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[camera whirring]

[Jon] I always suspected
my parents harbored

some kind of
long-held secret.

[urgent orchestral music plays]

One hidden far behind
the lenses of the cameras

that immortalize these images.

One they hid away
from my two older brothers,

myself

and anyone else deemed
necessary to keep in the dark.

My name is Jon Baime,
and I live in Decatur, Georgia.

[laughs] This is terrible.

[Jon] This is the story
of what happens,

- when, at 54 years old...
- Come on, then.

...I discover a secret

my parents
are keeping from me...

- about me.
- Okay, here we go.

[upbeat pop tune plays]

We're here on the beach,
Jonny and I.

[Jon] Meet my mom, Harriette.

Johnny,
are you too close to me?

[Jon] No, I'm not.

I don't want you
to be too close to me.

[Jon] This is her in 1982.

Are we on camera?

- Hi, everybody!
- He stopped it!

Here we are
in beautiful, sunny...

[Jon] Man, she would ham it up
in front of the camera.

Don't-- don't--
don't encourage her, Jonathan!

[laughing]

[Jon] These images show
that there was love

between our parents to us...

Jonny, get Mom in there.

Oh, is the sound on?
Hi!

- Absolutely sound.
- Happy Father's Day!

- [boy] Oh, isn't that cute.
- [Jon] And us to our parents.

Thank you very much.

[tropical music plays]

[Jon]
They were great providers,

raising three Baby Boomers

in a very privileged
environment.

Those are my older brothers,
Eric and David, in 1965.

And that's me.

Around my family,
even to this day, I am Jonny.

I am the baby.

[David]
It was a good childhood.

Yeah, they raised us very well.

He was a good father,
he taught us a lot,

I think he taught us
right from wrong, educated us,

and--
and he really showed care,

and love, I think so.

[solemn guitar music plays]

[Eric] My dad
was always there for me.

He was on my side.

And he made it
very clear that,

if something ever happened,
he would be there.

Well, in a lot of ways,
we had a charmed childhood.

We never wanted for anything.

And in some ways,
we kinda hit the jackpot.

[Jon] Of the three of us,
I was the curious one.

I would document
whatever was around me,

using film or video cameras.

My mom spent her time
involved with the community--

lots of Jewish charity work--

and served
on the local board of education

for years.

My dad
worked as an accountant.

- [Jon] [indistinct]
- [laughing]

[Jon] He adored my mother,

worshipped the ground
she walked on.

When she was around,
his face often lit right up.

I'm fine. Jon--

[Jon] The backdrop
of our charmed suburban life

was this house
in South Orange, New Jersey.

So much was so good,

yet something didn't add up
in this accountant's home.

♪ Twinkle, twinkle little star
♪

Today, I wonder,

what secrets
were shared within its walls

that I was never privy to?

What does the house know
that I don't?

♪

Growing up in our generation,
there was a saying,

"Children should be seen
but not heard."

And I think
maybe that was a way

of parents keeping boundaries
with their kids.

But in my house,
it was more than boundaries.

It felt like
an impenetrable wall sometimes.

[overlapping chatter]

[Jon] We learned from the time
we were young children,

"Don't ask
too many questions."

[Eric] The atmosphere
was very, very secretive.

I didn't sit with my parents
at the table

- until I was 12 years old.
- I was eight.

- We would not sit--
- We did not even sit with them.

There was
no family discussion time.

I think they wanted us
to be like a normal family.

Didn't want us
to ask a lot of questions,

and wonder this

- and wonder that and--
- Right.

[Jon] For example,

visits to my mom's side
of the family in Florida

were always shrouded
in secrecy.

We never knew
when we were arriving or leaving

- until the last moment.
- [guest laughing]

A sense of secrecy
kept them happy.

The mantra
from Mom and Dad,

"Things like that
are none of your business."

And there was more,

especially
when it came to my dad.

If a greeting card came late,
a "Happy Birthday" came late,

uh, "Happy New Year" came late,
he felt d-- disrespected

in-- in a way that seemed,

um, a little bit over-the-top.

If you saw him
in the morning,

and you did not say hello
to him,

or you walked into the house,

and you did not say hello to him
first thing,

he would go into a bad mood.

In fact,
it could be the beginning

of a bad mood for the day,
or even for a week.

He would say,
"What? What's wrong?

Don't you know
how to say hello?"

[thunder rumbling]

[Jon] Like the National
Weather Service

put out bad weather warnings,

we'd issue bad mood warnings
to each other.

You know, I never understood
these odd expectations.

I had no idea
what they were about.

But, I think, unconsciously,

I-- I didn't know
how to deal with it.

And so I would search.

I mean, literally search.

That meant
rifling through drawers.

It meant
rifling through closets,

through boxes in the garage,
the attic, the basement.

I-- I literally had an urge

to go on a scavenger hunt.

- You were a curious person.
- [laughing]

You scurried in every place
that could be scurried.

But I had no idea
what I was looking for.

- You're going on camera.
- [relative] Talk.

You're too [indistinct],
aren't you?

Yeah, I am.

[Jon] As I explained
during this visit

to my grandfather in 1986,

I'm taking my passion
for the camera

and attempting to make
a career of it.

- You ever watch CNN?
- C-- CNN?

- [Jon] Yeah.
- Yes, I do.

[Jon] Well, o-- one day,
if you're watching,

I might be doing camera.

'Cause I don't want it
taken too close.

[Jon] As adults,
the three of us moved

to different parts
of the country.

We were far
from each other and our parents.

There's nothing
on the salad bar, no.

[Jon] So, when we were together
as a family,

it was a rare event.

My mom was glad to see us.

[Harriette laughing]

[Jon] But my dad,
after a short while,

he seemed bored of us.

[Harriette] They're
talking [indistinct].

My wife would say,
"That's really odd,

your dad is just bored
of this birthday party for you.

He's not interested at all."

And I can go back over
multiple examples of that

in my life,

uh, where perhaps
he seemed a little bit upset,

strained,
not engaged as you--

as I might expect
a parent to be.

♪

[Jon] In their final years,
my parents,

like so many others,
moved to Florida.

Eric now lives nearby them.

But by then, that vibrance
of my mom's was robbed clean...

along with much of her mind,
thanks to Alzheimer's.

[solemn music plays]

Then came the night
of February 19, 2018.

You don't forget
a night like that.

It's when the first cracks
appeared

in my parents'
seemingly impenetrable wall.

♪

If I could take you back
to the scene of the crime,

it would look a lot like this.

The event?
My dad's 92nd birthday dinner.

The table was full of people.

My mom was deep into dementia.

My dad was sitting
next to his friends.

So, one of the guests
starts talking

about how they take
adult education classes

at the University of Miami,

and they take DNA tests
to study Jewish heritage.

And that's when I chime in,
and I say,

"My dad,
his mother was adopted.

I'd love to take a DNA test,
see what my heritage is."

And that's where things
start to get a little weird.

So, my dad
turns his chair to me,

and I turn my chair to him,

and he says to me,
demands, actually,

"Don't take that DNA test
till I'm dead."

And I say, "What?"

Like, maybe he's kidding.
Maybe he's not serious.

And he repeats himself,

"Don't take that DNA test
until I'm dead."

"But you're not telling me why."

"Because I don't want you
to take it."

At this point,
everybody at the table

is looking at him
like he's a little cuckoo.

He was never one
to read the room,

especially
when he wanted to make a point.

"Well, if you don't tell me

why you don't want me
to take this test,

I'm gonna take it."

And he just looked at me
and said,

"Fine. Piss on my wish."

When my 92-year-old dad
tells me,

his 53-year-old son,

not to take a DNA test
until he's dead,

what am I supposed to do?

[Jon] Take one, of course!

My thinking?

He probably
didn't want to know

that he might not be
100% of Jewish lineage,

since his mom was adopted.

♪

A few weeks
and 99 bucks later,

the genetic testing service
23andMe

would set the record straight.

[Jon] So, when you get
your DNA test results,

you gotta do it online.

And when you go
to the results page,

there's a pie chart.

If the pie chart is one color,
you're one ethnicity.

If your pie chart is two colors,
you're two ethnicities.

If your pie chart
is three colors,

you're three ethnicities,
and so on and so forth.

[Jon] Here's my pie chart.

And there's my answer.

99.4% one solid color.

If I was
almost 100% Ashkenazi Jew,

my grandmother had to be
darn close to being one, too.

And that was that.

You know,
I never spoke to my dad

about the DNA test again.

He just seemed
so bothered by it.

"Don't take the DNA test
'til I'm dead."

I can hear him say it
in my head.

I should have known
there was more.

A lot more.

[Jon] A year later,
another night I won't forget.

Sunday, February 24th, 2019.

I wandered back
to my 23andMe page.

I never paid any attention

to the "family & friends"
part of the site.

It said I had 1,300 relatives.

See that button that says,
"see all relatives"?

I clicked it,
to see what would happen.

First,
this foreboding message pops up.

You know
what else is uncommon?

Sitting in the emergency exit
of an airplane,

and thinking
that you're actually

gonna have to open the door
in case that plane goes down.

So far, I'm betting 1.000
on extra leg room

and zero on ever having to open
that door.

So, playing those odds,
I confidently clicked on.

[seatbelt sign dinging]

[Jon] Turns out,
I'd have been better prepared

sitting at an emergency exit
flying into a storm

than proceeding on
with 23andMe.

I was in for quite the ride.

The closest relatives
pop up first.

[Sharon] Sharon Delmonico,
half sister.

What?

[David N] David Neuschulz,
half brother.

Who's that?

[Laura] Laura Lehrhaupt,

- half sister.
- What...

[Mark] Mark Slatin,
half brother.

