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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
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What's wrong
with Daddy?
2
00:01:30,367 --> 00:01:33,166
Ah, he's just
payin' bills.
3
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:35,934
Nothin' to concern us.
4
00:01:35,968 --> 00:01:37,600
Just be happy he's
not banging his head
5
00:01:37,634 --> 00:01:39,533
against the table.
6
00:01:44,133 --> 00:01:47,533
Well, I'm signing now, Lord.
7
00:01:47,567 --> 00:01:51,167
Please just smite me
before I get to the Y in Bundy.
8
00:01:51,734 --> 00:01:54,166
Oh, give me
that pen.
9
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:55,600
"Bundy."
10
00:01:55,634 --> 00:02:00,600
Heh. Yet another thing
you start that I finish.
11
00:02:01,267 --> 00:02:03,266
Well, now that
that's done,
12
00:02:03,300 --> 00:02:04,934
how 'bout taking us
to the movies?
13
00:02:04,968 --> 00:02:06,200
Well, perhaps you were fooled
14
00:02:06,234 --> 00:02:10,233
by the opulent luxury
of our home.
15
00:02:10,267 --> 00:02:12,266
You see, believe it or not,
we're broke.
16
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:14,133
Now, I know I've said
we're broke before,
17
00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:17,900
and you've all been
very brave and spent anyway,
18
00:02:17,934 --> 00:02:20,366
but it's really time
to tighten our belts.
19
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,500
Now, Peg, what can you
do without?
20
00:02:22,534 --> 00:02:25,101
Apparently an orgasm.
21
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,368
Heh.
22
00:02:30,834 --> 00:02:33,468
Way to get one.
23
00:02:35,033 --> 00:02:36,533
Kelly, and you?
24
00:02:36,567 --> 00:02:40,234
Well, I think that we all
could do without war, Daddy.
25
00:02:41,868 --> 00:02:44,467
Now do you think you
should have gained
more than five pounds
26
00:02:44,501 --> 00:02:47,333
when you were pregnant
with her?
27
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,500
Now, there must be
somebody around here
28
00:02:49,534 --> 00:02:51,366
that can think of some way
to save money.
29
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,999
Hey, Dad, I got my license.
30
00:02:54,033 --> 00:02:56,468
Can I have a new car?
31
00:02:56,834 --> 00:02:57,800
Daddy's broke.
32
00:02:57,834 --> 00:02:59,166
You're gonna have
to ask Mommy
33
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:00,900
to get one for you.
34
00:03:00,934 --> 00:03:02,433
Mommy, can I have a new car?
35
00:03:02,467 --> 00:03:04,468
Sure you can.
36
00:03:05,567 --> 00:03:07,733
Oh, what the hell,
new cars for everyone.
37
00:03:07,767 --> 00:03:09,834
That's wonderful!
38
00:03:09,868 --> 00:03:13,099
Quiet,
you morons!
39
00:03:13,133 --> 00:03:15,366
There's gonna be no new cars
and no new drivers.
40
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,166
I already can't
afford insurance,
41
00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,834
what with Kelly here
and the U-turn queen.
42
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,900
You know, it's not my fault
that they always put the sales
43
00:03:25,934 --> 00:03:28,166
on the other side
of the street.
44
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,700
Dad, all my friends
are driving.
45
00:03:30,734 --> 00:03:32,767
Well, if all your friends
were getting married,
46
00:03:32,801 --> 00:03:35,400
would you do that too?
47
00:03:35,434 --> 00:03:36,467
Look, forget a car.
48
00:03:36,501 --> 00:03:37,767
There's no reason
to take one
49
00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:41,134
when you can take
a perfectly good bus.
50
00:03:42,100 --> 00:03:43,966
Oh, yeah. I'd look
real cool picking up
51
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,999
that special date
in the old bus.
52
00:03:47,033 --> 00:03:48,567
Hey, you know what
all the guys say:
53
00:03:48,601 --> 00:03:52,334
"For a handful of girl,
give the bus a whirl."
54
00:03:59,033 --> 00:04:01,033
Oh, come on, Al.
