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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:20,433
Damn.
2
00:01:20,467 --> 00:01:24,033
I know that man has money
hidden here somewhere.
3
00:01:24,067 --> 00:01:25,433
Well, I can't
find any,
4
00:01:25,467 --> 00:01:28,567
and I have searched
my eyes to the bone.
5
00:01:29,801 --> 00:01:31,900
Well, I know it's
here somewhere.
6
00:01:31,934 --> 00:01:33,867
Bud, you were downstairs
for two hours.
7
00:01:33,901 --> 00:01:35,300
Didn't you
find anything?
8
00:01:35,334 --> 00:01:37,401
Uh-- Absolutely
nothing.
9
00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:40,301
Hm?
10
00:01:43,534 --> 00:01:46,468
I-- I brought these
down with me.
11
00:01:47,667 --> 00:01:49,667
Now, I know
he has hidden money.
12
00:01:49,701 --> 00:01:51,600
I got a sign
from above.
13
00:01:51,634 --> 00:01:55,567
This morning, the bacon strips
on my Grand Slam breakfast
14
00:01:55,601 --> 00:01:58,001
were in the shape
of dollar signs.
15
00:01:59,534 --> 00:02:02,134
You had
a Grand Slam breakfast.
16
00:02:02,267 --> 00:02:03,266
Oh.
17
00:02:03,300 --> 00:02:05,434
Didn't I take
you two with me?
18
00:02:06,968 --> 00:02:08,200
Oh, I know.
19
00:02:08,234 --> 00:02:10,800
I just ordered things
I knew you'd like.
20
00:02:10,834 --> 00:02:12,767
Did I have
the sausage?
21
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:14,966
A double order.
22
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,734
Ha.
23
00:02:18,868 --> 00:02:20,567
Okay, kids.
Let's go back to work.
24
00:02:20,601 --> 00:02:22,600
I know he has money
here somewhere.
25
00:02:22,634 --> 00:02:25,134
Now, who wants to check
his underwear drawer?
26
00:02:27,767 --> 00:02:30,066
All right.
I'll check his underwear.
27
00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:32,834
After all,
he has only one pair.
28
00:02:33,701 --> 00:02:35,166
Now, Bud,
you take the closet.
29
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,333
Appropriate
for you, Bud.
30
00:02:37,367 --> 00:02:40,066
And, Kelly, honey, you take
the back seat of the car.
31
00:02:40,100 --> 00:02:43,066
Appropriate
for you, Kel.
32
00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:44,800
All right.
33
00:02:44,834 --> 00:02:48,034
Whoa, money!
34
00:03:29,734 --> 00:03:31,234
Hi, Dad.
35
00:03:34,501 --> 00:03:37,334
Save the effort
for the bathroom, Dad.
36
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:40,066
I saw the money.
37
00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:42,166
Pretty crafty hiding it
in the one place
38
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:44,500
that even Mom has always
feared to tread.
39
00:03:45,801 --> 00:03:47,166
It's not what you think.
40
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:50,167
Oh, then, you're not gonna
go somewhere without us?
41
00:03:50,701 --> 00:03:53,301
Well, then, it is
what you think.
42
00:03:54,133 --> 00:03:55,800
But, son...
43
00:03:55,834 --> 00:03:58,533
I'm going to
a shoe convention.
44
00:03:59,634 --> 00:04:01,800
I thought after
your failed, beer-induced
45
00:04:01,834 --> 00:04:03,433
"shoe d'état"
back in '87,
46
00:04:03,467 --> 00:04:05,834
you were barred from
the conventions for life.
47
00:04:05,868 --> 00:04:07,633
I was.
48
00:04:07,667 --> 00:04:09,300
But Jim Thompson wasn't.
49
00:04:09,334 --> 00:04:11,333
And that's my new name.
50
00:04:11,367 --> 00:04:12,934
Uh, Dad--
51
00:04:12,968 --> 00:04:14,533
Uh-- Call me Jim.