- ...the....
- [Rose] Rose Sloat.

- Half sister.
- ...f--

[seatbelt sign dinging]

[chime music plays]

[Jon] Sunday night,
February 24th, 2019,

is the night
the secret is no longer safe.

The wall protecting it
is breached.

What was I like
when you first heard from me?

You were disconcerted.

You were, uh,

kind of freaking out
a little bit

- I would say, uh...
- A little bit?

...you were off-balance,
you were off-balance.

First,
my reaction was disbelief.

I thought to myself,

"Oh, Jonny's
just playing a gag on me.

He's just
funning with me here.

There's no-- it's not real."

[Jon] Was my dad having
an affair in his younger years,

or what?

This is just plain weird.

[Jon] Things are about
to get a lot weirder.

A few hours later,
on the 23andMe interface,

I got a private message
from a Sharon Delmonico.

She's a half sister.
I-- I have it here.

Gonna read it to you.

"Hi, Jon.
We have matched on 23andMe.

[Sharon and Jon together]
Feel free to reach out to me

if you have an interest
in exploring your DNA results."

What does "wishing you
an enjoyable experience" mean?

So, I wrote her back.

And I ask her to tell me
everything she can.

And she does.

[Sharon] Hi, Jon.

Jesus.

I'm 54 years old...

and this is how I find out
that the man who raised me

isn't my biological father.

And that's when the questions
start to go through my head.

Questions
about my own identity.

Who am I?
I thought I was one person.

What else did my parents
not tell me?

Then there's my dad.
Do I tell him I know?

Or do I let him
take it to the grave?

Who else knew about this?
Did my grandparents know?

My aunts and uncles, my cousins?
Their friends?

You know, that's a lot.

And then
throw on top of that,

somewhere out there
is my biological father.

You know,
I take no shame in this,

but I--
I decided to get some help.

I called a therapist,
and when I introduced myself,

she said to me, "Well,
I'm not taking new clients,

but go ahead and tell me
what your--

what your situation is."

So, I told her,
and her response was,

"Are you free
at 10:30 tomorrow morning?"

[Jon] I never put much time

into thinking about the makeup
of my family tree,

but I sure do now.

In a single, jarring moment,

I realize it's been a façade.

The real tree
grows behind a wall of secrecy.

As it fractures, I am only able
to make out the edge

of what could become a much,
much larger tree.

My mind immediately goes back
to the beginning.

My brothers and I were born

at Mount Sinai Hospital
in New York,

and Sharon did mention
a program there.

Just what
kind of program was it?

[crying]

To learn more,
I have to find someone

who was a part of it
at the time.

As fate would have it,
they found me.

- Hi, Hesh.
- Hi, how you doing?

Good. Good.
Thanks for doing this.

[Jon] Meet 87-year-old
Harrison Schell.

Las Vegas resident,
avid gardener,

and retired OB-GYN.

As a medical student
in the early 1960s,

he donated sperm
at Mount Sinai.

Oh, he's also
my biological father.

He likes to be called Hesh.

He contacted me
just a few days

after I first heard
from Sharon.

[Jon] In four days,
I go from knowing nothing

to communicating
with the biological father

I never knew I had.

I never expected to see
this name under "father."

The first phone call,
it's surreal.

I mean, here I am,
talking to somebody

who I didn't even know existed
just a few days ago.

That's my biological father.

The first thing I ask him about
is his health,

and he says he has cataracts.

And that's it.

He has all his teeth.

All this bodes well for me.

We talk later,
and I record the call,

and I ask him more
about the program.

When a person came to an OB-GYN
for an infertility problem,

in those days,

when it turned out
to be the man's problem,

that meant they weren't having
any sperm,

and so they needed
a sperm donor.

Once you were
in medical school,

that meant
a whole lot of, uh,

things with regard
to your health,

your bringing-up,
your education and so forth,

and so that was
a reasonably good pool

to draw some donors from.

At some point,
I will go to Las Vegas

and visit Hesh.

It's in the cards.
It's a good bet.

But Decatur, Georgia

is far away
from Las Vegas, Nevada.

While I have him
on the phone,

I ask him one more question.

How much were you paid
per donation?

Five bucks.

I think
I got my money's worth.

- [laughing]
- I think-- [laughing]

Five bucks.

That's about $45 today.

Now, my mind is thinking
about my brothers.

Were they five-buck babies also?

Or am I the only donor kid?

[Jon] For that answer,
I overnight a test

to my brother, Eric.

When he gets his results
a few weeks later,

he discovers a mystery match
of his own.

So, I'm like, "Whoop-de-doo,
I got somebody also, ha-ha."

And, unknown to me,

this particular person

was not going to

respond to me.

This person
was not going to respond.

I-- I heard
through a mutual acquaintance,

this person has money

and is afraid
that I'll want the money.

If you're out there
watching this, friend,

please know
I would never want that,

I just wanted
to know about you.

[Jon] And for me, until now,

I believe Eric and I
are full brothers biologically.

It takes
some getting used to the idea

that we are half brothers
genetically,

with different
biological fathers.

Then, there is my other brother
David.

I always wondered
how my brown hair,

brown-eyed parents

could defy the genetic odds
and have a kid

who looked like he jumped off
a can of Dutch Boy paint.

We both love David,

but after a lot of debating
back and forth,

Eric and I came to a consensus
about not telling him.

For now.

David's got a lot of pressure
in his life.

Um, he's got
some medical issues.

Um,
and Eric and I are thinking,

maybe we should just
let sleeping dogs lie.

[Jon] We'd like to tell David
before our dad dies.

With a little more time,

Eric and I can process it
thoroughly.

Then, we can better help David
understand this bombshell.

So, we decide that, at 92,

why talk about the DNA test

and reopen a wound so deep,

it could be measured
in decades?

What my dad experienced,

not being able to have kids,

having to go
to a sperm donor

and then keeping all that
bottled up for decades,

that's kind of tragic,
in a way.

But on the other hand,
I'm pissed,

so I have to figure out

how to balance my anger

with his tragedy.

And I think I find a way.

[Jon]
Someone jokingly suggests

I should put an asterisk
after my last name,

kind of like
the baseball players

who were using steroids.

Instead of doing that,

Eric and I start to refer to
Dad simply as our "Our Asterisk,"

- or "The Asterisk."
- [phone ringing]

When he calls, this asterisk
shows up on my phone screen.

But when he calls in a mood

and leaves voice mails
like this...

[Richard]

...then, he transforms
into a pain in the asterisk.

Of course, he doesn't know
I call him asterisk.

Is it nice? No.

But it's a way for me
to let off steam.

It's part
of my process of processing.

[gentle guitar music plays]

[Jon] A month or so
after the discovery,

I schedule my first visit
to Florida.

My mom is wheelchair-bound.

It's tough
to get her out of the apartment,

but my dad
likes to get out when he can.

[Jon] It's the first night
of my visit,

and I go to dinner with him,
alone.

And as I look at him
fiddling with his phone,

I think to myself,

"Who does this guy
think he is,

keeping something like that
from me?"

And I almost
start to think,

"Maybe
I should change my mind,

maybe
I should say something to him."

But I stop.

Because I have another idea.

[Jon] The next day,
he leaves to play bridge,

leaving me with my mom, alone.

[Harriette] ...but I forgot.

[Jon]
Thanks to the Alzheimer's,

she has a short-term memory
of roughly 30 seconds.

Most conversations
sound like this.

[Harriett]

[Jon] My plan?

To ask her about this,

knowing that she'd never be
able to recall the conversation

to my dad.

[Jon] She knows I found out.

[Harriette]
Dr. Eagle, Dr. Eagle.

[Jon]
This is gonna be tough,

but after about 15 minutes
of asking

over and over again,

I think
I finally get somewhere.

[Jon]

- [Harriette]
- [Jon]

[Harriette]

[Jon]

[Harriette]

[Jon] Oh,
it very much is my business!

It's my DNA!

None of my business,
she says.

I'm getting angrier and angrier.

I'm feeling isolated.

Who else has even been through
something like this?

And now I'm remembering.

It was right in front of me,

the night that the names
all came up

on the computer screen.

My donor siblings.

My sisters and brothers
from other mothers.

[Jon] By Summer 2019,

I figure if I'm gonna get
the Father's Day card on time,

I may as well have fun
doing it.

It's the true definition
of pushing the envelope

on the asterisk thing.

We're in New Jersey,
with my now 93-year-old dad,

helping pack up
my parents' summer apartment.

They finally aged out
of snowbirding

back and forth to Florida.

Eric still has no new matches,

and the donor brother
he knows about

remains silent.

David remains in the dark.

We're holding
on to this secret

about as tightly as I hold on
to this silver candelabra.

Like the secret,

I'll eventually
let him have it.

- But not yet!
- [door creaking shut]

Everybody heads home.
Except for me.

That urge to search
kicks back in.

Now that my parents' place
is packed up,

it's time for me
to unpack my genetic history.

[Jon] It's July 6th, 2019,

and I'm meeting up
with the donor sibs

- for the first time.
- [woman] That's crazy!

As we've lea-- as we all know.
He's a very fertile man.

[Jon] Here I am,
at a family gathering

I'd never imagined
just four months ago.

He's-- we're-- there's clapping,
there's clapping.

[Jon] Even Hesh
skypes in for a quick hello.

[Hesh] I'm doing very well,
it's good to see you.

- [woman] Here's my brother.
- [woman] Good to see you, um...

[Jon] And his son from marriage,
Larry, joins us, too.

- [Jon] Look, there's more.
- [woman] Hey, Hesh!

Hey.

The first night
that we meet,

I'm checking 'em out.

Do they have the same eyes?

Do they have the same smile?