55
00:04:01,067 --> 00:04:02,900
You were worried
about Kelly driving,
56
00:04:02,934 --> 00:04:04,133
and in the past year,
57
00:04:04,167 --> 00:04:07,334
she's only gotten
two or three tickets.
58
00:04:08,834 --> 00:04:09,966
And it would
have been four
59
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:13,334
if I hadn't outran
those last cops.
60
00:04:13,934 --> 00:04:15,867
Yep, they were fast enough
to keep up with me
61
00:04:15,901 --> 00:04:17,934
goin' the wrong way
on the expressway,
62
00:04:17,968 --> 00:04:22,433
but when it came time
to jump that drawbridge,
63
00:04:22,467 --> 00:04:25,767
they just didn't have
the guts.
64
00:04:25,801 --> 00:04:27,433
Well, I guess that solves
the mystery
65
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:30,734
of the bullet hole
in my gas tank.
66
00:04:31,133 --> 00:04:32,400
Look, Bud,
how 'bout this?
67
00:04:32,434 --> 00:04:34,667
Whenever you want to go
someplace, I'll take you.
68
00:04:34,701 --> 00:04:36,133
Huh? It'll be fun.
69
00:04:36,167 --> 00:04:37,600
And that way
the skirts will think
70
00:04:37,634 --> 00:04:40,201
I'm just one
of your cool friends.
71
00:04:40,701 --> 00:04:41,834
Oh, yeah.
72
00:04:41,868 --> 00:04:43,934
Then you could even have
a cool nickname,
73
00:04:43,968 --> 00:04:46,633
like Jowl Boy.
74
00:04:47,534 --> 00:04:48,999
Son, let this be
a lesson to you.
75
00:04:49,033 --> 00:04:50,500
Never do tequila shooters
76
00:04:50,534 --> 00:04:53,500
within a country mile
of a marriage chapel.
77
00:05:10,234 --> 00:05:12,533
Fly.
78
00:05:16,701 --> 00:05:19,067
Tapeworm.
79
00:05:27,534 --> 00:05:28,800
What's that?
80
00:05:28,834 --> 00:05:31,066
Oh, that's Dad's
car stereo.
81
00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:32,667
Since we've been
cruisin' together,
82
00:05:32,701 --> 00:05:35,200
he let me fix it up
a little.
83
00:05:35,234 --> 00:05:38,867
Fifteen-hundred watts
and no volume control.
84
00:05:40,968 --> 00:05:42,066
With the right song,
85
00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:44,966
you can drop a bird
at a hundred yards.
86
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,667
Cool.
87
00:05:47,367 --> 00:05:49,600
Hey, Daddy, can I use
the car tonight?
88
00:05:49,634 --> 00:05:51,700
What?
89
00:05:51,734 --> 00:05:53,533
What?
90
00:05:53,567 --> 00:05:55,767
Mom, Daddy's
deaf again!
91
00:05:55,801 --> 00:05:58,834
Oh, I'll fix it.
92
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:11,767
Is that your way
of telling me, uh,
93
00:06:11,801 --> 00:06:13,434
we're out of Q-tips?
94
00:06:14,267 --> 00:06:16,266
Oh, honey, if it's good enough
for the toilet,
95
00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:19,400
they're good enough
for you.
96
00:06:19,434 --> 00:06:20,733
So how was your day,
sweetie?
97
00:06:20,767 --> 00:06:22,033
Oh, fine.
98
00:06:22,067 --> 00:06:24,500
Just me cruising around,
listening to the oldies channel
99
00:06:24,534 --> 00:06:26,867
at 1500 watts.
100
00:06:27,734 --> 00:06:29,533
Made a lot of new friends.
101
00:06:29,567 --> 00:06:32,800
Take, uh, Officer Lewis,
for example.
102
00:06:32,834 --> 00:06:35,867
Unfortunately, I couldn't hear
his siren at first, but luckily,
103
00:06:35,901 --> 00:06:38,099
police cars are now equipped
with rammers
104
00:06:38,133 --> 00:06:41,467
that gently ease me
into the rail.
