All language subtitles for What.If.2021.S02E03.720p.WEB.H264-EDITH

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian Download
km Cambodian Download
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean Download
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil Download
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,458 --> 00:00:18,625 Isn't this nice? 2 00:00:19,458 --> 00:00:21,292 No better time of year. 3 00:00:22,250 --> 00:00:27,500 You know, let me tell you one of my favorite Yuletide stories. 4 00:00:28,583 --> 00:00:30,750 'Twas the night before Christmas, 5 00:00:30,833 --> 00:00:32,875 and all through the town, 6 00:00:32,958 --> 00:00:37,583 the Avengers were fighting a brand-new superpower. 7 00:00:37,667 --> 00:00:39,833 The stockings were hung by the chimney... 8 00:00:41,042 --> 00:00:42,750 Well, not anymore. 9 00:00:42,833 --> 00:00:43,875 Where's Thor? 10 00:00:51,625 --> 00:00:55,250 Oh, right. You're probably wondering who this guy is. 11 00:00:55,333 --> 00:00:57,875 Perhaps I should start a bit further back. 12 00:01:03,250 --> 00:01:04,292 Time. 13 00:01:07,708 --> 00:01:08,708 Space. 14 00:01:10,375 --> 00:01:11,458 Reality. 15 00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:16,125 It's more than a linear path. 16 00:01:20,917 --> 00:01:25,500 It's a prism of endless possibility, 17 00:01:27,917 --> 00:01:31,542 where a single choice can branch out into infinite realities, 18 00:01:34,167 --> 00:01:37,125 creating alternate worlds from the ones you know. 19 00:01:41,042 --> 00:01:42,375 I am the Watcher. 20 00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:47,625 I am your guide through these vast new realities. 21 00:01:49,250 --> 00:01:52,917 Follow me and ponder the question... 22 00:01:56,458 --> 00:01:57,667 "What if?" 23 00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:06,625 Okay, let's try this again. 24 00:02:07,292 --> 00:02:12,000 'Twas only two hours prior and the tower was not yet on fire. 25 00:02:12,083 --> 00:02:17,083 To the left, to the left. To the... No, too much left. Stop. Stop! 26 00:02:18,667 --> 00:02:20,958 Sparrow-1 to Puffin-2, do you copy? 27 00:02:21,042 --> 00:02:22,250 We have a code red down here. 28 00:02:22,333 --> 00:02:25,375 Darcy, I told you, while JARVIS is being defragged, 29 00:02:25,458 --> 00:02:27,167 this line is for emergency use only. 30 00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:29,375 Please. Sparrow-1 on the comms, boss. 31 00:02:29,458 --> 00:02:31,833 And it's a total code red. The caterers are here, 32 00:02:31,917 --> 00:02:35,042 and all I'm seeing are cheese cubes and carrot sticks. 33 00:02:35,125 --> 00:02:37,375 Where's the showmanship? Where are the Kogi buns? 34 00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:40,167 Darcy, you wanna get college credit for this? Listen to me. 35 00:02:40,250 --> 00:02:42,333 This Avengers holiday gala is not my first rodeo. 36 00:02:42,417 --> 00:02:44,625 Fine, fine. Ten to the four, Puffin-2. 37 00:02:44,708 --> 00:02:47,250 Wait. Why am I a puffin? And a second puffin at that. 38 00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:49,333 - Who's the first puffin? - Bernard in Accounting. 39 00:02:50,125 --> 00:02:51,458 Okay, that just hurts. 40 00:02:51,542 --> 00:02:55,583 I can offer you Turkey-1, Flamingo-6. Ooh, how about the Parakeet? 41 00:02:55,667 --> 00:02:59,375 Wait. I have a better idea. A very special assignment just for you. 42 00:02:59,458 --> 00:03:01,393 Maraschino cherries. We're running low, 43 00:03:01,417 --> 00:03:03,417 and Tony can't have a hot toddy without them. 44 00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:06,083 Oh, I didn't know people put cherries in hot toddies. 45 00:03:06,167 --> 00:03:07,708 Hey, you're trying to get rid of me. 46 00:03:07,792 --> 00:03:10,542 Just looking for a little peace on Earth, okay? Ow! 47 00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:12,750 $50 million, you can't watch where you're going? 48 00:03:12,833 --> 00:03:14,833 Everything under control? 49 00:03:14,917 --> 00:03:18,792 Director Hill. You're looking quite, uh, festive. 