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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:16,667
Hey, Chicago,
2
00:01:16,701 --> 00:01:18,733
what a day for a daydream.
3
00:01:18,767 --> 00:01:22,101
Show me an unhappy man today,
and I'll show you a--
4
00:01:32,067 --> 00:01:34,133
A shoe salesman, Jim.
5
00:01:34,167 --> 00:01:37,066
Twentieth-century blacksmith,
a working man,
6
00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:38,800
an idiot.
7
00:01:38,834 --> 00:01:41,767
I'll feel better after
I have a nice cup of coffee.
8
00:02:03,934 --> 00:02:06,567
Life is good.
9
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,300
Hi, honey.
10
00:02:09,334 --> 00:02:11,033
Heh-heh.
Did you miss me?
11
00:02:11,067 --> 00:02:13,334
With every bullet so far.
12
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,500
Well,
13
00:02:16,534 --> 00:02:19,266
maybe you need
a bigger gun, sweetheart.
14
00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:22,633
Not that I don't love
your itty-bitty one.
15
00:02:23,734 --> 00:02:26,033
What got you up
before noon, Peg?
16
00:02:26,067 --> 00:02:28,733
Oh, a foul, evil wind.
17
00:02:28,767 --> 00:02:32,867
You were snoring through
your nose, mouth and ears.
18
00:02:32,901 --> 00:02:35,733
But I forgive you
because today is the day
19
00:02:35,767 --> 00:02:39,633
the new fall preview issue
of TV Guide comes out.
20
00:02:39,667 --> 00:02:42,567
Oh, look at it, Al.
It's still warm.
21
00:02:42,601 --> 00:02:43,567
Mm-hm.
22
00:02:43,601 --> 00:02:45,733
Well, pass it over
my coffee.
23
00:02:45,767 --> 00:02:48,066
Are you so jaded
that even the new TV season
24
00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:49,667
doesn't get you going?
25
00:02:49,701 --> 00:02:51,533
I mean, look
at these new shows.
26
00:02:51,567 --> 00:02:53,700
"Everything's
Comin' up Maggie.
27
00:02:53,734 --> 00:02:55,900
High jinks ensue
when Maggie-- "
28
00:02:55,934 --> 00:02:57,468
Chastity Bono.
29
00:02:58,734 --> 00:03:00,500
"-- accidentally
becomes vice president
30
00:03:00,534 --> 00:03:01,966
of the United States."
31
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,633
Saturdays.
32
00:03:03,667 --> 00:03:05,366
Ooh, and look.
33
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,133
"We Are Family.
34
00:03:07,167 --> 00:03:10,567
A Chinese family
with three children."
35
00:03:11,601 --> 00:03:14,600
Oh. I get it.
36
00:03:14,634 --> 00:03:17,101
We Are Fami-Lee.
37
00:03:19,701 --> 00:03:22,066
Ah, Jesus.
38
00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:24,633
It's here!
It's here!
39
00:03:27,667 --> 00:03:29,133
My high school diploma.
40
00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,834
I couldn't wait
for the mailman to come,
41
00:03:30,868 --> 00:03:33,500
so I just took it
out of his truck.
42
00:03:33,534 --> 00:03:36,468
I am a high school graduate.
43
00:03:37,767 --> 00:03:38,800
Read it to me, Mom.
44
00:03:38,834 --> 00:03:41,900
What does it say?
What does it say?
45
00:03:41,934 --> 00:03:44,433
Oh, Al,
isn't this exciting?
46
00:03:44,467 --> 00:03:46,667
Oh, leave me alone.
47
00:03:51,734 --> 00:03:53,966
Good morning,
everybody.
48
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,867
Any chicks call for me
this morning?
49
00:03:56,901 --> 00:03:57,966
Yeah, the, uh,
50
00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:01,667
Malaysian mail-order bride
company called.
51
00:04:01,701 --> 00:04:02,667
No takers.
