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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:01:27,901 --> 00:01:30,633
Oh, man. A fella
could get used to this.
2
00:01:31,501 --> 00:01:36,401
Ah, I'll bet the peanut inside
is all warm and toasty.
3
00:01:37,968 --> 00:01:41,266
Oh, Lord...
4
00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:44,500
bless this M&M...
5
00:01:44,534 --> 00:01:45,934
and the mighty cockroach
6
00:01:45,968 --> 00:01:48,533
I slain in battle to get it.
7
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,301
Hi, honey.
8
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,667
You ruined my day,
you know.
9
00:01:56,701 --> 00:01:58,133
Well, Peg, it's your own fault.
10
00:01:58,167 --> 00:02:00,734
Stop asking me
if you look old in the morning.
11
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,200
Not that.
12
00:02:03,234 --> 00:02:05,400
Thanks to you, I had
a humiliating experience
13
00:02:05,434 --> 00:02:06,667
at the beauty
parlor.
14
00:02:06,701 --> 00:02:09,166
Your paycheck
fell out of my purse,
15
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:11,267
and everyone saw it.
16
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,266
I tried to pretend
it was Bud's,
17
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,133
but no one
believed me.
18
00:02:16,167 --> 00:02:18,333
There it was,
just as plain as day:
19
00:02:18,367 --> 00:02:20,867
Al Bundy, 80 pesos.
20
00:02:21,634 --> 00:02:23,600
So I pretended
to laugh
21
00:02:23,634 --> 00:02:24,867
like I thought
it was funny,
22
00:02:24,901 --> 00:02:28,533
but inside,
I was dying.
23
00:02:31,567 --> 00:02:32,999
Mmm!
24
00:02:33,033 --> 00:02:35,567
The peanut's
all warm and toasty.
25
00:02:44,601 --> 00:02:45,934
Whoo!
26
00:02:45,968 --> 00:02:47,600
Oh, baby.
27
00:02:48,901 --> 00:02:50,233
What brought that on?
28
00:02:50,267 --> 00:02:52,468
Well, I was trying
to get my dinner back!
29
00:02:53,067 --> 00:02:55,166
Al, you're avoiding
the issue.
30
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,800
Now, let's face it.
You're past 40.
31
00:02:57,834 --> 00:02:59,467
It's time you started
bringing home
32
00:02:59,501 --> 00:03:01,334
more money than Opie.
33
00:03:02,567 --> 00:03:05,767
Peg, Opie came home
to Aunt Bea's pies.
34
00:03:05,801 --> 00:03:09,533
Me, I come home
to Aunt Bea.
35
00:03:10,601 --> 00:03:12,366
Mom, Dad,
36
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,333
I've got some
great news.
37
00:03:14,367 --> 00:03:16,667
What, they're starting
an all-you-can-eat buffet
38
00:03:16,701 --> 00:03:18,900
at the men's shelter?
39
00:03:18,934 --> 00:03:21,033
Good talking
to you, Dad.
40
00:03:21,067 --> 00:03:23,500
Mom, I've got
some great news.
41
00:03:23,534 --> 00:03:26,300
I've been selected one of five
Chicago-area students
42
00:03:26,334 --> 00:03:28,867
to go to the White House
and meet the president.
43
00:03:28,901 --> 00:03:30,467
Peg, did you
hear that?
44
00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:32,667
My boy's going to
meet the president.
45
00:03:32,701 --> 00:03:34,066
Son, do me a favor.
46
00:03:34,100 --> 00:03:35,999
I- if you meet
the white-haired old lady--
47
00:03:36,033 --> 00:03:37,700
You know, Mrs. President...
48
00:03:37,734 --> 00:03:40,433
She seems nice. Tell her
to go into the kitchen
49
00:03:40,467 --> 00:03:42,867
and fix something up,
and bring it home to old Dad.
50
00:03:42,901 --> 00:03:44,533
And, uh, while you're
at it, uh,
51
00:03:44,567 --> 00:03:47,900
bring me back some of that
presidential toilet paper.
