All language subtitles for The Goldbergs s05e12 Dinner With the Goldbergs.eng

Ah, restaurants of the '80s.

Back then, dining out with
your family was the highlight

of the week, unless, of course,
you came from a loud family

with no sense of
boundaries, a family like mine.

I can't believe you're really here.

So, you're not mad that I
surprised you at college?

I mean, I know you
hate that kind of thing.

Geoff, you being here is
the perfect gift, really.

But you know what's an even better gift

than just the two of us
celebrating your birthday?

[Music played]

Surprise!

Wait, it's your birthday?

You all told me we were coming
here so I could be scouted

by the Washington Bullets!

Oh, my God! You invited my whole family!

To dinner. In public. Why? How?!

- We all drove down together.
- Murray made me pump gas.

Nobody rides for free.

Do you mind giving me a
sec with my special guy

so that I can thank him properly?

Hurry back. Our table's almost ready.

Hi, can you grab our
menus? We're ready to sit.

I'm sorry. There's a
few parties ahead of you.

I'm hungry, Bevy.
What's the girl saying?

The girl's saying there's
people ahead of us,

but I'm just gonna noodge
her until she gives in.

It'll just be a few more minutes, ma'am.

What do you mean "a few more minutes"?

That table just sat down

and they arrived five minutes after us.

Ma'am, I understand, but
there was a two-top ready.

So just because I decide to
build a life around my family,

I'm suddenly to blame?

I'm starving, Bevy.

Here's the thing, my husband's
blood sugar is in free fall.

We're on borrowed time.

Bevy, I'm starving!

Hear that? He's starving.

How could you? My
family, Geoff, my family?

Um, yeah? Am I missing something here?

- It's just dinner.
- At a restaurant?

It's the worst humiliation known to man.

Their most terrible qualities
are magnified by a thousand.

You don't even understand

the events that you've set into motion.

Leave right now, or this
relationship is over.

You're gonna break up
with me over a dinner

at Beefsteak Charlie's?

No! You're gonna break up with me.

You're never gonna want to stay

after the horrors you see tonight.

Bevy, this isn't good.
I'm getting shaky hungry.

If I don't eat soon, I'm
gonna have to lie down.

- I'll get you a roll, Murray.
- Ma! Dad's lying on people again.

All right, either get us a table

or give this man a hot buttered roll.

- No pumpernickel.
- He says, "No pumpernickel."

For the love of God, no pumpernickel!

Geoff, look at me.

Whatever happens tonight,
I need you to know

that I love you with all of my heart.

I'm getting scared,
Erica. What's gonna happen?

I'll tell you what's gonna happen.

Dinner with the Goldbergs.

Synced and Corrected by YesCool
www.addic7ed.com

Every dinner at a restaurant

begins with being seated at a table.

But for my picky family,
no table was good enough.

Here we are, folks.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a nudge,

but this table is garbage.

I mean, look, it's right
next to the kitchen.

No worries. Right this way.

And so this embarrassing
display always happened.

Brrr, this one's right
under the air-conditioner.

We want dinner, not pneumonia.

I-I can't eat here. There's an echo.

Do you hear it?

We can't do a booth. My
husband has a bad back.

He's got to sit in a
chair like a human being.

This is way too close to the bathroom.

It has a wobble.

Hello? Ah.

There's an echo.

This just has a bad vibe.

_

Every meal with the
Goldbergs began the same.

First, my dad would ravenously
attack the bread basket,

followed by this classic Mom response...

No, Murray, no. One roll for you only.

The same goes for the rest of you.

I will not have you filling up on bread.

What's with your mom and the rolls?

Her worst fear in life is
that we'll fill up on bread,

but she also can't let
anything go to waste,

so that's where her food purse comes in.

Food what now?

It's a bottomless purse lined with foil.

Oh, hi. We need some more rolls.

Oh, I'm not your waiter,
but I'll tell him.

Wait! It says "free refills."
I'll have a Sprite.

Oh, again, I'm not your waiter,
but, uh, I'll let him know.

Whoo-hoo! This family
now has a bottomless soda.

We're beating the system.

Next, Barry would have his traditional

middle-child meltdown over the
struggles of being left-handed.

- Damn it, Geoff, stop!
- What?

You're mashing your
dominant hand into mine.

[Knife clatters] I can't eat like this.

Ignore him. Barry just
acts like a big baby

- because he's a lefty.
- You don't know the pain of the southpaw.

I feel like a left-handed
prisoner of war.

Geoff, switch with me.

Enough. You're sitting
where you're sitting.

