All language subtitles for Runs.In.The.Family

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[soft music playing]

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♪ There is a place in town ♪

♪ Deep in the upside down
Where we could go to be found ♪

♪ A perfect place to share and… ♪

So I said to him, my bru,

when has Stan Russo ever gone back
on his word? When?

I mean fuck, you know, Varun.
I can be screwed out of a deal. [laughing]

I can be locked in a boot in the middle
of bumfuck Northern Suburbs, right?

I can be beaten to a pulp at
the yacht club by a gang of proper Boere.

But if I've given my word,
as my old man in Heaven as my witness,

may he rest in peace, I honor it. Not so?

-Every time.
-Ya, you see? You know me.

Hey, Varun. How long has it been now?
Like 20-odd years?

Uh, 27. I met you the year
before I met Mo-

Nobody knows me better than you
and you know I'm a man of honor.

What do I always say? Honor is all about?

-Family
-Family! Exactly!

Cut from the same cloth,
you and me. Same cloth.

Hey, speak of the devil. Is that your kid?

Fuck, hey.

[laughing] Look at you!
Oh, to be a father.

Fuck, boy. I'm sorry I'm getting
emotional here.

I'm talking to you
and I'm, uh, I'm nostalgic.

It's okay, Stan.

Ya, but fuck, Varun.
Look at you, you're a Dad.

You're a fucking Dad!

[huffs lightly]

Hey, how are things between you two?

Me and River?
Yeah, it's uh, it's good, uh…

We look out for each other.

Yeah, of course, you do.
Of course, you do, man. That's my point!

Gone are the days where there's good
wholesome okes like you in the biz.

Lonely.

I miss you, brother.

I'm still here, Stan.

What, making suits?

At least you're still working
with those magic hands, hey?

Can I have a look?

Not too fucking shabby for a squirrel,
hey?

You like it?

-Yes, I do.
-Looking cool.

[grinding and ringing of slot machines]

Stan the Con Man!
Listen, I got a good one this time.

Not now, Anthony. Jeez.

-Celebrity Dog Walker. What do you think?
-Stop breaking my fucking balls, bru!

I don't know what you're talking about. I
told you, don't come in here all coked up,

spewing bullshit fucking nonsense.

Now please, fuck off.

Comprendé?

I'm picking up what you're putting down.
Gonna put a pin in it.

Put a fucking pin it, but mostly,
fuck off. Okay?

Howzit, bruh?

Fuck, see what I have to fucking
deal with every fucking day with this guy?

How is business?

[grunting] Pennies today,
Porsche's tomorrow.

Between you and me,

the grifting was always more lucrative
than the gambling.

It's just not as consistent,

especially since I lost
my trusty paper boy. Right?

Listen.
You ever get the urge to print again,

you talk to me first, all right?

-Only printing I do nowadays.
-Our loss, our loss.

Hey, but this fucking slick, pal.
Where's your shop?

Uh, I work out of my car. I, uh…

You were always the modest one
in the gang, hey? "Out of his car". Fuck.

Hey, bru. Don't be a stranger, danger.

[clicks tongue]

[keypad beeping]

[voicemail] You have one new message.

[woman] Varun motherfucking Chetty.
Don't hang up!

[dramatic music playing]

It's Monica. It's me!
Can you believe it, baby?

[hip hop music playing]

[breathing out deeply]

Okay, Okay, Okay. Filter into the class
late-comers.

Today we're talking about Her Vagesty's
drag competition, okay?

@kaylala says "If you win,
what will you spend the sh-money on?"

Well, I'm giving away my half to charity
and this self-centered prick

is spending his on plastic surgery.

As if a bitch isn't pretty enough!

Don't talk like you're not gonna use
your half at Hot House.

Like I said, charity!

-[both laughing]
-[phone ringing]

Oh, you've got Poppers calling.

Hi, Dad. I'm just in the middle
of an Instagram live.

-[Varun] River?
-Can I call you back?

Hey, Uncle Varun!

Oh, hello Ollie. May I speak with River?

No, Dad. I'm here!
I'm just in the middle of an IG live.

Are you driving? You shouldn't do
those broadcasts when you're-

It's fine. [stuttering] It's fine.
I promise.

Don't forget to call me
when you're home.

I will. Bye. Bye, bye.

Sorry.

Sorry about that, ya'll.
River got a call from his Dzaddy.

Oh my God, don't make it weird!

If you're just joining us,
we're doing a little Q&A

about Her Vagesty The Queen's
drag competition next week.

Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop!
Book your tickets!

Okay, from @acinom…1972?

Wooh! We got some pensioners up
in the house, ya'll.

[both laughing]

Jokes, jokes. I've absolutely had older.

Okay, from @acinom1972:

"Are you sure
you've got what it takes to win?"

Well, doll,

her Vagesty herself did a shoutout
to our audition tape on Twitter.

Exactly. Right after she tweeted
about bringing the 'personal' factor

to her competition.

And there may be girls
who can dance on stage in a dress,

but can they twirl and dip like me?

-Can they do a lip-sync like me?
-Can they beat their face like me?

Can they do a tuck like me?

No man in a dress can tuck his dick
like River can! What's your secret?

Oh, honey. I just whip it right off
and put it on the nightstand.

Bloop.

[both laughing]

-[disco music playing]
-[people cheering]

[music becomes muffled]

[shattering of glass]

[both mumbling, grunting]

I don't believe it! Hey, bye, babes.
Nice to see you, hey.

-Bye.
-How y'all getting home?

-Uh, we-- this is us. Uber.
-Ubering.

-Bye
-Bye, Mel!

It's Christine!

-Bye, Christine!
-Bye, Chistine!

Every time, Ollie. Every time!

Ugh, he was gorgeous,

But then he leaves with Chenal.
I mean, seriously?

Fuck, it's already getting light.

[piano music playing]

Thank you, thank you so much.

Have a nice evening.

[vlogger] So gaybies, here's a few hints
on how to make a breakaway piece

for a sickening wardrobe reveal moment
so you can rip that corset right off.

Follow closely, and don't forget to tag
your girl when you make your tens, okay?

-River?
-Hello.

River, I'm standing outside.

What are you doing at my house?
That's a little-

What's going on? Is something wrong?
I was worried.

Worried? Or impatient?

I'm literally just turning into my road
right now. Look, see? Hi.

You said you'd call me
when you're back home.

And? I just got home. You're my witness.

River, I need to talk to you.

Okay, Dad. I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.
I'm all ears, just for-

Have you been out all night?

-No. No, I haven't, um--
-Did you sleep?

Yes, I slept. Did you sleep? You okay?

I'm fine, you just- if you don't sleep
you're grumpy and you know--

I'm fine.

-Place is so noisy, you know?
-Yeah, it is but I love it.

What have you been doing?
Dancing all night?

No. No, of course not.

So, what's all this fuss about?

Your mother has reached out.

[huffs] I don't have a mother.

Fine. My ex-girlfriend
and your first home has reached out.

-She wants us to pick her up. In eSwatini.
-In eSwatini? Why?

Because she wants to leave.

Okay, she's proven pretty good at that.
Why doesn't she?

[spluttering]

She's been, uh, confined in a,
a rehabilitation clinic there.

[chuckling] Of course, she'd be a junkie.

-River, don't be rude.
-Sorry, sorry.

Um, uh, yeah, okay.
Well, I guess I'm just

glad to hear that she's even alive.

Oh, no wait. Sorry, don't care.

Look, she's been banished there
by some dodgy ex-boyfriend

and only a relative
can sign her out of the facility.

And she's never really had any family,
she's sadly untethered in that way.

So, her only hope is her only child.

Sorry, Dad, but I just don't think
I can be the one to--

-River, she needs you.
-And? Where was she when I needed her?