Do they have
the same actions that I do?

And-- and they're doing
the same to me.

It's like
we're at the intersection

of the familiar
and the unfamiliar.

[Jon] I'm meeting people
who share a part of me

I spent most of my life
in the dark about.

But it's real! [laughs]

Admit it's not a dream,

- it's real.
- [man on phone] Okay.

[Jon] It's a family story
that can only be written

in the 21st century.

Both a real head-scratcher
and page-turner.

In my mind's eye,
the introductory chapter

of this book in my head

might read as testimonials
from my donor sibs,

as I call them,

revealing their shock

when they found out
they were donor-conceived.

[donor brother] Everything
that I knew about my identity,

my dad not actually being
my bio dad,

was turned upside down.

[donor sister]
I don't know what-- what am I?

Who-- what's the other half?

Why such a secret?
What was the whole thing about?

Like, that's kind of deceptive.

[donor sister] [sighs] It--
it's just reality shattering.

It's like your reality
that you grew up with

is not really the reality
that really is.

[Jon] Hearing their words

compels me to embark
on an excursion

unlike any
I could have imagined.

I will talk to them,
one-on-one.

All live far
from my Decatur, Georgia, home.

Were their asterisks
like my asterisk?

What about their moms?

What could I learn from them?

Time to get to know
my biological family tree

for real.

[funk music plays]

When Sharon Delmonico
isn't working as a school nurse,

you might find
this donor sister of mine

at her home
in western New Jersey.

She's the one
who reached out to me

on the 23andMe portal.

Remember?

She wished me
"an enjoyable experience."

- Sister.
- Brother, welcome to Jersey.

[Jon] Thank you.

[Jon] What did Sharon's
parents' wall look like?

- [Jon] How you doin'?
- Good, good, good.

[Jon] How did she find out
she was donor-conceived?

I'm here to talk about it!

You're here
to talk about everything.

[Jon]
Sharon has an older sister.

Both of them
are donor-conceived.

And despite her parents
being told

they could never have children,

after the two girls,

they managed to have a boy
of their own.

A brother, who, Sharon says,
was treated differently.

Maybe they felt
he was both of theirs,

and maybe we weren't, and...

that he was more special.

I think he was more special
because of that.

I certainly think he felt
like he was more special.

[Jon] Sharon's story differs
from mine in one big way.

Her mom fessed up
about the secret.

When Sharon was 30,

one of her children
was born prematurely.

So, her OB-GYN

asked about
her family medical history.

That's when Sharon's mother
told her

she was donor-conceived.

So, my mother called me
on the phone,

and I had my two boys
in the bathtub,

and she starts telling me
this story, very briefly,

just to tell me,
like, it was, like,

gonna rain tomorrow.

It was just that casual,
and I said,

"What are you-- what?
What are you saying to me?"

What exactly did she say?

She said,
"Your father's not your father,

I-- I had some trouble
getting pregnant.

When the doctor,
you know, gave me--"

I think she might have said
artificial insemination.

And--
or she might have whispered it.

And then she said, uh,

"And that's it.
And that's it.

And you're not supposed
to tell anybody,

and you weren't supposed
to know,

and don't ask me
any more questions."

And I said, "Okay!

Okay, bye!" [laughs]

You're not supposed to know,

- don't ask me any more questi--
- No more questions.

The conversation
was over at that point.

Right. I was-- definitely
didn't understand

what she was saying
in the beginning.

- Yeah.
- And then I understood.

And then I was like,
"Well, that's a relief."

Your dad was--
what was the word, distant.

He was distant,
and I literally was like...

"Oh, good."

I always felt like
there was definitely something

where there was inside jokes.

[Jon] He'd sometimes mock her
for looking different.

[Sharon]
My skin is a little darker.

It was my eighth birthday,
and we went to Tijuana, Mexico.

And I was very tan.

And when we were walking
back over the border,

um, my father thought
it was funny,

and told the guards at the gate
to hold me back.

As the whole family
walked beyond,

I was behind the gate,

and he thought it was funny,

and he said
it was because I looked Mexican.

And he just got
such a kick out of that,

because he said, you know,
of course you're the--

you're like Mexican,
that's why you were kept there.

I was horrified. Scared.

Very scared.

[Jon] Her family
is working hard

to bring Sharon's
enjoyable experience wish

to fruition,

as lunch is about to be served.

I have cousins on Facebook

that think they're my cousins,
biologically.

[Jon] Oh,
you haven't told them?

- No.
- [Jon] Yeah.

It's-- it's not Cousin Sharon,
it's "cousin" Sharon.

Right. You know?

[Jon] Sharon's husband Jerry

reflects on Sharon's
relationship with her dad.

I swear, their relationship,
to me, was always some question,

and I didn't know
what the answer was,

and that sort of helped,
in a way to...

- [Jon] See?
- ...understand it.

- [Sharon] It helped.
- [Jon] Sharon's family believes

this is their story, too.

She really-- she talks
about everyone as, like,

"My half sister Laura,
my half--"

and I say,
"That's my half aunt."

Like, you know,
it's exciting for me, too.

- Yeah? Am I your half uncle?
- [Taylor] Yeah.

Thank you for welcoming me
to the family.

- Oh. It's been great.
- Welcome, welcome.

[rock music plays]

Welcome
to Rock Your Retirement!

This is so exciting.

My name is Laura Lehrhaupt,
and I am doing...

[Jon] You might find
Laura Lehrhaupt

gracing the airwaves
with her husband,

offering up valuable
financial advice.

But I discovered
this donor sister of mine

on 23andMe.

Laura is a middle child.

She has an older sister
who was adopted

and a younger brother
who was donor-conceived.

I meet up with her
on St. Simon's Island, Georgia.

[Laura]
Wow, it's-- so beautiful,

I've never been here.

- It's really beautiful.
- Your mom lives here.

You never come here?

No, I've never been here.
I know, right?

- It's crazy.
- [Jon] That is...

[Jon] I ask her
about her dad.

I did have a father
who was an angry guy,

and that made it
a little difficult, uh,

- to be a carefree kind of kid.
- Mm-hmm.

'Cause he was very, uh,

easily irritated
is a good word.

And he definitely
seemed angry with me

all the time,
no matter what I did.

[Jon] When Laura was 32,

her mom also told her
she was donor-conceived.

So, we were at our kid's
birthday party,

we had a room
full of kids,

Laura's mother
wanted to go up to the bedroom,

- talk to Laura.
- And she seemed very nervous.

And we went up
to the second floor,

my bedroom,

and she was pacing
back and forth,

and she was like,
"I have to tell you something,"

and I thought she was gonna
tell me that she had, like,

some horrible disease
or something terrible was--

and I was like,
"What's going on, are you sick?

Do you have to tell me,
you know, some terrible news?"

And she was like, "No,"
and then she just turned to me

and, like, blurted out,
"Your father's not your father,"

and I was like, "Huh?"

And she was like,
"He's ju-- he's just not.

Arnie's not your dad."

And I was like,
"What does that mean?

What do you mean?

Did you sleep around
with a lot of men?

Like, what's going on?"

And then she said,
"I went to a doctor,

and you're a-- a donor baby,

I don't know
whose daughter you ar--

you know, whose biological
father is yours,

I don't know,
I just don't know."

And I have this image
of Laura comin' down the steps,

white as a ghost.

And then she told me
what she had just found out.

And she actually
told my brother

that my father said
he would kill her

if she ever told anybody--
like, legitimately kill her.

So, my mother was so scared
to tell anybody.

So, this was
not a figurative threat,

as far as you can tell.

Well, she didn't feel
that it was.

I mean, I don't think my father
would have ever done that,

but I don't know, you know?

[Jon] Laura's mother
held on to the closest thing

to written proof
of the insemination.

She paid for it
with this check.

[Laura] On some levels,

I wish I could have spoken
to my dad about it,

but I couldn't have spoken
to my dad about it, but I wish.

Yeah, he never spoke about it
to anybody, obviously.

[Jon]
Despite his pattern of anger,

Laura loved her dad.

She struggled
with not telling him

she knew
she was donor-conceived.

Even on his deathbed,
he was being verbally abusive.

Still, she was determined

to let him take his secret
to the grave.

He was in the hospital,
it wasn't looking good.

And he was just
really short with me

and short temper
and barking at me.

Barking orders
and just being really abrasive.

And I remember thinking,

that at that moment, I kinda
wanted to say something, like,

"I'm not even
your biological child,

and I don't even have to be here
right now, and I'm leaving."

Like, that was like-- [grunts]
I was really close.

Looking back, right decision
or wrong decision?

Oh, yeah, right decision.

I-- it would have been
just to hurt--

I'm not a hurtful person,

so that would have been just,
like, purely hurtful

and not nice,
and now that I look back

and he was dying,
I'm really glad

I didn't do that to him.

And I think he had
a really hard time

accepting the fact that
he couldn't have his own kids.

And he struggled with it
internally by himself.

You know, back in his day,
you didn't talk about that.

And I do know
that he loved me,

but I think
he had a trouble with it.

I think
he definitely had trouble.

[gentle guitar music plays]

[Amanda] And I said to him
that I'd met her birth mother,

because she was adopted,
and I'll never forget the day

where you got this email back
from a DNA sister.

[Mark] That was a shock.
Uh, total shock.

[Jon] As he strolls along
the sands

of Delray Beach, Florida,
with his wife, Amanda,

Mark Slatin
reflects on his own DNA story.

Turns out that I play a part
in Mark's DNA story, too.

We are donor brothers.

Mark grew up on Long Island.

His dad was in sales,
and made a great living.

But sometimes, Jerry Slatin,
successful salesman,

transformed into Jerry Sands,
the entertainer.

