All language subtitles for As.We.Know.It.2023.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese
Punjabi
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Telugu
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Odia (Oriya)
Kinyarwanda
Turkmen
Tatar
Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:41,625
What started out as a soy milk recall one week ago
2
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:44,460
has ballooned
into a full-scale outbreak
3
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,755
across the greater
Los Angeles area.
4
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:50,676
The CDC has now confirmed
a link between the outbreak
5
00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,302
and a deadly contamination
6
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:55,972
at the Agnes Brand Milk Factory
in San Bernardino.
7
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,517
This quiet,
upscale Hollywood neighborhood
8
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,186
where soy milk flows like water has become
9
00:01:01,269 --> 00:01:03,522
the epicenter
of this unfortunate crisis.
10
00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:05,941
Since the outbreak,
several Angelenos have become
11
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:07,943
infected with the Agnes virus,
12
00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:10,028
while others have
sought refuge indoors.
13
00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:12,698
Pardon me, sir.
Ted Sommers, Channel 11 News.
14
00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,866
How are you doing?
Are you okay?
15
00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:16,785
Oh, shit. Channel 11 News.
16
00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:18,328
Love you guys. Love your work.
17
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:19,580
Do you feel safe out here
18
00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,665
riding your bike
on these streets alone?
19
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:22,415
No, Ted.
20
00:01:22,498 --> 00:01:25,043
This is a fucking BMX bike,
so I'm not afraid.
21
00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:26,503
But I-- I gotta go check
on my boy,
22
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:27,921
-so I'll catch you later.
-Wait, sir.
23
00:01:28,004 --> 00:01:30,381
Can I trouble you
for just a few more questions?
24
00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:32,050
I really gotta check
on my boy, Ted.
25
00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:34,595
Understood. Be safe.
26
00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:36,680
This is Ted Sommers
in the Hollywood Hills.
27
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:41,142
Back to you, Sissy.
28
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,355
James!
29
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:46,648
Open up!
30
00:01:48,399 --> 00:01:50,902
It's Bruce!
31
00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:24,955
Hey.
32
00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:29,626
You need to check on your homie.
33
00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:32,003
Hey, Miss Jones.
34
00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:34,881
I think it's something with--
with Emily. I--
35
00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:36,633
Yeah, I don't know, Miss Jones.
36
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,343
Why don't you just call me
"Beverly"?
37
00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:39,595
Okay, Beverly.
38
00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:41,888
You know, you should probably get out of town with everything.
39
00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:42,598
What, what?
40
00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:44,349
I said you should probably get
out of town with everything
41
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:46,392
that's going on, you know,
while you still can.
42
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:47,268
Are you kidding me?
43
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:49,771
Shoot, I've got that cable TV man coming today.
44
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:52,148
Well, I-- I guess
you could just like,
45
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,483
I don't know, reschedule?
46
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:54,943
No, fuck no.
47
00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:56,862
That flip-flop-wearing
motherfucker,
48
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:58,947
he kept me on hold
for three and a half hours.
49
00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:00,490
And then you know what he did
when he came back?
50
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,576
-No, what'd he do?
-He hung up on me.
51
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,203
-Oh, I hate that.
-Uh-huh, yeah.
52
00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:08,081
No, I ain't, I-- I am not
canceling that appointment.
53
00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:10,542
No, I guess I wouldn't either.
54
00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:12,335
You need to talk to your boy,
okay?
55
00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:15,631
I think there's something
really, really wrong with him.
56
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:16,632
Beverly, thank you.
57
00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:17,758
- Yeah.
- I will.
58
00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,384
You can call me "Bevy".
59
00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:21,803
- Oh, Bevy.
- Bevy.
60
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,096
- All right, bye-bye.
- Okay, all right.
61
00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:43,033
-Hey.
-Dude, what the hell?
62
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,450
I've been trying to get a hold of you for days.
63
00:04:44,535 --> 00:04:46,286
Sorry, I've been trying
to finish this new book
64
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:48,496
for my publisher, and I've got like writer's block.
65
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:49,831
It's been a whole thing.
66
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:51,166
Bullshit.
67
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:53,168
I know what this is.
68
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:55,170
You're still depressed
about Emily, aren't you?
69
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:58,298
Yep, I fucking knew it.
70
00:04:58,381 --> 00:04:59,675
Come on, man.
71
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:02,761
What's it been like six months
since you guys got divorced?
72
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:03,929
Five months and three days.
73
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,222
And we just broke up.
We didn't get divorced.
74
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:07,683
Whatever, okay?
75
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:08,934
We have bigger issues
to worry about,
76
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:11,687
like the fucking world ending.
77
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,438
-What are you talking about?
-What?
78
00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:14,815
You're joking right now.
79
00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:16,274
No.
80
00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:18,527
You don't know about
the virus in L.A.
81
00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,195
that's mutating people's DNA?
82
00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:22,155
A virus?
83
00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:23,448
How is it mutating DNA?
84
00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:25,283
What do I look like,
a fucking scientist?
85
00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:27,160
All I know
is people all across L.A.
86
00:05:27,243 --> 00:05:29,538
are turning into zombies after
drinking this soy milk,
87
00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:32,874
like straight-up
flesh-eating zombies.
88
00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:34,125
You're serious right now?
89
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:35,376
Dead serious.
90
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,837
Some symptoms, I'm told,
91
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:41,132
include headache, diarrhea,
runny nose, vomiting.
92
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:43,301
And it's happening,
because of soy milk.
93
00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:45,136
Well, not just any soy milk.
94
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:47,723
Agnes Brand Soy Milk,
which was my favorite,
95
00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:49,349
so now I have like a whole new
96
00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:50,601
set of problems for me personally.
97
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,019
Like I tried putting regular
milk on my cereal,
98
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:55,105
and I started shitting
my fucking brains out.
99
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,481
Apparently,
I'm lactose intolerant.
100
00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:57,941
Who knew?
101
00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:00,151
Okay, yes, very good.
You had me going.
102
00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,237
That was, uh,
that was well done.
103
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,405
Very, very imaginative.
Very funny.
104
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:06,074
What are you laughing at?
105
00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:07,367
You went too far with that
106
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,160
I'm lactose intolerant
now thing.
107
00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:11,204
Still, very funny. No notes.
108
00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:13,832
James, this is not a fucking joke.
109
00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:15,166
Look.
110
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,210
Oh, oh, oh, dear mother of God.
111
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:20,255
Um, okay, we are witnessing
an attack here.
112
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:21,507
Are you getting this, Rick?
113
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:25,135
Um, it appears that a jogger
is being attacked by a gardener,
114
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,678
I think. Um...
115
00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:30,140
That guy is being eaten.
116
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,559
And it looks like they might be heading our way,
117
00:06:32,643 --> 00:06:35,020
so we're going to sign off here.
118
00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:36,146
Get me, get me, get me.
119
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,439
Ted Sommers signing off
from the Hollywood Hills.
120
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,234
Oh, fuck.
121
00:06:53,539 --> 00:06:56,082
Ain't your normal Tuesday,
is it?
122
00:06:58,168 --> 00:07:00,086
Uh-huh.
123
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,296
Okay.
124
00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:09,971
What's now being described
as the Agnes virus
125
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:12,933
has deeply impacted
Los Angeles residents.
126
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,518
In response to the allegations,
127
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:18,313
the Agnes Milk Company has
recalled 5,000 quarts
128
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:20,273
of their well-known beverage.
129
00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:24,152
Dude, you mean to tell me the
130
00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:25,654
entire time you've been
holed up here,
131
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,781
you haven't once
turned on the news?
132
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:28,990
The news?
133
00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:30,867
Yes, James, the news.
134
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:34,162
It's something you watch
on TV that isn't Star Wars
135
00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:35,205
or Blade Runner.
136
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,582
Right, right, okay,
thank you, Bruce.
137
00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:38,458
-I know what the news is.
-That's great.
138
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:40,418
Congratulations.
I'm very happy for you.
139
00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:42,003
So what the fuck
have you been doing?
140
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:46,091
Honestly, I've just been keeping
super, super busy.
141
00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:47,551
Busy doing what?
142
00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:50,470
Watching Star Wars
and Blade Runner.
143
00:07:51,597 --> 00:07:53,014
-And also THX.
-Right.
144
00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:54,015
And The Postman.
145
00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:55,976
In fact, I was actually just
about to put Waterworld on,
146
00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:57,227
if you want to watch that.
147
00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:00,188
James, we do not have time
to watch Waterworld right now.
148
00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:01,690
We need to get the hell
out of here.
149
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:04,442
Away from the zombies
to a place with clean milk.
150
00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:08,029
And I hear that Seattle has
great milk alternatives,
151
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:10,741
like carob milk and hemp milk.
152
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,659
Hemp milk?
How-- how does that even work?
153
00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:13,201
How do you make that?
154
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:14,953
I don't know,
but it sounds fucking bomb.
155
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,287
Here, drink this.
156
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:17,956
Uh, what is it?
157
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:20,458
That, my friend,
is a prairie oyster.
158
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,753
James Bond drinks them.
It'll cure your hangover.
159
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:23,795
What's in this?
160
00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:25,296
Just drink it, okay? Will you?
161
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,632
Please, we have
to get the hell out of here.
162
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:29,425
If we don't leave soon,
we may never make it out of L.A.
163
00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,928
I'm just not so sure I want
to make it out of L.A.
164
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,429
Like I-- I'm really behind
on my novel
165
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:35,516
and I feel like I'd rather just
stay here and work on it.
166
00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:38,560
James, you're not gonna
finish your book if you're dead.
167
00:08:38,644 --> 00:08:39,645
Don't be stupid.
168
00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:41,354
Besides, you're never gonna
write anything as good
169
00:08:41,437 --> 00:08:44,024
as that one you did about
trains and...
170
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,526
-Trains in Space.
-Yes, that one.
171
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:48,529
That was good. That was so good, I almost finished it.
172
00:08:48,612 --> 00:08:50,656
Oh my God.
High praise, Bruce.
173
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,323
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
174
00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:53,575
Bottoms up.
175
00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:55,160
Attaboy.
176
00:08:57,621 --> 00:09:00,791
-Oh shit, dude.
-What?
177
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,669
You have a bottled
Agnes Soy Milk in here.
178
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:05,962
Okay. Oh, that's the bad one.
179
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,673
Yes, that's the bad one.
180
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:09,591
- Whoa.
- I'm not touching that thing.
181
00:09:09,675 --> 00:09:11,677
Yeah, I mean, just leave it.
182
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:15,346
Well, I guess
we are sort of leaving.
183
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,312
Okay, so quick Waterworld,
then we'll get out of here?
184
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,772
No, dude, we got to go.
185
00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:24,940
Come on.
186
00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:29,194
She hasn't called.
187
00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:31,613
Because it's over.
188
00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:33,281
Forget her. She's history.
189
00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:36,868
Here.
190
00:09:36,952 --> 00:09:38,119
Put these on.
191
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:40,706
I just feel like
I should call her, right?
192
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,123
Like just make sure
everything's okay.
193
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,542
I-- I feel like I should.
194
00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:45,711
No, dude. No.
I totally disagree.
195
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:48,046
Okay, Emily is a smart girl. She'll be fine.
196
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:50,716
And-- and even if she isn't,
who cares?
197
00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:52,092
Move on.
198
00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:54,886
Zei gezunt, as
my Uncle Bernie would say.
199
00:09:54,970 --> 00:09:56,429
Seattle has everything.
200
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:59,057
You will find a new Emily
in Seattle, I promise.
201
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,267
Yeah, I'm just gonna call her. I'm just gonna
202
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:04,187
-make a quick call.
-No, dude. Do not call her.
203
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,607
Come on, man. I'm trying
to save your life right now,
204
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:09,234
and you're literally fucking
killing me here.
205
00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:14,740
What is that?
206
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:17,408
No, this-- this is just a box.
207
00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:19,244
It doesn't look like just a box.
208
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:21,371
-It's my Emily memory box.
-You're what?
209
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,206
It's an Emily memory box.
It's not weird.
210
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:26,376
-Oh, dude. That's disgusting.
-No, no, no.
211
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,504
We need to throw that out now.
212
00:10:28,587 --> 00:10:29,170
-No.
-Yes.
213
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:30,046
We do not need
to throw it out.
214
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,423
This is essential stuff.
I can't just part with this.
215
00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:34,175
Essential?
Is that what I think it is?
216
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:36,302
Is that a Seal CD?
217
00:10:37,513 --> 00:10:39,139
Yes.
218
00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:42,684
Wow. I guess I never took Emily as a Seal fan.
219
00:10:42,768 --> 00:10:44,435
You know, you really shouldn't
make assumptions.
220
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,021
-Hmm.
-What if it's my Seal CD?
221
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,606
-Oh, that's your Seal CD. Right.
-Yeah, yeah, it is.
222
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,232
I guess I didn't think
about that.
223
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:50,901
Name one Seal song, dude.
224
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:51,860
-Fine. That's like--
-One.
225
00:10:51,943 --> 00:10:54,279
-No, that's easy.
-Fine. Cool. Do it.
226
00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:58,241
The Batman Forever theme.
227
00:10:58,324 --> 00:10:59,660
-Fuck. That is one.
-That counts.
228
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,494
-You gotta count that.
-You got it, you said it.
229
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:03,664
So, I guess end of conversation.
230
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:05,791
Don't even-- Don't you dare!
231
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,083
-No. No, don't do that.
-Give me that.
232
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,334
-Yes.
-No, dude.
233
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:10,504
We are burning this thing
right now.
234
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:11,922
-We are not burning that.
-Yes, we are.
235
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,006
-No, we are not.
-We are burning it.
236
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,675
Yes, because you need to move on with your life.
237
00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:16,009
No, I'm not gonna burn this.
238
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:17,928
No. No.
239
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,387
Okay. Okay.
240
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:22,182
Alright.
Won't burn it. We'll bury it.
241
00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:28,063
It'll be the worst time capsule
in history of humankind.
242
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:30,065
You're right. Okay.
243
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:31,399
I'll get rid of it.
244
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,654
I just, I have to do it
on my own. Okay?
245
00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:37,447
But I'll do it. I promise.
246
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:38,782
Pinky swear?
247
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:39,991
Pinky swear.
248
00:11:45,664 --> 00:11:46,039
Alright, dude.
249
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:47,791
We gotta get the fuck out
of here or we're gonna die.
250
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:51,127
So, let's uh, pack our shit.
251
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:54,506
Let's go. First thing I'm doing is getting you
252
00:11:54,590 --> 00:11:55,799
a Seattle flannel.
253
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,467
- Nice.
- You ready for this?
254
00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:58,802
-Oh, yeah.
-Let's do it, man.
255
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,303
Ooh, wait.
256
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,264
What now, man?
257
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:04,600
Who's gonna take care
of Charles?
258
00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:07,686
Let's do it, man.
259
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:10,689
but your goldfish might not
survive the zombie apocalypse.
260
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:13,692
Emily won him for me
at the Malibu Chili Cook-Off.
261
00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:15,276
Right. Right. That's cool.
262
00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:17,779
But still, we're not bringing
a goldfish with us.
263
00:12:17,863 --> 00:12:19,573
It'll get everything wet.
264
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:20,824
There'll be water everywhere.
265
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:23,493
Oh. No, dude.
You-- you don't get it.
266
00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:26,663
It's not just about Charles. It's this whole place.
267
00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:28,331
I mean, this house, man.
268
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:31,376
Like I've made
so many great memories here.
269
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:34,713
I've had all my greatest successes and failures here.
270
00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:37,215
What, I'm just gonna leave it
all behind?
271
00:12:38,509 --> 00:12:41,261
Yeah. Otherwise,
you're gonna die in it.
272
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:43,597
-So...
-Yeah, well,
273
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:44,931
maybe that wouldn't be
the worst thing.
274
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:46,600
Jesus Christ, James.
275
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:48,309
Listen to yourself.
276
00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:49,561
All right?
277
00:12:49,645 --> 00:12:53,064
I rode all the way here on
my BMX bike, because--
278
00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:54,357
You don't have a car.
279
00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:59,029
Yes, but also because
you're my best friend.
280
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:03,199
And you're not really acting
like my best friend right now.
281
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,160
So you're acting
kind of selfish,
282
00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:09,372
and crazy, and kind of dumb.
283
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,291
So will you
pull it together, man?
284
00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:14,836
You're right. I'm sorry.
285
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,797
I'm being--
I'm being a bad friend.
286
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,632
-Yeah. A little bit.
-Should we like,
287
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:21,009
I don't know,
hug or something?
288
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,220
Yeah, I guess. If you want.
289
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:32,979
-All right.
-Yeah. No, that was weird.
290
00:13:33,063 --> 00:13:34,856
-Didn't feel natural.
-Didn't feel right.
291
00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:37,025
All right.
Yeah, let's uh-- let's go.
292
00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:38,401
Yeah, let's do it.
All right. Cool.
293
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:39,736
Okay.
294
00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,824
Hey. See you, buddy.
295
00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:46,577
You're a good fish.
296
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,413
Goodbye, old friend.
297
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,969
Oh my God, dude.
298
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:06,387
Car fucking stinks.
299
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:09,850
All right. Seatbelts on.
300
00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:11,893
Dude, I cannot wait
to hit the open road.
301
00:14:11,977 --> 00:14:15,522
Going fricking 90 miles an hour, no seatbelts on.
302
00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:17,065
That's the downside
of a BMX bike.
303
00:14:17,148 --> 00:14:19,860
You only go like, 30, 35 tops.
304
00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:21,570
You're going 35 on a BMX?