Certainly not crossing borders
to come see me,

her offspring, by the way.

-River.
-[yelling] Ow, ow!

Here, here.

Put it under the running water.
There, my darling. My boy.

Anyway, it doesn't matter
because I'm not able to fly at the moment.

-I don't have an ID that looks like this.
-We're driving.

It's better for your mother.
She loves the open road.

She and I, we jumped the border fence
back in our youth. It was easy.

Please, not you and your youth again.

Besides, I need to be here for my show.
I can't just up and leave.

If we leave first thing tomorrow, we can
be back here-

Dad, I just don't want to!
Why can't you hear me?

That's fair. I-- I understand.

I'm sorry, my boy.

You relax and have
your breakfast in peace.

I'll be back in time
for your competition, I promise.

I wouldn't miss it for the world. Huh?

Take care.

Uh, wait, Dad. How are you
gonna get her out then?

I'll do what I do best. Improvise!

[jazzy music playing]

-So, I obviously said no.
-Haibo! Why not?

Because she would not do the same for me.
I'm sorry.

-Ha! But you know who would?
-Still.

That man will go to Pollsmoor
for you.

-He would drop the soap for you, chile.
-Never that, please!

[both laughing]

Still got it.

Aw, look at this fragile little boy
dressed as a barbie.

Yip. Basically nothing's changed.

Literally.

And this bombshell?

I always thought you got your looks
from your Papi, but damn Mamacita!

Cómo estás!

[both laughing]

You're making me laugh!

No wonder he's so pussy-whipped.

-No, for real!
-You are a problem.

[quirky music]

Hello, Monica. Hi, Monica.

Long time no see, Moni.

Monica. My marvelous Moni-Lisa.

You look as radiant as ever.

[Varun huffs]

Who, me? Good as new. [laughing]
Yes, I know.

-In fact-
-Dad.

-Who are you talking to?
-No one, uh…

You came!

Yeah, um. But I have to be back
by Thursday. No later, okay?

Great. We can do it in two days
if we share the driving.

Fine.

I haven't said anything
to Monica about, uh…

Oh, that's fine. I'll handle that. Thanks.

Okay.

And, just for the record,
I'm doing this for you.

Not for her, okay?

That's good of you. Thank you.

[funky jazz music playing]

Good start.

Oh, will you shut the… the door?

[Varun] Wow.

[music continues]

You know, we used to do drag.

We called it cross-dressing then.

Dad, throwing on a high-pitched voice
and a scarf for laughs is not drag.

Nonsense! People said I would have been
a very pretty girl.

If we used today's lingo,
maybe some would've said I was about,

uh, 25% transgender.

[laughing]

That is not how it works!
You do realize that, right?

Being trans isn't an art form or a hobby.

We're literally a different gender to what

some doctor prescribed when they saw
either a vulva or a penis and decided,

'okay, this one better be pretty
but not too pretty

or she won't be taken seriously
and that one can never cry

and always has to pay on dates'.

-I cry from time to time.
-Boys do cry.

We should be allowed that much.

But no, the binary is a colonial,
capitalist,

-patriarchal tool that is violently oppr--
-[clanking sound]

Oh, whoa, what?

Not to worry, not to worry.
I thought I fixed it.

-Dad!
-No, no. Leave it.

Careful! No, no. Shouldn't we pull over?

Happens all the time.

-That doesn't feel safe.
-There you go!

-Okay.
-It's fine.

[funky jazz music playing]

You know, uh, there's an old song
by The Kinks called "Lola".

You should find it on your phone.
You'll like it. You should drag to it.

Come! Put it on, put it on.

-This it?
-That's it.

[singing] Girls'll be boys
And boys'll be girls

It's a mixed up, muddled up,
shook up world--

What's that thing that Ollie is?
Non, uh, binary!

Non-binary, yeah.

Maybe if you're Indian,
it's naan-binary or,

[laughing]

Non-Biryani, eh?

[singing] Well I'm not the world's
Most masculine man

But I know what I am
And I'm glad I'm a man and so is Lola!

La la la--

This is what you call music, eh!

♪ Well, I'm not dumb
But I can't understand ♪

♪ Why she walked like a woman
But talked like a man ♪

♪ Oh my Lola ♪

♪ La-la-la-la Lola ♪

♪ La-la-la-la Lola ♪

♪ Well, we drank champagne
And danced all night ♪

♪ Under electric candlelight… ♪

[speaking Afrikaans] Good day, Mister.
I see you've travelled far.

Let me clean your van. I'll clean it.

[Varun] I was at a club called Las Vegas
in Joburg once,

and there was a chap there who didn't like
the fact that a guy like me

was courting a glamorous white girl
like Monica.

And there was this, uh,
Prince track playing and your moth--

Monica was dancing.

And out of the corner of my eye,

I noticed this chap reach into his pocket
and I whispered to her,

"Dip me like one of your French girls."
And she did!

She dipped me to Prince's beat.

Bah! A bullet whizzed right past me.

Your cross-dressing mother and Prince
saved my life, by the skin of my forehead.

But we had lots of adventures.

Monica was a thrill.

She liked to be close to danger.

Resenter of commitment, hey.
Lover of the present.

What if she doesn't love me?

Hey. Of course she'll love you.

We've just got to get her to see you, ey?

[gentle music playing]

Come, put, put some music on, eh?

Can we book a second room?

Do you see any keys here?

Okay. Uh, one's fine for tonight.

But we hope to return tomorrow evening
with my ex-girlfriend,

so can we book two rooms for then, please?

Hmm. Will you be needing extra mattress
for tonight? Bedding?

Uh, is it a single bed in the room?

Does it matter?

It's a king.

That's fine. We can share.

The two of you? Together?

If that's all right with you, yeah?

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

Is there somewhere
where we can get food nearby?

Thank you.

[rock music playing]

How did we all get brainwashed
into believing that two men

can't share a king-sized mattress?

I mean, a father and son?

My relationship with my father
was tougher than ours.

Much less honest too.

The world has come a long way.

I don't know about that.

It's like, when I,
when I used to be seen as a girl,

people would hug me,
my friends would hold my hand,

even you used to kiss me on the forehead.
But now,

it's like men think that the only way
that we can touch each other

is with a fist to the face.

That or, uh…

[groaning]

We dance!

[upbeat music begins to play]

Dad.

Dad!

River, come on! Come

Okay, okay.

Okay, Dad.

Hey, aren't you a little old for this pal?

[whistling]

-That's enough!
-Hey, hey.

Hey, get your hands off my dad!

[everyone moaning, grunting]

Dad! Dad!

You bitch… [indistinct mumbling]

Bastards!

Right of admission reserved! Arseholes!

Right of discrimination more like! Eh!

You okay?

Yeah, I'm, I'm okay, you?

I'm fine. Damned ageists! Huh!

Dad, I don't think that was ageism.

It's what he said to me!
That I'm too old to be dancing.

You're a brown man and I'm a trans gay.

Ageism is hardly gonna be at the top
of the list in this little dorpie.

No, no, no, they let us eat here.
It was the dancing--

It's not theirs to "let" or "allow".
We actually have rights, I'm going back.

Oh, no, no, no, no. Leave it River.
It's not a hill worth dying on.

We're fine, are we not? We can move.

It's not good to get fixated
by the horrible things in life, hey?

What's that quote you always say? Um…

The most common way
people give up their power,

is by thinking that they don't have any.

-Good boy, Bobby Seale
-Yeah?

And you're right, we have the power,
to dance the night away.

[laughing]

-First fight! In a bar! I'm so proud, hey!
-Okay, okay.

Just cause I said it doesn't mean
you have to touch me all the time.

Let's go to another bar.

-No, no, we're going home now.
-I'm young.

No, no you're not, actually,
you're kinda old.