52
00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:17,867
Jim, uh...
53
00:04:17,901 --> 00:04:20,233
Surely even a dull man
has asked himself,
54
00:04:20,267 --> 00:04:22,433
"Why would anyone wanna
go to a shoe convention?"
55
00:04:22,467 --> 00:04:24,733
To stay on the cutting edge
of the shoe business, son.
56
00:04:24,767 --> 00:04:26,567
To exchange
shoe information.
57
00:04:26,601 --> 00:04:28,900
To find out
new shoe technology.
58
00:04:30,567 --> 00:04:33,401
To bounce shoe groupies
on my knee.
59
00:04:35,667 --> 00:04:36,934
And more importantly--
60
00:04:36,968 --> 00:04:39,400
and this is something you must
never, ever tell your mother
61
00:04:39,434 --> 00:04:40,867
-- this year, it's in L.A.
62
00:04:40,901 --> 00:04:42,700
L.A.?
63
00:04:42,734 --> 00:04:47,234
Home of Hollywood, sunshine,
and huge, man-made hooters?
64
00:04:49,234 --> 00:04:52,900
And-- And let's not forget
their world-famous shoe stores.
65
00:04:54,300 --> 00:04:57,267
Oh, and what about
the city's culture?
66
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,266
I've been saving up
all my money.
67
00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:05,201
Oh, look what
I already bought.
68
00:05:06,234 --> 00:05:08,101
"Producer."
69
00:05:09,467 --> 00:05:10,733
I'm gonna-- I'm
gonna put it
70
00:05:10,767 --> 00:05:13,468
on the front of the old Dodge
to trick the chicks.
71
00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:15,133
Now, son.
72
00:05:15,167 --> 00:05:18,033
Remember...you must
not utter a word
73
00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:20,301
to any member
of the family.
74
00:05:21,367 --> 00:05:22,366
I swear, Dad.
75
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:23,999
When do we leave?
76
00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:25,567
We, son? Well--
77
00:05:25,601 --> 00:05:27,999
I seek fun,
I go alone.
78
00:05:28,033 --> 00:05:29,500
Now, remember, son,
79
00:05:29,534 --> 00:05:31,834
you're the man
of the house now.
80
00:05:31,868 --> 00:05:33,333
And remember...
81
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:36,134
silence for
the brotherhood of men.
82
00:05:37,901 --> 00:05:39,133
Mom, Dad has
money!
83
00:05:39,167 --> 00:05:41,334
He's planning to
spend it without us!
84
00:05:43,267 --> 00:05:45,867
I knew it.
I knew it!
85
00:05:45,901 --> 00:05:47,233
The bacon
never lies.
86
00:05:47,267 --> 00:05:49,166
Yes. He's going
to L.A.
87
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:50,467
L.A.?
88
00:05:50,501 --> 00:05:53,234
We're going
to Long Island?
89
00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:55,934
No, honey.
90
00:05:55,968 --> 00:05:57,567
It's Los Angeles
we're going to!
91
00:05:57,601 --> 00:05:58,900
We're going to
Los Angeles!
92
00:05:58,934 --> 00:06:01,533
No, you're not.
I'm going alone.
93
00:06:01,567 --> 00:06:02,966
Can we drop in on Hef?
94
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:03,966
No!
95
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,266
Can we go to
Garfield's house?
96
00:06:05,300 --> 00:06:06,633
No!
97
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:10,266
Oh, Al, can I buy a bra
at Frederick's of Hollywood?
98
00:06:10,300 --> 00:06:12,334
Hell, no!
99
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:15,999
Now, hear me, all of you.
100
00:06:16,033 --> 00:06:17,500
I'm going alone.
101
00:06:17,534 --> 00:06:19,999
You can scream,
you can cry.
102
00:06:20,033 --> 00:06:22,001
Peg, you can threaten me
with sex.