50 00:03:18,875 --> 00:03:21,500 Now that JARVIS has been shut down for maintenance... 51 00:03:21,583 --> 00:03:24,708 Oh, I wanna talk to you about that. I'd like to share a few messages 52 00:03:24,792 --> 00:03:26,292 about upgrading our threat matrix... 53 00:03:26,375 --> 00:03:28,708 Maybe you should leave that to the security professionals. 54 00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:30,434 But I am a security professional. 55 00:03:30,458 --> 00:03:32,726 I need you to focus on tonight's party. 56 00:03:32,750 --> 00:03:34,990 Eagle-1, Eagle-1. You're needed in command. 57 00:03:35,042 --> 00:03:36,958 - On my way. - Eagle-1? 58 00:03:37,042 --> 00:03:39,333 This holiday party is vital, Mr. Hogan. 59 00:03:39,417 --> 00:03:42,750 After the year we've had, people need a reason to celebrate. 60 00:03:42,833 --> 00:03:44,958 I'm counting on you to pull it off. 61 00:03:45,042 --> 00:03:46,083 Yes, ma'am. 62 00:03:47,375 --> 00:03:48,415 Hmm... 63 00:03:48,458 --> 00:03:50,792 Christmas playlist. 64 00:03:50,875 --> 00:03:55,583 Hanukkah playlist... That one Mariah Carey song on loop. Bingo! 65 00:03:56,958 --> 00:03:59,917 And to all a good... 66 00:04:00,292 --> 00:04:02,458 Sergei, you stepped on my line, buddy. 67 00:04:04,708 --> 00:04:10,000 Or maybe this is the story of how Justin Hammer stole Christmas. 68 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:12,958 After the corrupt defense contractor 69 00:04:13,042 --> 00:04:15,125 nearly blew up the Stark Expo, 70 00:04:15,875 --> 00:04:18,417 he found himself on the naughty list. 71 00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:21,833 With time to think, time to reflect, 72 00:04:22,250 --> 00:04:23,583 time to... 73 00:04:24,333 --> 00:04:26,417 ponder his future. 74 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:32,667 Perhaps, in this universe, Justin Hammer had a little too much time. 75 00:04:38,125 --> 00:04:39,375 We're gonna die! 76 00:04:39,458 --> 00:04:41,167 Yo, Rusty, hand me that, would you? 77 00:04:41,250 --> 00:04:42,809 How'd they even get in here? 78 00:04:42,833 --> 00:04:45,250 The name is Rustam Leonid Vyacheslav. 79 00:04:45,333 --> 00:04:47,542 And that's exactly why we're sticking with Rusty. 80 00:04:48,708 --> 00:04:50,958 People, people, listen up. 81 00:04:51,042 --> 00:04:52,833 You stay calm, you stay quiet 82 00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:56,375 and I guarantee that you'll be home for the holidays. 83 00:04:56,458 --> 00:05:00,375 Hey, there's no crying on Christmas. 84 00:05:00,458 --> 00:05:02,667 You know, when I was seven years old, 85 00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:05,750 I wanted a Red Ryder BB gun more than anything in the world. 86 00:05:05,833 --> 00:05:08,167 I begged my parents. I begged Santa for it. 87 00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:11,125 Accidentally got my tongue stuck on a telephone pole. 88 00:05:11,208 --> 00:05:13,542 Isn't that a classic movie? 89 00:05:13,625 --> 00:05:15,167 Yes, the one with the leg lamp. 90 00:05:15,250 --> 00:05:19,083 Hey, shut up. But I didn't get the BB gun that Christmas. Do you know why? 91 00:05:20,875 --> 00:05:25,250 'Cause this is America, and if you want something, you gotta take it. 92 00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:33,958 Oh, you unplug JARVIS for five minutes, the whole building collapses. 93 00:05:39,542 --> 00:05:40,542 Huh? 94 00:05:44,542 --> 00:05:45,542 Uh, boss? 95 00:05:45,667 --> 00:05:50,292 Relax. Reprogramming command protocols, setting new targets. 96 00:05:50,375 --> 00:05:52,208 "All on site staff" sounds good to me. 97 00:05:52,292 --> 00:05:54,083 What? 98 00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:01,542 Knock 'em dead, Johnny Fives. 99 00:06:01,917 --> 00:06:04,500 Good Queen Darcy last looked down 100 00:06:04,583 --> 00:06:08,750 On the feast of Steve Rogers When the snow lay on... 101 00:06:08,833 --> 00:06:11,417 "Eagle-1." 102 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,000 Whoa. 103 00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:15,417 - Okay, boys. - Hammer? 