52
00:03:47,934 --> 00:03:52,001
Man, I'll bet
that stuff is smooth.
53
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:54,633
Yeah, sure, Dad.
54
00:03:54,667 --> 00:03:56,667
Mom, you want me to
grab a lamp or anything,
55
00:03:56,701 --> 00:03:58,033
if I have
a hand free?
56
00:03:58,067 --> 00:04:01,133
Well, I wouldn't
spit at a painting.
57
00:04:01,167 --> 00:04:04,400
Oh. Just Dad's
laundry, eh, Mom?
58
00:04:04,434 --> 00:04:07,233
Anyway, all I need
for the trip is 100 bucks.
59
00:04:07,267 --> 00:04:08,934
Hundred bucks?!
60
00:04:08,968 --> 00:04:12,500
For 100 bucks, we can get
the president to come here.
61
00:04:12,534 --> 00:04:15,033
Ah, what the hell.
Peg, uh, give me my checkbook.
62
00:04:15,067 --> 00:04:18,400
You want the personal
or the corporate account?
63
00:04:18,434 --> 00:04:21,033
I- I want the joint account.
64
00:04:21,067 --> 00:04:22,400
The one where
the checks say,
65
00:04:22,434 --> 00:04:23,400
"Mrs. Peggy Bundy and
66
00:04:23,434 --> 00:04:26,700
the nameless shoe salesman."
67
00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:28,467
Look, that was supposed
to be a joke.
68
00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:30,300
I had no idea
that they would actually
69
00:04:30,334 --> 00:04:32,101
put that on the checks.
70
00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:38,401
But at least they left out
the "witless" part.
71
00:04:40,467 --> 00:04:45,001
"Nameless
shoe salesman."
72
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:47,300
Here you go, son.
73
00:04:47,334 --> 00:04:51,301
Now, this is
the Bundys' last $100.
74
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,867
You're proud of me,
aren't you, Dad?
75
00:04:53,901 --> 00:04:56,767
I'm proud
of both my children.
76
00:04:56,801 --> 00:04:59,134
You guys,
I have great news!
77
00:05:02,901 --> 00:05:05,267
Was this couch
always here?
78
00:05:07,901 --> 00:05:09,533
Oh.
79
00:05:09,567 --> 00:05:11,533
Anyway...I have a chance
80
00:05:11,567 --> 00:05:14,366
to be
Miss Weenie Tot.
81
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:15,867
Do you know what that means?
82
00:05:15,901 --> 00:05:17,233
It means that if I win,
83
00:05:17,267 --> 00:05:18,966
I get to go
to supermarkets
84
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,767
and hold a tray of Weenie Tots
in front of a cold freezer,
85
00:05:21,801 --> 00:05:25,500
while a bunch of old men
look up my dress.
86
00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:29,366
I have dreamt about this
since I was a little girl.
87
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:32,767
And, if I win, I get
a year's supply of Weenie Tots.
88
00:05:32,801 --> 00:05:35,034
Hey.
89
00:05:36,033 --> 00:05:37,500
What's a Weenie Tot?
90
00:05:37,534 --> 00:05:39,834
What's a Weenie
Tot?!
91
00:05:39,868 --> 00:05:42,066
Peg, a Weenie Tot
is a delicious,
92
00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:43,433
little hot-dog-type
meat
93
00:05:43,467 --> 00:05:47,934
wrapped in a breaded shell
and deep-fried in pure lard.
94
00:05:48,734 --> 00:05:51,400
It's nature's
perfect food.
95
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:54,567
All I need is $100 for a new
dress to impress the judges.
96
00:05:54,601 --> 00:05:56,600
Well, can the pathetic
dreams, Kel,
97
00:05:56,634 --> 00:05:58,300
'cause I got Dad's
last 100 right here
98
00:05:58,334 --> 00:05:59,900
to meet the president--
99
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,633
Can it be true?