-Don't say that!
-You need to look after yourself!

Don't say that!

All right, spring chicken.

I love you my boy.

I love you too, Dad. I love you too.

Where's the hotel?

[melancholic music playing]

[grunting]

[grunting]

Huh!

[panting]

[piano music playing]

[whimpering]

[short suppressed sniffs]

Hey, River? River.

You okay? What's wrong?

Nothing, why?

I'm sorry. You were sort of whimpering.
I thought you were having a nightmare.

[murmurs softly]

Go back to sleep.

Sorry.

[sad music playing]

[upbeat music playing]

It's definitely here somewhere.
I'm just trying to remember.

There were some trees.
And a bit of a dip in the road.

Or maybe there was more of a hill, uh…

Do you want me to look it up or…

No, it's not a specific place.
It's more of a non-place

where you can, uh, non-cross.

Yeah but surely we need to get
to the border in order to "non-cross" it?

Mmm, you don't really want to
get all the way there.

Just near enough
so that you can take a little detour,

and, uh, veer off before
they can see you.

Dad?

Have a little faith, River.
Like the scarab in the desert.

The scarab pushes a ball of dung
through adversity from dawn 'til dusk.

Like Sisyphus?

No, the myth of Sisyphus
was one of futility.

The myth of the scarab is one of humility.

The scarab humbly perseveres.
The scarab has hope.

So in this situation,

we're the scarab humbly hoping
that we're gonna find a turnoff

that you haven't seen in 20 years.

Coincidentally, the scarab was a symbol
of "becoming" in Ancient Egypt.

They believed the scarab was only… male.

And that they were able
to reproduce themselves

because they laid an egg in the dung

that they rolled
and rebirthed themselves each day.

So the image of the scarab
in Hieroglyphics

translates as "to come into being"
or "to transform".

Great. The first transmasc mascot.
A dung beetle.

Hey! There it is!

Okay!

[sighing]

River, what are you doing?

-I'm getting my bag
-For what?

Because I got valuables in it.
Don't you want yours?

I don't have any valuables.

Um, Dad? Think again.
Your fancy carpet's here.

-Ah! I hadn't thought of that.
-Why's it here?

I was going to use it as a prop
to get Monica out and…

You don't have your ID, so here we are!

Well then, we should've
taken it out before.

I obviously forgot!

Here's your bag.

It's not a problem.

I knew this was a bad idea.

Here, we can carry it.

Monica better appreciate this

Dad, it's been 20 minutes.

Are you sure we're going
the right way even?

-Ah, there you go!
-Ah!

-Right on cue!
-Okay!

-[grunting]
-Oh, sorry.

You know what?
Don't worry, I'll, I'll just take it.

Getting strong these days, eh?

Here, let me take the fence down.

-Use the carpet.
-Oh, ya!

-Finally, a good use for this thing.
-Hey.

-Shoo. Can you hold this?
-Yes.

Thanks. Watch out.

We've crossed the border!

-Yeah!
-Hey, hey, hey!

Woo-hoo! Welcome!

There's the road. We can hitch-hike
to the clinic from there.

Hitch-hike?

Surely not? Surely we,
like uber or phone a taxi or some--

River, I've always depended
on the kindness of strangers.

-Um, Dad?
-Mm-mm.

I don't think that was the border fence.

[upbeat music playing]

What's another kilometer at this rate,
hey?

You're joking.

Sweetie Pie was in a bad relationship

and we were just dropping her off
with family.

So she could start a new life
and hopefully

return our cash when we needed it.

Oh, we also met some insurgents

who gave us some drugs
we'd never heard of.

And then we had a huge party
around the lake

and then jumped back over
and never saw any of them again.

Shit! Dad, look at this fence.

It's not that high.

[River huffs]

It's fine.

You're joking.

[River sighs]

Okay, I think you go first
and then I'll throw the stuff over to you,

and then I'll try climb up by myself,
okay?

Come.

-You want me to go first?
-Yeah.

You're the young man
and you want me to go first.

I'm gonna help you, actually.

Get out of the way.

Oh, please.

-Here, put your foot.
-Get off!

-[River grunting]
-[fence rattling]

Just, careful. All right, all right,
all right.

Ha?

-How do I get down?
-I don't know.

Okay.

I-- I don't, just…

-Careful!
-[moaning]

Dad, are you okay?
Are you-- What did you hurt? Dad?

I keep saying that this is a bad idea!

-I'm fine, River.
-No, it's more like a fucking train wreck.

Hey! Have some respect!

-I'm not the old simpleton you think I am!
-Whoa, I literally never even said that.

I don't know where you've picked up
this jaded attitude,

but it sure as hell isn't in my house!

So, just remember,
yours isn't the only way.

You're still a child.

Look outside of yourself once in a while!

You might learn a thing or two.

Now just stay here. Don't do a thing.
I'm going to make a plan.

-Can you hear me or not?
-Yes, I can hear you!

Wow.

[whispering] Arsehole.

River. Bring the things!

[River huffs]

[whispering] Sure.

Here.

Pass the things under,
and then you climb through.

[sighing]

Make sure it doesn't touch, good boy

-Um, okay.
-Put your head first.

[grunting]

I'm fine.

[funky music playing]

[car hooting]

Kindness of strangers, huh?

Oh.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey, bring the, bring the stuff!

-Fuck, man.
-Hi, thank you.

-I will fucking hit you, man!
-I'm so sorry! I--I--

Are you-- Like, why are you creeping up on
a woman alone on the side of the road?

Are you stupid?

I thought you were pulling over--

-No!
-I'm really sorry.

-River, what's going on here?
-I didn't mean to make her cry, I--

You didn't make me cry,
I was crying already, thank you very much.

Then this white boy decided
to stick his face against my window

like some crazy fuck!

I'm sorry. Are you all right?

No, I'm not, actually.
You wanna know why?

Because my boyfriend decided to break up
with me over Whatsapp! Whatsapp!

I'm sorry, have you seen me?

Now I must cross a whole entire border
to teach some jerk a lesson?

Lo and behold, does he not switch off
his live location while I'm busy driving.

That is why I swerved off
the motherfucking road.

Sorry for swearing.

What's the motherfucker
doing in eSwatini?

Obviously bringing some new
light-skin girlie home to his mommy.

Can I tell you something?
That boy doesn't know what's good for him.

Well, spoiler alert, everyone.
I'm good for him.

Well, uh, we've got one for you.

The love of my life abandoned us
when my son here was just a baby girl.

And now we've just jumped over
the border fence to try and rescue her

from a rehab clinic
a few kilometers that way.

We just need a ride for the last leg.

I'm sorry, you two are father and son?

Oh dear, you then look fucking white.
What happened?

He has his mother's complexion.

Mm, anyway then.
Come, hop in. Chop-chop.

Yeah, come.

Oh, okay! Thank you!

-Thank you.
-And sorry… also.

So, how long were the two of you together?

Four years,
then she fell pregnant with me

and vanished after my first birthday.

What? You don't "fall" pregnant.
I hate it when people say that.

So what she slipped and fell
and landed on a dick! Sorry.

Okay, fine. My lovely father here
"impregnated" her,

then she vanished
after my first birthday, is that better?

You, why you so sour, man?

You have a parent who loves you
for who you are.

Do you know when my cousin came out,
her mommy disowned her for life, hey?

So I must now "be grateful" that one
of my parents is cool with me?

Yes. Yes you should.

Uh, no. I don't owe that woman shit.

Yoh. What a wow! What a ding-ding!

The white gene is really strong
with this one, hey uncle?

You sure you the Father?
And what's with Aladdin's carpet?

Nice, huh?

One hundred knots per square centimeter
knotted by dedicated dessert children,

whose hands are small enough
to tie the knots.

And who've had the craft passed on
to them over centuries.

