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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:17,900
Is it really
gonna happen today, Daddy?
2
00:01:17,934 --> 00:01:20,533
Are we really gonna eat?
3
00:01:21,501 --> 00:01:23,033
That we are, kids.
4
00:01:23,067 --> 00:01:24,800
And this time
it's no pipe dream.
5
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:26,600
I gave your mother
some money,
6
00:01:26,634 --> 00:01:28,400
towed her car
to the supermarket,
7
00:01:28,434 --> 00:01:31,667
tied her hands--
Tied her hands to the cart,
8
00:01:31,701 --> 00:01:32,934
put my foot on her rear,
9
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:36,767
and jump-started her
towards the meat department.
10
00:01:36,801 --> 00:01:38,934
So get ready, kids,
'cause soon our mouths
11
00:01:38,968 --> 00:01:42,266
will be alive with dead animals
from every race and religion.
12
00:01:42,300 --> 00:01:44,333
Good.
Mm.
13
00:01:44,367 --> 00:01:46,700
You make it sound
so good, Dad.
14
00:01:46,734 --> 00:01:48,166
Tell us again
what supper was like
15
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:49,567
when you were a boy.
Yeah.
16
00:01:49,601 --> 00:01:51,333
Well...
17
00:01:51,367 --> 00:01:53,233
You young'uns never get tired
of hearing it.
18
00:01:53,267 --> 00:01:54,233
No, no.
No.
19
00:01:54,267 --> 00:01:55,300
All right.
20
00:01:55,334 --> 00:01:57,633
Well, back in the old days,
21
00:01:57,667 --> 00:01:59,633
whenever the sun would go down,
22
00:01:59,667 --> 00:02:01,733
we'd all gather at a table,
much like this one.
23
00:02:01,767 --> 00:02:03,200
Wow.
24
00:02:03,234 --> 00:02:06,366
Matter of fact,
it was this one.
25
00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:07,966
And there before us,
26
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,366
stretched as far
as the eye could see,
27
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:12,667
was meat.
Mm.
28
00:02:12,701 --> 00:02:15,433
Oh, do I remember the meat.
29
00:02:15,467 --> 00:02:16,834
I was only 5 years old,
30
00:02:16,868 --> 00:02:18,567
but I remember
my dad telling me,
31
00:02:18,601 --> 00:02:21,999
"Save your table scraps
for Mommy."
32
00:02:22,033 --> 00:02:24,633
Of course we never did.
33
00:02:24,667 --> 00:02:28,933
Oh, look, Dad,
your little boy's eating again.
34
00:02:30,267 --> 00:02:32,166
Daddy, who made you
this meat?
35
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:34,633
Well, back then,
we called her mother.
36
00:02:35,667 --> 00:02:37,834
See, kids, "mother" meant
"home cooking" then.
37
00:02:37,868 --> 00:02:39,733
'Course back then,
"gay" meant "happy."
38
00:02:39,767 --> 00:02:42,134
Well...
39
00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:45,200
Dad, were there
any vegetables?
40
00:02:45,234 --> 00:02:48,066
Yeah, but we pushed them
off to the side.
41
00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:50,066
Save room for the biscuits
and the butter.
42
00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:53,867
And not that hard butter either
that cruelly rips the bread.
43
00:02:53,901 --> 00:02:56,966
But soft butter
that spreads smooth
44
00:02:57,000 --> 00:03:00,167
like your grandma's butt
on a barstool.
45
00:03:01,968 --> 00:03:03,566
Mm, mm, mm.
46
00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:21,700
Ooh.
47
00:03:38,501 --> 00:03:41,167
Where's our meat,
woman?
48
00:03:42,501 --> 00:03:45,233
Al, did you get these kids
into a frenzy again
49
00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:47,400
over this eating thing?
50
00:03:47,434 --> 00:03:49,033
You know,
you just won't be happy
51
00:03:49,067 --> 00:03:52,367
till I'm as afraid to come home
as you are, will ya?
52
00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:57,666
Well, this is a fine
how-do-you-doody.
53
00:03:59,534 --> 00:04:01,900
You with your fairy stories
about meat,
54
00:04:01,934 --> 00:04:04,066
and you,
who goes to the market
55
00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:05,567
and brings home what?
56
00:04:05,601 --> 00:04:06,966
Something with letters
57
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,933
that aren't even
in alphabetical order.