103
00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:30,600
You're not going.
104
00:06:30,634 --> 00:06:34,167
I, Jim Thompson,
have spoken.
105
00:06:35,767 --> 00:06:37,934
♪ 99 bottles of beer
On the wall ♪
106
00:06:37,968 --> 00:06:39,600
♪ 99 bottles of beer ♪
107
00:06:39,634 --> 00:06:41,633
♪ You take one down
You pass it around ♪
108
00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:43,099
♪ 98 bottles of beer
On the wall ♪
109
00:06:43,133 --> 00:06:45,033
Beautiful country, isn't it?
110
00:06:45,067 --> 00:06:47,667
♪ 98 bottles of beer... ♪
111
00:06:49,067 --> 00:06:51,767
It smells in this car.
112
00:06:52,701 --> 00:06:54,567
That's America
you're smelling, kids.
113
00:06:54,601 --> 00:06:56,667
Just look
at its majesty.
114
00:06:56,701 --> 00:06:59,066
♪ Toodle-lumma-lumma
Toodle-lumma-lumma ♪
115
00:06:59,100 --> 00:07:00,733
♪ Toodle-ee-ay ♪
116
00:07:00,767 --> 00:07:04,700
♪ I picked my bananas
All along the way ♪
117
00:07:04,734 --> 00:07:08,233
♪ Singing toodle-lumma-lumma
Toodle-ee-ay ♪
118
00:07:08,267 --> 00:07:10,767
Daddy, are we there yet?
119
00:07:10,801 --> 00:07:13,600
Don't bother your father
while he's driving, Kelly.
120
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:15,567
Are we, Al?
121
00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:17,434
Al, wake up!
122
00:07:18,300 --> 00:07:19,733
♪ 99 bottles of beer ♪
123
00:07:19,767 --> 00:07:20,834
♪ Pass it along-- 98-- ♪
124
00:07:20,868 --> 00:07:23,034
Where are we?
125
00:07:32,167 --> 00:07:35,600
Chill in the air,
eh, Zeke?
126
00:07:35,634 --> 00:07:39,134
I thought
you were Zeke.
127
00:07:43,634 --> 00:07:46,067
Maybe I am.
128
00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:51,567
Go on inside
and sauté us up a varmint.
129
00:07:53,868 --> 00:07:55,366
Hey, look.
130
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,366
There's something
you don't see every day:
131
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,167
people.
132
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:04,300
Are we alive?
133
00:08:04,334 --> 00:08:06,233
Ah, what do I know?
134
00:08:06,267 --> 00:08:08,366
Last thing I know,
we're on Route 666,
135
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,867
and now we got
a broken axle on our car.
136
00:08:10,901 --> 00:08:12,999
Nice driving,
pumpkin.
137
00:08:13,033 --> 00:08:14,867
It was not my fault.
138
00:08:14,901 --> 00:08:16,800
I saw a sign
that said "dip,"
139
00:08:16,834 --> 00:08:20,001
so naturally,
I looked at Bud...
Oh.
140
00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:23,233
The next thing I knew,
we were airborne.
141
00:08:23,267 --> 00:08:25,034
Look, Al.
142
00:08:26,067 --> 00:08:27,433
Seems like
we happened upon
143
00:08:27,467 --> 00:08:30,633
a shoe salesman
convention after all.
144
00:08:30,667 --> 00:08:33,133
All right. All right,
let me handle this.
145
00:08:33,167 --> 00:08:36,934
Uh, excuse me,
Six Tooth... Uh...
146
00:08:38,801 --> 00:08:40,600
You know where I can
get a car fixed?
147
00:08:40,634 --> 00:08:44,300
Gas station,
I reckon.
148
00:08:44,334 --> 00:08:46,133
Is there one
around here?
149
00:08:46,167 --> 00:08:48,500
Oh, yeah.
You just can't see it
150
00:08:48,534 --> 00:08:50,934
for the hurly-burly
of the traffic.
