All language subtitles for wellington paranormal s02e07 1080p bluray x264-carved (1)

- Access granted.
- Merry Christmas, Sergeant Maaka.

Uh, thank you,
computer. And the same to you.

O'Leary, Minogue, welcome to the
Paranormal Office Christmas party.

You having fun?
Uh-.

Um, yes. Well, I'm having
a lot of fun, as you can see.

Uh, what's the best Christmas
present you ever got?

Well, one time, when I was 10, I got this really
great, um-it was, like, a pull-back police motorcycle.

It had lights, and you pulled it
back, and it drove itself. Oh, yeah.

Great.

Minogue.
Mum got me school clothes.

I mean, she got me a school
uniform for the upcoming year... Hm.

...which she said was generous,
but I think she's-No, that's cool.

Was that gen-? Was that cool?

It was cool.
See, one Christmas, I, uh...

when I was 6 years old, and I got a teddy
bear with a tiny little police uniform.

I loved it so much. Uh, it's actually
what inspired me to join the police force.

One day, it went missing.
Where did it go?

I-I don't know that.
I launched a full investigation,

and I even wrote it its own
case file, as you can see.

At the age of 6, you
wrote a case file? Yeah.

Anyway, I thought that, uh,

we should do a bit
of a Secret Santa.

There's only three of us, though, Sarge. It
might be a bit obvious. Just humour me, O'Leary.

'Minogue.'

Oh. 'O'Leary.'
Do we get ourselves presents?

Well, we'll go again.

What should I get Sarge
for Secret Santa? Ah!

Now you've told me it's Sarge. That's who you're
buying for. You're not supposed to let me know.

No. I meant...

if Sarge was my Secret Santa,
what would I get him?

He's not my recipient. I know what
I'm gonna get the person that I've got.

But you're better at keeping
secrets than me. Correct.

Car Four, this is comms.
Uh, need you to go to the Tawa Mall.

Apparently, the Santa there
has been making kids cry. Over.

Uh, yeah, copy that.
We're on our way.

I thought that's what Santas do -
make kids cry.

No, they're supposed to make you
feel all excited about Christmas.

Yeah, well, that's not what
they did. Well, what hap-?

You'd go there and you'd
sit on his knee... Yeah?

...and then he'd say,
'What do you want for Christmas?'

And you'd tell him...
Yeah? Yes? ...And he'd go,

'Don't like your chances, mate.'
What Santa-? 'Not on my watch.'

And then your mum'd come over,
and he'd go, 'Ho, ho, ho!'

So these kids shouldn't be so surprised that
they're crying, because that's what Santa's for.

OK, I think you've had a bad
experience with a really bad Santa.

You reckon Sarge might like some
scented soaps? Well, soap's what you get

when you've got no idea what to get someone for
Christmas, so... Well, I got my brother Adam some,

and he absolutely loved 'em.
He was speechless. Really?

Yeah. He opened them up,
and he was like...

Hi. Can I help you? I'm Ian.
I-I represent the mall.

Oh. Hey, uh, we've
received some complaints.

Apparently, your Santa's
been upsetting people?

Oh. Yep. Um, he's...
he's just down this way.

He's just by the FCK.

Uh, did you mean the KFC?

Oh, sorry. Just a little
bit dyslexic, yeah.

I had to call this guy
in last minute... Mm?

You will find your photos on the
website - ...and the problem now is

he doesn't seem to leave. And your
souls. Return to your pathetic life.

- Bring me the next child!
- He doesn't seem very Santa-y.

Yeah, that's been the main problem.
I-I wasn't quite sure how to bring it up.

And did you book this
guy? Look again to me! Yep.

Yeah, so- And you said
you're dyslexic? Yes. Yeah.

I'm just wondering if maybe you've
got your letters a bit muddled up

and you've booked Satan instead of
Santa. We'll put that away for Georgia.

Oh, yeah.

Obviously, this is not optimum. Um, I
don't think Satan should be at a mall,

especially not round Christmas time, um, so I
think it's important that we now get in there

- and break this thing up. Minogue?
- Have fun with your headless doll!

Take away your child -
and bring me the next one!

Gidday, mate. Hi. Uh, we're
from the Wellington Police.

How's it going?