58
00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:12,834
Which, I suspect,
are of use
59
00:04:12,868 --> 00:04:16,233
for only those
who can read.
60
00:04:16,267 --> 00:04:18,366
Now, we were promised food.
And what do we get?
61
00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,200
Just another meatless Monday.
62
00:04:20,234 --> 00:04:23,267
This is no fun day.
63
00:04:24,367 --> 00:04:25,867
It-- It's the meat D.T.'s.
64
00:04:25,901 --> 00:04:26,900
Bud,
65
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,433
take your sister
for a walk.
66
00:04:28,467 --> 00:04:29,767
And don't tie her
to a hydrant
67
00:04:29,801 --> 00:04:32,233
and go for a soda
like last time.
68
00:04:32,267 --> 00:04:35,800
Just 'cause she can't think
doesn't mean she can't feel.
69
00:04:35,834 --> 00:04:39,600
Honey, it'd be good for you
to be seen with a pretty girl.
70
00:04:39,634 --> 00:04:40,966
Yeah, right.
71
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,833
They'll just think I paid
for her like everybody else.
72
00:04:50,701 --> 00:04:53,166
Look.
Buck has a bone.
73
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,600
Oh, God,
it's got meat on it!
74
00:04:58,400 --> 00:04:59,467
Pookie.
75
00:04:59,501 --> 00:05:00,934
Yes, honey?
76
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,533
Take all your clothes off
right now.
77
00:05:03,567 --> 00:05:05,333
Oh, baby.
78
00:05:05,367 --> 00:05:07,366
You finally
wanna do it.
79
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:11,267
No, but I need something
to kill my appetite.
80
00:05:12,267 --> 00:05:15,867
Peg, what did you spend
the $20 on I gave you for food?
81
00:05:15,901 --> 00:05:18,900
Well, I ate,
of course.
82
00:05:18,934 --> 00:05:22,266
And then I bought
this magazine, Amazing Homes.
83
00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:24,133
Just look
at this house, Al.
84
00:05:24,167 --> 00:05:25,366
Why can't we have a house
85
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,966
with a name
like Chateau Paradise?
86
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,200
Well,
87
00:05:30,234 --> 00:05:32,266
maybe I'm mismanaging
my $3.20 an hour.
88
00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:34,767
Let's see.
89
00:05:36,067 --> 00:05:38,400
Well, I'm sure
that the shoe salesman
90
00:05:38,434 --> 00:05:40,266
that owns
this house is, uh--
91
00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:41,266
Well, wait a minute.
92
00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:43,533
No, it's not
a shoe salesman.
93
00:05:43,567 --> 00:05:47,033
That's Bob "I'm a zillionaire"
Hope's house.
94
00:05:47,067 --> 00:05:49,533
Oh, wait. Maybe this really
big house is a shoe salesman's.
95
00:05:49,567 --> 00:05:52,933
No, dagnabit.
This is a drug lord.
96
00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:57,867
Gee, I-- I feel so worthless.
You deserve so much more.
97
00:05:57,901 --> 00:06:00,266
I mean, your rear end
should be squashing a couch
98
00:06:00,300 --> 00:06:02,300
much bigger than ours.
99
00:06:02,334 --> 00:06:03,400
Oh, honey.
100
00:06:03,434 --> 00:06:05,934
You can be so sweet
when you want to be.
101
00:06:05,968 --> 00:06:07,333
But don't feel bad.
102
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,966
I never expected you
to amount to anything.
103
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,733
You know, the guy
I fell in love with
104
00:06:11,767 --> 00:06:13,500
was just a crazy,
carefree guy
105
00:06:13,534 --> 00:06:16,700
with an easy smile
and a fast car.
106
00:06:16,734 --> 00:06:19,767
'Course, he wouldn't marry me,
so I took you.
107
00:06:19,801 --> 00:06:22,166
But I've never looked back.
108
00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:23,166
Ooh.
109
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,533
Except when we kiss.
110
00:06:25,567 --> 00:06:27,400
Well, don't look back
the next time I ask you
111
00:06:27,434 --> 00:06:28,999
to open the garage door
for me either.
112
00:06:29,033 --> 00:06:31,300
'Cause if you do, you might see
the mighty Dodge emblem
113
00:06:31,334 --> 00:06:33,234
bearin' down on ya.