105
00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:43,166
Luckily, the cop liked oldies,
106
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:44,567
so he beat me
with his nightstick
107
00:06:44,601 --> 00:06:47,201
to the tune of "Hey Jude."
108
00:06:48,968 --> 00:06:51,633
Then he wrote me up 18 tickets.
109
00:06:51,667 --> 00:06:55,934
Including the one
for bleeding on his pad.
110
00:06:55,968 --> 00:06:58,600
How was your day?
111
00:06:58,634 --> 00:07:00,934
Quit whining, Dad.
112
00:07:00,968 --> 00:07:04,067
Put on the Bon Jovi hair,
and let's roll.
113
00:07:12,901 --> 00:07:14,733
Gee, honey,
114
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:16,967
you look like Tarzan.
115
00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:20,867
If he was old and gay.
116
00:07:23,701 --> 00:07:25,400
Well, Peg,
if you were Jane,
117
00:07:25,434 --> 00:07:28,001
believe me,
he would be.
118
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:33,366
Come on, son.
Let's roll.
119
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:34,633
No way.
120
00:07:34,667 --> 00:07:36,400
The car's mine tonight.
121
00:07:36,434 --> 00:07:37,567
Come on, Daddy.
122
00:07:37,601 --> 00:07:39,433
If not, I have to stand
on a street corner
123
00:07:39,467 --> 00:07:41,834
and listen to guys yell
insulting and degrading remarks
124
00:07:41,868 --> 00:07:43,900
and make kissing sounds.
125
00:07:43,934 --> 00:07:47,667
I'm sorry, honey.
We didn't know that was you.
126
00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:54,133
No, forget it, Kel.
127
00:07:54,167 --> 00:07:55,867
That car
is mine tonight.
128
00:07:55,901 --> 00:07:56,999
Mine.
Mine!
129
00:07:57,033 --> 00:07:58,066
Mine!
130
00:07:58,100 --> 00:08:00,800
Now, that's enough,
devil dogs.
131
00:08:00,834 --> 00:08:02,600
Now, I can't take
any more of this.
132
00:08:02,634 --> 00:08:04,200
I'm gonna get
car insurance for him,
133
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:07,134
and you two can fight
over the car to the death.
134
00:08:13,133 --> 00:08:17,500
Hello. Jim's Fish, Chips
and Insurance?
135
00:08:17,534 --> 00:08:19,633
Al Bundy here. Hi, Jim.
136
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:23,066
Uh, listen, how much to put
my son on my insurance?
137
00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:24,767
How old? Um...
138
00:08:24,801 --> 00:08:25,834
Sixteen.
139
00:08:25,868 --> 00:08:28,667
Uh, he's 16.
140
00:08:28,701 --> 00:08:31,400
Whoa!
141
00:08:31,434 --> 00:08:32,966
If you think
I'm gonna pay that much,
142
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:36,934
you're as stupid as those cats
you trap and call "tuna."
143
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:42,133
You know, when you insult
my wife, Jim,
144
00:08:42,167 --> 00:08:44,600
you don't hurt me, pal.
145
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,633
Well, what'd he say, Al?
146
00:08:49,667 --> 00:08:52,500
Nothing I haven't said myself.
147
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,467
Now, look, Jim,
148
00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:56,700
if that's the best you can do
for a lifetime friend
149
00:08:56,734 --> 00:08:58,300
and someone who never told
the police
150
00:08:58,334 --> 00:08:59,966
what your "catch of the day"
really is,
151
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,166
then you can just take
my insurance and stuff it.
152
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:03,867
That's right, all of it!
153
00:09:05,467 --> 00:09:06,600
There, family.
154
00:09:06,634 --> 00:09:08,500
Al Bundy takes guff
from no one.
155
00:09:08,534 --> 00:09:10,999
Cheap, cheap, cheap,
cheap, cheap, cheap...
156
00:09:11,033 --> 00:09:12,767
All right, I'm going
to give you the keys.
157
00:09:12,801 --> 00:09:14,033
It's mine.