52
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:04,433
Apparently,
even poor, hungry women
53
00:04:04,467 --> 00:04:08,334
from the Third World
think they can do better.
54
00:04:09,701 --> 00:04:12,900
Yuck it up,
future welfare mother.
55
00:04:15,467 --> 00:04:17,600
The babes will be
calling aplenty soon.
56
00:04:17,634 --> 00:04:19,334
I'm a senior now.
57
00:04:20,968 --> 00:04:23,066
A mover.
A shaker.
58
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:25,366
I'm the man.
59
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:28,133
I've got the juice.
60
00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:29,400
Yup.
61
00:04:29,434 --> 00:04:30,533
When I was a freshman,
62
00:04:30,567 --> 00:04:33,033
they flushed my head
down the toilet.
63
00:04:33,067 --> 00:04:34,467
When I was a sophomore,
64
00:04:34,501 --> 00:04:36,966
they flushed my head
down the toilet.
65
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,366
When I was a junior,
I was getting cool,
66
00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:42,101
so they let me
flush it myself.
67
00:04:43,701 --> 00:04:47,834
But now, I'm a senior
and ready to rule.
68
00:04:47,868 --> 00:04:51,066
This year, he's back.
69
00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:54,967
He's cool. He's dry.
70
00:04:58,868 --> 00:05:01,667
Until he goes to sleep.
71
00:05:03,534 --> 00:05:06,700
Oh, Al, our little man.
Heh-heh-heh.
72
00:05:06,734 --> 00:05:08,334
Go away.
73
00:05:09,467 --> 00:05:11,633
I'm home!
74
00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:17,834
Marcie,
you don't live here.
75
00:05:17,868 --> 00:05:19,233
I know.
76
00:05:19,267 --> 00:05:22,133
No one actually
lives here.
77
00:05:22,167 --> 00:05:25,334
I meant I'm back
from my two weeks' vacation.
78
00:05:28,701 --> 00:05:30,900
You didn't know
I was gone?
79
00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:37,266
So you didn't remember
to air out my house,
80
00:05:37,300 --> 00:05:41,101
or water the plants,
or feed the goldfish?
81
00:05:45,167 --> 00:05:47,934
Oh, well. At least
my life is back on track.
82
00:05:47,968 --> 00:05:50,033
I spent my two weeks off
at a seminar:
83
00:05:50,067 --> 00:05:52,066
"You Are What You Were."
84
00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:55,234
So you are a chicken.
85
00:05:57,367 --> 00:05:59,867
With a bad haircut.
86
00:06:00,901 --> 00:06:03,266
You know, that would have
bothered me before,
87
00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:04,567
when I was what I'm not.
88
00:06:04,601 --> 00:06:07,066
But now that I am
what I was,
89
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,767
I was what I am.
90
00:06:09,801 --> 00:06:12,033
Stand back, she's getting ready
to eat spinach,
91
00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:14,867
and then her tattoo
will get all big.
92
00:06:14,901 --> 00:06:19,600
You moron, it's not
I yam what I yam.
93
00:06:19,634 --> 00:06:20,867
That's '80s.
94
00:06:20,901 --> 00:06:22,700
The point is, I'm confident
95
00:06:22,734 --> 00:06:23,700
and renewed.
96
00:06:23,734 --> 00:06:25,099
So confident,
in fact,
97
00:06:25,133 --> 00:06:28,966
that I stopped by my bank
and demanded my old job back.
98
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:33,099
And after 20 minutes of frugging
on my boss' desk in my slip,
99
00:06:33,133 --> 00:06:36,366
while the other tellers
tossed quarters at me,
100
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,934
I am once again
what I was:
101
00:06:38,968 --> 00:06:41,734
a dignified bank manager.
102
00:06:44,801 --> 00:06:46,533
Ah, gee, Al,
isn't this great?
103
00:06:46,567 --> 00:06:48,800
Everybody has the start
of a whole new life,
104
00:06:48,834 --> 00:06:51,734
except for you and the dog.