114
00:06:35,834 --> 00:06:38,867
Yeah, like I'd really stand
in front of your car.
115
00:06:38,901 --> 00:06:40,366
I'm telling you,
116
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,834
this magazine says
we can have a lovely home.
117
00:06:42,868 --> 00:06:45,633
And it says that
it doesn't cost very much money.
118
00:06:45,667 --> 00:06:48,200
All it takes
is a decorator's eye,
119
00:06:48,234 --> 00:06:52,300
which I have,
according to Professor Lavar.
120
00:06:53,334 --> 00:06:55,867
Professor Lavar?
121
00:06:55,901 --> 00:06:57,733
How much, Peg?
122
00:06:57,767 --> 00:06:59,333
You're just
gonna love him, Al.
123
00:06:59,367 --> 00:07:00,633
He is the professor
124
00:07:00,667 --> 00:07:02,999
at the Cook County School
of Interior Design,
125
00:07:03,033 --> 00:07:05,366
of which I am now enrolled.
126
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:06,867
How much, Peg?
Ooh.
127
00:07:06,901 --> 00:07:08,600
I feel so good.
128
00:07:08,634 --> 00:07:11,067
Two thousand dollars.
129
00:07:12,501 --> 00:07:14,366
I have finally found
my calling,
130
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:17,300
and I knew you'd be happy
for me, honey.
131
00:07:17,934 --> 00:07:19,633
Honey?
132
00:07:22,968 --> 00:07:24,433
Oh, Al, watch out.
133
00:07:24,467 --> 00:07:26,800
Let me get your tongue.
134
00:07:32,467 --> 00:07:34,966
You spent $2000
on a decorating school?
135
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,867
Uh-huh.
136
00:07:37,534 --> 00:07:39,166
Well, it must be my fault.
137
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:43,433
Sure, I'll take the blame.
I didn't have to say, "I do."
138
00:07:43,467 --> 00:07:44,633
I could've just taken
139
00:07:44,667 --> 00:07:46,633
one of your uncle's
shotgun blasts in the back,
140
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,533
be done with it.
141
00:07:48,567 --> 00:07:52,066
But then, honey, we couldn't
have had that great reception.
142
00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:54,333
You know, where your father
whispered in my ear,
143
00:07:54,367 --> 00:07:56,333
"If you like my son,
I'm twice as fun."
144
00:07:56,367 --> 00:07:58,200
Ah...
145
00:07:59,167 --> 00:08:02,200
Oh, come on, Al. Go with me
on this decorating thing.
146
00:08:02,234 --> 00:08:04,934
I'm really good at it.
You'll see tomorrow.
147
00:08:04,968 --> 00:08:06,200
My homework assignment
148
00:08:06,234 --> 00:08:08,266
is to make one room
in this house
149
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:09,467
breathtakingly beautiful.
150
00:08:09,501 --> 00:08:10,467
Peg,
151
00:08:10,501 --> 00:08:12,366
this is my house.
152
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:16,000
If you want it
to look better, dust.
153
00:08:18,501 --> 00:08:21,433
If you want it
to smell better, cook.
154
00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:25,733
If you want it
to be happy, leave.
155
00:08:28,534 --> 00:08:30,999
But do not touch
this house.
156
00:08:31,033 --> 00:08:33,333
I am not a man
happy with change.
157
00:08:33,367 --> 00:08:37,533
Well, that explains your job
and your underwear.
158
00:08:39,367 --> 00:08:40,633
Peg, I'm warning you.
159
00:08:40,667 --> 00:08:42,400
Touch not a hair
in this house.
160
00:08:42,434 --> 00:08:45,600
Do not redecorate.
161
00:08:45,634 --> 00:08:47,433
I won't.
162
00:08:47,467 --> 00:08:49,033
A pox on you.
163
00:08:49,067 --> 00:08:51,566
Like I'd notice.
164
00:09:03,067 --> 00:09:05,200
Seems normal.
165
00:09:15,234 --> 00:09:18,334
Yep. Normal.
166
00:09:19,701 --> 00:09:22,134
Let me check upstairs.
167
00:09:25,934 --> 00:09:28,800
She listened to me!
It's normal!
168
00:09:33,801 --> 00:09:37,467
Son, I'm glad you're here.
169
00:09:37,501 --> 00:09:40,567
I wanna talk to you
about being a man.