So, child labor?

Yep. He's obsessed with it.

I mean, it sounds expensive.

And then the two of you just carry
it around with you, hitchhiking and all?

No, it was a backup plan.

We were going to try to use it to bribe
the rehab clinic to let Monica out.

Lol. Not you trading an ex
for your prized slavery carpet.

It was a rather last resort idea.
Obviously, I'd like to keep it.

Thanks for driving.

It was actually quite nice, Uncle.

No, no, leave your stuff.
I'll give you a ride back after.

Come! Monica's waiting.

Look, Ms. Hloni, we understand
there's a discrepancy,

but there's a perfectly
reasonable explanation for this.

See, this masculine-feminine binary
is a colonial tool that--

Sir, I'm just the receptionist.

If you want to discuss
the ramifications of colonization,

you can make an appointment
with Dr. Judy

between 14:00 and 16:00
every second Monday.

She charges by the hour.

-Right.
-Oh, well, we tried.

No, please! We've driven very far.

I'm so sorry, sir, but I can't help you
without legitimate proof

of a family member signing her out.

I need… the corresponding ID
for this birth certificate.

But it's his birth certificate.

I can't just accept anyone who walks in
here without a picture ID

saying that they're someone
of another gender.

You will get me into trouble.

What if we could help each other?

[whispering] Dad!

-Fine! Will this work for you?
-And what is this, sir?

-It's our marriage certificate.
-What?

Let my wife out of here.

Dad, you're not married!

-Yes, I am.
-Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

First, you not married,
then you are married.

And your child, who says you
are not married, is a girl, then a boy.

How must I know if I cannot look
inside his or her pants?

Oh, hell no!

Look at what you've done, Ms. Hloni. Hm!

[melancholic music playing]

-River, just wait! Hang on!
-No, j-just leave me.

How could you keep something
like that from me?

-I didn't!
-No, it-- I don't like secrets.

I don't like surprises! It's not fair!

River! Just listen! When I met Monica
she was an air stewardess at SAA.

They had a policy that if your reason
for quitting was to get married,

you'd get around-the-world
honeymoon tickets for 10% the usual price.

So we faked our marriage
and traveled the world on pennies

on this phony certificate, I made!

So, this is just another improv prop?

-Exactly.
-Not some weird… life-long secret.

Of course not. I would never be dishonest
with you unless it was for your own good.

-Oh, okay? So now there are conditions--
-I didn't, I meant, I misspoke!

There's no secrets, please boy.
Trust me. I'm sorry.

I should have told you
about the prop before.

I just didn't that think we--

Don't you think that if she's in
the clinic, maybe she, I don't know,

like, needs the help.

She was put in here by some bad guy
trying to get rid of her.

We are the help.

And you just believe all that?

Yes, she can be hard to get rid of.

Hasn't been my experience.

Look, let's cool down.

Let's pack it up and go home!
You can tell her we tried.

I'm just not her ticket.

She knows we're coming,
imagine her disappointment.

-So stand up for yourself for once!
-She'll think we're pathetic.

What's pathetic is you being
this doting lap dog. She left you!

[Shaunice] Hey, you two!

Come! I have an idea!

Dad, I'm…

Shit.

Hey, my name is River
and this is my voice 24 hours on T.

And this is my voice 15 days on T.

Three weeks on T.
Six weeks on.

Six months.
One year.

My name is River and this is my voice
two years on T.

Okay.

[phone ringing]

You can sign here and there.

Thank you.

Thank you.

My family.

[gasping]

Let me look at you!

Oh, just how I remembered!

I always knew
my baby would be a stunner!

Oh, you got your mama's skin and my hair
and, gimme a squeeze

Monica. That's not your baby.
Uh, this one is.

Hi. I'm River.

[laughing]

Varun. I'm the one who left you
with a baby daughter?

Yes. Um, I-- I mean no.
Well that's what the doctors said.

River has since, she,
he identifies himself as--

I'm a boy. Monica. I'm a transgender boy.
Man now, actually.

I'm 24, it's 23 years since
you last time you saw me.

A lot's happened in your absence.

Well, then who's she?

Hey, Aunty? I'm your getaway driver.

And frankly, 'til we got here,

you couldn't even leave,
so you better come correct.

Oh.

Now can we go?
I have my own boyfriend to track down.

[whispering] Let's go!

Cheers!

[Monica] Which one's yours?

So, uh, Monica. You look just the same.

And you've aged into
a sexy guru-looking fucker.

My dad actually doesn't like swearing.

Oh? Seems like she's not the only one
who went through an identity change.

He.

You can call him "he". Please.

[whispering] Sorry, sorry!

Your dad was shit-hot.

I was just a little bit more
daring back then.

-How so, Uncle? Come, fill us in.
-No, please don't encourage him.

Tell them about the Out of the Box play.
Come on. Tell them.

-Tell them, tell them, tell them!
-Okay, okay, shhh, okay.

There was an old acquaintance of mine
who started a little clothing store

called Out of the Box.

Before, um, River was born.

So Stan, Stan the Greek,
we used to call him,

hired me as an employee.

One day he paid some guys
to rob the store,

so I locked myself in the bathroom
while they cleaned out the till

and then I broke the window climbed out,
called the cops, gave a statement.

Why did he do that to you, though?

No, I, I was in on it.

We made much more from the insurance
than we ever made from selling t-shirts.

Yeah, take it with a pinch of salt
though, he's still a dreamer.

No, no, no, no, he's watered it down
and he's washed me out of it, too.

I didn't want to implicate you
in the crime.

Oh, yeah. Okay,
so Stan employed both of us.

And we choreographed the whole thing
because we knew that the insurance would,

you know, crank up the volume
if there was personal damage.

So, we shot at the fake robbers,
and them at us,

and then planned our escape,

you know, ran to the robbers and Var here,
the "method actor",

actually even cut his thigh on the glass.

You know, to sell the story
with some blood and gore.

And that is how it happened.

Are you telling me he's a con man?

No, no. That life is behind us. Please.

Bloody better be, ya!

[Monica] Okay, thanks, sweetheart.

-Cool. Good luck.
-Thank you for your kindness.

It's a pleasure, Uncle.
I needed this hot mess to distract me.

Thank you. And I'm sorry again
about the fright earlier.

I sometimes forget how I look now.
What you gonna do?

Agh, I'm just gonna go home.
Wanna come with?

[giggling] Thanks.

[upbeat music playing]

-Right shoulder?
-Yeah.

-[both grunting]
-Okay.

So why do you have this dusty old thing?

[Varun] Insurance.

[Monica] What? That does not look easy.

-River?
-[Monica] I'm fine.

There we go.

[Varun laughing] Marlon, the tooth fairy.

What a grumpy fuck! All the crack made
him look like leather face!

-But he had a great heart, hey?
-Yup, remember the horse gambling?

Oh no, shit, shit, shit, shit!

-What's wrong?
-Uh, dammit, no, no!

What's going on?

-I knew this would happen!
-What?

-Ollie can't perform anymore!
-Why?

Because they broke
their ankle dancing on a table!

Why did they do that?

No, why did we do this?
I rein Ollie in!

That's what I do!
If I was there I could've-- ugh!

River, don't blame yourself.

I'm not, actually, I'm,
I'm blaming this! You!

Hey, easy on your old man.

No, please you just stay out of this
because you don't understand

what's at stake for me here, okay?

Try me!

Okay. Sure! Her Vagesty the Queen
is doing a world tour,

crowning the best local drag act
in each city with a massive cash prize.

Which I was gonna use for top surgery.

But now I can't because my drag partner
has to fall out.

-Did you catch any of that?
-Okay, okay, slow down, um…

You're never gonna get it.
Because you don't know me!

-River.
-No, I'm sorry, I need to do this.