105
00:07:04,334 --> 00:07:07,999
Well, that all but throws
the dirt in my face.
106
00:07:08,033 --> 00:07:10,400
Everybody,
I have an announcement.
107
00:07:10,434 --> 00:07:12,099
Your happiness
108
00:07:12,133 --> 00:07:14,767
sickens me.
109
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:17,467
Everybody but me
is looking at good times.
110
00:07:17,501 --> 00:07:18,900
But for me,
it's been one
111
00:07:18,934 --> 00:07:21,733
long continuous year
since I got married.
112
00:07:21,767 --> 00:07:24,099
Actually,
one long month.
113
00:07:24,133 --> 00:07:26,366
Helluary.
114
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:28,467
But I'm not bold enough
to expect happiness.
115
00:07:28,501 --> 00:07:30,333
I know that wasn't meant
for me.
116
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,767
But what I'd like one time
in my life
117
00:07:32,801 --> 00:07:34,834
is for something new
to happen to me.
118
00:07:34,868 --> 00:07:36,333
Something special.
119
00:07:36,367 --> 00:07:38,300
You're right, honey.
120
00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:39,999
You know what you need?
121
00:07:40,033 --> 00:07:42,468
A good night job.
122
00:07:45,834 --> 00:07:47,533
Is that all I am to you?
123
00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:49,533
An oxen to be worked
in the field
124
00:07:49,567 --> 00:07:51,567
until he drops dead?
125
00:07:52,067 --> 00:07:53,333
Well, gee, honey.
126
00:07:53,367 --> 00:07:55,834
What did you think
you were to us?
127
00:07:55,868 --> 00:07:58,133
Well, perhaps husband,
128
00:07:58,167 --> 00:07:59,767
perhaps father.
129
00:07:59,801 --> 00:08:01,467
Perhaps the man who's
about to run amuck
130
00:08:01,501 --> 00:08:04,700
with a meat cleaver
if he doesn't have any fun!
131
00:08:05,801 --> 00:08:08,266
Now, family,
I've just made a decision.
132
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:10,767
We're going on a Labor Day
vacation.
133
00:08:10,801 --> 00:08:11,767
Oh, no way.
Aw.
Aw.
134
00:08:11,801 --> 00:08:14,001
Shut up.
135
00:08:15,434 --> 00:08:18,767
But, honey, what about
the new TV season?
136
00:08:18,801 --> 00:08:20,733
I do not want to miss
the special premiere
137
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:23,333
of Grandmaster
and the Gopher.
138
00:08:23,367 --> 00:08:26,266
"It's an hour drama
with comic overtones
139
00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:28,934
"about a rapper who goes
to the center of the Earth
140
00:08:28,968 --> 00:08:32,133
and raps
with the mole people."
141
00:08:32,167 --> 00:08:35,867
Oh, and look.
Sally Struthers is the queen.
142
00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:38,434
Oh, Mom.
143
00:08:39,033 --> 00:08:41,300
I am talking
about vacation,
144
00:08:41,334 --> 00:08:43,500
litter of my loins.
145
00:08:44,634 --> 00:08:47,033
Now, I shall tell you
where we will holiday.
146
00:08:47,067 --> 00:08:49,667
We're gonna go where people
pretend they want to go
147
00:08:49,701 --> 00:08:52,166
when they can't afford
to go someplace good.
148
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:54,500
We're gonna see America.
149
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,800
We take no map,
we'll follow the sun.
150
00:08:56,834 --> 00:08:58,433
We'll stay in cheap motels
151
00:08:58,467 --> 00:09:01,767
and steal what we need
along the way.
152
00:09:01,801 --> 00:09:03,233
We go west,
153
00:09:03,267 --> 00:09:06,166
past the cheese factories,
where the air is fresh,
154
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:07,733
sky is big,
155
00:09:07,767 --> 00:09:11,533
and a man can still kill
his dinner with his car.