170
00:09:40,601 --> 00:09:41,633
See, son, a man--
171
00:09:41,667 --> 00:09:43,500
I know
what you're getting at.
172
00:09:43,534 --> 00:09:47,133
Do you think I want to be
home early on a Friday night?
173
00:09:47,167 --> 00:09:50,200
You think I'm not trying
desperately to get a date?
174
00:09:50,234 --> 00:09:51,999
Do you think I like
hearing the chants:
175
00:09:52,033 --> 00:09:54,099
"Bud, Bud, alone he'll sit.
176
00:09:54,133 --> 00:09:55,500
Bud, Bud, will touch no-- "
177
00:09:55,534 --> 00:09:58,467
I don't wanna talk about you.
178
00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:04,800
I wanna talk about my great
victory over your mother.
179
00:10:04,834 --> 00:10:06,333
Revel with me, son.
180
00:10:06,367 --> 00:10:07,934
She listened to me.
I put my foot down,
181
00:10:07,968 --> 00:10:09,300
and your mother listened
to me.
182
00:10:09,334 --> 00:10:10,366
And you know why?
183
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,867
Because I am the man.
184
00:10:12,901 --> 00:10:16,334
The chief.
The king. The boss.
185
00:10:20,334 --> 00:10:23,333
Bob's Big Boy with fries.
186
00:10:23,367 --> 00:10:26,567
Extra cheese,
maybe a little bacon.
187
00:10:26,601 --> 00:10:28,966
God, I'm hungry.
188
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,266
But anyway, Bud,
189
00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:34,467
always remember
that the man is the boss
190
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:37,033
because the man--
And it's proven the world over.
191
00:10:37,067 --> 00:10:39,099
Any country you go to,
no matter what it is,
192
00:10:39,133 --> 00:10:42,334
there's always
a word for man.
193
00:10:43,234 --> 00:10:47,334
Dad, are you absolutely sure
you're my real father?
194
00:10:47,968 --> 00:10:49,633
Yes.
195
00:10:49,667 --> 00:10:52,767
Don't you know I called
for an immediate blood test?
196
00:10:55,234 --> 00:10:59,033
Son, now I'm going
to go celebrate my victory
197
00:10:59,067 --> 00:11:02,800
the way a man
celebrates his victory.
198
00:11:33,133 --> 00:11:35,767
How long was I out?
199
00:11:35,801 --> 00:11:38,533
A good 45 minutes.
200
00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:40,200
Why didn't you come get me?
201
00:11:40,234 --> 00:11:43,533
Dad, you're always
in there for 45 minutes.
202
00:11:43,567 --> 00:11:45,900
You did 45 minutes
in the bushes one time.
203
00:11:45,934 --> 00:11:49,834
That was the Jenkins' yard.
That was a good spot.
204
00:11:49,868 --> 00:11:53,067
Well, their roses won prizes
that year.
205
00:12:00,434 --> 00:12:02,400
Oh, hi, honey.
Hi, Bud.
206
00:12:02,434 --> 00:12:03,533
Hey, where's Kelly?
207
00:12:03,567 --> 00:12:04,800
You know,
we haven't seen her
208
00:12:04,834 --> 00:12:06,633
since you took her
for a walk.
209
00:12:09,534 --> 00:12:11,401
So I forgot.
210
00:12:12,734 --> 00:12:14,300
Well, don't worry.
211
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:15,999
I mean, how much trouble
can she get into
212
00:12:16,033 --> 00:12:17,567
double-knotted
to a telephone pole
213
00:12:17,601 --> 00:12:20,767
in front
of the Pussycat Theater?
214
00:12:22,667 --> 00:12:24,033
Okay, Al.
215
00:12:24,067 --> 00:12:25,800
Now, I know you seen
the bathroom.
216
00:12:25,834 --> 00:12:27,033
What do you think?
217
00:12:27,067 --> 00:12:28,433
Well, Peg,
218
00:12:28,467 --> 00:12:32,000
it's just like your hair
got larger and became a room.
219
00:12:33,033 --> 00:12:34,333
So you like it?
220
00:12:34,367 --> 00:12:37,300
Peg, you took
my once-mighty Ferguson,
221
00:12:37,334 --> 00:12:40,834
and you put a little,
pink fuzzy thing on it.
222
00:12:40,868 --> 00:12:43,934
It cried out to me
in its pain, Peg.