Look out.
158
00:09:14,067 --> 00:09:15,300
Out of the way.
Give it to me.
159
00:09:15,334 --> 00:09:16,400
Me! Me! Me!
Look out.
Me!
160
00:09:16,434 --> 00:09:17,900
Look out.
Now, hold it!
161
00:09:17,934 --> 00:09:19,266
Just remember:
162
00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,266
the one who drives,
be very careful,
163
00:09:21,300 --> 00:09:23,133
because as you know,
we don't have any car--
164
00:09:23,167 --> 00:09:24,233
Give me those!
Look out.
165
00:09:24,267 --> 00:09:25,433
Now, hold it!
166
00:09:25,467 --> 00:09:27,500
Be very careful
because we don't have any--
167
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:29,234
Ah, the hell...
168
00:09:33,567 --> 00:09:36,033
Well, at least
my pain is gone.
169
00:09:36,067 --> 00:09:38,900
Al?
Oops.
170
00:09:39,767 --> 00:09:43,166
Honey, you know, I may just be
the wife of a moron,
171
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,600
but isn't canceling
our insurance
172
00:09:45,634 --> 00:09:47,767
and giving the car keys
to two teenagers
173
00:09:47,801 --> 00:09:49,200
the work of, well,
174
00:09:49,234 --> 00:09:52,233
the Dalai Lama
of morons?
175
00:09:52,267 --> 00:09:54,166
Peg, we don't
need insurance.
176
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,433
Insurance
is like marriage:
177
00:09:55,467 --> 00:09:57,533
You pay, pay, you never
get anything back.
178
00:09:57,567 --> 00:09:59,533
Besides-- Besides,
the car isn't worth more
179
00:09:59,567 --> 00:10:02,467
than 100 bucks
with both kids in it.
180
00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:04,500
Peg, I'm a real hero.
181
00:10:04,534 --> 00:10:06,700
For once, there's
one man brave enough
182
00:10:06,734 --> 00:10:09,734
to stand up and say he doesn't
need any stinking car--
183
00:10:10,434 --> 00:10:12,401
Oh!
184
00:10:14,434 --> 00:10:15,533
Is that my car?
185
00:10:15,567 --> 00:10:17,500
Yeah.
186
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:18,900
Are the kids hurt?
187
00:10:18,934 --> 00:10:21,600
No. Whew.
188
00:10:22,467 --> 00:10:25,067
Then I have
to do it myself.
189
00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:35,966
Gee, what a wreck.
190
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,900
A 500SL Mercedes.
191
00:10:38,934 --> 00:10:42,099
You had to hit
a $100,000 Mercedes?
192
00:10:42,133 --> 00:10:43,500
You know, it's amazing.
193
00:10:43,534 --> 00:10:48,767
Your Dodge, with the high
Blue Book value of $70,
194
00:10:48,801 --> 00:10:53,233
sliced right through
that Kraut car like toast.
195
00:10:53,267 --> 00:10:55,900
I'm tellin' you,
it is times like these
196
00:10:55,934 --> 00:10:59,099
that I am proud
to be an American.
197
00:10:59,133 --> 00:11:01,700
Oh. That's good, Peg.
198
00:11:01,734 --> 00:11:03,400
Then it'll be your job
to make sure
199
00:11:03,434 --> 00:11:05,300
Old Glory is flying
high above our heads
200
00:11:05,334 --> 00:11:08,301
as we wait in line
for free cheese.
201
00:11:09,133 --> 00:11:10,999
Oh, how much could it cost
to fix it, huh?
202
00:11:11,033 --> 00:11:13,600
A half a mil?
203
00:11:13,634 --> 00:11:14,800
And you know he's gonna sue.
204
00:11:14,834 --> 00:11:16,500
That's the problem
with America today.
205
00:11:16,534 --> 00:11:18,867
There's jerks out there
everywhere, suing for nothin'.
206
00:11:18,901 --> 00:11:20,266
He hit me, Dad.
207
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:22,434
We're suing.
208
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:26,233
Peg, get the kids
some neck braces.