151
00:08:50,968 --> 00:08:53,201
But it's right across
the street.
152
00:08:59,667 --> 00:09:01,200
Peg, why don't you
do the talking?
153
00:09:01,234 --> 00:09:02,467
They speak
your language.
154
00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:04,733
They're like
your relatives.
155
00:09:04,767 --> 00:09:06,166
Look, gentlemen.
156
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,433
There is a cool 25 cents
in it for you
157
00:09:08,467 --> 00:09:11,500
if you can haul
our car to a station.
158
00:09:11,534 --> 00:09:15,500
Well...normally
it would be $400.
159
00:09:15,534 --> 00:09:17,867
But we'll do it
for 200
160
00:09:17,901 --> 00:09:20,133
if you let us
take our picture with you,
161
00:09:20,167 --> 00:09:22,167
leopardwoman.
162
00:09:24,367 --> 00:09:26,233
Oh, Al.
163
00:09:26,267 --> 00:09:28,233
The rubes
think I'm sexy.
164
00:09:28,267 --> 00:09:29,233
Yeah.
165
00:09:29,267 --> 00:09:30,700
Yeah,
I would too, Peg,
166
00:09:30,734 --> 00:09:33,434
if I drank whiskey
for breakfast.
167
00:09:38,467 --> 00:09:40,300
How much money we got?
168
00:09:40,334 --> 00:09:41,366
Cash or in the bank?
169
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:42,467
Either.
170
00:09:42,501 --> 00:09:44,066
Including
the traveler's checks?
171
00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:45,066
Yes.
172
00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:46,834
Five dollars.
173
00:09:46,868 --> 00:09:48,633
Five dollars?
174
00:09:48,667 --> 00:09:50,266
Where'd the rest
of my money go?
175
00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:52,966
Well...I guess one of us
shouldn't have stopped
176
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,533
at Oklahoma Nude.
177
00:09:54,567 --> 00:09:57,333
Oh, pardon me
for seeing America.
178
00:09:57,367 --> 00:09:59,200
Well, I guess the only thing
left for us to do
179
00:09:59,234 --> 00:10:01,533
is to wire Marcie and tell her
we need some more money.
180
00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:03,366
She may not take
too kindly to that though,
181
00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:05,233
since we borrowed
her tires late last night
182
00:10:05,267 --> 00:10:06,433
while she was sleeping.
183
00:10:06,467 --> 00:10:08,667
Just tell her the kids
are sick and near death.
184
00:10:08,701 --> 00:10:10,099
Come on.
185
00:10:10,133 --> 00:10:12,900
Daddy, we are
dying of thirst.
186
00:10:12,934 --> 00:10:14,567
Buy some pop.
187
00:10:14,601 --> 00:10:15,733
All right.
188
00:10:15,767 --> 00:10:18,334
Look at this. A nickel.
189
00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:21,967
How do these rubes
make any money?
190
00:10:23,133 --> 00:10:25,034
Let's see.
191
00:10:28,367 --> 00:10:30,667
I don't see
any bottle opener.
192
00:10:30,701 --> 00:10:34,700
You will,
when we see $5.
193
00:10:36,367 --> 00:10:38,733
Five dollars for
a bottle opener?
194
00:10:38,767 --> 00:10:40,533
You people
are crooks.
195
00:10:40,567 --> 00:10:41,834
Yep.
196
00:10:41,868 --> 00:10:44,533
But we ain't thirsty.
197
00:10:47,767 --> 00:10:49,767
Aw, here
you go.
198
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,700
Aw, kids,
this was a...
199
00:10:54,901 --> 00:10:55,867
A good idea.
200
00:10:55,901 --> 00:10:57,966
God, it's hot.
201
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,267
Mm-hm.
202
00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:08,800
Ah!
203
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,467
Oh, that's good.
204
00:11:10,501 --> 00:11:12,067
Ah.