100
00:06:02,667 --> 00:06:03,867
My little girl,
101
00:06:03,901 --> 00:06:05,800
the symbol of
this country's superiority
102
00:06:05,834 --> 00:06:07,533
in chemically-treated food?
103
00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:09,567
And bringing home
those little weenies
104
00:06:09,601 --> 00:06:11,433
to dear old Dad.
105
00:06:11,467 --> 00:06:15,500
And maybe Daddy could share
these little weenies with Mommy.
106
00:06:18,868 --> 00:06:22,434
Listen...Gomez, Morticia.
107
00:06:23,367 --> 00:06:26,333
Surely you can't compare
bimboing around with pig parts
108
00:06:26,367 --> 00:06:28,966
to my meeting the president
of our United States.
109
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,867
Well, we've only
got $100 left.
110
00:06:31,901 --> 00:06:33,600
It's a tough call.
111
00:06:33,634 --> 00:06:37,033
One...is a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity.
112
00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:38,767
And the other...
113
00:06:38,801 --> 00:06:42,467
meeting the president.
114
00:06:42,501 --> 00:06:44,300
Gee, Al.
115
00:06:44,334 --> 00:06:46,967
What's a parent to do?
116
00:06:58,968 --> 00:07:01,600
I can't believe
I'm actually in the place
117
00:07:01,634 --> 00:07:04,401
where they make
Weenie Tots.
118
00:07:07,868 --> 00:07:09,400
Daddy, did you notice
119
00:07:09,434 --> 00:07:11,233
that there are
no garbage cans outside?
120
00:07:11,267 --> 00:07:14,900
Well, a lot of places now
are into recycling, honey.
121
00:07:16,501 --> 00:07:17,966
Attention, everyone.
122
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,700
Mr. Shnick, president
of Weenie Tot Incorporated,
123
00:07:20,734 --> 00:07:22,233
will be with you
in a moment.
124
00:07:22,267 --> 00:07:24,667
He's just briefing
his vice presidents.
125
00:07:24,701 --> 00:07:25,834
Okay. Okay.
126
00:07:25,868 --> 00:07:27,667
The girls are gonna
be in here any minute.
127
00:07:27,701 --> 00:07:30,366
Now, remember, remember.
You're all vice presidents.
128
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:31,400
Yeah, yeah.
Boobies!
129
00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:32,400
Boobies!
130
00:07:32,434 --> 00:07:34,334
Johnson!
131
00:07:35,033 --> 00:07:37,333
Now, you calm down.
132
00:07:37,367 --> 00:07:39,700
Okay, get them
in here, Flopsie.
133
00:07:40,801 --> 00:07:43,033
Oh, there they are.
Aren't they lovely?
134
00:07:43,067 --> 00:07:44,900
Come right in. Come right in.
Come right in.
135
00:07:44,934 --> 00:07:46,400
Make yourselves
comfortable.
136
00:07:46,434 --> 00:07:48,133
Thank you, girls.
Thank you-- Thank--
137
00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:50,800
Uh, whoa. Whoa.
138
00:07:50,834 --> 00:07:52,800
Hey, I told you boys
in Janitorial,
139
00:07:52,834 --> 00:07:54,133
you wanna
look at the girls,
140
00:07:54,167 --> 00:07:56,934
you gotta go around
and peek in the windows.
141
00:07:56,968 --> 00:07:58,667
Hey, I'm one of the parents.
142
00:07:58,701 --> 00:08:01,099
Uh, I'd just like to say
how much I love Weenie Tots.
143
00:08:01,133 --> 00:08:03,133
And, uh...
144
00:08:03,167 --> 00:08:05,767
What's the secret
ingredient?
145
00:08:17,033 --> 00:08:19,300
We're not allowed
to tell.
146
00:08:19,334 --> 00:08:20,633
Ah, well.
147
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:21,966
Kelly,
good luck, honey.
148
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,200
Mwah.
149
00:08:23,234 --> 00:08:26,567
I'm gonna go outside
and play with Flopsie now.