209
00:11:26,267 --> 00:11:27,999
But, Daddy,
we weren't hurt.
210
00:11:28,033 --> 00:11:30,533
Why can't you be more
like your brother? Huh?
211
00:11:30,567 --> 00:11:32,999
You don't hear him
whining he's not hurt.
212
00:11:33,033 --> 00:11:36,366
Al. Honey, you know
we can't win a lawsuit.
213
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:37,567
Why, ever since
214
00:11:37,601 --> 00:11:39,767
Bundy v. the Girl Scouts
of America,
215
00:11:39,801 --> 00:11:44,333
when you claimed to have choked
on a bone in a butter cookie,
216
00:11:44,367 --> 00:11:46,500
no judge has ever believed
a Bundy.
217
00:11:46,534 --> 00:11:47,934
Like I ever had
a chance.
218
00:11:47,968 --> 00:11:50,667
Peg, as God as my witness,
that judge's breath smelled
219
00:11:50,701 --> 00:11:52,667
of free chocolate mints.
220
00:11:52,701 --> 00:11:54,366
Let's face it, Al.
221
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,400
Our only chance is
if we had a reliable witness.
222
00:11:57,434 --> 00:11:58,433
Oh, God.
223
00:11:58,467 --> 00:11:59,999
You wanna hear something funny?
224
00:12:00,033 --> 00:12:02,233
This car phone was lying
by my house,
225
00:12:02,267 --> 00:12:03,999
and a policeman came over
and asked me
226
00:12:04,033 --> 00:12:05,533
which car I thought
it came from:
227
00:12:05,567 --> 00:12:08,167
the Mercedes or the Dodge.
228
00:12:10,367 --> 00:12:12,600
He thought
it could be yours.
229
00:12:13,467 --> 00:12:17,300
Oh, a shoe salesman
with a car phone.
230
00:12:17,334 --> 00:12:18,500
What's that?
231
00:12:18,534 --> 00:12:21,567
A woman across town
needs a 7 triple E?
232
00:12:21,601 --> 00:12:23,900
I'm on my way.
233
00:12:27,734 --> 00:12:29,200
Oh.
234
00:12:29,234 --> 00:12:31,433
Who would have thought
seeing an accident like that
235
00:12:31,467 --> 00:12:32,500
would be
so much fun?
236
00:12:32,534 --> 00:12:33,633
You saw it?
237
00:12:33,667 --> 00:12:35,500
Yeah. I saw the whole thing
from the car
238
00:12:35,534 --> 00:12:37,200
while I was saying
good night to my date.
239
00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:39,733
Oh, Al, a non-Bundy
as a witness.
240
00:12:39,767 --> 00:12:41,133
They'll believe her.
241
00:12:41,167 --> 00:12:42,533
But, Peg,
do you think a judge
242
00:12:42,567 --> 00:12:45,368
will believe that
she had a date?
243
00:12:46,734 --> 00:12:49,633
Honey, we could
actually be rich.
244
00:12:49,667 --> 00:12:51,867
All those years of pain
and suffering and--
245
00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:53,934
And the humiliation
of having people call me
246
00:12:53,968 --> 00:12:56,133
"Mrs. Bundy" to my face
247
00:12:56,167 --> 00:12:57,533
are finally through.
248
00:12:57,567 --> 00:12:59,533
Oh, kids,
go to your sickbeds,
249
00:12:59,567 --> 00:13:02,400
for tomorrow,
we sue.
250
00:13:02,434 --> 00:13:05,867
Whoa, Bundy!
251
00:13:05,901 --> 00:13:07,867
Good night.
We're gonna be rich.
252
00:13:20,601 --> 00:13:22,400
Another accident case?
253
00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:23,767
Great.
254
00:13:23,801 --> 00:13:26,066
I just hope it's not one
of those frivolous lawsuits.
255
00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:27,667
Make way. Make way.
256
00:13:27,701 --> 00:13:31,001
A crippled family
coming through.
257
00:13:38,934 --> 00:13:41,034
Rum.