223
00:12:43,968 --> 00:12:46,500
It's a toilet, Al.
It can't talk.
224
00:12:46,534 --> 00:12:49,500
Well, I've known it long enough
to know what it's thinking.
225
00:12:49,534 --> 00:12:52,166
Now, you've desecrated
the toilet I call home.
226
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:53,934
Oh, Al.
227
00:12:53,968 --> 00:12:55,900
There is plenty of you
left in that bathroom.
228
00:12:55,934 --> 00:12:57,033
Where's my shaving cream?
229
00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:58,966
In the right cup
of the bra rack.
230
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,099
Where's my razor?
231
00:13:00,133 --> 00:13:03,067
In the tampon carousel.
232
00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:06,900
Where's my deodorant?
233
00:13:06,934 --> 00:13:10,633
That is a trick question.
You don't use any.
234
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:13,099
You promised, Peg.
235
00:13:13,133 --> 00:13:15,567
Well, I promised not to do
a room in this house.
236
00:13:15,601 --> 00:13:17,533
A bathroom is not a room.
237
00:13:17,567 --> 00:13:18,834
Yes, it is a room!
238
00:13:18,868 --> 00:13:22,099
"bath-room."
239
00:13:22,133 --> 00:13:25,134
From the Greek,
bathroqopolis.
240
00:13:26,968 --> 00:13:29,266
A quiet oasis,
away from camels and women.
241
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:31,567
Now I have to machete my way
through your pantyhose
242
00:13:31,601 --> 00:13:32,900
to use the one upstairs.
243
00:13:32,934 --> 00:13:36,133
Oh. Gee, Al, I don't think
you wanna do that.
244
00:13:36,167 --> 00:13:39,966
You see, I did that one sort of
more like a woman's bathroom.
245
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,133
You know,
it has ballerina faucets
246
00:13:42,167 --> 00:13:43,300
and a bidet.
247
00:13:43,334 --> 00:13:46,566
Oh. And a Mel Gibson
shower nozzle. Heh.
248
00:13:47,601 --> 00:13:50,566
It's shaped just
like his head.
249
00:13:51,033 --> 00:13:53,800
God, I feel so clean.
250
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,433
Gee, I-- I hope
Professor Lavar likes it.
251
00:13:56,467 --> 00:13:58,533
Him and the entire class
are coming over tonight
252
00:13:58,567 --> 00:13:59,934
to grade me
on what I did.
253
00:13:59,968 --> 00:14:03,233
But, Peg, now I have no place
to go to the bathroom.
254
00:14:03,267 --> 00:14:05,733
Oh, stop whining,
you big baby.
255
00:14:05,767 --> 00:14:08,133
Look, why don't you at least
try the new bathroom.
256
00:14:08,167 --> 00:14:10,333
I put a very special
feature on it.
257
00:14:10,367 --> 00:14:11,633
When you flush the toilet,
258
00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:13,933
it plays
"We've Only Just Begun."
259
00:14:14,934 --> 00:14:16,999
Peg, you know that's
our wedding song.
260
00:14:17,033 --> 00:14:20,600
Every time I hear it,
it freezes up my innards solid.
261
00:14:20,634 --> 00:14:23,200
Oh, come on, honey.
262
00:14:23,234 --> 00:14:24,200
Look, just try it.
263
00:14:24,234 --> 00:14:25,633
If you don't like it,
264
00:14:25,667 --> 00:14:27,033
you never have
to do it again.
265
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,300
I've heard that before.
266
00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:31,367
If that was true,
explain Bud to me.
Oh.
267
00:15:10,734 --> 00:15:14,267
No! No! Oh!
268
00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:22,066
Peg? I tried it,
I don't like it.
269
00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:24,099
Change it back.
No.
270
00:15:24,133 --> 00:15:28,366
Peg, a bathroom should be
cold, white, soothing.
271
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:29,934
It should say,
272
00:15:29,968 --> 00:15:32,867
"Step up to the bowl, pardner,
and make it a double."
273
00:15:36,133 --> 00:15:39,033
But, Peg,
my toilet's not a man.
274
00:15:39,067 --> 00:15:42,633
My Ferguson
has become...Fergie.
275
00:15:43,033 --> 00:15:44,233
Change it back, Peg.
276
00:15:44,267 --> 00:15:45,266
No.
277
00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:47,500
I see we have--
What we have here.