305
00:14:21,653 --> 00:14:23,238
Oh, hell yeah, dude.
306
00:14:23,321 --> 00:14:26,241
Fuck, Eldridge Street,
Highland Park.
307
00:14:26,324 --> 00:14:27,826
Well, wouldn't that be like
really embarrassing
308
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:29,369
if that's how I died,
during this whole thing,
309
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:30,704
-on my bike?
-Yeah, I mean,
310
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:32,623
you really should be more
careful on that thing.
311
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:34,541
Are you serious? What are you--
what are you, my mother?
312
00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:36,668
Well, need I remind you about
Johnny Willis?
313
00:14:36,752 --> 00:14:37,711
Oh my God.
314
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,420
You're really going
to bring up that fucking loser
315
00:14:39,505 --> 00:14:41,172
-right now?
-Yes, I am bringing him up,
316
00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:43,925
because when Johnny rode away
from school that one day,
317
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:45,636
he had no idea what was gonna
happen to him.
318
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:47,137
And what happened to him, Bruce?
319
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,264
Lost his nuts.
320
00:14:49,347 --> 00:14:51,266
- He what?
- He lost his nuts.
321
00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:54,603
He lost his nuts.
And how did he lose his nuts?
322
00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:55,687
Can you--
can you just fucking drive?
323
00:14:55,771 --> 00:14:58,189
- No, I'm not gonna go.
- I need to hear you say it.
324
00:14:58,273 --> 00:14:59,941
He flipped over
the side of his bike
325
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,276
and got his nuts caught
in the chain.
326
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:02,485
-Are you happy?
-That's right.
327
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,404
And you want
to be like Johnny Willis?
328
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:05,781
Yeah, I want to end up
like Johnny Willis.
329
00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:07,032
Really?
You want to have no nuts?
330
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:08,534
You want to have Styrofoam nuts?
331
00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:11,119
Okay, no, I guess not.
Can you just fucking drive?
332
00:15:11,202 --> 00:15:12,453
Okay, all right, all right,
great.
333
00:15:12,538 --> 00:15:13,413
I needed to hear you say it.
334
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:15,123
-Thank you.
-Good. You're happy? Drive.
335
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,753
-Huh, that's weird.
-What? What's going on now?
336
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:21,171
It says I'm empty.
337
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,885
There's a hose coming out of
my gas tank.
338
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:29,345
What? Oh, fuck!
339
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,848
Someone probably
siphoned the gas.
340
00:15:31,932 --> 00:15:32,808
Why would someone do that?
341
00:15:32,891 --> 00:15:34,976
'Cause gas is like $2 a gallon right now,
342
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,186
and everybody
and their mother's trying
343
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,312
to get out of town.
344
00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:40,023
All right, well, dang.
345
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,650
I guess we have
to stay here after all.
346
00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:43,902
No, no, we--
we just got to think
347
00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:44,945
of a better option.
348
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:46,613
There's--
there's got to be something.
349
00:15:46,697 --> 00:15:48,532
Okay, I got-- I got an idea.
350
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:49,783
Here's what we're gonna do.
351
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:51,284
We ride my bike
to the nearest station.
352
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:53,036
You could sit on the handlebars.
353
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,329
Want me to sit
on your handlebars?
354
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:55,539
- Yes.
- What, 10 years old?
355
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:56,623
No, I'm not doing that.
356
00:15:56,707 --> 00:15:59,000
Dude, you're gonna really
make me ride by myself?
357
00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:00,502
- Yeah.
- You were fine coming here.
358
00:16:00,586 --> 00:16:01,878
You'll be fine going there.
359
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:04,923
Holy shit!
360
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,051
You sure about that?
361
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,553
Okay, maybe you won't be fine.
362
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,513
Uh, is that guy blind?
363
00:16:11,597 --> 00:16:13,306
He is.
I mean, he can't even see us.
364
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,350
I mean, it's a seeing-eye dog. Isn't that their whole job?
365
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:16,810
Yeah, but the dog's
not a zombie.
366
00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,103
I don't know how scared
we should be.
367
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:20,021
Okay, change of plans.
I think you're right.
368
00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:21,773
-We should go back inside.
-Yeah, okay.
369
00:16:21,857 --> 00:16:23,191
On the count of three. One...
370
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:25,527
-Why do we count, just run.
-Yep, yep, yep.
371
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,658
- Go, go!
- Go, go, go, go!
372
00:16:36,872 --> 00:16:39,457
Oh my God, dude. I've not moved that fast in so long.
373
00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:42,043
I know.
I'm burning up right now.
374
00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:43,336
I'm so out of shape, dude.
375
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:46,464
God, do-- do you think
that's gonna hold?
376
00:16:46,548 --> 00:16:48,550
- Honestly?
- Yeah.
377
00:16:48,634 --> 00:16:49,801
I have no idea.
378
00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:51,177
No, I don't know either.
379
00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:52,679
I'm just totally out of
my depth right now.
380
00:16:52,763 --> 00:16:53,680
I have no idea.
381
00:16:53,764 --> 00:16:56,725
Completely flying by the seat
of my fucking pants right now.
382
00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:59,686
If Dawn of the Dead
or Night of the Living Dead
383
00:16:59,770 --> 00:17:02,814
or any of the deads
have taught me anything,
384
00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:04,190
it's that if you want
to stay alive,
385
00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:05,483
you have to stay put.
386
00:17:06,652 --> 00:17:08,069
Now that Seattle's out
of the question,
387
00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:09,362
I think you're right.
388
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:10,781
Damn it!
389
00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:12,448
Maybe they come up with a cure?
390
00:17:12,533 --> 00:17:14,826
Yeah, maybe. Or...
391
00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:19,289
maybe they just hit the big
red button on us.
392
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,415
No.
393
00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:21,708
Yeah.
394
00:17:21,792 --> 00:17:23,418
You think they'd really do that?
395
00:17:23,502 --> 00:17:24,670
That's what I would do.
396
00:17:25,837 --> 00:17:27,338
It's dark.
397
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:28,674
I'm really dark, dude.
398
00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:31,217
So...
399
00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:35,013
-Waterworld?
-Waterworld?
400
00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:36,807
-It's only right.
-Wow.
401
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,684
Okay, but I say we gotta--
let's rest for...
402
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:40,101
-Like an hour?
-About an hour.
403
00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,478
Yep.
404
00:17:42,563 --> 00:17:45,649
Bro, with all that gelt
you made on your last book deal,
405
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,859
couldn't you have gotten like
a newer TV?
406
00:17:47,943 --> 00:17:50,654
I-- I could have,
but I hate change, so...
407
00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:02,624
Oh!
408
00:18:02,708 --> 00:18:03,709
Yes!
409
00:18:04,710 --> 00:18:06,002
Well, dude!
410
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,380
Oh! Oh! Mm!
411
00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:11,925
-Boom!
-Oh.
412
00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:13,426
Brownie!
413
00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:15,011
Wow, that is--
414
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:16,221
That's a lot of brownies.
415
00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:21,184
One, you can never have
enough pot brownies.
416
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:22,352
And two,
417
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,731
you can never have enough
pot brownies.
418
00:18:25,814 --> 00:18:26,940
Ah, yeah.
419
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:30,235
Who knew how essential
home video would be
420
00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:31,612
in a time like this?
421
00:18:31,695 --> 00:18:32,696
I did.
422
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:36,116
Wait, wait, pause it. Pause it.
423
00:18:36,199 --> 00:18:37,325
What? What?
424
00:18:37,408 --> 00:18:40,996
The run time is two hours
and 15 minutes.
425
00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:43,624
-Mm-hmm, yeah, it's perfect.
-Could be longer.
426
00:18:43,707 --> 00:18:45,542
Yeah, I can stand it
to be a little longer.
427
00:18:45,626 --> 00:18:47,043
-Me too.
-How much longer?
428
00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:48,545
Maybe, like...
429
00:18:49,630 --> 00:18:51,172
-Nine hours?
-That would be cool.
430
00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:52,257
Yeah, that's what
I was thinking, too.
431
00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:57,178
But these chips aren't gonna
last us half this movie.
432
00:18:57,262 --> 00:18:58,639
Okay, so what are you saying?
433
00:19:02,726 --> 00:19:03,852
Delivery.
434
00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:05,228
What?
435
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:06,772
No restaurants are gonna be
open right now,
436
00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:09,650
and even if one of them was,
no-- no one's gonna deliver.
437
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:11,985
Dude, in this economy,
438
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:16,406
there's always something open
and always someone to deliver.
439
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,658
Trust.
440
00:19:17,741 --> 00:19:19,117
Yellow pages, please.
441
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,744
Okay, yeah, it's over there.
442
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:30,295
-Give me a nudge, please.
-Oh my God, you got this, dude.
443
00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:32,047
-There it is.
-Yeah.
444
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,049
-Phone.
-It's right here.
445
00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:35,676
Okay.
446
00:19:35,759 --> 00:19:37,343
So we're gonna agree
on a good place, then?
447
00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:39,262
-That's the idea.
-Okay, great.
448
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:40,847
Oh-ho-ho!
449
00:19:40,931 --> 00:19:42,140
Here's one right here.
450
00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:43,600
Abracadabra.
451
00:19:43,684 --> 00:19:44,935
It's open 24 hours.
452
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:48,271
It's a wings and kebab joint.
453
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:50,106
Yeah, but wings and kebab.
454
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,357
I mean, we can do better.
455
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:53,694
Dude, we're in
a zombie apocalypse right now.
456
00:19:53,777 --> 00:19:55,486
We cannot afford
to be picky here.
457
00:19:55,571 --> 00:19:56,780
You just said that
we were gonna agree.
458
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:59,115
You know, fine, just call 'em.
I don't care. Just call 'em.
459
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:00,033
-Yeah?
-Yes.
460
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:00,909
-Call 'em?
-Yes, that's the one.
461
00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:02,786
All right, here it is.
462
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,705
-5-5-5.
-Uh-huh.
463
00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:06,247
-5-5.
-No.
464
00:20:06,331 --> 00:20:07,498
-5-5.
-Wow.
465
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:09,167
Whoa, that's cool.
466
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:10,168
They got 'em all.
467
00:20:12,671 --> 00:20:13,964
Abracadabra, this is Nancy.
468
00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:15,131
How may I help you?
469
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,217
Wait, you guys are open? Sick!
470
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:18,594
Unfortunately,
we're the only idiots
471
00:20:18,677 --> 00:20:19,886
open during a zombie apocalypse.
472
00:20:19,970 --> 00:20:20,971
Okay, fine, fine.
473
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:22,388
Um, so, uh, what's up?
474
00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:23,682
You guys still deliver?
475
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:25,934
Uh-huh. Yeah, we are.
- What can I get you?
476
00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:29,062
Uh, question.
477
00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:32,649
Do you guys do the wings
without the kebabs
478
00:20:32,733 --> 00:20:35,068
or is it like,
a package deal sitch?
479
00:20:35,151 --> 00:20:35,736
Great question.
480
00:20:35,819 --> 00:20:39,155
You can order wings, whatever tickles your fancy, sweetheart.
481
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:44,119
Awesome.
Uh, let's do, uh, 50-piece?
482
00:20:44,202 --> 00:20:44,870
50-piece.
- No.
483
00:20:44,953 --> 00:20:46,121
We're gonna be here
for a while.
484
00:20:46,204 --> 00:20:47,748
We better make that a 100.
485
00:20:47,831 --> 00:20:48,790
100-piece--
- Oh, lots of ranch.
486
00:20:48,874 --> 00:20:49,916
Lots of ranch.
487
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:50,291
Extra ranch, got it.
488
00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:51,710
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you, uh--
489
00:20:51,793 --> 00:20:52,586
Where's all this going, sweety?
490
00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:54,212
Oh, you need my address?
Right. Uh, uh--
491
00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:55,589
If you want the food,
I need the address.
492
00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:57,007
-What is it?
-6-1-8-6.
493
00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:59,050
6-1-8-6 Wildfire Lane.
494
00:20:59,134 --> 00:21:00,051
Okay, give us about an hour.
495
00:21:00,135 --> 00:21:02,303
Yep.
496
00:21:02,387 --> 00:21:03,805
-Hell yeah.
-Okay. All right.
497
00:21:03,889 --> 00:21:05,306
Awesome.
498
00:21:07,308 --> 00:21:08,560
Dude, there's never been
a great movie
499
00:21:08,644 --> 00:21:09,728
without Jeanne Tripplehorn.
500
00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:12,063
No, if you want a hit,
you gotta have her in it.
501
00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:13,940
You know, I've probably seen
this movie 500 times
502
00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:16,652
since it came out,
and I'm just gonna say it.
503
00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:19,112
This one's gonna stand
the test of time.
504
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:20,446
The greatest movie of all time.
505
00:21:20,531 --> 00:21:23,199
It gets better
every single time.
506
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:26,119
A lot of people say that
Costner's best work
507
00:21:26,202 --> 00:21:27,579
is Field of Dreams
or Dances with the Wolves--
508
00:21:27,663 --> 00:21:29,540
Hmm, uh-huh.
509
00:21:29,623 --> 00:21:31,332
Or what's the other one?
510
00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:32,751
-Untouchables.
-Untouchables.
511
00:21:32,834 --> 00:21:34,419
I know that. I knew that.
512
00:21:34,503 --> 00:21:35,962
Yeah, well,
it's Dances with Wolves.
513
00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:37,380
- That's what I said.
- You said Dances with Wolves
514
00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:39,257
- and then you said The Wolves.
- Whatever, dude.
515
00:21:39,340 --> 00:21:40,050
Look, I'm just
trying to tell you.
516
00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:40,884
I'm just saying I--
517
00:21:40,967 --> 00:21:43,512
If you're a real Costner head,
then you gotta know the names.
518
00:21:43,595 --> 00:21:44,971
Of course I know Costner,
519
00:21:45,055 --> 00:21:49,475
but this movie right here
is the peak Costner.
520
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:50,977
-Yeah.
-This is it for me.
521
00:21:51,061 --> 00:21:52,521
Yeah, I completely agree
with you, 100%.
522
00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:55,273
I mean, this is
who Kevin Costner really is.
523
00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:57,358
-In real life.
-Yeah, it's basically,
524
00:21:57,442 --> 00:21:59,778
as-- as far as I understand it,
this is all true.
525
00:22:01,362 --> 00:22:03,448
100% true story.
526
00:22:03,532 --> 00:22:05,951
This is a biography about
Kevin Costner.
527
00:22:06,034 --> 00:22:08,203
Do you think if they do hit
the big red button that
528
00:22:08,286 --> 00:22:09,621
it'll be like Terminator?
529
00:22:10,956 --> 00:22:13,249
Dude, you mean like
in Sarah Connor's nightmare
530
00:22:13,333 --> 00:22:16,587
when her flesh gets blasted off
her skeleton?
531
00:22:16,670 --> 00:22:17,796
Yes.
532
00:22:19,881 --> 00:22:22,217
I hope not. That scene scared
the shit out of me.
533
00:22:22,300 --> 00:22:23,384
No, it was the worst thing
I've ever seen.
534
00:22:25,095 --> 00:22:26,429
Seriously?
Is the food here already?
535
00:22:26,513 --> 00:22:29,307
Okay, dude, you stay put.
536
00:22:29,390 --> 00:22:31,434
-I'm gonna get this.
-Wow, what a nice guy.
537
00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:33,770
My treat. I mean, not like--
538
00:22:33,854 --> 00:22:35,606
Oh, yeah, you probably--
do you need money?
539
00:22:35,689 --> 00:22:39,484
Dude, I haven't had a job
in like ever.
540
00:22:39,568 --> 00:22:40,652
-Of course, I need cash.
-Oh, yeah, yeah,
541
00:22:40,736 --> 00:22:42,153
I don't know why I asked that.
542
00:22:42,237 --> 00:22:44,322
-Uh, there you go.
-Give me, give me, give me.
543
00:22:44,405 --> 00:22:45,657
No, no, I gave you too much.
544
00:22:45,741 --> 00:22:47,784
No, that's good.
That should be good.
545
00:22:47,868 --> 00:22:49,620
- Are you-- all right.
- Yeah.
546
00:22:52,914 --> 00:22:54,374
Yo!
547
00:22:56,793 --> 00:22:58,795
Well, look who it is.
548
00:22:58,879 --> 00:23:00,631
-Shmemily.
-Hi, Bruce.
549
00:23:00,714 --> 00:23:02,799
I wasn't expecting
to see you here.
550
00:23:02,883 --> 00:23:04,676
Yeah, well, that makes
two of us.
551
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:05,927
What do you want?
552
00:23:06,011 --> 00:23:08,179
I just stopped to talk to James. Is he here?
553
00:23:08,263 --> 00:23:10,181
James, James, do I know--
554
00:23:10,265 --> 00:23:11,307
Oh, right, James.
555
00:23:11,391 --> 00:23:14,352
Yeah, no, unfortunately,
James is no longer with us.
556
00:23:15,646 --> 00:23:17,564
Did something happen?
557
00:23:17,648 --> 00:23:19,232
- Did he--
- Everything good?
558
00:23:19,315 --> 00:23:21,777
Yeah, dude. Chicken wings, coming right up.
559
00:23:21,860 --> 00:23:22,861
Chicken wings?
560
00:23:23,904 --> 00:23:25,697
Yeah, chicken wings.
561
00:23:25,781 --> 00:23:27,866
All right, Emily, you got me.
562
00:23:27,949 --> 00:23:29,785
James is alive.
He's in the other room.
563
00:23:29,868 --> 00:23:34,039
But I just-- I don't think now
is a good time, you know?