Ooh, it's a cheddar biscuit.

No, Murray, no!

_

It was now decision-making time.

And for my dad, the only
choice was how to save money.

Okay, it's time for Murray's menu rules.

Remember, no prime cuts,

no fancy sides,

no out-of-season vegetables,

no market price,

no salad bar,

no items in French,

no dry-aged anything,
and, most importantly...

No appetizers of any kind,
'cause that's how they screw ya.

Does that include a nice soup?

Are you for real? Is he for real?

You're gonna eat a little
meal before you eat a big meal?

- How many meals do you need?
- Dad, stop it.

If Geoff wants a cup of soup,
let him get a cup of soup.

I don't need the soup. I'm
sorry I even brought it up.

You know what? I don't trust
anyone. Hand me your spoons.

Murray, it's a special night.

Let the kids order whatever they want.

Yes! I'm gonna get the porterhouse!

Everyone but you.

Excuse me, waiter? Yoo-hoo!

Can we have a children's
menu for my baby?

Oh, again, I'm not your waiter,
but, uh, I'll let him know.

Mom, that menu is specifically
for kids 8 and under.

I'm in high school now. No
one's gonna buy this act anymore.

Hey, moron, I'm not paying
for you to get a steak

- and eat three bites.
- Daddy's right.

You may be a big boy, but you've
still got a little-boy belly.

Here you go, buckaroo. And
here's a cup with a lid.

Thanks. I know it's an octopus,

but I'm gonna connect the dots anyway.

- I'm sorry.
- Stop apologizing.

- We're fine.
- Fine?

[Scoffs] We haven't even begun, Geoff.

- We haven't?
- Not at all.

Because after we sit, we order.

_

- Waiter, we're ready to order.
- Gotcha.

I mean... I'm not your waiter,
but, uh, I'll just take it.

- Great. My husband here will have...
-Bap, bap, bap!

What's with you always ordering for me?

- I know what you like.
- And I don't?

I'll order my own damn meal, thank you.

I'll have the, uh...

Whenever it came time to order,
my dad had this crazy glitch

where he would immediately
forget what he liked or wanted.

Ah, come back to me.

My grandfather also had
his own way of ordering...

Excuse me.

befriending anyone
within a 10-table radius.

What's that golden hunk of
meat you're enjoying there?

- It's a pork chop.
- Is it good?

- Very.
- I'm not in the mood for trafe.

What about your handsome friend?

What are you working with?
Is that some kind of pilaf?

- It's wild rice.
- You go, Adam.

I got a feeling these
people have a story to tell.

I'll have the Li'l
Wrangler dog and applesauce.

Sorry, children's menu is 8 and under.

- He is 8 and under.
- Yes, I'm this much.

All right, Wrangler dog it is.

- And what can I get you?
- And then there was Barry.

Without fail, he'd always
order the wrong thing.

You know what?

I think I'm gonna have
a nice piece of fish.

No, stop right there.

This is Beefsteak Charlie's.
Steak is in the name.

That means no fish.

- How is your steamed trout?
- It's not great.

Heard ya loud and clear. Trout me.

Dude, no. Don't do this.

Well, since you've all been such jerks,

I won't be sharing my
delicious trout with any of you.

And with Barry's stubborn defiance

came my chance to stage my own revolt.

Done! I was right.

It's an octopus with a lasso,
but my childhood ends here.

Garcon, bring me the
biggest steak you've got.

No, Adam, no!

Your tummy can't handle
that big-boy food.

It'll destroy your insides and tushie.

I'm taking a stand.
I'm a grown-ass man.

And I demand my big, honkin' meats.

Fine, but if you don't
finish it, so help me God!

- Ready now, sir?
- I'll have the "come back to me."

And what can...

Uh, sir? Uh, how about you?

Hold on. I'm talking to
Donald and Vicki over here

about their potato.

Okay, you know what? I will just go.

I will have the rib eye
and a side of cornbread.

Geoff, order.

[Quietly] Um...

Just, um...some soup.

- I'm sorry. What's that?
- Soup.

- I can't make out what you're saying.
- Soup?

A-Are you saying "snook"?

Soup. He'll have the soup, French onion,

a bowl, not a cup. Deal with it.

Are you trying to ruin the entire night?

And, uh, what else can I get for you?

No, that's it. Just... the soup.

Decided yet?

I finally got it.

Ah, damn it! Come back to me!

Okay, ma'am?

Okay, write this down very carefully.

I would like the sirloin, medium-plus,

with garlic butter sauce on the side.

I would like the vegetable medley,

but instead of asparagus,

I would like six pieces of shrimp.