258
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,934
The case
of Bundy v. Fitzwilley.
259
00:13:50,968 --> 00:13:53,066
And Dr. Fitzwilley
is suing the Bundys
260
00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:54,867
for a million dollars.
261
00:13:54,901 --> 00:13:57,333
The Bundys are countersuing
for...
262
00:13:57,367 --> 00:14:00,934
a jillion dollars.
263
00:14:03,868 --> 00:14:06,667
In cash, Your Honor.
264
00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:09,066
Mr. Bundy, before we begin,
265
00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:11,934
could you tell me why your wife
is wearing a neck brace
266
00:14:11,968 --> 00:14:14,433
when she wasn't involved
in the accident?
267
00:14:14,467 --> 00:14:16,233
Uh, let me answer that,
Your Honor.
268
00:14:16,267 --> 00:14:19,800
You see,
it's sex whiplash.
269
00:14:19,834 --> 00:14:22,033
But it is accident-related.
270
00:14:22,067 --> 00:14:24,266
You see, my husband
got so excited
271
00:14:24,300 --> 00:14:25,667
over this jillion dollars
272
00:14:25,701 --> 00:14:27,900
that he, uh, just
lost control of himself
273
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:29,633
last night in bed.
274
00:14:30,667 --> 00:14:31,834
Ah.
275
00:14:31,868 --> 00:14:35,267
He kind of caught me
off guard. Heh-heh.
276
00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:38,734
He moved. Heh.
277
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:47,533
Mr. Bundy,
opening statement?
278
00:14:47,567 --> 00:14:50,133
Thank you, Your Honor.
279
00:14:50,167 --> 00:14:52,400
And may I add that it's nice
to see a woman in a robe
280
00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:56,900
who's not wearing fuzzy slippers
and a bag of Doritos in her lap.
281
00:14:59,701 --> 00:15:00,867
And now--
282
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:03,567
-- on to the lawsuit.
283
00:15:03,601 --> 00:15:08,200
While carrying canned goods
to their local church group,
284
00:15:08,234 --> 00:15:09,333
my beloved children,
285
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:14,099
Bud and, uh...
the girl,
286
00:15:14,133 --> 00:15:16,600
had their futures
maliciously torn asunder
287
00:15:16,634 --> 00:15:20,066
by the merciless destruction
of an Aryan super-car.
288
00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:21,099
This, Your Honor,
289
00:15:21,133 --> 00:15:24,734
is the nightmare
of your unified Germany.
290
00:15:25,033 --> 00:15:26,633
Thanks to my witness,
291
00:15:26,667 --> 00:15:30,333
a professional banker
and brother woman,
292
00:15:30,367 --> 00:15:31,999
we plan to prove
293
00:15:32,033 --> 00:15:34,200
that we deserve
a jillion dollars
294
00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:35,767
in cash,
295
00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:40,667
and we humbly await
your decision.
296
00:15:40,701 --> 00:15:41,966
So, Mrs. Rhoades,
297
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,266
you say you witnessed
the accident.
298
00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:45,567
Yes, I did.
Mm-hm.
299
00:15:45,601 --> 00:15:46,934
And where were you?
300
00:15:46,968 --> 00:15:48,099
In my driveway.
301
00:15:48,133 --> 00:15:49,966
I was saying good night
to my date in his car.
302
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,467
Mm-hm. And could you describe
303
00:15:51,501 --> 00:15:52,800
how you saw the accident?
304
00:15:52,834 --> 00:15:56,033
Well, we picked
our heads up, and we--
305
00:15:56,067 --> 00:15:58,266
Picked your heads up.
306
00:15:58,300 --> 00:16:00,500
Where were your heads
that you picked them up?
307
00:16:00,534 --> 00:16:02,567
Well...
308
00:16:02,601 --> 00:16:04,267
Down.
309
00:16:05,501 --> 00:16:07,400
Hey, I know
what you're thinking.
310
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:10,867
But let me set you straight.
It was not our first date.