564
00:23:34,122 --> 00:23:36,207
-The breakup was one thing--
-Shut up, Bruce. I'm coming in.
565
00:23:36,291 --> 00:23:38,502
All right, yeah,
just come right in.
566
00:24:08,031 --> 00:24:09,199
Hi.
567
00:24:10,659 --> 00:24:13,745
-Hi.
-Uh, you wanna have a seat?
568
00:24:13,829 --> 00:24:15,038
Yeah.
569
00:24:23,421 --> 00:24:26,508
I know this probably
isn't good timing,
570
00:24:26,592 --> 00:24:30,095
but I'm about to leave town
with my girlfriends.
571
00:24:31,722 --> 00:24:33,056
Sorry.
572
00:24:37,936 --> 00:24:40,396
I guess I wanted
to make sure you're okay.
573
00:24:41,523 --> 00:24:42,774
I'm not trying to get back together
574
00:24:42,858 --> 00:24:43,942
or anything.
575
00:24:45,485 --> 00:24:47,779
I just wanted to say bye.
576
00:24:47,863 --> 00:24:50,616
You know,
in case anything happens.
577
00:24:50,699 --> 00:24:53,201
Yeah, I wanted
to call you this morning
578
00:24:53,284 --> 00:24:54,452
for the same reason.
579
00:24:54,536 --> 00:24:55,996
Really?
580
00:24:56,079 --> 00:24:57,288
Yeah.
581
00:25:07,591 --> 00:25:10,135
Wait, so where are
you ladies headed?
582
00:25:10,218 --> 00:25:12,220
We're going to Seattle.
583
00:25:12,303 --> 00:25:13,471
Seattle?
584
00:25:13,555 --> 00:25:14,806
No shit!
585
00:25:14,890 --> 00:25:17,225
That-- that's where
we were supposed to go.
586
00:25:17,308 --> 00:25:19,853
Yeah, it seems like
everyone's going there.
587
00:25:19,936 --> 00:25:22,230
-I guess it's the place to be.
-We already be on our way,
588
00:25:22,313 --> 00:25:23,815
but we're having
a little car trouble.
589
00:25:23,899 --> 00:25:26,735
Someone sucked the gas straight out of James' tank,
590
00:25:26,818 --> 00:25:29,362
so now we're stuck here,
hoping not to die.
591
00:25:30,531 --> 00:25:32,949
But wait a sec, wait a sec.
592
00:25:33,033 --> 00:25:35,952
James, what if--
what if we went with them
593
00:25:36,036 --> 00:25:37,453
to Seattle, hmm?
594
00:25:37,538 --> 00:25:38,914
Oh, I-- I don't know.
595
00:25:38,997 --> 00:25:40,373
I wouldn't want to impose.
596
00:25:40,456 --> 00:25:44,586
I mean, is there even any room for us?
597
00:25:46,171 --> 00:25:48,006
It would be tight,
598
00:25:48,089 --> 00:25:51,552
but I guess I could ask
my friends.
599
00:25:51,635 --> 00:25:55,430
One of them could totally sit
on my lap if that helps.
600
00:26:00,060 --> 00:26:01,477
What? Just saying.
601
00:26:07,818 --> 00:26:09,528
Oh, shit!
602
00:26:09,611 --> 00:26:11,613
-Oh my God.
-Oh my God.
603
00:26:16,367 --> 00:26:17,368
That's not good.
604
00:26:17,452 --> 00:26:19,037
Oh my God.
605
00:26:21,497 --> 00:26:23,458
- We need to do something.
- Oh man.
606
00:26:23,542 --> 00:26:24,292
They just came out of nowhere.
607
00:26:24,375 --> 00:26:26,002
We gotta help them.
608
00:26:26,086 --> 00:26:28,171
Oh my God.
609
00:26:28,254 --> 00:26:29,172
I'm not doing anything.
610
00:26:29,255 --> 00:26:31,132
They're gone,
they're already gone.
611
00:26:35,095 --> 00:26:37,347
- They can drive?
- Apparently.
612
00:26:49,693 --> 00:26:52,487
I had all these plans
for when we got to Seattle.
613
00:26:54,405 --> 00:26:56,617
I was gonna start
an animal rescue.
614
00:26:57,784 --> 00:27:00,537
Tasha was gonna start a band
and get signed by Sub-Pop.
615
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,708
Sam wanted to open a cafe
for computers where you could
616
00:27:04,791 --> 00:27:05,959
surf the web.
617
00:27:07,168 --> 00:27:08,795
That would have been
really cool.
618
00:27:13,091 --> 00:27:14,926
I feel like this is
all my fault.
619
00:27:15,969 --> 00:27:18,013
I'm so stupid.
620
00:27:18,096 --> 00:27:20,849
I should have never asked
to stop at my ex-boyfriend's.
621
00:27:20,932 --> 00:27:23,434
-So dumb.
-No, no, don't blame yourself.
622
00:27:23,519 --> 00:27:26,229
I would have done the exact
same thing in your position.
623
00:27:26,312 --> 00:27:29,691
So, you were close?
624
00:27:30,984 --> 00:27:33,737
Yeah, they were my best friends.
625
00:27:33,820 --> 00:27:37,658
Look, I don't know
if this helps, but,
626
00:27:39,618 --> 00:27:42,621
I have known some people
who have died before.
627
00:27:42,704 --> 00:27:44,831
Not in the same way, of course.
628
00:27:44,915 --> 00:27:46,416
More of natural causes.
629
00:27:46,499 --> 00:27:48,418
But I know how it feels.
630
00:27:48,501 --> 00:27:49,419
It feels bad.
631
00:27:49,503 --> 00:27:51,713
Yeah, Bruce, I don't really think that's helping.
632
00:27:54,465 --> 00:27:58,469
Don't you want to know how I got through the bad times?
633
00:27:58,554 --> 00:28:00,514
How did you get through
the bad times?
634
00:28:02,307 --> 00:28:03,600
I'm glad you asked.
635
00:28:03,684 --> 00:28:05,435
I usually put on
636
00:28:05,519 --> 00:28:07,813
the feel-good instant classic
Waterworld,
637
00:28:07,896 --> 00:28:10,440
and you're in luck,
because it's queued up right now
638
00:28:10,524 --> 00:28:13,026
and we're actually
halfway through.
639
00:28:13,109 --> 00:28:14,945
Didn't this movie suck
like a lot?
640
00:28:15,028 --> 00:28:16,905
-Oh.
-Whoa,
641
00:28:16,988 --> 00:28:18,364
I'm not even gonna
respond to that.
642
00:28:18,448 --> 00:28:19,741
-James?
-Yeah,
643
00:28:19,825 --> 00:28:23,369
we try to not talk
about the reviews of Waterworld,
644
00:28:23,453 --> 00:28:26,122
because we actually think
it's really good and--
645
00:28:26,206 --> 00:28:27,123
and we're not ashamed of that.
646
00:28:27,207 --> 00:28:28,499
Not ashamed.
647
00:28:28,584 --> 00:28:34,130
Thanks, but I'm just not really
in the mood right now, so.
648
00:28:34,214 --> 00:28:35,632
Or ever.
649
00:28:36,925 --> 00:28:41,387
So you want to start it
from the beginning?
650
00:28:41,471 --> 00:28:42,931
How is that?
Like-- that's not at all.
651
00:28:43,014 --> 00:28:44,057
-James.
-Yeah.
652
00:28:44,140 --> 00:28:46,727
-Can we talk in private?
-Yeah, of course.
653
00:28:46,810 --> 00:28:48,228
Yeah.
654
00:28:50,188 --> 00:28:52,315
Oh, oh, I get it.
655
00:28:52,398 --> 00:28:54,275
You guys want me to leave.
656
00:28:54,359 --> 00:28:55,318
We'd like to be alone.
657
00:28:55,401 --> 00:28:57,028
Yeah.
658
00:28:57,070 --> 00:29:00,574
If anyone needs me, I'll be in
my own private Waterworld.
659
00:29:01,617 --> 00:29:02,993
That means the toilet.
660
00:29:03,076 --> 00:29:04,661
-Yep, we got it.
-We got it.
661
00:29:07,914 --> 00:29:09,457
Bye.
662
00:29:13,795 --> 00:29:15,380
Sorry about Bruce.
663
00:29:15,463 --> 00:29:18,550
I mean, he's just not um, good at stuff like that.
664
00:29:18,634 --> 00:29:21,637
Or anything in general,
but you keep him around.
665
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:23,722
Yeah.
666
00:29:23,805 --> 00:29:26,517
Well, look, I--
are you gonna be okay?
667
00:29:28,393 --> 00:29:30,228
I need to process it.
668
00:29:30,311 --> 00:29:33,148
That was probably the most
horrific thing I've ever seen.
669
00:29:33,231 --> 00:29:37,235
Yeah. It's like a bad dream
in real life.
670
00:29:37,318 --> 00:29:38,820
Yeah, it's so scary.
671
00:29:39,863 --> 00:29:44,034
It's like we're all just
fighting to survive right now.
672
00:29:46,244 --> 00:29:47,704
What do I do?
673
00:29:47,788 --> 00:29:48,747
Where should I go?
674
00:29:48,830 --> 00:29:51,958
Well, I think
you should stay here.
675
00:29:53,293 --> 00:29:54,753
I mean, until things are safer.
676
00:29:55,796 --> 00:29:57,964
- You sure?
- Yeah.
677
00:29:58,048 --> 00:29:58,757
Thanks, James.
678
00:30:11,603 --> 00:30:12,729
Pfft.
679
00:30:22,030 --> 00:30:24,658
Hi, I'm James, and I'm a writer.
680
00:30:26,577 --> 00:30:29,329
Let's see what you got here.
681
00:30:32,916 --> 00:30:34,459
Wow.
682
00:30:34,543 --> 00:30:36,545
Impressive.
683
00:30:44,219 --> 00:30:46,346
Pinky swear my ass.
684
00:30:56,940 --> 00:30:58,191
Much better.
685
00:31:20,296 --> 00:31:22,340
So, how have you been?
686
00:31:23,550 --> 00:31:26,678
Since, you know, we broke up.
687
00:31:26,762 --> 00:31:30,891
Yeah, yeah, I've been--
I've been really good actually.
688
00:31:30,974 --> 00:31:34,019
Healthy.
Um, really clear-headed.
689
00:31:34,102 --> 00:31:35,687
And just productive.
690
00:31:35,771 --> 00:31:37,105
That's good to hear.
691
00:31:37,188 --> 00:31:39,107
-I'm glad.
-Yeah, yeah.
692
00:31:39,190 --> 00:31:40,358
How have you--
how have you been?
693
00:31:41,902 --> 00:31:43,945
Okay, I guess.
694
00:31:44,988 --> 00:31:47,032
Depending on the day
of the week.
695
00:31:48,784 --> 00:31:51,537
In some ways, I'm still healing.
696
00:31:52,871 --> 00:31:54,414
Really?
697
00:31:54,497 --> 00:31:56,374
What-- is that surprising?
698
00:31:57,751 --> 00:32:02,714
I mean, look, I know that this
is a pretty fucked-up situation,
699
00:32:02,798 --> 00:32:05,717
but I'm like really happy
we're talking again.
700
00:32:07,135 --> 00:32:10,597
I guess this is the first time
since things ended, huh?
701
00:32:10,681 --> 00:32:13,517
Yeah. I never even got to apologize.
702
00:32:15,018 --> 00:32:17,353
Apologize for what?
703
00:32:17,437 --> 00:32:19,189
For everything.
704
00:32:19,272 --> 00:32:20,440
Yeah.
705
00:32:21,650 --> 00:32:23,777
Care to be more specific?
706
00:32:25,904 --> 00:32:29,533
Yeah, I mean I'm just sorry for
everything that you think
707
00:32:29,616 --> 00:32:30,659
I did wrong.
708
00:32:31,660 --> 00:32:35,413
Everything I think
you did wrong.
709
00:32:36,331 --> 00:32:39,500
You were completely missing
in action from our relationship.
710
00:32:39,585 --> 00:32:43,714
Okay, look, I have spent
some time reflecting--
711
00:32:43,797 --> 00:32:45,632
-Uh-huh.
-On our relationship,
712
00:32:45,716 --> 00:32:47,593
and look, I--
713
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:51,847
I realize that you're the best
thing that ever happened to me.
714
00:33:06,862 --> 00:33:09,823
I'd want things
to be completely different.
715
00:33:09,906 --> 00:33:10,991
Yeah, yeah.
716
00:33:11,074 --> 00:33:12,951
I mean, different how?
717
00:33:14,620 --> 00:33:18,331
To start, I'd like us
to be more honest.
718
00:33:18,414 --> 00:33:20,083
Great. Yeah, me too. Me too.
719
00:33:20,166 --> 00:33:22,043
Honesty is great.
I love honesty.
720
00:33:22,127 --> 00:33:23,419
- Okay.
- Yeah.
721
00:33:23,504 --> 00:33:27,465
Well, then how did you
honestly feel after we broke up?
722
00:33:27,549 --> 00:33:29,968
-How have you been?
-Very, very, very, very bad.
723
00:33:30,051 --> 00:33:31,177
I've been-- yeah,
it's been rough.
724
00:33:31,261 --> 00:33:33,054
I knew it.
725
00:33:33,138 --> 00:33:35,098
How bad?
726
00:33:35,181 --> 00:33:38,769
Really bad.
Um, drinking quite a bit.
727
00:33:38,852 --> 00:33:42,272
Um, just a little bit more than
excessively, I would say.
728
00:33:42,355 --> 00:33:46,151
And listening to quite a bit
of Yacht Rock.
729
00:33:46,234 --> 00:33:48,111
- Oof.
- Yeah, I know.
730
00:33:48,194 --> 00:33:50,864
Somehow I've become like kindred
with Michael Bolton,
731
00:33:50,947 --> 00:33:52,448
and it doesn't even feel bad
or weird.
732
00:33:52,533 --> 00:33:53,825
Yeah.
733
00:33:56,327 --> 00:33:58,580
Yes! Chicken wings!
734
00:33:58,664 --> 00:34:00,624
-Hey!
-Were you just right there?
735
00:34:01,875 --> 00:34:03,585
No.
736
00:34:03,669 --> 00:34:05,086
All right, let's please try
to make this quick.
737
00:34:05,170 --> 00:34:06,129
Okay, I'm not gonna die
for some wings.
738
00:34:06,212 --> 00:34:07,463
All right, all right.
I got this.
739
00:34:07,548 --> 00:34:08,674
We'll be fine.
740
00:34:10,091 --> 00:34:12,594
-Yo, dude, come on in.
-All right, pal.
741
00:34:12,678 --> 00:34:15,847
- Oh my God.
- It's fucking crazy out there.
742
00:34:17,015 --> 00:34:19,434
-Holy fucking shit.
-Holy fucking shit.
743
00:34:19,518 --> 00:34:20,811
- Rory!
- Bruce!
744
00:34:20,894 --> 00:34:23,730
-Woo! Oh my God.
-How long has it been?
745
00:34:23,814 --> 00:34:25,440
-Like five years?
-At least.
746
00:34:25,524 --> 00:34:28,234
You look uh, good.
747
00:34:28,318 --> 00:34:29,528
You still look like shit.
748
00:34:30,987 --> 00:34:32,447
Funny guy.
749
00:34:32,531 --> 00:34:33,782
This is James.
750
00:34:33,865 --> 00:34:35,116
How you doing, pal?
751
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:36,367
Make yourself at home, man.
752
00:34:36,451 --> 00:34:38,579
-Mi casa, su casa.
-Thanks, pal.
753
00:34:38,662 --> 00:34:39,454
Here, let me help you out.
754
00:34:39,538 --> 00:34:40,539
Oh, here, you want to take it?
755
00:34:40,622 --> 00:34:43,249
Wingy, wingy. Yeah!
756
00:34:43,333 --> 00:34:45,085
Come on in. Chicken wings.
757
00:34:45,168 --> 00:34:46,545
Fucking A.
758
00:34:54,970 --> 00:34:56,847
So, uh, how do you guys
know each other?
759
00:34:56,930 --> 00:34:57,764
Oh my God, dude.
760
00:34:57,848 --> 00:35:00,141
Me and Roarster here,
we go way back.
761
00:35:00,225 --> 00:35:01,768
We were sandwich artists
together.
762
00:35:01,852 --> 00:35:03,812
Bruce, don't
shortchange yourself.
763
00:35:03,895 --> 00:35:05,731
You're much more
than a sandwich artist.
764
00:35:05,814 --> 00:35:08,567
Sandwich fucking legend,
this guy.
765
00:35:08,650 --> 00:35:09,484
Fuck off.
766
00:35:09,568 --> 00:35:11,486
Oh, I'm telling you,
people talked about you
767
00:35:11,570 --> 00:35:14,114
for years after you left.
768
00:35:14,197 --> 00:35:16,658
They're probably still
yacking about you.
769
00:35:16,742 --> 00:35:18,535
And this was at Subway?
770
00:35:18,619 --> 00:35:20,704
Yeah, dude.
771
00:35:20,787 --> 00:35:22,623
You better see this guy
in the kitchen.
772
00:35:22,706 --> 00:35:24,290
He was doing stuff
with sandwiches that
773
00:35:24,374 --> 00:35:26,167
weren't even on the menu.
774
00:35:26,251 --> 00:35:28,378
Had his own fucking secret menu.
775
00:35:28,461 --> 00:35:31,507
Julia Child meets
Jackson Pollock.
776
00:35:31,590 --> 00:35:33,424
Totally experimental shit.