150
00:08:30,667 --> 00:08:32,066
You may be
wondering
151
00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:33,733
what a 25-year-old
millionaire
152
00:08:33,767 --> 00:08:37,900
is doing with
an 18-year-old daughter.
153
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:39,600
Not really.
154
00:08:39,634 --> 00:08:41,767
Anyway...um...
155
00:08:41,801 --> 00:08:42,834
both her parents,
156
00:08:42,868 --> 00:08:44,966
especially
her mother...
157
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,433
died in a flaming
car wreck.
158
00:08:47,467 --> 00:08:50,134
Sir, you're
spraying me.
159
00:08:51,767 --> 00:08:54,266
My name
is Butter Lefkowitz,
160
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:57,533
and I hope one day
to be a doctor.
161
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:00,867
My name is Rhonda Rose,
162
00:09:00,901 --> 00:09:04,867
and I believe
we must stop pollution.
163
00:09:06,534 --> 00:09:09,567
I'm Kelly,
pronounced "Kel-ee," Bundy,
164
00:09:09,601 --> 00:09:13,800
and I think guys with hooks
for hands are cool.
165
00:09:17,534 --> 00:09:20,033
And now for the all-important
talent competition.
166
00:09:20,067 --> 00:09:21,734
Dance.
167
00:09:35,767 --> 00:09:38,500
Armed with only
a long knife...
168
00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:41,733
I slayed the beast
that crushed my wife
169
00:09:41,767 --> 00:09:44,767
and left me alone
in my mansion
170
00:09:44,801 --> 00:09:47,067
with the world's
largest diamond.
171
00:09:48,467 --> 00:09:51,700
Does it smell
like feet in here?
172
00:09:52,534 --> 00:09:55,468
I don't smell anything.
173
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,967
Give me one!
174
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:08,200
Ok, here's the truth:
175
00:10:08,234 --> 00:10:10,767
I'm not 25.
176
00:10:10,801 --> 00:10:13,266
I'm not a millionaire.
177
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:16,967
And, uh...those were my feet.
178
00:10:17,801 --> 00:10:19,300
But, uh...
179
00:10:19,334 --> 00:10:22,001
here's the real story.
180
00:10:22,501 --> 00:10:25,500
I'm Joe Namath.
181
00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:30,001
'Sixty-nine Superbowl, babe.
182
00:10:30,634 --> 00:10:32,999
That was me.
183
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:35,800
Nineteen sixty-nine?
184
00:10:35,834 --> 00:10:39,134
I wasn't even born yet.
185
00:10:58,467 --> 00:11:00,468
Oh, Lord...
186
00:11:01,367 --> 00:11:04,266
I know I've come to you
a time or two in the past.
187
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:07,600
Of course...you've been
less than receptive.
188
00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:09,767
Well, you know,
the wife thing,
189
00:11:09,801 --> 00:11:12,266
the shoe thing,
the life thing...
190
00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:14,999
But, Lord,
this time I have a chance
191
00:11:15,033 --> 00:11:18,266
at winning a year's supply
of Weenie Tots here.
192
00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:19,533
You know
how good they are.
193
00:11:19,567 --> 00:11:21,700
They're made up
of all your creatures.
194
00:11:21,734 --> 00:11:24,099
So...
195
00:11:24,133 --> 00:11:25,333
please let Kelly win.
196
00:11:25,367 --> 00:11:26,934
And if you do, I'll--
197
00:11:26,968 --> 00:11:28,867
I'll be nice to everyone I meet
198
00:11:28,901 --> 00:11:30,500
forever and ever.
199
00:11:30,534 --> 00:11:33,001
Amen.
200
00:11:35,067 --> 00:11:37,767
Daddy, I won!
I won!
201
00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:39,600
Oh!
202
00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:44,500
Get out of the way,
behemoth!
203
00:11:51,067 --> 00:11:53,633
And so continues
our special half hour
204
00:11:53,667 --> 00:11:55,934
on the four plucky,
Chicago-area youths
205
00:11:55,968 --> 00:11:58,467
who have captured
the hearts of the nation.