205
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,233
Well, Marcie's money ought to
be here any minute now.
206
00:11:15,267 --> 00:11:16,533
Oh. Let me
get these shoes off.
207
00:11:16,567 --> 00:11:19,401
Get these dogs out.
208
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:42,767
Thank you.
209
00:11:45,367 --> 00:11:47,400
Uh...
210
00:11:47,434 --> 00:11:50,201
Have you considered
our proposal?
211
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,867
I couldn't possibly
marry you all.
212
00:11:53,901 --> 00:11:56,800
We didn't say marry.
213
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,900
You wouldn't survive
one night.
214
00:12:00,934 --> 00:12:03,468
Guess not.
215
00:12:08,334 --> 00:12:11,467
Hey. Nice catch there,
Young Zeke.
216
00:12:11,501 --> 00:12:16,201
Yep. But he killed
his better with his feet.
217
00:12:17,334 --> 00:12:19,434
Well, uh...
218
00:12:20,868 --> 00:12:24,101
What do you do around here
for fun, ZZ Tops?
219
00:12:39,901 --> 00:12:41,333
All right,
Kelly. Kelly.
220
00:12:41,367 --> 00:12:42,433
Hold it--
Hold it there.
221
00:12:42,467 --> 00:12:43,500
All right.
222
00:12:43,534 --> 00:12:45,300
All right, partners,
you wanna see more,
223
00:12:45,334 --> 00:12:48,201
put another
nickel in.
224
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,200
Can we have
the little boy
225
00:12:52,234 --> 00:12:54,033
stand on his head
some more?
226
00:12:54,067 --> 00:12:56,533
I can't get
enough of that.
227
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:59,467
Well, the boy's
a little dizzy, so, uh...
228
00:12:59,501 --> 00:13:02,400
I'm gonna have to
up the price to a dime.
229
00:13:02,434 --> 00:13:04,101
Well...
230
00:13:04,901 --> 00:13:06,967
Bud, go ahead.
231
00:13:15,901 --> 00:13:18,433
That was only worth
a nickel.
232
00:13:18,467 --> 00:13:22,233
But you have the girl there
shake her behind again,
233
00:13:22,267 --> 00:13:24,233
and we'll call it even.
234
00:13:24,267 --> 00:13:25,366
Kelly.
235
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:28,734
Daddy, I have heat probation.
236
00:13:30,701 --> 00:13:32,667
When is Marcie gonna
wire us the money?
237
00:13:32,701 --> 00:13:34,734
It's been seven hours.
238
00:13:35,934 --> 00:13:37,033
Howdy, Zeke.
239
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:38,667
Hi.
240
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,333
Well, just made
the last trip
241
00:13:41,367 --> 00:13:44,001
I'm ever gonna take
to that mine.
242
00:13:45,467 --> 00:13:46,934
Got plenty of money.
243
00:13:46,968 --> 00:13:50,867
All I needs now is a car
to get me to the big city.
244
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:55,934
Hey, $6 million enough
for a good city woman?
245
00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:57,700
Barely.
246
00:13:58,334 --> 00:14:00,233
Ow, I-- I--
247
00:14:00,267 --> 00:14:01,700
I got a rock
in my shoe.
248
00:14:01,734 --> 00:14:04,967
Damn nuggets
are everywhere.
249
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,667
Hey, that looks like
real gold.
250
00:14:08,701 --> 00:14:10,300
Watch it, now!
251
00:14:10,334 --> 00:14:13,200
Anybody here want to
take this here mine
252
00:14:13,234 --> 00:14:15,300
off my hands?
253
00:14:15,334 --> 00:14:17,266
How about you,
Young Zeke?
254
00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:19,333
Not me.
255
00:14:19,367 --> 00:14:22,734
Accountant says I got to curtail
my spending this quarter.
256
00:14:25,133 --> 00:14:26,433
How about you, Zeke?
257
00:14:26,467 --> 00:14:27,999
Not me.
