snuck into the box?

- Why would he do that?
- To catch the package thief.

- Undercover. He went undercover.
- He wanted to do real police work

-You're all nuts. You're nuts! -Harkmore.

I ask for one thing, watch my dog.

And you leave the front
door open and he runs away.

We have to make a Christmas
wish and he’ll come back.

There are no Christmas wishes.

There are no angels. Not
now, not at any time of year,

and there is no Santa
and you've never met him.

Easy Cowboy.

And you,

nothing you make in that dumb box matters
because you’re the guy who won’t look

for a missing dog. And,
you’re afraid of the dark?

No matter how afraid of
the dark you are or ever get,

you’ll never be as scared as a missing dog.

Harkmore.

Grow up, Fillmore. I'm
gonna go look for my dog.

[opens door, closes door]

[opens door] I’m gonna need my keys!

[jingling keys]

[opens door, shuts door]

[opens door] These are Fillmore's keys.

[jingling keys]

[opens door, closes door]

[slams car door]

I did meet Santa. And
I pulled that old trick,

I pretended I was asleep
with a cup of cocoa in one hand

and a platter of cookies in the other.

Just like this. Go ahead, go for a
cookie. Go for a cookie. Go for a cookie.

And then I grabbed his wrist.

And Santa was strong! But
back then I was very, very strong.

And you want to know
what? He couldn’t get loose.

And he said to me “Lucille,

let me go.” And so I let go
and I never saw him again.

That’s the truth. I wouldn’t lie.

[typing]

[typing]

[typing]

[typing]

[typing]

[typing]

[creak]

[typing]

[creak]

[typing]

[creak]

[typing]

[beep]

[crunch]

[ball rolls away]

I will not leave this booth
until I have made a hit song!

What are you looking at?

He's your brother too.

I know,

it's only darkness.

It's not the deep ocean sea, it's not
a bunch of sharks trying to get me.

It’s just the darkness!

And I shouldn’t be afraid of that.

If a little dog can be out
in it, so can... so can I.

My father did not raise a coward.
My mother did. Here we go!

Darkness, my old friend, You’ve
had your fun with me, but no more.

I won’t be your Christmas coward!

I’m Glam Fandango by way
of Wilson and I rescue dogs!

Here we go.

[electric crackling]

Now, that boy is afraid of the dark.

[Glam's sneakers squeaking]
GLAM: Oh-oh, oh-oh [car pulls in]

Oh-oh-oh, eh-eh-eh, oh-oh-oh,
eh-eh-eh [sneakers squeaking]

Eh-eh-eh, eh-eh-eh, ooo-ooo-ooo
ooo-ooo-ooo [sneakers squeaking]

Ah-ah-ah, ooo-ooo-ooo,
eh-eh-eh, [sneakers squeaking]

Glam.

Huh?

I'm sorry.

Sorry about what I said. I
didn't mean it. Not like that.

And if I ever made you feel unappreciated
for everything that you’ve done for me,

I’m sorry.

You donated that whole
song and that was wonderful.

-The proceeds, yes. -Yes.

-The proceeds. -Yes.

Sorry for my little outburst too.

Now, you’ve got a hit song to
write. So, go on in there and do it.

If anyone can do it, it’s you.

You’ve done it before and
you’re going to do it again.

Apology accepted.

I love you brother.

I love you too.

[sneakers squeaking]

[door shuts]

Helen, thank you so much for looking
after Aunt Lucille. And please forgive me.

I called you a cab and
I’ll catch up with you later.

Aunt Lucille, I’m sorry for
what I said. You were right,

Hansel is trying to save Christmas.

But he’s in over his
head. He’s underestimated

what he’s gotten himself into.

Hansel may be in real trouble.

[plunk]

[typing]

[typing]

[typing]

Glam, we can rescue Hansel. And we
can save Christmas. We only have to try.

I don’t know who you are or where
you are. I don’t know anything about you.

But you know what I
know? I know what you stole!

That’s the secret, I know what you stole.

And now I’m gonna get you!

[typing]

[typing]

[typing]

[yawning]

[typing]

[yawning]

[typing]

That’s it! I got it! A “P.T. Burbank”
left product reviews for your guitar switch

and your Numchucks. P.T... that’s
Package Thief, Package Thief Burbank!

[typing]

[Package Thief yawns]

[Package Thief yawns]

[Hansel yawns]

[Package Thief yawns]

[Hansel yawns]

[Package Thief yawns]

[Hansel yawns]

[snoozing]

[Hansel typing]

I just got an email! It’s in
code. It looks like dog bones.

We’ve both got brothers in this one.

[door opening]

[Professor Apricot typing]

[Professor Apricot typing]
[computer hacking sounds]

He’s cracked the code.
Good work, Professor Apricot!

[Hansel typing] It says, "Dear Family,
I am the package thief’s prisoner."

"And, though I have injured him
twice, I have failed to disable him."

"Harkmore, maybe you were right,
maybe I am too small to make a difference."

"But I have to try. I know why I’m
here, I’m here to save Christmas."

"If I don’t make it home, I love you."

"Merry Christmas, Officer Hansel."

[hits send]

[yawning, stretching]

[clunk]

[bells jingle]

[bells jingle as he walks]

[bells jingle as he sits]

What are you looking at?