Good. Good. Pretty good, yep.
Yeah. Hey, look-Hi. Uh... Hi.

...we've just had some complaints.

Apparently, you've been
scaring children.

Uh, no, I've...

Well, I've been scarring children. Oh,
misunderstanding. OK, no, actually, that's worse.

It's just that I was gonna claim
this mall to be my foul citadel.

I was gonna take the souls
of the damned. Oh, here's one.

Yes!
Yes, you'll do nicely.

Come on, mate. Is this really the place where you
wanna start your fiery realm, though? I mean...

It's a shopping mall
in Tawa.

Well-Hey, um, if these
guys have booked you,

- how does that work, exactly?
- Have you got an agent, or...?

No. I-I was just sitting
on my throne in hell... Mm.

...and I was summoned here. OK,
so how exactly were you summoned?

- By fax.
- By fax?!

Yup. If you fax Satan...
Mm? ...I appear.

Ah. Yeah. As soon as they
invented it, we got one in hell.

Guys. Oh. Sorry.

Yes. You're now choking
a member of the public,

you know? OK? That mall manager.

He's not having a
nice time up there, OK?

All right. I just really think,
potentially, it's time for you

- to go back to hell...
- ...finish off your hell stuff...

You've had a pretty good
run of it today, mate. OK?

You're in the wrong suburb. Tawa
is not the place for you. Or anyone.

- Let him go.
- OK! All right, all right, all right.

Look, if you ever need to spice up a party, just
give me a fax. I might be interested in that.

I can create havoc on earth...
Yeah?

...make fire and blood come out of
everything, and, uh... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

...also a dubstep DJ. OK.
Do people still listen to that?

- Yeah!
- How does that go, again?

Yeah, you can't dance to it.
Also, I'd get your card sorted out.

If you're representing
your business,

it needs to be a really clean card. Look, there's
probably a place here at the mall you can probably

get some more printed. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Oh, does Sammy still print the...?

Yeah, yeah.
Oh, OK.

Yeah.
It's 50% off today.

Is it?
Yeah.

You wanna take Satan down there? And you
guys can sort it out before he ducks off.

Oh, I'd rather not, to be
honest. It's a fair call. Yeah.

I mean, he had him by the
throat. Look, um... Yeah, he did.

Do you need a lift anywhere, like,
to get back down to, uh... hell?

Nah, nah. I'll just grab an Uber.
By the way, uh...

one of you two is going to hell.

I'll let you enjoy that on the drive
home. Two people or-.

We're not playing your
game, Satan, OK? OK, all right.

Well, I'll see one of you later.
Is it her?

See you later. Thank you.
Is one of them tall or short?

Who, who, who, who's it gonna be?

Is it the tall one?

Is it the short one? Tah-ta-ta!

Whoosha-ka-ka, ha-te-fah! Off you
go, please, Satan. No, we've had enough.

Enjoy the ride home, guys.

Those hooves have given me an idea to
get Sergeant Maaka some toenail clippers.

What? Does Sergeant Maaka
want some toenail clippers?

Nah. Minogue and
O'Leary? Go ahead.

We have a report of some stolen meat
from a barbecue at 12 Pamela Drive. Over.

Yeah, on our way. Let's go.

Hey. Thanks for coming. I'm
Kev. Gidday, Kev. Oh, hi, Kev.

Gidday. We understand you've
had some meat go missing.

Uh, yeah. Had a whole load of steaks
and chops and sausages... Mm-hm?

...and corn-fed chicken breast,
bangers - you know, some, uh,

sizzlers and saveloys for the kids.
Then we had some burgers

and pork medallions,
and we had some venison mince.

Uh, we had pork mince as well,
formed into little meatballs,

with onion-Got it.
So you had meat?

Meat? Uh, yeah. Yeah.

All meat. All goneburger. So, goneburger?
Gone... Why don't you just write,

'There was meat, and that's
all gone'? OK? Gone meat.

And no one here noticed anything?
Not a sausage.

OK, can we just keep those bad dad jokes
to a minimum? OK? Yeah, word to the wise -

I wouldn't bother with those jokes.
She's a bit more highbrow than that. Right.

I just don't get them.
Did, uh, anything else go missing?

Well, we can't find my auntie.
Your auntie?