104 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:19,292 Behind these doors is a gamma-radiated antigen serum. 105 00:06:19,375 --> 00:06:20,375 Hulk blood. 106 00:06:20,458 --> 00:06:22,958 - The amniotic fluid, so to speak... - Gross. 107 00:06:23,042 --> 00:06:26,667 That will birth the next superhero. Me. 108 00:06:26,750 --> 00:06:28,792 I'm already smarter than 10 Tony Starks 109 00:06:28,875 --> 00:06:32,250 and pretty soon I'll be stronger than 12 Captain Americas. 110 00:06:32,333 --> 00:06:34,583 So, let's get cracking. 111 00:06:34,667 --> 00:06:35,917 No problems. 112 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,542 Dude, come on. What is this? 113 00:06:37,625 --> 00:06:39,125 You said you were a safe cracker. 114 00:06:39,208 --> 00:06:41,042 Yes, and now I crack safe. 115 00:06:42,458 --> 00:06:45,792 I knew I should have gone with the Sokovian team. 116 00:06:45,875 --> 00:06:47,292 Hill. Hill, come in. 117 00:06:47,375 --> 00:06:50,615 - We got three hostiles in Tony's lab. - You'd think they'd raid the armory first. 118 00:06:50,667 --> 00:06:52,625 Tony's been messing around with Banner's blood, 119 00:06:52,708 --> 00:06:55,583 seeing if he can be the Hulk without the anger management issues. 120 00:06:55,667 --> 00:06:57,167 - Was he successful? - It's a process. 121 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,290 I'm gonna head up. 122 00:06:58,333 --> 00:07:01,500 Oh, oh, that's not good. Okay, okay. 123 00:07:01,583 --> 00:07:04,000 Call me when you get the good stuff. 124 00:07:04,083 --> 00:07:07,208 Time for me to go and sit on Tony's throne. 125 00:07:07,292 --> 00:07:10,000 - I'm not gonna flush, if you get my drift. - Oh. 126 00:07:10,083 --> 00:07:12,417 Yeah, it's Hammer. He's heading for Tony's bathroom. 127 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,500 Oh. 128 00:07:13,583 --> 00:07:16,351 - Hogan, can you secure the samples? - Yes. I think I have a way in. 129 00:07:16,375 --> 00:07:18,208 Good. 'Cause I've got Hammer. 130 00:07:20,958 --> 00:07:22,625 Right in the jingle bells. 131 00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:24,292 Ah! Ah! Whoa! 132 00:07:25,250 --> 00:07:26,583 Jesus. 133 00:07:26,667 --> 00:07:29,292 "Throw a holiday party. It'll be fun," Tony said. 134 00:07:29,375 --> 00:07:30,625 "What could go wrong?" 135 00:07:30,708 --> 00:07:33,750 I told them the air vent would be a security issue, but no. 136 00:07:33,833 --> 00:07:35,500 Nobody listens to Happy. 137 00:07:41,750 --> 00:07:42,750 Mmm. 138 00:07:44,750 --> 00:07:47,292 Look at this bar! Oh, my goodness! 139 00:07:47,375 --> 00:07:48,417 I love it! 140 00:07:51,042 --> 00:07:52,625 Hands where I can see them, Hammer. 141 00:07:52,708 --> 00:07:54,250 Now surrender peacefully. 142 00:07:55,625 --> 00:07:58,625 Oh, the day you've been dreading has finally come. 143 00:07:58,708 --> 00:08:00,625 The day that you face off 144 00:08:00,708 --> 00:08:03,208 against Tony Stark's greatest adversary. 145 00:08:03,292 --> 00:08:06,375 "Greatest adversary"? What are you, a wealth tax? 146 00:08:07,708 --> 00:08:09,125 Nothing? 147 00:08:09,208 --> 00:08:10,625 Your technique is off. 148 00:08:10,708 --> 00:08:12,583 More strength in back. 149 00:08:12,667 --> 00:08:15,042 Less arms, more hips. 150 00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:18,875 Da, da, da. I get it now. 151 00:08:21,958 --> 00:08:23,542 Okay, let's take a look. 152 00:08:25,292 --> 00:08:27,542 Where is it? Hulk blood, Hulk blood. 153 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,250 Hulk blood. Hulk blood. 154 00:08:30,333 --> 00:08:32,000 Okay, just where is... 155 00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:33,833 Think... A little vial. 156 00:08:34,542 --> 00:08:36,542 Happy, find the Hulk blood, find the Hulk... No! 157 00:08:39,250 --> 00:08:41,000 Hey, hey, hey. Did you hear that? 158 00:08:46,333 --> 00:08:49,375 Oh, got it. 159 00:08:49,458 --> 00:08:51,351 - Stop. - Your little jokes won't do 160 00:08:51,375 --> 00:08:53,333 much good against the master of tae Kwon do, 161 00:08:53,417 --> 00:08:55,257 - jiujitsu and Muay Thai. - Switch the channel. 