You're just some lady
who ruined my dad's life,

by leaving him with a mixed-up kid

when all he wanted to do
was galavant around the world

on cheap tickets… at lakes
with drugs and insurgents.

And getting shot in the head
and whatever the hell else!

Well, great news for you two!

The two of you can go off and live
your happy stupid lives together now

because I'm fucked, Dad!

[Monica] Wow. She certainly gets
her emotional range from her mother.

He doesn't have a mother!

-Oh, so from the father then?
-Careful!

Everything he is and everything he has
is down to him and him alone.

So, what's this competition?

It's a drag show. You know where gay boys
dress up as girls--

You must be fucking joking.

We made a girl who thinks she's
a boy who dresses like a girl?

I mean, give me a fucking break!

Please, Monica,
it's not that hard to grasp.

We had friends back in the day
who were doing that sort of thing.

We just had different words
for it like, uh…

You should do it.

What?

You should stand in. You should do it.
I mean you can dance and you can perform.

And what bent judge wouldn't love this
little father-son love show.

I c-can't do drag.

It's a, it's an art form.
It's high skill. You have to be bold!

Oh, please, if that kid is bold enough

to grow a goatee and call herself
a boy for the rest of her life,

then you can slap on a wig

and call yourself a woman
for five minutes on stage.

You can do it. You should do it.

Go on.

Let me talk to River.

Okay.

-What about your carpet?
-Push it to the side of the road.

I must do it?

Yes.

[grunting]

[Ollie] Hah! And then
I just hear this whip crack!

And I'm like, girl! What is that?

And are you okay? Is it bad?

[gasping]

Shit babe, I'm so sorry.

No, I'm sorry.
But you still have to do the show, neh?

Uh, no, I can't, it's fine.

Huh? You have to! You need the money!

Yeah, I know but it's too late to recast
at this point.

Just do it solo!

I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?

No, do the show!

-K-love-you-bye, I'm hanging up, bye.
-No, no, no.

You know, out of everything
you said back there,

hearing you call yourself
a "mixed up kid".

There's nothing mixed up about you.

You always knew exactly who you were.

And you did something about it.

That's not something most of us
can say about ourselves.

Hm?

My brave boy.

River, uh…

I was wondering if, uh,
you might accept me as your, uh,

[clears throat] drag partner.

I know.

I know I'm a straight-old guy but I, uh,

do have an adventurous spirit and, uh,
Ollie can do my makeup.

-He doesn't need his ankle for that, eh?
-They.

Oh, they, sorry.

We can rehearse together on the road
and we can make a case for our story.

A father and son drag team.
It's, it's a novel idea.

It's a ridiculous idea. [laughs]

I- I can be a bit of a dreamer, I know.

[melancholic music playing]

That would make me my own fathers
drag mother, you know that?

Sacred cows make the best burgers, hey?

[both laughing]

[upbeat music playing]

So, you can be a master performer
but if your face beat is off,

or your padding is loose,
or your tuck is not tucking--

Wait, English for me, please!

Me too, me too

Okay, okay. Your face beat is your makeup,
right.

I can help with that.

Okay, it's very different to what you do,
but thanks.

Then padding is literally adding curves
to your body, right?

It's hips, it's bum, it's chest.

-Luckily, he's a tits-and-ass kinda guy!
-I am.

And then your tuck is, um…

Well, if- if you have a flesh penis,

then you have to tape it back
between your butt cheeks.

-What?
-Yeah. Sorry, Dad.

That's where I have an advantage over you.

Then you're gonna have to have
a really beautiful wig.

You're gonna need like a high-concept
song and outfit,

and if you're not that great at dancing,
it's okay.

You can do like a comedy piece
or make it really, really personal.

The point is that you have to
serve a story.

Piece of cake!

Yes! And in our world,
"cake" means "ass".

Ah! I love it. Piece of arse!

Exactly. Okay. Let's get music.

[electronic music playing]

Remember we have the bent arms,
finger guns.

We're going out, in, bah,
brrrah, birrrrrrrah.

-Ah! Jesus, Mary, and Jerkoff!
-Shit! I'll take the--

Don't summon all of them!
Happens all the time! Don't worry!

This whole car is falling apart!

Just pull it up, Dad!

-Okay, I've got it.
-Okay, we good?

Ya! Piece of arse

So we're up, and at the top,

you wanna make this part straight
and this part bent.

Loose, loose! Loosey-goosey!

So go like this. Yeah.

Just swap your two feet,
all right?

We need to keep running,
we don't have it.

Come on.

I know what's gonna help.
Take your top off.

We need to start feeling our bodies, okay?

Come from that and five six seven eight.

Sing, this way, sing,
gah-gah-gah-gah.Yeah?

Yes, okay.

Yes, okay.

Sing and sing and…

Okay, we need, we need to run
that whole bit once more though because--

No, uh, sorry, I'm struggling
with the music you've…

[both mumbling]

They're faster than my usual tracks.

But Dad, I mean, we've,

we've said we're gonna do this
so we have to do it, okay?

There's no time.

I think some rest will do me good.
Can we, can I carry on tomorrow, please?

Hm? Please River.

Okay. Uh, yeah, why don't,

why don't you guys go to bed
and I will keep running it.

Oh, no, M-uh, Monica's in the other room.

[clears throat]

Oh! Oh are, are you two, uh, sharing?

There's enough room for two men to sleep
on a king-sized mattress.

-Oh, ya, I mean.
-Uh, you dropped something, Monica.

Oh, thanks.

Keeps, uh, falling out.

Okay, well…

Cheers guys.

Um…

[chirpy] Bye.

Wow, look at you
tearing down the patriarchy.

Somebody's got to do it.

Okay.

Um, I won't be up long, okay?

Okay.

[soft music playing]

Oh, God no, I've had a whole string
of weak boyfriends.

What I need now is a real man
that can sweep me off my feet.

You need an alpha.
A real man protects women.

Mmm! Talking about "real men"!

Gentlemen, this is, River. My son.

[clears throat] Yeah,
some of us met last night.

Take River here.

Okay. He's not big or butch
but he drove 30 hours

to save his mom.

Who had no hand in his upbringing.

From the clutches
of her controlling boyfriend.

That's alpha material, little guy.

On the house.

Cheers!

Sh- should you be?

Oh, no, this is a, it's a zero.

Okay, well, um, I saw you come in here
and I got worried

but I see that you're in, uh,
great company here, so.

Aw, how sweet, thanks, darling!

I'm- I'm gonna get some sleep then, okay?

Mmm. Ya, you've had a long day working!

River is entering
a big talent competition.

-No ways. What's your talent?
-Give us a sneak peek!

It's [stuttering] uh, no, thank you.

Don't be shy. We're all buddies here.

-It's not really that kind of--
-Guys, guys, guys!

It's bad luck! Okay?

I mean you have to let the mojo build-up
before the big day.

You can't spoil the magic before showtime.

I'll tell you what, okay? I'll be there.

I'll record it and then I will,
there we go, send it to you.

-[Monica] Number?
-Old school. No phone?

It got confiscated at the clinic.

-What's the prize?
-Um…

-Fifty big ones!
-Fifty thousand?

Yip.

What. How, how do you know that?

You told me. In the car! I also do that.

I get so wrapped up
in my own shenanigans,

I don't know who's who
or what's what!

Now, I do!

Okay, well, um, night everyone.

-Good night darling, sleep tight!
-Break a leg, my guy.

-[local] Good luck!
-Don't blow it all at once now!

Oh… [laughing]

Don't let your dad bite!

Party time!

Oh, I need some music!

[vocal music playing]

River, will you take
the first driving shift?

Why so early?

♪ Oh what would you do ♪

♪ When everything is new ♪

♪ Oh forever in love ♪

♪ When everything is new… ♪

-Isn't it very invasive?
-Not any more so than any boob job.