206
00:11:58,501 --> 00:12:00,300
The meeting
with the president today.
207
00:12:00,334 --> 00:12:02,333
The ride inAir Force One.
208
00:12:02,367 --> 00:12:05,733
The gifts showered on them
from corporate America.
209
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:08,800
But you have to wonder about
the mysterious fifth youth
210
00:12:08,834 --> 00:12:11,667
who didn't make the trip.
211
00:12:11,701 --> 00:12:16,434
Well...I guess he had
better things to do.
212
00:12:18,067 --> 00:12:19,533
Hi, Bud.
213
00:12:19,567 --> 00:12:21,633
Gee, why so glum?
214
00:12:21,667 --> 00:12:24,633
Is it that
president thing again?
215
00:12:27,567 --> 00:12:29,133
Now, baby, come on.
216
00:12:29,167 --> 00:12:30,733
There will be plenty
of other
217
00:12:30,767 --> 00:12:33,133
once-in-a-lifetime
opportunities.
218
00:12:33,167 --> 00:12:35,467
Now, I know what would
make up for this.
219
00:12:35,501 --> 00:12:37,966
Let's go get ice cream.
220
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,700
Ice cream?
221
00:12:39,734 --> 00:12:42,266
Do you think some lousy
chocolate sprinkles
222
00:12:42,300 --> 00:12:43,633
can make up
for this?
223
00:12:43,667 --> 00:12:46,366
I could've ridden
inAir Force One.
224
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:49,233
Could've had
a scholarship to Harvard.
225
00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:50,700
I could've
been playing Nintendo
226
00:12:50,734 --> 00:12:53,001
with Dan Quayle
in the War Room.
227
00:12:56,534 --> 00:12:58,500
This is the worst thing
that's ever happened--
228
00:12:58,534 --> 00:13:00,033
Guess what!
229
00:13:00,067 --> 00:13:02,633
The Weenie Tots
are here!
230
00:13:07,133 --> 00:13:08,533
This is
the greatest day
231
00:13:08,567 --> 00:13:10,033
in the history
of the Bundys.
232
00:13:10,067 --> 00:13:11,999
Son, here.
No one can look glum
233
00:13:12,033 --> 00:13:14,267
with a Weenie Tot
on their tongue.
234
00:13:17,334 --> 00:13:18,700
What's the matter
with him?
235
00:13:18,734 --> 00:13:19,800
Oh, I don't know.
236
00:13:19,834 --> 00:13:21,099
I know what would
cheer him up.
237
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:22,966
Let's take him out
for some ice cream.
238
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,767
Spare me your love.
I'm going out.
239
00:13:24,801 --> 00:13:25,834
Where you going?
240
00:13:25,868 --> 00:13:28,500
Just to take
a nice nap in traffic.
241
00:13:28,534 --> 00:13:30,867
Well, don't forget
your jacket.
242
00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:34,733
Peg...I gotta
get back to work.
243
00:13:34,767 --> 00:13:37,834
But at least I've got something
now to put in my lunch box.
244
00:13:42,968 --> 00:13:45,500
Oh, look, Al.
Weenie Tots is running
245
00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:47,934
a new scratch-and-sniff
sweepstakes.
246
00:13:47,968 --> 00:13:50,300
"If your card smells
like a weenie,
247
00:13:50,334 --> 00:13:53,099
you win $50,000."
248
00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:55,200
Hey, let's open them all up
and see if we won.
249
00:13:55,234 --> 00:13:56,900
Peg, no.
250
00:13:56,934 --> 00:13:59,099
Read the label.
251
00:13:59,133 --> 00:14:00,166
"No nutritional value."
252
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:01,800
No, keep reading.
253
00:14:01,834 --> 00:14:03,600
"This is not a food-- "
254
00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:06,433
No, no, no.
The fine print.
255
00:14:06,467 --> 00:14:10,066
"Do not expose
Weenie Tots to air.
256
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:12,999
"Will accelerate
disintegration process.