And what are you looking at?

I bet you’ve seen a few lost
dogs, sitting out on some porch.

I wish I was like you, Aunt Lucille.

I wish it was true. I wish it was
all true. I wish I could find my dog.

And I wish angels were real and that Santa
was real. I wish all of that was true.

Gobby.

Gobby!

[Gobby sniffing] Gobby!

Gobby. [Gobby sniffing]

[bells jingle]

[Gobby snatches the bells]

Follow the bells.

Follow the bells. Follow the bells.
Follow the bells. Follow the bells.

[Harkmore follows the bells]

Go, Gobby, go!

[he loses the sound of the bells]

[he hears the bells again]

[Harkmore follows the bells]

[Harkmore follows the bells]

[Harkmore follows the bells]
Hansel, Hansel, I'm coming!

[Harkmore follows the
bells] Hansel, I'm coming!

[typing]

[Harkmore's distant voice] Hansel!

[Harkmore's distant voice] Hansel,
I'm coming for ya. I'm coming for ya.

[chain snaps taut]

[whooshing]

[whooshing] [lights power off]

[a cacophony of smashes,
crashes, barks, and growls]

[handcuffs]

[bells clatter]

[door slides open with thud]

[lights click on]

[sighing in relief]

Good job, Officer Hansel.

You’re a good cop. I’m proud to know you.

I won’t doubt you again. I promise.

Okay, let’s go have Christmas.

I know your mom.

SANTA: Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry
Christmas, Merry Christmas, Talent City!

-COFFEE DRONE: Santa, coffee? -SANTA: No.

- COFFEE DRONE: Santa, coffee?
- SANTA: No, coffee. Only cocoa!

-COFFEE DRONE: Santa, coffee? -SANTA: Shoo!

-COFFEE DRONE: Santa, coffee? -SANTA: Shoo!

[distant boom]

[rush of wind] SANTA: Ho! Ho! Ho no!

[loud crash]

-SANTA: Lucille Wilson! Help me! -Santa.

- SANTA: Lucille! I’m trapped!
- Santa needs help!

[grabs belt and snatches it away]

[door opens]

[door closes]

[her slippers jingle]

[thud] Santa! Are you okay?
SANTA: Help me, Lucille!

[sound of exertion] Oh! Oh.

- Santa, what is this?
- SANTA: It’s a sensory deprivation tank.

It’s for relaxation.
Nevermind! It’s crushing me.

It’s too heavy. I’ll get some help.

No, Lucille don’t leave me. I don’t
want to be alone. It’s over for me.

[creak of her leather belt]
[jingle of the belt buckle]

We'll see.

[fwap!]

[fastening buckle]

Okay. Okay.

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

So. Have you met my friend, Santa?

Ho, ho ho ho, Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, Wilson family.

Aunt Lucille, you saved my bacon.
And where is this dog I’ve heard of?

Hansel, the dog who saved Christmas.

Professor Apricot, indispensable
code breaker, musician.

Thank you, thank you so much.

The presents that were stolen will
be returned to their rightful owners.

Well, I am indebted to all of you,

do you have any questions for Santa?

Anything at all. There are
no dumb questions. Go ahead.

What’s the best Christmas present?

Well, the best Christmas
present for humans is a dog.

And the best Christmas
present for a dog, is a human.

I wish I could take
credit for it but I can’t.

At least once a year, I whisper
into someone's ear, on Christmas Eve,

"You’ll be alright, you just need a dog."

You just need a dog.

Next question.

- How do you do it?
- Well, I'm a multidimensional being,

Ah, you know what? If I told you
any more it would break your mind.

Now, what do you want?
Harkmore, we’ll start with you.

I’ve got my dog back, so I’m good.

So Lucille, what would
you like for Christmas?

Oh, I don’t know. I can’t decide.

What about me?

Oh, you got your float tank. It’s
out back. It’s a little busted. Sorry.

Can I trouble you for a hit song?

What’s wrong with "Christmas is Over?"
I love that song. It’s got everything.

I donated the proceeds.

Oh, re-release it under a “remastered”
title, collect the proceeds. Done.

Glam, I can’t give you
what you already have.

But would it kill you to write a
song from Santa’s perspective?

They said we’d never make
it, They said we’d never last.

And I’m all about your
present, I’m not about your past.

That’s it! Professor Apricot, hit it.

Lucille?

I can’t decide. Did you
see my Santa’s village?

I did. It’s lovely. It
looks just like mine.

My Cloud City. Everybody has one.

Santa, how will you get home?

I’m always home,

and I am always here.

Just point me in the
direction of the rising sun.

I'll do it.

Santa, I know what I want for Christmas.

Yes?

I want world peace.

What would you do with it?

I'd give it away to everyone I meet.

I'll see what I can do.

Thank you, Santa.

Goodbye.

Reindeer to me! To our home in
the snow. Muzzle to tail, antler to toe.

Buck, Doe, through the portal we go!

[chuckles to herself]
That Santa. That Santa.

Thank you, Officer Hansel.

[soldering]

[click] [shoonk]

[shoonk]

[click]

[chomp]

[crackle of electricity]

[click, whirring]

[door opens]

[Hansel gnaws on his Christmas
lamb chop]