Touché! But it's more expensive?

Yeah, basically 100k. Plus I have
to get a psychiatric evaluation.

Wow, that is backward!

Okay, no, hold on.

So, if you and your partner
were going to split the money,

how are you gonna pay for it?

Oh, I have 50k in savings already.

So the prize money's gonna take me
to three-quarters of the way,

and then I have to just raise
the last twenty-five.

But with me as your partner,
you don't have to split it.

You can book your surgery straight away.

Yeah, you might even have a better chance
of winning now, you know?

I think you're gonna win.

I don't really want to get
my hopes up too high.

Fuck that!

You-- You have to believe, right!
That's the only way you can win.

Doubt is for losers! Ask your dad.

You have to shout it
from the mountaintops!

Just open your window, okay?

Hey, you babes and bitches!

-Here come the queens, the winners of…
-Her Vagesty!

Her Vagesty's drag show!

Come on, you must do it with me.

Okay, whoa! Okay.

Shout with me. We are the winners!

Winners coming through! Wooh!
Winner's coming through!

Yeah, bitches!

Yeah!

[upbeat music playing]

Okay, we need to practice.
Where's the music?

Oh, that smells good.

Hey. These, please.

And I think I'll take one of these,

and one of these, thank you.

Darling, don't you wanna buy me some gum?

Sure.

-Thanks, sorry.
-Sorry.

Uh-uh. Swipe or Insert.

This machine
won't let you tap twice in a row.

So sexual, hey?
Swiping, tapping, inserting.

-Thank you.
-Thanks. Cheers.

Have a nice day.

[upbeat music playing]

Yeah. All the way up. All the way up.

Okay, and, five, six, seven, eight.

[indistinct chattering]

[Varun] Excuse the mess, uh,
but I work from home.

[tense music playing]

Okay.

Okay, well, um, I'm gonna be off then.

-Okay, fine.
-Yeah, we have a lot of catching up to do.

Right. But don't forget that we have
our final rehearsal in the morning, okay?

So please try to get some rest and, um,
drink lots of water,

keep running the routine in your head
as much as you can

and don't overthink it, okay?

Easy peasy. Or, what is it that you
called it? Uh, 'piece of ass'?

Yeah, that's the one.

[soft music playing]

Well, um, bye, guys.

Cheers.

[melancholic music playing]

So, what's she like?

Ugh, messy and incredibly stubborn.

So, like you. And the boyfriend?

Um, I don't know.
We didn't really talk much about him.

So she just skipped town with her family
from two decades ago

and bad boy had nothing to say about it?

-Yup.
-She's a runner, she's a track star!

-Right!
-[both laughing]

No, like, wow.

I don't know if she's life goals
or if she's dodgy but I'm lowkey obsessed.

How do you mean dodgy?

Like, remember that line in Gia?
"How do you know if a junky's lying?

-Her lips are moving."
-[both laughing]

Pretty sure that's a harmful stereotype
but it's funny.

Yeah. But if I was Uncle V,
I'd sleep with one eye open.

-Just in case.
-Imagine I said that about your mother?

-Hawu. I thought she's not your mother'?
-You know what I mean.

Besides, he doesn't have a whole lot
that she can con off him anyway,

unless she wanted to start
a traveling tailor shop.

Anyway,

you better get painting, because
we have miracles to pull off tomorrow.

Okay, okay, Mama's boy!

-Stop that!
-Ow! My ankle.

I didn't even touch your ankle!

Don't make her look better than me, hey.

Well, no promises.

Well, how does the, um,

master tailor feel about helping
a girl out with a dress

for her ex-boyfriend's drag show?

-Okay.
-Not that.

-Okay.
-Mm-hmm.

-Oh, not that!
-Oh yeah! That!

You, you want that?

Yeah, that's amazing.
Yeah, I could do that dress.

-That one?
-Yes. In, uh, this.

You want this in that material?

-Yes!
-That's not a lot of dress.

Yes, but there's a lot of dress
at the back.

You'll be safe with my dress at the back.

So he's gonna be a bit shy
about stuff--

[Varun] Ollie? River?

-Uncle V?
-Hi, we're here! Hi, Dad.

Is this your place?

-Uh, yeah! Welcome.
-Mmh-mm. Step right on up. Step on up.

Uh, some materials
so we could make a, uh…

-Oh!
-Okay. She knows what she wants.

[upbeat music playing]

This one is-- Will there be a salsa? Pull!

-Pull!
-It's great. It's great, just think…

Very squishy.

Where's the rest of the dress?

Okay, let's try it
with a little more femininity.

-A little-- Yes!
-Ugh! Uh, okay, okay.

Be the woman, be the woman.

-Let's, um,
-I just think it's because…

They're very high?

-Those are, like…
-They seem very high to me.

-[indistinct chattering]
-[music continues]

We go ooh, uh…

It can be hah. And we tah-chah!

Collect! Right!

I understand. Okay, okay.

Five, six, seven, eight and ah, ah, ah!

Yes!

Twirl! No! No! River twirls. You collect.

-What am I collecting?
-Fabric!

Throw, Uncle V! Throw! Throw!
Throw it again! We throw it again!

-How big is this dress?
-It's big! Throw!

And now we walk, okay?

Uncle V? That 50k is practically ours,
okay?

Yeah. We got it.

Your cheekbones, our finesse. Bam!

They might as well give us the money
right now. okay?

-Exactly.
-I'll see you in two hours.

See you in two hours. Don't be late, okay?

-Okay.
-Gonna be fine.

-[both] It is what it is!
-Chile!

[both laughing]

[phone ringing]

-Dad! Hi, hi, hi, hi. How you doing?
-I think I have a stomach bug.

It's just the nerves.
Don't worry, you'll be fine.

And, uh, how did it go with the dress?

Yes. I brought my kit in case
the fit's not quite right.

-Hey!
-Oh, hi.

-Happy show day!
-Uh, thank, thank you. So nice.

Thank you so much.

Friend, hello! I'm sorry
but I just need one more,

um, backstage pass for our team, please.

You're lucky you're cute, River.
Can I get a name?

-It's, uh, Monica.
-[Christine] Monica…

-S-Storm.
-Storm.

Is this your mom?

-Yeah. Uh… No.
-No. Uh, yes.

-It's complicated.
-You lie! Maxine, come see here!

It's River's mom!

River's mom! River's dad, River's mom,
River!

A whole family affair going on here over!
Okay!

It's all so exciting!

Thanks, friend.
Thank you, that's fine.

Okay, just go through those doors.
I love your dress, babes!

Thank you!

-Thank you.
-Okay.

[upbeat music playing]

-Hello.
-Hey, Uncle Varun!

OMG, girl! You look gorgeous!

-Thank you.
-I pictured a washed-up crackhead.

[Christine] Aah, so good to have
the whole family here.

The world's changing!

Now, for the fun part. Glue!

[laughing]

I think you must, uh, stretch your
other leg, otherwise you'll fuck it up.

[indistinct chattering]

Good luck, and…

[all] Don't fuck it up.

You better work.

[MC] Good Evening. I'm Vivacious Veronica,
your MC for the night.

Please help me welcome Her Vagesty
and her Queens!

-[upbeat music playing]
-[people cheering]

-Try to keep still.
-Go home girls. The money's ours.

That's funny. Tell another one.

Your face.

[all laughing]

I'll get you.

[melancholic music playing]

[people cheering]

[indistinct chattering]

[music continues]

[people cheering]

Scooch together.

I don't think this is fair.

Why?

You know I wasn't around
for the hard life stuff

and now I've rocked up
just before your 15 minutes of fame.

Yeah, I guess not.

Take one with your Dad.

Do you want…

-Okay.
-That's fantastic.