We don't substitute
shrimp for vegetables.

Oh...

That changes everything.

[Sighs] My God, here we go.

What's wrong now? It takes
my mom 10 minutes to order.

To her, the menu is
just a vague suggestion.

I would like the hanger
steak, Pittsburgh style,

but instead of Barnaise
sauce, I would like crab cakes.

We also don't swap out
sauces for actual food.

Okay, got a whole lot of rules
that don't make any sense.

All right, here's what we're gonna do.

I would like the sirloin, medium-plus,

with garlic butter sauce on the side.

Okay, let's start over.

I would like a baked potato
with sour cream and chives,

but extra sour cream on the side.

I would like a petit filet,
a large petit filet,

red peppers and beans

and asparagus and creamed spinach

and add the horseradish on the side.

I'm not, like, starving,

so cut the potato in half
and put half of it to go.

_

...and all the mushrooms you have.

Perfect.

You, sir, you look like
you're ready to order.

Please come back to me.

There's no one left! Just
pick your meat already!

Why don't I just come back
in a few minutes and...

No, we're too far in.

He'll have the T-bone,
a little pink inside.

Oh, yeah. That is what I like.

- All right.
- Oh! I almost forgot.

It's our daughter,
Erica's, birthday today,

and I believe that means
we get a free piece of cake.

- Absolutely.
- Dad, stop!

And, by the way, it's his birthday, too.

- Me?!
- They're twins.

They'll have two free,
big pieces of cake.

Well, happy birthday to both of you.

- I'm sorry.
- Baby, it's fine.

Ow!

Hands off. You're twins.

Ouch, my kidney. Barry, stop elbowing!

- May I take your order?
- No, Marc, no. Just walk away.

- They got a sweet Hawaiian roll.
- No, Murray, no!

Hey, look at the size
of Gary's giant filet!

I just want to drink this
soda like a human being...

Oh! Aah! Oh, it's so cold, but I'm fine!

Waiter! Refill on the soda!

And rolls and sugar
packets and more rolls!

It seemed like dinner hit rock bottom,

but it was gonna get much worse.

Geoff had gotten a taste

of dinner with the Goldbergs,
but the worst was yet to come.

God. I know exactly what's gonna happen,

but it's still a
nightmare to live through.

You got to calm down, okay?

Honestly, you're making it worse.

Me? I'm the problem?

It's just... you're so yelly.

Yeah, I'm trying to protect you.

I don't need protecting.
Just chill out a little.

Fine. From here on
out, you're on your own.

And believe me, the
worst is yet to come.

Hey, no salad bar. That
counts as an appetizer.

I tried, buddy. Good luck.

_

After we ordered dinner came
the hardest part of the meal

for my impatient family... Waiting.

I cannot believe our food isn't here.

Must be some kind of a mistake.

Excuse me.

I can't see our waiter anywhere.

No, that's me. I'm your waiter.

Remember? Marc?

All the tables that ordered after us

already got their food.

First, we ordered, then that
table, then them and them...

Like all smothers, my mom watched

each table order like a hawk,

so she knew when it was
our turn to get served.

...then them, then them,
and then that big group

over there with my dad.

They have names, Bevy.

This is Doug and Fran

and then Lee-Ann and little Bobby.

I'll check on it right away, ma'am.

_

Oh, I'm getting shaky hungry.
I'm gonna have some rolls.

No, Murray, no! Do not touch the rolls.

Oh, wait. Finally. Here it comes.

At long last, our piping-hot dinner

was on its way to my
family and we would feast

upon Beefsteak Charlie's finest meats.

And... still not our order.

What in the actual [bleep]?

That waiter just gave
them our food by mistake.

- Those bastards.
- We got to get our food.

Wait, like, go take it from them?

I want my fish!

I'm getting shaky hungry.

I can't wait. I got to eat the rolls.

Don't touch the rolls.

Geoff, Barry, let's go.

Really? Get the food
from those poor people?

Okay, you may not believe
what happened next,

but this is all true. This happened!

Hi, hello. Uh, you have our food,

so we're just gonna take
that out of your way.

- Are you sure?
- Uh, yeah.

We ordered first, and look at this.

That's medium-plus.
That's what I ordered.

That's rare. Yeah.

- These are ours.
- Sorry about the mix-up.

Oh, boy. Everybody look away,

'cause this not gonna be pretty.

Damn it. I waited this whole time

and they still don't have my dinner?

Waiter, excuse me.

My boy never got his river fish.

I am not your waiter. And
where did this come from?

They took it from our table.