156
00:09:11,567 --> 00:09:15,166
Guys, tomorrow,
we put the pedal to the metal,
157
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:18,967
and we ride with the wind.
158
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:40,867
Gee, Al, uh,
think you could slow down?
159
00:09:43,934 --> 00:09:47,366
My hair is just
whipping in the wind.
160
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:50,300
He's not scaring you,
is he, kids?
161
00:09:50,334 --> 00:09:51,567
Sorry, Mom.
162
00:09:51,601 --> 00:09:55,500
I couldn't hear you
over the roar of the engine.
163
00:09:55,534 --> 00:09:57,500
Come on, leave Daddy alone.
164
00:09:57,534 --> 00:09:58,966
I mean, how could
he possibly know
165
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:03,234
that there would be
a traffic jam on Labor Day?
166
00:10:03,801 --> 00:10:05,567
Shut up.
167
00:10:06,501 --> 00:10:09,834
Al, we have not moved
an inch in two hours.
168
00:10:09,868 --> 00:10:12,567
Peg, I can hear
that in our bedroom.
169
00:10:14,868 --> 00:10:18,500
Now, just shut up
and let me enjoy myself.
170
00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:22,034
I could hear that
in our bedroom too, honey.
171
00:10:24,934 --> 00:10:28,066
Ah, I'm not gonna let you
ruin this for me, Peg.
172
00:10:28,100 --> 00:10:32,201
Yep, this is my vacation,
and I'm havin' fun.
173
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:36,934
I'm lovin' this.
174
00:10:37,834 --> 00:10:40,099
Move! Move!
175
00:10:40,133 --> 00:10:42,133
I can't take anymore.
176
00:10:42,167 --> 00:10:44,066
Oh, God, you're killing me.
177
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:46,368
Move! Move!
178
00:10:57,934 --> 00:10:59,700
Daddy?
179
00:11:00,501 --> 00:11:02,300
What?
180
00:11:02,334 --> 00:11:04,800
Are we there yet?
181
00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:08,066
If you don't shut up,
182
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:11,366
I'm gonna put the car
in park and just sit here.
183
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:14,200
Oooh!
184
00:11:14,234 --> 00:11:17,401
Peg, could you control them?
I'm trying to drive.
185
00:11:18,033 --> 00:11:20,700
Will we be back
by next Thursday, honey?
186
00:11:20,734 --> 00:11:21,767
Look.
187
00:11:21,801 --> 00:11:22,900
"Nun of This.
188
00:11:22,934 --> 00:11:25,334
"About a nun
who's had enough.
189
00:11:27,434 --> 00:11:29,900
"Karen Valentine
is Sister Lash.
190
00:11:29,934 --> 00:11:32,600
a nun with a gun."
191
00:11:32,634 --> 00:11:34,700
Enough, woman!
192
00:11:34,734 --> 00:11:37,233
Now, I know what'll take
our minds off this.
193
00:11:37,267 --> 00:11:39,099
How 'bout
a family sing-along?
194
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:40,300
Well, I don't know, honey.
195
00:11:40,334 --> 00:11:41,567
You sure you can sing
196
00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:43,900
and pay attention to the road
at the same time?
197
00:11:43,934 --> 00:11:46,966
Don't make me
pull over, Peg.
198
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,433
Okay. With me.
199
00:11:49,467 --> 00:11:52,033
♪ Oh, the cow kicked Nellie
In the belly in the barn ♪
200
00:11:52,067 --> 00:11:54,200
♪ Oh, the cow kicked Nellie
In the belly in the barn ♪
201
00:11:54,234 --> 00:11:56,200
♪ The cow kicked Nellie
In the belly in the barn ♪
202
00:11:56,234 --> 00:11:58,366
♪ And the farmer said
It would do no harm ♪
203
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,300
♪ Second verse
Same as the first ♪
204
00:12:00,334 --> 00:12:02,166
♪ A little bit louder
But a little bit worse ♪
205
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,600
Everybody.