777
00:35:33,509 --> 00:35:34,551
Blew my mind.
778
00:35:34,635 --> 00:35:36,136
I was just messing around,
779
00:35:36,219 --> 00:35:39,472
you know, having a good time,
that's all.
780
00:35:39,556 --> 00:35:41,349
What are you up to these days? You a chef?
781
00:35:41,432 --> 00:35:42,601
You reinvent food?
782
00:35:42,684 --> 00:35:46,354
No, but I did go
to culinary school actually.
783
00:35:46,437 --> 00:35:47,814
-I like to hear.
-Yeah.
784
00:35:47,898 --> 00:35:49,816
I dropped out, though.
785
00:35:49,900 --> 00:35:53,486
But it's cool, you know,
because I um-- I'm living off
786
00:35:53,570 --> 00:35:56,948
of Israel bonds
and unemployment now.
787
00:35:57,032 --> 00:35:57,991
Looks like
it worked out for you.
788
00:35:58,074 --> 00:36:00,952
I mean, you're living
fucking lavish over here.
789
00:36:01,036 --> 00:36:02,704
Place is straight class,
let me tell you.
790
00:36:02,788 --> 00:36:04,831
Right, yeah, but this actually isn't my place.
791
00:36:04,915 --> 00:36:06,332
This is James' house.
He's a novelist.
792
00:36:06,416 --> 00:36:07,834
Mm, mm-hmm.
793
00:36:07,918 --> 00:36:12,589
It's uh-- you did the book,
Space, uh, trains, trains.
794
00:36:12,673 --> 00:36:13,757
Trains in Space.
795
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:15,008
Trains in Space,
that's what I said.
796
00:36:15,091 --> 00:36:16,760
That was you, huh?
That was sick.
797
00:36:16,843 --> 00:36:18,011
I saw it in the library.
798
00:36:18,094 --> 00:36:21,306
No shot I was reading it,
but fucking A, dude.
799
00:36:21,389 --> 00:36:23,016
Oh, you're too kind.
Thank you.
800
00:36:23,099 --> 00:36:25,101
Oh, dude, how much I owe you?
801
00:36:25,185 --> 00:36:26,812
Uh, $32.50.
802
00:36:26,895 --> 00:36:28,980
Right.
803
00:36:29,064 --> 00:36:30,941
There's 40 right there. Boom.
804
00:36:31,024 --> 00:36:32,651
Thank you.
805
00:36:32,734 --> 00:36:33,819
Always got
to check with this fucker.
806
00:36:35,571 --> 00:36:36,738
Yeah, you never know.
807
00:36:36,822 --> 00:36:39,533
Dude, didn't you like
fuck my sister?
808
00:36:41,159 --> 00:36:42,953
Listen, nobody knows nothing.
809
00:36:43,036 --> 00:36:45,246
Ah,
810
00:36:45,330 --> 00:36:47,791
Rory, my man.
811
00:36:48,792 --> 00:36:51,086
We got to--
we got to hang out again.
812
00:36:51,169 --> 00:36:52,963
Dude,
why don't you just stick around?
813
00:36:53,046 --> 00:36:54,506
We got Waterworld, wings.
814
00:36:54,590 --> 00:36:55,423
I wish I could.
815
00:36:55,507 --> 00:36:56,883
I still have some deliveries,
though.
816
00:36:56,967 --> 00:37:00,095
Oh, dang. All right, well,
I guess he's got to head out.
817
00:37:00,178 --> 00:37:00,929
Come on, man.
818
00:37:01,012 --> 00:37:03,682
You're gonna risk your life
for Abracadabra?
819
00:37:03,765 --> 00:37:06,142
-Yeah.
-You're better than this, man.
820
00:37:06,226 --> 00:37:08,604
-What about your friends?
-Yeah, you know what?
821
00:37:08,687 --> 00:37:09,771
For once, you're right.
822
00:37:09,855 --> 00:37:12,566
Fuck Abracadabra
and the kebab wands.
823
00:37:12,649 --> 00:37:14,025
Yeah, fuck 'em.
824
00:37:14,109 --> 00:37:15,443
Hey, Emily!
825
00:37:15,527 --> 00:37:16,528
Emily!
826
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,786
The last few days
have been wild. Get this.
827
00:37:24,870 --> 00:37:26,955
Yesterday, I had to deliver
to an orgy.
828
00:37:27,038 --> 00:37:27,789
No shit.
829
00:37:27,873 --> 00:37:30,375
Yeah, I show up
to this huge mansion,
830
00:37:30,458 --> 00:37:33,837
all different walks of life,
everybody's naked.
831
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:35,506
The host,
this guy named Russell,
832
00:37:35,589 --> 00:37:38,174
had the longest fucking balls
I've ever seen.
833
00:37:38,258 --> 00:37:39,968
They were like down
to his ankles.
834
00:37:40,051 --> 00:37:42,262
I love that. Love that.
835
00:37:42,345 --> 00:37:43,722
What I'm more curious about is
836
00:37:43,805 --> 00:37:46,266
how you've managed
to stay alive this whole time.
837
00:37:46,349 --> 00:37:47,433
It hasn't been easy.
838
00:37:47,518 --> 00:37:50,353
I've almost been bitten
like 10 times already.
839
00:37:50,436 --> 00:37:53,106
I mean, don't get me wrong,
obviously, it's a dangerous job,
840
00:37:53,189 --> 00:37:55,275
but the tips
have been incredible.
841
00:37:55,358 --> 00:37:57,485
We all know how expensive rent in L.A. can be.
842
00:37:57,569 --> 00:37:58,987
-Tell me about it.
-Plus, there's everything else.
843
00:37:59,070 --> 00:38:02,032
You got gas, bills, food.
844
00:38:02,115 --> 00:38:03,825
Speaking of food, Rory,
what are you waiting for?
845
00:38:03,909 --> 00:38:05,285
-Dig in.
-Nah, nah, nah.
846
00:38:05,368 --> 00:38:06,411
I don't touch that stuff
no more.
847
00:38:06,494 --> 00:38:07,579
I'm a vegetarian.
848
00:38:07,663 --> 00:38:09,205
What?
849
00:38:09,289 --> 00:38:11,875
You a vegetarian? No, come on.
850
00:38:11,958 --> 00:38:13,960
Yeah, for the last three months.
851
00:38:14,044 --> 00:38:16,421
Look, we used
to call this guy "Meatball Rory"
852
00:38:16,505 --> 00:38:18,715
'cause he ate meatball subs
for breakfast, lunch,
853
00:38:18,799 --> 00:38:21,051
-and dinner.
-Those days are way behind me.
854
00:38:21,134 --> 00:38:22,302
I'm Tofu Rory.
855
00:38:22,385 --> 00:38:23,303
Come on, man.
856
00:38:23,386 --> 00:38:25,305
What's it been like, 90 days?
857
00:38:25,388 --> 00:38:26,557
You're still
in the probationary period.
858
00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:27,265
You can eat meat.
859
00:38:27,348 --> 00:38:29,184
You-- you don't have to eat it
if you don't want to.
860
00:38:29,267 --> 00:38:30,351
Come on.
861
00:38:30,435 --> 00:38:32,062
Dude,
you drove all the way out here.
862
00:38:32,145 --> 00:38:33,522
You're not gonna eat with me?
863
00:38:33,605 --> 00:38:35,065
Your boy Bruce?
864
00:38:35,148 --> 00:38:36,191
Have one wing, one.
865
00:38:36,274 --> 00:38:38,527
Bruce, don't make him do it.
866
00:38:38,610 --> 00:38:39,570
You know what, fuck it,
867
00:38:39,653 --> 00:38:41,112
the world's ending anyway,
right?
868
00:38:41,196 --> 00:38:42,447
I'll get one of these things.
869
00:38:44,700 --> 00:38:46,159
Oh man.
870
00:38:48,119 --> 00:38:50,706
-I missed this.
-Welcome back, buddy.
871
00:38:50,789 --> 00:38:52,498
Got a little kick to it, too,
huh?
872
00:38:52,583 --> 00:38:54,125
Actually pretty spicy.
873
00:38:54,209 --> 00:38:56,294
Dip it in some ranch,
that'll cool it off.
874
00:38:56,377 --> 00:38:59,297
Ranch? Didn't I give you guys
blue cheese?
875
00:38:59,380 --> 00:39:01,592
No, no one delivered
blue cheese. That was you.
876
00:39:01,675 --> 00:39:04,720
This fucking guy Marco's been
messing up the order all week.
877
00:39:05,762 --> 00:39:08,181
I guess I'll fucking suffer
with the ranch.
878
00:39:08,264 --> 00:39:09,725
There he is, come on.
879
00:39:09,808 --> 00:39:11,643
Look at this guy.
880
00:39:11,727 --> 00:39:13,186
Reminds me of one
of them zombies out there,
881
00:39:13,269 --> 00:39:14,688
right?
882
00:39:16,815 --> 00:39:18,233
So you two married or what?
883
00:39:19,359 --> 00:39:21,737
Us?
No, we're not even a couple.
884
00:39:21,820 --> 00:39:23,947
Well, uh,
we're a work in progress.
885
00:39:24,030 --> 00:39:25,866
Kind of like
every couple I know.
886
00:39:25,949 --> 00:39:28,451
That's why my grandma wonders
why I'm not getting laid.
887
00:39:28,535 --> 00:39:29,911
No one else is wondering that.
888
00:39:33,039 --> 00:39:34,040
Fuck me.
889
00:39:34,124 --> 00:39:36,668
I should not have eaten
that wing.
890
00:39:36,752 --> 00:39:38,629
Already not sitting
too well with me.
891
00:39:38,712 --> 00:39:40,005
-Uh-oh.
-Ah, God.
892
00:39:40,088 --> 00:39:42,173
Don't tell me it's like that
time you got back from TJ
893
00:39:42,257 --> 00:39:43,299
with Montezuma's Revenge.
894
00:39:43,383 --> 00:39:44,760
I'm telling you,
if that's the case,
895
00:39:44,843 --> 00:39:45,969
we're all in trouble.
896
00:39:47,053 --> 00:39:48,429
You guys got a bedroom near
here?
897
00:39:48,514 --> 00:39:50,265
Yeah, yeah, it's right out there
down the hall.
898
00:39:50,348 --> 00:39:52,142
In fact, Bruce,
why don't you show him?
899
00:39:52,225 --> 00:39:53,602
Yeah, I'll show him.
900
00:39:57,397 --> 00:39:59,399
Hey, man. I just want to thank you for your words
901
00:39:59,482 --> 00:40:01,317
of encouragement earlier.
I really appreciate that.
902
00:40:01,401 --> 00:40:02,277
You know,
I've always thought about
903
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:04,696
-getting back in the kitchen. -You should totally do it, bro.
904
00:40:04,821 --> 00:40:07,032
Yeah, it's just the pressure,
you know?
905
00:40:07,115 --> 00:40:09,325
It's like I got a whole bunch
of new ideas I want to try.
906
00:40:09,409 --> 00:40:10,536
Like ostrich liver.
907
00:40:10,619 --> 00:40:12,538
That shit
is fucking unbelievable.
908
00:40:12,621 --> 00:40:14,998
You slice it up real thin,
and then you sauté it
909
00:40:15,081 --> 00:40:16,583
in salted butter.
910
00:40:16,667 --> 00:40:17,876
Where's that fucking bed?
911
00:40:17,959 --> 00:40:18,835
Oh, it's right over here
to the right.
912
00:40:18,919 --> 00:40:20,128
Oh, fucking A.
913
00:40:20,211 --> 00:40:22,297
You have a little something
on your face.
914
00:40:22,380 --> 00:40:23,799
Oh, where?
915
00:40:23,882 --> 00:40:24,966
I can get it.
916
00:40:31,181 --> 00:40:32,933
Thank you. Um...
917
00:40:33,016 --> 00:40:34,225
Thank you.
918
00:40:34,309 --> 00:40:37,020
Am I crazy or is there some flirting happening right now?
919
00:40:37,103 --> 00:40:38,354
You're crazy.
920
00:40:38,438 --> 00:40:40,190
We're just not fighting
at the moment.
921
00:40:40,273 --> 00:40:42,192
Okay, 'cause it feels like
things are going swimmingly,
922
00:40:42,275 --> 00:40:43,777
-actually.
-Swimmingly?
923
00:40:43,860 --> 00:40:45,696
Mm-hmm.
924
00:40:45,779 --> 00:40:47,113
You're an idiot.
925
00:40:47,155 --> 00:40:49,365
Mm-hmm. Okay, all right.
926
00:40:49,449 --> 00:40:52,160
-It's your turn.
-My turn for what?
927
00:40:52,243 --> 00:40:53,829
The new honesty thing.
928
00:40:53,912 --> 00:40:56,331
I was honest with you earlier,
so now it's my turn.
929
00:40:56,414 --> 00:40:57,666
I'm game.
What do you want to know?
930
00:40:57,749 --> 00:41:01,086
Okay, what is your beef
with Bruce?
931
00:41:02,253 --> 00:41:04,089
What do you mean?
932
00:41:04,172 --> 00:41:05,298
Come on.
933
00:41:05,381 --> 00:41:06,800
There's something there.
934
00:41:06,883 --> 00:41:08,176
Like the entire time
we were together,
935
00:41:08,259 --> 00:41:10,846
it seemed like there was a--
I don't know, a tension.
936
00:41:10,929 --> 00:41:13,264
And I mean, sometimes it even seemed like you hate him.
937
00:41:13,348 --> 00:41:15,475
I don't hate Bruce.
938
00:41:15,559 --> 00:41:17,811
We're just two
very different people.
939
00:41:17,894 --> 00:41:20,230
-It's awkward with us.
-Right.
940
00:41:20,313 --> 00:41:22,524
But we're very different
people, too.
941
00:41:22,608 --> 00:41:24,526
I-- I just-- I don't know what the difference is.
942
00:41:24,610 --> 00:41:27,237
Like what--
like why is it awkward?
943
00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:28,530
I don't know, James.
944
00:41:28,655 --> 00:41:29,698
I don't know.
945
00:41:29,781 --> 00:41:30,824
Okay.
946
00:41:30,907 --> 00:41:32,492
I feel like you do
and you should just say it.
947
00:41:32,576 --> 00:41:34,285
I just want to know.
I got to know.
948
00:41:35,829 --> 00:41:38,081
Okay, there's this one thing
I probably should have
949
00:41:38,164 --> 00:41:41,501
already admitted to you,
but I haven't yet.
950
00:41:41,585 --> 00:41:43,670
So, here I go.
951
00:41:45,672 --> 00:41:46,882
Um,
952
00:41:47,966 --> 00:41:50,761
-this is so embarrassing.
-It's fine.
953
00:41:50,844 --> 00:41:52,638
I just-- I got to know.
954
00:41:52,721 --> 00:41:57,142
Okay, before you and I
were dating,
955
00:41:58,810 --> 00:42:00,646
Bruce and I,
956
00:42:02,438 --> 00:42:04,024
this is so stupid,
957
00:42:07,027 --> 00:42:08,028
we had a fling.
958
00:42:09,988 --> 00:42:11,532
It was a small fling.
It didn't mean anything.
959
00:42:11,615 --> 00:42:16,161
A fling? Um, I'm sorry,
with you and Bruce?
960
00:42:16,244 --> 00:42:17,788
Bruce, my best friend.
961
00:42:17,871 --> 00:42:20,456
Bruce, the guy walking around
my house right now.
962
00:42:20,541 --> 00:42:21,833
Unfortunately, yes.
963
00:42:21,917 --> 00:42:23,168
Son of a bitch.
964
00:42:23,251 --> 00:42:24,753
-James, wait.
-Bruce!
965
00:42:28,674 --> 00:42:30,383
Fuck, I'm burning up here.
966
00:42:42,896 --> 00:42:46,775
Fucking Christ, my eyes are...
967
00:42:47,776 --> 00:42:49,778
- Bruce!
- What? I'm making a drink.
968
00:42:49,861 --> 00:42:52,238
I don't care. Tell me what happened between you and Emily
969
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:53,824
before we were together.
970
00:42:55,491 --> 00:42:56,743
- What?
- Mm-hmm-hmm.
971
00:42:56,827 --> 00:42:58,579
Oh my God, you told him?
972
00:42:58,662 --> 00:42:59,996
I had to.
973
00:43:02,248 --> 00:43:05,627
What the fuck
is happening to me?
974
00:43:05,711 --> 00:43:06,878
Tell me everything right now.
975
00:43:06,962 --> 00:43:08,839
Okay, it's not a big deal.
976
00:43:08,922 --> 00:43:10,674
Nothing,
basically nothing happened.
977
00:43:10,757 --> 00:43:12,217
If nothing happened, we wouldn't be having
978
00:43:12,300 --> 00:43:13,885
-this conversation right now.
-I'll just say it,
979
00:43:13,969 --> 00:43:15,095
there was definitely
some hand stuff.
980
00:43:15,178 --> 00:43:16,513
Hand stuff?
981
00:43:16,597 --> 00:43:17,305
-Yes.
-Hand stuff?
982
00:43:17,388 --> 00:43:18,974
Okay, there might have been
some hand stuff,
983
00:43:19,057 --> 00:43:21,685
but I swear to God,
James, we did not have sex.
984
00:43:21,768 --> 00:43:22,644
It's true.
985
00:43:22,728 --> 00:43:24,479
I mean, we probably would have,
but nothing ever happened,
986
00:43:24,563 --> 00:43:25,271
-because--
-Stop.
987
00:43:25,355 --> 00:43:26,898
You don't have to go there,
okay?