162 00:08:57,417 --> 00:08:58,417 That's right. 163 00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:01,208 - I learned prison-fighting techniques. - Oh, God. 164 00:09:01,292 --> 00:09:03,042 All on the prison yard. 165 00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:05,292 Hmm, maybe a rat. 166 00:09:05,375 --> 00:09:08,000 You know what the most important thing I learned in lockup is? 167 00:09:08,083 --> 00:09:09,083 Enlighten me. 168 00:09:09,167 --> 00:09:11,375 Cheating is for winners. 169 00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:15,542 No, Maria! 170 00:09:15,625 --> 00:09:17,583 Oh, whoa. 171 00:09:20,708 --> 00:09:23,667 Be a shadow. Be a shadow. Be a loose shadow. 172 00:09:28,292 --> 00:09:29,417 You guys can see me, right? 173 00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:30,792 Da, we see you. 174 00:09:30,875 --> 00:09:33,167 Boss, we have security guard. 175 00:09:33,250 --> 00:09:36,333 Clever. You thought you could distract the Hammer? 176 00:09:37,417 --> 00:09:40,217 - Hey! Get back here. - Hulk blood. I just need the Hulk blood. 177 00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:42,333 Where will you run? 178 00:09:42,417 --> 00:09:45,208 Come on. What's a guy gotta do to find an epidural of Banner blood? 179 00:09:45,292 --> 00:09:46,500 Hulk... Huh? 180 00:09:46,792 --> 00:09:48,000 A confetti arrow? 181 00:09:48,083 --> 00:09:51,417 Come on, Tony. You booking Hawkeye out for birthday parties now? 182 00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:54,000 Hulk blood! Oh, yes! Bingo! 183 00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:58,167 All right. I should definitely be getting hazard pay for this. 184 00:10:00,958 --> 00:10:02,250 Whoa! 185 00:10:02,333 --> 00:10:04,333 No! Why'd it do that? 186 00:10:05,083 --> 00:10:06,583 Step aside, my little elves. 187 00:10:11,750 --> 00:10:12,958 Oh, that's not good. 188 00:10:16,333 --> 00:10:17,500 Oh, that's not good. 189 00:10:17,583 --> 00:10:18,667 Hammer. 190 00:10:19,625 --> 00:10:21,708 Shoot him with all you've got. 191 00:10:22,083 --> 00:10:24,042 Whoa! 192 00:10:24,125 --> 00:10:26,351 - There, there, there. Let's go. - Hey! Get back here! 193 00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:28,295 Oh, yeah, the things you learn working for a mad, 194 00:10:28,333 --> 00:10:30,208 over-caffeinated scientist. Incoming! 195 00:10:36,083 --> 00:10:39,500 Hey, stop, stop! Stop! You're gonna destroy the Hulk blood. 196 00:10:39,583 --> 00:10:40,833 What's the matter with you? 197 00:10:42,333 --> 00:10:43,875 Oh, that's useful. 198 00:10:44,417 --> 00:10:47,083 Screw what I said. Just get him. Now. 199 00:10:47,167 --> 00:10:49,167 Happy. Oh, my leg is broken. 200 00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:51,958 Yeah, that's okay. I might have enough leg for the both of us. 201 00:10:52,042 --> 00:10:54,083 Happy? Look, I'm counting on you. 202 00:10:54,167 --> 00:10:57,042 Is that him? Is that the fly in my super serum? 203 00:10:57,125 --> 00:10:59,417 Stop Hammer. Save the tower. 204 00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:01,333 Maria! Maria! 205 00:11:01,417 --> 00:11:05,042 Oh, you got a big box of coal coming your way, missy. 206 00:11:05,125 --> 00:11:08,875 Cuff her. I'm sick of this chick roasting my chestnuts. 207 00:11:10,708 --> 00:11:14,625 Okay, it's all on me now. It's all on me now. 208 00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:17,625 Oh, it's all on me now. 209 00:11:31,917 --> 00:11:35,875 Okay, yes, there's no "I" in team. There's no "I" in team! 210 00:11:35,958 --> 00:11:37,476 What? No, no, no! 211 00:11:43,083 --> 00:11:46,292 - Romanoff. Happy, not a great time. - Natasha? Natasha! 212 00:11:46,375 --> 00:11:50,458 I'm being held at gunpoint by a former HYDRA agent with 17 kills. 213 00:11:50,542 --> 00:11:52,625 Eighteen kills. You forgot Nigeria. 214 00:11:52,708 --> 00:11:54,292 Oh, that was you? Show off. 215 00:11:54,375 --> 00:11:56,792 Uh... You want me to get you help? 216 00:11:56,875 --> 00:11:58,750 Oh, no, I've got this. See you at the party. 