258
00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:29,333
Bad back.
259
00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:31,966
Can't bend over
and pick up gold anymore.
260
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,733
That's why I got
this here bottle opener.
261
00:14:35,767 --> 00:14:40,166
Besides, I ain't
got a car to trade you.
262
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:41,300
Daddy, we have a car.
263
00:14:41,334 --> 00:14:42,700
Shh! Don't look
too anxious.
264
00:14:42,734 --> 00:14:44,700
Dad, Dad, what
if it's a scam?
265
00:14:45,534 --> 00:14:48,267
Only one way
to find out.
266
00:14:55,868 --> 00:14:57,533
Gold!
267
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:02,733
Listen, mister...
268
00:15:02,767 --> 00:15:05,333
all I got is the car, the kids
and the wife on my back.
269
00:15:05,367 --> 00:15:07,099
Please, what do you say?
You wanna sell?
270
00:15:07,133 --> 00:15:09,999
Well, I don't know.
You look like a nice fella.
271
00:15:10,033 --> 00:15:12,467
Gold would just
ruin your life.
272
00:15:12,501 --> 00:15:14,366
And you've already
got it all.
273
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,900
A wife, kids...
274
00:15:17,601 --> 00:15:20,099
Must have more than this.
275
00:15:20,133 --> 00:15:23,300
Besides, you don't know
what gold does to a man's soul.
276
00:15:23,334 --> 00:15:25,300
It-- I-it turns families
into mobs.
277
00:15:25,334 --> 00:15:27,300
I- It brings hatred
and violence.
278
00:15:27,334 --> 00:15:31,500
Turns brother against sister,
and husband agin wife.
279
00:15:31,534 --> 00:15:33,200
So i-it'd be just like
my life now,
280
00:15:33,234 --> 00:15:34,900
except I'd have gold
in both fists,
281
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:37,467
and I'd be saying,
"Yippee, yippee."
282
00:15:37,501 --> 00:15:40,066
Well. All right.
283
00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:41,600
Like my daddy
used to say,
284
00:15:41,634 --> 00:15:42,999
"You can lead a horse
to water,
285
00:15:43,033 --> 00:15:44,633
but you know
he'll make a mess."
286
00:15:44,667 --> 00:15:46,433
What does that mean?
287
00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:48,533
It means...
288
00:15:48,567 --> 00:15:50,800
a horse is a horse,
of course, of course,
289
00:15:50,834 --> 00:15:53,867
but no one should drink
with a horse, of course.
290
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,600
Well, a couple of years
in them mountains,
291
00:15:58,634 --> 00:16:01,234
you'll be laughing
yourtuckusesoff at that one.
292
00:16:01,968 --> 00:16:04,066
Uh, Kelly, give
the nice man
293
00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:05,867
Daddy's car keys.
294
00:16:06,834 --> 00:16:08,333
It's the Dodge
parked out back
295
00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:10,333
with "producer"
on the license plate,
296
00:16:10,367 --> 00:16:14,334
and an odometer that
reads 7 million miles.
297
00:16:15,167 --> 00:16:17,133
Dodge is
a damn fine car.
298
00:16:17,167 --> 00:16:21,034
Ran over my wife
with a Dodge.
299
00:16:26,934 --> 00:16:27,900
Well, I could
always
300
00:16:27,934 --> 00:16:29,233
buy a new Dodge
for that.
301
00:16:29,267 --> 00:16:31,133
Come on, kids,
let's pick some gold!
302
00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:32,567
Yes!
303
00:16:32,601 --> 00:16:34,234
No, wait. Wait!
304
00:16:34,601 --> 00:16:35,800
Wait, son!
305
00:16:35,834 --> 00:16:39,266
You need mules and-- And picks.
And guns for bandits.
306
00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:42,034
And a horse,
of course, of course.
307
00:16:42,567 --> 00:16:45,200
You don't see
the humor, son?