988
00:43:26,982 --> 00:43:28,525
-She doesn't--
-No, yes, you do.
989
00:43:28,609 --> 00:43:29,442
Tell me why right now.
990
00:43:29,526 --> 00:43:31,903
Because Bruce got very excited
by the hand stuff, that's why.
991
00:43:31,987 --> 00:43:33,655
Oh my God, okay.
992
00:43:33,697 --> 00:43:35,073
Is that everything?
993
00:43:35,156 --> 00:43:38,744
Then Bruce made me a sandwich
and we shared it.
994
00:43:38,827 --> 00:43:39,828
Ch-- a sandwich?
995
00:43:39,911 --> 00:43:41,037
Did you wash your hands first?
996
00:43:41,121 --> 00:43:42,288
Yes, I washed my hands.
997
00:43:42,372 --> 00:43:43,707
I swear I washed my hands.
998
00:43:43,790 --> 00:43:45,834
I feel sick right now.
999
00:43:45,917 --> 00:43:47,502
Yeah, how do you think I feel?
1000
00:43:47,586 --> 00:43:49,755
I don't feel so hot myself.
1001
00:43:49,838 --> 00:43:50,964
What is he still doing here?
1002
00:43:51,047 --> 00:43:52,132
I'm sorry, are you wearing
my bathrobe?
1003
00:43:52,215 --> 00:43:53,466
Did you just take a shower?
1004
00:43:53,550 --> 00:43:55,468
I'm sweating
my fucking balls off, bro.
1005
00:43:55,552 --> 00:43:57,303
Is it hot in here or is it me?
1006
00:43:57,387 --> 00:43:58,471
- Oh God!
- Oh, holy shit!
1007
00:43:58,555 --> 00:44:00,181
-Oh my God.
-Oh, wow.
1008
00:44:00,265 --> 00:44:01,349
Is he infected?
1009
00:44:01,432 --> 00:44:03,018
I think it's just
food poisoning.
1010
00:44:03,101 --> 00:44:04,728
That doesn't look like
food poisoning.
1011
00:44:04,811 --> 00:44:07,105
Okay, relax, maybe he just
you know, had
1012
00:44:07,188 --> 00:44:09,315
an allergic reaction
to their hot wings, that's all.
1013
00:44:09,399 --> 00:44:10,859
Do you have allergies, Rory?
1014
00:44:10,942 --> 00:44:12,235
I'm allergic to cats.
1015
00:44:12,318 --> 00:44:13,444
I don't have a cat.
1016
00:44:13,529 --> 00:44:15,030
That is not
an allergic reaction.
1017
00:44:15,113 --> 00:44:17,365
Okay, you know what, Rory?
1018
00:44:17,448 --> 00:44:21,494
Remember when you said that you
almost got bit like 10 times?
1019
00:44:21,578 --> 00:44:22,913
Yeah.
1020
00:44:22,996 --> 00:44:25,248
-Did you maybe get bit?
-Nah, I just--
1021
00:44:25,331 --> 00:44:27,042
That looks like
a bite mark to me.
1022
00:44:27,125 --> 00:44:29,460
Nah, I just got that
at the orgy.
1023
00:44:29,545 --> 00:44:31,963
Okay, Rory, I'm gonna ask you
a question here
1024
00:44:32,047 --> 00:44:35,050
and as crazy as this may sound,
I need you to be honest, okay?
1025
00:44:35,133 --> 00:44:37,177
Yeah, the fuck you need.
1026
00:44:37,260 --> 00:44:38,469
Did you...
1027
00:44:40,305 --> 00:44:42,599
Did you have sex with a zombie?
1028
00:44:42,683 --> 00:44:44,017
Oh, shit!
1029
00:44:44,100 --> 00:44:45,226
- Oh my God!
- Fuck, is that blood?
1030
00:44:59,866 --> 00:45:00,867
Thanks, Bill.
1031
00:45:00,951 --> 00:45:02,661
We have a warning about
our next story.
1032
00:45:07,749 --> 00:45:10,376
James, I just wanna say
I'm sorry, we need to talk.
1033
00:45:10,460 --> 00:45:12,921
Shut the fuck up,
he's going to hear you.
1034
00:45:13,004 --> 00:45:14,840
You're right, you're right,
we'll talk later.
1035
00:46:03,429 --> 00:46:05,140
Run!
1036
00:46:11,688 --> 00:46:12,606
Shut it!
1037
00:46:12,689 --> 00:46:14,190
Shut the door!
1038
00:46:14,274 --> 00:46:18,194
Oh, oh, that's Rory,
he looks so terrible.
1039
00:46:18,278 --> 00:46:20,614
- Damn.
- Jesus Christ.
1040
00:46:20,697 --> 00:46:22,282
I can't believe I used
to be friends with him.
1041
00:46:22,365 --> 00:46:24,910
He fucked a zombie.
1042
00:46:24,993 --> 00:46:27,788
Oh God, that's the worst STD
I've ever seen.
1043
00:46:29,581 --> 00:46:31,082
And I thought herpes was bad.
1044
00:46:31,166 --> 00:46:32,834
Disgusting.
1045
00:46:32,918 --> 00:46:34,711
- Where's he going?
- There he goes.
1046
00:46:34,795 --> 00:46:37,297
Great. Oh, wait. Charles.
1047
00:46:37,380 --> 00:46:38,924
Oh, shit, dude.
1048
00:46:39,007 --> 00:46:40,884
-No, he's gonna eat my fish.
-No, Charles.
1049
00:46:40,967 --> 00:46:43,053
Don't do it, Rory.
1050
00:46:43,136 --> 00:46:45,055
- Charles.
- I'm sorry, dude.
1051
00:46:45,138 --> 00:46:46,932
Motherfucker.
1052
00:46:47,015 --> 00:46:48,141
No, this bitch has to die.
1053
00:46:48,224 --> 00:46:50,393
- James!
- James no, James, stop!
1054
00:46:50,476 --> 00:46:52,688
Jesus Christ, I don't care,
I don't care.
1055
00:46:52,771 --> 00:46:53,814
Oh, he's coming back.
1056
00:46:57,568 --> 00:46:58,902
I don't think he knows
how to get out.
1057
00:46:58,985 --> 00:47:02,531
No, he-- I think we're--
I think we're safe out here.
1058
00:47:02,614 --> 00:47:04,575
Yeah, yeah, no, it's perfect. This is great.
1059
00:47:04,658 --> 00:47:07,869
We got the zombie locked inside,
and then we're locked outside
1060
00:47:07,953 --> 00:47:09,204
where all the zombies are.
It's great.
1061
00:47:09,287 --> 00:47:10,831
Yeah, another zombie could
show up any moment.
1062
00:47:10,914 --> 00:47:12,165
I honestly hope one does.
1063
00:47:12,248 --> 00:47:13,875
I would love
to just fucking die right now.
1064
00:47:13,959 --> 00:47:15,919
In fact, zombies!
Come and fucking eat me!
1065
00:47:16,002 --> 00:47:18,922
Hey! James, I know you're angry right now about the hookup,
1066
00:47:19,005 --> 00:47:19,923
but can you just put that
on the back burner for a second?
1067
00:47:20,006 --> 00:47:21,550
Ew, the hookup.
1068
00:47:21,633 --> 00:47:22,551
Yeah, dude, come on.
1069
00:47:22,634 --> 00:47:23,927
Don't you want to survive here?
1070
00:47:24,010 --> 00:47:25,303
Just think about it.
1071
00:47:25,386 --> 00:47:27,514
What would they do
in the zombie movies?
1072
00:47:27,598 --> 00:47:30,266
I've never seen a zombie movie
where my best friend
1073
00:47:30,350 --> 00:47:31,810
tries to bang my girlfriend.
1074
00:47:31,893 --> 00:47:33,436
Okay, what is this, 1985?
1075
00:47:33,520 --> 00:47:35,438
I didn't try
to bang your girlfriend,
1076
00:47:35,522 --> 00:47:36,648
and she wasn't even
your girlfriend then.
1077
00:47:36,732 --> 00:47:37,899
Shut up, okay?
1078
00:47:37,983 --> 00:47:39,400
I think I have an idea.
1079
00:47:39,484 --> 00:47:41,737
One of you needs to open the door, get him out here,
1080
00:47:41,820 --> 00:47:44,072
distract him,
and then spray him with a hose.
1081
00:47:44,155 --> 00:47:45,907
I'll grab that plant,
smash him over the head,
1082
00:47:45,991 --> 00:47:47,951
and that should give us enough
time to get back inside.
1083
00:47:48,034 --> 00:47:48,952
That could work.
1084
00:47:49,035 --> 00:47:51,079
Yeah, totally.
You're the distractor, though.
1085
00:47:51,162 --> 00:47:53,039
What? Why-- why am I the distractor?
1086
00:47:53,123 --> 00:47:55,626
Oh, I guess just because
this is all your fault.
1087
00:47:55,709 --> 00:47:58,253
You came to my house,
you made us get hot wings,
1088
00:47:58,336 --> 00:48:00,881
you invited Rory Gabagool
into my home.
1089
00:48:00,964 --> 00:48:02,799
Okay, those are
all valid points.
1090
00:48:02,883 --> 00:48:04,217
I'll be the distractor.
1091
00:48:04,300 --> 00:48:05,677
Thank you.
1092
00:48:09,848 --> 00:48:11,224
Ready.
1093
00:48:11,307 --> 00:48:12,350
Set.
1094
00:48:16,396 --> 00:48:17,188
Fucking go!
1095
00:49:05,696 --> 00:49:07,614
Oh my God! I can't believe
it actually worked!
1096
00:49:07,739 --> 00:49:09,783
We did it! That was awesome!
1097
00:49:09,866 --> 00:49:11,201
Up high.
1098
00:49:11,284 --> 00:49:12,786
-No five?
-No, no five.
1099
00:49:12,869 --> 00:49:13,870
Now that things are back
to normal,
1100
00:49:13,954 --> 00:49:15,496
I'd like
to be left the fuck alone.
1101
00:49:15,581 --> 00:49:16,665
James!
1102
00:49:22,170 --> 00:49:23,630
All this shit going on
in the world,
1103
00:49:23,714 --> 00:49:26,466
why would you even think about
telling James what happened?
1104
00:49:26,550 --> 00:49:29,010
Because it was one of the problems of our relationship.
1105
00:49:29,094 --> 00:49:30,887
We were never honest
with each other.
1106
00:49:30,971 --> 00:49:33,264
Relationships require honesty.
1107
00:49:33,348 --> 00:49:34,933
Oh my God, are you kidding me?
1108
00:49:35,016 --> 00:49:36,184
James is my best friend
1109
00:49:36,267 --> 00:49:38,562
and I was ready to take that
to the grave.
1110
00:49:38,645 --> 00:49:40,021
Look, I wasn't happy
about it either.
1111
00:49:40,105 --> 00:49:41,147
It's embarrassing.
1112
00:49:41,231 --> 00:49:43,191
Okay, you don't have
to rub it in.
1113
00:49:43,274 --> 00:49:44,818
-That's not what I meant.
-You know what?
1114
00:49:44,901 --> 00:49:47,028
A girl like you would never
in a million years
1115
00:49:47,112 --> 00:49:49,948
end up with a guy like me,
because I am a fuck-up.
1116
00:49:50,031 --> 00:49:52,659
I know it, James knows it,
and you know it.
1117
00:49:52,743 --> 00:49:54,077
I mean, you said it yourself.
1118
00:49:54,160 --> 00:49:56,830
I'm not really great at
anything in general.
1119
00:49:56,913 --> 00:49:58,248
You were spying on us?
1120
00:49:58,331 --> 00:50:00,125
That's super fucking creepy,
Bruce.
1121
00:50:00,208 --> 00:50:02,669
Yes, I was, and I didn't appreciate that comment.
1122
00:50:02,753 --> 00:50:04,713
Or the one you just made.
1123
00:50:04,796 --> 00:50:06,214
Jesus, learn to take a joke.
1124
00:50:06,297 --> 00:50:08,174
Oh, I'm sorry, I get it now.
1125
00:50:08,258 --> 00:50:09,467
Bruce sucks at life.
1126
00:50:09,551 --> 00:50:11,011
-Ha-ha, very funny.
-Look, Bruce,
1127
00:50:11,094 --> 00:50:12,721
the reason our fling was
embarrassing to me
1128
00:50:12,804 --> 00:50:15,098
was nothing
to do with who you are.
1129
00:50:15,181 --> 00:50:19,102
It's because we barely knew
each other at the time.
1130
00:50:19,185 --> 00:50:21,522
And honestly,
I didn't have a lot
1131
00:50:21,605 --> 00:50:22,981
of experience.
1132
00:50:23,064 --> 00:50:24,941
Well, you know, that makes
two of us,
1133
00:50:25,025 --> 00:50:27,277
because I didn't have a whole
lot of experience either.
1134
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:29,362
I'm positive you had
at least more than I did.
1135
00:50:30,614 --> 00:50:33,742
No, no, I didn't, because--
1136
00:50:33,825 --> 00:50:36,620
Well, Emily, I...
1137
00:50:39,540 --> 00:50:40,666
I was a virgin.
1138
00:50:41,750 --> 00:50:42,876
You were a virgin?
1139
00:50:42,959 --> 00:50:44,085
Yes. Shh.
1140
00:50:44,169 --> 00:50:45,546
You don't need to say it
so loud.
1141
00:50:45,629 --> 00:50:47,088
I'm speaking at a normal volume.
1142
00:50:47,172 --> 00:50:48,674
Okay, well,
I guess it just sounds worse
1143
00:50:48,757 --> 00:50:50,717
when someone else says it.
1144
00:50:50,801 --> 00:50:52,594
I'm sorry. I...
1145
00:50:52,678 --> 00:50:55,096
I honestly, I really don't know how to react to that.
1146
00:50:55,180 --> 00:50:58,308
Well, I'll have you know,
I'm no longer a virgin.
1147
00:50:58,391 --> 00:50:59,810
I've done it numerous times.
1148
00:50:59,893 --> 00:51:02,938
-Okay.
-At least, 6, 7, 8--
1149
00:51:03,021 --> 00:51:05,816
-I got it.
-With multiple partners, so...
1150
00:51:05,899 --> 00:51:08,151
That's great. Bruce, I'm...
1151
00:51:08,234 --> 00:51:09,778
I'm genuinely happy for you.
1152
00:51:10,987 --> 00:51:11,905
Thanks, Emily.
1153
00:51:11,988 --> 00:51:14,616
That's actually the nicest
thing you've ever said to me.
1154
00:51:16,367 --> 00:51:19,037
-See what a relief this is?
-Yeah.
1155
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:20,914
We should have done this
years ago.
1156
00:51:20,997 --> 00:51:23,124
The problem was we just acted
like it never happened.
1157
00:51:23,208 --> 00:51:24,417
I know. I hated it.
1158
00:51:24,500 --> 00:51:27,045
It just festered like
an open wound.
1159
00:51:27,128 --> 00:51:27,838
Right?
1160
00:51:27,921 --> 00:51:32,258
And I was just jealous of you
and James.
1161
00:51:32,342 --> 00:51:34,553
You were jealous of us?
1162
00:51:34,636 --> 00:51:36,763
-Yes.
-I was jealous of you guys.
1163
00:51:36,847 --> 00:51:38,431
Oh my God, no, you were not.
1164
00:51:38,515 --> 00:51:39,390
Yes!
1165
00:51:39,474 --> 00:51:40,851
About what?
1166
00:51:40,934 --> 00:51:44,479
You two could laugh about
anything, talk about anything.
1167
00:51:45,564 --> 00:51:48,441
James and I,
we were always just annoying,
1168
00:51:48,525 --> 00:51:50,068
and emotional,
1169
00:51:50,151 --> 00:51:53,154
and draining to the people who
cared about us most.
1170
00:51:53,238 --> 00:51:55,907
Well, you know,
if it makes you feel any better,
1171
00:51:57,117 --> 00:51:59,745
I don't think James wants to be
in a relationship with me either
1172
00:51:59,828 --> 00:52:01,580
right now.
1173
00:52:01,663 --> 00:52:02,956
I'm gonna go talk to him.
1174
00:52:04,708 --> 00:52:05,792
Thanks.
1175
00:52:05,876 --> 00:52:09,212
Oh, and if I get kicked out
of the house
1176
00:52:09,295 --> 00:52:12,340
and my penis gets
eaten by a zombie,
1177
00:52:13,466 --> 00:52:15,218
it's all your fault.
1178
00:52:15,301 --> 00:52:16,762
Okay, Bruce.
1179
00:52:16,845 --> 00:52:18,096
I'll work on it.
1180
00:52:36,447 --> 00:52:37,783
I told you to leave me alone.
1181
00:52:39,159 --> 00:52:41,244
-What are you doing?
-I'm finishing my book.
1182
00:52:43,539 --> 00:52:45,331
What's it about?
1183
00:52:45,415 --> 00:52:47,793
It's about a sad loser
who gets dumped.
1184
00:52:47,876 --> 00:52:49,628
I've been struggling
to finish it,
1185
00:52:49,711 --> 00:52:52,673
but I've recently had a burst
of inspiration.
1186
00:52:52,756 --> 00:52:57,969
"And then she dies suddenly,
terribly, and embarrassing."
1187
00:52:58,053 --> 00:53:00,471
Come on, James.
Don't be so immature.
1188
00:53:05,852 --> 00:53:08,146
It happened a long time ago.
1189
00:53:08,229 --> 00:53:09,981
I can't change that now.