Straight out of the Catskills.

Mr. Jerry Sands!

[audience applauding]

He was a singer, he--
but he also told jokes,

and he had a schtick.

But I do not come from England,
I come from Wales.

I didn't come from noble
people, I came from Wales.

[Mark] Well,
he always kind of wanted to be

in front of the camera,
in the center of the stage.

[audience laughs]

He met people like Soupy Sales.

He would love
when people say,

"You look just like
Jackie Mason, the comedian."

And he would dress up,
in all these crazy outfits,

because he loved
to entertain.

[audience cheering]

[Jon] Mark,
who was raised Jewish,

says his dad
had a serious side.

He was a man of conviction.

[gentle guitar music plays]

[Mark]
And he would go to Israel.

He was a self-proclaimed
Zionist.

We-- we went a few times,
probably earlier years,

but he would go,
after he retired, each year,

and serve as a volunteer
in the Israeli army.

[Jon] Mark had no idea

his parents were hiding
a secret about him.

That changed at 19,

when Mark found out his dad
was not his biological father.

It wasn't a DNA test
that tipped him off, either.

It was his mother.

Mark's doctor needed
information

about his family's
medical history.

He was about to have
a minor surgical procedure.

It was, like, midnight,
and she's a night owl,

and I was coming
in the kitchen.

And, um, she said, uh,

"You know
when you asked me about--

you were relating that story
about your medical condition

and what the doctors
were asking about your history?

Medical history."

And I said, "Yeah."
She goes,

"Well, um, you know
around the time you were born,

we were planning
on having a family,

but, um,
your dad was shooting blanks."

And I'm like,
"What does that mean?"

- And those are her exact words.
- Those were her exact words.

When she told me,

the very last thing
she said was,

"Don't tell him--" my dad.

"He told me
not to tell you."

[woman] Shh!

[Jon] Eventually, Mark's mom
did mention to his dad

that she had told Mark
about the insemination.

So, from the early 1980s

until his dad's death
in 2016,

more than 30 years,

Mark knew the secret.

And his dad knew that Mark
knew.

[Mark] First date.

[chuckles]
Because that isn't something

you tell someone
on the first date.

Back when he was 19,

he finds out his father
is not his father,

and that they never speak
about it together,

even though they both knew?

It just was incredible.

So, you never talked to him.

He ne--
did you ever think about it?

Did you ever think about
saying something to him?

I did start to think about it
in his later years.

His health started to fail,
he went on dialysis,

and I considered saying it,
if nothing else,

to thank him
for the selfless thing

that he did.

I was torn,
because I wanted to thank him

for giving me
this gift of life,

but at the same time,
if it made him feel bad

and feeling shame

of something
that he obviously chose for...

50-some-odd years
not to bring up,

that I didn't want to
be the first to bring it up.

It just wasn't gonna be
part of the act.

- Yeah, so to speak, yeah.
- [Jon] Right? Yeah.

Thank you very much.

[Jon]
Unlike our other siblings,

Mark believes
his dad's inability to have kids

didn't affect the way
he treated Mark.

You have to accept

that that's not gonna be
a piece of the puzzle

that's gonna get solved
for you.

Right, right. And then...

[Jon] But, when it comes
to emotional acuity,

our dads share
similar traits.

[Mark] My dad was a really great
provider growing up,

but
from an emotional standpoint,

he was limited.

Quite frankly, I think
there was some shame

associated
with the ability of a man,

not being able to reproduce,
which my father probably felt.

[Jon] And finally,
I meet two other donor siblings.

Their experiences
couldn't be more different.

First,
there's donor sister Rose Sloat.

My father
had been in the navy

and discharged
for being mentally unstable.

[gentle piano music plays]

I didn't get along with him,

at all.

He was mean.

He bought shirts
for me and my mom,

and the shirts said, "slave,"

and he had one
that said "master."

[Jon] I suspect

that even if Rose
was his biological child,

he'd still have been nasty.

Despite a great relationship
with her mom,

her parents, like mine,

were intent on keeping
their secrets

safely tucked away.

Rose recalls a conversation
with them

after discovering her blood
type in eighth-grade science.

[Rose] I knew my science,

and I knew
that there's no way

that an A-negative dad

and an O-negative mom,

can have a B-positive baby.

And they said,
"Well, when you were born

you had jaundice,

and then you had
a blood transfusion,

so that must have changed
your blood type."

So, I asked
my science teacher,

and he didn't say anything
to me,

so he was probably thinking

that my mom was stepping out,
or something,

- but I...
- [laughs]

I was angry
with my parents,

and especially my mom,
for not telling me,

because I had conflict
with the father that raised me.

And so I think, "Oh,
why didn't she let me know?"

[upbeat jazz music plays]

[Jon] Then,
there's donor sibling

David Neuschulz.

He wasn't angry at all
at either of his parents

when he got the results
of his DNA test.

[doorbell ringing]

- Brother from another mother.
- Hey, how's it goin' bro?

[Jon] Hey, man,
how you doing?

[Jon] He remembers his dad

as someone
straight out of Central Casting

for primetime television.

Several of my friends
from the block

have blurted out to me
in conversation,

"You know,
your dad was a great man."

He's like a, you know,
a cross between, uh,

the actor Brian Dennehy
and Santa Claus.

Big buy.
A rhinoceros of a man.

He was really a gentle giant
when it came down to it.

He just had that charm--

life of the party--
in a good way.

[Jon] And David thinks his dad
might have been okay

with the whole
sperm donor thing.

Or maybe he never knew.

[Jon] So, you're saying
that your mom,

she might have kept it
from your dad, just--

- [David N] Yup.
- [Jon] Wow.

Not even her best,
best friends knew her age

until her funeral.

So, she had a little streak
of keeping secrets,

but because of his love
of kids in general,

maybe he did know.

I don't know.

[mysterious music plays]

[Jon] You've heard
from the donor siblings

I know about,

but Hesh had six kids
from two different marriages.

And through
the testing service,

there are at least three
other donor siblings

we know about.

Two say they're not interested
in communicating

with the rest of us.

And Hesh
has a donor grandchild

that no donor kid of his
can claim.

So, who knows
if it's Hesh's son

or daughter
that's the parent?

And as time goes on,

who knows how many others
might show up?

♪

♪ I'm ridin' my luck,
I'm takin' my chances ♪

[Jon] Speaking of showing up,
it's October, 2019.

I am heading to Las Vegas
to visit my bio dad, Hesh,

for the first time,
face-to-face.

I'm conflicted.

Obviously, my dad does not know

I'm going out to visit the man
that pinch-hit for him

in the summer of 1963.

And I-- I'm feeling
a little conflicted about it.

I feel like
I'm cheating on him in a way.

And I think if my dad knew
that I was doing this,

I think he would disown me.

[Jon] So,
there's a lot to process here.

My donor sibs
have already met Hesh,

and, like me now,
they were anxious, too,

just before meeting him.

Their words
swirl through my head.

[Mark]
What is this gonna be like,

what's he gonna look like?

There's a part of me in him,

how much am I really
gonna look like him?

[Sharon]
I have an innate need

to look into the eyes of
someone who has half my DNA.

There are no words
to describe the moment

you meet
your biological father.

[sighs heavily]

[camera shutter clicking]

[camera shutter clicking]

[camera shutter clicking]

[camera shutter clicking]

So, this is the Jon
eucalyptus tree,

so kindly presented
as a gift...

[Jon] You are looking
at a eucalyptus tree

planted in Hesh's backyard,

in my honor.

Sort of.

So,
this is the eucalyptus tree

- you named after me...
- Right.

...that I didn't get you,
'cause the one I got you...

- ...didn't survive.
- Right.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- I'm honored.
- Ah, you--

I'm honored to have
a eucalyptus tree

- named after me.
- And rightly so. And rightly so.

And it's awesome.

[Jon] He tends to a huge variety

of fruits and plants.

He's proud of it.

[Jon] Why do you think you like
the garden so much, Hesh?

It's rewarding and forgiving.

And, okay.
It-- rewarding, I understand.

Forgiving,
explain how it's forgiving.

You can screw up.

You can forget to water it
for one day, or two days.

And then remember.
And it'll come back.

- It's forgiving. I like that.
- It's forgiving.

[Jon] He is the bio dad who,
unlike his visiting bio son,

comes complete
with a green thumb.

There is a tomato
growing somewheres up in here.

[Jon] And for a man
in his late 80s,

he hardly gives
a second thought

to walking two miles a day
with his wife, Margery.

Sometimes,
they do the walk twice in a day.

Margery, when, um,
Hesh first found out

- all this...
- Yeah.

...you know,
what was his reaction?

What was he like?

Well, the very first is,

you know, it's like you--
you draw a breath in,

it's like [gasping].

What should--
what should it mean?

And the more
we thought about it,

you know,
it got a little exciting,

it's like, wow!

But it was nothing, like,

when we actually met 'em,
and we realized,

these are middle-aged people
who are so nice!

You know, it's-- it's like

there's no downside
to meeting 'em.

Nothing.
It was just wonderful.

- [Hesh] Yeah.
- [Margie] They're just so nice.

Instead of being someone

whose father is long gone

and was very old,

actually, I have
a donor father

who's alive, well,
retired in Las Vegas

and healthy as a horse.

When I met him,
I looked into his eyes,

and I saw
my same eye color.

And I saw when he smiles,

he kind of lifts up
the left side a little bit more

than the right side.

I just was, like, wow!

So, you start
and you complete the frame.

I've got shelves
of jigsaw puzzles in there.

You keep your mind
busy and active,

and you'll be okay.

[Sharon]
Here was this older man,

very healthy,
very dynamic,

amazingly interesting,

so many angles
to which he had lived his life,

and how he was currently
living his life.