278
00:15:47,534 --> 00:15:49,600
We have a battle of wills.
Well, that's fine.
279
00:15:49,634 --> 00:15:51,600
'Cause I will not bend,
I will not break.
280
00:15:51,634 --> 00:15:54,167
I will not sit,
I will not make.
281
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:56,767
Was that John Keats?
282
00:15:56,801 --> 00:15:58,334
That was Bundy.
283
00:15:58,701 --> 00:16:00,166
Al Bundy,
284
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:01,600
man.
285
00:16:01,634 --> 00:16:02,966
And I'm telling you, Peg,
286
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,600
if you don't change
my toilet back,
287
00:16:04,634 --> 00:16:06,633
there are plenty
of single women out there
288
00:16:06,667 --> 00:16:09,934
that have just the kind
of bowls I'm looking for.
289
00:16:09,968 --> 00:16:12,133
So test me, Peg,
290
00:16:12,167 --> 00:16:15,233
and you'll see me sitting
in a bathroom
291
00:16:15,267 --> 00:16:16,667
in a penthouse apartment
292
00:16:16,701 --> 00:16:20,467
with a blond with a match
waiting outside the door.
293
00:16:30,067 --> 00:16:32,233
Mother-in-law
visiting again?
294
00:16:32,267 --> 00:16:34,066
Yeah. How about you?
295
00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:35,633
My daughter's home
from college.
296
00:16:35,667 --> 00:16:37,367
Ah, that's rough.
297
00:16:37,834 --> 00:16:39,366
Hey, new guy.
298
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,166
What are you in for?
299
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,066
Wife made the bathroom pink.
300
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:45,501
Ho!
Whoo!
301
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,800
Thanks, guys.
302
00:16:58,834 --> 00:16:59,834
What's it like in there?
303
00:16:59,868 --> 00:17:01,999
White, cool,
304
00:17:02,033 --> 00:17:03,266
graffiti disparaging women,
305
00:17:03,300 --> 00:17:05,233
and a couple of boasts
from guys about how long
306
00:17:05,267 --> 00:17:07,867
it would take them
to get Connie Chung pregnant.
307
00:17:11,734 --> 00:17:14,401
Hey, you in there.
What'd you do, fall in?
308
00:17:16,467 --> 00:17:18,501
Hey, the new guy's funny.
309
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,633
Hey, ya bum.
Ah!
310
00:17:37,801 --> 00:17:39,099
What do we do now?
311
00:17:39,133 --> 00:17:40,567
Well, if you don't mind
the drive,
312
00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:42,733
nothing beats Barney's,
on the Wisconsin border.
313
00:17:42,767 --> 00:17:46,100
They don't even have gas pumps
anymore, just acres of toilets.
314
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:48,099
Well, wait a minute, guys.
315
00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:49,800
I know I'm the new guy here,
316
00:17:49,834 --> 00:17:52,567
and it's not my place
to speak up, but...
317
00:17:52,601 --> 00:17:54,233
what're we doing?
318
00:17:54,267 --> 00:17:55,567
We're men.
319
00:17:55,601 --> 00:17:57,834
We were put
on this planet to--
320
00:17:57,868 --> 00:18:00,099
Well, I don't know what we were
put on this planet to do,
321
00:18:00,133 --> 00:18:01,567
but we're here, damn it.
322
00:18:01,601 --> 00:18:02,999
And we're Americans.
323
00:18:03,033 --> 00:18:04,333
And we have a right to use
324
00:18:04,367 --> 00:18:06,800
the best toilet system
in the free world.
325
00:18:06,834 --> 00:18:09,433
Are we to use a gas station
bathroom like some--
326
00:18:09,467 --> 00:18:11,600
Some common Russki?
327
00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:14,200
We're being driven
from our homes,
328
00:18:14,234 --> 00:18:15,433
room by room,
329
00:18:15,467 --> 00:18:19,233
running like a Frenchman
from a cap gun.
330
00:18:19,267 --> 00:18:21,233
And from whom?
331
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,500
From our women.
332
00:18:23,534 --> 00:18:25,133
They've taken over
our closets,
333
00:18:25,167 --> 00:18:28,434
driven us out of our bedrooms
by their very nakedness.
334
00:18:28,934 --> 00:18:30,700
Now, you guys can take it,
335
00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:34,233
but not this Yankee
Doody Dandy.