1190
00:53:11,942 --> 00:53:12,734
You could have told me about it
1191
00:53:12,818 --> 00:53:15,320
in the five years that
we were together, though.
1192
00:53:15,403 --> 00:53:16,446
You're right.
1193
00:53:16,530 --> 00:53:18,031
I should have.
1194
00:53:18,114 --> 00:53:19,908
But I didn't.
1195
00:53:19,991 --> 00:53:22,619
I thought it would create
problems in our relationship.
1196
00:53:22,703 --> 00:53:24,830
I guess it did anyway.
1197
00:53:24,913 --> 00:53:25,956
Yep.
1198
00:53:27,082 --> 00:53:28,667
I'm sorry, James.
1199
00:53:29,710 --> 00:53:32,420
Would you have really preferred
me lying to you?
1200
00:53:32,504 --> 00:53:35,591
Emily, I don't really want
to talk to you right now, okay?
1201
00:53:35,674 --> 00:53:39,761
I, um, you broke my heart
and then you did it again.
1202
00:53:39,845 --> 00:53:42,305
And really, my only question
now is how many more times
1203
00:53:42,388 --> 00:53:43,056
can you possibly do it?
1204
00:53:43,139 --> 00:53:44,933
'Cause it's pretty fucking
shattered now.
1205
00:53:50,105 --> 00:53:52,232
Sounds like
you want me to leave.
1206
00:53:52,315 --> 00:53:54,359
Yeah, that would probably
be for the best.
1207
00:53:56,570 --> 00:53:57,863
Are you sure about that?
1208
00:54:00,031 --> 00:54:01,282
Yes, I am.
1209
00:54:04,244 --> 00:54:05,453
This was a bad idea.
1210
00:54:05,537 --> 00:54:07,372
I should have never come here
in the first place.
1211
00:54:07,455 --> 00:54:09,124
Yeah, I got a lot of work to do.
1212
00:54:09,207 --> 00:54:11,167
Yeah, you always did.
1213
00:54:13,754 --> 00:54:14,921
You know what?
1214
00:54:15,005 --> 00:54:16,923
You haven't changed one bit.
1215
00:54:17,007 --> 00:54:19,300
You're still a selfish
and insecure prick
1216
00:54:19,384 --> 00:54:20,886
and I can't believe I even
considered getting
1217
00:54:20,969 --> 00:54:22,262
back together with you.
1218
00:54:24,472 --> 00:54:26,016
Okay, is that all?
1219
00:54:27,643 --> 00:54:29,102
Have a nice life, James.
1220
00:54:40,113 --> 00:54:41,156
I'll talk to him.
1221
00:54:41,239 --> 00:54:42,616
I don't care anymore.
1222
00:54:43,909 --> 00:54:45,201
Goddamn it.
1223
00:54:54,836 --> 00:54:56,337
Hey.
1224
00:54:56,421 --> 00:54:57,964
No, I don't want to fucking
talk to you either.
1225
00:54:58,048 --> 00:54:59,299
In fact, why don't you
go with her?
1226
00:54:59,382 --> 00:55:00,634
Right, you guys can go
have some fun
1227
00:55:00,717 --> 00:55:01,760
for old times' sake.
1228
00:55:01,843 --> 00:55:03,929
-Come on, man.
-Just go!
1229
00:55:05,013 --> 00:55:07,516
Look, just hear me out, okay?
1230
00:55:07,599 --> 00:55:08,684
You don't have to say anything.
1231
00:55:08,767 --> 00:55:11,895
I'm sorry about what happened
with me and Emily.
1232
00:55:11,978 --> 00:55:12,979
Okay, I should have told you.
1233
00:55:13,063 --> 00:55:14,314
I was wrong.
1234
00:55:14,397 --> 00:55:16,441
You have every right
to be pissed, okay?
1235
00:55:16,525 --> 00:55:17,901
I'd be pissed, too.
1236
00:55:17,984 --> 00:55:20,153
But what you're doing right now
might be the biggest mistake
1237
00:55:20,236 --> 00:55:21,905
you've ever made
in your entire life.
1238
00:55:22,906 --> 00:55:24,866
Dude, you saw what those monsters are capable of.
1239
00:55:24,950 --> 00:55:27,536
They'll-- they'll chew
your fucking nuts off.
1240
00:55:27,619 --> 00:55:29,621
You're really gonna let Emily-- you're gonna
1241
00:55:29,705 --> 00:55:32,624
let me wander out into
the streets alone to die?
1242
00:55:32,708 --> 00:55:34,334
You're that cold-hearted?
1243
00:55:34,417 --> 00:55:36,712
I just-- I don't get it, man.
1244
00:55:36,795 --> 00:55:38,088
We're the only two people
on this planet
1245
00:55:38,171 --> 00:55:39,631
who give a shit about you.
1246
00:55:41,132 --> 00:55:43,760
Sorry, if I'm coming off like
a dick, but it's the truth.
1247
00:55:44,928 --> 00:55:48,014
I just-- I don't care anymore.
1248
00:55:48,098 --> 00:55:49,600
That's not the James I know.
1249
00:55:49,683 --> 00:55:51,602
Then maybe you don't know me
as well as you think you do.
1250
00:55:51,685 --> 00:55:54,062
Or maybe you've just forgotten
who you really are.
1251
00:55:55,063 --> 00:55:56,523
What are you doing?
1252
00:55:56,607 --> 00:56:00,527
Reminding you that
is the girl you love.
1253
00:56:00,611 --> 00:56:03,614
And that,
that's the guy you love.
1254
00:56:05,281 --> 00:56:07,450
Platonically, of course.
1255
00:56:07,534 --> 00:56:09,536
-So?
-So, dude,
1256
00:56:09,620 --> 00:56:12,080
today could possibly be the end
of the fucking world.
1257
00:56:12,163 --> 00:56:14,958
You need to decide if you
and Emily are over and you want
1258
00:56:15,041 --> 00:56:16,668
to make peace, or...
1259
00:56:18,545 --> 00:56:21,297
if you want to get back together
and you want to win her back.
1260
00:56:21,381 --> 00:56:24,635
But this self-loathing bullshit
needs to stop.
1261
00:56:24,718 --> 00:56:26,427
What's it gonna be?
1262
00:56:26,512 --> 00:56:27,513
I don't know.
1263
00:56:28,514 --> 00:56:32,518
Just, why don't you tell me
how you two met?
1264
00:56:32,601 --> 00:56:33,977
What's that gonna solve?
1265
00:56:34,060 --> 00:56:36,312
Please, dude, tell me.
I want to know.
1266
00:56:38,565 --> 00:56:40,776
We were at the Cineplex Odeon.
1267
00:56:40,859 --> 00:56:42,485
It was a midnight screening
of THX
1268
00:56:42,569 --> 00:56:44,404
and we were
the only two people there.
1269
00:56:44,487 --> 00:56:47,658
The projector broke halfway
through and when the guy came
1270
00:56:47,741 --> 00:56:49,910
to fix it,
I went and sat next to her.
1271
00:56:49,993 --> 00:56:51,787
You know, introduced myself.
1272
00:56:51,870 --> 00:56:55,206
"Hey, I'm James,
a hungry novelist who loves
1273
00:56:55,290 --> 00:56:57,876
George Lucas and aspires
to be as influential."
1274
00:56:59,002 --> 00:57:03,298
She was an amateur photographer
who admired him just as much.
1275
00:57:03,381 --> 00:57:04,591
And she loved dogs.
1276
00:57:05,676 --> 00:57:07,260
And she was just--
1277
00:57:07,343 --> 00:57:10,388
She could really express
herself, you know?
1278
00:57:10,471 --> 00:57:14,350
Talked about who she was
and who she wanted to be.
1279
00:57:16,603 --> 00:57:17,854
She'd never read
any James Joyce,
1280
00:57:17,938 --> 00:57:20,190
but had read all Stephen King.
1281
00:57:20,273 --> 00:57:23,527
She loved the classic
Incredible Hulk with Bill Bixby
1282
00:57:23,610 --> 00:57:25,070
and Lou Ferrigno.
1283
00:57:25,153 --> 00:57:27,698
She thought Boba Fett died
like a chump.
1284
00:57:27,781 --> 00:57:30,408
She knew Empire was the best
Star Wars.
1285
00:57:32,493 --> 00:57:34,621
She liked Disneyland,
but only when it was raining.
1286
00:57:36,081 --> 00:57:37,666
That first night we talked
1287
00:57:37,749 --> 00:57:39,543
and talked through
the whole movie,
1288
00:57:39,626 --> 00:57:41,002
never even looking
at the screen.
1289
00:57:41,086 --> 00:57:44,548
And when it was over, we walked
and talked about anything
1290
00:57:44,631 --> 00:57:46,299
and everything.
1291
00:57:46,382 --> 00:57:48,677
And before we knew it, we were
in the middle of nowhere
1292
00:57:48,760 --> 00:57:50,053
and we didn't care.
1293
00:57:50,136 --> 00:57:52,723
We just turned around
and walked right back,
1294
00:57:52,806 --> 00:57:54,099
talking the whole way.
1295
00:57:55,308 --> 00:57:56,518
And that night I just...
1296
00:57:57,894 --> 00:58:00,021
I knew she was perfect.
1297
00:58:01,314 --> 00:58:03,734
That no one could compare
to her.
1298
00:58:03,817 --> 00:58:04,985
And that...
1299
00:58:06,903 --> 00:58:08,697
Holy shit!
1300
00:58:08,780 --> 00:58:10,824
I have to get her back.
1301
00:58:10,907 --> 00:58:12,200
That's your answer right there.
1302
00:58:12,283 --> 00:58:14,327
-Oh my God, Bruce.
-I know.
1303
00:58:14,410 --> 00:58:16,079
-I don't want to lose her.
-I know.
1304
00:58:16,162 --> 00:58:17,413
I've been a fucking asshole.
1305
00:58:17,497 --> 00:58:19,916
Complete, gaping,
stinky fucking asshole.
1306
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:22,502
- Jesus Christ, dude.
- The imagery sometimes.
1307
00:58:22,586 --> 00:58:24,588
Let's go get
your girlfriend back.
1308
00:58:24,671 --> 00:58:26,297
Let's do that.
1309
00:58:38,519 --> 00:58:40,729
Jesus Christ.
1310
00:58:40,812 --> 00:58:43,106
Goddamn it. Just go.
1311
00:58:43,189 --> 00:58:44,566
Shut up.
1312
00:58:53,825 --> 00:58:55,536
Shit, man.
It's spooky out here.
1313
00:58:55,619 --> 00:58:56,953
I know.
I'm such a fucking idiot.
1314
00:58:57,037 --> 00:58:58,079
I hope she's okay.
1315
00:58:58,163 --> 00:59:01,041
Holy shit. Dude, look at the size of this thing. Dibs.
1316
00:59:01,124 --> 00:59:02,417
No, no, no, no, no.
1317
00:59:02,500 --> 00:59:03,627
-What?
-It's the maintenance guy's.
1318
00:59:03,710 --> 00:59:05,128
Dude, fuck the maintenance guy.
1319
00:59:05,211 --> 00:59:06,672
He's probably dead
for all we know.
1320
00:59:06,755 --> 00:59:08,381
That is a badass axe.
1321
00:59:08,464 --> 00:59:10,634
And we could kill some fucking
zombies with that thing.
1322
00:59:10,717 --> 00:59:13,136
Plus, God put that here
for a reason.
1323
00:59:13,219 --> 00:59:14,638
Okay, fine, but we have
to put it back when we're done.
1324
00:59:14,721 --> 00:59:16,264
-Fine, whatever.
-You got to remind me.
1325
00:59:16,347 --> 00:59:17,891
-Okay, I will.
-Okay.
1326
00:59:17,974 --> 00:59:19,851
Now let's go get
your girlfriend back.
1327
00:59:19,935 --> 00:59:21,978
Let's go get her.
1328
00:59:22,062 --> 00:59:23,772
-Hey, James.
-Yeah?
1329
00:59:23,855 --> 00:59:26,983
Remember when I told you I had slept with like,
1330
00:59:27,067 --> 00:59:28,652
hundreds of ladies?
1331
00:59:28,735 --> 00:59:29,986
Uh-huh.
1332
00:59:30,070 --> 00:59:31,362
That's true.
1333
00:59:31,446 --> 00:59:33,156
-Really?
-Okay, it's not true.
1334
00:59:33,239 --> 00:59:35,325
Yeah, I know, Bruce.
1335
00:59:35,408 --> 00:59:37,994
But I have like
made sex with women before.
1336
00:59:38,078 --> 00:59:39,788
Yeah, typically,
when you have sex,
1337
00:59:39,871 --> 00:59:41,998
you're not the kind
of person who's ever made sex.
1338
00:59:42,082 --> 00:59:43,499
All right, then I won't talk
about sex anymore.
1339
00:59:43,584 --> 00:59:44,835
Let's just not talk about
anything for a little bit.
1340
00:59:44,918 --> 00:59:47,003
Fine.
1341
00:59:47,087 --> 00:59:48,338
That was Emily.
1342
00:59:48,421 --> 00:59:50,340
Holy shit, dude.
1343
00:59:50,423 --> 00:59:51,925
It's Miss Jones' place.
1344
00:59:52,008 --> 00:59:53,009
You mean Beverly?
1345
00:59:53,093 --> 00:59:54,260
What, no, Miss Jo--
1346
00:59:54,344 --> 00:59:56,137
Wait, when did you get
on first-name basis with her?
1347
00:59:56,221 --> 00:59:58,098
Since, like today. You're not?
1348
00:59:58,181 --> 00:59:59,390
No. Did something happen?
1349
00:59:59,474 --> 01:00:01,059
-What?
-What? Why'd you-- how'd you--
1350
01:00:01,142 --> 01:00:02,853
I don't care.
I don't care. I don't care.
1351
01:00:07,357 --> 01:00:09,442
I've always wondered
what it looked like back here.
1352
01:00:09,526 --> 01:00:11,194
I have not wondered that.
1353
01:00:15,073 --> 01:00:16,157
What the fuck?
1354
01:00:16,199 --> 01:00:17,408
She's a cop?
1355
01:00:17,492 --> 01:00:18,785
Not just a cop.
1356
01:00:18,869 --> 01:00:20,954
She's a fucking detective, dude.
1357
01:00:21,037 --> 01:00:22,122
Oh, dude.
1358
01:00:22,205 --> 01:00:23,373
Fresh donuts.
1359
01:00:26,209 --> 01:00:27,669
- Dude, drop the donuts.
- We gotta go.
1360
01:00:37,220 --> 01:00:38,555
Shit.
1361
01:00:38,639 --> 01:00:40,348
-This is scary.
-Shut up.
1362
01:00:45,562 --> 01:00:46,563
What are you doing
on the ground?
1363
01:00:47,939 --> 01:00:49,566
I'm losing blood.
1364
01:00:49,650 --> 01:00:51,276
Oh, fuck, dude!
1365
01:00:55,614 --> 01:00:57,448
Oh, Je-- Jesus Christ.
1366
01:00:57,574 --> 01:00:59,367
Okay.
1367
01:00:59,450 --> 01:01:00,786
Miss Jones!
1368
01:01:00,869 --> 01:01:02,871
Dude, is-- is that--
is that a clothing iron?
1369
01:01:02,954 --> 01:01:04,372
Maybe she was ironing
when she turned.
1370
01:01:04,455 --> 01:01:06,625
Yeah, well, she's fucking
death-gripping the thing.
1371
01:01:06,708 --> 01:01:09,252
Miss Jones, hi.
James here. How's it going?
1372
01:01:09,335 --> 01:01:10,879
-How are you doing?
-Dude, what are you doing?
1373
01:01:10,962 --> 01:01:12,881
-She can't fucking hear you.
-I should try.
1374
01:01:12,964 --> 01:01:13,840
She might be in there somewhere.
1375
01:01:13,924 --> 01:01:15,551
No, dude.
She's a fucking zombie.
1376
01:01:15,634 --> 01:01:17,678
She's gonna eat your fucking
face off.
1377
01:01:17,761 --> 01:01:19,638
You gotta--
1378
01:01:19,721 --> 01:01:21,056
Miss Jones!
1379
01:01:21,139 --> 01:01:22,140
Hello? Miss Jones.
1380
01:01:22,223 --> 01:01:23,349
See, dude, she's fucking gone.
1381
01:01:23,433 --> 01:01:25,686
-Just-- just kill her ass.
-Oh, God.
1382
01:01:25,769 --> 01:01:26,937
-I'm so sorry, but this is--
-You got this.
1383
01:01:27,020 --> 01:01:28,564
Okay, okay. I really like you.
1384
01:01:35,320 --> 01:01:37,322
-Oh my God.
-You got it, buddy.
1385
01:01:46,039 --> 01:01:47,624
Okay, oh my gosh, okay.
1386
01:01:47,708 --> 01:01:49,334
Okay, okay, okay.
1387
01:01:52,212 --> 01:01:53,171
Oh, yeah, that's gotta hurt.
1388
01:02:00,178 --> 01:02:01,597
Ah, you took my move!
1389
01:02:05,183 --> 01:02:06,810
James, you're doing good, buddy.
1390
01:02:06,893 --> 01:02:07,936
I love it.
1391
01:02:15,611 --> 01:02:16,695
You got this, man.
1392
01:02:16,778 --> 01:02:17,946
You can fucking do it.
1393
01:02:18,029 --> 01:02:19,906
Okay, okay.
1394
01:02:22,158 --> 01:02:23,619
Stop it.
1395
01:02:25,662 --> 01:02:27,205
Okay, okay.