Who wouldn't want to be related
to him?

The last piece,
you leave that for Margie.

She's going about.

♪ Da, da, da, da,
da, da, da, da, da ♪

"Oh, a puzzle, oh, a piece.

Look, Heshy,
I finished the puzzle."

"Way to go, Margie!"

[Jon laughing]

[Jon]
Hesh is an invaluable resource

on the topic of 1960s
artificial insemination.

Looking here, so we've got
Shivman, Seinstein, Schell....

[Hesh] That was all...

[Jon] I'm learning,
among other things,

that half the reason
I was 99% Ashkenazi Jewish

was because many med students
at Mount Sinai in 1963,

like Hesh, were Jewish.

[Hesh] Okay, so this is
a yearbook of my grade school...

[Jon]
Hesh was born in 1933.

He grew up
in a lower-middle-class section

of Queens.

His father worked for Con Ed,
the electric company.

The family was Jewish,
but never practiced.

- I enjoyed that story.
- [laughs] Okay.

Like, there was so much
anti-Semitism in every--

in and around New York
at the time,

even after World War II,

that you just didn't flaunt
your religion to anybody.

You hid it.

Or else you got hit--
hit yourself.

I didn't have a Bar Mitzvah,
didn't go to Hebrew school.

[electric guitar riff plays]

[Jon]
Hesh makes it through college

and medical school
on his own.

He went into private practice
for 47 years.

Margie is his third wife,
with whom he has no children.

She's credited
for persuading Hesh

to do something
rather unorthodox

when he was 74 years old.

Well, I got married to Margery,
the love of my life,

and she said... [chuckles]

"...You have to go
to church."

I said, I don't go to church,
I go to synagogue.

So, "You have to go
to synagogue."

I said,
"Okay, I'll go to synagogue."

So I went to synagogue,
and they said,

"You know, as an adult,

if you missed
having a Bar Mitzvah,

you could have one as an adult."

I said "Really?"
And we were Bar Mitzvahed.

[gentle piano music playing]

So here we are,
in our fifties,

uh, and we're kind of
meeting bio dad here.

What is it you want to give us?

- As your kids?
- Well--

I mean, I know you're not gonna
give us the house,

and you're
not gonna give us the car,

and you're not gonna
give us the insurance policy.

Uh, you-- if you want,
we can talk,

but I--
I can live without it.

What are you think-- you know,
what do you wanna give us?

You need to know that
I came from nothingness,

from the little kid
who slept on the floor,

to the kid that went
to the American Board of OB-GYN

and gave exams,
I was able to prosper.

So things
fell into place for me,

and I had
a very wonderful life.

I was able to make it.

[Jon] And there's
a picture of you somewhere.

- Ah!
- [Hesh] There is me.

You can do better
than you think you can do.

Look what I did!
You got my DNA.

Look at how many
X number of years,

you can live that long.

[Jon]
They just can't stop you, Hesh.

[Hesh] The secret
of growing old is,

don't ever stop.

Don't ever stop moving,
or you're doomed.

[Jon laughs]

How many kids do you think
you have out there?

So I would say,
over the period of time,

I would say maybe 60.

- Sixty?
- [Hesh] Yeah.

Hmm. [laughs]

[Jon] So far, we only know about
nine donor kids.

I suppose time will tell about
the other potential 51.

In the fall of 2019,

after I meet Hesh,
I have an aha moment.

Something clicks about my dad.

It's like the pieces of a puzzle
suddenly come together.

- [Jon] Must be-- say hi.
- Hi.

[Jon] Okay, all right.

[Jon] His need to hear
"Hello" at the exact right time,

to get the greeting
cards on time,

it's almost as if each demand
represents a block,

propping up the wall,
protecting the secret.

His actions say,

"Because you were donor
conceived,

I'm not completely confident
about being your father,

so help me see it as real.

Do these things,

or I'll think that
you don't love me."

It's like
we were fulfilling a contract

we never knew we signed.

In a way,

that part of the relationship
feels rigged.

So, in a way,
it was almost rigged.

- Yes.
- Because he knew

- there was a contract.
- There was a contract, yes.

We didn't know
there was a contract.

Correct.

But we were expected
to know there was a contract.

Right. We-- we were expected
to do certain things,

and we eventually learned
most of these things,

we knew, "Uh-oh,
we better not do X or Y

or we're gonna be in trouble."

I mean, I do think that

there is this sense
of an "aha" moment,

of whatever that moment is about
for people who discover that

they are donor-conceived,
and they didn't know.

[Jon] Rosanna Hertz
is a professor of sociology

at Wellesley College
in Massachusetts.

She studies new family types,
like the one I'm discovering.

She's written at least two
books on the subject.

As part of her research,

she's talked to many
donor-conceived individuals.

Well,
they didn't grow up with this

as part of their birth story,
but suddenly it explains

pieces of themselves
that never made sense.

Or it could be their
relationship with their parent

that never made
really great sense to them.

And I was like,
"Oh, it wasn't me,

it wasn't my personality,
it wasn't me.

It was how I came into the world
that he was upset about,

and I was a constant reminder

of something
that he couldn't do.

[epic orchestral music]

I didn't quite understand,

but I wasn't much like anyone
in my family,

so when I found that out,
I thought,

"That makes sense."

It was a wall,
a wall built up,

and then when we realized
what was going on,

I was like, "Oh, now I get it."

[Rosanna] The discovery
makes them feel alive or whole,

or like they finally have
an answer as to one's identity.

[Jon] The wall is gone.

And I have
a different perspective

on my family's past.

There's more clarity.

These bins
are like our family archives,

containing photos,
movies, and videos.

All once scattered
throughout our New Jersey home.

Our trip to Israel, 1983.
God, they loved it there.

Hmm. Jerusalem.

Here they are.
At the Western Wall.

[Jon] Now,
decades of images and sounds

sit quietly
in my Georgia garage.

Knowing what I know now,
what might they reveal?

As soon
as my parents tied the knot,

they broke out the camera.

Among the very first
images captured,

the young couple's
European honeymoon,

in the summer of 1954.

It's as if the smiles
on their faces are saying,

"What could possibly go wrong?"

So, here is
the first photo album

my parents had
after they got married.

So it starts
in the fall of 1954,

and then we go
to the summer of 1955,

at the beach in Long Island,

and then suddenly
the pages all go blank.

You know,
I never really thought about it,

but the gap from 1955 to 1958,

with no photos,
no films in these bins,

coincides with their struggle
to get pregnant.

[Jon] For a young married couple
like my parents,

or any couple wanting children
in the late 1950s,

the path
to artificial insemination

could be challenging,

filled with strong
cultural headwinds.

More than several US states
had bills pending

that would have made it criminal
if you inseminated anyone.

None of these pending bills
ever passed,

but it speaks
to the kind of secrecy

that then emerges within
the medical world as well.

This kind of thing
is ethically iffy.

We have a great religious thrust
not to do this,

and yet women and--
and doctors are doing it.

You have to give them credit.

[Jon]
This 1958 series of articles

from the New York Daily News
backs that up.

It's about a boom in what they
call "test-tube babies,"

complete with this cheesy
graphic meant to sell papers.

The headline says is it all.

The Archdiocese of New York
called artificial insemination

"The Latest Social Evil."

Orthodox rabbis based
their opposition

on the scriptures' disdain

of "Casting seed
upon the ground."

The article explores
how some husbands,

experiencing the shame
of infertility,

waited in the car

as their wives had
the insemination procedure.

The experience
would have weighed heavy

on almost anyone's marriage
at the time.

All the dads that raised
my donor siblings are all gone.

They've all died.

But my dad,
he's the sole survivor.

This is Sharon's wedding?

Oh, it looks it.
Here's the white gown.

[Jon] But Sharon's mom...

Bowtie on a bir--
third birthday?

I've no idea.
Why'd you give me a bowtie?

[Jon] Mark's mom...

This is DNA brother Jon.

- [Jon] Oh.
- Oh, hi.

- [Laura laughs]
- Nice to meet you.

Can I get a hug?

[Doris] You got a hug,
and you gonna get a kiss.

[Jon] And Laura's mom,
are all alive.

All are willing to share
their tales of donor conception,

revealing what my mother won't,
or can't.

All three may have
gone to the same doctors

for insemination,
or completely different ones.

The doctor told me,

"You're not to tell a soul,
nobody."

He said, "You can be
artificially inseminated.

But I'm gonna tell you
right now,

it's not legal.

If you have a problem with that,
then forget about it."

At that time, everybody kept
everything a secret,

and you didn't want to
tell anything.

So I did it, once.

I was inseminated.

And, uh,
I got pregnant immediately.

I went many times.

I had so much
of the insemination,

and it's a lot of times.

[Jon]
I'll never know just how often

my young mom attempted
artificial insemination,

but I'm almost certain
that on the first try,

she handled it
as Harriette would,

by hiding it in plain sight
to a national TV audience.

I remember
my mom telling me once,

when I was home sick
watching game shows.

She came into my room,
and she said

"I was on a game show once."

And little Jonny
with a 101 fever goes, "Really?"

And she says "Yeah,"
she said,

"You know, when we were trying
to have kids,

I was really nervous,

and the doctor said to me,
I gotta calm down.

I gotta take my mind off
having children.

So I tried out for game shows,
and I got on one."

[announcer]
These are $3,000 winners,

Mrs. Harriette Baime
and her partner,

Buffalo Bill Vogel,

competing for a salary
of $500 a day

on Who Do You Trust?

Now, here's the star
of our show, Johnny Carson!

[audience applauding]

[John] She was on for two
weeks, she won 5,500 bucks.