You didn't think maybe you should've
told me that first? Well, we just noticed.

Could she have stolen the meat?
Nah. She's in a wheelchair, so...

Uh, Minogue! Yo! We've
got a missing person.

No, I'm just over here.

Not you - a missing person.
Oh. Copy that.

We've got a missing woman.
She's in a wheelchair. Right.

And how old are we talking?
Um, she's 91.

91!

But if you had to choose -

meat or auntie... What?
...which one do you want back?

So, um, obviously, there has been
some meat that's gone missing.

Probably more importantly, there's
also an elderly woman that is missing too.

Nah. She's not in
there. Is it there? Nah.

Yeah, I've got a sneaking suspicion the
elderly lady is not particularly trustworthy,

and I think if we find her,
we find the meat.

Minogue! I think I found something.

What do you think that is?
This might sound outlandish,

but I think it's
a vertical spa pool.

OK, that's not a spa pool, OK? It
looks like some sort of, uh, vortex.

Mrs Siri, please
Google Image 'vortex'.

You'll need to unlock your iPhone
first. You've gotta unlock your phone.

Images?
Yeah.

Definitely a vortex, isn't it?

- Maybe one of us should stick our hand in.
- That's a stupid idea.

It's cold in there. Well, that's gonna
be terrible if Auntie Flo's in there.

Really good for the meat,
though, so...

Kevin!

Hi, Kevin. Hey, um, just wondering - were you
aware that you had some sort of a vortex back here?

Uh, the big funny
colour thing? Yes. Mm.

Um... yup. So you have noticed
it? I mean, yeah, I've noticed it.

Yeah, I can't feel anything
back there. Oh my gosh.

What? That must be where
the cat disappeared to.

I think maybe one of us
is gonna have to go in there.

That's insane.

I'll do it.
Yup.

Are you sure this is the best we can
do? I sort of feel like if that hose

was tied around the tree or
something-Have you got good grip?

Nah, I'm-Yeah, I'm
good. We've got it. OK.

Good as gold.

What?! What?! What?! What?!
O'Leary, my leg's being eaten!

Come back! Come back!
It's being eaten!

It's not. It's not. It's not being
eaten. You should've seen your faces.

Or maybe it is being eaten.

Nah. It's not.

Steady. Hold it
tighter. Yeah, yep.

Yep. OK, good! Pretty good.

Good, good. Keep going back.

Whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Oh God!

I've lost it!
Minogue! Minogue!

Minogue!
Aren't you gonna go in and help him?

Did you go in and help your cat?

- It's Minogue.
- You there, O'Leary?

Minogue! Minogue, where are you?
O'Leary, I'm in the vortex.

This place is crazy. It's sort of like a large
void - that's what I'd call it - but it's...

it's full of stuff. You're in
the void? Swing ball set,

Cabbage Patch Kid.
I used to have one of those.

This is possibly where all the lost
stuff comes. Hang on a minute.

I found the meat!

He's found the meat!

And Auntie Flo.

And... And Auntie Flo.

So, we seem to have discovered some sort of
dimensional vortex at the back of this property,

from which Minogue has
retrieved an elderly woman...

Auntie Flo, I'm so relieved.

...and some meat.
Job well done.

Well, that was a strange one.
I think that's an understatement.

Well, it was a really, really, really
strange one. Would that be an understatement?

I'd say that's getting
closer to what it was. Mm.

Car Four, this is comms.
Go ahead.

We got some sort of a disturbance
at a property in Salisbury Terrace,

- number 22.
- Need you to respond. Over.

On our way. Over.

Evening, folks.
Good evening.

Had a call-out from you guys?
Yes, yes, that was us.

Um, one of the presents escaped and
started attacking us. Out of its box, so...

Yeah. OK, so, was this
present, like, a new pet?

A dog? No, no. No, it's-it's a
doll. Yeah, a possessed doll.

How do you know it's possessed?
It mentioned it. Well, it-Yeah.

Yeah, it, um... it burst out of the
wrapping paper and started attacking us,

and then it mentioned that it was
possessed by a murderer. By a murderer.

Yeah. It was going like...

Awful.

It was also yelling
insults at us as well. Yeah.

About your jeans? No, it just
said that I wasn't very smart.