311
00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:13,533
And I would like
the record to show
312
00:16:13,567 --> 00:16:14,934
that he bought me
dinner first,
313
00:16:14,968 --> 00:16:18,166
and he called me
the next day.
314
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:21,334
And who are you to judge me?
315
00:16:27,667 --> 00:16:29,900
You know what it's like
out there in the dating world,
316
00:16:29,934 --> 00:16:32,200
being smarter than the man
but being unable to show it?
317
00:16:32,234 --> 00:16:34,733
Where is the harm?
Where is the harm?
318
00:16:34,767 --> 00:16:36,066
So, Mrs. Rhoades,
319
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:38,300
you didn't really see
who was at fault, did you?
320
00:16:38,334 --> 00:16:40,066
No.
321
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,200
But the Mercedes had to be.
322
00:16:42,234 --> 00:16:44,567
My ex-husband drove a Mercedes.
323
00:16:45,434 --> 00:16:47,567
You may step down,
Mrs. Rhoades.
324
00:16:47,601 --> 00:16:49,233
He left me like
the parsley on a plate
325
00:16:49,267 --> 00:16:52,467
at a truck-stop diner.
326
00:16:52,501 --> 00:16:54,900
He loved that damn car
more than he loved me.
327
00:16:54,934 --> 00:16:55,966
Bailiff.
328
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,600
They have to stop making
those cars,
329
00:16:57,634 --> 00:16:58,700
don't you see?
330
00:16:58,734 --> 00:17:00,467
They're evil.
They tell the man:
331
00:17:00,501 --> 00:17:01,867
"You don't need a wife.
332
00:17:01,901 --> 00:17:02,966
"You're a cool guy.
333
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,600
Look at that teenager
over there."
334
00:17:04,634 --> 00:17:06,533
It's not the men.
It's the cars.
335
00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:08,066
I'm warning you,
America,
336
00:17:08,100 --> 00:17:10,066
keep your husbands
out of German cars!
337
00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:11,999
Ask me what
fahrvergnügen means!
338
00:17:12,033 --> 00:17:14,301
I'll tell you! I--
339
00:17:19,601 --> 00:17:20,867
So, Miss Bundy,
340
00:17:20,901 --> 00:17:23,900
the accident cost you
your sight?
341
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:33,368
Yes. I am blind
like the mighty oak.
342
00:17:33,801 --> 00:17:35,533
Miss Bundy,
343
00:17:35,567 --> 00:17:37,834
how many fingers
am I holding up?
344
00:17:37,868 --> 00:17:40,333
Oh, you're not gonna
catch me with that one.
345
00:17:40,367 --> 00:17:42,301
I'm blind.
346
00:17:43,968 --> 00:17:45,600
All right.
347
00:17:45,634 --> 00:17:47,433
Would you please
point out the man
348
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:50,099
who hit your car
and blinded you?
349
00:17:50,133 --> 00:17:53,266
Sure. It is that guy
right there with the gray suit
350
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:56,368
and the little Band-Aid
on his head.
351
00:18:00,834 --> 00:18:03,434
You may step down.
352
00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:11,934
Mr. Bundy--
353
00:18:11,968 --> 00:18:16,134
Uh, please, uh,
just call me Big B.
354
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,533
No.
355
00:18:19,334 --> 00:18:23,134
Mr. Bundy, I bet
you're a good driver.
356
00:18:23,801 --> 00:18:26,400
Ninety-eight
on the written test, babe.
357
00:18:26,434 --> 00:18:28,567
My boy's
a winner, Peg.
358
00:18:28,601 --> 00:18:31,533
Not like your girl.
359
00:18:31,567 --> 00:18:34,834
Brush your teeth,
honey.
360
00:18:34,868 --> 00:18:39,201
Now, you're
a fine young man. Hm.
361
00:18:40,901 --> 00:18:42,366
Do you know what they do
362
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:46,034
to fine young men
in the big house?
363
00:18:47,968 --> 00:18:51,867
That's right, Big B.
364
00:18:51,901 --> 00:18:55,300
And that's where you're headed
if you perjure yourself.