308
00:16:45,234 --> 00:16:46,934
Well, you're gonna
need supplies,
309
00:16:46,968 --> 00:16:49,368
and it's gonna
take money.
310
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:54,800
Uh-oh. It's Marcy
getting out of her cab.
311
00:16:57,367 --> 00:16:59,133
Uh-- Kids,
cripple up.
312
00:16:59,167 --> 00:17:01,067
Al, die.
313
00:17:06,033 --> 00:17:07,934
Oh, Peg. Peggy, we came
as fast as we could.
314
00:17:07,968 --> 00:17:09,633
Are the children
all right?
315
00:17:09,667 --> 00:17:11,934
Gee, I-- I thought you were
gonna wire the money.
316
00:17:11,968 --> 00:17:14,366
Well, we decided we should come
in case you needed help.
317
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,333
Yeah, but you did
bring the money, didn't you?
318
00:17:16,367 --> 00:17:18,200
Yes, yes,
it's right here.
319
00:17:18,234 --> 00:17:20,467
Oh, my God.
320
00:17:20,501 --> 00:17:22,567
Poor Al.
321
00:17:22,601 --> 00:17:24,966
Look, he's decomposing
already--
322
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,600
Gimme that!
323
00:17:27,534 --> 00:17:30,066
He's alive!
It's a miracle!
324
00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:32,066
No, no. A miracle
would be like--
325
00:17:32,100 --> 00:17:35,567
Like finding a rock
shaped like Ricky Schroder.
326
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:39,900
You mean to tell me
your kids aren't even hurt?
327
00:17:39,934 --> 00:17:41,266
Uh, well, growing up
like this,
328
00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:43,900
you can't exactly say
we're healthy.
329
00:17:43,934 --> 00:17:45,934
Uh, go play
with the Zekes, kids.
330
00:17:45,968 --> 00:17:49,533
How dare you call us
and tell us Al was killed.
331
00:17:49,567 --> 00:17:51,999
The whole neighborhood
was dancing and singing,
332
00:17:52,033 --> 00:17:54,700
♪ Ding-dong
The shoeman's dead ♪
333
00:17:59,901 --> 00:18:01,800
It's a cruel hoax,
Peggy.
334
00:18:01,834 --> 00:18:04,867
Why would you
do such a thing? Why? Why?
335
00:18:04,901 --> 00:18:06,834
For gold.
Heh.
336
00:18:06,868 --> 00:18:09,834
Look, Marcie,
a gold nugget.
337
00:18:09,868 --> 00:18:13,600
Oh, don't tell me
you fools have gold fever.
338
00:18:14,234 --> 00:18:16,066
It's the 1990s,
for God's sake.
339
00:18:16,100 --> 00:18:18,133
What kind of idiot
still gets gold fever
340
00:18:18,167 --> 00:18:20,067
in this day and age?
341
00:18:20,734 --> 00:18:22,967
Marcie...
342
00:18:23,868 --> 00:18:25,066
It's real gold.
343
00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:26,567
I love it. I kiss it.
344
00:18:26,601 --> 00:18:28,233
Mwah. I worship it.
345
00:18:28,267 --> 00:18:31,167
And if it'll do me the honor,
I'll marry it.
346
00:18:32,334 --> 00:18:35,333
Oh, gold,
thou art my master.
347
00:18:35,367 --> 00:18:37,667
Command me!
348
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,633
Well, I guess
it's real, all right.
349
00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:46,767
Where'd you get this?
350
00:18:46,801 --> 00:18:49,133
From the man
with the flies.
351
00:18:49,167 --> 00:18:51,468
Yeah. And I got it
off him.
352
00:18:52,868 --> 00:18:54,166
You see,
we bought the mine,
353
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,099
but we don't have enough
money for supplies.
354
00:18:56,133 --> 00:18:57,400
Huh.
355
00:18:57,434 --> 00:18:59,233
Look, uh...