Said that I talked too much.
Is that true?

Is this true, you guys? Is this
your mum and dad - these people?

So, we've just spoken to the family who believe that
a toy has come to life and is potentially dangerous,

so we're just gonna make sure
that everything's safe.

Hey, O'Leary.
What?

'Hoo' is that?

What's this?
That could be the box.

Well, I'd say that's a pretty good
guess, yeah. It's like that movie Alien,

where that alien bursts out of that guy's
chest. Wouldn't you say it's more like

that movie where the toy comes
to life and terrorises the family?

Toy Story.
I couldn't get through that.

What was that? Did that just smash?
Go find out.

Come with me. Get your
Taser out. Straight away?

I'm not coming if you haven't got your Taser
out. OK, I'm getting it. I'm getting it.

Can you try not
to make that big noise

every time? I was
thinking about Alien again.

What was that?

Um... What was that? ...Cat.

Probably, eh?

Maybe we should, um, you know,
split up.

OK.
OK.

Not that far. What?
Just arm's-distance.

Yeah, OK.

You hear that?
What?

Do you reckon it's in the fridge?

Three, two, one.

I'm all right. I'm all right.
He's all right.

Yep. He's actually OK. I'm good.

Dishwasher.

I'll hold it, and if it jumps
at you, it'll go in here,

and then we'll hold it down
like it's a spider.

Empty.

Did you hear that?
What?

Anything in there?
Nothing.

Uh, so, we've done an exhaustive
search of the property... Empty.

Under the table!

...and we've found
nothing whatsoever.

I mean, we've looked pretty thoroughly through the
entire house, um, so we can probably go out now

and have another talk
to the family...

...and let them know that
everything's pretty safe in here.

I mean, maybe they were
just imagining it. I think they did.

- Yeah.
- I mean, how does a doll come alive and attack people?

I dunno.

What is that?

You gotta stay still! He's digging
his teeth in! Get it off me, O'Leary!

I'm not touching that!
Get it off me! It hurts!

- Tase it! Get it away!
- No, it's busted!

Get it off! Get it off!
It's broken!

I'll kick it off. I'll kick it off. No,
Minogue! I'm right in front of you!

I'll kick it off!
No! Here we go!

Aargh! Minogue!

Just been caught in a
Christmas tree.

This is not optimum.

Why do they make toys so
violent these days? I don't know.

Look, but we've gotta get out there.
We've gotta catch this thing.

Well, it's only little. It's not
like it can kill us or anything.

Where's the Taser? You broke
it! We're gonna have to improvise.

There'll be something
in these presents.

A bat! Great.

Well, this isn't gonna work.
Yeah, it's good.

Well, you have it, then. We'll swap.
No, I don't wanna swap.

Well, this shoots only
very soft projectiles. See?

That's not a genuine 'ow'. I'm gonna open
the door, OK, and smack it with the bat.

This isn't over.

See? It's doing nothing!

You can barely even feel it.
You're distracting me, Minogue!

We've gotta concentrate. Damn, I'm out! Smash
it, O'Leary! It did nothing! It did nothing!

Smash it!

Think I got it.

O'Leary?

Requesting backup!
Find something to help me, Minogue!

Pot plant?
No!

Find another one!
Yoga mat!

It's a scarf! It's a scarf!

It's a really nice scarf. She's-Well,
that's got no use! Find something else!

Yeah! Yes!

It's too late.

I've already killed it.

Oh. Hi, guys.

Um, so, we've incapacitated
the, uh, scary doll,

and it shouldn't cause
you guys any more problems.

His head's come off.
So, um, yeah.

That's probably for you. It's not the
best- And that is not a great present,

but you can have that.
Early Christmas present.

Great.
See you later, guys.

'Scuse me. Sorry.

Another job well done.
Have an awesome Christmas, guys.

You were really heroic in there
tonight, O'Leary. Oh, thank you.

Maybe if I was the one
that got the cricket bat,

then you'd be the one singing my praises
right now instead of me singing your praises.

We can't know that, though, can we?
That's how I like imagining it in my head -

that I was the heroic one, cos I had
the cricket bat and not you.

I've seen you play cricket, though.

Patrol Four, can you respond to a missing
persons at an office Christmas party?