1396
01:02:27,288 --> 01:02:28,915
Okay, okay, okay.
1397
01:02:28,999 --> 01:02:30,000
No, stop.
1398
01:02:31,627 --> 01:02:33,003
Okay, now go back.
1399
01:02:36,923 --> 01:02:38,008
Oh yes.
1400
01:02:38,091 --> 01:02:41,136
Oh my God, really cool.
That was awesome.
1401
01:02:41,219 --> 01:02:42,804
Yeah, where the fuck were you?
1402
01:02:42,888 --> 01:02:44,640
-I was in the bathroom.
-I can't even understand.
1403
01:02:44,723 --> 01:02:46,266
Emily.
1404
01:02:46,349 --> 01:02:48,309
Oh, are we gonna lift
this thing?
1405
01:02:48,393 --> 01:02:49,936
- Yeah.
- Jesus.
1406
01:02:50,020 --> 01:02:51,354
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1407
01:02:51,437 --> 01:02:53,356
Okay, all right.
It's really fucking--
1408
01:02:53,439 --> 01:02:54,650
Okay.
1409
01:02:54,733 --> 01:02:56,359
Okay.
1410
01:03:01,865 --> 01:03:03,784
Let me just-- hold on,
sorry.
1411
01:03:05,326 --> 01:03:07,162
You all right in there?
1412
01:03:07,245 --> 01:03:09,080
Fuck you.
1413
01:03:09,164 --> 01:03:10,415
This fucking bird.
1414
01:03:10,498 --> 01:03:12,292
- Yes, we're okay.
- Damn it.
1415
01:03:12,375 --> 01:03:12,751
We're okay.
1416
01:03:12,834 --> 01:03:14,502
Why are we bringing
this stupid fucking thing?
1417
01:03:14,586 --> 01:03:16,046
We can't leave it in there.
1418
01:03:16,129 --> 01:03:17,380
Ow.
1419
01:03:18,757 --> 01:03:20,300
Come on, hurry.
1420
01:03:30,060 --> 01:03:31,311
Goddamn it.
1421
01:03:36,107 --> 01:03:38,527
The president has now declared
1422
01:03:38,610 --> 01:03:41,988
martial law in the city
of Los Angeles.
1423
01:03:42,072 --> 01:03:45,075
All residents are urged
to remain indoors
1424
01:03:45,158 --> 01:03:46,618
until further notice.
1425
01:03:46,702 --> 01:03:49,913
Any unauthorized individuals
found in the streets
1426
01:03:49,996 --> 01:03:51,790
will be treated
as a potential threat
1427
01:03:51,873 --> 01:03:56,044
to national security and will be
dealt with accordingly.
1428
01:03:56,127 --> 01:03:58,839
In other news,
soy milk futures have dropped
1429
01:03:58,922 --> 01:04:00,632
significantly
in the last 24 hours.
1430
01:04:00,716 --> 01:04:02,217
Goddamn it.
1431
01:04:02,300 --> 01:04:04,219
Ted, fuck.
1432
01:04:04,302 --> 01:04:05,762
You guys hear that?
1433
01:04:05,846 --> 01:04:07,723
Soy milk futures are down.
1434
01:04:09,474 --> 01:04:11,267
There goes my whole portfolio.
1435
01:04:14,104 --> 01:04:15,146
Oh, God.
1436
01:04:15,230 --> 01:04:16,773
She really dug her teeth in.
1437
01:04:20,068 --> 01:04:21,194
So...
1438
01:04:22,362 --> 01:04:23,864
where did it all go wrong?
1439
01:04:27,367 --> 01:04:29,119
With us?
1440
01:04:29,202 --> 01:04:31,121
You really want to know?
1441
01:04:31,204 --> 01:04:31,747
I do.
1442
01:04:31,830 --> 01:04:33,248
I don't think you can handle it.
1443
01:04:34,833 --> 01:04:37,085
I-- I think I can.
1444
01:04:37,168 --> 01:04:38,253
Okay.
1445
01:04:40,589 --> 01:04:43,800
You spent all your time with
that dinosaur you call computer
1446
01:04:43,884 --> 01:04:45,844
writing obscure nothingness.
1447
01:04:45,927 --> 01:04:47,596
You're stuck in the past, James.
1448
01:04:47,679 --> 01:04:49,264
No wonder
you can't move forward.
1449
01:04:49,347 --> 01:04:50,641
-Wait.
-All your love
1450
01:04:50,724 --> 01:04:52,601
spent on that stupid book.
1451
01:04:52,684 --> 01:04:54,227
Nothing left over for me.
1452
01:04:54,310 --> 01:04:56,688
Your life put on hold
and for what?
1453
01:04:56,772 --> 01:04:59,608
No, no. I-- I think I finally found my inspiration.
1454
01:04:59,691 --> 01:05:01,860
Well, that's great for you,
but unfortunately--
1455
01:05:01,943 --> 01:05:03,862
If you would just let me talk.
1456
01:05:06,072 --> 01:05:08,366
Right. Um, okay.
1457
01:05:08,491 --> 01:05:09,785
Okay.
1458
01:05:11,327 --> 01:05:14,915
I'm sorry that
I was a terrible boyfriend.
1459
01:05:14,998 --> 01:05:16,499
And I was.
1460
01:05:16,583 --> 01:05:20,879
I was distant and very bad
at communicating.
1461
01:05:20,962 --> 01:05:24,465
Mm-hmm.
- And I-- I didn't see you.
1462
01:05:24,550 --> 01:05:26,510
And more than anything,
I'm sorry that it took a day
1463
01:05:26,593 --> 01:05:29,971
like today for me
to see how amazing you are.
1464
01:05:30,055 --> 01:05:32,140
And how much I want to fight
for you.
1465
01:05:32,223 --> 01:05:34,935
So, what do you say?
1466
01:05:38,605 --> 01:05:39,690
No.
1467
01:05:41,149 --> 01:05:42,400
No?
1468
01:05:42,483 --> 01:05:45,070
I'm sorry, it's not that easy.
1469
01:05:48,782 --> 01:05:50,450
Okay. Two seconds.
1470
01:05:56,832 --> 01:05:58,625
Oh my God.
1471
01:05:58,709 --> 01:05:59,960
Oh.
1472
01:06:01,086 --> 01:06:02,128
Wow.
1473
01:06:09,761 --> 01:06:11,012
Okay.
1474
01:06:19,730 --> 01:06:24,943
I can't imagine living
on this planet without you.
1475
01:06:25,026 --> 01:06:27,654
So if I have to become
a mindless zombie as
1476
01:06:27,738 --> 01:06:31,533
we both just fade into the dust,
at least we can be together.
1477
01:06:35,161 --> 01:06:38,749
I can't take you back
right away,
1478
01:06:38,832 --> 01:06:41,752
especially after everything
that's happened.
1479
01:06:43,044 --> 01:06:44,337
But it's a start.
1480
01:06:45,839 --> 01:06:48,634
Oh no, James.
1481
01:06:48,717 --> 01:06:50,886
-You didn't.
-I did.
1482
01:06:50,969 --> 01:06:53,179
Jesus.
1483
01:06:53,263 --> 01:06:54,180
You two have put me in a
1484
01:06:54,264 --> 01:06:57,142
seriously fucked-up
love triangle.
1485
01:06:57,225 --> 01:07:00,478
I want you both to know that
when you turn into zombies,
1486
01:07:00,562 --> 01:07:02,063
I'm going to kill you both
1487
01:07:02,147 --> 01:07:04,525
and claim squatter's rights,
so I can live here forever.
1488
01:07:04,608 --> 01:07:06,860
-Hope that's cool.
-Yeah, that seems fair.
1489
01:07:08,779 --> 01:07:10,822
I think I have an ending
for your book.
1490
01:07:10,906 --> 01:07:12,073
Really?
1491
01:07:12,157 --> 01:07:13,700
Mm-hmm. You want to hear it?
1492
01:07:13,784 --> 01:07:15,285
Yeah, I do.
1493
01:07:15,368 --> 01:07:19,080
The guy finally wins over
the girl, they fall deeply,
1494
01:07:19,164 --> 01:07:23,418
madly in love,
and they die happily ever after.
1495
01:07:23,501 --> 01:07:25,253
-The end.
-That's good.
1496
01:07:25,336 --> 01:07:26,880
I'd read that. Mm-hmm.
1497
01:07:26,963 --> 01:07:29,049
-I love it.
-Me too.
1498
01:08:15,428 --> 01:08:17,973
A doo-dobba, dobba, dobba,
dobba, dobba, dobba
1499
01:10:41,241 --> 01:10:44,202
Good morning, sleepyheads.
1500
01:10:44,285 --> 01:10:45,537
Yikes.
1501
01:10:46,997 --> 01:10:48,665
How do you feel?
1502
01:10:48,749 --> 01:10:50,041
Like shit.
1503
01:10:50,125 --> 01:10:52,586
I'm not sure though if that's
because I'm becoming a zombie
1504
01:10:52,669 --> 01:10:55,296
or because I'm super hungover.
1505
01:10:55,380 --> 01:10:56,590
Well, you came
to the right place,
1506
01:10:56,673 --> 01:10:59,050
because I just brewed up
a couple of prairie oysters.
1507
01:10:59,134 --> 01:11:00,677
-Do, do, do, do.
-No, I am not doing that again.
1508
01:11:00,761 --> 01:11:02,971
- Yes, you are.
- I am not going to.
1509
01:11:03,054 --> 01:11:05,098
-Prairie what?
-Prairie oysters.
1510
01:11:05,181 --> 01:11:07,684
It's a hangover remedy invented by James Bond.
1511
01:11:09,102 --> 01:11:10,270
Don't let the Bond thing
fool you, though.
1512
01:11:10,353 --> 01:11:11,688
It tastes like shit.
1513
01:11:11,772 --> 01:11:12,981
All right.
1514
01:11:14,357 --> 01:11:15,942
Admittedly, it did help, so.
1515
01:11:16,943 --> 01:11:20,030
I mean, I'll do anything
to get rid of this headache, so.
1516
01:11:20,113 --> 01:11:21,948
-Bottoms up.
-Bottoms up.
1517
01:11:23,825 --> 01:11:25,076
Mm.
1518
01:11:28,329 --> 01:11:29,414
It's not terrible.
1519
01:11:29,497 --> 01:11:32,167
Okay, now I want you both to try
1520
01:11:32,250 --> 01:11:36,296
my world famous
bacon egg sandwich.
1521
01:11:36,379 --> 01:11:38,339
Okay, now that I'll do.
1522
01:11:38,423 --> 01:11:39,716
Take a big bite, would you?
1523
01:11:42,678 --> 01:11:43,762
Mm.
1524
01:11:45,556 --> 01:11:47,390
Oh my God.
1525
01:11:47,473 --> 01:11:49,851
Bruce, oh, this is amazing.
1526
01:11:49,935 --> 01:11:51,061
-You really think so?
-Mm-hmm.
1527
01:11:51,144 --> 01:11:52,604
You haven't lost your touch?
1528
01:11:52,688 --> 01:11:54,940
Wow, Rory was not joking
1529
01:11:55,023 --> 01:11:56,983
when he said that you are
a sandwich artiste.
1530
01:11:57,067 --> 01:11:59,611
-Oh man, you really think so?
-Yes.
1531
01:11:59,695 --> 01:12:01,822
If this is my last meal,
I can die happy.
1532
01:12:01,905 --> 01:12:02,948
That's really sweet, Emily.
1533
01:12:03,031 --> 01:12:04,032
Thank you.
1534
01:12:05,408 --> 01:12:06,535
Wait a second.
1535
01:12:07,744 --> 01:12:08,745
What's wrong?
1536
01:12:09,830 --> 01:12:10,581
- James.
- Yeah.
1537
01:12:10,664 --> 01:12:12,123
Look at Emily's face.
1538
01:12:12,207 --> 01:12:14,500
Oh my God. Wait, what?
1539
01:12:14,585 --> 01:12:16,502
Yeah, we've already established
that I look like shit.
1540
01:12:16,587 --> 01:12:17,879
No, no, you look amazing.
1541
01:12:17,963 --> 01:12:19,673
You look like perfect.
1542
01:12:19,756 --> 01:12:21,007
So beautiful right now.
1543
01:12:21,091 --> 01:12:22,300
Well, come on.
1544
01:12:22,383 --> 01:12:26,137
No, it's almost like you look-- you look cured.
1545
01:12:27,973 --> 01:12:29,307
Holy shit.
1546
01:12:31,184 --> 01:12:32,978
How is that even possible?
1547
01:12:33,061 --> 01:12:34,771
I have no idea.
1548
01:12:36,397 --> 01:12:39,400
Dude, I think
it's the prairie oyster.
1549
01:12:39,484 --> 01:12:40,819
No, no way.
1550
01:12:40,902 --> 01:12:42,195
Yes, think about it.
1551
01:12:42,278 --> 01:12:43,363
You had one yesterday
1552
01:12:43,446 --> 01:12:45,406
and you're showing no symptoms right now.
1553
01:12:45,490 --> 01:12:47,325
You're right.
I actually feel amazing.
1554
01:12:48,660 --> 01:12:50,161
Do you know what this means,
Bruce?
1555
01:12:50,245 --> 01:12:50,996
What?
1556
01:12:51,079 --> 01:12:53,498
If you found the cure
for the Agnes virus,
1557
01:12:53,582 --> 01:12:55,166
you're gonna be a hero.
1558
01:12:56,543 --> 01:12:57,961
Fuck being a hero.
1559
01:12:58,044 --> 01:12:59,755
I'm about to be a billionaire.
1560
01:12:59,838 --> 01:13:00,922
I need to let the world know.
1561
01:13:01,006 --> 01:13:02,090
James, give me the phone.
1562
01:13:02,173 --> 01:13:03,299
Yeah, yeah, sure.
1563
01:13:03,383 --> 01:13:04,593
There you go.
1564
01:13:05,594 --> 01:13:06,553
Who are you calling?
1565
01:13:07,929 --> 01:13:09,180
Ted Sommers, bitch.
1566
01:13:09,264 --> 01:13:10,516
Channel 11 News.
1567
01:13:10,599 --> 01:13:12,350
-You just know the number?
-By heart.
1568
01:13:12,433 --> 01:13:15,687
Love those guys.
1569
01:13:16,813 --> 01:13:18,649
It's ringing. This is good.
1570
01:13:18,732 --> 01:13:20,275
Channel 11, how can I direct your call?
1571
01:13:20,358 --> 01:13:23,987
Hey, uh, this
is Bruce Springsteen
1572
01:13:24,070 --> 01:13:25,405
calling for Ted Sommers.
1573
01:13:25,488 --> 01:13:25,989
Hold please.
1574
01:13:26,072 --> 01:13:27,448
No, I'm not gonna fucking hold.
1575
01:13:46,009 --> 01:13:47,260
You better wrap things up.
1576
01:13:47,343 --> 01:13:48,637
It's about to start soon.
1577
01:13:48,720 --> 01:13:51,264
Yeah, this is for my publisher.
1578
01:13:51,347 --> 01:13:53,517
Very big day for this guy.
1579
01:13:53,600 --> 01:13:54,768
Is that a new printer?
1580
01:13:54,851 --> 01:13:56,061
Yes, it is.
1581
01:13:57,062 --> 01:13:58,188
I'm proud of you.
1582
01:13:59,565 --> 01:14:01,316
You think this is gonna be
your masterpiece?
1583
01:14:02,984 --> 01:14:04,110
I know it is.
1584
01:14:06,988 --> 01:14:08,448
-Bruce.
-Yes?
1585
01:14:08,532 --> 01:14:11,910
Many are calling you
a "national hero".
1586
01:14:11,993 --> 01:14:14,454
Do you feel like a hero?
1587
01:14:14,538 --> 01:14:15,997
-That's me.
-Yeah, it is.
1588
01:14:16,081 --> 01:14:17,415
Come on, Ted.
1589
01:14:18,625 --> 01:14:20,836
You know, if you're looking
for a real hero,
1590
01:14:20,919 --> 01:14:22,087
his name is James Bond.
1591
01:14:22,170 --> 01:14:24,798
Taught me everything I know
about the prairie oyster.
1592
01:14:24,881 --> 01:14:27,175
Now tell me, how does one go
1593
01:14:27,258 --> 01:14:30,929
from being unemployed
for over three years
1594
01:14:31,012 --> 01:14:32,931
to solving a health crisis?
1595
01:14:33,014 --> 01:14:34,683
That's a great question, Ted.
1596
01:14:34,766 --> 01:14:35,851
It's fairly simple.
1597
01:14:35,934 --> 01:14:37,686
I'm not really great
at anything in general,
1598
01:14:37,769 --> 01:14:40,271
other than getting all messed up
and trying to figure out how
1599
01:14:40,355 --> 01:14:41,940
to avoid a hangover.
1600
01:14:42,023 --> 01:14:44,109
The rest
of it was basically being
1601
01:14:44,192 --> 01:14:46,236
in the right place
at the right time.
1602
01:14:46,319 --> 01:14:51,032
Some would say you're the most
celebrated person on the planet.
1603
01:14:51,116 --> 01:14:52,576
How does that make you feel?
1604
01:14:52,701 --> 01:14:53,952
Pretty great, Ted.
1605
01:14:54,035 --> 01:14:55,411
Pretty great.
1606
01:14:56,955 --> 01:14:59,165
Well, everyone wants to know
1607
01:14:59,249 --> 01:15:01,376
what's next
for Bruce Springsteen,
1608
01:15:01,459 --> 01:15:04,295
the sandwich artist,
not the boss?