217 00:11:58,833 --> 00:12:02,000 Yeah, she'll be fine. 218 00:12:02,083 --> 00:12:04,167 Okay, Tony. Pick up, Tony, please. 219 00:12:04,250 --> 00:12:07,625 Perfect timing. Happy, can you tell Timmy here that a replica Cap shield 220 00:12:07,708 --> 00:12:09,375 is nothing but a patriotic Frisbee? 221 00:12:09,458 --> 00:12:10,875 - Tony, it's an emergency! - Whoa! 222 00:12:10,958 --> 00:12:13,458 Trouble here, too. Soccer moms are cornering Cap. Gotta go. 223 00:12:13,542 --> 00:12:15,208 Tony. Tony! 224 00:12:17,250 --> 00:12:18,583 Okay. 225 00:12:18,667 --> 00:12:20,387 Come on. Answer the phone, answer the phone. 226 00:12:21,833 --> 00:12:23,753 Hello. What? What? Hold on a sec. 227 00:12:23,792 --> 00:12:26,833 Clint, think we need to wrap this up. Sun's getting real low, pal. 228 00:12:26,917 --> 00:12:29,292 Like, super winter solstice kind of low. 229 00:12:29,375 --> 00:12:30,375 Banner, Banner! 230 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,058 - I'm sorry. It's the last one. - Banner! 231 00:12:32,125 --> 00:12:33,375 Clint, just give her the toy! 232 00:12:33,458 --> 00:12:35,351 - No can do. - Come on. Just let her have it. 233 00:12:35,375 --> 00:12:38,708 The wife says, "Bring home this toy or don't come home at all." 234 00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:40,875 - Damn it. Clint, just... - Let her have it! 235 00:12:41,542 --> 00:12:42,542 Oh. 236 00:12:43,542 --> 00:12:44,875 Yeah! 237 00:12:46,042 --> 00:12:47,958 Oh, yeah! 238 00:12:48,458 --> 00:12:51,500 Start pouring the Shirley Temples, big guy. I got your cherries. 239 00:12:51,583 --> 00:12:53,875 Sparrow-1, this is Puffin-2. 240 00:12:53,958 --> 00:12:56,708 Do you copy? We got a code red. 241 00:12:56,792 --> 00:12:58,708 The tower's been overtaken by terrorists. 242 00:12:58,792 --> 00:13:01,125 Terrorists on Christmas? What is this? Con Air? 243 00:13:01,208 --> 00:13:04,458 No, wait. Under Siege? No, no, no. That's not it. Wait. I know this one. 244 00:13:04,542 --> 00:13:06,625 Uh, walking my mental Blockbuster aisle. 245 00:13:06,708 --> 00:13:08,125 Hey, John McClane, focus. 246 00:13:08,208 --> 00:13:11,458 Every weapon, every suit is currently under Hammer's control. 247 00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:12,792 What are you calling me for? 248 00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:15,500 Tell JARVIS to dial up the army or the Avengers. 249 00:13:15,583 --> 00:13:17,351 Or that scary dude with the eye-patch. 250 00:13:17,375 --> 00:13:20,458 JARVIS is offline defragging. It's how they were able to... 251 00:13:20,542 --> 00:13:22,083 Darcy, you're a genius. 252 00:13:22,167 --> 00:13:25,750 Thanks. I have been in college for the better part of a decade. 253 00:13:25,833 --> 00:13:27,375 Not to brag. But what did I say? 254 00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:29,500 JARVIS has a mainframe in the sub-basement. 255 00:13:29,583 --> 00:13:32,708 If we bring JARVIS back online, we can take control of the building 256 00:13:32,792 --> 00:13:33,875 and everything inside it. 257 00:13:33,958 --> 00:13:37,250 Puffin-2, are you asking me to be your Reginald VelJohnson? 258 00:13:37,333 --> 00:13:40,042 Reginald VelJohnson? That's what you remember from the movie? 259 00:13:40,125 --> 00:13:41,125 Oh, damn. 260 00:13:44,458 --> 00:13:45,708 Eh... 261 00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:48,417 You guys can see me, right? 262 00:13:50,083 --> 00:13:51,917 Uh... 263 00:13:56,708 --> 00:13:59,375 Okay. Okay, okay. Okay. Okay. 264 00:14:00,250 --> 00:14:01,667 - Oh, okay. - Hey! 265 00:14:02,167 --> 00:14:03,167 Hmm. 266 00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:09,875 Guess the only way out is out! 267 00:14:15,292 --> 00:14:17,750 Holy... 268 00:14:51,083 --> 00:14:53,917 See that? I got Hulk blood pumping through me. 269 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,167 Might as well try it on for size. 270 00:14:58,667 --> 00:15:00,627 Wait, wait. Do you hear that? 271 00:15:00,708 --> 00:15:01,958 Go, go, go. 272 00:15:02,750 --> 00:15:04,583 Broke that damn chain pretty good. 273 00:15:04,667 --> 00:15:07,583 What about the short fuse? Can't have a temper tantrum. 