She got enough money to get

the automatic
garage door opener.

Welcome to Who Do You Trust,
we have another tie...

That's what she told me,
she-- she did with the money.

Have you been out
spending any of it at all?

- No, not yet.
- Haven't spent a cent?

- No.
- Well...

[Jon] Watching my mother
on that game show,

at 28 years old,
talking to Johnny Carson,

it was surreal.

If you watched her
on the game show,

it was just, like,
everything was wonderful,

everything is great,
you know?

Almost like
she was star-struck with him.

How's your husband
been treating you now?

New respect
since you've been on our show?

Well, he says the money
doesn't matter, Johnny,

but I've been getting breakfast
in bed every morning.

Aha!

She always associated being
on that game show

with getting pregnant.

Within ten seconds
after I say, "Go,"

name as many as you can

of the 27 men
to be top Oscar winners.

- Yes.
- You ready?

- Yes.
- Go!

Marlon Brando, Alec Guinness,
William Holden,

Clark Gable, Gary Cooper,
Paul Muni, Frank Sinatra,

um...

Well, I don't think
there's any doubt about

the outcome here, uh,
Todd, what was the score?

[Todd] Let's see, uh,
Betty, uh, Ratazina

had just one correct,

Harriette Baime
had five correct.

Winner, still champion for
$3,500 and Buffalo Bill Vogel!

[Jon]
She reigned as champion

on Who Do You Trust?
from July 23rd

to August 7th, 1958.

Eric was born
on April 24th, 1959.

Go to whenwasIconceived.com,

conception date was July 28th
to August 5th, 1958.

It could have been the very day
she was on the game show

that I was conceived.

She could have come back
from the doctor's office,

and been
in such a great mood.

"Okay, Jonny, let's get--
let's get going here,

I'm gonna make
some money here."

My mother had two contests
she was doing.

One was winning $500 a day
on this game show.

And the other
was trying to get pregnant.

- Are you ready?
- Yes, I am.

Go.

[Jon] She took the heat
from my dad,

claiming that trying out for
and eventually competing

on a game show would,
of all things,

calm her down enough
to get her pregnant.

But as we know now,
the issue was with him.

[Rosanna] Actually,
there is studies about that.

The stigma of infertility
is often borne by the woman.

So, other people
will not question

his virility, his masculinity.

This was a time
before in vitro fertilization.

This was a time
before egg donation,

sperm donation,

before you could pick your donor
out of a book.

How would the medical community
handle a situation like this,

before 1990 or 1980,
or even 1970?

[Jon]
Let's take a trip to an OB-GYN

in the summer of 1958
as a fly on the wall.

We'll be joined by a couple
with male fertility issues,

just like my parents.

The procedure is simple.

You'll be out of the office
in about half an hour.

And then you can do
any activities.

Even be on the TV game show.

[Jon] I envisioned
three scenarios,

since I'm not asking
my dad about this.

Maybe my parents
went there together.

Maybe my mom went alone.

Or maybe the whole consultation
was done by phone.

One thing is certain.

Today, we have
the benefit of hindsight,

to know what medical science
might have missed back then.

There is no way anyone
could figure this out,

so it's for the best,

never say anything
to the child about this.

After the procedure,
go home and forget about it.

Tell no one.

No one. No one.

Tell no one.

It was not run
by the hospital,

it was not run
by the medical school.

Uh, it was a resource
used by any physician

in midtown Manhattan.

East side, west side,
it didn't matter.

I think the doctor
would probably explain

that you would be
the legal parents to that child.

For all intents and purposes,

the father of the child
will be your husband.

His name will be
on the birth certificate,

he'll help raise the child

and make decisions
for the child's well-being.

In the '50s, in the '60s,
there was only fresh sperm,

and the way
in which doctors found donors

was the expectation
that they would use

their medical students.

One of the residents,
usually a third-year,

had a little spiral notebook,

and we were called
on the obstetrical service.

Dr. So-and-So needs
a sperm specimen

at ten o'clock,
two o'clock, whenever,

because
that was when the patient

who was tracking
her menstrual cycle

would be the most fertile,

and would show up
in his office for a donation.

So, you want a Jewish donor?

Well, good.
That'll be easy.

Your husband has brown eyes,
dark hair.

We'll look for that.

They attempted
to match donors to the fathers,

on a set of characteristics,

for instance,
eye color, skin tones,

um, some things
that were not genetic,

which were similar
to the adoption world.

Religion was one,
because there was this idea

that all Jews
are similar to one another,

et cetera, et cetera.

Okay, then.

We'll have
everything arranged,

so we'll see you
next Thursday at 11:30.

You were able
to take the specimen

and go down to the--
Mount Sinai's entrance

underneath the awning,
hailing a cab,

giving the specimen
in a paper bag,

and saying
"Take this to Dr. X's office,

he needs this specimen
by such and such a time."

So they never passed
in the same room, even,

or were in the same clinic
at the same time.

It was so covert,

but when the moms tell me
this story,

they're so nonchalant
about it.

It's-- it's like
they're goin' out

and buying
a pair of shoes or something.

Took the train,
went to the doctor,

stayed there about a half hour,
took the train and went home.

- Did you have any fear?
- No.

Why? Why did you have no fear?

Well, why should I be afraid?

If it worked, it worked.
If it didn't, it didn't.

I went on a train downtown,
I worked at night

when I used to go downtown,
nobody knows what you're doing,

- where you're going.
- [Jon] Right.

We just did it out
of the goodness of our heart,

if you wanna
look at it that way.

And the best way, I think,
to look at it is,

it's the same
as a blood transfusion.

And they went on
with their life.

"I now have my three kids,
I am relieved.

I don't have to worry about
fertility issues and doctors

and everything else,
and we can worry about

raising good,
upholding citizens."

- [camera whirring]
- [lullaby playing]

[Jon]
After a three-year absence,

the cameras in my parents'
world started rolling again.

First scene, Harriette displays
her pregnant self.

Next scene, images of her
with the grand prize

from that other contest
she was partaking in

during her stint
on a Who Do You Trust.

By the end of 2019,

I feel like I'm living a tale
of two genetics.

In Florida, my mom's dementia's
getting worse,

and she's getting weaker,

and my dad
is feeling more alone.

Meanwhile, in Las Vegas,

Hesh is planning
for his annual date harvest.

[big band music playing]

[Jon]
The female medjool date trees

in his desert garden
are ripe for picking.

He sends a box of dates
to each donor kid,

enclosed with a note explaining
a little about the mating ritual

of the female date trees
and the male date trees.

Boy, it rings familiar.

[Hesh]

[Jon] While Hesh
is busy sharing the wisdom

of date tree reproduction...

[phone ringing]

[Jon] I'm getting this
voice mail from my dad.

[Richard]

[Jon] That's code for,
"Come down here.

Time to show me you love me,
and make sure to say hello

as soon as
you enter the door."

Eric,
living just a few towns away,

visits several times a week.

And so far,

neither of us have slipped up

about knowing what we know.

But it's starting to seem that
Eric likes to push the limit.

So I would say to him,
"Oh, gee, you know,

I'm kind of worried
at my age,

I know that your mom had
glaucoma,

and that you have
hip problems.

I really worry about
this stuff."

Which I do, about that.

I want to see
if he might spill the beans,

or might say to me,

like I thought
he should have said,

"We need to have a chat."

[laughs] Yeah, yeah.

And then you woke up
from that fantasy.

Yeah, right, it was a fantasy,

but I was gonna give him
the benefit of the doubt.

So you were
giving him an opening.

- Giving him an opening.
- So what did he say to you?

Pretty much, "You don't need
to worry about that,

- it's not your gene pool.
- Okay.

- So he threw you a softball.
- He threw me a softball.

And now, you what--

you just stepped away
from the plate?

Well, I knew then that
he wasn't going to deal with it,

because that's what he does,
he gives you softballs.

If he doesn't want
to deal with an issue,

he steps away from it.

If I was to force the issue,
it would probably not end well.

[Jon] Then there was what I call
the Francine incident.

This was a lunch
with my dad's biological family.

It includes our cousins
on his side,

along with myself.

Also present,
my dad's cousin Francine.

[Eric] So I asked her,
I said "Francine,

doesn't Jon look
just like my dad used to look?

Isn't there
a resemblance there?"

So I was testing
her a little bit, too.

Seeing what--
does she know anything?

She did not know,
and nobody reacted to it.

Francine said, "Well, you know,

you were on the same level,
then, aren't you?"

And, which I--
obviously she didn't know.

- Yeah.
- And when she said that,

there was no reaction
from my dad.

So, at that point,

if-- if he's not reacting
to what she's saying,

this secret is down so deep,

we're down
by the center of the Earth here.

It was fun luncheon,
I thought, I enjoyed it.

[both laugh]

[Jon] If you think
there might be animosity

between Eric and my dad,
you're right.

Their relationship
was often tense,

from the time
he was in his late teens.

Not much to say, really,

just relaxing
and enjoying myself.

[indistinct] Look, cool. It.

[Jon]
Richard Baime is a man's man,

he's into the Yankees,

the country club lifestyle,
golfing, and business.

He pals around with his
buddies.

While he was down
fighting for our country,

I was home
taking care of the girls.

Yeah. Yes.

[man] Yeah, that's good,
that's a good job.

I'm reading a very scary book.

[Richard] What's it called?

It's called--
it's by H.P. Lovecraft,

and it's called
The Case of Charles Dexter Ward.

[Richard]
Uh, uh, uh, uh, that's--

I love it. Very scary book.

[Jon] Their personalities
are light years apart,

maybe an uncomfortable reminder
that Eric just wasn't like him.

[Richard] I just wanted
to tell all of you...