Ma'am, this is not your food!

Oh, no, did we just touch and steal food

from those nice people?

Okay, here we go, everybody... Oh, boy.

And that's when our
dinner really did arrive.

Uh, hi, hello. Over here.

[Chuckles nervously]

So sorry about the mix-up.

You can just come and
take your food back.

No, you poked it.

Well, it was just a little poke.

- I didn't poke anything.
- But I did.

I jammed my thumb in there like a champ.

Many apologies, sir.

We'll rush out another order.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where
are you going with that?

- To throw it out?
- No, that's a waste.

Pack it up. We'll take it to go.

You want to take home the
meal that wasn't yours?

Yeah, yeah, yeah! You're gonna
throw it in a big garbage bag.

Why don't you put it
in a little doggie bag?

- We'll take it.
- Okay, now he's actively stealing.

Don't look at me.

I'm busy enjoying the
other table's fries.

Sure, it's no problem.
We'll wrap up all of this.

_

For my family, dining out wasn't about

the quality of the food,
it was about the quantity.

And it was best
expressed with one word...

The portions, huh?

[Chuckles] Such big portions!

Biggest portions in town.

Can you believe the portions?

I don't like my large portion.

This portion's not good.

My portion's, like, huge.

Why are there three baked potatoes

on here, too? It's madness.

Psst, I'll trade you this
fish for anything you've got.

Dude, if I don't eat
this whole giant steak,

Mom's never gonna let me
order off the adult menu again!

What's going on with you?

Is your little tummy full already?

Nope! Barry's just mad

'cause I'm gonna finish
this all on my own.

I told you not to get that fish!

Geoff, I'm your best friend.

Pour half of your soup into my glass.

- Geoff, do not.
- I'm so hungry, please!

He knew better than to
order trout at a steakhouse.

Don't support his bad judgement.

- Erica, please help me.
- I wouldn't worry about it.

Everything's gonna be sent back anyway.

- What do you mean?
- Oh, it's all going back.

- You'll see.
- I don't want to see!

Just tell me what's gonna happ...

_

We finally began our meal,
and it tasted damn fine.

But fine was not good
enough for my yenta mom,

who always did this...

Excuse me, waiter.

My fries are ice cold.

Hi, I kind of switched with Alex,

'cause you keep ordering from him.

Feel them. Ice cold.

Also, I ordered the T-bone
a little pink inside,

but it's way overdone.

I'll fix both of yours right away.

Geoff, uh, didn't you
order a bowl of soup?

- That's a cup.
- No, I'm fine.

- Totally fine.
- It's not a problem.

I'll take it back and
make sure it's right.

If things are getting sent back,

maybe I should get the petit filet

instead of this Longhorn Gutbuster.

Also, please take back this stinky fish.

Oh, no. You got the
fish, you keep the fish.

You all get to send back for new meat

and I'm stuck with
this old, soggy trout?

Do me a favor. Uh, wrap
that up. We'll take it.

You want me to wrap up
the food you don't like?

What is it with this
restaurant and wasting food?

We'll also have a refill on the soda.

And more rolls and straws and
Sweet'N Low and more rolls.

_

Like always, Barry hated his order.

As for the rest of us,

we finally stopped
yelling and started eating.

At this point, my
hungry dad would go into

a blissful food zone, and
then this would happen.

[Coughing] He'd choke.

- Um, is your father okay?
- Ah, he's fine.

This is just what he does
when he gets in the zone.

- But he's choking.
- Eh, He'll power through it.

Doesn't seem like he will.

Trust us, there's plenty of
air going around the meat.

There's no air! Look at him!

- This is a full-on, real choke.
- No, look.

He's trying to put mushrooms
on his fork right now.

Why is he doing that? Why
does he continue to feed?

- The man is dying.
- What's with all the hubbub?

I can't just sit here and
let him choke like this.

Against my better judgement,
I'm letting you know

that this is the happiest my dad gets.

[Coughing continues]

Don't worry, Mr. G. I'm
a lifeguard at the JCC.

Arms up, find the sternum...

Don't find the sternum.

Why are you touching
me?! Don't touch me!

- I'm trying to save your life.
- Why? Sit down.

And with that, the
Goldbergs officially broke

the sweetest boyfriend in the world.

Waiter, over here.

No! This has never been our waiter!

Look at his face! He's an
entirely different person!

Geoff, you're making a scene.

Oh, right, because
the last thing we want

is some unwanted, negative attention!

This family should be
barred from any and all

dining establishments.

I'm talking Beefsteak Charlie's,

China Garden, Applebee's,
even Tony Roma's.