Ah, you guys are so beautiful, my friend.

Right? Beautiful.

[MC] Please put your hands together
and welcome our final act for tonight.

[people cheering]

Tell us a little bit about why you think
you should win the R50 000 cash prize.

I'm 'Jenna Benda,
I'm a trans man drag queen.

And this here is my dad,

or, for one night only: 'The Spice Girl'.

[light laughter]

We believe that we should win
the grand prize

because we've both fought very hard
to be ourselves

in a world that hasn't always
welcomed us.

Thank you.

[weak applause]

We climbed, uh, two border fences
with an old Persian rug.

Drove hundreds of kilometers,
rehearsing in the car.

While he was showing me
how to be a woman,

he was teaching me
how to be a man.

I'm a single dad.

He's all I've got.

[clears throat]

And he should win this prize
so that he can keep showing us

how to be ourselves.

Mm?

How to love each other.
How not to be scared.

All the easy stuff, you know. [chuckling]

My son, my queen,

this is for you.

[piano music playing]

[lip-syncs] ♪ Where do I begin ♪

♪ To tell the story
Of how great a love can be ♪

♪ The sweet love story
That is older than the sea ♪

♪ The simple truth
About the love he brings to me ♪

♪ Where do I start ♪

-[upbeat music playing]
-[people applauding, cheering]

♪ There's a boy I know
He's the one I dream of ♪

♪ Looks into my eyes
Takes me to the clouds above ♪

♪ Oh, I lose control
Can't seem to get enough, uh-huh ♪

♪ When I wake from dreaming
tell me is it really love ♪

-♪ Ooh, how will I know ♪
-♪ Don't trust your feelings ♪

♪ How will I know ♪

-♪ How will I know ♪
-♪ Love can be deceiving ♪

♪ How will I know ♪

♪ How will I know if he really loves me ♪

♪ I say a prayer with every heartbeat ♪

♪ I fall in love whenever we meet ♪

♪ I'm asking you what you know
About these things ♪

♪ These things, these things,
These things, these things, these things ♪

♪ At first I was afraid I was petrified ♪

♪ Kept thinking I could never live
Without you by my side ♪

♪ But then I spent so many nights thinking
how you did me wrong ♪

♪ And I grew strong ♪

♪ And I learned how to get along
And so you're back from outer space ♪

♪ I just walked in to find you here
With that sad look upon your face ♪

♪ I should have changed that stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key ♪

♪ If I'd known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me ♪

♪ Go on now, go, walk out the door
Just turn around now ♪

♪ Cause you're not welcome anymore ♪

♪ Weren't you the one who tried to hurt
me with goodbye ♪

♪ Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die ♪

♪ Oh no, not I, I will survive ♪

♪ For as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive ♪

♪ I've got all my life to live ♪

♪ And I've got all my love to give
And I'll survive ♪

♪ I will survive, hey, hey ♪

-[upbeat music continues]
-[cheering continues]

♪ My baby, he don't talk sweet
He ain't got much to say ♪

♪ But he loves, loves, loves me
I know that he loves me anyway ♪

♪ And maybe he don't dress fine
But I don't really mind ♪

♪ Cause every time he pulls me near
I just wanna cheer ♪

♪ Let's hear it for the boy
Let's give the boy a hand ♪

♪ Let's hear it for my baby
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ You know you gotta understand ♪

♪ Oh, maybe he's no Romeo
But he's my lovin' one-man show ♪

♪ Oh woa-oa-oah ♪

♪ Let's hear it for the boy
Let's hear it for the boy ♪

♪ Let's hear it for the boy
Let's hear it for the boy ♪

[crowd cheering, applauding]

[MC] Can I have
all my queens back on stage?

Silence! She has a winner!

It is my great pleasure

to announce the official winner
of the South African grand drag prize

of R50 000 is…

Manilla Von Teez!

[crowd cheering, applauding]

[piano music playing]

I'm sorry, my boy. I'm so sorry.

It's fine. I'm not upset.
Thanks for everything.

It's just a bump in the road.
We'll make a plan, eh?

And you'll get it
and you're still my boy--

Dad, I can't do this right now, okay.

[dramatic music playing]

[grunting] The crowd sure was lapping up
that Spice Gussy.

-Gussy?
-Ollie, no!

Seems you've taught
your drag partner the walk

but you've yet to teach her the talk.

Drag partner? Hey, Uncle V, I don't care
how strong your cheekbones are,

but don't come for my bag,
I'm still the drag partner honey!

I know. I should never have got
in the way of that in the first place.

What are you talking about, Dad?

I wouldn't change anything
about how we did this.

I got to be my own Dad's drag mother.

And I finally got to meet my actual m--
actually, where is,

where is Monica?

[Ollie] Hmm. I don't know.

Did you see her, River?

My family!

Dad, what year was she born?

Monica? Must be, uh, '71, '72. Why?

Acinom1972.

She's been following me for two years.

Acinom 1972… The pensioner from IG?

Look.

Acinom. It's Monica backwards.

From @acinom1972?

Well, I'm not following.

I th…I think she might've…

[dramatic music continues]

Uh-uh.

She knew my pin.

No, no, no, she wouldn't… not you…
She, She's your mother…

She knew how much the cash prize
was before I'd ever told her.

-What's the prize?
-Fifty big ones!

She has no phone, no address.
We don't have any way to find her.

-We can. We can find her.
-Surely there's a limit on the ATM?

-Not on my savings account.
-Are you sure?

Yeah. I made sure
that it wasn't gonna be an issue

if I needed to withdraw for the surgery.

Okay, well then cancel the card!
There! On the app!

[phone beeping]

What is it!? What?

[gasping]

Are you sure? Is there another account?

No, Dad, that's everything. It's gone.

But what about what you said--

You're missing the point, Dad!
You just had to push me.

As a mother--

How many times must I tell you
she is not my mother!

No, no, come on, Riv, that's not fair--

No, what's not fair
is that I look after you all the time

and then when I turn my back for 48 hours
you go and pull this shit!

You better not be talking to me like that.

I never asked for you to be my caretaker.

You didn't have to! You're just
a royal fucking mess the whole time!

Nobody made me your project.
Let's be crystal clear about that!

You're not my project, I'm in love wi--

I mean I, I love you!
As, as my friend. My best friend.

God, I hate it here.

Girl, don't look at me like that.

I'm not the one that let Monica
the rolling stone roll up here

and steal my son's surgery fund.

Right. She can't be far.

Don't let my wig get snatched, hey!
That shit's expensive!

[piano music playing]

Sorry, sorry. Have you seen
a blonde lady? Have you seen her?

No. O…

Have you seen a blonde lady?
A blonde woman? Wearing a…

Monica!

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry!

♪ Write your name in the library book ♪

♪ You took as a child ♪

♪ Say goodbye to the honeymoon
You almost took ♪

Aah!

♪ Wipe the mirrors that you've hidden
With the rags of grace ♪

Aaah!

♪ See the space on your features ♪

♪ Where you've never looked ♪

[crying]

♪ And it's so damn easy if you know ♪

♪ And it's so damn easy if you know ♪

♪ …where to look from the start ♪

[instrumental music continues]

Varun, what are you doing dressed
as a lady of the night?

You gonna get fucked up
in this neighborhood!

Is Monica here?

Monica? Bru, are you having some sort
of mental break here?

-Monica hasn't been around for decades.
-She's here. I brought her back.

I think she's, uh,
grifted our son-- my son.

Now you're pulling my leg.
What are you on?

I'm fucking serious, Stan!
Tell me honestly: has she made contact?

No bru. She hasn't.

Thank you. I'm, I'm sorry I just thought
she must've, uh, never mind.

You gonna be okay, bru?

[tense music playing]

[alarm beeping]

[music continues]

[thunder rumbling]

[sighing]

Hey!