- [Eric] Thanks, Papa.
- ...how happy Harry and I are,

to have you all here
to share our happiness.

[Jon] At Eric's first wedding,
in 1987,

my dad makes a toast,

and suddenly refers
to fathering three boys.

I'm not--
what I wanna tell ya,

that knowing
the Baime genealogy,

that the bris
is gonna be in Florida.

[indistinct]
in central Florida.

[attendees cheering]

[Jon] His joke is a hit
amongst his audience of 150,

but it has as much sincerity
as Eric's first marriage,

which, after having two kids,
ended in divorce.

Don't get close, Jonathan,
[indistinct].

[news program theme playing]

[announcer] The COVID-19,
or coronavirus,

is spreading quickly
throughout the United States,

as well as around the world.

[Jon] By the time COVID
grabs hold of the world in 2020,

frequent visits that used to
look like this

are reduced to this.

- I'm still here!
- Yeah.

Yes.

I don't know for what purpose,
but I'm still here.

He has lost a lot of
his personal touch with his--

his older friends.

You know,
we make 'em wash their hands

when they come in, or...

[Jon] In June,
at the year and a half point

since we found out,

David remains ignorant

that he's likely
donor-conceived.

That will soon change.

...new symptom, or have you had
any of these two symptoms?

[Jon] My parents'
advanced ages requires them

to quarantine from the virus,
at home.

Neither will ever
contract the disease,

but 2020 will be the year
that they both die.

The face of death
can be quite grim,

but there's something
really beautiful here.

Loyalty and love from a man

whose wife can still bring
a little comfort to her husband.

Hours later, my mom dies first,
with my dad at her side.

She's 89.

My dad never wanted
to put my mom

in a memory care facility.

He always said that she stuck
with him through his hard times,

so he was gonna stick with her
through her hard times.

That's his way
of keeping his word.

And maybe, also
his way of keeping the secret.

[salsa music playing]

[Jon] In a way, their agreement
to do donor conception

was this kind of delicate
dance.

I wonder,
would she have left him

if he didn't agree
to a sperm donor?

She had the leverage.

The family money
was mostly hers.

And his problem would follow
him wherever he went.

They were
two very different people.

My mom had
an adventurous spirit.

She loved to travel,
but had to force him along.

He was more subdued.

He'd rather stay
close to home,

and spend time
on the golf course.

But there was one place
he would go without hesitation.

[klezmer music playing]

Israel. They both loved it.

Making numerous trips
over the years.

Their must-see spot
was the Wailing Wall.

I suppose, in a way,
it's fitting.

But it's also one of the most
sacred spots in Judaism.

There's a tradition there.

People will write notes

and squeeze them
in between the walls' crevices.

Wishes, prayers,
people's names, anything.

Some believe
it's a direct connection to God.

My mom put a unique spin
on that tradition.

She would write letters
to her deceased parents,

and she would place them
in the wall.

Harriette was eccentric
that way.

I mean,
she was using the wall

as a patch cord
to plug her letters in.

So she could touch base
with her mom and dad.

[solemn piano music playing]

[Jon] After my mom's death,
my dad is miserable.

His mobility is limited,
he wants to die.

At the same time,
he's scared of death,

and that's a hard place to be.

He becomes a lot more,
um, prone to anger.

If something happens,
he tends to jump the handle,

uh, there's a lot--
a lotta-- a lotta tension,

and, um, it-- it--
it was really not--

not very pleasant.

With Mom not there,
and, you know,

this is his soulmate for life,

um, and I think he was--
he was-- knew it,

he was-- only had
a certain amount of time left.

[Jon] At this point,
every few weeks,

he's admitted to the hospital.

If it isn't trouble breathing,
then it's because he falls.

The trips are exhausting,

and put him at risk
of getting COVID.

We have an idea. Hospice.

That would allow him to receive
all medical treatment from home.

He liked the idea first,
and then did not like it

for some reason,
all of a sudden.

Sometimes things
would just trigger in his head,

and he would just say something,
and one of them was,

you know, "The hospice idea
is a horrible idea, you're--

you're-- you're trying
to kill me off,"

or something to that effect.

[Eric] It's time now
to let David know,

there's some issues
you need to learn about Dad.

More than you know.

He needs to hear it,
he needs to hear the reality

and understand
not to be so upset about

what my dad was saying
to him in an--

in moments of anger
and frustration.

[Zoom call ringing]

[Jon] As you can tell
from David's sleepwear...

- Here you are!
- [David] Hello.

In your pajamas!

[Jon] ...we scheduled
the revealing Zoom call

for the morning.

So, here's the deal.

I'll just tell you
what I know,

and I'll tell you
how I know it,

and then you can ask
100,000 questions,

'cause you're going to.

Dick is not your
biological father, most likely.

He's not mine,
and he's not Eric's.

We're sure of that.

- What happened is...
- Wait a minute.

Am I having a dream?
I gotta wake up.

Little bit much there for you?

- Am I having a dream?
- [Jon] No.

[Eric] This is real.

[Jon] I explain it all.

The test, the Hesh,
the bio siblings.

That we call Dad Asterisk.

David is quickly
brought up to speed.

But we--
we all have a different father?

[Eric] We all have
a different father.

- Uh, yes.
- [David] I was surprised.

Um, I-- it was a little bit
of a-- a shock.

Uh, 'cause it wasn't like
I put everything all together,

and it was like "Oh, this--
that's why,"

or whatever.

It wasn't one of those moments.
It didn't bother me.

It doesn't bother you at all?

No.
It really doesn't bother me.

You know,
I put myself in those shoes,

my-- you know,
what would I do?

I-- I can see
their reason why they did it,

let's put it that way.

'Cause it just might ruin
their relationship with us,

or cause it to go in a way

that they
wouldn't have liked, so...

I do think it explains
some of his behaviors though.

In-- in how he-- he seemed
to treat us differently.

He was--
he was very sensitive about

some of the things we would do,
or not do towards him.

Well, that-- now
that you know what you know,

would you rather know
what you know,

or would you rather
just lived your life

in bli-- ignorant bliss?

It-- it's good to know.

[Jon] 'Cause you, and Eric...

[David] You know, maybe--
maybe it does help explain it.

Maybe I-- I can understand
from his perspective.

That I've got nine.

[David]
I understand what they did,

and-- and why
they kept it a secret,

but as thing change in your--

people's lives,
and our relationship with them,

there could be, and in this case
I think there was,

a right time to say it to me,
and maybe to each of us.

[Jon] David agrees
not to say anything to our dad

for the short time he has left.

David also decides only to take
a DNA test after my dad dies.

But what if he takes one
and gets no matches?

He'll never know for sure

if Richard
is his biological father.

That's where
this paternity test comes in.

The plan?

Have my dad's cheek swabbed

near or at the time
of his death.

Then David will swab himself,
and submit the test.

Do you think if Dick died first,
and Mom didn't lose her mind,

do you think
she might have told us?

I just think
just knowing her personality,

and she's this very honest--

I don't think
she'd want to hide that from us,

if he'd passed away.

I don't know
how she would have felt,

not just sharing it with us
as children,

but that would've gotten out

to all the aunts
and uncles and cousins.

Which-- would she have
wanted to do that?

You know,
I don't see it happening.

She might have,
if we confronted her,

together,
and she was in her right mind,

you know, again,
I'm giving you 25 ifs here.

[Jon] After my mom dies,

my mind starts working
differently.

I wonder,
not what the driving force is

behind keeping the secret,

but what was it
that brought them

to donor conception?

[Jon] A huge decision

for any hopeful parent
at the time.

They regularly showed up a lot
during the holidays, right?

[Jon] One very much about them,
because we didn't exist yet.

Uh, I don't think I could live
without having a baby.

Just let it cool off
a minute.

[Mark] I was struck by,
your reaction too was

how badly
you wanted to have a child.

But yo--
for you it seemed like,

something
much deeper than that.

- It was, it was. It was.
- What was behind that?

I don't know,
I just felt I couldn't--

not live
if I didn't have a child.

It was just crazy.

Would you ever
want to meet her--

Sharon's biological father?

I would have loved to!
I'd do it in a minute.

- Really?
- Yes, why not?

I'd love to.

I'd-- I'd say,
"Thank you for doing this

to help people like me."

- Oh, I would thank him.
- [Jon] You would?

Oh, yes.

He gave me
this beautiful, smart,

accomplished woman.

No one else could give me her.

Well, why don't we tell him?

[Zoom call ringing]

[Doris] Well,
will I be able to see him?

- [Hesh] Hello.
- [Laura] Oh.

[Jon] Is that you, Hesh?
There you go.

[Laura] Yes, Hesh. Hey.
Hey, how are you?

Hesh, this is my mom, Doris.

Hi, Hesh.

- Pleased to meet you, Doris.
- It's a pleasure to meet you.

And-- and I want to thank you.

- Because I have...
- [Hesh] Well--

...the most wonderful
young woman

- that I could ever have.
- [Laura laughs]

And I-- and I'm grateful.

You--

That's wonderful feedback,
isn't it?

Yes, it is.
But you did a wonderful thing.

You-- I-- I appreciate
your compliments.

- Thank you.
- Well, I thank you.

Wait-- the best part.

Hesh, tell her how much
you got paid for your donation.

- Five dollars.
- [Doris] Oh, my God.

- I would pay you anything now.
- [Laura] Aw.

For Laura.

- So... [laughs]
- Very nice to meet you.

[Doris] Very nice
to meet you too, Margie.

Isn't this something?

We never thought
we would meet you!

[all laugh]

[Doris] Well,
I'm-- I'm so grateful.

- [Margie] Yeah.
- It's not just a child,

it's a wonderful child.