- 103 Willis St, level 2. Thank you.
- Yeah, copy that. On our way.

Another missing person?
Mm. Christmas is so busy.

'Scuse me. 'Scuse. 'Scuse.

That's actually very dangerous.
I don't recommend doing that.

That's dangerous. We've got this
guy that works here - his name's Jeff.

He's a bit of a crack-up. Anyway,
he went into the photocopy room,

and he took photocopies of his arse
and he emailed them to everyone, and look.

No one saw him leave the photocopy room,
so I went and checked it, and he was gone.

But then I went and had a look
at some of the security footage.

Look at this.

See? That's Jeff there. That's
gotta be a health and safety issue.

Yeah, the glass
is reinforced, though.

But then watch this.

Out of it, eh?
OK. Where's this room?

Well, he's not in here, is he?

So, we know that Jeff just sat
on the photocopier...

And then he just disappeared.
OK, yeah.

Minogue, I think maybe
you should just try that. Hey?

Well, you try what-
do what Jeff did.

Minogue, what are you doing?
Doing what Jeff did.

You don't need to take your
trousers down. Didn't think so.

That would be unprofessional.
That would've been a stupid thing to...

- OK, you ready?
- Yep.

Tickles.

Minogue! Minogue!
I should call the photocopy guy.

Well, you're not gonna
get him on Christmas Eve.

Oh, it's Minogue.

- Minogue, where are you?
- In an inky-black void.

It's probably the same black void
as earlier. I can see a light.

Heading towards the light, O'Leary.
No-no-n-no, you never go towards the light!

Stay away from the light, Minogue!
Think I can see-.

I should just call Steve - like, he's
real good with technology and stuff -

cos maybe it just needs new toner.
OK, I don't think it's a toner issue.

OK, I'm... I'm... I'm gonna
have to, maybe, go in after him.

If I get lost, you have to
call the police again. OK.

Well, it's gotta go on A3.

What are you trying to say?
No, it won't scan if it's on A4,

cos we don't have the
paper for it. That's all. OK.

Yeah, and I dunno how to go back now, cos you sat on
it and it broke. Well, I don't think it's my fault.

What have you done?
I haven't done anything.

This is not my office
building, is it? No.

Oh yeah. Hang on.

- Oh, it's Minogue again.
- Minogue, where are you?

Gidday, O'Leary. Just wanted to let you know
that, um, I followed the light from earlier on.

Uh, it's taken me all the way back to
the vortex at Kevin and Hine's place.

And I also managed to get that Secret Santa
present. Minogue, where is your uniform?

Um, I hung it up. Obviously, hanging it up was a better
alternative than getting into the spa pool with it.

Oh, and, Gayle, look who I found.

Say Gidday, mate.
Hey, Gayle! Hey!

Hey, did everyone get those emails
of my bum? Yeah. It was hilarious.

It wasn't hilarious.
We had to report it to the police.

H-Have an awesome Christmas.

I'll probably bring him down the
station when I get out of the spa.

Uh, look, I'm gonna have to come
and pick you up. You come in your togs,

and if you get in,
then I'll get out.

OK, I'm coming to get you,
and I'm not bringing my togs.

An inky blank void?
Mm. It was pretty freaky, Sarge.

Sounds like you might've entered
some kind of fourth dimension.

I'm surprised it didn't do all sorts of
weird things to your atomic structure.

Atomic structure feels fine.

What's an atomic structure?
I'll tell you later.

Job well done. Mm-hm. On
to more important business -.

Secret Santa. Oh!
Look at that. O'Leary.

I wonder who
could've got me this?

Oh. Scented soaps. Yay.

Vanilla. Yep. Bit racist.

Oh. Minogue.
Yes!

You do know I'm a grown man?
Don't... Don't look at me.

What am I gonna do with this?
Must be my turn, then. Hm.

Oh, it's rather large and...

feels quite... feels quite soft.

It can't be.

It can't be.
It's Officer Fuzzypants.

Thank you!

How did you find him?

- Merry Christmas, Sarge.
- Merry Christmas, Sarge.

Case closed.

Na-na, na-na.

Boop!

Captions by Maeve Kelly.
Edited by Cameron Grigg.

Captions were made with the
support of NZ On Air.

www.able.co.nz
Copyright Able 2019