274 00:15:07,667 --> 00:15:09,375 Be calm. Breathe. 275 00:15:09,458 --> 00:15:10,792 That's supposed to help, right? 276 00:15:12,542 --> 00:15:15,250 10-9, Puffin-2. Everything okay there, boss? 277 00:15:15,333 --> 00:15:17,958 'Cause you sound a little Darth Vader-y. 278 00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:20,184 I just need a minute. I'm going through some stuff. 279 00:15:20,208 --> 00:15:23,083 Can't believe the whole building runs off this one dinky box. 280 00:15:23,167 --> 00:15:25,750 My next internship should totally be at WikiLeaks, 281 00:15:25,833 --> 00:15:28,667 'cause I've got this whole hacking thing... Oh, no. 282 00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:33,083 Whoa! 283 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,208 A secret room! 284 00:15:36,292 --> 00:15:38,458 You thought the doorknob was the mainframe? 285 00:15:38,542 --> 00:15:41,500 Anyone would. This is like Narnia for dorks. 286 00:15:41,583 --> 00:15:44,458 There should be a backup JARVIS AI in the sub-basement. 287 00:15:44,542 --> 00:15:47,667 Boss, he has someone else on the inside. In the sub-basement. 288 00:15:47,750 --> 00:15:50,417 Wait. I got a better idea. Get back to the penthouse. 289 00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:53,708 It's better to make them come to the Hammer. 290 00:15:53,792 --> 00:15:56,417 All right. Here we go, boss. We got a Friday, 291 00:15:56,500 --> 00:16:00,208 a W.A.D.S.W.O.R.T.H., an E.D.I.T.H. 1.0. Gosh, sounds like a BBC mystery. 292 00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:01,667 Darcy, just pick one! 293 00:16:01,750 --> 00:16:03,667 Wunderbar! Werner it is. 294 00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:05,375 Whoa! 295 00:16:05,458 --> 00:16:07,458 Darcy? Darcy, do you copy? 296 00:16:08,250 --> 00:16:12,417 Oh, fine. Come in, Sparrow-1. This is Puffin-2. Do you copy? 297 00:16:12,792 --> 00:16:14,542 Is this on? 298 00:16:14,625 --> 00:16:19,500 The only difference between a hero and a villain is good PR. 299 00:16:19,583 --> 00:16:22,625 You see, redemption in this country, it isn't about penance. 300 00:16:22,708 --> 00:16:24,375 No, it's about rebranding, 301 00:16:24,458 --> 00:16:27,250 and that Hulk blood was gonna be my chance. 302 00:16:27,333 --> 00:16:30,833 And then you stole it from me, Happy Hogan. But don't worry. 303 00:16:30,917 --> 00:16:34,792 I will reverse-engineer it after I dissect your twitching corpse. 304 00:16:34,875 --> 00:16:36,292 Don't let him spook you, Happy. 305 00:16:36,375 --> 00:16:39,375 That's right. Ho-Ho-Hogan, I got your girl Friday, 306 00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:41,250 but all I want for Christmas is you. 307 00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:44,542 Oh-ho! Gotta admit that's some solid holiday word play. 308 00:16:44,625 --> 00:16:46,875 Hey, thanks. Penthouse. Five minutes. 309 00:16:46,958 --> 00:16:48,792 Or your intern gets a bullet from Santa. 310 00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:51,000 But I'm adorable. 311 00:16:51,083 --> 00:16:54,708 Oh, and, Happy, do us all a favor. Don't be a hero. 312 00:16:54,792 --> 00:16:57,375 Turn the elevator on. I'm coming up. 313 00:17:00,375 --> 00:17:02,083 All right. Let's see what we got here. 314 00:17:02,167 --> 00:17:06,042 Given the weight, no sound, I'm guessing it's a Rolex watch? 315 00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:11,042 Oh, my goodness. The billionaire got Captain America socks. 316 00:17:11,125 --> 00:17:14,708 Wow, the press lied. These two really do not get along. 317 00:17:14,792 --> 00:17:17,083 Quality socks can be excellent gift. 318 00:17:19,708 --> 00:17:21,708 Hey, Happy, here to borrow a cup of sugar? 319 00:17:21,792 --> 00:17:23,083 Light him up, fellas. 320 00:17:23,875 --> 00:17:25,083 Happy, no! 321 00:17:27,833 --> 00:17:29,125 Oh! 322 00:17:29,208 --> 00:17:31,375 So, give us some figgy pudding! 