1609
01:15:04,379 --> 01:15:06,172
-Stein. Springstein.
-Sorry about that.
1610
01:15:07,090 --> 01:15:10,135
Well, you know,
I was thinking after I graduate
1611
01:15:10,218 --> 01:15:11,011
culinary school,
1612
01:15:11,094 --> 01:15:13,388
I'll open a sandwich shop with
my good buddy Rory.
1613
01:15:13,471 --> 01:15:14,430
I mean, he inspired me
1614
01:15:14,515 --> 01:15:15,766
to get back in the kitchen
in the first place.
1615
01:15:15,849 --> 01:15:18,602
-I'm proud of you, Bruce.
-I love you, buddy.
1616
01:15:18,685 --> 01:15:21,897
Then I'd like
to open an animal rescue with
1617
01:15:21,980 --> 01:15:23,231
my friend Emily.
1618
01:15:23,314 --> 01:15:24,775
And after that, hopefully write
1619
01:15:24,858 --> 01:15:25,734
a book about this entire
crazy experience--
1620
01:15:25,817 --> 01:15:27,861
Bruce!
1621
01:15:27,944 --> 01:15:30,113
--with my best friend James,
because he's a novelist,
1622
01:15:30,196 --> 01:15:32,157
and also because he saved
my life.
1623
01:15:32,240 --> 01:15:34,200
Yeah, I, for sure,
didn't save any lives.
1624
01:15:34,242 --> 01:15:37,037
No, no,
you almost killed us all.
1625
01:15:37,120 --> 01:15:39,665
Sounds like you've got some
really wonderful friends, Bruce.
1626
01:15:39,748 --> 01:15:41,499
I really do.
I really do, Ted.
1627
01:15:41,583 --> 01:15:43,919
-Woo!
-Oh, yeah. There you go.
1628
01:15:44,002 --> 01:15:45,629
Thank you, thank you.
1629
01:15:45,712 --> 01:15:47,548
You're a fucking hero
these days.
1630
01:15:49,675 --> 01:15:51,593
Oh, shit, dude.
1631
01:15:51,677 --> 01:15:52,636
Look.
1632
01:15:52,719 --> 01:15:54,179
Oh, all of our old friends.
1633
01:15:54,262 --> 01:15:55,722
Yeah.
1634
01:15:55,806 --> 01:15:58,474
Still smiling after everything
they've been through.
1635
01:15:58,559 --> 01:15:59,768
Amazing.
1636
01:16:00,977 --> 01:16:03,188
You know, the doctors were able
to save the jogger's leg.
1637
01:16:04,731 --> 01:16:07,233
Truly incredible what they can do these days,
1638
01:16:07,317 --> 01:16:09,360
-medical people, you know?
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
1639
01:16:10,862 --> 01:16:12,030
I should have been a doctor.
1640
01:16:13,364 --> 01:16:17,327
Oh, look. It's Beverly
and her asshole parrot.
1641
01:16:18,328 --> 01:16:19,621
Dude, she looks great.
1642
01:16:19,705 --> 01:16:20,831
Yes, she does.
1643
01:16:21,832 --> 01:16:25,210
Yes, she does.
1644
01:16:26,419 --> 01:16:27,546
Mm.
1645
01:16:28,672 --> 01:16:30,924
You know,
you really saved the world, man.
1646
01:16:31,007 --> 01:16:33,051
Yes, I did.
1647
01:16:34,970 --> 01:16:37,639
I'm honored to call you
my best friend.
1648
01:16:38,932 --> 01:16:40,141
Me too, buddy.
1649
01:16:43,478 --> 01:16:44,563
-Oh.
-Oh.
1650
01:16:45,731 --> 01:16:49,526
Ah, yeah, that--
that's not good.
1651
01:16:49,610 --> 01:16:50,819
Oh.
1652
01:16:52,571 --> 01:16:55,156
Maybe it's like some kind of,
I don't know.
1653
01:16:55,240 --> 01:16:56,491
Um.
1654
01:16:56,575 --> 01:16:58,535
-Dude.
-What?
1655
01:16:58,619 --> 01:17:01,329
Ah, your face.
1656
01:17:03,624 --> 01:17:06,167
Turn it up. Turn it up!
1657
01:17:06,251 --> 01:17:08,211
On the Agnes virus outbreak,
1658
01:17:08,294 --> 01:17:10,255
the Centers for Disease Control
have deemed
1659
01:17:10,338 --> 01:17:15,010
the prairie oyster antidote
only temporarily effective.
1660
01:17:15,093 --> 01:17:18,179
To be clear,
CDC scientists have concluded
1661
01:17:18,263 --> 01:17:20,641
that the antidote
is ineffective against
1662
01:17:20,724 --> 01:17:23,519
the long-term effects
of the Agnes virus.
1663
01:17:23,602 --> 01:17:24,853
-Washington officials are said--
-Fuck, Ted.
1664
01:17:24,936 --> 01:17:27,689
...to be deploying alternative
containment measures
1665
01:17:27,773 --> 01:17:29,357
as we speak.
1666
01:17:29,440 --> 01:17:31,026
Reports are coming in from...
1667
01:17:31,109 --> 01:17:33,194
...all across the city about
infected persons wandering
1668
01:17:33,278 --> 01:17:34,655
-the streets aimlessly.
-What the hell is that?
1669
01:17:36,657 --> 01:17:39,826
Air raid sirens.
The big red button.
1670
01:17:39,868 --> 01:17:42,788
Guess I'm not really great
at anything in general, am I?
1671
01:17:42,871 --> 01:17:45,498
That's not true, man.
You're a great best friend.
1672
01:17:46,750 --> 01:17:47,668
Thanks, buddy.
1673
01:17:54,424 --> 01:17:56,426
So this is the end of the world?
1674
01:17:56,510 --> 01:17:57,511
As we know it.
1675
01:17:58,554 --> 01:18:00,597
It's a lot different
than I pictured it.
1676
01:18:01,807 --> 01:18:03,266
Looks pretty good from here.
1677
01:18:05,852 --> 01:18:08,438
So, what do you say?
1678
01:18:08,522 --> 01:18:09,773
Will you take me back?
1679
01:18:11,232 --> 01:18:12,818
I hate you.
1680
01:18:12,901 --> 01:18:14,152
I know.
1681
01:18:54,025 --> 01:18:55,068
Now, let's go to Seattle now.
1682
01:18:55,151 --> 01:18:56,945
I'm not going right now.
1683
01:18:57,028 --> 01:18:58,404
Let's go to Seattle, dude.
1684
01:18:58,488 --> 01:19:00,741
What is it? Spun--
1685
01:19:00,824 --> 01:19:01,908
- What is it?
- Space Trains.
1686
01:19:01,992 --> 01:19:03,577
- Space Trains.
- Oh, no.*
1687
01:19:11,668 --> 01:19:12,919
Russell, there you go. Yeah.
1688
01:19:13,003 --> 01:19:14,045
- No.
- He's a jerk--
1689
01:19:15,839 --> 01:19:17,465
Yeah, oof.
1690
01:19:17,549 --> 01:19:18,800
I'm just here
to report the news.
1691
01:19:18,884 --> 01:19:22,137
I can't get involved.
1692
01:19:22,220 --> 01:19:23,304
It looks very painful.
1693
01:19:23,388 --> 01:19:24,515
I understand your yelling.
1694
01:19:24,598 --> 01:19:26,349
Maybe we can like
go out sometime.
1695
01:19:26,432 --> 01:19:27,768
Ooh. Yeah.
1696
01:19:27,851 --> 01:19:29,477
Yeah. Uh-huh.
1697
01:19:29,561 --> 01:19:30,812
Yeah,
I'll buy you some new shoes.
1698
01:19:30,896 --> 01:19:32,147
Woo-hoo!
1699
01:19:33,815 --> 01:19:37,402
Thank you, Ted. I--
I'm very blessed and fortunate.
1700
01:19:37,485 --> 01:19:39,696
I know a lot of people out there
don't have any friends.
1701
01:19:39,780 --> 01:19:42,407
Yeah.
Many people lost loved ones.
1702
01:19:42,490 --> 01:19:44,242
They did. They sure did.
1703
01:19:44,325 --> 01:19:45,702
Um, yeah.
1704
01:19:47,287 --> 01:19:51,792
After you go back to, I wanted
to say sandwich school, but--
1705
01:19:54,628 --> 01:19:57,338
After you go back
to the culinary institute
1706
01:19:57,422 --> 01:20:00,425
and you start this
animal rescue, you said.
1707
01:20:00,509 --> 01:20:01,885
-Yeah.
-Um,
1708
01:20:01,968 --> 01:20:04,262
are you an animal lover, Bruce?
1709
01:20:06,014 --> 01:20:08,391
Not really.
No, it's not really about me.
1710
01:20:08,474 --> 01:20:09,851
It's more about Emily.
1711
01:20:09,935 --> 01:20:11,477
-That's her thing.
-I see.
1712
01:20:11,562 --> 01:20:13,939
Yeah.
-So you just plan to support her
1713
01:20:14,022 --> 01:20:16,107
and the shelter financially?
1714
01:20:17,275 --> 01:20:18,527
If that's what it takes.
1715
01:20:18,610 --> 01:20:20,445
If that's what it takes, Ted.
1716
01:20:20,529 --> 01:20:24,741
I've never really been much
of an animal guy personally.
1717
01:20:24,825 --> 01:20:25,867
They stink.
1718
01:20:25,951 --> 01:20:27,619
And you got
to clean up after them.
1719
01:20:27,703 --> 01:20:28,745
But it's okay.
1720
01:20:28,829 --> 01:20:30,539
-I won't be there.
-Right. Right.
1721
01:20:30,622 --> 01:20:34,876
But it's good to put your name
on things that are looked at
1722
01:20:34,960 --> 01:20:38,088
as positive in the world.
1723
01:20:38,171 --> 01:20:40,549
So a lot
of people like animal rescues.
1724
01:20:40,632 --> 01:20:41,925
Emily does.
1725
01:20:42,008 --> 01:20:44,219
So I do.
1726
01:20:44,302 --> 01:20:46,387
Okay, I-- I can understand that.
1727
01:20:46,471 --> 01:20:48,807
I, for one,
don't like dog barks.
1728
01:20:50,684 --> 01:20:51,768
I'm with you there.
1729
01:20:51,852 --> 01:20:54,563
They can make me jump
out of my skin.
1730
01:20:54,646 --> 01:20:56,523
And they make me very angry,
too.
1731
01:20:56,607 --> 01:20:58,567
-They surprise me.
-Yes. Yeah.
1732
01:20:58,650 --> 01:21:02,403
Shock me. But I know many animals are wonderful.
1733
01:21:02,487 --> 01:21:03,446
Sure.
1734
01:21:03,530 --> 01:21:05,156
And you're going to write
a book about all of this,
1735
01:21:05,240 --> 01:21:07,158
you hope?
1736
01:21:07,242 --> 01:21:12,163
Well, I will be doing a bit
of the ghost, what do they say?
1737
01:21:12,247 --> 01:21:13,582
-Is it ghost writing?
-Ghost writing.
1738
01:21:13,665 --> 01:21:15,041
Oh, no, no, that's not right.
1739
01:21:15,125 --> 01:21:16,417
I will be uh--
1740
01:21:16,501 --> 01:21:18,795
Well, your friend will be ghost writing for you, I believe.
1741
01:21:18,879 --> 01:21:20,088
Yes. That's what I meant.
1742
01:21:20,171 --> 01:21:21,464
Yes.
James will be the ghost writer.
1743
01:21:21,548 --> 01:21:22,758
James will be the ghost writer,
1744
01:21:22,841 --> 01:21:24,843
and I will take all
of the credit.
1745
01:21:24,926 --> 01:21:27,095
I don't know.
1746
01:21:27,178 --> 01:21:29,472
How do you think James
will feel about that?
1747
01:21:29,556 --> 01:21:32,017
We'll find out
when he sees this interview.
1748
01:21:33,560 --> 01:21:35,562
Hey, I got a little whiskey
there for you.
1749
01:21:35,646 --> 01:21:38,023
-It's top shelf.
-Oh, I-- I don't doubt it.
1750
01:21:38,106 --> 01:21:39,983
You're very kind, Bruce,
but if I have one,
1751
01:21:40,066 --> 01:21:42,193
I'll have a thousand.
1752
01:21:42,277 --> 01:21:44,112
I'd like to see that.
1753
01:21:44,195 --> 01:21:45,781
I don't think you would.
1754
01:21:46,907 --> 01:21:48,033
I would like to see that.
1755
01:21:48,116 --> 01:21:49,492
It gets quite ugly.
1756
01:21:49,576 --> 01:21:50,994
I-- I would I--
1757
01:21:51,077 --> 01:21:53,246
You're making me want
to see this even more.
1758
01:21:53,329 --> 01:21:55,290
I may be making you want
to see it,
1759
01:21:55,373 --> 01:21:58,544
but trust me, once you saw it,
you would be filled with regret.
1760
01:21:58,627 --> 01:22:00,003
No, no, no.
1761
01:22:00,086 --> 01:22:02,297
I've never--
I never regret anything.
1762
01:22:02,380 --> 01:22:03,799
Oh, well.
1763
01:22:03,882 --> 01:22:05,967
No regrets.
That's my life motto.
1764
01:22:06,051 --> 01:22:07,594
That's one way to live,
I suppose.
1765
01:22:07,678 --> 01:22:09,137
I certainly have regrets.
1766
01:22:09,220 --> 01:22:10,263
Oh, yeah?
1767
01:22:10,346 --> 01:22:11,807
Millions and millions.
1768
01:22:11,890 --> 01:22:13,308
Oh, man.
1769
01:22:13,391 --> 01:22:15,143
Maybe hundreds, I don't--
1770
01:22:15,226 --> 01:22:16,603
I don't think I've been alive
long enough
1771
01:22:16,687 --> 01:22:18,104
to have millions of regrets.
1772
01:22:18,188 --> 01:22:20,315
But this interview
isn't about me.
1773
01:22:20,398 --> 01:22:22,400
-It's about you, Bruce.
-That's right, it is.
1774
01:22:22,483 --> 01:22:23,819
So, no regrets?
1775
01:22:23,902 --> 01:22:24,945
No regrets.
1776
01:22:25,028 --> 01:22:26,321
I'm a lucky man.
1777
01:22:26,404 --> 01:22:27,989
Very fortunate.
1778
01:22:28,073 --> 01:22:30,784
I appreciate you letting us
into your beautiful home here.
1779
01:22:30,867 --> 01:22:33,453
Oh, I-- no problem.
Of course. Anytime.
1780
01:22:33,537 --> 01:22:34,538
It's not really my home.
1781
01:22:34,621 --> 01:22:36,873
It's James',
the one with the novel.
1782
01:22:36,957 --> 01:22:39,209
Oh, I see. I see.
1783
01:22:39,292 --> 01:22:42,003
Did you ever read his book,
Space in Tr--
1784
01:22:42,087 --> 01:22:44,172
-Trains in Space?
-Trains in Space.
1785
01:22:44,255 --> 01:22:46,299
I believe I've heard of it.
1786
01:22:46,382 --> 01:22:47,718
-Great book.
-Is it?
1787
01:22:47,801 --> 01:22:49,135
-I never read it.
-Oh, no.
1788
01:22:50,637 --> 01:22:51,930
-Well, that's all.
-Don't tell him.
1789
01:22:52,013 --> 01:22:53,014
Don't tell anybody.
1790
01:22:53,098 --> 01:22:55,559
I have a feeling he's gonna
see this interview.
1791
01:22:57,060 --> 01:22:59,730
I feel a lot of people are going
to see this interview.
1792
01:22:59,813 --> 01:23:02,190
-I sure hope so.
-I hope so, too.
1793
01:23:02,273 --> 01:23:03,650
I sure hope so.
1794
01:23:03,734 --> 01:23:06,111
Well, Ted, I've got to say,
I have, you know,
1795
01:23:06,194 --> 01:23:07,946
I've been a fan of yours
for a really long time.
1796
01:23:08,029 --> 01:23:11,407
And I-- I-- anytime you want
to have me back on,
1797
01:23:11,491 --> 01:23:13,326
I'm-- I'm honored.
1798
01:23:13,409 --> 01:23:15,161
-Oh my goodness. Thank you.
-I'm honored.
1799
01:23:15,245 --> 01:23:16,747
Thank you so much, Bruce.
1800
01:23:16,830 --> 01:23:20,667
I-- I don't often hear such words of sincere encouragement,
1801
01:23:20,751 --> 01:23:21,752
and I--
and I deeply appreciate it.
1802
01:23:21,835 --> 01:23:24,630
You know, there was a lot
of people that wanted
1803
01:23:24,713 --> 01:23:26,256
to do this interview.
1804
01:23:26,339 --> 01:23:30,511
Phil Donahue, Geraldo Rivera,
but I chose you,
1805
01:23:30,594 --> 01:23:34,139
because I love Channel 11 News.
1806
01:23:35,431 --> 01:23:38,143
Um, thank you.
1807
01:23:38,226 --> 01:23:42,898
Bruce, that is deeply moving
to me that you would choose me
1808
01:23:42,981 --> 01:23:47,110
over such giants
of the news business.
1809
01:23:47,193 --> 01:23:49,530
You, my friend, are a giant.
1810
01:23:52,741 --> 01:23:55,744
Oh, thank you, Bruce, um...
1811
01:23:56,828 --> 01:23:58,204
You okay there, Ted?
1812
01:23:58,288 --> 01:23:59,915
I think
we're gonna have to cut.
129294