365
00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:57,966
So I ask you one time
and one time only:
366
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:01,166
how did this accident occur?
367
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:02,733
We were playing Eyesies-Closies,
368
00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:05,200
and my sister put her hands
over my eyes and I couldn't see,
369
00:19:05,234 --> 00:19:07,999
and I hit the gas,
and I heard a terrible crash.
370
00:19:08,033 --> 00:19:11,967
But the part about us being hurt
was the idea of that man.
371
00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:20,600
Come on, Al.
372
00:19:20,634 --> 00:19:24,166
Ya only owe $50,000.
373
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:27,700
And you have a whole month
to pay it off.
374
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,500
Now, show some gumption.
375
00:19:29,534 --> 00:19:31,999
You know what we say back home
in Wanker County?
376
00:19:32,033 --> 00:19:36,101
"Nothin' spells lovin'
like marryin' your cousin"?
377
00:19:38,367 --> 00:19:39,467
No.
378
00:19:39,501 --> 00:19:41,867
When times are tough,
we pull together.
379
00:19:41,901 --> 00:19:43,099
So I'll tell you what,
380
00:19:43,133 --> 00:19:45,200
Bud and Kelly and I
are gonna go to the movies
381
00:19:45,234 --> 00:19:47,133
and leave you alone
to think in peace.
382
00:19:47,167 --> 00:19:49,834
Come on, kids.
383
00:19:50,801 --> 00:19:52,600
Dad,
384
00:19:52,634 --> 00:19:57,201
I can't help but feel somehow
responsible for this.
385
00:19:59,734 --> 00:20:00,867
Aw, son, come here
386
00:20:00,901 --> 00:20:04,101
and let me choke you
till you feel better.
387
00:20:04,934 --> 00:20:06,700
Well, you're not mad at me,
are you, Daddy?
388
00:20:06,734 --> 00:20:08,233
No, pumpkin.
389
00:20:08,267 --> 00:20:11,533
How many fists
am I holdin' up?
390
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,233
Oh, don't worry, Al.
391
00:20:14,267 --> 00:20:16,099
We'll all pitch in
and help.
392
00:20:16,133 --> 00:20:17,999
Why, Bud can
sell newspapers,
393
00:20:18,033 --> 00:20:19,999
and Kelly can, uh,
394
00:20:20,033 --> 00:20:22,834
twirl around
till she gets dizzy.
395
00:20:22,868 --> 00:20:25,366
And I can play
my accordion at parties.
396
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:26,567
And then all
you have to do
397
00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:29,033
is come up with
the rest of the 50,000.
398
00:20:29,067 --> 00:20:30,900
You know, I really think
this is gonna bring
399
00:20:30,934 --> 00:20:32,366
our family
much closer together.
400
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:33,800
Mm-hm.
Come on.
401
00:20:33,834 --> 00:20:35,667
Mom, do I really have
to sell newspapers?
402
00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:38,500
No. I was just
sayin' that.
403
00:20:41,067 --> 00:20:44,567
Fifty-thousand dollars.
404
00:20:44,601 --> 00:20:46,967
Thirty days.
405
00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:52,333
Well, you know what they say.
406
00:20:52,367 --> 00:20:55,700
When the going gets tough,
407
00:20:55,734 --> 00:20:59,434
the tough runs like a thief
in the night.
408
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:03,500
Goodbye, Al Bundy.
409
00:21:03,534 --> 00:21:07,734
Hello to the mysterious stranger
in a logging camp.
410
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:10,767
See you on the other side, boy.
411
00:21:11,801 --> 00:21:15,366
Well, a loggin' man needs
a loggin' dog.
412
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,633
Come on, boy!
413
00:21:16,667 --> 00:21:18,500
♪ North to Alaska ♪
414
00:21:18,534 --> 00:21:20,667
♪ Where north
The rush is on ♪
415
00:21:20,701 --> 00:21:22,867
♪ Go north to Alaska ♪
416
00:21:22,901 --> 00:21:24,567
♪ Way north to-- ♪
417
00:21:24,601 --> 00:21:26,834
Unh!
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