356
00:18:59,267 --> 00:19:01,467
Let me take care
of that. Okay?
357
00:19:01,501 --> 00:19:03,167
Okay.
358
00:19:05,501 --> 00:19:07,267
Whew!
359
00:19:36,567 --> 00:19:39,433
I don't know, old-timer.
360
00:19:39,467 --> 00:19:41,366
You know...
361
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:45,301
this nugget just doesn't look
like it's worth that much.
362
00:19:47,901 --> 00:19:50,401
It's really worth
a whole lot.
363
00:19:53,601 --> 00:19:56,733
So...how many more are there
up there like this?
364
00:19:56,767 --> 00:19:58,366
Well, there's enough
to keep you
365
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,533
and your little
fella here...
366
00:20:04,934 --> 00:20:08,667
in baseball cards
for the rest of his life.
367
00:20:09,567 --> 00:20:14,468
Get your lice-ridden hands
off me, Festus.
368
00:20:16,100 --> 00:20:18,467
I am his wife.
369
00:20:18,501 --> 00:20:20,366
Oh.
370
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,099
Well, if I'm gonna
go to the big city,
371
00:20:22,133 --> 00:20:25,101
I guess I'd better
get liberal.
372
00:20:27,334 --> 00:20:29,366
So, uh, how much
you asking for
373
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,066
your prospecting
equipment?
374
00:20:31,100 --> 00:20:35,200
Well, $200 and, uh,
the little lady's bracelet.
375
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,133
Oh. That's
my mother's bracelet.
376
00:20:37,167 --> 00:20:38,233
It's
impossible--
377
00:20:38,267 --> 00:20:39,834
It's done.
Done.
378
00:20:40,367 --> 00:20:41,467
All right.
379
00:20:41,501 --> 00:20:43,099
We're rich. Ha-ha.
380
00:20:43,133 --> 00:20:44,667
You're
half-rich.
381
00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:46,500
We got the map,
you got the supplies.
382
00:20:46,534 --> 00:20:49,533
That means, uh...
we're partners, huh?
383
00:20:53,267 --> 00:20:55,099
Partners?
384
00:20:55,133 --> 00:20:56,099
Partners.
385
00:20:56,133 --> 00:20:57,934
Partners.
386
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:02,166
Well, it looks like the Bundys
and the D'Arcys
387
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:05,667
are off to them thar hills
to search for gold.
388
00:21:05,701 --> 00:21:07,467
Will Al strike it rich
389
00:21:07,501 --> 00:21:10,233
and finally be able to
afford his own bathroom
390
00:21:10,267 --> 00:21:14,600
with toilet paper as soft
as a mother's kiss?
391
00:21:16,601 --> 00:21:18,233
Will Peggy strike it rich
392
00:21:18,267 --> 00:21:20,733
and be able to get
her own platinum credit card,
393
00:21:20,767 --> 00:21:24,900
carried in the loincloth
of a Nubian god?
394
00:21:26,968 --> 00:21:31,434
Will Jefferson dump Marcie
and elope with his nugget?
395
00:21:33,334 --> 00:21:36,233
Will Marcie ever
be able to detach
396
00:21:36,267 --> 00:21:39,934
Young Zeke's hound dog
from her leg?
397
00:21:42,734 --> 00:21:44,934
Will Kelly trade
all her gold nuggets
398
00:21:44,968 --> 00:21:48,134
for a shiny new nickel?
399
00:21:49,968 --> 00:21:52,734
Will Bud
steal her nickel?
400
00:21:56,834 --> 00:21:59,667
Will anyone find out
Buck had all his friends over
401
00:21:59,701 --> 00:22:01,567
while he had the house
to himself,
402
00:22:01,601 --> 00:22:03,567
and partied till he puked?
403
00:22:03,601 --> 00:22:05,633
We'll find out next week
404
00:22:05,667 --> 00:22:08,700
on Married With Children.
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