206
00:12:03,634 --> 00:12:06,133
♪ Oh, the cow kicked Nellie
In the belly in the barn-- ♪
207
00:12:06,167 --> 00:12:07,200
Hey!
208
00:12:07,234 --> 00:12:09,767
Would you shut
the hell up!
209
00:12:12,033 --> 00:12:13,934
Are you talking
to me?
210
00:12:13,968 --> 00:12:16,433
No. I'm yelling
at you.
211
00:12:16,467 --> 00:12:18,368
Shut the hell up!
212
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:20,800
♪ Oh ♪
213
00:12:20,834 --> 00:12:23,066
♪ The cow kicked Nellie
In the belly in the barn ♪
214
00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:24,667
♪ The cow kicked Nellie
In the belly ♪
215
00:12:24,701 --> 00:12:26,734
♪ In the barn ♪
Hey, I said...
216
00:12:27,834 --> 00:12:29,667
shut up!
217
00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:32,999
And if I don't?
218
00:12:33,033 --> 00:12:36,234
Then you'll be gummin'
"The Cow Kicked Nellie."
219
00:12:37,701 --> 00:12:40,301
Take the wheel, Peg.
220
00:12:42,534 --> 00:12:43,633
Now, look, pal,
221
00:12:43,667 --> 00:12:45,934
if you want trouble
with me, you--
222
00:12:46,501 --> 00:12:47,500
Honey!
223
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:50,099
Al!
224
00:12:50,133 --> 00:12:52,733
Honey, we are in the middle
of the expressway.
225
00:12:52,767 --> 00:12:54,800
Yes, Gerry, don't you have
anything better to do
226
00:12:54,834 --> 00:12:57,633
than to pick a fight
with a moron?
227
00:12:59,567 --> 00:13:01,800
Just who are you
calling moron?
228
00:13:01,834 --> 00:13:04,600
Your husband,
you painted huss--
229
00:13:05,934 --> 00:13:06,934
Fight!
230
00:13:06,968 --> 00:13:09,167
Whoo! Yeah!
231
00:13:24,434 --> 00:13:25,700
Gerry!
232
00:13:25,734 --> 00:13:28,101
Gerry! Gerry!
233
00:13:31,133 --> 00:13:32,133
Al!
234
00:13:32,167 --> 00:13:34,234
We're moving!
235
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:38,101
Come on, honey.
Let's go.
236
00:13:42,067 --> 00:13:44,134
Here we go.
237
00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:54,934
Is that it?
238
00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:57,033
Yeah.
239
00:13:57,067 --> 00:13:58,600
Let's go.
240
00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:01,200
Honey, I'm just gonna
reason with him.
241
00:14:01,234 --> 00:14:04,234
After all, we're human beings,
right? We're not animals--
242
00:14:23,734 --> 00:14:25,633
Oh, please.
243
00:14:25,667 --> 00:14:27,834
What's wrong
with you people?
244
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:29,700
All right, so I made
a teeny little mistake
245
00:14:29,734 --> 00:14:31,999
actually leaving
on Labor Day, but it's done.
246
00:14:32,033 --> 00:14:34,567
We're in hell,
let's enjoy it.
247
00:14:34,601 --> 00:14:37,300
It's our vacation,
for God's sake.
248
00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:39,266
Just look around.
249
00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:41,234
Tell me what you see.
250
00:14:42,834 --> 00:14:45,567
I can see our house.
251
00:14:47,234 --> 00:14:48,500
Great, Dad.
252
00:14:48,534 --> 00:14:51,700
Five hours on the road
and we're almost home.
253
00:14:51,734 --> 00:14:53,200
Dope.
Idiot.
254
00:14:53,234 --> 00:14:54,233
Buffoon.
255
00:14:54,267 --> 00:14:55,700
I- I got another idea.
256
00:14:55,734 --> 00:14:58,633
Oh, put up the top,
so we don't get a windburn?
257
00:14:58,667 --> 00:15:00,667
That's it! I'm flooring it
right into this bus!