336
00:18:34,267 --> 00:18:38,133
Tonight, I'm reclaiming
my toilet bowl.
337
00:18:38,167 --> 00:18:41,401
All right!
Yeah!
338
00:18:47,634 --> 00:18:49,166
So, what do we do now?
339
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,966
Well, how bad could it be?
340
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,401
I'm going in.
341
00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:04,100
Gee, I've been needing
something for church. Heh.
342
00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:11,633
Hi, honey.
343
00:19:11,667 --> 00:19:12,966
What are you doing home?
344
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,633
I thought you were
out on the town,
345
00:19:14,667 --> 00:19:16,833
marking your territory.
346
00:19:17,567 --> 00:19:20,700
Woman, I have come to take back
what is rightfully mine.
347
00:19:20,734 --> 00:19:22,900
My bathroom.
348
00:19:23,467 --> 00:19:25,099
Oh, not now, Al.
349
00:19:25,133 --> 00:19:26,633
I'm really nervous.
350
00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:28,999
This is the first thing
I've done that I'm proud of
351
00:19:29,033 --> 00:19:32,733
since I got 'em to up
your MasterCard limit to $100.
352
00:19:33,367 --> 00:19:36,567
Hello, Mrs. Bundy.
Hello.
353
00:19:36,601 --> 00:19:38,367
Hi.
354
00:19:39,501 --> 00:19:41,366
Class...
355
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:46,234
how many decorating
don'ts do we see?
356
00:19:52,801 --> 00:19:54,366
Oh, don't mind him.
357
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,133
He's just choppin' wood
for his dinner.
358
00:19:57,167 --> 00:19:59,467
Come upstairs
and see my bathroom.
359
00:19:59,501 --> 00:20:02,400
Change it, Peg,
or suffer the consequences.
360
00:20:02,434 --> 00:20:04,366
Oh, what's the worst thing
that could happen?
361
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:05,933
Ya marry me?
362
00:20:11,367 --> 00:20:13,434
Then I have no choice.
363
00:20:31,234 --> 00:20:33,966
* Now, on the day
I was born *
364
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,300
* The nurses
All gathered round *
365
00:20:36,334 --> 00:20:38,667
* They gazed
In wide wonder *
366
00:20:38,701 --> 00:20:41,133
* At the joy
They had found *
367
00:20:41,167 --> 00:20:42,966
* The head nurse spoke up *
368
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,867
* Said leave this one alone *
369
00:20:45,901 --> 00:20:48,233
* She could tell right away *
370
00:20:48,267 --> 00:20:50,733
* That I was bad
To the bone *
371
00:20:50,767 --> 00:20:53,166
* Bad to the bone *
372
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,500
* Bad to the bone *
373
00:20:55,534 --> 00:20:57,999
* B-b-b-b-bad *
374
00:20:58,033 --> 00:21:00,433
* B-b-b-b-bad *
375
00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:02,934
* B-b-b-b-bad *
376
00:21:02,968 --> 00:21:05,333
* Bad to the bone *
377
00:21:05,367 --> 00:21:07,900
* I broke a thousand hearts *
378
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:10,099
* Before I met you *
379
00:21:10,133 --> 00:21:12,567
* I'll break
A thousand more, baby *
380
00:21:12,601 --> 00:21:14,999
* Before I am through *
381
00:21:15,033 --> 00:21:17,300
* I wanna be yours
Pretty baby *
382
00:21:17,334 --> 00:21:19,700
* Yours and yours alone *
383
00:21:19,734 --> 00:21:22,166
* I'm here to tell ya, honey *
384
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,700
* That I'm bad to the bone *
385
00:21:24,734 --> 00:21:27,033
* Bad to the bone *
386
00:21:27,067 --> 00:21:29,400
* B-b-b-b-bad *
387
00:21:29,434 --> 00:21:31,900
* B-b-b-b-bad *
388
00:21:31,934 --> 00:21:34,134
* B-b-b-b-bad *
389
00:21:34,434 --> 00:21:36,800
* Bad to the bone *
390
00:22:08,534 --> 00:22:11,033
* Bad to the bone *
391
00:22:11,067 --> 00:22:13,333
* B-b-b-b-bad *
392
00:22:13,367 --> 00:22:15,700
* B-b-b-b-bad *
393
00:22:15,734 --> 00:22:18,434
* Whew!
I'm bad to the bone *
27765
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