257
00:14:13,033 --> 00:14:15,200
Enjoy."
258
00:14:15,234 --> 00:14:16,600
I want to know
if we won.
259
00:14:16,634 --> 00:14:20,300
Well, I can tell you that.
We're Bundys. We didn't.
260
00:14:20,334 --> 00:14:22,366
Now, Peg,
I've got a year's supply
261
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,133
of my favorite mock food.
262
00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:29,500
It, like me,
is highly unstable.
263
00:14:29,534 --> 00:14:31,633
Al, if you don't want me
to touch them,
264
00:14:31,667 --> 00:14:33,467
just say "Don't touch them."
265
00:14:33,501 --> 00:14:34,533
Don't touch them.
266
00:14:34,567 --> 00:14:36,600
Then I won't.
267
00:14:50,133 --> 00:14:53,201
The place smells
like rat droppings.
268
00:14:55,601 --> 00:14:56,867
Oh, no!
269
00:14:56,901 --> 00:14:58,733
Woman,
what have you done?
270
00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:00,300
My tots!
271
00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:01,600
My tots!
272
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:03,967
My weenies
have been exposed!
273
00:15:04,767 --> 00:15:07,600
You've disintegrated
my tots!
274
00:15:07,634 --> 00:15:09,467
Al, we didn't
win.
275
00:15:09,501 --> 00:15:11,934
Look what you've done
to my tots!
276
00:15:11,968 --> 00:15:13,567
Would you think about me
for once?
277
00:15:13,601 --> 00:15:15,099
I've ruined
my fingernails,
278
00:15:15,133 --> 00:15:17,900
and I've had
six nosebleeds.
279
00:15:17,934 --> 00:15:20,934
Well, there's one box left.
I may as well open it.
280
00:15:20,968 --> 00:15:22,467
Hm! Peg.
281
00:15:22,501 --> 00:15:24,033
Now, can we cut out
the usual charade
282
00:15:24,067 --> 00:15:26,133
of "I forbid you,
and you totally ignore me"?
283
00:15:26,167 --> 00:15:27,333
So how about this?
284
00:15:27,367 --> 00:15:29,066
Can I eat
the last box in peace?
285
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:31,600
Can you wait one stinking minute
while I go to the fridge
286
00:15:31,634 --> 00:15:33,200
and get a beer
to wash them down?
287
00:15:33,234 --> 00:15:36,401
Of course, honey.
288
00:15:42,701 --> 00:15:44,867
Congratulations, Peg.
289
00:15:44,901 --> 00:15:47,800
You just won
a trip to Disneyfist.
290
00:15:48,701 --> 00:15:49,867
Oh, my God!
What?
291
00:15:49,901 --> 00:15:51,500
We won!
Fifty-thousand dollars?
292
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:53,567
We won!
No!
293
00:15:57,801 --> 00:16:00,233
Peg. Peg. Where
do you wanna go?
294
00:16:00,267 --> 00:16:01,400
Hawaii.
295
00:16:01,434 --> 00:16:03,166
Okay. Then I shall
go to Europe.
296
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:04,734
I love you.
297
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,233
We're wasting time.
Let's pack.
298
00:16:09,267 --> 00:16:11,067
Okay.
299
00:16:22,834 --> 00:16:23,867
What's
going on?
300
00:16:23,901 --> 00:16:26,366
Nothing.
301
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:28,434
Don't gimme
that.
302
00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:33,133
Ah-ha.
303
00:16:33,167 --> 00:16:35,133
You've won
the Weenie Tot Sniffstakes.
304
00:16:35,167 --> 00:16:37,166
We were just coming out
to tell you--
305
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,967
Spare me
your pork-scented lies.
306
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,567
At this point,
307
00:16:42,601 --> 00:16:45,667
I'm practically
raising myself anyway.
308
00:16:45,701 --> 00:16:47,066
So I'll tell you what.
309
00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:50,066
Just give me the money you have
in your pockets right now...
310
00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:51,967
we'll call it even.