258
00:15:00,701 --> 00:15:01,733
Dad, no!
No, Dad!
259
00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:02,900
No, no, no, Al!
260
00:15:02,934 --> 00:15:04,633
Honey, no, no, it's okay.
We love you.
261
00:15:04,667 --> 00:15:06,066
What's your idea,
sweetie?
262
00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:08,400
We love you, Daddy.
263
00:15:08,434 --> 00:15:11,567
Well, uh, I was gonna say,
let's play geography.
264
00:15:11,601 --> 00:15:13,400
You know, I'll name
a state or a country,
265
00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:14,966
and the next person
names one
266
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,300
that begins with the letter
the last one ended with.
267
00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:18,767
Sound good?
268
00:15:18,801 --> 00:15:19,999
Sounds great.
269
00:15:20,033 --> 00:15:21,700
Oh, man,
let's play.
270
00:15:21,734 --> 00:15:22,867
You start, Daddy.
271
00:15:22,901 --> 00:15:24,700
Okay.
272
00:15:24,734 --> 00:15:26,700
Alaska.
273
00:15:26,734 --> 00:15:28,733
A.
274
00:15:28,767 --> 00:15:30,301
Peg?
275
00:15:30,734 --> 00:15:32,300
Asia.
276
00:15:32,334 --> 00:15:34,266
Bud? A.
277
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:36,266
Africa.
278
00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:38,800
Kel? A.
279
00:15:41,601 --> 00:15:44,434
Honey,
she's really trying.
280
00:15:46,567 --> 00:15:48,900
I know. I know.
281
00:15:48,934 --> 00:15:50,467
Hey, we need
some music.
282
00:15:50,501 --> 00:15:51,800
That'll get us
out of this.
283
00:15:51,834 --> 00:15:54,600
How 'bout some good old
American road music?
284
00:16:13,467 --> 00:16:14,834
Al?
285
00:16:14,868 --> 00:16:16,633
What?
286
00:16:17,534 --> 00:16:19,934
Honey, I have to go
to the bathroom.
287
00:16:19,968 --> 00:16:21,200
But don't you worry
about it.
288
00:16:21,234 --> 00:16:22,900
I-- I'm just gonna run
back to the house,
289
00:16:22,934 --> 00:16:24,434
and I'll be right back.
290
00:16:31,501 --> 00:16:34,099
Alabammer.
291
00:16:34,133 --> 00:16:36,600
Daddy. R.
292
00:16:49,467 --> 00:16:51,033
Hello.
Heh-heh-heh.
293
00:16:51,067 --> 00:16:52,567
Hi.
294
00:16:52,601 --> 00:16:54,633
Oh.
295
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,301
Boy, that takes me back.
296
00:17:06,267 --> 00:17:08,500
Oh, hello, everybody.
297
00:17:08,534 --> 00:17:10,333
Hey, I'm sorry I'm late.
298
00:17:10,367 --> 00:17:13,600
But I, uh--
I took a nap and ate and--
299
00:17:13,634 --> 00:17:16,999
Oh, watched the premiere
of All-Night Security Dude.
300
00:17:17,033 --> 00:17:19,500
You know, I think it's
the part that Erik Estrada
301
00:17:19,534 --> 00:17:21,500
was born to play.
302
00:17:21,534 --> 00:17:23,533
Did I miss anything?
303
00:17:23,567 --> 00:17:25,600
Yes, Peg, you did.
304
00:17:25,634 --> 00:17:28,667
Kids, show Mommy
what she missed.
305
00:17:28,701 --> 00:17:30,800
This sucks, Daddy!
You'll rot in a lowly grave!
306
00:17:30,834 --> 00:17:32,934
Why don't you take us home?
You're not my father!
307
00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:35,234
We wanna go home!
We wanna go home!
308
00:17:36,634 --> 00:17:40,099
About four hours of that, Peg,
that's what you missed.
309
00:17:40,133 --> 00:17:42,867
And you couldn't
wait for me, huh?