I hear they make a
top-notch shrimp scampi.

Oh, my God. At a steak
place, you get steak.

And at a place for ribs, you eat ribs

with your dominant
hand without complaining

that the world is
prejudiced against you.

Burn! He got you good.

And you, you know, despite your age,

you still look like and
sound like a tiny boy,

- so just order accordingly.
- He's right.

- You barely touched that steak.
- And you.

You turned your purse
into a mini-fridge.

You took an hour to order,

then stole food from that
table, and then sent it back.

Hey, we're trying to enjoy

- Devon's graduation dinner in peace!
- And you!

That's just a nice family

trying to have a special meal
together. Leave them alone!

What's Captain Soup going on about?

And you, with your menu
rules and your communal soda

and you're forcing me to just eat soup?

You think I didn't want
steak?! I chose this place!

I love their meats and their sides,

and why do you keep eating

through everything I'm saying right now?

You know, you really are
ruining our good people's name,

and you know what I'm talking about.

? Happy birthday to you ?

? Happy birthday to you ?

? Happy birthday, Erica and Geof?

? Happy birthday to both of you ?

It was time for the
final stage of dinner...

the moment Beverly ceased to be a mother

and became the world's
greatest forensic accountant.

_

Well, it's a good thing I
travel with my calculator

because we are being
aggressively overcharged.

Okay, the cake is free.

Double-check there's no cake on there.

I'm gonna go outside.

Waiter, it says we're being charged

for a larger steak when my
son switched to the petit.

And don't forget one soda. Make sure.

Also, you said you'd take
off for the icy cold fries.

Zero cake, one soda, triple-check.

Murray, you're just slowing me down.

All right, which one
of you is the waiter?

I'll tell you who your waiter was.

No, no, Alex, it's not worth it.

You're right. You're right...

[Paul Young's "Everytime
You Go Away" plays]

Hey.

Look, I don't need to
hear "I told you so."

I just wanted to be
closer to your family,

but I made a mess of everything.

No, you didn't.

Look, I have to admit something.

I love you, but I never thought
that we could go the distance

because I didn't think
you could handle my family.

? Hey, if we can solve any problem ?

But, man, the way you stood
up to them was awesome.

You're one of us, Geoff.

? Then why do we
lose so many tears? ?

You think?

I know.

Bap-bap!

Remember, you guys are twins.

Keep the lie up until I
get my credit card back.

We're having a moment, Dad.

I need to have a
moment with Soupy Sales,

if you don't mind.

Don't worry, I'll be
very nice, I promise.

? Always the same thing ?

? Can't you see ?

Look, before you say anything,

just let me apologize for, you know,

grabbing you and yelling at you...

and suggesting that you're a thief.

What are you apologizing for?

? You take a piece of me with you ?

That's what happens at all our dinners.

So, you're not mad, even about the soup?

? Every time you go away ?

Next time, you can have
soup and an entree.

Wow. That's... Really?

Just don't tell the others.

? Ooh ?

That night, Geoff did the impossible,

he survived dinner with the Goldbergs.

But even better, he
gained my dad's respect.

Mm.

Thank you for making sure my
schmoo had a great birthday.

It was a special night.

Yeah, I certainly will never forget it.

? 'Cause can't you see ?

? We've got everything
going on and on and on? ?

[Sighs] [Engine starts]

And they're gone.

At least until they realize
they left Pops inside.

Wait, he's still in there talking
to that couple that just got engaged?

For sure.

So, do you want to go
get actual food now?

Yeah.

All I had was soup, and
Barry stole half of it.

In the end, this dinner

with the Goldbergs was like any other.

It was noisy, messy, highly embarrassing.

But somehow, we always
left feeling closer...

...and our hearts filled with love.

And my mom's purse filled with rolls.

[Music playing]
_

[Ding!]
_

[Ding!]
-

Barry. Barry.

[Ding!]
_

? Happy birthday to you ?

[Ding!]

_

Breakfast is served.

The only thing better than eating out

is leftovers the next day.

Steak and eggs for you,
steak and eggs for you.

And for Barry,

a fishy scramble made from
last night's half-eaten trout.

What?! That thing should have
never left the restaurant!

And let it go to waste?

Oh, no, mister. You
eat that fishy scramble.

I don't want the fishy scramble.

You eat that fishy scramble right now.

[Groans]

Mmm, wow.

This fishy scramble is yummy.

- Want to get in on this, Adam?
- I'm good.

How about you, old man?

It's like fish scramble
heaven over here.

Please take that plate away from me.

Eat it!

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