Who has given me
three fabulous grandchildren,

who you would be very proud of.

- That's terrific.
- [Doris] It is!

- [Laura] All right? All right.
- [Jon] Thanks, Hesh.

- [Laura] Bye, Hesh.
- [Doris] Bye, Hesh.

- [Hesh] Bye-bye.
- Isn't he handsome?

- Yes, he's very handsome.
- [Laura] He's 89.

See his teeth, Jon?

- [Doris] Yeah, you--
- [Laura] They're real!

[Jon] They're awesome.

[Laura] I am so grateful
that she did what she did,

otherwise I wouldn't be here.

[Doris]
We love each other. I mean--

[Laura] Yeah, I love my mom.

When someone's desperate
to have a child,

and you are that person,

that has to make you feel good,
it has to make you feel special,

and-- and yeah, I've always felt
my mother's love

from the time
I was a baby till now.

[Jon] Just like
those other parents,

mine really wanted babies.

They were young,

struggling how to get the kids
they desperately wanted.

It's that simple.

And as far as the secrecy goes

and the effect it possibly had
on our dad's relationship,

well, like it or not,

my parents were just following
doctors' orders.

Maybe it was as much
a prescription for us kids

as it was for them.

Now, that world at that point
was shrouded in secrecy

and shame and in anonymity.

There was no understanding that

knowing your
genetic origins mattered,

or knowing that the person

you thought was your social
and biological father

was only your social father.

Today, the belief is that

you should tell children that--
that they were donor conceived,

and you should do it early on.

[Jon] In December 2020,
I visit my dad

for what I know
is the final time.

He's weak, and completely
dependent on his aide.

But mentally, he's all there.

He even starts
calling people to say goodbye.

...a little less, prior.

Okay.

That week,
we watch some football together,

we watch movies,
we have ice cream at night.

It's-- it's nice.

[solemn string music playing]

[Jon] When saying goodbye

for what we both know
is the last time,

I ask if there's anything else
he wants to tell me.

"Nope," he says.

I'm not sure
what else I expect him to say,

but I thank him
for being my dad, and leave.

[nurse] Anything hurting?

[Jon] Four days later,

David is at his side
when he dies.

And about that paternity test?

The samples are swabbed,
and in the mail.

[gentle guitar music playing]

[Jon] Do you think he knew?
That we knew?

Do you think he went
to his grave,

like, knowing,
or do you think he just was--

would think about it,
and then say,

"I-- I don't want
to think about this anymore."

[Eric] I think, uh, he did not
want to think about it,

he-- he suspected it,
I'm sure he suspected it.

- Hello?
- [Eric] Hello!

Good to see you,
you had a good trip?

Very good trip.

[Jon] David's paternity test

comes back as no surprise,

resulting in a 0% probability
of paternity

between him and our dad.

You think
we did the right thing,

letting him
take it to the grave?

Oh, yes. 100%.

He had a relationship
with us that he liked.

He cared about us
and all that stuff.

Yes, but he had
a relationship that he liked.

Yes, he liked.

So, might it have been better--

it could have been
a better relationship,

for all of us,
with honesty injected.

He found what he liked,
and he decided

we're gonna keep it this way,
this the way I like it.

[mysterious chime music playing]

[Jon]
At the Star of David Cemetery

in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida,
lies our parents' headstone.

There's a unique
subtlety about it,

a message about forgiving,
but not necessarily forgetting.

We learn the headstone
engravers don't do asterisks,

but frankly,
these stars look better,

and accomplish the same thing.

[David] The asterisks
mean that for each one of us,

we had the same nurture father,
but with an asterisk.

It's meaning that
there's more to the story.

[Eric] But we understand
what he was to us,

and it would be on there
forever and ever,

and it would go down
through time.

That the secret,
at least in our minds, was out.

♪ How I wonder
what you are ♪

[Jon] David takes a DNA test,
which reveals that Eric,

David and I
are all half brothers,

with different bio dads.

He also discovers
about a half dozen half siblings

on his father's side,
who he eventually contacts.

[Jon] What do you think about
the siblings

that you've met so far?

The new ones, the--
my replacements.

[sighs]
Let me think about that one.

- [Jon laughs]
- Uh, they're real--

they're really nice people,
it i-- it is,

I would say the word surreal
does come into it,

'cause they don't--
I still think of you and Eric

- as brothers.
- Right.

Because we grew up together,
and-- and all that stuff.

- [indistinct].
- Yeah.

And still seeing those--
Mom and Dad

as one common
parental unit, with us.

- Right, so...
- It is what it is.

- [all] It is what it is.
- You know?

[Jon] One of David's
donor siblings discovers

a bio dad match.

However, the man
has no interest in any contact.

Eric is in a similar boat.

His search for any relatives
on his biological father's side

has revealed yet another wall.

He never makes contact

with the one donor sibling
he matched with.

We hire a genetic detective,

and we're confident we know
who Eric's biological father is.

[Eric] The bio dad
that I know about,

uh, apparently, uh,
lives nearby also.

I sent him a letter,
never-- never responded,

never emailed back.

I called, nothing.

If you donated to any child
that's out there,

they're not gonna sue you.

There's no legal ties anyway,
but please respond to them.

Could be for health reasons.

I have health reasons
I want to ask about as well.

You helped create
a living person

who's out there now,
who wants to know about you...

You know, I-- I have
good things to say...

[Jon] My initial discovery

that brought down the wall
hiding the secret,

ultimately changes
our lives for the better.

Yes.

[Jon] We all agree
that we now know

what we should have known
a long time ago.

[man behind camera]
Has this whole scenario

brought you guys
any closer as brothers?

No, we still hate each other.

[Eric laughs]

Hey, front door is for guests,
you're family!

Come in.

- [Jon] Coming in.
- Hi!

- Sister from another mother.
- [Sharon] Hello, brother.

[Sharon] Welcome.
Welcome, welcome.

I was going to get
the other name.

It's good to see you.

[Jon] About once a year,
we donor sibs get together.

Here he is!

[Jon] This go around,
we are at Sharon's house.

- How are ya?
- [Rose] I'll say good, good.

The official meeting

of the Sisters and Brothers
from Other Mothers Club

is now come to order.

Because
we are all going to be together,

I have a birthday card
for Harrison,

so it's from all of us.

[Rose]
So it was just random people

that happened to find out
were related.

[Mark]
And have this unusual bond

that we've just recently
discovered.

[David N] It's an exercise
in thankfulness,

just to get such a gift
of knowing more about yourself,

at this stage of life.

- [Jon] Oh, my goodness.
- [David N] Ah!

[Mark] It's a,
what do they call it, DNA helix?

[Jon] Yeah, it's a DNA Helix.

If somebody told me,
five years ago,

I'd be cutting cake that says
"Welcome..."

Thank you.

[Jon] "...Sisters and brothers
from Other Mothers,"

I'd be like, and what was
in the cake that you had?

[Jon] It seems like
most of us started out

either shocked, confused,
and maybe pissed off.

Or some combination
of those things.

But, with a little help
from people who care about you,

and the connection
you have with them,

you might just get
the right recipe

to turn lemons
into lemonade.

The story...

feels almost complete,
but there's one piece missing,

and that piece is,

letting my parents know
exactly how I feel,

and there's only one way
to do it.

And that's by
writing a letter.

And the letter
would go like this.

[Jon reading]

[gentle piano music playing]

It's been guided
by an incomplete feeling.

Something
I always sensed was there,

like a wall,
jammed between me

and a part of myself
I never understood.

[Jon] I lived like this
for 54 years,

believing something
so incomplete

was actually complete.

I allowed myself
to become comfortable

with the uncomfortable.

[announcer over PA]
Atlanta International Airport,

a gateway to...

[Jon] Imagine my shock
when I discovered that

the two of you
were the architects

of a wall
I always suspected was there.

And it wasn't one
designed to last

just for the first 20
or 30 years of my life,

so you would eventually tell me
what you could have.

You were intent on building
a wall that would last forever.

[agent] Welcome aboard.

[Jon] Maybe you thought
what I wouldn't know

couldn't hurt me.

But not knowing
just confused me.

I felt deceived, and at first,
I was in no place to realize

how intentional
that deceit was or wasn't.

Revealing all that
from a damn DNA test

just added to my fury.

How dare you.

[heartfelt
classical music playing]

[captain over PA]
It's a great pleasure

to have you on board.

[Jon] Okay, so I'll never
fill in all the blanks

as to what happened
when, why, and how.

It doesn't matter.

But by discovering others
along the way,

who lived in the shadows
of clouds covering a secret

that was just like mine.

I learned that it wasn't about
what made you build the wall,

it's mostly about
why you built it.

[gentle piano music playing]

Maybe in some way you thought
artificial insemination

was a second-class way
to be conceived.

Maybe you thought
I might not love you

like normally
conceived children.

Nothing could be
further from the truth.

I think that not being able
to have kids the way you wanted

wounded your self-esteem.

I then had to make Dad feel
like a good father on his terms.

That created a vicious cycle.

One filled
with more frustration and anger

than happiness and love.

But it was a cycle
that was broken,

thankfully, by a simple truth.

You desperately wanted
children.

Back then,
artificial insemination

was your best option.

Unfortunately, deception
was part of the process.

And there's nothing
I can ever do about that.

So, I end my journey here.

At the same spot where Mom
placed a letter

for her parents.

Some walls divide us.

But I want to use this wall
as one that unites us.

♪

I think that
this letter belongs here.

And by placing it here,

I'm giving it the home
it deserves...

and the forgiveness
you both deserve.

[Jon] Please
know that I will love you both

unconditionally
and forever.

Jon.

[intense violin music playing]

♪

[music stops]