310
00:17:42,901 --> 00:17:43,900
All right, look.
311
00:17:43,934 --> 00:17:45,733
It's almost 9:00.
312
00:17:45,767 --> 00:17:48,133
Traffic always thins out
about now.
313
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:50,900
So everybody buckle
your seat belts up,
314
00:17:50,934 --> 00:17:53,300
'cause any minute now,
315
00:17:53,334 --> 00:17:55,767
we ride.
316
00:18:02,734 --> 00:18:05,134
Okay, kids,
rise and shine.
317
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,200
Where are we?
318
00:18:08,234 --> 00:18:11,134
No sense in starting the day
with stupid questions.
319
00:18:13,701 --> 00:18:16,101
Al, we haven't moved.
320
00:18:18,067 --> 00:18:19,900
That's it. Come on, kids.
We're going home.
321
00:18:19,934 --> 00:18:21,467
Now, wait a second.
Where you going?
322
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,567
You'll miss
all the fun.
323
00:18:23,601 --> 00:18:26,201
Al, you reek.
324
00:18:28,267 --> 00:18:29,800
I reek?
325
00:18:29,834 --> 00:18:31,400
I?
326
00:18:31,434 --> 00:18:32,667
I,
327
00:18:32,701 --> 00:18:35,333
who only wanted to share
in the joy and brotherhood
328
00:18:35,367 --> 00:18:38,099
of a family outing,
reek?
329
00:18:38,133 --> 00:18:40,733
Well, let me tell you
what reeks,
330
00:18:40,767 --> 00:18:42,834
okay?
331
00:18:48,634 --> 00:18:50,600
Now, what reeks
332
00:18:50,634 --> 00:18:55,233
is this facade
that we call Labor Day.
333
00:18:55,267 --> 00:18:57,667
Honk if you hate Labor Day!
334
00:19:00,567 --> 00:19:01,900
You know what else reeks?
335
00:19:01,934 --> 00:19:03,500
Families reek.
336
00:19:03,534 --> 00:19:06,201
Honk if you hate families!
337
00:19:09,133 --> 00:19:13,467
Because they are truly
the reason Labor Day reeks.
338
00:19:13,501 --> 00:19:14,999
Once a year,
339
00:19:15,033 --> 00:19:17,366
they're on
these highways and byways.
340
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,567
And what do they say?
341
00:19:18,601 --> 00:19:21,166
"We hate this."
"We hate you."
342
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,200
"Idiot."
"Moron."
343
00:19:23,234 --> 00:19:25,366
"Buffoon," Daddy.
344
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:26,733
"Buffoon, Daddy."
345
00:19:26,767 --> 00:19:28,667
But what about us?
346
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:30,333
The ones who truly labor?
347
00:19:30,367 --> 00:19:32,300
We're on
this stinking road every day,
348
00:19:32,334 --> 00:19:33,700
choking and wheezing,
349
00:19:33,734 --> 00:19:37,200
marching along like lemmings
to a horrible, screaming death.
350
00:19:37,234 --> 00:19:41,234
Who cries for us, Argentina?
351
00:19:41,868 --> 00:19:43,133
Not our families.
352
00:19:43,167 --> 00:19:44,934
Well, we can't expect that.
353
00:19:44,968 --> 00:19:48,133
The yoke on the oxen
feels no guilt.
354
00:19:48,167 --> 00:19:50,667
But what we can expect
355
00:19:50,701 --> 00:19:53,633
is that on our one
lousy, stinkin' day off,
356
00:19:53,667 --> 00:19:54,867
traffic can move us
357
00:19:54,901 --> 00:19:58,133
to our lousy, stinkin',
pathetic destinations.
358
00:19:58,167 --> 00:20:00,934
To our polluted beaches,
359
00:20:00,968 --> 00:20:02,500
our burning forests,
360
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,300
our wheezing grandmas,
361
00:20:04,334 --> 00:20:05,667
to our family barbecues
362
00:20:05,701 --> 00:20:08,733
with Uncle Otto
and his runny eye.