311
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:59,166
Okay.
312
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,633
Ingrate.
313
00:17:03,634 --> 00:17:06,234
Goodbye, son.
314
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,134
Goodbye,
loving parents.
315
00:17:10,901 --> 00:17:12,500
Oh!
316
00:17:12,534 --> 00:17:13,900
By the way.
317
00:17:13,934 --> 00:17:15,600
Here's a little something
to chat about
318
00:17:15,634 --> 00:17:17,133
on the way back
from the airport.
319
00:17:17,167 --> 00:17:19,500
You can't win.
You're ineligible
320
00:17:19,534 --> 00:17:21,500
because your
microbrained daughter
321
00:17:21,534 --> 00:17:23,300
is now
a Weenie Tot employee.
322
00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:26,301
We'll be poor
for the rest of our lives!
323
00:17:27,501 --> 00:17:29,401
Bite on that weenie!
324
00:17:38,434 --> 00:17:39,867
Is he right, Al?
325
00:17:39,901 --> 00:17:42,066
I'm afraid he is, Peg.
326
00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:44,633
Oh, what to do,
what to do.
327
00:17:44,667 --> 00:17:47,101
Well, maybe Kelly
can help us out of this.
328
00:17:47,868 --> 00:17:50,633
Boy, am I beat.
329
00:17:50,667 --> 00:17:51,733
All day long,
330
00:17:51,767 --> 00:17:53,533
cut the ribbon, wave.
331
00:17:53,567 --> 00:17:55,099
Cut the ribbon, wave.
332
00:17:55,133 --> 00:17:59,533
Heavy is the head of she
who wears the crown.
333
00:17:59,567 --> 00:18:01,667
Cut the ribbon, wave...
334
00:18:02,033 --> 00:18:03,467
Well, this is
a fine mess.
335
00:18:03,501 --> 00:18:06,700
She's an idiot,
and the smart one's mad at us.
336
00:18:06,734 --> 00:18:08,700
Hm...
337
00:18:08,734 --> 00:18:10,800
What we need is a dupe.
338
00:18:10,834 --> 00:18:13,900
Someone dishonest enough
to cash this ticket for us,
339
00:18:13,934 --> 00:18:17,733
yet...honest enough
not to run off with the money.
340
00:18:17,767 --> 00:18:19,433
In other words...
341
00:18:19,467 --> 00:18:22,134
someone
mighty stupid.
342
00:18:28,334 --> 00:18:31,999
So we're talking
a 50-50 split.
343
00:18:32,033 --> 00:18:33,500
What do you say?
344
00:18:33,534 --> 00:18:36,733
This is the lowest idea
I have ever heard.
345
00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:39,266
If you want someone to
cheat an American business,
346
00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:41,099
then you have come to
the wrong people.
347
00:18:41,133 --> 00:18:42,867
What you need, Al Bundy,
is a criminal.
348
00:18:42,901 --> 00:18:45,999
And I'm no criminal.
And I don't know anyone who is.
349
00:18:46,033 --> 00:18:48,001
I'll do it.
350
00:18:53,167 --> 00:18:54,567
What do you mean,
"I'll do it"?
351
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:58,467
What part of "I'll do it"
didn't you understand?
352
00:18:58,501 --> 00:19:00,300
Let's just put aside
353
00:19:00,334 --> 00:19:02,633
the dishonesty
of this for a minute.
354
00:19:02,667 --> 00:19:04,166
At least remember
355
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,900
that you are
a white-collar criminal.
356
00:19:06,934 --> 00:19:08,834
This man, at best,
357
00:19:08,868 --> 00:19:11,999
is a ring-around-the-collar
criminal.
358
00:19:12,033 --> 00:19:14,934
Now, honey, you don't
want to be in league
359
00:19:14,968 --> 00:19:17,166
with someone whose
greatest accomplishment
360
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,066
has been putting shoes
on his knees
361
00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:21,567
and sneaking into
the movies as a child.