323 00:17:33,083 --> 00:17:35,042 Wha... "Let it snow?" 324 00:17:35,125 --> 00:17:36,833 Oh, sugar cookies. 325 00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:41,500 What the hell is that? 326 00:17:41,583 --> 00:17:43,143 Earthquake? Is it an earthquake? 327 00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:52,875 I think that's Happy Hogan. 328 00:17:59,417 --> 00:18:02,000 Uh, hello? Giant freak on the loose. 329 00:18:02,083 --> 00:18:04,292 What the hell do you think I pay you for? 330 00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:05,417 Not this. 331 00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:09,417 Come on, come on. Yoga room. Karaoke studio. Really? 332 00:18:09,500 --> 00:18:11,333 Avengers armory. Bingo! 333 00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:16,333 Uh... 334 00:18:19,542 --> 00:18:22,125 Wow. Your neck is thicker than Thor's. 335 00:18:22,208 --> 00:18:24,292 Crazy, right? And the party hasn't even started. 336 00:18:25,292 --> 00:18:26,917 Look, if we can reboot JARVIS... 337 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,958 Already on it, Sparrow-1. 338 00:18:29,042 --> 00:18:31,500 You said you were counting on me. That means something. 339 00:18:31,583 --> 00:18:32,875 Hammer's heading to the armory. 340 00:18:32,958 --> 00:18:35,917 I'll handle him. You guys get to work on the JARVIS reboot. 341 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:39,417 It's time for that Hammer to get nailed. 342 00:18:39,958 --> 00:18:42,292 Hammer! Hammer! 343 00:18:43,583 --> 00:18:44,583 Oh. 344 00:19:32,042 --> 00:19:36,167 You lost, Hammer. And there's not gonna be a Christmas miracle. 345 00:19:36,250 --> 00:19:39,208 Oh, famous last words, Hulk Hogan. 346 00:19:42,958 --> 00:19:45,125 Oh, my God! It's Santa! 347 00:19:45,208 --> 00:19:46,458 He's real. 348 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,667 I'm Santa Claus, baby. 349 00:19:59,708 --> 00:20:02,667 Hammer's taken control of the Hulkbuster. 350 00:20:02,750 --> 00:20:05,792 We need to gain control of the suit, now. Upload JARVIS. 351 00:20:05,875 --> 00:20:07,750 Not JARVIS, but German. 352 00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:12,083 This is the worst internship ever. 353 00:20:17,042 --> 00:20:18,792 Come on, Happy. Don't be like that. 354 00:20:18,875 --> 00:20:20,958 Let's make it quick. I just need a little slice. 355 00:20:21,042 --> 00:20:22,250 Oh, you'll get a piece of me. 356 00:20:30,792 --> 00:20:34,708 There's no way that Stark is paying you enough to deal with the Hammer. 357 00:20:38,875 --> 00:20:40,833 Hey, what are you doing? 358 00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:43,500 Nothing? 359 00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:49,625 Oh, yeah! Best boss ever. 360 00:20:49,708 --> 00:20:50,750 Oh, Darcy, really? 361 00:20:50,833 --> 00:20:54,500 Oh, that means a lot coming from, well, someone who's had just so many bosses. 362 00:21:00,167 --> 00:21:01,527 Oh, it's frozen. We're locked out. 363 00:21:01,583 --> 00:21:04,250 Damn you, pinwheel of death. Quick. Control-Alt-Delete. 364 00:21:05,667 --> 00:21:07,083 Huh? That actually worked. 365 00:21:07,167 --> 00:21:11,292 A little trick I picked up interning for the Culver University IT department. 366 00:21:11,375 --> 00:21:14,000 - Have you ever had an actual paying job? - Nope. 367 00:21:25,250 --> 00:21:26,333 Guten tag. 368 00:21:26,417 --> 00:21:29,792 Yes. All right, we're up. Disengage the Veronica Hulkbuster Protocol. 369 00:21:29,875 --> 00:21:35,125 In the beginning, men controlled machines. Now, machines control the fate of men. 370 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,125 Yeah, okay, right. Are you calling the Avengers? 371 00:21:40,208 --> 00:21:42,667 As they say in German, no. 372 00:21:44,542 --> 00:21:47,667 What the hell is this program? Siri for nihilists? 373 00:21:47,750 --> 00:21:48,792 It sounds like my dad. 374 00:21:48,875 --> 00:21:50,667 Happy, you're on your own. 375 00:21:54,208 --> 00:21:59,792 Here's some Muay Thai, jiujitsu, tae Kwon do! 376 00:22:04,792 --> 00:22:06,958 Know when you're beat, freak. 