-Anthony, was it?
-Yeah?

I'll give you 20 bucks to carry
this damn thing into Stan's office.

Let's go.

[machines beeping]

[both grunting, groaning]

Jesus. Fuck.

Varun! What the fuck, bru?

Which of you "masterminds"
should I be addressing?

Give back River's money
and you can have my Persian rug.

Take it to Yazdan's Shop down the road,
give him this.

You'll get seventy grand minimum.
Guaranteed.

For a dusty old rug?
Nah, you gotta be joking there, Stan--

Anthony, fuck off.

-So I should--
-Yes.

-I'm gonna--
-Fuck right off.

-Close the fucking door.
-I got the door!

Nice try, bru, but I, I'm not taking paper
from a paperboy.

You know I don't print anymore.

May well be so,

but a bird in the hand's worth
two in the bush as the hunters say.

You're not a hunter, you're a con man.

You'd drop one pot of gold
for a bigger pot of gold.

Besides, you must've been planning
on a 100 grand win,

so you're half a scam short.

Not happy, eh?

Don't look at me like that.

How could you? To your only child?

You forced me to have a kid I didn't want
and then forgot about me!

Nonsense! We reached out!
For years! You vanished!

You two seem fine without me.

-We adapted, that's all--
-How nice! For both of you.

-We would have welcomed you back.
-Bullshit!

I said I didn't want to be a mother,

but you kept pushing because you were
so fucking obsessed.

But I hated the thought of being a mother
and guess what?

I'm fucking allowed that.
Okay? I'm allowed that.

Then why not stay away?

Why come back
just to steal from him?

I was stolen from first!

You imagine carrying someone in your body
for nine months, okay?

No one fucking pays you for it.
You know what, fuck you!

Fuck you and your carpet!
You got what you wanted.

-Now I get what I want.
-You've told Stan the truth then?

Told me what?

You requested a paternity test
when River was born.

-How the fuck does he know th--
-Varun. Stop

She told me! She told me!

No bru, I, I had to be sure,

I mean you know how I feel about family.

Don't listen to him, okay, he is bluffing.
You will lose River.

-I fluffed it.
-What?

The paternity test she brought back
to you,

it was a phony.

Last paper job I ever did.

Here's the original.

Stan, okay, listen, don't--
just, don't believe him! He's lying!

Is this true?

Why?

I fucked up.

I-- He wanted it so badly

and we were just having fun
I didn't know you were so serious about--

About my family!

[gasping]

Get out.

Stan.

Both of you, get out now.

Leave the carpet.

Leave the cash.

You've taken enough from me already.

[shouting] Out! Now!

Can you st-- Can you just stop,
just stop, just stop!

-That was all--
-No!

Varun just stop!
I know you're angry, just…

Var, wait! What,
I don't have anywhere to go.

And I mean, things have changed, right?

With us three. I, I think I can do
this now with you and River.

Goodbye, Monica.

What?

Are you just gonna leave me here?
You know, without a cent to my name!

Fuck!

You are a fucking wanker.

[melancholic music playing]

Come on! Wake up bitch!

River, haibo!

Bitch! Open up!

I'm coming, I'm coming.

[music continues]

[crying]

[phone vibrating]

[voicemail beeping]

Hi, you've reached River.
Unsolicited phone calls make me anxious.

Leave a voicemail or send a text.
Okay, thanks, byeeee.

[voicemail beeping]

River. It's your da-- It's, it's, it's me.

Look I know you're angry with me.

You have plenty reason.

More than you know.

There's something
I should've told you long ago.

Maybe when you're ready
to talk you could call me?

For what it's worth, I tried my best
to get your savings back

but I failed you there. Again.

Anyway. I'll try to work harder.

Help you build your surgery fund
back up somehow.

[music continues]

I love you.

Call me back, hm?

In your own time.

Bye. Bye.

[car hooting]

River?

Stan?

Hop in.

How you doing, kid?

I, I'm all right, thanks, and you?

[exhales deeply]

Fuck.

Ja. I'm good.

Let's go. [clears throat]

[piano music playing]

Hi.

I-- I, I wasn't expecting you. I-- Um…

Come in, if you would like to?

I was actually

hoping I could take you somewhere
if you've got some time?

Yes! Of course! Just one minute!

-I just need to, uh, grab my things.
-Okay.

-Just one minute.
-It's okay!

-Where are we going?
-Uh, don't worry about it, just trust me.

What's the mystery?

[suspenseful music playing]

It's nice to see you.

Uh, have, have you been getting
my voicemails?

Yes.

Then you know there's something
that I, I need to tell you.

Yeah, Dad? We've got time,
I promise we'll talk about everything.

Just try to chill. Okay?

What's going on?

[music continues]

What's goin on? Is, uh, is Stan here? Or?

Uh, no. Stan's gone, Dad

Um, but he did come and visit me
a few days after the show and,

he, he told me the truth.

About how you stopped grifting in order
to bring me up right,

and about how Monica wanted to give me up
as a baby but you said no,

and also the other thing.

The thing you told him that night
to try get my money back.

You know everything?

Yeah, I d-- I do.

But hey, you're,
you're my Dad, Dad.

I am who I am because of you.

Biological or not biological.

Surgery or no surgery.

You chose me. Now I get to choose you.

[upbeat music playing]

You like it? It was Stan.

Um, he sold everything
and kept a little bit to start over

but gifted me or us actually
with this space.

But what about your surgery!
What about your savings money?

I've still got it.

I mean, Ollie and I used a lot of it
to get this up and running but, um…

My surgery will happen
when it's supposed to happen.

[whistling]

Hah! Are you drama queens done?

Because I'd love to discuss
the plans for a drag corner?

Oh! Ya, right!
Dad, we have a lot of ideas.

We've been speaking all week about
maybe making a subsection for drag--

Literally! Hey, yeah- so-

And there's a whole back section!
And do you like the sign?

-I love the sign.
-I'm glad, Dad.

Have a look, you could even
maybe get a, like, a trainee.

I feel like I need to be the trainee
'cause I don't know shit!

-That's a great idea!
-They can train whenever they like.

And they would love to!

[all laughing]

Perfect. Okay. Varun and Son and Ollie!

-Sounds great. Sounds great.
-Exactly the…

Oh, we're getting kisses now!
Do you like the sign?

[jazzy music playing]

["Nobody Knows" starts playing]

♪ Nobody knows, nobody knows ♪

♪ Nobody knows, nobody knows ♪

♪ Nobody knows, nobody knows ♪

♪ Nobody knows ♪

["Close Your Eyes" starts playing]

♪ A pure soul lost in a dark world ♪

♪ Turned to survivor when it all
Started to fall down ♪

♪ Barely holding the hell this beautiful
lady went through and more ♪

♪ I'm late ♪

♪ I came down as fast as I could
But she's changed, yeah ♪

♪ The innocence's lost
And a shadow remains ♪

♪ When death is the sentence
There's no room to fail ♪

♪ What I would give so that I could ♪

♪ Turn back time
Close your eyes ♪

♪ You ain't gonna
Be alone in this fight ♪

♪ And when night
Turns to light ♪

♪ The innocent girl
I knew will still shine ♪

♪ So close your eyes ♪

♪ So close your eyes ♪

♪ So the innocent girl
I knew will still shine ♪

[piano music playing]

♪ Write your name in the library book ♪

♪ You took as a child ♪

♪ Say goodbye to the honeymoon
You almost took ♪

♪ Wipe the mirror that you've hidden ♪

♪ With the rags of grace ♪

♪ See the space on your features ♪

♪ Where you've never looked ♪

♪ And it's so damn easy ♪

♪ If you know ♪

♪ And it's so damn easy ♪

♪ If you know where to look ♪

♪ From the start ♪