362
00:19:22,234 --> 00:19:23,999
Besides...
363
00:19:24,033 --> 00:19:28,133
I don't wanna wind up Bonnie
to this man's "Clod."
364
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:31,700
Marcie, we're talking
about $50,000 here.
365
00:19:31,734 --> 00:19:35,067
That buys a lot
of motion lotion.
366
00:19:38,167 --> 00:19:40,167
Deal.
367
00:19:42,467 --> 00:19:45,266
And so, the four
Chicago wonder kids
368
00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:48,066
arrived in Geneva for their
summit with Russian leader--
369
00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:51,099
Come on. Let's get
some real news on here.
370
00:19:51,133 --> 00:19:53,200
And now, the unusual story
371
00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:55,700
of the winning
of the Weenie Tot Sniffstakes,
372
00:19:55,734 --> 00:19:58,101
which occurred
a short time ago.
373
00:20:05,601 --> 00:20:07,033
Hey...
374
00:20:07,067 --> 00:20:09,200
it looks like
Jefferson's getting ready
375
00:20:09,234 --> 00:20:11,101
to blow town
with his wife.
376
00:20:12,033 --> 00:20:14,767
He's supposed to
blow town with me.
377
00:20:14,801 --> 00:20:17,567
I mean, us.
378
00:20:17,601 --> 00:20:19,333
As Miss Weenie Tot,
379
00:20:19,367 --> 00:20:23,200
I am pleased to present
this check for $50,000
380
00:20:23,234 --> 00:20:25,700
to Mr. Jefferson D'Arcy...
381
00:20:25,734 --> 00:20:28,300
a man that I have
never, ever met before...
382
00:20:28,334 --> 00:20:30,266
and, I might add,
383
00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:31,966
does not live
next door to me,
384
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,733
and has
no prearranged plans
385
00:20:33,767 --> 00:20:36,867
to split the money
with anyone in my family.
386
00:20:38,701 --> 00:20:40,633
So, what do you
plan to do
387
00:20:40,667 --> 00:20:43,468
with my daddy's money,
Mr. D'Arcy?
388
00:20:44,734 --> 00:20:46,966
What Mr. D'Arcy intends
to do with the money
389
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,500
is to make partial
reparations
390
00:20:48,534 --> 00:20:51,667
to the aged and stupid
people he defrauded
391
00:20:51,701 --> 00:20:56,133
in the notorious Lake
Chicamakomoko land scandal.
392
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:59,567
Good. Good. I'm glad.
Glad, I say.
393
00:20:59,601 --> 00:21:00,800
I knew this would happen
394
00:21:00,834 --> 00:21:04,200
the moment I heard
Al Bundy was involved.
395
00:21:04,234 --> 00:21:06,033
That's B-U-N-D--
396
00:21:06,067 --> 00:21:08,266
Hey, hey. That's
my mother's bracelet!
397
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:09,500
I'm not the criminal.
398
00:21:09,534 --> 00:21:11,967
Al Bundy
is the criminal.
399
00:21:17,334 --> 00:21:19,400
Hi, Daddy.
400
00:21:19,434 --> 00:21:21,934
Leave town-ay.
401
00:21:21,968 --> 00:21:24,767
The jig is up-say.
402
00:21:31,334 --> 00:21:33,400
Gee, Al, uh,
403
00:21:33,434 --> 00:21:34,567
maybe I made
a mistake
404
00:21:34,601 --> 00:21:37,734
in letting Kelly
in on the plans.
405
00:21:43,868 --> 00:21:45,999
Well, honey,
at least it's over.
406
00:21:46,033 --> 00:21:49,201
Uh, no, Peg.
It's not over.
407
00:21:54,434 --> 00:21:57,700
Now it's over.
408
00:21:59,434 --> 00:22:02,366
What's for dinner tonight
in the slammer, guys?
409
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,600
Same thing
every night.
410
00:22:04,634 --> 00:22:07,167
Weenie Tots.
411
00:22:07,934 --> 00:22:10,468
Book me.
28575
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