377 00:22:07,042 --> 00:22:08,917 What? 378 00:22:24,250 --> 00:22:27,458 Son of a nutcracker. That monster is eating my suit! 379 00:22:30,250 --> 00:22:31,250 Huh? 380 00:22:35,833 --> 00:22:38,208 Bruce, a little help. 381 00:22:38,292 --> 00:22:40,000 No, you guys got this. 382 00:22:44,875 --> 00:22:46,792 Where's Thor? 383 00:22:46,875 --> 00:22:48,083 Is that Happy? 384 00:22:48,167 --> 00:22:49,208 Um, no. 385 00:22:49,958 --> 00:22:51,875 What is this thing? 386 00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:57,417 No, no, no. He's on the guest list. 387 00:22:57,500 --> 00:23:00,042 Repeat, he is on the guest list. 388 00:23:01,333 --> 00:23:04,125 Natasha! It's me. 389 00:23:04,833 --> 00:23:06,458 Oh, my God. Happy? 390 00:23:06,542 --> 00:23:07,625 I was right. 391 00:23:07,708 --> 00:23:12,000 This is the good guy, that is the bad guy. 392 00:23:14,042 --> 00:23:15,792 What are you doing with my suit? 393 00:23:15,875 --> 00:23:17,292 Uh, nothing? 394 00:23:21,833 --> 00:23:22,833 Um... 395 00:23:40,042 --> 00:23:42,167 You saved me. Why? 396 00:23:42,250 --> 00:23:44,875 It's Christmas, Hammer. Goodwill towards men. 397 00:23:44,958 --> 00:23:46,625 Even the bad ones. 398 00:23:46,708 --> 00:23:47,708 Huh. 399 00:23:52,333 --> 00:23:55,417 I'm sorry about the party, Tony. I'm sure insurance will cover most of it. 400 00:23:55,500 --> 00:23:58,500 Are you kidding? You're the only insurance policy I'll ever need. 401 00:23:58,583 --> 00:24:01,042 Ah, thanks, Tony. Wait. You do have a cure, don't you? 402 00:24:01,125 --> 00:24:02,375 I'm not stuck this way, right? 403 00:24:04,167 --> 00:24:07,167 My head of security, everybody. How about this guy, right? 404 00:24:07,250 --> 00:24:08,667 - Yeah, Happy. - Good job, Happy. 405 00:24:08,750 --> 00:24:10,417 - Crushed it, man. - Bah, humbug. 406 00:24:10,500 --> 00:24:13,583 As for how the rest of this holiday tale goes, 407 00:24:13,667 --> 00:24:18,583 the tower was safe and secure, still decked in holly and bows, 408 00:24:18,667 --> 00:24:21,667 when Tony Stark to his team gave a whistle. 409 00:24:21,750 --> 00:24:23,958 I think I speak for everyone when I say 410 00:24:24,042 --> 00:24:25,292 some food would be beneficial. 411 00:24:25,375 --> 00:24:29,333 My appetite is raging. I can eat an actual fruitcake after that fight. 412 00:24:29,417 --> 00:24:33,208 But I heard a voice say as the heroes vanished from sight... 413 00:24:33,292 --> 00:24:36,000 "Merry Christmas to all and to all a..." 414 00:24:36,833 --> 00:24:37,833 Guys? 415 00:24:38,292 --> 00:24:39,667 Oh, I missed the party. 416 00:24:41,458 --> 00:24:44,167 "To all, a good night." 417 00:24:45,333 --> 00:24:48,542 We wish you a merry Christmas 418 00:24:48,625 --> 00:24:51,583 We wish you a merry Christmas 419 00:24:51,667 --> 00:24:58,000 We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year 420 00:24:58,083 --> 00:25:01,000 We wish you a merry Christmas 421 00:25:01,083 --> 00:25:04,333 We wish you a merry Christmas 422 00:25:04,417 --> 00:25:10,875 We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year 423 00:25:10,958 --> 00:25:17,083 Glad tidings we bring to you and your kin 424 00:25:17,167 --> 00:25:23,208 Glad tidings at Christmas and a happy new year 425 00:25:23,292 --> 00:25:25,417 We wish you a swinging Christmas 426 00:25:27,583 --> 00:25:29,792 We wish you a crazy Christmas 427 00:25:29,875 --> 00:25:35,667 We wish you a naughty Christmas and a frantic new year 428 00:26:01,375 --> 00:26:02,458 Yeah 429 00:26:28,625 --> 00:26:29,917 All right. 430 00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,625 Good Queen Darcy last looked down 431 00:26:32,708 --> 00:26:35,125 On the feast of Steve Rogers 432 00:26:35,208 --> 00:26:37,667 When the snow lay on the ground 433 00:26:37,750 --> 00:26:40,208 Something, something, something 434 00:26:40,292 --> 00:26:45,042 Thor has a giant neck It is full of muscles 435 00:26:45,125 --> 00:26:51,292 He's just a little schmoopy noodle Going through the cosmos 436 00:26:53,917 --> 00:26:57,792 Happy Holidays! Make up dumb songs for money. 33660

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.