363
00:20:08,767 --> 00:20:11,600
But does the highway department
prepare for us?
364
00:20:11,634 --> 00:20:13,767
Are they out here
helping us?
365
00:20:13,801 --> 00:20:15,667
Are they out there
in front of us,
366
00:20:15,701 --> 00:20:18,800
by that first damn car
that caused this traffic jam,
367
00:20:18,834 --> 00:20:21,533
saying,
"Step on the gas, you moron!
368
00:20:21,567 --> 00:20:23,600
Let the 20 million
people pass!"
369
00:20:23,634 --> 00:20:25,233
They are not.
370
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:27,233
Why?
371
00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:30,066
Because they don't care.
372
00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:35,468
And that, my friends,
is what really reeks.
373
00:20:44,100 --> 00:20:46,800
So let's face it.
We're not moving.
374
00:20:46,834 --> 00:20:48,999
We're just lining up to die.
375
00:20:49,033 --> 00:20:50,600
But let's show them
376
00:20:50,634 --> 00:20:53,500
that the American spirit
is not dead.
377
00:20:53,534 --> 00:20:55,500
So join me, will you,
378
00:20:55,534 --> 00:20:58,567
on this, our Labor Day,
379
00:20:58,601 --> 00:21:00,700
and get out of your cars
380
00:21:00,734 --> 00:21:04,101
and tear this highway to bits!
381
00:21:05,067 --> 00:21:06,900
Go into your trunks!
382
00:21:06,934 --> 00:21:08,166
Get your tire irons
383
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:09,567
and your road flares!
384
00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:11,500
Burn, baby, burn!
385
00:21:11,534 --> 00:21:14,600
Vengeance is ours!
386
00:21:19,901 --> 00:21:21,700
Al! We're moving!
387
00:21:21,734 --> 00:21:23,366
Huh?
388
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:24,867
Uh, we are...moving.
389
00:21:24,901 --> 00:21:26,300
Everyone!
390
00:21:26,334 --> 00:21:28,366
We are moving.
391
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:29,366
In your cars.
392
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,066
In your cars.
393
00:21:31,100 --> 00:21:32,834
Kids, let's go.
Let's go.
394
00:21:32,868 --> 00:21:34,467
See? I told you
to stick with me.
395
00:21:34,501 --> 00:21:35,600
Now, buckle up.
396
00:21:35,634 --> 00:21:37,834
Now,
397
00:21:38,501 --> 00:21:41,134
we ride.
398
00:21:43,367 --> 00:21:45,134
Flat tire.
Everyone out.
399
00:21:46,567 --> 00:21:48,200
I'll see you
next Tuesday, Al.
400
00:21:48,234 --> 00:21:49,700
Come on, kids,
we can still catch
401
00:21:49,734 --> 00:21:52,800
Mark Spitz and Greg Louganis
in Swim Gyms.
402
00:21:54,033 --> 00:21:55,800
It's a story
about synchronized swimmers
403
00:21:55,834 --> 00:21:58,966
that solve crimes
in their spare time.
404
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,867
Fine. Go.
I don't need ya.
405
00:22:00,901 --> 00:22:03,034
I got my people.
406
00:22:04,901 --> 00:22:06,900
People.
407
00:22:07,300 --> 00:22:09,500
I've got a flat tire.
408
00:22:09,534 --> 00:22:10,767
Who will help me?
409
00:22:10,801 --> 00:22:13,934
Move that car!
410
00:22:15,868 --> 00:22:17,099
Now-- Now, there's no--
411
00:22:17,133 --> 00:22:18,999
There's no reason
to throw things.
412
00:22:19,033 --> 00:22:20,600
Now, get--
Get back in your cars.
413
00:22:20,634 --> 00:22:21,600
Stay calm!
414
00:22:21,634 --> 00:22:23,934
All right,
let's get him!
27890
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